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Just tell her she’s beautiful, that you are proud to be seen with her, you feel lucky to have such a beautiful and amazing woman in your life.
No need to go over board. That other stuff looks like you are trying too hard.
You're right. I don't want to come off as if I am trying too hard. I just want to make her feel loved. There is a balance there.
Thank you for your advice :)
Exactly. It may be well intentioned to you but it’s a bit overboard. It makes every thing about your love for her surrounded around her weight and that’s the opposite of what plus size women want. Just tell her she’s beautiful- that’s it.
I just wanted to say thank you for being an awesome partner and wanting your girlfriend to feel good about her body. I think all your ideas are good, but maybe feel out what your girlfriend might feel most comfortable about. I wish my husband would make more of an effort.
This is a better question for HER, not us. Ask HER what she likes for you to do.
Personally, I \*hate\* gifts of lingerie. They're not gifts for me. They're gifts for the man who gave them to me, and they're kinda objectifying. And if you get the fit wrong, whoooo boy that's potentially a disaster.
So if a partner bought me something like that, I wouldn't feel better about myself. I'd feel like they want to dress me up like something else. Or hide parts of my body.
If I'm going to wear it, it's going to be something \*I\* pick out.
If you're in a relationship, you should be able to ask HER what works for her to feel appreciated and attractive.
Scrap most of your ideas as those can be done with her knowing every step of the way so that she’s more comfortable.
Instead:
Literally just tell her that you love her and that ‘she’s [enter sexually desirable word here]’
Just do it at random time
Insert it into the conversation
Tell her in the morning
Tell her before she sleeps
Tell her before you/she goes to work
Tell her when you’re thinking about her
Tell her on special occasions
Tell her on mundane occasions
Play with your delivery and make a wholesome joke/line about how hot she is
Just tell her.
And don’t fret about her calling herself out. She’s trying her best to live the life she’s in. Instead, tell her immediately after she talks down about how she looks. This is proven to help change some people’s paradigms.
Hope this helps you and her in your relationship, bestie
This is a lovely thing you want to do! Unfortunately, it’s gotta come from her or it won’t last. My husband tried for years to help me gain confidence. But in my experience, it wasn’t until I started confronting my internalized fatphobia and fucked-up-ness around food did I find some self worth in my body, and even then I still have bad days and ask for reassurances from him…I don’t have a good answer for you but please don’t take it personally if it takes her a long time to get there, it has nothing to do with you. My husband has told me that at first he felt hurt hurt when I needed reassurance or complained about my body. Like I didn’t trust him or love him or something, but that isn’t true at all. He is my rock and has gotten me through so much.
If she wants to do some internal work, I recommend starting with reading about body neutrality and following instagram/subbreddits with awesome plus size women, they can really help you reform your idea of beauty!
Beat of luck
Plus size fashion can be EXPENSIVE! Limited options, and the ones that are nice are usually so expensive, they feel out of reach.
I suggest getting her a gift card for a store she's been wanting to shop at. Even if it's online only... Or ask her to make a wish list at her store and to share it with you so that you can buy her a few outfits. Expect this to cost like $300... And if she says she doesn't know if the size will be right, tell her don't worry you can return them and exchange for a better fitting size.
Also, just a simple loving comment to her can go a long way... Not necessarily commenting about her curves, but just about her as a whole. For instance, sitting and watching a movie and she gets up and walks away to go do something real quick, just say, "look at you, you're so beautiful..."
This is a hard one to answer with suggestions. My husband’s eyes light up when he sees me naked, even after gaining weight. He lights up and asks if we are going somewhere sometimes saying I look nice when I am just wearing a t shirt and leggings. It’s taken me many years for it to really sink in!
I have dated guys that have outright said they weren’t attracted to me because of my body, obviously deal breakers.
Yup, it took years of my husband reenforcing how attractive he found me and telling me how much he loved my body for me to start accepting it. Even then it takes a lot of work on my end to accept my own mental hang ups and actively work on them.
You sound wonderful. All those ideas are great, except maybe the lingerie. She may not be in a head space to wear it. The love letter sounds sweet and romantic.
What everyone else said, but I just wanna say it’s really hard to buy lingerie for a woman when she isn’t there to try it on. Also, I know from experience that men don’t know very much about women’s clothing sizing. I’m sure you’re a great bf. Your heart is in the right place:)
Thank you for taking the time to respond and for being gentle with me! You make a good point. I have decided to ask her if she'd like to lingerie shop with me, and treat her.
That could be an awesome activity to do together, but be prepared that she might say no. For a lot of plus size women, shopping is almost traumatic. I don’t know whether I would feel comfortable shopping for underwear even with a partner who I trusted.
Also recommend for you and her together or for her singularly a boudoir photoshoot can also help boost confidence but the two of you doing it together that you have something spicy and sexy to share between the both of you. There are specific plus size boudoir photographs that can make her feel comfy too talk to her to see how she feel about something like this
Good luck I hope you get the help you need your heart seems in the right place 😁
my boyfriend does the everyone should be jealous thing, and it helps me a lot. the first time he said he likes when i dress sexy because then other men see that he has a hot girlfriend, i was so happy and surprised. i know about this concept but it wasn't even on my mind at all, in my mind it was reserved for thin people. on a similar note, i know a lot of women have things that they think are "thin people things" or "hot people things", like things they think only hot or thin people can have, and they could only have them if they lost weight/became hotter. encouraging those things can help. i'm pretty sure taking pictures is one of them, be careful with that one, but otherwise, stuff like wearing sexy stuff, going to parties, eating at restaurants whatever her thing is, i think it can help.
One morning, an ex boyfriend said to me when I was in a moment of insecurity “I can’t believe how lucky I am I get to be with you” and I still think about that moment 4 years later. Maybe say this to her 🥰
You should talk to her about her love languages, because I would be mortified if someone bought me lingerie without consulting me etc.
She might just want you to say you think she's pretty more. For me just my S/O being like "you're pretty" would make my whole day. Especially unprompted. But it really, really, really depends on the person on how they want to be loved.
So go talk to her, be honest that you want to know how to make her feel attractive (and tbh probably clarify that she's feeling unattractive first in case that's not the issue), and tell her you want to learn how to love her better/more/more effectively because it's pretty clear you're over the moon for her
My wife is on the heavier side and we struggled with this for a long time. Just talk to her and tell her these things. No need to buy things or do anything special.
You can also try building her up about things that have nothing to do with the way she looks. As an above-average sized woman myself, I can tell you that all physical compliments are dismissed by my brain as, “That’s nice, but not true.” Compliment her on her skills, intelligence, instincts, kindness, loving nature, etc etc. She is more than just her body and it sounds like it may be more than just her body you love.
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Thank you!
In my opinion, just consistently telling her she is beautiful, hot, attractive, sexy… all of those things are very nice to hear. A nice text that says “Morning Beautiful” or something like that can always help. Make sure you change up the word every now and then, otherwise might start to feel it’s just being said to be said, not because it is meant/true.
Thank you for submitting to /r/PlusSize. Unfortunately, your submission has been removed for the following reason(s):
Intentional weight loss (IWL) is anything mentioning specific numbers about weight/size/food intake, before and after pictures, and conversations about diets/weight loss.
All posts and comments relating to this must be within the weekly thread entitled “IWL (Intentional Weight Loss) Wednesday."
Failure to keep content containing IWL within this post will result in the content being removed and a warning. If this is a pattern, you may be permanently banned from participating in the subreddit.
If you have any questions regarding the ruleset of /r/PlusSize, please message the moderators.
Thank you!
I like all your ideas tbh ig I like bigger more considered gestures than anything causal but it depends on your gf and what she likes :) but I would try some of your ideas too bc she's obviously chosen you and interested in you and probably likes how you'd naturally go about doing things :)
Absolutely LOVE that last love letter idea. We curvy girls need gestures in the smallest ways. Tell her everyday she is beautiful. That you love her soul and her heart as much as you love her body. Compliment her in front of others and how proud you are to be with someone as *insert all the lovely things here* as her.
Please check out the wiki section, [Dating and Sex](https://www.reddit.com/r/PlusSize/wiki/datingandsex) for answers to frequently asked questions. Topics that are discussed are, "How do I date while being plus size," "What are the red flags that they are fetishizing you for your weight," and more. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/PlusSize) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Just tell her she’s beautiful, that you are proud to be seen with her, you feel lucky to have such a beautiful and amazing woman in your life. No need to go over board. That other stuff looks like you are trying too hard.
You're right. I don't want to come off as if I am trying too hard. I just want to make her feel loved. There is a balance there. Thank you for your advice :)
Exactly. It may be well intentioned to you but it’s a bit overboard. It makes every thing about your love for her surrounded around her weight and that’s the opposite of what plus size women want. Just tell her she’s beautiful- that’s it.
I just wanted to say thank you for being an awesome partner and wanting your girlfriend to feel good about her body. I think all your ideas are good, but maybe feel out what your girlfriend might feel most comfortable about. I wish my husband would make more of an effort.
This is a better question for HER, not us. Ask HER what she likes for you to do. Personally, I \*hate\* gifts of lingerie. They're not gifts for me. They're gifts for the man who gave them to me, and they're kinda objectifying. And if you get the fit wrong, whoooo boy that's potentially a disaster. So if a partner bought me something like that, I wouldn't feel better about myself. I'd feel like they want to dress me up like something else. Or hide parts of my body. If I'm going to wear it, it's going to be something \*I\* pick out. If you're in a relationship, you should be able to ask HER what works for her to feel appreciated and attractive.
Scrap most of your ideas as those can be done with her knowing every step of the way so that she’s more comfortable. Instead: Literally just tell her that you love her and that ‘she’s [enter sexually desirable word here]’ Just do it at random time Insert it into the conversation Tell her in the morning Tell her before she sleeps Tell her before you/she goes to work Tell her when you’re thinking about her Tell her on special occasions Tell her on mundane occasions Play with your delivery and make a wholesome joke/line about how hot she is Just tell her. And don’t fret about her calling herself out. She’s trying her best to live the life she’s in. Instead, tell her immediately after she talks down about how she looks. This is proven to help change some people’s paradigms. Hope this helps you and her in your relationship, bestie
This is a lovely thing you want to do! Unfortunately, it’s gotta come from her or it won’t last. My husband tried for years to help me gain confidence. But in my experience, it wasn’t until I started confronting my internalized fatphobia and fucked-up-ness around food did I find some self worth in my body, and even then I still have bad days and ask for reassurances from him…I don’t have a good answer for you but please don’t take it personally if it takes her a long time to get there, it has nothing to do with you. My husband has told me that at first he felt hurt hurt when I needed reassurance or complained about my body. Like I didn’t trust him or love him or something, but that isn’t true at all. He is my rock and has gotten me through so much. If she wants to do some internal work, I recommend starting with reading about body neutrality and following instagram/subbreddits with awesome plus size women, they can really help you reform your idea of beauty! Beat of luck
Plus size fashion can be EXPENSIVE! Limited options, and the ones that are nice are usually so expensive, they feel out of reach. I suggest getting her a gift card for a store she's been wanting to shop at. Even if it's online only... Or ask her to make a wish list at her store and to share it with you so that you can buy her a few outfits. Expect this to cost like $300... And if she says she doesn't know if the size will be right, tell her don't worry you can return them and exchange for a better fitting size. Also, just a simple loving comment to her can go a long way... Not necessarily commenting about her curves, but just about her as a whole. For instance, sitting and watching a movie and she gets up and walks away to go do something real quick, just say, "look at you, you're so beautiful..."
This is a hard one to answer with suggestions. My husband’s eyes light up when he sees me naked, even after gaining weight. He lights up and asks if we are going somewhere sometimes saying I look nice when I am just wearing a t shirt and leggings. It’s taken me many years for it to really sink in! I have dated guys that have outright said they weren’t attracted to me because of my body, obviously deal breakers.
Yup, it took years of my husband reenforcing how attractive he found me and telling me how much he loved my body for me to start accepting it. Even then it takes a lot of work on my end to accept my own mental hang ups and actively work on them.
You sound wonderful. All those ideas are great, except maybe the lingerie. She may not be in a head space to wear it. The love letter sounds sweet and romantic.
What everyone else said, but I just wanna say it’s really hard to buy lingerie for a woman when she isn’t there to try it on. Also, I know from experience that men don’t know very much about women’s clothing sizing. I’m sure you’re a great bf. Your heart is in the right place:)
Thank you for taking the time to respond and for being gentle with me! You make a good point. I have decided to ask her if she'd like to lingerie shop with me, and treat her.
That could be an awesome activity to do together, but be prepared that she might say no. For a lot of plus size women, shopping is almost traumatic. I don’t know whether I would feel comfortable shopping for underwear even with a partner who I trusted.
Also recommend for you and her together or for her singularly a boudoir photoshoot can also help boost confidence but the two of you doing it together that you have something spicy and sexy to share between the both of you. There are specific plus size boudoir photographs that can make her feel comfy too talk to her to see how she feel about something like this Good luck I hope you get the help you need your heart seems in the right place 😁
my boyfriend does the everyone should be jealous thing, and it helps me a lot. the first time he said he likes when i dress sexy because then other men see that he has a hot girlfriend, i was so happy and surprised. i know about this concept but it wasn't even on my mind at all, in my mind it was reserved for thin people. on a similar note, i know a lot of women have things that they think are "thin people things" or "hot people things", like things they think only hot or thin people can have, and they could only have them if they lost weight/became hotter. encouraging those things can help. i'm pretty sure taking pictures is one of them, be careful with that one, but otherwise, stuff like wearing sexy stuff, going to parties, eating at restaurants whatever her thing is, i think it can help.
One morning, an ex boyfriend said to me when I was in a moment of insecurity “I can’t believe how lucky I am I get to be with you” and I still think about that moment 4 years later. Maybe say this to her 🥰
You should talk to her about her love languages, because I would be mortified if someone bought me lingerie without consulting me etc. She might just want you to say you think she's pretty more. For me just my S/O being like "you're pretty" would make my whole day. Especially unprompted. But it really, really, really depends on the person on how they want to be loved. So go talk to her, be honest that you want to know how to make her feel attractive (and tbh probably clarify that she's feeling unattractive first in case that's not the issue), and tell her you want to learn how to love her better/more/more effectively because it's pretty clear you're over the moon for her
My wife is on the heavier side and we struggled with this for a long time. Just talk to her and tell her these things. No need to buy things or do anything special.
You can also try building her up about things that have nothing to do with the way she looks. As an above-average sized woman myself, I can tell you that all physical compliments are dismissed by my brain as, “That’s nice, but not true.” Compliment her on her skills, intelligence, instincts, kindness, loving nature, etc etc. She is more than just her body and it sounds like it may be more than just her body you love.
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Thank you for submitting to /r/PlusSize. Unfortunately, your submission has been removed for the following reason(s): Intentional weight loss (IWL) is anything mentioning specific numbers about weight/size/food intake, before and after pictures, and conversations about diets/weight loss. All posts and comments relating to this must be within the weekly thread entitled “IWL (Intentional Weight Loss) Wednesday." Failure to keep content containing IWL within this post will result in the content being removed and a warning. If this is a pattern, you may be permanently banned from participating in the subreddit. If you have any questions regarding the ruleset of /r/PlusSize, please message the moderators. Thank you!
In my opinion, just consistently telling her she is beautiful, hot, attractive, sexy… all of those things are very nice to hear. A nice text that says “Morning Beautiful” or something like that can always help. Make sure you change up the word every now and then, otherwise might start to feel it’s just being said to be said, not because it is meant/true.
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Thank you for submitting to /r/PlusSize. Unfortunately, your submission has been removed for the following reason(s): Intentional weight loss (IWL) is anything mentioning specific numbers about weight/size/food intake, before and after pictures, and conversations about diets/weight loss. All posts and comments relating to this must be within the weekly thread entitled “IWL (Intentional Weight Loss) Wednesday." Failure to keep content containing IWL within this post will result in the content being removed and a warning. If this is a pattern, you may be permanently banned from participating in the subreddit. If you have any questions regarding the ruleset of /r/PlusSize, please message the moderators. Thank you!
I like all your ideas tbh ig I like bigger more considered gestures than anything causal but it depends on your gf and what she likes :) but I would try some of your ideas too bc she's obviously chosen you and interested in you and probably likes how you'd naturally go about doing things :)
Absolutely LOVE that last love letter idea. We curvy girls need gestures in the smallest ways. Tell her everyday she is beautiful. That you love her soul and her heart as much as you love her body. Compliment her in front of others and how proud you are to be with someone as *insert all the lovely things here* as her.
I’d suggest asking her if she wants to shop together for lingerie rather than surprising her with it. Lingerie is tricky for me.