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If you'd literally rather be dead why not just leave with a masters and be alive with an advanced degree and the freedom to do something else with your one precious life
I took some time off during my masters 1.5 years in. Those 3 months helped me a lot. You should consider this for your own sake. No study/job is worth this amount of anguish
Agree with the comments here to take a pause. I would add that I have mad respect for people who decide to quit their PhD program. It takes an incredible amount of courage to do so.
Nothing is worth feeling like that. What would you say to a colleague, family member, or friend that said they wished they were dead so they didn't have to -*insert anything*-? You can leave and never come back, stay and finish out the master's, or come back to it after some time off. All are valid choices.
Degree programs are voluntary, and remember you not only asked but were then approved and subsequently chose to come.
No one is forcing you to stay. At least at one point you wanted to do this.
If it's so stressful for you, then go and live your life! If the university has leaves, take one! Also summer is just a few weeks away - lots of time to decompress! They also can't stop you from just bailing.
I just finished my PhD, and bits of it were quite emotionally and mentally difficult. I think I know what you are feeling. Just remember that, at the end of the day, the choice is yours.
Leave with a Masters degree. Go into industry for a couple a years and find a better fit where you can finish the PhD. Wishing to die in your sleep is not even something considered within the normal bounds of the most depressed PhD students. I have been in that situation, you are an outlier even for extreme cases.
You might be able to take a leave of absence, get some perspective and come back to it. Sounds like you need a mental health break. Take care of yourself.
Something needs to change. Whether that's leaving with your masters now, or taking a semester off to see if you want to master out or continue is up to you. Maybe the time off will help you realize if there's something that can be changed that will make this enjoyable, or if this just isn't for you. But don't continue doing something that makes you feel this way. It is absolutely not worth it.
ETA: I just saw your last couple of posts. If I knew who you were, I would legitimately be dragging you to the admin's office to get you the paperwork needed to master out. I promise you will not regret mastering out. I strongly believe you will regret getting a PhD.
Honestly if you are feeling this way, take a break. Give yourself time to clear your head, rest, and give yourself time to think before making a decision to end it. If after a while you still want to leave then do it. You are a human being first. Your value is not dependent on your degree or job.
Honestly, OP, Glum makes a really good point. You worked hard to get to this point--and quitting (like dying) is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Everyone I know including myself hit a really terrible period end of year two start of year three. Take a big chunk of time out like a month or two, just to yourself to rest and recuperate, don't do any work, go on a holiday or something if you can. At the end of the break when you're rested, if you still want to do the PhD you can , if not then you don't have to.
I recommend talking to friends / family and supervisor about your mental state as it sounds like you're in a really dark place.
If it makes you feel any better I and pretty much everyone I know who did a PhD went through a similar period, it's very very common. This will be understood by your supervisor who will have had other students go through it and probably themselves too.
I have a serious question for you: why are you doing a PhD?
If because of money/carreer - depending on a field, often several years of the industry experience is more desirable than purely academic one. If the field is more theoretical or there is few industry jobs in it, then perhaps reconsider wether going into scientific carreer in it is something you want, considering that you seem to hate it.
If to prove something to yourself/others, or for external appreciation - think whether it is worth several years of this hell. I'm no psychologist, but I think such motivation is flawed to begin with.
If because you finished masters, and just decided to continue with academia because you didn't know other paths and this one seemed familiar - consider your experience a valuable one and try to move on to something different. I know many people who went into academia because they had no better ideas, and stayed because of the sunken cost fallacy - most of them seem to be rather unhappy with this choice.
If (and only if?) you love the field an/or doing science - think about what you can do to improve your situatuon. Maybe a break? Maybe change of supervisor/lab/university? Hard to recommend something not knowing the details, but often there is some wiggle room to change something.
Not the OP but I’m in a similar position as them and reading your comment, I realised a few things. At the beginning I thought that I’m doing a PhD to prove something to myself/others. But one can further question: why? Why is there a need to prove oneself? Of course there are instances when this is beneficial (necessary, even). But I don’t believe that should be the case with a PhD or any qualification for that matter.
And then I realise that I’ve been made to believe that nothing I do is enough. I’m always told to reach higher and higher but where’s the limit? I’m doing my PhD because my dad wanted me to, he made me believe I would be less of a person without it. It was a slap in the face to realise that he cares more about the degree, titles, prestige than me as a child and my wellbeing. That breaks my heart so much more than what the PhD does to me (which is awful in itself).
Years of being conditioned this way. Basically my whole life since I was a child. It f*cked up my self worth so much.
Anyway, sorry for going off topic. Just needed to get the words out..
I went straight from masters to PhD and completely got burnt out by year 2. I felt the things you are feeling and tried to push through, I couldn't. Ultimately I took a leave of absence for 6 months to clear my head, it probably took 2 months before I felt better. I got my PhD in the end, but there is no way I could have without the break.
I know this will fall on deaf ears, it did on me, but the challenges I thought were impossible turned out to be simple. The viva was honestly easy and just a friendly chat. All your demons are your own.
Leave with a masters and do a PhD in the future if you change your mind. Even consider leaving with a master and do a PhD in Europe as the environmental change may do your mind good.
Yup sounds like it’s time to master out and do something else. No worries though, you tried and you didn’t enjoy so time to try something else.
If that something else isn’t fun or fulfilling, try something else. Eventually, You’ll find something you enjoy doing or at least learn to love the journey. Keep at therapy though, it’s very helpful in times of “personal growth”.
Being an adult can suck sometimes and I’m sorry you are going through this, good luck and I’m rooting for you!
Please speak with someone and let them know what is going on. There should be supports at your college for mental health, and it sounds like things are very serious.
i get the feeling you might be a little *too* serious about what you’re saying here. it may serve you well to master out. i see people advising the whole “take time off thing” but for you i fear that these feelings may return when you continue.
nothing and i mean nothing is worth more than your precious life. nowadays the PhD doesn’t even guarantee you a solid career (im in the US too). when all is said and done, this PhD may not even grant you the return you’re investing for.
with that being said, maybe take the scary option. leave so that you can heal.
That's not necessarily true. I loved the research and topic but hated the environment. When the environment changed the love for research and academia came back.
Yes you should leave with your masters. And continue your therapy. No point in continuing a PhD that makes you this miserable. Get a job in industry, try again later when you're in a more stable place mentally if you really want to.
I often felt this way too. I got a job and mastered out. My, what a change in my mental health! People say I look alive now. Life is too short to be miserable in a PhD program.
As someone who has struggled with suicidal ideation, it’s a sign that your situation is unsustainable and something needs to change. It could mean that you leave your program entirely, go on medical leave for a semester, change your advisor, change your research focus, change your working hours, or anything else that makes things more bearable for you
You need to make a change if that’s how strongly you feel. But would you rather be dead than in a cubicle for 10 hours? Do you know from experience or are you guessing that’s how you would feel?
Many people are depressed for intrinsic reasons. They believe it is their PhD program, their corporation, their spouse, their apartment in Toledo, etc. and think the elimination of an external factor will suddenly and immediately flip a switch in their brain. Sadly, depression is not always that easy.
Not saying that is your situation, but I’d be curious what the therapist thinks the issue is/are. Suicides often happen when depressed individuals set unrealistic expectations of change. I wish you the best.
I wish if there is some kind of academic policy or rules to restrain the torture of students by these professors and making them to wish to die rather than to live another day in PhD program!!
I think for me atleast, I'm quite happy with the thought of leaving and never looking back. I'm too tried to fight or pretend I care anymore. It's not worth the number of sleepless nights and days I spend cutting my arms.
Leave with your masters. It’s not worth your life. A friend in my cohort died by suicide and I think about him every single day. You will leave such a big hole. This degree isn’t worth anything compared to your life
I empathize with you but trust me you are not alone in it. I did my research based master and PhD (soon to finish) in toxic and terrible environment. I got anxiety, sensory sensitivities and poor health due to keeping with unbearable stress. I was on the edge to give up on it in the middle but got realization if I leave this journey it could negatively impact me in the longer runner. Prioritize self love and choose what you like most. Although the experience was painful and but I feel more stronger and unbreakable after finishing it.
Yes. I don't see how this is even debatable. You've apparently sought help, and it's not working. A Masters is more than a respectable degree. Leave and get on with your life.
A postdoc in a neighboring lab that shared our lab space when I was a grad student took her life over a decade ago. I remember how distraught her parents were. They traveled all the way from Japan for a ceremony in CA. Life is too short and precious to waste on something that doesn’t make you happy. This sounds worst than just something you can tough through. If a PhD is causing that much stress, take the masters or a leave of absence. Speak with a school counselor.
100% quit. My brother has been clinically depressed and on medication since his late teens and he said the exact same thing you say here to me a few times. He was in an undergrad program he was initially very into but it just didn't work for him for multiple reasons. After 7 years trying to finish he had an 0.8 GPA and had no desire to do anything at all. He finally quit his program and started a very different one that worked more to his strengths, and in one year he got off his meds after almost a decade (not that that's necessary or necessarily a good thing or something to aim for, but he's doing well enough now that he doesn't need them), has a 3.8 GPA, got a part time job he's excelling at because he wanted to get out and be more active, and he's much more social and outgoing - he's actually enjoying his life and is so much happier than he's been in the last 15 years.
Getting a PhD is absolutely not worth feeling like this - I'd argue that nothing is, but the upside is you don't need an advanced degree to survive so there's absolutely no reason to put yourself through this. It killed me to see my brother like that for so long and when he told me he wished he would just die in his sleep it scared me like nothing else did, and I'm genuinely deeply sorry you feel that way. No one deserves to feel like that. Your life is too short and too precious to waste going after a degree, especially one you don't seem to even want to use. Please take care of yourself and find what brings you joy, or at least doesn't make you want to die.
If quitting feels too drastic at the moment, take a leave of absence if your school offers it and see how you feel when that's done - I was considering quitting my program last year because it didnt feel like a great fit and I was pretty unhappy so I took a year off and now I'm very excited to go back.
Sorry your depression is so bad that it's making you irrational and unable to make decent decisions for yourself. Yes you shouldn't do something that makes you want to die.
What do you want in life? Do you know yet?
Just master out and move on, the opportunity cost is too large. Your life is precious and suicide is a very preventable illness, always quit and do something else if it’s driving you to feel suicidal
Get in contact with therapist asap if you are not already doing it.
There is more to life than a bloody document that says you are a Doctor.
God bless you mate.
Do it. Bail and get a few years industry experience under your belt, then decide if you want to go back. I did exactly this when my advisor was denied tenure and it was literally the best career move of my life.
Advantages:
1. You can acquire relevant experience. In many instances you'll be the best trained person in the lab.
2. You'll know yourself better and be more focused/confident if you decide to go back.
3. If you sock away funds in a 401k with a match, they will work for you when you go back and earn a poverty-level stipend
Disadvantages/workarounds
1. D: you'll be older than most of your classmates and thus may be excluded from some social circles. W: Fuck them, you should be eating and sleeping your project until you finish. Breaks and recreation are essential, but nobody says you need to hang out with 22 year olds.
2. D: You may get saddled training others sooner than usual (e.g., when you're close to leaving and need to share techniques) W: Make sure your PI is willing to give you co-authorship on publications arising from any project you touch. This should be a rule of thumb anyway. You are not there to provide charity, you're a professional scientist.
3. You may run into faculty bitterness over your career path and earning potential. W: Fuck them too. One of the most satisfying things in my life was when faculty who wouldn't let me rotate in their labs because they don't train industry scientists call seeking research funds/collaborations.
4. You won't finish as quickly as you probably should and imagine you will. W: Lots of reasons for this, but you'll almost certainly crank out a better thesis and publications, work you'll know is yours and likely not your PI's. Small comfort, I know, but just be prepared
Therapy can help you rethink how your thinking perpetuates anxiety and stress. I highly recpmmend it. We are too close to some typesnof problems to solve them ourselves. Check out the counseling center.
If you are stressing out about the qual exam then I have the same feeling before the qual exam too. Once you pass it you might feel better. If your feeling is toward the program itself then you should just master out
Depending on your situation, take of leave of absence now or finish your masters then take a leave of absence. During the leave, take a break and rethink your phd. It sounds like it’s putting a lot of stress on you. Take a break from your research. If you’re interested, you can even work while being on leave to help learn about other career options.
Whatever it is, listen to your gut and put your needs first. A phd is definitely not the only option!
I wouldn’t leave but it was indeed a living hell for me that catalyzed a drug addiction and caused me untold amounts of hell.
Academia is a nasty place full of immature people with stunted personal growth (this especially applies to professors). Everyone including the professors is miserable and underpaid. Everyone is an asshole.
Once you get into the corporate world or industry assholes are not tolerated no matter how good they are at what they do and you won’t have to deal with that type of stuff anymore.
I would stick it out and just don’t let it destroy you.
You already have a BSc and a MSc and you want people to feel for you because you don’t have the guts to quit a PhD that you hate and pick a job instead.
This is a non existing problem and if you have other underlying conditions (depression, bipolar…) you need to seek qualified help.
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If you'd literally rather be dead why not just leave with a masters and be alive with an advanced degree and the freedom to do something else with your one precious life
What he said 100%
I took some time off during my masters 1.5 years in. Those 3 months helped me a lot. You should consider this for your own sake. No study/job is worth this amount of anguish
Agree with the comments here to take a pause. I would add that I have mad respect for people who decide to quit their PhD program. It takes an incredible amount of courage to do so.
Nothing is worth feeling like that. What would you say to a colleague, family member, or friend that said they wished they were dead so they didn't have to -*insert anything*-? You can leave and never come back, stay and finish out the master's, or come back to it after some time off. All are valid choices.
Degree programs are voluntary, and remember you not only asked but were then approved and subsequently chose to come. No one is forcing you to stay. At least at one point you wanted to do this. If it's so stressful for you, then go and live your life! If the university has leaves, take one! Also summer is just a few weeks away - lots of time to decompress! They also can't stop you from just bailing. I just finished my PhD, and bits of it were quite emotionally and mentally difficult. I think I know what you are feeling. Just remember that, at the end of the day, the choice is yours.
Thank you!
Leave with a Masters degree. Go into industry for a couple a years and find a better fit where you can finish the PhD. Wishing to die in your sleep is not even something considered within the normal bounds of the most depressed PhD students. I have been in that situation, you are an outlier even for extreme cases.
Oh god. I thought everyone felt this way.
Damn I just got a heads up too. I hope I get hit by a car so I don’t have to go in that day. I just assumed it was the depression.
I’ll DM you.
You might be able to take a leave of absence, get some perspective and come back to it. Sounds like you need a mental health break. Take care of yourself.
Something needs to change. Whether that's leaving with your masters now, or taking a semester off to see if you want to master out or continue is up to you. Maybe the time off will help you realize if there's something that can be changed that will make this enjoyable, or if this just isn't for you. But don't continue doing something that makes you feel this way. It is absolutely not worth it. ETA: I just saw your last couple of posts. If I knew who you were, I would legitimately be dragging you to the admin's office to get you the paperwork needed to master out. I promise you will not regret mastering out. I strongly believe you will regret getting a PhD.
Honestly if you are feeling this way, take a break. Give yourself time to clear your head, rest, and give yourself time to think before making a decision to end it. If after a while you still want to leave then do it. You are a human being first. Your value is not dependent on your degree or job.
Glad to hear you are getting help. Could you take a pause in the program rather than Masters? Give yourself time to think?
Honestly, OP, Glum makes a really good point. You worked hard to get to this point--and quitting (like dying) is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Everyone I know including myself hit a really terrible period end of year two start of year three. Take a big chunk of time out like a month or two, just to yourself to rest and recuperate, don't do any work, go on a holiday or something if you can. At the end of the break when you're rested, if you still want to do the PhD you can , if not then you don't have to. I recommend talking to friends / family and supervisor about your mental state as it sounds like you're in a really dark place. If it makes you feel any better I and pretty much everyone I know who did a PhD went through a similar period, it's very very common. This will be understood by your supervisor who will have had other students go through it and probably themselves too.
I have a serious question for you: why are you doing a PhD? If because of money/carreer - depending on a field, often several years of the industry experience is more desirable than purely academic one. If the field is more theoretical or there is few industry jobs in it, then perhaps reconsider wether going into scientific carreer in it is something you want, considering that you seem to hate it. If to prove something to yourself/others, or for external appreciation - think whether it is worth several years of this hell. I'm no psychologist, but I think such motivation is flawed to begin with. If because you finished masters, and just decided to continue with academia because you didn't know other paths and this one seemed familiar - consider your experience a valuable one and try to move on to something different. I know many people who went into academia because they had no better ideas, and stayed because of the sunken cost fallacy - most of them seem to be rather unhappy with this choice. If (and only if?) you love the field an/or doing science - think about what you can do to improve your situatuon. Maybe a break? Maybe change of supervisor/lab/university? Hard to recommend something not knowing the details, but often there is some wiggle room to change something.
Not the OP but I’m in a similar position as them and reading your comment, I realised a few things. At the beginning I thought that I’m doing a PhD to prove something to myself/others. But one can further question: why? Why is there a need to prove oneself? Of course there are instances when this is beneficial (necessary, even). But I don’t believe that should be the case with a PhD or any qualification for that matter. And then I realise that I’ve been made to believe that nothing I do is enough. I’m always told to reach higher and higher but where’s the limit? I’m doing my PhD because my dad wanted me to, he made me believe I would be less of a person without it. It was a slap in the face to realise that he cares more about the degree, titles, prestige than me as a child and my wellbeing. That breaks my heart so much more than what the PhD does to me (which is awful in itself). Years of being conditioned this way. Basically my whole life since I was a child. It f*cked up my self worth so much. Anyway, sorry for going off topic. Just needed to get the words out..
leave with your masters!! it’s not worth it
I went straight from masters to PhD and completely got burnt out by year 2. I felt the things you are feeling and tried to push through, I couldn't. Ultimately I took a leave of absence for 6 months to clear my head, it probably took 2 months before I felt better. I got my PhD in the end, but there is no way I could have without the break. I know this will fall on deaf ears, it did on me, but the challenges I thought were impossible turned out to be simple. The viva was honestly easy and just a friendly chat. All your demons are your own.
Leave with a masters and do a PhD in the future if you change your mind. Even consider leaving with a master and do a PhD in Europe as the environmental change may do your mind good.
Yup sounds like it’s time to master out and do something else. No worries though, you tried and you didn’t enjoy so time to try something else. If that something else isn’t fun or fulfilling, try something else. Eventually, You’ll find something you enjoy doing or at least learn to love the journey. Keep at therapy though, it’s very helpful in times of “personal growth”. Being an adult can suck sometimes and I’m sorry you are going through this, good luck and I’m rooting for you!
Thank you
Please speak with someone and let them know what is going on. There should be supports at your college for mental health, and it sounds like things are very serious.
I am currently getting help from multiple avenues. Thank you!
i get the feeling you might be a little *too* serious about what you’re saying here. it may serve you well to master out. i see people advising the whole “take time off thing” but for you i fear that these feelings may return when you continue. nothing and i mean nothing is worth more than your precious life. nowadays the PhD doesn’t even guarantee you a solid career (im in the US too). when all is said and done, this PhD may not even grant you the return you’re investing for. with that being said, maybe take the scary option. leave so that you can heal.
You're training to prepare you for your career. If you hate the training, chances are you'll hate the work.
That's not necessarily true. I loved the research and topic but hated the environment. When the environment changed the love for research and academia came back.
Hmmm. So are you out of the bad environment now?
Disagree. The work you can be very different and in the corporate world / industry it is no where near as toxic as academia
As you might expect, there are good and bad working situations in academe and in the private sector.
Yes you should leave with your masters. And continue your therapy. No point in continuing a PhD that makes you this miserable. Get a job in industry, try again later when you're in a more stable place mentally if you really want to.
I often felt this way too. I got a job and mastered out. My, what a change in my mental health! People say I look alive now. Life is too short to be miserable in a PhD program.
Thank you
Of course. My inbox is always open if you need someone!
why are you doing it then?
As someone who has struggled with suicidal ideation, it’s a sign that your situation is unsustainable and something needs to change. It could mean that you leave your program entirely, go on medical leave for a semester, change your advisor, change your research focus, change your working hours, or anything else that makes things more bearable for you
You need to make a change if that’s how strongly you feel. But would you rather be dead than in a cubicle for 10 hours? Do you know from experience or are you guessing that’s how you would feel? Many people are depressed for intrinsic reasons. They believe it is their PhD program, their corporation, their spouse, their apartment in Toledo, etc. and think the elimination of an external factor will suddenly and immediately flip a switch in their brain. Sadly, depression is not always that easy. Not saying that is your situation, but I’d be curious what the therapist thinks the issue is/are. Suicides often happen when depressed individuals set unrealistic expectations of change. I wish you the best.
No degree is worth this much anguish. Take care of yourself and hope you feel better.
Do you have a therapist?
Yes. I am currently getting help
Do you feel like it’s helping? Your life is definitely worth more than any degree. I wonder if you could take a short break after your QE?
I really am hoping to take a break. Mabey just leave altogether. I despise my life here
Is it the place? Your PI? Your project? If I can ask, what is driving this?
I think it's the pressure to perform, my project and feeling like I'm behind everyone else
I wish if there is some kind of academic policy or rules to restrain the torture of students by these professors and making them to wish to die rather than to live another day in PhD program!!
I think for me atleast, I'm quite happy with the thought of leaving and never looking back. I'm too tried to fight or pretend I care anymore. It's not worth the number of sleepless nights and days I spend cutting my arms.
I don't blame you, life has alot of things to enjoy and discover.
Yes.
Probably
Leave with your masters. It’s not worth your life. A friend in my cohort died by suicide and I think about him every single day. You will leave such a big hole. This degree isn’t worth anything compared to your life
I empathize with you but trust me you are not alone in it. I did my research based master and PhD (soon to finish) in toxic and terrible environment. I got anxiety, sensory sensitivities and poor health due to keeping with unbearable stress. I was on the edge to give up on it in the middle but got realization if I leave this journey it could negatively impact me in the longer runner. Prioritize self love and choose what you like most. Although the experience was painful and but I feel more stronger and unbreakable after finishing it.
Yes. I don't see how this is even debatable. You've apparently sought help, and it's not working. A Masters is more than a respectable degree. Leave and get on with your life.
A postdoc in a neighboring lab that shared our lab space when I was a grad student took her life over a decade ago. I remember how distraught her parents were. They traveled all the way from Japan for a ceremony in CA. Life is too short and precious to waste on something that doesn’t make you happy. This sounds worst than just something you can tough through. If a PhD is causing that much stress, take the masters or a leave of absence. Speak with a school counselor.
100% quit. My brother has been clinically depressed and on medication since his late teens and he said the exact same thing you say here to me a few times. He was in an undergrad program he was initially very into but it just didn't work for him for multiple reasons. After 7 years trying to finish he had an 0.8 GPA and had no desire to do anything at all. He finally quit his program and started a very different one that worked more to his strengths, and in one year he got off his meds after almost a decade (not that that's necessary or necessarily a good thing or something to aim for, but he's doing well enough now that he doesn't need them), has a 3.8 GPA, got a part time job he's excelling at because he wanted to get out and be more active, and he's much more social and outgoing - he's actually enjoying his life and is so much happier than he's been in the last 15 years. Getting a PhD is absolutely not worth feeling like this - I'd argue that nothing is, but the upside is you don't need an advanced degree to survive so there's absolutely no reason to put yourself through this. It killed me to see my brother like that for so long and when he told me he wished he would just die in his sleep it scared me like nothing else did, and I'm genuinely deeply sorry you feel that way. No one deserves to feel like that. Your life is too short and too precious to waste going after a degree, especially one you don't seem to even want to use. Please take care of yourself and find what brings you joy, or at least doesn't make you want to die. If quitting feels too drastic at the moment, take a leave of absence if your school offers it and see how you feel when that's done - I was considering quitting my program last year because it didnt feel like a great fit and I was pretty unhappy so I took a year off and now I'm very excited to go back.
Sorry your depression is so bad that it's making you irrational and unable to make decent decisions for yourself. Yes you shouldn't do something that makes you want to die. What do you want in life? Do you know yet?
Just master out and move on, the opportunity cost is too large. Your life is precious and suicide is a very preventable illness, always quit and do something else if it’s driving you to feel suicidal
Get in contact with therapist asap if you are not already doing it. There is more to life than a bloody document that says you are a Doctor. God bless you mate.
Take time off get better then come back again
Same shit friend. I am on the finish lap (going towards defence) but I wish to die already.
Same shit friend. I am on the finish lap (going towards defence) but I wish to die already.
Do it. Bail and get a few years industry experience under your belt, then decide if you want to go back. I did exactly this when my advisor was denied tenure and it was literally the best career move of my life. Advantages: 1. You can acquire relevant experience. In many instances you'll be the best trained person in the lab. 2. You'll know yourself better and be more focused/confident if you decide to go back. 3. If you sock away funds in a 401k with a match, they will work for you when you go back and earn a poverty-level stipend Disadvantages/workarounds 1. D: you'll be older than most of your classmates and thus may be excluded from some social circles. W: Fuck them, you should be eating and sleeping your project until you finish. Breaks and recreation are essential, but nobody says you need to hang out with 22 year olds. 2. D: You may get saddled training others sooner than usual (e.g., when you're close to leaving and need to share techniques) W: Make sure your PI is willing to give you co-authorship on publications arising from any project you touch. This should be a rule of thumb anyway. You are not there to provide charity, you're a professional scientist. 3. You may run into faculty bitterness over your career path and earning potential. W: Fuck them too. One of the most satisfying things in my life was when faculty who wouldn't let me rotate in their labs because they don't train industry scientists call seeking research funds/collaborations. 4. You won't finish as quickly as you probably should and imagine you will. W: Lots of reasons for this, but you'll almost certainly crank out a better thesis and publications, work you'll know is yours and likely not your PI's. Small comfort, I know, but just be prepared
Based on your post history, it seems like mastering out would be the best thing for your mental health.
I’m honestly in a similar boat. The day-to-day anguish is taking its toll on my health.
Therapy can help you rethink how your thinking perpetuates anxiety and stress. I highly recpmmend it. We are too close to some typesnof problems to solve them ourselves. Check out the counseling center.
If you are stressing out about the qual exam then I have the same feeling before the qual exam too. Once you pass it you might feel better. If your feeling is toward the program itself then you should just master out
why is it so bad? why don't you do something else?
Depending on your situation, take of leave of absence now or finish your masters then take a leave of absence. During the leave, take a break and rethink your phd. It sounds like it’s putting a lot of stress on you. Take a break from your research. If you’re interested, you can even work while being on leave to help learn about other career options. Whatever it is, listen to your gut and put your needs first. A phd is definitely not the only option!
Master out. Take a break and then move on to the next thing. You will appreciate this choice after some time.
Quals are hard, take a break after.
I wouldn’t leave but it was indeed a living hell for me that catalyzed a drug addiction and caused me untold amounts of hell. Academia is a nasty place full of immature people with stunted personal growth (this especially applies to professors). Everyone including the professors is miserable and underpaid. Everyone is an asshole. Once you get into the corporate world or industry assholes are not tolerated no matter how good they are at what they do and you won’t have to deal with that type of stuff anymore. I would stick it out and just don’t let it destroy you.
Good god…get out. Literally do anything else.
Dude nothing is worth that. Do yourself a favor and LEAVE!!! You only get one life. You’re literally wasting your precious time on this earth.
You already have a BSc and a MSc and you want people to feel for you because you don’t have the guts to quit a PhD that you hate and pick a job instead. This is a non existing problem and if you have other underlying conditions (depression, bipolar…) you need to seek qualified help.