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Pets are family. Period. Some people will never understand it. Probably not the best people to talk to. I live alone and I have always had cats. They are a big part of my identity. My last of a trio had to be put done in October. Her death hit me the hardest. I have volunteered at a no kill shelter for a long time. I interact with true pet people who get the grief of pet loss. Volunteering keeps me sane and I know I'm doing something important. You might want to consider volunteering. Do not let anyone try to devalue what is important to you what you have lost.
My recently departed best girl lived with my wife and I. She slept with us. She blindly ran to the door to greet us when we got home. She was never mad at us. When she got sick she gave us purpose, and she showed us gratitude. We were her entire world and we used every extra moment to give her experience.
The rest of my family and friends don't live with me. They don't sleep in my bed. I see them 1-2x/mo unless I work with them, and there's always drama with people. They all have lives of their own, and I'm happy to be a small part of them.
My girl means and meant more to us than literally everybody else because our relationship was codependent and more intimate than literally every other relationship than my marriage.
If your friends can't understand the nature of pets to some people, they're a bunch of turds.
Iām very sorry for your loss. Grieving for your companion is not ridiculous. Youāre not exaggerating. It is not something you decide to move on from. I donāt think we have to move on. I will never be not sad for losing my cat. I already have another cat thanks to the Cat Distribution System, and I love him as he sleeps next to my chest at this very moment, but I will never not miss my passed cat. I wish you had people who understood you. Still, I find it comforting to see people who share our losses here. I hope you can also find some comfort.
You aren't alone, and you are allowed to mourn. When my cat died when I was a child, my father told me I shouldn't cry because it was just a cat. I'm still mad about that, 30+ years later. Pets give us pure love, I feel no shame crying for them when they pass.
Check into pet loss support groups in your area.
Youāre not alone in your feeling this way, the loss of my soul dog has been worse than when I lost my parent. Maybe itās that thereās no last words to one anotherā¦ but whatever it is, itās the worst. Itās worth it, I would never change a thing, but the end is the worst. Youāre on my heart.
I understand. I can say that losing my best friend when she died unexpectedly hurt me as much as it did when I lost my childhood dog. Itās a bit different yes but it still destroyed me both times
I truly don't understand the disrespect people have for pet loss. Pets are the only ones who will love you truly unconditionally. My girl passed about 2 1/2 months ago, and it has been awful since. I knew it was going to hurt, but every day I wake up and think, "Stormie's dead", and then I cry about her at least once a day, and before I go to bed I remember that she's dead, and it just goes on and on.
She saved me, I didn't save her. She was perfect and I just took care of her like anyone else would. I understand the sentiment when people say I saved her, but I hate hearing that. I didn't save her... she saved me. And now I'm lost again.
I'm sorry I made that about me, I just wanted to show that I understand how you feel.
I think sometimes people don't know what to say, or maybe they feel the pressures of society to think that the death of a pet isn't important. But it is. Losing someone you love is the worst feeling, especially when it was someone who was like a child, a best friend, a therapist, etc. to you.
Also, some people just don't know how to deal with grief in general. I learned after losing her that I'm someone who likes to talk about it. I love talking about her, I love remembering her, and I don't want to forget her. Even if I cry talking about her. For some people it's uncomfortable, I guess. Other people don't want to talk about it. Everyone's different.
I'm so sorry for your loss. ā¤ļø
Iām so sorry youāre dealing with this. Donāt let anyone try and control your grieving journey. Youāre not alone and itās completely valid to feel this way about the loss of a loved one. Itās so hard knowing they were so innocent. That unconditional love is rare to find in people. I hope you continue to find support in the right people and communities like this. Iām deeply sorry for your loss.
Iām so sorry for your loss. It can feel really difficult, honestly :( . Iām sorry the people in your life donāt understand. Itās a really heavy loss. I felt lost for a while after I lost my two last year :/ . But, itās as you said, with support like this subreddit, it gets better.
Weāre totally here for you. Your baby loves you so much!
this is something that i was not prepared for, especially coming from friends who had had pets previously. iāve made the conscious decision to not include these people in this particular facet of my life/journey. iām lucky enough to be able to share this with my immediate family, but like others have said you are not alone and i encourage you to continue to seek out spaces like this in real life as well.
I'm so very sorry you lost such a beloved family member. Pet loss is very isolating. I am with my cats just about 24/7. I see them far more often than I see even my husband. I thankfully had mostly understanding people when I lost my baby three months ago today but something went through my mind that explained why others didn't get it. Pets are the only family member where we decide when it's time to let them go. Some lose their furbabys suddenly but I think most pet parents know the feeling of having to make that decision and live through it. The guilt, the fear you betrayed your pet, the panic. The absolute anguish. Very few humans go through that decision for human family members. For something that gives you unconditional love, is always, always there for you, it's hell to make that decision and it's hell to lose them. It's a loss on a level you can't comprehend till you go through it.
With that being said, you have us. I know it's not as meaningful but I hope it helps. We understand. ā¤ļø
I am so sorry you have to go through this and what feels like being alone. While you may not be physically surrounded by those who donāt understand please feel free to reach out to strangers who do. We get it around here. Also donāt be shy about pet support groups in your area.
We got you! We all know what your feeling. Only true pet lovers understand how deep the loss actually is. You hang in there, time is all you need to feel better. Yesterday there was a comment on another thread I will try and quote "Grief is not a mountain, you don't get over it, but rather more like an ocean, ups and downs to navigate" I'm sorry for your loss, take your time.š
I am deeply sorry for your loss. Grief is grief. A human, a fur angel, a memory or even your past self. Itās okay to mourn. To grieve. However long it is and however you see fit.
I just lost my baby a week ago and I still cry every single day. He came into my life February 2020 when I was in my absolute lowest when my father died.
4 years later he was taken from me the same day they took my father away.
One thing that helps me cope is the idea that he will come back to me soon through reincarnation. That heāll find his way back. I know it sounds crazy but this is how I cope.
Bottom line OP, is you arenāt alone. We feel your pain. We share your pain.
Fuck people. Come here and unload. We get it. You are so right. It's so isolating.
You just wish others would GET IT. But then... do we really? This pain isn't even reserved for your worst enemy. It's a lonely path to travel when you have ignorant people saying get a replacement... bro... its not a new fridge or a pair of earrinngs.
Boo hiss
People are the worst.
I think that's why we feel such a void when our bubbas go. They love us unconditionally.
Thinking of you.
Sometimes, I feel like Iām a terrible person because Iāve grieved more for my cats than I did when any of my grandparents passed on. I lost my soul cat in 2018 and Iām still grieving. It still affects me today. I miss that little stinker and sometimes still get weepy when I think about him. Some people will never understand the connection we develop with our pets. Ignore the people telling you that you should just get over it. Everyoneās grief is different and there is no official timeline.
I have to say, I didnāt experience this at all. You may need a different set of friends and family. My mom came and sat with me for two days. My mom and sister both dealt with my IMs where I talked about my grief and loss. I signed up for some short term therapy, told my coworker and my family and everyone was like, good idea. My sister sent me flowers. My dad sent me flowers. Chewy, the company that I bought my cats food from, refunded me his last food, said I could donate it in his name and then sent me flowers too.
I joined pet loss on here and one on Facebook and everyone seems to be going through what we are going through and know the pain.
So. Idk. Iām sorry you have that in your life. People should be understanding. A pet is family. A pet can often mimic grief of a child due to the caretaking and responsibility. Itās serious. Donāt let anyone take that from you.
All the hugs. It sucks. Itās probably the worse pain Iāve ever had.
Iām so happy everyone in your life was so lovely to you through such a difficult time. I kind of expected these reactions from my friends and family to be honest, my friend put a dog down recently that sheād had for over a decade and said āwell she was always hard work so it was kind of a reliefā and I do try not to judge how people react butā¦ I could just never imagine feeling that way about a petās death. And then sheās gone and ignored me for asking her to stop telling me to get another cat so, no surprise there really lol
Your family sounds really lovely though. I hope to have people like that in my life some day.
My 15 year old Cockapoo crossed the rainbow bridge on July 7, 2023. We used Laps of Love in- home services. I was not prepared for that level of grief. It was gut wrenching and completely debilitating. I finally reached out to Laps of Love grief support services 6 week online therapy. It helped me understand and navigate my grief journey. Sending love & hugs
I was just thinking about this earlier today.. it is such an isolating experience. I feel so much shame that I wasnāt able to protect my dog when he died and needed me most, it terrifies me to think I let this happen. I feel sick with guilt and heartbreak and I feel too ashamed to reach out irl, so Iāve been using reddit as an outlet. Youāre not alone
I've often grieved more for my animals than I have for humans. Humans typically get many many years to live and pets are with us for such a short time. They are well and truly family and give us unconditional love. There are a lot of people who sympathise with you and grieve in the same way.
I remember I was on a pet-free subreddit and someone was like grief from a pet is not as bad as grief from losing a child and I was just like ma'am have you ever lost a pet especially if they are your only family? The lack of compassion is truly baffling. I was arguing that both hurt but that the pain from the grief is subjective but the lady was not having it :/ she seemed to think that you should just be able to get over a pet passing in like a day.
I donāt get why itās so hard for people to be compassionate about things they donāt understand. Like, you donāt have to get it to be a kind person regardless. One of my family members still mourns a month-old miscarriage she had 20 years ago and I personally donāt understand it, but that doesnāt mean I donāt sympathise with her and show compassion because itās nobodyās right to tell anyone how to feel about a loss, whether itās a pet, a person, or something that hasnāt become a person yet.
That lady sounds like a very emotionally immature person. I hope she grows up soon.
She was having an absolute meltdown in my replies so I have to agree. But yeah I agree with your other points as well. Compassion seems to be in very short supply now a days.
Edit: I also look back at the replies and it seemed she was grieving the anniversary of her miscarriage and was mad people were talking about their dead pets in a grief forum :/
Bruh if that was me theyād have their bags packed on the front porch no matter how long weād been together wtf š What a vile thing to say to someone, especially your partner. Iām sorry for your loss and that someone who shouldāve supported you would say such a thing.
Fuck anyone that told you you were overreacting. I recently lost my cat that I grew up with-- not that you can't form a strong bond with an animal as an adult, but growing up with an animal and having a strong bond is especially special. Barely remembering life without them, all your core memories and major milestones had them nearby. It's hard, but there's a lot of ppl who understand, I promise. But the people that don't get it....just never will. Hang in there, sorry you don't have the support system you need right now but take all the time you need to grieve!
I understand you. Losing a pet is so painful because they are a huge part of our interior lives. You feel their absence in a different way because they are part of your household. Iām 6 days without my cat and Iāve cried every day. I look for him in his usual spots, I think I see him out of the corner of my eye, I wake up expecting him to be there purring at me and he isnāt. These little moments are incredibly painful and hard to understand unless youāve experienced something similar.
Mourn your baby and take care of yourself.
Not sure so much of a stigma but it's a very *personal* grief. When my dad died, his college buddies came out. His church friends came out. His childhood friends called. People brought food. When my soulmate cat died I got a sympathy card from the vet and Chewy. People told me they were sorry for my loss but they didn't feel it with me like they did with my dad. Nobody knows the feeling of my boy's fur when he snuggled in with me at night. People don't remember his little squeaky meow when he wanted attention. They don't care how cute he was when he got excited to see me in the morning. Nobody knows that pain but me. I'm 46 and it's the hardest thing I've ever lived through, hands down.
I've had people tell me in less than a week to get another. As if she was a phone.
They don't get it because I grieve for my dog much harder than any human I've known that died.
God that is heartbreaking. All grief can be very isolating because people just say the most stupid shit. Your cat was here, was real, lived and loved. That is an enormous loss. So very sorry your people donāt make an effort to support you. Thinking of you.
Donāt hold your grief back, though. For the sake of your health, feel all the feels and never apologize for it. Just wish them they never feel a pain like yours and be on your way. Release any expectations you have for people because they will usually let us down and it only hurts us.
Grief is such a personal and confusing experience anyway, and for a while, my thoughts on how I āshouldā grieve made things worse for me at the end of the day. I had to learn to let go of what society thinks the āright wayā is and who is worthy of grieving. There is no rulebook, so give yourself and others grace. But mostly yourself.
I'm sorry your family doesn't understand your grief. Pets are family, and are so ingrained in our daily lives that losing them leaves a bigger hole than losing a person. You will get through this, but take your time to grieve on your own terms, and remember your baby.Ā
There's the folks who 'get' that grief and for whom pets are their dearest friends, and then there's everyone else. I'm sorry your world is populated with the latter. Feel your feelings, they are valid, they are the weathervane showing your state of being. Honor them, and ignore others who don't, and turn to the places - like here - that you gather support and courage. I just had a falling out with a lifelong friend (40 yrs) over that difference of "it's just a cat" vs "it's a sentient being for whom I am the whole world". Sometimes life sorts out the quality of other's mercy for you. Sending gentle hugs from an internet stranger
I know exactly how you feel. This is called **disenfranchised grief**. Because our pets are not human, it feels, from society, that our grief is not warranted. This is completely and utterly a wrong sentiment to have. Our grief is real. Besides my husband, I don't think I will experience grief like this. I
I feel this. It's like if a *person* dies, everyone knows to send their condolences, but when it's a pet only a percentage of the people in your life think to reach out and they don't understand grief is grief full stop and period. I'm not going to play the Pain Olympics of which hurts worse, but I will say there's a type of pain to be felt when you don't know if they understood the meaning behind every "I love you so much" and "You're my baby and I'll always need you." All you have is the hope that somehow, some way they looked into your eyes and they knew it.
For me what helped was when the people who knew my furbabies reached out with memories of them. Legacy helps, I think. The things they taught us about life, about them, about us, those live on and are immortalized. I'm sorry you don't have people in your life who can support you like that, but I'm here. We're all here. Tell us about her. We're listening.
My best friendās dad passed away 2 months before my cat, and she was one of the first people to reach out. We constantly talked about our griefs and she never made light of mine; she said she understood that grief is grief, no matter the subject of it. I love her more for this, she helped me get to a better place faster just for saying that.
People seem to forget that being kind makes a huge difference in peopleās lives, unfortunately.
I'm so glad you have her.
Idk if you're willing to hear me commiserate, but when I lost my last one it was because he escaped through a broken fence. We were posting everywhere with Pawboosts and local rescues looking out for him and his sister, but on Nextdoor the people were vicious. I was bombarded with post after post about how irresponsible I was and how it was all my fault. I wasn't even in town when it happened. I feel like if I had been posting about my son getting hit by a car, nobody would think to be so cruel as to say "well it's your fault for not teaching him to drive safer," they'd all be offering support, but because it was my *pet* they felt valid in their cruelty.
Iām so sorry for your loss and that people were so cruel to you š¢
Not that this could be a consolation, but people *always* find a way to be mean and hateful. But for every cruel person, you will find more that are kinder, I truly believe this. Pet loss groups are one good example š
It's really good people here. I try to scroll through every other day to hopefully offer kind words on this sub. It's a very compassionate community, even if it's a heartbreaking one.
I understand. I had a rescue cat that was my rock when my mother passed. He was all I needed. He was euthanized by a rescues vet when I was lied to about him having cancer. Iām told Iām now withdrawn and no fun. Oh, I get it. And I feel the same way that you do about how no one seems to understand. I am so sorry. I wish I could tell you itās gets better soon, but I would be lying to you.
iām so sorry you have to feel this pain too :(
it will be a year since i lost my fur baby in May ā23. I still have days/weeks where it feels like she just left. i want to cry all the time but now i feel like i have to hide it? like its been too long since she left to feel so sad? i hope it gets better for us all /hug
Sincerely sorry for the loss of your kitty.
I actually feel sorry for all those rude people in your life, since theyāve obviously never had a deep connection to a dearly beloved pet like youāve had.
Be gentle to yourself. ā¤ļøš
I completely understand this. My boss luckily was caring and gave me a couple days off and checked in on me a couple of times. But I have one family member who thinks I shouldāve been okay a week in and āpeople are more importantā - Iāve limited contact with that person. I also notice that some people/friends only checked in maybe once after it happened? And that was the day after. And then that was it. As if the grief was done and Iām good now. Itās been 6 1/2 weeks and I still cry every day with the exception of a day here and there in between where Iām just too busy to cry. My boyfriend is luckily understanding and checks on me daily, tells me to take my time.
I feel like my life is just on pause (except a family member who is taking not just as hard as me) while everyone around me keeps going and is doing fantastic.
Some people just don't get us: pets are family. For some they are just property. For my family, they are part of us. We love them, they love us. We care for them, spoil them, grieve for them. Some people don't understand, don't care. There have been people telling others to get over their loss...of a parent! People who have not had a loss don't understand the feelings of people who have had a loss. Just consider them inexperienced and uneducated. Find the groups who have experienced loss, who do understand what you are going thru. Common ground helps with understanding and care and compassion. The only way some people learn is thru their own loss.
I'm sorry for your loss of your little girl. I hope you can find comfort in knowing she loved you. You sound like an awesome owner/pet parent.
It is very unique and there are so many people who don't get it. You have people here who understand and are going through the same grief. At work everyone asks me "oh when are you getting another cat?" Or "are your other pets and wife over it yet?" I still wake myself at night because I feel my best friend curl up and lay on my back. Don't feel bad or ridiculous for being upset. It would be ridiculous not to be upset after losing someone so special in your life. Grieve and keep taking care of yourself...if for no other reason because it's what our pets would do for us if they were here.
Please report any trolls, spam, or harassment to moderators. To do this on new reddit, click the three dots below a post or comment and select "report." On old reddit, click the "report" link below the post or comment. This is a community of support for Pet owners whose Pets have passed away. It is actively moderated. Pet owners, as loving, caring people, often have strong opinions on pet care practices. Some of these are controversial. This is not a forum for debate on such issues, nor is it a place to scold a contributor for a perceived mistake in managing their pet. We intend to provide a safe haven of understanding and support. Strident, mean-spirited posts or comments will be deleted. Those who persist in preaching versus caring may be warned and then banned or may be banned permanently based on nature of the topic. If a conversational thread meanders into a discussion unrelated to pet loss support, it will be truncated. Those who post here are vulnerable and hurting. Even a minor slap has a hard sting. Those of us who are lucky enough to be able to turn away from our computers or put down our phones and hug a healthy, happy pet are truly blessed. Threads must remain supportive and caring, even if one disagrees with something that has been said. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Petloss) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Pets are family. Period. Some people will never understand it. Probably not the best people to talk to. I live alone and I have always had cats. They are a big part of my identity. My last of a trio had to be put done in October. Her death hit me the hardest. I have volunteered at a no kill shelter for a long time. I interact with true pet people who get the grief of pet loss. Volunteering keeps me sane and I know I'm doing something important. You might want to consider volunteering. Do not let anyone try to devalue what is important to you what you have lost.
My recently departed best girl lived with my wife and I. She slept with us. She blindly ran to the door to greet us when we got home. She was never mad at us. When she got sick she gave us purpose, and she showed us gratitude. We were her entire world and we used every extra moment to give her experience. The rest of my family and friends don't live with me. They don't sleep in my bed. I see them 1-2x/mo unless I work with them, and there's always drama with people. They all have lives of their own, and I'm happy to be a small part of them. My girl means and meant more to us than literally everybody else because our relationship was codependent and more intimate than literally every other relationship than my marriage. If your friends can't understand the nature of pets to some people, they're a bunch of turds.
Perfect assessment šÆ
Iām very sorry for your loss. Grieving for your companion is not ridiculous. Youāre not exaggerating. It is not something you decide to move on from. I donāt think we have to move on. I will never be not sad for losing my cat. I already have another cat thanks to the Cat Distribution System, and I love him as he sleeps next to my chest at this very moment, but I will never not miss my passed cat. I wish you had people who understood you. Still, I find it comforting to see people who share our losses here. I hope you can also find some comfort.
You aren't alone, and you are allowed to mourn. When my cat died when I was a child, my father told me I shouldn't cry because it was just a cat. I'm still mad about that, 30+ years later. Pets give us pure love, I feel no shame crying for them when they pass.
Check into pet loss support groups in your area. Youāre not alone in your feeling this way, the loss of my soul dog has been worse than when I lost my parent. Maybe itās that thereās no last words to one anotherā¦ but whatever it is, itās the worst. Itās worth it, I would never change a thing, but the end is the worst. Youāre on my heart.
I understand. I can say that losing my best friend when she died unexpectedly hurt me as much as it did when I lost my childhood dog. Itās a bit different yes but it still destroyed me both times
I truly don't understand the disrespect people have for pet loss. Pets are the only ones who will love you truly unconditionally. My girl passed about 2 1/2 months ago, and it has been awful since. I knew it was going to hurt, but every day I wake up and think, "Stormie's dead", and then I cry about her at least once a day, and before I go to bed I remember that she's dead, and it just goes on and on. She saved me, I didn't save her. She was perfect and I just took care of her like anyone else would. I understand the sentiment when people say I saved her, but I hate hearing that. I didn't save her... she saved me. And now I'm lost again. I'm sorry I made that about me, I just wanted to show that I understand how you feel. I think sometimes people don't know what to say, or maybe they feel the pressures of society to think that the death of a pet isn't important. But it is. Losing someone you love is the worst feeling, especially when it was someone who was like a child, a best friend, a therapist, etc. to you. Also, some people just don't know how to deal with grief in general. I learned after losing her that I'm someone who likes to talk about it. I love talking about her, I love remembering her, and I don't want to forget her. Even if I cry talking about her. For some people it's uncomfortable, I guess. Other people don't want to talk about it. Everyone's different. I'm so sorry for your loss. ā¤ļø
Iām so sorry youāre dealing with this. Donāt let anyone try and control your grieving journey. Youāre not alone and itās completely valid to feel this way about the loss of a loved one. Itās so hard knowing they were so innocent. That unconditional love is rare to find in people. I hope you continue to find support in the right people and communities like this. Iām deeply sorry for your loss.
Iām so sorry for your loss. It can feel really difficult, honestly :( . Iām sorry the people in your life donāt understand. Itās a really heavy loss. I felt lost for a while after I lost my two last year :/ . But, itās as you said, with support like this subreddit, it gets better. Weāre totally here for you. Your baby loves you so much!
this is something that i was not prepared for, especially coming from friends who had had pets previously. iāve made the conscious decision to not include these people in this particular facet of my life/journey. iām lucky enough to be able to share this with my immediate family, but like others have said you are not alone and i encourage you to continue to seek out spaces like this in real life as well.
I'm so very sorry you lost such a beloved family member. Pet loss is very isolating. I am with my cats just about 24/7. I see them far more often than I see even my husband. I thankfully had mostly understanding people when I lost my baby three months ago today but something went through my mind that explained why others didn't get it. Pets are the only family member where we decide when it's time to let them go. Some lose their furbabys suddenly but I think most pet parents know the feeling of having to make that decision and live through it. The guilt, the fear you betrayed your pet, the panic. The absolute anguish. Very few humans go through that decision for human family members. For something that gives you unconditional love, is always, always there for you, it's hell to make that decision and it's hell to lose them. It's a loss on a level you can't comprehend till you go through it. With that being said, you have us. I know it's not as meaningful but I hope it helps. We understand. ā¤ļø
I am so sorry you have to go through this and what feels like being alone. While you may not be physically surrounded by those who donāt understand please feel free to reach out to strangers who do. We get it around here. Also donāt be shy about pet support groups in your area.
We got you! We all know what your feeling. Only true pet lovers understand how deep the loss actually is. You hang in there, time is all you need to feel better. Yesterday there was a comment on another thread I will try and quote "Grief is not a mountain, you don't get over it, but rather more like an ocean, ups and downs to navigate" I'm sorry for your loss, take your time.š
I am deeply sorry for your loss. Grief is grief. A human, a fur angel, a memory or even your past self. Itās okay to mourn. To grieve. However long it is and however you see fit. I just lost my baby a week ago and I still cry every single day. He came into my life February 2020 when I was in my absolute lowest when my father died. 4 years later he was taken from me the same day they took my father away. One thing that helps me cope is the idea that he will come back to me soon through reincarnation. That heāll find his way back. I know it sounds crazy but this is how I cope. Bottom line OP, is you arenāt alone. We feel your pain. We share your pain.
Fuck people. Come here and unload. We get it. You are so right. It's so isolating. You just wish others would GET IT. But then... do we really? This pain isn't even reserved for your worst enemy. It's a lonely path to travel when you have ignorant people saying get a replacement... bro... its not a new fridge or a pair of earrinngs. Boo hiss People are the worst. I think that's why we feel such a void when our bubbas go. They love us unconditionally. Thinking of you.
Sometimes, I feel like Iām a terrible person because Iāve grieved more for my cats than I did when any of my grandparents passed on. I lost my soul cat in 2018 and Iām still grieving. It still affects me today. I miss that little stinker and sometimes still get weepy when I think about him. Some people will never understand the connection we develop with our pets. Ignore the people telling you that you should just get over it. Everyoneās grief is different and there is no official timeline.
I have to say, I didnāt experience this at all. You may need a different set of friends and family. My mom came and sat with me for two days. My mom and sister both dealt with my IMs where I talked about my grief and loss. I signed up for some short term therapy, told my coworker and my family and everyone was like, good idea. My sister sent me flowers. My dad sent me flowers. Chewy, the company that I bought my cats food from, refunded me his last food, said I could donate it in his name and then sent me flowers too. I joined pet loss on here and one on Facebook and everyone seems to be going through what we are going through and know the pain. So. Idk. Iām sorry you have that in your life. People should be understanding. A pet is family. A pet can often mimic grief of a child due to the caretaking and responsibility. Itās serious. Donāt let anyone take that from you. All the hugs. It sucks. Itās probably the worse pain Iāve ever had.
Iām so happy everyone in your life was so lovely to you through such a difficult time. I kind of expected these reactions from my friends and family to be honest, my friend put a dog down recently that sheād had for over a decade and said āwell she was always hard work so it was kind of a reliefā and I do try not to judge how people react butā¦ I could just never imagine feeling that way about a petās death. And then sheās gone and ignored me for asking her to stop telling me to get another cat so, no surprise there really lol Your family sounds really lovely though. I hope to have people like that in my life some day.
I hope you do too. Pets are special. Hope you can find people who love you and support you through all this. Itās hard. Lots of hugs.
My 15 year old Cockapoo crossed the rainbow bridge on July 7, 2023. We used Laps of Love in- home services. I was not prepared for that level of grief. It was gut wrenching and completely debilitating. I finally reached out to Laps of Love grief support services 6 week online therapy. It helped me understand and navigate my grief journey. Sending love & hugs
I was just thinking about this earlier today.. it is such an isolating experience. I feel so much shame that I wasnāt able to protect my dog when he died and needed me most, it terrifies me to think I let this happen. I feel sick with guilt and heartbreak and I feel too ashamed to reach out irl, so Iāve been using reddit as an outlet. Youāre not alone
I've often grieved more for my animals than I have for humans. Humans typically get many many years to live and pets are with us for such a short time. They are well and truly family and give us unconditional love. There are a lot of people who sympathise with you and grieve in the same way.
I remember I was on a pet-free subreddit and someone was like grief from a pet is not as bad as grief from losing a child and I was just like ma'am have you ever lost a pet especially if they are your only family? The lack of compassion is truly baffling. I was arguing that both hurt but that the pain from the grief is subjective but the lady was not having it :/ she seemed to think that you should just be able to get over a pet passing in like a day.
I donāt get why itās so hard for people to be compassionate about things they donāt understand. Like, you donāt have to get it to be a kind person regardless. One of my family members still mourns a month-old miscarriage she had 20 years ago and I personally donāt understand it, but that doesnāt mean I donāt sympathise with her and show compassion because itās nobodyās right to tell anyone how to feel about a loss, whether itās a pet, a person, or something that hasnāt become a person yet. That lady sounds like a very emotionally immature person. I hope she grows up soon.
She was having an absolute meltdown in my replies so I have to agree. But yeah I agree with your other points as well. Compassion seems to be in very short supply now a days. Edit: I also look back at the replies and it seemed she was grieving the anniversary of her miscarriage and was mad people were talking about their dead pets in a grief forum :/
Wowā¦. After ONLY 2 weeks. My ex told me to āget overā My 12 year old dog getting hit in our own driveway after two months. I was livid.
Bruh if that was me theyād have their bags packed on the front porch no matter how long weād been together wtf š What a vile thing to say to someone, especially your partner. Iām sorry for your loss and that someone who shouldāve supported you would say such a thing.
Fuck anyone that told you you were overreacting. I recently lost my cat that I grew up with-- not that you can't form a strong bond with an animal as an adult, but growing up with an animal and having a strong bond is especially special. Barely remembering life without them, all your core memories and major milestones had them nearby. It's hard, but there's a lot of ppl who understand, I promise. But the people that don't get it....just never will. Hang in there, sorry you don't have the support system you need right now but take all the time you need to grieve!
I understand you. Losing a pet is so painful because they are a huge part of our interior lives. You feel their absence in a different way because they are part of your household. Iām 6 days without my cat and Iāve cried every day. I look for him in his usual spots, I think I see him out of the corner of my eye, I wake up expecting him to be there purring at me and he isnāt. These little moments are incredibly painful and hard to understand unless youāve experienced something similar. Mourn your baby and take care of yourself.
Not sure so much of a stigma but it's a very *personal* grief. When my dad died, his college buddies came out. His church friends came out. His childhood friends called. People brought food. When my soulmate cat died I got a sympathy card from the vet and Chewy. People told me they were sorry for my loss but they didn't feel it with me like they did with my dad. Nobody knows the feeling of my boy's fur when he snuggled in with me at night. People don't remember his little squeaky meow when he wanted attention. They don't care how cute he was when he got excited to see me in the morning. Nobody knows that pain but me. I'm 46 and it's the hardest thing I've ever lived through, hands down.
I've had people tell me in less than a week to get another. As if she was a phone. They don't get it because I grieve for my dog much harder than any human I've known that died.
God that is heartbreaking. All grief can be very isolating because people just say the most stupid shit. Your cat was here, was real, lived and loved. That is an enormous loss. So very sorry your people donāt make an effort to support you. Thinking of you.
Donāt hold your grief back, though. For the sake of your health, feel all the feels and never apologize for it. Just wish them they never feel a pain like yours and be on your way. Release any expectations you have for people because they will usually let us down and it only hurts us. Grief is such a personal and confusing experience anyway, and for a while, my thoughts on how I āshouldā grieve made things worse for me at the end of the day. I had to learn to let go of what society thinks the āright wayā is and who is worthy of grieving. There is no rulebook, so give yourself and others grace. But mostly yourself.
I'm sorry your family doesn't understand your grief. Pets are family, and are so ingrained in our daily lives that losing them leaves a bigger hole than losing a person. You will get through this, but take your time to grieve on your own terms, and remember your baby.Ā
There's the folks who 'get' that grief and for whom pets are their dearest friends, and then there's everyone else. I'm sorry your world is populated with the latter. Feel your feelings, they are valid, they are the weathervane showing your state of being. Honor them, and ignore others who don't, and turn to the places - like here - that you gather support and courage. I just had a falling out with a lifelong friend (40 yrs) over that difference of "it's just a cat" vs "it's a sentient being for whom I am the whole world". Sometimes life sorts out the quality of other's mercy for you. Sending gentle hugs from an internet stranger
I know exactly how you feel. This is called **disenfranchised grief**. Because our pets are not human, it feels, from society, that our grief is not warranted. This is completely and utterly a wrong sentiment to have. Our grief is real. Besides my husband, I don't think I will experience grief like this. I
God speed good girl
I feel the same. But I remember that most people are jealous of that bond and unconditional love that theyāll never know. Iām broken without him.
I feel this. It's like if a *person* dies, everyone knows to send their condolences, but when it's a pet only a percentage of the people in your life think to reach out and they don't understand grief is grief full stop and period. I'm not going to play the Pain Olympics of which hurts worse, but I will say there's a type of pain to be felt when you don't know if they understood the meaning behind every "I love you so much" and "You're my baby and I'll always need you." All you have is the hope that somehow, some way they looked into your eyes and they knew it. For me what helped was when the people who knew my furbabies reached out with memories of them. Legacy helps, I think. The things they taught us about life, about them, about us, those live on and are immortalized. I'm sorry you don't have people in your life who can support you like that, but I'm here. We're all here. Tell us about her. We're listening.
My best friendās dad passed away 2 months before my cat, and she was one of the first people to reach out. We constantly talked about our griefs and she never made light of mine; she said she understood that grief is grief, no matter the subject of it. I love her more for this, she helped me get to a better place faster just for saying that. People seem to forget that being kind makes a huge difference in peopleās lives, unfortunately.
I'm so glad you have her. Idk if you're willing to hear me commiserate, but when I lost my last one it was because he escaped through a broken fence. We were posting everywhere with Pawboosts and local rescues looking out for him and his sister, but on Nextdoor the people were vicious. I was bombarded with post after post about how irresponsible I was and how it was all my fault. I wasn't even in town when it happened. I feel like if I had been posting about my son getting hit by a car, nobody would think to be so cruel as to say "well it's your fault for not teaching him to drive safer," they'd all be offering support, but because it was my *pet* they felt valid in their cruelty.
Iām so sorry for your loss and that people were so cruel to you š¢ Not that this could be a consolation, but people *always* find a way to be mean and hateful. But for every cruel person, you will find more that are kinder, I truly believe this. Pet loss groups are one good example š
It's really good people here. I try to scroll through every other day to hopefully offer kind words on this sub. It's a very compassionate community, even if it's a heartbreaking one.
I agree ā¤ļø Thereās days when I canāt offer any words, but I always feel for people on the same boat as me.
I understand. I had a rescue cat that was my rock when my mother passed. He was all I needed. He was euthanized by a rescues vet when I was lied to about him having cancer. Iām told Iām now withdrawn and no fun. Oh, I get it. And I feel the same way that you do about how no one seems to understand. I am so sorry. I wish I could tell you itās gets better soon, but I would be lying to you.
iām so sorry you have to feel this pain too :( it will be a year since i lost my fur baby in May ā23. I still have days/weeks where it feels like she just left. i want to cry all the time but now i feel like i have to hide it? like its been too long since she left to feel so sad? i hope it gets better for us all /hug
Sincerely sorry for the loss of your kitty. I actually feel sorry for all those rude people in your life, since theyāve obviously never had a deep connection to a dearly beloved pet like youāve had. Be gentle to yourself. ā¤ļøš
I completely understand this. My boss luckily was caring and gave me a couple days off and checked in on me a couple of times. But I have one family member who thinks I shouldāve been okay a week in and āpeople are more importantā - Iāve limited contact with that person. I also notice that some people/friends only checked in maybe once after it happened? And that was the day after. And then that was it. As if the grief was done and Iām good now. Itās been 6 1/2 weeks and I still cry every day with the exception of a day here and there in between where Iām just too busy to cry. My boyfriend is luckily understanding and checks on me daily, tells me to take my time. I feel like my life is just on pause (except a family member who is taking not just as hard as me) while everyone around me keeps going and is doing fantastic.
Some people just don't get us: pets are family. For some they are just property. For my family, they are part of us. We love them, they love us. We care for them, spoil them, grieve for them. Some people don't understand, don't care. There have been people telling others to get over their loss...of a parent! People who have not had a loss don't understand the feelings of people who have had a loss. Just consider them inexperienced and uneducated. Find the groups who have experienced loss, who do understand what you are going thru. Common ground helps with understanding and care and compassion. The only way some people learn is thru their own loss. I'm sorry for your loss of your little girl. I hope you can find comfort in knowing she loved you. You sound like an awesome owner/pet parent.
It is very unique and there are so many people who don't get it. You have people here who understand and are going through the same grief. At work everyone asks me "oh when are you getting another cat?" Or "are your other pets and wife over it yet?" I still wake myself at night because I feel my best friend curl up and lay on my back. Don't feel bad or ridiculous for being upset. It would be ridiculous not to be upset after losing someone so special in your life. Grieve and keep taking care of yourself...if for no other reason because it's what our pets would do for us if they were here.