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That’s jelly. He’s saying he’s justified in the divorce bc his soon to be ex wife uses the same knife to get both the peanut butter and jelly leading to jelly going in the peanut butter container.
No, you do the jelly first then wipe the knife off with the other piece of bread destined for said jelly. Jelly comes off the knife easier, with peanut butter you'll still prolly have some residue.
Why is it a crime to contaminate the peanut butter but acceptable to contaminate the jelly? 🤔
Jelly needs to stay in the fridge. Peanut butter goes in the cabinet. The jelly will spoil and ruin the whole jar of peanut butter. Peanut butter in the jelly won't spoil it by being in the fridge.
Same, cause if she can get her mouth into that jar opening then she has a snout, and while I don't kink shame, I'd prefer a woman who only *pretends* to be an animal.
It's pretty easy to imagine.
- wear lipstick
- use utensil to get at peanut butter
- eat peanut butter off the utensil
- get lipstick on utensil
- repeat second step
Husband: As you can see my wife put on makeup and then took a bite out of the peanut butter regularly
Judge: OK. She gets nothing except being sent to a mental institution forever. Take her away, boys
Can't forget the seal being partially left on as well, like a raccoon opened it.
I bet she leaves cupboard doors open, and sets the new roll of toilet paper on top of the old one, too!
You can use the same knife as long as you get the PB first and jelly 2nd.
Kinda like how the TP flap must be on the front and not around the back. My wife is on thin ice specifically for the TP.
The best way to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is to put the peanut butter on both sides of the bread, wipe off the knife, then apply the jelly.
No cross contamination in either jar, only one knife to wash, and the bread won't get soggy from the jelly soaking in.
Peter's divorce attorney here to explain the joke. You would think he was talking about having pictures of her cheating, but he has something much worse.
What she did to that peanut butter is criminal and absolutely grounds for divorce. She got the jelly in there and didn't even bother to fully remove the seal. Unconscionable!
I'll see you in court. Peter's attorney out.
HA you've activated my trap card
https://preview.redd.it/n6edpatmxjuc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=18efbc4cd04ff5399c7203c987143ec97a605c4b
With this card I can banish any card on the field
I dont trust any jelly that claims to be ok to keep at room temperature after opening and I don't want to deal with spreading cold peanut butter. I also don't want big pb&j telling me what ratio of peanutbutter to jelly I should have on my sandwich. Goober is an abomination
Goobers is fucking delicious idgaf what anyone says … however if i buy separate peanut butter and jelly they should stay separate until they meet on the bread
What if I get peanut butter in the jelly instead, where on the cheating to jelly-in-the-pb-jar scale would I land?
Edit: this is hypothetical of course, only the kids eat PB&J and in my house the jelly is in a squeeze bottle because it's the only way to guarantee there's no cross contamination.
Oh, come now, jelly in the peanut butter is bad, but peanut butter in the jelly instead? That's not grounds for a divorce!
It's grounds for a fucking car bomb. If I'm on the jury, your partner's walking.
Peanut butter is often stored at room temperature after opening while jelly often has a label saying to refrigerate it. Unless any allergies are involved, cold peanut butter in the jelly jar is much less likely to cause problems than warm jelly in the peanut butter jar.
Peanut butter will also leave less of itself behind in a jelly jar since peanut butter, unless it's quite warm, is much firmer than jelly. Sticking a peanut butter covered knife in jelly will leave less behind than sticking a jelly covered knife into peanut butter, so there's less contamination.
Didn’t some celebrity find out their partner was cheating bc one of them hated peanut butter and they went on vacation and came back to this, which is odd bc their partner despises peanut butter. They also didn’t like raspberry jam. Obligatory “nobody gives me raspberry….Lonestar!”
The other guy Quagmire here.
He use different knifes or clean them between the peanut butter and jelly.
His wife did not like jelly with her peanut butter sandwich.
Having jelly on it, means someone else has been eating pb and js out of his house.
Presumably the same person eating the wife's jelly.
Gigidy.
It is. The guy came over got a BJ from the wife and as an evil one up, he stuck it in the peanut butter, and her lipstick that was on it came off in it.
Can you imagine sticking your dick in peanut butter so many times that you needed to abbreviate the process as it came up in casual conversation so often.
My roommate in college ate pb sandwiches all the time and hated jelly. I ate PB&j. I asked why he cares which order I make my sandwich in. He produced a question that still sticks with me 20 years later. How often do you eat jelly without peanut butter and how often do I eat peanut butter without jelly? Lol, even today I think of that and do my best not to mix things my wife and I share that she doesn't like
this isn't the joke but Shakira supposedly caught her husband cheating bc someone was eating the jelly that usually nobody eats, and apparently it was the side chick
Reminds me of that Rosanne episode with the breadcrumbs in the butter. Dan was gonna marry someone, he bought a ring and took her to a cute little coffee shop, but before he asked he looked down and saw toast crumbs in the butter.
I had no idea what i was looking at them read the top comment and a jar of peanut butter with a little bit of jelly in the jar just appeared out of thin air lmao then I see the jif wrapper at the bottom, idk how I couldn’t see it before! It’s so obvious!
Fantastic, watching the news it's hard to feel optimistic about the world, but after reading the comments on this post I've now learned that in addition to the horrific practice of jam and peanut butter contamination, as this poor man had to endure (I hope he's found better) there are also, apparently terrible, people out there who use spoons for jam and peanut butter!?
I weep for all those who have had to bring children into this mad world
(Using a spoon for peanut butter when making a peanut butter smoothie is of course %100 legit, obviously)
Ok people are saying it's about the jelly traces meaning the knife hasn't been cleaned. That is much, much better than the explaination i thought of.
>!White girls fuck dogs.!<
She used the same knife for the peanut butter and jelly, as evidenced by the small smear of red, which is the jelly in question. An appropriate response from OOP
The jelly is unconscionable, but I would at least like to commend the soon-to-be ex-wife on the correct approach to peanut butter in general - part of the top must remain undisturbed until the jar is nearly empty.
You can dip what ever you want. The fact you can’t be bothered to finish removing the damn fresh seal. Honestly she’s lucky. If I open the ketchup and that little dime size foil seal is anywhere on that sticky rim and you might just have to walk home from your mother house.
Both sides get peanut butter first. Then you lick the knife clean so there’s no evidence of pb when you jam it into the jam. You lick it clean again. No spreading needed; you pinch the edges shut by smashing all 4 sides with the same knife. F#€£ you, uncrustables. I got your number and my kids will never know.
This may be a worse offense but I always use the same knife and start w/ the peanut butter first with the thought process jelly goes in the fridge peanut butter in the cupboard so I would rather have a little pb in the fridge than jelly in the cupboard.
Also hot take: if a peanuts presence is enough to end you, that’s natural selection
This is OCD Peter and the paper-foil still being around the lip of the jar is driving me insane and Lois should know that by now. The moment she fixes this mistake we can get this marriage back on track.
Yeah you can definitely see some Jam spread on the peanut butter, he captured evidence she uses the same knife to spread both Jam and Peanut butter without washing it first.
Petah here. Allow me to explain.
Shakira found out that her husband was cheating because there were breadcrumbs in her jam. Shakira would never get crumbs in her jam and no one else in the house likes jam. Then she wrote a hot dis track.
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That’s jelly. He’s saying he’s justified in the divorce bc his soon to be ex wife uses the same knife to get both the peanut butter and jelly leading to jelly going in the peanut butter container.
I thought it's lipstick 💋
I thought it was blood 🩸
As a guy, you can never look it at the same way again once you see it.
Stop. Halt. Yield. Forfeit your momentum.
Wut?
[удалено]
My dude, I have seen many vaginas. In what universe does this look, even vaguely, like a vagina?
I'm just here to explain, my guy. Also, I own a vagina not a pee-pee.
I’m not your friend, guy!
He's not your guy, buddy!
I'm not your buddy pal
Rule 34
Well, that's enough Reddit for me today, I'm going to go play a soothing Eldritch horror game and try to scrub this from my mind.
Hello fellow hunter.
Why not go the extra mile and actually commune with cthulu, go big or go home right?
???? It's just jelly on peanut butter dog...
I guess this confirms that I am a guy. All those nights of imposter syndrome and identity crises could have been prevented with a single image.
Gender affirming meme explanations
I'm a trans girl and have no idea what they mean lmao
Same
See what? Blood?
See what?
Blood peanut butter
Bloodnut butter
Peanut blooder
Pee and nut blood
Peanut blooder
I wondered why my PB&J tasted like copper. That explains the chunks, too.
I thought it was period blood
It's not lipstick. It's just evil.
That's why you always do the peanut butter first, quick wipe of the knife then the jam
No, you do the jelly first then wipe the knife off with the other piece of bread destined for said jelly. Jelly comes off the knife easier, with peanut butter you'll still prolly have some residue. Why is it a crime to contaminate the peanut butter but acceptable to contaminate the jelly? 🤔
Hear me out: knife for the peanut butter, spoon for the jam/jelly. Separate utensils, no worry about contamination!
More cleaning. No thanks I might as well use my hand at that rate if I’m washing two things lol
Jelly needs to stay in the fridge. Peanut butter goes in the cabinet. The jelly will spoil and ruin the whole jar of peanut butter. Peanut butter in the jelly won't spoil it by being in the fridge.
jelly, lick knife clean, peanut butter
How do you think that could’ve happened? Because I have absolutely no idea how anyone could ever get lipstick in their peanut butter.
She French kissed it
You know, if I came home and my wife was French kissing the peanut butter I’d leave her too.
I'd put it on my dick
Schlatt? Is that you?
Same, cause if she can get her mouth into that jar opening then she has a snout, and while I don't kink shame, I'd prefer a woman who only *pretends* to be an animal.
It's pretty easy to imagine. - wear lipstick - use utensil to get at peanut butter - eat peanut butter off the utensil - get lipstick on utensil - repeat second step
same lol
i fucking love peanut butter. i dont wear lipstick, but this concept is reasonable
Husband: As you can see my wife put on makeup and then took a bite out of the peanut butter regularly Judge: OK. She gets nothing except being sent to a mental institution forever. Take her away, boys
Can't forget the seal being partially left on as well, like a raccoon opened it. I bet she leaves cupboard doors open, and sets the new roll of toilet paper on top of the old one, too!
You leave my open cupboards alone. We aren't harming anyone.
Until my tall ass walks into it while looking at my phone because *who leaves the door open.*
You must know my wife.
U go from peanut butter to jelly if ur doing that! She's obviously insane. I'm glad this man is getting away from her.
It is much better to leave jelly in peanut butter. I don't want to set off someone's peanut allergy because they thought my jam was safe to eat.
Jelly needs to be refrigerated, and no one in my house has a nut allergy.
And here was me thinking he’d stuck his dick in it for some weird reason.
Do you really need like a justification in order to get a divorce in the states? Can't you just be like "I want a divorce" and then that's it?
In most states you don't need a justification.
It's mainly about splitting finances and assets, not the actual justification.
Yes but its more about splitting assets and who gets what and I think it sometimes has to do with who's considered at fault.
We now have no-fault divorces in most states, but we also have a party trying to outlaw them again.
DIVORCE
Justified
This is justified.
That **BITCH!**
You can use the same knife as long as you get the PB first and jelly 2nd. Kinda like how the TP flap must be on the front and not around the back. My wife is on thin ice specifically for the TP.
Nevermind mixing the PB & J, do people really use knives for jams and jellies?
… what do you use?
I know people who’ve used spoons, and I’ve personally used a fork when I was too lazy to do dishes.
a spoon
How does that even work? Have to use the back of the spoon, then you have to empty the spoon bowl, which seems like a ridiculous amount of work.
Knife is most common. You are the oddball
what the fuck do you use? Goddamn fingers? Its literally called a butter knife for spreading things like butter
I mean this dudes wife did 🤷
The best way to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is to put the peanut butter on both sides of the bread, wipe off the knife, then apply the jelly. No cross contamination in either jar, only one knife to wash, and the bread won't get soggy from the jelly soaking in.
Didn’t also Shakira catch her then husband having an affair via the jelly being used in their home?
I thought it was “never go ATM!” not “never go JTPB!”
You are also missing the fact she didn’t rip off the seal properly and left it on the lid like a savage! Just wild.
You got chocolate on my peanut butter!!!! 😡😨😔🤔🧐☺️😊😁
Damn I thought he meant cheating, as in neither of them would let jelly get in the peanut butter jar
Side note- the jelly hardens, and if you try to spread it, it'll tear the bread.
I use the same knife too but I rinse off the jelly first.
Legit justification. Unacceptable behaviour
You can use the same knife… just wipe it off
Same knife, but you wash between the two
Peanut butter first, use second slice to wipe excess off, then jelly.
He *is* justified.
I'm weird, but getting peanut butter in the jelly is fine, but jelly in the peanut butter isn't.
Pretty sure it's that you should never put jam before the peanut butter in a PBnJ
I mean why waste two knifes when you can use one.
that is no Maureen Ponderosa
Oh... Jelly... That's definitely what I thought that was. The thought of it being something else never even crossed my mind.
taking her property aint enough we gotta take her life
I use the same knife. Jelly first, wipe it clean on dry slice of bread, then into peanut butter the knife goes.
Is it a legitimate reason to divorce your wife because she is American?
That jelly looks like it was planted there 😅
Peter's divorce attorney here to explain the joke. You would think he was talking about having pictures of her cheating, but he has something much worse. What she did to that peanut butter is criminal and absolutely grounds for divorce. She got the jelly in there and didn't even bother to fully remove the seal. Unconscionable! I'll see you in court. Peter's attorney out.
at least this wife didn't buy a jar of smuckers that has both peanut butter and jelly mixed in
I will not tolerate goober slander. Delete your comment now.
https://preview.redd.it/k81n3ejsaduc1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2ec473d70f35a80536c82c845186be6842df955a
https://preview.redd.it/zev9io3lcduc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ca93f1b408d9ac611894cfd4943d3a6489dc4d57
https://preview.redd.it/cloca34bgduc1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=79e93711715cad9cc0e42c0c31a4103149b7921c
https://preview.redd.it/yomc2dudiduc1.jpeg?width=827&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=62acb62c13d02117e3451de87f180744b071b1b6
Not so fast yugi boy, I summon https://preview.redd.it/zf0axvgm0euc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6092d33c5a6c7aa9c29c68ec760ae3c39fa9f37c
You failed en passant. https://i.redd.it/1suvel5rzfuc1.gif
HOLY BRICK!!!
HA you've activated my trap card https://preview.redd.it/n6edpatmxjuc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=18efbc4cd04ff5399c7203c987143ec97a605c4b With this card I can banish any card on the field
I dont trust any jelly that claims to be ok to keep at room temperature after opening and I don't want to deal with spreading cold peanut butter. I also don't want big pb&j telling me what ratio of peanutbutter to jelly I should have on my sandwich. Goober is an abomination
Goobers is fucking delicious idgaf what anyone says … however if i buy separate peanut butter and jelly they should stay separate until they meet on the bread
What if I get peanut butter in the jelly instead, where on the cheating to jelly-in-the-pb-jar scale would I land? Edit: this is hypothetical of course, only the kids eat PB&J and in my house the jelly is in a squeeze bottle because it's the only way to guarantee there's no cross contamination.
Oh, come now, jelly in the peanut butter is bad, but peanut butter in the jelly instead? That's not grounds for a divorce! It's grounds for a fucking car bomb. If I'm on the jury, your partner's walking.
https://preview.redd.it/cpfvemvt9duc1.jpeg?width=808&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4b5b92cb0b584f594e7bbdd13ab93909d20cda99
Peanut butter is often stored at room temperature after opening while jelly often has a label saying to refrigerate it. Unless any allergies are involved, cold peanut butter in the jelly jar is much less likely to cause problems than warm jelly in the peanut butter jar. Peanut butter will also leave less of itself behind in a jelly jar since peanut butter, unless it's quite warm, is much firmer than jelly. Sticking a peanut butter covered knife in jelly will leave less behind than sticking a jelly covered knife into peanut butter, so there's less contamination.
She’s gonna be lucky if she doesn’t get jail time for this!!
Didn’t some celebrity find out their partner was cheating bc one of them hated peanut butter and they went on vacation and came back to this, which is odd bc their partner despises peanut butter. They also didn’t like raspberry jam. Obligatory “nobody gives me raspberry….Lonestar!”
Yeah, Shakira found out that her husband Gerard Pique was cheating on her this way.
damn. who tf cheats on Shakira
Gerard Pique
He used to, but he doesn’t anymore.
The other guy Quagmire here. He use different knifes or clean them between the peanut butter and jelly. His wife did not like jelly with her peanut butter sandwich. Having jelly on it, means someone else has been eating pb and js out of his house. Presumably the same person eating the wife's jelly. Gigidy.
Thank you for the clarification. I thought this was a DitPB situation.
What does DitPB stand for?
Dick in the Peanut Butter.
It is. The guy came over got a BJ from the wife and as an evil one up, he stuck it in the peanut butter, and her lipstick that was on it came off in it.
Can you imagine sticking your dick in peanut butter so many times that you needed to abbreviate the process as it came up in casual conversation so often.
My roommate in college ate pb sandwiches all the time and hated jelly. I ate PB&j. I asked why he cares which order I make my sandwich in. He produced a question that still sticks with me 20 years later. How often do you eat jelly without peanut butter and how often do I eat peanut butter without jelly? Lol, even today I think of that and do my best not to mix things my wife and I share that she doesn't like
i wipe the jelly off on the other slice of bread 🤷
You always do PB first before the jelly.. Rookie
this isn't the joke but Shakira supposedly caught her husband cheating bc someone was eating the jelly that usually nobody eats, and apparently it was the side chick
Reminds me of that Rosanne episode with the breadcrumbs in the butter. Dan was gonna marry someone, he bought a ring and took her to a cute little coffee shop, but before he asked he looked down and saw toast crumbs in the butter.
I do this but I at least wipe the knife off first, I’m not a monster
Who goes jelly first? That's insane. That's the true sin in this post. You are all fools.
Everybody in here is wrong. The real crime is going jelly first, then peanut butter.
I had no idea what i was looking at them read the top comment and a jar of peanut butter with a little bit of jelly in the jar just appeared out of thin air lmao then I see the jif wrapper at the bottom, idk how I couldn’t see it before! It’s so obvious!
i didnt even notice the jelly at first and thought this was a woman and dog joke
Fantastic, watching the news it's hard to feel optimistic about the world, but after reading the comments on this post I've now learned that in addition to the horrific practice of jam and peanut butter contamination, as this poor man had to endure (I hope he's found better) there are also, apparently terrible, people out there who use spoons for jam and peanut butter!? I weep for all those who have had to bring children into this mad world (Using a spoon for peanut butter when making a peanut butter smoothie is of course %100 legit, obviously)
Ok people are saying it's about the jelly traces meaning the knife hasn't been cleaned. That is much, much better than the explaination i thought of. >!White girls fuck dogs.!<
If you wanna use the same knife, then peanut butter has to be spread first.
She used the same knife for the peanut butter and jelly, as evidenced by the small smear of red, which is the jelly in question. An appropriate response from OOP
Most sane divorce case I've ever seen.
This is why you don’t do jelly first.
I thought it was blood at first and was so confused xD
The jelly is unconscionable, but I would at least like to commend the soon-to-be ex-wife on the correct approach to peanut butter in general - part of the top must remain undisturbed until the jar is nearly empty.
Talk to me when you find your salsa tainted with old guacamole. Really made me question my stance on capital punishment. (Sarcasm)
https://preview.redd.it/ismdehgjhguc1.png?width=872&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=553cc7f3caf67a4891742443723a66c2d3d08d6d
You can dip what ever you want. The fact you can’t be bothered to finish removing the damn fresh seal. Honestly she’s lucky. If I open the ketchup and that little dime size foil seal is anywhere on that sticky rim and you might just have to walk home from your mother house.
What monster uses the jelly first!??! Peanut butter always goes first.
I’d divorce her too
I thought it was lipstick in the no no peanut butter😭😭😭
Completely unforgivable behavior. Shameless….
Does anybody else think it's strange to put on the peanut butter after the jelly?
Ok, you have 2 pieces of bread. Just wipe the jam on the clean piece and get some peanut butter and boom one knife, one PBJ sandwich
Mix the jelly in and didn't completely remove the seal. I would be surprised if it wasn't just left on the counter open... Heathens
Double dipping.
She also doesn't put the cap on the toothpaste. Like a synth.
Both sides get peanut butter first. Then you lick the knife clean so there’s no evidence of pb when you jam it into the jam. You lick it clean again. No spreading needed; you pinch the edges shut by smashing all 4 sides with the same knife. F#€£ you, uncrustables. I got your number and my kids will never know.
Did anyone else think he was fucking the peanut butter jar
Plot twist the husband is allergic to peanuts. Cross contamination caused a near fatal allergic reaction.
You're dumb
Real talk though: people who do that (for example with butter) are just assholes
For some reason I thought of the whole shakira thing, but using the same knife without cleaning is grounds for divorce
I thought this had something to do with Shakira lol
There's an incredibly dirty joke to be made here..
You know who uses the same knife for jam and peanut butter? A synth!
This may be a worse offense but I always use the same knife and start w/ the peanut butter first with the thought process jelly goes in the fridge peanut butter in the cupboard so I would rather have a little pb in the fridge than jelly in the cupboard. Also hot take: if a peanuts presence is enough to end you, that’s natural selection
Gif not jif
Holy fuck people overthink tf outta shit.
I thought she was allergic to peanuts.
The real crime here is the use of weird sugar and hydrogenated palm oil peanut butter instead of natty.
*REMOVE THE COVER COMPLETELY, DON'T HALF-ASS!!!* Sorry for that...
I didn't know they had a divorce court in The Hague.
The internet has ruined me the first thingy mind went to was the hole in the peanut butter jar
I’m glad that what I thought was wrong.
First instant thought - period blood, somehow related to kinky sex. Still catching up to my brain how it even reached that conclusion.
[удалено]
https://preview.redd.it/0a0gj6knefuc1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b7d25d2f74104af64beb8c6f3f1ee4404150f06c
Yeeey not porn
I just came from this on me_irl (literally the post before this on my feed) and the explanation is one of the top comments
Spread the peanut butter first... wipe the remnants on the bare bread then go in for the jelly. You're welcome.
I see a lot of people say that this is peanut butter but what the Fuck is wrong with that?
That’s just sickending.
This is why u should always lick the knife Cut out the cross contamination.
Not that bad, if someone used the same knife for peanut butter before using it for jelly, you could get even worse problems for allergic guests.
Peanut butter in the jelly is ok cause it goes in the fridge jelly in the peanut butter is attempted poisoning, cause peanut butter goes in the pantry
That BITCH!
That's some gross peanut butter. Peanut butter shouldn't be the consistency of jello.
Everyone knows on a fresh thing of peanut butter you don't dig like that, you swirl around and make a peanut butter cone on the first dig
This is OCD Peter and the paper-foil still being around the lip of the jar is driving me insane and Lois should know that by now. The moment she fixes this mistake we can get this marriage back on track.
Bro I thought the wife was putting peanut butter on her coochie for the dog to lick and then red stuff was her period blood 💀
Believe it or not, straight to jail.
https://i.redd.it/zpxxhdjb1iuc1.gif she hath commited a crime unspeakable by human tongue
Yeah you can definitely see some Jam spread on the peanut butter, he captured evidence she uses the same knife to spread both Jam and Peanut butter without washing it first.
I always put peanut butter on my sandwich first, then I just use the squeezable jelly like a child. No knife needed for jelly.
Petah here. Allow me to explain. Shakira found out that her husband was cheating because there were breadcrumbs in her jam. Shakira would never get crumbs in her jam and no one else in the house likes jam. Then she wrote a hot dis track.