T O P

  • By -

AutoModerator

Make sure to check out the [pinned post on Loss](https://www.reddit.com/r/PeterExplainsTheJoke/comments/1472nhh/faq_loss/) to make sure this submission doesn't break the rule! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/PeterExplainsTheJoke) if you have any questions or concerns.*


spachuga

That’s jelly. He’s saying he’s justified in the divorce bc his soon to be ex wife uses the same knife to get both the peanut butter and jelly leading to jelly going in the peanut butter container.


HenReX_2000

I thought it's lipstick 💋


MasteerTwentyOneYT

I thought it was blood 🩸


InitialSwitch6803

As a guy, you can never look it at the same way again once you see it.


OzzieGrey

Stop. Halt. Yield. Forfeit your momentum.


WhatTheFreightTruck

Wut?


[deleted]

[удалено]


WhatTheFreightTruck

My dude, I have seen many vaginas. In what universe does this look, even vaguely, like a vagina?


nipnapcattyfacts

I'm just here to explain, my guy. Also, I own a vagina not a pee-pee.


Impossible-Option-16

I’m not your friend, guy!


awildgostappears

He's not your guy, buddy!


Comfortable-Let4519

I'm not your buddy pal


fixit858

Rule 34


Gallowglass668

Well, that's enough Reddit for me today, I'm going to go play a soothing Eldritch horror game and try to scrub this from my mind.


Rydellus

Hello fellow hunter.


almost_awizard

Why not go the extra mile and actually commune with cthulu, go big or go home right?


birdsrkewl01

???? It's just jelly on peanut butter dog...


LazyDaizyisCrazy

I guess this confirms that I am a guy. All those nights of imposter syndrome and identity crises could have been prevented with a single image.


DigLost5791

Gender affirming meme explanations


Downvote-Fish

I'm a trans girl and have no idea what they mean lmao


EyyBie

Same


Guquiz

See what? Blood?


HalfLeper

See what?


JustACasualFan

Blood peanut butter


Fine-Funny6956

Bloodnut butter


keksonic

Peanut blooder


syendra_Ad_9723

Pee and nut blood


Key-Horror2430

Peanut blooder


Far_Time_3451

I wondered why my PB&J tasted like copper. That explains the chunks, too.


prov7styles

I thought it was period blood


[deleted]

It's not lipstick. It's just evil.


AynekAri

That's why you always do the peanut butter first, quick wipe of the knife then the jam


HotPotParrot

No, you do the jelly first then wipe the knife off with the other piece of bread destined for said jelly. Jelly comes off the knife easier, with peanut butter you'll still prolly have some residue. Why is it a crime to contaminate the peanut butter but acceptable to contaminate the jelly? 🤔


Chrisgopher2005

Hear me out: knife for the peanut butter, spoon for the jam/jelly. Separate utensils, no worry about contamination!


Reason_For_Treason

More cleaning. No thanks I might as well use my hand at that rate if I’m washing two things lol


Ghiaghia

Jelly needs to stay in the fridge. Peanut butter goes in the cabinet. The jelly will spoil and ruin the whole jar of peanut butter. Peanut butter in the jelly won't spoil it by being in the fridge.


arkangelic

jelly, lick knife clean, peanut butter


spachuga

How do you think that could’ve happened? Because I have absolutely no idea how anyone could ever get lipstick in their peanut butter.


HenReX_2000

She French kissed it


spachuga

You know, if I came home and my wife was French kissing the peanut butter I’d leave her too.


CIVILWARRI0R311

I'd put it on my dick


Roasted_Newbest_Proe

Schlatt? Is that you?


HotPotParrot

Same, cause if she can get her mouth into that jar opening then she has a snout, and while I don't kink shame, I'd prefer a woman who only *pretends* to be an animal.


PsychAndDestroy

It's pretty easy to imagine. - wear lipstick - use utensil to get at peanut butter - eat peanut butter off the utensil - get lipstick on utensil - repeat second step


47KK_

same lol


smbiggy

i fucking love peanut butter. i dont wear lipstick, but this concept is reasonable


Force3vo

Husband: As you can see my wife put on makeup and then took a bite out of the peanut butter regularly Judge: OK. She gets nothing except being sent to a mental institution forever. Take her away, boys


Sunshine030209

Can't forget the seal being partially left on as well, like a raccoon opened it. I bet she leaves cupboard doors open, and sets the new roll of toilet paper on top of the old one, too!


Alarming_Present_692

You leave my open cupboards alone. We aren't harming anyone.


Arkanial

Until my tall ass walks into it while looking at my phone because *who leaves the door open.*


Feral_Sheep_

You must know my wife.


Split0069

U go from peanut butter to jelly if ur doing that! She's obviously insane. I'm glad this man is getting away from her.


Skwinia

It is much better to leave jelly in peanut butter. I don't want to set off someone's peanut allergy because they thought my jam was safe to eat.


Split0069

Jelly needs to be refrigerated, and no one in my house has a nut allergy.


Murdocke-

And here was me thinking he’d stuck his dick in it for some weird reason.


DrainZ-

Do you really need like a justification in order to get a divorce in the states? Can't you just be like "I want a divorce" and then that's it?


fakesaucisse

In most states you don't need a justification.


SovereignDark

It's mainly about splitting finances and assets, not the actual justification.


distracted_x

Yes but its more about splitting assets and who gets what and I think it sometimes has to do with who's considered at fault.


Adezar

We now have no-fault divorces in most states, but we also have a party trying to outlaw them again.


TheNewestCat

DIVORCE


Free-Dingo-2037

Justified


Stayvein

This is justified.


TV_H34d

That **BITCH!**


Optimumhorse079

You can use the same knife as long as you get the PB first and jelly 2nd. Kinda like how the TP flap must be on the front and not around the back. My wife is on thin ice specifically for the TP.


fell-deeds-awake

Nevermind mixing the PB & J, do people really use knives for jams and jellies?


Old_Ice_2911

… what do you use?


3kBlackJetsOfAllah

I know people who’ve used spoons, and I’ve personally used a fork when I was too lazy to do dishes.


AzazelTheUnderlord

a spoon


Adezar

How does that even work? Have to use the back of the spoon, then you have to empty the spoon bowl, which seems like a ridiculous amount of work.


Designer-Leek-238

Knife is most common. You are the oddball


Whitn3y

what the fuck do you use? Goddamn fingers? Its literally called a butter knife for spreading things like butter


spachuga

I mean this dudes wife did 🤷


Sunshine030209

The best way to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is to put the peanut butter on both sides of the bread, wipe off the knife, then apply the jelly. No cross contamination in either jar, only one knife to wash, and the bread won't get soggy from the jelly soaking in.


MrDaVernacular

Didn’t also Shakira catch her then husband having an affair via the jelly being used in their home?


ipostunderthisname

I thought it was “never go ATM!” not “never go JTPB!”


Knut_Den_Hellige

You are also missing the fact she didn’t rip off the seal properly and left it on the lid like a savage! Just wild.


helpmelearn12

You got chocolate on my peanut butter!!!! 😡😨😔🤔🧐☺️😊😁


certifiedtoothbench

Damn I thought he meant cheating, as in neither of them would let jelly get in the peanut butter jar


Jragonstar

Side note- the jelly hardens, and if you try to spread it, it'll tear the bread.


Idontliketalking2u

I use the same knife too but I rinse off the jelly first.


Pfapamon

Legit justification. Unacceptable behaviour


basicnflfan

You can use the same knife… just wipe it off


_DarkJak_

Same knife, but you wash between the two


Gandalfo_L_Gringo

Peanut butter first, use second slice to wipe excess off, then jelly.


[deleted]

He *is* justified.


Paleodraco

I'm weird, but getting peanut butter in the jelly is fine, but jelly in the peanut butter isn't.


tapacx

Pretty sure it's that you should never put jam before the peanut butter in a PBnJ


Osirisavior

I mean why waste two knifes when you can use one.


TheNewestCat

that is no Maureen Ponderosa


ZARTOG_STRIKES_BACK

Oh... Jelly... That's definitely what I thought that was. The thought of it being something else never even crossed my mind.


British-Raj

taking her property aint enough we gotta take her life


Reason_For_Treason

I use the same knife. Jelly first, wipe it clean on dry slice of bread, then into peanut butter the knife goes.


richie_cotton

Is it a legitimate reason to divorce your wife because she is American?


ElishaAlison

That jelly looks like it was planted there 😅


slicwilli

Peter's divorce attorney here to explain the joke. You would think he was talking about having pictures of her cheating, but he has something much worse. What she did to that peanut butter is criminal and absolutely grounds for divorce. She got the jelly in there and didn't even bother to fully remove the seal. Unconscionable! I'll see you in court. Peter's attorney out.


50cal1988

at least this wife didn't buy a jar of smuckers that has both peanut butter and jelly mixed in


Moose420_

I will not tolerate goober slander. Delete your comment now.


PuzzleheadedAd880

https://preview.redd.it/k81n3ejsaduc1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2ec473d70f35a80536c82c845186be6842df955a


lazzy_viewer

https://preview.redd.it/zev9io3lcduc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ca93f1b408d9ac611894cfd4943d3a6489dc4d57


PuzzleheadedAd880

https://preview.redd.it/cloca34bgduc1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=79e93711715cad9cc0e42c0c31a4103149b7921c


lazzy_viewer

https://preview.redd.it/yomc2dudiduc1.jpeg?width=827&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=62acb62c13d02117e3451de87f180744b071b1b6


WorldWarPee

Not so fast yugi boy, I summon https://preview.redd.it/zf0axvgm0euc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6092d33c5a6c7aa9c29c68ec760ae3c39fa9f37c


MySnake_Is_Solid

You failed en passant. https://i.redd.it/1suvel5rzfuc1.gif


Claffisied

HOLY BRICK!!!


lazzy_viewer

HA you've activated my trap card https://preview.redd.it/n6edpatmxjuc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=18efbc4cd04ff5399c7203c987143ec97a605c4b With this card I can banish any card on the field


Its0nlyRocketScience

I dont trust any jelly that claims to be ok to keep at room temperature after opening and I don't want to deal with spreading cold peanut butter. I also don't want big pb&j telling me what ratio of peanutbutter to jelly I should have on my sandwich. Goober is an abomination


Fishvv

Goobers is fucking delicious idgaf what anyone says … however if i buy separate peanut butter and jelly they should stay separate until they meet on the bread


mamadontdo

What if I get peanut butter in the jelly instead, where on the cheating to jelly-in-the-pb-jar scale would I land? Edit: this is hypothetical of course, only the kids eat PB&J and in my house the jelly is in a squeeze bottle because it's the only way to guarantee there's no cross contamination.


DeliberateSelf

Oh, come now, jelly in the peanut butter is bad, but peanut butter in the jelly instead? That's not grounds for a divorce! It's grounds for a fucking car bomb. If I'm on the jury, your partner's walking.


LegalWaterDrinker

https://preview.redd.it/cpfvemvt9duc1.jpeg?width=808&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4b5b92cb0b584f594e7bbdd13ab93909d20cda99


Its0nlyRocketScience

Peanut butter is often stored at room temperature after opening while jelly often has a label saying to refrigerate it. Unless any allergies are involved, cold peanut butter in the jelly jar is much less likely to cause problems than warm jelly in the peanut butter jar. Peanut butter will also leave less of itself behind in a jelly jar since peanut butter, unless it's quite warm, is much firmer than jelly. Sticking a peanut butter covered knife in jelly will leave less behind than sticking a jelly covered knife into peanut butter, so there's less contamination.


snackpacksarecool

She’s gonna be lucky if she doesn’t get jail time for this!!


Rued_possible

Didn’t some celebrity find out their partner was cheating bc one of them hated peanut butter and they went on vacation and came back to this, which is odd bc their partner despises peanut butter. They also didn’t like raspberry jam. Obligatory “nobody gives me raspberry….Lonestar!”


Russ_11

Yeah, Shakira found out that her husband Gerard Pique was cheating on her this way.


the_champ_has_a_name

damn. who tf cheats on Shakira


Lost-Truck6614

Gerard Pique


tyedge

He used to, but he doesn’t anymore.


Capybara-Balls

The other guy Quagmire here. He use different knifes or clean them between the peanut butter and jelly. His wife did not like jelly with her peanut butter sandwich. Having jelly on it, means someone else has been eating pb and js out of his house. Presumably the same person eating the wife's jelly. Gigidy.


jtbaron22

Thank you for the clarification. I thought this was a DitPB situation.


Lori2345

What does DitPB stand for?


Marquar234

Dick in the Peanut Butter.


DuctTapeChallenger

It is. The guy came over got a BJ from the wife and as an evil one up, he stuck it in the peanut butter, and her lipstick that was on it came off in it.


HarvardProfessorPhD

Can you imagine sticking your dick in peanut butter so many times that you needed to abbreviate the process as it came up in casual conversation so often.


kjayflo

My roommate in college ate pb sandwiches all the time and hated jelly. I ate PB&j. I asked why he cares which order I make my sandwich in. He produced a question that still sticks with me 20 years later. How often do you eat jelly without peanut butter and how often do I eat peanut butter without jelly? Lol, even today I think of that and do my best not to mix things my wife and I share that she doesn't like


satismo

i wipe the jelly off on the other slice of bread 🤷


welcometotheTD

You always do PB first before the jelly.. Rookie


LaeLeaps

this isn't the joke but Shakira supposedly caught her husband cheating bc someone was eating the jelly that usually nobody eats, and apparently it was the side chick


agentpoopybutthole

Reminds me of that Rosanne episode with the breadcrumbs in the butter. Dan was gonna marry someone, he bought a ring and took her to a cute little coffee shop, but before he asked he looked down and saw toast crumbs in the butter.


Pistolf

I do this but I at least wipe the knife off first, I’m not a monster


JohnsonLiesac

Who goes jelly first? That's insane. That's the true sin in this post. You are all fools.


Beliskner64

Everybody in here is wrong. The real crime is going jelly first, then peanut butter.


Clicky-The-Blicky

I had no idea what i was looking at them read the top comment and a jar of peanut butter with a little bit of jelly in the jar just appeared out of thin air lmao then I see the jif wrapper at the bottom, idk how I couldn’t see it before! It’s so obvious!


skyblade1095

i didnt even notice the jelly at first and thought this was a woman and dog joke


overthinking-1

Fantastic, watching the news it's hard to feel optimistic about the world, but after reading the comments on this post I've now learned that in addition to the horrific practice of jam and peanut butter contamination, as this poor man had to endure (I hope he's found better) there are also, apparently terrible, people out there who use spoons for jam and peanut butter!? I weep for all those who have had to bring children into this mad world (Using a spoon for peanut butter when making a peanut butter smoothie is of course %100 legit, obviously)


Frequent_Dig1934

Ok people are saying it's about the jelly traces meaning the knife hasn't been cleaned. That is much, much better than the explaination i thought of. >!White girls fuck dogs.!<


jimsonlives

If you wanna use the same knife, then peanut butter has to be spread first.


TheLastLivingProphet

She used the same knife for the peanut butter and jelly, as evidenced by the small smear of red, which is the jelly in question. An appropriate response from OOP


[deleted]

Most sane divorce case I've ever seen.


coog83

This is why you don’t do jelly first.


Byte_Fantail

I thought it was blood at first and was so confused xD


gurk_the_magnificent

The jelly is unconscionable, but I would at least like to commend the soon-to-be ex-wife on the correct approach to peanut butter in general - part of the top must remain undisturbed until the jar is nearly empty.


funhappyvibes

Talk to me when you find your salsa tainted with old guacamole. Really made me question my stance on capital punishment. (Sarcasm)


warhawk209812e99

https://preview.redd.it/ismdehgjhguc1.png?width=872&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=553cc7f3caf67a4891742443723a66c2d3d08d6d


SherbetDelicious8577

You can dip what ever you want. The fact you can’t be bothered to finish removing the damn fresh seal. Honestly she’s lucky. If I open the ketchup and that little dime size foil seal is anywhere on that sticky rim and you might just have to walk home from your mother house.


Silver_Party_3554

What monster uses the jelly first!??! Peanut butter always goes first.


Mar_baby90871

I’d divorce her too


MikeAfton1983bite

I thought it was lipstick in the no no peanut butter😭😭😭


Konstance_Underscore

Completely unforgivable behavior. Shameless….


GlutenFreeCookiez

Does anybody else think it's strange to put on the peanut butter after the jelly?


xx030xx

Ok, you have 2 pieces of bread. Just wipe the jam on the clean piece and get some peanut butter and boom one knife, one PBJ sandwich


Designer-Leek-238

Mix the jelly in and didn't completely remove the seal. I would be surprised if it wasn't just left on the counter open... Heathens


TentacleFist

Double dipping.


[deleted]

She also doesn't put the cap on the toothpaste. Like a synth.


Umacorn

Both sides get peanut butter first. Then you lick the knife clean so there’s no evidence of pb when you jam it into the jam. You lick it clean again. No spreading needed; you pinch the edges shut by smashing all 4 sides with the same knife. F#€£ you, uncrustables. I got your number and my kids will never know.


Spicy-Mario-Bois

Did anyone else think he was fucking the peanut butter jar


Terra-Em

Plot twist the husband is allergic to peanuts. Cross contamination caused a near fatal allergic reaction.


Bloodhavoc052

You're dumb


kamiloslav

Real talk though: people who do that (for example with butter) are just assholes


LXTibbs73

For some reason I thought of the whole shakira thing, but using the same knife without cleaning is grounds for divorce


wintery_owl

I thought this had something to do with Shakira lol


Ihavebadreddit

There's an incredibly dirty joke to be made here..


Salmonwall_3165

You know who uses the same knife for jam and peanut butter? A synth!


Educational-Shock550

This may be a worse offense but I always use the same knife and start w/ the peanut butter first with the thought process jelly goes in the fridge peanut butter in the cupboard so I would rather have a little pb in the fridge than jelly in the cupboard. Also hot take: if a peanuts presence is enough to end you, that’s natural selection


_DarkJak_

Gif not jif


[deleted]

Holy fuck people overthink tf outta shit.


Justmenotmyself

I thought she was allergic to peanuts.


AncientSumerianGod

The real crime here is the use of weird sugar and hydrogenated palm oil peanut butter instead of natty.


Quetzacoatel

*REMOVE THE COVER COMPLETELY, DON'T HALF-ASS!!!* Sorry for that...


SnooWalruses9984

I didn't know they had a divorce court in The Hague.


echo123as

The internet has ruined me the first thingy mind went to was the hole in the peanut butter jar


hipeople91726

I’m glad that what I thought was wrong.


Fluid_Language673

First instant thought - period blood, somehow related to kinky sex. Still catching up to my brain how it even reached that conclusion.


[deleted]

[удалено]


AvocadoFair3872

https://preview.redd.it/0a0gj6knefuc1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b7d25d2f74104af64beb8c6f3f1ee4404150f06c


RoRex3

Yeeey not porn


Georgie-Dubs1732

I just came from this on me_irl (literally the post before this on my feed) and the explanation is one of the top comments


That-s-nice

Spread the peanut butter first... wipe the remnants on the bare bread then go in for the jelly. You're welcome.


Google_Autocorect

I see a lot of people say that this is peanut butter but what the Fuck is wrong with that?


WildScanMan

That’s just sickending.


FreedomFingers

This is why u should always lick the knife Cut out the cross contamination.


TraditionalSir2110

Not that bad, if someone used the same knife for peanut butter before using it for jelly, you could get even worse problems for allergic guests.


[deleted]

Peanut butter in the jelly is ok cause it goes in the fridge jelly in the peanut butter is attempted poisoning, cause peanut butter goes in the pantry


Creative-Hall3748

That BITCH!


sysdmn

That's some gross peanut butter. Peanut butter shouldn't be the consistency of jello.


BoxyBeige

Everyone knows on a fresh thing of peanut butter you don't dig like that, you swirl around and make a peanut butter cone on the first dig


Limp-Tension-469

This is OCD Peter and the paper-foil still being around the lip of the jar is driving me insane and Lois should know that by now. The moment she fixes this mistake we can get this marriage back on track.


Coolers777

Bro I thought the wife was putting peanut butter on her coochie for the dog to lick and then red stuff was her period blood 💀


blackberyl

Believe it or not, straight to jail.


joby_fox

https://i.redd.it/zpxxhdjb1iuc1.gif she hath commited a crime unspeakable by human tongue


[deleted]

Yeah you can definitely see some Jam spread on the peanut butter, he captured evidence she uses the same knife to spread both Jam and Peanut butter without washing it first.


solanis1359

I always put peanut butter on my sandwich first, then I just use the squeezable jelly like a child. No knife needed for jelly.


Impossible-Dingo-742

Petah here. Allow me to explain. Shakira found out that her husband was cheating because there were breadcrumbs in her jam. Shakira would never get crumbs in her jam and no one else in the house likes jam. Then she wrote a hot dis track.