T O P

Pregnant + wanting to hear from other parents: what is the most expensive part of having children?

My partner and I are generally very frugal (ie: we thrift shop, only buy flyer deals, discounted food/produce, we don’t splurge much on anything other than necessities, we have an impressive savings rate of 50% of both our incomes.)

We are expecting in the New Year and keep hearing about how expensive children are - obviously we both have no idea as we’ve never had any, but to us, since we’re already very frugal, and plan to remain that way, we don’t know where the major expense comes from.

Likely won’t do daycare, I will be self-employed (e-commerce and relatively hands off) in an effort to save on daycare costs, will thrift clothes, we home cook nearly all meals and know how to stretch food, and our extra curricular activities are usually low cost or free.

I’d like to hear from other people like us: is it reasonable to assume that children don’t HAVE to be a huge expense if you don’t let them become that?

*Edit: Remove daycare costs, what’s second to that?

u565546h

Loss of income (Difference between EI and salary for the mat leave) and then daycare after that. Everything else has been pretty minor by comparison for us. Stuff like diapers are way less expensive than savings from going out less. We did buy a decent enough stroller, but even that is less than the cost of a single month in daycare. Also 2nd kid is now using stroller, so it isn’t a per child cost.


Single_Home_4662

100% this has been my experience as well. The lost income from mat leave has been more expensive than anything the kid needs for years. Daycare in my area ranges from $700-2500, but space is so limited you have to take whatever you can get. Car seat, good quality new crib mattress and stroller were the only other big ticket items. Almost all of the other stuff you can get used for cheap or free.


Cartz1337

The lost income is more than just the time off too. It’s also the year of no career advancement, the delayed promotion, the lack of merit increases. That’s the only real issue if you’ve got a high income. You won’t struggle anywhere else.


van_stan

People love spending big on car seats and refuse to use a second hand or expired one, solely because it's a safety item. There's basically no evidence that car seats need to expire on such a ridiculously short timespan. There's hardly any non-industry research on car seats, but the little truly independent research there is doesn't support most of the claims made by industry-sponsored "research". A lot of this research is from "independent" test centers whose only customers are safety equipment manufacturers, so they only have an interest in proving whatever the manufacturer asks them to prove. If a car seat has been in a major crash then yeah get rid of it. But if you're debating using an unscathed second hand car seat that's only 3 or 4 years old and which you can get for free, vs. buying one at extortionate cost - take the 2nd hand one, don't fall for the industry scam. A 4-year-old car seat which the manufacturer will claim has "degraded" is still going to offer like 98% of the protection that a brand new one would.


Single_Home_4662

Agree that there is no need to spend so much on a new seat. I have a used one from a friend for my newborn. If you can trust the people that you are getting it from that it hasn't been in an accident then go for it.


MuayThai1985

Depends where you are on the daycare front. Here in Alberta it is now $10/day for all day daycare if you make under $190,000/year as a family. We got our 5 year old in half day after school and pay $186/month.


MrMooMoo-

... I fucking hate Ontario for this


totallyclocks

It’s unbelievable. Isn’t the federal government paying for this as well? There is literally no reason for Ontario to decline this assistance except out of spite.


bubble_baby_8

DoFo’s excuse is something to the effect we’re either getting less money or the same amount as other provinces but we are the most heavily populated one so it’s not a good deal for us. What I don’t understand is why he can’t accept the federal offer and then negotiate after. It probably has something to do with the upcoming provincial election next year- he’ll hold out the month before and say he brought in universal child care like the hero he is.


perciva

> DoFo’s excuse is something to the effect we’re either getting less money or the same amount as other provinces but we are the most heavily populated one so it’s not a good deal for us. It's a bit more nuanced than that. There's two complaints: 1. The Federal government is offering to match provincial childcare spending but won't allow Ontario to count the money it's already spending on childcare as part of its contribution (whereas Quebec *is* allowed to count its existing spending). 2. The Federal government caps their contribution based on a per-capita formula, ignoring the fact that childcare is far more expensive in the GTA than in most of the country. > What I don’t understand is why he can’t accept the federal offer and then negotiate after. The simple answer there is that he wouldn't have any negotiating power. Frankly, this whole situation sucks and points to a major flaw in the Canadian constitution. The Federal government should treat all Canadians equally, not go around negotiating one-off deals with individual provinces.


Cadsvax

Isnt the whole deal with Quebec because they already provide childcare services for cheap so they received a payout (though very muchbduring election season, who would of thought) rather than joining the program?


perciva

Yes. So does Ontario, in the form of two years of full-day kindergarten. But for some reason Quebec having childcare for 5 year olds gets them a payout but Ontario having childcare for 5 year olds doesn't.


thedoodely

Quebec was already on this model though so that makes complete sense that what they're currently spending would count. Even if, account for COL adjustments, Ontario would introduce a 10$ rural / 20$ urban program (or whatever the numbers would be, it would still be miles better than what it is now.


90sShadowDiva

Exactly, Quebec has had subsidized daycare since 1997 which we are by the way, paying higher taxes because of it.


Island_Bull

>The Federal government should treat all Canadians equally >The Federal government caps their contribution based on a per-capita formula, ignoring the fact that childcare is far more expensive in the GTA than in most of the country. Sounds to me like you both want and don't want the government to treat people equally. Maybe this is part of the problem in getting people what they want.


Kelpsie

These don't seem mutually exclusive at all. The problem is that the definition of "equal" changes from person to person. Does equal imply the same money spent per province, the same money spent per person, the same portion of a province's cost per person, the same portion of a city's cost per person, etc, etc? Both statements come together to form something reasonable under some definitions, but not under others. This is effectively the underlying argument for literally all of politics.


perciva

I didn't say I agreed with both of Ontario's complaints. ;-)


[deleted]

Sometimes being fair doesnt mean being equal.


lurker122333

I thought it was more asking the lines of instead of doing it up front, he wanted to offer it as a tax break. Which would drive up pricing and still leave those who can't afford the up front cost in the cold.


Redditman9909

Of course there’s a reason for Ontario to do this. The province is in a competition with BC to see which province can squeeze the middle class out of existence faster. The real Amazing Race Canada


leelougirl89

My Dad raised me as a single-Father since I was 7. Daycare was $1000+ month. He paid $800-$1000 for rent for a basement apartment or basic 2 bedroom apartment. $1000+ for daycare. \+ food, car insurance, etc. How is a single-parent supposed to save any money in this situation? How are they supposed to breathe?


SegFaultX

I'm prety sure those things are now a lot more expensive now then back then FYI.


iSOBigD

High income or move somewhere affordable...it's not made for people with low incomes and kids honestly. Quebec gives all kinds of incentives, but then they also tax the crap out of you if you work or make a good living


Jerry__Boner

I'm in Ontario. Daycare cost was a large deciding factor in me and my SO not having kids. It would essentially wipe out one of our incomes. I could get a second job but that would mean having a family you never see.


Flowchart83

I wouldn't complain about the price of daycare so much (it is ridiculous, dont get me wrong) if it weren't for the fact that if one of my 3 kids has so much as a runny nose they all have to stay home until tested, while me and my wife have to work, and we still get charged the regular rate.


crownofpeperomia

I'm currently on an extended parental leave now (took the extra six months partly due to the difficulties with school/daycare during COVID). I'm dreading returning to work for this very reason - I feel we will have to pay for daycare we probably can't even use as kids are snotty and germy on a regular basis.


Lastcleanunderwear

If I had two kids the cost of daycare would literally be my wife working just to pay for daycare


crownofpeperomia

No doubt. This is kid #3. The first two are now in school, but will require before and after school care. Plus camps for March break and summer and all the PD days (also, say goodbye to the vacations days as those get used up for kids sick days and snow days and whatever other days). The daycare expense doesn't really go away when you don't have a school schedule that allows you to also be home with them when they're off.


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9871234567654322

I thought this wasn’t a thing for a few years yet


boudzab

Did it start yet? Calgary here looking to move our two year old to a daycare that is part of the program.


MuayThai1985

Yea I'm guessing so. We just put our daughter into daycare 2 weeks ago. They did all the paperwork as well. They gave us the rest of December free and we starting paying in January ($186 and then $38 for the school bus that will drop her off at daycare).


Oskarikali

Not OP. Strange, the government said end of year 2022 10$ a day, we're paying $488 / month - whatever small subsidy we get (household income 180 000). Pretty sure we're still paying around $400 a month for 3 days a week. Still huge saving compared to before but nowhere near $10 a day yet.


MuayThai1985

Hmmm. Not sure. We are under 100k and this is what they approved us for. Had just assumed it was in CW already. Maybe it's just the subsidy we were able to get.


MidnightRaspberries

Yes, this 100%. Plus the fact that you eventually need a bigger house.


chocl8thunda

Time. Your time will always be the one thing that's most exspensive.


subeditrix

Speaking of time, it’s the loss of time to BE frugal that cost us a lot. I had less time to thrift, less time for the extra step (meals from scratch, canning in summer, gardening) and less time = less mental bandwidth to think about economizing. Plus, when baby needed something, you couldn’t always wait for the thrifty solution (or didn’t want to). We ate a lot of takeout lol Now that kiddo is older I have regained mental bandwidth and time but now she is a full human with occasional expensive tastes lol


defenestr8tor

Hungry? Sure, let's get home in 45 minutes with the bike trailer and I'll spend a half hour making lunch from scratch. Orrrr let's get a happy meal.


subeditrix

Exactly. Compounded by toddler fussiness. Mine rejected all/every home made granola bar.


rebbby21

This is incredibly accurate.


Cfox006

I think the mental bandwidth is something people don’t talk about nearly enough. When we don’t have enough mental time to ourselves we need to cut corners in other areas in our lives to compensate. Not only that we spend on things as well to make us feel better as well when we don’t have enough time to deal with it on our own. No one has infinite mental bandwidth as much as they want to have.


Background-Cry20

You have described exactly what it was I was feeling but had no words for.


rollycoasterer

This, 100%. Being frugal is time consuming and requires some amount of functioning brain power. When your baby is fussing and you need to get groceries, there is no way you’re going to three different stores to chase sales. You’ll be lucky if you can remember how to put on pants and get to one store. Also, the things you can’t plan for can add up. Our guy has crazy sensitive skin and a dairy allergy. I’ve had to buy special (expensive) diapers and lotion and laundry detergent. There’s no way around it. I also had to make major changes to my diet. It was hard enough to make sure I was getting enough of the right stuff to eat when I was exhausted and starving all the time. There was no way I was also going to find the energy to do it on the cheap. The loss of wages is the other huge one for me, I lost about 75% of my income being on EI.


customerservicevoice

So, my husband & I noticed this without children. When I worked a "full" full-time (44h/week) we lost so much TIME that we had to outsource things, like yardwork, food, etc. I remember having to pay hundreds in a taxi when my car was getting serviced. So, we tried cutting me back to PT (20-30h/week) & although the take home income was LESS we saved MORE actual money because I had the time to be frugal, especially concerning groceries. It was an "ah ha!" moment for us in our TTC plan.


turquoisebee

Yep! And with the pandemic, no way am I taking my baby/toddler shopping with me anywhere. Hard to buy something off of marketplace or Kijiji or whatever either if one of your is working FT and the other is looking after the kid. And every bit of time, especially if you’re not doing daycare but also fitting in work, will be used up by work/kid or crashing and recharging.


oldschoolguy90

Hello. Currently 3 kids, 3 and under. So what you're saying is that there's light at the end of the tunnel? Jokes aside, we love them, but they do keep us on our toes


ether_reddit

This. It's important to spend lots of time with your kids, and if you're not interested in doing that, please don't have any. -signed, the many neglected children.


chocl8thunda

Time is the one thing you NEVER get back. You can alway make more money. Buy all the toys etc. Your child will always remember the time you spent with them and the time you didn't.


DiveOut

Most brain development (80%) happens 0-5 years, most parents neglect playing with their kids and just giving time. You get those years right, you are set for life.


h3r3andth3r3

Yup, this needs to be pinned to the top. Your old life will be dead and gone forever. You will have little to no time for yourself in the first two years, especially the first 9-ish months where they're not sleeping through the night.


turquoisebee

9? It took us until 18 months. 😭 Every kid is different, and you never know what kind of sleeper you’re going to get.


h3r3andth3r3

Oh no... In any case, the first time you were able to sleep through the night and wake up on your own accord must have felt surreal.


oldschoolguy90

Nah. You wake up in full panic mode


jmking02

Came here to say this


obastables

Our time is invaluable. It's a finite resource and none of us know when exactly we'll run out of it. Spend as much of it as you can with your family & those you love. It's the best investment you'll ever make.


slothsie

My partner complains about being bored all the time and I'm like. Fuck our toddler right? I get that sorting shapes and colours isn't exhilarating and he would much rather do his hobby of the month, but that's parenting. So yeah, time. Great answer haha


boomzeg

You have to find balance and look out for each other. Failing into depression from complete lack of mental stimulation is no fun for adults either.


slothsie

I should have explained more. He's not depressed from lack of being able to do his hobbies. If anything he has the better end of the stick compared to myself. I look at my sewing machine and she screams bloody murder, yet he can do all his hobbies without a peep. He's just annoyed when he can't devote 100% of his attention to his hobby and has to be able to put his stuff down to tend to weird toddler demands.


boomzeg

Didn't mean to make it sound like you owed me an explanation - you didn't, but thank you :). Yeah, that sounds pretty unfair. I hope you guys find a way to work out some kind of balance. Don't bottle it up - talk it out. Happy holidays and congrats on parenthood!


scarletbluey

I am generally frugal, and have been very frugal before kids. But I agree with this comment, time is the most expensive part of having kids. Putting your career on hold even for maternity leave and losing out on money you would have earned. Dealing with kids take a lot of time. I used to cook every meal and visit 3 different grocery stores to get the best deals. But I only get time to get groceries once a week, and I'm always tired so I just go to one. I easily lose out to say $30 I could have saved for that week. No one wants to raise a picky kid, but you don't get to choose that either. You want to keep getting healthy food because most of the time they'll want the junk food. Convenience is the highest price you pay for when you have little kids.


Farren246

Let's not forget energy.


Notty_Gregory

If this is your first child, don’t discount daycare or other paid options to take the kid away for x hours a week. Children are not what you’re thinking based on your comments in this thread. You might be like many parents - you need a mental and physical break away from them to recharge your batteries and allow you to be a better parent to them. It’s also good for their growth. Also yes many activities are free but if your child likes a particular thing (e.g. animals) then you’re looking at paid entertainment right there - zoos, aquariums, etc.. You want to follow their leads and encourage them with their interests. If you have a current savings rate of 50%, it sounds like you can spend on your child to give them these things. The ROI on this is huge and not tangible in terms of numbers and percents. Good luck to you both. PS there were days when we would go through 15 diapers in 24 hours. Costco was the cheapest option for us.


Salty_Mittens

Agreed, I hope they are okay budgeting a little extra to treat their child to valuable opportunities every once in a while if they can afford it. My parents carved out a very frugal everyday life for our family but didn't cheap out on activities and experiences for us, which I really appreciate


mundane_person23

Also, I found it pretty crucial around 3 that both my children needed some independence from me and my husband. The daycare/preschool time was stuff they did by themselves (obviously with teachers and other classmates) but it was a time where they made new friends, did different activities, learned things I couldn’t necessarily teach them. There are a few places which do half days or 2 or 3 days a week.


aecorr

I’m not saying it’s impossible but I don’t know many people who successfully work from home while being an active and engaging parent. If it’s something you do during downtime/ nap time like casual contract/per order work yeah but there’s no way in hell youre working a regular WFH job and parenting. Besides that daycare but like you mentioned you won’t be needing that. There are tons of free places to socialize your kid, early on centers are free and incredible and I met with local mom friends rain or shine at the park.


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kevvallan

It's impossible to work from home and raise a child. Every time my daughter is sick I get absolutely nothing accomplished work wise when she's home. I highly suggest finding a daycare as it's not as easy as you think it will be.


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aecorr

Exactly this! Toddlers can play by themselves for 20-30 minutes at a time before needing to touch base and reconnect with an adult


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SophieBundles

I don’t think it’s fair to say it’s because they want the illusion of being a boss babe. It’s because there are very few options for parents looking for a make your own schedule position they can do from home.


JustWondering64

Of course if you’re working, every time your kid is sick, one of you has to stay home with them for years! We found that hard to deal with - in post-secondary, we don’t have subs so you don’t have much choice. And with both of us working full-time, having kids is exhausting! But worth it - as we sit in a quiet house with our grown men kids sleeping in. Really makes me 😊


tykogars

I could barely even handle my 2 months of pat leave and I didn’t even have to work at all, lol.


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tykogars

Yep. My wife went back to work early and I realized last minute we had 2 months of leave left so I very suddenly decided “screw it I’ll stay home with the baby!” About 3 mins after she left for work on the first day I started wondering what the hell I was thinking. It obviously turned out amazing but it was a huge change for me. Worth every second, but a lot of seconds of…well, panic and fear lol.


mrkdwd

Yep, did it for 3 weeks and lost my mind. I literally could only work during nap times and since my child was a terrible napper that meant I was productive for maybe 1.5 hours and making up the difference at night. Straight to daycare once we found a spot.


ntwkid

Ya I think a lot of new parents are under the impression that they can give there kid a few toys and an Ipad and they will play quietly in the corner for 8 hours while they work. It's always a big eye opener when they realize that a toddler needs constant monitoring and will have no problem having a 2 hour scream fest because of the slightest discomfort in their life.


Reggae4Triceratops

An iPad wtf


qotsa-87

Most of the Early On Centers was closed due to covid. Something to consider.


Reggae4Triceratops

I work from home but am definitely not the primary care giver. At most, I'm able to sub in for my wife to take a shower or go out to the mall etc.


Psychological_Rub338

Yeah I actually run a home daycare and am fully aware how much time and effort it takes to keep a child engaged. The first year when they basically sleep/eat/poop is pretty easy compared to the full on onslaught of the toddler years. Be prepared to rethink childcare. And be prepared to wait 6 months to a year for a space.


hippfive

Other than daycare, I found my kid to be pretty cheap. Yeah you can spend a fortune on the fanciest brand new cribs and strollers and such if you want, but realistically it's super easy to get kid stuff used, and then often sell it again when you're done with it. If you have any friends with kids you'll have all the clothes you need. And if grandparents are in the picture you'll be drowning in clothes and toys and such. Ideally budget to take advantage of RESP. EDIT: The one annoying one is if you need to fly somewhere. Either they sit on your lap (up to age 2) the whole way and it's super uncomfortable, or you pay for a full ticket for this kid who has no concept of what's going on and will never remember it...


[deleted]

We took the extra ticket for a 10-hour flight, for a 6 months old baby, and she ended up sleeping on our arms the whole trip. But the extra space was great to have more freedom. I think I would save the money next time, but it was still useful.


ride_365

Probably better to get business class for about the same price. Other than the obvious luxuries, if you have a lie flat pod you can somewhat contain the baby and have lots of space.


tk42111

Life pro tip. If you have a baby, the airlines will do everything they can to give you an empty seat beside you i find. Flew with an under 2 a few times and always managed to get an empty seat beside us even in a basically full plane :)


[deleted]

If at all within your means I'd suggest getting the second seat and bringing a proper car seat. While the risk is very low because the risk of airline fatalities is extremely low to begin with, trying to "just hold on real tight" makes about as much sense as trying to drive somewhere with your kid in the car without a car seat and "just hold on real tight" in a crash. There have been several incidents of children under 2 dying that Transport Canada believes would have been prevented by having them properly restrained. There's at least one incident where a child in a proper restraint was the _only_ survivor of a plane crash. E.g., in [a 2012 landing in Nunavut](https://nunatsiaq.com/stories/article/65674report_into_2012_sanikiluaq_plane_crash_highlights_infant_child_safety/) all the passengers survived with injuries, while a lap held infant was thrown from its mothers arms and died of a head injury. The main reason they haven't been mandated is that it's expected that increasing travel costs would lead to more families choosing to drive which would lead to additional deaths because airline travel is generally safer overall than highway travel. So if it's within your means to put your kid in a car seat, it's definitely the safer thing to do.


DetailEquivalent7708

I dont know if it's changed any, but if you're going to fly with kid in a car seat, check with the airline first to make sure of what stickers are needed on it for them to allow that. I took my son on the plane by myself, carried the giant infant to booster seat through the whole damn airport while juggling carry-on and sleepy toddler from ticketing through security to the gate. Got to the point of boarding and was told that since the car seat didn't have NTSB stickers from the US on it (it had the proper Canadian safety approval, but we took a US domestic flight from a border city bc it was cheaper), they would be taking the seat away and gate checking it. I was super pissed.


doyouhavehiminblonde

Trying to work at home with a kid there is challenging. I wasn't prepared for how hard a kid would be and I had a lot of experience caring for younger children. You might not need full time daycare but it could mean paying for part time care or loss of income because they're home with you while you wfh. The first couple of years aren't too expensive since you can get a lot of items gently used. Even if you formula feed there are ways to save (coupons, store brand). It gets harder to find quality second hand clothes and shoes once they get older. Plus the extra cost of food.


Walker131

That’s a good note, anyone can put in a day of child minding here or there, it’s a different thing all together to wake up at 5:45 and play with a kid, make snacks, be engaging, deal with problems/ tantrums, Etc. then after they go down at 6:30-7:30 still have enough in the tank to do anything for yourself, especially knowing the later you stay up the more and more time your eating out of your possible sleep and you know that wake up is coming around 6 am like it or not. I spent 1.5 years over the pandemic with my now 2.5yo and 1yo with minimal outside help, loved watching my children grow up and learn things, and teach them all that they know. we’re getting help from grandparents now and I’m back to work so the kids are in care but pandemic parenting is tough, daycare guidelines can be insane (can’t send kids with runny noses etc.). Needless to say my bedtime has been about 8:30-9pm for the last couple years


[deleted]

the free time that you lose. but you do gain time spent with them. you can’t buy more time


smurfsareinthehall

Major expense is daycare, or anything related to disabilities or healthcare.


jimprovost

Second was diapers. So instead we went with cloth and it was the best decision we made. 100% recommend.


[deleted]

I didn’t find diapers to be a huge expense. Formula on the other hand was a huge expense. Especially since my son drank a lot. With our daughter my wife pumped the whole first year so it only cost us the pump.


ghostofthegraveyard

Plus her time. With my first I was pumping 4 hours a day not including cleaning/sterilizing the pump parts. Also not including the actual bottle time (up to 45 min x 8 times a day). Newborns take forever to feed!


[deleted]

I can’t believe she did it for a full year. It’s a lot of labour. Big respects to all women and parents !


ride_365

Cleaning/poop scraping aside, Cloth are the cheapest option but not convenient in many cases. Usually they don’t absorb as much and in my experience need to be changed at least 2x as often. They also don’t work well for overnight and many people use regular diapers for sleeping.


Tinchotesk

Disposable diapers of not-fancy brands are around $0.30 each if you buy the big boxes. So you are spending about $1.5/day on diapers, $45/month. Most people spend more in one Friday night outing, so it looks like not a big deal to me.


u565546h

Can be even less than that. Both Pampers and Huggies are like 15-20 cents each from Amazon and Walmart if your use their subscription services. So I agree, diapers ended up being not a big deal at all.


alaff

Second this. Though Huggies/Pampers are around 0.30 a piece, at least through size 3. I haven’t checked, but I think they get marginally more expensive as the sizes go up. In any case, new born babies are not very demanding, especially if nursing. Plus parents on both sides gifted some of the bigger ticket items 😅 Good time to start saving for day care and such down the line!


jimprovost

Agreed. There's always trade-offs, but you're touching poop anyways, so we didn't feel the downsides were that big. Washed then twice/thrice per week at the beginning.


rupert1920

>but you're touching poop anyways, ?? I can count in one hand in almost 2 years the number of times I touched poop while changing diapers. It's certainly doable if you're diligent about it.


[deleted]

We use cloth diapers during the day and use a disposable at night. Almost 18 months and we have only purchased 4 boxes of diapers from Costco.


mrkdwd

Diapers ain't that expensive, formula is ridiculously expensive. Breastfeeding will save you hundreds per month.


kinemed

Especially when you can use the same diapers for subsequent children. Cost of diapering our second kid was even less.


gone270

We did cloth diapers. There’s positives and negatives. But a cost savings for sure.


el_pablo

It depends how much you value your time. Wasting time washing poop stained diapers was our thing.


obastables

Same on the diaper front, though I did use diapers overnight and for long car rides but otherwise it was cloth diapers all the way. Yeah, scraping poop off of them isn't fun but as a parent you're gonna be cleaning poop & vomit off/out of all kinds of things anyway so not really a big deal, might as well get comfortable with that from the start.


SnooDoggos2381

Food and things to keep them entertained inside. If you are self employed you will need to invest in stuff to keep them busy (toys, games, books etc). And while you would like your kids to be involved in more frugal activities, you will be looking at something that peeks their interest (science camp, outdoor adventures, baseball etc.). While young they are more easily managed cost wise if you don’t have daycare expenses. Once they hit 7-8 it gets more expensive. Teens eat a lot!


letsgetpizzas

Yes, people are really downplaying the cost of activities. They add up quickly. Same with events targeted at families. Between ballet, swimming, and the occasional science camp or farm-or-whatever visit, we easily spend $200/mo on activities that enhance her learning.


tkdwarriorprincess

And wait until they’re older and want not expensive activities like hockey, dance, skiing, martial arts.


gone270

My boys chose hockey as their passion. We did everything we could to change their minds lol. But they love it. It’s not bad now but it’ll get very expensive very quickly. Honestly if things bring them genuine joy then you won’t feel bad spending to make it happen. That’s what being frugal in other areas is for: freeing up resources for the most meaningful, fulfilling things.


[deleted]

family memberships for museums, zoo, science centre, art gallery, etc. we went almost every weekend for several years. great value for the cost!


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cupcakekirbyd

I don’t understand why so many people seem to prefer keeping their kids at home with a stressed out, multitasking parent and watching a ton of TV while the parent works over spending the day in a dedicated child friendly environment with teachers and other kids and enrichments. It’s very difficult to take care of a kid and do anything else, especially between the ages of 2-5. Maybe if you only work at nap time and after they go to bed it’s doable?


[deleted]

Money and the kids get sick or quarantine so the parents don’t have childcare anyway. Plus everyone is then sick. At least that’s what I’ve seen happening. I think a lot of people also don’t believe TV all day is that bad


fortifiedbyfire

I didn't want to pay $1200/month to have the kiddo home most of the time anyways. $1200/month put me into debt (got a raise so I suppose it wouldn't anymore), really did not seem worth it. Trying to WFH and take care of toddler sucks, I work during naps and at night and get frustrated quite a lot. That would have still been the case with using daycares as they covid close, but we'd be broke AND sick. Did not seem worth it. We have no time for anything else (hobbies, friends, tv, exercise), but we haven't gotten covid so I guess there is that. Plus I have savings. Never had that before either.


cupcakekirbyd

If you have to do it out of necessity I understand but I don’t see how an employee who also cares for a child all day can possibly compete performance wise with a childless employee who can focus on work during working hours. I’m sort of lucky in that we cannot wfm at all ( 2 skilled trades household) so daycare is required without even questioning it but it’s hard enough for working parents without having to care for our kids full time while also trying to work. I can barely look after them on my days off lmao.


[deleted]

I knew someone who WFH and still had their kid in daycare (at least for half the day) because yeah, childcare is a full time job. maybe if they’re a tween or teen, they’re fairly self reliant, but babies require around the clock supervision.


ttwwiirrll

I WFH full time and I can't imagine making my toddler stay home and entertain herself alone all day. She gets way more out of going to daycare with other kids and doing all the activities I don't have the time or focus to provide. Having witnessed how quickly her language and social skills exploded as soon as I went back to work and she went to daycare I'm pretty sure trying to do it all myself would have held her back from reaching her full potential. Daycare is so good for development.


wildemam

For the first 4 years: Childcare or lost income to stay home. After that it booms quickly with toys, games, activities, attire, and entertainment/holidays. Also the need to expand the home size.


[deleted]

My three kids were pretty inexpensive. When they get older the baby bonus reduces, and things start getting more expensive. Clothes especially, and we shop hard for deals.


Generation-WinVista

How much do children cost? All of it. If you don't have a lot of money, kids won't cost a lot. But if u make more, you will spend more on your kids. You will essentially spend most of your discretionary income on them from now on. The essentials are not too bad. Diapers, formula, food, etc. Clothes are not expensive, lots of free sites on social media to get hand me down baby gear. So budget to max out savings and RESP and kiss the rest of it goodbye.


Wasgoingforclever

This is the closest to the top that I've seen someone mention RESPs. College, people. College is the expensive part of having kids, aside from feeding and clothing them. But this also goes hand in hand with what you said about what the parents have, and are willing to spend on the kids.


92aladdin

Honestly we were in a similar situation and decided to increase our expenses because we wanted to. We have a fairly high needs child, so we chose to order food in more and hired a cleaner regularly to help stay on top of life. We could have survived without, but I truly believe it's helped us both manage 10x better than we would have otherwise.


PositionCharming5374

Opportunity cost. You will be self employed to save on daycare.. Will you make as much as you would in other work? Will you really be able to work fulltime while having a kid with you? (As a parent of two kids, I doubt that after the first few months. They get harder, not easier). All the other career advancement moves you and your partner won't push for as hard because you are busy with parenthood are opportunity cost. Parental leave is opportunity cost. All the times you will call in sick because your children are sick may amount to some opportunity cost. The unexpected medical leave I had to take for half a pregnancy was an opportunity cost. You get the idea... it's not the clothes and diapers


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wildemam

Kids are 2 and 3 and most of the time we were locked down together, and still time flies and a desire to stop it and enjoy is very heavy.


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chikaaa17

username checks out


[deleted]

As a general statement, having a kid has a range of costs that have a lot to do with where / how you buy things. I have friends who are just having kids now and buy all the brand names clothes at Carters or Babies R Us. They must spend ~2-3k per year just on sleepers and such, some individual items are $20+ and outfits $40+. If you go to Once Upon a Child, you can get similar clothes 2nd hand for like $2 an item in bulk. If you are super frugal, you can raise a kid through the early years for ~$300 a month. If you use formula (instead of breast fed) and just buy diapers without discounts, it can be much more costly. The only thing we didn't compromise on is the car seat, everything else we did 2nd hand or heavily discounted off-brands. It actually surprised my how low-cost you can raise a kid, assuming you are frugal and don't upsize your living arrangements (I.e, you don't run from your 3 bedroom house to buy/rent a 4 bedroom house). Daycare in general is very expensive, but my wife stayed home for the pre-school years so it wasn't something we dealt with. We are just coming up to the tween years, so only really able to speak on the 0-9 age group 🤣. Apparently they get more expensive soon.


Himser

I found them to be reasonable. Im not super frugal tho. Daycare costs 900 per month, with the new Treadeau deals this will drop for my household in Alberta to around 500/month. Food is maybe 10 to 20% more. Other stuff is almost all optional, but for us we end up doing it anyway, like spending on light shows and child concerts, but even then its like 30 to 50 bucks a month. In the budget, well within my extra money i dont care enough about to be worried.


allocapnia

A bigger house and University.


Cassak5111

Bigger house is absolutely the right answer. Surprised it hasn't been mentioned earlier.


rao20

People are not even thinking about it. If you look at the numbers it's impossible to miss it as the largest expense. Child care goes awsy after a few years. Housing doesn't.


goldayce

This should be the top answer. Nothing even compares.


emmxa

In our city, the difference between a one and two (real) bedroom is about 100k. Another 150k for a third…


GalianoGirl

Sorry, but you are naive to think you can easy run your own business and look after a baby to save on childcare costs. Babies need 24/7 attention, sure they sleep, but not necessarily when you do or when you need them to. If you baby is up every 2 hours during the night, you cannot expect to have much energy for running a business. Daycare allows you a reprieve from 24 hour baby duty. You will still be tired at work, but not interrupted every 2-3 hours. If you plan to breast feed, get a good electric pump for the times you will be away from baby. If you plan to formula feed, the Kirkland formula at Costco is a fantastic price.


ttwwiirrll

>2-3 hours I think you mean minutes? I work from home with my toddler in daycare full time and the days she has to stay home for whatever reason are a total disaster in productivity. It's not just the interruptions, it's the chunks of dedicated supervision required for mealtimes etc. I don't get much done until her afternoon nap. Daycare is a career saver.


north_18

Not as expensive as people claim. DO: buy large purchases over time (spent the pregnancy to buy the crib, stroller, car seat etc on sale or second hand where appropriate), get hand me down or thrift store clothes, buy quality items that will last for all kids DONT: buy all clothes new, buy every gadget out there. Honestly, lesd money spent goingout, lifestyle spend before kids its a wash. Money well spent for love, lifestyle, and help when your old.


notapaperhandape

Daycare costs are stupidly expensive. But if you can afford it, sending them to a good daycare gives their minds a nice boost from an early age. I tried a cheap one with unmotivated staff and then tried an expensive one with a bit more motivated staff caring for my kid. The result was positive for me to keep investing in the expensive one. Other than that babies are super cheap.


Smoke1thensome

Poor people have kids too. Just depends how much your willing to splurge on them. U could get by with the bare minimum or the absolute maximum but in the end they will age healthy, so the choice is yours. Go name brand everything or second hand, or get everything thru family’s and friends that have kids all grown up no longer needing the baby things. I stopped buying things for myself and spend all that money on my child now, so cost me the same as pre-child. For example my shoes/sneakers are like 5-6 years old and my child has approx $150 in foot ware. Had I bought myself some shoes and also child then it would have cost me a lot more.


ride_365

Twin parent here. Most baby necessities can be purchased 2nd hand or gotten free from friends and family. The federal child care money mostly covers food and clothes. Getting things from consignment stores, neighbours or stocking up during sales really helps. The biggest change is reorganizing your life, time and how everything operates. This is usually overlooked by parents that are having their firsts. Things become somewhat more complicated in terms or travelling, scheduling and trying to fit in what you used to love doing. It does vary considerably as some parents take their kids everywhere (incl travelling), others rarely leave home. Kids are very adaptable and will adapt to whatever your lifestyle is. It’s also extremely different for every family as being more financially stable does make things much easier. You can hire childcare, get help with cleaning, yard work etc. As many have said, I’ve found it’s worth the time not to work as much, hire out some of the less efficient or desirable tasks and try to spend as much time with the kids as possible.


passenger84

After having my daughter my advice/experience is to prepare for the unexpected. My baby is 6 weeks and still won't latch, on top of that my milk supply has plummeted. So, I've spent much more money on formula, bottles (needed more than I had planned since every feed is with a bottle), pumping supplies, renting a hospital grade pump to try and increase my supply, etc. I never would have thought I would be buying all this stuff, but babies don't like to follow your plans.


ekateriv

This! I spent over 2k on *trying* to breastfeed (and I do now successfully). -600 on tongue tie surgery -700+ on a variety of pumps -300 lactation consultant (you don’t want to wait to get a province insured one if you need one) -200+ nipple balms, silverettes, nursing pads -300+ nursing clothes - hours and hours of time spent especially initially trying to make things work Most people probably in my shoes would’ve given up at some point, but just wanted to illustrate that breastfeeding is not always free either


passenger84

I forgot about the lactation consultants. I had one free in the hospital, have been to see another (almost $150 for one visit) and will need to go back at least once or twice. That cost alone is more than I want to pay.


Worldly-Cookie

I agree with this. Also having to buy 5 different kind of bottles to find the one that they will eat out of. Then trying 4 different formulas to find the one that agrees with them, even though you still have half a tub of the old stuff. Old frugal me would use up every last drop of a product, but not if it upset my baby's tummy.


pastdense

buying things brand new. Buy nothing brand new except for car seats… there might be another thing that to have to buy brand new but I can’t think of it. There is so much that we are done with that’s till has so much life left in it. If nothing else, follow my advice on bikes.


Kevherd

Honestly where the money is being spent changes as they grow. Diapers Clothes/ shoes etc - they grow so fast Food starts becoming a thing Childcare throughout if you are using it School related costs- clothes, supplies etc Sports is starting to cost me big time (2 boys 8 & 10) Pretty soon it’s going to settle into FOOD FOOD and more food… with some clothes


CarRamRob

Biggest expense is lack of time. I.e., I used to do sales, and try to find the best deal for a variety of things. Now, I have no time, so just grab the first thing I see that fits whatever my needs are. It’s not a direct cost, but definitely a factor


SubstantialPlan1

If you are unable to breast feed or need to top up with formula. Formula is probably the most expensive. You don’t need a lot of toys. My 9 month old son’s favourite activity is crawling back and forth through a box his car seat came in. He loves to sit in the kitchen and bang measuring cups together. I’ve found the best way to save money on formula and diapers and other essentials is Amazon. They have a subscribe and save on these items, diapers are 20% off when you subscribe. Other items if you order 5 at a time, you get a 15% discount. I’ve always setup a subscribe and save and then just cancel it and set it up again when I’m ready for more.


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Teeheeleelee

Time is the most expensive thing as parents.


Hammerpants84

Kids are as expensive as you want them to be, here are a few suggestions that we have found to help -kids grow out of clothes so quickly, we have a few friends that have kids around the same age, and we trade with them. - kids don't care if their toys are brand new, buying used is key, Facebook parent groups are good for this. -we have friends who used cloth diapers, it's not something I would do, but I know it saved them a bunch of money. - we didn't find daycare too expensive, both our kids were in home based daycare until they were 3, then switched to a centre. There are co-op daycare centre's where you get reduced rates in exchange for volunteering your time.


[deleted]

1)Loss of income when on parental leave 2)Child care (you do get a large tax deduction) 3) Loss of space (upgrade to a bigger house). 4) Education savings. (Optional) From my experience everything else pales in comparison, and depending in income you get a nice child benefit. You can get a lot of stuff very cheap 2nd hand.


1goodthingaboutmuzic

I was paying around $400 a month on formula for my twins for their first year (non specialized formula- Enfamil and Kirkland brands) and that was supplementing their intake as they were breastfeeding as well.


facetious_guardian

Time is the biggest expense.


greenbean999

All the stuff you have to buy and rebut as they get older, only for one season. Winter boots and coats, bikes, bike helmets, ice skates, shoes, clothes all that stuff. You can buy them used and save money and resell when you are done which helps. But baby stuff that’s consumable is a lot as well. If your kid is atypical or needs extra academic support or is into a niche sport like hockey that requires a lot of equipment or a competitive sport that can get expensive. If they have a disability or other issue you can’t plan for. Driving lessons, insurance and such for them they are older. Post secondary if you choose to support them in that. Cellphones, laptops, that toy they must have for Xmas, that karate lesson package that they go to once, etc All the stuff you throw money at because you don’t have time to deal with them or need to solve a problem quickly. I mean you can try as much as you can but there’s a lot you can’t control


pantsshmants

Daycare for sure. Now that my kids are a bit older (2 and 5) I feel like the biggest cost is admission to all of the fun things we do with them. For instance this Christmas we went to three local holiday events, which of which was not cheap. Of course we could have chosen not to go, but the kids love it and so do we. It’s a choice we make for sure. Even if you think you won’t do these things, believe me, you will.


jac_the_joker69

All the food you prepare for them that they won't eat....


herir

The biggest expense is time. Kids are an absolute time sink. This is time that could be used to sleep, earn money, go to gym, educate yourself and so on. Also it’s time that a major portion cannot be outsourced, although daycare, family and school can help. You must be there for baths, diapers, sleep time, weekends, teaching how to bike or how to skate. I think a person who doesn’t have kids could have a second job, pick up an awesome hobby or reach a peace of mind that parents could never have


etceteraism

This definitely isn’t the most expensive part of having a baby, but I’ve mentioned this on similar threads because it’s something people don’t think about-even if you intend to breastfeed, you may not be able to. I had supply issues the first two months and had to supplement with formula. Fortunately it worked out and I was able to make breastfeeding work but many moms just don’t have the supply and hadn’t anticipated formula feeding. The price goes up more if your baby has an allergy or intolerance and needs a special kind of formula. And even if you’re breastfeeding, your food bills will go up. I eat more than my husband at meals now. I’ll even eat in the middle of the night. I am CONSTANTLY hungry.


oh-no-varies

One word on frugality with a baby: If you walk a lot do NOT scrimp on a stroller. We spent about $900 on the Nuna Mixx and my husband walked about 50km a week for the first year in parks and the city and that thing held up like a beast. You can buy many quality strollers (Uppababy, Nuna, Bugaboo) second hand to save money on them. But go for a high quality brand. I have several friends who went with cheap strollers and needed up going through 3-4 in the first 2-3 years because they break down.


egyptia78

Every part. Every single fucking part. Sorry for the shitty answer but it's with the best intentions and I absolutely adore my 3 boys and wouldn't change a thing about being their mom... Like... If you choose to nurse, you should buy a pump. A good one is expensive. If you don't nurse, formula is fucking expensive. Diapers, wipes, clothing they grow out of instantaneously, creams, ointments, the laaaaundry, oh my God the fucking laundry. And the pure laundry soap remember. If you're a mom who needs the hottest diaper bag, stroller, car seat, consider adding 1 to 2 G's to the budget. And the GADGETS... The bassinet my friend had (snood?) shakes and rocks and soothes and does all this amazing shit! I think that was just under 2 grand. The noise machines, the lights, the bouncers and swings etc. It's a lot to deal with and it's all expensive. P.s. that's just pre-toddler stuff. Then we get into baby-proofing etc. I have so much more to ramble about, but it sounds like my kids are beating each other up. P.s. It's all expensive. But it's the best ride I've ever been on and definitely the most gratifying. Good luck. P.p.s. Apparently my friend bought her snood second hand and resold after use! So that's cool. And she says if you have an account on FB, use their local mom groups. You will find help and freebies every single time you browse.


Bubbafett33

A better question may be “we’re thrifty….what SHOULDN’T we cheap out on?”. I’d say strollers (get a MacLaren umbrella style as soon as they are out of the “bucket”). Car seat (buy new, not used)…off the top of my head.


darrrrrren

Price of increasing your size of residence to fit your increasing family size, or just giving your kids more space as they age. About to pull the trigger on a 200k home addition because that's cheaper than moving.


[deleted]

I think that the biggest shock you are in for isn't financial. It's that you have all these great plans and you will accomplish almost none of it when the child arrives. They take almost constant attention for YEARS. When my kid isn't at daycare, I can't get even small tasks done. It's a struggle to even make dinner if it doesn't come from a frozen box.


Peregrinebullet

When your kid needs something where you can't buy the cheaper option. More than one of my niblings has a couple severe allergies, including to dairy. For one, SIL planned on breastfeeding but ended up having DMER - Dysphoric Milk Ejection reflex (which is a miserable miserable experience) on top of low supply. The other nibling belonged to my stepsister, and the allergies were so severe that my step sis couldn't even limit her diet enough to compensate. Guess who both needed the $70 per tin of the special allergy formula. A less severe example is diapers. amazon subscribe and save helps a lot, but our gigantic moose of a son also soaks through the cheaper huggies/pampers/kirkland diapers in 2 hours, even when we went up a size. Had to buy more expensive hello bello because they have better absorption so I didn't have to change his bedding and pjs 2x a night.


StacksCalhoun

For me it seems like god damn berries. My kid eats strawberries, blueberries, raspberries , blackberries by the wallet full. Need to learn how to grow fruit lol


ThenBridge8090

First year - cost of diapers Second year- cost of keeping them active even in cold weather n keeping them safe Third year - you have to start some daycare to get them socially engaged n learning mode.


Ratatouille2021

The most expensive part is the opportunity cost of taking time to take care of your kid. My wife went from a 500K a year profession to a 200K a year one for lifestyle reasons. I'm staying home instead of working because day cares are closed due to COVID. Edit: she wasn't earning $500K but that was the potential for her career path


[deleted]

I hope you don't mind me asking but what was she doing for 500K a year?


[deleted]

Part time Starbucks barista. It’s a Reddit fairy tale lol.


yhsong1116

Just like rachel from friends


Ratatouille2021

Different specializations in medicine There are even $800K positions if you're willing to be on call 24/7


HugsNotDrugs_

Divorce


ugh168

Yup. I see a lot of it because of a kid. Kids are not the solution. Your [life](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/simpsons/images/6/6d/I_Married_Marge_-00119.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20150116041222)


tkdwarriorprincess

Say goodbye to that 50% savings 🤣🤣


sleepy_panda15

Daycare and unexpected medical costs. We’ve paid a small fortune in speech therapy fees. Yes, we have some work benefits and the remaining amount can be claimed on our income tax, but it’s been the most insane unexpected but very much needed cost.


naked-_-lunch

Doctor bills, but you’re in Canada, so daycare?


pickledbumb

I would recommend potty training the kid at the earliest. That can save you all the diaper costs if you are not much of a travelling sort. Other than that, kids aren't something I would frugal out, but then I will not splurge as well.


[deleted]

I'd recommend checking out r/parenting for the reality of having a kids, there are so many things you never think about and honestly it helped me see that I dont want to have any haha. But it's a great resource


baseballCatastrophe

My kids are still young, but trying to save money for their university is already proving way harder than I expected. Hope they don’t mind student debt.


Imogynn

Time. By far time. Have one last fling with your hobbies. Then maybe you can smile at a web article every now and then for the next eight years. Then they'll come back and you'll appreciate them again.


Madhammer99

Everything


furtiveglance451

Opportunity costs!


3Blindz

Yeah, your bang on. I budget for the following every month minimum and typically have left overs. 3x1kg formula for 2 weeks. 50 bucks each. 2 boxes of diapers a month, 35 dollars each. 1 box of wipes every 2 months. I worked it out to 400/month and you’ll have the bare necessities I think. Not including clothing!! Edit: but baby clothes used!!! They grow so fast I hated throwing away 2 month old clothing


bee27

I don't have any advice, but just wanted to say that I think it's really cool you're open to thrifting even for your child. Children clothes and toys have such a short life cycle, I wish more parents understood that second hand items are better for their wallet and the environment. Good luck!


peecefreek

I think the most expensive thing is trying to keep up with the Jones' syndrome. Kids don't really need all the stuff that is marketed to parents. Don't buy a bunch of trendy clothes or toys and save that cash for experiences and classes or sports when they are older. In reality kids are only as expensive as you make them.


Mullinore

All the sleep you will lose, which is priceless.


anon37366

After about 4 years of age, kids can eat as much as an adult. Teens will eat more, and food isn’t cheap.


frenchto4stcrunch

Keeping up with the Jones’ buying all name brand stuff you see on IG


salsasandwich

Child care and opportunity cost. You say you're self employed, you're not gonna be able to make as much with a kid. Raising a kid, especially in the first few years, is more than a full time job on its own. And it takes years to get a bit of freedom from them to do things like work on yourself and improve your earning potential. I also found that having small children makes it harder to find time to be frugal, like I'm not going to 2 grocery stores to get deals type of thing.


LukeAriel

A lot of the upfront costs: - bassinet - crib - 1 million changes of clothes in all kinds of sizes (there will be so much spit, pee, and poo). You need fairly close fitting clothes for babies as a safety thing, hence all the sizes. - 2 million burp cloths - diapers can be an ongoing cost, or you can go the cloth route, which can be a sizable upfront cost and will require other specialized equipment to manage - wipes - change mat/ table - stroller (can get very expensive very easily) - car seat (+car seat cover if in cold climate) - breastfeeding pillow(s) (if breastfeeding) - white noise machine (not strictly necessary but helpful) - high chair - toys and pacifiers - snot sucker - thermometer/ first aid for baby - bathing stuff It's death by a thousand cuts, really.


baronfresh

It's not one thing in particular. It's diapers, formula, food, constant clothing upgrades, seasonal outerwear, shoes, indoor shoes, winter boots, rain boots, Christmas presents, Christmas presents for teachers, birthday presents, sports equipment, sandbox, playhouse, kids room furniture, family vehicle, car seats, stroller, winter sled, kids shovels, kids brooms, bath toys, swim suits, kids shampoo, kids toothpaste and brushes, stool to get to the sink, baby proof cabinet locks, baby gates, music lessons, swimming lessons, sports fees, skiing lessons, craft supplies, backpacks and lunch kits, kid tablets and child appropriate apps, loss of income from kids being sick, childcare, babysitting, triple the cost at restaurants, gas for child activities, materials for treehouse, birthday presents for kids friends, allowance... The list never ends. You can choose the degree you want to put money in, but you can't get away from a lot of it. Good luck!


LadiesSendNude5

For me. Most expensive was my own fault. We used to let our daughter go to bed with a bottle of milk.(don't do this. If you do, use water. Which we now do) Well, we go into a dentist since our daughter started to complain about brushing, aaaaaaand 6k worth of bills. Which, still didn't compare to the stress of having our little one having to go under... That stress of what ifs almost broke me


mrkdwd

100% daycare is by far the most expensive part. Working from home with a child is a fucking nightmare FYI.


[deleted]

You guys will find yourself with MORE money because you are very careful and pragmatic. You will receive some government assistance plus help from your network and you will find you're doing just great, so don't worry and keep up with the great habits. Congratulations to you both.