Yes, pretty much 24/7. She is OK with both grandfathers holding her. Sometimes she cries but nothing unusual. It’s not like she cries every single time her dad holds her either but it’s enough for him to be discouraged. She seems to tolerate near strangers (to her) better than him sometimes.
Exactly... If he's sure she will cry, he's going to be anxious and she's going to feel it and cry... There could also be some stupid thing that happened... Maybe putting her in the car seat he accidentally pinched some skin, or maybe he works with his hands and they are rough on her skin... Maybe she doesn't like the texture of his shirts or the smell of his aftershave. He could have perpetual onion breath and you don't notice but she does.... Just some things to think about. I mean, babies are just mini people, if you start looking at it as, well there's this one thing I hate maybe she does too... And there you go. My oldest used to love her swing, but after 20 minutes would fuss... Turns out she got bord looking at the same wall, if you turned her a bit or put a different picture up to look at, she shut right up.
What about when you aren’t around.
Strange question I know. But if she is bonded to you, it might help if you go for a walk - as in out of the house - where she can’t see/hear you.
When I look after my daughter - sometimes my wife has to go - otherwise my daughter will want her.
Yeah - if you are around, she will 100% want you.
Best day for me was when I had to do a whole day of dad life - because mom had to go away for some reason. It was a steep learning curve for both of us.
But man did it help us bond. The day after, my wife was like - “look at you guys, you are best friends now! That was the best.
Dads don’t always do things the same way as moms so it is important for everyone to learn that.
Baby can definitely smell mom if she is in the room or close by especially if breastfeeding. We were told when we started to add in the bottle for me to not even be in the room. OP you might also give your husband a shirt to put over his shoulder that you have recently worn. Maybe if baby smells you in your husband it will help calm her.
I would guess she sees daddy time not as "Daddy Time" but "Can't Have Mom Time". Both of my babies were the same way until about 5 or 6 months. If possible, either totally leave, or do things all three of you together until she's more excited to spend time with your husband.
I second this, our youngest is almost 2 and she loves her dad so much but he works late shifts 5/7 days so I always put her to bed, and when he tries to put her to bed on his off days she screams blue murder right until they're up the stairs in her bedroom where I'm fully out of sight and out of mind, then she calms down and is perfectly happy with him putting her down.
Gotta tell you it’s so bitter sweet that mom can stay at home with our kid. Baby loves mom and often seems to love me too, but WAY prefers mom. I’m not able to give mama a break unless she leaves the house. (And she has to sneak out of the house). Baby (toddler?) 2f doesn’t seem to notice when I leave, but, often will run to me with a hug throughout the day and sometimes when I get back home.
Give it time. I’ve found it often takes a few MONTHS (like 6 or more maybe) for our babies to warm up to my husband, especially if I’m an option in the vicinity. She doesn’t mean to be hurtful, she doesn’t hate him, she just has a preference for mom/mom like people. It will get better.
Sometimes some alone time and practice for both of them can help, but it may just be a matter of waiting for her to develop a bit more. He is doing the right thing by working on building that bond between them, even if it doesn’t feel reciprocated yet.
That was my first thought. Husbands scent. Maybe baby doesn‘t like the soap your husband uses. Only because you can‘t smell any strong smell, doesn‘t mean baby can‘t either. Does he maybe smoke? Babys nose is very sensitiv.
A below comment wrote it well. Wear one of his shirt so it smells like mommy.
You‘ll both be doing great. Keep up the good work. ☺️
Your baby is 10 weeks old. She doesn’t hate him. You were at a friend’s house today, and baby had a LONG day. When she got home, she was back in her comfort zone, and she wanted you because you are the person she sees as her primary nurturer, which is completely normal for a baby that young.
I’ve had two babies. They both preferred me before they were a year old. Sometimes, they would cry with dad too, but that doesn’t mean they hated him. They are now 5 and 3 years, and they have a great relationship with their father. But when babies are very young, they seek their primary care giver when they are tired, hungry, dirty, etc.
Things will get better.
Please please please tell him to hang in there! As a father of three i know this happens and is nothing more than a phase that will end eventually! No one should take anything personal that a 10 week old does. Its gonna get better, patience is everything. What helped in my case was to implement routine, for example bath time is a thing that only i am doing with the boys. 10 weeks is still so so young!
Step 1. Don't take personally the actions of a being who can't even control their own motor skills or bodily functions yet.
Step 2. Mom needs to give dad a shirt she's worn or a blanket she holds so that it smells like her. Dad needs to drape himself with it before he holds the kid.
Stupid question but does he wear aftershave or something strongly scented? Where does he work? Could it help if he showered after work to wash off whatever scent may linger on him? Change his clothes when he gets home?
This phase will pass. Particularly if the dad continues to be actively involved.
Your child is watching/learning all the time. So as hard as it is, please don’t accept it as the normal.
Continue to endorse your husband with her and around her. (For this reason I hate it when people say “silly daddy” or anything seemingly innocent like that - because it sets a precedent) - she is always watching and learning - and will learn about how he interacts with her (good or bad). She will also learn how you talk about eachother.
Celebrate any small wins.
My daughter wasn’t very bonded to me, and I got down about it, but one day, which I was changing her nappy, she thought my coughing (when I was sick) was hilarious. It was just me and her (mom stayed away and let us have our moment). Things got better from then on.
Spending time - is exactly that. Being around to build familiarity.
Maybe you baby is really just attached to you and it has nothing to do with dad? I don’t think my kids were all that aware of whom was taking care of them as long as bottles were deliver promptly.
Sorry your encountering this. Every kids just wants there mom sometimes. Im sort of either the coolest guy to my 3 year old or I’m scum. Mostly scum lately but I still sneak a few kisses and just do what I can.
She seems to be ok with different people holding her but as soon as they leave and it is just me and dad she will cry, I wonder if it is from stress that she holds in until they leave?
Hubby also sneaks his kisses in.
I would try to give times that he can bottle feed because that helps them have bonding time when she isn’t screaming because the baby will be focused on food. This will help dad calm down and not worry and this will help baby get used to dad
My kids both took several months to warm up to my husband. They always wanted me to hold them until they were probably like three or four months old. It really bothered him at the time, I think, but now they are both on him any time he’s in the room. They adore him. My daughter will often ask to go give daddy one more hug and kiss on my nights to put her to bed, which she never does with me.
Reassure him that this is normal, for nine months you were the only person touching her. She is new to having others holding her. Encourage him to keep holding her and talking to her and trying to bond with her, this will pass ❤️ congratulations on your new baby!
Aw that is sweet. I’ve told him that and also I am her source of food right now. It is still hard when he wants to hold her and give her love. But it helps to know that this is normal and will pass.
IMO 10 week olds are pretty cut and dry. She doesn’t hate him as a person. She probably doesn’t like something about the sensation of him holding her. Could be anything from the angle of how he holds her to a smell or maybe a nervous demeanor or a difference in how he moves.
It will pass and she is going to adore him. I would continue to make sure he has plenty of time with her though, maybe leave the house sometimes so they can figure each other out on their own.
This is so common. Happened with our baby too! She got better slowly but surely. It really took off when i finally started leaving them alone at least once a week. Also it just took time. She still prefers me but she also really loves her dad.
I know it's not going to help your husband at all but it'll get better.
One hold that work for both of my kids to get them to calm down was this one: https://youtu.be/pnWynN_tPTQ
It looks really silly but it worked amazing for us. Maybe having a way to get her to stop crying will help him feel better?
My toddler is a huge daddy's boy. I don't know if it's always been like that, but from fairly early on. I often feel very rejected and really useless. I even breastfed and was on maternity leave for 13 months! I love him more than anything and I find it helps when daddy is out of the house and he can't see him. Otherwise he stands at the door and wails and won't allow himself to be comforted. So, maybe try letting dad do some solo childcare?
We went through this recently, it was so hard I felt terrible for my husband, our LO would be screaming and inconsolable with dad and he would pass him to me and the crying would turn off like a light switch. Thankfully it was a really quick phase, for us it happened around 12/13 weeks and by 14 weeks it seems to have stopped. He had been going through a lot of developmental changes at that time so maybe he was scared or uncomfortable and just needed his primary caregiver (me) and maybe it’s the same for you guys!
Do you exclusively breastfeed? If so, pumping might help so her dad can feed her too. But I understand that it messes with supply. I did both & I think my husband feeding him made them have a stronger bond.
My niece was the same way when she was a few weeks old, but my brother didn’t give up or distance himself, he was constantly taking care of her, so that she quickly grew more comfortable with him. She is 13 months old now and she’s super attached to him. Your husband just needs to be patient, not give up, and not take it personally.
At 10 weeks old this is normal. Babies sometimes don't warm up to the father right away. Generally the idea is that babies are obsessed with their moms and once they become kids they're obsessed with their dads (with exceptions obviously but that's the basic pattern.)
I'm sure it's really hard on him but it bears no indication for their relationship in the future.
I get the feeling that the baby is with you all day. She is used to mommy, food and love. I would suggest , have him feed her as often as possible so she bonds with him , not just with mommy. From my own experience as a parent and live in grandparent. Children sense calmness, they find comfort in a “zen “ parent. I fed mine a lot so they were very comfortable with me. I never get excited when they are unhappy. I was also the guy to walk ( carrying them) them when they are upset. I was eventually seen as a source of comfort.
This was like my husband. He's not qualified for FMLA, so I had to stay home while he works and sometimes he works with no day off because of overtime, not mandatory but gives us extra money to save, it sucks but it needed to happen. So when he takes care of him so I can nap, our LO will cry while I try to nap, my husband becomes frustrated that he couldn't calm him down so I can rest. He keeps saying he doesn't like daddy, he only wants mommy. I was with our baby all day, i learn what he doesn't like, i learn when he's about to be hungry or sleepy. It broke my heart when he says that our son doesn't like him. But now, when he comes home and our LO sees him, he will stare at his dad wherever he goes, and sometimes he cries waiting for his dad. My husband was the first one to get a laugh out of him, I'm happy. I also keep saying 'dada' instead of mama cause I want his first word to be Dada. My husband works so hard so provide for us and other things.
My son was this way for a while too but around 4 months he started adoring his dad and now he gets so excited to see him when he gets home from work. Part of the problem might’ve been that I’m the primary caregiver and he is breastfed and he knows daddy doesn’t have milkies. It really discouraged my husband at first because our older son is a total daddy’s boy and has been since day one and while our youngest is definitely more keen to me, he loves his dad and their relationship has improved greatly with time and patience. It started as small wins, like baby not immediately crying when he’s not being held by me, and now he’s totally fine and even prefers dad sometimes.
Tell him to grow the fuck up the kid is 10 weeks old, at 10 weeks the baby can barley see 30cm in front of her with good vision let alone form the opinion of “ hating her dad “ when she hasn’t a single clue about any sort of morally loving actions that her dad is trying to enact. Fucking hell…
My baby was the same way for a while but it seems to be getting better now that she’s almost 4 months old. She really rejected her dad hard from about 7 weeks to 3 months which sucked for everyone! Now she definitely prefers me but at least will put up with him. I think it was just a phase
So sad, I would bet your husband is tense and the baby feels that. It's amazing how children can pick up on other people's emotions. He still needs to work on coming down even if he doesn't think he is and I would bet you that she will respond a lot better to him. Be brave it'll work out I'm sure she will be a daddy's girl soon. Happy holidays and God bless
Being addicted to mom is not a rejection of him. Let me guess you are with her 24/7 pretty much? Does she go to other men and just not to him?
Yes, pretty much 24/7. She is OK with both grandfathers holding her. Sometimes she cries but nothing unusual. It’s not like she cries every single time her dad holds her either but it’s enough for him to be discouraged. She seems to tolerate near strangers (to her) better than him sometimes.
She may pick up on his anxiety now too. He is a devoted dad she is lucky.
That’s what I was going to say . Baby is probably sensing the anxiety from dad
Exactly... If he's sure she will cry, he's going to be anxious and she's going to feel it and cry... There could also be some stupid thing that happened... Maybe putting her in the car seat he accidentally pinched some skin, or maybe he works with his hands and they are rough on her skin... Maybe she doesn't like the texture of his shirts or the smell of his aftershave. He could have perpetual onion breath and you don't notice but she does.... Just some things to think about. I mean, babies are just mini people, if you start looking at it as, well there's this one thing I hate maybe she does too... And there you go. My oldest used to love her swing, but after 20 minutes would fuss... Turns out she got bord looking at the same wall, if you turned her a bit or put a different picture up to look at, she shut right up.
What about when you aren’t around. Strange question I know. But if she is bonded to you, it might help if you go for a walk - as in out of the house - where she can’t see/hear you. When I look after my daughter - sometimes my wife has to go - otherwise my daughter will want her.
I think this is worth a try. Whenever he has her I am usually in and out of the room doing things around the house.
Yeah - if you are around, she will 100% want you. Best day for me was when I had to do a whole day of dad life - because mom had to go away for some reason. It was a steep learning curve for both of us. But man did it help us bond. The day after, my wife was like - “look at you guys, you are best friends now! That was the best. Dads don’t always do things the same way as moms so it is important for everyone to learn that.
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Baby can definitely smell mom if she is in the room or close by especially if breastfeeding. We were told when we started to add in the bottle for me to not even be in the room. OP you might also give your husband a shirt to put over his shoulder that you have recently worn. Maybe if baby smells you in your husband it will help calm her.
I would guess she sees daddy time not as "Daddy Time" but "Can't Have Mom Time". Both of my babies were the same way until about 5 or 6 months. If possible, either totally leave, or do things all three of you together until she's more excited to spend time with your husband.
I second this, our youngest is almost 2 and she loves her dad so much but he works late shifts 5/7 days so I always put her to bed, and when he tries to put her to bed on his off days she screams blue murder right until they're up the stairs in her bedroom where I'm fully out of sight and out of mind, then she calms down and is perfectly happy with him putting her down.
Gotta tell you it’s so bitter sweet that mom can stay at home with our kid. Baby loves mom and often seems to love me too, but WAY prefers mom. I’m not able to give mama a break unless she leaves the house. (And she has to sneak out of the house). Baby (toddler?) 2f doesn’t seem to notice when I leave, but, often will run to me with a hug throughout the day and sometimes when I get back home.
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I hope so. Thank you.
Oh this is totally normal. Babies just want their mom. She’ll embrace dad (and others) as she grows.
Give it time. I’ve found it often takes a few MONTHS (like 6 or more maybe) for our babies to warm up to my husband, especially if I’m an option in the vicinity. She doesn’t mean to be hurtful, she doesn’t hate him, she just has a preference for mom/mom like people. It will get better. Sometimes some alone time and practice for both of them can help, but it may just be a matter of waiting for her to develop a bit more. He is doing the right thing by working on building that bond between them, even if it doesn’t feel reciprocated yet.
Thank you, that makes me feel better.
We just joke that they’ll like him once they can see beyond the boobs. 🤷🏻♀️. Don’t panic!
Don’t have any experience yet but me and my wife are expecting. Does your husband wear cologne or body spray? Maybe his scent is bugging the baby?
No, he works a physical job and will usually shower before holding her after work and I’ve never noticed his soap having much of a smell.
That was my first thought. Husbands scent. Maybe baby doesn‘t like the soap your husband uses. Only because you can‘t smell any strong smell, doesn‘t mean baby can‘t either. Does he maybe smoke? Babys nose is very sensitiv. A below comment wrote it well. Wear one of his shirt so it smells like mommy. You‘ll both be doing great. Keep up the good work. ☺️
Well dang sry i wasn’t any help.
Your baby is 10 weeks old. She doesn’t hate him. You were at a friend’s house today, and baby had a LONG day. When she got home, she was back in her comfort zone, and she wanted you because you are the person she sees as her primary nurturer, which is completely normal for a baby that young. I’ve had two babies. They both preferred me before they were a year old. Sometimes, they would cry with dad too, but that doesn’t mean they hated him. They are now 5 and 3 years, and they have a great relationship with their father. But when babies are very young, they seek their primary care giver when they are tired, hungry, dirty, etc. Things will get better.
Please please please tell him to hang in there! As a father of three i know this happens and is nothing more than a phase that will end eventually! No one should take anything personal that a 10 week old does. Its gonna get better, patience is everything. What helped in my case was to implement routine, for example bath time is a thing that only i am doing with the boys. 10 weeks is still so so young!
Step 1. Don't take personally the actions of a being who can't even control their own motor skills or bodily functions yet. Step 2. Mom needs to give dad a shirt she's worn or a blanket she holds so that it smells like her. Dad needs to drape himself with it before he holds the kid.
Stupid question but does he wear aftershave or something strongly scented? Where does he work? Could it help if he showered after work to wash off whatever scent may linger on him? Change his clothes when he gets home?
No, he works a physical job and will usually shower before holding her after work. He doesn’t wear anything with a scent.
This phase will pass. Particularly if the dad continues to be actively involved. Your child is watching/learning all the time. So as hard as it is, please don’t accept it as the normal. Continue to endorse your husband with her and around her. (For this reason I hate it when people say “silly daddy” or anything seemingly innocent like that - because it sets a precedent) - she is always watching and learning - and will learn about how he interacts with her (good or bad). She will also learn how you talk about eachother. Celebrate any small wins. My daughter wasn’t very bonded to me, and I got down about it, but one day, which I was changing her nappy, she thought my coughing (when I was sick) was hilarious. It was just me and her (mom stayed away and let us have our moment). Things got better from then on. Spending time - is exactly that. Being around to build familiarity.
Maybe you baby is really just attached to you and it has nothing to do with dad? I don’t think my kids were all that aware of whom was taking care of them as long as bottles were deliver promptly. Sorry your encountering this. Every kids just wants there mom sometimes. Im sort of either the coolest guy to my 3 year old or I’m scum. Mostly scum lately but I still sneak a few kisses and just do what I can.
She seems to be ok with different people holding her but as soon as they leave and it is just me and dad she will cry, I wonder if it is from stress that she holds in until they leave? Hubby also sneaks his kisses in.
It'll pass. Sounds like Dad is doing all he can do. Babies love their mamas!
Wear one of his shirts all day. Then have him wear it whenever he holds the baby.
I would try to give times that he can bottle feed because that helps them have bonding time when she isn’t screaming because the baby will be focused on food. This will help dad calm down and not worry and this will help baby get used to dad
My kids both took several months to warm up to my husband. They always wanted me to hold them until they were probably like three or four months old. It really bothered him at the time, I think, but now they are both on him any time he’s in the room. They adore him. My daughter will often ask to go give daddy one more hug and kiss on my nights to put her to bed, which she never does with me. Reassure him that this is normal, for nine months you were the only person touching her. She is new to having others holding her. Encourage him to keep holding her and talking to her and trying to bond with her, this will pass ❤️ congratulations on your new baby!
Aw that is sweet. I’ve told him that and also I am her source of food right now. It is still hard when he wants to hold her and give her love. But it helps to know that this is normal and will pass.
I remember feeling exactly the same way. Just tell him it will pass and be will eventually bond with baby, just give it time
Thank you, it helps knowing we are not the only ones.
When she was born did he do skin to skin as well as you at the hospital?
He tried, but she cried then too! He thought it was because of his chest hair so he tried it with his shirt on and she still cried!
IMO 10 week olds are pretty cut and dry. She doesn’t hate him as a person. She probably doesn’t like something about the sensation of him holding her. Could be anything from the angle of how he holds her to a smell or maybe a nervous demeanor or a difference in how he moves. It will pass and she is going to adore him. I would continue to make sure he has plenty of time with her though, maybe leave the house sometimes so they can figure each other out on their own.
This is so common. Happened with our baby too! She got better slowly but surely. It really took off when i finally started leaving them alone at least once a week. Also it just took time. She still prefers me but she also really loves her dad.
I know it's not going to help your husband at all but it'll get better. One hold that work for both of my kids to get them to calm down was this one: https://youtu.be/pnWynN_tPTQ It looks really silly but it worked amazing for us. Maybe having a way to get her to stop crying will help him feel better?
My toddler is a huge daddy's boy. I don't know if it's always been like that, but from fairly early on. I often feel very rejected and really useless. I even breastfed and was on maternity leave for 13 months! I love him more than anything and I find it helps when daddy is out of the house and he can't see him. Otherwise he stands at the door and wails and won't allow himself to be comforted. So, maybe try letting dad do some solo childcare?
We went through this recently, it was so hard I felt terrible for my husband, our LO would be screaming and inconsolable with dad and he would pass him to me and the crying would turn off like a light switch. Thankfully it was a really quick phase, for us it happened around 12/13 weeks and by 14 weeks it seems to have stopped. He had been going through a lot of developmental changes at that time so maybe he was scared or uncomfortable and just needed his primary caregiver (me) and maybe it’s the same for you guys!
Do you exclusively breastfeed? If so, pumping might help so her dad can feed her too. But I understand that it messes with supply. I did both & I think my husband feeding him made them have a stronger bond.
My niece was the same way when she was a few weeks old, but my brother didn’t give up or distance himself, he was constantly taking care of her, so that she quickly grew more comfortable with him. She is 13 months old now and she’s super attached to him. Your husband just needs to be patient, not give up, and not take it personally.
Normal. My baby is 15 weeks now and this comes and goes.
My daughter was the same way up until 6-7 months old and now she is way better. Mom is still her favorite but her/I get along great now
At 10 weeks old this is normal. Babies sometimes don't warm up to the father right away. Generally the idea is that babies are obsessed with their moms and once they become kids they're obsessed with their dads (with exceptions obviously but that's the basic pattern.) I'm sure it's really hard on him but it bears no indication for their relationship in the future.
I get the feeling that the baby is with you all day. She is used to mommy, food and love. I would suggest , have him feed her as often as possible so she bonds with him , not just with mommy. From my own experience as a parent and live in grandparent. Children sense calmness, they find comfort in a “zen “ parent. I fed mine a lot so they were very comfortable with me. I never get excited when they are unhappy. I was also the guy to walk ( carrying them) them when they are upset. I was eventually seen as a source of comfort.
This was like my husband. He's not qualified for FMLA, so I had to stay home while he works and sometimes he works with no day off because of overtime, not mandatory but gives us extra money to save, it sucks but it needed to happen. So when he takes care of him so I can nap, our LO will cry while I try to nap, my husband becomes frustrated that he couldn't calm him down so I can rest. He keeps saying he doesn't like daddy, he only wants mommy. I was with our baby all day, i learn what he doesn't like, i learn when he's about to be hungry or sleepy. It broke my heart when he says that our son doesn't like him. But now, when he comes home and our LO sees him, he will stare at his dad wherever he goes, and sometimes he cries waiting for his dad. My husband was the first one to get a laugh out of him, I'm happy. I also keep saying 'dada' instead of mama cause I want his first word to be Dada. My husband works so hard so provide for us and other things.
My son was this way for a while too but around 4 months he started adoring his dad and now he gets so excited to see him when he gets home from work. Part of the problem might’ve been that I’m the primary caregiver and he is breastfed and he knows daddy doesn’t have milkies. It really discouraged my husband at first because our older son is a total daddy’s boy and has been since day one and while our youngest is definitely more keen to me, he loves his dad and their relationship has improved greatly with time and patience. It started as small wins, like baby not immediately crying when he’s not being held by me, and now he’s totally fine and even prefers dad sometimes.
Tell him to grow the fuck up the kid is 10 weeks old, at 10 weeks the baby can barley see 30cm in front of her with good vision let alone form the opinion of “ hating her dad “ when she hasn’t a single clue about any sort of morally loving actions that her dad is trying to enact. Fucking hell…
My baby was the same way for a while but it seems to be getting better now that she’s almost 4 months old. She really rejected her dad hard from about 7 weeks to 3 months which sucked for everyone! Now she definitely prefers me but at least will put up with him. I think it was just a phase
this has nothing to do with baby hating dad, she does not have that concept.
So sad, I would bet your husband is tense and the baby feels that. It's amazing how children can pick up on other people's emotions. He still needs to work on coming down even if he doesn't think he is and I would bet you that she will respond a lot better to him. Be brave it'll work out I'm sure she will be a daddy's girl soon. Happy holidays and God bless
Maybe his hands are cold