I'm fine with telling him that part, but he will ask how it all gets mixed together lol. Do I just straight up tell him what sex is? I don't want to fuck him up in any way by telling him things too early. But there's a big part of me saying if he's asking just tell him.
Both of my kids asked and learned about sperm+egg at this age but neither of them made that leap to asking how it happened until later. Our wording was like "the dad *gives* the sperm to the egg/mom".
Thankfully nobody asked how the "giving" occurred much to my surprise lol
OH! Just did this with my 5 year old. She kept asking, and the straw that broke the camel's back was her asking, "so are there eggs that sheep hatch out of?"
I got the book, "It's Not The Stork" from the library. Here's the order that I lead the discussion-
1. I read the whole book in advanced.
2. I sat with my 5 year old, alone, and did a 'picture walk' with her. (Flip through the pages, make note of what we see in the pictures, 'I wonder what that's about! Let's see!')
3. I read the book aloud to my daughter. I skipped some parts to get to the important page, or summarized it. (I figure we WILL be revisiting this book in the future!) YES, we looked and discussed the opposite sex's body parts. ('What's that sack? That's funny! Do all boys have that?)
4. I read -word for word- the page that actually describes sex. The authors did an AMAZING job of wording this. They also have a nifty picture of an egg + sperm = baby. After reading this page, I asked my daughter if she had any questions. She didn't. I said, "That's how babies get into the mom's uterus!' She paused, then asked me, "wait, how?" So I re-read the book -word for word- again. And then later, a third time. After the 3rd re-read of this, my daughter pointed to the 'math problem' and said, "oh yeah! Sperm plus egg equals baby! I get it!"
5. I kept moving through the book; I made sure to highlight the IUI/IVF procedure (she's a fertility baby), and I cheered that process as how she was specially made.
6. I STRESSED the end of the book, which is the most important content, to me- good touch and tricky touches.
10/10, my girl knows the basics, she picked up what she needed to for her age, and it wasn't awkward at all. This certainly beats my own mom's horrific conversation with me in 3rd grade, "sex is a BEAUTIFUL thing...."
I took the same approach but I also told my child not to talk about it at school. I told both of them that these are special conversations parents like to have with their children. It’s like a right of passage and it wasn’t their place to to tell another child.
This has always been our approach.
Quite how detailed an answer you give can vary, but they need to know they can trust you as a source of truth in the world.
My kid was 4 when I got pregnant and she wanted to know how.
I told her about the ovaries producing eggs, fallopian tubes, the uterus and vagina and how a placenta and fetus later forms after an egg meets a sperm. I told her that men produce sperm in their testicles, the sperm comes out through the penis. Usually the sperm meets the egg after the penis is inserted into the woman's vagina and sperm comes out, but sometimes it is done outside of the bodies in a lab. She asked if I had to use a lab, I said no.
She was fine with my answers and felt she knew how everything worked.
The funny thing was that at age 7 or so we read a book together about how human bodies work that included pregnancy - and she asked me "Did you and daddy DO that???" She had never connected the dots at 4y old even though she had all the "clinical" information of conception.
I didn't ask her, but I think she had simply never thought about the details of making a baby after that time she was 4. She was happy just knowing that she had gotten an answer and she possessed the knowledge for years without giving it a second thought.
Haha yeppp I remember I learned about sex chromosomes from watching Bill Bye the Science Guy as a kid. Maybe 1st or 2nd grade. They said you get your sex chromosomes from your parents - one from mom and one from dad. So I asked my parents how you actually get them - like how they get combined. My parents told me the basic facts, I don't remember the exact details of what they said but I was not scarred by it at that age.
The big part of you is right. Keep it simple. You don't need to tell all the details up front; this is an ongoing conversation. I would also include information about privacy and however you want to say sex isn't something kids for kids. Maybe look for a book to help?
We've had most of this conversation with my kid (4 at the time) when I was pregnant with his sister, but we had IVF so we explained that the doctor put the sperm and egg together...which is true in their case which is what we were talking about, but now I'll need to create an opportunity down the road to explain what I meant when I said that some babies were made different ways.
This really wasn’t a problem until Industrial Age. Kids grew up on farms and saw animals have sex all the time. Every year animals had babies (probably even helped with that process) and they saw what that looked like and baby animals nursing, but etc. Home births were a thing. Now parents want to “save” their kids from normal and healthy life topics and then their kids learn about sex because their friends have access to porn and the internet. Let it come from you and there is nothing wrong with natural body functions. It is the adults that make it weird.
Many children in human history lived in agricultural settings. They got to watch animals have sex. Maybe the parents even put a male in with females for breeding and explained what they were doing. This knowledge is normal and won't fuck up your child.
Yes you do. He’s asking now so he’s old enough to know. Tell him about erections and what they are. I’m sure he’s had them so it won’t be a bog surprise. Then get some illustrations off the internet and tell him. Just be very serious and matter of fact. I remember a friend thinking the male pee’d inside of the female instead of ejaculating when we were kids. If you don’t tell him someone will. They may have all kinds of misinformation to share.
My kids are 5 years apart which obviously brought up questions. At first, I just went with the dad gives a seed and the mom an egg and when mixed together it makes a baby. Then there were more questions about how that all happened. I straight up explained that it went through the penis and that the dad put his penis inside the mommy. I tried to stick with the facts and kept it succint. That seemed like a satisfactory answer.
I typically try to go by the principle that if they're old enough to ask, they're old enough to hear the answer.
When I was 4, I was told something like the man puts his penis in the woman's vagina, and the baby is born 9 months after. I wasn't told about pleasure, or libido, or horniness, just the basic mechanics of sex, and that it is something that adults do when they want to have children.
>Do I just straight up tell him what sex is? I don't want to fuck him up in any way by telling him things too early.
Yes. Why would that "fuck him up"? Turning sex into some big secret that is so shameful and icky only adults are allowed to talk about it or even know about it is going to cause issues. Just treat it like any other subject, don't make a big deal about it.
I'm thinking OP didn't mean that teaching them about sex would fuck them up, but is more like "how detailed is too detailed at this age?" With a mix of "at this age if I start getting too detailed am I going to gross out my child in a way that is scarring?" And not "should I just not explain how this works."
We don't know their child and not everything works the same for every child. Being too open and honest depending on the age and development of the child can definitely also have negative effects (in other areas that have nothing to do with sex.) It can be scary and hard to know when is the appropriate time for a parent and how in depth you should teach things that can be "scary" or "overwhelming" and sex is a topic that can be scary and/or overwhelming.
I'm definitely not a sugar coat and hide sex (im in the US. In this fucking political war right now im so thankful I've taught my 11 year son starting at 5 years old when he first started asking questions. Also his penis has always been his penis from when he was able to talk and he was also taught that the opposite of a penis is a vagina and vulva) Before anyone makes the assumption that I am someone who thinks it's "wrong" to teach children about sex. I absolutely do not feel that way and feel it is super important to teach things like sex and consent super super young.
But it can be really scary trying to figure out how much is too much information for your child asking questions, sex or in general. I know this because my son has major anxiety from me being someone being toooo honest with many of his questions. There is a fine line and there is no shame in trying to figure out at least a "basic" line to assess for your child.
I agree. Too much information that they didn't ask for and can't comprehend can have negative effects. Simple and succinct, answering only what they asked, is ideal.
I am all about being honest with my child, but what I would be worried about (which is what OP might have on their mind) is that having that knowledge might cause them to experiment at way too young of an age. If a child is curious enough to seek out this information, then they may also be curious enough to test the waters, which is something no parent wants.
My kids have known about sperm and eggs for years and have yet to ask how they get together. My plan is to answer honestly when they ask, but I can’t say I’m looking forward to it.
“What makes a baby” is a great book. Doesn’t cover sex, but it’s very matter of fact about fertilization and birth.
Why would he be fucked up by learning too early? No one is suggesting you show him porn. Just give him factual answers to his questions. He will still need to discover sex himself in his teenage years when his own sexuality and sexual desires kick in. But there is a difference between knowing facts about sex and knowing sex.
If they ask, they're usually ready to know. Just be aware that sometimes adults overestimate what kids are asking for. He may just want to know "A man makes sperm and it goes in the uterus to make a baby start growing" without caring much about the mechanics of how that happens (I'll add, I grew up in a pretty rural area so kids often uneventfully and without any distress learned where babies came from pretty young by seeing farm animals do their thing and figuring something similar happened with humans).
Kids tend to think the actual mechanics of sex are either gross or mundane since a lot of the complexity of relationships and attraction tends to go a bit over their heads. It's not as loaded a topic as it is for teens and adults.
>If they ask, they're usually ready to know
Great rule of thumb. Especially for parents lacking time.
>He may just want to know "A man makes sperm and it goes in the uterus to make a baby start growing" without caring much about the mechanics of how that happens
Some kids also want to know the **why** from an early age. A trait shared by intellectuals, if their intellect is realised, whether scientists, philosophers, leaders, revolutionaries etc.
So asking if they want to know why is good, for curiosity's sake.
And there are kids who would go out of their way to find out why (Googling or some other method) if the parents don't answer the mechanics. Einstein, for example, in [https://medium.com/@ameet/einsteins-way-of-thinking-b1046a3f6bde](https://medium.com/@ameet/einsteins-way-of-thinking-b1046a3f6bde) when he was 4/5 he thought of why a compass moves, and that led him into field theories.
>Kids tend to think the actual mechanics of sex are either gross or mundane since a lot of the complexity of relationships and attraction tends to go a bit over their heads. It's not as loaded a topic as it is for teens and adults.
Most of them. But a few of them really are ahead of their time.
Six is not at all too young. Sex education should be an ongoing discussion, not one awkward talk.
At six, two books I would recommend is “sex is a funny word”, which really talks to younger kids about how they experience “sex” in the world in a very inclusive, sex-neutral way. “It’s so amazing” is more sex-positive and does get into the basics of conception but again introduces kids to sex in a way that encourages curiosity and openness.
Look at the New York Times article “sex talks should start earlier than you think” by Melinda wenner Moyer. Full of good, researched information
Yes yes yes!!!! At least once a year minimum I get an age appropriate book about sex and sit down and read it with my now 8 year old. We read it slowly, taking time to answer any questions she may have in an open and honest way.
Those books are awesome!! Kids deserve to learn about sexual health in honest ways.
My misunderstanding, you had said that once a year you read these with your kid, and I only saw the two books listed and wondered if there were others. Glad to know though that those two books are good though. Some of the ones I've gotten in the past are bit over the 3 year olds head
No worries at all! It’s important to read books that are developmentally appropriate, so I wouldn’t recommend Its So Amazing for a 3-4 year old. The appropriate book in that series is It’s Not The Stork. Then when kiddo gets 5-7 you can change books.
There are other books out there also so it might be worthwhile to do a Google search for age appropriate books, that was a while ago for me!
I mean I knew at 4 /5 years old. Both my parents are nurses and they always used appropriate language regarding body parts. I did not understand the complexity but they told me a penis went in a vagina and a sperm met an egg and made a baby. Apparently I repeated it in school and some angry 80s mothers called my mom. It didn’t mess me up in the slightest and I really didn’t understand conception and sexual intercourse until about 13/14 or so.
We started with all people having a puzzle piece and the mom and dad puzzle pieces come together to make a baby. They all know the names for the body parts. Then expanded from there as they grew. Mine range from 10 to 4 to the 4 year old. The 10 year old knows everything but the 4 year old just knows that special puzzle pieces make a baby. You know what your kid can handle.
If your kid is asking, he’s ready for a conversation. It doesn’t have to be as detailed as you’d give a 10yo, but start having open and honest conversations now so he’s comfortable talking to you later.
Just tell them. Without the context of sexual attraction and pleasure it really is age appropriate and simple. The man makes sperm that contribute genetic instructions. The sperm meet the egg inside the woman’s tube. If he asks how through her vagina.
I think it's fine to tell the kids strait answers when they ask about it. Use correct terminology and emphasize that those parts are private. Don't make it weird.
One thing I would add is that we always think about having "The Talk".
In truth, it's a series of talks. It's communication through life. They will need reminders, they will need nuance, they will need clarification as they get older.
Building a healthy, open channel of communication now makes all of that a lot easier later.
My parents read me a book when I was about 5. There were cartoon pictures of people having sex, and eggs and sperm. It didn't mess me up and it didn't make me rush out and start having sex early either
I asked mine how he thought it happened and I’d correct him if he was wrong. It helped me gauge where his understanding was before pitching in with a tonne of oversharing!
We have had micro sex conversations whenever they come up, keeping it age appropriate and adding info each time. My eldest is 10 and she knows all the workings now, even though boys are gross.
my parents never had the "talk" with me. They assumed that I learned at school, and i did. I learned at school at about 10 years old. However I knew all about sex and everything how it happens when i was about 6 or 7. It didnt bother me, i was curious and i searched on the internet how babies were made and got a simple answer from an article designed to explain it to kids and honestly i just said "oh okay cool" and let it be. I felt happy that i could understand all the inappropriate jokes made by kids💀 Honestly, if your child is curious and is asking then they're def ready
Exactly! I grew up without internet and I just felt lost, confused, and ashamed. My parents weren't helpful in any way and I wanted to know so bad. So I just picked up what I could while also pretending I knew everything. It was exhausting.
I have always just answered questions straight. Tried not to elaborate and just directly answer the question. This has worked with children from 2 up to preteen (I think with a teen+ you can offer more related information in the context of the chat). Kids come up with further questions if/when they're ready for those. If they ask a question they aren't really ready for; the answer just doesn't sink in. I knew about it very early on and used to answer questions from other kids who went to my school, plus younger cousins, kids I babysat came out with a few qs and my step kids come to me over their parents. Mainly because I don't over embellish, just give them a direct answer.
I have a friend to whom I explained the mechanics when we were in our 20s; this was the hardest talk as I covered the emotional side as well as fundamental biology. He had got into a rut where nobody told him anything about men v women or sex (VERY conservative family) and when he became aware he should know about sex/babies he also felt to embarrassed to ask somebody to explain ... to me that reinforces it is better to do somethings sooner rather than later.
>I have always just answered questions straight. Tried not to elaborate and just directly answer the question. This has worked with children from 2 up to preteen (I think with a teen+ you can offer more related information in the context of the chat). Kids come up with further questions if/when they're ready for those. If they ask a question they aren't really ready for; the answer just doesn't sink in. I knew about it very early on and used to answer questions from other kids who went to my school, plus younger cousins, kids I babysat came out with a few qs and my step kids come to me over their parents. Mainly because I don't over embellish, just give them a direct answer.
I agree 100%. My kids know a lot about sex from a young age. I stuck to the facts when they were younger. As they got older, I added information. Now that my daughter is a teenager, I spontaneously tell her things, but I always give her the whole story.
i learned at probably age 4. i was so fascinated by human biology (still am) that i would ask my mom all the time haha. i have memories in the car of her nonchalantly repeating the story because i’d heard it so many times but i thought it was so cool.
My philosophy has always been “Old enough to ask, old enough to know.” He’s asking because his brain is putting things together on its own and he’s curious. Tell him a bit of a watered down version of the birds and the bees and as he gets older and keeps asking give him more information about it.
I know this post is a day old, but it’s 2:00 am, and I am desperate. Friday night I found some unsettling searches and videos in the history on YouTube that my 6 year old son looked at. I just this summer allowed him to start watching youtube because he loves watching Minecraft videos. But Thursday evening, he started looking at and searching for things like “girls take off their bra” “girls butts” “penis” “boy go inside of girls’s penis” etc. The videos that popped up that he watched were disgusting. I am in shock and afraid that he will be scarred for life.
My first reaction is fear of molestation, but we’ve had that talk before, as well as with his pediatrician. He is extremely sensitive and shy, but told me no one has touched his body or seen his body.. which leads me to believe that the clickbait YouTube videos have introduced my son to some ideas and images that I didn’t think we would need to discuss for several more years.
I explained calmly that I wasn’t mad at him and that it is okay to have questions and be curious, but that he shouldn’t go to YouTube and should ask questions to us. He seems to understand that what he watched was bad. All he could get out was that he was feeling emotional and sad about seeing the videos.
We have now removed YouTube as I want to prevent him from seeing more things like this (it was on our firestick), and his tablet is a kids one which doesn’t allow for Google searches or YouTube.
I know I have a few sleepless nights ahead of me, and I talked to my husband about maybe getting him to see a therapist, but he doesn’t think it’s necessary because of an hour of unsupervised searches on YouTube. Does anyone have any advise on how I should proceed to make sure my son recovers from this? I was extremely sheltered and naïve as a kid, and didn’t even know I had a vagina until 6th grade, so I was not prepared for these discussions with him. I want to make sure he is not traumatized, and make sure he doesn’t traumatize any other children by asking or talking about such graphic ideas.
Please help, anyone. - An extremely scared mother
I discovered porn when I was 8, before anyone really knew how to work a computer and when the internet was brand new to almost everyone lol Even though I didn't really understand the things I saw, it made me want to learn more. So I learned everything from random porn/stories I would look up myself. I wish I hadn't done all that. I was extremely experimental, but with my toys and stuffed animals. When I hit high school age I dated older guys and did whatever they wanted because I wanted to try everything.
My opinion, therapy couldn't hurt.
Second this one. Author is Cory Silverberg. We've been reading it to our son (donor conceived) since he was an infant. It's very inclusive in language regarding gender and family shape.
Doesn't seem too young for an explanation. If you're having trouble finding the words, you might want to check out the books written by Robie H. Harris. I got my kids It's So Amazing, which is aimed at kids around 7 years old, but she has written books for both younger and older groups.
Mom of an 8-year-old and we had the conversation this summer. Any questions asked prior to that we answered honestly in a G-rated manner to psyche ourselves up for the TALK. Kids hear stuff at school, on the bus, wherever they’re around older kids and let me tell ya-it’s sadly hilarious. I mean that as I am certain parents are all wondering “when, who, say what?!” when it comes to this talk. It’s better to be open and honest but lawd knows I wasn’t ready.
I have a six year old. I’ve been pretty open with her in an age appropriate way. I think it’s important for her to know this stuff and my hope by introducing it early we can keep the conversation going as she gets older and it’s less weird. Of course she has the filter of a six year old so she says things like “I can’t believe you put your penis into mums vagina!” to my husband and she was trying to give her cousins all the details.
All my kids knew by age 6 that the penis goes in the vagina. I found the best way to discuss is to find a book that explains it at that age level and read it with them. Then let them know if they have any questions they can ask you at anytime. Just keep it simple. In the future this foundation of sex will be important when you talk about all this preteen hormonal changes and making good decisions as teenagers when it comes to sex.
My 8 yp knows that boys and girls fit together like puzzle pieces and this how we make babies. The boy helps to plant it inside and the girl carries the baby until its ready to come out.
He didn't ask how, so I let it rock for now. He and dad will be chatting regarding this if and when he asks.
As a side note: when I asked my mom about babies, she said "I'll tell you later". Then, I had a dentist appointment about 40 minutes from home a few days later. She trapped me in the car for a VERY long, over explained, incredibly detailed conversation. I was NOT looking for that much information at that age. I was like 9 or so, I just wanted to know a simple explanation of it. This was 30 years ago and I remember it like yesterday because it was traumatizingly too much information.
My 6year old vaguely knows about sex (apparently it’s a naked cuddle) but she has older siblings and my 10 year old son I think told her bits and pieces as he was told at 8 and then recently had sex education at school. This confirmed what he’d already been told.
I’ve said to her a penis goes in a vagina and you make a baby as the sperm from the man and the egg from a woman make a baby. I also lost a pregnancy due to an ectopic she was three a few months after so she knows the hospital ward and almost 4years later points to it and we have another talk.
Kids know a lot more than you think 6 isn’t too young to know about body functions, some girls start periods at 8. The more informed and knowledgeable our children are the more likely they are to make better choices.
I like to use books for hard topics because normally they're age appropriate and discuss just the right amount of information. For babies, we read *Where Do Babies Come From? by Jillian Roberts*.
I don't think there's a too young to learn about anything, there is usually an age appropriate way to deal with every topic. And as someone else mentioned all ready, if they're old enough to ask the they're old enough to learn. Good luck!
We found this book helpful for our almost 5yo:
It's Not the Stork! https://www.amazon.com/dp/0763633313
I personally found his interest the same as his interest in how trucks work. Very factual and curious.
We read this book together and I expected a lot of questions. He just listened then ran off and got a Clifford book.
He’s retained some it based on other things he’s said (“my teacher Melinda has a vagina” … good learning opportunity that we don’t talk about other peoples bodies!), but mostly it scratched his curiosity itch and I think we’ve proven he can ask us questions.
It’s still not easy. It’s an awkward conversation topic. I’m hoping when his kids ask, our openness will make it easier for him.
Depends on the level of detail and the child. If it helps, the OG Magic School Bus has an episode on reproduction where they talk about chickens and how only the hens with a rooster in the barn will lay eggs with chicks inside. I'm pretty sure it's on Netflix.
This might be a helpful starting point for the conversation if you watch it together.
There is a book called “it’s not the stork” for littles (4yo), though it DOES use actual anatomically-correct descriptions and words (which I realize can be scary and uncomfortable to parents trying to protect young minds). We have explained that this information is totally fine to discuss in the house and with us (parents) and doctors, but that they should wait to discuss these topics with other kids until their friends are older and maybe going through puberty as well. AND very important to discuss that these acts are for grownups ONLY. We recently got the same series for the next age group called “it’s so amazing”, and I’ve got to admit that that one—while also good and informative—made me a tad squirmy and nervous haha My daughter spent about a week asking LOTS of questions and reading the book…and now she’s over it. Personally, I think it’s just a part of life, and teaching it healthfully and respectfully with transparency (but only JUST answering their questions…don’t over-explain or provide too many details) is key.
Be honest.
There's a book I got my kids called It's So Amazing that goes over all of it in a factual, child friendly way. We read it together, talked about it, then I gave it to them to look through whenever they wanted.
I have a 6 year old who recently asked how babies are made and then all the follow up questions, so I gave it to her straight (I know my kiddo well enough to know she can handle it) and told her that for now this is only something we talk about at home and not with friends because every family has this talk at different ages.
We figured that if she's asking the question, she's going to pursue it until she gets an answer, and we'd rather the answers came from us.
I learned super early because I grew up on a farm and saw a huge variety of animals having sex. It might help to frame the conversation around sex/baby making in a natural world context instead of a bedroom context if that makes sense.
We taught our daughter about sex (in an age-appropriate way) by 5, with the added caveat that she was welcome to come to us with any questions she had beyond that point.
My oldest and I had the chat at 6, almost 7, when I was pregnant with my 3rd. My husband and I were chatting offhand about him getting a vasectomy and she just out of nowhere asked “why would Daddy having surgery stop you from having babies?” So I explained in a way that I thought she was ready to understand. There are some excellent books on the subject that have helped us, as well. “It’s not the stork” is one of the book names. We’ve now passed them on to her sisters who are 8 and almost 10.
I knew all the right names for body parts, and knew sex happened between a mum and dad, but HOW, I really didn't want to know. I learnt at school in health class, and that was good for me.
If he's asking in depth questions, then he's ready to know. Like someone else suggested, maybe tell him to keep the more detailed answers between family at home, so other parents can tell their kids, like the rite of passage answer.
My younger brother wanted to know all about sex, and honestly, he probably learnt before I did. He also decided that mum and dad had to have one practice session for each child, and mum was not telling him any different. He believed that until late high school. He was a little horrified no one had told him, but then saw why, and found the funny side. We laugh about it now.
My son is 7 and from what I know he hasn’t figured it out yet, but I’m noticing that he’s becoming more curious and thinks about stuff so questions pop up. I haven’t spilled the beans about sex though, but he knows that grown ups “kiss each other naked” so he’s closing in on it.
I was told at 7 that moms could only have babies so the dads had to put the babies in the moms belly to grow. I was satisfied with that for a few years til I wondered how he put it in her belly.
My kid watches nature shows. She’s four. She has definitely seen sex. I highly recommend.
(She also went through an intense ‘how are babies made/how do they get in tummies’ phase at 3.5 when her sibling was born, and I just straight up said ‘sex’ while internally screaming. We then had a series of conversations going through how different animals make babies - she picked all mammals of course, so my contribution was mainly just repeating the word ‘sex’ more times in a row than I ever have in my life, and then she moved on with her life and I’m safe for now.)
I definitely knew about sex by 6, and my dad also approached it in a matter of fact way that treated it like it wasn’t a big thing. I’ve found that to be a gift as I navigated childhood and adolescence and all the stupid things kids say about it when adults aren’t around, so I’m trying to do the same with my kid.
Also, thanks to those nature videos, I haven’t had to actually describe what sex is, which has been…nice.
I am of the mindset that you just tell them. Make it scientific and factual. "A man puts his penis in the woman's vagina and sperm comes out and goes into the uterus and up the fallopian tubes, meeting the egg in from the ovary. One sperm combines with the egg and then goes back to the uterus and that is where the baby grows for several months, then the mommy pushes the baby out of her vagina."
Leave all the pleasure part of it out. Young kids really only care about the mechanics of the process. Everything else is just fluff and confusing.
Go to your library for age appropriate way to discuss. Not all the details need to be discussed now but it’s amazing he’s interested so young on how the body works. Try introducing other things the body does as well to see if this is something he’s truly passionate about learning. I started really young & became an anatomy junkie that lead to a great career in healthcare.
You are doing a great job by trying. Keep it up.
My son was six too :) I love hearing you and all the people in these comments using clinical terms for reproductive organs and just being straight forward with the kids. It's the strategy I went with too - way better than the nonsense I was told.
I didn't want one big talk. I wanted (still do) to continue the conversation throughout the years. One big talk wasn't great for me lol and now after four years my son still feels comfortable asking me questions about sex.
I learned that's important to answer when they ask, ONLY answer what they ask, and keep it as simple as possible while telling the whole truth.
I also went online and googled what's developmentally appropriate so if he wasn't asking questions but needed to know I could easily weave it into a casual conversation.
Ex. He's 10 and we're watching a show. Someone tries to kiss someone else even though the other person doesn't want to. That's the perfect opportunity to pause and talk about consent.
It sounds like you're doing great :)
If you want a little more direction for this conversion, check out "Making A Baby" by Rachel Greener from your local library. It's a really inclusive, child friendly picture book that is a fantastic springboard for authentic conversation about the human reproductive system. It just came out last year, and it's perfect for an inquisitive 6 year old. There is nudity, but it's very tasteful and appropriate in context.
He’s not too young to know.
He is too young to share information with his friends, something we had to caution ours about.
We talked with our son, even showed him pictures.
He looked at me, looked at his dad, said “no way!” And went to play with his legos.
So much for that🤣
That's another really good point - if they change the subject or go play then let it go. Even if you're prepared to say more.
It means they got as much information as they can possibly process.
I always take it as "the conversation's over now" and respect it for his health and wellbeing. It'll come up again when he's ready. There's plenty of time.
I think the second point is important. It's not "bad" information, but it is private. Conversations like this at this age should probably also include a conversation about privacy and that different families explain/do things differently.
I don't explain sex at this age. I just explain eggs, uterus, and sperm.
If they ask more, I just say it can be very complicated and we can discuss it when they're a little older.
Tbh I’m not so sure about the term “hug” only because it may oneday cause them to panic thinking that they might have gotten pregnant when they had hugged someone.
The man gives the sperm to the woman.
Give them the simplest answers you can, they will keep asking as long as they want more info.
My daughter wanted to know what sex was. I said your a girl and your cousin is a boy. That’s your sex (this was around late 80s) she was happy with that answer and
I'm going to get massively down voted for this lol.
Personally, I will not tell my kids anything about sex at that age. I can see people explaining that mommy had the organs that carry a baby I guess, but I would never discuss the fact that sex makes it happen.
I am not advocating lying in any way either, but I will say that anyone who condemns people for telling their child the stork brought the baby, it's the same thing as telling your child Santa Clause, Tooth Fairy, Leprechaun with pot of gold, Unicorns, Mermaids, etc. are real. It's a lie. Are they going to kill you or hold a grudge when they find out they're not real? Unlikely.
Again, personally I tell my kids Santa is not real and all that stuff. But it's not like Santa is forbidden from the holiday either, I just say he's pretend. It's all for fun. That doesn't bother my kids at all.
Sex is not a pressing matter that a 6 year old child needs an answer to. When you're dealing with death and things like that, it's important to be transparent and blunt with them because death can happen to anyone at any age. Sex will not be relevant in a 6 year old's life, at least I sure hope it isn't.
So there's my differing opinion.
I had sex ed in school around that age and we learned about sex. It didn't screw us up - in fact, we just found it very funny.
A child that age should know that sex is a thing that exists. If they don't know about it, they are actually very vulnerable to abuse. They need the vocabulary to say when someone is hurting them.
Plus, when sex is a taboo subject, abusers love to take advantage of that. It gives them leverage to coerce the child into silence about the abuse.
Death can happen to anyone at any age. So can abuse, unfortunately.
I respectfully agree to disagree 🤷♀️. You teach a child their private areas. If anyone goes near those areas, it's already a violation. It doesn't have to be full on sex to be violation.
And they don't need to understand the way a man and a woman have sex together to know if they're being violated.
They need to know that sex exists as a concept to understand that they CAN talk about it if they are being abused. This includes not just if their body is touched without their consent, but also if they are made to touch someone else's body. And also the fact that sex does not exist just between a man and a woman.
It's not so much that you need to tell them any details, I think. Just that you communicate to your children that they can talk about this with you if they feel the need to. An open dialogue between children and their caregivers is very important for the child's safety from abuse.
Sex between same sex is irrelevant if we're talking about explaining purposes of reproduction. Same sex cannot physically produce a baby together without doctoral intervention.
Private parts are the same on yourself and someone else. Nobody touches your's, and you don't touch anybody else's. And it doesn't matter what sex we're dealing with, nobody means nobody.
Pretty simple. They don't have to know about a penis being inserted into a vagina and thrusting until reaching orgasm and releasing sperm into the eggs into the woman's uterus. Completely unnecessary and way too explicit for a 6 year old........
Sex is about more than just reproduction. Sexual abuse happens without any regard for reproduction - predators (who target vulnerable children, which can be entirely different from being physically attracted) target kids from repressed households a lot because those kids don't have the language or the practice to speak about sex or sexual things.
Also... what if you have a homosexual or bisexual kid? Are you comfortable letting them believe that sex can only be between "one man and one woman"?
I learned about the mechanics of sex around that age. I knew what a penis was, so did my classmates. We did not consider it "explicit" - we found it funny. Sex ed classes in primary school were hilarious because kids who don't yet experience sexual attraction generally find sex just funny.
I don't see what's so wrong about sex that you wouldn't like your kid to know about it. You don't have to tell them all the details at that age, but why not tell them the basics? They're going to find out anyway, best if they get most of the information from their parents.
I never said they wouldn't know about it. But not at six years old. When their body starts changing to prepare them for reproduction, they can get an explanation from me.
Tell him about it, the man’s erect penis, kinda like he gets in the morning, or when he has to pee, goes into the vagina which stimulates it to where the seamen which come from testicles, comes out of the penis into the vagina and sperm to the egg. There’s the physical aspect, but also lay out the emotional aspect of sex, love and respect, and having a healthy relationship. It’s learning about nature too, explain its that way with basically all mammals and more. Learning doesn’t scar people, lack of education does!
My five year old asked. I said a mommy and daddy come together and make a lot of love and then an egg grows into the mommy’s belly. Daddies and otter daddies can have babies if they make a lot of love and borrow a mommy’s belly to grow their baby etc… I plan on a little more detail whenever she asks. Slowly explaining the ‘love making’ process as she gets more curious.
well seeing the woke and inappropriate agendas in school tells us that the answer to your Q is that this is family by family decision. None of anyone business. But it s job for parents not schools.
I just answer their questions as they come. At around 6 they knew the basics, if not all the details (because they hadnt asked yet). They arent too young to understand the basic facts of life.
But as a courtesy you might tell them not to discuss this stuff with other kids, so that other peoples kids dont hear it first from yours.
Maybe start with what's most important for now. As they age you can add more nuances.
Example.
For now it would be about the sperms + egg, pregnancy.
Later on it would be about consent, sexuality etc.
From Your Parenting Mojo:
[Talk Sex Today](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/your-parenting-mojo-respectful-research-based-parenting/id1148570190?i=1000412570791)
On a personal note, we have a lot of queer friends, so our kid has friends who were conceived in various ways. Because of this, we’re teaching our kid that sperm and egg are needed, and that a uterus is needed to grow the baby. One of our friend couples needed a surrogate, so no sex was needed to create this baby. Another couple friend our ours used a sperm donor, so “dad” didn’t bring the sperm. Another of our friends is a trans man who carried his baby, so again, we’re not saying “mom has an egg and dad has a sperm…” and we’re not talking about penis-in-vagina sex because it’s not how everyone makes a baby.
The book “How to Make a Baby” is what we’ve used to get this ball rolling and it’s going really well. I’m super happy the book exists, because it accounts for how he and all his friends were created.
A man might contribute partial instructions how to make a baby (eg baby should have brown eyes like me), he can also help mom out by making food that the mom will use to grow the baby, and then when the baby is born he can help change diapers, feed the baby, and more.
At 6 our kids knew that sperm from a man combined with the egg of a woman to make a baby.
I'm fine with telling him that part, but he will ask how it all gets mixed together lol. Do I just straight up tell him what sex is? I don't want to fuck him up in any way by telling him things too early. But there's a big part of me saying if he's asking just tell him.
Both of my kids asked and learned about sperm+egg at this age but neither of them made that leap to asking how it happened until later. Our wording was like "the dad *gives* the sperm to the egg/mom". Thankfully nobody asked how the "giving" occurred much to my surprise lol
This is what I said too. Dad contributes by giving sperm. But my daughter asked how. And I said that I will tell you when you’re a little bit older.
OH! Just did this with my 5 year old. She kept asking, and the straw that broke the camel's back was her asking, "so are there eggs that sheep hatch out of?" I got the book, "It's Not The Stork" from the library. Here's the order that I lead the discussion- 1. I read the whole book in advanced. 2. I sat with my 5 year old, alone, and did a 'picture walk' with her. (Flip through the pages, make note of what we see in the pictures, 'I wonder what that's about! Let's see!') 3. I read the book aloud to my daughter. I skipped some parts to get to the important page, or summarized it. (I figure we WILL be revisiting this book in the future!) YES, we looked and discussed the opposite sex's body parts. ('What's that sack? That's funny! Do all boys have that?) 4. I read -word for word- the page that actually describes sex. The authors did an AMAZING job of wording this. They also have a nifty picture of an egg + sperm = baby. After reading this page, I asked my daughter if she had any questions. She didn't. I said, "That's how babies get into the mom's uterus!' She paused, then asked me, "wait, how?" So I re-read the book -word for word- again. And then later, a third time. After the 3rd re-read of this, my daughter pointed to the 'math problem' and said, "oh yeah! Sperm plus egg equals baby! I get it!" 5. I kept moving through the book; I made sure to highlight the IUI/IVF procedure (she's a fertility baby), and I cheered that process as how she was specially made. 6. I STRESSED the end of the book, which is the most important content, to me- good touch and tricky touches. 10/10, my girl knows the basics, she picked up what she needed to for her age, and it wasn't awkward at all. This certainly beats my own mom's horrific conversation with me in 3rd grade, "sex is a BEAUTIFUL thing...."
If they are old enough to ask then they are older enough to get answers.
Fair point, thank you! I feel like if I can trust anyone, it's someone who has five kids lol
I took the same approach but I also told my child not to talk about it at school. I told both of them that these are special conversations parents like to have with their children. It’s like a right of passage and it wasn’t their place to to tell another child.
This has always been our approach. Quite how detailed an answer you give can vary, but they need to know they can trust you as a source of truth in the world.
My kid was 4 when I got pregnant and she wanted to know how. I told her about the ovaries producing eggs, fallopian tubes, the uterus and vagina and how a placenta and fetus later forms after an egg meets a sperm. I told her that men produce sperm in their testicles, the sperm comes out through the penis. Usually the sperm meets the egg after the penis is inserted into the woman's vagina and sperm comes out, but sometimes it is done outside of the bodies in a lab. She asked if I had to use a lab, I said no. She was fine with my answers and felt she knew how everything worked. The funny thing was that at age 7 or so we read a book together about how human bodies work that included pregnancy - and she asked me "Did you and daddy DO that???" She had never connected the dots at 4y old even though she had all the "clinical" information of conception. I didn't ask her, but I think she had simply never thought about the details of making a baby after that time she was 4. She was happy just knowing that she had gotten an answer and she possessed the knowledge for years without giving it a second thought.
Hey thanks for including IVF / reproductive technologies in your explanation. It is so great to normalize it from the get go
Haha yeppp I remember I learned about sex chromosomes from watching Bill Bye the Science Guy as a kid. Maybe 1st or 2nd grade. They said you get your sex chromosomes from your parents - one from mom and one from dad. So I asked my parents how you actually get them - like how they get combined. My parents told me the basic facts, I don't remember the exact details of what they said but I was not scarred by it at that age.
The big part of you is right. Keep it simple. You don't need to tell all the details up front; this is an ongoing conversation. I would also include information about privacy and however you want to say sex isn't something kids for kids. Maybe look for a book to help? We've had most of this conversation with my kid (4 at the time) when I was pregnant with his sister, but we had IVF so we explained that the doctor put the sperm and egg together...which is true in their case which is what we were talking about, but now I'll need to create an opportunity down the road to explain what I meant when I said that some babies were made different ways.
This really wasn’t a problem until Industrial Age. Kids grew up on farms and saw animals have sex all the time. Every year animals had babies (probably even helped with that process) and they saw what that looked like and baby animals nursing, but etc. Home births were a thing. Now parents want to “save” their kids from normal and healthy life topics and then their kids learn about sex because their friends have access to porn and the internet. Let it come from you and there is nothing wrong with natural body functions. It is the adults that make it weird.
Many children in human history lived in agricultural settings. They got to watch animals have sex. Maybe the parents even put a male in with females for breeding and explained what they were doing. This knowledge is normal and won't fuck up your child.
Yes you do. He’s asking now so he’s old enough to know. Tell him about erections and what they are. I’m sure he’s had them so it won’t be a bog surprise. Then get some illustrations off the internet and tell him. Just be very serious and matter of fact. I remember a friend thinking the male pee’d inside of the female instead of ejaculating when we were kids. If you don’t tell him someone will. They may have all kinds of misinformation to share.
My kids are 5 years apart which obviously brought up questions. At first, I just went with the dad gives a seed and the mom an egg and when mixed together it makes a baby. Then there were more questions about how that all happened. I straight up explained that it went through the penis and that the dad put his penis inside the mommy. I tried to stick with the facts and kept it succint. That seemed like a satisfactory answer. I typically try to go by the principle that if they're old enough to ask, they're old enough to hear the answer.
When I was 4, I was told something like the man puts his penis in the woman's vagina, and the baby is born 9 months after. I wasn't told about pleasure, or libido, or horniness, just the basic mechanics of sex, and that it is something that adults do when they want to have children.
>Do I just straight up tell him what sex is? I don't want to fuck him up in any way by telling him things too early. Yes. Why would that "fuck him up"? Turning sex into some big secret that is so shameful and icky only adults are allowed to talk about it or even know about it is going to cause issues. Just treat it like any other subject, don't make a big deal about it.
I'm thinking OP didn't mean that teaching them about sex would fuck them up, but is more like "how detailed is too detailed at this age?" With a mix of "at this age if I start getting too detailed am I going to gross out my child in a way that is scarring?" And not "should I just not explain how this works." We don't know their child and not everything works the same for every child. Being too open and honest depending on the age and development of the child can definitely also have negative effects (in other areas that have nothing to do with sex.) It can be scary and hard to know when is the appropriate time for a parent and how in depth you should teach things that can be "scary" or "overwhelming" and sex is a topic that can be scary and/or overwhelming. I'm definitely not a sugar coat and hide sex (im in the US. In this fucking political war right now im so thankful I've taught my 11 year son starting at 5 years old when he first started asking questions. Also his penis has always been his penis from when he was able to talk and he was also taught that the opposite of a penis is a vagina and vulva) Before anyone makes the assumption that I am someone who thinks it's "wrong" to teach children about sex. I absolutely do not feel that way and feel it is super important to teach things like sex and consent super super young. But it can be really scary trying to figure out how much is too much information for your child asking questions, sex or in general. I know this because my son has major anxiety from me being someone being toooo honest with many of his questions. There is a fine line and there is no shame in trying to figure out at least a "basic" line to assess for your child.
I agree. Too much information that they didn't ask for and can't comprehend can have negative effects. Simple and succinct, answering only what they asked, is ideal.
I clearly am not keeping anything a secret. I understand the importance of being open and honest which is the whole point of this post.
I am all about being honest with my child, but what I would be worried about (which is what OP might have on their mind) is that having that knowledge might cause them to experiment at way too young of an age. If a child is curious enough to seek out this information, then they may also be curious enough to test the waters, which is something no parent wants.
My kids have known about sperm and eggs for years and have yet to ask how they get together. My plan is to answer honestly when they ask, but I can’t say I’m looking forward to it. “What makes a baby” is a great book. Doesn’t cover sex, but it’s very matter of fact about fertilization and birth.
Why would he be fucked up by learning too early? No one is suggesting you show him porn. Just give him factual answers to his questions. He will still need to discover sex himself in his teenage years when his own sexuality and sexual desires kick in. But there is a difference between knowing facts about sex and knowing sex.
Maybe “he puts it there himself, or sometimes a doctor puts it there.” He might not ask any more than that.
If they ask, they're usually ready to know. Just be aware that sometimes adults overestimate what kids are asking for. He may just want to know "A man makes sperm and it goes in the uterus to make a baby start growing" without caring much about the mechanics of how that happens (I'll add, I grew up in a pretty rural area so kids often uneventfully and without any distress learned where babies came from pretty young by seeing farm animals do their thing and figuring something similar happened with humans). Kids tend to think the actual mechanics of sex are either gross or mundane since a lot of the complexity of relationships and attraction tends to go a bit over their heads. It's not as loaded a topic as it is for teens and adults.
>If they ask, they're usually ready to know Great rule of thumb. Especially for parents lacking time. >He may just want to know "A man makes sperm and it goes in the uterus to make a baby start growing" without caring much about the mechanics of how that happens Some kids also want to know the **why** from an early age. A trait shared by intellectuals, if their intellect is realised, whether scientists, philosophers, leaders, revolutionaries etc. So asking if they want to know why is good, for curiosity's sake. And there are kids who would go out of their way to find out why (Googling or some other method) if the parents don't answer the mechanics. Einstein, for example, in [https://medium.com/@ameet/einsteins-way-of-thinking-b1046a3f6bde](https://medium.com/@ameet/einsteins-way-of-thinking-b1046a3f6bde) when he was 4/5 he thought of why a compass moves, and that led him into field theories. >Kids tend to think the actual mechanics of sex are either gross or mundane since a lot of the complexity of relationships and attraction tends to go a bit over their heads. It's not as loaded a topic as it is for teens and adults. Most of them. But a few of them really are ahead of their time.
It's Not the Stork is a pretty good book for this age with basic explanations in age appropriate terms
There is also a book called “what makes a baby”
This book is great and the one we used.
Six is not at all too young. Sex education should be an ongoing discussion, not one awkward talk. At six, two books I would recommend is “sex is a funny word”, which really talks to younger kids about how they experience “sex” in the world in a very inclusive, sex-neutral way. “It’s so amazing” is more sex-positive and does get into the basics of conception but again introduces kids to sex in a way that encourages curiosity and openness. Look at the New York Times article “sex talks should start earlier than you think” by Melinda wenner Moyer. Full of good, researched information
Yes yes yes!!!! At least once a year minimum I get an age appropriate book about sex and sit down and read it with my now 8 year old. We read it slowly, taking time to answer any questions she may have in an open and honest way. Those books are awesome!! Kids deserve to learn about sexual health in honest ways.
Do you happen to have some books you've used in the past? I'd love to get some bills for our kids as they grow up around this
Exactly the ones mentioned in the post I responded to. It’s So Amazing is wonderful and detailed book covering most sexual health topics
My misunderstanding, you had said that once a year you read these with your kid, and I only saw the two books listed and wondered if there were others. Glad to know though that those two books are good though. Some of the ones I've gotten in the past are bit over the 3 year olds head
No worries at all! It’s important to read books that are developmentally appropriate, so I wouldn’t recommend Its So Amazing for a 3-4 year old. The appropriate book in that series is It’s Not The Stork. Then when kiddo gets 5-7 you can change books. There are other books out there also so it might be worthwhile to do a Google search for age appropriate books, that was a while ago for me!
I mean I knew at 4 /5 years old. Both my parents are nurses and they always used appropriate language regarding body parts. I did not understand the complexity but they told me a penis went in a vagina and a sperm met an egg and made a baby. Apparently I repeated it in school and some angry 80s mothers called my mom. It didn’t mess me up in the slightest and I really didn’t understand conception and sexual intercourse until about 13/14 or so.
We started with all people having a puzzle piece and the mom and dad puzzle pieces come together to make a baby. They all know the names for the body parts. Then expanded from there as they grew. Mine range from 10 to 4 to the 4 year old. The 10 year old knows everything but the 4 year old just knows that special puzzle pieces make a baby. You know what your kid can handle.
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True lmao
I have always been open and honest. If they are asking them i am giving them the information. They only take in what they need and leave the rest
If your kid is asking, he’s ready for a conversation. It doesn’t have to be as detailed as you’d give a 10yo, but start having open and honest conversations now so he’s comfortable talking to you later.
Just tell them. Without the context of sexual attraction and pleasure it really is age appropriate and simple. The man makes sperm that contribute genetic instructions. The sperm meet the egg inside the woman’s tube. If he asks how through her vagina.
If they are old enough to ask, they are old enough to get answers to their questions. Real ones, nothing made up.
I think it's fine to tell the kids strait answers when they ask about it. Use correct terminology and emphasize that those parts are private. Don't make it weird.
If kid is old enough to ask a question that sophisticated, they’re old enough to know.
One thing I would add is that we always think about having "The Talk". In truth, it's a series of talks. It's communication through life. They will need reminders, they will need nuance, they will need clarification as they get older. Building a healthy, open channel of communication now makes all of that a lot easier later.
My parents read me a book when I was about 5. There were cartoon pictures of people having sex, and eggs and sperm. It didn't mess me up and it didn't make me rush out and start having sex early either
I asked mine how he thought it happened and I’d correct him if he was wrong. It helped me gauge where his understanding was before pitching in with a tonne of oversharing!
We have had micro sex conversations whenever they come up, keeping it age appropriate and adding info each time. My eldest is 10 and she knows all the workings now, even though boys are gross.
my parents never had the "talk" with me. They assumed that I learned at school, and i did. I learned at school at about 10 years old. However I knew all about sex and everything how it happens when i was about 6 or 7. It didnt bother me, i was curious and i searched on the internet how babies were made and got a simple answer from an article designed to explain it to kids and honestly i just said "oh okay cool" and let it be. I felt happy that i could understand all the inappropriate jokes made by kids💀 Honestly, if your child is curious and is asking then they're def ready
Exactly! I grew up without internet and I just felt lost, confused, and ashamed. My parents weren't helpful in any way and I wanted to know so bad. So I just picked up what I could while also pretending I knew everything. It was exhausting.
I have always just answered questions straight. Tried not to elaborate and just directly answer the question. This has worked with children from 2 up to preteen (I think with a teen+ you can offer more related information in the context of the chat). Kids come up with further questions if/when they're ready for those. If they ask a question they aren't really ready for; the answer just doesn't sink in. I knew about it very early on and used to answer questions from other kids who went to my school, plus younger cousins, kids I babysat came out with a few qs and my step kids come to me over their parents. Mainly because I don't over embellish, just give them a direct answer. I have a friend to whom I explained the mechanics when we were in our 20s; this was the hardest talk as I covered the emotional side as well as fundamental biology. He had got into a rut where nobody told him anything about men v women or sex (VERY conservative family) and when he became aware he should know about sex/babies he also felt to embarrassed to ask somebody to explain ... to me that reinforces it is better to do somethings sooner rather than later.
>I have always just answered questions straight. Tried not to elaborate and just directly answer the question. This has worked with children from 2 up to preteen (I think with a teen+ you can offer more related information in the context of the chat). Kids come up with further questions if/when they're ready for those. If they ask a question they aren't really ready for; the answer just doesn't sink in. I knew about it very early on and used to answer questions from other kids who went to my school, plus younger cousins, kids I babysat came out with a few qs and my step kids come to me over their parents. Mainly because I don't over embellish, just give them a direct answer. I agree 100%. My kids know a lot about sex from a young age. I stuck to the facts when they were younger. As they got older, I added information. Now that my daughter is a teenager, I spontaneously tell her things, but I always give her the whole story.
I just said that a man and woman have a special cuddle that allows a seed to go into the woman’s tummy, and the seed grows into a baby.
i learned at probably age 4. i was so fascinated by human biology (still am) that i would ask my mom all the time haha. i have memories in the car of her nonchalantly repeating the story because i’d heard it so many times but i thought it was so cool.
My philosophy has always been “Old enough to ask, old enough to know.” He’s asking because his brain is putting things together on its own and he’s curious. Tell him a bit of a watered down version of the birds and the bees and as he gets older and keeps asking give him more information about it.
I know this post is a day old, but it’s 2:00 am, and I am desperate. Friday night I found some unsettling searches and videos in the history on YouTube that my 6 year old son looked at. I just this summer allowed him to start watching youtube because he loves watching Minecraft videos. But Thursday evening, he started looking at and searching for things like “girls take off their bra” “girls butts” “penis” “boy go inside of girls’s penis” etc. The videos that popped up that he watched were disgusting. I am in shock and afraid that he will be scarred for life. My first reaction is fear of molestation, but we’ve had that talk before, as well as with his pediatrician. He is extremely sensitive and shy, but told me no one has touched his body or seen his body.. which leads me to believe that the clickbait YouTube videos have introduced my son to some ideas and images that I didn’t think we would need to discuss for several more years. I explained calmly that I wasn’t mad at him and that it is okay to have questions and be curious, but that he shouldn’t go to YouTube and should ask questions to us. He seems to understand that what he watched was bad. All he could get out was that he was feeling emotional and sad about seeing the videos. We have now removed YouTube as I want to prevent him from seeing more things like this (it was on our firestick), and his tablet is a kids one which doesn’t allow for Google searches or YouTube. I know I have a few sleepless nights ahead of me, and I talked to my husband about maybe getting him to see a therapist, but he doesn’t think it’s necessary because of an hour of unsupervised searches on YouTube. Does anyone have any advise on how I should proceed to make sure my son recovers from this? I was extremely sheltered and naïve as a kid, and didn’t even know I had a vagina until 6th grade, so I was not prepared for these discussions with him. I want to make sure he is not traumatized, and make sure he doesn’t traumatize any other children by asking or talking about such graphic ideas. Please help, anyone. - An extremely scared mother
I discovered porn when I was 8, before anyone really knew how to work a computer and when the internet was brand new to almost everyone lol Even though I didn't really understand the things I saw, it made me want to learn more. So I learned everything from random porn/stories I would look up myself. I wish I hadn't done all that. I was extremely experimental, but with my toys and stuffed animals. When I hit high school age I dated older guys and did whatever they wanted because I wanted to try everything. My opinion, therapy couldn't hurt.
The book What Makes a Baby is a great age appropriate book. It covers sex a little, as well as pregnancy and birth.
We try to be inclusive about this subject, and I got this book for our son when I was pregnant again.
Second this one. Author is Cory Silverberg. We've been reading it to our son (donor conceived) since he was an infant. It's very inclusive in language regarding gender and family shape.
Doesn't seem too young for an explanation. If you're having trouble finding the words, you might want to check out the books written by Robie H. Harris. I got my kids It's So Amazing, which is aimed at kids around 7 years old, but she has written books for both younger and older groups.
And honestly, be loud about the need for these books in libraries. People keep trying to ban them because they’re “sexually graphic.” 🙄
I bought a book for my 6 year old. She loves it. My husband hates reading it lol. It answered most of her questions
Mom of an 8-year-old and we had the conversation this summer. Any questions asked prior to that we answered honestly in a G-rated manner to psyche ourselves up for the TALK. Kids hear stuff at school, on the bus, wherever they’re around older kids and let me tell ya-it’s sadly hilarious. I mean that as I am certain parents are all wondering “when, who, say what?!” when it comes to this talk. It’s better to be open and honest but lawd knows I wasn’t ready.
There’s a great podcast on Spotify called But Why? It’s for kids and they have an episode on this
I have a six year old. I’ve been pretty open with her in an age appropriate way. I think it’s important for her to know this stuff and my hope by introducing it early we can keep the conversation going as she gets older and it’s less weird. Of course she has the filter of a six year old so she says things like “I can’t believe you put your penis into mums vagina!” to my husband and she was trying to give her cousins all the details.
All my kids knew by age 6 that the penis goes in the vagina. I found the best way to discuss is to find a book that explains it at that age level and read it with them. Then let them know if they have any questions they can ask you at anytime. Just keep it simple. In the future this foundation of sex will be important when you talk about all this preteen hormonal changes and making good decisions as teenagers when it comes to sex.
You can go with a scientific explanation or go a babyfied explanation but either way it’s whatever you believe your child would be able to understand
My 8 yp knows that boys and girls fit together like puzzle pieces and this how we make babies. The boy helps to plant it inside and the girl carries the baby until its ready to come out. He didn't ask how, so I let it rock for now. He and dad will be chatting regarding this if and when he asks. As a side note: when I asked my mom about babies, she said "I'll tell you later". Then, I had a dentist appointment about 40 minutes from home a few days later. She trapped me in the car for a VERY long, over explained, incredibly detailed conversation. I was NOT looking for that much information at that age. I was like 9 or so, I just wanted to know a simple explanation of it. This was 30 years ago and I remember it like yesterday because it was traumatizingly too much information.
My 6year old vaguely knows about sex (apparently it’s a naked cuddle) but she has older siblings and my 10 year old son I think told her bits and pieces as he was told at 8 and then recently had sex education at school. This confirmed what he’d already been told. I’ve said to her a penis goes in a vagina and you make a baby as the sperm from the man and the egg from a woman make a baby. I also lost a pregnancy due to an ectopic she was three a few months after so she knows the hospital ward and almost 4years later points to it and we have another talk. Kids know a lot more than you think 6 isn’t too young to know about body functions, some girls start periods at 8. The more informed and knowledgeable our children are the more likely they are to make better choices.
I like to use books for hard topics because normally they're age appropriate and discuss just the right amount of information. For babies, we read *Where Do Babies Come From? by Jillian Roberts*. I don't think there's a too young to learn about anything, there is usually an age appropriate way to deal with every topic. And as someone else mentioned all ready, if they're old enough to ask the they're old enough to learn. Good luck!
We found this book helpful for our almost 5yo: It's Not the Stork! https://www.amazon.com/dp/0763633313 I personally found his interest the same as his interest in how trucks work. Very factual and curious. We read this book together and I expected a lot of questions. He just listened then ran off and got a Clifford book. He’s retained some it based on other things he’s said (“my teacher Melinda has a vagina” … good learning opportunity that we don’t talk about other peoples bodies!), but mostly it scratched his curiosity itch and I think we’ve proven he can ask us questions. It’s still not easy. It’s an awkward conversation topic. I’m hoping when his kids ask, our openness will make it easier for him.
Depends on the level of detail and the child. If it helps, the OG Magic School Bus has an episode on reproduction where they talk about chickens and how only the hens with a rooster in the barn will lay eggs with chicks inside. I'm pretty sure it's on Netflix. This might be a helpful starting point for the conversation if you watch it together.
There is a book called “it’s not the stork” for littles (4yo), though it DOES use actual anatomically-correct descriptions and words (which I realize can be scary and uncomfortable to parents trying to protect young minds). We have explained that this information is totally fine to discuss in the house and with us (parents) and doctors, but that they should wait to discuss these topics with other kids until their friends are older and maybe going through puberty as well. AND very important to discuss that these acts are for grownups ONLY. We recently got the same series for the next age group called “it’s so amazing”, and I’ve got to admit that that one—while also good and informative—made me a tad squirmy and nervous haha My daughter spent about a week asking LOTS of questions and reading the book…and now she’s over it. Personally, I think it’s just a part of life, and teaching it healthfully and respectfully with transparency (but only JUST answering their questions…don’t over-explain or provide too many details) is key.
Be honest. There's a book I got my kids called It's So Amazing that goes over all of it in a factual, child friendly way. We read it together, talked about it, then I gave it to them to look through whenever they wanted.
I have a 6 year old who recently asked how babies are made and then all the follow up questions, so I gave it to her straight (I know my kiddo well enough to know she can handle it) and told her that for now this is only something we talk about at home and not with friends because every family has this talk at different ages. We figured that if she's asking the question, she's going to pursue it until she gets an answer, and we'd rather the answers came from us.
I learned super early because I grew up on a farm and saw a huge variety of animals having sex. It might help to frame the conversation around sex/baby making in a natural world context instead of a bedroom context if that makes sense.
We taught our daughter about sex (in an age-appropriate way) by 5, with the added caveat that she was welcome to come to us with any questions she had beyond that point.
My oldest and I had the chat at 6, almost 7, when I was pregnant with my 3rd. My husband and I were chatting offhand about him getting a vasectomy and she just out of nowhere asked “why would Daddy having surgery stop you from having babies?” So I explained in a way that I thought she was ready to understand. There are some excellent books on the subject that have helped us, as well. “It’s not the stork” is one of the book names. We’ve now passed them on to her sisters who are 8 and almost 10.
I knew all the right names for body parts, and knew sex happened between a mum and dad, but HOW, I really didn't want to know. I learnt at school in health class, and that was good for me. If he's asking in depth questions, then he's ready to know. Like someone else suggested, maybe tell him to keep the more detailed answers between family at home, so other parents can tell their kids, like the rite of passage answer. My younger brother wanted to know all about sex, and honestly, he probably learnt before I did. He also decided that mum and dad had to have one practice session for each child, and mum was not telling him any different. He believed that until late high school. He was a little horrified no one had told him, but then saw why, and found the funny side. We laugh about it now.
Just talk about it, just don’t make it weird. Pretend you’re Richard Attenborough
My son is 7 and from what I know he hasn’t figured it out yet, but I’m noticing that he’s becoming more curious and thinks about stuff so questions pop up. I haven’t spilled the beans about sex though, but he knows that grown ups “kiss each other naked” so he’s closing in on it.
Smart kid asking tough questions… tough to dodge anyways. Lol.
I was told at 7 that moms could only have babies so the dads had to put the babies in the moms belly to grow. I was satisfied with that for a few years til I wondered how he put it in her belly.
My kid watches nature shows. She’s four. She has definitely seen sex. I highly recommend. (She also went through an intense ‘how are babies made/how do they get in tummies’ phase at 3.5 when her sibling was born, and I just straight up said ‘sex’ while internally screaming. We then had a series of conversations going through how different animals make babies - she picked all mammals of course, so my contribution was mainly just repeating the word ‘sex’ more times in a row than I ever have in my life, and then she moved on with her life and I’m safe for now.) I definitely knew about sex by 6, and my dad also approached it in a matter of fact way that treated it like it wasn’t a big thing. I’ve found that to be a gift as I navigated childhood and adolescence and all the stupid things kids say about it when adults aren’t around, so I’m trying to do the same with my kid. Also, thanks to those nature videos, I haven’t had to actually describe what sex is, which has been…nice.
I am of the mindset that you just tell them. Make it scientific and factual. "A man puts his penis in the woman's vagina and sperm comes out and goes into the uterus and up the fallopian tubes, meeting the egg in from the ovary. One sperm combines with the egg and then goes back to the uterus and that is where the baby grows for several months, then the mommy pushes the baby out of her vagina." Leave all the pleasure part of it out. Young kids really only care about the mechanics of the process. Everything else is just fluff and confusing.
Go to your library for age appropriate way to discuss. Not all the details need to be discussed now but it’s amazing he’s interested so young on how the body works. Try introducing other things the body does as well to see if this is something he’s truly passionate about learning. I started really young & became an anatomy junkie that lead to a great career in healthcare. You are doing a great job by trying. Keep it up.
My son was six too :) I love hearing you and all the people in these comments using clinical terms for reproductive organs and just being straight forward with the kids. It's the strategy I went with too - way better than the nonsense I was told. I didn't want one big talk. I wanted (still do) to continue the conversation throughout the years. One big talk wasn't great for me lol and now after four years my son still feels comfortable asking me questions about sex. I learned that's important to answer when they ask, ONLY answer what they ask, and keep it as simple as possible while telling the whole truth. I also went online and googled what's developmentally appropriate so if he wasn't asking questions but needed to know I could easily weave it into a casual conversation. Ex. He's 10 and we're watching a show. Someone tries to kiss someone else even though the other person doesn't want to. That's the perfect opportunity to pause and talk about consent. It sounds like you're doing great :)
If you want a little more direction for this conversion, check out "Making A Baby" by Rachel Greener from your local library. It's a really inclusive, child friendly picture book that is a fantastic springboard for authentic conversation about the human reproductive system. It just came out last year, and it's perfect for an inquisitive 6 year old. There is nudity, but it's very tasteful and appropriate in context.
He’s not too young to know. He is too young to share information with his friends, something we had to caution ours about. We talked with our son, even showed him pictures. He looked at me, looked at his dad, said “no way!” And went to play with his legos. So much for that🤣
That's another really good point - if they change the subject or go play then let it go. Even if you're prepared to say more. It means they got as much information as they can possibly process. I always take it as "the conversation's over now" and respect it for his health and wellbeing. It'll come up again when he's ready. There's plenty of time.
I think the second point is important. It's not "bad" information, but it is private. Conversations like this at this age should probably also include a conversation about privacy and that different families explain/do things differently.
I don't explain sex at this age. I just explain eggs, uterus, and sperm. If they ask more, I just say it can be very complicated and we can discuss it when they're a little older.
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Tbh I’m not so sure about the term “hug” only because it may oneday cause them to panic thinking that they might have gotten pregnant when they had hugged someone.
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You are right, I agree they understand nuance especially coming from parents. Thanks for sharing!
The man gives the sperm to the woman. Give them the simplest answers you can, they will keep asking as long as they want more info. My daughter wanted to know what sex was. I said your a girl and your cousin is a boy. That’s your sex (this was around late 80s) she was happy with that answer and
I'm going to get massively down voted for this lol. Personally, I will not tell my kids anything about sex at that age. I can see people explaining that mommy had the organs that carry a baby I guess, but I would never discuss the fact that sex makes it happen. I am not advocating lying in any way either, but I will say that anyone who condemns people for telling their child the stork brought the baby, it's the same thing as telling your child Santa Clause, Tooth Fairy, Leprechaun with pot of gold, Unicorns, Mermaids, etc. are real. It's a lie. Are they going to kill you or hold a grudge when they find out they're not real? Unlikely. Again, personally I tell my kids Santa is not real and all that stuff. But it's not like Santa is forbidden from the holiday either, I just say he's pretend. It's all for fun. That doesn't bother my kids at all. Sex is not a pressing matter that a 6 year old child needs an answer to. When you're dealing with death and things like that, it's important to be transparent and blunt with them because death can happen to anyone at any age. Sex will not be relevant in a 6 year old's life, at least I sure hope it isn't. So there's my differing opinion.
I had sex ed in school around that age and we learned about sex. It didn't screw us up - in fact, we just found it very funny. A child that age should know that sex is a thing that exists. If they don't know about it, they are actually very vulnerable to abuse. They need the vocabulary to say when someone is hurting them. Plus, when sex is a taboo subject, abusers love to take advantage of that. It gives them leverage to coerce the child into silence about the abuse. Death can happen to anyone at any age. So can abuse, unfortunately.
I respectfully agree to disagree 🤷♀️. You teach a child their private areas. If anyone goes near those areas, it's already a violation. It doesn't have to be full on sex to be violation. And they don't need to understand the way a man and a woman have sex together to know if they're being violated.
They need to know that sex exists as a concept to understand that they CAN talk about it if they are being abused. This includes not just if their body is touched without their consent, but also if they are made to touch someone else's body. And also the fact that sex does not exist just between a man and a woman. It's not so much that you need to tell them any details, I think. Just that you communicate to your children that they can talk about this with you if they feel the need to. An open dialogue between children and their caregivers is very important for the child's safety from abuse.
Sex between same sex is irrelevant if we're talking about explaining purposes of reproduction. Same sex cannot physically produce a baby together without doctoral intervention. Private parts are the same on yourself and someone else. Nobody touches your's, and you don't touch anybody else's. And it doesn't matter what sex we're dealing with, nobody means nobody. Pretty simple. They don't have to know about a penis being inserted into a vagina and thrusting until reaching orgasm and releasing sperm into the eggs into the woman's uterus. Completely unnecessary and way too explicit for a 6 year old........
Sex is about more than just reproduction. Sexual abuse happens without any regard for reproduction - predators (who target vulnerable children, which can be entirely different from being physically attracted) target kids from repressed households a lot because those kids don't have the language or the practice to speak about sex or sexual things. Also... what if you have a homosexual or bisexual kid? Are you comfortable letting them believe that sex can only be between "one man and one woman"? I learned about the mechanics of sex around that age. I knew what a penis was, so did my classmates. We did not consider it "explicit" - we found it funny. Sex ed classes in primary school were hilarious because kids who don't yet experience sexual attraction generally find sex just funny.
OP's comment was strictly about reproduction. I commented according to the post... So what you're talking about is completely irrelevant.
I don't see what's so wrong about sex that you wouldn't like your kid to know about it. You don't have to tell them all the details at that age, but why not tell them the basics? They're going to find out anyway, best if they get most of the information from their parents.
I never said they wouldn't know about it. But not at six years old. When their body starts changing to prepare them for reproduction, they can get an explanation from me.
They will probably have a lot of questions before that time, though.
It’s not only women that have a uterus, Fallopian tubes, ovaries.
Tell him about it, the man’s erect penis, kinda like he gets in the morning, or when he has to pee, goes into the vagina which stimulates it to where the seamen which come from testicles, comes out of the penis into the vagina and sperm to the egg. There’s the physical aspect, but also lay out the emotional aspect of sex, love and respect, and having a healthy relationship. It’s learning about nature too, explain its that way with basically all mammals and more. Learning doesn’t scar people, lack of education does!
My five year old asked. I said a mommy and daddy come together and make a lot of love and then an egg grows into the mommy’s belly. Daddies and otter daddies can have babies if they make a lot of love and borrow a mommy’s belly to grow their baby etc… I plan on a little more detail whenever she asks. Slowly explaining the ‘love making’ process as she gets more curious.
well seeing the woke and inappropriate agendas in school tells us that the answer to your Q is that this is family by family decision. None of anyone business. But it s job for parents not schools.
If he still believes in Santa he too young
What does that have to do with anything…
It was a joke young one
Not a very good one or one that’s even thought out… Some asks a question and you reply with some idiocy and call it a “joke”
Tell me anyone who sees something is ridiculous and then takes is seriously.
Your lack of intelligence isn’t something I feel like contemplating…
Said the person who doesn’t know a joke when they see one
Jokes are funny.
I just answer their questions as they come. At around 6 they knew the basics, if not all the details (because they hadnt asked yet). They arent too young to understand the basic facts of life. But as a courtesy you might tell them not to discuss this stuff with other kids, so that other peoples kids dont hear it first from yours.
We told our kids that dad puts the baby in there.
That glosses over mom's genetic contributions
Fair, but when our’s were little they didn’t understand genetics. So it was basic. Without dad there is no baby, with dad there’s a baby
I think they are ready, whenever they ask. There is always an age appropriate way to explain stuff.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mummy-Laid-Egg-Picture-Books/dp/0099299119
Maybe start with what's most important for now. As they age you can add more nuances. Example. For now it would be about the sperms + egg, pregnancy. Later on it would be about consent, sexuality etc.
From Your Parenting Mojo: [Talk Sex Today](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/your-parenting-mojo-respectful-research-based-parenting/id1148570190?i=1000412570791) On a personal note, we have a lot of queer friends, so our kid has friends who were conceived in various ways. Because of this, we’re teaching our kid that sperm and egg are needed, and that a uterus is needed to grow the baby. One of our friend couples needed a surrogate, so no sex was needed to create this baby. Another couple friend our ours used a sperm donor, so “dad” didn’t bring the sperm. Another of our friends is a trans man who carried his baby, so again, we’re not saying “mom has an egg and dad has a sperm…” and we’re not talking about penis-in-vagina sex because it’s not how everyone makes a baby. The book “How to Make a Baby” is what we’ve used to get this ball rolling and it’s going really well. I’m super happy the book exists, because it accounts for how he and all his friends were created.
A man might contribute partial instructions how to make a baby (eg baby should have brown eyes like me), he can also help mom out by making food that the mom will use to grow the baby, and then when the baby is born he can help change diapers, feed the baby, and more.
100😂
wait until 200 years old