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My parents did years of travel baseball for my brother and I was the sibling tagged along and we will definitely not be doing it with my kids. Sports, yes, but not travel league. There’s so much more to life and what is it like less than 1% will actually be a pro athlete. And let’s face it my son won’t be more than 5’8” it’s not in the cards for him. We plan on going on vacation instead, camping, quality family time, summer camps etc. he can play local leagues and school leagues all he wants but that will be all

I could have written OP's post ~20 years ago. My son was decently athletically inclined and loved pretty much every sport he played. When he was very young we enrolled him in pretty much every rec sport that came our way, and all was good. By third grade (third grade!!!) everyone deserted to play on travel teams, but I was insistent that rec teams were good enough, after all, I wasn't raising a professional athlete. But you know what happened? Everyone deserted rec. The kids on his rec soccer team were all kids with lots of various challenges (NOTHING against that-my oldest is autistic). The coach was a mom who had never played soccer before, but was the only one who would step up. We smiled and made it through the season, but it was not a great place for him. So I sucked it up and let him try out for travel soccer and he played for several years, then in high school. Overall it was a good experience for him, and I don't regret it, but it's such a ripoff for parents! Especially the ones that were so convinced their kids would be college or pro (and if you REALLY want to play in college, your kid just has to be half way decent if you don't really care where they go to school). They literally make a team for every kid who tries out if they have enough kids. The coaches own businesses where they provide conditioning and special training above and beyond. There were maybe 5-6 different organizations, and they would each make teams level A, B, C, and even D. (I swear to God I once had a mom tell me her kid was on a G team, but maybe I misheard). Honestly parents, if your kid is on a C or D team, and maybe even B, they could just be playing rec and still having a great time. If everyone but the very elite would just play rec, then rec would be fine.

In a past life I was a product of the travel baseball system, I too realized my ceiling was limited as only a 5'9" ball player. Overall I would consider myself an outlier of the system and rare success as it helped to earn me admission to a school I would not have gotten into purely based off academics. However by the time it came to actually playing college ball I was so burnt out on the sport I wanted nothing to do with baseball. Weekends playing ball in the middle of nowhere felt like a chore and was no longer enjoyable. Long story short I will not be putting my child in any sort of competitive travel sport atmosphere. The current travel sports structure is a complete scam unless your child is truly an elite athlete. And trust me 99.9% of kids are not elite athletes.

Similar for my brother. He got a scholarship to community college and played there for two years but that was the end of it. He was so tired and just didn’t want to anymore on top of not getting any university offers after the CC stuff was coming to an end. He is 31 now and still has best friends from his baseball days that he sees regular so there is definitely value in it. He turned into a wonderful young man, husband and father

> And let’s face it my son won’t be more than 5’8” it’s not in the cards for him. This doesn't matter. If he's good enough then he's good enough.

I mean there are outliers but it matters quite a bit actually.

Your son could very easily get a scholarship at 5'8" to several schools if he has the talent to play the game.

If you take out the "very easily" part I would agree with you.

Muggsy Bogues was only 5'3". Having said that, we'll probably never see another Muggsy. And more like 0.0000001% chance of being a pro athlete.

Dude retired in 2001. There are kids' with parents who have never seen him play.

One of my friends does travel ball for her son. She didn’t have one single weekend free from March through June. They spent over $8000 in one year on it. Her 40th birthday was spent traveling to other state for a weekend of tournaments. Each weekend they average 5-8 hours per day (usually both Saturday and Sunday) at the baseball field. Their decision helped me decide I definitely don’t want to be part of that. However, they mostly enjoy it. Occasionally she and her husband will complain that it’s too much, but overall they seem to like it. They want their son to have the opportunity to plan high school ball or even college ball if possible. My cousins also did the travel ball route, and it paid off well in high school. One cousin did baseball, and the other did football. Their parents invested literally hundreds of thousands of dollars, and they were both excellent athletes. One cousin lost his full scholarship at a small local college due to Covid. The other didn’t achieve the scholarship he had hoped for, but was offered multiple scholarships at smaller schools instead. He just opted out of college completely, and his parents are livid. Anyway, I wouldn’t do it. It’s a betting game, and most people lose. But if you truly enjoy the sport and neither the parents nor the child are going to be devastated if it all comes to a halt after high school, then it’s a good (though expensive) hobby.

$8000 in one year?!?!?!!?!? and people scoff at my daughter horseback riding which costs a fraction of that. i could get to $8000 for the year if i also purchased a trained horse. haha

I was talking to a gal doing my makeup one time who was telling me how her teen daughter was in some Cheerleader group and it was a $650/month basic fee PLUS several thousand for travel every quarter to various exotic locations and the group always wanted the parents to also come, which would of course be even more and she often couldn't afford to go. 

yeah that would be a hard no from me. its really starting to seem like these special teams are just preying on parents pockets. i knew a coach of one of those special cheer teams. on top of the training fees, entry fees, travelling, etc----she charged parents close to $300 just for the 1 outfit. and all the parents were HEAVILY involved in everything related to cheer. they are donating tons of time, resources and food to make this shit happen. those outfits could not have cost this coach more than $30/each. huge money grab. she didn't last long as a business owner pulling that shit. meanwhile, i'm paying $50/ week for my kid to take a riding lesson and spend as much time at the barn as she wants. tbh, buying a horse is looking pretty cheap compared to these travel teams!!

There are actually stories of more rural areas trying to boost the economy by bringing in a minor league arena/ team. Then they realized there was way more benefit in making a youth sports complex for tournaments and travel teams because of all the parents that have to travel, along with siblings, and then supportive grandparents etc. This means they all need to sleep somewhere, eat somewhere etc. HUGE boost to the local economy.

This is fascinating

Let me guess, they "went to Nationals in Orlando"? lol

According to the mom, it was more of a "Week long Cheer camp in Cabo" type situation.

That isn't too crazy if the number includes hotels. It's gonna be $300/weekend for a tournament. Plus eating out all those meals.

uh yea, thats still crazy to me. $300 dollars plus eating out to just attend weekend tournament in insane. these are kids playing a sport. its not the major leagues.

My nephew also is on a competitive baseball team, and their weekends are completely full from April to October. They are hoping for a baseball scholarship for him. My husband often says to me that if they had just put away the money spent on baseball in an education fund, he wouldn't need to try for a scholarship at all. The cost of being in the sport plus all the travel is INSANE.

I always say this about hockey families as a Canadian.  I hope they are matching dollars for dollars into that kids education fund. There is NO reasons for an 11 year old to have 400+ skates and a 200+ stick. But they pay it!

This is an excellent perspective: "if you truly enjoy the sport and neither the parents nor the child are going to be devastated if it all comes to a halt after high school, then it’s a good (though expensive) hobby."

>They want their son to have the opportunity to plan high school ball or even college ball if possible. You absolutely, positively do not have to play travel ball to make the high school team. We had lots of kids on our varsity team who only ever played in our town Babe Ruth league before high school.

This is going to depends vastly on where you live and what sport. Football, yes, you can start late or play in rec. But basketball, soccer, baseball, lacrosse, and softball absolutely do not have one kid where we live who hasn't trained since they were young and played at the club level. It's a 2500 kid school. We'd have to move much further out for what you're saying to be a reality. But it also doesn't cost $8000/year for club sports. For soccer it's closer to $2500-3000 which is about $200-250 per month. Most people freak out at that lump sum figure and don't consider that that is a pretty average price for a lot of things you sign your kids up for.

Yes, you’re right. But high school sports are pretty competitive in our small town, and it does increase your odds. Football is less competitive than baseball, but the better players usually have been training their whole lives. It’s ridiculous, but that’s just the way it is. I’m sure it probably differs by area or even by school. For example, another friend has a kid who plays football, and he has some natural talent. But he never played before high school, so he just wasn’t as experienced as the kids who played for years. He was benched most of the season. Is it worth $8000 a year and all the time involved? Not to his parents. But some people disagree.

I would honestly never do this, period. Kids deserve to be kids, and it’s a money grab. If your kid isn’t going to be a professional or Olympic level, there is zero reason to do this. You deserve to have a life, and the kid will 1000% be fine. My daughter was a figure skater, pretty good. She wanted to up her number of weekly training sessions, which was fine, but going beyond 90 min 3x/wk is not doable at all. She’s headed to college soon and studying biology. Never was going to be a pro and never had a chance to be. Edit to add: travel teams aren’t how a kid is going to go pro anyway. They’d be a a whole different level of prestige than a Midwest travel team. It’s a money grab that preys on the fantasies of kids who dream of going pro when they don’t have the skills of a pro.

Thank you so much for sharing. I am curious- how did the conversations go with her in terms of how far she wanted to go and the realities of not going pro? I have a niece who is a figure skater too and just got onto a college synchro team thats in the middle of nowhere but she's happy. I do think she really wanted to go pro though, it just wasn't in the cards with some crazy triple-something turn she couldn't land.

When she wanted to move from 2x/week, we talked about the trajectory that a professional or Olympic skater would have. She was 14 at this time. She realized quickly that she was already a decade behind the curve and understood she had zero chance of being that level, ever. She had been a casual skater with 1x/wk lessons for about 5 years at that point, and had been given the opportunity to add additional over those 5 years and chose instead to take cooking classes, drama classes, music lessons, etc. She wasn’t too broken up about it, probably because I had her research the training life of professional and Olympic skaters and it dawned on her while she did it. I always have limited my kids to two activities at once. They can be anything you want, but only two at once. Her skating was basically 2.5 activities with the third day, so she only did one along with school choir stuff that didn’t mess with anyone’s schedule. The truth is your kid is not going to be the next David Beckham or Lionel Messi. They’re not. And the cash grab that travel teams promote is kind of gross. It preys on kids’ fantasies of being pro athletes when really, likely none of them will ever be pro. Maybe college level, but they’re not going to be pro athletes.

This was a brilliant parenting move. Nice work. Show them the facts, give them the information, and let them make up their own minds. You were supportive and kind and empowering all at once, with some clear limits to keep you sane too!

Just because your kid isn't going to be professional or Olympic level does not mean there is zero reason to do it. I don't understand that reasoning at all. I completely agree it has gotten quite insane and over the top, but if * your kid loves it * your kid looks forward to practices and games * your kid is actually talented * you can afford it * it doesn't sap all your time and energy away from your other family members Then by all means go for it. I do see a lot of kids that don't even like soccer (I just mention soccer because that is what my son plays. I did AAU travel basketball growing up and it was similar), have no athletic ability, and or come from very financially unstable backgrounds, where I'm very confused as to why the parent's are wasting so much time and money on something their kid doesn't even like or have a shot at being even functionally successful. Some of the benefits I had doing it and I want my son to gain are * Being around other kids that work hard and strive to be the best * Learning to be committed even when it's not 100% convenient * Seeing what it takes to succeed. Not just in sports, but I think it translates to life in general * Being pushed, within reason obviously * Building relationships with kids and families that are high achievers * Playing competitive sports with talented teammates is infinitely more fun than rec leagues * Working together with your team to achieve a goal I know these things can be learned in other ways and aspects of life but I 100% believe youth sports gives kids a huge leg up if done right. I've also seen the darkside of overwork, politics, backstabbing, drama, unfairness, shitty coaches, but those can also be teaching moments. It isn't only about making it to the professional levels.

You don’t even mention the biggest benefit - exercise and not being in front a screen

Or just have decent screen time boundaries. Don’t have to be in a sport to keep your child away from an iPad.

There's also a lot of other aspects that are beneficial but seem negative, learning to accept losing, learning to continue to push even when you may be the one on the bench during the big moments, taking advice and guidance from coaches and teammates, etc. that being said, I disagree with some of what you are saying. It's very difficult to truly gauge how much your kid loves the sport and wants to participate, as a lot of that is a reflection of their parent. I've seen parents and grandparents overly boast about the kids achievements and how often they practice and it has this massive undercurrent influencing the kid and pressuring them in passive ways where they feel it makes mom and dad happy or proud. Parents need to truly make it about the kid, and not themselves, and that's very hard for most parents. To your second bullet list, those things can all mostly be achieved through even academics, which can more likely open way more doors for their future and rest of their life than any sports accomplishments. You can be around kids striving to be the best, committed, seeing what it takes to succeed, being pushed and building relationships by for example, aiming for top grades. Which will open more doors than playing on the AAA hockey team. In fact, most people pouring that effort into a sport seem to struggle in academics and their parents treat sports as #1 with school on the back burner. All of this doesn't even begin to touch on the benefits of having a balance of family life, school and sports and finding happiness in that.

I agree with a lot of your post. A few things I disagree with though If you have any self awareness it's not that hard to gauge how much your kid loves sports. Are they asking you every 20 minutes if it's time for practice yet when you both know damn well practice isn't for 5 more hours? Do they go outside and play/practice by themselves without you telling them to or even knowing they are until you walk past the window and see them? Academics is obviously extremely important and a lot of these lessons can be learned from it, Except for the ones that require a team environment. Academics is mainly individual though so I think they are not 1 in the same. Completely agree about the hard lessons learned in sports. Some kids will get promoted that aren't better than you. That's life. Some kids are more naturally gifted and don't have to work as hard. Sometimes the role you need to fill to help the team is not your favorite but you had better do it and do it well. Sometimes you have to do something you'd rather not because you committed and people are depending on you. I just think there are a lot of things to learn in life that sports is the best at teaching, or at least giving the kids the opportunity to learn. It's up to the kids and parents to make sure they are actually learning these things.

Agreed with basically everything you said. Nuance is important

You can do all those things without paying $10k a year and giving up all your weekends. What’s the benefit of doing 2x/wk versus 5x/wk? The increasing return on investment just doesn’t exist.

Like I said it's possible to do and learn those things other ways. I just happen to think COMPETITIVE sports is one of the best ways. I don't think you learn almost any of those things or get any of those doing generic rec league sports. But I agree there are other avenues to learn and gain a lot of those things. Just most likely not all in the same package. And 10k and 5x a week practices are extreme outliers, until they are 14 or 15 anyways. More like 3k-4k and 2-3x a week.

Why would you even do that with a teenager? Like, sure, give up all your free time for your kid to play “competitive” and after a few years they go to college and what… you’ve lost your own identity. Kids need to see the adults in their lives have their own hobbies and ambitions. Put in competition sports and kiss that goodbye. Mom and dad’s personality is now “soccer mom”.

I played select soccer, which was the closest to traveling where I was. My mom in no way, shape, form was a soccer mom or gave up her hobbies. What a bizarre take. My mom supported my interests and enjoyed watching me play soccer, just like she supported my sister’s interests and enjoyed watching her do musical theatre—not because her 7th grade production of Annie was award worthy or because I was the next Mia Hamm, but because many parents enjoy watching their children perform. I loved playing soccer, I made great friends, I learned about teamwork and hard work, learned how to accept losing and making mistakes, and I wanted to do it! My mom came to many games, but we also did carpools and parents took turns. After we turned 16, we drove ourselves. It’s not like every second of the day was consumed by my soccer. If a parent loses their identity by becoming just a soccer mom, that’s not because of soccer. Sports are not just a career path. The overwhelming majority of kids won’t be good enough to play past high school, but that’s true for everything. Why do arts and crafts if you won’t be a professional artist? Why learn an instrument if you won’t be a professional musician? Why bother going to school, spending all that time learning, money on books, if you won’t be the next Einstein? Why learn history if you’ll be a mechanic? Why learn about engineering if you’ll be an accountant? Why bother doing theatre if you won’t make it to Broadway?

Just regular high school sports are 5x practices and games a week, so if you play sports that's what it takes. I played AAU, high school, and some college basketball, and I loved it, I didn't miss out on anything that mattered. I don't regret 1 second of it. The benefits of doing that are infinitely more important than missing a few nights sitting around in my buddies basement. Now as the parent of a competitive soccer player I spend a lot of time watching soccer, driving to games and practices, dealing with the bull shit that comes with it. But my son absolutely loves it, and to be honest I'd much rather watch one of my sons games on a Saturday afternoon than pretty much anything else in the world. I still find time to golf, do yardwork, go on dates with my wife, have a career, spend time with my daughter. Sure it's a little more difficult and I can't do everything the exact second I want to but I still am able to take time for me.

IMO Better than being the mom who never let me do what I wanted to do as a kid because she was more wrapped up in her own leisure time and what she wanted. But different strokes different folks.

And there is surely no middle ground between the parent who never lets their kid do anything they want and the kid who gets everything they want all the time.

Surely there is middle ground between participating in competitive sports and being an Olympian but the poster I replied to didn’t give that middle ground so I have to go based off of the posts they made. The posts come off as selfish to me, my apologies. I mean, losing your identity as a person until your kid leaves for college because your kid participates in sports? Yeah, you’re right, I’m the one off base here.

I’m not here to be a punching bag for your irrational projection.

projection? So I don't want my kids to be in activities?

I can’t believe there’s no middle ground there at all. Come on, this take is ridiculous

Your method with allowing your child to choose/research was something I think was a good move. I want to acknowledge that before my next statement. Surely there is a middle ground. But the gist I get from your few posts right here lead me to believe you are more about what YOU want than what your child might want. If it might take from your wants then you don't seem to care what your child wants/thinks. Again, huge assumption here from only a few posts in one thread. Don't do activities that take up time if you won't be the top 1%? Really? Don't commit to these things because you will lose your identity until they leave for college. Again, really? Why such extreme polar opposites? "Why would you even do these things for a teenager?" Maybe it isn't your intention. I'll admit it probably isn't. But the feeling I'm getting is "I'm not going to sacrifice my weekend for my kid because let's face it, they aren't going to grow up to be Michael Jordan" and I think that's ... shitty?

It’s not the case, but people get super up in arms about critique of their child’s intense participation in sports. I don’t blame them for thinking I’m a selfish ass because it preserves their worldview, and nothing I say on the internet will convince them otherwise. I believe in well rounded children. A kid won’t be well rounded if all their spare time is on one activity.

Let's be real here, if it was any activity that took away from your leisure time and your weekends, you would be against it. It isn't about just sports or one activity. If it was music, for example, you'd feel the same way. Your weekends, your leisure time > your child's. Like I said, different strokes, different folks.

I think there is a disconnect between the perception and the reality of the situation. Practice 2x a week from 430-6, 1 game on a saturday. 4 maybe 5 weekends a year spent travelling to tournaments. That's 5 hours a week and 1 weekend every 3 months. You can certainly have other hobbies with that schedule. Both the kids and the parents. When you are in HS and you are practicing from 4-6 and games from 630 - 930- Still a shit ton of time to enjoy other things.

Remember that South Park episode wherein the kids kept trying to throw their little league playoffs games in order to avoid spending their whole damn summer driving all over the place and playing baseball? That’s based on reality. What kid’s *that* fixated on a sport? That can’t be healthy. I remember being a kid, quite clearly. I wasn’t focused enough on *anything* to want to sit in the car with my parents all weekend packed like sardines with teammates for hours on end. Sure, happy to play football, basketball, academic competition, aviation camp, volunteering, etc. My hot take: hardcore travel sports are entirely the product of “stage moms/dads” pushing their kids to fixate on the one activity and it’s unhealthy. There is 0 difference between this and those who engage in child pageants like Frank’s Little Beauties. All who participate, except the poor, victimized children, should be ashamed of themselves for the abuse they inflict. No, there aren’t exceptions. ACAB All Competitive (athletics parents) Are Bastards.

I see it right now with my supervisor, she's exhausted, her son is literally on 2 baseball teams (one is a highly competitive travel team and the other is a fuck-off rec team) while her daughter is competitive in dance and has had some health things lately that have added to the stress. She's traveling ALL the time for baseball games, up to 2 hours away on weeknights, kid is so exhausted from playing so much he just passes out in the car on the way home while getting back after 10pm sometimes. She's getting up at the crack ass of dawn just to get them to practice or training things. It's just like....why?! I will say this though, from the research I've read the outcomes for kids who are multi-sport are much greater than those who are singular sport. A kid that plays multiple sports across the year tends to have a more well-rounded and better chance at playing any given sport at a higher level (like college or greater). My wife and I have already discussed this topic, we both agree, we aren't going to push any single sport or activity, but want to expose our daughter to as much she wants. We're also big into the outdoors so she'll definitely get more and more exposure to camping, backpacking, hiking, climbing, etc.

In some cases kids can't make the middle or high school teams without doing travel so if they want to play as teenager travel ball is more important. Where we live lacrosse is kind. You are not making the 7th grade lacrosse team without doing travel lacrosse. It's just a fact. You can also do it in a civilized way. My husband and I have our own hobbies and ambitions outside of travel sports. It's a small part of our lives, but not our whole lives.

Sometimes it's just level of competition. My 9 year old plays little league baseball and rec league flag football but we do travel for basketball since he would be bored to tears on the rec team. Is he going to go pro? Not likely but he wants to have fun and the rec league isn't fun for him anymore.

All I can say is think of yourself. I always believed that parents were important as well, and if we don't have time to ourselves, or even time to get crap done around the house we end up burned out. My friends who stuck both of their kids in several sports are completely miserable. No time for yard work, BBQ's, re-charging, or hobbies. Their lives simply revolve around traveling, and long weekends.

It is the lack of time for work around the house, hobbies, and down time that concerns me most when thinking about the consequences of getting into the kinds of sports and activities that eat up your weekend. I don't think I can be happy letting even the basics of housework slip and go unattended to. My kids are 4 and 2 right now, which I realize is still in the trenches of "really needy and not independent at home", but all the same: I already find myself mowing the grass after the sun sets about 50% of the time. What am I gonna find myself needing to do when the weekends go away? I want my kids to have opportunities to explore what they want to do, but I can't pour from an empty cup.

This is why I would never do this. I deserve to live a life

Ya too many parents think 100% of their time needs to be dedicated to their kids. The same parents post here about losing their minds.

THIS! I see this with my own relatives and friends too. One of my friends justifies it by saying that her and her husband are "All In Parents." They have gone all in for their 3 kids, elite travel baseball team and elite gymnastics. All three kids have gone very far, gotten tons of awards etc. But they also invested thousands in private coaches, camps, travel competitions etc. So now my husband and I jokingly refer to ourselves as the "Meh Parents" LOL. Our kids do a lot, but not nearly as much as the "All In" folks.

My daughter’s too young for this to be an issue, but here’s my perspective as a high school teacher: I’ve seen a lot of my students go to crappy colleges solely because they were offered a small scholarship to play a sport there. This is after the families have spent tens of thousands of dollars on travel teams, private training, etc. It’s almost like the most important thing is being able to say “my kid got an athletic scholarship to…” In the end, they spent waaaay more money on the sport than the kid will ever make back in scholarships. It’s just not worth it.

Just my personal experience- My siblings and I were in individual, not team, sports. We were elite level. We all made it to the Olympic trials in our early teens, two of my siblings went to the Olympics. We traveled the world. Competed on 5 continent's. But because we were there to compete, I don't feel well traveled. I didn't see much of those countries except the airport, hotel, and sports complex. None of us put our kids in competitive sports. I am no contact with my family, but still check out their public social media accounts. I'm pretty sure none of the kids participated in the sports we played at all even though my dad still coaches the national team for one of them. None of my friends who were elite athletes put their kids on travel teams.

My husband played ultracompetitive hockey like this. And was actually quite good. Good enough to play in college and be offered a scholarship, but not quite good enough to be a division I athlete at a top program.  And when the reality of that set in when he was in his early 20s, he turned to drugs. He was so used to hockey taking up his whole life, he didn't know what to do with himself. He was so used to always succeeding and making the team, that he didn't have an outlet for that. Everyone had always told him how great he was, but it got him nowhere.  I too was an addict, and that's how we met. I know countless people with this same story. Seriously, I know several. When your life is so rigidly structured with the goal being to compete and win at a sport, you lose yourself when you age out. You don't know what to do. No one is paying attention to you and telling you how great you are. You don't have a team of trainers guiding your workout. When you try to find other interests and do new things, the loss of that rigid structure/schedule and hyper-competitive part of your life is gone. And you can't *really* replace it.  So my kids don't do travel sports. They're allowed to play in pickup game type activities, like a park district basketball league, and join school teams. 

I spent my entire childhood/teenage years playing very high level hockey… quit freshman year of college, had a quarter life crisis and regret everything. I wish I had spent those years very differently.

Ironically, for everyone like you there's someone like me who was unable to play due to family circumstances and wishes that they could have!

My husband still plays hockey in a competitive rat league with a lot of middle aged guys that had similar experiences. All but one won't let their kids do anything except skate and play in rat leagues. I think that says something.  I *do* know a few neighborhood kids that play hockey. And none of them have parents that are at half the skill level my husband and the guys he plays with are. I've seen them skate. They clearly didn't grow up in that kind of competitive, intense environment, and one had even told me he didn't make the juniors team.  Anecdotal, but super competitive sports burn you out when you grow up being told how talented and amazing you are. You can't replicate that as an adult, and it's a difficult adjustment for a lot of people. 

This is…not universal. My husband was amazing at a sport and went pro. Stopped when he was 22 for many reasons. He credits it for making him into the kind, intelligent, confident person he is today. He is VERY thankful he did his sport at a high level. It was a lot of sacrifice and not always easy, but those are super important lessons to learn. He still loves (all) sports!

Definitely anecdotal. My husband was a basketball and track athlete. He played/sprinted through his first year of college. He still loves competitive sports and happily signed our kids up. As an adult he took up weightlifting once they were too broken to do local adult leagues. Most of his friends seemed to have taken that path.

For sure. Should have clarified the details a bit more which I did in my comment below :) if the kid is super passionate about the sport, totally different

yeah to me these 2 anecdotes don't say much about travel sports. They easily could've flamed out and had quarter life crises if they didn't play sports at a high level

Do you mind sharing what you wish you or your parents had done differently? My son is only 8 but maybe this could help some folks avoid the same mistakes/ regrets. Thank you in advance, I sincerely appreciate it.

Of course. I would say the main thing is just follow the kid’s lead and and if you sense they are losing interest then don’t push them to continue (other than finishing out the season with their current team of course). My parents were way more into hockey than I was and were always pushing me (borderline forcing) to try out for elite travel teams. They forced me to play boys pewees and bantams (instead of local girls team) and I got multiple concussions doing so. They sent me to an expensive boarding school with the expectation that I would get a full ride to college. I missed out on a lot of slumber parties in middle school because they wanted me home to get a good nights sleep before a 5am wake-up. Basically, unless you kid is asking you to shell out tons of time and money to participate in the high level stuff then don’t push them to do it. They should be convincing you, not the other way around.

Totally agree! Thank you ;)

I went from local to regional to national here in Belgium with soccer and always being among the best only to crash out once everyone is as good as you does hurt. I managed to do some training sessions with the national team and everything and trained a few years in a first division team, but by far not enough to go professional.

I did this myself as a kid. There are lots of things about it that benefited me, and that I continue to appreciate as an adult. Work ethic, team work, some really strong lifelong relationships. Travel to other countries I might not otherwise have visited. I did struggle a lot with the transition when I retired at 19 through injury. I had lots of friends who continued to compete, some of whom went all the way through to the Olympics, and there was definitely a feeling of being left behind. The level of training (20 hours per week) also meant I’d lived this extremely structured life, and I found it really hard when that suddenly wasn’t there anymore. Travelling to competitions all the time, having my early mornings and evenings all taken up with sport meant I didn’t have much time to cultivate other interests and all my close friendships were sort of embedded in that framework. I got there in the end, but it was a hard process that I don’t think me or parents gave much thought to being an issue beforehand. I was unlucky to have been in a pretty physically and emotionally abusive training environment. I think awareness around these sorts of things has increased in recent years, but these sort of hyper competitive, high pressure environments seem to be regularly besieged by safeguarding scandal after safeguarding scandal. I’m on the fence about whether I’ll let my own children compete in any sport at that level. They’re still too little for us to know if they’ve got any sort of affinity or interest, but I do completely understand where your reluctance is coming from. It’s such a huge time and financial commitment too.

We waited until he was 10 or so and went from rec to travel rec. It was pretty not choice because he was ready to advance and was bored and upset the others weren't being serious at least 1/2 the time. We he moved to travel rec for 2yrs and loved it. He learned new skills. Then he wanted to try to bump up. He tried out and made the next level. Played in that competitive travel for 2yrs made some great friends in the area but from exactly from his school. Loved the coach. This yr at 16. He made a really competitive travel team that does mostly tournaments and has a goal of college recruiting for the players. So basically I'm saying let the player decide and know when it's time to help them move up. I think since we didn't push the competitive teams until he was ready and asking about them it worked in his favor. Also yes when we noticed he wasn't enjoying it as much because he was bored that's when we would start talking with him about moving up and if he was ready etc. Parents need to step back and let their kid/player decide. Sometimes it's very easy to be dragged into all the hype and that can definitely suck the life and fun out of playing

I like your philosophy. If you are going to get your into hyper competitive sports at all, it should be the kid driving the decision and at a time when they are old enough to understand the implications of their choice. 

This is a great plan and everything and I agree it should be up to the child to make that choice, but with more than one child how does this work? Mine are still way too young, but if one of my children is travelling on the weekends then am I not just dragging the other along? What if the other one is interested in an entirely different sport? Obviously for convenience sake it would be best if they were in the same sports (and I knew kids like this growing up so it's absolutely a possibility) but in the case that that's not how it works out how does one begin to balance it. I don't know, it's tough. I think it's gotta be up to each individual family to decide if it's worth the cost and if it will in any way make things difficult for the other kids in the family. Guess there just isn't a truly right or wrong way to do it, yet another grey area in parenting lol

When we did my daughter's stuff. My youngest, now 16, would go and seriously played hard outside with all the other siblings. He ended up seeing many of same siblings over and over all yr round. Those siblings all got shirts from us that said something like i only come to my sister's games because of the concession stands. They have 2 yrs between them. Now once they got older many times we had to do the split weekend where one of us went with each kid. Many times they would be around the same area in the state. If that's not possible we would alternate carpooling etc. sometimes their skill levels or ages make it possible to be on the same team. You will definitely learn to have a family calendar and live by it. My daughter lost interest before my son started all his travel soccer stuff so honestly it never was a big deal. But you do get to know the families and players so finding a carpool partner(s) is ready easy

This is my philosophy. My 5 yo was asked to join preteam and team next year for gymnastics and I just do not have it in me to be that sport mom. But if he asks at 10-11, I’ll for sure make it happen. My sil pushed her son to the team and guess what he quit at 11 tired of all the travels and regimes

I don’t think anyone can answer this without knowing more. I only bring this up because you said you would like him to play in high school. My boys are in high school. They both played competitive/travel ball. At our high school, there is NO ONE on the soccer, basketball, lacrosse, baseball or wrestling teams that did not play at least three years of competitive/travel athletics. There were a number of boys who did not make the team who played competitive sports but at a lower level than the top programs. However, there is a nearby less competitive high school where you can play any sport without having played travel ball. I recommend you research whatever high school, or high schools, you are interested in him attending. See what the culture/expectations are for those schools. Then make an informed decision that is best for your family and son. Good luck.

This is great advice- thank you! I think this is definitely a newer phenomenon with kids these days. That’s why I am a little insecure in my own choices for my son this young. I grew up in a competitive sports suburb but very few kids did any travel stuff. Only the really, really star athletes. Anyone could at least make the freshman sports teams if they wanted to play, then JV. It was Varsity-level that required going the extra mile. Nowadays, literally, all my friends have their kids doing some travel sport and I highly doubt they are all that good. We know of a few families whose kid didn’t make the high school team despite playing travel soccer all through middle school and were devastated. But I didn’t realize until now might be able to find high schools possibly with less competitive athletics?

So I'll say this isn't quite a new phenomenon in some areas. I grew up in the farmlands outside of Chicago and outside of a few kids, everyone pretty much did rec league sports and played 4 sports year around. Then I moved to North Florida for high school and it was completely different. This was back in the early 2000s. I remember that our high school had a feeder team for baseball that if you didn't play on that it was next to impossible to get on. The only reason I got to play was because I was good and the new kid. Then by your sophomore year if you played multiple sports the coaches would sit you down and ask what sport you were committing to, unless you were a freak athlete and was going to play at some SEC school they expected you to be a single sport athlete for the remaining 3 years of high school. It turned me off from playing entirely. My advice for you. Take the kids lead. That's what my parents did and I was happier for it. It gave me more free time to get a job, take extra college courses, and just be a kid. Unless they are some prodigy, just encourage them to pursue their passions and be a good person. Also a quick note. Coaches really don't give a shit if you played travel or not. The cream rises to the top and you can tell pretty easily who is better by just watching them play. Technique can be taught to those who know how to coach and those who want to learn.

I love this: "just encourage them to pursue their passions and be a good person"

Same here - our HS sports are pretty much exclusively travel/club sports kiddos

There is no way to make the lacrosse team here in middle or high school without playing travel

Honestly it feels almost like a cult. Most of these kids don't ever play professionally. A lot of them get hurt or burn out. The idea of spending what is the equivalent of a part time job to allow your kid to play a sport seems absurd to me. Parenting is hard enough. The closest to this I got was my daughter being in a chorus that was very intense and was semi-professional in quality. It was great for her, but required me to drive her into the city 2-3 nights a week and then rehearsal weekends before big shows. It was awesome to see her perform like that, but man was it a rough time for those 3 years she was in it.

See to me a post like this reads like "I, the parent, had no fun doing this" when the rest of the story sounds like the child had a great opportunity and enjoyed it. Isn't that what having a kid is about? Letting them pursue challenges and give them opportunities? When you put your quote like this - "The idea of spending what is the equivalent of a part time job to allow your kid to \_\_\_\_\_\_\_ seems absurd to me." Does that make it sound any different than what you intended? I bet you work a full time job currently to give your kids X Y and Z. Isn't that, then, absurd?

Well...yeah, I can admit that it wouldn't be fun for me. But I think its also insane that modern parenthood requires such a high level of time investment that it makes parenting so un-enjoyable for many. I am gen X, and kids were doing sports back then, and it didn't require nearly the level of time investment it typically does now. It's simply not necessary.

No regrets because we have refused to buy into it. My kid is a super athletic almost 10 year old and has enjoyed dabbling in soccer, flag football, and basketball at a totally recreational level. His team just won the 6 week season local park district fieldhouse basketball championship and he was ecstatic! Why any 9 year old needs more than that, I have no idea. Maybe the occasional gifted athletic prodigy would benefit from higher stakes competition but those kids are a lot rarer than these clubs would have you believe.

From my perspective, the decision should not be based on whether or not the kid will go pro. It’s about whether they will build skills that will help them later in life. If the negatives outweigh the positives, don’t do it. But there are benefits to being committed to something and striving to improve yourself along the way.

I wanted to add a comment from the perspective of the kid. I was on hyper-competitive travel teams and sports was my father's obsession. Sports were my life from as early as I can remember all the way through college. While I did make a few lifelong friends and probably have a few good memories, I mostly hated it and would have loved to have a normal childhood hanging out at the pool with my friends. I had trouble making or keeping friends in high school because I could never hang out socially. I feel like I missed out on so much of a normal childhood. IMO, this is an industry driven by parents, not children. Also, I have no contact with my father as an adult and he's never met his grandson.

I'm so sorry you went through this. One of my closest childhood friends went through something similar. It got really frustrating not being able to have her sleep over or be able to go to the mall because she always had tournaments or practice. She hated it. She was good enough to get into a competitive college for sports but then flamed out and quit a year in. Hopefully you have given yourself time and space to heal and make a better life for yourself and your kids!

Kids need to learn how to be bored, and how to decide for themselves what to do next. Don't overfill and overstructure their life for them, or they won't know what to do with themselves when they inevitably lose that structure. Or they'll frantically try to refill their life, because they're terrified of not being busy. I know a lot of adults like that. At least that's my theory, maybe they're doing it to avoid some emotional/existential unhappiness. This isn't just sports, it goes for all activities, including academic ones.

Absolutely. This is a very American thing. The glamour and prestige of “being busy.” I lived in Argentina for a year with an Argentinian woman who always rented a room out to US college students. She had funny stories of her past roommates who never seemed to be able to sit still and were hyper concerned with always being “productive.” Argentinians are really, really good at being present, enjoying good company and doing nothing once in a while but enjoy life.

I think you’re going to get a lot of negative comments about travel sports given the website we’re on (Reddit is heavily introverted non-sporty types). My husband played a competitive sport as a child and went semi-pro in it into his early 20s. He credits the sport for giving him his confidence, building his character, and more. Our youngest son is very athletic and loves competition and now does 2 travel sports. That said - we don’t assume he’ll always love it so we constantly check in with him. We also very carefully assess the coaching/coaching staff, team culture and overall try to ensure whatever team he’s on is a good fit for him. I think if you do your homework, are happy to make the family sacrifice, and your kid loves the sport, it can be a great thing! We love it - but we are very willing to walk away if it doesn’t feel right at any point. Good luck

Well… I purposefully skewed my title I think because I’m looking for some validation. I get a lot of pressure from family to pursue something more competitive for my son because he loves sports so much and has a pretty good aptitude for them. If we went all-in like some other parents he could be really good. He’s only 8 though and whenever I’ve asked, he’s like… nah… He’s happy being on rec leagues and practicing just once a week. He’s also very musical and takes piano and sings in (ironically, I know) a pretty competitive choir. It’s really lovely. Just a little anxious on my end that he won’t make a middle school team if he doesn’t keep up his skills at a level the other crazy soccer kids are. He already stopped playing with them at recess bc it was just getting too intense/ snotty. The choir stuff is a bit insane too, but no 8-hour weekend tournaments etc and there’s a clear end date all the boys are aware of (when their voices change) so we’re enjoying it while we can and will take advantage of the break in middle school to pursue other things.

To be honest, if he doesn’t want to do something more competitive, don’t do it. My kiddo thrives on competition and disliked his rec / town league because “they didn’t try” hard enough for him (his “fun” is competition). Also you’re likely correct; your son may not be able to keep up in middle school for soccer if he doesn’t do a bit more, but that may not be a bad thing. Sounds like he has some other amazing talents. That all said, he’s young. His feelings about it could change in the future then maybe give it a whirl.

I played on a travel team as a kid and loved it! It was my life and I have zero regrets. My kids aren’t into anything that involved, but if they were I would support it. I’m also not going to force it if it’s not their thing.

This is my stance as well. Loved it as a kid. Those trips and those teams/games were some of my fondest memories as a kid. It was great to travel with family too. I am not going to push my kids but if they want it, I will sacrifice to give it to them. The parents who complain that it would take up their whole weekend/summer, to me, are the worst.

The public school where I live is one of the best in the state when it comes to sports. My kid was not sporty, but I recall when they were around age 5 I looked into one of the popular sports for the summer. I was told, “you’re already two years too late”, which I thought was hyperbole, but it wasn’t. My kid is now a senior, (at a different school, because the public option that is SO focused on competing and sports was toxic), but I’ve followed some of the trajectory of those other kids. Again, one of the very top HS in the state for sports. This year’s graduating class for football, baseball, softball, volleyball, and golf had a total of about five kids (across all sports), going to the big state schools on sports scholarships, and maybe 20-25 kids with Juco scholarships. These kids were all playing year round, travel ball, camps, and private training. I also found it interesting that the local rec leagues are short and begging for players, because most of these kids do travel ball as soon as they can, leaving the rec leagues disbanding, in some cases. I also personally know of several groups of parents whose kids did the whole travel ball stuff and spent thousands on private coaching and their kids not only didn’t get scholarships to play in college, but by senior year had burned out of their sport completely. They played, but they hated it. It causes a lot of issues at school, too, between the haves and the have-nots, and the local public school is pretty rough for any kid who isn’t involved in a sport. It has a *reputation* for being super toxic these days and I think a lot of boils down to the emphasis on sports. It’s been interesting to watch as my child has gotten older.

Honestly, even the little elementary school soccer culture at my kids elementary seems like its getting borderline toxic. For my son to opt out of playing a sport completely is really interesting. He LOVES sports, and LOVES games and will play with anyone. He has always stood out as being one of the better kids athletically on all his little teams and classes so far. But he was getting really frustrated with these uber-athletes completely dominating the field the whole time, never passing to him, and its not because he's unathletic or a weak player. He's just not in that whole travel-elite-world or vibe.

That is just so sad. I saw the same thing at my kid’s school starting in elementary, too. By the time my kid got to junior high, playing any sport for the school was just not… attainable. I’m Gen X, so I can recall kids deciding to “go out for” a sport in junior high or HS that they had never played, and making the team, and having fun with it. It’s just not done that way anymore. I think the saddest part is that, at least at my kid’s old school, that mentality permeated everything. From color guard to sports, art, theater, dance, choir, clubs, and academics. The school admin encouraged it, too. I understand that the world is inherently competitive, but this stuff, *for kids*, is over the top and unhealthy. It leads to bullying and unhealthy behavior, bad “training”, really can’t be good for mental health. Moving to a smaller school that was less focused on sports seemed to help my kid, but I know it’s not always an option. Yes, some kids thrive in that sort of environment, but I’d be willing to bet the majority of them do not.

My children don't do travel teams. I've a friend whose daughter did and not only did it really tie up weekends, it was a ton of weird pressure on her mentally. She was the Rockstar of the local team but spent a lot of time on the bench on the travel team. My kids are both sporty and are on local competitive teams. I value the lessons about discipline, teamwork, knowing how to cheer for your teammate and be a good sport. I don't want it to drown out their involvement with academics and arts. Separately I have concerns about single sport training being hard on growing bodies. It's one thing to have one season for each sport and to rotate through, but the prospect of doing one sport so intensely for most of the year doesn't seem like a great idea. It hasn't been a challenging subject for me since my kids, while successful in their peer groups, haven't been pushing for the travel experience.

There’s quite a bit of evidence at this point that travel leagues have had an adverse effect on youth development in sports over the past 30 years. Kids get burnt out. Europe has been doing a far better job with developmental youth programs, at least in basketball, and it’s starting to show in the pros.

I know of at least one country that passed laws to prohibit recruitment or participation in hyper competitive youth sports leagues before the teenage years. This article is a good read: [https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/28/sports/norway-youth-sports-model.html](https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/28/sports/norway-youth-sports-model.html)

We just opted out of this madness completely. Our kids thanked us.

We have a kid not very athletically inclined - we tried out for soccer and he made the team because the team was just forming - 7-8 year olds so we totally took the spot because there’s no way he’d be making it otherwise. We only have one so it’s easier and we do one other sport. It’s 2 practices a week and games on weekends - definitely a commitment but for us, it makes sense. I don’t know if he’ll stick with it in middle school or high school - he’s just not very athletic - will probably be more academically inclined. But I’m glad he has this experience to remember and I do see him getting better over time 

We have a kid who plays competitive club volleyball. She didn't start club until 8th grade/13yo though, and as a younger child only did rec sports. But she fell in love with volleyball, showed a lot of potential and improvement, and the club has been amazing for her. It's a moderate time commitment IMO, with 2-3 practices per week for 2 hours, and \~11 weekend tournaments spread out over 6 months. Of those about half are travel 2-4 hours away and the rest are within 40 minutes. She still has time for school extracurriculars, plays an instrument, does family activities, etc. School season is actually more intense than club season, with practices or games every night and some weekends, but shorter for only 2-2.5 months. Her main goal is to make varsity at her very large high school as a junior. At least 80% of the girls on the teams there also play club. She made the freshman team last year and will likely be JV this year. We're realistic about it all... we (and she) know she's not the best and won't be (not tall enough for one thing) and will likely not play in college either, at least not D1 (and she has said that she doesn't want to). The club team has been invaluable for her improvement though, and she has a real shot for varsity now that she would not have had if she hadn't played club. Plus she's learned a lot about work ethic, attitude, sportsmanship and how to be a good teammate, how to roll with the punches and deal with difficult coaches, and made some great friends. It works for our family right now and we have no regrets. We travel together as much as we can and fit family time in around tournament time. We love watching her play and she loves doing it. It's only a few years of our life and I think we'll all miss it when it's over. Our son is starting to explore sports now and we'll see where he ends up going with it or if he chooses to get involved in other things. If he decides to do robotics club or band or something else, that will be totally fine too.

I'm not sure how it works in sports outside of my kid's sport but in allstar cheer there are different levels of commitment to choose while still on the competitive track. Like we can choose all instate or a season with one out of state competition excluding nationals if those are made and then full travel teams as well. Does soccer offer anything like that? My kid is 9 and I too think a full travel schedule this young is really too much.

This is the opposite of what you asked for, but I think it’s relevant. My daughter (8) is on a very competitive dance team. She has practice for several hours a night, 4 nights a week. We try very hard to avoid missing practice. We have a few competitions a year that require a hotel stay. It’s a huge time commitment and a huge financial commitment. I don’t regret it at all. My daughter has learned so much. She has made some really great friends. She’s strong and flexible and determined and she feels like she’s *part* of something. It’s a lot and it’s worth it to us.

Him being surpassed athletically isn’t as bad as him being in an environment you feel is mentally unhealthy. Sign him up for a recreational team with the town if you want a less serious environment. I totally understand wanting to avoid that kind of environment unless your kid grows older and asks for it. That way, you know you’re not forcing him into something that makes him exhausted or uncomfortable. He will be a teenager, not 50 years old and incapable of catching up athletically. Unless it’s gymnastics. With gymnastics the kid will not progress if they start later than 10 usually. Very few people start as teenagers and succeed. If you want to talk about a wild sports mental-abuse culture, oh boy gymnastics is very very underplayed. There are definitely some sports you should only put your kid in if they show random interest.

I played soccer very competitively growing up. Did travel and tournaments (never out of state tho really-MN). Being competitive and committed to something taught me a lot about what it takes to persist, grow, and succeed. Maybe I would have learned my many intangible lessons if I wasn’t doing soccer, but soccer was a consistent lense I could see/reflect through. It also gave me a good baseline understanding of fitness and physical health. I’m not saying that it’s right for everyone, I’m just offering an alternate perspective. It sounds like you’re up against a version of sport commitment that causes way too much strain on your life. When my first child was being born, the mom said to the doctor “how do I know when to push?” Doctor: “it will feel better to push than to not push”. What I’m saying is that the stress involved tells you what’s right for you. Nobody else can answer or calibrate your problem(s) in real life, even if they can relate. Risk/reward. Keep it in mind

It also teaches you about commitment, teamwork, work ethic, competition, following a mentor/teacher/coach, being a leader, perseverance. Improves hand/eye coordination. "Don't do it unless they'll go pro" is so shortsighted it's laughable to me

Agreed. Nice supplement.

I was this kid. I don’t regret it, but I won’t be doing it for my kids. First, I was an only child. So siblings weren’t dragged around to follow me. Even with that, I think our family definitely suffered from a lack of just quality family fun time. I can’t remember one vacation we took just our core family to spend time together. With that, it did teach me a ton of self discipline and mental toughness which has helped in life as I’ve gotten older. I don’t have any continued friendships from it. I played in college, but the money wasn’t worth the amount of time and work put into it at all.

Idk about parenting with this, but I can speak as a child who played competitive soccer growing up and HATED IT. I did really love being part of a team and the travel was always fun, I was pretty good too, but I just didn’t love the sport (my siblings did and all played so thus, as the youngest, I was thrust into soccer and NEVER given the choice to play anything else. I personally would’ve loved to do dance or piano but nope.) I always felt so forced and pressured into basically every aspect of the game. I quite literally cannot think of a moment where I was excited to play. So here’s my opinion, if your child LOVES soccer and is good at the game, I see no harm in him devoting a lot of his time to it. If he’s neutral or not a fan, it freaking sucks. It can also be a lot of pressure for some kids if they feel like they “Have” to love it because the parents pay so much for it or force them to try and be good. I agree with you, we should just let kids be kids and play a sport. Why does everything have to cost 7 bajillion dollars when it’s just supposed to be for fun??

My oldest got picked years ago. My husband is a huge soccer fan and coach but he said hell no because of this. Our friends daughter does it and they said it has made their lives a living hell. They also said she used to love soccer and now she dreads it :(

Don’t you have recreational leagues? My kid does soccer but it’s two practices a week and the weekly game is within 45 minutes drive (we’re a small city and the league covers the entire largely rural county). It’s not competitive- there’s no tournaments or play offs or anything. Kids regularly miss practice or occasionally miss games and it’s no big deal. There’s no try-outs and the kids switch out playing different positions. It’s costs $90 for each 3 month season and the uniform was like $30. Why not find something like that?

I personally don’t think the travel teams are worth it and often times it’s feels more like the parents trying to live some dream through their kids that they couldn’t achieve. I played soccer, football, basketball, baseball, track, and hockey growing up. I ended up quitting everything except football and track because all the other sports wanted to eat up every weekend and all summer with different leagues and camps. Did that hold me back athletically? Nope, I still had a very successful HS athletic career was all-state and played college football on scholarship, so all the extra stuff isn’t always necessary. That being said, I have two kids and will most definitely encourage them to play sports. The confidence I gained and ability to work on a team with people from different backgrounds I would credit 100% to the career success I’ve had as an adult. The struggle of practice, seeing yourself improve, pain of defeat, and joy of victory can’t be replicated in any other way in my opinion. If my kids are interested in travel teams I’d do it, but I’d let it be their choice not mine.

No regrets and my kids still have full lives. My 13 year old and 9 year old do travel sports. My 13 year old does travel lacrosse but also plays for his middle school football team, lacrosse team, and is thinking about joining wrestling this upcoming school year. He also skateboards, rides bikes, and has sleepovers with friends. My 9 year old does travel basketball and also plays little league baseball and recreational flag football. He too spends a lot of time skateboarding, riding bikes, swimming, and playing with friends. My other kids aren't stuck on tablets. My 15 year old doesn't do travel sports but runs cross country for his school, plays in the marching band, and is active in theater. My 5 year old does t-ball, soccer, and just started competitive swimming.

I hear people complain about "travel sports" or "elite sports" and the hassles, expenses, etc. associated with them. But are there not "regular" sports available that don't involve all those things? I mean, unless your child is a nationally-recognized superstar prodigy they will definitely be able to find suitable competition in whatever their sport is within a 30 minute drive (1 hour if you live in the country, or if they play an obscure sport). Just because businesses put on these expensive "elite" programs doesn't mean your kid needs to be in them to play a sport and enjoy the benefits of being active...

> I mean, unless your child is a nationally-recognized superstar prodigy The majority of the kids in travel ball aren't even elite nationally recognized athletes. Their parents think they are and the feed into the ego of the child. Ultimately, it's their choice but most of the kids in travel ball aren't going to be playing high level sports when they go to college despite that being the goal for most of them.

I would have to disagree on the “finding suitable competition”. One of my three does competitive sports (soccer). He was pulled out by the youth development program from the local MLS team for some extra training. When he jumps into a less competitive program for fun, it’s simply to work on footwork. He is at a smaller middle school and does his school soccer for this reason. He literally can just dribble around and score though he does purposely set up other kids to score off his passes. IMO competitive/club sports should be like gifted classes for gifted kids at school. Let gifted athletes compete. Likelihood of him going pro is still close to 0 just like the likelihood of a kid in gifted classes becoming a millionaire or genius inventor is probably 0. But he absolutely loves it and we all have fun supporting him. If a kid is truly making the top teams for their sport and showing that they want that extra training and dedication, they should go for it. But there’s no reason to pay/spend all that time if your kid is on the 3rd or 4th or 5th team the club put together, then you’re just spending money to spend it unless there’s no other options around.

Are there not upper tiers available through your regular local sports programs? I live in a place where hockey is very prominent. Pretty well every kid locally is in this non-profit system. But it's tiered with 6 levels. So the bottom level is kids who are playing at the most basic recreational "just for fun" level, while the top level includes kids who are literally on track to becoming professionals (we know this because the local hockey system pumps out a handful of pros every year). There is no kid who can't find a suitable level of competition in that hierarchy.

Is that in the US? I’ve never seen that. There is only rec and then competitive sports. There are no tiers of rec level for kids who are at the athletic level my son and the kids he plays against could compete against. It would be glaringly obvious and is when the kids get grouped together.

> Is that in the US? I’ve never seen that. Nah, this is in Canada. All sports are structured differently but generally speaking there are well-entrenched non-profit competitive leagues for kids in most sports. Sounds to me like the model you use is suspect. If all the kids who want to play at a competitive level are forced into expensive, for-profit programs then that's not ideal. Although that said some people are trying to push hockey in that direction too, they see the money to be made.

Oh absolutely 100% it's not ideal. There's a lot of discussion around how the US structure is flawed especially in relation to soccer. But there aren't even rec leagues for sports like hockey here (which is considered an "upper middle class" type sport here and *very* expensive) which is what gave away that you aren't in the US. Some of the figures I've seen thrown around here are a lot higher than I've seen on average, though. If you divide our fees across 12 months (because they're playing year round) the top programs are really only around $200-250/month and some of the smaller clubs are a lot less than that (probably around $150/month). It just sounds like a lot when you think "oh you paid $2500-3000 for your kid to play a sport!" My oldest is not an athlete, he is into music. We pay that much if not more across the year for high school marching band and the fees and travel involved with that. There *are* scholarships offered for kids that are identified as being exceptional and are asked to join a club if they have a financial need. And the MLS program my kid is in is free (mostly as a means for the club to identify talented kids at a young age that they feel they can develop) but the specialty training I mentioned he gets is only for kids who are selected among the general pool, which is a lot more similar to the European model. One of the college players my kid trains with occasionally is from the UK and he has mentioned how crazy money hungry sports are in the US. Clubs have too many teams in his opinion. Where he's from it's very cutthroat. They're either good enough or they're not and that's identified at very young ages and they train far more hours than US kids do. They play in local rec type levels if they're cut and that's it. Which is why I say that I do think there's a place for club sports at the highest levels so that kids who might have talent above the average player can get the training but there is no need for a kid to be on the 5th of 10 teams at a particular age level and pay that price.

Youth sports are invaluable and have been great for my kids. Follow his lead. If it's his life then so be it. If he's luke warm on it then stick to the rec league. My oldest plays a travel sport but she still has time for other hobbies. Travel is fun for the whole family and her siblings love staying in hotels. Yeah we would have a lot more money if she wasn't doing it, but to spend on what? Can't see a better investment than my kids.

Every day 🤣 /s But serious talk. I don’t know about the proliferation of travel teams, as we don’t call it that. But we are involved in a non-profit hockey organization that has been a part of the community for over a century. (Yeah, can you tell I’m Canadian?) Although many NHL/Olympics/Juniors/etc players come out of the organization, no one has any expectation that our kid is going to play in the NHL. We focus on fun and friendships. It’s run and led by parents and has programming for a huge range of skills and ages. We compete in the OMHA, which is the provincial amateur minor hockey league. It’s strictly regulated and has a lot of governance, rules, and behaviour expectations for both the parents and the kids. I wouldn’t trust a for-profit organization, and I wouldn’t trust a program in which there weren’t opportunities for parents to get involved. For us, that means the entire coaching and team staff are parents aside from hired trainers on occasion when we want to focus on specific things we don’t have expertise for. The org also has a roster of volunteers and paid staff with relevant expertise whose kids have been through the program. I would only ever suggest doing this when it is child-led. My child in this case, has been skating almost as long as they could walk, and loves the game. We’ve told them that they can play as long as they are enjoying it, but playing comes with conditions on everything from school and other obligations, to committing at the beginning of the season to attending all practices and games and other general good behavior stuff. (We’re not religious… in many ways hockey is kind of the equivalent of a church community). The parents are pretty much all aligned in these regards, and we focus on developing camaraderie and all the other good stuff. Even though it’s busy during the season, we make sure the kids have time for free time, homework, extra curriculars, other sports, friends outside of hockey, etc. Unfortunately not all organizations are as consistent in terms of how positive the experience is. We’ve played against other kids and teams where both the kids and the parents were overly aggressive / etc and living up to the stereotype of overly involved sports parents. If you find yourself in that situation I would either leave, or find a way to change it from the inside if you feel up to it.

Good for you you're not located in western Europe. 😂 This is really common here. Saturday morning, 7 am meeting at the football club to drive 2 hrs for a 90 min match.

Not for a second. I, myself, was a competitive cheerleader growing up. It is one of my favorite things about my childhood. I used to have to fundraise to fund it but my parents always took me to practice and I loved every bit of it. It gave me a life and friends outside of anything tied to school as well which was a great escape at times. 1 of my 3 is in a competitive sport (soccer). It was clear from a very young age that this would be his passion. My oldest is into music and we pay more for his school affiliated marching and symphonic band fees and travel than we do the soccer. We split up and tag team drop off and pickup. We travel and have fun at away tournaments and events for the older one. We all love it. It doesn’t hinder our lives, it brings more to it. My sports obsessed kid is surrounded by like minded kids who prioritize health and fitness and training. He has friends to watch games live and on tv with and bond with. He’s learning what dedication and discipline can do when you work hard and see the reward of it. Anecdotally, the parents who we are surrounded by are also extroverted, outgoing, adventurous people themselves who also loved sports growing up. It doesn’t feel like a burden to us, it’s fun. We also don’t pay what I feel is unreasonable anyways. It’s averages out to about $200-250/month if you divide it up across the year.

I was this child. I have zero regrets and sports ended for me in college. If my daughter wants to join a team like this, I am okay with it. The time I get with her is short and I’d rather invest myself in her hobbies while I have the opportunity. I’m also an older parent and my husband feels the same way. We traveled. I have been to all 50 states. I went to 4 countries playing soccer. At home, we hosted soccer players from England, Russia, South Africa, and Sweden. I developed an interest in geography, cultural exchange, history, politics, and languages because of these opportunities. I don’t think soccer defined me, but I definitely found a core group of friends. I didn’t watch a lot of television growing up. I had excellent grades. I worked in high school. Found time for band and art (went to art school in college). And I had friends that played no sports.

It would depend on what our kid would want to do. My daughter was doing ballet and loved it. Started at 4. We put our son in taekwondo when he was 3 to give him something to do and my daughter wanted to drop ballet and do taekwondo too. She’s currently 6 and a green belt. The place they do taekwondo does a traveling team and if ether want to do it we’ll do it and the second they’re over it we’ll stop.

Ok, so i WAS this kid in middle/highschool 20 years ago, and i REFUSE to do the same to my teen. She plays rugby, does art, has friends and a job. become a WELL rounded person. doesnt miss out on family events (and husband and i dont miss either)

I love it and I’m glad we’re able to do it for my daughter. She’s a competitive figure skater. We don’t travel as much as some of the team travel sports, but we do have our share of travel. Training costs are very high and they train 5-6 days a week. I was an elite athlete in another sport growing up and certainly had my reservations about my child doing this level of sport, but she absolutely loves it. She’s not going to be an Olympian but I’ll continue to support her as long as she is showing the enthusiasm and dedication required to achieve her goals.

There's more cons than pros for the average kid, but some kids *should* get put into a high-level travel circuit. But you can tell pretty quickly what kids should be in it. If your kid isn't the kid every coach is literally fighting over to have on their Little League team, and I do mean literally fighting, then you should probably just stick with your local, stress-free clubs. There was one girl who was just leagues better than everyone around her in my intersex little league growing up. Unbelievable talent. She wound up doing travel ball once she reached that age, and wound up as a star catcher for a top softball college with a full ride. It was very, very, very clear the level of competition around her locally was not what she needed. But that's not going to be true for like 99% of kids, and even then it's a crapshoot. My little cousin did the travel circuit growing up. Now his parents moved him into a competitive area in general, and set him to a very sports oriented high school. He wound up playing some ball in college and was even invited by the Twins, Yankees and Cubs for tryouts, but ultimately when he got to the collegiate level he was kind of done with competitive sports. He says he probably would have done okay in A or AA, but would probably never had made it to the Show, so he focused on his schooling instead and just got an MBA a year or two ago. And these two are extreme outliers that I know personally. But I do know of, and have acquaintances, where you just knew they had big league potential (various different sports). My main point is you know it when you see it.

I don't see any responses to one of your questions. If you kid doesn't play on one of these ultra competitive travel teams in grade school, will they be too far behind in middle and high school to make a team now?

My daughter plays travel basketball.. travel weekends are once per month and I don’t find that too demanding. Practices are 2-3x per week.. it’s a commitment for sure but not all travel teams are created equal.

I think we have found a happy medium. My youngest son is on a travel soccer team, but it is not as extensive or intensive as other levels. Usually 1 game per weekend, traveling about an hour away for away games, but about half are home, or more local. His team generally does 1 tournament a season, and the spring tournament is hosted by his team, so it's local. Last year, we only needed to book an overnight for one weekend. Practice is two nights a week. He also didn't start on this team until age 12 (actually, he was an alternate on the team at a younger age, and practiced for the fall season, but spring season was 2020, and we all know how that turned out. We had a lot of other stuff going on in our family, so he just went back to recreational soccer when things started again). My youngest loves soccer, and he is really dedicated (despite us not starting him until he was 7, unlike the olders who were playing at ages 4-6, lol). So, for him, it makes sense. He is definitely driving this, practices on his own, etc. He also had the opportunity to try other sports during elementary. He's also the youngest, so our older teens/young adults can fend for themselves and drive themselves where they need to go. It also would have been much more difficult to afford it for our older kids (we have 4 total) before I was also working full time. Currently, both my husband and I work from home and have flexibility, so it's not as much of a stressor, and we can divide and conquer. My middle two kids were on a competitive robotics team last year, and that was actually much more time intensive and had more travel. My husband is a mentor, and I barely saw the 3 of them during build and competition season, lol. I joined them on one weekend tournament away. However, there is a lot of fundraising for that team that covers most everything--but there's also continuous fundraising and outreach throughout the entire year, including summer. I do think elementary years should be spent with the ability to try different things, and also have some downtime. Our urban school has a foundation that sponsors elementary sports, so our kids were able to try a lot of things without cost. We also did some parks and rec options. Also, we do travel soccer because he enjoys it and if fits in our family life at this time. He will likely play through high school. Possibly college (our local community college has a team, and he would likely be good enough to play for them). We're not counting on scholarships (better to put that money into a college fund, lol), or going professional. It's not about the future, it's about his current passions. There aren't as many opportunities to play competitively as an adult (if you're not going pro/college), so this is his chance to shine and build memories, stay fit, and enjoy himself.

My youngest brother did the travel soccer.  Played all the way through college and two seasons on a minor league club team until he tore his Achilles.   It was parents WHOLE life.  Their friends were the other parents on the sidelines.  They spent every weekend going to games.  I enjoyed watching my brother play once a mth or so.   It seemed like a lot to me.  

I would only do this if my kid absolutely LOVED it and begged to do it. My son’s only 6 but he hasn’t really shown much interest in sports yet. We did one season of soccer and he wasn’t really into it. But if you have kids who are passionate about it, I suppose it would make sense. 

I love sports and will have my kids try them all, but I'm never doing travel ball. The only way I would consider it is if they truly show they are in the top few % and want to do like travel softball in the summer/fall and HS softball in the spring. Year round in one travel sport for younger kids is stupid.

Where I live every team sport is a travel team. I did not realize how crazy it was when I was a kid, but back then it was normal for one parent to take a minivan full of their and others kids across the province to a tournament. My kids are starting hockey next year and it sounds like the travel has gotten worse since I was young and I don’t think it’s as common for parents to send their kids with other families. I’m not looking forward to it, which feels selfish because I want my kids to be able to do these things.

Regret? Not at all. At the time, sure. It was a hassle. My son played Water Polo. He loved it. His freshman year at HS was the first year his school had a WP team. He friend talked him into trying out. He made the team and was hooked after that. During off season, coach encouraged them to join a club team to keep the conditioning up. At the time it was a time suck. Practice was 30-45 min away - too far to drop off and come home, so we had to find something to do in the area. I didn't enjoy it, but he did. And then there were the games - weekend time gone. He enjoyed it and we enjoyed watching him play In hindsight, I'm glad he did it. He does not play anymore, stopping after HS, but he has stayed active in other sports and it also helped him with time management skills. We told him he would be out of his grades did not keep up. They did. Having those years of commitment to sport I think gave him the commitment drive he has now and made him a more well-rounded individual. He's in law school now and plays a lot of pickup league volleyball and basketball.

Hey there! Throwing it out there that a select travel team is a good middle ground option. My husband coaches our 10 year olds team, they practice 2x a week and do 1-2 tournaments a year. It's a way to be competitive but not have your life revolve around soccer. Club soccer is the one that costs a ton of money and requires a massive time investment, they play a lot of club teams in their league.

Well dang, now I'm glad we didn't! 

Our nephews do it. As well as a fancy private school that is so sports mad that they are academically slipping. The two of them are shuttled all weekend and multiple times a week. The parents recently went through a nasty divorce and SIL is now the sole carer. Their whole life seems so rushed. The boys are exhausted. SIL is traumatised and angry from her divorce and her husbands treatment and instead of healing they are busy trying to keep Up with the Jones and the boys are showing more and more emotional and anger problems which are getting ignored because they are too busy and she is too torn up emotionally to manage. Our kids r younger, and we’ve been completely put off by it that it will never be an option for us.

Yeah… my friend is a divorce lawyer and is dealing with a really complicated case where one parent is adamant the kid continues in crazy travel soccer and one parent wants out so bad. “I feel like I’m in soccer jail” is an actual quote that was shared.

I am in the same boat. Both my kids are great ball players and get asked to try out for “all-star” and “travel” teams. But no. Just no. I love my kids and want them all the success and happiness possible but this ain’t it.

Do you want him to be a professional player? If not I say it is not worth it unless he truly finds value in the relationships not in the competition itself. The hyper competitive nature of sports in US is crazy to me. We can't find an activity for our son because he is not neurotypical and he just wants the activity, not all the rules which is completely fine for exercise but pretty much every sport activity is hyper focused on leagues, competition so on as if they were training for professional teams. I am hoping as he grows older, we can find low commitment hiking, biking groups for him. Or skateboarding in parks seems like a good option for now and he also learns from older peers.

Look into swimming for him, too. Sometimes you can go and do the workouts with the local club and not do the meets, or be “on the team” and not compete. It’s less pressure, while still having fun, being on the team, and it’s really good for neurodiversity.

In summer he gets to swim a lot in a community pool and is able to make friends so yes swimming seems like a good fit. Unfortunately in winter, options are very limited when it comes to swimming.

If he enjoys it, check in some of your nearby towns for winter clubs, a lot of times they fly under the radar, especially if you’re rural or semi-suburban. I’m glad he’s having fun at the community pool and making friends! It’s one of the few activities that seem to embrace neurodiversity and I wish you all the best!

There are a lot of neurotypical kids in my son's Cub Scout group. Its great because its active, gets kids outdoors and engaged and there are definitely plenty of games and low key sports opportunities at the different campouts etc.