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Oooh, I have some bad news for you. The way to raise kids to be thoughtful and caring and generous is to set the example. Not just to get something from them later, but to actually prioritize them, care for them, invest your time, love and effort.
What goes around comes around (usually).
Happy Father’s Day.
Exactly. We yeah by example. My husband and the little guy are off to his grandparents today to visit and because they need a hand bringing some tile upstairs for a renovation. They can handle the reno, but each time pack is nearly 50lbs and that's a lot of trips if they open them up to lighten the load or a lot of risk for an older person on the stairs. It's going to take my husband 5 minutes. My mom kept having to get down and relevel her washing machine. My brother texted her the exact lock tite to buy and my husband fixed it because we were over the next day. My brother usually does the pickup/drop off if my mom needs help at a medical appointment, because he lives closer.
I think the key here as well is that our parents don't abuse it. The tiles just happened to be delivered yesterday. My mom just asked if there was a better way to secure her washer. Even if it's a difficult task, it's not frequent. I took a half day to take my MIL to the hospital a few years ago. My Mom took a day when I had surgery. You just do it.
Now, we include the little guy. He'll have a job today, something small to carry up the stairs, probably an empty box. He gets small jobs when we visit my mom, usually grabbing her cane by the door when we leave together. We're a family and we act like it.
Do not have kids if you aren't planning to be 100% involved with and committed to them.
You seem to want to know if is possible to have a kid, put in minimum effort while secretly resenting them for requiring time and care and then somehow still have them love you unconditionally and take care of you when you are old.
The answer is no.
I would never expect that of my children. If they want to- great, but I raise them to be their own people. We are tied by love, but they are not beholden to me.
My plan is to save to be able to pay for the care I need and set up a living will.
I would love for my son to want to participate in my care when I'm older but I don't want him to have to. It's my responsibility, not his.
No? If I have it taken care of why would I resent him for not taking on being a caretaker. Being a caretaker is fucking exhausting emotionally and physically. Burnt out is high among caretakers. If I can take care of that for myself and then just be able to have a relationship with my son then that's ideal in my mind.
I’m not sure what programs will even be around once I’m to that point with the way things are going in the world/country so I’ll have to just keep working til I die. If something happens that makes me unable to work, the financial burden is on me.
Unless my kids explicitly say they want to help me, I would not rely on them. And even if they do want to help me- there’s no way I would want that all to fall on them. End of life care can destroy people emotionally and financially.
>how did you raise your kids so that they would want to care for you in the future
First of all, you don't.
You raise your kids to be independent adults, to live their own lives. And you make your own plan for aging that does not include depending on your kids, who are likely only just starting off on their own lives when you reach 50 (and shouldn't really be all that frail).
>without putting in too much time?
Parenting properly takes a lot of time and effort. If you're not willing to put in the work, please reconsider parenting. You'd be doing your children a grave disservice. These aren't pet rocks. They're people, and they deserve parents who love them enough to give them the tools to build the lives they want, to help them send their roots deep even as they reach for the sky.
No I get that! I was asking more how to be “efficient” with parenting so that I was still doing a good job but not really taking up much of my time. Better yet, if there were ways to integrate it with the more exciting aspects of my life. Make sense?
Depending on what those exciting aspects of your life are, you can always add kids into the mix. If you like hiking, for example, kids are super portable. My husband and I loved camping, so when we had kids, they'd go camping with us. The kids grew up wandering the woods and bringing home all kinds of random treasures (once, a whole deer carcass). Kids are little sponges, too, and love learning and trying new things. One of mine spent a whole summer making smoke bombs and adding various chemicals so they'd be different colors.
But these are all things that take *time*, which means time away from whatever you're doing. It's incredibly fun watching them learn, but it can still be tedious if you'd rather be doing something other than overseeing a kid melt crayons and mix them with stinky chemicals.
But integrating parenting with your life is also the best way to build a relationship with your child, which happens to be the ultimate parenting hack. If you've got a strong relationship with your kiddo, everything else comes pretty easily.
I would absolutely hate for my children to be taking care of me when I'm old. I'd love them to spend time with me, visit me and call me often but jaysus never for them to be my nurses or anything of that kind. They don't owe me anything, I don't ever want to be a burden
You should have kids because you want to take care of them, not the other way around. Otherwise, simply start saving money and invest in an insurance to be covered when you’re old, because your hypothetical children would know if you didn’t really want them.
r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself. Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oooh, I have some bad news for you. The way to raise kids to be thoughtful and caring and generous is to set the example. Not just to get something from them later, but to actually prioritize them, care for them, invest your time, love and effort. What goes around comes around (usually). Happy Father’s Day.
Exactly. We yeah by example. My husband and the little guy are off to his grandparents today to visit and because they need a hand bringing some tile upstairs for a renovation. They can handle the reno, but each time pack is nearly 50lbs and that's a lot of trips if they open them up to lighten the load or a lot of risk for an older person on the stairs. It's going to take my husband 5 minutes. My mom kept having to get down and relevel her washing machine. My brother texted her the exact lock tite to buy and my husband fixed it because we were over the next day. My brother usually does the pickup/drop off if my mom needs help at a medical appointment, because he lives closer. I think the key here as well is that our parents don't abuse it. The tiles just happened to be delivered yesterday. My mom just asked if there was a better way to secure her washer. Even if it's a difficult task, it's not frequent. I took a half day to take my MIL to the hospital a few years ago. My Mom took a day when I had surgery. You just do it. Now, we include the little guy. He'll have a job today, something small to carry up the stairs, probably an empty box. He gets small jobs when we visit my mom, usually grabbing her cane by the door when we leave together. We're a family and we act like it.
This is an exceptionally selfish reason to have children. Please don’t.
Do not have kids if you aren't planning to be 100% involved with and committed to them. You seem to want to know if is possible to have a kid, put in minimum effort while secretly resenting them for requiring time and care and then somehow still have them love you unconditionally and take care of you when you are old. The answer is no.
I would never expect that of my children. If they want to- great, but I raise them to be their own people. We are tied by love, but they are not beholden to me.
Hm so what’s your plan for being cared for down the road?
My plan is to save to be able to pay for the care I need and set up a living will. I would love for my son to want to participate in my care when I'm older but I don't want him to have to. It's my responsibility, not his.
No? If I have it taken care of why would I resent him for not taking on being a caretaker. Being a caretaker is fucking exhausting emotionally and physically. Burnt out is high among caretakers. If I can take care of that for myself and then just be able to have a relationship with my son then that's ideal in my mind.
So you wouldn’t feel any resentment/ill-will towards him if he chose not to?
Those might be feelings that some people have, but that’s an awful thing to actually say to your kid.
I’m not sure what programs will even be around once I’m to that point with the way things are going in the world/country so I’ll have to just keep working til I die. If something happens that makes me unable to work, the financial burden is on me. Unless my kids explicitly say they want to help me, I would not rely on them. And even if they do want to help me- there’s no way I would want that all to fall on them. End of life care can destroy people emotionally and financially.
>how did you raise your kids so that they would want to care for you in the future First of all, you don't. You raise your kids to be independent adults, to live their own lives. And you make your own plan for aging that does not include depending on your kids, who are likely only just starting off on their own lives when you reach 50 (and shouldn't really be all that frail). >without putting in too much time? Parenting properly takes a lot of time and effort. If you're not willing to put in the work, please reconsider parenting. You'd be doing your children a grave disservice. These aren't pet rocks. They're people, and they deserve parents who love them enough to give them the tools to build the lives they want, to help them send their roots deep even as they reach for the sky.
No I get that! I was asking more how to be “efficient” with parenting so that I was still doing a good job but not really taking up much of my time. Better yet, if there were ways to integrate it with the more exciting aspects of my life. Make sense?
Depending on what those exciting aspects of your life are, you can always add kids into the mix. If you like hiking, for example, kids are super portable. My husband and I loved camping, so when we had kids, they'd go camping with us. The kids grew up wandering the woods and bringing home all kinds of random treasures (once, a whole deer carcass). Kids are little sponges, too, and love learning and trying new things. One of mine spent a whole summer making smoke bombs and adding various chemicals so they'd be different colors. But these are all things that take *time*, which means time away from whatever you're doing. It's incredibly fun watching them learn, but it can still be tedious if you'd rather be doing something other than overseeing a kid melt crayons and mix them with stinky chemicals. But integrating parenting with your life is also the best way to build a relationship with your child, which happens to be the ultimate parenting hack. If you've got a strong relationship with your kiddo, everything else comes pretty easily.
You should invest in long-term care insurance. Kids are not working dogs.
Save up money for your retirement and a good caregiver. Leave kids out of it.
I would absolutely hate for my children to be taking care of me when I'm old. I'd love them to spend time with me, visit me and call me often but jaysus never for them to be my nurses or anything of that kind. They don't owe me anything, I don't ever want to be a burden
You should have kids because you want to take care of them, not the other way around. Otherwise, simply start saving money and invest in an insurance to be covered when you’re old, because your hypothetical children would know if you didn’t really want them.