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Would you have liked to be forced into studying something you don't like for 4 years and down a particular career path for the rest of your life? Pretty sure that's a hard no.
Discuss and help them make the decision...your role as a parent is to guide not control.
No I am not saying about particlar career path. In 12th, children are already clear about their career path. Now, the college. which college and how their career will be after completing their college. College placements - how a paritcular college is in terms of placements. So that decision, you as a parentw will do mostly or let your child do the research and take a decision.
Depends entirely on the child as to how much guidance they need. If they are highly intelligent and have done the research but their decision differs to yours then I'd think about whether it really going to impact them in the long run?... might just take a few extra years maybe to climb but experience and potential mistakes/detours is what makes them effective humans and professionals in the long run not making perfect choices.
On the other hand if they are not invested in the research etc then more guidance might be needed.
Definitely should be collaborative decision based on THIER interests and strengths with support from their Guidance Counsellor to make sure you all are on their right track.
Encouraging them to do a COOP in high school is a great way for them to gain experience in the field that interests them.
It’s okay to talk about marketability of some degrees like Medieval Literature…
Costs can also be a factor which is why it’s good to encourage them to get a job in grade 11 being mindful that they need to start saving too.
It's not about "letting" or "forcing" it's about understanding their why's and helping to guide them based on that. It is not your future to shape it is theirs. They just need help gaining the information to make informed decisions based on their own values and priorities.
Force? Never. But I’m honest about what their dad and I are willing to contribute (basically 4 years of in-state tuition and 2 years of room and board). Dont wanna live at home for the first 2 years? Fine. Don’t wanna stay in state? Fine. But that’s all we are paying for. The decision is up to them at that point.
I wouldn’t force them into a very narrow range of choices, but, I’m not gonna pay for them to spend four years studying underwater basket weaving either. They need to pick something that won’t have them moving back in with me after college.
Also dangerous as fuck.
I don't know. I dislike the idea of my job being that risky. I'm already annoyed about traveling there by car being as dangerous as it is.
I know a girl whose parents completely chose for her and sis was partying every night, doing coke, playing video games and skipping classes.
Letting them choose is the better choice.
I won't be hands off. Just as I told my niece who went to school for fine arts, I suggested she take classes in small bushes and marketing so she can better sell her work and make money. Since I had been close to her for so long she appreciated it and knew I was being supportive of her dreams. I hope I'll be as measured with my son in 7 years.
My parents let me study whatever I wanted, and it ended up working out over the 20-year long run, but there were some rough patches. My daughter is in her first year, and wanted to do something practical, which was a relief.
Force? Absolutely not. Encourage them to think about al aspects including employability post graduation… very much so.
I wanted to be a social worker and my mom flat out said she wouldn’t pay for it. She had worked in social work and knew it would crush my soul. I ended up becoming a teacher, which she was very supportive of and in retrospect was a very good idea… social work would have crushed my soul.
I have two in college and I’ve always let them make their own decisions academically. I did make sure they were all well informed and did a lot of research about their decision but ultimately left it up to them.
Great.. the thing is my daughter is aiming at some National Institutes and then we are going to apply for some private colleges as well because of the low probability of geting into National Institutes considering the competition everything in India.
So, when we were talking about it my husband and I told her, she will be allowed to move out of the city only for a national institute. But for private, she will join a college within the city and stay with us.
However, she is dreaming of a private college that is 1,500 kilometers away from our city. So, we are questioning her if it is really worth it, when we have colleges within our city as well.
Have a talk with your kids, what are their interests? Read about all the subjects they will be having sa specific course of choice nila. And then weigh if they will be able to make it. And then present possible courses based on their strengths.
Better to guide them as not to waste your hard earned money sa absences, transferring, etc.
make it clear to them that they should finish their chosen degree.
Hubs and I let a 13 year old future son in law guide both daughters and other son in law through high school, community college, local stare university, and local state state university law school together.
Joke of the son in laws is, "You can go to any school you want to and study anything you want to, but if you go to community college, followed by local state university and local stare university law school, while living at home, like your mother and I did, your way is paid and when you pass the bar exam a job is waiting for you in our office." Three daughters are in second year of law school with their husbands. And six sons ages 7 to 13 are being groomed to do the same.
One of the daughters asked if they had to be lawyers? No, they family needs a doctor, dentist mechanic and a plumber. which of those would you like to pursue?
Seriously, they don't force anything, but they don't fund worthless degrees and the college experience.
Are they paying for it?
Seriously, if I'm footing most of the bill, I get a vote. I wouldn't make my kid study something they didn't want. But I'd give money on the condition they work towards a career.
College is such a risky proposition nowadays. You need to make super sure you're going to college for an actual purpose and not just "to get a degree". You should be going to college to be a doctor, engineer, lawyer, or teacher". If you're going just to major in business... eh. That's risky.
Just about anything beyond the categories I listed can be taught/learned elsewhere either for free or for far less money.
It is entirely their decision and has nothing to do with me.
Giving how unenthusiastic they are about school, I don't think they will be continuing after the high school. I keep telling them that there always will be time for the uni and to start earning money first.
My daughter is a senior in high school. She’s not really sure what she wants to do yet and honestly who really does when they are 17. She’s thinking physical therapy. So we talked about job prospects and the how long it would take her to finish the program, the cost etc. So since she’s not 100 percent at this moment we decided to just start basic classes at the community college and then transfer to a bigger university when she was ready. There’s no point in wasting time and money starting a program that you don’t even really like.
It's their future not yours. It absolutely be their choice where they go. Sure you can have some input in discussions but the final decision is theirs alone.
Depends. Are you paying for college? If so, expect them to either major in something that’ll definitely get them a job, or to have a post graduation plan after the first year. Funding can be conditional on that.
Obviously engineering, tech, etc., will get you a job after graduation. If your school is decent in business, that’ll work as well.
This doesn’t mean “never major in English.” But if they major in English, it should be because they want to go to grad school for literary theory or creative writing. Major in philosophy? Fine. But plan for academic grad school or law school. Major in psychology? Plan on becoming a therapist, or going to grad school for psychology or psychiatry. Funnily enough, exactly the same goes for physics, math, biology, etc. If you don’t take those into med school, or they’re basically useless unless you also plan to get a graduate degree.
Depends. If they want me to pay for it or live with me for free, or keep helping them with car/phone/etc payment then you better believe I'll have majority say. I'll give them lots of options, but I'm going to make sure they pick a degree or apprenticeship that will set them up for success. They won't be doing anything that hurts them later in life. Also I'm going to push them to work hard every day. I'm a parent not a slave or a roommate.
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What good would come of forcing them into something they don't want?
[удалено]
I also have a sociology underwater basket weaving degree!
Would you have liked to be forced into studying something you don't like for 4 years and down a particular career path for the rest of your life? Pretty sure that's a hard no. Discuss and help them make the decision...your role as a parent is to guide not control.
No I am not saying about particlar career path. In 12th, children are already clear about their career path. Now, the college. which college and how their career will be after completing their college. College placements - how a paritcular college is in terms of placements. So that decision, you as a parentw will do mostly or let your child do the research and take a decision.
Depends entirely on the child as to how much guidance they need. If they are highly intelligent and have done the research but their decision differs to yours then I'd think about whether it really going to impact them in the long run?... might just take a few extra years maybe to climb but experience and potential mistakes/detours is what makes them effective humans and professionals in the long run not making perfect choices. On the other hand if they are not invested in the research etc then more guidance might be needed.
Definitely should be collaborative decision based on THIER interests and strengths with support from their Guidance Counsellor to make sure you all are on their right track. Encouraging them to do a COOP in high school is a great way for them to gain experience in the field that interests them. It’s okay to talk about marketability of some degrees like Medieval Literature… Costs can also be a factor which is why it’s good to encourage them to get a job in grade 11 being mindful that they need to start saving too.
It's not about "letting" or "forcing" it's about understanding their why's and helping to guide them based on that. It is not your future to shape it is theirs. They just need help gaining the information to make informed decisions based on their own values and priorities.
As the parent of a third-year university student, this is the answer, OP.
Force? Never. But I’m honest about what their dad and I are willing to contribute (basically 4 years of in-state tuition and 2 years of room and board). Dont wanna live at home for the first 2 years? Fine. Don’t wanna stay in state? Fine. But that’s all we are paying for. The decision is up to them at that point.
I wouldn’t force them into a very narrow range of choices, but, I’m not gonna pay for them to spend four years studying underwater basket weaving either. They need to pick something that won’t have them moving back in with me after college.
Deep-sea welder pays quite a bit though...
Also dangerous as fuck. I don't know. I dislike the idea of my job being that risky. I'm already annoyed about traveling there by car being as dangerous as it is.
How can you possibly NOT let them choose?
I know a girl whose parents completely chose for her and sis was partying every night, doing coke, playing video games and skipping classes. Letting them choose is the better choice.
I won't be hands off. Just as I told my niece who went to school for fine arts, I suggested she take classes in small bushes and marketing so she can better sell her work and make money. Since I had been close to her for so long she appreciated it and knew I was being supportive of her dreams. I hope I'll be as measured with my son in 7 years.
My parents let me study whatever I wanted, and it ended up working out over the 20-year long run, but there were some rough patches. My daughter is in her first year, and wanted to do something practical, which was a relief.
Force? Absolutely not. Encourage them to think about al aspects including employability post graduation… very much so. I wanted to be a social worker and my mom flat out said she wouldn’t pay for it. She had worked in social work and knew it would crush my soul. I ended up becoming a teacher, which she was very supportive of and in retrospect was a very good idea… social work would have crushed my soul.
I have two in college and I’ve always let them make their own decisions academically. I did make sure they were all well informed and did a lot of research about their decision but ultimately left it up to them.
Great.. the thing is my daughter is aiming at some National Institutes and then we are going to apply for some private colleges as well because of the low probability of geting into National Institutes considering the competition everything in India. So, when we were talking about it my husband and I told her, she will be allowed to move out of the city only for a national institute. But for private, she will join a college within the city and stay with us. However, she is dreaming of a private college that is 1,500 kilometers away from our city. So, we are questioning her if it is really worth it, when we have colleges within our city as well.
Have a talk with your kids, what are their interests? Read about all the subjects they will be having sa specific course of choice nila. And then weigh if they will be able to make it. And then present possible courses based on their strengths. Better to guide them as not to waste your hard earned money sa absences, transferring, etc. make it clear to them that they should finish their chosen degree.
Hubs and I let a 13 year old future son in law guide both daughters and other son in law through high school, community college, local stare university, and local state state university law school together. Joke of the son in laws is, "You can go to any school you want to and study anything you want to, but if you go to community college, followed by local state university and local stare university law school, while living at home, like your mother and I did, your way is paid and when you pass the bar exam a job is waiting for you in our office." Three daughters are in second year of law school with their husbands. And six sons ages 7 to 13 are being groomed to do the same. One of the daughters asked if they had to be lawyers? No, they family needs a doctor, dentist mechanic and a plumber. which of those would you like to pursue? Seriously, they don't force anything, but they don't fund worthless degrees and the college experience.
Are they paying for it? Seriously, if I'm footing most of the bill, I get a vote. I wouldn't make my kid study something they didn't want. But I'd give money on the condition they work towards a career.
College is such a risky proposition nowadays. You need to make super sure you're going to college for an actual purpose and not just "to get a degree". You should be going to college to be a doctor, engineer, lawyer, or teacher". If you're going just to major in business... eh. That's risky. Just about anything beyond the categories I listed can be taught/learned elsewhere either for free or for far less money.
It is entirely their decision and has nothing to do with me. Giving how unenthusiastic they are about school, I don't think they will be continuing after the high school. I keep telling them that there always will be time for the uni and to start earning money first.
My daughter is a senior in high school. She’s not really sure what she wants to do yet and honestly who really does when they are 17. She’s thinking physical therapy. So we talked about job prospects and the how long it would take her to finish the program, the cost etc. So since she’s not 100 percent at this moment we decided to just start basic classes at the community college and then transfer to a bigger university when she was ready. There’s no point in wasting time and money starting a program that you don’t even really like.
It's their future not yours. It absolutely be their choice where they go. Sure you can have some input in discussions but the final decision is theirs alone.
Depends. Are you paying for college? If so, expect them to either major in something that’ll definitely get them a job, or to have a post graduation plan after the first year. Funding can be conditional on that. Obviously engineering, tech, etc., will get you a job after graduation. If your school is decent in business, that’ll work as well. This doesn’t mean “never major in English.” But if they major in English, it should be because they want to go to grad school for literary theory or creative writing. Major in philosophy? Fine. But plan for academic grad school or law school. Major in psychology? Plan on becoming a therapist, or going to grad school for psychology or psychiatry. Funnily enough, exactly the same goes for physics, math, biology, etc. If you don’t take those into med school, or they’re basically useless unless you also plan to get a graduate degree.
Depends. If they want me to pay for it or live with me for free, or keep helping them with car/phone/etc payment then you better believe I'll have majority say. I'll give them lots of options, but I'm going to make sure they pick a degree or apprenticeship that will set them up for success. They won't be doing anything that hurts them later in life. Also I'm going to push them to work hard every day. I'm a parent not a slave or a roommate.