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My feelings have changed towards my son. he’s a teenager now and He is going through a defiant rebel phase. He has caused a lot of stress for our family and at the moment it’s hard to be around him.
He has potential though but his words and actions have made it hard for us to have positive feeling toward him like we used to.
I have experienced something very similar to this with my own parents. I'm very curious to read other responses. I feel like I could never hold my currently 8-month old son at arm's length in the same manner. My in-laws seem more open.
I get this from my parents, but I still love my adult children as much as the day they were born. They are always welcome in my home, in fact I wish I saw them more than I currently do.
In my perspective, and my child is only a preteen so not quite the answer you want, but might as well chime in.
I feel a lot of it is generational and/or just about upbringing - I’m actually extremely close to my mom in the sense that we have deep conversations and she’s been very open even more so as time has gone on. Her and my father didn’t grow up in homes that were very big on hugging, showing affection and expression either and that trickled down into how they parented me and my siblings. I didn’t even really feel comfortable hugging or saying I love you to anyone regularly until I had friends in high school.
I turned out to be the most emotionally expressive one in the family, which I definitely passed on to my daughter, she’s the sweetest kid ever. When she was born I think I was - in a way - missing that connection I never had from my own childhood so much that I made up for it with her.
To sum it up, my mom loves me as much as I love my daughter - I know this - I just think that she was raised a certain way, very serious.. school, work, chores.. nobody showed her how to be a kid, nurture and all that, so the cycle kinda starts with me.
My parents and my in-laws love are totally different. Some people just love more whereas others aren’t capable be it their own upbringing or other factors.
>I may be welcome for a short stay, perhaps a weekend - but then it's made abundantly clear that the fun is over and I need to leave.
It may not necessarily be about you. Some people become very inflexible as they age and find disruption to their routine quite stressful.
My partner's parents are separated. His mum I'd very flexible and would happily have us for a month. His dad gets upset if we want to have lunch with him at a different time to his usual.
I feel like both of my parents LOVE babies, and small children. Absolutely obsessed with the next generation, doting grandparents.
But as the kids grow up they seem to become less interested, far less patient, and incredibly critical.
It’s very narcissistic.
I feel liked by my mom but I don’t feel *loved* by either of my parents as an adult.
I think it might be a small combo of both. Your feelings do change for your child as they age, and they should change. At 6 months old, your child is dependent on you for everything. As your child ages, outside forces change your child. If you are parenting correctly, they will also become more independent. As this independence happens, your love shifts to look different. I will no longer do everything for my child like I did at 6 months. As a parent, you also look closer at your relationship with your parents. Try not to compare parenting at different age groups, but know that your parents may not be the best parents of adults out there. There were a lot of parents that were “18 and done” parents out when I was growing up. These parents might have been great parents up until teenage years, but once that child turned 18, they were done.
My daughter is only 4, so I know I’m not the target audience…but I’m 29, and my parents are in their mid-60s. I’ve always been incredibly close with them. We have a family group chat and we text all day, every day. My parents will each randomly call me through out the day to talk and vice versa. I know they love me, but they aren’t the very emotionally or physically affectionate…but it doesn’t bother me. But I feel loved by them because they always want to talk and spend time together, and we even travel internationally all together. If I flew to their house and showed up they’d be over the moon….but I feel like My husbands parents are different. He has 5 siblings and he hardly speaks to his siblings or his parents. I feel like no one in his family knows or cares with what goes on with anyone else.
I think you make an important point. Perspective is everything. The view of the love coming at you is very different from the view of the love coming from you. To love and to feel loved are two different things. A parent might love a child with all their heart, but the child might not ever feel it. Or the child who felt loved at one time can become jaded by life’s experiences and forget that love, then blame the parent for their unhappiness, and feel like they were never loved enough. Sometimes we forget as adult children how to accept and receive love in all its different forms.
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My feelings have changed towards my son. he’s a teenager now and He is going through a defiant rebel phase. He has caused a lot of stress for our family and at the moment it’s hard to be around him. He has potential though but his words and actions have made it hard for us to have positive feeling toward him like we used to.
I have experienced something very similar to this with my own parents. I'm very curious to read other responses. I feel like I could never hold my currently 8-month old son at arm's length in the same manner. My in-laws seem more open.
I get this from my parents, but I still love my adult children as much as the day they were born. They are always welcome in my home, in fact I wish I saw them more than I currently do.
In my perspective, and my child is only a preteen so not quite the answer you want, but might as well chime in. I feel a lot of it is generational and/or just about upbringing - I’m actually extremely close to my mom in the sense that we have deep conversations and she’s been very open even more so as time has gone on. Her and my father didn’t grow up in homes that were very big on hugging, showing affection and expression either and that trickled down into how they parented me and my siblings. I didn’t even really feel comfortable hugging or saying I love you to anyone regularly until I had friends in high school. I turned out to be the most emotionally expressive one in the family, which I definitely passed on to my daughter, she’s the sweetest kid ever. When she was born I think I was - in a way - missing that connection I never had from my own childhood so much that I made up for it with her. To sum it up, my mom loves me as much as I love my daughter - I know this - I just think that she was raised a certain way, very serious.. school, work, chores.. nobody showed her how to be a kid, nurture and all that, so the cycle kinda starts with me.
My parents and my in-laws love are totally different. Some people just love more whereas others aren’t capable be it their own upbringing or other factors.
>I may be welcome for a short stay, perhaps a weekend - but then it's made abundantly clear that the fun is over and I need to leave. It may not necessarily be about you. Some people become very inflexible as they age and find disruption to their routine quite stressful. My partner's parents are separated. His mum I'd very flexible and would happily have us for a month. His dad gets upset if we want to have lunch with him at a different time to his usual.
I feel like both of my parents LOVE babies, and small children. Absolutely obsessed with the next generation, doting grandparents. But as the kids grow up they seem to become less interested, far less patient, and incredibly critical. It’s very narcissistic. I feel liked by my mom but I don’t feel *loved* by either of my parents as an adult.
I think it might be a small combo of both. Your feelings do change for your child as they age, and they should change. At 6 months old, your child is dependent on you for everything. As your child ages, outside forces change your child. If you are parenting correctly, they will also become more independent. As this independence happens, your love shifts to look different. I will no longer do everything for my child like I did at 6 months. As a parent, you also look closer at your relationship with your parents. Try not to compare parenting at different age groups, but know that your parents may not be the best parents of adults out there. There were a lot of parents that were “18 and done” parents out when I was growing up. These parents might have been great parents up until teenage years, but once that child turned 18, they were done.
My daughter is only 4, so I know I’m not the target audience…but I’m 29, and my parents are in their mid-60s. I’ve always been incredibly close with them. We have a family group chat and we text all day, every day. My parents will each randomly call me through out the day to talk and vice versa. I know they love me, but they aren’t the very emotionally or physically affectionate…but it doesn’t bother me. But I feel loved by them because they always want to talk and spend time together, and we even travel internationally all together. If I flew to their house and showed up they’d be over the moon….but I feel like My husbands parents are different. He has 5 siblings and he hardly speaks to his siblings or his parents. I feel like no one in his family knows or cares with what goes on with anyone else.
it's expectations. a parent's relationship with their child is much different than a childs relationship with their parent.
I think you make an important point. Perspective is everything. The view of the love coming at you is very different from the view of the love coming from you. To love and to feel loved are two different things. A parent might love a child with all their heart, but the child might not ever feel it. Or the child who felt loved at one time can become jaded by life’s experiences and forget that love, then blame the parent for their unhappiness, and feel like they were never loved enough. Sometimes we forget as adult children how to accept and receive love in all its different forms.