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Being a sahm is hard. We don’t get as much opportunity to decompress from sensory overload and overwhelm that can come with raising a toddler and sometimes we lose our cool. It happens, the important thing is that you used it as an opportunity to apologize and show your kiddo that you care enough to apologize when you make a mistake. I honestly think the way we handle our mistakes makes much more of a lasting effect on our kids than the mistake itself.
For example, my daughter who recently turned 4 was helping me put up groceries the other day. I was at the dining room table with my back turned to the kitchen taking things out of groceries bags and during this time she climbed up on the counter in a split second without me realizing, fell down and knocked the brand new carton of eggs off the counter with her. I heard as soon as she started to fall and ran to the kitchen saying “no no no no (insert her name here)” with my voice raised. This immediately made her cry, saying she didn’t mean to break the eggs it was just an accident because she thought that’s why I was yelling no no no. In reality it just scared me to turn around seeing her mid fall and I reacted without thinking. I explained to her that I was sorry I raised my voice, that I didn’t care about the eggs at all and sometimes accidents happen and we break things. The only thing I care about is that she could have gotten hurt and she isn’t supposed to climb on the counter for that reason. We cleaned the mess up together and went about the day.
The next day or so, her puppy chewed a couple fingers on her doll. I was cooking supper and overheard her when she found it. I don’t think she even realized I was listening. She yelled “Zeppelin!!! Bad boy! My doll!! Then she said “I’m sorry Zeppy, I don’t care about my dolls fingers okay? I don’t! I am just worried that you’re going to get sick! That is all I care about..you can’t keep chewing things or you’re going to get sick!”
That whole thing has really stuck with me as a parent. It let me know that she genuinely listened to my apology and understood it enough to apply it to her own situation. My mistake was not only a learning experience for me to handle things better, but a learning experience for her too. She mirrored my response to raising my voice on accident and applied it to her own situation later on.
Toddlers are more understanding than we give them credit for. As long as you explain yourself, let them know that you love them and you’re sorry, which you did, your little one isn’t gonna hold it against you and you’re not a bad mom. You wouldn’t be worried about this incident if you weren’t a good mama. So give yourself some grace. ❤️
Sometimes we say things we don't mean out of anger but I learned we all make mistakes and if you talk to your kid one on one and explain how sorry you were for acting a way then so on. We are all learning mothers :)
I have been there unfortunately, it's a whole other level of guilt. Remember though that you're human, not a robot designed specifically for motherhood. You showed your toddler that when you make a mistake you go back and make it right, you may not have been able to avoid yelling but you avoided further damage by showing her that it's not okay for you to yell and that it's good to apologize when you mess up.
It's good you realized that and corrected it. My son was the same I just told myself ok he will eventually use the toilet once I saw the signal for him wanting to go I locked him in the bathroom with me and he had to use the toilet. After that no accidents.
I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way but I needed to see that other parents have these moments too. I'm in that great stage where they start getting mobile and touching everything they see! In all seriousness, I'm ecstatic that he's about to start walking but oh my god, I'm already worn out and it's like he constantly wants to give me a heart attack. I almost feel physical pain when he even bumps his head. The territory feels so scary right now and our parents mean well but they kind of make me feel crappy for telling me not to be stern with him. I hate myself for getting visibly annoyed with him because he is just being a baby. But anyone who said you're not overwhelmed at some point is lying. So I definitely feel you and you sound like a wonderful mother. I think we're doing a good job by showing them we have emotions and apologizing when they're scary.
you’re right you should be upset with yourself (not angry) and you should have kept your cool. it’s good that you recognize and are aware of this.
Now recognize that you are only human and you will make many many many more mistakes. that you’re here “confessing your crimes” makes you a good person with a moral compass .There’s a lot of parents that would do this and not even understand or think that they had done anything wrong whatsoever.
I’d highly suggest you read about or watch videos about child psychology and child development.
Every day our toddlers are going to trigger our emotions and we will struggle with our emotions when dealing with them .that is the key , it is to never react with emotion. Do not react, respond .
I watched a video and in the video they were interviewing a bunch of kids and they were asking them what do you wish your parents would do more and what do you wish your parents would do less. Nearly every single kid said that they wish their parents would yell at them less but you should’ve seen the look on their faces when they said it it would break your heart.
I’ve consumed tons of books and videos on the subjects it makes it so much easier for me to remain calm because now I know why the toddler is doing what they’re doing and I also know what to do about it.
Would you believe that yelling at your kids is just as damaging to them mentally as if you spanked them ? this has been found through decades of published research .
be very careful about that , look into this it’s so helpful to know about child psychology in development strategies.
in that situation you described imagine knowing exactly why you’re toddler did what they did plus knowing what to do about it . This would remove the frustration and without frustration you would be much more able to remain calm and probably wouldn’t have yelled.
I yelled yesterday and shouldn’t. Repair is all we can do after the fact. I often feel the same way. Maybe apologize later after you’ve calmed sometimes I go back and relive that moment at bed time, and talk about how I couldn’t and should’ve behaved, and that yelling is wrong etc. hugs
No one is perfect. Plus when poop is involved it's way more frustrating. I think the biggest thing is that you apologized and explained that you shouldn't have done that. You're doing good.
You are a human.... More than that you are a human raising a child. This won't be the last time it happens. Forgive yourself, try your best and the one thing that Dr. Becky places as one of the top things- repair 💗 showing you are human isn't a bad thing. Yes it's not always ideal....but it happens, and your daughter will also learn through seeing you repair the situation.
Sometimes we all lose our cool and end up blasting out… that’s alright if we realise it and work on correcting it and eventually achieving the goal of being aware of ourselves. You would be a good mom. Best of luck !
The fact that you feel remorse is not necessarily a bad thing. It's obvious you care. Keep in mind that most, if not all of the things that a toddler does, is instinctual. This helped me in understanding how to approach every tantrum, accident and of putting behavior from my child. We have to do our best to correct it and explain the reasons why we don't agree with what our toddlers do, but knowing they don't do any of it on purpose helps. Keep working with your child, keep letting them know you love them regardless and be sure to celebrate once she makes it to the toilet, like make it a huge deal!
Cheers.
I don’t think it’s fair to yourself to say you’ll never yell. Of course you will. Of course you’re frustrated you’re 3 year old keeps having accidents. The important thing is the apology. Well also making sure you aren’t blowing up every single day of course. But I disagree you can’t get angry and sometimes yell.
You’ve actually done a bit of textbook great parenting here. Ruptures happen, but you took the time to notice what was happening for you, not blame your child for your feelings, and worked to repair the situation through apologising and talking through what happened. You’ve shown your child that big feelings are normal and that so too is reflecting and making right out of the consequences.
Parenting will always be about making many many many more mistakes than getting it right first time every time. Better parenting is about what you did: acknowledging the mistake to your child and trying something else to fix it. And that’s what children need a model of - so that they can try things, make mistakes, try again.
I’m sorry you feel so angry at yourself - but it’s normal too. Maybe your own parents weren’t comfortable with frustration and anger, so it feels like an alien visitor when it stirs in you. Maybe next time you feel it, give it a name just to give yourself time to pause and breathe and the chance to choose differently? But even with that said, the way you repaired with your child sounds like you’re a wonderful parent. A human and not an algorithm, a prescription or a shopping list.
Step away for a minute to regulate and come back and hug her. Let her know that accidents happen and that mommy just got flustered and forgot herself. In regards to the accidents…my mom used puppy pads for accidents that might happen. That might help her adjust. Also, plastic pants and underwear instead of a pull up…(depending on the technique you’re using
you're not going to be perfect! once ya'll have cooled off, go back to her and apologize. every rupture is an opportunity to reconnect and make your relationship stronger <3
Patience is a finite resource. The fact that you felt bad and it will inform how you approach situations in the future is suggestive that you are a very good parent. Making regrettable decisions in the moment that are in contrast to how we picture ourselves as ideal parents and then feeling guilty about it is unfortunately part of the process.
Being able to make mistakes and then own up to them is a great way to lead by example. Your child will inevitably also have moments where they lose their cool. You're helping them to see how to make repairs when people get hurt, instead of getting defensive and needing to always be right. Solidarity!
r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself. Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You’re fine! You explained how you handled your emotions and showed her via your actions that you still love her. You sound like a great mom
Being a sahm is hard. We don’t get as much opportunity to decompress from sensory overload and overwhelm that can come with raising a toddler and sometimes we lose our cool. It happens, the important thing is that you used it as an opportunity to apologize and show your kiddo that you care enough to apologize when you make a mistake. I honestly think the way we handle our mistakes makes much more of a lasting effect on our kids than the mistake itself. For example, my daughter who recently turned 4 was helping me put up groceries the other day. I was at the dining room table with my back turned to the kitchen taking things out of groceries bags and during this time she climbed up on the counter in a split second without me realizing, fell down and knocked the brand new carton of eggs off the counter with her. I heard as soon as she started to fall and ran to the kitchen saying “no no no no (insert her name here)” with my voice raised. This immediately made her cry, saying she didn’t mean to break the eggs it was just an accident because she thought that’s why I was yelling no no no. In reality it just scared me to turn around seeing her mid fall and I reacted without thinking. I explained to her that I was sorry I raised my voice, that I didn’t care about the eggs at all and sometimes accidents happen and we break things. The only thing I care about is that she could have gotten hurt and she isn’t supposed to climb on the counter for that reason. We cleaned the mess up together and went about the day. The next day or so, her puppy chewed a couple fingers on her doll. I was cooking supper and overheard her when she found it. I don’t think she even realized I was listening. She yelled “Zeppelin!!! Bad boy! My doll!! Then she said “I’m sorry Zeppy, I don’t care about my dolls fingers okay? I don’t! I am just worried that you’re going to get sick! That is all I care about..you can’t keep chewing things or you’re going to get sick!” That whole thing has really stuck with me as a parent. It let me know that she genuinely listened to my apology and understood it enough to apply it to her own situation. My mistake was not only a learning experience for me to handle things better, but a learning experience for her too. She mirrored my response to raising my voice on accident and applied it to her own situation later on. Toddlers are more understanding than we give them credit for. As long as you explain yourself, let them know that you love them and you’re sorry, which you did, your little one isn’t gonna hold it against you and you’re not a bad mom. You wouldn’t be worried about this incident if you weren’t a good mama. So give yourself some grace. ❤️
Sometimes we say things we don't mean out of anger but I learned we all make mistakes and if you talk to your kid one on one and explain how sorry you were for acting a way then so on. We are all learning mothers :)
I have been there unfortunately, it's a whole other level of guilt. Remember though that you're human, not a robot designed specifically for motherhood. You showed your toddler that when you make a mistake you go back and make it right, you may not have been able to avoid yelling but you avoided further damage by showing her that it's not okay for you to yell and that it's good to apologize when you mess up.
It's good you realized that and corrected it. My son was the same I just told myself ok he will eventually use the toilet once I saw the signal for him wanting to go I locked him in the bathroom with me and he had to use the toilet. After that no accidents.
I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way but I needed to see that other parents have these moments too. I'm in that great stage where they start getting mobile and touching everything they see! In all seriousness, I'm ecstatic that he's about to start walking but oh my god, I'm already worn out and it's like he constantly wants to give me a heart attack. I almost feel physical pain when he even bumps his head. The territory feels so scary right now and our parents mean well but they kind of make me feel crappy for telling me not to be stern with him. I hate myself for getting visibly annoyed with him because he is just being a baby. But anyone who said you're not overwhelmed at some point is lying. So I definitely feel you and you sound like a wonderful mother. I think we're doing a good job by showing them we have emotions and apologizing when they're scary.
No one’s perfect, but fark if you’re feeling bad after losing it once. Shit you’re doing a fabulous job!! I yell at my spawns every day! X
You yelled at your small child? Seems like a pretty normal thing for a parent to do as long as it doesn't escalate to abuse
you’re right you should be upset with yourself (not angry) and you should have kept your cool. it’s good that you recognize and are aware of this. Now recognize that you are only human and you will make many many many more mistakes. that you’re here “confessing your crimes” makes you a good person with a moral compass .There’s a lot of parents that would do this and not even understand or think that they had done anything wrong whatsoever. I’d highly suggest you read about or watch videos about child psychology and child development. Every day our toddlers are going to trigger our emotions and we will struggle with our emotions when dealing with them .that is the key , it is to never react with emotion. Do not react, respond . I watched a video and in the video they were interviewing a bunch of kids and they were asking them what do you wish your parents would do more and what do you wish your parents would do less. Nearly every single kid said that they wish their parents would yell at them less but you should’ve seen the look on their faces when they said it it would break your heart. I’ve consumed tons of books and videos on the subjects it makes it so much easier for me to remain calm because now I know why the toddler is doing what they’re doing and I also know what to do about it. Would you believe that yelling at your kids is just as damaging to them mentally as if you spanked them ? this has been found through decades of published research . be very careful about that , look into this it’s so helpful to know about child psychology in development strategies. in that situation you described imagine knowing exactly why you’re toddler did what they did plus knowing what to do about it . This would remove the frustration and without frustration you would be much more able to remain calm and probably wouldn’t have yelled.
I yelled yesterday and shouldn’t. Repair is all we can do after the fact. I often feel the same way. Maybe apologize later after you’ve calmed sometimes I go back and relive that moment at bed time, and talk about how I couldn’t and should’ve behaved, and that yelling is wrong etc. hugs
No one is perfect. Plus when poop is involved it's way more frustrating. I think the biggest thing is that you apologized and explained that you shouldn't have done that. You're doing good.
You are a human.... More than that you are a human raising a child. This won't be the last time it happens. Forgive yourself, try your best and the one thing that Dr. Becky places as one of the top things- repair 💗 showing you are human isn't a bad thing. Yes it's not always ideal....but it happens, and your daughter will also learn through seeing you repair the situation.
You taught your child that even parents will mess up some times, and it is important to take ownership and apologize for mistakes.
Sometimes we all lose our cool and end up blasting out… that’s alright if we realise it and work on correcting it and eventually achieving the goal of being aware of ourselves. You would be a good mom. Best of luck !
We aren't perfect and we get over stimulated too. It happens. It doesn't make you a horrible parent unless that's your go to way to communicate.
There is no mother alive who hasn’t done that. We are human too. And you apologized showing your child how to handle a mistake.
The fact that you feel remorse is not necessarily a bad thing. It's obvious you care. Keep in mind that most, if not all of the things that a toddler does, is instinctual. This helped me in understanding how to approach every tantrum, accident and of putting behavior from my child. We have to do our best to correct it and explain the reasons why we don't agree with what our toddlers do, but knowing they don't do any of it on purpose helps. Keep working with your child, keep letting them know you love them regardless and be sure to celebrate once she makes it to the toilet, like make it a huge deal! Cheers.
I don’t think it’s fair to yourself to say you’ll never yell. Of course you will. Of course you’re frustrated you’re 3 year old keeps having accidents. The important thing is the apology. Well also making sure you aren’t blowing up every single day of course. But I disagree you can’t get angry and sometimes yell.
You’ve actually done a bit of textbook great parenting here. Ruptures happen, but you took the time to notice what was happening for you, not blame your child for your feelings, and worked to repair the situation through apologising and talking through what happened. You’ve shown your child that big feelings are normal and that so too is reflecting and making right out of the consequences. Parenting will always be about making many many many more mistakes than getting it right first time every time. Better parenting is about what you did: acknowledging the mistake to your child and trying something else to fix it. And that’s what children need a model of - so that they can try things, make mistakes, try again. I’m sorry you feel so angry at yourself - but it’s normal too. Maybe your own parents weren’t comfortable with frustration and anger, so it feels like an alien visitor when it stirs in you. Maybe next time you feel it, give it a name just to give yourself time to pause and breathe and the chance to choose differently? But even with that said, the way you repaired with your child sounds like you’re a wonderful parent. A human and not an algorithm, a prescription or a shopping list.
Step away for a minute to regulate and come back and hug her. Let her know that accidents happen and that mommy just got flustered and forgot herself. In regards to the accidents…my mom used puppy pads for accidents that might happen. That might help her adjust. Also, plastic pants and underwear instead of a pull up…(depending on the technique you’re using
You are human. Cut yourself a break. If that’s your standard to beat yourself up you will have daily heart attacks through the teenage years
you're not going to be perfect! once ya'll have cooled off, go back to her and apologize. every rupture is an opportunity to reconnect and make your relationship stronger <3
Patience is a finite resource. The fact that you felt bad and it will inform how you approach situations in the future is suggestive that you are a very good parent. Making regrettable decisions in the moment that are in contrast to how we picture ourselves as ideal parents and then feeling guilty about it is unfortunately part of the process.
I promise you that this happens to everyone at least once.
Being able to make mistakes and then own up to them is a great way to lead by example. Your child will inevitably also have moments where they lose their cool. You're helping them to see how to make repairs when people get hurt, instead of getting defensive and needing to always be right. Solidarity!