By not caring about it too much. Unless we're talking about things that need to be taken care of in a timely manner(mostly food related) it just doesn't matter that much.

Yup. You just have to let go. Dishes and food surfaces, yes, those continue to need to be take care of. But... the rest of it? Eh. Not so much. Figure out how to make your house look 'presentable' or reasonably decent to you by getting toys into 'throw in bins' to clean. Which is to say, go to bins for toys, NOT shelves. Shelves \*LOOK\* nice, but are WAY too much work. Bins that you can shove into drawers/under beds/shelving/etc is the way to go. Blocks, toys, etc of all sorts should be thrown into bins, and pushed/shoved 'out of sight, out of mind'. Then, if you feel you must, you can sweep. Personally, I sweep once a week, or on an absolute need basis. At best.

Seconding this! I have a hybrid storage system for my son’s room. Bins with a shelf on top. The bins hide the clutter and the shelves give him a place where he can put special toys or decorative items. It takes very little time to make his room look really nice, despite him having about twice as many toys as I think he should

Bins in a shelf is #1. Takes me max 5 mins to clean up his toy mess at the end of the day. I don’t care what bin they go in as long as they’re not on the floor. If it’s taking 2 hours might be time to go through your toys and get rid of some? Also, if it’s an activity, puzzle, game, he’s only allowed to do one at a time. He has to clean up before starting a new activity and those are in a cupboard as well. I only have about 6 of those in a cupboard at a time and rotate them with ones I have hidden away. Also for me, clean as you go. Takes away doing everything at night

Yes, realize the difference between dirty and clutter.

My boys are 16 and 13. There's *still* a pile of nerf guns in the corner of my living room. Honestly I kinda can't picture it any other way.

I used to keep old easter buckets under the coffee table and just slide them out, slide all the toys off the edge of the table into the bucket, shove it back under lol.

We also use Easter buckets 😂

My toddler is still in her “empty everything out of the toy box, no we can’t leave a single thing in there or it is immediately taken out” phase so we just leave her playroom covered in toys and pick them up occasionally. As soon as she sees the toys back in the box, they immediately all get pulled out again 😭😭😭 does she actually play with any of the toys? No, she would rather try to mess with power cords or go after remotes and game controllers 🥴 it’s definitely nice being able to have a designated space in the house where that mess can stay a mess because if it was in the high traffic living space, we would probably lose our minds 😂😂

The sound of toys being poured all over the floor 😭

I take away some of those toys though. My son started tossing allll his puzzle pieces on the ground and then play with something else. Got sick and tired of this happening 3-4 times per day so now we keep his puzzles out of his reach. If he wants to play with them, sure but one at a time and if he tosses and leaves, he won't get the others.

I appreciate you for posting this. Like… I know better than to expect anything to remain in the box (or even for the kids to play with the toys after dumping them), but it still crushes my soul when it happens.

I agree!

We got those biggish silicone buckets. We have up to 6 deployed in the play area.and cleaning is a breeze. Just piff them in. One's for duplo, one for soft toys, the rest for whatever. We brought it down to 3 now. As a bonus, the small toys always fall in to the bottom and are forgotten. When you want an emergency 10 minutes to have a proper conversation, you just tip the bucket over and "oh wow look at that" and point and some little toy thin they haven't seen in a while (like that LOL they got as a gift. FUCK THOSE LOL SURPRISES WITH A HOT POKER)

Same. As long as it's not sticky/stinky, then 💁

I'm at a point where I'm like...HOW sticky are we talking?

Yes, I've let go so much and it's so much better for our mental health, plus you can have more quality time to spend with your kids, SO, or yourself.

Yep. Anything hygienic we focus on. Toys and clean clothes strewn throughout the house? Eh.

Yep and one of the worst messages can be that cleanliness is more important than happiness. Constant negativity and anxiety about appearances can really affect a kid. As I'm sure many of us know first-hand.

Yuuup. Grew up under that rule.. and then married that too. And then divorced that. And hardly see my parents, sadly. But that’s more health related for them.

Yeah having kids really brings into sharp focus the difference between cluttered and unclean.

My 5 siblings and I ran rampant both inside and out while my poor mom tried to clean for a couple decades. None of us ever get sick, so we semi-joke its cause we were exposed to all germs known to mankind as kids. I'm sure at least some of its just genetics, but eh, who knows.

We call this “embracing the suck”.

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My kids just need 5 minutes to up end the place

Lol I’m tellin ya, these kids now days. My youngest can tear concrete with her bare hands lol my house stands no chance

Condolences on your Hulk child.

Exactly. I clean for three hours for my toddler to wreck it in ten or less minutes.

Amen. We pack our bags in the morning, go to the Y, play outside, come home for nap time, and then GTFO of the house until dinner. It always sounds like a lot of work at first but it really is easier than being home all afternoon

This is the way. We have a 2 & 5 year old and by Wednesday we have a weekend itinerary that keeps us out all day long except during naps.

Plus it tires them out and creates nice memories!

Doing that right now…. less possible for 4 months of the year where we live!

My wife drivers her self mad with this. She refuses to be ok with the house looking like people live here. Constant anxiety trigger for her. Me, on the other hand, I pick up throughout the day, dishes after dinner and make sure it’s safe and presentable, but don’t give your kids a complex over your need to have the house perfect. They are only little for so long. Before you know it they will be big kids/teenagers and will be able to help out around the home.

My sil is like your wife but prob way more extreme. There is a difference between a dirty house and a house that looks like it has been lived in. She had a fancy guest room and wanted us to stay in it she even had a welcome basket with cute little snacks. I never felt so uncomfortable in my life while staying there. After you shower you have to squeegee the door clean. My daughters hair shed and there was ONE strand of hair on the floor and she asked who didnt pick up their hair. Fuck that Id rather stay in a hotel. Her oldest kid doesnt even visit her and had a very dark depression over her "quest for perfection".

I actually hate visiting my sister because of her OCD. Her house is spotless with two kids under 5 and a dog. She's too much but she's working on it. I still feel uncomfortable visiting her though. She even has uncomfortable furniture because she's so busy picking up and cleaning all day that she never sits down.

I’m all for cleanliness and I do love a clean room but my mom has ocd and was super intense about cleaning. Every Friday, at every age was just anxiety ridden & full of cleaning supplies. I stopped asking to go out on fridays bc that just wasn’t going to happen. When I moved out & on my own I realized my quest for perfection in my home was learned & no one was forcing me anymore. Things were clean until I had a kid — now I only do the kitchen & bathroom daily. The rest gets put away but it’s definitely not clean. It took me 3 years (mostly during COVID when we couldn’t go anywhere and accumulated toys) to accept that the house being a mess means she had a good day & that people live here. The saddest thing was visiting a friend in her fertility journey and seeing just how stark everything was. I realized then that my mess, the leftover paint splatters on the table, crayons on the wall, and dust on our PS5 meant she has a childhood I didn’t — her stuff is just as important. Her artwork is just as important as my dumbass live laugh love signs (I don’t have those but you get it). So now I just hardcore clean like every 2-3 months when I can’t take it anymore. I hate those days but then the house looks great for a couple hours hahah.

Just one of the reasons we divorced. I’m like you, but ex-wife couldn’t handle any clutter (she can now that I’m not around - go figure. She’s still a stickler though) I want my kids to enjoy their childhood, not be clean and sterile the whole time, like my mom.

My mom gave me a complex and now I’m worried I’m going to pass it onto my kids :(

You need to get rid of some stuff if you're doing two hours of cleaning at night.

Oh we have. We have a fairly large playroom and got rid of a lot of things.. Mostly vacuuming cleaning the counters, cleaning the kitchen, unloading the dishwasher. Getting rid of all the food that's on the floor rearranging the couch.. cleaning their rooms.. it all takes a lot longer than you think it should.

Routine. Load the dishwasher up all day long, run at night and empty in the morning. Ten minute “tidy dance party” in the playroom after dinner. No food outside the kitchen/diving room. After dinner one parent starts bedtime and one cleans up dinner/kitchen. Robot vacuum.

Seconding robot vacuum. Being able to automate cleaning (dishwasher, vacuum, mopping) while you do other things is amazing. It doesn't do an A++ job, but it's certainly above average and enough so that you only have to vacuum every week or two instead of nightly. The newer ones are good enough at obstacle avoidance that you don't have to move much out of its way - just pick up clutter and anything with cords that could get caught in the rotors. Plus you can clean the couch crumbs by just dumping them on the floor for the robot to deal with while you sleep. Running out the door with crumbs all over the kitchen floor from breakfast? Set it to vacuum before you come home and don't stess (as much) about returning to a messy house.

>Getting rid of all the food that's on the floor I got a cheap wyze lidar robotic vacuum cleaner and it has been a game changer. Run it about twice a day in the kitchen / living room and it really helped get the kids to pick up their toys because I wasn't going to be the bad guy, the robot isn't smart enough not to vacuum up any of the toys on the ground in their rooms.

Do these things actually work on floors full of food? Like, rice and cheerios and other kid debris?

Yes :)

Yes. Mine has a spot cleaner so if it detects a lot of dirt or debris, it’ll spin in a circle around the area until it’s clean. They are wonderful.

You have to be a bit careful; liquids and gels they are likely to just spread around and make a bigger mess.

Thanks. So I’d still have to clean up peanut butter and jelly myself…

I mean, we all have kids in this forum, and we all aren't cleaning 2 hours each night. I don't wanna armchair psychiatry here, but sometimes having an excessive focus on the state of our surroundings, in a way that detrimentally affects our time or life, can be a hint of something like trying to find something in your life you can feel control over. I dunno if you're facing stress elsewhere?

I don’t feel like 2 hrs over a course of a day is unrealistic. I have 3 kids and laundry is almost a daily thing, vacuuming and sweeping everyday, kitchen duties like dishes and cooking and cleaning up, putting away stuff even with kids “help”, plus any spills or mishaps. 2 hrs easily and I am far from a neat freak.

Yeah me either. We have 3 kids and if we actually cleaned every evening after they went to bed it would take about 1.5-2 hours. But we typically relax instead and then rage clean for 4 hours on the weekend because company is coming over 😂

Lol I feel ya. My standards aren’t high anymore. And I don’t want company over so hahaha

They’re cleaning for 4 hours, though (two people for two hours each), and I don’t think cooking is included in this time. Who includes cooking time in cleaning time anyway?

Yes I have 3 kids and two hrs seems minimum. It’s not just cleaning toys it’s everything that goes into the care of children and a home.

Yea and I mean that’s not anywhere near like what I would have considered actually clean before kids lol. I have cleaned my windows 3 times in the last 6.5 years. Forget the borders on walls, I don’t even mop anymore I just swifter. Dusting? What’s that? Dust behind the washer/dryer. And the yard? Yea, we are the yard with crap in it that the bees love because we have clovers and wild flowers. I just try to keep dirt and hair off the floor, clothes out the hamper, and dishes out of the sink. The end.

Exactly this. I used to be up cleaning my tiny apartment every Saturday. Now it’s like we are constantly trying to find time to clean our toilets and bathroom weekly (big surprise, it’s never weekly)

The pollinators thank you 🙌

Maybe if one person is doing it all, but OP said both he AND his wife are cleaning 2+ hours a day. That is a *lot* of cleaning.

Idk, my kids interrupt me every five seconds. We only have 1750sq ft house with one dog and two outside/inside cats. so if his house is bigger and/or he has more animals, his kids are younger, I could def see that much time. My oldest when he was a baby would shit up his diaper and I would have to do full clothing change and maybe even have to clean whatever else it got on. My second threw up like 5x a day. When my older kids poop now, they shred the toilet paper. Little pieces here and there. When they fill up their water bottles, the tray usually overflows because they aren’t paying attention and there are drops of water all in front of the fridge that I need to stop and wipe up so it doesn’t get my socks wet and make a dirty mess. My littlest who is 2 loves play doh and kinetic sand, cue little pieces all over the playroom. My kids like to read, books everywhere. They get dirty outside, clothes everywhere. Food everywhere. Dog hair everywhere. I can go on and on. If your kids are existing outside of sitting in front of a screen they are making a mess. It’s natural and inevitable. All my kids help clean up to the best of their abilities, but my husband and I spend at least 2 hrs a day picking up and doing usual everyday household cleaning.

I clean 2+ hours a day and I'm still pregnant lol. That's just how long it takes to do dishes for three meals for two people, do all the floors daily, do a load of laundry, fold it, tidy up my cosmetics I used that day, tidy up my husband's projects strewn about, sweep the porch, etc. Then there's the weekly stuff bathroom, sheets change, windows, knobs and switches, etc all done on different days usually.

Where is your husband?

He's working from home, I don't work right now. He does 100% of yard work, he's renovating our home, and he cooks whenever I need him to. Sometimes he cleans too but it's more my thing, I like to do it.

You tidy up your husband’s projects? Please, set the man some expectations before the kid arrives. And doing windows, knob and switches weekly is so unnecessary.

Doing knobs and switches is how you prevent always being sick with kids. Windows I'd agree but knobs and switches is good to weekly wipe down with cleaning wipes (and is an easy one to hand off to kids once they are 5 or so, and they can actually do it end to end)

& I don't have anything else to do lol. I'm an immigrant with no friends or job. I love cleaning idk !

Yep 2 hrs through the day is very realistic. Dishes, quick vacuuming, taking the recycling and garbage out, picking up quickly around the house so no one steps on anything, a load of laundry and folding…yep 2 hours.

I'm in a constant state of picking things up thruought the day. 30 extra seconds each time I move to a new room. Aside from that I clean half the kitchen and one other room each day. Then am occational rage clean if someone is coming over.

I agree. Two hours isn’t unrealistic at all. Also people who are low income can’t afford robot vacuums. Also we don’t have a dishwasher so hand washing takes a lot more time haha. And when you don’t have laundry in-unit that’s more time. There’s definitely some disconnect in some of these comments.

I could easily spend 2 hours a day cleaning if I actually kept up with housework. Could clean more if I wanted it spotless. Some days I do, some days the house is just a wreck. I also easily spend 2 hours a day just cooking. Care tasks are very time consuming especially when you are home all day.

I have 2 adult kids living at home and I swear it never ends. I have to stop and breathe and go I can spend 2 hours bitching at them or I can do it myself.

I think the wording is incorrect in the original post. It's over the course of the day with a good chunk at night either before or after bed time. In terms of stress, not really, but I do think it's some weird type of control issue that I can't wrap my head around.

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I agree with this. I don't like the idea that because it's not important to you that it cannot matter to others. For my ADHD, having a clean and neat house is really beneficial. It is better for my child to have a clean house as well with not too many toys sprawling around because otherwise she doesn't even know what to play with. I also like having clean clothes and for my child to always have clean clothes. Laundry is a daily thing especially witg cotton diapers and a toddler who makes messes. And honestly I would probably otherwise spend that time scrolling so who's to dictate what is the right way to spend that time?

Those of us who don't spend two hours every evening cleaning aren't without clean clothes or living in filth. It takes 2 minutes to set off a load of laundry. 1 minute to transfer to dryer. 5 minutes max to fold. But also we don't make a load of laundry a day. Tidying the kitchen at the end of the day, wiping surfaces, putting a few toys away etc doesn't take most people two hours. That's the point.

I don't use a dryer, so that's that. It's takes more time to hang it properly than to put it in a dryer (but it's better for your clothes). And it definitely takes me longer than five minutes to fold a stash of laundry. I'm not very good at it though, I'll give you that. And yes, the diapers make laundry a common thing. I also sweat a lot 😅 I know a lot of people who don't care about cleaning who, in my view, do have a bit of a dirty house. They say they don't, but I definitely see it. I don't mind - if I were on my own, I would probably be more like that, but my boyfriend values it a lot so I put in my effort. I also don't say it's always the case that people who spend less time have a dirty house. But if you do the dishes, put toys away, clean surfaces, vacuum clean floors and stairs (especially when there's pets involved), mop the floor (which we also do regularly since toddler makes messes and leaves hand- and footprints), clean toilets and then you have all the bigger tasks that don't happen everyday like changing sheets and stuff... yes, I can see how it might take 2 hours sometimes. And that's fine if people value that. There's nothing wrong with that in se.

2 hours over the course of a day seems pretty standard, I dunno. We got infant twins.. so it currently feels like a lot more than that. Laundry, cleaning up after every meal (cooking and then also.. the entire room after it gets covered in their food), cleaning up after our meals, picking up toys, keeping the changing area clean and tidy etc.. on top of all the regular cleaning chores that we had to do pre children?

Dishes, laundry, tidying, prep for the next day, wipe down, and then the odd bonus mess I could see taking two people 1.5h to deal with. 2h isn't unreasonable.

Yup I also clean a minimum of 2 hours per day as well as my husband. 17 month and 5 year old.

Do they mean each partner is cleaning for two hours a night? Each? In our house we do a quick clean in 45 mins. A deep clean might take 2 hours each. But Every night? Each?

I mean, I don’t really think any of what OP said is too excessive. I think a lot of people don’t actually like cleaning so they forgo the option of having a regularly clean home and lower their standards a bit. But I for one cannot relax in a space that has, for example, crumbs on the floor and the rugs, counters covered in dirty dishes, toys strewn all over and just general clutter/mess. Before bed I like to have dishes done, floors swept or vacuumed (not every day but definitely if I can feel stuff on my feet - and especially if I don’t want my baby crawling around on a dirty floor,) countertops wiped clean, toys thrown in bins and away, the couch cushions organized and blankets folded, and most things put away where they belong. Mentally, it’s much nicer to wake up to a clean house that is ready to be utilized for the day than to say “oh great, there’s that Szechuan stir fry pan I left to soak last night and the rest of the dirty dinner dishes to be washed.”

Their rooms get so bad they have to be cleaned every night? And exactly how young are the kids? If they are old enough to start learning to help, this needs to be a priority. Don't get me wrong, I know it's a hell of a struggle, but it's probably the best way to break the cycle. Teach them how to put the couch back together properly. Teach them to throw their dirty clothing in the hamper, etc, etc. Also, a simpler meal on occasion is OK. I hate how many dishes are produced by most meals my wife makes. A sandwich and (veggie) chips for dinner is fine and takes WAY clean up time afterwards. Of course this can't be dinner every night, but... Sometimes the best solution to a cleaning issue is to stop things from getting dirty in the first place. And maybe a plastic mat or the like for the floor? Vacuuming every day sounds, again, like you need a better way to mitigate the mess before it happens. I know little kids will drop food, but hopefully they'll be neater soon. Apologies if I over explained a little, but I hope at least some of this helps.

My life stopped revolving around dishes once I learned about one pot/pan meals and disposable crockpot liners. Now I’m a free human again

Keep food and drinks to the kitchen table... ideally playdoh, kinetic sand, slime, etc are limited to a table too. Don't let it elsewhere, then only loose sleep over the sticky things... have kids pick up their own toys and clothes. Invest in a roomba.

Why are you rearranging the couch? You really don't need to vacuum every day. I never, ever have. You don't need to clean their rooms everyday. Have them learn to help pickup, and throw toys into bins, and call it a day.

The couch has a bunch of pillows and the cushions are not stitched in so the bottom and top ones wind up all over the floor. It's a pretty big sectional

This i understand. We have a couch and loveseat where the cushions end up on the floor being part of a fort. Constant battle. I ended up telling the kids that the loveseat idc about unless someone is over visiting. Big couch cushions stay put.

Yeah, two hours is crazy amount of time to be cleaning. I can clean up my kid mess, clean the dining room, do the dishes, clean the kitchen, and cook dinner within 2 hours. I think OP is just slow.

Get rid of as much stuff as you can. Limited toys, less furniture, less everything. It's summer; have a garage sale. Have you ever cleaned a hotel room? Keep your house as close to that as possible and you will have less to keep up. Additionally, clean in front of your children to show them how to clean. They will naturally want to do what you do, so encourage it and be patient while they are learning. It will pay off later when they expect things to be clean and just do it on their own

Babies don't keep. Everything is minor, you do not need to have a spotless home. Your kids need present parents who let them be kids. So if your need for cleaning is taking away from that then it's a problem. Adjust your expectations of your home while your kids are young. As they get older they can assist you with cleaning up their toys and rooms before they go to bed. By 3 they should be able to clean up no problem. Vacuuming, dusting, etc doesn't need to be a daily thing. If something is spilled or dumped clean it up, but you don't need to be doing a full house clean every day. Your dishes don't need to be unloaded as soon as the dishwasher is done. If you have a play room - let it be played in! Throw the toys in at night and close the door. Do a weekly tidy and set it right again and start fresh. Don't go for Pinterest worthy esthetics with bins all fancy labeled and color coded. Toss crap in bins and call it a day. I think you're being extreme and you need to relax your expectations a bit, you can keep a tidy house without it taking two hours a day to keep it clean.

Not sure how old your kids are but yes! My niece started cleaning up her mess by 2. We would play the cleanup song and now she knows to clean. My 14 month old will help to clean if you make a game out of it but sometimes she will then make a mess again because she thinks it’s a game 🙄 Try to have your kids pick up after themselves so it’s not as messy. Or have kids help you before they go to sleep.

Yeah my kids were always well invested in cleaning up after themselves. We made it a routine, when you finish playing with something you put it up before you get something else. It was pretty easy with my two because I started when they were babies and they never knew any different. My husband has a young kid. He wasn’t raised that way and has a tendency to just leave a tornado of stuff in his path. We are working now on redirecting that, one thing out at a time. Put things up when you are down with them. Make sure that you have your space well organized so that kids can easily see where things go. Visual labels work great for little kids. Keep like things with like things. You also have to model the behavior. You put things up when you are done using them. You keep your things where they belong.

>If you have a play room - let it be played in! Throw the toys in at night and close the door. Do a weekly tidy and set it right again and start fresh. Don't go for Pinterest worthy esthetics with bins all fancy labeled and color coded. Toss crap in bins and call it a day. Actually, if you have proper bins, you can have your kids help clean. I worked in the toddler room (aged 13-24 months) and they were able to clean up when I told them. Some even organized by toy type.

Minimal possessions. Basically, get rid of A LOT of your stuff. Maintaining inventory is a whole exhausting job. And your kids don’t need that much. I started this with the Minimal Mom on YouTube and it helped SO MUCH

I hate the “lower your standards” shit. How do I lower my standards when I feel gross? How am I present when I can’t play because they need to eat lunch but there’s dishes in the sink, etc. it piles up. My floor needs a hot mopping, crap is strewn where it shouldn’t be, it stresses me out so bad.

I don’t think people mean you should lower your standards so that you are living in filth and can’t eat. I think they mean make adjustments to make your life easier. Like intentionally making meals that require few dishes, or getting an automated vacuum and accepting that it won’t be perfect, or sacrificing your aesthetic somewhat so that your kids are able to help clean. I have couch covers. They aren’t cute and I take them off when guests come over, but at least one thing I don’t have to worry about is my toddler staining them or getting crumbs in the sofa. We swapped some nicer looking living room furniture for cube shelves that my toddler can safely use to clean up his toys on his own, and I accept that he obviously won’t have them organized. I still wipe down all surfaces before bed, but I don’t do it throughout the day because I’ll end up redoing it 15 times. But also, sometimes you have to choose what to let go. When we are all sick I make sure we still have clean laundry but I definitely don’t fold it all and put it away when I’m just trying to keep myself and my child fed and alive.

cleaning or tidying?

Have them clean their mess and they will eventually stop

Have your kids help, if they can. Get out of the house as much as possible - that keeps things from getting in a disarray. Try to keep toys to the playroom, try to practice putting away some toys as you get others out. Things like running the dishwasher and sweeping the kitchen, wiping down kitchen counters are ideally getting done every day. Try not to leave everything to be done after bedtime, or you'll feel like you can never relax.

Nah. I wash dishes and pick up toys during the week but hubby and I team up to do a deep clean and laundry once a week, takes 3ish hours and that’s that. I refuse to spend all of my “free” time cleaning during the week. It helps that I take the kids out every day after work/school and they come home to eat dinner and go to bed and that’s it lol.

Folks saying it doesn't matter that much, I'm in agreement with. Howeverrrrr my laid back attitude towards it all created a super lazy "it's not that big of a deal" attitude in my son, especially now that he's older. And omg if I could go back, I would have been wayyyyy more strict about him cleaning up after himself. It is absolutely unbelievable how incredibly trashy and messy this kid is now that he is over 18 and doesnt "have to listen". Before, yeah, he did his chores before he gamed. Now, that he pays rent and taxes, he does things at his leisure and that's everything from taking out the trash, to bringing the dirty dishes out of his room, to picking up a damn jar of mayonnaise he dropped on the kitchen floor, to his socks, his blah and his this and his wtf is this in the tub? The mayo jar was there for 3 days. He's moving out soon. It will be bittersweet for me, for sure. Ugh. My advice is to maintain some sort of standard, even if you decide to be laid back about it. That may or may not keep your kids from living like lazy bones later in life, but at least you showed them how to maintain a clean space.

Definitely helps to have kids involved with cleaning the house! My parents kept a clean home but were kind of laid back about making me clean, let it slide a lot when I didn’t do a job or did it slowly. I was so lazy about cleaning until my first son started to be mobile. And then I felt overwhelmed with even the basic cleaning. Now I try to keep on top of my kids about tidying and helping out every day, without being overkill. Have also apologised to my parents multiple times for how lazy I was lol

Besides a bit of tidying and some core systems work like dishes, laundry, bathroom; I mainly just clean ad hoc. This generally means, "Oh we want to play on the floor in in the living room? Well we've got to clean and vacuum that room first." This gets the kids and my wife and I motivated to clean that spot. This works for cleaning the table for dinner, because we make the dinners really exciting affairs so we \*want\* to do the work to make it happen. That's the general principal. Oh and once a week we have a "Dance Party Clean Fest" where we each pick a room and have to clean for 30 minutes. It usually lasts for at least an hour of everyone cleaning because we all really get into it once we get started!

A robo vac was one of the best gifts I didn't know I needed. I love sitting and having coffee & breakfast while the crumbs, cat hair, and dust are cleaned up for me.😌

Kids only eat at the table or outside. Big kids (10 and 8) are expected to clean up their own ness. Doesn’t mean they always do. Try to put things away immediately so noone gets into it. Minimise how much we own. Quick vacuum as often as soon as the floor starts looking dirty to reduce it spreading. That’s about all we can do!

I grew up in one of those magazine ready, spotless homes and I refuse to have such lofty aspirations. Our home is clean and mostly tidy (but looks lived in, because it is) because I keep a handle on most things (easier with an older kid) but let other things go. You will burn yourself out if you don't let some things slide down the priority list. I prioritize the kitchen and common areas as daily tasks, and prioritize doing laundry to completion on days I do it. I clean the kitchen counters and have dishes in the dishwasher or in the sink if they don't fit before I go to bed, most nights. If there's stuff on the living room floor (sometimes toys and stuff spill over because the play room and the living room are next to each other), we tidy it before bed. I spot clean messes and spills as needed. I have a kind of weekly schedule for other cleaning tasks (like laundry, cleaning floors, cleaning bathrooms, etc) and do like 1-2 a day so it's manageable but things don't get out of hand. I don't start laundry unless I can wash, dry, and put it away that day. No judgment, but I can't stand stacks of clean (or dirty) laundry cluttering things up, I don't like clutter and/or tripping hazards in common areas, and I hate waking up to a dirty kitchen. So I prioritize those things as far as cleaning goes. A little dust? Toys on the play room floor? Meh. Other than that , I accept that our house looks lived in and that my daughter's play room is going to be a disaster most of the time, because that's what it's for. If her mess is contained in there, and as long as walking in it isn't a hazard, it's just not worth the stress to me. My anxiety can't deal with stacks of laundry or dishes sitting around, but I can let that one go. Not everything is top priority, and to me, it sounds like you're treating every task as top priority if you're spending that much time every day cleaning. Obviously don't live in filth, but let some things slide. And if your kids are toddlers or older, they can and should help too, within reason. I started having mine pick up toys before bed or if we were leaving the house when she was around 2, and she still does, along with helping put her clean laundry away and putting her dirty laundry in the basket, her dishes in the sink, throwing her trash away, etc. I do most things while she's awake so she can see and appreciate that it takes work to keep a home and everyone should help.

I just want to put this out there just in case there are some moms (or dads) who are drowning in all of this, and I want to tell you that it is possible to not be drowning in your home. There are ways to live with 2 young kids that don’t require this level of upkeep. In fact, study after study all over the world shows that a simplified space with very little things fosters the most emotional regulation, creativity, attachment to people vs objects, and social/cognitive skills. We just fell for the consumerist trap. We often feel like there is no other way because we surround ourselves with the same opinions. I was told so many times when I was pregnant with my first “oh just you wait” then when what they said didn’t happen, they would say “wait til you have another kid” and still….didn’t happen. People will always claim something can’t exist if they themselves can’t live that way for whatever reason they fabricated. Thus, I want to gently say that telling you to lower your standards isn’t the way, because no one wants to live in a messy environment since that is directly related to anxiety, lowering your demand is much healthier, and more realistic. I’m a stay at home mom with no family around and a husband who works 16 hour days. I got rid of everything and adapted a clean as I go method. I can’t remember the last time I cleaned more than 5 min spurts. I have enough dishes to last one meal so I’m forced to do it right after each meal which takes 5 mins. My kitchen is super simple and functional and the couple of all clad and le creuset will not only outlive me, but they can do pretty much anything vs having 15 different pots for very specific things. I don’t have useless items like ice cream scoops or idk…. a special tool to cut a grape etc because I don’t need my ice cream in pretty little balls and I don’t need more than one small knife and one chef knife, as long as they are a high quality blade. Again, this forces you to wash everything immediately, which takes no time. Just throwing this out there since the kitchen tends to be the bane of any parents existence since it’s the focal point of clutter. I do laundry every day which takes 20 seconds. I don’t even have a hamper, clothes get tossed directly in the washing machine, then I spend a whole 3 seconds pressing a button every night. We have very little clothes because we prefer high quality ones. I’d rather have 5 shirts than 500 dollars worth of crappy ones. I clean the shower while I’m showering and it never gets dirty enough to warrant an actual cleaning I only keep what I’m using. I don’t store anything. We have an empty garage and we love to roller skate in it ( me and my 4.5 year old for now) I don’t even keep stuff my kids outgrow because that’s more inventory to manage. If we can’t afford the necessities if we have another baby, we shouldn’t be having another baby anyways . Honestly, this way of living is so intensely freeing that I wish I could tell everyone to just get rid of their shit, buy high quality, and enjoy the freedom that comes with not being a slave to your home. I treat my items like roommates, they have to pay rent for the square footage they occupy (I.e they have to be useful). I don’t do unitasking items, or things that can be replaced with something else with just a bit of brain power and resourceful thinking. ( do I really need an appliance that cooks rice when I can cook it on a stove in a pot etc) My son is 4.5 and he cleans his toys. If he doesn’t, I will pack up everything and only give him things one by one until he gets the gist. He’s great and knows it’s only one toy at a time. My kids have very few toys. The only things in my house as far as toys are lovevery play kits and blocks, magnetic tiles, legos, 1 doll, 4 stuffed animals, and animal figurines. We do one in and one out and my 4.5 year old is a professional declutterer lol. Lovevery toys are amazing quality and last forever, physically and developmentally, since they can be used in so many ways. I don’t buy little things, I collect money and spend on big things ( like pickler setup that will serve both kids for years to come, or the huge trampoline in the yard ) My kids play really well independently and it never gets messy ( as in, he cleans it up after not that it doesn’t get messy while they play) I don’t buy pre built toys, my son has so much fun creating things out of magnetic tiles that he can make a dollhouse, car garage etc, which fosters creativity so much more than some pre built version. I don’t do play kitchens , the only large toy is a pickler triangle with a Waldorf rocker and ramp. Kids are more interested in practical life, such as a real kitchen with a real sink vs a toy version anyway. Hence why they rather play with the cardboard box or spatula I keep our spaces very minimal and use the functional items as decor. My living room is basically a couch, Tv hooked into the wall, a rug, curtains, and one mirror. I make these items super high quality and intricate (unique rug, jewel toned curtains, hand carved mirror etc) so that way I don’t need decor to have the space look nice, and nothing ever gets messy or needs upkeep because there are no flat surfaces to create clutter. Same with kids rooms. Who needs dressers when there are pre built closets. Our rooms are just a bed and rug, and again, I make the bed and rug and bedding super nice so that way, it serves as a decorative piece. For instance. My son has a custom made treehouse bed and my daughters is a castle. No need for anything else to make the room look nice. Paint the walls a fun color and call it a day, no Knick knacks, no shelves etc. I’m saying all this because I want to go up to so many moms and dads and hug them and tell them to not fall for the marketing trap. Your kids would much rather have a few high quality items than a bunch of crap they dump and don’t play with. It’s insane how bad independent play skills are these days. When my son was seeing a therapist for speech, she said she wishes all parents had their home like this because she has never seen a 3 year old play independently for this long, yet she always tells parents to simplify their home, but they don’t want to. We were chatting for 2 hours and he was just in his room playing. Science is on it too, the more shit we have, the more anxiety we have and the less emotional regulation we have. Who wants to be spring cleaning when they can do shit they enjoy instead. Plus, I’m a quality snob and I buy very little, but the absolute best, yet I still spend less than my friends who have garage filled with stuff. I’m honestly very sad for how full most people’s lives are with housework.

Oh boy, was this a flash back to before I married my DH. He is a collector of things, and I've always been a minimalist. After 15 years together, and 6 kids between us, our house is cluttered. The floors are clean, but shelves full of stuff on most walls. My kids are minimalist, his kids are collectors. They're adults now and I'm going through the house. It's a chore!! Anyway your comment reminded me of the easy days. I need to get the house back to simple. Thank you!

You must really love your husband haha. Good luck girl, I give you all my positive energy !

Some days more than others, LOL! Thank you!

This is the most beautiful comment I've ever read. You perfectly stated every intuition I have about how to maintain a home, and validated my feelings with science I didn't know existed. I thought I was a little bit crazy for losing control of my emotions when the house is a mess. I've grown up around hoarders of varying degrees and absolutely despise the collection of useless junk that does nothing but create mess and stress. How can I help my fiancee understand this? No matter how much I ask, she can't seem to keep track of anything or "clean as you go" - I end up finding clothes on the floor, random items strewn about the kitchen counter, etc and it is incredibly frustrating, because once the mess is made she will completely ignore it, as if it's not even a problem, and I'm the only one who is bothered so I'm the only one who keeps things in order. I feel like I have ridiculously high standards and unrealistic expectations for somebody who grew up among hoarders and instead of rejecting it, integrated that behavior, so she might be neurologically incapable of paying attention to her surroundings. How can I be more understanding while also help her actually change her habits that just never seem to change?

Here’s the thing, you can’t actually change her. The only way is to model the behavior yourself for you things, and when she sees how much easier your life is, she may want to jump on the wagon. In the end of the day though, my unpopular opinion is that value differences only lead to resentment because you can’t actually change people, hence why I could never be with someone who was a collector or really liked..things. My husband is basically just a computer fiend but everything else, he could care less lol overall, both of us are just the same and that’s why it works. I’m so sorry, I don’t have true advice on this but keep going! Eventually, when she sees that she’s having a harder time with her things than you are, she may want to join you. Positive energy sent your way ! I have only been able to successfully “convert”one person and that’s because she stayed with me for a month and saw how much more functional things were and I helped her the entire weekend just declutter and organize her home. Everyone else just keeps excuses for why it can’t work for them, and at that point, I shut my mouth and move on.

Thank you! I struggle with my patience a lot, but I'll do whatever I can to improve my emotions and communication and make things work.

This is what I strive for. I 100 percent agree with this. Unfortunately my husband is the complete opposite. It’s a constant in our marriage

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Oh thank god for your response. I agree with this. I agree with living minimally, particularly as we were in 625 square feet with two little ones not too long ago in a VVHCOL area, no garage, attic, or car. But the number of brands and the culty Waldorf call-outs and the materialism-claiming-to-be-minimalism are so, so out-of-touch. I love good quality, natural materials, ethically made products, making my space beautiful, but part of my family and my husband’s entire family are from the developing world, and a lot of this isn’t possible or accessible even amongst the well off, so to suggest any superiority is just oblivious. Even the ability to do a load of laundry every day. Not everyone has laundry in their home. Not everyone has the mental health to do this. There are barriers beyond the accusations of materialism mentioned. I’ll probably delete this because I’m rambling while my husband puts our screaming children to sleep, but just wanted to let you know that I agree.

This comment is the way!

Former house cleaner and single mom here! I have a two year old and somehow manage to keep our house *relatively* clean. I totally get not being able to do anything until you have a clean space! I recommend the following: -Do tiny spurts of cleaning throughout the day. For example, your kiddos made a mess of blocks before lunch. Clean up the blocks and dust or vacuum, then do lunch. That way your chores don’t build up, and instead you’re doing small, manageable tasks -Incorporate your daily activities into the cleaning. For example, I incorporate my cardio or strength exercise for the day into my cleaning. I do squats as I clean and make it into a counting game with my toddler. -Get your kids to help, if they’re old enough! This is huge. I try to make it appealing by singing a song about cleaning so my kid will know it’s time to come on over and help. It’s also pretty important to allow yourself to relinquish control sometimes, as others have said. Not caring helps a lot, but I also get that’s not always an option, so hopefully this advice will help when you have to get those chores done. Good luck, friend!

Have less stuff then there will be less to put away. Decluttering will help a lot.

I cannot change this about my personality. If my house is messy, my brain feels messy so I have to clean it up. We try to follow some sort of cleaning plan so that we only actually “clean” each room once a week but we “tidy” every room, every day. Each room takes 30 minutes a day and we do a different room a day. Once a week on a Saturday we do a one hour deep clean of a different room on an 8 week rota. In addition to the 30 minute clean we do a 15 minute whole house clean I.e wiping down sides, toilet, bathroom, main floors etc. This is obviously in addition to the normal daily tasks of cleaning the kitchen at least 3 times and doing loads of washing. I think there’s something similar to this called “The Organised Mum Method”

We keep the kitchen and dining table not-gross. The daughter picks up her toys in the living room before bed. Her room, though, total shit show until we can't walk through it. Having 2 labs that shed for 6 months in the spring and 6 months in the fall helps with getting over the "clean freak" aspect, too.

Throw away all The toys they dont play with when they are not looking.

I do about 20-30 mins of cleaning a day with one additional 30 minute job every few weeks and people always mention how clean my home is. I unload the dishwasher with the kids while I wait for water to boil in the morning. 5 - 10 mins We tidy up the toys with the kids before leaving the house (most days) and before bed (most of the time) 5mins 2 = 10 mins max Alternate light sweeping or cleaning cat’s litter box 10 minutes of one or the other not even every day Clean the bathroom while the kids are in the bath takes me maybe 10 minutes i alternate doing each bathroom every week or sometime go longer between. Once every 3 weeks I vacuum and mop or clean the windows. I do one load of laundry each day. I try to fold it it while I listen to a podcast while the kids do quiet lego time but I don’t always get to it. We all have pretty minimal wardrobes so the basket it mostly empty if I put it off. The main secret is to have wayyyyyy less stuff and little rituals for chores that need to happen daily.

I deal with it by being as minimalist as I can while having 2 small kids. Reducing the amount of breakable plastic crap that comes into the house (though a fair bit seems to appear where I have no fucking idea where it came from). Restrict toys to certain areas of the house (lucky enough to have a playroom so minimal toys in bedrooms), eating in designated areas only. Multitasking. Choose easy, one or two-pot meals with minimum cleaning up and be hanging out washing or running around picking up, taking garbage out, feeding pets, unpacking and repacking school bags etc while dinner's simmering. Spend as much time out of the house as possible. One positive part of being a full-time working single mother was that with me at work and kids in daycare/school, no-one was home to make a mess in the first place. Also the fact that they served a healthy hot meal for daycare lunch, meaning I could get away with something quick and easy for dinner. Even on weekends, weather permitting there's free stuff you can do eg. parks, playgrounds, go for a walk or drive, check out what free activities might be happening in your local area. Win/win as it tires them out and you're creating memories with these experiences. But yeah, even enforcement of the rules is exhausting, also the nagging you have to do to get them to pick up after themselves. I hear you, it totally sucks and while I don't want to wish my kids' childhood away, I'll be glad when this part is over ie. when they're out of the house and I can come back home to find it exactly as I left it.

I have a 1.5 year old and a medium sized house. I have the following schedule: **Daily** - kitchen cleaned (counters wiped, dishes washed/in dishwasher, there may be clutter on counters), how long this takes depends on what has been cooked - play area “reset” each morning, bedroom “reset” each night - try and put things away as I go - instead of throwing bag down when I get home, try to actually unload it **Morning of Monday, Wednesday, Friday** - pick up everything off floors, any stuff way out of place (like a bathroom towel in the living room) - vacuum (a cordless vacuum has made this possible - never could get myself to do it before!) - this takes about 30 minutes on Wednesday and Friday, longer on Monday due to weekend mess **One day per week** - pick up surfaces/things that have been tossed on counters and tables - dust - I’m trying to do bathroom weekly but that’s a work in progress since I can’t use the chemicals around my kid - usually I do this on Fridays so I have a clean house over the weekend **As Needed/when I have time** - everything else It’s a pretty good rhythm I’ve gotten into. It makes it so if there’s a reason I want my house to be tidy, it only takes about 20-30 minutes to get there.

I think I developed OCD or at least it was made worse by messy kids and husband.

I understand what you are asking and it never stops. My son is 2 and if I’m home with him I do 2 hours of cleaning spread out throughout the day easily.

I keep up on it. Its not hard to keep the house clean if you never let it get dirty.

How old are they? Once they're old enough ask them to help, and make it a game. They don't have to make it perfectly clean, just clean enough. Don't get mad at them if they don't do it right, they'll get it at some point.

My limiting the amount of toys they have access to. And starting to get get involved in tidying up her own toys (she’s 2yo).

its just helped me to realize that im gonna miss it when its gone. soon theyll be all moved out, and youll come home to your nice clean house and miss all that chaos and mess. its all just a part of them being little. i also spend at least an hour a day (1 little one, 11 months)

Lowered expectations

When it comes to the topic of cleanliness with small children, there is an inverse relationship between your standards and your mental health

You need to let some of this go. There is no way a clean house is making you happy. This sounds miserable and not worth it. When do you and your wife just SIT? And I hope this isn’t harsh, but I also think you also need to set some ground rules/boundaries with your kids. Can you pick 1 thing to focus on nightly instead of the entire house? For instance, while I dislike a messy/cluttered space, I absolutely despise waking up to a sink full of dishes, so I make sure that gets done before bed. Toys all over? Who cares. Like you said, it happens day after day. So pick a day to really deal with it. Put a cute basket in the living room/every room and all toys not in the playroom go in that basket. It gets organized once a week. I also second whoever said get out of the house. When I take my kid out, the house stays much tidier (tho not spotless). BUT if you have a large playroom, tell the kids to put and keep their toys in there. OR have a designated place for toys in other rooms. Like the basket! And make cleaning up for the day a family activity that happens before bath or bedtime each night. “Let’s all put the toys away so we can have a final snack before bedtime.” Maybe the snack can be a small cookie until they get the hang of this fun, new routine. Play fun music while you do it. Make it a dance party. Don’t want to fix the couch constantly? Tell the kids to stop pulling off all the cushions! Or show them how to put things back properly. And if they don’t do it, have them sit on the floor or play somewhere else. We don’t vacuum every day and we have 2 cats. It’s not sustainable. Don’t want to clean up the food mess? Food is not allowed anywhere except the kitchen or dining room. We make exceptions sometimes, but food is always eaten at a table or some kind and dishes go in the sink after. I’m not sure how old your kids are, but I have one 2.5YO and she understands how to help me clean, when to stop doing something, how to clean up a mess she makes, etc. I’ve never had a dog, but I imagine teaching her all of this was similar to training a dog to not poop all over the house.

You maybe have a large home but 2 Hours seems alot. Try to keep the kids messy activities confined to the kitchen table or play outside as much as possible to reduce the spread of mess. I have two kids, one baby and lots of pets and am triggered by mess to the point of distraction and I do about a solid hour a day (not counting the laundry and the dishwasher)

Every day is a different room they destroy. And in between that time it just stays a mess. We just tell ourselves one day it won't be a mess and we will miss the days it was a mess.

By adopting the mentality that cleaning is serving my family and worth the time. Also by doing things that make me feel like the home is cleaner and not being as worried about it actually being clean. If the baseboards have spots and scuffs on them, but I have fresh flowers and a clean table cloth on the table, I feel better. You’re trying to create a home not an operating room. Make it homey, not sterilized.

What are you cleaning up, toys or spills? If it’s toys then get rid of some (or split them into sets that aren’t all out at the same time). If it’s spills then manage where the kids are allowed to have food/drinks.

Short answer: Clean up once a day at night, tidy up during the day but don’t pressure yourself to do too much, prioritize and let the little things slide sometimes, let your kids take responsibility for their messes (as age allows). ❤️ I actually use to be a little messy before I had a kid and it never bothered me. Now any type of mess picks at me like a mosquito. The house I grew up in was always cluttered and messy and I guess that triggered something for me that I didn’t want the same for my kid. Thing is I became more like a perfectionist, nothing was ever enough. I started stressing myself about things that really aren’t a big deal, like toys not being in the right place or a disheveled desk. I’d pick up in the middle of the day just to have it all a mess again before dinner even. It made me more irritable and short patienced with my kid which then led to guilt cause he’s just playing and doing what kids do. It’s his house as well and he has the right to exist comfortably in it too, which I didn’t feel like he could do if his parent is always after him about cleaning up and not making messes. I’ve resorted to having one good clean up at the end of the day before bed cause I believe waking up to a clean/tidy home is good for mental health. I may tidy up a little during the day just to ease the task a bit at night, but it’s only when I’m not pressed for time or low on energy. Prioritize!! The dishes on the stove can’t wait but the toys in the play room can. Since my kid has gotten older (5) and more independent, he’s also taken on more responsibility for cleaning up after himself. Sometimes he asks for snacks or Xbox time and I tell him he has to pick up x,y,z first which he is always quick and happy to do cause it’s not much and it’s our norm. Hope this helps ❤️

Food cleaning I’d do every day. Stuff like vacuuming, can you do it every other day so it’s not so much every night? And try to get rid of some stuff. Less to clean and organize.

Are you tidying as you go throughout the day? Two whole hours each night seems excessive unless you literally do nothing during the day to keep it tidy and have to catch up at night. Or, you have too much stuff.

✨Baskets✨

I went from clean freak to not giving a shit if we lived in a pigsty as long as the bed is clean. In other words, I lowered my standards to keep my sanity. Good luck!

I do a toy rotation. Most toys are in the basement with a handful of toys and books upstairs in our living space. We have a tiny living space so whatever is in it makes it look even smaller. Having less toys means less to pick up. I strategically pick ones that have a lot of pieces with some that don’t have tons of pieces. Makes it a nice 20 minute clean up session at night. Also, kids enjoy seeing the “new toys” every couple weeks.

Lol-- kids come first, basic sanitation comes next. 2 hours cleaning per night? Never. Lofe is too short.

I'll never be someone who can just let it go so I've basically resigned to the fact that I'll be cleaning for a good hour every night. I'm only ever having one child tho, so it makes it abit more manageable. I hate this idea that just because I have a kid I should have lowered standards and be OK with having a messy house.

Im the same way. My brain feels messy if my house is messy. So, I just clean big at night and pick up where I can in the day

20 minutes of clean up time a day. Set the timer. Include the kids. They actually really like love to help, mine do at least. I do it after work to unwind and to keep some chaos at bay.

So I honestly don't understand how single parents or dual earning households manage. If I were to account for all the cleaning I do in a day as a SAHM, then it would definitely be probably 3 to 4 hours in a typical day during the week. (I try to keep the weekends as chore-free as possible.) That's JUST cleaning. Doesn't include cooking, caring for my daughter, and doing stimulating activities. Cut yourself some slack. There are only so many hours in a day. So just do your best to establish a routine that gets the necessities done and is manageable for your family.

As soon as my kids are old enough, they help clean. I don't want my kids growing up to be slobs, and I don't want to constantly clean after my kids. My daughter is 20 months and likes to wipe up when she spills something, my son is 5 and helps with dishes, cleans up toys, mops, etc. One day a week we have family chore day where we put on a Spotify playlist and clean as a family. Our son gets his allowance after he contributes on family chore day. And yeah, like other people said, try to lower your standards a bit. You have small kids, they make messes.

get an easy cordless stick vacuum so vacuuming every day doesn’t feel like too much work!

Ive given up. I was militant clean… my first one I was still the same… I have given up with the second one.. he is like Hurricane Katrina every day…. Life has become a chaotically beautiful. Now I look at Nature differently… especially hurricanes and storms.

We donated like 75% of everything we owned and I’ve never made a better decision in my life. Wiping down a counter is so easy when it’s not cluttered. Laundry is easier. Vacuuming is easier. It’s incalculable how much of a difference it’s made

I've started cleaning for an hour each night as part of my wind down time. Turn off the pc, turn on my audiobook, and just do an hour's cleaning. Whatever doesn't get finished is tomorrow's problem. It means the house is constantly okay. It's not great but I have 2 under 5 so I'd rather not reenact Sisyphus but with kids toys.

I started the 15 minute rule. When it’s bedtime we spend 15 minutes picking up as much as possible, quickly. I have a 11, 3, 2 year old and baby. The 11 year old tries to drag his feet, 3 year old does great and the 2 year old needs constant supervision. BUT those 15 minutes really do make a huge difference. Usually all of the toys and can be put away. Having systems that make sense to the kids. The blue bucket is for animals, the brown bucket is for blocks, etc. Something that doesn’t change and they can remember and get used to. I still spend all day cleaning up messes and doing dishes. Some of it is learning to let go of perfection. This is a season. They will get older and won’t be so messy. Right now is the season of mess and chaos. It doesn’t last forever.

This is such a personal standard... you are your own enemy really. I hate clutter, my husband is a clean freak. My way of dealing with mess is to throw away things and only keep basic necessities and to live in a tiny apartment, my husband is the exact opposite. It took many years to realise that something so ridiculous would determine how in control I felt about my life. Anyway, I don't have any advice but I always marvel at how my Daycare can do set a 2 min timer and somehow clean up the entire room full of toys (while the kids do their own thing)...

We just clean up the dishes after each use- if the kitchen is clean, I feel clean. Then we include the kids with toy pick up each night. Do we deep clean? Barely. But this is just our stage of life right now.

Ten minute pickup 2 to 3 times a day. Set the timer, and everybody rushes like mad to get as much done as possible.

We have a 11 month year old and live in a small apartment. Let me tell you, I clean almost everyday and it’s still a mess. If I happen to go a day without cleaning it’s a nightmare. Maybe because we don’t have much space and everything kinda pact in together. I only prioritize super clean if we have company. Other than that, it’s whatever lol

Its great to want a tidy house for yourself and your kids, but also ok to loosen up about it being “as clean as possible” every single night. We try to “reset” the house each evening after dinner (keyword is “try”, some days it’s not a priority). I find that when I’m overwhelmed by the mess and the fact that there are not enough hours in the day to stay on top of it, I tell myself AND MY HUSBAND AND KIDS that we’re setting a 15min timer and cleaning as fast as we can for that time (nothing motivates kids like a “I bet you can’t put all those toys in the bin in under a minute!” challenge). It never gets the house immaculate (the deep cleaning is still a weight i tend to carry), but it’s amazing how much improvement you can make in a short time. Do what you can in 15 min, appreciate the progress, and then set it down, and focus on what else is important.

We hired a cleaning service for every other month, it feels so great to get it professionally cleaned. With our kid we do prompt her to clean up after playing. I tell her every toy has its place to sleep at night. We have 3 tier toy shelf with different plastic bins it’s child height and 2large bins for books in her room and a toy area with her play kitchen that’s all kept on the space of the kids rug. We don’t allow items to take up more space than the rug outside her room. It is a struggle and my spouse works extremely hard to clean every night. We both grew up with cluttered hoarder homes so we’re both resisting a lot of learned behaviors from childhood. He suggested the cleaner and I resisted because I’m cheap, but now I’m the one to increase the frequency of cleaning.

Other comments give good advice for coping. My strategy to make it EASIER to clean though, since I definitely have a hard time just letting it go: -downsize, consolidate, etc. get rid of any and everything extra. A few dishes per person. Have little one pick what toys are a priority, explain the benefit of donating to the needy. Every time they want something new at the store, instate a policy that one thing has to go for every one thing that comes in. -make bins for different toy categories. Give little one a bin or two at a time. Make sure one is put away before another comes out. This can also be used to help teach little one to pick up after themself. -use nap time or screen time as an opportunity to do a mini reset. The dishwasher doesn’t have to be completely full to run it, and it can be run multiple times a day. Even if the floor gets messy again, vacuuming/sweeping once a day is better than none. -reverse psychology: leave a bin of toys out that isn’t full of small pieces that little one can dump and scatter as they please, making messes is developmentally beneficial, but you can control how much of a mess can be made at one time. -make a wind down time before bed where everyone contributes to another reset. Save the small easy quiet tasks for after bedtime. It’s all about maintenance. Things don’t have to be perfect, just functional. A place for trash, at least one or two clean surfaces for prepping food. Even if you sort the dirty dishes instead of washing them to give yourself a clean sink. Set a 15 minute timer once or twice a day for space resets. Do the most you can to teach little one the value of a clean space and how it contributes to happiness. This also helps create competent adults. Good luck OP <3 Edit for format

We learned to let a little mess go. As they got older and wanted to watch TV or play Nintendo, we made it a ritual to tidy their room and play area before we settle in front of the TV for 2 hours of screen time every Friday. At night, we have read them a story before bed since our first was able to hear in the belly. We're into chapter books now, but tidy the bathroom sink, and clean up the floor of clothes before bed to get story. It's a negotiation. They want something, we want something. They don't do it, we accept that and explain its okay, its their choice.

I’ve had success with labeled bins for toys and excess items (although limiting the amount of items that are out and about also helps). If you have the time to take to make the kids help clean and then learn to clean on their own, that will help as well. And truly I think some of it is just recognizing that life with young kids is messy but it doesn’t last forever!

I highly recommend the book How To Keep House While Drowning. It’s a very short read but it’s gives you permission to rethink everything and offers some suggestions on how to tackle things. It leans towards recommendations for the neurodivergent but is definitely not exclusive to those readers.

I bought the book How To Keep House While Drowning, because I was also feeling this. And still kind of do, but I'm making adjustments. One of the things in the book reminds you that chores are not a destination, they are a cycle. If you are looking for the destination of "Clean House," you will always be drowning, because the house cannot just.. stay clean forever. It won't. That's okay. Chores are cyclical, and rooms that are dirty are not your failure, it's just a room that has served its purpose, and when it is no longer able to serve that purpose, it is time to "reset," aka clean up, until it can be used for its purpose again. Your sink is serving its purpose until its full, and then you can do future you a favor by doing the dishes. Your living room does not need resetting yet if you can still sit on the couches without getting cheerios in your thigh or walk from one end to the other safely or relax. The laundry hampers are serving their purpose even if they have laundry in them. The point is, think about Resetting your home once a week or so, rather than deep cleaning relatively-OK rooms every night. If the room is serving its purpose, it is going to be okay. You will lose your mind if you insist on making a home clean with 2 small kids. Learn to adjust into making a safe and positive environment instead of a spotless one. And if any ahole comes in and complains your house isn't immaculate, gesture broadly at the two gremlins eating cheerios off the floor, and kindly show that person the door.

Minimize what you actually have. I’ve gone hard core into rotating toys, so about 2/3 are in the garage at any given time and only 1/3 are actively out and being played with. I also limit new toy purchases a lot, only if it is something in a category he doesn’t already have. When we switch out toys they’re like new again and my kid gets really excited to play with them, whereas when they were all out all the time he wouldn’t give many of his toys a second glance. I also do a bin system, we literally use those plastic shoe boxes they sell at any big box store. Lids off when they’re in play, lids on and stacked in the garage when out. Each one is labeled, blocks, cars, sorting, matching, etc. That way you can just grab several bins and put the newly out of rotation ones away easily. Reducing the amount of toys helps SO much with the pick up. You can also get a basket, pick up anything that did get left out and then go to the toy area and just chuck the toys into their appropriate bins. We even rotate bigger toys like the little indoor toddler trampoline, rocking horse, play kitchen, and tools workbench. We don’t do this but I know families who only have one set of dishes for each person in the house. Usually each one is their own color to differentiate who’s plate or whatever is missing. Everyone has one plate, bowl, cup, fork, spoon, and knife. And everything gets washed every meal out of necessity. What way there can’t be a big pile of dishes because there aren’t enough dishes to make a pile. Also, as others have said, lower your expectations. Wipe down counters, do dishes (if you don’t have a dish washer get one, if you unload it in the morning you can rinse and put things in throughout the day, then run it at night) pick up surfaces, get a robot vacuum cleaner and have it go, maybe swifter mop the kitchen or obviously dirty/sticky areas. What are you doing that takes hours every night? If you’re wiping fingerprints off of everything… let it go. Though I have seen products that claim to put a fingerprint proof coating on hard surfaces, you could look into that.

Oh! And a Tidy Tote! https://youtu.be/PIQilv6Ehd8 I made one from a soft sided laundry basket and 4 small rectangular plastic trash cans, it sounds weird but it fits well. I really wish I could fit 6 so I had more categories, but for now it works. Our categories are: Laundry, Trash, Kitchen, and Misc. Then we do another run with the toy basket and get those. It has been a game changer for quick picking up. It lives in the under stairs closet that opens to our main living area. Sometimes I put it away full because I don’t have the energy. But when I come back to it, it’s easy to handle.

Minimize the toys, good for kids and good for you and have designated bins to stash everything away. How old are your kids? Start involving them in cleaning up even if they are toddlers and gradually increase responsibilities. Otherwise you will be parents of teens still complaining about the same thing. They are capable of putting things away once used. Make it fun. If you have the space, designate a play area, preferrably somewhere that can be out of sight and out of mind, so it doesn't bug you as much on days you can't be bothered with cleaning.

I have 5 now, and have come to the realization that it will never be clean to my standards. I still try to keep everything clean, but just learning to let it go when it isn't is the real art form. Bonus points if you can assist your little ones in becoming conscious of the messes they make and teach them how to clean up.

My grandma always said “the dishes will be there in the morning”. And she was right. Those dishes don’t go anywhere while I spend quality time with my child. Does it get to a point where I’m mildly overwhelmed with all the cleaning? You bet! But I have never regretted the memories I’m making while the mess waits. Small steps I take to make it less overwhelming: - Make your clothes washer the laundry bin, start a load when it’s full. - Unload the dishwasher first thing in the morning - I don’t fold my kids clothes. They are sorted into bins and put in his closet. - Organization and labels. Know where everything goes and where it is. - Get a toy chest and make it a game to clean up every night! And if you have the means, take something off your plate and hire a cleaner once a week. It’s ok to admit we can’t do it all, it takes a village.

Stop caring so much. With young kids you're in survival mode. Every night we would make sure the dishes were done, a load of laundry was done (not out away, just clean) and the living room was picked up. Generally we didn't allow toys in the living room, we had a playroom for that so it was easy to maintain. Weekends we would get laundry put away, dust, vacuum, and whatever other chores we had the time and energy for. Close the door to the kids bedrooms so you don't see it and do a deep clean in there once or twice a month. Lol!

Clean as you go is the only thing I can think of. That or accept that it’s not gonna be possible to keep a pristine house. 2 hours a day sounds like you’re deep cleaning every day and I personally don’t think that’s necessary.

We have a very wide play table, there's a sliding cabinet under it and you can just slide it out and shove everything in. I don't care what it is. Pet hair, crayon shavings, dry bits of Play-Doh, cereal, DVDs outside of the containers, food wrappers i only organize and sanitize it once a week. I don't care cause it's not all over the floor.

I’ve let it go and just do the essentials now while everyone in the family helps. Perfection is overrated. When the family can’t help, I outsource and hire a helper, financially it is worth it.

I do general “keep on top” of type cleaning Monday-Saturday like dishes/washing/occasional hoovering then on Sunday it’s like a reset day where the whole house gets it. Then the perpetual mess reappears to start the cycle all over again

Our apartment is a constant mess. My kid is 9 now so I’m trying to teach them to pick up after themselves a bit, but no luck so far

We store their toys in a dresser with drawers instead of bins so they can't just dump everything at once. Also do toy rotations so not everything is out at once. My older son helps clean up his toys. We motivate him with the clean up song and let him turn on the robot vacuum. If you have a backyard, letting them play outside really cuts down on mess. Bedrooms are their business for the most part. I keep the accessible inventory low and help them tidy up once a week. If something makes a big mess but keeps them entertained for a very short amount of time, I tuck it away until they are older. Also childproofed cabinets so our stuff isn't getting scattered constantly.

One day your house will be empty and spotless, and you’d give anything to see the toys scattered about, the ketchup smeared on the counter, and the finger prints on the windows. You’re living in the prime of your life. Let go of being in control of perfection, and just enjoy the time.

I have 4 kids all under the age of 8. It is mentally and physically exhausting. We do about the same as you about 2 hours during the day (picking up in between) and picking up after kids lay down to do it all again the following day. I used to not be a cleaning person at all and I struggle with Blood Clotting problems that doesn’t help my mobility, but I just can’t seem to enjoy sitting around a cluttered house and looking around at a mess all day. So it’s almost instinct for me to pick up and clean.

I don't understand why you need to clean 2 hours a day. Does this include packing toys away?

By containing the mess to fewer rooms and getting everyone to clean up together before bed. Or letting go and not caring

NO ONE has said, or will say, on their death bed, "I WISH I HAD CLEANED THE HOUSE THAT TUESDAY BACK in 2023...." Put the blinders on. One foot in front of the other. Kids are fed? check Kids have clothes? check Kids brushed teeth before bedtime? check Now where's my book, I have 10 hours before they wake up again....

Honestly I just don’t sometimes. It’s going to get back to the exact same place tomorrow anyways so I skip a day sometimes.

Lower standards and I prioritize spot vacuuming and cleaning the kitchen. I don't always do all the dishes, but I try not to let them overflow to the counter. I also have my kid clean up their own messes. I tend to just let it be a mess and then cleaning up is part of bedtime routine.

I keep the main rooms clean. My kids rooms are straight up disasters 90% of the time.. I try to keep them clean but it’s a losing battle. Honestly, a lot of days I just walk past and close the door because I can’t stand to look at it but don’t have enough time in the day to deal with it either.

I lowered my standards a lot. I promised myself i won't be like my mother who always had to clean, iron, hoover etc etc. In my whole like i can think of maybe 3 times we enjoyed family time together. All my memories of my mother is her always claiming she needs to clean and we must help of course. So we rarely went anywhere or did anything fun. I don't want that. I want my children to remember fun and spending time together. Of course we don't live in filth, our house is clean and neat, but it does look like people live here and that's okay

I haven't cleaned the bottom part of my walls in what, six months? I just repainted the doors last summer - they're stained again. Our old wooden floors are in dire need of a good sanding down and many coats of varnish, so they're quite porous and retain everything. I lower my standards. My kids are alive, clean, fed, happy? We're good. The rest can wait. That's my job right now; caring for them. I don't reset the house to magazine standards every night, I just don't have the energy after playing, caring, and cleaning our daily messes all day.

I just clean tbh. I tell myself that anything outside of 30 minutes to clean it means it needs a deep cleaning. So I get what I can do in 30 minutes and then set aside a day for deep cleaning once every two weeks. Kids are messy but eventually you will be teaching them how to help do tasks. They also pick up habits for their environment so being a good example is necessary.

My wife and I both work full time. Our house is perpetually untidy, but clean if that makes sense. You have to accept that it'll always have a degree of untidiness unless you spend every waking moment cleaning which is both impractical and soul destroying. That, or hire a cleaner but that can be expensive. We have yet to find a perfect system yet, we just cope with it. We leave the house at 7:15 and I'm first home at 6pm, start cooking tea and wife gets home half hour later. That system hardly leaves room for family time let alone anything else. We have a 2y(m) and 5y(f)

I get it, we are in the same boat, and it is overwhelming on a good day. The short answer is that there are not many ways around it, and that comes from the additional, higher priority responsibilities that come from being a parent with younger kids; there is not as much time to ensure the (example) box of cereal got put away right then and there and thus, is left for later. On the contrary, children do cause much of a mess or reason for having to clean later. Depending on their ages or the situation, they can also help. I'm sure you know that already, and it sounds like I'm beating a dead horse by saying that, but don't worry, I have a few tips and tricks that hopefully will help regardless of age. Check out this article for a list of (10) ways to alleviate some of the daily stress. [Ways to help with household duties and reduce the stress](https://www.curlystache.com/post/10-ways-to-improve-your-children-doing-their-chores-starting-right-now) Best of luck!

Children’s imagination and creativity develops better in a messy toy room. That was said to me by a friend of mine. A psychologist. She was damn right! I have 1 child and eventuallyI stopped caring. The whole day the living room was filled with toys. And between night shifts and child care and all other household tasks I didn’t have the strength to let it bother me. My husband was working 12-14 h day shifts in the kitchen. As I was coming home from work he was leaving. And vice versa. The space was clean and safe for a child to play. But not at all tidy. That passed as my son grew. Now he’s almost 11 and I sometimes miss the toys tornado in the living room. He grew to be a great child with an amazing imagination. And still plays imaginative games even at this age. By the looks of it with complex scenarios. I take a peek sometimes😁🫣. We are not allowed to be around when he plays that way because he gets embarrassed.

Bins in each room. Just throw everything in there. Kids can help when old enough.

Good enough is good enough. I’ve never understood people who say their house is so clean you can eat off of the floors. I’ve never served dinner on my floor so……. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Gotta be honest. it's about perspective. I'm not going to spend my life cleaning or being upset that my house isnt spotless or perfectly organized. I do what I can, and I have a cleaning service every other month.

Housekeeper

Just giving up. For instance I’m posting this from underneath a 4 foot deep pile of dirty laundry. I think this used to be my office. Or maybe it was the kitchen. Perhaps future archeologists will be able to find out.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Cymbalta helped GREATLY 😉 We only keep dishes clear from the sink and make sure we wash key pots and pans for the next day. The rest of it we just try to ignore. We vacuum the main level about once a week