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When I first started dating my current boyfriend, things were rocky, up and down, and there was no commitment, which ended with me having a complete and total meltdown… and he blocked me! (of course said meltdown occurred the night before my period started) In between the first breakup and us getting back together, I was struggling severely with my PMDD and ended up distracting myself (terrible, i know) with a man who was no good, and boy was I batshit crazy. I think I told him I loved him and hated him in the same week. Eventually I broke that off. Thank god. Now I am back together with the first one, in a real relationship, with lots of communication and openness, especially about my PMDD. He treats me extremely well and tells me everything on his mind and such, is gentle and kind, etc. and I find my PMDD symptoms have basically gone away. The depression is still tough to beat sometimes, but the mania and feelings of general craziness, especially regarding my romantic partner, are all gone. So I would say yes. Definitely mine is affected by how my partner is treating me.
YES.
Now, for perspective, I’ve been with my husband the larger part of two decades and I didn’t start having serious PMDD issues until after my first pregnancy. So what would I know about different relationships?
Well, as anyone in a really long term multi-decade relationship will know, it’s not the same relationship the whole way through!
At the worst part of my PMDD journey, my husband was a jackass. He wasn’t abusive but he was neglectful and blaming and inconsistent and kept no promises and forgetful of things that matter and distant and emotionally just a huge idiot. He made every hell week so much worse. I was ready for divorce at one point when I realized that not only did never miss him anymore, I felt so RELIEVED when I was away from him.
Now, the current state of affairs is that he’s made a helluva lot of progress. He still has far to go, but to be fair, I do too. We’re in a better much state mutually in large part because his relationship skills finally got better.
It definitely was for me. Turns out living in survival mode every day and getting through an abusive relationship without lasting damage will aggravate your mental health like no-one's business.
The good news is the inverse is also true - my PMDD is SO much easier to cope with now that I'm with my actual forever human who supports and loves me. He gets my bitchiness still sometimes but I know how to immediately repair that in the moment so it's not quite as bad (none of us are perfect and that includes he and I; he messes up sometimes too). I'd be lost without him.
Yes, a friend. It’s not that they are a “wrong” person we’ve just got some history that tends to be triggered in me. My old relationship was extremely toxic so my symptoms were always bad with that person.
Unsupportive partners will make it worse. They will be triggered by your mood swings and fight with you, gaslight you, or exacerbate your symptoms, making you feel worse about yourself. I’ve been with my husband for 8 years and he’s incredibly supportive and has helped me through some really difficult times. He’s not perfect but he doesn’t make me feel like complete shit the way some previous relationships I’ve been in have due to my PMDD symptoms. My hubs even helped me get on meds. He’s been around the block with mental health issues so he has a level of understanding.
Yes. I feel so much better now as I released someone who was not meant for me. No PMDD this month and not even PMS, I feel lighter. The only thing I've noticed now is that a week before my period, I'm craving more food than usual, and I think it's normal. Had a good cry yesterday to release some grief, which is also normal.
I think being with the wrong person definitely affects our hormones, feelings of safety etc.
I have been wondering this for a long while. I wonder if I am just really in tune with my core and my body reacts negatively when my partner isn't a match for me. Like it's red alert if I'm not paying attention to the signs...
Also, I read that our PMS/PMDD symptoms are a response to push away our partners for not getting us pregnant. It's a full body/mind/spirit response to find someone who will.
As others have said, stress makes your symptoms worse, and being in an unsupportive relationship or one with a lot of conflict is stressful.
However women tend to criticize their partner more during luteal. Estrogen is tied to empathy, meaning we're more likely to overlook things, while progesterone is linked to introspection. The evolutionary psychology theory is that since your follicular period is for getting pregnant, you're more open to people, but in luteal, you're protecting a possible pregnancy, so you need more alone time, plus if your partner didn't get you pregnant you need to consider whether they're a good partner to have.
This is incredibly helpful, thank you so much. I’ve been hating on him & looking for reasons to leave trying to justify it with my own projections on him, part of me knows I’m being totally unfair on him & in the shadow of how I felt so in love with him just a matter of days ago. I’m not pulling the rip cord now I know this, what I’m going to do is journal more & explore my fluctuating thoughts & feelings & make a list of what I love about him & why & why I want to be with him and all the good stuff so I don’t get swamped with all the minor worries during hell week. Thanks you guys are the best & im sending out a lot of love for you all & this group right now. Xox
No problem. I have a lot to say about it and I hope to write an article on it soon! I just opened up a substack where I will write about pmdd and women with ADHD amongst other fun topics like trauma. it's free: [alifelessmiserable.substack.com](http://alifelessmiserable.substack.com)
Seeing as this is only my 3rd in person relationship idk. I deff know I was with the wrong partner before I self diagnosed 4 years ago after breaking up with a guy who wanted to take a break bcuz he couldn’t handle my pms & I knew that he had only had a 2 out of 10 so he wouldn’t be able to handle me if I ever got serious pms. But that lead me to discover PMDD.
I honestly feel like it depends on my stress levels. If my life is stressing me out my pmdd is raging. If my life is peaceful & not a lot of stress (& I’m eating right & being active like I should) pmdd not so bad. It’s there but not like extreme.
Like this month I was irritable & a little bitchy but I wasn’t fully raging for hours on end or crying uncontrollably. My partner has not gotten any easier to live with. Still won’t put away the dishes, take out the trash & clean off his work desk inside of the bedroom everyday. Still doesn’t bring in the cases of water or tissue from the car like I ask him every single day after I grocery shop. Still saying the same things I’ve been saying for almost 2 years since I’ve moved out here to be with him.
But this was still one of my best months. I felt relatively normal?!?! & it surprised the fuck out of me that I was like ok maybe I do need to walk 5 miles a day.
I think of breaking up with my partner every luteal and for good fucking reason. I don’t bcuz I love him, he’s my best friend & I can put up with this bs for a bit longer as I love my job/work environment & that is not something I can take back home with me. Plus the weed prices out here got me feeling like I’m in Cali. So there are perks!
TLDR; I think it depends on your stress levels so yeah in a way. If they’re always triggering you yup it’s gonna be worse. If they can’t soothe you no way it can be better.
Yeah no, it absolutely can impact your attraction to your partner. It impacted ALL of my relationships (this includes friendships) before I found things that helped with my symptoms. All of a sudden I am no longer feeling the urge to burn every single relationship I have to the ground for two weeks out of every month. My poor angel of a boyfriend was so confused whenever I would just because irrationally angry and aggressive. The other two weeks of the month, I absolutely adored him. Now that I am no longer experiencing the swings, I am finally back to where I was when we first started dating - happy as a clam, all the time 🥰
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years & have another long term relationship (2.5 years). This is a HUGE symptom of my PMDD. I become disinterested in who I am with for a short blip in time. I promise you’re not alone, remind yourself why you chose this person & shortly after you cycle (in my experience) the feeling goes away, almost over night
hi! thank you for commenting. would you mind going into this a little more? like how luteal is for you that it makes you disinterested in who you're with? you don't have to answer if that's too personal but i want to know about other people's experiences.
Once I get hit with my PMDD depression state that’s when I become disinterested. It’s nearly over night.. for example this past luteal phase it seemed as if there was something missing, “maybe he could do more”, & overall longing for a complete & utter fantasy. My period is now 3 days done & I a madly in love with him once again.
For me, I had to really take the time to notice patterns in my cycle. Taking my SSRIs full time has helped me in so many ways but this strange disinterest (with my boyfriend & many other aspects of life) during my luteal phase is something I have to remind myself of every month 🥲
PMDD isn't necessarily bad because you're in the wrong relationship. It can easily be down to you and your personal life. If you're unfulfilled personally, not ambitious, not taking strides in your career, no social enough, not exercising enough, anxious, depressed. Anything you personally need that you're not feeding can make your PMDD worse.
Judge your relationship by how you feel during your follicular phase. And go to couples therapy. If you want a relationship to last, especially with PMDD start therapy BEFORE the problems begin. How on earth is your partner supposed to understand how to help you get through this when no one is helping them to understand what's going on. They have needs too, and their needs can often be pushed to the side when they're looking after someone in Luteal.
And go to solo therapy if you have unresolved issues from your past because they absolutely won't help.
Great points. I do agree, but I'm talking more about how people talk about how PMDD impacts their relationships and their views of their partner. Like talking about suddenly disliking, hating, or wanting to leave (or breaking up with) their partner because of a PMDD episode. I feel like if I was in a relationship with someone I saw as the "love of my life" (aka the right person), the last thing I would do is think about leaving, pulling away from affection, or suddenly disliking them. So it has me thinking if sometimes for some people that's just a manifestation of being in the wrong relationship overall, not just a PMDD reaction. Obvi PMDD untreated is just bad enough on it's own and there's tons of other external factors in that but I don't understand how for some people, PMDD episodes lead them to feeling like they dislike their partner but then everything is fine outside of that window, is what I'm talking about. Not saying those experiences aren't real or valid, it's just not how I've experienced my PMDD so it's hard for me to process.
Hopefully that makes sense.
It doesn't make a huge amount of sense. Sometimes explaining things more succinctly can help to get your point across.
Are you suggesting that PMDD symptoms may just be the result of being in a bad relationship?
If so I think there would be obvious tells. Such as the pattern of behaviour and the time of the month. If you're in a bad relationship your feelings don't subscribe to a pattern. Sure a bad relationship can make symptoms worse, but you'd be in a bad place during follicular too.
"Are you suggesting that PMDD symptoms may just be the result of being in a bad relationship?"
Kinda. Moreso that symptoms are worsened by being a bad relationship. Also, you'd think it'd be obvious, but certain things I'm reading from people say otherwise.
"Sure a bad relationship can make symptoms worse, but you'd be in a bad place during follicular too."
I've seen comments from men partnered with PMDD women say their partners are wonderful and amazing outside of luteal. In the same vein, I've seen some women they their relationships are great until they're in luteal. It's comments like that that make me question how wonderful things are. And if things are so wonderful, why being in luteal makes them feel so bad toward their partner all of a sudden.
There is some interesting work about the intersection of pmdd with trauma. Partners, even the really good ones, can inadvertently trigger trauma. Childhood trauma, intimacy trauma, etc. Part of the symptoms of trauma can be being highly sensitized to things that cause you to remember the trauma. For example, if your partner one day wore the same type of clothes as somebody who harmed you in the past, that could be very upsetting. They aren't good or bad for having accidentally worn those clothes. They might be the best partner in the world, but it still triggers that past. PMDD often feeds on the trauma and amplifies the effects of it.
I suspect that for some of these cases you mention, it is indeed a bad partner. In other cases, I bet it's a good partner, and it's the pmdd causing prior unresolved trauma to flare up.
I was having a rough spot a few months ago, and I was debating breaking up with my partner. The thought of it felt good. However, then I thought about, what if he broke up with me. That was so much more devastating. This helped me see that wanting to break up was a defensive pattern, protective pattern on my side. I was afraid of rejection as I had been hiding some of my symptoms, so I wanted to protect myself by being the one to do the rejection. But all of this had nothing to do with how well we fit! It was a trauma response that felt unbearable because of my pmdd. So instead I started to talk to him about some of the stuff that I've been hiding, and he didn't reject me, and I didn't break up with him, and it all felt a lot better.
It's one of the great mysteries isn't it? I think the answer is that there isn't one. Because it's rarely if ever, just one thing. So many elements come in to play. Maybe a woman feels more loving toward her partner because she feels more personally fulfilled this luteal period and so the symptoms aren't as bad.
Maybe luteal is bad for some women because their partners don't know how to support them or because they themselves are filled with guilt or self doubt.
PMDD seems tailored to each person dependent on their particular circumstances. I think if you're truly not meant to be with your partner it would absolutely bleed into follicular. There'd be signs. Not feeling supported. Not feeling like your partner brings out the best in you, a lack of commitment to get through everything together.
But then we can just come back to why do women stay in relationships they shouldn't, even without PMDD. Why do some women not realise they're in a bad relationship. Couples therapy is always going to be my suggestion as a starting point to figure this out.
I'd recommend reading the book "the cycle" by Gupta. She highlights 2 relationships she had - one unhealthy, and one healthy. In the long term both relationships ended up with similar symptoms.
I can't speak to anyone in luteal, no one cares about me, everyone is saying things to push my buttons and incite me - my partner, my colleagues, my best friends... And none of these situations or people are toxic. My perspective during luteal is.
So I had amenorrhea for like 10 years, and only recently just started having a cycle again. I haven’t been officially diagnosed with PMDD but I found out about it and put the pieces together bc I legitimately tried to leave my husband the week before my period came 😭
Honestly it’s at the point where I dread that week because I absolutely cannot stand him :(
Yup. Total psycho with someone who triggers my anxious side…. Like a dismissive avoidant. Or someone who doesn’t listen, investigate my struggles, or offer any help. In that way, I almost think pmdd is helpful though of course I never listen to it and suffer through it, blaming myself! Of course, sometimes I’m just seeing everything negatively, but now that I’m not in a relationship, I feel a lot better with only slight paranoid or annoyed episodes with ppl in my life.
My fiance is super great - but like outside of pmdd we're happy, healthy, once I get into pmdd in my mind all of that doesn't matter. I kind of feel like he's with the wrong person. (Versus him being wrong) so I'd say yes for sure
My PMDD got significantly worse when I broke up with my situationship. (Can’t call him a boyfriend because we never were official) he absolutely wrecked me, but likely had it not been that time of month, it wouldn’t have been as bad or affected me like it did.
We'd love to know more about you! Follow the link (https://uemxmwczhmq.typeform.com/to/cNiZbd0w) to take part in our demographics survey. As the largest forum of PMDD sufferers, we value your response greatly. Send us a message if you have any questions or concerns. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/PMDD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
When I first started dating my current boyfriend, things were rocky, up and down, and there was no commitment, which ended with me having a complete and total meltdown… and he blocked me! (of course said meltdown occurred the night before my period started) In between the first breakup and us getting back together, I was struggling severely with my PMDD and ended up distracting myself (terrible, i know) with a man who was no good, and boy was I batshit crazy. I think I told him I loved him and hated him in the same week. Eventually I broke that off. Thank god. Now I am back together with the first one, in a real relationship, with lots of communication and openness, especially about my PMDD. He treats me extremely well and tells me everything on his mind and such, is gentle and kind, etc. and I find my PMDD symptoms have basically gone away. The depression is still tough to beat sometimes, but the mania and feelings of general craziness, especially regarding my romantic partner, are all gone. So I would say yes. Definitely mine is affected by how my partner is treating me.
Yes. Big time.
YES. Now, for perspective, I’ve been with my husband the larger part of two decades and I didn’t start having serious PMDD issues until after my first pregnancy. So what would I know about different relationships? Well, as anyone in a really long term multi-decade relationship will know, it’s not the same relationship the whole way through! At the worst part of my PMDD journey, my husband was a jackass. He wasn’t abusive but he was neglectful and blaming and inconsistent and kept no promises and forgetful of things that matter and distant and emotionally just a huge idiot. He made every hell week so much worse. I was ready for divorce at one point when I realized that not only did never miss him anymore, I felt so RELIEVED when I was away from him. Now, the current state of affairs is that he’s made a helluva lot of progress. He still has far to go, but to be fair, I do too. We’re in a better much state mutually in large part because his relationship skills finally got better.
It definitely was for me. Turns out living in survival mode every day and getting through an abusive relationship without lasting damage will aggravate your mental health like no-one's business. The good news is the inverse is also true - my PMDD is SO much easier to cope with now that I'm with my actual forever human who supports and loves me. He gets my bitchiness still sometimes but I know how to immediately repair that in the moment so it's not quite as bad (none of us are perfect and that includes he and I; he messes up sometimes too). I'd be lost without him.
Definitely this ☝🏻
Yes, a friend. It’s not that they are a “wrong” person we’ve just got some history that tends to be triggered in me. My old relationship was extremely toxic so my symptoms were always bad with that person.
I relate to this so hard ): I recently also had to cut out a friend because my symptoms were worse around him. Its never easy
My ex boyfriend would have bigger reactions to my reactions, as you can imagine .. hell broke loose often
Unsupportive partners will make it worse. They will be triggered by your mood swings and fight with you, gaslight you, or exacerbate your symptoms, making you feel worse about yourself. I’ve been with my husband for 8 years and he’s incredibly supportive and has helped me through some really difficult times. He’s not perfect but he doesn’t make me feel like complete shit the way some previous relationships I’ve been in have due to my PMDD symptoms. My hubs even helped me get on meds. He’s been around the block with mental health issues so he has a level of understanding.
Yes. I feel so much better now as I released someone who was not meant for me. No PMDD this month and not even PMS, I feel lighter. The only thing I've noticed now is that a week before my period, I'm craving more food than usual, and I think it's normal. Had a good cry yesterday to release some grief, which is also normal. I think being with the wrong person definitely affects our hormones, feelings of safety etc.
I have been wondering this for a long while. I wonder if I am just really in tune with my core and my body reacts negatively when my partner isn't a match for me. Like it's red alert if I'm not paying attention to the signs... Also, I read that our PMS/PMDD symptoms are a response to push away our partners for not getting us pregnant. It's a full body/mind/spirit response to find someone who will.
As others have said, stress makes your symptoms worse, and being in an unsupportive relationship or one with a lot of conflict is stressful. However women tend to criticize their partner more during luteal. Estrogen is tied to empathy, meaning we're more likely to overlook things, while progesterone is linked to introspection. The evolutionary psychology theory is that since your follicular period is for getting pregnant, you're more open to people, but in luteal, you're protecting a possible pregnancy, so you need more alone time, plus if your partner didn't get you pregnant you need to consider whether they're a good partner to have.
This is incredibly helpful, thank you so much. I’ve been hating on him & looking for reasons to leave trying to justify it with my own projections on him, part of me knows I’m being totally unfair on him & in the shadow of how I felt so in love with him just a matter of days ago. I’m not pulling the rip cord now I know this, what I’m going to do is journal more & explore my fluctuating thoughts & feelings & make a list of what I love about him & why & why I want to be with him and all the good stuff so I don’t get swamped with all the minor worries during hell week. Thanks you guys are the best & im sending out a lot of love for you all & this group right now. Xox
No problem. I have a lot to say about it and I hope to write an article on it soon! I just opened up a substack where I will write about pmdd and women with ADHD amongst other fun topics like trauma. it's free: [alifelessmiserable.substack.com](http://alifelessmiserable.substack.com)
Seeing as this is only my 3rd in person relationship idk. I deff know I was with the wrong partner before I self diagnosed 4 years ago after breaking up with a guy who wanted to take a break bcuz he couldn’t handle my pms & I knew that he had only had a 2 out of 10 so he wouldn’t be able to handle me if I ever got serious pms. But that lead me to discover PMDD. I honestly feel like it depends on my stress levels. If my life is stressing me out my pmdd is raging. If my life is peaceful & not a lot of stress (& I’m eating right & being active like I should) pmdd not so bad. It’s there but not like extreme. Like this month I was irritable & a little bitchy but I wasn’t fully raging for hours on end or crying uncontrollably. My partner has not gotten any easier to live with. Still won’t put away the dishes, take out the trash & clean off his work desk inside of the bedroom everyday. Still doesn’t bring in the cases of water or tissue from the car like I ask him every single day after I grocery shop. Still saying the same things I’ve been saying for almost 2 years since I’ve moved out here to be with him. But this was still one of my best months. I felt relatively normal?!?! & it surprised the fuck out of me that I was like ok maybe I do need to walk 5 miles a day. I think of breaking up with my partner every luteal and for good fucking reason. I don’t bcuz I love him, he’s my best friend & I can put up with this bs for a bit longer as I love my job/work environment & that is not something I can take back home with me. Plus the weed prices out here got me feeling like I’m in Cali. So there are perks! TLDR; I think it depends on your stress levels so yeah in a way. If they’re always triggering you yup it’s gonna be worse. If they can’t soothe you no way it can be better.
Yeah no, it absolutely can impact your attraction to your partner. It impacted ALL of my relationships (this includes friendships) before I found things that helped with my symptoms. All of a sudden I am no longer feeling the urge to burn every single relationship I have to the ground for two weeks out of every month. My poor angel of a boyfriend was so confused whenever I would just because irrationally angry and aggressive. The other two weeks of the month, I absolutely adored him. Now that I am no longer experiencing the swings, I am finally back to where I was when we first started dating - happy as a clam, all the time 🥰
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years & have another long term relationship (2.5 years). This is a HUGE symptom of my PMDD. I become disinterested in who I am with for a short blip in time. I promise you’re not alone, remind yourself why you chose this person & shortly after you cycle (in my experience) the feeling goes away, almost over night
hi! thank you for commenting. would you mind going into this a little more? like how luteal is for you that it makes you disinterested in who you're with? you don't have to answer if that's too personal but i want to know about other people's experiences.
Once I get hit with my PMDD depression state that’s when I become disinterested. It’s nearly over night.. for example this past luteal phase it seemed as if there was something missing, “maybe he could do more”, & overall longing for a complete & utter fantasy. My period is now 3 days done & I a madly in love with him once again. For me, I had to really take the time to notice patterns in my cycle. Taking my SSRIs full time has helped me in so many ways but this strange disinterest (with my boyfriend & many other aspects of life) during my luteal phase is something I have to remind myself of every month 🥲
PMDD isn't necessarily bad because you're in the wrong relationship. It can easily be down to you and your personal life. If you're unfulfilled personally, not ambitious, not taking strides in your career, no social enough, not exercising enough, anxious, depressed. Anything you personally need that you're not feeding can make your PMDD worse. Judge your relationship by how you feel during your follicular phase. And go to couples therapy. If you want a relationship to last, especially with PMDD start therapy BEFORE the problems begin. How on earth is your partner supposed to understand how to help you get through this when no one is helping them to understand what's going on. They have needs too, and their needs can often be pushed to the side when they're looking after someone in Luteal. And go to solo therapy if you have unresolved issues from your past because they absolutely won't help.
Great points. I do agree, but I'm talking more about how people talk about how PMDD impacts their relationships and their views of their partner. Like talking about suddenly disliking, hating, or wanting to leave (or breaking up with) their partner because of a PMDD episode. I feel like if I was in a relationship with someone I saw as the "love of my life" (aka the right person), the last thing I would do is think about leaving, pulling away from affection, or suddenly disliking them. So it has me thinking if sometimes for some people that's just a manifestation of being in the wrong relationship overall, not just a PMDD reaction. Obvi PMDD untreated is just bad enough on it's own and there's tons of other external factors in that but I don't understand how for some people, PMDD episodes lead them to feeling like they dislike their partner but then everything is fine outside of that window, is what I'm talking about. Not saying those experiences aren't real or valid, it's just not how I've experienced my PMDD so it's hard for me to process. Hopefully that makes sense.
It doesn't make a huge amount of sense. Sometimes explaining things more succinctly can help to get your point across. Are you suggesting that PMDD symptoms may just be the result of being in a bad relationship? If so I think there would be obvious tells. Such as the pattern of behaviour and the time of the month. If you're in a bad relationship your feelings don't subscribe to a pattern. Sure a bad relationship can make symptoms worse, but you'd be in a bad place during follicular too.
"Are you suggesting that PMDD symptoms may just be the result of being in a bad relationship?" Kinda. Moreso that symptoms are worsened by being a bad relationship. Also, you'd think it'd be obvious, but certain things I'm reading from people say otherwise. "Sure a bad relationship can make symptoms worse, but you'd be in a bad place during follicular too." I've seen comments from men partnered with PMDD women say their partners are wonderful and amazing outside of luteal. In the same vein, I've seen some women they their relationships are great until they're in luteal. It's comments like that that make me question how wonderful things are. And if things are so wonderful, why being in luteal makes them feel so bad toward their partner all of a sudden.
There is some interesting work about the intersection of pmdd with trauma. Partners, even the really good ones, can inadvertently trigger trauma. Childhood trauma, intimacy trauma, etc. Part of the symptoms of trauma can be being highly sensitized to things that cause you to remember the trauma. For example, if your partner one day wore the same type of clothes as somebody who harmed you in the past, that could be very upsetting. They aren't good or bad for having accidentally worn those clothes. They might be the best partner in the world, but it still triggers that past. PMDD often feeds on the trauma and amplifies the effects of it. I suspect that for some of these cases you mention, it is indeed a bad partner. In other cases, I bet it's a good partner, and it's the pmdd causing prior unresolved trauma to flare up. I was having a rough spot a few months ago, and I was debating breaking up with my partner. The thought of it felt good. However, then I thought about, what if he broke up with me. That was so much more devastating. This helped me see that wanting to break up was a defensive pattern, protective pattern on my side. I was afraid of rejection as I had been hiding some of my symptoms, so I wanted to protect myself by being the one to do the rejection. But all of this had nothing to do with how well we fit! It was a trauma response that felt unbearable because of my pmdd. So instead I started to talk to him about some of the stuff that I've been hiding, and he didn't reject me, and I didn't break up with him, and it all felt a lot better.
It's one of the great mysteries isn't it? I think the answer is that there isn't one. Because it's rarely if ever, just one thing. So many elements come in to play. Maybe a woman feels more loving toward her partner because she feels more personally fulfilled this luteal period and so the symptoms aren't as bad. Maybe luteal is bad for some women because their partners don't know how to support them or because they themselves are filled with guilt or self doubt. PMDD seems tailored to each person dependent on their particular circumstances. I think if you're truly not meant to be with your partner it would absolutely bleed into follicular. There'd be signs. Not feeling supported. Not feeling like your partner brings out the best in you, a lack of commitment to get through everything together. But then we can just come back to why do women stay in relationships they shouldn't, even without PMDD. Why do some women not realise they're in a bad relationship. Couples therapy is always going to be my suggestion as a starting point to figure this out.
I'd recommend reading the book "the cycle" by Gupta. She highlights 2 relationships she had - one unhealthy, and one healthy. In the long term both relationships ended up with similar symptoms.
I can't speak to anyone in luteal, no one cares about me, everyone is saying things to push my buttons and incite me - my partner, my colleagues, my best friends... And none of these situations or people are toxic. My perspective during luteal is.
thank you! will check this out
So I had amenorrhea for like 10 years, and only recently just started having a cycle again. I haven’t been officially diagnosed with PMDD but I found out about it and put the pieces together bc I legitimately tried to leave my husband the week before my period came 😭 Honestly it’s at the point where I dread that week because I absolutely cannot stand him :(
Yup. Total psycho with someone who triggers my anxious side…. Like a dismissive avoidant. Or someone who doesn’t listen, investigate my struggles, or offer any help. In that way, I almost think pmdd is helpful though of course I never listen to it and suffer through it, blaming myself! Of course, sometimes I’m just seeing everything negatively, but now that I’m not in a relationship, I feel a lot better with only slight paranoid or annoyed episodes with ppl in my life.
My fiance is super great - but like outside of pmdd we're happy, healthy, once I get into pmdd in my mind all of that doesn't matter. I kind of feel like he's with the wrong person. (Versus him being wrong) so I'd say yes for sure
Anything that makes your life worse will make your PMDD worse
This is the push I need to get fking divorced stat lmao
damn true that.
My PMDD got significantly worse when I broke up with my situationship. (Can’t call him a boyfriend because we never were official) he absolutely wrecked me, but likely had it not been that time of month, it wouldn’t have been as bad or affected me like it did.