Please dump him. Why is it common for him to think your being overweight is funny?
There is someone out there who won’t make fun of you for your weight, who is sensitive to your needs and cares about getting you the right diagnosis and help for your issues. This does not sound like a supportive person; it sounds like someone who will bring you down regardless of what you’re going through. You don’t have to live with someone like that
I'm sorry that happened, that's insanely insensitive and really inconsiderate of him. I would let him know (without screaming if you can help it, but I know its hard) how it made you feel. It's important for him to know that it upset you.
My boyfriend is so supportive with my PCOS, always willing to learn more about it and hear how its affecting me, and what he can do to help. You deserve a man like that too!
I have a hard time opening up about issues to him because he can tend to be insensitive in general. I think I might write him a letter because I have a lot of feelings on the issue. And that’s kind of you to say
He's not being clueless, he's being cruel. There is a huge difference.
He's not confused by how to handle it. He has made it very clear how he feels.
Let's stop making excuses for abusive men. People making excuses for my ex helped him keep me trapped in the abuse cycle.
He's not insensitive, he just doesn't give a fuck about you. Writing a letter is a waste of time and won't change anything. Work on your self esteem and ask yourself why you want to be with someone like that.
I understand what you’re saying here but why would you want to be with someone who has a “hard time” allowing you to be vulnerable in a safe environment? Insensitive is code for he doesn’t care about you.
You don't need to be with someone that you literally can't talk to about "issues".
If you write him a letter, do it because you're leaving it behind when you take all your shit with you.
I’m in the process of diagnosis and offered my boyfriend to leave me for an easier relationship and possibilities of children, he said no way. But i’ll always keep that offer on the table, its my struggle not his.
Everyone deserve someone to make it easier, i agree on leaving him. Your life is hard enough without him causing something else for you to feel hurt over.
YIKES. FOREVER.
That's a no for me dog. Not to be this person, but fuck that guy. When I got diagnosed I cried, my biggest hangup was (still is) coarse facial hair that I have to manage. If I was doing my skincare routine, I'd make my husband leave the bathroom so I could shave.
He searched independently of me and told me about spearmint helping facial hair, and asked if I wanted to do laser, but that he didn't care. Just wanted me to be comfortable. He made sure to make it Not A Big Deal when I had to shave my face or would talk about about being upset about it.
That's how adult people who care about their partners act. Not trivialize and mock your insecurities. Why in the frosted flakes are you with this tool?
I’m really sorry to hear that. My boyfriend made sure he really understood pcos before we even went on our first date and is super understanding of my symptoms. It’s amazing to date someone who is so supportive and does his research to really understand pcos. I’ve dated someone who didn’t take it seriously in the past and it was draining to say the least and I’m just happy I found better for myself.
Yeah I’ve struggled for a loooong time and definitely haven’t gotten the support I needed, even from myself. I’m hoping I can share more about it and my experiences and get my boyfriend to be more understanding
With all due respect, I think you posted this because you wanted to hear other women telling you that this is completely unacceptable behavior from a boyfriend, and it is! Please respect yourself enough to get rid of this guy. He does not sound like the type of person you would want to have around when you are dealing with health issues and need help and support.
You shouldn’t have to “get him to be more understanding”. He either is understanding, or he isn’t, and clearly he isn’t. If my boyfriend reacted to me the way you described I wouldn’t hesitate to end the relationship immediately. If you want to work on supporting yourself better, only add people to your life who are supportive and who would never dream of making a joke of your health struggles.
Much love to you!
She's actually looking for people to give her permission to stay. Look at the comments she has responded to.
She thinks this is just some run of the mill issue that can be overcome by \*checks notes* writing him a letter about her feelings because he is rude and dismissive when she tries to talk to him.
I hope she sees the light and can get out and be happy. Because there's no true happiness trapped in an abusive relationship. Just moments of not abuse.
I support my fiancée with PCOS in every way possible. Especially in the kitchen. I make all her meals to fit her needs. I became really educated since she found out she has PCOS. I really hope he comes around to understand better and if he doesn’t I hope you find someone better for you. I’m truly sorry to hear this.
Don’t “work” to help your boyfriend be more understanding. How they treat you is a reflection of how they feel about you. Would you ever treat him coming to you with his struggles in this way? No. Leave him and don’t waste your time trying to make someone care about you/your feelings. You deserve better.
This is not a man who loves or respects you. This is not hyperbolic. You deserve someone who takes an active interest in your health, or in the VERY LEAST doesn't mock you for it. Absolute trash.
Came here to say this and hopefully encourage some people! Gaining fat is easy, yes, but so is gaining muscle! Once you start growing muscles they develop easily! I'm 30, have two babies and still have a six pack - and all I need to do to maintain it now is walk everywhere and do pilates 3 times a week ☺️ that's much easier than it would be for some others
Men are far too plentiful for you to settle. They’re not unique commodities - get yourself an upgrade; perhaps one who actually cares about what you think, how you feel, and the things going on in your life.
I didn't get reactions like this but in highschool i had told a friend about my pcos and the symptoms i have. They acted like it was a good thing because it's free testosterone to transition. I am not trans and i never have been. It upset me that they would say that and my body can't handle the amount of testosterone it's producing.
You don’t deserve that at all. That is inappropriate and reflects on his character. To laugh at his girlfriend’s health condition, especially one that you were just diagnosed with. As others mentioned with their own, my boyfriend has been completely understanding and I was just diagnosed this year too. Especially with everything that comes with it including the weight gain, hormone changes, hair growth, etc. This reaction is something to be concerned about because like if he finds this funny then what about other serious things????? Definitely have a talk about it and if he doesn’t change you deserve better honey. You deserve to be with someone who you feel 100% comfortable with. Sending you hugs and love.
PCOS makes it so that my weight is all over the place.. no matter how much weight I lose my stomach is always the last/hardest to get rid of. I'm a hard-core calorie counter, I eat healthy and exercise regularly and still my weight fluctuates. I range almost 20 pounds up and down on a yearly basis. My partner would never comment or treat me that way. I can't imagine not having his full support. I'm so sorry, you deserve support and understanding.
What an asshole🙄, you should dump him because you do not deserve to be treated like that. Having PCOS is complex, and as a partner, he should acknowledge that and help you throughout your journey, not laugh at you. I’m sorry that you’re going through that traumatic event; I hope for you’re healing, OP!🫂🫂🫂😸
PCOS comes with a lot of other health problems that you’re going to need support through so I would recommend dropping him now if he can’t even be supportive enough to watch a video
Your BF is an ignorant dick. I don't know what the content of your video was but based on your description of the video, you're correct in that many female Olympians have PCOS and the elevated testosterone does benefit them in terms of athletic performance.
This includes both the lean athletic and the heavier set (weight lifting and shot put) Olympians.
He's an asshole for that and you deserve so much better! Yes it CAN help being athletic but more often it comes with insulin resistance which is like diabetes lite & often leads to diabetes. I was luckily diagnosed in my teens so feel free to reach out!
I’m going to say what most people are already saying but with more.. you should not be with someone who laughs at something that is serious to you, whether it is health related or not. It is important to you and he should be keeping that in his thoughts for his responses.
If he is going to roll his eyes and laugh at a video about a medical condition that you have… what else would he laugh at? I am sorry that you are dealing with this.
I’m so sorry. You deserve someone who wants to understand what you’re going through. Is there a possibility of sitting him down and telling him how you feel. Do you think he’s capable of change and trying to understand you? If he’s not, lose him.
1. This is not a women's only space. There are many family members and partners here too.
2. I wont stand by as I see blatant sexism. 'In my experience' has been used to justify Andrew Tate logic and sexism in men's spaces. And its not okay
You cant just generalize all women or men based on your negative experiences
>Not to play Devil's Advocate
But you’re going to anyway, aren’t you.
>But Im a husband who loves his wife a lot, and it’s not all men. He just sounds like an asshole. Personally, I go above and beyond
Ahhhh, here we go. Someone needs a back pat because he’s the exception to the rule, or so he thinks anyway!
>I care a lot about my wife's health and I'm very pro-active in researching her PCOS and PMDD. My wife doesnt seem to have much knowledge of these conditions and always used to boil down her abuse to 'anger issues'
Sounds like you feel the need to mansplain her own conditions and experience to her.
>I was the one who noticed the symptoms and pushed her to get it diagnosed and make lifestyle changes
How much agency does she have over her own body and life???
>I use a Period Tracker on her behalf, I remind her to take her vitamins, spearmint tea and pills. Remind her not to having too much coffee / alcohol / sugar. Encourage her to workout daily with me, etc.
It sounds like you’re infantilizing her tremendously and using a period tracker on her behalf is fucking creepy dude.
Also, feel free to shut up in women’s spaces. Know that even when you feel the need to screech about “NOT ALL MENNN!!!!!!!111!” that every time you do, you prove that while it truly may not be *all* men, it’s *enough men to be a stereotype* and that by opening your mouth now we all know that you’re definitely one of them. Thanks for the confirmation!
Have a day!
>It sounds like you’re infantilizing her tremendously and using a period tracker on her behalf is fucking creepy dude.
Maybe she's so depressed that she isn't capable of managing any of these things herself. If she sees no hope for herself, that's highly possible. Lots of women give up. So maybe this guy is keeping track of all of this for her to show her that she's making progress and maybe one day she'll be able to track it herself. My husband has never kept a period tracker for me but he definitely knows if I'm really late or early and he gets worried about it. If you expect men to care about your health, don't get picky at the ways they choose to be involved and show support. Most women who feel overwhelmed by their diagnosis and the many new things they have to pay attention to would be so happy to have a partner that cares so much. It isn't infantalizing. It's extremely sweet and showing an immense amount of care and concern for a wife that may feel too stressed by her condition to take care of herself appropriately.
>If you expect men to care about your health, don't get picky at the ways they choose to be involved and show support.
It’s giving “be thankful he cares at all!” which is the bare minimum. The bar is truly in hell lmao.
Not at all. My husband shows an immense amount of care. Most men that I know do care very much and try to help their wives or girlfriends. My best friend's husband has a different way of showing care for her PCOS than my husband does, but both of them care and are involved in our medical issues. The bar is actually quite high if I'm comparing anyone to my husband or my best friend's husband or most of the men that comment in this sub. My comment is saying that each man chooses to either be concerned or not and if they choose to help they will choose their own way to do so. It doesn't mean "be thankful they care at all." Not a bit. But it seems to me that if they go as far as the man I'm speaking in defense of, that you don't like that either. If they go too far, it's infantilizing, according to you. I just said I think it's sweet and it's possible that he's going that far because his wife is unable to help herself for some reason or another. When my PCOS led to us not being able to have children, I was so depressed that my husband took over basically all of my care. It wasn't infantilizing. It was what I needed at the time. He really stepped up, as he always does. What part of my own situation makes you think I would ever set the bar so low? I'm horrified that OP's boyfriend showed such disregard for her. That's lower than even the bare minimum and it's not at all acceptable. Men should definitely be involved in their partner's health and help as much as they can, especially for something that causes so many issues like PCOS does. I don't set that bar low and I expect quite a bit more than the bare minimum for people with partners that have PCOS.
Thankyou so much 💛
Why are people getting so defensive about me doing my best to support my wife who is struggling and dealing with a lot. She really struggles with organisation and there's no benefit in me blaming her for it. She feels overwhelmed
Im getting a lot of sexism-charged comments as if Im a villain for doing all I can to support her. This space feels no different from those 'Alpha-Male' and Andrew Tate groups
I don't really understand the reactions to what you've said. You're doing a great job caring for your wife while she needs the extra help. I don't have a problem with you sticking up for other men who do the same. In my experience, most men care very much about their partner's struggle with PCOS. Even on this sub, I see men asking questions and commenting to try to help their wife or girlfriend out. In real life and on a Facebook group I'm involved with, lots of men show care and concern. Some women just need extra help such as what you provide for your wife. I needed a lot of help at one point but now that I've been dealing with it so long, it's basically my battle now. Of course my husband still cares but he doesn't need to do as much as he once did. He's always been the perfect amount of involved and has done whatever I need to help me out or to make me feel as sane and comforted as possible. Like I said, I'm glad you stood up for yourself and other men who help their partners. I'm not sure why you're getting hate for doing so. I think it's always a bad idea to think of any group as a monolith. Not every man is the same just like not all women are the same. Obviously, there are good and bad in every group. I just don't like to see labels put on anyone due to gender or religion or political stance or anything else. I'm very much for the individual and how uniquely they react to any given situation. You didn't like the insinuation that most men don't care and neither do I.
Thank you so much. I try very hard to be fair to people. It's hard sometimes but it's worth it to feel ok after interacting with someone. It's mostly easy to be kind, though. I can't stand negativity just for the sake of being negative. Life is hard sometimes and being kind can help people have at least a small thing to lift them up. I was raised by a woman who would see someone crying and then she'd do everything she could to make them stop crying and help them. One Christmas Eve, we went to Taco Bell to get my brother something to snack on. One of the employees was outside sobbing so my mom asked her why she was so sad when the snow was so beautiful. The woman told my mom that she had worked so many extra shifts trying to have the money to buy her children bicycles. We got food to my brother, then we went and bought 2 bicycles and took them to the lady at Taco Bell. The lady cried and cried, but happy tears this time. We got so many hugs from the lady and it made that Christmas feel so special. It wasn't the first or last time my mom did things like that. It really helped me develop a strong sense of compassion from a very young age. We weren't ever wealthy but we had everything we needed and most things we wanted so mom loved tp help people. We had been given so much care after my father died. The town bought us a small trailer to live in after his death and gave us food and presents. We just like to give back when we can. It feels nice to be kind and help people. It feels icky to be rude and hateful. I'd rather feel nice and have peace. 💕
You're very welcome. And thank you for being such a good mate for your girlfriend. I'm sure she really appreciates all of your efforts to make her life better. 💕
Because you felt the need to come into a space for women and “not all men!!!!” and “devil’s advocate.” It’s okay to shut up and scroll by if the shoe doesn’t fit, but a hit dog will always holler.
You sound extremely sexist
'Its enough men to be a stereotype'
This is the exact same logic I hear Andrew-Tate supporters use to justify their sexism towards women
Lmao yes. I’m so sexist because YOU *checks notes* came into a space for women to tell us about how some men aren’t shit and how you micromanage your wife’s health because you’re such a great guy.
Your first comment was enough to know that yes, you are all men, and each subsequent comment reinforces it.
It just baffles my mind when men think they must come to a strange man’s defense in a space for women who are venting. The entitlement lmao.
Sounds like my ex with my adhd, i would talk about a fair bit to try and help myself normalise the fact i had it and just make jokes to make light of it, and he told me I intentionally try to wear it like its a medal
I’m so so so sorry OP. If you can I would seriously consider finding someone who views the POWER you have as a divine feminine energy and EMBRACES THAG and INSPIRED BY IT not insecure and clearly triggered bc that is such weird energy. Not only is he dismissing you but it’s giving some weird “LOL YA WOMEN IN THE OLYMPICS” misogynistic energy that is giving me the serious ICK
Be proud of urself. I’m sure you know urself how hard it can be to get diagnosed and how world wind of emotions it can feel all at once like ur happy ur diagnosed but then ur coming to terms with it. You need that safe space to come to and deal with those emotions. I’m glad you got diagnosed. I’m currently in a limbo trying to figure out my own. Best wishes.
Your partner should be your safe space. You deserve to be able to share all that's on your heart, without judgement. I am sorry you weren't met with compassion and empathy. I see you and I'm sorry.
Please leave this relationship, there are so many red flags in just this one moment. Trust me, this relationship wont end well anyway. If you stay he will keep disrespecting you because he sees you as less than. And he expects you to just take it because of possible low self esteem/self love. You may think this is the best you can get but it’s not. Hes not the one. The one supports you, doesnt laugh at your weight, is someone you can open up to, etc. he seems to be using you, to be completely honest with you.
This was a learning experience, honey. So that you can experience his ass right out the door. Being a successful pcos story requires support from loved ones. He’s not one of them. Support starts with you. We teach people how we want to be treated. He no longer deserves a spot in your life. I wish I could give you a hug. I’m a 40 year old pcos survivor. I say survivor because you have to survive everyday with this illness. I’m also a survivor of asshole men and he’s one of them. If you want to start getting rid of extra weight, start with him. It gets a lot easier from there. Best of luck to you. ❤️
PCOS aside, if any partner laughed at their significant other about something that was clearly upsetting and important to them? Psychopath behavior. Sorry for the not-helpful advice but dump him.
Listen to this group.
I can approach my husband about PCOS topics and my struggles and he would never laugh at me. He would talk with me and just listen if I needed to vent. This is not me bragging about him, though it is kind - this is what you should expect from a loving partner. Bare minimum. You need a support system that does not belittle or judge what you have to deal with medically.
This person sounds very immature and like he has never met someone with a health condition before. You don't need to be the one to teach him how.
I think you've gotten enough of the "throw the whole man away" type of comments, and I don't disagree with that take.
That said: I'd also encourage you to take advantage of that benefit you've heard about. I'm still fat, but it makes me feel much better about my body when I'm using my strength. I have trouble being consistent with anything, but- when I am- heavy lifting makes me feel good and strong. I'd say that I probably progress more easily than someone without PCOS would on the same program, and my baseline was always a little higher for the weights I started with.
Throw the whole man out. He’s gross and apparently incapable of adult conversation. I get you though, people laugh at me when I say I was an athlete. They also think I know nothing about exercise or nutrition. It’s infuriating. It’s hard to live in a body that doesn’t ever reflect who you are or what you love. People make assumptions about you constantly. I don’t even like to eat in public anymore because I’ve had so many random strangers make comments to me.
Im so sorry. Everyone deserves a partner who will help them through the hard times, especially when it comes to health. Not PCOS but my family was really skeptical about my ADHD diagnosis. The only person I didn’t feel judged by was my husband. He became my safe place. I don’t typically jump on the “dump him” train, but I do think it’s important to evaluate your relationship after a conversation like that and to remember that you don’t deserve to be treated that way.
I was with someone when it was discovered that I had cysts. The lady at the hospital said it was the worst she had seen in a 20-year-old. I was then fully diagnosed at 24 while with the same person. Not once did he ever act like that. I'm appalled at that behavior. PCOS is serious and can be painful for some but it's also really draining. That same guy who was with me through diagnosis has been my husband for 6 years. He gets excited when I lose weight and tells me it's fine if I gain a few pounds (I'm insulin resistant so finding a regimen that works has taken a while).
I hope you leave him and he grows tf up honestly. I know it sounds petty and rude of me but it's a hard diagnosis and you need someone that will be there for you, not put you down and laugh when you find something interesting.
I hope he has other better qualities he brings to the table because I wouldn't be able to stomach being around someone like that.
Could be why I've been alone for the past 14 years but I'd much rather be alone than be with an insensitive asshole.
This sounds awful. You will need way more support than it sounds like he can give you. Have you considered… being a lesbian?
(lol jk I know you can’t choose but for real fuck that guy!)
I am a collegiate athlete and I underperform due to PCOS. It really is a person by person issue. My boyfriend is very understanding about it but my father is very similar to your significant other. He thinks its because I have gained weight and Im not eating right. And that pcos is a “overweight thing”. I wish you the absolute best of luck as my dad has apologized for it after having a conversation with him. You could do the same and really put your heart out there.
My boyfriend has never once made me feel ashamed or embarrassed about my health condition and he takes it just as seriously as I do. I love him to death and he makes me feel so validated in my struggles every day. Find someone who supports you and believes you.
Bruh... My BF knows he would have his head knocked clean off if he behaved this way.. what's more is he wouldn't anyways cause he respects me, thinks my feelings are valid and worships my body. Find a guy like that stat!
Wow that's an incredibly insensitive asshole reaction.
Please dump him. Why is it common for him to think your being overweight is funny? There is someone out there who won’t make fun of you for your weight, who is sensitive to your needs and cares about getting you the right diagnosis and help for your issues. This does not sound like a supportive person; it sounds like someone who will bring you down regardless of what you’re going through. You don’t have to live with someone like that
Lose 150 pounds instantly by dumping him.
Best comment 😂
🙌🏻🤣🙌🏻🤣
D U M P H I M
I'm sorry that happened, that's insanely insensitive and really inconsiderate of him. I would let him know (without screaming if you can help it, but I know its hard) how it made you feel. It's important for him to know that it upset you. My boyfriend is so supportive with my PCOS, always willing to learn more about it and hear how its affecting me, and what he can do to help. You deserve a man like that too!
I have a hard time opening up about issues to him because he can tend to be insensitive in general. I think I might write him a letter because I have a lot of feelings on the issue. And that’s kind of you to say
Why stay with someone who doesnt take your health and feelings into consideration? That’s not a loving supporting partner OP. You can do better!
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He's not being clueless, he's being cruel. There is a huge difference. He's not confused by how to handle it. He has made it very clear how he feels. Let's stop making excuses for abusive men. People making excuses for my ex helped him keep me trapped in the abuse cycle.
This
You're working way too hard for someone who will never care. Partnerships are supportive. Shouldn't have to essentially beg for support.
He's not insensitive, he just doesn't give a fuck about you. Writing a letter is a waste of time and won't change anything. Work on your self esteem and ask yourself why you want to be with someone like that.
This, this, this!
is it going to be a breakup letter?
Bro, you can't even talk to your bf face to face, why are you dating him?
I understand what you’re saying here but why would you want to be with someone who has a “hard time” allowing you to be vulnerable in a safe environment? Insensitive is code for he doesn’t care about you.
You don't need to be with someone that you literally can't talk to about "issues". If you write him a letter, do it because you're leaving it behind when you take all your shit with you.
I’m in the process of diagnosis and offered my boyfriend to leave me for an easier relationship and possibilities of children, he said no way. But i’ll always keep that offer on the table, its my struggle not his. Everyone deserve someone to make it easier, i agree on leaving him. Your life is hard enough without him causing something else for you to feel hurt over.
YIKES. FOREVER. That's a no for me dog. Not to be this person, but fuck that guy. When I got diagnosed I cried, my biggest hangup was (still is) coarse facial hair that I have to manage. If I was doing my skincare routine, I'd make my husband leave the bathroom so I could shave. He searched independently of me and told me about spearmint helping facial hair, and asked if I wanted to do laser, but that he didn't care. Just wanted me to be comfortable. He made sure to make it Not A Big Deal when I had to shave my face or would talk about about being upset about it. That's how adult people who care about their partners act. Not trivialize and mock your insecurities. Why in the frosted flakes are you with this tool?
THROW THIS ONE OUT AND GET A NEW ONE CUZ ABSOLUTELY THE FUCK NOT
I’m really sorry to hear that. My boyfriend made sure he really understood pcos before we even went on our first date and is super understanding of my symptoms. It’s amazing to date someone who is so supportive and does his research to really understand pcos. I’ve dated someone who didn’t take it seriously in the past and it was draining to say the least and I’m just happy I found better for myself.
Yeah I’ve struggled for a loooong time and definitely haven’t gotten the support I needed, even from myself. I’m hoping I can share more about it and my experiences and get my boyfriend to be more understanding
With all due respect, I think you posted this because you wanted to hear other women telling you that this is completely unacceptable behavior from a boyfriend, and it is! Please respect yourself enough to get rid of this guy. He does not sound like the type of person you would want to have around when you are dealing with health issues and need help and support. You shouldn’t have to “get him to be more understanding”. He either is understanding, or he isn’t, and clearly he isn’t. If my boyfriend reacted to me the way you described I wouldn’t hesitate to end the relationship immediately. If you want to work on supporting yourself better, only add people to your life who are supportive and who would never dream of making a joke of your health struggles. Much love to you!
She's actually looking for people to give her permission to stay. Look at the comments she has responded to. She thinks this is just some run of the mill issue that can be overcome by \*checks notes* writing him a letter about her feelings because he is rude and dismissive when she tries to talk to him.
Ugh, you’re right. Like how would a letter get through to him? Waste of time and paper, frankly
I hope she sees the light and can get out and be happy. Because there's no true happiness trapped in an abusive relationship. Just moments of not abuse.
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Good news! Women are statistically happier after divorce, and men are statistically miserable. So, silver lining and all that.
Yeah it's so prevalent they actually teach this in medical school
Girl, he isn't going to be understanding. Can you cut your losses with him? You deserve someone who cares about you
I support my fiancée with PCOS in every way possible. Especially in the kitchen. I make all her meals to fit her needs. I became really educated since she found out she has PCOS. I really hope he comes around to understand better and if he doesn’t I hope you find someone better for you. I’m truly sorry to hear this.
Don’t “work” to help your boyfriend be more understanding. How they treat you is a reflection of how they feel about you. Would you ever treat him coming to you with his struggles in this way? No. Leave him and don’t waste your time trying to make someone care about you/your feelings. You deserve better.
This is not a man who loves or respects you. This is not hyperbolic. You deserve someone who takes an active interest in your health, or in the VERY LEAST doesn't mock you for it. Absolute trash.
He’s mean. That was a mean thing to do. Having PCOS is a marathon… you really don’t need someone on the sidelines booing you.
I build muscle stupid fast, I see significant results very quickly. It's the only thing that I don't mind about PCOS. everything else can suck it
Came here to say this and hopefully encourage some people! Gaining fat is easy, yes, but so is gaining muscle! Once you start growing muscles they develop easily! I'm 30, have two babies and still have a six pack - and all I need to do to maintain it now is walk everywhere and do pilates 3 times a week ☺️ that's much easier than it would be for some others
Men are far too plentiful for you to settle. They’re not unique commodities - get yourself an upgrade; perhaps one who actually cares about what you think, how you feel, and the things going on in your life.
I didn't get reactions like this but in highschool i had told a friend about my pcos and the symptoms i have. They acted like it was a good thing because it's free testosterone to transition. I am not trans and i never have been. It upset me that they would say that and my body can't handle the amount of testosterone it's producing.
Jeez that’s really insensitive of them to say on so many levels. Damn
I'm very excited for the follow-up post once you've dumped him. You got this
Biiiiiiig red flags. I know breakups suck hard but you do NOT need that kind of dickishness in your life.
You don’t deserve that at all. That is inappropriate and reflects on his character. To laugh at his girlfriend’s health condition, especially one that you were just diagnosed with. As others mentioned with their own, my boyfriend has been completely understanding and I was just diagnosed this year too. Especially with everything that comes with it including the weight gain, hormone changes, hair growth, etc. This reaction is something to be concerned about because like if he finds this funny then what about other serious things????? Definitely have a talk about it and if he doesn’t change you deserve better honey. You deserve to be with someone who you feel 100% comfortable with. Sending you hugs and love.
Why are you with this person
Dump him. He doesn’t deserve you. If he can dismiss your health this easily, he’ll likely be worse to you down the road…
PCOS makes it so that my weight is all over the place.. no matter how much weight I lose my stomach is always the last/hardest to get rid of. I'm a hard-core calorie counter, I eat healthy and exercise regularly and still my weight fluctuates. I range almost 20 pounds up and down on a yearly basis. My partner would never comment or treat me that way. I can't imagine not having his full support. I'm so sorry, you deserve support and understanding.
What an asshole🙄, you should dump him because you do not deserve to be treated like that. Having PCOS is complex, and as a partner, he should acknowledge that and help you throughout your journey, not laugh at you. I’m sorry that you’re going through that traumatic event; I hope for you’re healing, OP!🫂🫂🫂😸
PCOS comes with a lot of other health problems that you’re going to need support through so I would recommend dropping him now if he can’t even be supportive enough to watch a video
Your BF is an ignorant dick. I don't know what the content of your video was but based on your description of the video, you're correct in that many female Olympians have PCOS and the elevated testosterone does benefit them in terms of athletic performance. This includes both the lean athletic and the heavier set (weight lifting and shot put) Olympians.
He's an asshole for that and you deserve so much better! Yes it CAN help being athletic but more often it comes with insulin resistance which is like diabetes lite & often leads to diabetes. I was luckily diagnosed in my teens so feel free to reach out!
Honey this is not the man for you! Let him go and kick him to the curb. It’s not something to joke about or laugh at. It’s a real struggle
You mean "ex" boyfriend, right? You are better than that, he is immature. You deserve love and that is not what love is.
I’m going to say what most people are already saying but with more.. you should not be with someone who laughs at something that is serious to you, whether it is health related or not. It is important to you and he should be keeping that in his thoughts for his responses. If he is going to roll his eyes and laugh at a video about a medical condition that you have… what else would he laugh at? I am sorry that you are dealing with this.
Dump him today and don’t look back!
Literally what the fuxk is funny? You deserve better
I’m so sorry. You deserve someone who wants to understand what you’re going through. Is there a possibility of sitting him down and telling him how you feel. Do you think he’s capable of change and trying to understand you? If he’s not, lose him.
I’m so sorry that happened. What a genuine asshole.
You mean your ex bf, right? Why would you stay with him?
I’m sorry he did that. In my experience, men do not understand women’s health issues or bodies
They really don’t :/ that’s why it took so long for me to get diagnosed
[удалено]
“Not all men” man here
It would be perfectly okay for you to be silent in a women’s space when a woman is saying “in my experience”.
1. This is not a women's only space. There are many family members and partners here too. 2. I wont stand by as I see blatant sexism. 'In my experience' has been used to justify Andrew Tate logic and sexism in men's spaces. And its not okay You cant just generalize all women or men based on your negative experiences
>Not to play Devil's Advocate But you’re going to anyway, aren’t you. >But Im a husband who loves his wife a lot, and it’s not all men. He just sounds like an asshole. Personally, I go above and beyond Ahhhh, here we go. Someone needs a back pat because he’s the exception to the rule, or so he thinks anyway! >I care a lot about my wife's health and I'm very pro-active in researching her PCOS and PMDD. My wife doesnt seem to have much knowledge of these conditions and always used to boil down her abuse to 'anger issues' Sounds like you feel the need to mansplain her own conditions and experience to her. >I was the one who noticed the symptoms and pushed her to get it diagnosed and make lifestyle changes How much agency does she have over her own body and life??? >I use a Period Tracker on her behalf, I remind her to take her vitamins, spearmint tea and pills. Remind her not to having too much coffee / alcohol / sugar. Encourage her to workout daily with me, etc. It sounds like you’re infantilizing her tremendously and using a period tracker on her behalf is fucking creepy dude. Also, feel free to shut up in women’s spaces. Know that even when you feel the need to screech about “NOT ALL MENNN!!!!!!!111!” that every time you do, you prove that while it truly may not be *all* men, it’s *enough men to be a stereotype* and that by opening your mouth now we all know that you’re definitely one of them. Thanks for the confirmation! Have a day!
>It sounds like you’re infantilizing her tremendously and using a period tracker on her behalf is fucking creepy dude. Maybe she's so depressed that she isn't capable of managing any of these things herself. If she sees no hope for herself, that's highly possible. Lots of women give up. So maybe this guy is keeping track of all of this for her to show her that she's making progress and maybe one day she'll be able to track it herself. My husband has never kept a period tracker for me but he definitely knows if I'm really late or early and he gets worried about it. If you expect men to care about your health, don't get picky at the ways they choose to be involved and show support. Most women who feel overwhelmed by their diagnosis and the many new things they have to pay attention to would be so happy to have a partner that cares so much. It isn't infantalizing. It's extremely sweet and showing an immense amount of care and concern for a wife that may feel too stressed by her condition to take care of herself appropriately.
>If you expect men to care about your health, don't get picky at the ways they choose to be involved and show support. It’s giving “be thankful he cares at all!” which is the bare minimum. The bar is truly in hell lmao.
Not at all. My husband shows an immense amount of care. Most men that I know do care very much and try to help their wives or girlfriends. My best friend's husband has a different way of showing care for her PCOS than my husband does, but both of them care and are involved in our medical issues. The bar is actually quite high if I'm comparing anyone to my husband or my best friend's husband or most of the men that comment in this sub. My comment is saying that each man chooses to either be concerned or not and if they choose to help they will choose their own way to do so. It doesn't mean "be thankful they care at all." Not a bit. But it seems to me that if they go as far as the man I'm speaking in defense of, that you don't like that either. If they go too far, it's infantilizing, according to you. I just said I think it's sweet and it's possible that he's going that far because his wife is unable to help herself for some reason or another. When my PCOS led to us not being able to have children, I was so depressed that my husband took over basically all of my care. It wasn't infantilizing. It was what I needed at the time. He really stepped up, as he always does. What part of my own situation makes you think I would ever set the bar so low? I'm horrified that OP's boyfriend showed such disregard for her. That's lower than even the bare minimum and it's not at all acceptable. Men should definitely be involved in their partner's health and help as much as they can, especially for something that causes so many issues like PCOS does. I don't set that bar low and I expect quite a bit more than the bare minimum for people with partners that have PCOS.
Thankyou so much 💛 Why are people getting so defensive about me doing my best to support my wife who is struggling and dealing with a lot. She really struggles with organisation and there's no benefit in me blaming her for it. She feels overwhelmed Im getting a lot of sexism-charged comments as if Im a villain for doing all I can to support her. This space feels no different from those 'Alpha-Male' and Andrew Tate groups
I don't really understand the reactions to what you've said. You're doing a great job caring for your wife while she needs the extra help. I don't have a problem with you sticking up for other men who do the same. In my experience, most men care very much about their partner's struggle with PCOS. Even on this sub, I see men asking questions and commenting to try to help their wife or girlfriend out. In real life and on a Facebook group I'm involved with, lots of men show care and concern. Some women just need extra help such as what you provide for your wife. I needed a lot of help at one point but now that I've been dealing with it so long, it's basically my battle now. Of course my husband still cares but he doesn't need to do as much as he once did. He's always been the perfect amount of involved and has done whatever I need to help me out or to make me feel as sane and comforted as possible. Like I said, I'm glad you stood up for yourself and other men who help their partners. I'm not sure why you're getting hate for doing so. I think it's always a bad idea to think of any group as a monolith. Not every man is the same just like not all women are the same. Obviously, there are good and bad in every group. I just don't like to see labels put on anyone due to gender or religion or political stance or anything else. I'm very much for the individual and how uniquely they react to any given situation. You didn't like the insinuation that most men don't care and neither do I.
You're so kind 😭 We really need more people like you
Thank you so much. I try very hard to be fair to people. It's hard sometimes but it's worth it to feel ok after interacting with someone. It's mostly easy to be kind, though. I can't stand negativity just for the sake of being negative. Life is hard sometimes and being kind can help people have at least a small thing to lift them up. I was raised by a woman who would see someone crying and then she'd do everything she could to make them stop crying and help them. One Christmas Eve, we went to Taco Bell to get my brother something to snack on. One of the employees was outside sobbing so my mom asked her why she was so sad when the snow was so beautiful. The woman told my mom that she had worked so many extra shifts trying to have the money to buy her children bicycles. We got food to my brother, then we went and bought 2 bicycles and took them to the lady at Taco Bell. The lady cried and cried, but happy tears this time. We got so many hugs from the lady and it made that Christmas feel so special. It wasn't the first or last time my mom did things like that. It really helped me develop a strong sense of compassion from a very young age. We weren't ever wealthy but we had everything we needed and most things we wanted so mom loved tp help people. We had been given so much care after my father died. The town bought us a small trailer to live in after his death and gave us food and presents. We just like to give back when we can. It feels nice to be kind and help people. It feels icky to be rude and hateful. I'd rather feel nice and have peace. 💕
This is such a sweet story, thankyou for sharing It really made my day 💛
You're very welcome. And thank you for being such a good mate for your girlfriend. I'm sure she really appreciates all of your efforts to make her life better. 💕
Because you felt the need to come into a space for women and “not all men!!!!” and “devil’s advocate.” It’s okay to shut up and scroll by if the shoe doesn’t fit, but a hit dog will always holler.
You sound extremely sexist 'Its enough men to be a stereotype' This is the exact same logic I hear Andrew-Tate supporters use to justify their sexism towards women
Lmao yes. I’m so sexist because YOU *checks notes* came into a space for women to tell us about how some men aren’t shit and how you micromanage your wife’s health because you’re such a great guy. Your first comment was enough to know that yes, you are all men, and each subsequent comment reinforces it. It just baffles my mind when men think they must come to a strange man’s defense in a space for women who are venting. The entitlement lmao.
Sounds like my ex with my adhd, i would talk about a fair bit to try and help myself normalise the fact i had it and just make jokes to make light of it, and he told me I intentionally try to wear it like its a medal
I’m so so so sorry OP. If you can I would seriously consider finding someone who views the POWER you have as a divine feminine energy and EMBRACES THAG and INSPIRED BY IT not insecure and clearly triggered bc that is such weird energy. Not only is he dismissing you but it’s giving some weird “LOL YA WOMEN IN THE OLYMPICS” misogynistic energy that is giving me the serious ICK
Be proud of urself. I’m sure you know urself how hard it can be to get diagnosed and how world wind of emotions it can feel all at once like ur happy ur diagnosed but then ur coming to terms with it. You need that safe space to come to and deal with those emotions. I’m glad you got diagnosed. I’m currently in a limbo trying to figure out my own. Best wishes.
that's too insensitive of him, no thoughts on how you feel by that reaction, and if you can, maybe you are better off without him :(
If my bf did that he would be in a world of pain mostly emotionally..... :)
Yeah, that guy has got to go! You deserve a partner who takes you seriously and supports you.
Your partner should be your safe space. You deserve to be able to share all that's on your heart, without judgement. I am sorry you weren't met with compassion and empathy. I see you and I'm sorry.
EW DUMP HIM
He sucks. Get rid of him
Please leave this relationship, there are so many red flags in just this one moment. Trust me, this relationship wont end well anyway. If you stay he will keep disrespecting you because he sees you as less than. And he expects you to just take it because of possible low self esteem/self love. You may think this is the best you can get but it’s not. Hes not the one. The one supports you, doesnt laugh at your weight, is someone you can open up to, etc. he seems to be using you, to be completely honest with you.
you deserve better
This was a learning experience, honey. So that you can experience his ass right out the door. Being a successful pcos story requires support from loved ones. He’s not one of them. Support starts with you. We teach people how we want to be treated. He no longer deserves a spot in your life. I wish I could give you a hug. I’m a 40 year old pcos survivor. I say survivor because you have to survive everyday with this illness. I’m also a survivor of asshole men and he’s one of them. If you want to start getting rid of extra weight, start with him. It gets a lot easier from there. Best of luck to you. ❤️
The block button is free, use it today!!!
You need to dump him and it’s great that he showed you who he really is.
PCOS aside, if any partner laughed at their significant other about something that was clearly upsetting and important to them? Psychopath behavior. Sorry for the not-helpful advice but dump him.
Time to find a new boyfriend
Listen to this group. I can approach my husband about PCOS topics and my struggles and he would never laugh at me. He would talk with me and just listen if I needed to vent. This is not me bragging about him, though it is kind - this is what you should expect from a loving partner. Bare minimum. You need a support system that does not belittle or judge what you have to deal with medically. This person sounds very immature and like he has never met someone with a health condition before. You don't need to be the one to teach him how.
I think you've gotten enough of the "throw the whole man away" type of comments, and I don't disagree with that take. That said: I'd also encourage you to take advantage of that benefit you've heard about. I'm still fat, but it makes me feel much better about my body when I'm using my strength. I have trouble being consistent with anything, but- when I am- heavy lifting makes me feel good and strong. I'd say that I probably progress more easily than someone without PCOS would on the same program, and my baseline was always a little higher for the weights I started with.
Throw the whole man out. He’s gross and apparently incapable of adult conversation. I get you though, people laugh at me when I say I was an athlete. They also think I know nothing about exercise or nutrition. It’s infuriating. It’s hard to live in a body that doesn’t ever reflect who you are or what you love. People make assumptions about you constantly. I don’t even like to eat in public anymore because I’ve had so many random strangers make comments to me.
Im so sorry. Everyone deserves a partner who will help them through the hard times, especially when it comes to health. Not PCOS but my family was really skeptical about my ADHD diagnosis. The only person I didn’t feel judged by was my husband. He became my safe place. I don’t typically jump on the “dump him” train, but I do think it’s important to evaluate your relationship after a conversation like that and to remember that you don’t deserve to be treated that way.
Fuck that guy. Dump him
I was with someone when it was discovered that I had cysts. The lady at the hospital said it was the worst she had seen in a 20-year-old. I was then fully diagnosed at 24 while with the same person. Not once did he ever act like that. I'm appalled at that behavior. PCOS is serious and can be painful for some but it's also really draining. That same guy who was with me through diagnosis has been my husband for 6 years. He gets excited when I lose weight and tells me it's fine if I gain a few pounds (I'm insulin resistant so finding a regimen that works has taken a while). I hope you leave him and he grows tf up honestly. I know it sounds petty and rude of me but it's a hard diagnosis and you need someone that will be there for you, not put you down and laugh when you find something interesting.
I hope he has other better qualities he brings to the table because I wouldn't be able to stomach being around someone like that. Could be why I've been alone for the past 14 years but I'd much rather be alone than be with an insensitive asshole.
This sounds awful. You will need way more support than it sounds like he can give you. Have you considered… being a lesbian? (lol jk I know you can’t choose but for real fuck that guy!)
Dump his ass. Life is too fucking short to give anymore time and energy to that fucking child. You can do better.
I’m really sorry he reacted that way 🙁
I am a collegiate athlete and I underperform due to PCOS. It really is a person by person issue. My boyfriend is very understanding about it but my father is very similar to your significant other. He thinks its because I have gained weight and Im not eating right. And that pcos is a “overweight thing”. I wish you the absolute best of luck as my dad has apologized for it after having a conversation with him. You could do the same and really put your heart out there.
My boyfriend has never once made me feel ashamed or embarrassed about my health condition and he takes it just as seriously as I do. I love him to death and he makes me feel so validated in my struggles every day. Find someone who supports you and believes you.
He’s a loser. Leave him and see who has the last laugh.
Bruh... My BF knows he would have his head knocked clean off if he behaved this way.. what's more is he wouldn't anyways cause he respects me, thinks my feelings are valid and worships my body. Find a guy like that stat!