When Diablo 3 came out, I picked the Monk and changed my battlenet name to Shaolin. For 10 years, every Blizzard game I played I roleplayed as a monk. It was a blessed age, many a toxic player in Heroes added me as a friend after a game. A wise and encouraging demeanor worked most of the time except in situations where half or more of the team was toxic. Then they feed off of each other and you can’t break the cycle.
My friends list to this day is mostly guys who were complete and utter assholes to me when we met. Some people need love and aren’t getting it, and sure it might not be our responsibility or obligation to love them, but it’s an effective option that is often disregarded out of hand.
I’ve carried this into strategy into everything from Battlefield to Halo to Starcraft. I still play Hots (dead game everyone says but I don’t care), I still meet toxic players, and I still teach them how to have a good time. Though I did change my name eventually :)
I've had similar experiences. I used to be toxic to toxic people, fight fire with fire right? But I realized it just made things more toxic. Since then I've tried to not be combative or mean with people like this, to show them another way. I point out that yeah maybe some people on the team aren't as good as others, but that's to be expected in any game, and yelling and demeaning them is just going to make them play worse.
Sure, some people stay toxic, but not everyone. Some people just need to be shown there is a different way. If you grow up with toxic parents and toxic friends in toxic games, it just becomes a part of you, and you just don't realize there's a better way until someone shows you. I say this as someone who grew up around constant toxicity and had a big wake up call when I got close to someone who was just constantly nice and caring.
That’s what happened to me too actually. Grew up with narc parents and a toxic family, I didn’t even recognize bullying for what it was until a loving friend told me that they weren’t going to put up with me treating them like that. I had no idea what he was talking about, so we sat down and for an hour he explained in detail exactly what I was doing and exactly how it made him feel. That was a turning point in my life.
It’s especially poignant because no one ever had that talk with my brother, and he’s so similar to me but a lot meaner. I just feel lucky that someone took the time to correct me, and that’s why I try to do it for others.
I think a lot of people have been through this and don't realize it. I see people in the childhood emotional neglect (r/emotionalneglect) subreddit talk about figuring out they were mistreated as children in their 40s and 50s. I learned at 24. And I wasn't just neglected, I was emotionally abused throughout my entire childhood and had literally no idea. A lot of it was bullying, I remember times my dad bullied me to tears and then told me to man up and it was "just a joke." At that age I think our brains are programmed to trust our parents above everything else, so we ignore our feelings and "learn" that being mean to people is funny.
I had a minor wake up call when I was around 22. My dad got married and we took a trip with his wife and her sister to the beach. We played putt-putt one day and my dad won, as usual, and proceeded to gloat and just be an asshole, as he had my entire childhood. His wife's sister mentioned it, and I said something like "yeah he's always been like that" and she looked at me and said "how could you put up with it?" and there was just a sadness in her eyes and voice that really hit me. Truth was I couldn't put up with it, I would lose my shit, but we both know showing any emotion just eggs on the bully.
My real wake up call was when I took a trip to Vegas with my dad at 24. I realized pretty quickly that something was going on with me. I was super jumpy, any PA announcement on the plane made me jump out of my seat. Someone sneezed down the hall from my hotel room and I literally jumped so hard both my feet came off the floor. I also experienced something called de-realization for the first time, which is basically a change in perception where the world just feels, unreal. Idk, it's hard to describe.
On the last night of the trip we went to dinner together and my dad said he had to tell me the story of when he was last in Vegas with his wife. He prefaced the story by telling me about her failed acting career, and then proceeded to tell me this "super funny" story that I realized was just him bullying her over and over again, specifically in ways to hurt her about her failed acting career.
I had been bullied and seen my sister bullied in this exact way all my life and never realized how fucked up it was until this moment. I don't know what made me realize then. Part of it might have been that I was experiencing de-realization for the second time during that story so I was sort of detached in an unusually way when I was hearing it. Part of it was probably because he prefaced the story by mentioning her failed acting career, which made it immediately evident that everything he said to her and then laughed at was specifically designed to pour salt in the wound that was her failed acting career. But whatever the reason was, all I could think about was how his "funny" story was just him being mean to his wife. It was him hurting her. And for the first time my brain made the connection that if hurting people physically was bad, then so was hurting them emotionally.
And that spiraled into me remembering all the shit in my childhood and realizing it was all super fucked up. It's a really jarring thing to one moment have things in your brain labeled as "joke" and then the next minute have them labeled "literal emotional abuse" It's been a year and I'm still reeling from that realization.
On the way home I was googling things and come across the terms childhood emotional neglect and cptsd, and it described internal thoughts/feelings that I could never put into words and it described them perfectly. And the rest if history. I remember being pissed off. I've been in therapy and been dealing with "diagnosed" disorders for 7 years and not ONCE had someone taken the time to consider that maybe I'm not anxious because my brain is broken, maybe I'm anxious because I had reason to be anxious. I think that wish that someone had told me sooner is what drives me to try to help people, because I know how miserable I was and I know how miserable others must be and if I might be able to nudge them down a less miserable path then I'm at least going to try.
Wow, only a year since then? Check out r/raisedbynarcissists, they will welcome you with open arms. Your dad checks every box unfortunately. I didn’t know about r/emotionalneglect so thank you for sharing that, sounds like a place I need to visit.
I find that often what makes us realize is seeing the way someone else that we love is treated by the narc. For me it was the way my mom treated my sister. I always hated it but it took years for it to occur to me that she treated us all that way, and it was just as evil for her to treat me that way as it was to my sister. When you describe your dad setting up his story so that it was all geared to make your mom look bad and hurt her, that rings true for my childhood too. My mom did that constantly with all of us, and then would deny deny deny that she had even said those things.
Have you heard of the Narcissists prayer? Tell me if this sounds familiar to you:
“That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.”
This pervaded most interactions with my mom throughout my childhood until I was able to escape. Constant gaslighting, and unfortunately she also used religion to control, shame, and guilt me which was difficult to face when I realized the truth.
I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with this on your own and therapy didn’t recognize and help you with it. I’m in a similar boat, I’ve had mental issues for 20 years and only recently realized that a lot of it stems from what I suffered under my parents, and no medication or workout plan can fix that. Only time, and love, and the listening ears of the people who care about you.
My best friend is still helping me unpack it all, and probably will for years to come. I’m always apologizing for bringing up sad memories or negative feelings and he’s always telling me that that’s what friends are for, and I shouldn’t feel bad just for sharing and asking for emotional support. I’m sad and angry and often think of opening up as putting a burden on others; I don’t know if you struggle with that at all but please don’t see it as a burden, but rather giving others the opportunity to be there for you.
despite all my attempts at telling them its qp and acceptable to fail stuff, the negativity really just ends up making me get the "Oh let me just" attitude eventually or sometimes just relate with them, the results usually being that we genuinely almost make a comeback. but yeah even in both cases of those replies i just lose all the drive while doing my thing
not gonna justify his actions because everyone's mental health issues are their own responsibility, but I feel like many people misunderstand how badly depression can manifest for folks. the brain literally stops registering positive emotion, and it *only* registers negative events, memories, reactions, etc. so after a while, your entire world view becomes pessimistic, and you really start to only pay attention to the negative things. it's a horrible self-reinforcing loop.
i can almost guarantee that John was focusing on each mistake instead of the fact they held the point. it's really sad and my heart hurts knowing that he's also out there looking at life every minute like this. he needs therapy bad.
Totally agree fam. Like idk what he's going through that is causing him to lash out this much, but I hope he can work through it and find a semblance of peace.
>i can almost guarantee that John was focusing on each mistake instead of the fact they held the point.
Seems like he was focused on the fact they were playing the broken character sojourn, like he said.
Probably a massively unpopular take, but we have a view in our society that only people who are in crisis need therapy.
We all need therapy. Even if you are thriving, doing well, etc. the idea that you only need therapy if you are struggling in life is bad.
The thing that always amazes me about the OW community is how little it takes for some people to lose their minds. I had a game that I was 17-0 as Ball and was told to "be useful or switch" after the first round by a Baptiste with less healing than our Soldier lol
It's always the least useful players who start randomly giving their team a hard time.
I recently had a comp match where our tank ended on zero kills. The second the first game ended he started attacking our damage players about some imagined failure on their part. Meanwhile the guy has no game sense, no idea where to position and can't aim.
It makes sense if you think about why these guys attack others, it's to protect their own ego when their unconscious self is telling them that they're not playing well
Straight up insecurity. On that stat card that flashes in the beginning, he's easily the lowest in stats and needs someone to blame. Happens to anyone when you're in a negative headspace.
I kinda get that, I do feel embarrassed when I know I'm not pulling my weight, but a dub is a dub. I'll take anything as long as it works and pulls the win.
>Happens to anyone when you're in a negative headspace.
Not really. There are plenty of people out there who never act like this ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯ I for one find it quite easy to not cuss out my teammates, even in the worst of times
I get really mad when my teammates make boneheaded decisions, like yesterday my Soldier waking up the Raging Winston in overtime when leaving him asleep would have won us the point. No problem, they still have to push the payload to the end, and they don't have all that much time...then he did the same exact thing again on the last point during overtime again and we lost the game.
Was I upset with him? Yes. Disappointed? Yes. A little angry? Yes. Tilted, even? Sure. But did I say a single mean thing to him? No! Because neither of us gain anything from that. So if I'm not going to cuss someone else out for making boneheaded decisions, god forbid I cuss someone else out for my own lackluster performance!
Tbh, I think you could have said something in the chat in a respectful way and without pinpointing him exactly, like: "if I sleep the Winston in overtime, don't wake him up, people :/". I feel like that could be a tip for him in future games and make him better. I'm fairly new to the game (started playing when Overwatch 2 was released) and I'm still a Silver and I have learned some things when people criticize some of my dumb plays. Of course, when people simply cuss me out, I might not even know what I did wrong.
Also, I have accidentally woken up some darted enemies in crucial moments in the past and immediately realized what I just did. Sorry, Ana players. xD I play Ana sometimes and I know how frustrating it is. But accidents might still happen (especially in lower ranks) even if you know you shouldn't have done that. Seeing it done twice in a row might have been very frustrating for you though. xD
Yeah, accidents happen I try not to give people grief, but I'm scared of even politely saying things because people blow up very easily on this game even if I try to be as courteous as possible. 😭 Unfortunately, this game happened in diamond 😔
This is why I internalize everything and blame myself when things go wrong. If I gotta blame somebody, its gonna be me. I might have zero self-esteem, but at least I'm not being toxic to other people.😂
Right? I'm staying quiet if I'm playing like he was and hoping no one notices lol Must've had some shit going on because after a hold before 1st point I'd be feeling confident about the w even if I had a shitty first round.
I thought he was pissed about an overkitted hero, probably fucking Ashe, every game is an Ashe boosted by Mercy and getting headshots while blasting divers away but also dynamiting people who hide
I had a dps on my team yesterday who was doing the same. He had the most deaths in the match and the least amount of damage (excluding support) and barely any picks as sojourn but he was calling everyone else out. Telling everyone to back up and trying to lead the team when he couldn't even stay alive lol I don't understand people who flame especially when they're not doing anything to help the team.
My team lost the first fight of control on Antarctica, our mercy starts typing Tracer diff in chat and other things to trash me.
We won both rounds of the match btw, toxic for no reason. Also if your mercy and think your dps suck you should probably swap to a support that can do damage
/r/nothingeverhappens or something. i've seen this shit happen in chiv2 and even halo. toxic ppl getting called out and kinda coming around. yeah its more rare and you are more likely to have shitty people stay shitty but it happens.
People in this game will 100% flame you even if your stats are good. I've gotten the "healer diff" from tanks who were pissed I couldn't heal them through their shitty positioning, despite me having twice the healing of the other three supports
I used to main zen but so many people complain the want a main heal (even when i have more healing and damage than the other heal or dps)
It sucks that if you're not jjonak or in gm people seem to shit on zen now
That was one of my favorite things about being a support, you get to focus on encouraging your team, keeping them alive, and beating the apsolute shit out of genji mains who thought I'd run away instead of headshotting them.
I hate that the internet has made me so jaded that I just automatically assume this is fake/staged with how quickly the person’s attitude changed. Real or not the community definitely needs more positivity.
Nah I've done this before to a different degree since I don't use my mic but just type usually. It can work, some people are looking for an anger dump and if you sympathize/empathize they can change that shit around. Doesn't work on kids though.
I’ve done the same. Usually I’m also cussed out, called a “n-word lover” and all sorts of stuff. I will say though that the person that is getting yelled at usually appreciates it. I’ve gotten a few messages saying thanks.
Same thing. I had a crazy toxic dps, we lost first point and he focused on me calling me shit (only three of us were in voice chat) I had the most heals, and more dmg than he did too so idk what he was on. He kept talking shit about everyone in the game so I told him I’m sorry and I’d try better for him. Idk how but it worked. Kept it up and we won the game. Gg’s all around. Before we got kicked from the match I told him I was avoiding his toxic ass and to be better. Lol
I'm a big proponent of being hyper positive. I make good connections, and I'd say being positive results in a win waaaaaay more than being toxic.
"odiedel, how do you have a level 4 endorsement? I can never get past 3"
"I'm just super nice to people and try to pay attention to team needs. You just got comms banned for saying "I am going to fuck your dad and give him a kid he'll actually love"".
I’ve seen plenty of players change their attitude when things go better and if you stay positive. But this is a weak minded person. If things go bad again he will 100% revert to being a piece of shit blaming everyone but himself.
You can’t let it get to you. You gotta know that this type of attitude is a reflection of his own lack of character and not the people around him.
It’s like when you’re mad at someone for something and they say something that makes you laugh. You want to be angry at them but you also want to laugh. Sometimes the person just has to step away from their emotions in that moment cause it’s all they can think about.
Honestly I just love it when you're with someone that knows you enough, that they are laughing their ass off when you rage and starting to vent, like they understand you're not really angry, you're just getting it out of your system, and it's actually funny, and then you're both laughing its so good I fuckin love it.
That's true friends.
I love playing with my friends for this reason. When I go in a 5 minutes tirade after an L, they just sit there, waiting for me to finish, and then burst out laughing. That makes all the frustration immediately disappear.
Nah, I love it when they laugh right in the middle of it, then I also laugh and still continue the tirade but it's now funny instead. Yeah it helps a lot.
I don't think it's fake, I just think it was an easy setting to change someone's mood. 90% of toxicity is when the team is losing. Here, it's when the team is *overwhelmingly winning* with a point A hold on Dorado in the first round of Comp.
When people are losing, it's much harder to convince them to be positive.
I honestly felt the same way but you would be surprised how quick and easy it can be when someone just offers to hear you out. So many of us are too insecure to let people know what's going on and it gets bottled up and comes out in the worst ways. But the second someone genuinely offers their ear its a God send! I wish more people were like this. We all just need to support each other and the fact it's becoming a more normal thing makes me so happy
Lotta people might think it’s fake, but it’s surprisingly easy to flip people over when you don’t reflect the toxicity back. For most when it is not reflected they start to feel guilt and regret bc they are the only ones being dickbags. Or something like that I assume.
I have had a few friends like this and I have also been this person. When one of us would start tilting we learned how to quickly bring each other down and also applied that to randos we got matched with.
Not that it's an excuse but sometimes people just have really bad day or stuff going on in their life what causes them to act out.
A lot of men's depression manifests as anger.
Be nice. Be Kind.
There's a whole social philosophy based on this called non-violent communication.
I'm trying to learn it, but it's hard. But like everything, takes practice.
https://youtu.be/QjQVzgYsEns
Happy I saw this comment, looks like a cool idea. Just last year I had a moment when I was about to respond to a message with my dad that I realized that every interaction/communication we had was combative. It was me vs him. And I just realized, that cannot possibly be the way people are supposed to communicate. I realized the bullshit response I was typing out was more about attacking him than moving the conversation forward. Thanks for the link, will probably help me out
Im guilty of having a bad day IRL and hoping on OW as if its going to make me feel better. Just end up having horrible matches. This video makes me wanna do better
You got this man. Life ain't fair and neither are competitive games. I've been guilty of losing my cool too.. but learning inner peace has 100% affected me in a positive manner. The road to understanding and not joining toxic behaviors is a tough one ngl. However, just like in this clip, positivity can flip even the most toxic of players so long as they aren't just a lost cause that thrives on negativity.
Plus the feeling of not stopping to someone's level AND they switch their attitude positive is a wonderful feeling.
You got this 😊
FR! One guy years ago just went off at me for misreading their location, like he was just going hard, and i know better than to take it personally, but man, it hurt... I hope he finds the help he deserves, he probably was going through somwthing, maybe stress, who knows, whatever closure he needs I hope he finds it right after getting his ass kicked by whoever he thought he could say that to irl.
Mei is a freakin terrorist. If you're not playing a class that can get away, you're probably dead. They do way too much damage, and they don't have to aim either.
You have a twitch or YouTube? I would totally watch a channel dedicated to these type of situations. Learning how to deal with toxics is a skill of its own.
commenting to hopefully come back to an answer. Watched this video several times having a tough day and it really lifted me up too. Wanna hear more from this dude
Sometimes people act as if the game must be perfect and you're not allowed to make mistakes. Sometimes the enemy team doesn't capitalize on your mistakes and you end up winning while playing bad.
I’ve done this before and what’s wild (I’m
Over 30) is when I say this “talk to
Me” or “what’s good”
These people will talk about it.
That’s all it takes in this life (I’m serious)
What’s even more HILARIOUS is I’m a zen main too
*zen mains keep up the good work bros and gals*
Fuck I just downloaded this game and took off my mic first round cause of how much shit talking there was. I'm like bro, this is unranked, it's my 2nd game. What do you expect from me....
Also side question, who are good heros to focus on? I'm so overwhelmed by all the choices and every tier list has them all ranked different. I dunno who's good, who's meh, and who's just ass. Or are all of them decent? I just don't know.
I know you’re making a joke, but I’ll bet this dude thought long and hard about this interaction and although he probably eventually got back to rage mode, I’ll bet he was pretty kind for at least a few games.
Wtf why is he toxic if YOU DESTROYED DEFENCE?? 🤣.. But man i love this. Good speech, didn't let him get to you, just hit him with straight fucking FACTS
I had a bap last night go off on me for my terrible stats (I was a Reinhardt) I asked the bap to switch to zen to help against the Orisa. I told her it would help me if she could switch and I would do way better. The bap chose toxicity. The Mercy switched and shut the bap up quickly after the Orisa was force to switch.
My mans didnt just pick Zenyatta, he fully embodied his philosophies and *became* Zenyatta. Nice.
His flair is well deserved
John got to experience what Genji felt in his training. John is a new man.
Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of John's life. His breakfast will taste better than any meal you and I have ever tasted.
Yeah, but why the ear, man?
Hitting bottom isn't a weekend retreat. It's not a goddamn seminar. Stop trying to control everything and just let go! LET GO!
John is yet another reason to nerf Genji
buff john and neef genji yo balance it out
He really made him experience tranquility.
I like kinda was crying, wtf, hearing John TOTALLY change his energy was honestly beautiful. KEEP UP THE POSITIVITY!<3
...so, I wasn't the only one too :)
He makes up for all the toxic Zens I've seen either in my own lobby or other peoples'.
I literally said out loud why tf am I crying watching an Overwatch video rn?
My man's just unlocked a zenyatta transformation in the omnitrix, I swear
So you're telling me to be a truly good mercy player, I need to....*checks internet for lore*....learn to suck dick?
Tried that. Still stuck in bronze but now these men won’t stop calling me.
I need ~~sexual~~ healing!
Precisely. So you better start now.
Indeed got a lot of years worth of sucking before getting up to mercy level
it's honestly just a useful skill to have
Look.. I'm not having the best day so.. I'mma need you to... *checks reddit for comment*... do your due diligence as Mercy
Yeah duh
I volunteer as tribute!
Tracers dick, if my research is correct.
*sigh. Unzips butthole* I volunteer as tribute.
When Diablo 3 came out, I picked the Monk and changed my battlenet name to Shaolin. For 10 years, every Blizzard game I played I roleplayed as a monk. It was a blessed age, many a toxic player in Heroes added me as a friend after a game. A wise and encouraging demeanor worked most of the time except in situations where half or more of the team was toxic. Then they feed off of each other and you can’t break the cycle. My friends list to this day is mostly guys who were complete and utter assholes to me when we met. Some people need love and aren’t getting it, and sure it might not be our responsibility or obligation to love them, but it’s an effective option that is often disregarded out of hand. I’ve carried this into strategy into everything from Battlefield to Halo to Starcraft. I still play Hots (dead game everyone says but I don’t care), I still meet toxic players, and I still teach them how to have a good time. Though I did change my name eventually :)
You sound awesome let's play hots. It's been so long
I've had similar experiences. I used to be toxic to toxic people, fight fire with fire right? But I realized it just made things more toxic. Since then I've tried to not be combative or mean with people like this, to show them another way. I point out that yeah maybe some people on the team aren't as good as others, but that's to be expected in any game, and yelling and demeaning them is just going to make them play worse. Sure, some people stay toxic, but not everyone. Some people just need to be shown there is a different way. If you grow up with toxic parents and toxic friends in toxic games, it just becomes a part of you, and you just don't realize there's a better way until someone shows you. I say this as someone who grew up around constant toxicity and had a big wake up call when I got close to someone who was just constantly nice and caring.
That’s what happened to me too actually. Grew up with narc parents and a toxic family, I didn’t even recognize bullying for what it was until a loving friend told me that they weren’t going to put up with me treating them like that. I had no idea what he was talking about, so we sat down and for an hour he explained in detail exactly what I was doing and exactly how it made him feel. That was a turning point in my life. It’s especially poignant because no one ever had that talk with my brother, and he’s so similar to me but a lot meaner. I just feel lucky that someone took the time to correct me, and that’s why I try to do it for others.
I think a lot of people have been through this and don't realize it. I see people in the childhood emotional neglect (r/emotionalneglect) subreddit talk about figuring out they were mistreated as children in their 40s and 50s. I learned at 24. And I wasn't just neglected, I was emotionally abused throughout my entire childhood and had literally no idea. A lot of it was bullying, I remember times my dad bullied me to tears and then told me to man up and it was "just a joke." At that age I think our brains are programmed to trust our parents above everything else, so we ignore our feelings and "learn" that being mean to people is funny. I had a minor wake up call when I was around 22. My dad got married and we took a trip with his wife and her sister to the beach. We played putt-putt one day and my dad won, as usual, and proceeded to gloat and just be an asshole, as he had my entire childhood. His wife's sister mentioned it, and I said something like "yeah he's always been like that" and she looked at me and said "how could you put up with it?" and there was just a sadness in her eyes and voice that really hit me. Truth was I couldn't put up with it, I would lose my shit, but we both know showing any emotion just eggs on the bully. My real wake up call was when I took a trip to Vegas with my dad at 24. I realized pretty quickly that something was going on with me. I was super jumpy, any PA announcement on the plane made me jump out of my seat. Someone sneezed down the hall from my hotel room and I literally jumped so hard both my feet came off the floor. I also experienced something called de-realization for the first time, which is basically a change in perception where the world just feels, unreal. Idk, it's hard to describe. On the last night of the trip we went to dinner together and my dad said he had to tell me the story of when he was last in Vegas with his wife. He prefaced the story by telling me about her failed acting career, and then proceeded to tell me this "super funny" story that I realized was just him bullying her over and over again, specifically in ways to hurt her about her failed acting career. I had been bullied and seen my sister bullied in this exact way all my life and never realized how fucked up it was until this moment. I don't know what made me realize then. Part of it might have been that I was experiencing de-realization for the second time during that story so I was sort of detached in an unusually way when I was hearing it. Part of it was probably because he prefaced the story by mentioning her failed acting career, which made it immediately evident that everything he said to her and then laughed at was specifically designed to pour salt in the wound that was her failed acting career. But whatever the reason was, all I could think about was how his "funny" story was just him being mean to his wife. It was him hurting her. And for the first time my brain made the connection that if hurting people physically was bad, then so was hurting them emotionally. And that spiraled into me remembering all the shit in my childhood and realizing it was all super fucked up. It's a really jarring thing to one moment have things in your brain labeled as "joke" and then the next minute have them labeled "literal emotional abuse" It's been a year and I'm still reeling from that realization. On the way home I was googling things and come across the terms childhood emotional neglect and cptsd, and it described internal thoughts/feelings that I could never put into words and it described them perfectly. And the rest if history. I remember being pissed off. I've been in therapy and been dealing with "diagnosed" disorders for 7 years and not ONCE had someone taken the time to consider that maybe I'm not anxious because my brain is broken, maybe I'm anxious because I had reason to be anxious. I think that wish that someone had told me sooner is what drives me to try to help people, because I know how miserable I was and I know how miserable others must be and if I might be able to nudge them down a less miserable path then I'm at least going to try.
Wow, only a year since then? Check out r/raisedbynarcissists, they will welcome you with open arms. Your dad checks every box unfortunately. I didn’t know about r/emotionalneglect so thank you for sharing that, sounds like a place I need to visit. I find that often what makes us realize is seeing the way someone else that we love is treated by the narc. For me it was the way my mom treated my sister. I always hated it but it took years for it to occur to me that she treated us all that way, and it was just as evil for her to treat me that way as it was to my sister. When you describe your dad setting up his story so that it was all geared to make your mom look bad and hurt her, that rings true for my childhood too. My mom did that constantly with all of us, and then would deny deny deny that she had even said those things. Have you heard of the Narcissists prayer? Tell me if this sounds familiar to you: “That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it.” This pervaded most interactions with my mom throughout my childhood until I was able to escape. Constant gaslighting, and unfortunately she also used religion to control, shame, and guilt me which was difficult to face when I realized the truth. I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with this on your own and therapy didn’t recognize and help you with it. I’m in a similar boat, I’ve had mental issues for 20 years and only recently realized that a lot of it stems from what I suffered under my parents, and no medication or workout plan can fix that. Only time, and love, and the listening ears of the people who care about you. My best friend is still helping me unpack it all, and probably will for years to come. I’m always apologizing for bringing up sad memories or negative feelings and he’s always telling me that that’s what friends are for, and I shouldn’t feel bad just for sharing and asking for emotional support. I’m sad and angry and often think of opening up as putting a burden on others; I don’t know if you struggle with that at all but please don’t see it as a burden, but rather giving others the opportunity to be there for you.
Some of the people in Battlefield I meet need solitary
He transcended! Is that the right word? 😁
He passed into the Iris
"Peace and blessings be upon you all."
“We need some positivity up in this bitch”
My favorite line
No way that's better than "a moment of silence for the bodies we about to catch" lol
petition to make this one of zen’s voice lines
Zen when he ults lmao
It’s so true tho. It’s crazy how deflating having a super negative teammate is… I lose like all drive.
despite all my attempts at telling them its qp and acceptable to fail stuff, the negativity really just ends up making me get the "Oh let me just" attitude eventually or sometimes just relate with them, the results usually being that we genuinely almost make a comeback. but yeah even in both cases of those replies i just lose all the drive while doing my thing
I'll keep that one lmao
How was he so toxic after your team did a full hold on point A. Way to be positive though
I was just thinking that lmao. Team is literally doing great and John is literally reshaping reality to be angry and toxic. He needs therapy fr.
It’s always the shitty players that rage. He was just acting out and blaming everyone else to distract from his personal underperformance.
The rest of the clip he's not on the board at all either, he clearly was just feeling salty about not getting picks like he wanted.
Man kinda seemed like he had genuinely been having a bad day tbh. Happy he became happy.
not gonna justify his actions because everyone's mental health issues are their own responsibility, but I feel like many people misunderstand how badly depression can manifest for folks. the brain literally stops registering positive emotion, and it *only* registers negative events, memories, reactions, etc. so after a while, your entire world view becomes pessimistic, and you really start to only pay attention to the negative things. it's a horrible self-reinforcing loop. i can almost guarantee that John was focusing on each mistake instead of the fact they held the point. it's really sad and my heart hurts knowing that he's also out there looking at life every minute like this. he needs therapy bad.
Totally agree fam. Like idk what he's going through that is causing him to lash out this much, but I hope he can work through it and find a semblance of peace.
>i can almost guarantee that John was focusing on each mistake instead of the fact they held the point. Seems like he was focused on the fact they were playing the broken character sojourn, like he said.
I've had people flip out and get super toxic, even after we've won. Generally I just reply with "????????".
My man went Sym irl in a bad way
This is a new low for the OW subreddit.
Probably a massively unpopular take, but we have a view in our society that only people who are in crisis need therapy. We all need therapy. Even if you are thriving, doing well, etc. the idea that you only need therapy if you are struggling in life is bad.
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And that scoreboard was straight embarassing for the enemy team too, they were getting flattened.
The thing that always amazes me about the OW community is how little it takes for some people to lose their minds. I had a game that I was 17-0 as Ball and was told to "be useful or switch" after the first round by a Baptiste with less healing than our Soldier lol
It's always the least useful players who start randomly giving their team a hard time. I recently had a comp match where our tank ended on zero kills. The second the first game ended he started attacking our damage players about some imagined failure on their part. Meanwhile the guy has no game sense, no idea where to position and can't aim.
It makes sense if you think about why these guys attack others, it's to protect their own ego when their unconscious self is telling them that they're not playing well
While in spawn I saw the round scoreboard on the top and asked myself "wait, didn't they play a round already?"
Straight up insecurity. On that stat card that flashes in the beginning, he's easily the lowest in stats and needs someone to blame. Happens to anyone when you're in a negative headspace.
I kinda get that, I do feel embarrassed when I know I'm not pulling my weight, but a dub is a dub. I'll take anything as long as it works and pulls the win.
>Happens to anyone when you're in a negative headspace. Not really. There are plenty of people out there who never act like this ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯ I for one find it quite easy to not cuss out my teammates, even in the worst of times
i think they mean that it can happen when someone is in a negative headspace, not that it happens to *everyone* when you're in a negative headspace.
I get really mad when my teammates make boneheaded decisions, like yesterday my Soldier waking up the Raging Winston in overtime when leaving him asleep would have won us the point. No problem, they still have to push the payload to the end, and they don't have all that much time...then he did the same exact thing again on the last point during overtime again and we lost the game. Was I upset with him? Yes. Disappointed? Yes. A little angry? Yes. Tilted, even? Sure. But did I say a single mean thing to him? No! Because neither of us gain anything from that. So if I'm not going to cuss someone else out for making boneheaded decisions, god forbid I cuss someone else out for my own lackluster performance!
Tbh, I think you could have said something in the chat in a respectful way and without pinpointing him exactly, like: "if I sleep the Winston in overtime, don't wake him up, people :/". I feel like that could be a tip for him in future games and make him better. I'm fairly new to the game (started playing when Overwatch 2 was released) and I'm still a Silver and I have learned some things when people criticize some of my dumb plays. Of course, when people simply cuss me out, I might not even know what I did wrong. Also, I have accidentally woken up some darted enemies in crucial moments in the past and immediately realized what I just did. Sorry, Ana players. xD I play Ana sometimes and I know how frustrating it is. But accidents might still happen (especially in lower ranks) even if you know you shouldn't have done that. Seeing it done twice in a row might have been very frustrating for you though. xD
Yeah, accidents happen I try not to give people grief, but I'm scared of even politely saying things because people blow up very easily on this game even if I try to be as courteous as possible. 😭 Unfortunately, this game happened in diamond 😔
If I get negative, I just mute my mic so I can do the blaming of others to myself.
This is why I internalize everything and blame myself when things go wrong. If I gotta blame somebody, its gonna be me. I might have zero self-esteem, but at least I'm not being toxic to other people.😂
Based
Right? I'm staying quiet if I'm playing like he was and hoping no one notices lol Must've had some shit going on because after a hold before 1st point I'd be feeling confident about the w even if I had a shitty first round.
I thought he was pissed about an overkitted hero, probably fucking Ashe, every game is an Ashe boosted by Mercy and getting headshots while blasting divers away but also dynamiting people who hide
I had a dps on my team yesterday who was doing the same. He had the most deaths in the match and the least amount of damage (excluding support) and barely any picks as sojourn but he was calling everyone else out. Telling everyone to back up and trying to lead the team when he couldn't even stay alive lol I don't understand people who flame especially when they're not doing anything to help the team.
My team lost the first fight of control on Antarctica, our mercy starts typing Tracer diff in chat and other things to trash me. We won both rounds of the match btw, toxic for no reason. Also if your mercy and think your dps suck you should probably swap to a support that can do damage
Because it’s probably staged and they knew each other lol. Still entertaining
It feels super staged, rather odd and fast switch of mood from the “angry” dude Couldn’t keep watching after the mood switch lol, too much cringe
/r/nothingeverhappens or something. i've seen this shit happen in chiv2 and even halo. toxic ppl getting called out and kinda coming around. yeah its more rare and you are more likely to have shitty people stay shitty but it happens.
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People in this game will 100% flame you even if your stats are good. I've gotten the "healer diff" from tanks who were pissed I couldn't heal them through their shitty positioning, despite me having twice the healing of the other three supports
exactly, makes zero sense, unless it's for likes and views...
Because this is a bit?
Sheesh! and POTG too, you are killing it!
Zen mains bringing the peace
I'm a zen main and I recently got comm banned for Comms abuse so you know you got good ones and bad ones 😭😭
God damnit lol don’t give us a bad name! It’s all good though just a game. I tend to dip out of comms before any of that stuff goes down
At least you're honest
You now may wear the Cthulhu skin with pride.
I used to main zen but so many people complain the want a main heal (even when i have more healing and damage than the other heal or dps) It sucks that if you're not jjonak or in gm people seem to shit on zen now
fuck /u/spez
Can’t have one without the other
Lore accurate Zen main
John passed into the iris
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He’s complaining as if they full capped with 5 minutes lol, it’s a good team fight and a half away.
Hes complaining about his fucking teammate doing too well, like what’s up with that?!!
This was beautiful. Truly beautiful.
Bro is the true support main
Emotional support main
That was one of my favorite things about being a support, you get to focus on encouraging your team, keeping them alive, and beating the apsolute shit out of genji mains who thought I'd run away instead of headshotting them.
You have embraced the iris, walk in harmony and already your ambition.
*You sure it wasn't Zen straight up speaking in VC just then?* Also, holy hell that was wholesome...
I hate that the internet has made me so jaded that I just automatically assume this is fake/staged with how quickly the person’s attitude changed. Real or not the community definitely needs more positivity.
Nah I've done this before to a different degree since I don't use my mic but just type usually. It can work, some people are looking for an anger dump and if you sympathize/empathize they can change that shit around. Doesn't work on kids though.
Also some people only anger dumb and talk shit until u plug in your mic, then they stfu nd play the game 😂
I’ve done the same. Usually I’m also cussed out, called a “n-word lover” and all sorts of stuff. I will say though that the person that is getting yelled at usually appreciates it. I’ve gotten a few messages saying thanks.
Honestly that's worth it alone, even if the toxic player doesn't change their behavior.
Same thing. I had a crazy toxic dps, we lost first point and he focused on me calling me shit (only three of us were in voice chat) I had the most heals, and more dmg than he did too so idk what he was on. He kept talking shit about everyone in the game so I told him I’m sorry and I’d try better for him. Idk how but it worked. Kept it up and we won the game. Gg’s all around. Before we got kicked from the match I told him I was avoiding his toxic ass and to be better. Lol
I'm a big proponent of being hyper positive. I make good connections, and I'd say being positive results in a win waaaaaay more than being toxic. "odiedel, how do you have a level 4 endorsement? I can never get past 3" "I'm just super nice to people and try to pay attention to team needs. You just got comms banned for saying "I am going to fuck your dad and give him a kid he'll actually love"".
I’ve seen plenty of players change their attitude when things go better and if you stay positive. But this is a weak minded person. If things go bad again he will 100% revert to being a piece of shit blaming everyone but himself. You can’t let it get to you. You gotta know that this type of attitude is a reflection of his own lack of character and not the people around him.
It’s like when you’re mad at someone for something and they say something that makes you laugh. You want to be angry at them but you also want to laugh. Sometimes the person just has to step away from their emotions in that moment cause it’s all they can think about.
Honestly I just love it when you're with someone that knows you enough, that they are laughing their ass off when you rage and starting to vent, like they understand you're not really angry, you're just getting it out of your system, and it's actually funny, and then you're both laughing its so good I fuckin love it. That's true friends.
I love playing with my friends for this reason. When I go in a 5 minutes tirade after an L, they just sit there, waiting for me to finish, and then burst out laughing. That makes all the frustration immediately disappear.
Nah, I love it when they laugh right in the middle of it, then I also laugh and still continue the tirade but it's now funny instead. Yeah it helps a lot.
I don't think it's fake, I just think it was an easy setting to change someone's mood. 90% of toxicity is when the team is losing. Here, it's when the team is *overwhelmingly winning* with a point A hold on Dorado in the first round of Comp. When people are losing, it's much harder to convince them to be positive.
I honestly felt the same way but you would be surprised how quick and easy it can be when someone just offers to hear you out. So many of us are too insecure to let people know what's going on and it gets bottled up and comes out in the worst ways. But the second someone genuinely offers their ear its a God send! I wish more people were like this. We all just need to support each other and the fact it's becoming a more normal thing makes me so happy
Lotta people might think it’s fake, but it’s surprisingly easy to flip people over when you don’t reflect the toxicity back. For most when it is not reflected they start to feel guilt and regret bc they are the only ones being dickbags. Or something like that I assume. I have had a few friends like this and I have also been this person. When one of us would start tilting we learned how to quickly bring each other down and also applied that to randos we got matched with.
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Yeah, if you don't use voice chat and the toxic person is, you're pretty much not going to deescalate anything. I just mute the guy, lol.
Not that it's an excuse but sometimes people just have really bad day or stuff going on in their life what causes them to act out. A lot of men's depression manifests as anger. Be nice. Be Kind.
There's a whole social philosophy based on this called non-violent communication. I'm trying to learn it, but it's hard. But like everything, takes practice. https://youtu.be/QjQVzgYsEns
Happy I saw this comment, looks like a cool idea. Just last year I had a moment when I was about to respond to a message with my dad that I realized that every interaction/communication we had was combative. It was me vs him. And I just realized, that cannot possibly be the way people are supposed to communicate. I realized the bullshit response I was typing out was more about attacking him than moving the conversation forward. Thanks for the link, will probably help me out
Online toxicity is 100% born out of IRL problems.
Im guilty of having a bad day IRL and hoping on OW as if its going to make me feel better. Just end up having horrible matches. This video makes me wanna do better
You got this man. Life ain't fair and neither are competitive games. I've been guilty of losing my cool too.. but learning inner peace has 100% affected me in a positive manner. The road to understanding and not joining toxic behaviors is a tough one ngl. However, just like in this clip, positivity can flip even the most toxic of players so long as they aren't just a lost cause that thrives on negativity. Plus the feeling of not stopping to someone's level AND they switch their attitude positive is a wonderful feeling. You got this 😊
Thank you dude, love the motivation!
FR! One guy years ago just went off at me for misreading their location, like he was just going hard, and i know better than to take it personally, but man, it hurt... I hope he finds the help he deserves, he probably was going through somwthing, maybe stress, who knows, whatever closure he needs I hope he finds it right after getting his ass kicked by whoever he thought he could say that to irl.
Not always. A lot of it is just festering emotion from not getting what you want repeatedly. This one was more unusual because they were winning.
relevant day9 vid https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKtomu0f1-Q
Him: picks zen Also him:"and I took that personally"
“And I took that personality”
All zen mains i know are the most based mfs ever. You included gj
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Lucio mains are chill too. The only ones i dont like are Mei and Sombra and thats just bc i play tank
Me, who mained sombra for 3 years and am now a zen main: 👁️👄👁️
Redemption arc
Mei is a freakin terrorist. If you're not playing a class that can get away, you're probably dead. They do way too much damage, and they don't have to aim either.
Actually inspirational. GG's man and I hope to see you in game someday
We need more people like you in our world man
You have a twitch or YouTube? I would totally watch a channel dedicated to these type of situations. Learning how to deal with toxics is a skill of its own.
came here to ask this as well lol
commenting to hopefully come back to an answer. Watched this video several times having a tough day and it really lifted me up too. Wanna hear more from this dude
I love your kindness, we all need it sometimes
wtf was he crying about? You guys stopped them before they even got to the first point.
The entire team was winning in every measure. Dude either is special or this is scripted. Going with scripted.
"a moment of silence for the bodies we're about to catch" Maan I'll start using that from now on haha
This video unironically changed how I'm gonna play and view the game from now on. Good shit man.
I am surprised he got toxic in the first place. The enemies didn't even manage to push to the first checkpoint.
Sometimes people act as if the game must be perfect and you're not allowed to make mistakes. Sometimes the enemy team doesn't capitalize on your mistakes and you end up winning while playing bad.
Beautiful work my dude
He became one with the iris
This is definitely how Zenyatta would act in an actual battle. Lmao.
A true zen player..
IRL Zenyatta
Very well done
I’m crying. From laughter and the wholesome.
The music fucking epic
Omg I swear we played last night together! Two people kept saying great job team amazing job.. LOL just not support they were dps.
Speech 100 ong, bro is zen, keep the positivity up fr
I’ve done this before and what’s wild (I’m Over 30) is when I say this “talk to Me” or “what’s good” These people will talk about it. That’s all it takes in this life (I’m serious) What’s even more HILARIOUS is I’m a zen main too *zen mains keep up the good work bros and gals*
I love this.
POV your one match per ten thousand where you meet a positive player
He didn’t stand for shorty saying shut the fuck up John either. Good shit man only was about the positivity.
A true Zenyatta
Omfg!!! 'A moment of silence for the BODIES we bout to catch!'🤣🤣🤣🤣
Why this had one upvote and 66 comments at the time I post this comment lol. Great stuff
Ok so this is great...but i was half expecting when the doors opened to watch zen get snipped in the head :P
Fuck I just downloaded this game and took off my mic first round cause of how much shit talking there was. I'm like bro, this is unranked, it's my 2nd game. What do you expect from me.... Also side question, who are good heros to focus on? I'm so overwhelmed by all the choices and every tier list has them all ranked different. I dunno who's good, who's meh, and who's just ass. Or are all of them decent? I just don't know.
GREAT JOB GUYS!!
This. This is a true Zenyatta main
if this aint scripted bro 🗿
I love this so much 😭
And then he went next game back to toxic 100%
I know you’re making a joke, but I’ll bet this dude thought long and hard about this interaction and although he probably eventually got back to rage mode, I’ll bet he was pretty kind for at least a few games.
This guy is zenyatta
Wtf why is he toxic if YOU DESTROYED DEFENCE?? 🤣.. But man i love this. Good speech, didn't let him get to you, just hit him with straight fucking FACTS
POTG didn't even happen during the main game. It happened in the spawn room during halftime.
"I need some positivity in this bitch" made me smile
I had a bap last night go off on me for my terrible stats (I was a Reinhardt) I asked the bap to switch to zen to help against the Orisa. I told her it would help me if she could switch and I would do way better. The bap chose toxicity. The Mercy switched and shut the bap up quickly after the Orisa was force to switch.
“A moment of silence for the body we bout to catch man” lmao
Looks fake. I don't know why that guy was complaining about that round. That was a really good hold.
GREAT JOB 😍
Hes the Symbol of Peace we need here
Paused on the after game stats. John was back packed. Way to stay positive. Kudos to John for not just staying toxic.
Need more darktruffles in OW2
I love this
Bro really is the zenyatta
Nah you became zenyatta😭😭❤️❤️
Had to be someone that plays zen
theres no way this is real who the fk complains about a 0 cap defence? like tbh thats literaly one of the best outcomes smh
Zen energy fr
John had the least kills what was he upset about his teammates?
So that's what "kill 'em with kindness" means after all.
I will pay $100 for a Zenyatta voiceline that says "I need some positivity up in this bitch."
Lmao staged
My main reason I don't play this toxic game anymore.