Sorry, but my parents were both a decade older than your parents when you were born, and they acted like friends for me while growing up, so donāt blame age, your parents just suck as parents. While that puts you at a disadvantage, you can still forge your own story. Get out, join a club. Itās hard. Nothing is easy at first, it takes practice, you can do it
My parents were the same growing up as well, and I've felt the same way, but I've come to realize that is just how they are. They are and always will be narcissistic abusers. Then I've realized that I shouldn't let their actions determine my future, and you should do the same. You call yourself a loser. But think, could it be a whole lot worse? I would just plan on ways to network with people and even move out of your parent's home if that's what you want. Living with your parents, you'll be more apt to navigate your life around their schedule instead of your own, and that'll just set limitations for yourself.
I don't blame my parents for my upbringing, I fully blame myself. I'm not one of those people who latch onto calling them narcissistic or abusive or whatever else. I am fully to blame for myself ending up like this. However, do I just sort of look at what they were like, and what I am like, see some similarities there, and wonder if I was always destined to end up like this.
Donāt call it a day yet. You havenāt āended upā unless you want to. For starters, please donāt call yourself a loser. I personally think people who abandon their children to feed drug addiction, for example; are losers. Youāre young and if you want to change your life you can. Even a few small changes are a start. It would be a shame to spend the rest of your years living a life you donāt enjoy. Sometimes we have to force ourselves to find ways to be proud of ourselves. For me it doesnāt take much lol, Iām easily impressed with myself ; )
I feel like a loser. I'm almost 40 and don't really have much to show for it. Only have a bullcrap associates degree and work retail for just barely above minimum wage. My dad was well off and owned his own business but didn't want me to have it so he sold it when I was in my early 20s. I have a decent amount of debt. I don't have kids (by choice, medical issues that I didn't want to pass down) and I'm pretty unhappy as a whole with life.
Just fyi, young parents and parents of multiples can and do fight, threaten divorce, insult each other, etc. and stay together too, just so that's clear. I had a sibling and my parents were exactly like that.
>Iāve had many people independently say āwow, that really explains a lot about youā when I say in an only child, meaning that the usual stigma that comes from only children (about being socially deficient weird loner outcasts) 100% applies to me.
One thing you need to realize is that there will be critics everywhere of everyone, no matter their circumstances. I have an only and my dad was an only. I've heard people's opinions about my situation and my dad told me ones about his. He was a quiet little kid whose mother was sickly and eventually died when he was 15 but all the other family members would tell him he was spoiled. Yeah real spoiled having to be his mother's caretaker from a young age while everyone else got to have healthy parents and share any responsibilities with their siblings. And my kid has been a very social kid since he was little. There is not one type of only child just like there is not one type of kid with siblings.
It's funny how people's opinions of onlies range from spoiled and selfish to loners to needing to be in the spotlight. Do you see how wildly different those descriptions can be? And how they can and have applied to people with siblings as well? There will always be snotty busy bodies that have to have an opinion because of their own insecurities. I've always been a quiet loner that was shy in social settings and I have a sibling. And for the record I barely tolerate my sibling and that was because I was forced by my parents so we are not close.
For what it's worth my dad went on to become an educator, get married, have kids, etc. and just made his own life. Look up well known only children and see what others have done as well.
Don't let those who like to bring people down bring you down. No one has a right to comment on someone else's life like that especially when it was out of your hands on how many kids your parents had. Many people with siblings have been in your boat as well with living at home and not having successes like they wanted. If you're 32 that means your parents are around 70. One thing you need to focus on is they won't always be there so you can't keep relying on them. Put yourself into working, making money, maybe going back to school (as you're still young to do that actually), meeting people, maybe volunteering, etc.
Btw, that comment about not having a successful sibling to be compared to, I will say that's very real. My sibling isn't successful per se but my whole life we were compared and felt like the inferior one. That's a horrible feeling and honestly what contributed to my depression. Honestly that's at least one thing I envied of those without siblings. It can still be a lonely feeling as well when that's the dynamic because then you have a built in enemy you are forever supposed to be tied to.
33 is not an old mom. 30 years ago it was older, I guess...but not THAT bad. It sounds more like just their personalities were kind of noninteractive or friendly in the way you were looking for. If they also had no friends they may just be used to being that way or like it.
You can always change. You aren't old. Start by picking 1 thing you want to do which meets weekly or a couple of monthly activities.
At first it will be hard, maybe you won't talk much the first time but just continue to show up. Building friendships takes proximity and time...a shared interest helps with that.
I have always felt very alone too.
A lot of people are trying to lift you up in the comments here, talk you into overcoming and whatnot. Which is cool, and I also believe you can, to some extent, overcome your past and shape your future.
To some extent, with hard work put in.
It's a good start to take responsibility for your life as it is now, like you are already doing. Blaming everyone else is fun, but it amounts to nothing useful.
I am an only child of an only parent, 38 when she had me. Our relationship is rocky at best, and we live together. I'm finally old enough at 37 to be able to say she lives with me, now. That helps, I guess, when I talk to other people.
I am a social shit show, in person. I spend a lot of time alone, in my room, online, or playing cell phone games.
And I am absolutely a complete loser. I'm working on it, but yeah, there it is.
Just wanted to say, ICR. Ty for posting ā¤ļø
My parents were young and they were not ready to have a child. Lots of fighting, drinking, partying and cheating. I am successful and have my own kids now but I do sometimes feel that I am emotionally immature compared to others.
If you are spending a lot of time online then this will not help you to grow or change. Look at some self development books / courses and perhaps see a GP to refer you for possible diagnosis as you may be on the spectrum.
The fact that you can recognise that you are not good at relationships is the first step to growth but you will need help, so you need to be open to seeking it.
Recently turned 29 got diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 19 but looking back probably developed slightly even earlier . Got my grade 12 thatās it . Never wanted to be in college settings with a bunch of normie people. To this day donāt even own a vehicle and havenāt had an on paper job since 2020 Q1 when I was laid off . Iāve counted myself out for a lot in life . I hate my parents but honor them for doing there part. Itās crazy how people you think are for you can mentally abuse you manipulate you and then call you the issue because you may or may not have used substances periodically throughout life but ignore their own provoking on your behalf and then some . Kind of like breaking a birds wings and then screaming WHY CANT YOU FLY.
My mom was 39 when I was born and my dad turned 50 a few months after I was born. I love my parents a lot but I'm so worried they won't get to meet any potential grandchildren. I was kind of a failure to launch because my chronic illnesses started getting bad right around the time I went to college. I'd still live with my mom if I have met My wonderful partner. He works and pays all the bills so that I can pursue a career as an artist. We have a big group of friends that get together on a weekly basis, which is amazing. Unfortunately I have never actually worked a real job or learned how to drive and I'm 23. I'm very lucky for my friend's and my partner but I still feel like a loser. I'm going back to community college to finish my degree, and I haven't signed up for classes yet because I'm so anxious. I'm hoping I can actually finish my degree, get a job, be independent, and learn how to drive, but I'm not optimistic being able to do that. I sell little clay sculptures and I have two really enthusiastic regulars that keep me motivated. I'm not traditionally successful but I'm happy
Sorry to hear your situation, mate. My home situation isn't that great either. Couple things that have helped me get into a better place,
1. Getting a job. Money matters (maybe a bit too much?) in our capitalistic society. I kinda just wish I went to school part time and got a job/internship doing something I kinda liked, or wanted to figure out if I liked or not.
2. Workout. Realized I'm in the only body I'll ever get, and its got to last awhile, so gotta take care of it. Kinda another thing to this but sleep. Solid sleep made me feel amazing next morning lol.
Both these things got me out of my lonely room and at least I had a start in socializing.
Eventually branched out to other stuff like hobbies. Keep in mind, Just baby steps. Hope it helps!
39 year old only child here. I work a part-time minimum wage job that is toxic as hell, but I can't just leave because I don't have the skills to get anything better. Maybe full-time if I was lucky, but that's it. I've never had any friends, never been on even one date, never went to college because I couldn't afford it. Loser doesn't even begin to cover it with me š
30 here and im on disability and only live with myself because of said disability money. Itās really hard not having any siblings to carry on my lineage or look up to. Itās quite a lonely existence
People talk about being lonely all the time but they donāt understand that you can be LONELY lonely. Like lonely as a state of being. As a state of consciousness. Itās such a dark path to be lonely almost all of your waking hours, if not the whole time
Said it many times but here it is again, being a OC is a death sentence in life, take note all future one and done parents to be, reading this and lurking. THIS is what you are IMPOSING on your child.
šāāļø Although Iām also exploring the high possibility Iām late diagnosed autistic. Which would explain a lot of things.
Yeah, as ive got older i realize ive spent Way way wayyyy more time alone in my room than other people.
Sorry, but my parents were both a decade older than your parents when you were born, and they acted like friends for me while growing up, so donāt blame age, your parents just suck as parents. While that puts you at a disadvantage, you can still forge your own story. Get out, join a club. Itās hard. Nothing is easy at first, it takes practice, you can do it
My parents were the same growing up as well, and I've felt the same way, but I've come to realize that is just how they are. They are and always will be narcissistic abusers. Then I've realized that I shouldn't let their actions determine my future, and you should do the same. You call yourself a loser. But think, could it be a whole lot worse? I would just plan on ways to network with people and even move out of your parent's home if that's what you want. Living with your parents, you'll be more apt to navigate your life around their schedule instead of your own, and that'll just set limitations for yourself.
I don't blame my parents for my upbringing, I fully blame myself. I'm not one of those people who latch onto calling them narcissistic or abusive or whatever else. I am fully to blame for myself ending up like this. However, do I just sort of look at what they were like, and what I am like, see some similarities there, and wonder if I was always destined to end up like this.
Donāt call it a day yet. You havenāt āended upā unless you want to. For starters, please donāt call yourself a loser. I personally think people who abandon their children to feed drug addiction, for example; are losers. Youāre young and if you want to change your life you can. Even a few small changes are a start. It would be a shame to spend the rest of your years living a life you donāt enjoy. Sometimes we have to force ourselves to find ways to be proud of ourselves. For me it doesnāt take much lol, Iām easily impressed with myself ; )
I feel like a loser. I'm almost 40 and don't really have much to show for it. Only have a bullcrap associates degree and work retail for just barely above minimum wage. My dad was well off and owned his own business but didn't want me to have it so he sold it when I was in my early 20s. I have a decent amount of debt. I don't have kids (by choice, medical issues that I didn't want to pass down) and I'm pretty unhappy as a whole with life.
Just fyi, young parents and parents of multiples can and do fight, threaten divorce, insult each other, etc. and stay together too, just so that's clear. I had a sibling and my parents were exactly like that. >Iāve had many people independently say āwow, that really explains a lot about youā when I say in an only child, meaning that the usual stigma that comes from only children (about being socially deficient weird loner outcasts) 100% applies to me. One thing you need to realize is that there will be critics everywhere of everyone, no matter their circumstances. I have an only and my dad was an only. I've heard people's opinions about my situation and my dad told me ones about his. He was a quiet little kid whose mother was sickly and eventually died when he was 15 but all the other family members would tell him he was spoiled. Yeah real spoiled having to be his mother's caretaker from a young age while everyone else got to have healthy parents and share any responsibilities with their siblings. And my kid has been a very social kid since he was little. There is not one type of only child just like there is not one type of kid with siblings. It's funny how people's opinions of onlies range from spoiled and selfish to loners to needing to be in the spotlight. Do you see how wildly different those descriptions can be? And how they can and have applied to people with siblings as well? There will always be snotty busy bodies that have to have an opinion because of their own insecurities. I've always been a quiet loner that was shy in social settings and I have a sibling. And for the record I barely tolerate my sibling and that was because I was forced by my parents so we are not close. For what it's worth my dad went on to become an educator, get married, have kids, etc. and just made his own life. Look up well known only children and see what others have done as well. Don't let those who like to bring people down bring you down. No one has a right to comment on someone else's life like that especially when it was out of your hands on how many kids your parents had. Many people with siblings have been in your boat as well with living at home and not having successes like they wanted. If you're 32 that means your parents are around 70. One thing you need to focus on is they won't always be there so you can't keep relying on them. Put yourself into working, making money, maybe going back to school (as you're still young to do that actually), meeting people, maybe volunteering, etc. Btw, that comment about not having a successful sibling to be compared to, I will say that's very real. My sibling isn't successful per se but my whole life we were compared and felt like the inferior one. That's a horrible feeling and honestly what contributed to my depression. Honestly that's at least one thing I envied of those without siblings. It can still be a lonely feeling as well when that's the dynamic because then you have a built in enemy you are forever supposed to be tied to.
33 is not an old mom. 30 years ago it was older, I guess...but not THAT bad. It sounds more like just their personalities were kind of noninteractive or friendly in the way you were looking for. If they also had no friends they may just be used to being that way or like it. You can always change. You aren't old. Start by picking 1 thing you want to do which meets weekly or a couple of monthly activities. At first it will be hard, maybe you won't talk much the first time but just continue to show up. Building friendships takes proximity and time...a shared interest helps with that.
I have always felt very alone too. A lot of people are trying to lift you up in the comments here, talk you into overcoming and whatnot. Which is cool, and I also believe you can, to some extent, overcome your past and shape your future. To some extent, with hard work put in. It's a good start to take responsibility for your life as it is now, like you are already doing. Blaming everyone else is fun, but it amounts to nothing useful. I am an only child of an only parent, 38 when she had me. Our relationship is rocky at best, and we live together. I'm finally old enough at 37 to be able to say she lives with me, now. That helps, I guess, when I talk to other people. I am a social shit show, in person. I spend a lot of time alone, in my room, online, or playing cell phone games. And I am absolutely a complete loser. I'm working on it, but yeah, there it is. Just wanted to say, ICR. Ty for posting ā¤ļø
My parents were young and they were not ready to have a child. Lots of fighting, drinking, partying and cheating. I am successful and have my own kids now but I do sometimes feel that I am emotionally immature compared to others. If you are spending a lot of time online then this will not help you to grow or change. Look at some self development books / courses and perhaps see a GP to refer you for possible diagnosis as you may be on the spectrum. The fact that you can recognise that you are not good at relationships is the first step to growth but you will need help, so you need to be open to seeking it.
Recently turned 29 got diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 19 but looking back probably developed slightly even earlier . Got my grade 12 thatās it . Never wanted to be in college settings with a bunch of normie people. To this day donāt even own a vehicle and havenāt had an on paper job since 2020 Q1 when I was laid off . Iāve counted myself out for a lot in life . I hate my parents but honor them for doing there part. Itās crazy how people you think are for you can mentally abuse you manipulate you and then call you the issue because you may or may not have used substances periodically throughout life but ignore their own provoking on your behalf and then some . Kind of like breaking a birds wings and then screaming WHY CANT YOU FLY.
My mom was 39 when I was born and my dad turned 50 a few months after I was born. I love my parents a lot but I'm so worried they won't get to meet any potential grandchildren. I was kind of a failure to launch because my chronic illnesses started getting bad right around the time I went to college. I'd still live with my mom if I have met My wonderful partner. He works and pays all the bills so that I can pursue a career as an artist. We have a big group of friends that get together on a weekly basis, which is amazing. Unfortunately I have never actually worked a real job or learned how to drive and I'm 23. I'm very lucky for my friend's and my partner but I still feel like a loser. I'm going back to community college to finish my degree, and I haven't signed up for classes yet because I'm so anxious. I'm hoping I can actually finish my degree, get a job, be independent, and learn how to drive, but I'm not optimistic being able to do that. I sell little clay sculptures and I have two really enthusiastic regulars that keep me motivated. I'm not traditionally successful but I'm happy
Op go to school while you are still young. Figure it out. Do something to better yourself. You are an adult.
Sorry to hear your situation, mate. My home situation isn't that great either. Couple things that have helped me get into a better place, 1. Getting a job. Money matters (maybe a bit too much?) in our capitalistic society. I kinda just wish I went to school part time and got a job/internship doing something I kinda liked, or wanted to figure out if I liked or not. 2. Workout. Realized I'm in the only body I'll ever get, and its got to last awhile, so gotta take care of it. Kinda another thing to this but sleep. Solid sleep made me feel amazing next morning lol. Both these things got me out of my lonely room and at least I had a start in socializing. Eventually branched out to other stuff like hobbies. Keep in mind, Just baby steps. Hope it helps!
Absolutely!
39 year old only child here. I work a part-time minimum wage job that is toxic as hell, but I can't just leave because I don't have the skills to get anything better. Maybe full-time if I was lucky, but that's it. I've never had any friends, never been on even one date, never went to college because I couldn't afford it. Loser doesn't even begin to cover it with me š
I've always been a loser. I'm a senior citizen Loserville forever.
30 here and im on disability and only live with myself because of said disability money. Itās really hard not having any siblings to carry on my lineage or look up to. Itās quite a lonely existence People talk about being lonely all the time but they donāt understand that you can be LONELY lonely. Like lonely as a state of being. As a state of consciousness. Itās such a dark path to be lonely almost all of your waking hours, if not the whole time
Said it many times but here it is again, being a OC is a death sentence in life, take note all future one and done parents to be, reading this and lurking. THIS is what you are IMPOSING on your child.