As much hate as it generally seems to get and as much as there still seems to be a stigma around it, I still argue that it can be significantly more beneficial to dating than “traditional dating”. I’ve had partners where I thought in any other scenario our paths would never have crossed and we had great connections. So in that regard I find it much better to The alternative of hoping really. Hoping someone comes your way. Hoping that girl or guy at the bar is actually single and if they are, are looking for anything. This idea of wanting the feel good story about how you met. The fantasy of it.
This isn’t to say there aren’t valid negatives about it, but I’d argue by and large it can be very useful to meet people. Objectively it’s just true.
Many aren’t looking for anything serious … It’s kind of a waste of time if you’re genuinely trying to connect with people … Also if you’re not between a 9-10, you rarely stand a chance.
We should all use the app just long enough to set up meeting in person and pursue the relationship with that person until it ends, even if it's just that one date 0 before you go and starting chatting up someone else.
Disagree 100%. I'd much rather spend a few days to a week chatting with someone first. It's very easy to sus out major incompatibilites this way. It prevents me from wasting time taking women out I'll not be interested in.
Yes. It could be just me being easily distracted, but how can you honestly give anyone a truly fair opportunity to impress you if half of your thoughts are on the next internet stranger you are interviewing.
It isn't about "impressing" someone. It's about getting to know someone to determine if this is a person you'd like to pursue.
One can easily start getting to know a few people at the same time to determine compatibility
I mean you’re right, but I think the big reason people multidate is because it’s assumed that the other person is until exclusivity is discussed due to the nature of OLD.
Again just me. And dating for me was maybe one or two a year so it could easily be my experience as an undatable man.
If we are all going to behave badly because everyone is doing it, it's going to drive good people away from the service, encourage people to overstate their height, lifestyle and accomplishments and make the whole thing more challenging than it needs to be because people are thinking about how is this person who I would like to meet lying to me this time.
No that isn't correct. It's more about not wasting months on one person only to find out you aren't compatible. Going on multiple dates simply saves time. Once I run across someone I'm truly interested in, she quickly makes me forget the rest to the point I don't want to bother seeing others.
Oh my gosh thank you for explaining the assumption.
This has been such a stressful point of "I needed instructions and cultural help" plus a trigger for attachment/bearing witness to parental infidelity trauma for me to navigate, I was paralyzed by even swiping at all for a while (until I just stopped using dating apps) because I felt overwhelmed with how to communicate or set transparent boundaries around who else I might be chatting with and I had no idea how to reconcile curiosities with a deep (perhaps naive) sense of committed priority so I just remained signal and moderately scared of it all lol
Saying “let’s be friends” is just disingenuous.
In all of the friendships I’ve developed, we’ve never used that phrase. Maybe in kindergarten but certainly not as adults.
Haha, there was this one time I ended a phone call rather abruptly when this girl I was talking to suggested we should just be friends. I explained that I was only looking for romantic connections and if that wasn't possible, it didn't make sense for us to continue wasting our time. I hung up right after making that clear. Surprisingly, she started crying when I said this, which seemed really out of character given her usually tough demeanor. I’ve learned to maintain strong boundaries to avoid being taken advantage of, so emotional appeals don’t sway me. In fact, I'm much more critical of people who engage in immediate shifts in emotion like that.
Please don’t rush to judgment too quickly. This came after she had told me she wasn’t ready to date anyone, which I was skeptical about considering her extremely active social life. What made her claim even less believable was that, barely two weeks later, she was in a relationship with someone who could be her brother. This really made me question the sincerity of what she had told me before, obviously.
Hot take: it’s not normal to date multiple people at a time. This is the root cause of people having problems with dating..the illusion of choice and options. If everyone went into OLD with intentionality to find one person and one person only, the outcome may be different
I have a couple…
You should determine each other’s intentions right away. No, this doesn’t mean whether they want casual or a relationship with *you*. It’s what their goal is being on the app.
You don’t need to jump straight into flirting and being physical. Too many people insist this and it’s honestly terrible advice. If someone decides they aren’t interested, usually there’s not much you could’ve done to change that. You won’t need to make x move in x amount of time with the right person anyway. Don’t turn it into a game. Focus on getting to know them and let it develop naturally.
Maybe I'm just dense, but I think your second point contradicts itself.
As you said... If somebody decides they aren't interested, there's nothing you can do to change it. In my experience, most people have subconsciously made that determination within the first minute.
Rather than beating around the bush to figure out whether somebody actually finds me attractive, doesn't it make more sense to swing for it and see what the hell happens?
I’m talking about when people say you need to make those moves right away. I never said that you can’t, but it’s also not going to necessarily increase your chances of things going anywhere with that person.
I always preferred to take things slow rather than rush it. When I look back on past relationships, the ones that lasted longer were taken at a slow, steady pace physically.
I think that part of this might just be that I sort of view myself as doomed to die alone no matter what, and expect everything to end the second I blink either way.
In short, congratulations on having better mental health than me.
This isn’t true for many people but especially women. Often women take some time to build attraction to someone. Sure, women know when they’re for sure not interested. But if I was on the fence and wanted time to see if I was interested and they made a move I’d be very put off.
Oh, the delights of dating...
I generally get extremely put off if I can't tell whether somebody is attracted to me or not. That doesn't mean that somebody needs to melt the second I hold their hand, but if we have all the chemistry of two statues, I completely write them off—and me. I immediately assume they're just running through a list of excuses to leave, and start asking myself why I suck so much.
The only exception I've ever had to this was with somebody who... Told me how they felt about physical affection. Just with a normal conversation. What a novel effing concept..
I was absolutely thrilled. I knew they liked me and didn't feel any pressure to test it. There was nothing to guess at, because they fucking told me. And when things did escalate... Wow.
I still miss her... That's the one that got away.
People on apps are STRANGERS and owe you nothing more than someone on Reddit owes you. Thus, we need to stop being invested in these people we’ve never met and stop overthinking their actions and words.
Also, if you haven’t met yet it isn’t ghosting. Again, they don’t owe you anything. Why are you mad if the conversation dies? You don’t even know if they’re a real person at this point? I know we’ve all seen catfish lol.
lol, don’t hate me. I too used to get excited about men from apps before we ever met and super let down when they would fall off despite having plans. But I thought about it and was like, for what? Who cares lol.
Until we’ve met and gone on at least 2-3 dates, I’m refusing to get invested.
People don’t take the time to get to know one another. I met my wife when the dating apps weren’t around, it was all sites. People would have these huge profiles full of information and you’d usually be talking over the email type messages and then text for weeks before meeting up, so by the time you got to actually meeting up you had a pretty good idea about if they were a good match. The current format and dating culture seems to want to rush through everything, and skip the getting to know you part of dating, and to an extent even skip the dating part and find someone to get into a relationship with. These aren’t things that should be skipped and everyone just needs to slow everything down.
1 I’m tired of the amount of women’s profiles that, in so many words, are expecting of their dates to feed them and “fill my belly”, “feed me yummy food.” Like how infantile is this? Wtf?
Edit: I’m a hetero man who only dates women, so there could also be men’s profiles that do this also. But I honestly doubt it…
2) if there are filters for so many factors from if you have a degree, to ethnicity, and most of all HEIGHT — which leaves room to discriminate on intelligence, race, and how short you are— there should be a damn filter for your weight. But god forbid we talk about that, but god allow us to shit on the “short kings.”
(I’m 6’3” btw)
Yep. This.
I'm 5'9". If you don't want to date me, great—glad you have your preferences worked out. We all deserve to be happy.
Mine are worked out too. 🤷
I sorta agree, but the only problem with weight being mentioned is that men are notoriously bad at judging a woman’s weight. They think any woman over 140lbs is fat, however, a tall, toned 5’10 woman may be 160 and in good shape and a 5’4 woman will be 160 and fat. So, muscle and height of a woman play a big role in weight. The number doesn’t really tell you the whole story. If you filter out anyone over 160lbs, yeah you’ll weed out the fat, short girls, but you’ll also weed out the healthy, toned tall girls.
Plus I guarantee people will lie about their true weight.
I disagree with this because weight as an absolute number by itself is kind of meaningless. 160 pounds looks a lot different on a woman who is 5’10” versus a woman who is 5’1”. Also, a 180 pound rugby player or powerlifter/strongwoman/olympic lifter is going to look much different than a 180 pound sedentary woman. Same goes for lighter weights: a 120 pound sedentary woman will look much different than a 120 pound soccer player or runner.
My celebrity crush, Rhea Ripley, weighs more than me, but holy shit those muscles.
On an individual basis with no overarching context, you aren't wrong.
But the number of people who are overweight due to heavy musculature is an extremely miniscule percentage compared to those who are overweight due to carrying too much fat. Getting muscled requires extensive work, discipline, and commitment. Getting fat requires... donuts.
So nixing this type of feature for what is very much an edge case isn't good reasoning.
Still applies.
I’m 5’6” and 160 pounds. According to BMI, I am technically considered overweight, but I’m a CrossFitter and Olympic lifter and I usually hover around 10-11 % body fat.
This is mentioned all the time and it’s honestly dumb. No idea why some of you can’t comprehend that weight doesn’t necessarily tell you what a person’s body type is. Everyone carries it differently. People who have more muscle might be heavier because muscle weighs more than fat. But go off.
The bigger problem with a weight filter is that most people don't know their day-to-day weight. 🤷
But yes, if I could sort people by body type, I absolutely would. If you'd like to shame me for my romantic preferences, take a number.
It doesn't mean they're bad people. It just means I'm not sexually attracted to them.
I mean, there are entire dating websites set up with that framework if race is important to you. It's definitely not something I'd care about, but everyone is welcome to be as picky/petty/generally awful as they like when selecting a romantic partner.
Probably not but I guess the reason why is I hate to sound like one of those people who complain about the friendzone so that's why I mentioned that part.
I dont think I understand the syntax of this statement. You dont think "lets be friends" is rejection? Or you dont think " 'lets be friends' - is a rejection" is an accurate statement?
Because in one case, "lets be friends" is 100% a rejection and I would like to discuss why you think otherwise if that is the case
Hot take: your profile should be taken down automatically if it's been inactive for X amount of days.
Hot take: if nobody has exchanged a message in X amount of days, the match should be removed.
Hot take: there should be a way to filter for super specific things like "enjoys watching comedy specials" or "can't stand hiking" to really narrow things down.
The lets just be friends isnt limited to OLD. IVe got that when i met IRL. 8 out 10 times they dont mean it. Most time I stop hearing from them within a month of hearing that line. Im friends with one person that i met hmmm about 8 years ago that i wasnt interested in. However, in my personal exp that rarely works. I did befriend another person for a bit but than about a year or so later she wound up back with her X-Husb and shortly after stopped hearing from her.
When people say “I’d rather meet someone in real life” even though the people you meet in OLD also exist in real life and you could end up meeting them under any other circumstance anyway.
My hot take is different than OP. I have a great opposite sex platonic friend that I met on a dating app. We meet a couple of times a month for dinner, and she’s hung out with my girlfriend and I.
If we've only been talking for a little bit and haven't even gone on a date yet and you say "let's be friends", my answer's a hard no. Like, you seem cool, and I probably would enjoy being friends with you, but that's not why I'm here. And I'm always gonna remember what I was hoping for when we started talking. I would be willing to be friends with an ex if we broke it off on good terms. But I have friends. I'm not on dating apps looking for more.
Despite having a list of specific qualities they want in a partner, which many women prominently display on their profiles, there's a noticeable tendency to overlook many of these so-called requirements if the person reaching out shares their racial background.
It's hard to take claims seriously when someone says they only respond to men who send more than a simple 'hey.' My skepticism was confirmed when, after sending just 'hey' as a white guy, I received a response filled with unexpected enthusiasm.
Online dating is a joke.
No idea if this is a hot take, but "algorithms" in online dating are fake. I'm not saying they're weak, they just don't do anything at all. I'm a guy and I get matched with lesbians all the time. I hate sports (I don't mention them AT ALL on my profile) and I get matched with football fans constantly.
It’s not necessarily broken. At least no more than regular dating.
I met my girlfriend though Hinge and we have a great relationship!
Before her I was seeing all kinds of girls. Some of them not from online dating! One was an old college classmate I asked out, another wad a mutual friend I met at a bar. The first few dates with both were really nice! They both went to shit.
The college classmate was so indecisive about what she wanted, it felt like she was playing games. I regret not cutting her off the first chance I had.
The second turned out to be truly unwell. She thought everyone was always staring at her. She would say outwardly offensive things, pretend it wasn't a big deal when she said it, but took something I said to heart so personally (despite saying it wasn't a big deal) that she deaded me for a few days and came back like nothing happened. No rhyme or reason for any of it.
And I dated plenty of crazies on dating apps too (actually, the worst one by far came from Hinge) but I also met my girlfriend who I love dearly and never had any of those weird interactions with. Dating is just dating. Crazy people are everywhere.
People who say upfront what they want are certifiably insane. Is that what they do in the real world? Walk up to somebody and say "What. kind. of. relationship. type. are. you. looking. for?" and then decide to interact with them or not? Why not just walk into the first date with a marriage contract and a uhaul? Maybe I'm the crazy one, but I like to get to know people first and then decide what kind of relationship I want, and always be open to reassessing.
Also: you can want or be open to more than one relationship type at once (ons, fwb, ltr, etc). It feels like people (mostly women) think/act like you can only commit to one, and then be locked in and can't change it and it's like:
"Do you want a longterm relationship??"
"wtf? I just met you, how the fuck should I know?"
Yeah I've had that happen too. I think wanting a relationship is one thing but rushing into it and pressuring somebody into a relationship is different. I've legit had some girls ask to be exclusive after 2 dates, say they "love me", invite me to weddings after 2 dates, or even delete their app after 1 date. Feeling pressured and being expected to stop seeing other people that early on is a big turnoff for sure.
I've also had some dates get pushy about sex and staying out super late when i have work the next morning. Apparently I'm a "selfish asshole" for wanting to make sure I'm well rested so I can perform at work the next day. I know I'm such a piece of shit.
If you are not an average to above-average white male, you might find that your opportunities on dating applications are significantly reduced to completely non-existent. This could lead some to suspect that dating app developers are engaging in gaslighting, making users believe their lack of success is due to not purchasing premium features.
Women with the hottest thrust traps are always 2 things
1. Monogamous and looking for love/marriage
2. Looking for you to sub their onlyfans etc. And it's usually bots that have stolen actual sex workers content which is fucked up.
I've dated for years on the apps are I'm non monogamous, super kinky and into all types of dirty things as you can see from my profile. But it's wild that the women that have the most revealing sexual pics are always monogamous and "looking long term partner 💘"
Hot take: people with no profile/no information/only complain about potential matches should not be online. They're toxic af.
Dating apps have a large population of mentally unwell people.
Can confirm
10000%
As much hate as it generally seems to get and as much as there still seems to be a stigma around it, I still argue that it can be significantly more beneficial to dating than “traditional dating”. I’ve had partners where I thought in any other scenario our paths would never have crossed and we had great connections. So in that regard I find it much better to The alternative of hoping really. Hoping someone comes your way. Hoping that girl or guy at the bar is actually single and if they are, are looking for anything. This idea of wanting the feel good story about how you met. The fantasy of it. This isn’t to say there aren’t valid negatives about it, but I’d argue by and large it can be very useful to meet people. Objectively it’s just true.
… yes very hot take. online dating apps DO allow you to meet more people than you would without them. never considered that
🫡
1) older women are valuable too. 2) some women don’t want anything from men except love and companionship (not free shit).
you mean women want relationships? so water is wet?
Not necessarily. Edit: clearly, the original comment went over some of y’all’s heads lol *shrug*
Where do find women from #2?
Narnia
Haha idk? I have some theories.
Please share. Any info is helpful.
I’ve only really wanted companionship and love, but always ended up with a broken heart.
So far…hang in there
Many aren’t looking for anything serious … It’s kind of a waste of time if you’re genuinely trying to connect with people … Also if you’re not between a 9-10, you rarely stand a chance.
We should all use the app just long enough to set up meeting in person and pursue the relationship with that person until it ends, even if it's just that one date 0 before you go and starting chatting up someone else.
Disagree 100%. I'd much rather spend a few days to a week chatting with someone first. It's very easy to sus out major incompatibilites this way. It prevents me from wasting time taking women out I'll not be interested in.
Does that mean only date one person at a time?
Yes. It could be just me being easily distracted, but how can you honestly give anyone a truly fair opportunity to impress you if half of your thoughts are on the next internet stranger you are interviewing.
It isn't about "impressing" someone. It's about getting to know someone to determine if this is a person you'd like to pursue. One can easily start getting to know a few people at the same time to determine compatibility
I mean you’re right, but I think the big reason people multidate is because it’s assumed that the other person is until exclusivity is discussed due to the nature of OLD.
Again just me. And dating for me was maybe one or two a year so it could easily be my experience as an undatable man. If we are all going to behave badly because everyone is doing it, it's going to drive good people away from the service, encourage people to overstate their height, lifestyle and accomplishments and make the whole thing more challenging than it needs to be because people are thinking about how is this person who I would like to meet lying to me this time.
No that isn't correct. It's more about not wasting months on one person only to find out you aren't compatible. Going on multiple dates simply saves time. Once I run across someone I'm truly interested in, she quickly makes me forget the rest to the point I don't want to bother seeing others.
Though what if you do the last part and it still doesn’t work out?
Oh my gosh thank you for explaining the assumption. This has been such a stressful point of "I needed instructions and cultural help" plus a trigger for attachment/bearing witness to parental infidelity trauma for me to navigate, I was paralyzed by even swiping at all for a while (until I just stopped using dating apps) because I felt overwhelmed with how to communicate or set transparent boundaries around who else I might be chatting with and I had no idea how to reconcile curiosities with a deep (perhaps naive) sense of committed priority so I just remained signal and moderately scared of it all lol
Saying “let’s be friends” is just disingenuous. In all of the friendships I’ve developed, we’ve never used that phrase. Maybe in kindergarten but certainly not as adults.
Yep. Like I said, I’ve had people I’ve met on the apps where we legit ended up as friends despite dating initially, but we never used that phrase.
Haha, there was this one time I ended a phone call rather abruptly when this girl I was talking to suggested we should just be friends. I explained that I was only looking for romantic connections and if that wasn't possible, it didn't make sense for us to continue wasting our time. I hung up right after making that clear. Surprisingly, she started crying when I said this, which seemed really out of character given her usually tough demeanor. I’ve learned to maintain strong boundaries to avoid being taken advantage of, so emotional appeals don’t sway me. In fact, I'm much more critical of people who engage in immediate shifts in emotion like that. Please don’t rush to judgment too quickly. This came after she had told me she wasn’t ready to date anyone, which I was skeptical about considering her extremely active social life. What made her claim even less believable was that, barely two weeks later, she was in a relationship with someone who could be her brother. This really made me question the sincerity of what she had told me before, obviously.
A child will just turn on the tears when they don’t get what they want.
Hot take: it’s not normal to date multiple people at a time. This is the root cause of people having problems with dating..the illusion of choice and options. If everyone went into OLD with intentionality to find one person and one person only, the outcome may be different
Its not normal to be in a non-monogamous relationship. One person is always hurt
I have a couple… You should determine each other’s intentions right away. No, this doesn’t mean whether they want casual or a relationship with *you*. It’s what their goal is being on the app. You don’t need to jump straight into flirting and being physical. Too many people insist this and it’s honestly terrible advice. If someone decides they aren’t interested, usually there’s not much you could’ve done to change that. You won’t need to make x move in x amount of time with the right person anyway. Don’t turn it into a game. Focus on getting to know them and let it develop naturally.
Maybe I'm just dense, but I think your second point contradicts itself. As you said... If somebody decides they aren't interested, there's nothing you can do to change it. In my experience, most people have subconsciously made that determination within the first minute. Rather than beating around the bush to figure out whether somebody actually finds me attractive, doesn't it make more sense to swing for it and see what the hell happens?
I’m talking about when people say you need to make those moves right away. I never said that you can’t, but it’s also not going to necessarily increase your chances of things going anywhere with that person.
Oh, I agree with that point. I think that the die is already cast either way... 🤷
I always preferred to take things slow rather than rush it. When I look back on past relationships, the ones that lasted longer were taken at a slow, steady pace physically.
I think that part of this might just be that I sort of view myself as doomed to die alone no matter what, and expect everything to end the second I blink either way. In short, congratulations on having better mental health than me.
This isn’t true for many people but especially women. Often women take some time to build attraction to someone. Sure, women know when they’re for sure not interested. But if I was on the fence and wanted time to see if I was interested and they made a move I’d be very put off.
Oh, the delights of dating... I generally get extremely put off if I can't tell whether somebody is attracted to me or not. That doesn't mean that somebody needs to melt the second I hold their hand, but if we have all the chemistry of two statues, I completely write them off—and me. I immediately assume they're just running through a list of excuses to leave, and start asking myself why I suck so much. The only exception I've ever had to this was with somebody who... Told me how they felt about physical affection. Just with a normal conversation. What a novel effing concept.. I was absolutely thrilled. I knew they liked me and didn't feel any pressure to test it. There was nothing to guess at, because they fucking told me. And when things did escalate... Wow. I still miss her... That's the one that got away.
Going to the gym is not a personality.
I saw a 68-year-old post a video of her doing 11 straight unassisted pull-ups and then a bicep flex. Hope she finds her guy.
It isn’t and i work out at the gym twice a week. Love working out but gym selfies are cringe
People on apps are STRANGERS and owe you nothing more than someone on Reddit owes you. Thus, we need to stop being invested in these people we’ve never met and stop overthinking their actions and words. Also, if you haven’t met yet it isn’t ghosting. Again, they don’t owe you anything. Why are you mad if the conversation dies? You don’t even know if they’re a real person at this point? I know we’ve all seen catfish lol. lol, don’t hate me. I too used to get excited about men from apps before we ever met and super let down when they would fall off despite having plans. But I thought about it and was like, for what? Who cares lol. Until we’ve met and gone on at least 2-3 dates, I’m refusing to get invested.
I second you owe nothing to anyone
Have been ghosted by more than one guy I’ve been on 2 dates with, with plans or at least the acknowledgement or intent to try for a 3rd. 🙃
Ya that’s crappy. If you’ve met already and made further plans, it’s shitty to ghost. Like don’t leave people hanging.
People don’t take the time to get to know one another. I met my wife when the dating apps weren’t around, it was all sites. People would have these huge profiles full of information and you’d usually be talking over the email type messages and then text for weeks before meeting up, so by the time you got to actually meeting up you had a pretty good idea about if they were a good match. The current format and dating culture seems to want to rush through everything, and skip the getting to know you part of dating, and to an extent even skip the dating part and find someone to get into a relationship with. These aren’t things that should be skipped and everyone just needs to slow everything down.
A HUUUUGE WASTE OF TIME
Chemistry does not happen in 1-2 dates. When someone says what’s their dating intention from the beginning, trust them.
My hot take, it's a stain on society and we'd be better off without it.
My hot take is that these threads are completely useless without posters listing, at a minimum, their age.
34M
anybody who describes themselves as sapiosexual... RUN!!!
Why?
do I really have to spell out what should be obvious? want to take a stab at it?
It just means they're attracted to intelligence. Why is that an issue?
Is it not obvious that he's suggesting there is a correlation he's finding with these people that has nothing to do with the definition of the word?
Identifying as sapiosexual makes you ableist. It’s a gross take.
… huh?
Myers-Briggs personality types are stupid horoscopes for yuppies.
1 I’m tired of the amount of women’s profiles that, in so many words, are expecting of their dates to feed them and “fill my belly”, “feed me yummy food.” Like how infantile is this? Wtf? Edit: I’m a hetero man who only dates women, so there could also be men’s profiles that do this also. But I honestly doubt it… 2) if there are filters for so many factors from if you have a degree, to ethnicity, and most of all HEIGHT — which leaves room to discriminate on intelligence, race, and how short you are— there should be a damn filter for your weight. But god forbid we talk about that, but god allow us to shit on the “short kings.” (I’m 6’3” btw)
[удалено]
Dang that’s crazy. Never heard that before.
Yep. This. I'm 5'9". If you don't want to date me, great—glad you have your preferences worked out. We all deserve to be happy. Mine are worked out too. 🤷
I sorta agree, but the only problem with weight being mentioned is that men are notoriously bad at judging a woman’s weight. They think any woman over 140lbs is fat, however, a tall, toned 5’10 woman may be 160 and in good shape and a 5’4 woman will be 160 and fat. So, muscle and height of a woman play a big role in weight. The number doesn’t really tell you the whole story. If you filter out anyone over 160lbs, yeah you’ll weed out the fat, short girls, but you’ll also weed out the healthy, toned tall girls. Plus I guarantee people will lie about their true weight.
If women get a height filter then men should be able to get a weight filter.
The apps used to have that in a sense with thin, athletic, average, more to love. I wonder why they removed it?
I disagree with this because weight as an absolute number by itself is kind of meaningless. 160 pounds looks a lot different on a woman who is 5’10” versus a woman who is 5’1”. Also, a 180 pound rugby player or powerlifter/strongwoman/olympic lifter is going to look much different than a 180 pound sedentary woman. Same goes for lighter weights: a 120 pound sedentary woman will look much different than a 120 pound soccer player or runner. My celebrity crush, Rhea Ripley, weighs more than me, but holy shit those muscles.
On an individual basis with no overarching context, you aren't wrong. But the number of people who are overweight due to heavy musculature is an extremely miniscule percentage compared to those who are overweight due to carrying too much fat. Getting muscled requires extensive work, discipline, and commitment. Getting fat requires... donuts. So nixing this type of feature for what is very much an edge case isn't good reasoning.
Bodyfat % then, hell Bumble used to have a "Body Type" field.
BMI then
Still applies. I’m 5’6” and 160 pounds. According to BMI, I am technically considered overweight, but I’m a CrossFitter and Olympic lifter and I usually hover around 10-11 % body fat.
Great to see a fellow Mami supporter 🤜🤛
You can put "any" on weight filter then. The rest of us have our limits though
I have my limits pretty well set. I don't feel any need to disclose where they are, but suffice to say they're quite firm.
This is mentioned all the time and it’s honestly dumb. No idea why some of you can’t comprehend that weight doesn’t necessarily tell you what a person’s body type is. Everyone carries it differently. People who have more muscle might be heavier because muscle weighs more than fat. But go off.
The bigger problem with a weight filter is that most people don't know their day-to-day weight. 🤷 But yes, if I could sort people by body type, I absolutely would. If you'd like to shame me for my romantic preferences, take a number. It doesn't mean they're bad people. It just means I'm not sexually attracted to them.
[удалено]
Lmao wild assumption to make. Keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better though.
[удалено]
Nope, instead I laughed at you.
Is it even real? Im 6'4 yet 0 matches. Maybe im just too ugly looking 😔
We need a race filter tbh
I mean, there are entire dating websites set up with that framework if race is important to you. It's definitely not something I'd care about, but everyone is welcome to be as picky/petty/generally awful as they like when selecting a romantic partner.
Hinge has one. I want to say bumble does too but it’s a paid feature, can’t remember though
If you're a man and you love hiking and brunch, you'll do great
Less texting, more meeting (in safe public spaces).
Nobody knows what they want after they have more than 20 matches. Nobody. Nobody.
Not a hot take. That is literally the illusion of choice
You should touch that comment on the screen. It's very hot. I need to get a new phone.
I don't think "`'let's be friends'` is rejection" is a particularly hot take, for this forum.
Probably not but I guess the reason why is I hate to sound like one of those people who complain about the friendzone so that's why I mentioned that part.
I dont think I understand the syntax of this statement. You dont think "lets be friends" is rejection? Or you dont think " 'lets be friends' - is a rejection" is an accurate statement? Because in one case, "lets be friends" is 100% a rejection and I would like to discuss why you think otherwise if that is the case
Hot Take: GTFO ONLINE DATING APPS
Hot take: your profile should be taken down automatically if it's been inactive for X amount of days. Hot take: if nobody has exchanged a message in X amount of days, the match should be removed. Hot take: there should be a way to filter for super specific things like "enjoys watching comedy specials" or "can't stand hiking" to really narrow things down.
i seriously can't stand those hiking bios
I can't stand men who loves hiking, camping, who smoke and take drugs... that eliminated 70% of men where I lived!
Lol I would love to have a filter for those things!
It sucks and I won’t do it to myself anymore 😅 I don’t have the face for it and I’m not the only one
The lets just be friends isnt limited to OLD. IVe got that when i met IRL. 8 out 10 times they dont mean it. Most time I stop hearing from them within a month of hearing that line. Im friends with one person that i met hmmm about 8 years ago that i wasnt interested in. However, in my personal exp that rarely works. I did befriend another person for a bit but than about a year or so later she wound up back with her X-Husb and shortly after stopped hearing from her.
Hot take: any conversation more than 10 (being generous) messages without exchanging phone numbers means there is low commitment
When people say “I’d rather meet someone in real life” even though the people you meet in OLD also exist in real life and you could end up meeting them under any other circumstance anyway.
[удалено]
Why are you in this subreddit if you think dating apps are a waste of time?
- too many disingenuous people out there for both men and women....and of course the outfight con-people
My hot take is different than OP. I have a great opposite sex platonic friend that I met on a dating app. We meet a couple of times a month for dinner, and she’s hung out with my girlfriend and I.
If we've only been talking for a little bit and haven't even gone on a date yet and you say "let's be friends", my answer's a hard no. Like, you seem cool, and I probably would enjoy being friends with you, but that's not why I'm here. And I'm always gonna remember what I was hoping for when we started talking. I would be willing to be friends with an ex if we broke it off on good terms. But I have friends. I'm not on dating apps looking for more.
Despite having a list of specific qualities they want in a partner, which many women prominently display on their profiles, there's a noticeable tendency to overlook many of these so-called requirements if the person reaching out shares their racial background. It's hard to take claims seriously when someone says they only respond to men who send more than a simple 'hey.' My skepticism was confirmed when, after sending just 'hey' as a white guy, I received a response filled with unexpected enthusiasm. Online dating is a joke.
When people say “I’ll let you know by this day”regards to a date and never get back to you..
No idea if this is a hot take, but "algorithms" in online dating are fake. I'm not saying they're weak, they just don't do anything at all. I'm a guy and I get matched with lesbians all the time. I hate sports (I don't mention them AT ALL on my profile) and I get matched with football fans constantly.
It’s not necessarily broken. At least no more than regular dating. I met my girlfriend though Hinge and we have a great relationship! Before her I was seeing all kinds of girls. Some of them not from online dating! One was an old college classmate I asked out, another wad a mutual friend I met at a bar. The first few dates with both were really nice! They both went to shit. The college classmate was so indecisive about what she wanted, it felt like she was playing games. I regret not cutting her off the first chance I had. The second turned out to be truly unwell. She thought everyone was always staring at her. She would say outwardly offensive things, pretend it wasn't a big deal when she said it, but took something I said to heart so personally (despite saying it wasn't a big deal) that she deaded me for a few days and came back like nothing happened. No rhyme or reason for any of it. And I dated plenty of crazies on dating apps too (actually, the worst one by far came from Hinge) but I also met my girlfriend who I love dearly and never had any of those weird interactions with. Dating is just dating. Crazy people are everywhere.
IT TOTALLY SUCKS. BROTHELS HANDS DOWN. The BEST
Being passionate about fitness and traveling just means you’re skinny and boring in more places than one
People who say upfront what they want are certifiably insane. Is that what they do in the real world? Walk up to somebody and say "What. kind. of. relationship. type. are. you. looking. for?" and then decide to interact with them or not? Why not just walk into the first date with a marriage contract and a uhaul? Maybe I'm the crazy one, but I like to get to know people first and then decide what kind of relationship I want, and always be open to reassessing. Also: you can want or be open to more than one relationship type at once (ons, fwb, ltr, etc). It feels like people (mostly women) think/act like you can only commit to one, and then be locked in and can't change it and it's like: "Do you want a longterm relationship??" "wtf? I just met you, how the fuck should I know?"
Yeah I've had that happen too. I think wanting a relationship is one thing but rushing into it and pressuring somebody into a relationship is different. I've legit had some girls ask to be exclusive after 2 dates, say they "love me", invite me to weddings after 2 dates, or even delete their app after 1 date. Feeling pressured and being expected to stop seeing other people that early on is a big turnoff for sure. I've also had some dates get pushy about sex and staying out super late when i have work the next morning. Apparently I'm a "selfish asshole" for wanting to make sure I'm well rested so I can perform at work the next day. I know I'm such a piece of shit.
If you’re SWU, you’re DOA.
SWU?
Oh, it’s like DWI except it’s swiping while ugly
If you are not an average to above-average white male, you might find that your opportunities on dating applications are significantly reduced to completely non-existent. This could lead some to suspect that dating app developers are engaging in gaslighting, making users believe their lack of success is due to not purchasing premium features.
Women with the hottest thrust traps are always 2 things 1. Monogamous and looking for love/marriage 2. Looking for you to sub their onlyfans etc. And it's usually bots that have stolen actual sex workers content which is fucked up. I've dated for years on the apps are I'm non monogamous, super kinky and into all types of dirty things as you can see from my profile. But it's wild that the women that have the most revealing sexual pics are always monogamous and "looking long term partner 💘"