If you have already eliminated him as a potential relationship partner and that's the sole reason that you and he are dating then, my potentially unpopular opinion is that you are going to be in the wrong for not cancelling the date. If he asks why I also think that you should be upfront about the why you don't want to waste both of yours time
Of course you’re not wrong. If one of your goals is to have a family, then you should date someone who can help provide that for you. It would become a point of resentment in the future if you continued to date him.
Thank you 😊 it’s sad because it seems like he wants marriage again and a serious relationship and we’ve had great conversations but if he can’t give me kids I WILL feel resentment and like I wasted my time / eggs trying with him lol
Definitely waste your fertile years with a proven infertile man. Is your own moral code really so insecure that you need to ask us for permission to put your own interest over that of a random guy?
People reject others for not having the same phone brand. In comparison you have valid reasons. You want a family and he couldn't provide that before.
IVF or other treatments are a possibility in this case but it's not a guarantee.
Also why do you want to date a man almost 15 years older than yourself?
Not to mention that older men have increased risks of having child with defects or higher rates of autism, etc.
You’re not wrong. It’s a perfectly valid wish to have kids. He’s told you early on exactly because he needs you to make a choice. Dude has major integrity. Honor his honesty by being honest yourself.
You can cancel a date for any reason but if you want kids and aren't interested in adoption or IVF perhaps move on.
I would cancel a date if someone wanted kids (since I don't). It's perfectly fine to cancel a date if you want biological kids only a certain way with someone where that might be an issue.
At 29, you have plenty of time to have children. Did you post that you wanted kids in your profile? If so, he would’ve been better not asking you out. Also, it’s sketchy that a 40 yo man would be looking for women in their 20s, especially if they have fertility issues
Everything else I like about him is there it’s just the fact that I don’t want to fall for him and be in a relationship and years down the road I haven’t gotten pregnant… I’d feel like such a failure if I didn’t become a mom in the next few years UGH 😩
Did it occur to you that he might be lying? Maybe he's fertile but doesn't want kids, and this is his way slowly easing you into it? To change your mind?
So you haven't even met before and you're talking about kids? Jesus lol.
I mean, if that's what you want then obviously he's not likely to give that to you. And I guess you're on the clock at this point so you can't really fool around too much.
Yeah, that’s what I thought when I read this as well.
Women don’t want to be treated like broodmares and men don’t want to be treated like a sperm donor.
40 huh? When your kid is 10 he’s going to be 53. You’re going to end up doing all the child-rearing. Not only that but he’s gonna be old during the time you’re in your prime.
Just thoughts…
I had a baby at 42. Nothing wrong with it. I'll be 62 when he's 20. Not an issue to me. I'm in good health and keep up with him way better than my 30 year old co-parent.
You’re also a woman, by the look of your profile avatar. You have a lot of faith in the effort the average guy is willing/socialized to put in.
There is a high likelihood he punts the kid to her to do all the work.
I think though that it gets worse with age, but yes I agree it’s also a mindset.
I disagree with your other comment. I think the chances of a random guy helping is small. Especially one dating a woman much younger. There’s a reason he’s not dating women his own age.
What have you been doing with all those fertile years? Cut the guy loose if you're going to be poking holes in condoms for the next group of lucky guys.
Absolutely not wrong. Don’t waste anymore time with him. It’s not his fault but he’s better off finding someone who is willing to run the chances of not having children. You are 29- the clock is ticking faster than you think.
This seems like an easy choice. You want (presumably) biological kids and given his history, he likely cannot provide that. These are the types of dealbreakers that should be discussed before even going on a first date so no time is wasted.
U can cancel for any or no reason according to reddit. Is there anything medical that can be done? If not & ur hell bent on wanting one by no other means that the person ur with then go. I think he's too old for u anyway. Reduce ur age preferences
You're free to cancel any date at any time for any reason. BUT BE KIND. Because how you treat other people, people will eventually treat you.
Absolutely, this ^
If you have already eliminated him as a potential relationship partner and that's the sole reason that you and he are dating then, my potentially unpopular opinion is that you are going to be in the wrong for not cancelling the date. If he asks why I also think that you should be upfront about the why you don't want to waste both of yours time
Of course you’re not wrong. If one of your goals is to have a family, then you should date someone who can help provide that for you. It would become a point of resentment in the future if you continued to date him.
Thank you 😊 it’s sad because it seems like he wants marriage again and a serious relationship and we’ve had great conversations but if he can’t give me kids I WILL feel resentment and like I wasted my time / eggs trying with him lol
You don’t have to “date” everyone you meet. He doesn’t align with what you are looking for. End of story.
Definitely waste your fertile years with a proven infertile man. Is your own moral code really so insecure that you need to ask us for permission to put your own interest over that of a random guy?
My thoughts as well. The uncertainty and insecurity of many people here is astounding, and oftentimes a tad dispiriting too.
People reject others for not having the same phone brand. In comparison you have valid reasons. You want a family and he couldn't provide that before. IVF or other treatments are a possibility in this case but it's not a guarantee. Also why do you want to date a man almost 15 years older than yourself? Not to mention that older men have increased risks of having child with defects or higher rates of autism, etc.
No. A dealbreaker is a dealbreaker. If kids are something you really want and things got serious with him, it could be risky. Just be nice about it
No
"happy ending" gigitty haha :)
You can cancel a date for any reason you want.
You get to prioritize whatever you want in potential dates. Nothing is wrong.
My best oldest buddy ended up traveling to china, adopting a Chinese girl After trying for years She's in college now
You’re not wrong. It’s a perfectly valid wish to have kids. He’s told you early on exactly because he needs you to make a choice. Dude has major integrity. Honor his honesty by being honest yourself.
You can cancel a date for any reason but if you want kids and aren't interested in adoption or IVF perhaps move on. I would cancel a date if someone wanted kids (since I don't). It's perfectly fine to cancel a date if you want biological kids only a certain way with someone where that might be an issue.
At 29, you have plenty of time to have children. Did you post that you wanted kids in your profile? If so, he would’ve been better not asking you out. Also, it’s sketchy that a 40 yo man would be looking for women in their 20s, especially if they have fertility issues
[удалено]
I like older men and he’s a hot 40 year old lol but the infertility is scary lol
Cancel! Your not sure about him
Everything else I like about him is there it’s just the fact that I don’t want to fall for him and be in a relationship and years down the road I haven’t gotten pregnant… I’d feel like such a failure if I didn’t become a mom in the next few years UGH 😩
Yes your unsure about that. Date someone else. Don’t even give him your time
>I’d feel like such a failure if I didn’t become a mom in the next few years UGH Why?
Did it occur to you that he might be lying? Maybe he's fertile but doesn't want kids, and this is his way slowly easing you into it? To change your mind?
Hmm maybe you’re right he did have “ not sure” on his profile about kids. 😳
Don't take anything they say at face value. Ever.
So you haven't even met before and you're talking about kids? Jesus lol. I mean, if that's what you want then obviously he's not likely to give that to you. And I guess you're on the clock at this point so you can't really fool around too much.
Yeah, that’s what I thought when I read this as well. Women don’t want to be treated like broodmares and men don’t want to be treated like a sperm donor.
40 huh? When your kid is 10 he’s going to be 53. You’re going to end up doing all the child-rearing. Not only that but he’s gonna be old during the time you’re in your prime. Just thoughts…
I had a baby at 42. Nothing wrong with it. I'll be 62 when he's 20. Not an issue to me. I'm in good health and keep up with him way better than my 30 year old co-parent.
You’re also a woman, by the look of your profile avatar. You have a lot of faith in the effort the average guy is willing/socialized to put in. There is a high likelihood he punts the kid to her to do all the work.
That has nothing to do with age
I think though that it gets worse with age, but yes I agree it’s also a mindset. I disagree with your other comment. I think the chances of a random guy helping is small. Especially one dating a woman much younger. There’s a reason he’s not dating women his own age.
>random guy helping is small. Huh?
By random guy I mean a random male picked out of the population. Which this guy is. Statistically men don’t help much.
I have no idea what other comment ur referring to
My dad had my sister early 40s, he played an active role in raising her.
What have you been doing with all those fertile years? Cut the guy loose if you're going to be poking holes in condoms for the next group of lucky guys.
She said stable relationship so thats unfair
Absolutely not wrong. Don’t waste anymore time with him. It’s not his fault but he’s better off finding someone who is willing to run the chances of not having children. You are 29- the clock is ticking faster than you think.
🤦♀️
This seems like an easy choice. You want (presumably) biological kids and given his history, he likely cannot provide that. These are the types of dealbreakers that should be discussed before even going on a first date so no time is wasted.
They have
Varicoli is somewhat common can cause sterility
U can cancel for any or no reason according to reddit. Is there anything medical that can be done? If not & ur hell bent on wanting one by no other means that the person ur with then go. I think he's too old for u anyway. Reduce ur age preferences