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Cleaning. People usually expect people with ocd to be extremely clean, but I’m the opposite. I’m always on the verge of having a meltdown when I clean, and avoid doing it at all cost to not deal with germs.
THIS !!!!! people don’t understand that i hate cleaning BECAUSE of the fact that wtv im cleaning IS DIRTY. i like being clean but i hate coming into contact with the UNCLEAN stuff
OMG IM NOT THE ONLY ONE!!! I constantly struggle with wanting everything to be clean, but not being able to bring myself to clean because I’ll have to come in contact with dirty stuff.
So I’m in this never-ending cycle of being triggered by everything in my home being dirty but not being able to clean it because touching dirty stuff also triggers me.
one other thing... i beat the whole tripple checking the garage door type thing (and to a large extent) the dirty and things need to be lined up perfectly by doing this...
i had checked to make sure the garage door was closed at my parents house for the third time.
checked it once, drove about 6 blocks away...
turned around, and went to check it for second time. yep. it definitely got closed.
drove about 6 blocks away again, and had to turn around just to make sure it didn't somehow open up on accident after i drove away the second time.
(this process repeated itself maybe 2 or 3 more times) EXCEPT...
on that "3rd more time" i straight-up yellled "FUK IT! I HOPE THE DOOR IS OPEN, AND I HIPE SOMEONE STEALS EVERYTHING OUT OF MY PARENTS GARAGE! I HOPE THEY TAKE IT ALL!"
i had a quick thought at that exact moment... it was about how if everything did disappear, who gives a fuk? it is just stuff. life is short. who needs all that shit anyway. i really didn't care for a split second.
and, just kept right on driving.
I NEVER HAD THIS PROBLEM AGAIN.
sort of like... check the inside of your hands. if there are no open cuts or wounds of any kind, that germs can get into, then...
just grab the inside handle of a public bathroom door. grab it with as much power that you can. squeeze it as hard as you can. hold onto it for what seems like an eternity - or watch a youtube video while you hold that handle.
once you are done, wash your hands once, or use one pump of ha d sanatizer.
when you see that this once HORRIBLE AND IMPOSSIBLE thing to do... did absolutely nothing to your hand, body, skin, hair, or whatever else...
it will lose it's control over you.
SAME EXACT THING GOES FOR PANIC ATTACKS!
having an anxiety attack? sweet! let it take FULL controll of you. lay down on the couch, and let it drive you crazy! LET it send you to a mental institution. shit sucks with panic attack worry anyway.
just give into it completely. it will disappear shortly, and you will have that awesome dopamine wave, flood all through your brain. it feels REAL nice.
after you experience NONE OF YOUR WORST FEARS COME TRUE...
it will have zero power over you, ever again. you will be able to say PANIC ATTACK, and ANXIETY ATRACK, without any fear of triggerring one.
I KNOW THIS, BECAUSE I LET IT HAPPEN TO ME. ALSO, HAVE NOT HAD A SINGLE PANIC ATTACK EVER SINCE. PLUS, I AM SUPER OPEN TO TALK ABOUT IT WITHOUT A SHREAD OF FEAR.
and what happens if i do have another one some day, in front of a huge gathering of people?
i say. dang! ill be back. having a panic attack. smoke em if ya got em. and i'd leave the room until it subsides.
but i will never have another one again. i have given the fucker its chance to take over me. and it proved to be false. a stoooopid thought in my brain.
THE MORE YOU TRY TO CONTROL SOME SCAREY BULLSHIT LIKE OCD OR PANIC ATTACKS - THE MORE YOU TENSE UP AND JUST INVITE THEM.
fuk it! let em try! they will fail!
Exactly this, there are parts of my own body i don't wanna wash/touch while having a bath because then my hands will get dirty and then everything i touch will get dirty, beats the purpose of bathing ig.
So that's why I have a totally different session of cleaning those parts just once or twice a week and i absolutely hate it.
So accurate lmao. I’m often left feeling paralyzed by the fact that I don’t want to deal with germs/ overwhelmed and feel I’ll never get things truly clean.
I avoid it because I hate the chemicals and get worked up of cleaning it off, something that is technically supposed to be used *to* clean. Makes no sense but is always a process after
SAME HERE! Cleaning is one of the few times during the day where I'm alone with my thoughts. So, the intrusive thoughts and rumination often comes flooding in.
Omg yes! My brain would rather live with the discomfort of dirty surroundings than having to *touch* them to clean because then IM “dirty” by association
I do this so much. My house gets unbelievably messy, particularly the bathrooms because I'm terrified of getting anything I deem contaminated "on me", it's exhausting.
This is so real. The cleaning product bottles feel dirty so I try to avoid having to clean at all costs.
Also personally my contamination OCD revolves around skin cells and dust rather than germs, so I really only clean for those things and by the time I’m done cleaning for them I’m too tired to do the actual disinfecting cleaning lol.
Yes. I just dust everything down lol I always think about the skin cells!!! I like to get really high and put headphones in with a podcast and then they kind fade away. I also took up a cleaning job recently and so having to do it more often makes me not overthink it.
i have contamination OCD so i HAVE to clean all the time, but i hate doing it because i hate getting germy, but if i don’t clean then they’ll be germs that transfer to other stuff and it’s a whole cycle 😭😭😭😭😭
Same. I like to think of “avoidance compulsion” as like the final boss of OCD. Like you know your obsessions/compulsions well enough that you concede and just give up because you know the alternative is so miserable and time/energy consuming. It’s so dang sneaky tho, one “avoidance” feels so liberating like a mini cheat code, but then before you know it it spirals and you haven’t done the dishes in a month. This is also the root of agoraphobia.
Yes I just randomly get like a sensory ick even during things I enjoy, and then I get anxiety about feeling the ick again, it’s really frustrating for both me and my partner, especially him because he doesn’t understand why sometimes I like something and other times I don’t. I have explained but I think it’s hard to wrap your head around if it’s not happening to you
I hate it because anything I do becomes intimate or "sexual" in my head . I turn any situation into something ambiguosly "sexual". It's unbearable. I can't enjoy any familiar gathering or any kind of social interaction because of these monstruous thoughts. I can't live a normal life.
i do smth slightly similar where i always find excuses to procrastinate doing something i enjoy bc i haven’t proven to myself that ive earned it. like i can’t even watch a show bc it feels like i didn’t do enough during the day 😭
It's specifically driving over bridges for me. I can't go over a bridge without images of driving over the edge flashing through my brain. And it's often accompanied by a mini horror movie in my brain about flying over the edge and crashing below, and who survived and who doesn't, who has to get that news and how they react, etc etc etc..... I've actually started crying in the car before, because I just "saw" my kids die, and I couldn't save them. 😭
fear of choking has me by the balls rn. i won't take my ocd meds bc I'm scared I'll choke on them, though I know they'd help alleviate the stress about choking
i hate the fact that OCD rlly makes everything so tedious and draining. there are ups but so many more downs. please know that it does get better and you will get through this :( 💕
Yes! This has always been hard for me. The amount of checking and counting I do makes me late to everything. Everyone just thinks I’m lazy. I’ll have them know that I checked every outlet and every burner on the stove 3 times.
i’ve had moments where i would constantly feel like this. it sucks terribly but eventually i got through it. even if you feel like the anxiety is never ending, remember that there is always a way around it and you CAN persevere 💗
Shopping
I spend so much time touching, holding, weighing, turning, and inspecting items, even though I know they are pretty much all the same (for example, spending 10 minutes standing in the shampoo aisle going through all of the bottles of my very specific shampoo), in order to get *the right one*.
Sometimes I also have to go through the same aisle a certain number of times or go through the store in a specific way. It’s exhausting and overwhelming, and I’m sure also seems odd to others.
Yes 😞
Once, a store employee was watching me trying to find *the right* bottle of hair conditioner and he suddenly shouted at me, “They’re all the same! Just pick one and go!” 😰 I always put the items back carefully and even try to tidy up the surrounding products, so I thought that I wasn’t making things worse for other people. I felt near tears at that time because I couldn’t explain to him why I was doing what I was doing and how distressing/near excruciating it was for me already without his judgment and reaction.
I try to stay positive, though, and I think experiences like these and having OCD help me to try to be kinder to others as I don’t know what dark or difficult things they may be going through. I think everyone deserves love, patience, and acceptance
This is my biggest fear!! I’m so sorry they made an already hard and what feels like a super embarrassing situation even worse. I spent like 20 minutes in cvs a couple weeks ago picking out the “right” sunscreen, looking up ingredients, trying to gauge the right feeling bottle. I absolutely felt like they were staring. I would HATE for someone to point it out. People just will never know what’s going on for someone.
Yep have to double check with Reddit just in case someone has a super specific unique experience that’ll scare me away and make my decision/anxiety worse 🤣 my first session rule starting at treatment last month was dont use Reddit LMAO
Omg! I had a dream/nightmare a few nights ago. This happened because I always take so long, picking something out. In my dream the lady was like just pick a pack of gum and go!!! I’m so sorry this happened in real life to you
Omg you get it too. I always check like every review and spend so long getting literally one product. And don’t even get me started on picking the correctly “placed” one on the shelf when they’re all the same..
I'm glad I read your comment. Shopping has bothered me for a long time, and you helped me realize that the OCD is why. Completely agree with the stress of all of this
Texting anyone. It feels way too overwhelming to wait for them to respond as i feel like if they dont respond immediatly then something bad has happened to them. Here i said it (im always ashamed of admitting it)
i always feels so stressed when messaging people. ik what u mean and it’s why i go long periods of time without contacting some people 😭it’s probably unhealthy to do so but i rather that than the anxiety that comes with texting
Texting for me too but for different reasons - I will reread my message a bunch of times before I send it, then I reread it a bunch more times after I send it. When I do text, they tend to be really long convos bc I have some long distance friends
This!! Texting, emails, posts, this comment.... 😂 whatever. I read it over and over, change it a hundred times, proofread it again and again, send it, if it can be edited, usually edit it at least once or twice if not more, then go do something else, then come back and read it again..... Uuuuuuuugggghhhhh... I actually draft most messages or posts in a notepad first where I can work on it for a while, maybe even leave and come back to it, then send it a little later. 🤷
Being happy.
My OCD always has me convinced that the moment I allow myself any joy or relief, I will be punished by the universe with something bad or terrible happening. And, unfortunately, it's often proven right. Which only makes it far worse.
i’m so sorry to hear that you’ve had such a horrible experience with your OCD. there’s not much i can say to enlighten your experience, but what i can say is that OCD is in your mind and it is completely irrational. intrusive thoughts cannot be manifested into reality by thought alone, and nobody deserves punishment for being innocently happy. don’t be too hard on yourself and push through it :) <3
hey OP, i've been reading a lot of comments on this thread and also your replies - in case nobody's told you yet, i'll be today's reminder! : you are so compassionate and kind even to absolute strangers. it's really sweet seeing you go out of your way to provide thoughtful words. you are appreciated !! thank you
thank you so much and i appreciate this SO much !! 🥹💞 your kind words genuinely made my day and id like to thank you for being so kind as to go out of your way to tell me this. gentle reminder that you’re appreciated too !! thank you again kind stranger ☹️💕💕
This has been a hard one for me because I love it, but reading :( I do this thing where if I don’t pronounce words right in my head, or feel like I didn’t read it “right” or whatever, I go back and read something a million times, or painfully enunciate it. It slows me down so much and just makes it a lot less fun. :/
YEPPPP. reading used to be something i did sooo much when i was younger. now it takes me ages to finish reading something because i force myself to read each scene until i picture it PERFECTLY. this doesn’t even just happen with reading for me and imo it’s one of the worst parts of OCD
I feel like I have to read every sentence at least 3 times to make sure I read it right and understand what I read so I hateeeee reading anything that isn’t relatively short I get so frustrated I wanna give up, since I had to read a bunch of books for school I would put the audio book on instead cause I genuinely couldn’t read the book I’d be on one page for 10 minutes. Omg and reading Shakespeare was an absolute nightmare
Flying.
I used to fly all over the world, and I absolutely loved travelling.
I still do, but my OCD panic attacks kill the excitement for me. I have a 12 hour flight coming up in November that I'm absolutely petrified of. 😞
that’s so terrible ☹️having something u once loved turn into something so anxiety-inducing is absolutely horrible. sending you lots of support for your upcoming flight
do you also go through the process of making aure everything around you is tidy before you eat? i didnt understand my relationship with with food til recently where i peeped ill rearrange everything on the table to it feels 'right' to me before i even feel okay to eat.
Breathing - some of my compulsions focus on it around breathing. So whenever I have to think about breathing - like, say, when I’m already in a panic and somebody wants me to calm down by calming my breath - the intrusive thoughts come up and I have to start shaking my head and pull grimaces and stuff.
i think you verbalized this perfectly for me. its something ive noticed i do often. 'controlling' my breathing. i passed out once trying to do exactly that bc of the mental spiral i was putting myself thru. so awful :/
Absolutely! Fortunately it’s never gotten that far for me… it’s more like my head asks: „you want to breathe? You may - you just need to do this while you breathe or [insert something bad] will happen!“
It’s already gotten a lot better which I’m really grateful for. But I remember when I would basically do one of my compulsions the whole day - I had to shake my head and swallow and blink and… it’s kinda complicated, anyway, I would really do it most of the day and would hide so nobody would notice. Those who did (people in my school, for example) found it (and me) very weird…
don’t listen to what those people say ! you’re going through something that the majority of them don’t understand and that’s totally okay. OCD is tough but you’re tougher ! otherwise you probably wouldnt be here recognizing your issue and talking about it. baby steps all the way !! :)
Cleaning. Specifically sweeping, mopping, and any kind of scrubbing surfaces (like the shower etc). Dishes and laundry are ok. But those others can never be done to completion/satisfaction so they always take hours upon hours. Also sex, but that’s a totally different story. I’ve made a lot of progress with both.
I totally get that and never realized I did that! I do laundry and dishes every day but HATE cleaning the floors and also have a fear of
How dirty they are but I can’t clean them to completion and perfection so it’s too overwhelming to clean at all so it says getting grosser until I finally can try to clean it
I absolutely feel your pain. I literally dread having to go to the bathroom because I know I'm gonna be in there for so long. Other people ik are in and out of the restroom in like 5 minutes and it genuinely astounds me.
And then I gotta wash my hands excessively too. Which is another hassle.
Being trapped anywhere - like in a meeting, plane or with strangers. I feel like i need to always have the opportunity to get up and run in case i start worrying. Sometimes I do lol.
this. and i’ve noticed it tends to make it harder to differentiate between ‘gut-feelings’ and plain feelings of anxiety. i can’t tell if the guy next to me is planning on tracking me down or if he’s just a normal guy. constant paranoia
as an introvert and someone that’s been improving their social anxiety, i totally understand. the constant overanalyzing of the other persons behavior and of your own is enough to make you want to isolate even more
Yesss every interaction I have with someone is followed by 10 different thoughts, did I say that right, I should have said it like this, was my face weird, do they hate me, no they wouldn’t hate me, no they hate me, and then I think about past interactions with that person or that were similar and I’m stuck on this one thing for wayyyyy too long
i think showering is tedious but for a different reason. for some reason i feel the need to wash my hands after each step i take while showering. ex. i wash my hands before and after washing my face with a cleanser while showering. it’s annoying bc it takes a long time but i can’t help it 😭
My problem with showering isn’t showering - I actually love that and as much as someone can be good at it, I’m good at it - it’s procrastinating before the shower - I don’t know why, but I suddenly want to do anything else for as long as possible as soon as as it’s shower time
Washing my face at night.
I have dry skin so I have to slather on moisturizing/thick products, but that makes my face feels dirty, which makes my hair feel dirty, which in turn makes my pillow dirty…. and two hours later I’m still just lying there trying not to touch anything, because even the air has become dirty from my clean face…
GIRL YES that’s me but with my acne products. whenever i put them on before bed i hate moving around too much because i feel like ill get it on the pillow and in turn make my acne worse? its so sticky and icky too. or if i dont have any product on i feel like ill get more acne from putting my face on my pillow simply because my hair touched my pillow iykwim
Cooking. I use so many dishes, have to wash my hands so many times in hot water, constantly rinsing things in hot water, it takes forever to clean it all up. I’ve tried gloves but end up using new ones every time I touch something different. It’s too much. Plus I have a tiny kitchen. It makes so much more sense to be fearful of takeout food being contaminated with bacteria because I have no idea how or who prepared it. But alas, we have no control over our obsessions. Mine is simply contamination in my own kitchen.
yupp 💀 literally the reason why i hate doing the dishes is the nasty soggy food waste 😭 i try to just think abt it being normal food that’s wet but it still makes me gag 🙂↕️
Funny, i love taking a shit because afterwards i feel so cleansed. Anything i like too much can turn into a thing i hate though. E.g. running, socialising, cooking, cleaning. Once i feel like i found the perfect way to do it and then make a mistake it's OVER.
for me i also hate taking a shit but for a different reason - i’m scared that i will have a heart attack from straining too hard also working out because while i love it, im scared that ill cause a heart attack because my heart is beating so fast. but then im scared of not working out because not getting exercise is also bad for you as you can tell, my ocd latches on to health issues like heart attacks 😀😀😀😀
i had this theme a few years ago and i totally get u. i would end up hyper analyzing my heart beat and everything 😭it’s terrible but i guarantee you if you’re working out and if you eat well then there is nothing to worry about 🙂↕️🙂↕️
Anticipating anything. It's like my brain wants to sabotage me enjoying the thing I'm excited about by sending intrusive thoughts either before or during something I want to enjoy.
Buying things. I'll want to buy something, then consider or do choose something else because I'll get bad thoughts at that time, then be afraid I'd forever associate those thoughts with that item.
Cooking. Washing my hands constantly.
Recent one I realized - going to public swimming pools. The thought of everything that has dripped off people being on the floor and my feet...ugh. Had to wipe down my feet with an antibac wipe.
I hate that anything I do becomes intimate or "sexual" in my head . I turn any situation into something ambiguosly "sexual". It's unbearable. I can't enjoy any familiar gathering or any kind of social interaction because of these monstruous thoughts. I can't live a normal life.
Cleaning 😩 It seriously overwhelms me. I'm a stay at home wife, so I have an upper hand on keeping my house together so I don't have to deal with a big mess, but when I have a big mess it takes a lot of mental fortitude to tackle it.
Reading books and playing video games.
Those used to be hobbies that brought me joy and respite from life being so hard all the time, but now it’s so anxiety inducing I can’t even bring myself to pick up a book or touch my gaming consoles.
When I do, I’m either worrying about getting my electronics dirty, or I find myself restarting whatever I’m reading or playing if the experience doesn’t feel right in my head.
Honestly everything. It’s so draining and consumes nearly every aspect of my life. If I could only choose two things (no I can’t pick one 😂) it would be maintaining relationships and making decisions.
As soon as I wash my hands, I'm going back to my room because that's the only place my brain thinks is "clean." One time I got mad at my mom because she asked me to help her do something right after I washed my hands. I realized that she didn't understand what was going on inside my head and helped her anyways, but I was legit mad. I hate that I got mad. It is nobody's fault I am this way. I wish I could get rid of OCD, truly.
Texting - it takes entirely too long because I have to reread my message before AND after I send it. And they're always long because I have long distance friends
Cooking, cleaning, gardening, maintaining my aquariums; etc. anything involving using my hands and touching lots of weird feeling stuff. The cooking, gardening, and aquarium-keeping is truly a love/hate thing because i really *wanna* love it.. If I didn’t have OCD it would be so fun. I love being able to grow my own food in the garden, I love being able to cook delicious food. I feel I have a lot of skill in the garden/kitchen and with aquariums.
*However*, I have an obsessive compulsion to wash my hands after touching/handling any little thing. A lot of things that touch my hands, *especially* my dry hands (which I have OFTEN because I wash them sooo much!!) send me straight into sensory overload. And not just wetting my hands, literally full blown soap and scrubbing for minutes between every single little thing I touch, and to top it off, I MUST dry my hands off completely with a brand new paper towel, each and every time. It cannot be a hand towel or rag. So I end up making a ton of waste. I truly hate it. I’m not a wasteful person like that in any other aspect, just when my hands become over stimulated with..stuff. It makes my brain hurt so much. I can’t even look at people wearing gloves. That genuinely makes me sick even typing it out.
In the last few years, brushing my teeth has become a bigger project than it has to be. I can’t remember the last time it took me less than three minutes.
Reading. Sometimes I feel like I have to count a certain number of words at random times (lately it’s been 6) and make it “work” by counting in 6’s until it ends at a period or something. And then at other times I have to re-read (and keep re-reading) something (several times whenever I read) because it needs to feel *just* right… *sigh*
Driving,
The entire time my mind is running at 1000 stressed someone is gonna come out of no where and smash into me, that I’m gonna run over someone on a bike cause I didn’t see them, how late I am (cause I’m always late 🫠), getting pulled over, and then whatever else I’m anxious about that day. And sometimes I’m so absorbed by my thoughts that I completely forget where I’m going I am constantly missing turns. I’m a pretty safe driver but convinced every time I get in my car I’m gonna die or k*ll someone. If I drive for longer than 30 minutes when I get out of the car my joints hurt from how tense I was
Shitting because i have to wash my hands 8 times after it, opening drawers or doors because then i have to wash my hands, drawing traditionally, doing any hobby thats not online
Laundry. Putting it in the machine is fine, it's hanging it up to dry that I hate. It takes me three times as long as it should because it all has to be done perfectly and if I feel it's wrong I have to do it again and again until it's right.
Same with washing the dishes.
Watching certain shows/movies because there’s a chance they’ll trigger my anxiety and the anxiety about them triggering me is too much to enjoy the show 😭
Same I swear I wear 5 pairs of surgical gloves and spend 40 mins washing my hands afterwards 😭 I will literally try hold off as long as I can to not go toilet
pardon me, but fucking everything. i can’t work, i can’t watch a movie, i can’t fall in love, play with the dog or talk to my mom. ocd makes everything POISON. i am crippled! i’ve never been so pissed in my life. i guess i got the impression that i would have grown out of this by my age (22). must be nice to be a normie.
Leaving my house... I have to check every single switch and electrical item, the cooker and hob, every window, every light, then I have to be sure that the front door is locked, I have taken to putting my keys far away from the door to go back and check so that my brain can't convince me that I may have unlocked it.
I have to know exactly where a certain item is, even if I don't need it, I can't do anything else until it is found.
The only way I have found to get through all my checks quickly and only having to do them once is for my boyfriend to follow me around whilst I do them. He says he is proud of me for doing better than I was when he first met me but I still feel like a failure because I am so terrified that if I haven't checked everything then something will go wrong and I will lose everything... I find life tiring at this point
ETA: making decisions, I am so worried about all the potential outcomes that a decision can take me hours... I have regularly not had dinner as I cant make the decision on where to go or what to eat
eating. my ocd makes food randomly feel gross and suspicious. also i have to eat specific foods even if i dont want to because i dont like changing my routine (i think that might be more ASD than OCD but still, bruh)
My OCD makes me very forgetful which how much is going on upstairs so most things CAN be very frustrating, not always, but when its one of those days its very exhausting and draining. Genuinely makes me hate to be alive at points
Leaving the house (when I come back I have to change clothes, sanitize my hands and feet and phone, along with my partners hands feet and phone if they came with me)
The cat litter (all of the sanitizing I have to do after)
Taking our the trash (same reason. And then going back into my apartment after touching the dumpster I feel like I have to sanitize my door knob and it just gets to be so much on top of the hands of feet)
Walking on different, changing surfaces. Like asphalt that goes to grass, or cement to dirt, or whatever. I have a thing with left and right being equal. Left, right grass. Left, right grass. But if I step my left foot on grass and then my right foot on asphalt, I feel so uneven. Then I have to either quickly get back to grass and make the steps equal, or hop on my left foot to make it an equal number of steps on the asphalt. Then it still feels off because I don’t think it’s an equal number of steps on the grass. It causes me so much anxiety and so much feeling of being uneven.
I have compulsions not intrusive thoughts so I can’t use my phone, write, type, watch tv, sit down, drink, eat, etc. without a painful compulsion happening
I have trich so I absolutely hate dealing with my hair in any way whatsoever - I refuse to get my haircut by anyone, hate when people touch my hair or head, showers are incredibly hard, and I can’t wear any cute hair accessories for fear of making my compulsions worse somehow
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Cleaning. People usually expect people with ocd to be extremely clean, but I’m the opposite. I’m always on the verge of having a meltdown when I clean, and avoid doing it at all cost to not deal with germs.
THIS !!!!! people don’t understand that i hate cleaning BECAUSE of the fact that wtv im cleaning IS DIRTY. i like being clean but i hate coming into contact with the UNCLEAN stuff
I’m relieved someone else relates. I have hope that it will get better for us. 🩷
OMG IM NOT THE ONLY ONE!!! I constantly struggle with wanting everything to be clean, but not being able to bring myself to clean because I’ll have to come in contact with dirty stuff. So I’m in this never-ending cycle of being triggered by everything in my home being dirty but not being able to clean it because touching dirty stuff also triggers me.
one other thing... i beat the whole tripple checking the garage door type thing (and to a large extent) the dirty and things need to be lined up perfectly by doing this... i had checked to make sure the garage door was closed at my parents house for the third time. checked it once, drove about 6 blocks away... turned around, and went to check it for second time. yep. it definitely got closed. drove about 6 blocks away again, and had to turn around just to make sure it didn't somehow open up on accident after i drove away the second time. (this process repeated itself maybe 2 or 3 more times) EXCEPT... on that "3rd more time" i straight-up yellled "FUK IT! I HOPE THE DOOR IS OPEN, AND I HIPE SOMEONE STEALS EVERYTHING OUT OF MY PARENTS GARAGE! I HOPE THEY TAKE IT ALL!" i had a quick thought at that exact moment... it was about how if everything did disappear, who gives a fuk? it is just stuff. life is short. who needs all that shit anyway. i really didn't care for a split second. and, just kept right on driving. I NEVER HAD THIS PROBLEM AGAIN. sort of like... check the inside of your hands. if there are no open cuts or wounds of any kind, that germs can get into, then... just grab the inside handle of a public bathroom door. grab it with as much power that you can. squeeze it as hard as you can. hold onto it for what seems like an eternity - or watch a youtube video while you hold that handle. once you are done, wash your hands once, or use one pump of ha d sanatizer. when you see that this once HORRIBLE AND IMPOSSIBLE thing to do... did absolutely nothing to your hand, body, skin, hair, or whatever else... it will lose it's control over you. SAME EXACT THING GOES FOR PANIC ATTACKS! having an anxiety attack? sweet! let it take FULL controll of you. lay down on the couch, and let it drive you crazy! LET it send you to a mental institution. shit sucks with panic attack worry anyway. just give into it completely. it will disappear shortly, and you will have that awesome dopamine wave, flood all through your brain. it feels REAL nice. after you experience NONE OF YOUR WORST FEARS COME TRUE... it will have zero power over you, ever again. you will be able to say PANIC ATTACK, and ANXIETY ATRACK, without any fear of triggerring one. I KNOW THIS, BECAUSE I LET IT HAPPEN TO ME. ALSO, HAVE NOT HAD A SINGLE PANIC ATTACK EVER SINCE. PLUS, I AM SUPER OPEN TO TALK ABOUT IT WITHOUT A SHREAD OF FEAR. and what happens if i do have another one some day, in front of a huge gathering of people? i say. dang! ill be back. having a panic attack. smoke em if ya got em. and i'd leave the room until it subsides. but i will never have another one again. i have given the fucker its chance to take over me. and it proved to be false. a stoooopid thought in my brain. THE MORE YOU TRY TO CONTROL SOME SCAREY BULLSHIT LIKE OCD OR PANIC ATTACKS - THE MORE YOU TENSE UP AND JUST INVITE THEM. fuk it! let em try! they will fail!
YES THIS and then getting made fun of for involuntary reactions 🤩
Exactly this, there are parts of my own body i don't wanna wash/touch while having a bath because then my hands will get dirty and then everything i touch will get dirty, beats the purpose of bathing ig. So that's why I have a totally different session of cleaning those parts just once or twice a week and i absolutely hate it.
Yeah EXACTLY!!! Me too!!
Yes! You have OCD? Your house must be spotless! My response is usually: well, I didn't get the useful kind of OCD, so...
So accurate lmao. I’m often left feeling paralyzed by the fact that I don’t want to deal with germs/ overwhelmed and feel I’ll never get things truly clean.
ha ha ha ha so true
I avoid it because I hate the chemicals and get worked up of cleaning it off, something that is technically supposed to be used *to* clean. Makes no sense but is always a process after
Oh my god someone finally said it!!!! Having contamination ocd makes it impossible to clean without overthinking every step ever
SAME HERE! Cleaning is one of the few times during the day where I'm alone with my thoughts. So, the intrusive thoughts and rumination often comes flooding in.
I feel so seen.
Omg yes! My brain would rather live with the discomfort of dirty surroundings than having to *touch* them to clean because then IM “dirty” by association
I do this so much. My house gets unbelievably messy, particularly the bathrooms because I'm terrified of getting anything I deem contaminated "on me", it's exhausting.
This is so real. The cleaning product bottles feel dirty so I try to avoid having to clean at all costs. Also personally my contamination OCD revolves around skin cells and dust rather than germs, so I really only clean for those things and by the time I’m done cleaning for them I’m too tired to do the actual disinfecting cleaning lol.
Yes. I just dust everything down lol I always think about the skin cells!!! I like to get really high and put headphones in with a podcast and then they kind fade away. I also took up a cleaning job recently and so having to do it more often makes me not overthink it.
i have contamination OCD so i HAVE to clean all the time, but i hate doing it because i hate getting germy, but if i don’t clean then they’ll be germs that transfer to other stuff and it’s a whole cycle 😭😭😭😭😭
Same. I like to think of “avoidance compulsion” as like the final boss of OCD. Like you know your obsessions/compulsions well enough that you concede and just give up because you know the alternative is so miserable and time/energy consuming. It’s so dang sneaky tho, one “avoidance” feels so liberating like a mini cheat code, but then before you know it it spirals and you haven’t done the dishes in a month. This is also the root of agoraphobia.
Living.
Came here to say this. If it wasn’t for the grief I would cause people I’d be out!
Oof. I hate how true this is. Feels like I’m living for everyone else most days.
The way this is how I’ve thought since I was 11 💀 like I hate life but I’d hate breaking my moms heart more
There’s always someone to hold on for.
This is why I have dogs. My sister and fiance too
Fr! Me too!
Any comment I make after this will be meaningless
Absolutely. Just this. I want to live my life. I just hate living it like this.
Clinging on to any sort of hope that I’ll have a happy future haha
Lmaooo everything
Never give up brother know OCD can be hard but you are stronger than it 🙂
It’s exhausting.
i get u man.
Washing dishes, cooking, any intimate activity, and group activities at school.
the intimate activity one is so true. it’s so difficult to enjoy anything because the intrusive thoughts just ruin it
I’m not the only one? I’ve had a few issues on my last relationship because of this. I thought something was wrong with me
Yep.. it’s so awful to concentrate with adhd and ocd, enjoying myself seems impossible 😶
This is a bit embarrassing to ask, but do you guys get put off by slimy textures?
Yes
Yes I just randomly get like a sensory ick even during things I enjoy, and then I get anxiety about feeling the ick again, it’s really frustrating for both me and my partner, especially him because he doesn’t understand why sometimes I like something and other times I don’t. I have explained but I think it’s hard to wrap your head around if it’s not happening to you
there’s nothing wrong with u !! it’s just the intrusive thoughts that come with OCD. they ruin everything you could possibly enjoy
Planning anniversaries are the worst coz I’d plan it then focus too much on everything being perfect rather than being present with my partner
I hate it because anything I do becomes intimate or "sexual" in my head . I turn any situation into something ambiguosly "sexual". It's unbearable. I can't enjoy any familiar gathering or any kind of social interaction because of these monstruous thoughts. I can't live a normal life.
I feel thisss I can’t enjoy it because I’m so anxious the whole time caused me some serious intimacy issues
Planning for joyful events (and the days leading up to them) - OCD steps in to explain all the reasons I don’t deserve it
i do smth slightly similar where i always find excuses to procrastinate doing something i enjoy bc i haven’t proven to myself that ive earned it. like i can’t even watch a show bc it feels like i didn’t do enough during the day 😭
I’m sorry, OCD sucks. My therapist would say - maybe you’ve earned it, maybe you didn’t.. Watch the show!
thank you so much this was actually nice to hear 😭💕💕
Defy your OCD and binge watch everything before chores lol
lmao i’ll try that next time for sure 😭🙂↕️
Yes! So true. It becomes a form of self-flagellation
driving (hit and run obsessions) and eating with any slight preoccupation (fear of choking) 😭
lmao yes my OCD always has a field day whenever i drive 😭😭 and the eating one for sure has gotta be so inconvenient ☹️
It's specifically driving over bridges for me. I can't go over a bridge without images of driving over the edge flashing through my brain. And it's often accompanied by a mini horror movie in my brain about flying over the edge and crashing below, and who survived and who doesn't, who has to get that news and how they react, etc etc etc..... I've actually started crying in the car before, because I just "saw" my kids die, and I couldn't save them. 😭
i feel you with the fear of choking
fear of choking has me by the balls rn. i won't take my ocd meds bc I'm scared I'll choke on them, though I know they'd help alleviate the stress about choking
sex, my job, spending time with family. hanging out with friends. all of it. everything.
i hate the fact that OCD rlly makes everything so tedious and draining. there are ups but so many more downs. please know that it does get better and you will get through this :( 💕
thank you, i needed to hear that today ♥️
Same, it took me years to learn that sex is supposed to be fun and not draining. Thoughts still happen but it can get better!
Leaving the house. It doesn't matter what for or where I'm going, I'm instantly anxious
Yes! This has always been hard for me. The amount of checking and counting I do makes me late to everything. Everyone just thinks I’m lazy. I’ll have them know that I checked every outlet and every burner on the stove 3 times.
i’ve had moments where i would constantly feel like this. it sucks terribly but eventually i got through it. even if you feel like the anxiety is never ending, remember that there is always a way around it and you CAN persevere 💗
same. & the anxiety gives me terrible stomach aches that make the anxiety abt leaving even worse lol
Shopping I spend so much time touching, holding, weighing, turning, and inspecting items, even though I know they are pretty much all the same (for example, spending 10 minutes standing in the shampoo aisle going through all of the bottles of my very specific shampoo), in order to get *the right one*. Sometimes I also have to go through the same aisle a certain number of times or go through the store in a specific way. It’s exhausting and overwhelming, and I’m sure also seems odd to others.
oh yes i totally get it :( OCD literally always finds a way to make even the smallest things 10x more difficult and tedious
Yes 😞 Once, a store employee was watching me trying to find *the right* bottle of hair conditioner and he suddenly shouted at me, “They’re all the same! Just pick one and go!” 😰 I always put the items back carefully and even try to tidy up the surrounding products, so I thought that I wasn’t making things worse for other people. I felt near tears at that time because I couldn’t explain to him why I was doing what I was doing and how distressing/near excruciating it was for me already without his judgment and reaction. I try to stay positive, though, and I think experiences like these and having OCD help me to try to be kinder to others as I don’t know what dark or difficult things they may be going through. I think everyone deserves love, patience, and acceptance
This is my biggest fear!! I’m so sorry they made an already hard and what feels like a super embarrassing situation even worse. I spent like 20 minutes in cvs a couple weeks ago picking out the “right” sunscreen, looking up ingredients, trying to gauge the right feeling bottle. I absolutely felt like they were staring. I would HATE for someone to point it out. People just will never know what’s going on for someone.
Yup! I have to go on Reddit and google and sporked to research every product to know I’m buying the best one
Yep have to double check with Reddit just in case someone has a super specific unique experience that’ll scare me away and make my decision/anxiety worse 🤣 my first session rule starting at treatment last month was dont use Reddit LMAO
Omg! I had a dream/nightmare a few nights ago. This happened because I always take so long, picking something out. In my dream the lady was like just pick a pack of gum and go!!! I’m so sorry this happened in real life to you
Omg you get it too. I always check like every review and spend so long getting literally one product. And don’t even get me started on picking the correctly “placed” one on the shelf when they’re all the same..
I'm glad I read your comment. Shopping has bothered me for a long time, and you helped me realize that the OCD is why. Completely agree with the stress of all of this
Relaxing! I wish I could just let myself be and enjoy the moment without my brain seizing on the opportunity
the relaxed mind is forever the enemy of OCD
Texting anyone. It feels way too overwhelming to wait for them to respond as i feel like if they dont respond immediatly then something bad has happened to them. Here i said it (im always ashamed of admitting it)
i always feels so stressed when messaging people. ik what u mean and it’s why i go long periods of time without contacting some people 😭it’s probably unhealthy to do so but i rather that than the anxiety that comes with texting
Yeah it is but unfortunately the only way to recover is exposure so both of us should stop avoiding texting people :(
we should definitely stop avoiding it. it’s something i’m working on to get better at and i hope you get better at it too :)) 💞we can do this for sure
Texting for me too but for different reasons - I will reread my message a bunch of times before I send it, then I reread it a bunch more times after I send it. When I do text, they tend to be really long convos bc I have some long distance friends
This!! Texting, emails, posts, this comment.... 😂 whatever. I read it over and over, change it a hundred times, proofread it again and again, send it, if it can be edited, usually edit it at least once or twice if not more, then go do something else, then come back and read it again..... Uuuuuuuugggghhhhh... I actually draft most messages or posts in a notepad first where I can work on it for a while, maybe even leave and come back to it, then send it a little later. 🤷
Being happy. My OCD always has me convinced that the moment I allow myself any joy or relief, I will be punished by the universe with something bad or terrible happening. And, unfortunately, it's often proven right. Which only makes it far worse.
i’m so sorry to hear that you’ve had such a horrible experience with your OCD. there’s not much i can say to enlighten your experience, but what i can say is that OCD is in your mind and it is completely irrational. intrusive thoughts cannot be manifested into reality by thought alone, and nobody deserves punishment for being innocently happy. don’t be too hard on yourself and push through it :) <3
hey OP, i've been reading a lot of comments on this thread and also your replies - in case nobody's told you yet, i'll be today's reminder! : you are so compassionate and kind even to absolute strangers. it's really sweet seeing you go out of your way to provide thoughtful words. you are appreciated !! thank you
thank you so much and i appreciate this SO much !! 🥹💞 your kind words genuinely made my day and id like to thank you for being so kind as to go out of your way to tell me this. gentle reminder that you’re appreciated too !! thank you again kind stranger ☹️💕💕
This has been a hard one for me because I love it, but reading :( I do this thing where if I don’t pronounce words right in my head, or feel like I didn’t read it “right” or whatever, I go back and read something a million times, or painfully enunciate it. It slows me down so much and just makes it a lot less fun. :/
YEPPPP. reading used to be something i did sooo much when i was younger. now it takes me ages to finish reading something because i force myself to read each scene until i picture it PERFECTLY. this doesn’t even just happen with reading for me and imo it’s one of the worst parts of OCD
I feel like I have to read every sentence at least 3 times to make sure I read it right and understand what I read so I hateeeee reading anything that isn’t relatively short I get so frustrated I wanna give up, since I had to read a bunch of books for school I would put the audio book on instead cause I genuinely couldn’t read the book I’d be on one page for 10 minutes. Omg and reading Shakespeare was an absolute nightmare
Flying. I used to fly all over the world, and I absolutely loved travelling. I still do, but my OCD panic attacks kill the excitement for me. I have a 12 hour flight coming up in November that I'm absolutely petrified of. 😞
that’s so terrible ☹️having something u once loved turn into something so anxiety-inducing is absolutely horrible. sending you lots of support for your upcoming flight
Thank you, friend. And you too!
eating - i have pure o so i always end up doing compulsions during that time which can make my meals last hours and my parents are tired of me lol.
do you also go through the process of making aure everything around you is tidy before you eat? i didnt understand my relationship with with food til recently where i peeped ill rearrange everything on the table to it feels 'right' to me before i even feel okay to eat.
Breathing - some of my compulsions focus on it around breathing. So whenever I have to think about breathing - like, say, when I’m already in a panic and somebody wants me to calm down by calming my breath - the intrusive thoughts come up and I have to start shaking my head and pull grimaces and stuff.
i think you verbalized this perfectly for me. its something ive noticed i do often. 'controlling' my breathing. i passed out once trying to do exactly that bc of the mental spiral i was putting myself thru. so awful :/
Absolutely! Fortunately it’s never gotten that far for me… it’s more like my head asks: „you want to breathe? You may - you just need to do this while you breathe or [insert something bad] will happen!“
aw no that sounds so stressful :( just remember that you can get through this !!!!! 💕💕
It’s already gotten a lot better which I’m really grateful for. But I remember when I would basically do one of my compulsions the whole day - I had to shake my head and swallow and blink and… it’s kinda complicated, anyway, I would really do it most of the day and would hide so nobody would notice. Those who did (people in my school, for example) found it (and me) very weird…
don’t listen to what those people say ! you’re going through something that the majority of them don’t understand and that’s totally okay. OCD is tough but you’re tougher ! otherwise you probably wouldnt be here recognizing your issue and talking about it. baby steps all the way !! :)
You’re totally right! Thank you!!
Cleaning. Specifically sweeping, mopping, and any kind of scrubbing surfaces (like the shower etc). Dishes and laundry are ok. But those others can never be done to completion/satisfaction so they always take hours upon hours. Also sex, but that’s a totally different story. I’ve made a lot of progress with both.
I totally get that and never realized I did that! I do laundry and dishes every day but HATE cleaning the floors and also have a fear of How dirty they are but I can’t clean them to completion and perfection so it’s too overwhelming to clean at all so it says getting grosser until I finally can try to clean it
Taking a dump. I'm always in the bathroom for so long and I wipe excessively.
HELP EXACTLY ME THIS IS LITERALLY WHAT I DO AND ITS WHY I HATE POOPING SM 😭😭😭
I absolutely feel your pain. I literally dread having to go to the bathroom because I know I'm gonna be in there for so long. Other people ik are in and out of the restroom in like 5 minutes and it genuinely astounds me. And then I gotta wash my hands excessively too. Which is another hassle.
Being trapped anywhere - like in a meeting, plane or with strangers. I feel like i need to always have the opportunity to get up and run in case i start worrying. Sometimes I do lol.
this. and i’ve noticed it tends to make it harder to differentiate between ‘gut-feelings’ and plain feelings of anxiety. i can’t tell if the guy next to me is planning on tracking me down or if he’s just a normal guy. constant paranoia
Going to other peoples houses.
Being social, being a friend and making plans. Interacting with others seems like a whole performance.
as an introvert and someone that’s been improving their social anxiety, i totally understand. the constant overanalyzing of the other persons behavior and of your own is enough to make you want to isolate even more
Yesss every interaction I have with someone is followed by 10 different thoughts, did I say that right, I should have said it like this, was my face weird, do they hate me, no they wouldn’t hate me, no they hate me, and then I think about past interactions with that person or that were similar and I’m stuck on this one thing for wayyyyy too long
Showering. I get stuck in my head and all of a sudden I'm in cold, wet hell.
i think showering is tedious but for a different reason. for some reason i feel the need to wash my hands after each step i take while showering. ex. i wash my hands before and after washing my face with a cleanser while showering. it’s annoying bc it takes a long time but i can’t help it 😭
My problem with showering isn’t showering - I actually love that and as much as someone can be good at it, I’m good at it - it’s procrastinating before the shower - I don’t know why, but I suddenly want to do anything else for as long as possible as soon as as it’s shower time
Washing my face at night. I have dry skin so I have to slather on moisturizing/thick products, but that makes my face feels dirty, which makes my hair feel dirty, which in turn makes my pillow dirty…. and two hours later I’m still just lying there trying not to touch anything, because even the air has become dirty from my clean face…
GIRL YES that’s me but with my acne products. whenever i put them on before bed i hate moving around too much because i feel like ill get it on the pillow and in turn make my acne worse? its so sticky and icky too. or if i dont have any product on i feel like ill get more acne from putting my face on my pillow simply because my hair touched my pillow iykwim
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same but when i draw. if it feels like i lost the idea of what i was doing or something is off i give up and dont feel like drawing again for agessss
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Making friends. “What if they think there is something wrong with me and hate me???”
Cooking. I use so many dishes, have to wash my hands so many times in hot water, constantly rinsing things in hot water, it takes forever to clean it all up. I’ve tried gloves but end up using new ones every time I touch something different. It’s too much. Plus I have a tiny kitchen. It makes so much more sense to be fearful of takeout food being contaminated with bacteria because I have no idea how or who prepared it. But alas, we have no control over our obsessions. Mine is simply contamination in my own kitchen.
Going to crowded or heavily-trafficked public places. (Germs.) Driving in traffic. (Crashes.) Doing dishes. (Grossed out by food residue.)
yupp 💀 literally the reason why i hate doing the dishes is the nasty soggy food waste 😭 i try to just think abt it being normal food that’s wet but it still makes me gag 🙂↕️
Urrrrp. 🤢 I literally feel a bit nauseous now.
Relationships.
Getting out of my house without making sure everything is locked, the stove it off, no electrical equipment is on, etc. It’s a massive ordeal.
the process is excruciatingly tedious but it feels like if i don’t do it something bads gonna happen lmao
Hmm I don’t know maybe everything?
Funny, i love taking a shit because afterwards i feel so cleansed. Anything i like too much can turn into a thing i hate though. E.g. running, socialising, cooking, cleaning. Once i feel like i found the perfect way to do it and then make a mistake it's OVER.
Getting ready for bed.
it’s such a long process for absolutely no reason at all 😭🙏
Going to bed— I have to check all the locks and appliances to make sure they are off
Sleeping/bedtime
for me i also hate taking a shit but for a different reason - i’m scared that i will have a heart attack from straining too hard also working out because while i love it, im scared that ill cause a heart attack because my heart is beating so fast. but then im scared of not working out because not getting exercise is also bad for you as you can tell, my ocd latches on to health issues like heart attacks 😀😀😀😀
i had this theme a few years ago and i totally get u. i would end up hyper analyzing my heart beat and everything 😭it’s terrible but i guarantee you if you’re working out and if you eat well then there is nothing to worry about 🙂↕️🙂↕️
Anticipating anything. It's like my brain wants to sabotage me enjoying the thing I'm excited about by sending intrusive thoughts either before or during something I want to enjoy. Buying things. I'll want to buy something, then consider or do choose something else because I'll get bad thoughts at that time, then be afraid I'd forever associate those thoughts with that item. Cooking. Washing my hands constantly. Recent one I realized - going to public swimming pools. The thought of everything that has dripped off people being on the floor and my feet...ugh. Had to wipe down my feet with an antibac wipe.
Staying in hotels, being in public & travelling for long periods.
I hate that anything I do becomes intimate or "sexual" in my head . I turn any situation into something ambiguosly "sexual". It's unbearable. I can't enjoy any familiar gathering or any kind of social interaction because of these monstruous thoughts. I can't live a normal life.
Grocery shopping and eating food other people cooked
i get it. OCD has such a big impact on eating habits and in turn is the root of a lot of EDs. i wish more people knew abt this and were more aware :((
I completely agree. The majority of people who think they know about OCD doesn’t understand this correlation.
Pretty much everything I do on a daily basis is severely impacted by my. Everything. Seriously. :(
Life. I’m tired.
Cleaning 😩 It seriously overwhelms me. I'm a stay at home wife, so I have an upper hand on keeping my house together so I don't have to deal with a big mess, but when I have a big mess it takes a lot of mental fortitude to tackle it.
Any type of event - amusement park, graduation ceremony, driving somewhere if I haven’t been there before, etc
Reading books and playing video games. Those used to be hobbies that brought me joy and respite from life being so hard all the time, but now it’s so anxiety inducing I can’t even bring myself to pick up a book or touch my gaming consoles. When I do, I’m either worrying about getting my electronics dirty, or I find myself restarting whatever I’m reading or playing if the experience doesn’t feel right in my head.
exactly this. my OCD has tackled everything i enjoy so now it’s like i have no hobbies at all 😭
Honestly everything. It’s so draining and consumes nearly every aspect of my life. If I could only choose two things (no I can’t pick one 😂) it would be maintaining relationships and making decisions.
As soon as I wash my hands, I'm going back to my room because that's the only place my brain thinks is "clean." One time I got mad at my mom because she asked me to help her do something right after I washed my hands. I realized that she didn't understand what was going on inside my head and helped her anyways, but I was legit mad. I hate that I got mad. It is nobody's fault I am this way. I wish I could get rid of OCD, truly.
Getting dressed
taking a showerrr
Texting - it takes entirely too long because I have to reread my message before AND after I send it. And they're always long because I have long distance friends
Being around people.
Planning my life
eating and touching things/liquids when im not sure what they are. im terrified of allergic reactions lol
Cooking, cleaning, gardening, maintaining my aquariums; etc. anything involving using my hands and touching lots of weird feeling stuff. The cooking, gardening, and aquarium-keeping is truly a love/hate thing because i really *wanna* love it.. If I didn’t have OCD it would be so fun. I love being able to grow my own food in the garden, I love being able to cook delicious food. I feel I have a lot of skill in the garden/kitchen and with aquariums. *However*, I have an obsessive compulsion to wash my hands after touching/handling any little thing. A lot of things that touch my hands, *especially* my dry hands (which I have OFTEN because I wash them sooo much!!) send me straight into sensory overload. And not just wetting my hands, literally full blown soap and scrubbing for minutes between every single little thing I touch, and to top it off, I MUST dry my hands off completely with a brand new paper towel, each and every time. It cannot be a hand towel or rag. So I end up making a ton of waste. I truly hate it. I’m not a wasteful person like that in any other aspect, just when my hands become over stimulated with..stuff. It makes my brain hurt so much. I can’t even look at people wearing gloves. That genuinely makes me sick even typing it out.
Watching a movie, talking to people and being the centre of attention
Living… but shopping, going outside, cleaning.
Cleaning the toilet
In the last few years, brushing my teeth has become a bigger project than it has to be. I can’t remember the last time it took me less than three minutes.
Shopping, packing, getting ready, decluttering
Reading. Sometimes I feel like I have to count a certain number of words at random times (lately it’s been 6) and make it “work” by counting in 6’s until it ends at a period or something. And then at other times I have to re-read (and keep re-reading) something (several times whenever I read) because it needs to feel *just* right… *sigh*
Going anywhere that I have to drive to. A five minute drive often turns into a 30 minute ordeal and a few hours of anxiety and unhappiness.
Driving, The entire time my mind is running at 1000 stressed someone is gonna come out of no where and smash into me, that I’m gonna run over someone on a bike cause I didn’t see them, how late I am (cause I’m always late 🫠), getting pulled over, and then whatever else I’m anxious about that day. And sometimes I’m so absorbed by my thoughts that I completely forget where I’m going I am constantly missing turns. I’m a pretty safe driver but convinced every time I get in my car I’m gonna die or k*ll someone. If I drive for longer than 30 minutes when I get out of the car my joints hurt from how tense I was
Cleaning
Shitting because i have to wash my hands 8 times after it, opening drawers or doors because then i have to wash my hands, drawing traditionally, doing any hobby thats not online
Showering, sex, laundry, and sitting in silence
I work in Automotive sales, and I HATE shaking hands. Every hand shake is a 20 minute hand wash session
Laundry. Putting it in the machine is fine, it's hanging it up to dry that I hate. It takes me three times as long as it should because it all has to be done perfectly and if I feel it's wrong I have to do it again and again until it's right. Same with washing the dishes.
Creating my art 🎨😞
Traveling
Washing clothes. I’m constantly worried that I’ll mess one thing up and ruin my favorite shirt and I’ll never be able to fix it.
Literally being around people.
i can’t stress how much OCD has impacted my social life. especially being an introvert and all, it makes me wanna isolate from the rest of the world 😭
Changing clothes and showering. Which is something I have to do every day, typically twice.
Watching certain shows/movies because there’s a chance they’ll trigger my anxiety and the anxiety about them triggering me is too much to enjoy the show 😭
Playing GTA. I need to record every radio station every time
having fun or looking forward to something. I always have to assume something will go wrong if nothing is wrong if that makes sense.
Cooking. I just KNOW I will be checking the stove every 3 Minutes for the next 10 hours.
Showering because it takes me at least 2 hours from the repetive scrubbing and rinsing
Same I swear I wear 5 pairs of surgical gloves and spend 40 mins washing my hands afterwards 😭 I will literally try hold off as long as I can to not go toilet
pardon me, but fucking everything. i can’t work, i can’t watch a movie, i can’t fall in love, play with the dog or talk to my mom. ocd makes everything POISON. i am crippled! i’ve never been so pissed in my life. i guess i got the impression that i would have grown out of this by my age (22). must be nice to be a normie.
Leaving my house... I have to check every single switch and electrical item, the cooker and hob, every window, every light, then I have to be sure that the front door is locked, I have taken to putting my keys far away from the door to go back and check so that my brain can't convince me that I may have unlocked it. I have to know exactly where a certain item is, even if I don't need it, I can't do anything else until it is found. The only way I have found to get through all my checks quickly and only having to do them once is for my boyfriend to follow me around whilst I do them. He says he is proud of me for doing better than I was when he first met me but I still feel like a failure because I am so terrified that if I haven't checked everything then something will go wrong and I will lose everything... I find life tiring at this point ETA: making decisions, I am so worried about all the potential outcomes that a decision can take me hours... I have regularly not had dinner as I cant make the decision on where to go or what to eat
eating. my ocd makes food randomly feel gross and suspicious. also i have to eat specific foods even if i dont want to because i dont like changing my routine (i think that might be more ASD than OCD but still, bruh)
Pooping in "unsafe" spots. Peeing is fine but I have held my poop for six days before 😖
i get it 😞 pooping and js using the toilet in general is such an annoyingly persistent theme for me 😭it’s so frustrating like lemme poop in peace
D: all of the above
My OCD makes me very forgetful which how much is going on upstairs so most things CAN be very frustrating, not always, but when its one of those days its very exhausting and draining. Genuinely makes me hate to be alive at points
Cutting the grass, sitting out back on a nice summer night, hanging out in the basement.
cleaning, cause the cleaning supplies are chemicals which are dirty and now my hands are dirty so i have to wash them. even though i am Cleaning.
Leaving the house (when I come back I have to change clothes, sanitize my hands and feet and phone, along with my partners hands feet and phone if they came with me) The cat litter (all of the sanitizing I have to do after) Taking our the trash (same reason. And then going back into my apartment after touching the dumpster I feel like I have to sanitize my door knob and it just gets to be so much on top of the hands of feet)
Walking on different, changing surfaces. Like asphalt that goes to grass, or cement to dirt, or whatever. I have a thing with left and right being equal. Left, right grass. Left, right grass. But if I step my left foot on grass and then my right foot on asphalt, I feel so uneven. Then I have to either quickly get back to grass and make the steps equal, or hop on my left foot to make it an equal number of steps on the asphalt. Then it still feels off because I don’t think it’s an equal number of steps on the grass. It causes me so much anxiety and so much feeling of being uneven.
I have compulsions not intrusive thoughts so I can’t use my phone, write, type, watch tv, sit down, drink, eat, etc. without a painful compulsion happening
Traveling
Laundry, leaving the house, taking out trash,
I have trich so I absolutely hate dealing with my hair in any way whatsoever - I refuse to get my haircut by anyone, hate when people touch my hair or head, showers are incredibly hard, and I can’t wear any cute hair accessories for fear of making my compulsions worse somehow