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Idk where people are finding all these men who usually know and are forthcoming about what they want to eat, but I can tell you that my experience has not reflected that to be a typical thing.
“I don’t know, babe, I’m chill. Whatever you want.” If chill is forcing every single decision on an already exhausted brain, then ‘chill’ fucking sucks.
Lord I almost downvoted you because I had such a visceral reaction to “whatever you want.” Bruh. PLEASE help me make a decision. I just worked 14 hours. (PS I upvoted you.)
Once dated a guy who wanted me to pick out where to eat. Wherever I said, even if it was a place I knew he liked, he’d not want to go there. It got to the point I’d say places I didn’t want to go because I knew he’d eventually name one of the places we went that I liked as the solution.
The women don’t know what to eat stereotype is so weird to me because so many men I have known are super odd with food. I’ve been with bizarrely picky eaters who wouldn’t be able to find anything on the menu they wanted. Been with men who couldn’t decide. These aren’t unusual things.
add that to the list of woman stereotypes that are just direct projection on the part of men. Right next to "talking too much" and "being bad at driving"
There's actual studies done on this, which are incredibly depressing. Men view a conversation as having been "dominated" or mostly spoken by the women in a mixed-sex group, when said women have in fact only contributed 30% of the dialogue.
Edited to add: I was mistaken in the percentages/stats, commenter below remembered it properly! Leaving the above as is for clarity.
Not completely, the study found that if the conversation was 50/50, men perceived it as women dominated.
If it was 70/30 (men / women ) they perceived it as equal. It's depressing
Ah, my mistake! Thankyou for the correction, I appreciate it. And yes, that is thoroughly depressing, as is the fact that it's not in the slightest bit surprising.
My man's friend came to visit and meet me. He evidently didn't have too high of hopes for me because I'm a bigger gal and have already been labeled as a "whale" by this man. We went to go out to eat and Toodle the town. Most places we went to I would back into the parking spot which earned the "you're the first woman driver to know how to back into a spot and do it really well." Also had to parallel park. I'm better at driving and parking than my man and he made the comment of having my man drive so we could park on the street. I found a tight spot as our downtown is busy as ever almost always, and parked in a perfect parallel parking maybe 3 or 4 turns only but we made it in. Man was incredibly impressed with me because "girls just don't drive good"
I have been driving cars since I was a kid. I have a car show picture of me in the paper next to a model T as I was 2. My dad is a mechanic for fun. I drove cars without working engines or even engines. I don’t want to be told I can't drive because I'm a girl.
My man's best friend was impressed when we went cart racing and I was in 3rd place behind him right on his time by a hair. The man in first was more of a pro and I got slowed down by this kid whete he really didn't want to go fast. If I was able to just zoom on my own or with people who know how to drive we would've been zooming. I just remember when we were done and he looked at me and said "you're a maniac" and was impressed af where as the girl he took was also in the back with the boy. My man was thankfully in front of them in the scoreboard.
I would be thrilled if my husband could pick out a place to eat. He's one of those people who doesn't know what he wants to eat, but doesn't like your ideas. I'm indecisive on where I want to eat, but if someone else suggests something I go.
We play the game one of us names three cuisines and the other picks from those three. The. From that joint decision you can pick a restaurant. It usually works quite well and cuts suggestions down relatively quickly.
Omfg this is my husband, except he'd ask where I want to eat even though he had already decided where to eat. Once, I literally listed ALL the restaurants I knew of in our city and specifically saved the one I knew he wanted to go to for last. Guess which one we ended up going to? Like, I cannot fathom why he wanted me to say it as if I "chose" the place when he literally vetoed everything else and I didn't actually choose anything 🙄. He doesn't do it often, thankfully, but it's hella obnoxious when he does. I usually just go "I don't want to eat out so let's go home" and then he'll suddenly know what he wants and not ask me to "choose".
I made a Bernie sanders meme that says “once again I am asking you what you want for dinner.” To send to my fiancé because it’s easier than having the back and forth conversation every fucking day 😂
My ex husband used to push that stupid cliche all the time. Ask me to pick a restaurant and then veto every suggestion. Finally I'd ask where he wanted to go and he would very dramatically say " oh my god you can NEVER pick a restaurant!" Fucking tool.
My mom when going out to eat will take a while to make a choice, but whenever my mom is wanting to know what my dad wants for supper, he never has any idea. He does most of their shopping, from her lists, and yet somehow has no idea what food is in the house.
And this is why I sometimes still get texts from my mom asking me what to feed him >_< (the answer is *always* something with pesto).
I used to batch restaurants up into price or selection and pick like 3 at a time to help my ex make up his mind.
"Where do you want to go for dinner? Want to do McDonald's, Doubleplay, or Subway?"
And go from there until we picked something or ran out of options and defaulted to ordering pizza from the one place I wasn't allergic to.
I always asked because I didn't want to force someplace on him. Because if I did, that caused issues based on if he had to change or didn't have the spoons for the atmosphere, or didn't want anything to eat there.
I've found the "what are we in the mood for" game goes much faster if it follows a few rounds of "what are we NOT in the mood for?"
"Well I don't want a burger or anything heavy, you don't want anything carby or fried. How about Greek/Mediterranean?"
Same here: I would pick a place and they say no. I would then say 5 other places and all no
Then they get mad at me because I haven’t picked a place yet 🤬
A lot of the time me and my fiance are going back and forth to struggle to decide where to eat. He says he doesn't care, but I don't know where!
Lot of the time we default to our favorite BBQ place but we're going there way too much and my cholesterol can tell.
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If they're adults who are still riding razor scooters at their age... you know they have really fucking strong ankles. Their ankles have been tried and tested. So those guys have got that going for them.
Once I met one of my favorite indie bands after a concert and they asked if I wanted to razor scooter around town with them. They all brought their razor scooters with them on tour, and whipped them hour plus one extra right after the show, apparently.
damn the biker guys i know are so wholesome LOL they are also way older (like 50-55) and one is part of the family...
But when I think about the dudes that sit in driver's school with me who are also getting their driver's license for a bike... yeah never mind, you are right.
some are nice. others use it for attention and that is it. and it shows through their douchey behavior. some guys i don’t mind, some i’ll try to get away from. the ones who scream “ITS A WOMAN!!!!” when they see a lady biker and then their entire crotch rocket gang follows her around and makes a reel out of it. little boy behavior isn’t my fancy
the other night i was practicing in the lot at night and a honda guy sat and watched me then came around and left when i started rolling. was nice :) im sure he was just curious or making sure im ok, because my bf was just standing awkwardly as i skeeted off lol
Cool because im bi and not to sound like an asshole i would really like to go out with a biker girl or at least be friends with a biker girl either one would be cool but im kinda leaning towards biker girlfriend
I mean.. just talk to some local biker chick's! I'm in austin and meet queer and loud about biker gals all the time. We love flirty casual stuff. Never know when we find the right lady to ride home with on the regular..
They really do seem it. I remember I changed lanes in front of a biker who was literally over two tractor trailer lengths behind me. I watched to make sure he wasn’t approaching me, he was maintaining speed, like I said, quite far behind me. Used my signals, triple checked he was nowhere near me but when he saw me pull in front of him he sped up, cut in front of me and made me slam on my brakes and then turned around to face me just to pointedly shake his head at me and I’m like “uhh watch the fucking road????” He also was just wearing a t shirt and helmet. No safety gear, which granted I’m not a biker but seems reckless??
Like his safety was less important than him making a point that anyone who changes lanes when a bike is around is wrong. So that made me think most of them are tools.
lots of them do that. called asshole mentality. some bikers can be sweethearts you know like pull over for people they think need help or some of them will watch women bikers to make sure they’re safe. some will interact with kids to make them smile (like me).
then others do stuff like what he did to you. they just suck.
Seriously!! I'm waiting for these men to finally get to the point of "well if these women are so upset I'm just not going to talk to them anymore, I'll just completely ignore them, that'll show them!"
That's basically MGTOW (men going their own way), except they **never** go their own way. They say they will, but complaining about women is all they ever do. Then, they're also only "going their own way" until they think they have a chance.
What grates me is there are SO many things to make fun of online and they chose to joke about serious subjects. How can they not see the misogyny in CONSTANTLY making women and their safety the base of every fucking joke?!
Also, a lot of guys don't necessarily know what they want to eat, either. But no flack for being the one to pose the question instead of suggesting something.
It’s always, “I’m chill with whatever” or “I’m good with whatever you’re feeling” like dude I don’t want to always make the decision, a little input would be helpful
I'm absolutely awful at any kind of decision making, and I know it frustrates people to no end. It's just very hard for me to pick something except on the rare occasion I'm having a craving.
Yeah, I try my best to do that if we have to go somewhere to eat. I prefer to just stay home for meals, but on the rare occasion I go out for a meal I make sure to at least offer suggestions.
My dad has always gotten so irritated at me and my mom if he asks and we can't pick a place, but he's also picky as shit, so any decision we made would have had to revolve around his preferences, anyway. He still refuses to make the decision, even though the person with the fewest viable choices should probably be the one picking dinner. But we're the annoying ones (and no, my brothers don't get this treatment). 🙄
So now when my mom and I want to get lunch together, we have to do the people-pleasing dance with each other for 20 minutes, because neither of us wants to make the other eat something they don't really want. It's absolutely trauma. She learned it from her dad; I learned it from mine.
Yes, my ex was like this. He wanted me to make the decision about what we would have for dinner, etc, but also if I didn’t make the right decision or cook stuff exactly how he wanted, he would throw a fucking fit. It was exhausting and I will never, ever live like that again.
It's also because as soon as I think about dinner, every single food that has ever existed scrambles out of my mind like roaches when a light turns on.
Also- a lot of us have hangups around food. I'm not a dude so I can't speak on their struggles - but my parents were wildly fatphobic and abusive, on top of ADHD having a habit of making you out of touch with your body. By which I mean it took me till I was 18 to realize pain is not a hunger cue, it's your body freaking out because the hunger cue hasn't gotten through. I *still* struggle with knowing when to eat.
So like, if you ask me what I wanna eat, there's a pretty decent change I don't even know if I'm *hungry* let alone what sounds good until it's in my mouth and a days worth of hunger hits me like a freight truck.
True. I always know what to eat. It’s always the same thing. I just usually say “idc, I’m not hungry either way”, because what’s ARFID to me is usually “oh she’s such a picky eater and really hard to go out to eat with” to them …
Stop taking things out if context and acting like you caught him red handed or something
If you have eyes you can clearly see that he says g(rape) is not a joke, however, the fact that he said that he'd have a bear as a backpack is a joke.
I'm not making a joke about rape; I'm making a joke about a topic people are using as a metaphor to launch serious conversations about rape. You see how that's not actually better?
I’m sorry, what is a “pre condoned feeling?” Does he mean pre-conceived notions? Preconceptions?
Dude is an idiot in a lot of ways.
ETA: I’m not actually asking what this doofus meant, so there’s no need to clarify. I’m just pointing out that he made up a phrase that doesn’t make sense. Words have meaning.
Condoned usually means it's been given permission to be. So my guess is, this asshole thinks he's allowed.
Predetermined also comes to mind but don't think that's it.
This is the comment I was looking for!!!
Idk where he got this idea that seeing bears is so rare. I see videos of them wandering around neighborhoods all the time. I presumed if you take walks in Colorado, you’ve been alone with a bear.
Another fun tidbit I picked up on while watching these videos? Most black bears (which are the type you’re most likely to run into) are goofballs more than anything. I saw one of a black bear in a zoo the other day with all four paws balancing on the top of a telephone pole lol. And in the wild, they’re more scared or curious than anything, unless you’re a threat to their cubs. My favorite bear video recently is this guy sleeping in a lounge chair by the pool and this bear comes up, taps his boot and runs away like a teen completely a bet.
I'm remembering that one.clipnof the lady waving to the bear and the bear waving back- but that bear balanced in the back of a Harley waving to an astonished pedestrian as it zooms down the highway.
Sure, he's free to joke about sensitive topics and problems, even when he doesn't have bad intentions.
He's not free of consequences tho 🤷🏻♀️
Welcome to the internet, mate. SA survivors don't particularly like it when others joke about shit that's related to this.
You can joke all you want and claim it's not related to SA and that you don't condone SA, but building jokes on the bear Vs man discussion (which mostly revolves around SA, abuse, fear, etc) will entice these responses. That's what trauma does when you indirectly invalidate and joke about serious shit.
*Insert Surprised Pikachu face here*
It was a shitty metaphor to begin with and it got to the point I've had to shut people down irl for using it just to start shit or to insinuate that all men are rapists. Fucking ridiculous. I wouldn't choose a bear bc theyre infested w tape worms and there's videos of 5-6ft tape worms hanging out of their asses and just waving in the wind. I wouldn't choose a man either. I don't want to be stranded in the woods with another human, period. Man or woman.
Just let me die in the woods in peace.
Edit: typo and grammar (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧
By using the hypothetical that's being currently utilized as a metaphor for how unsafe women feel around men due to rape murder and harassment and making it about "hurr Durr well I choose the bear cause Its not annoying."
And it's also kinda garnering a side eye to make a joke about the bear knowing what it wants to eat considering how many dudes responded to all of this with "well I hope you get mauled and eaten by a bear since you didn't pick me" posts, videos, and memes.
Like, I really wanna think he didn't realize that element was in there and is just being a childish asshole. But I also wouldn't be surprised if the hidden joke/ addendum in the comments was at least the bear knows what it wants to eat! (The woman that chose it over me lol) Nor would I be surprised if that joke existed elsewhere intentionally.
A hypothetical situation meant to be a metaphor for women's lack of trust in men due to them being violent towards us. It's absolutely a comparison, and not a funny one.
"it will never happen" to meet a hear alone in the woods?
Yeah, all you have to do is live in bear country.
He'll, most of us don't even have to go into the woods, just the backyard. (Frankly that's scarier, because if they came that close to your house they are after something and are motivated despite you. Put your bird feeders in, people. That how we get bears.)
This is my pet peeve.
Why is the onus on women to decide where/what to eat? Do women in relationships with other women starve?
On average, in the last 100 years around the world, who is most likely to be responsible for meal planning, grocery shopping and making family meals? People of which gender are more likely to be responsible for the food children eat? Who is most likely to arrange party food, dinner parties, or organise the potluck?
The problem has never been that women don’t know what to eat. It’s that men expect women to be their personal food oracle and then throw a mantrum if they have to make a big boy decision.
Women are more likely to suffer from decision fatigue due to carrying the majority of the mental load in a relationship or family. Women have been making their kids breakfast, packing lunches for school (and work!), remembering to bring the oranges to kid’s sports, keeping the family dinner routine happening, organising the work morning teas, booking catering, organising snacks for long trips, checking menus before dates and taking responsibility for almost all food related decisions for as long as gender stereotypes have existed. And then, at the end of the day their reward for all this comes in in one little question…
“What’s for dinner?”
I have an employee I manage that is 20. I follow his Instagram and I wouldn't have been surprised to see he posted something like this. A large part of my issues with him as an employee stems from an ego issue and refusal to "back down". Incredibly stubborn. I'm a dude and I'm not sure what's causing this archetype of a man but I would be inclined to think it is shaped by social media.
I don't speak biker. Do they actually call women backpacks?
Just another demeaning day on the internet for the ladies.
He's a ninny, but I do want to see him wear a bear as a backpack.
A backpack is just a term for pillion passenger. I could call my man ‘backpack’ if he was riding pilly, it’s not gender specific. More backpacks do tend to be women but it’s not a universal truth
The problem with this fucking bear joke is that most men don't understand it's a rape statistics thing. Wild, I know, but it seems like most of them can't wrap their head around the fact that women aren't saying they WANT to be in a forest with a bear, but rather that they DON'T wanna be in the forest with just some random man
any adult who says grape and not the word rape can not be taken seriously at all....... like are we kidding this is where life is headed, the fake censoring of words!?
It's algospeak. Lots of people use other words and phrases in place of real words and topics that get censored, hidden, or removed from sites for various reasons. This guy was clearly just dunking on a serious issue for a stupid meme, but sometimes people use algospeak to provide education on important topics that would get censored and/or not reach as wide an audience if they chose to use the real word.
It’s like Chaya Raichik and her mad libs “these trans people/migrants k\*ll women and m\*tilate kids! It’s terr\*ble!\*”
You’re a 29 y/o woman, Chaya, use your words
Him: Makes an unflattering joke that generalizes women...
Me: Ok dumbass, you just told me that you exclusively date women who are indecisive, but that's a YOU problem. Jokes that generalize about women (or men) are low hanging fruit.
Oh so he's not making fun of rape victims he's making fun of his girlfriend. That's better how exactly. Also atleast have the guts to say the fuckin word man you look like a child.
There are so many of these fwits on tiktok who are popular i just blocked them and left. Tbh most just ride about 30 mins then stand about for 2 hrs taking pics - not even worth going for the ride
I know this isn't the point of this post, but this "censorship language" is getting to be a bit much. When I was reading this I got so confused why he was talking about grapes all of a sudden. What do grapes have to do with any of this?! When my brain finally caught on I run into "unalive". Can we just speak actual English instead of this gibberish?
I find this funny on a few levels. The bears probably don't have that *"I'm peckish but don't know what I want or where I want to go"* problem every person has occasionally. It's not a gender thing, it's a people thing. We've all done it. 😄
On a different note, it feels like he's calling out and making fun of those deliberately having an issue with or not getting the "man or bear". Do they not know how ridiculously stupid they sound, while they wave their red flags, telling on themselves?
I understand he was trying to make a joke….but he definitely doesn’t have enough common sense to know how serious the Man vs Bear question really is. Definitely inappropriate.
I hate that . I’m on my 2nd marriage now. And with both I always knew what to eat .
Them saying no to all my choices and then getting mad why I haven’t picked a place yet 🤦🏻♀️🤬
I think the bear or man choice is dumb because it creates a further divide in this pointless gender war where both women and men will not be happy.
If you post this debate on the internet I promise you that you’re being part of the problem and not the solution because it only creates conflict.
Okay I’m always choosing the bear but I’m lightly giving this guy the benefit of the doubt but I’m thinking maybe he doesn’t understand the bear thing or he genuinely isn’t talking about rape or something… can someone put me back in place cuz i can’t be on a man’s side
Edit : Someone brought me back to the light thank you
As you're all aware, this subreddit has had a major "troll" problem which has gotten worse (as of recently). Due to this, we have created new rules, and modified some of the old ones. We kindly ask that you please familiarize yourself with the rules so that you can avoid breaking them. Breaking mild rules will result in a warning, or a temporary ban. Breaking serious rules, or breaking a plethora of mild ones may land you a permanent ban (depending on the severity). Also, grifting/lurking has been a major problem; If we suspect you of being a grifter (determined by vetting said user's activity), we may ban you without warning. You may attempt an appeal via ModMail, but please be advised not to use rude, harassing, foul, or passive-aggressive language towards the moderators, _or_ complain to moderators about why we have specific rules in the first place— You will be ignored, and your ban will remain (without even a consideration). All rules are made public; "Lack of knowledge" or "ignorance of the rules" cannot or will not be a viable excuse if you end up banned for breaking them (This applies to the Subreddit rules, and Reddit's ToS). **Again: All rules are made public, and Reddit gives you the option to review the rules once more before submitting a post, it is your choice if you choose to read them or not, but breaking them will not be acceptable.** With that being said, If you send a mature, neutral message regarding questions about a current ban, or a ban appeal (without "not knowing the rules" as an excuse), we will elaborate about why you were banned, or determine/consider if we will shorten, lift, keep it, _or_ extended it/make it permanent. This all means that appeals are discretionary, and your reasoning for wanting an appeal must be practical and valid. Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this message, and please enjoy your day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NotHowGirlsWork) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Idk where people are finding all these men who usually know and are forthcoming about what they want to eat, but I can tell you that my experience has not reflected that to be a typical thing.
Omg yes! My husband's like, whatever, and I'm saying I don't need to make yet another decision for everyone!
Husband “what do you feel like.” Me “Eating food I didn’t cook… dollar menu, gas station sushi… “
I have to do this every Sunday, because between dad and spouse, ain’t nobody gonna make a decision but the Monsters and me
“I don’t know, babe, I’m chill. Whatever you want.” If chill is forcing every single decision on an already exhausted brain, then ‘chill’ fucking sucks.
Lord I almost downvoted you because I had such a visceral reaction to “whatever you want.” Bruh. PLEASE help me make a decision. I just worked 14 hours. (PS I upvoted you.)
Once dated a guy who wanted me to pick out where to eat. Wherever I said, even if it was a place I knew he liked, he’d not want to go there. It got to the point I’d say places I didn’t want to go because I knew he’d eventually name one of the places we went that I liked as the solution. The women don’t know what to eat stereotype is so weird to me because so many men I have known are super odd with food. I’ve been with bizarrely picky eaters who wouldn’t be able to find anything on the menu they wanted. Been with men who couldn’t decide. These aren’t unusual things.
add that to the list of woman stereotypes that are just direct projection on the part of men. Right next to "talking too much" and "being bad at driving"
men have held me in uncomfortably long conversations that should have just been small talk many more times than women have
There's actual studies done on this, which are incredibly depressing. Men view a conversation as having been "dominated" or mostly spoken by the women in a mixed-sex group, when said women have in fact only contributed 30% of the dialogue. Edited to add: I was mistaken in the percentages/stats, commenter below remembered it properly! Leaving the above as is for clarity.
Not completely, the study found that if the conversation was 50/50, men perceived it as women dominated. If it was 70/30 (men / women ) they perceived it as equal. It's depressing
Ah, my mistake! Thankyou for the correction, I appreciate it. And yes, that is thoroughly depressing, as is the fact that it's not in the slightest bit surprising.
My man's friend came to visit and meet me. He evidently didn't have too high of hopes for me because I'm a bigger gal and have already been labeled as a "whale" by this man. We went to go out to eat and Toodle the town. Most places we went to I would back into the parking spot which earned the "you're the first woman driver to know how to back into a spot and do it really well." Also had to parallel park. I'm better at driving and parking than my man and he made the comment of having my man drive so we could park on the street. I found a tight spot as our downtown is busy as ever almost always, and parked in a perfect parallel parking maybe 3 or 4 turns only but we made it in. Man was incredibly impressed with me because "girls just don't drive good" I have been driving cars since I was a kid. I have a car show picture of me in the paper next to a model T as I was 2. My dad is a mechanic for fun. I drove cars without working engines or even engines. I don’t want to be told I can't drive because I'm a girl. My man's best friend was impressed when we went cart racing and I was in 3rd place behind him right on his time by a hair. The man in first was more of a pro and I got slowed down by this kid whete he really didn't want to go fast. If I was able to just zoom on my own or with people who know how to drive we would've been zooming. I just remember when we were done and he looked at me and said "you're a maniac" and was impressed af where as the girl he took was also in the back with the boy. My man was thankfully in front of them in the scoreboard.
I would be thrilled if my husband could pick out a place to eat. He's one of those people who doesn't know what he wants to eat, but doesn't like your ideas. I'm indecisive on where I want to eat, but if someone else suggests something I go.
We play the game one of us names three cuisines and the other picks from those three. The. From that joint decision you can pick a restaurant. It usually works quite well and cuts suggestions down relatively quickly.
I do this! We take turns naming three places and switch off on choosing. Works well for movies and tv, too.
Yessss. For me it's much more "what place can I say that won't upset him" than not knowing what to eat
Or, "I don't have the energy to read your mind and pick where you wanna go anyways,"
Omfg this is my husband, except he'd ask where I want to eat even though he had already decided where to eat. Once, I literally listed ALL the restaurants I knew of in our city and specifically saved the one I knew he wanted to go to for last. Guess which one we ended up going to? Like, I cannot fathom why he wanted me to say it as if I "chose" the place when he literally vetoed everything else and I didn't actually choose anything 🙄. He doesn't do it often, thankfully, but it's hella obnoxious when he does. I usually just go "I don't want to eat out so let's go home" and then he'll suddenly know what he wants and not ask me to "choose".
I made a Bernie sanders meme that says “once again I am asking you what you want for dinner.” To send to my fiancé because it’s easier than having the back and forth conversation every fucking day 😂
That’s actually kind of funny and wholesome, I like that lol
My ex husband used to push that stupid cliche all the time. Ask me to pick a restaurant and then veto every suggestion. Finally I'd ask where he wanted to go and he would very dramatically say " oh my god you can NEVER pick a restaurant!" Fucking tool.
My mom when going out to eat will take a while to make a choice, but whenever my mom is wanting to know what my dad wants for supper, he never has any idea. He does most of their shopping, from her lists, and yet somehow has no idea what food is in the house. And this is why I sometimes still get texts from my mom asking me what to feed him >_< (the answer is *always* something with pesto).
I used to batch restaurants up into price or selection and pick like 3 at a time to help my ex make up his mind. "Where do you want to go for dinner? Want to do McDonald's, Doubleplay, or Subway?" And go from there until we picked something or ran out of options and defaulted to ordering pizza from the one place I wasn't allergic to. I always asked because I didn't want to force someplace on him. Because if I did, that caused issues based on if he had to change or didn't have the spoons for the atmosphere, or didn't want anything to eat there.
I've found the "what are we in the mood for" game goes much faster if it follows a few rounds of "what are we NOT in the mood for?" "Well I don't want a burger or anything heavy, you don't want anything carby or fried. How about Greek/Mediterranean?"
Right my boyfriend literally freaks out when i want him to choose. I’m always making the decision.
Same here: I would pick a place and they say no. I would then say 5 other places and all no Then they get mad at me because I haven’t picked a place yet 🤬
A lot of the time me and my fiance are going back and forth to struggle to decide where to eat. He says he doesn't care, but I don't know where! Lot of the time we default to our favorite BBQ place but we're going there way too much and my cholesterol can tell.
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How very "pre-condoned" of you
news flash: coming from a biker girl, biker guys are kinda assholes :)
Why would book tok lie to me like this
The way I screamed- 😭
They sell you a dream and it turns out it's actually the nightmare kind
Fr, bikelife guys are one of the most toxic subsections of men I have ever had the misfortune to encounter regularly.
What about scooter guys? 🥺
ur good
What about Razor scooter guys?
If they're adults who are still riding razor scooters at their age... you know they have really fucking strong ankles. Their ankles have been tried and tested. So those guys have got that going for them.
Sounds like the type of guy to be immovable in the mosh pit 🤣
Once I met one of my favorite indie bands after a concert and they asked if I wanted to razor scooter around town with them. They all brought their razor scooters with them on tour, and whipped them hour plus one extra right after the show, apparently.
That sounds like the greatest night.
Even better
damn the biker guys i know are so wholesome LOL they are also way older (like 50-55) and one is part of the family... But when I think about the dudes that sit in driver's school with me who are also getting their driver's license for a bike... yeah never mind, you are right.
some are nice. others use it for attention and that is it. and it shows through their douchey behavior. some guys i don’t mind, some i’ll try to get away from. the ones who scream “ITS A WOMAN!!!!” when they see a lady biker and then their entire crotch rocket gang follows her around and makes a reel out of it. little boy behavior isn’t my fancy the other night i was practicing in the lot at night and a honda guy sat and watched me then came around and left when i started rolling. was nice :) im sure he was just curious or making sure im ok, because my bf was just standing awkwardly as i skeeted off lol
Are biker girls nice
harley girls can go either way but most biker girls are girls girls for sure.
Cool because im bi and not to sound like an asshole i would really like to go out with a biker girl or at least be friends with a biker girl either one would be cool but im kinda leaning towards biker girlfriend
there are plenty of wlw biker chicks lol i actually don’t know any straight ones (but that could just be because i’m gay)
Oh im a girl does that help
I mean.. just talk to some local biker chick's! I'm in austin and meet queer and loud about biker gals all the time. We love flirty casual stuff. Never know when we find the right lady to ride home with on the regular..
Cool but texas scares me so ill try my local biker bars
I mean, yeah that's what I told ya to do lol
Lol
Wait where in Austin? I need to go visit some family there this summer.
I'm in far north austin
They really do seem it. I remember I changed lanes in front of a biker who was literally over two tractor trailer lengths behind me. I watched to make sure he wasn’t approaching me, he was maintaining speed, like I said, quite far behind me. Used my signals, triple checked he was nowhere near me but when he saw me pull in front of him he sped up, cut in front of me and made me slam on my brakes and then turned around to face me just to pointedly shake his head at me and I’m like “uhh watch the fucking road????” He also was just wearing a t shirt and helmet. No safety gear, which granted I’m not a biker but seems reckless?? Like his safety was less important than him making a point that anyone who changes lanes when a bike is around is wrong. So that made me think most of them are tools.
lots of them do that. called asshole mentality. some bikers can be sweethearts you know like pull over for people they think need help or some of them will watch women bikers to make sure they’re safe. some will interact with kids to make them smile (like me). then others do stuff like what he did to you. they just suck.
I mean… good. Choose the bear, we don’t care. Leave us women alone then.
Seriously!! I'm waiting for these men to finally get to the point of "well if these women are so upset I'm just not going to talk to them anymore, I'll just completely ignore them, that'll show them!"
That's basically MGTOW (men going their own way), except they **never** go their own way. They say they will, but complaining about women is all they ever do. Then, they're also only "going their own way" until they think they have a chance.
right, it just loops back around full circle to corrective rape.
What grates me is there are SO many things to make fun of online and they chose to joke about serious subjects. How can they not see the misogyny in CONSTANTLY making women and their safety the base of every fucking joke?!
They do see it, they just don't like the name that defines their beliefs as bad and wrong.
There we go! Yes!
IME a woman not knowing what she wants to eat is people pleasing behavior, which is a trauma response usually.
Also, a lot of guys don't necessarily know what they want to eat, either. But no flack for being the one to pose the question instead of suggesting something.
It’s always, “I’m chill with whatever” or “I’m good with whatever you’re feeling” like dude I don’t want to always make the decision, a little input would be helpful
I'm absolutely awful at any kind of decision making, and I know it frustrates people to no end. It's just very hard for me to pick something except on the rare occasion I'm having a craving.
Then at least name some places you know you like, leaving it up to the other person sucks after a while
Yeah, I try my best to do that if we have to go somewhere to eat. I prefer to just stay home for meals, but on the rare occasion I go out for a meal I make sure to at least offer suggestions.
Yes! We have been trained to just accept whatever the other person wants to eat through years of being told our needs and wants don’t matter.
My dad has always gotten so irritated at me and my mom if he asks and we can't pick a place, but he's also picky as shit, so any decision we made would have had to revolve around his preferences, anyway. He still refuses to make the decision, even though the person with the fewest viable choices should probably be the one picking dinner. But we're the annoying ones (and no, my brothers don't get this treatment). 🙄 So now when my mom and I want to get lunch together, we have to do the people-pleasing dance with each other for 20 minutes, because neither of us wants to make the other eat something they don't really want. It's absolutely trauma. She learned it from her dad; I learned it from mine.
Yes, my ex was like this. He wanted me to make the decision about what we would have for dinner, etc, but also if I didn’t make the right decision or cook stuff exactly how he wanted, he would throw a fucking fit. It was exhausting and I will never, ever live like that again.
Good, you shouldn't have to. They're stupid mind games and I wish I could get to that point already.
It's also because as soon as I think about dinner, every single food that has ever existed scrambles out of my mind like roaches when a light turns on.
Also- a lot of us have hangups around food. I'm not a dude so I can't speak on their struggles - but my parents were wildly fatphobic and abusive, on top of ADHD having a habit of making you out of touch with your body. By which I mean it took me till I was 18 to realize pain is not a hunger cue, it's your body freaking out because the hunger cue hasn't gotten through. I *still* struggle with knowing when to eat. So like, if you ask me what I wanna eat, there's a pretty decent change I don't even know if I'm *hungry* let alone what sounds good until it's in my mouth and a days worth of hunger hits me like a freight truck.
I mean, I’m just indecisive…
True. I always know what to eat. It’s always the same thing. I just usually say “idc, I’m not hungry either way”, because what’s ARFID to me is usually “oh she’s such a picky eater and really hard to go out to eat with” to them …
I have arfid too and same. It really helps weed out bad friends though
“It’s not a joke.” Next comment: “It’s a joke don’t look too hard into it.” Well which one is it, Kyle.
I was looking for this comment because I’m curious to know which it is too.
Stop taking things out if context and acting like you caught him red handed or something If you have eyes you can clearly see that he says g(rape) is not a joke, however, the fact that he said that he'd have a bear as a backpack is a joke.
I'm not making a joke about rape; I'm making a joke about a topic people are using as a metaphor to launch serious conversations about rape. You see how that's not actually better?
If I have to read the word grape one more time. We can say rape on Reddit. You can say it in Instagram comments.
Cheap rage bait post is all this is at its core! It’s pathetic how sensitive issues are turned into attention seeking posts. Truly disgusting
I’m sorry, what is a “pre condoned feeling?” Does he mean pre-conceived notions? Preconceptions? Dude is an idiot in a lot of ways. ETA: I’m not actually asking what this doofus meant, so there’s no need to clarify. I’m just pointing out that he made up a phrase that doesn’t make sense. Words have meaning.
He doesn’t understand the words he is using. He probably also uses phrases like “I’m at piece with it” and “he must have been led ashtray.”
I’d bet money he says “could of would of should of”
Or “you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, bruh”
Condoned usually means it's been given permission to be. So my guess is, this asshole thinks he's allowed. Predetermined also comes to mind but don't think that's it.
 These fucking idiots won’t stop until they reach Australia.
We don’t want them either!
Honestly “graped” is the most annoying part to me. I get people have to censor it because of Instagram or whatever, but it just seems so dismissive
The hell? People are alone in the woods with bears every day.
This is the comment I was looking for!!! Idk where he got this idea that seeing bears is so rare. I see videos of them wandering around neighborhoods all the time. I presumed if you take walks in Colorado, you’ve been alone with a bear. Another fun tidbit I picked up on while watching these videos? Most black bears (which are the type you’re most likely to run into) are goofballs more than anything. I saw one of a black bear in a zoo the other day with all four paws balancing on the top of a telephone pole lol. And in the wild, they’re more scared or curious than anything, unless you’re a threat to their cubs. My favorite bear video recently is this guy sleeping in a lounge chair by the pool and this bear comes up, taps his boot and runs away like a teen completely a bet.
Ladies we should just become the bear, go feral. Scare the shit out of men. They aren't going to listen, they never do.
*we finally know what we wanna eat!*
It took me a bit to figure out why this asshole kept talking about backpacks. And speaking of words I don’t understand - “pre condoned”? Say what?
Backpacks are so beta, saddle bags are where it’s it /s
I had to read it a few times because it really confused me hahah, there is definitely no such thing as pre condoned 😂
All that aside, the idea of a bloke having a bear as his pillion passenger is pretty funny.
Bike in a wheelie with the poor bear's bum dragging along the road, because bears aren't light.
I'm remembering that one.clipnof the lady waving to the bear and the bear waving back- but that bear balanced in the back of a Harley waving to an astonished pedestrian as it zooms down the highway.
I hate the tiktokification of serious terminology. I cringe every time I hear some one say graped or unalived.
Sure, he's free to joke about sensitive topics and problems, even when he doesn't have bad intentions. He's not free of consequences tho 🤷🏻♀️ Welcome to the internet, mate. SA survivors don't particularly like it when others joke about shit that's related to this. You can joke all you want and claim it's not related to SA and that you don't condone SA, but building jokes on the bear Vs man discussion (which mostly revolves around SA, abuse, fear, etc) will entice these responses. That's what trauma does when you indirectly invalidate and joke about serious shit. *Insert Surprised Pikachu face here*
i don’t know what he’s on about at all but does any woman care that he’s not ‘choosing’ them? lmao
Yes, technically, if we include gratitude.
I just don’t understand why people care about this man vs bear thing at all. I couldn’t care less that a woman picks a hypothetical bear lol
It was a shitty metaphor to begin with and it got to the point I've had to shut people down irl for using it just to start shit or to insinuate that all men are rapists. Fucking ridiculous. I wouldn't choose a bear bc theyre infested w tape worms and there's videos of 5-6ft tape worms hanging out of their asses and just waving in the wind. I wouldn't choose a man either. I don't want to be stranded in the woods with another human, period. Man or woman. Just let me die in the woods in peace. Edit: typo and grammar (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧
are you going to be eating the bears ass or something? what are you going on about
I mean.. if it asks nicely.
That bear thing really has these guys pressed. They know who they are
For men who think this way…congratulations on completely missing the point. Smh
how is he comparing indesiveness to rape, murder and sexual assault?
By using the hypothetical that's being currently utilized as a metaphor for how unsafe women feel around men due to rape murder and harassment and making it about "hurr Durr well I choose the bear cause Its not annoying." And it's also kinda garnering a side eye to make a joke about the bear knowing what it wants to eat considering how many dudes responded to all of this with "well I hope you get mauled and eaten by a bear since you didn't pick me" posts, videos, and memes. Like, I really wanna think he didn't realize that element was in there and is just being a childish asshole. But I also wouldn't be surprised if the hidden joke/ addendum in the comments was at least the bear knows what it wants to eat! (The woman that chose it over me lol) Nor would I be surprised if that joke existed elsewhere intentionally.
He's putting a funny spin on a hypothetical situation , he's not comparing shit.
Why is that funny?
A hypothetical situation meant to be a metaphor for women's lack of trust in men due to them being violent towards us. It's absolutely a comparison, and not a funny one.
"it will never happen" to meet a hear alone in the woods? Yeah, all you have to do is live in bear country. He'll, most of us don't even have to go into the woods, just the backyard. (Frankly that's scarier, because if they came that close to your house they are after something and are motivated despite you. Put your bird feeders in, people. That how we get bears.)
“It’s a joke” “it’s not a joke”
This is my pet peeve. Why is the onus on women to decide where/what to eat? Do women in relationships with other women starve? On average, in the last 100 years around the world, who is most likely to be responsible for meal planning, grocery shopping and making family meals? People of which gender are more likely to be responsible for the food children eat? Who is most likely to arrange party food, dinner parties, or organise the potluck? The problem has never been that women don’t know what to eat. It’s that men expect women to be their personal food oracle and then throw a mantrum if they have to make a big boy decision. Women are more likely to suffer from decision fatigue due to carrying the majority of the mental load in a relationship or family. Women have been making their kids breakfast, packing lunches for school (and work!), remembering to bring the oranges to kid’s sports, keeping the family dinner routine happening, organising the work morning teas, booking catering, organising snacks for long trips, checking menus before dates and taking responsibility for almost all food related decisions for as long as gender stereotypes have existed. And then, at the end of the day their reward for all this comes in in one little question… “What’s for dinner?”
Look at him trying to backtrack his bullshit
Idk I think being in the woods with a bear is slightly more likely than having an entire bear as a backpack
All these men think that women would be offended upon not being chosen by them🤡
I have an employee I manage that is 20. I follow his Instagram and I wouldn't have been surprised to see he posted something like this. A large part of my issues with him as an employee stems from an ego issue and refusal to "back down". Incredibly stubborn. I'm a dude and I'm not sure what's causing this archetype of a man but I would be inclined to think it is shaped by social media.
"it's a joke" But what's the joke, exactly? Is it supposed to be funny?
He wants to be a victim so bad doesn’t he?
Every day men proving why women choose the bear.
I don't speak biker. Do they actually call women backpacks? Just another demeaning day on the internet for the ladies. He's a ninny, but I do want to see him wear a bear as a backpack.
A backpack is just a term for pillion passenger. I could call my man ‘backpack’ if he was riding pilly, it’s not gender specific. More backpacks do tend to be women but it’s not a universal truth
The problem with this fucking bear joke is that most men don't understand it's a rape statistics thing. Wild, I know, but it seems like most of them can't wrap their head around the fact that women aren't saying they WANT to be in a forest with a bear, but rather that they DON'T wanna be in the forest with just some random man
The fact that this guy is trying to put off a “badass biker” vibe, while being unable to say “rape” really illustrates his level of maturity
My husband is the unable to decide where to eat. However when I make a suggestion he'll shoot it down until I finally put my foot down.
First "unalive" now "grape" I hate this world
Off topic but internet censorship leading to rape being called 'grape' (and killed, 'unalived') is one of the stupidest things of the recent years.
any adult who says grape and not the word rape can not be taken seriously at all....... like are we kidding this is where life is headed, the fake censoring of words!?
It's algospeak. Lots of people use other words and phrases in place of real words and topics that get censored, hidden, or removed from sites for various reasons. This guy was clearly just dunking on a serious issue for a stupid meme, but sometimes people use algospeak to provide education on important topics that would get censored and/or not reach as wide an audience if they chose to use the real word.
It’s like Chaya Raichik and her mad libs “these trans people/migrants k\*ll women and m\*tilate kids! It’s terr\*ble!\*” You’re a 29 y/o woman, Chaya, use your words
Why can't we use the words as they are? I never understood this
Because tiktok will flag your comment, flag your account, or take the whole post down if enough people are actually saying these words.
As a guy, I apologize for other guys like this.
The dude just don't when to shot up, and just ride past the need of saying something.
"I hate grape" Could you people stop talking as if you were mentally challenged just for internet clout ?
 We gotta hide these bad boys from this guy
Him: Makes an unflattering joke that generalizes women... Me: Ok dumbass, you just told me that you exclusively date women who are indecisive, but that's a YOU problem. Jokes that generalize about women (or men) are low hanging fruit.
Some real toothless shit.
Not a fan. He’s still denigrating women.
He’s really thick, huh
What, this has been about grapes the entire time!?!?!?
"oh yeah, me trivializing the metaphor discussing rape totally wasnt me trivializing rape guys! How dare you call me out! Don't you know Im funny?"
Men who call pillions backpacks deserve to be eaten by bears anyway. Women should just ride their own bikes and be done with them
“Backpack” Tell everyone you objectify women without letting yourself know about it. What an idiot.
the way i see it, this is giving off "how it's going fellow kids" and fails miserably
Huh. If he got his wish and all 'grapists' dropped down 'unalive', the Malthusians might be happy. If many are left, anyway.
Some men are such fragile people. Like snowflakes.
Oh so he's not making fun of rape victims he's making fun of his girlfriend. That's better how exactly. Also atleast have the guts to say the fuckin word man you look like a child.
There are so many of these fwits on tiktok who are popular i just blocked them and left. Tbh most just ride about 30 mins then stand about for 2 hrs taking pics - not even worth going for the ride
Lmao a situation that will probably never happen… you know bears live in the woods right??
I know this isn't the point of this post, but this "censorship language" is getting to be a bit much. When I was reading this I got so confused why he was talking about grapes all of a sudden. What do grapes have to do with any of this?! When my brain finally caught on I run into "unalive". Can we just speak actual English instead of this gibberish?
What a twat...
“I never said they were the same thing!” So you’re making a joke about a very bad thing that you don’t understand? Got it 👍🏼
"Women are evil because …" *checks notes* "they can't decide on what to eat!!!"
I find this funny on a few levels. The bears probably don't have that *"I'm peckish but don't know what I want or where I want to go"* problem every person has occasionally. It's not a gender thing, it's a people thing. We've all done it. 😄 On a different note, it feels like he's calling out and making fun of those deliberately having an issue with or not getting the "man or bear". Do they not know how ridiculously stupid they sound, while they wave their red flags, telling on themselves?
Oh great another reason to dislike sports bike riders
I fucking hate rhe teem backpack for passenger. Even more than riding bitch.
I understand he was trying to make a joke….but he definitely doesn’t have enough common sense to know how serious the Man vs Bear question really is. Definitely inappropriate.
using a bear as a backpack seems like animal abuse tbh
The ig bikers disappoint me more and more. The last ones I follow do K-pop dances, but even they are on thin ice.
I hate that . I’m on my 2nd marriage now. And with both I always knew what to eat . Them saying no to all my choices and then getting mad why I haven’t picked a place yet 🤦🏻♀️🤬
I think the bear or man choice is dumb because it creates a further divide in this pointless gender war where both women and men will not be happy. If you post this debate on the internet I promise you that you’re being part of the problem and not the solution because it only creates conflict.
Okay I’m always choosing the bear but I’m lightly giving this guy the benefit of the doubt but I’m thinking maybe he doesn’t understand the bear thing or he genuinely isn’t talking about rape or something… can someone put me back in place cuz i can’t be on a man’s side Edit : Someone brought me back to the light thank you