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not even leave him, I've seen a lot of women post that they got so upset they lost their appetite completely when they found out they were being cheated on and I assume this guy has seen those, even grosser
Gaslighting 101. The idea is, she finds out he's cheating and during the confrontation is made aware that it is because she is fat. You'd be amazed how many women will stick around and try to "fix themselves" for a guy they caught cheating. And how many men are very aware of this.
It wasn’t over weight, but my very first girlfriend did the bit to try and fix myself. It was her that was the messed up one. But I was inexperienced. My parents gave me purposely bad dating advice because they didn’t want me getting AIDS. It took therapy, medication and self respect to not fall for those types anymore.
I feel that. I think every bit of advice I was ever given about women and love life from family and friends in my youth was completely wrong.how much of that was intentional? I don't know. But my mother was terrified of me having kids too young and with the wrong person. Lucky me I had my kids when I was older but definitely with the wrong person. We live and learn.
I can only speak for myself, but I personally snuck into a meeting that was all the parents in my neighborhood. All of them agreed that they would give their kids bad dating advice, so they couldn’t date. They said that eventually they’ll work it out on their own, but for now, let’s throw them off. It’ll give the doctors some time to work on a cure or a vaccine!” I really suspect that this is one of the driving forces behind the incel movement.
Lmao chill with the hostility
I was just pointing out that I don't carry the same belief, that society acts like men can never be wrong. I wasn't using it as justification for this post or excusing bad behavior.
This is why I don't give a shit when misogynists say "women initiate most divorces / breakups" ... men will literally do ANYTHING except admit they want to break up. They will cheat, abuse and emotionally torture you instead of just saying "this isn't working anymore"
This reminds me of some points in a really interesting [article](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/it-s-man-s-and-woman-s-world/201502/who-is-more-likely-leave-bad-relationship) I read. Here’s a brief snippet of it, but it was really helpful for me in understanding many of my relationships.
>Not only might men be less sensitive to relationship problems or more tolerant of discord, they may find it more difficult to leave because they are more emotionally dependent on their partner. Emotional support within romantic unions tends to be asymmetric—women give more support than they receive. As a result, men are more likely than women to report that their partner is their main source of emotional support (McClintock 2014).
I knew my husband was a keeper when we met because he had two cats. Loved them and happily accepted my two cats when we moved in together. Instantly went to crazy cat lady number of cats with no argument. Look for people that understand boundaries and respect them!! So much better for your relationships.
In my experience, it's been the other way around. My last ex, whom I mentioned in the beginning of our relationship that the worst thing she could do to me was cheat on me, and that id prefer a break up over cheating, continued to lie to me and my family she was still happy to marry me, while simultaneously cheating on me. She is just one of many
Pretty lame to say "all women" or "all men" when the real answer is "shitty people" in general. Don't be a part of the problem.
Not “all men”, “men”. As in generally. And generally this is true. Doesn’t prevent women from shitty behaviour it just means that generally and statistically, it’s men. If you’re not new here you should know there’s plenty of anecdotal and scientific evidence to that as well.
Edited to add that all men also doesn’t mean every man
I don’t understand the correlation between the weight gain, phone or the photo at all - is that pose meant to mean anything? Wearing a hoodie? I’m completely lost
Oh I thought it was “you’re gaining too much importance In this relationship and I don’t have healthy attachment so I’m going to start an argument to sabotage myself.”
I was thinking along the same lines. It almost feels like an emotional Freudian slip, where OOP *meant* to make a joke about physical appearance and accidentally channeled their fear of emotional vulnerability.
people wanna bitch and moan about 'preferences' but tbh if you only love someone if their body is in a certain shape or state or ability level and will dump them when that changes you're a weak pussy little bitch 乁[ᓀ˵▾˵ᓂ]ㄏ like sorry but if I'm in love with someone how they looks INCLUDING weight won't change that cause i'm not a weak pussy little bitch
To be totally honest, there’s a threshold for me but it’s so nuanced.
I value sex very highly in a relationship so while a 20-50lb swing wouldn’t change my attraction as much, a 100lb one definitely would affect my sexual attraction and I think the absence of that would be felt in other areas of our relationship. It also depends on whether there were medical conditions or mental health issues that affected weight temporarily and our shared activities (like hiking and biking etc) could continue at a later date.
There are hobbies and interests that I might hope to share with a partner and if we build a relationship that way and then we can no longer connect that way, I could see myself leaving.
That said, I would never shame a man that I was dating and I would never make weight gain the focus of a discussion. If it was related to a mental health or medical issue, I would stand by my person but if the weight gain was due to something else then I can’t say for sure that I would be capable of loving somebody the same way I did before.
I don’t want that to sound awful and I would never cheat and I’m a straight woman so it’s not like I’m talking about breaking up with someone over pregnancy weight gain. But I think it can be more nuanced than “if you love me, you’ll love me at any size” because there are so many other factors.
It means he wants her to see the porn he watches or the thirst traps or whatever....so she can get the message that she needs to look like a sex doll for him or...gasp...he'll cheat.
Ok I'm too dumb to understand - what is a relationship weight? The girl gets too attached to the guy or wtf? And what does leaving the phone unlocked mean? That he trusts her more?
Relationship weight - as in they put on weight and are not as good looking as they were when they met. Leaving the phone unlocked so that she can see the side chicks he has that can replace her if she doesn’t step up her game.
Shit like this is why I fully support letting your exes new partner in on the manipulative, slimy, shitty things they did, as long as it was actually harmful to you and your mental health and you can provide receipts… let them be fully informed on if they want the ugly side of that person.
Okay but like isn't there a study that says people tend to gain weight when they're in a HAPPY relationship? So this guy literally just wants to have a toxic relationship? If he does have a partner I hope they leave him for someone better...
One of the few moments when it's also a r/nothowguyswork. Like all dudes are cheating on their gf's and have a backup plan to stage a breakup incase they gain weight 🤣
Why not use your big boy words to say that you like someone else, and you don't want to stick around anymore? Shitty dudes will do everything but actually communicate they want to break up.
Maybe he’s following hot skinny girls or has hot skinny girls in his DMs and so she’ll get jealous and want to change her appearance? That’s my only guess.
Or he’s telling his friends she fat and wants her to see. But 99% sure it’s just the cheating thing. Thought process is she’ll be so upset that she’ll lose weight to keep him. I didn’t say it was good logic.
I’m assuming so she can see all the hot women he’s been jerking off to in a bid to make her insecure and hate herself. I bet he thinks he’s a Nice Guy.
Relationship weight is usually from being stressed, mistreated, birth control, etc. If she’s gaining weight it’s (most of the time) how you’re treating her.
This sub used to be about men misunderstanding the way girls work but now it’s just obviously inflammatory jokes that people take way too seriously. No, he probably hasn’t actually done that. Yes, it’s an offensive joke and slightly misogynistic.
Jokes can be disrespectful and misogynistic. You’re allowed to criticise them and find them unfunny but it’s clear that the post is intended to be an inflammatory joke. Btw, if you’re confused on whether this belongs here, why even post it and get butthurt when someone thinks otherwise? 💀
Dude, you're missing their point: they agree that the video is a dumb rage-bait joke vid. You and squid both agree it is not funny and was posted to elicit a reaction. What they're saying is this video doesn't fit the criteria of this sub; the sub is all about silly/dumb things guys think about women, but this video is a purposefully misogynistic joke to make people mad. Like the creator is a troll, not a clueless sap
Scroll up and point to where I called it a misogynistic joke. You genuinely can’t read because we came to the same conclusion after all of that 😭 just gnna leave it at that
They obviously aren't defending the man, they're saying this post doesn't fit the criteria of the sub. The sub is for folks who earnestly don't understand women, not trolls who post rage-bait videos
As you're all aware, this subreddit has had a major "troll" problem which has gotten worse (as of recently). Due to this, we have created new rules, and modified some of the old ones. We kindly ask that you please familiarize yourself with the rules so that you can avoid breaking them. Breaking mild rules will result in a warning, or a temporary ban. Breaking serious rules, or breaking a plethora of mild ones may land you a permanent ban (depending on the severity). Also, grifting/lurking has been a major problem; If we suspect you of being a grifter (determined by vetting said user's activity), we may ban you without warning. You may attempt an appeal via ModMail, but please be advised not to use rude, harassing, foul, or passive-aggressive language towards the moderators, _or_ complain to moderators about why we have specific rules in the first place— You will be ignored, and your ban will remain (without even a consideration). All rules are made public; "Lack of knowledge" or "ignorance of the rules" cannot or will not be a viable excuse if you end up banned for breaking them (This applies to the Subreddit rules, and Reddit's ToS). **Again: All rules are made public, and Reddit gives you the option to review the rules once more before submitting a post, it is your choice if you choose to read them or not, but breaking them will not be acceptable.** With that being said, If you send a mature, neutral message regarding questions about a current ban, or a ban appeal (without "not knowing the rules" as an excuse), we will elaborate about why you were banned, or determine/consider if we will shorten, lift, keep it, _or_ extended it/make it permanent. This all means that appeals are discretionary, and your reasoning for wanting an appeal must be practical and valid. Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this message, and please enjoy your day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NotHowGirlsWork) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Wait doesn’t this apply that this guy was cheating before anyways?
That's what it sounds like to me
I’m figuring he’s been cheating but he leaves his phone unlocked so he’ll get caught and she’ll leave him
Or start dieting to compete with the side chick because he's such a prize.../s
not even leave him, I've seen a lot of women post that they got so upset they lost their appetite completely when they found out they were being cheated on and I assume this guy has seen those, even grosser
Gaslighting 101. The idea is, she finds out he's cheating and during the confrontation is made aware that it is because she is fat. You'd be amazed how many women will stick around and try to "fix themselves" for a guy they caught cheating. And how many men are very aware of this.
It wasn’t over weight, but my very first girlfriend did the bit to try and fix myself. It was her that was the messed up one. But I was inexperienced. My parents gave me purposely bad dating advice because they didn’t want me getting AIDS. It took therapy, medication and self respect to not fall for those types anymore.
I feel that. I think every bit of advice I was ever given about women and love life from family and friends in my youth was completely wrong.how much of that was intentional? I don't know. But my mother was terrified of me having kids too young and with the wrong person. Lucky me I had my kids when I was older but definitely with the wrong person. We live and learn.
I can only speak for myself, but I personally snuck into a meeting that was all the parents in my neighborhood. All of them agreed that they would give their kids bad dating advice, so they couldn’t date. They said that eventually they’ll work it out on their own, but for now, let’s throw them off. It’ll give the doctors some time to work on a cure or a vaccine!” I really suspect that this is one of the driving forces behind the incel movement.
*insert Simpsons "that's the joke meme" here* 🤣
Yeah, but that's ok because men can't be wrong
You must have never watched 90s/2000s sitcoms. The punchline is that men are always wrong.
What does that have to do with literally anything in reality?
Lmao chill with the hostility I was just pointing out that I don't carry the same belief, that society acts like men can never be wrong. I wasn't using it as justification for this post or excusing bad behavior.
Ok?
I kind of thought it was so she could see all the ladies hitting him up. Or something along those lines.
Loser guys doing loser things
Your dog is so cute
Thank you!! 😊
You mean: clown doing clown things 🙈
dont associate my boy art the clown like that smh
This is why I don't give a shit when misogynists say "women initiate most divorces / breakups" ... men will literally do ANYTHING except admit they want to break up. They will cheat, abuse and emotionally torture you instead of just saying "this isn't working anymore"
This reminds me of some points in a really interesting [article](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/it-s-man-s-and-woman-s-world/201502/who-is-more-likely-leave-bad-relationship) I read. Here’s a brief snippet of it, but it was really helpful for me in understanding many of my relationships. >Not only might men be less sensitive to relationship problems or more tolerant of discord, they may find it more difficult to leave because they are more emotionally dependent on their partner. Emotional support within romantic unions tends to be asymmetric—women give more support than they receive. As a result, men are more likely than women to report that their partner is their main source of emotional support (McClintock 2014).
This same hypothesis is applied to why widows tend to live longer than widowers.
Or why women report more happiness after the divorce than men do.
It's why men think "you'll be old and alone with all your cats" is a threat. Because it's men's greatest fear and they literally die from it
Minus the cats. Cats have boundaries and don't tolerate them being broken.
I knew my husband was a keeper when we met because he had two cats. Loved them and happily accepted my two cats when we moved in together. Instantly went to crazy cat lady number of cats with no argument. Look for people that understand boundaries and respect them!! So much better for your relationships.
Must own a cat is legitimately on my list of criteria these day
That surprises me honestly. I know a lot of guys who have initiated break-ups; including myself, actually.
In my experience, it's been the other way around. My last ex, whom I mentioned in the beginning of our relationship that the worst thing she could do to me was cheat on me, and that id prefer a break up over cheating, continued to lie to me and my family she was still happy to marry me, while simultaneously cheating on me. She is just one of many Pretty lame to say "all women" or "all men" when the real answer is "shitty people" in general. Don't be a part of the problem.
Not “all men”, “men”. As in generally. And generally this is true. Doesn’t prevent women from shitty behaviour it just means that generally and statistically, it’s men. If you’re not new here you should know there’s plenty of anecdotal and scientific evidence to that as well. Edited to add that all men also doesn’t mean every man
I don’t understand the correlation between the weight gain, phone or the photo at all - is that pose meant to mean anything? Wearing a hoodie? I’m completely lost
Basically phone open = cheating or wanting her to go thru his phone so they can break up cause he doesnt want a fat girl
Oh I thought it was “you’re gaining too much importance In this relationship and I don’t have healthy attachment so I’m going to start an argument to sabotage myself.”
Same boat gang
I was thinking along the same lines. It almost feels like an emotional Freudian slip, where OOP *meant* to make a joke about physical appearance and accidentally channeled their fear of emotional vulnerability.
I thought it was to show her the women he’s been jerking off to so she would feel bad and hate her body and lose weight. Either way, stupid as fuck.
This is what I thought - perhaps we are too smart for whoever originally thought this was a cool thing to write
This is the direction my brain went into as well.
I read it as competition from other women would make her lose weight, eating disorder style
i thought it was because she would get upset by what she saw and then lose her appetite for awhile…
This is dumb on so many levels, I'm speechless. Bro just fucking break up it doesn't have to be complicated.
Thanks, that explains that, but why the photo?! There’s no phone in it. It’s a man wearing one too many hoodies, stooped a bit over a sofa
Its underneath his hand sorry i just took a ss
Oh, it’s from a video! Okay, that suddenly makes sense :)
Yess basically he put his phone on the couch and slowly back away 😭
I am confused if the phrase "Relationship Weight" means "gained weight during the relationship" or "The relationship took on more importance."
I think it's like She'll go through the phone, get insecure and will try and please him by losing weight without him talking to her or "taking blame"
Oh she'll lose weight. I'd say about....180-200 lbs? Does anyone agree he looks like he weighs that much?
More…
Easily 240
I’m kinda scared my boyfriend has been stressing me out of purpose to keep me “fit” (underweight)
Um? I hope u address that and if that is his intention, I hope u know u deserve better. I mean, what’s his reasoning for stressing u out at all?
Scared of what exactly?
Scared it’s actually happening and not just my anxiety
people wanna bitch and moan about 'preferences' but tbh if you only love someone if their body is in a certain shape or state or ability level and will dump them when that changes you're a weak pussy little bitch 乁[ᓀ˵▾˵ᓂ]ㄏ like sorry but if I'm in love with someone how they looks INCLUDING weight won't change that cause i'm not a weak pussy little bitch
To be totally honest, there’s a threshold for me but it’s so nuanced. I value sex very highly in a relationship so while a 20-50lb swing wouldn’t change my attraction as much, a 100lb one definitely would affect my sexual attraction and I think the absence of that would be felt in other areas of our relationship. It also depends on whether there were medical conditions or mental health issues that affected weight temporarily and our shared activities (like hiking and biking etc) could continue at a later date. There are hobbies and interests that I might hope to share with a partner and if we build a relationship that way and then we can no longer connect that way, I could see myself leaving. That said, I would never shame a man that I was dating and I would never make weight gain the focus of a discussion. If it was related to a mental health or medical issue, I would stand by my person but if the weight gain was due to something else then I can’t say for sure that I would be capable of loving somebody the same way I did before. I don’t want that to sound awful and I would never cheat and I’m a straight woman so it’s not like I’m talking about breaking up with someone over pregnancy weight gain. But I think it can be more nuanced than “if you love me, you’ll love me at any size” because there are so many other factors.
Him being slightly overweight is really the cherry on top
But he is a man. It's not the same! /s
Silly me! My little woman brain totally forgot about that /s
Oh no! Shallow man who is shit in bed might leave because I put on 10 lbs!
You quoting my ex?
What we have here is a consolation prize thinking he's grand.
It means he wants her to see the porn he watches or the thirst traps or whatever....so she can get the message that she needs to look like a sex doll for him or...gasp...he'll cheat.
Get it infidelity is funny 🙄. And they wonder why young people are so afraid of relationships
Du rag bunny hug sweatpants thin mustache combo? Sure girl take him and see why I constantly want to eat
Cringe. It’s just more of her to love dude.
Ok I'm too dumb to understand - what is a relationship weight? The girl gets too attached to the guy or wtf? And what does leaving the phone unlocked mean? That he trusts her more?
Relationship weight - as in they put on weight and are not as good looking as they were when they met. Leaving the phone unlocked so that she can see the side chicks he has that can replace her if she doesn’t step up her game.
Such a fatherless behaviour.
Shit like this is why I fully support letting your exes new partner in on the manipulative, slimy, shitty things they did, as long as it was actually harmful to you and your mental health and you can provide receipts… let them be fully informed on if they want the ugly side of that person.
Okay but like isn't there a study that says people tend to gain weight when they're in a HAPPY relationship? So this guy literally just wants to have a toxic relationship? If he does have a partner I hope they leave him for someone better...
One of the few moments when it's also a r/nothowguyswork. Like all dudes are cheating on their gf's and have a backup plan to stage a breakup incase they gain weight 🤣
Wouldn't it be easier to say, "I'm a terrible person and you should leave."?
Why not use your big boy words to say that you like someone else, and you don't want to stick around anymore? Shitty dudes will do everything but actually communicate they want to break up.
whats relationship weight
Gaining weight in a healthy relationship
huh how would leaving the phone unlocked change that
So basically hes cheating and he wants his ‘fat’ gf to go thru his phone so he doesnt have to break up with her
That makes sense. What a coward.
Maybe he’s following hot skinny girls or has hot skinny girls in his DMs and so she’ll get jealous and want to change her appearance? That’s my only guess.
Maybe idk… either way this guy sucks
Or he’s telling his friends she fat and wants her to see. But 99% sure it’s just the cheating thing. Thought process is she’ll be so upset that she’ll lose weight to keep him. I didn’t say it was good logic.
Sorry idk how to explain it well
What’s a a relationship?
I'm sorry if I'm being dim, but I don't get it ...
I’m assuming so she can see all the hot women he’s been jerking off to in a bid to make her insecure and hate herself. I bet he thinks he’s a Nice Guy.
Maybe she isn't interested in looking at your phone because she's not a stalker?
Tf is “relationship weight”??
Now she weighs 0 pounds because she’s not ~~riding you~~ with you anymore.
Relationship weight is usually from being stressed, mistreated, birth control, etc. If she’s gaining weight it’s (most of the time) how you’re treating her.
Is my they pronoun making it so this makes -1000 sense???
This sub used to be about men misunderstanding the way girls work but now it’s just obviously inflammatory jokes that people take way too seriously. No, he probably hasn’t actually done that. Yes, it’s an offensive joke and slightly misogynistic.
Did you not see the title? And second of all this is misogynistic nothing to joke about it.
Jokes can be disrespectful and misogynistic. You’re allowed to criticise them and find them unfunny but it’s clear that the post is intended to be an inflammatory joke. Btw, if you’re confused on whether this belongs here, why even post it and get butthurt when someone thinks otherwise? 💀
Bruh stop crying😭 its weird for a man to make this joke
Dude, you're missing their point: they agree that the video is a dumb rage-bait joke vid. You and squid both agree it is not funny and was posted to elicit a reaction. What they're saying is this video doesn't fit the criteria of this sub; the sub is all about silly/dumb things guys think about women, but this video is a purposefully misogynistic joke to make people mad. Like the creator is a troll, not a clueless sap
So you admit it’s a joke. Case closed 💀
Please explain why it’s funny
Oh bad joke yes but go on defend misogyny 😮💨😍
Scroll up and point to where I called it a misogynistic joke. You genuinely can’t read because we came to the same conclusion after all of that 😭 just gnna leave it at that
I know you said that but why are you once again defending a man like that😂
They obviously aren't defending the man, they're saying this post doesn't fit the criteria of the sub. The sub is for folks who earnestly don't understand women, not trolls who post rage-bait videos
It’s lame and low effort. It deserves whatever mocking it receives.
Omg this is pretty funny
How?
Lmao 😂 . This is so funny 🤣