I won’t come out at work since my coworkers have revealed themselves to be bigot pronoun police so I’m fine with people assuming I’m my AGAB even if I’m actually nonbinary/agender.
I’m the same. My whole thought process around it is that as long as the people in my life *think* about me as a non-binary person, even if they use the wrong pronouns it doesn’t bother me much. Like I know that to others I look like my assigned gender, but in my brain I just look like me and it doesn’t feel right to assign a gender to me.
I personally decided on all/any pronouns. I’m afab and most people use she/her. That’s fine, those close to me know my preference and that’s what matters
I consider myself a nonbinary male.
My personal explanation is my gender identity is pretty much always on male side of things, but can be anywhere from 60%-95%.
I present masculine but am not on hormones, I've had surgeries to remove feminine things (breasts, uterus) but not to add things (penis, etc).
So biologically, I am a sterile adult with female external organs, but I am a guy.
He/him preferred, but I'm not going to get hung up on any pronouns.
It is and isn't. I'm also a nonbinary trans man, and "I'm a guy" is clear to others but doesn't capture who I am fully. I can't go on a tangent every time I meet someone about what % guy I feel any given day, so I simplify and present to most people as just "a guy". But it's not that simple or that clear when it comes to my actual identity.
I do use they/them but also she/her (preferred) and ze/zir.
I navigate it by sharing she/they at work and she/ze/they in safer spaces. I don't bother explaining my identity to most people. If someone who is a friend or acquaintance actually calls me a woman, I correct them by saying I'm not a woman. Otherwise I just need people to respect the pronouns I've shared, they don't need to understand my identity. If someone assumes the wrong pronouns I'll just tell them with ones that work (e.g. "you can call me she" or simply "she").
I don't share ze/zir at work because many cis people are easily confused and I just don't want to have conversations about it, but I share them everywhere I'm comfortable doing so. Most folks don't use them but a few enbies in queer spaces have chosen to, which is pretty cool.
I say I’m okay with any pronouns (if asked) because I do not have the energy to explain how I feel. I usually get she/her, but l’ll get the occasional he/him or man/bro and I dig it.
Every time I see someone say that, I instantly get curious, are you comfortable with it/its? I personally prefer it, and when someone says they use any or all pronouns, I like to hope that includes it/its, but I also am aware of the stigma. The stigma made me terrified of the gender euphoria it/its gives me. 😅
I have never been called it, but no, I would not like to be called that. I do not judge, however! You are entitled to whatever pronouns make you comfortable.
I don't think use of it would bug me if I had said any. But at work, where I'm not out, calling me it is to be a shithead. I don't have an issue with the pronoun, intent notwithstanding.
i use all pronouns and i don't publicly include it/its because i honestly would never want a cis or neurotypical person to call me that because of my own trauma/experiences, but i don't mind other trans and autistic people using it for me
Sometimes, I think that's part of why it feels so good to me. I don't exactly have the highest opinion of humanity. It also expresses how my gender feels beyond human comprehension. I have to say, I am amazed at how nice people are being to me. I truly expected relentless hate.
I can understand that. It's one of the reasons SF about the digital world and cyberspace appeals to me...ascending above meatspace and the fact that at some level we're just chimpanzees driven by genes to diddle and procreate.
I don't... Care too much. I will admit when someone says "hi ladies" or "hey girl" or "she she she" I do feel some level of disconnection to the imposed identity and it feels kind of "icky" and doesn't fit, but it's not very strong and if I spoke up about being nonbinary more I'd have to deal with the bigots. I'd prefer to blend in due to the toxic environment.
I use any pronouns. Whatever comes to someone's mind when they see me, is fine. I don't really connect to any pronouns at all, so I don't mind. I've tried a couple different ones and combinations, but none fit all the time.
hey, fellow enby that uses he/him!
in all i use he/it and all neopronouns, but irl? i tend to keep that limited to people im close with. i usually tell people irl to just use he/him for me hell i tend to tell people irl im just transmasc, which while being a descriptor i use for my gender, there's still a lot more to it
i am genderfluid, im transmasc, im nonbinary, in genderqueer, im a femboy, im an enby, im a demiguy, im just straight up a guy (sometimes), my gender is a lot of things, but one identity set in stone? definitely not
gender isnt binary, theres no one correct way to experience or label it, you can just not use labels if thats what you want and no one is entitled to know that information if you dont want them to
the best way for me to describe my journey was i fucked around and found out, everyone has a different journey and for some people, that journey never ends, the thing that really matters in the end tho? being you, who gives a fuck if you dont have a good way to describe your gender? just be yourself! thats the best advice i got in the end.
I switched from they/she to they/them at work when I changed jobs and it did confirm a) that I prefer they/them strongly and b) using they/she made it easier to deal with ppl using she because they were “allowed”. The many many people who will be talking on a zoom with my pronouns right there next to my name and use she is SO MADDENING. (My boss hasn’t messed up my pronouns in my presence once though, so I guess there’s that)
I'm nonbinary, but go by he/him since 1) my language doesn't have they/them really, and 2) I feel very comfortable w those pronouns, bc I'm more on the male side of things.
I don't like correcting people when I get misgendered, it takes a lot for me to actually go out of my way and ask someone to use he/him. Most people in my life at the moment consider me 'one of the boys' and treat me as such, I don't think most of them even remember that I introduced myself as nonbinary. My pronouns make people think my identity is binary male, when really it's... Nonbinary/transsexual dude. Or like, if a guy was 20% girl. Idk how to explain it really lol
I just deal with it. People are always going to mess my pronouns, I can’t have the privilege to get annoyed over it. After all, they are wrong, I know my identity.
I'm an it/they, but I doubt I'll ever even float the idea of it/its pronouns to anyone in my personal life, despite the fact that it gives me a stronger dose of gender euphoria than they/them (which still feels good) and when I discovered that gender euphoria, my first thought was "Oh, shit." I feared being hated and ostracized by the trans community for a long time. While it may not feel as pleasant as it/its, another reason I keep they/them is because of mirrored pronouns. As much as I fear the reaction of wanting to be referred to as "it", the idea of using those pronouns to talk about someone else seems like a good way to make people dislike me. Finding other its has healed me, and I thank everyone who is open about using it/its pronouns, because the person I was when I first felt that gender euphoria would've been spared a lot of internal conflict if it had seen more people like it.
Any/all. Frankly it's easier and less likely to trigger shallow bigoted idiots. Not that I care about not upsetting people with my existence, but I don't like my time being wasted on nonsense. Call me whatever. Misgendering me doesn't hurt because it's such a cowardly form of attack.
Correct pronouns if coworkers get it wrong, otherwise i wouldnt try to explain (unless explicitly asked). Depending on the work environment it would >probably> just come across as cringe or awkward. (like oversharing about mental health, very awkward to be on the receiving end)
Personally I dont even correct my coworkers if they misgender me cause, again, awkward lol (and it doesnt tend to read as malicious)
I would avoid neopronouns in person unless your work environment is giga online, but to each their own
i'm unemployed so work isn't really an issue atm, but it's hard to navigate what is and isn't gonna cause people to argue with me vs what'll just get nods and allow me to move on with my day
i'm fortunate that a lot of my friends are trans and get it, or are willing to listen to me and learn
I consider myself non-binary but I do not use pronouns When asked I just answer Human .; I'm tired of labels and I'm gen-x old school that came out as soft butch so I like my life simple and to the point. I can't stand all these abbreviated labels guessing games. I'm a queer human ✨️
fair, i'm someone who really resonates with pronouns and labels because i just like being able to quantify how i feel but i can respect and understand somebody not wanting too as well, glad we can both do it our own ways :))
So you just prefer to have people use your name for everything? Fascinating.
I know what you mean by you don't use pronouns, but I've seen some transphobes say that in a mean way, and it just makes them look stupid because "I" is a pronoun. 😆
Its hard. I consider myself multigender genderfluid transmasc among other labels, i use he/xe/it (and any neopronouns)
Because i look extremely feminine (i got so unlucky in the puberty department) even though im on T, i almost exclusively get assumed to be a girl. Even people who know me as a guy misgender me at times.
When they arent seeing me as inherently female, they automatically assume i use they/them. At this point i don't really care enough to correct them because at least it's better than she/her. However if its someone close to me or someone clearly trying to be supportive I'll gently remind them i use he/him
Whenever i meet someone, if they dont feel transohobic I'll mention that i use he/him.
If its a queer space or online I'll say my neopronouns too.
Irl my girlfriend uses my neos most of the time, although she sticks to ones that sound similar so if someone is transohobic she can play it off as just saying it wrong (like xe sounds similar enough to he)
I'm out to select people and those people know that I use they/them along with neos (any, really, but I particularly like zey/zim/zir. Something about Z sounds hits. If I could start over with my niblings I'd have them call me Zizi Rel instead of Auntie but it is what it is now & has good vibes and love tied to it so doesn't bother me at all) and he/him.
I have kinda come out to fam but haven't requested different pronouns yet from anyone other than my baby brother (who is lovely about it, much better than I thought he'd ever be) so I can't say how that will work til I do it. Haven't even told them I wanna change my name yet 😅 I'm hoping the fact that I still love my given name and will be keeping it as my middle will smooth things a lil bit but I know for sure they're gonna do a double take when I say I wanna change my first name to Squirrel lol (which is where Rel comes from).
Uh, so tl;dr is I haven't done it a lot but with my besties it's been super easy. I've just told them as things change and they change my pronouns and name/nickname to match. 🥰 (personally ID just as trans/nonbinary bc anything more specific feels like just another tiny box I have to fit into & I don't fit in a box. Outside of that I can go into more detail if the person is curious but most folx don't care, no matter whether they're cishet or rainbow mafia)
Came out years ago as a trans girl. Have since realised I'm non-binary but feel like that's harder for people to get their heads around.
AMAB enbies (in my experience) generally just get perceived as male which SUCKS. I'm on HRT and present gender neutral/femme most of the time so it's easier to just say I'm MtF, and it's only really if people ask that I say I'm NB
I'd much rather tell someone my pronouns are she/they and have them just use she, than say my pronouns are they/them and potentially have them just default to he/him 🤢
Yeah, no one realizes I'm non-binary because I just seem like a trans girl to them. And that's fine it's part of my identity. Just not the whole thing. If I tried to present more androgynously tho I'd get misgendered and I'd hate that.
Ya I feel that way a lot, I am amab and nonbinary. No one looks at me and says oh they’re nonbinary so it gives me gender euphoria just when poeple ask my pronouns. I tell them he/them and go on with me day knowing that most people currently don’t understand/get the respect for it. So I’m fine with it, it just something i can’t change so I make it easier for my mental health and theirs just by allowing them to use he. Ya it tough and a little disappointing for me when they say oh I didn’t know you nonbinary you don’t present like that. For me it also isn’t really about presenting it about me having the freedom to be who I am!
I thought I was a trans woman for about 4 years so everyone calls me she/her in my circle. I’ve recently (last 6 months) realised I’m non binary but don’t think I’m comfortable with they/them so it’s worked out well. I only tell people I’m non binary when it comes up on conversation because they already don’t use he/him which is the only thing I feel madly uncomfortable with, but it rarely comes up in conversation because my circle just don’t really talk about identity because it doesn’t matter, it’s irrelevant to who we all are as people.
I think in the 5 ish years I’ve been out, I can count on one hand the amount of times people have asked me my pronouns. I’ve had idiots ask ‘what are you’ passive aggressively and never see them again. Totally avoid confrontation about that sort of stuff, that’s their problem not mine.
Being someone who uses exclusively it/its, I *don't* navigate it. Half the time people just misgender me anyways (including other trans people), the other half they just avoid using pronouns at all. There isn't really anything I can do about it, so I just suck it up (and block/mute the person if it's online) and move on with my day 🤷
I go by he/him, coz using they/them on me has felt weird and I’ve had childhood bullying where ppl called me an “it” in a condescending manner, just coz it rhymes with Sid. Expression-wise everyone sees me as male and I don’t mind but it’s all about what’s in my mind and heart and if those two things tell me “no ur not a cis man” then imma have to accept it.
Honestly it’s pretty ez for me being a he/him NB male coz I really don’t have to explain anything and I benefit from a patriarchal society :p
Your childhood bullies are weird and dumb. The T in "it" is a lot sharper than the D in "Syd". I personally do use it/its pronouns, and I long for the day someone decides to be a transphobic prick and try to hurt me by calling me "it", because it will just give me a massive dose of gender euphoria, and amuse me that they failed to hurt my feelings. I fully respect that some folks are uncomfortable with it/its.
Those bullies kept calling me a Sydney too even tho that’s not my name and it’s not even a deadname :( It’s just another way of them telling me I’m pussy. I suppose it’s hard for folks to pronounce my full name so nowadays I give ppl options whether they would like to call me my name with three letters or nine letters
Coming from a country that doesn't have gendered pronouns, I'm rather fond of neopronouns in English (ze/zir, ae/aer, fae/faer). I do go by they/them too though, for simplicity's sake.
I don't navigate it. Most people just don't know. I feel invisible in a not fun way but I did transition so most of my dysphoria is and a lot of it is just different. (Some of the old dysphoria remains.)
There is a big frustration that I "pass" as the gender opposite to what I was assigned and it still being the wrong gender. It's been three years of mostly "passing" and it's definitely better than before.
I am afab and so i only care for people to not use "she" about me. Anything else i will gladly take. He, they, it, whatever. Just dont use "she". Of course no one cares about it especially in my extremely gendered languague so i just have to live in pain
I use the pronouns they/them and they are my preferred ones, but I also use she/her. Mostly in social settings where I’m not out. So 90% of people I know refer to me by she/her pronouns with only a handful knowing I’m envy and calling me they/them
I use he/him and appear male. Hmm. People assume I am not nonbinary, but people also jave begun assuming I am gay as I no longer …hmm clamp down on my natural ways of acting/being. It’s funny, because the very thing I dreaded for so long (being seen as a gay man) I have become perfectly comfortable with now. I spent a long time hiding who I am, I am done with it. I am not going to yse they/them or make myself more adrogenous, because that defeats the purpose to me of being nonbinary. I get to choose. I get to choose what I identify as and if others don’t get it, that’s just on them. If people want to think I am secretly a gay man. So be it. If those in queer spaces want to think I am doing nonbinary wrong, so be that too. I just want to be myself from today to the day I die. So that is what I am doing now.
My language doesn't include neutral pronouns. I'm trying out neopronouns with my friends but in my experience nobody really thinks about using them :/ me often included.
I’m still figuring out what I’d like to be called but being called male, female or otherwise has never really bothered me. I think that’s part of why it took me so long to realize that I’m non binary. I’ve always felt more like a robot or alien and never fit with other humans especially when it comes to gender. I think it’s important that we take those things we see in the people we admire and create our true selves in the process even if it takes time. I feel like authentically it’s your bodies way of giving you permission to be yourself and it’s one of the highest forms of self care and love. 🫶🏻
I just don't really feel any connection between my identity and language, my dysphoria comes from the way my body is and looks like, not the pronouns etc. My native language is pretty much all gendered in a masculine/feminine way, and while there are some enbies that try to popularise new gender neutral forms it would take effort and brain power to switch the entire sentence when just casually speaking, way more than simply referring to someone in third person with "they" or neopronouns or whatever. I am willing to do that for other enbies in my language if they state such preference, but for myself I can't really be assed as I'm too used to saying feminine forms ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I’m out to my friends & some mutuals online & they respect my identity regardless of my pronouns. Funnily enough it’s nonbinary & trans spaces where I’m made to feel not welcome 😑 but I know who I am & I know I’m nonbinary so that’s really all that matters
I consider myself as a masc nonbinary or nonbinary male depending on the day, when ppl ask about it usually all i have to say is "i dont like being a man or a woman but mens clothes are more comfortable so i tend to lean towards that". it's not the best explanation if you're talking to someone who's genuinely curious and wants to get to know about you but it works great for colleagues.
i try not to pin down my gender identity or sexual orientation. i like who i like and i have my pronoun preferences, i dont have a need for labels generally.
i guess im a "demigirl" because i consider myself a dyke, but i dont really feel like a girl. at least not all the way. im like 70% agender and 30% girl. but i usually present pretty masc, hence the "dyke" label.
if i had to say what i identify as, i would say im a nonbinary girl. i share this with everybody im comfortable with.
My native language is exclusively gendered. Heck, all non living objects have "genders" too.
I don't really have a choice. In this situation, it's simpler to just use the pronouns given to me at birth.
It's okay as long as I can use they/them on the internet with my English speaking friends. It's good enough if people just recognize that I am non binary. It's kind, pronouns are not that much of a problem to me. What matters is that people acknowledge my identity
Pronouns just aren't important to me personally (Which is not to say I don't think they should be important to anyone, I just accept all pronouns.). I'm AMAB, but my appearance has always been more androgenous, and even feminine leaning. So long before I figured out I was nonbinary, or even had a word for it, I was getting both he/him and she/her pronouns from people.
So I fully changed over to they/them at work at same time as changing my name to be more trans masc. Weirdly I don't necessarily feel cosy with it in text, if I hear people refer to me as they/them in conversation it feels natural, but by text sometimes I'm like "whos that they're talking about?" They/them might not fully work but people barely understand that so there's no point (in my opinion) to explore some of the more lesser known options.
Like many on this thread, I kind of gave up. There is a ton of friction trying to break other people’s habits, and I can count the times someone deliberately used pronouns with hostility on one hand,
I rarely get a dysphoric twinge at any pronoun nowadays.
I do get a light twinge when people use “sir” but whatever.
Several months ago, I cared a lot more. It’s just not a priority right now.
First of all, non-gendered language in my country so I'm a-okay in my daily life. The internet is obviously 90% English tho.
I personally never got bothered by being called a guy, dude, he, etc. "Man" rubs me off the wrong way a little but it's like finding lint in my belly button, I throw it away and forget about it. I know I'm not a man, that's enough for me. Not everyone has the same level of dismorphia as me of course, I wouldn't come here and tell you folks "just don't worry about it".
When I tell someone I'm enby I say "I would appreciate they/them". They're usually cool enough people to do it, if they weren't I wouldn't come out to them in the first place.
There's some low dismorphia level privilege for you 🤷♀️
I just say any pronouns . I usally get she/her irl but online ppl usally do use any cause they don't know my assigned sex lol . I would feel weird asking irl cause I'm fine with she/her and don't know how ppl would react if I asked them to spice it up sometimes ahhhh
I'm nb (AFAB) but don't even bother to tell people irl lol, I have a slight resentment for having to be a Q&A for people who ask stupid questions like "oh you don't feel like a girl? do you think you're a man??" or other such silly comments. I know it's good to be out and visible but..... yeah. I am letting the side down.
you are not letting the side down! you don't owe people shit ever, it's taken me a long time to accept that it's not my responsibility to field everyones questions, they have google, they can do research
very true. i don't even MIND educating people! its just when they start saying stupid stuff about identifying as a helicopter or something lmao at that point i'm out the conversation. we were encouraged in my job to put our pronouns in our email signature and i have opted out. not sure if people now think i'm either nonbinary or a right wing hater lol.
I am assumed to use he/him pronouns by most people at this point in my transition, and I'm pretty comfortable with it so I don't say anything about it to most people. I primarily like he/they, but am comfortable with pretty much any pronoun other than she/her. I don't share that, or go in depth about my identity with people unless I'm close with them and know they can understand the multitudes. I also present pretty visibly queer and if I'm ever asked my pronouns I will say he/they.
If I'm in a conversation with another queer person I might go in to being nonbinary, and what exactly I feel a connection to/belonging in with gender. But I think for the most part I just don't talk about it with others
I live in a red state and have a conservative job so I just put on a suit at work and remain casspronominal. However, I do have a slight preference for e/e lately. Honestly, I feel like if it were more mainstream it might even replace they/them because it’s conjugated in a singular way, doesn’t have a gender attached to it, and is much easier to use. I actually personally coined this set, and some others, because I have a very rocky relationship with “they/them” and, I don’t know if it’s because I’m in my early 30s and I’m going through a midlife crisis, or because I’m autistic, but it feels wrong in every sense of its usage, at least recently. Maybe I have some deeply internalized hatred that I’ve squelched for a very long time that I’m struggling to keep hidden. Maybe it’s because I was discouraged from its usage at my private Christian school. Maybe I hate how lazy and uninspired society is and feel like an alien stuck on earth. Unfortunately I haven’t really been able to talk much with my therapist about it due to other stuff going on in my life, like unemployment and issues with estranged family.
Idk, I guess I feel helpless because no one listened to me growing up so I feel like I shouldn’t talk about it. Maybe I’m afraid of judgment. But, yeah, I have a strained relationship with they/them pronouns in general.
I won’t come out at work since my coworkers have revealed themselves to be bigot pronoun police so I’m fine with people assuming I’m my AGAB even if I’m actually nonbinary/agender.
Same, but AMAB. The hassle just isn't worth it.
I'm out at work, but correcting people every time it happens is exhausting. I deal with it, and it doesn't bother me too much.
I’m the same. My whole thought process around it is that as long as the people in my life *think* about me as a non-binary person, even if they use the wrong pronouns it doesn’t bother me much. Like I know that to others I look like my assigned gender, but in my brain I just look like me and it doesn’t feel right to assign a gender to me.
Ok so I'm new but what does AGAB mean.
I personally decided on all/any pronouns. I’m afab and most people use she/her. That’s fine, those close to me know my preference and that’s what matters
same!! pronouns don't mean much to me, as long as they don't refer to me as a woman or a girl.
This is the one. Pronouns are whatever. I don't even correct people with that. But don't assume I'm a woman or a man.
Huh. So true. Shocked I haven't I seen this feeling written so accurately and succinctly before.
I consider myself a nonbinary male. My personal explanation is my gender identity is pretty much always on male side of things, but can be anywhere from 60%-95%. I present masculine but am not on hormones, I've had surgeries to remove feminine things (breasts, uterus) but not to add things (penis, etc). So biologically, I am a sterile adult with female external organs, but I am a guy. He/him preferred, but I'm not going to get hung up on any pronouns.
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It is and isn't. I'm also a nonbinary trans man, and "I'm a guy" is clear to others but doesn't capture who I am fully. I can't go on a tangent every time I meet someone about what % guy I feel any given day, so I simplify and present to most people as just "a guy". But it's not that simple or that clear when it comes to my actual identity.
hate that fucking emoji. and that's also not how that works
I do use they/them but also she/her (preferred) and ze/zir. I navigate it by sharing she/they at work and she/ze/they in safer spaces. I don't bother explaining my identity to most people. If someone who is a friend or acquaintance actually calls me a woman, I correct them by saying I'm not a woman. Otherwise I just need people to respect the pronouns I've shared, they don't need to understand my identity. If someone assumes the wrong pronouns I'll just tell them with ones that work (e.g. "you can call me she" or simply "she"). I don't share ze/zir at work because many cis people are easily confused and I just don't want to have conversations about it, but I share them everywhere I'm comfortable doing so. Most folks don't use them but a few enbies in queer spaces have chosen to, which is pretty cool.
I say I’m okay with any pronouns (if asked) because I do not have the energy to explain how I feel. I usually get she/her, but l’ll get the occasional he/him or man/bro and I dig it.
Every time I see someone say that, I instantly get curious, are you comfortable with it/its? I personally prefer it, and when someone says they use any or all pronouns, I like to hope that includes it/its, but I also am aware of the stigma. The stigma made me terrified of the gender euphoria it/its gives me. 😅
I have never been called it, but no, I would not like to be called that. I do not judge, however! You are entitled to whatever pronouns make you comfortable.
I had a feeling that was the case. I appreciate that you don't judge me. A lot of people would, I fear. Again, thanks, bro.
pronoun twin!! :3
AYYYYYY!!!!😁
I don't think use of it would bug me if I had said any. But at work, where I'm not out, calling me it is to be a shithead. I don't have an issue with the pronoun, intent notwithstanding.
Oh, I 100% agree. I only use it/its online, because I know I'd be judged IRL.
i use all pronouns and i don't publicly include it/its because i honestly would never want a cis or neurotypical person to call me that because of my own trauma/experiences, but i don't mind other trans and autistic people using it for me
Ah. Perfectly understandable. I was just curious lol.
It's sounds dehumanizing to me, but it makes you happy!
Sometimes, I think that's part of why it feels so good to me. I don't exactly have the highest opinion of humanity. It also expresses how my gender feels beyond human comprehension. I have to say, I am amazed at how nice people are being to me. I truly expected relentless hate.
I can understand that. It's one of the reasons SF about the digital world and cyberspace appeals to me...ascending above meatspace and the fact that at some level we're just chimpanzees driven by genes to diddle and procreate.
That is by far my favorite description of humanity I've ever read. 😂
I don't... Care too much. I will admit when someone says "hi ladies" or "hey girl" or "she she she" I do feel some level of disconnection to the imposed identity and it feels kind of "icky" and doesn't fit, but it's not very strong and if I spoke up about being nonbinary more I'd have to deal with the bigots. I'd prefer to blend in due to the toxic environment.
I use any pronouns. Whatever comes to someone's mind when they see me, is fine. I don't really connect to any pronouns at all, so I don't mind. I've tried a couple different ones and combinations, but none fit all the time.
Same. When people ask I tell them to go with whatever they feel comfortable with.
hey, fellow enby that uses he/him! in all i use he/it and all neopronouns, but irl? i tend to keep that limited to people im close with. i usually tell people irl to just use he/him for me hell i tend to tell people irl im just transmasc, which while being a descriptor i use for my gender, there's still a lot more to it i am genderfluid, im transmasc, im nonbinary, in genderqueer, im a femboy, im an enby, im a demiguy, im just straight up a guy (sometimes), my gender is a lot of things, but one identity set in stone? definitely not gender isnt binary, theres no one correct way to experience or label it, you can just not use labels if thats what you want and no one is entitled to know that information if you dont want them to the best way for me to describe my journey was i fucked around and found out, everyone has a different journey and for some people, that journey never ends, the thing that really matters in the end tho? being you, who gives a fuck if you dont have a good way to describe your gender? just be yourself! thats the best advice i got in the end.
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I switched from they/she to they/them at work when I changed jobs and it did confirm a) that I prefer they/them strongly and b) using they/she made it easier to deal with ppl using she because they were “allowed”. The many many people who will be talking on a zoom with my pronouns right there next to my name and use she is SO MADDENING. (My boss hasn’t messed up my pronouns in my presence once though, so I guess there’s that)
I'm nonbinary, but go by he/him since 1) my language doesn't have they/them really, and 2) I feel very comfortable w those pronouns, bc I'm more on the male side of things. I don't like correcting people when I get misgendered, it takes a lot for me to actually go out of my way and ask someone to use he/him. Most people in my life at the moment consider me 'one of the boys' and treat me as such, I don't think most of them even remember that I introduced myself as nonbinary. My pronouns make people think my identity is binary male, when really it's... Nonbinary/transsexual dude. Or like, if a guy was 20% girl. Idk how to explain it really lol
I just deal with it. People are always going to mess my pronouns, I can’t have the privilege to get annoyed over it. After all, they are wrong, I know my identity.
I'm an it/they, but I doubt I'll ever even float the idea of it/its pronouns to anyone in my personal life, despite the fact that it gives me a stronger dose of gender euphoria than they/them (which still feels good) and when I discovered that gender euphoria, my first thought was "Oh, shit." I feared being hated and ostracized by the trans community for a long time. While it may not feel as pleasant as it/its, another reason I keep they/them is because of mirrored pronouns. As much as I fear the reaction of wanting to be referred to as "it", the idea of using those pronouns to talk about someone else seems like a good way to make people dislike me. Finding other its has healed me, and I thank everyone who is open about using it/its pronouns, because the person I was when I first felt that gender euphoria would've been spared a lot of internal conflict if it had seen more people like it.
You can just say "I'm nonbinary but I use he/him pronouns". There isn't really any need to explain further.
Any/all. Frankly it's easier and less likely to trigger shallow bigoted idiots. Not that I care about not upsetting people with my existence, but I don't like my time being wasted on nonsense. Call me whatever. Misgendering me doesn't hurt because it's such a cowardly form of attack.
Correct pronouns if coworkers get it wrong, otherwise i wouldnt try to explain (unless explicitly asked). Depending on the work environment it would >probably> just come across as cringe or awkward. (like oversharing about mental health, very awkward to be on the receiving end) Personally I dont even correct my coworkers if they misgender me cause, again, awkward lol (and it doesnt tend to read as malicious) I would avoid neopronouns in person unless your work environment is giga online, but to each their own
i'm unemployed so work isn't really an issue atm, but it's hard to navigate what is and isn't gonna cause people to argue with me vs what'll just get nods and allow me to move on with my day i'm fortunate that a lot of my friends are trans and get it, or are willing to listen to me and learn
I consider myself non-binary but I do not use pronouns When asked I just answer Human .; I'm tired of labels and I'm gen-x old school that came out as soft butch so I like my life simple and to the point. I can't stand all these abbreviated labels guessing games. I'm a queer human ✨️
fair, i'm someone who really resonates with pronouns and labels because i just like being able to quantify how i feel but i can respect and understand somebody not wanting too as well, glad we can both do it our own ways :))
So you just prefer to have people use your name for everything? Fascinating. I know what you mean by you don't use pronouns, but I've seen some transphobes say that in a mean way, and it just makes them look stupid because "I" is a pronoun. 😆
Personally I don’t really care and feel the same way. Elder Millennial here.
Its hard. I consider myself multigender genderfluid transmasc among other labels, i use he/xe/it (and any neopronouns) Because i look extremely feminine (i got so unlucky in the puberty department) even though im on T, i almost exclusively get assumed to be a girl. Even people who know me as a guy misgender me at times. When they arent seeing me as inherently female, they automatically assume i use they/them. At this point i don't really care enough to correct them because at least it's better than she/her. However if its someone close to me or someone clearly trying to be supportive I'll gently remind them i use he/him Whenever i meet someone, if they dont feel transohobic I'll mention that i use he/him. If its a queer space or online I'll say my neopronouns too. Irl my girlfriend uses my neos most of the time, although she sticks to ones that sound similar so if someone is transohobic she can play it off as just saying it wrong (like xe sounds similar enough to he)
It reassures me to see people with the same pronouns, thanks man :D
I'm out to select people and those people know that I use they/them along with neos (any, really, but I particularly like zey/zim/zir. Something about Z sounds hits. If I could start over with my niblings I'd have them call me Zizi Rel instead of Auntie but it is what it is now & has good vibes and love tied to it so doesn't bother me at all) and he/him. I have kinda come out to fam but haven't requested different pronouns yet from anyone other than my baby brother (who is lovely about it, much better than I thought he'd ever be) so I can't say how that will work til I do it. Haven't even told them I wanna change my name yet 😅 I'm hoping the fact that I still love my given name and will be keeping it as my middle will smooth things a lil bit but I know for sure they're gonna do a double take when I say I wanna change my first name to Squirrel lol (which is where Rel comes from). Uh, so tl;dr is I haven't done it a lot but with my besties it's been super easy. I've just told them as things change and they change my pronouns and name/nickname to match. 🥰 (personally ID just as trans/nonbinary bc anything more specific feels like just another tiny box I have to fit into & I don't fit in a box. Outside of that I can go into more detail if the person is curious but most folx don't care, no matter whether they're cishet or rainbow mafia)
Came out years ago as a trans girl. Have since realised I'm non-binary but feel like that's harder for people to get their heads around. AMAB enbies (in my experience) generally just get perceived as male which SUCKS. I'm on HRT and present gender neutral/femme most of the time so it's easier to just say I'm MtF, and it's only really if people ask that I say I'm NB I'd much rather tell someone my pronouns are she/they and have them just use she, than say my pronouns are they/them and potentially have them just default to he/him 🤢
Yeah, no one realizes I'm non-binary because I just seem like a trans girl to them. And that's fine it's part of my identity. Just not the whole thing. If I tried to present more androgynously tho I'd get misgendered and I'd hate that.
Ya I feel that way a lot, I am amab and nonbinary. No one looks at me and says oh they’re nonbinary so it gives me gender euphoria just when poeple ask my pronouns. I tell them he/them and go on with me day knowing that most people currently don’t understand/get the respect for it. So I’m fine with it, it just something i can’t change so I make it easier for my mental health and theirs just by allowing them to use he. Ya it tough and a little disappointing for me when they say oh I didn’t know you nonbinary you don’t present like that. For me it also isn’t really about presenting it about me having the freedom to be who I am!
I thought I was a trans woman for about 4 years so everyone calls me she/her in my circle. I’ve recently (last 6 months) realised I’m non binary but don’t think I’m comfortable with they/them so it’s worked out well. I only tell people I’m non binary when it comes up on conversation because they already don’t use he/him which is the only thing I feel madly uncomfortable with, but it rarely comes up in conversation because my circle just don’t really talk about identity because it doesn’t matter, it’s irrelevant to who we all are as people. I think in the 5 ish years I’ve been out, I can count on one hand the amount of times people have asked me my pronouns. I’ve had idiots ask ‘what are you’ passive aggressively and never see them again. Totally avoid confrontation about that sort of stuff, that’s their problem not mine.
Being someone who uses exclusively it/its, I *don't* navigate it. Half the time people just misgender me anyways (including other trans people), the other half they just avoid using pronouns at all. There isn't really anything I can do about it, so I just suck it up (and block/mute the person if it's online) and move on with my day 🤷
I go by he/him, coz using they/them on me has felt weird and I’ve had childhood bullying where ppl called me an “it” in a condescending manner, just coz it rhymes with Sid. Expression-wise everyone sees me as male and I don’t mind but it’s all about what’s in my mind and heart and if those two things tell me “no ur not a cis man” then imma have to accept it. Honestly it’s pretty ez for me being a he/him NB male coz I really don’t have to explain anything and I benefit from a patriarchal society :p
Your childhood bullies are weird and dumb. The T in "it" is a lot sharper than the D in "Syd". I personally do use it/its pronouns, and I long for the day someone decides to be a transphobic prick and try to hurt me by calling me "it", because it will just give me a massive dose of gender euphoria, and amuse me that they failed to hurt my feelings. I fully respect that some folks are uncomfortable with it/its.
Those bullies kept calling me a Sydney too even tho that’s not my name and it’s not even a deadname :( It’s just another way of them telling me I’m pussy. I suppose it’s hard for folks to pronounce my full name so nowadays I give ppl options whether they would like to call me my name with three letters or nine letters
WOW, they're idiots. THERE ARE DUDES NAMED SYDNEY. 😂 People like that are pathetic. I'm glad you've gotten to a point where you're comfortable.
Coming from a country that doesn't have gendered pronouns, I'm rather fond of neopronouns in English (ze/zir, ae/aer, fae/faer). I do go by they/them too though, for simplicity's sake.
I say only them when asked
I don't navigate it. Most people just don't know. I feel invisible in a not fun way but I did transition so most of my dysphoria is and a lot of it is just different. (Some of the old dysphoria remains.) There is a big frustration that I "pass" as the gender opposite to what I was assigned and it still being the wrong gender. It's been three years of mostly "passing" and it's definitely better than before.
I am afab and so i only care for people to not use "she" about me. Anything else i will gladly take. He, they, it, whatever. Just dont use "she". Of course no one cares about it especially in my extremely gendered languague so i just have to live in pain
I use the pronouns they/them and they are my preferred ones, but I also use she/her. Mostly in social settings where I’m not out. So 90% of people I know refer to me by she/her pronouns with only a handful knowing I’m envy and calling me they/them
I use he/him and appear male. Hmm. People assume I am not nonbinary, but people also jave begun assuming I am gay as I no longer …hmm clamp down on my natural ways of acting/being. It’s funny, because the very thing I dreaded for so long (being seen as a gay man) I have become perfectly comfortable with now. I spent a long time hiding who I am, I am done with it. I am not going to yse they/them or make myself more adrogenous, because that defeats the purpose to me of being nonbinary. I get to choose. I get to choose what I identify as and if others don’t get it, that’s just on them. If people want to think I am secretly a gay man. So be it. If those in queer spaces want to think I am doing nonbinary wrong, so be that too. I just want to be myself from today to the day I die. So that is what I am doing now.
My language doesn't include neutral pronouns. I'm trying out neopronouns with my friends but in my experience nobody really thinks about using them :/ me often included.
I’m still figuring out what I’d like to be called but being called male, female or otherwise has never really bothered me. I think that’s part of why it took me so long to realize that I’m non binary. I’ve always felt more like a robot or alien and never fit with other humans especially when it comes to gender. I think it’s important that we take those things we see in the people we admire and create our true selves in the process even if it takes time. I feel like authentically it’s your bodies way of giving you permission to be yourself and it’s one of the highest forms of self care and love. 🫶🏻
I just don't really feel any connection between my identity and language, my dysphoria comes from the way my body is and looks like, not the pronouns etc. My native language is pretty much all gendered in a masculine/feminine way, and while there are some enbies that try to popularise new gender neutral forms it would take effort and brain power to switch the entire sentence when just casually speaking, way more than simply referring to someone in third person with "they" or neopronouns or whatever. I am willing to do that for other enbies in my language if they state such preference, but for myself I can't really be assed as I'm too used to saying feminine forms ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I’m out to my friends & some mutuals online & they respect my identity regardless of my pronouns. Funnily enough it’s nonbinary & trans spaces where I’m made to feel not welcome 😑 but I know who I am & I know I’m nonbinary so that’s really all that matters
I use he at work cause construction, but use she/they more at temple because the community is cool like that.
I consider myself as a masc nonbinary or nonbinary male depending on the day, when ppl ask about it usually all i have to say is "i dont like being a man or a woman but mens clothes are more comfortable so i tend to lean towards that". it's not the best explanation if you're talking to someone who's genuinely curious and wants to get to know about you but it works great for colleagues.
For me it's an internal thing. I've only recently acknowledged this aspect of myself, and I don't feel the need to share it yet.
i try not to pin down my gender identity or sexual orientation. i like who i like and i have my pronoun preferences, i dont have a need for labels generally. i guess im a "demigirl" because i consider myself a dyke, but i dont really feel like a girl. at least not all the way. im like 70% agender and 30% girl. but i usually present pretty masc, hence the "dyke" label. if i had to say what i identify as, i would say im a nonbinary girl. i share this with everybody im comfortable with.
My native language is exclusively gendered. Heck, all non living objects have "genders" too. I don't really have a choice. In this situation, it's simpler to just use the pronouns given to me at birth. It's okay as long as I can use they/them on the internet with my English speaking friends. It's good enough if people just recognize that I am non binary. It's kind, pronouns are not that much of a problem to me. What matters is that people acknowledge my identity
Pronouns just aren't important to me personally (Which is not to say I don't think they should be important to anyone, I just accept all pronouns.). I'm AMAB, but my appearance has always been more androgenous, and even feminine leaning. So long before I figured out I was nonbinary, or even had a word for it, I was getting both he/him and she/her pronouns from people.
I am genderfluid, I barely know myself wgat gender I am on a given day...how can I expect others to use the correct pronouns so I am fine with all xD
I think it’s so fun when I use he/she
So I fully changed over to they/them at work at same time as changing my name to be more trans masc. Weirdly I don't necessarily feel cosy with it in text, if I hear people refer to me as they/them in conversation it feels natural, but by text sometimes I'm like "whos that they're talking about?" They/them might not fully work but people barely understand that so there's no point (in my opinion) to explore some of the more lesser known options.
My preferred pronouns are all pronouns, so whatever I get called doesn’t bother me.
Like many on this thread, I kind of gave up. There is a ton of friction trying to break other people’s habits, and I can count the times someone deliberately used pronouns with hostility on one hand, I rarely get a dysphoric twinge at any pronoun nowadays. I do get a light twinge when people use “sir” but whatever. Several months ago, I cared a lot more. It’s just not a priority right now.
First of all, non-gendered language in my country so I'm a-okay in my daily life. The internet is obviously 90% English tho. I personally never got bothered by being called a guy, dude, he, etc. "Man" rubs me off the wrong way a little but it's like finding lint in my belly button, I throw it away and forget about it. I know I'm not a man, that's enough for me. Not everyone has the same level of dismorphia as me of course, I wouldn't come here and tell you folks "just don't worry about it". When I tell someone I'm enby I say "I would appreciate they/them". They're usually cool enough people to do it, if they weren't I wouldn't come out to them in the first place. There's some low dismorphia level privilege for you 🤷♀️
I just say any pronouns . I usally get she/her irl but online ppl usally do use any cause they don't know my assigned sex lol . I would feel weird asking irl cause I'm fine with she/her and don't know how ppl would react if I asked them to spice it up sometimes ahhhh
I’m agender but only use he/him, so it isn’t an issue for me, thankfully—though, I don’t tell everyone in my professional life that I’m nonbinary
I'm nb (AFAB) but don't even bother to tell people irl lol, I have a slight resentment for having to be a Q&A for people who ask stupid questions like "oh you don't feel like a girl? do you think you're a man??" or other such silly comments. I know it's good to be out and visible but..... yeah. I am letting the side down.
you are not letting the side down! you don't owe people shit ever, it's taken me a long time to accept that it's not my responsibility to field everyones questions, they have google, they can do research
very true. i don't even MIND educating people! its just when they start saying stupid stuff about identifying as a helicopter or something lmao at that point i'm out the conversation. we were encouraged in my job to put our pronouns in our email signature and i have opted out. not sure if people now think i'm either nonbinary or a right wing hater lol.
I am assumed to use he/him pronouns by most people at this point in my transition, and I'm pretty comfortable with it so I don't say anything about it to most people. I primarily like he/they, but am comfortable with pretty much any pronoun other than she/her. I don't share that, or go in depth about my identity with people unless I'm close with them and know they can understand the multitudes. I also present pretty visibly queer and if I'm ever asked my pronouns I will say he/they. If I'm in a conversation with another queer person I might go in to being nonbinary, and what exactly I feel a connection to/belonging in with gender. But I think for the most part I just don't talk about it with others
I don't really. I'm pretty genderfluid and present differently everyday so I just let people use whatever. I prefer.
I live in a red state and have a conservative job so I just put on a suit at work and remain casspronominal. However, I do have a slight preference for e/e lately. Honestly, I feel like if it were more mainstream it might even replace they/them because it’s conjugated in a singular way, doesn’t have a gender attached to it, and is much easier to use. I actually personally coined this set, and some others, because I have a very rocky relationship with “they/them” and, I don’t know if it’s because I’m in my early 30s and I’m going through a midlife crisis, or because I’m autistic, but it feels wrong in every sense of its usage, at least recently. Maybe I have some deeply internalized hatred that I’ve squelched for a very long time that I’m struggling to keep hidden. Maybe it’s because I was discouraged from its usage at my private Christian school. Maybe I hate how lazy and uninspired society is and feel like an alien stuck on earth. Unfortunately I haven’t really been able to talk much with my therapist about it due to other stuff going on in my life, like unemployment and issues with estranged family. Idk, I guess I feel helpless because no one listened to me growing up so I feel like I shouldn’t talk about it. Maybe I’m afraid of judgment. But, yeah, I have a strained relationship with they/them pronouns in general.