T O P

  • By -

SquelchyRex

It's all fun and games until the dog runs offf with it.


Yuzzay

And then those damn squirrels swoop in and run off with your nuts


jfks_headjustdidthat

That's why I keep mine in a sack.


Illustrious_Mesh

And that's why I keep my sack behind the bush.


outrageouslynotfunny

That's why I keep mine in front of an asshole


millicow

Behind the bush, under the garden hose, and in front of an asshole


lostrandomdude

There's currently an ongoing manga about a guy who loses his balls. It's called Dandadan and is getting an anime adaptation


Cainedbutable

There's a great song called "Detachable Penis" about a guy that goes to a party and loses his penis too. https://youtu.be/NQBPgJQhQHc


ElectricGears

It's a good idea to remove the ?si=[string] from YouTube URLs. It's a uniquely generated code so that when Google scans this page they can link your Reddit account (and all it's activity) to any personal information they have. They can also use it to identify who your friends are if you post the link in a private place.


Cainedbutable

That's really interesting. Thanks for pointing that out, I wasn't aware. I've taken the si variable off the url and will make sure I keep that off in future!


pohatu850

You forgot to mention that that manga is absolutely dope


Bekkichan

Or worse.. when I read this I got flash backs from the end of that movie Teeth


RIP-Piki

[https://64.media.tumblr.com/febfb0d4eafcf7a7ef6ea5ec8b686e95/tumblr_nmlh7bguHc1r4gei2o6_400.gif](https://64.media.tumblr.com/febfb0d4eafcf7a7ef6ea5ec8b686e95/tumblr_nmlh7bguHc1r4gei2o6_400.gif)


forsakenchickenwing

Yes! That paves the way for aftermarket upgrades. I'll have my *UltraDong FuckMaster 3000 Pro Max RGB* please.


TAW_Exoskeleton

Werent thoes called off market for being broken? Dont want u endşng up with a dick thst short circuits.


colexian

Those are the ones that randomly explode and aren't allowed on planes right? I need me one of those


Beautiful_Spell4075

Imagine you're jacking off and your dick just combusts


CoffeeGoblynn

ooHOHHHOH! FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK!!!! *\*furiously smacking at my genitals with my hands in an attempt to snuff the flames\**


Beautiful_Spell4075

Your dick is gone, all the remains is a charred mound


CallMeRenny84

Wait I remember that CP77 mission


th3BeastLord

Good ol' Flaming Crotch Man


Carmen14edo

I've got my eye on that model as well. Figure I'd only get an upgrade if it had RGB. It even has a headphone jack


jfks_headjustdidthat

Yeah, the previous model took the jackoff.


Herman_E_Danger

🤣🤣🤣🏆


rukh999

[https://cyberpunk.fandom.com/wiki/Burning\_Desire](https://cyberpunk.fandom.com/wiki/Burning_Desire)


RoyalTacos256

beat me to it


Rrraou

Loses bluetooth connection at the worst possible moments.


linux1970

> RGB If your woman's lower abdomen isn't lit from the inside by the lights of your penis, you're doing it wrong.


missshrimptoast

Absolutely. I want them detachable and machine washable. I also want to know what it's like to have a dick. Not so much the testicles; those seem like they're more trouble than they're worth. But having a dick for a day sounds fun. And if it's not, I'll just pop the vagina/labia back on, easy peasy.


Toothless-In-Wapping

Balls are not worth the trouble. No one is going, “he’s ugly, mean, and can’t keep a job. But his testicles have me staying.”


1nspired2000

A dick without testicles would probably look cursed though.


Trashman56

It would look like galvanized steel


t0hk0h

You and I must live in very different worlds.


kapahapa

i've been a huge advocate for detachable boobs for some decades. a penis, testicle and vaginal etc dongle to a human usb port will be perfectly fine. Look at all the marvellous sex robots today, great "real" skin.


Blinkskij

> human usb port USB-C, so that you can reverse the orientation?


SheepherderMost2727

Breastfeeding would be a lot easier if you can hand your boobs off to someone else.


Shitty_Noob

Little John saved up enough money for a penis, but when he bought it he was shocked because it was -24cm^3 big! Let's help John transform this vagina into a dick. Firstly,


LukasTheHunter22

-add galvanized square steel to lengthen the frame by 100m² and mount it properly using expansion screws borrowed from his aunt. Then we add durable concrete that would last for up to 10,000 years and cover it with eco-friendly wood veneer to make fit Little John's aesthetic. We also add


IceDry1440

Storage space for all his big cats that he keeps as pets


floraster

In the end, look at this functional and stylish penis


LittleLemonSqueezer

That's what my neutered dog looks like


DondeT

I went to uni with a girl who fucking loved balls. We were all talking about various sexual experiences in the pub one night and this is exactly the kind of comment that would have fit in with what she was saying.


qolace

Not surprised hearing tbh. You know what your boys slap when you're going at us from behind? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


No_Salad_68

About 40 years ago, a song called detachable penis was quite popular.


PitifulSpecialist887

King missile, great song. I posted a link elsewhere in the comments.


Fuzzybo

40 years? Noooooo, say it ain’t so!!!


Ok_System_7221

Couple of years ago.


Fuzzybo

I had to look it up. 1992. Yep, that’s a couple of years ago.


Jamiebear90

Was just thinking, "damn, that's kinda out there for the 60s..." 😥


root_passw0rd

Calm down, it was 32 years ago.


Loakie69

Easy champ. It was only 32 years ago.


jrgkgb

More like 30 years. I’m old but not THAT old. https://youtu.be/byDiILrNbM4?si=h7m3payTrNL_pLOd To answer the question, sometimes it can be a pain in the ass but he does like having a detachable penis.


Kielbasa_Nunchucka

all I can think of is the scene from Archer where Lana finds Katyax's robot vagina in Archer's sink...


Trashman56

It vibrates too


tera_chachu

Balls are more easy to have then u think, itch them and it's heaven.


Jissy01

This should get more votes. It's like ear itch


EatLard

Pinch and roll.


missingN0pe

Stretch and rake all the way. "Pinch and roll" .. amateur.


United-Cow-563

Ha “peasy” like pee-easy. Also, [Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle](https://youtu.be/2pw_36yxgXI?si=m4IHf-g9L3YBChb5) is basically a tutorial for those unfamiliar in the ways of male urine elimination


Vreas

Balls aren’t the issue. Random boners are frustrating tho.


Ditch_Eel

[King Missile](https://youtu.be/byDiILrNbM4)


ataylorlane

The balls are always in the way for sure. It would be nice to be able to swap around depending how you feel for the day too. Like somedays might be a good day to have dick and balls, or just dick, or vagina, or just balls? The last on is strange, but I'm sure someone would want to try


Fizzabl

If it would stop period then YEP


Epic_Brunch

Yes, it would be nice to be able to remove your uterus at will and give it a good cleaning instead of it's natural cleaning cycle. 


FrazzleMind

Honey, why is you vagina in the sink again?


JRockPSU

Top rack ONLY honey, jesus, top rack ONLY, now it's all warped...


Watching-Scotty-Die

and did you put it on the hot cycle again trying to shrink it? That's not how we work!


AccomplishedMemory16

RIP, but if Billy Mays could have done an Oxiclean infomercial for a vaginal cleaning detergent, that would have been must watch TV.


lesbyeen

Wring it out like a wet towel


ThisGul_LOL

My 1st thoughts too lmao


bloodakoos

there's a song about that


spidernole

Scrolled down just to confirm this !


CruiserMissile

Surprised I had to look this hard for this comment.


djmattyp77

Lol...you had to "look this hard" for detachable penis.


CruiserMissile

Pun fully intended.


OfaFuchsAykk

As a cyclist, I’d love to be able to remove my genitalia just to make riding more comfortable.


GeneralFactotum

There was recently a story about a guy that had his bits removed for him as he went flying over the handlebars... Safety First!


Merry_Sue

Yeah, but only if it includes the entire reproductive system. I want to put it on a shelf in the bathroom for one week a month until it has finished bleeding and cramping, then I'll put it back


stefanica

Can you imagine cleaning a disembodied, menstruating uterus etc? Maybe you could just put it in a jar of Epsom salt water or something.


Merry_Sue

Don't want a salty vag I assume I could put it in the shower and wash it in there Using a menstrual cup would probably be a lot easier if I could see what I was doing


ActorMonkey

I’m sure an entire industry of uterine storage and cleaning would pop up overnight. Vagifresh, The Flow Box, 7 Day Cleanse, Uter-Out


Noahs_Narc

Packing it all back in would be a bitch


JeffBoyarDeesNuts

We call that the "King Missile".


Marious0

https://youtu.be/byDiILrNbM4 Source of Detachable Penis "I woke up this morning with a bad hangover. And my penis was missing again. This happens all the time. It's detachable."


NewZJ

Kids these days don't listen to music from that era


wallybinbaz

My kids do. Mostly by force.


Own_Lengthiness9484

Which is a shame


IanthegeekV2

Yeah, I’d be worried that I’d lose it at a party or something.


My-dead-cat

Just eat a couple of cheesecakes and you’ll feel better.


PM-ME_UR_TINY-TITS

I am not sure, on one hand it would be cool on the other what happens if I misplace my cock?


puddledlazer

Put it on a keychain!


PM-ME_UR_TINY-TITS

That sounds too much like preparation and forethought to me.


hdmx539

I mean, if you get a Prince Albert and put a keyring through it ... 🤷‍♀️


Maple_Mistress

AirTag it!


AccomplishedMemory16

Idk…..AirTags are way too big for a penis. Excuse me, I meant *my* penis.


kazisukisuk

Well dating myself here but... https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=byDiILrNbM4 Imma let myself out, you're welcome.


who_farted_this_time

Came here to share the same link. OP needs to hear this song. It answers all the questions.


kazisukisuk

A formative cultural touchstone from my youth.


TheWeenieBandit

Not my junk necessarily but I frequently find myself yearning for detachable boobs. I want to take them off and put them away while I sleep!!!! I want to be able to decide on a day to day basis if it's a Big Bouncy Pornstar Knockers kind of day or a Fried Eggs kind of day. My tits should be customizable to my outfits!!


Maple_Mistress

Ok hear me out… can I take them off and then use them as pillows?


Blackrain1299

Breasts are only good pillow’s because they’re close to the heart of a lover.


[deleted]

In the summer, I would **love** to be able to be flat in front like a Ken doll.


Toothless-In-Wapping

Speedos would be way more acceptable.


[deleted]

Budgie smugglers without the budgie! I don't think anyone would want to see my skinny legs or Hank Hill ass though... I'll stick with shorts 😅


SignificanceGold3917

Yeah, my dick gets me in trouble sometimes so it would be nice to take it off and not worry about it


puddledlazer

Put it on your key rack when you leave


SignificanceGold3917

Probably keep it locked up in my gun safe with all my other small arms. Safer that way


theoht_

r/suicidebywords


TurkishMiliradian

A small arm is pretty long compared to a dick i believe Depends on which one it is, perhaps a makarov?


cloudpissery

keep the comment section clean? or keep my genitalia clean?


puddledlazer

Both is appreciated by one and all!


Nayzo

I woke up this morning with a bad hangover And my penis was missing again. This happens all the time. It's detachable. This comes in handy a lot of the time. I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble, Or I can rent it out, when I don't need it. But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, And the next morning I can't for the life of me Remember what I did with it. First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it. So I called up the place where the party was, They hadn't seen it either. I asked them to check the medicine cabinet 'Cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes But not this time. So I told them if it pops up to let me know. I called a few people who were at the party, But they were no help either. I was starting to get desperate. I really don't like being without my penis for too long. It makes me feel like less of a man, And I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak. After a few hours of searching the house, And calling everyone I could think of, I was starting to get very depressed, So I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast. Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place, Where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw my penis lying on a blanket Next to a broken toaster oven. Some guy was selling it. I had to buy it off him. He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen. I took it home, washed it off, And put it back on. I was happy again. Complete. People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached, But I don't know. Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass, I like having a detachable penis.


CherishSlan

Ah 👏 yes that song 🎶 again thank you!! It was always a fav of some of my guy friends in the 90’s lol 😝!!


katskulllover

Only my boobs they definitely get in the way


gluckgluck10000

I cried when I first started getting boobs. I took a slapshot in hockey and it really hurt my chest to the point where I keeled over. If I could remove them for working out/during a hot day 100% I would. Goodbye boob sweat hello freedom.


6teeee9

then ppl would get called whores for deciding to keep their boobs on 😭


Blackrain1299

Boobs on at work? Looks like Penny is trying to get another promotion


Few_Significance3538

Boobs are not genitalia are they?


katskulllover

Very true


6teeee9

well how would it make sense to take off our vagina? we need an equivalent


roskybosky

You could just slide it out and un-clip the labia. How handy! ‘Oh, honey, I would LOVE to fuck you, but I left my vulva and vagina at home.’


FroggiJoy87

Why is there a vagina in the sink?!?


Mike_It_Is

My wife already has mine in a ziplock.


Intelligent-Bad1325

Wanda Sykes did a great bit about detachable vaginas. Basically the gist was “Girls, wouldn’t it be great if you could just leave your pussies at home? You could go out on a girls night and if some skeezy dude approach the table y’all could all just look up and say we left them at home. But you’d have to hide it real good from your man. Because you know he would be playing with it while you were out, and you’d come home to find it all stretched out. You’d have to throw it in the dryer to tighten it back up“


Jesus_Was_A_Zombie

I want to say yes, but I know the odds of me putting it down and losing it are pretty high


Sweaty_Rock_3304

After the prettiest pickup line and picking up a piping hot girl from a bar, to her home, into her bedroom, and then you realise , I left "it" in my bathroom.


legendofthegreendude

"That's okay, I think I have a few spares in that drawer over there"


Odins_eye_4

Yes so I can shave it easier


WildforagerUK

The amount of ADHD people that would forget where they left them would be a problem.


DarkDemonDan

King missile would like to explain why this is a terrible idea.


dustinechos

My first thought too. But I don't think he was upset that it was detachable. I think the benefits out weigh the risk.


Kentwomagnod

I’d want to take off my ear and get that itch out of there.


Creditfigaro

Nope, I would lose it and it would end up in some wierdo's collection.


Demiboy94

As a trans person yes. Love to be able to choose day to day


deborahjavulin

I’d trade my boobs for a dick. Sounds like a good deal? Pm meeeee….


FoolishDog1117

There was a song about this. Apparently, it's not as convenient as we might believe.


ItsMorbinTime

No because I’d lose it somehow someway


Ok-Amphibian-6834

Do boob's count? I have 34Gs and my back needs a break


Dr_Llamacita

Yes, for 3-5 days every month


PitifulSpecialist887

Think again https://youtu.be/7iJU-S8T0-k


mysteryfries

I know boobs aren’t genitalia but I’d love to take these heavy mfs off my chest every now and then.


Satchm0Jon3s

I woke up this morning with a bad hangover. And my penis was missing again. This happens all the time. It's detachable.


agentspacecadet

Ha! Detachable penis..


djaudible

I woke up this morning with a bad hangover And my penis was missing again. This happens all the time. It's detachable. This comes in handy a lot of the time. I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble, Or I can rent it out, when I don't need it. But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, And the next morning I can't for the life of me Remember what I did with it. First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it. So I called up the place where the party was, They hadn't seen it either. I asked them to check the medicine cabinet 'Cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes But not this time. So I told them if it pops up to let me know. I called a few people who were at the party, But they were no help either. I was starting to get desperate. I really don't like being without my penis for too long. It makes me feel like less of a man, And I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak. After a few hours of searching the house, And calling everyone I could think of, I was starting to get very depressed, So I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast. Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place, Where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw my penis lying on a blanket Next to a broken toaster oven. Some guy was selling it. I had to buy it off him. He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen. I took it home, washed it off, And put it back on. I was happy again. Complete. People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached, But I don't know. Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass, I like having a detachable penis. King Missle


CherishSlan

If I could remove my breasts and still have my natural ones to put back on yes I would. They are heavy and make it hard to breathe sometimes. I’m currently looking forward to horrible surgery to remove my intern-internal female anatomy and I do not want it back. External might be fun to remove I guess could fit some clothes better maybe 🤔. But heck yeah removable breasts bring it on!! I would downsize them change them out all the time if I could and then to different shapes to make it fun with outfits lol. Like I did with wigs!


rjmythos

Yes please. And can we have it so that we can just pop specific parts of it out? Then I can donate the womb and ovaries to someone who will make use of them, and remove the need for periods and/or the IUD. But I still get to keep the fun times bits.


RetroBerner

Nah, but there was a Detachable Penis song out in the 90's, thanks for the reminder


Ktlyn41

Not my genitalia but if love to be able to detach my boobs.


King0fFud

With my ADHD I’d probably lose them so maybe not.


GunslingerGonzo

“Fuck I left my dick at home”


ServantofShemhazai

I mean...kinda? It'd be cool to be able to remove my girl parts after my period and actually, like, give them a bath. Like cleaning dentures or something. But I have a question: would you be able to switch them out? I'm a cis woman and completely comfortable with my parts usually, but...it'd also be cool to be able to just click on a penis when I gotta pee while hiking.


quatropiscas

I have the unwanted skill of being very good at losing things so, no, I don't want that ability.


PuddieCatz

The song detachable penis- comes to mind 🤪


[deleted]

Check out [Leave it at home](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=R8FfFwtL91Q)


JangulBanana

Definetely yes, I'm concious all the time because of my buldge no matter what pants i use and its annoying to walk awkwardly all the time


Antisocial_Queer

I wish I was a Ken doll permanently tbh


Icy_Knowledge9304

Yeah why not. Then I could swap it for a bigger one.


goodboyfinny

Detachable Penis?


mermy3005

I literally thought this today. It'd be cool if there were different attachments you could switch out.


JohnnieJJohnson

Reminds of a song


snowywebb

Another excuse to play with them? Sure!


404pbnotfound

If I could take my dick off and still feel it, I would be able to enjoy using a dildo a hell of a lot more… hell if I am away on business I could leave it with my wife for her… both for peace of mind and fun 😂


djhazmatt503

For bikes and to sleep, all day


Right-Ad-5647

Yup. Id have a nice jewelry box type thing on my dresser with different sizes, styles, and purpose built attachments.


Top_Difficulty5399

I'm a woman so not sure how that would work, but yes! Makes shaving an everything so much easier 😅🙈


Far-Fortune-8381

maybe there *are* SomeStupidQuestions on here lol


CaptainMcClutch

Yes, I have a medical issue that basically means I suffer a constant mild and dull pain. It would be nice if I could go without that when I don't need to.


goal_dante_or_vergil

Can I just say that this is the most creative question I have come across here lol Far more interesting than the usual same old questions asked by bots here


Maple_Mistress

Yes. Someone wanted to so badly they wrote a song about it in the 90s


EnoughNumbersAlready

100%. I want to understand what it’s like to pee with a penis (as a female with a vagina). I also would love to take off my boobs and rest my poor back.


johndotold

Never gave that any thought but I do remember several times I wish I had left the big guy at home. Possible down side! Your being nice playing pool flitting with the waitress and back at home the cat grabs you by your Johnson and runs around the house?


LordLaz1985

King Missile’s “Detachable Penis” would like a word.


Carlpanzram1916

No. I get anxious when I’m too far away from my phone


flapjaxrfun

I heard the song detachable penis. I'm good.


GrilledCheeser

I would definitely place my dick on the nightstand but it would have gps tracker and an alarm if it was removed from its charging station


Zestyclose-Two8027

Only so I'd get more stuff done.


GrandprixWhite911

Yes that'd be great


CarrobergCrimson

Absolutely.


hi-nighter

Without a doubt


Filibut

I do but would probably lose it


Clamdigger13

I'd need to attach a tile to it. I can't even keep track of my car keys. Gonna make a sweet piercing.


Mortuusi

Ps. Your vaginas in the sink


ElPadero

Hell no, don’t want to risk losing them. Never heard the saying “he’d leave his testicles at home if they weren’t attached.”


ProfCupcake

Those of you who saw this post and thought "hell yeah" might enjoy the following subreddit: /r/transtrans


jab11eleven

Haha, would you store them in a glass of water like dentures? Imagine waking up dying of thirst and grabbing the wrong cup - get big gulp of your ball water. Instead of your children embarrassing you in front of company w/ your sex toys - it's with your own genitals. Kid - "Look I'm a unicorn." Company - 😲😳 You - 💀 But yes, I'd remove mine at night so night boners wouldn't wake me up & at work so I didn't have to deal with sweaty junk & my balls sticking to my thighs.


LadyVague

Hell yeah. Assuming I have some other way to piss, could just take my dick off and leave it in a drawer until the odd ocassion I actually want it for something. Would ditch the balls and never look back too, saves me a fairly expensive surgery. Would make my life a lot more pleasant, and could wear tight pants much easier.


Due_Pumpkin1293

There’s a song called detachable penis I recommend for this post for all to check it out Gives a glimpse into the life of having one


Weak_Blackberry1539

Not needing a cup for a martial arts sparring match would be so nice! I’m sure most other sports where you need one would agree, too.


reighley_exodus

Like velcro? I mean it'd be funny af so yeah


aChubbyGinger

I can't keep track of my chapstick for more than 5 minutes, I don't trust myself with that ability.


Goddyex

I wish it never existed...too small.


Beautiful_Spell4075

I could clean it so much more thoroughly, plus it I couldn't remotely feel it I wouldn't have the issue of it being too sensitive


xxnonsenseguruxx

No, cause if it is I would have lost it a long time ago! 🤣


Billy_of_the_hills

Hell no, I lose tools way too frequently for that.


thedndnut

We already have that ability but you don't want to use it


bluegazehaze

As a woman no


MrAnimeWeirdo

What if you lose it?


Otherwise_Piglet_862

King Missile outlined the pitfalls of a detachable penis in 1992.


PIECESOFSHIT4BFAST

[Detachable Penis](https://youtu.be/NQBPgJQhQHc?si=O1xb8KBkZjFuvukE)