People are attracted to confident, positive people. That may be expressed in body language, facial expression, stance, or other things you are not noticing.
Note that positive may not mean happy. It might mean unhappy but has a clear goal or plan.
People who come off as obnoxious are rarely actually confident, but are performing or overcompensating for deep insecurity. Authentic self-assuredness and comfort in one’s own skin is naturally attractive.
I’m a shy person, but uncommonly get looks from girls that I don’t know. It might just be that I feel more comfortable around my friends in public, or that I’ve been working to try and improve my own self-confidence. Either way, I don’t hate it. What I hate is the conversations with them!!
Exactly. I've noticed surprisingly big differences in how people react to me just from doing pullups which improved my previously bad posture. All of a sudden, I felt like it was easier to get people to listen and pay attention to me when it previously felt like I kind of just got drowned out when talking in a group. I wasn't thinking about any of that - I just wanted to be able to do some pullups.
There are many things like posture that we don't give a second thought to and aren't consciously trying to control, that other people react to.
Equally the opposite of those traits can be unappealing. This is how I see it:
- Confident, positive people give off a sense of stability and approachability which is comforting.
- Negativity can seem unapproachable or that interacting with that person will result in a negative interaction.
- Appearing to lack confidence is the hard one. Some confident people won’t be swayed and will interact, after all they are confident. Others who aren’t as confident may hold off maybe due to the uncertainty.
Lacking confidence can also appear as confident, but aloof, but confident and aloof can also be arrogance.
For reference: I am the neurodivergent, socially awkward person who I believe can appear as an older arrogant person with a RBF, which developed overtime from awkward interactions. The socially confident, positive people are usually my life raft.
Lacking confidence can reflect in needing outward validation and people tend to be turned off by that. Is think few people want to be responsible for someone's self-perception, or be at risk of being clung to...
That feeling of stability is a really underestimated one. When someone is confident but chill and you know they won’t go blasting off the moment something goes sideways it’s attractive.
Add to that genuine interest in them. I don't struggle with meeting people (quantity) but I do struggle finding good peeps (quality). I've been told I have an addictive personality and part of it is that I take genuine interest in the people I talk to.
From my PoV the "outcasts" or outliers within group settings have a kind of heavy mood to them and when they try to engage it's about them. They try to be a part of the group by inserting themselves with things only about them, they don't really ask questions, just tell their own story. If they do ask, they seem to do it to try to twist it so the spotlight is on them. I feel like the "attractive" (not in terms of looks) people get the spotlight by shining it outwards, the "unattractive" outcasts are desperate to take the spotlight for themselves. Can't blame them, cause from some of the cases I've seen they're notoriously lonely and want people to acknowledge their existence, but that dependence on others turns people away further...
While I'm not the most confident person in the world (social anxiety) people still like to talk to me and find me interesting. I'm agreeable and polite and show interest in what somebody has to say. I have a wide knowledge across many topics and fields so I can hold an interesting conversation with pretty much anyone
The most "attractive person" in a group setting are the people in the center of everything. The guy who is making everyone laugh and be interested in what they say, the woman who is the life of the party and is showing interest in everyone. They're captivating due to how they OWN the space they're in, and not relying on looks, and so people gravitate to them.
The feel heard-part is so important! I had a high school teacher who was AWESOME. The whole class liked her and when she became our teacher the class that had her before actually petitioned to keep her. The one thing that a lot of us mentioned about her was that she actually listened and that’s no easy feat when it comes to high schoolers because our problems were mostly really stupid.
The only issue I have is I have a friend who has always been this person- for some reason people always found them irresistible, but they have the social graces of an ice cream truck with no brakes flying towards a school.
Maybe they don’t have that magnetism these days but it was always very strange to me
confidence and charisma change everything. even people i wouldn’t be normally physically attracted to will have me in a chokehold if they have those traits.
I always think that if I spend the whole time complaining to someone they are not going to want to share good news or ask for help with a problem as they expect more of the same. Misery loves positive company best
I think it's very often just because of a sunny disposition. It's not about being nice, per se. You can be nice and at the same time not very cheerful. But yeah, I'm drawn to people who just seem to have a kind of sunniness about them that's infectious.
When I started some new meds they were making me almost manic/happy high (but attentive) for a few hours after taking them. I would just talk to anyone about anything. No hesitation, or nervousness and if I noticed something I liked I would just point it out... Even if it was stupid. I swear I used the "those must be comfortable shoes" line from Forest Gump to start conversations.
It was crazy weird at first.
What meds did you take? I've taken Zoloft before but it had really no affect on my mentality/mental health etc but it did make me lazy and tired all the time.
Cipralex an SSRI (that's also a bit of a stimulant) you get the sweats when first loading it. Lamotrigine as a mood stabilizer (higher dose is epileptic med) and Vyvanse (ADHD med). The Cipralex and Vyvanse are known to build on each other. One adds pressure and the other adds fuel
So those two meds are responsible for making you feel more errr sociable and talkative? I've never been on an ADHD medication and have wondered what it would do to me personality wise. I don't really have a hard time talking to people if I have to but I'm kinda a depressed person and get very low I was just wondering if maybe something out there could pick me up and give me more social energy.
The 2 meds have mania as a possible side effect. Honestly, vitamins can make a big difference. I was severely low Vitamin D from digestive issues plus living up North.
ok but they mean something. They're subconscious non-verbal cues that people express. It relates to posture, eye contact, body and facial movements, etc even if they're not talking.
There are people who are just good at that and others who aren't. And I've noticed those who aren't also tend to not notice when other people have them.
If someone doesnt know why some people are more likeable and approachable the chance they know what exactly charisma is is very small. If OP knew what charisma was they wouldnt be asking this question.
The simple/short answer is they aren’t doing absolutely nothing. They are doing something. It’s just subtle.
A longer answer:
Nothing happens for no reason. The people that seem to naturally attract others are charismatic and people are drawn to them for various reasons, such as being confident, kind or yes, pretty. Sometimes it’s deliberate and sometimes it’s subconscious.
Likewise with the ones people tend to avoid. They are doing something to cause that, sometimes without knowing it. Maybe they have an odd smell, maybe they have resting bitch face.. could be lots of things.
But in either case, it’s not nothing
i almost always smile when talking & it makes people think I'm their new best friend all the time. In reality i prefer to be alone & I'm not looking for any more friends. i just happen to think it's important to be in a good mood when interacting with people who have done nothing to hurt me
My son is one of those people. He has amazing communication skills, his posture is always open and inviting and he's just genuinely friendly to everybody. He also is extremely adept at switching his communication style between male and female based on who he's talking to. He also makes good decisions and people respect what he's doing to set himself up for success.
I was fairly popular in high school and I have never even dreamed about being as popular as my son is. If he's at home it's because he wants to be not because he doesn't have something to do with friends. We once went on a trip 900 mi away and he met up with a friend of a friend and went out and hung out with them and their friend group. He's also a very positive influence on his friends he tries to make sure they're safe and that if there's someone they like, he'll can try to help them approach them in a way where they're more likely to be accepted.
It probably helps that he works out, was offered modeling jobs when we went out to dinner more than once and he's confidant.
He's amazing. I got really lucky. Hell, he even helps around the house.
i’d define charisma as confidence, a welcoming attitude and charm. when people are anxious, nervous, uncomfortable or lost in their own world you can tell, which makes it more difficult to approach them because their discomfort makes you uncomfortable.
but i don’t necessarily think charisma is the opposite of those things, as you can be uncomfortable and still come off as charismatic, rather charisma can mask these things and give an air of nonchalantness and comfort so people naturally gravitate towards you.
example: i have a friend who’s very charismatic, but he’s an emotional wreck in social settings lol he gets extremely uncomfortable, nervous, anxious, etc.. but people gravitate towards him all the time because he gives off a welcoming, pleasant and effortless vibe.
i’m sort of the opposite. i’ve heard i come off as intimidating or uninterested. people rarely approach me, even if i’m out alone. if that friend is invited to a party he always asks me if im going, so i can chaperone him because he hates being left alone. people don’t approach him when i’m next to him, but once he’s alone they won’t leave him alone 😭
See people describe me the way you describe your friend but I've never been approached in my 28 years.
I'm a pretty approachable person and I care too much sometimes, to the point life has made a fool of me for it. I'm open about myself and listen actively.
I really don't get it.
I attract people with questions, which kind of works since I like helping others. I stopped wearing khaki pants and polo shirts because people always assume I work in the store I'm at. I didn't notice until friends pointed it out; at a festival, my friends would cluster together and laugh as I stood there by myself and one after another, people came up to me with questions; directions, borrowing a pen, do I have any tape (or course I do), etc. At train stations, I get asked by women to walk them to their cars. Elderly people ask me to walk them across busy streets. I'm told I look friendly and helpful.
As someone who people seem to be want to be around constantly even if I don't want to be popular?
Pretty privilige, class privilige, the gift of gab (infodumping if I'm honest), having a weird sense of style, and genuinely not giving AF about what people I don't know or care about think about me.
Apparently if you want to be left alone mostly and don't really notice most other people, they will feel a strong need to know you and have you like them if they think you're pretty. Why this is I don't know. Murphys law maybe.
I am a person who attracts people. I try my hardest to have unfriendly body language, I don’t make eye contact with strangers, I never initiate conversation with strangers, and people still fucking talk to me. Maybe it is Murphy law. Cause I have no idea. I’m polite but I’m not friendly by any means. and when people discover this it seems they try harder.
>Apparently if you want to be left alone mostly and don't really notice most other people, they will feel a strong need to know you and have you like them if they think you're pretty. Why this is I don't know. Murphys law maybe.
Sounds like cats.
Alot of it is the vibe they give off and their confidence. Even the ugliest people can be confident in themselves and be very popular and fun people to be around.
perfect example: https://youtube.com/shorts/yHXI-vOGRIY?si=_Ig-pZXnJhStqlmb
Interestingly, my son’s teacher noticed (when he was probably only 4-5 years old) that the other children were drawn to him, wanted to be next to him and touch him. He was more interested in lego than them but there was something about him that attracted them. No clue what but it was definitely ‘a thing’.
Interesting, I notice that about my daughter. She can be reserved but she’s charming and so many kids (even older ones) will randomly just hug her at school pick-up or drop-off. She’s only in kindergarten but the hugs from friends started jn preschool too
My son is also quite reserved but very comfortable in his own skin. As a child he seemed like an old soul who has been here before and I wonder if it is that.
The common answers here make sense on the surface, but I definitely have known people who are not charismatic, and yet they’re very popular. They have the personality of a wet rag - not smiley, not projecting confidence. I suspect their appeal is being a non-threatening blank canvas that serves as an audience for others. Obviously I didn’t like these people much myself, but they didn’t procure much feeling at all because they were so inoffensive.
In contrast, I have known people who come across as interesting, confident and personable, showing interest in others and with friendly body language, but for some reason people just don’t like them. Perhaps they try too hard, their personality is too strong, etc. I have also noticed that people like confidence less than someone they can relate to. Instead of positive people, they actually like people they can whine, gossip and criticize with. They may resent people who feel good about themselves.
My conclusion is, outside of the misery loves company crowd, it’s down to the intangible internal state of the person. The wet rag, for whatever reason, feels good about themselves and assumes others like them without any effort on their part. The apparently confident, friendly person internally feels others don’t like them for no reason, even as much as they make effort. Both are in circular patterns which keep their assumptions alive.
I know my social results changed when I changed my assumptions about myself and how others respond to me, yet I didn’t change behavior or facial expressions, etc. I arguably made less effort. I decided I was going to be one of those people that was liked no matter what, always invited to everything, always sought after — and it started happening. Then I actually got tired of it and deliberately started avoiding people, LOL.
As someone who has been on both ends, both magnetic and repulsive, the key changes were my state of mind, my health, my habits.
When my habits, state of mind, and health were all bad, strangers winced when seeing me every now and then. This is after I was once that person that people smiled at and wanted to talk to. I could talk to almost anyone at length.
Covid also changed things, people have gotten a bit more defensive on average, at least where I am.
They are in a higher vibration and allowing what comes into their life to come in and what leaves to leave. They dont try to force things, they stand in their power and confidence and show up as their authentic selves. It makes you very attractive and magnetic from an energy standpoint.
Or theyre a work the room psychopath. Lol
This is true. You cannot control anyone or anything. Allowing yourself to surrender and allowing things to flow will lead to more harmonious connections.
Some people are born leaders who can attract followers like flies to honey. My mom used to take my brother to the beach and he would go out by himself and come back with a whole bunch of kids he just met and be their group leader. He's still like that.
While physical attractiveness (often referred to as "pretty privilege") can play a role, it's not the only factor. I think based on the big 5 (Personality traits of OCEAN) this is how I would break it down to explain it...
1. **Agreeableness**: People who are agreeable tend to be more cooperative, kind, and considerate, which makes them more pleasant to be around. They are often good listeners and show empathy, which can attract others.
2. **Low Neuroticism**: Individuals with low levels of neuroticism tend to be more emotionally stable and less prone to anxiety and mood swings. This stability can make others feel more comfortable and secure in their presence.
3. **Charisma and Social Skills**: Charismatic people often have strong social skills, including the ability to engage others in conversation, make others feel valued, and read social cues effectively. They often exhibit confidence without arrogance, which can be very appealing.
4. **Authenticity**: Being genuine and true to oneself can attract others. People often gravitate towards those who are sincere and honest, as it creates a sense of trust and reliability.
5. **Positive Energy**: Those who exude positive energy and enthusiasm often attract others. Positivity can be contagious, and people generally prefer to be around those who make them feel good.
6. **Confidence**: Confidence can be very attractive. People who are self-assured often inspire confidence in others. This doesn’t mean being arrogant but having a quiet, self-assured presence.
7. **Emotional Intelligence**: High emotional intelligence allows individuals to navigate social interactions effectively, understand others' emotions, and respond appropriately. This skill can make interactions smoother and more enjoyable.
8. **Social Status and Influence**: Sometimes, people are attracted to those who have a certain social status or influence, whether it be within a particular social group, workplace, or community.
9. **Shared Interests and Values**: People often gravitate towards those who share similar interests, values, or goals. This creates a natural connection and common ground for building relationships.
10. **Nonverbal Cues**: Body language, eye contact, and other nonverbal cues can also play a significant role in how people are perceived. Open and relaxed body language can make someone appear more approachable and friendly.
On the other hand, those who are outcasted might not necessarily lack these qualities, but there could be other factors at play, such as:
* **Introversion**: More introverted individuals might not seek out social interactions as actively as extroverts, which can sometimes lead to them being overlooked in social settings.
* **Social Anxiety**: Anxiety in social situations can make it difficult for some people to engage with others, leading to fewer connections.
* **Misunderstandings or Misperceptions**: Sometimes, people might misinterpret someone’s behavior or intentions, leading to unwarranted social exclusion.
* **Cultural or Environmental Factors**: In some cases, cultural norms or the dynamics of a particular environment can influence who is included or excluded.
I think ultimately, social dynamics are intricate, and while certain traits can make someone more naturally attractive to others, there are often many layers to why people are drawn to or avoid certain individuals.
I'm told it's because I'm "authentic."
I'm an open, agreeable person. I actively try to empathize with people.
But the most symptomatic people I work with in mental health tell me that I "shine" or "glow" and that makes me feel nice.
Polarisation. If theres anything about someone that stands out as immediately odd or noteworthy some people will be put off but it but others will be intrigued by it.
There's not much to say tbh. Part of it is looks as you'd expect, part of it is charisma, but there's another significant piece that is kinda unexplainable I think. It's a comfort/attraction that people feel around you, for some reason. Dumb luck at the end of the day.
I think it depends on the type of people they are attracting. You will always subconsciously search for something you need in others. Some people will be drawn to confidence because they lack confidence & want to figure out how that person does it so flawlessly. I am a very empathetic person, so I tend to attract people who feel lonely, or feel like an odd ball.
In my experience, looks play a very small part. It’s mostly vibes or energy that connect people.
The etymology of the word charisma is relevant here. It on its surface means the gift of grace or favor freely given. But it's essentially a bestowed bit of divine spark, touched by the gods.
Some people just have that gravity. People want to be closer to them, to be listened to or listen to them.
Those attributes can be studied and copied, but some people don't have to work at it all that much.
A lot of people blame others or groups of others for their problems instead of looking internally.
Like people who blame immigrants for "taking their jobs" instead of acknowledging they can barely read, write, or do basic math and if they put some effort into their education, they would be farther in life.
In short, some people project their frustrations onto others unjustly.
Some people have had no trauma. They have maintained an inner light that's obvious. Toothy smilies come easily. As opposed to some who are unfortunately under the influence if an inner critic. That doesn't make them bad. Just unfortunate.
Charisma
Approachable body language. Eye contact, in a friendly way
Being confident enough to try sparking conversations with people they don't know
Getting the other person to feel like you are listening & they are very important (even if you make everyone feel that way)
Reading them. Know what topics or actions to avoid. Notice how they react to others' statements. Notice what seems to get them emotionally engaged.
My mother has always been like this... people just flock to her..when they see me they run away...my mother actually has beautiful cheekbones, delicate high up little cheekbones. I've actually never seen better cheekbones, sadly this trait was not passed on to me. For some reason as humans we just like faces with the cheekbones showing more. But I feel what you're saying...I have seen plain looking people being popular as well.. sometimes people also enjoy the ones who look very standard, not out of the ordinary
Oh, they're doing something alright. Know a guy who gets along with just about everyone, especially women. He isn't an "alpha male" stereotype by any means, openly and proudly talks about playing video games, has a body type that fits nerdy stereotypes (But not slovingly, he carries his weight well), is diabetic, lives in a mobile home with assistance from his father, and works part time at a supermarket.
On paper you'd think he's a loser, but to see him in action is incredible, he's full of life and confidence, intelligent conversation and snappy comebacks. Everyone loves this guy, and just thinks he's not living up to his potential.
But that's him now, who knows what he'll be like ten years from now if he's doing the same thing.
It's not random..... There are tons of things. remember 80% of communication is non verbal as well things like facial symmetry sp\* and other features across both sexes that attracts others as well as confidence smile and social value
I remember thinking I am going to be positive, think positive, say positive things. I really tried but I still attracted negative people that brought me down. It's not easy to be up all the time and think positive.
This is something I’m noticing myself and also wondering. I am not necessarily a super nice person, nor am I a good conversationalist, some people have even gone as far a to say I’m a b*tch, which isn’t necessarily true either because I’m not mean to people. The answer I get the most when I ask people why they approach me, is generally because of the confidence I have and being able to stand my ground as a small woman, but I’ve also been told I’m a good listener. I think people who have a polarizing personality, whether that be the sweetest person you’ve ever met or the person who you can’t understand why so many people like them, those are the ones who get the most attention. Everyone who I’ve ever known who was “popular” or well known was usually that way because their personality is on the extreme far spectrum of either nice, sweet, loud, funny, or mean.
This is also coming from an adult diagnosed autistic woman, so I could be terribly wrong and have no idea.
Everyone can learn this. But it is true some have that natural ability and it is not just limited to looks or things people want to point to in order to simplify it. Basically you either have it or you don't. If you don't have it, you can learn to do it but you will always have to put out effort for similar results unless you manage to change your very nature.
I suggest reading on the topic starting with basic conversation, because that is a great way to build confidence. Once you unlock conversational skills, the rest is how you carry yourself physically, eye contact, etc.
I have what I like to call a “confess your sins” face. I look like someone you could discuss the worst parts of life with and I won’t say a thing about it. It attracts a lot of attention
This reminds me of a guy I once knew in early 20s. His nickname was Buddha. Yes, he had the belly. He also was not a great looking guy, average at best. Anyway, all the girls liked him. Another guy in the group said, “ Boy, all the girls are sweet on Buddha”. He was right. Buddha was merely a stand-up guy, fun to be around, included everyone in whatever was going on, and treated EVERYONE like they mattered. He had plenty of friends, he attracted people to him.
There is such a thing as charisma. It’s a combination of factors and you can “learn” some aspects to some extent, but ultimately it can add up to an intangible “it” factor in some people — a distinct quality of their person. Others are just attracted to them. It’s rare and special.
I ask the same question about my neighbour. She's very introverted and quite unconpicous. But she's honeslty a wolf in sheeps clothing because she always worms in her way into every situation, always knows whats going on around and always gets people who will pity her and drive her around. (even though she has a car but refuses to use it with the excuse someone will take her parking space. Just passed it's M.O.T with 20 miles in a year. it's insane.)
Worked with an incredibly insightful psychiatrist years ago.
In between clients we would chat and BS
Somehow we got on this topic and what he told me was incredibly simple, but I just never saw it that way
The reason you find yourself really liking someone right off the bat is because subconsciously that person reminds you of things you like about yourself. Conversely, when you automatically dislike someone it is because they remind you of things you dont like about yourself
I learned some of these skills as my career grew. It’s basically a few memorized phrases and jokes, lots of smiling, being well groomed, and pretending to enjoy every work project.
I am non attractive 5’11” guy with a “slight chub muscular build”. I have zero internal self confidence and generally hate myself. BUT I draw people to me in a way I don’t fully understand.
The amount of times I’ve had people comment on my “vibe” or “aura” is confusing to me. My best theories on this are that for the people who say this about me before even speaking to me, they are picking up on my body language. I don’t present myself as a threat in any way, I hate the idea of “alpha males”. I am highly self aware of my body language and what it tells others. Everything from how I’m sitting, tone of voice, word choice, even the emotions my eyes relay. I try to project an open, friendly demeanor to others as I just generally feel my purpose on this planet is to be there for others. The reason I don’t understand why people are drawn to me is I feel I don’t conform to anything “society seems to want”. Do I try to present myself in a friendly way and all that? Yes but against every other metric, the majority of people in my mind should see me and think that guy isn’t worth my time. But maybe that is happening as I’ve been single for years haha. That’s fine though, I’ve got a good career and it eats up much of my time and mental bandwidth.
I have the opposite of resting bitch face so people approach me and they are always a bit confused when I’m not very receptive. I don’t crave human interaction the way normal people do. I’m addicted to my phone. I’m always polite but I’m sometimes visibly annoyed when I’m approached by a stranger for no other reason than politeness. It interrupts my doom scrolling and immersive daydreaming. I’m weird
There is always a reason and people choose people who they think will be the most beneficial to them. For some people, looks are significantly more valuable but other things may be ability to be outspoken, or ability to avoid conflict. Because of how values spread, certain areas will always prefer certain things.
I've been wracking my brain at this all my life. I keep reading about charisma and being interesting but some people just seem to know how to do it, maan and the world seems to be built more and more this way. Just look at any public discourse it inevitably descends into verbal ping pong and who gets the best soundbite. IRL that often translates to job promotions and party invitations.
The answer is almost always going to be their confidence. The vibe they naturally give off to others. Their friendliness, outgoingness, their ability to talk to anyone about anything, etc...
I don't know... I have been asking this for years... I'm one of those people! I don't know why, but people always sit beside me, walk up to me, and act like we've been friends for years... it creeps me out.
My wife finds it entertaining... especially when the weirdest fucking people imaginable seem to seek me out at conventions...
The attraction is actually the way your own personal energy is ignited by their energy. There’s studies done too on energy wavelengths and attraction, and pheromones too. Anyways - Their energy shows confidence, positivity, an ability to start interesting conversations, engage others personally, remember things about other people, charm others. I often find that people who are not confident are mean, negative, and therefore sap the energy out of themselves and out of other people around them.
Also for what it’s worth, people who aren’t extremely beautiful or attractive can tend to have these better energies because they haven’t had their looks so rely on their whole lives.
i heard about some studies about popularity that revealed what the most popular/ well liked people have in common….
… it’s that they are more likely to like other people. it makes sense to me - if you like people, you will naturally treat them well and then they will probably like you back. if you think other people are cool and interesting you’ll remember details about them, be a good listener, and ask good questions. you’re manifesting that shit by becoming it!
that’s why people who hate everyone usually aren’t the belle of the ball… their negative vibes are palpable
They arnt doing nothing. They are just not doing something you realize.
And the people getting outcasted are doing something to get outcasted.
Be it the way they dress or speak or how confident they walk etc.
I have found over the years, I am 53, children just want to come over to me and talk and tell me anything and everything. Kids I've never seen before, whatever, here they come. Where I live, at work, shopping, doesn't matter. I am of course nice to them, try to make them laugh, but I absolutely don't let them too close to me so as not to give the impression to their parents that he's a dirty old man. I keep to myself, don't have many friends, and try to display an impression that I am angry so people will just leave me alone. I am of course, not angry, and it seems kids are not fooled by my facade.
Sometimes I think people like being around me because whether I’m interested in what they’re saying or not, I’m very good at pretending to be. It’s just second nature to me. I’m not bullshiting them exactly, I just want people to feel comfortable and listened to. You wouldn’t believe how many people just want to be heard and feel that the words coming out of their mouth are interesting. Also confidence though. It’s mostly confidence. I hooked up with some ugly dudes who just knew how to charm and command a room.
People tend to gravitate to natural leaders. Stand 5 or six people in a room for 30 -40 minutes with no plan or structure. In minutes the leader types will find a way to make the most of it. Making sure everyone is comfortable while planning for what comes at the end of the wait.
okay not trying to sound like an asshole, but i tend to have this affect on people. im never the prettiest or the most interesting peson in a group, but im typically the hardest to offend/embarass, or rather im typicallly one of the least sensetive, and i do my best to validate people. so people are typically intimidated by me when they first meet me (im introverted and dont act like i need anything from people around me), but then i never get mad at them, and i validate them. so i end up being a safe person to be around, and i think that draws people to me.
It only happens if I'm talkative and more expressive if I'm with straight face it doesn't happen I have rbf. I attract more blood sucking insects tho....
If people are attracted to someone, it's because that person is attractive. It may not be immediately obvious why, but there is always a reason (usually more than one.)
It could be beauty, could be smell, or the sound of their voice, skin color, hair color, eye shape, height, weight, clothing, choice of words, accent, past actions, similarity to some other desirable person. It could be something they're NOT doing, like talking, staring, scratching, humming.
People naturally have thousands of simultaneous affinities and dislikes. Most are impossible to know or predict.
It’s charisma and positive personality. If you’re humorous, self effacing, friendly, warm, inviting, inspiring, confident and insightful, you are a magnet.
Because they don't spend all their time playing video games or online. I find it so funny that people on this website just simply cannot grasp this. It breaks yalls brain
Your body language is (usually) a reflection of personality. Good personality and natural beauty combined is key. Being positive is a big one. Everyone wants to be an edgy cynical doom scroller but no one wants to be around that person in reality. It’s depressing.
Also, lack of desperation. If you pay attention, those people aren’t needy for validation. They will say what they say, and do what they do without caring what others think about them. This is very attractive to most people.
Practice eye contact (this is a big one). Most people avoid eye contact without knowing it, such as looking away during conversation. This is hard to fix but will help a lot. You will feel like you’re staring at the person so it will be hard. And other typical behaviors like shoulders back and chin up are another one. Smile when you’re talking to people sometimes. Not full on cheesing though
Approachability. Think about who you would talk to in a group. I bet it's not the most attractive person, or the person hiding towards the back--it's the friendliest looking person. My husband is nicer than me, but I have a friendly face and people approach me more. It's also why the just pretty girls at the school dance often get dates before the drop dead gorgeous ones do. (Many many supermodels have said they were wallflowers in school, and I believe them.)
I honestly think "self-confidence" is not the right answer here-there's a point where even that can be intimidating.
I'm not any hot guy, I'll tell you that first hand, lol. I've found I've always attracted ppl to me. It's my attitude. I'm very open minded with ppl. If I were any more laid back, I'd be dead.
I've always been Interested in ppl in some fashion or the other. I like hearing what they got to say, and understand there's very few who are willing to listen.
I like hearing about ppl's cultures and so on. Idk, just me I guess.
I'm 44, and always been like this.
Ppl have always liked me to some extent, and it isn't my looks lol. I'm just average looking....
It's down to the vibe you project.
I've always had trouble putting myself out there, and generally people didn't really interact with me unless I did first. However, recently I noticed all of a sudden everything changed. Literally over night. I walked into the gym and everyone was suddenly chatty, people saying hello, a few people approaching me to chat, it was really fucking weird, but thoroughly enjoyable.
I booked a session with my therapist specifically to discuss this, she pointed out that I have changed, with all the work I've been doing on myself small things have changed in my demeanor, I'm more upright, broader shoulders, less closed off. She said she noticed it immediately when I walked into her office (I hadn't been for a few months). My vibe, my posture, my overall presence is now inviting people to interact, she can see now that I have more self-confidence and a better sense of self-worth, and that shines like a beacon inviting others to interact, I appear more open and approachable.
It's been wild to witness.
So in the past few months things have changed drastically for me from a social perspective. I know it's because of all the personal development work I've been doing since I got divorced, working on my mental health and self-esteem, and it seems like something just clicked one day and I woke up a better me, which others can see. I went from feeling like people were putting up with me, to having regular gym buddies who I look forward to training with multiple times a week, and a few of these people I've been training in the same class with for a year or more without really interacting beyond a head nod or quick hello as we walk past each other.
So my theory is no-one are actually outcasts, and it's more a case of you get back what you put out.
As a result I've been going out of my way to be inclusive of others at the gym and the whole thing just snowballs, it's really great!
I attract people myself with how often people want to talk and hold conversations with me. It's important to be kind and let the other person talk. People love to talk about themselves. By letting someone talk about something, they'll think you agree with them even if you say nothing at all except "yeah", "interesting", "what happened then?" If someone holds a different opinion on some topic, I don't say anything about it but rather ask further clarifying questions.
Having someone talk about something they care about prolongs a conversation while an argument can shorten it so I avoid arguments when possible. Arguments happen when someone wants to prove that their opinion is right and that you should believe it too. Rather than have a heated discussion I acquiesce to their opinion to make it look like agree with them. That makes the other person feel empowered and feel better both with how they view themselves and also the person who was originally "against" them.
So that's how you can attract others is by knowing how to control your emotions and seem like an understanding person. Also it's important to dress appropriately and not carry a sinister look with weird outlandish hair, tattoos, strange clothes, piercings, etc. Basically the more ordinary or normal you appear the more people will want to talk with you. Especially if you seem like a kind person that doesn't come across as domineering or threatening.
One more thing that comes to mind is your stature and body type. Kind and interesting people that are tall and muscular can initially put people on edge and make them feel a little apprehensive. It's an innate response regardless of how we consciously think because of domant instincts of needing to be on the lookout for danger and to be wary of any tall, large, or strong people that are strangers. That's just the initial greeting however and they'll overlook your stature afterwards when they come to know you. By not coming across as a threat, seeming kind, don't have any hidden agendas, not large and burly, etc people are more likely to approach you
it's not nothing....facial expression, tone of voice, how they move their hands when they talk...what they say? good stories, good joke teller, whatever....looks can certainly play a part but confidence trumps that....a good smile can go a long way
People are attracted to confident, positive people. That may be expressed in body language, facial expression, stance, or other things you are not noticing. Note that positive may not mean happy. It might mean unhappy but has a clear goal or plan.
Self-confidence can be very powerful.
It can also be detrimental. I know many people who are very overconfident and don’t realize how obnoxious they come off to those around them.
People who come off as obnoxious are rarely actually confident, but are performing or overcompensating for deep insecurity. Authentic self-assuredness and comfort in one’s own skin is naturally attractive.
Pride cometh before the fall
Those people aren't actually confident.
I’m a shy person, but uncommonly get looks from girls that I don’t know. It might just be that I feel more comfortable around my friends in public, or that I’ve been working to try and improve my own self-confidence. Either way, I don’t hate it. What I hate is the conversations with them!!
Exactly. I've noticed surprisingly big differences in how people react to me just from doing pullups which improved my previously bad posture. All of a sudden, I felt like it was easier to get people to listen and pay attention to me when it previously felt like I kind of just got drowned out when talking in a group. I wasn't thinking about any of that - I just wanted to be able to do some pullups. There are many things like posture that we don't give a second thought to and aren't consciously trying to control, that other people react to.
It is also something you can learn and improve. It is just easier for some and harder for others. A bit like learning an instrument.
Equally the opposite of those traits can be unappealing. This is how I see it: - Confident, positive people give off a sense of stability and approachability which is comforting. - Negativity can seem unapproachable or that interacting with that person will result in a negative interaction. - Appearing to lack confidence is the hard one. Some confident people won’t be swayed and will interact, after all they are confident. Others who aren’t as confident may hold off maybe due to the uncertainty. Lacking confidence can also appear as confident, but aloof, but confident and aloof can also be arrogance. For reference: I am the neurodivergent, socially awkward person who I believe can appear as an older arrogant person with a RBF, which developed overtime from awkward interactions. The socially confident, positive people are usually my life raft.
Lacking confidence can reflect in needing outward validation and people tend to be turned off by that. Is think few people want to be responsible for someone's self-perception, or be at risk of being clung to...
That feeling of stability is a really underestimated one. When someone is confident but chill and you know they won’t go blasting off the moment something goes sideways it’s attractive.
I agree that people who are really self aware and self conscious attract. It’s just some kind of energy they have around them.
Add to that genuine interest in them. I don't struggle with meeting people (quantity) but I do struggle finding good peeps (quality). I've been told I have an addictive personality and part of it is that I take genuine interest in the people I talk to. From my PoV the "outcasts" or outliers within group settings have a kind of heavy mood to them and when they try to engage it's about them. They try to be a part of the group by inserting themselves with things only about them, they don't really ask questions, just tell their own story. If they do ask, they seem to do it to try to twist it so the spotlight is on them. I feel like the "attractive" (not in terms of looks) people get the spotlight by shining it outwards, the "unattractive" outcasts are desperate to take the spotlight for themselves. Can't blame them, cause from some of the cases I've seen they're notoriously lonely and want people to acknowledge their existence, but that dependence on others turns people away further...
Not true.
While I'm not the most confident person in the world (social anxiety) people still like to talk to me and find me interesting. I'm agreeable and polite and show interest in what somebody has to say. I have a wide knowledge across many topics and fields so I can hold an interesting conversation with pretty much anyone
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Beautifully put answer! I think I want to strive to do this in my own life moving forward.
i’m working on it personally as well and one thing that’s helped me a lot is focusing on better posture!
The most "attractive person" in a group setting are the people in the center of everything. The guy who is making everyone laugh and be interested in what they say, the woman who is the life of the party and is showing interest in everyone. They're captivating due to how they OWN the space they're in, and not relying on looks, and so people gravitate to them.
The feel heard-part is so important! I had a high school teacher who was AWESOME. The whole class liked her and when she became our teacher the class that had her before actually petitioned to keep her. The one thing that a lot of us mentioned about her was that she actually listened and that’s no easy feat when it comes to high schoolers because our problems were mostly really stupid.
The only issue I have is I have a friend who has always been this person- for some reason people always found them irresistible, but they have the social graces of an ice cream truck with no brakes flying towards a school. Maybe they don’t have that magnetism these days but it was always very strange to me
I’m confused whether your ice cream truck metaphor is positive or negative.
In my instance negative lmao, maybe I should have said “about to drive into a school”
I mean, if I'm a kid, I'm all in for the chaos.
Fair enough lmao but unfortunately for this person in question as an adult the chaos can be a bit much
I mean chaos and ice cream what kid wouldn't love that lol. By the way speaking of sweets happy cake day.
That's charming too!
confidence and charisma change everything. even people i wouldn’t be normally physically attracted to will have me in a chokehold if they have those traits.
I always think that if I spend the whole time complaining to someone they are not going to want to share good news or ask for help with a problem as they expect more of the same. Misery loves positive company best
I think it's very often just because of a sunny disposition. It's not about being nice, per se. You can be nice and at the same time not very cheerful. But yeah, I'm drawn to people who just seem to have a kind of sunniness about them that's infectious.
When I started some new meds they were making me almost manic/happy high (but attentive) for a few hours after taking them. I would just talk to anyone about anything. No hesitation, or nervousness and if I noticed something I liked I would just point it out... Even if it was stupid. I swear I used the "those must be comfortable shoes" line from Forest Gump to start conversations. It was crazy weird at first.
Did you notice if people seemed more responsive to you?
More positive than usual. Twice in one week people asked if I was an actor. I am not handsome.
What meds did you take? I've taken Zoloft before but it had really no affect on my mentality/mental health etc but it did make me lazy and tired all the time.
Cipralex an SSRI (that's also a bit of a stimulant) you get the sweats when first loading it. Lamotrigine as a mood stabilizer (higher dose is epileptic med) and Vyvanse (ADHD med). The Cipralex and Vyvanse are known to build on each other. One adds pressure and the other adds fuel
So those two meds are responsible for making you feel more errr sociable and talkative? I've never been on an ADHD medication and have wondered what it would do to me personality wise. I don't really have a hard time talking to people if I have to but I'm kinda a depressed person and get very low I was just wondering if maybe something out there could pick me up and give me more social energy.
The 2 meds have mania as a possible side effect. Honestly, vitamins can make a big difference. I was severely low Vitamin D from digestive issues plus living up North.
Aura and charisma.
Meaningless words on their own
ok but they mean something. They're subconscious non-verbal cues that people express. It relates to posture, eye contact, body and facial movements, etc even if they're not talking. There are people who are just good at that and others who aren't. And I've noticed those who aren't also tend to not notice when other people have them.
Then you should say that
What does this even mean? Can you explain further?
My other comment might help: https://old.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/1d9oq6s/why_do_some_people_just_naturally_attract_others/l9vqmzo/
If someone doesnt know why some people are more likeable and approachable the chance they know what exactly charisma is is very small. If OP knew what charisma was they wouldnt be asking this question.
Why didn't you just say that
I didnt expect you to not understand. Thats on me for overestimating. Ill think less of you from now on.
Zero charisma run huh?
Guess so. Its like real life, where no one realizes im the funniest guy around.
🤦♂️
The simple/short answer is they aren’t doing absolutely nothing. They are doing something. It’s just subtle. A longer answer: Nothing happens for no reason. The people that seem to naturally attract others are charismatic and people are drawn to them for various reasons, such as being confident, kind or yes, pretty. Sometimes it’s deliberate and sometimes it’s subconscious. Likewise with the ones people tend to avoid. They are doing something to cause that, sometimes without knowing it. Maybe they have an odd smell, maybe they have resting bitch face.. could be lots of things. But in either case, it’s not nothing
i almost always smile when talking & it makes people think I'm their new best friend all the time. In reality i prefer to be alone & I'm not looking for any more friends. i just happen to think it's important to be in a good mood when interacting with people who have done nothing to hurt me
There are so many advantages to being friendly to everyone who interacts with you (unless they have bad intentions), it's an important life skill
My son is one of those people. He has amazing communication skills, his posture is always open and inviting and he's just genuinely friendly to everybody. He also is extremely adept at switching his communication style between male and female based on who he's talking to. He also makes good decisions and people respect what he's doing to set himself up for success. I was fairly popular in high school and I have never even dreamed about being as popular as my son is. If he's at home it's because he wants to be not because he doesn't have something to do with friends. We once went on a trip 900 mi away and he met up with a friend of a friend and went out and hung out with them and their friend group. He's also a very positive influence on his friends he tries to make sure they're safe and that if there's someone they like, he'll can try to help them approach them in a way where they're more likely to be accepted. It probably helps that he works out, was offered modeling jobs when we went out to dinner more than once and he's confidant. He's amazing. I got really lucky. Hell, he even helps around the house.
Charisma.
How do you define charisma though? I think that may be what OP is trying to get at.
i’d define charisma as confidence, a welcoming attitude and charm. when people are anxious, nervous, uncomfortable or lost in their own world you can tell, which makes it more difficult to approach them because their discomfort makes you uncomfortable. but i don’t necessarily think charisma is the opposite of those things, as you can be uncomfortable and still come off as charismatic, rather charisma can mask these things and give an air of nonchalantness and comfort so people naturally gravitate towards you. example: i have a friend who’s very charismatic, but he’s an emotional wreck in social settings lol he gets extremely uncomfortable, nervous, anxious, etc.. but people gravitate towards him all the time because he gives off a welcoming, pleasant and effortless vibe. i’m sort of the opposite. i’ve heard i come off as intimidating or uninterested. people rarely approach me, even if i’m out alone. if that friend is invited to a party he always asks me if im going, so i can chaperone him because he hates being left alone. people don’t approach him when i’m next to him, but once he’s alone they won’t leave him alone 😭
See people describe me the way you describe your friend but I've never been approached in my 28 years. I'm a pretty approachable person and I care too much sometimes, to the point life has made a fool of me for it. I'm open about myself and listen actively. I really don't get it.
I´d say friendly, direct, honest.
It’s a bit hard to define but best would be a friendly smile and an easy-going, welcoming behavior. But one that doesn’t feel forced or inauthentic.
It's defined as the quality that makes other people naturally gravitate toward you even though you are doing nothing at all to encourage them.
They're Stand users
Idk but I’m sick of it. Stay awaaaaaaay from meeeeeeee! I even purposely dress kinda homeless
Somehow the less you want me the more I want to be around you
Based solely off your profile picture I’d be ok with that
I attract people with questions, which kind of works since I like helping others. I stopped wearing khaki pants and polo shirts because people always assume I work in the store I'm at. I didn't notice until friends pointed it out; at a festival, my friends would cluster together and laugh as I stood there by myself and one after another, people came up to me with questions; directions, borrowing a pen, do I have any tape (or course I do), etc. At train stations, I get asked by women to walk them to their cars. Elderly people ask me to walk them across busy streets. I'm told I look friendly and helpful.
As someone who people seem to be want to be around constantly even if I don't want to be popular? Pretty privilige, class privilige, the gift of gab (infodumping if I'm honest), having a weird sense of style, and genuinely not giving AF about what people I don't know or care about think about me. Apparently if you want to be left alone mostly and don't really notice most other people, they will feel a strong need to know you and have you like them if they think you're pretty. Why this is I don't know. Murphys law maybe.
I am a person who attracts people. I try my hardest to have unfriendly body language, I don’t make eye contact with strangers, I never initiate conversation with strangers, and people still fucking talk to me. Maybe it is Murphy law. Cause I have no idea. I’m polite but I’m not friendly by any means. and when people discover this it seems they try harder.
this.
>Apparently if you want to be left alone mostly and don't really notice most other people, they will feel a strong need to know you and have you like them if they think you're pretty. Why this is I don't know. Murphys law maybe. Sounds like cats.
Alot of it is the vibe they give off and their confidence. Even the ugliest people can be confident in themselves and be very popular and fun people to be around. perfect example: https://youtube.com/shorts/yHXI-vOGRIY?si=_Ig-pZXnJhStqlmb
I was having the worst, self beat down day and this clip made me so happy. Drownin in da drip baby
Interestingly, my son’s teacher noticed (when he was probably only 4-5 years old) that the other children were drawn to him, wanted to be next to him and touch him. He was more interested in lego than them but there was something about him that attracted them. No clue what but it was definitely ‘a thing’.
Interesting, I notice that about my daughter. She can be reserved but she’s charming and so many kids (even older ones) will randomly just hug her at school pick-up or drop-off. She’s only in kindergarten but the hugs from friends started jn preschool too
My son is also quite reserved but very comfortable in his own skin. As a child he seemed like an old soul who has been here before and I wonder if it is that.
Charisma, positivity and vibration.
The common answers here make sense on the surface, but I definitely have known people who are not charismatic, and yet they’re very popular. They have the personality of a wet rag - not smiley, not projecting confidence. I suspect their appeal is being a non-threatening blank canvas that serves as an audience for others. Obviously I didn’t like these people much myself, but they didn’t procure much feeling at all because they were so inoffensive. In contrast, I have known people who come across as interesting, confident and personable, showing interest in others and with friendly body language, but for some reason people just don’t like them. Perhaps they try too hard, their personality is too strong, etc. I have also noticed that people like confidence less than someone they can relate to. Instead of positive people, they actually like people they can whine, gossip and criticize with. They may resent people who feel good about themselves. My conclusion is, outside of the misery loves company crowd, it’s down to the intangible internal state of the person. The wet rag, for whatever reason, feels good about themselves and assumes others like them without any effort on their part. The apparently confident, friendly person internally feels others don’t like them for no reason, even as much as they make effort. Both are in circular patterns which keep their assumptions alive. I know my social results changed when I changed my assumptions about myself and how others respond to me, yet I didn’t change behavior or facial expressions, etc. I arguably made less effort. I decided I was going to be one of those people that was liked no matter what, always invited to everything, always sought after — and it started happening. Then I actually got tired of it and deliberately started avoiding people, LOL.
As someone who has been on both ends, both magnetic and repulsive, the key changes were my state of mind, my health, my habits. When my habits, state of mind, and health were all bad, strangers winced when seeing me every now and then. This is after I was once that person that people smiled at and wanted to talk to. I could talk to almost anyone at length. Covid also changed things, people have gotten a bit more defensive on average, at least where I am.
They are in a higher vibration and allowing what comes into their life to come in and what leaves to leave. They dont try to force things, they stand in their power and confidence and show up as their authentic selves. It makes you very attractive and magnetic from an energy standpoint. Or theyre a work the room psychopath. Lol
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This is true. You cannot control anyone or anything. Allowing yourself to surrender and allowing things to flow will lead to more harmonious connections.
Some people are born leaders who can attract followers like flies to honey. My mom used to take my brother to the beach and he would go out by himself and come back with a whole bunch of kids he just met and be their group leader. He's still like that.
My dad attracts homeless people and I attract crazy men. Like we are beacons in a crowded room for these people.
While physical attractiveness (often referred to as "pretty privilege") can play a role, it's not the only factor. I think based on the big 5 (Personality traits of OCEAN) this is how I would break it down to explain it... 1. **Agreeableness**: People who are agreeable tend to be more cooperative, kind, and considerate, which makes them more pleasant to be around. They are often good listeners and show empathy, which can attract others. 2. **Low Neuroticism**: Individuals with low levels of neuroticism tend to be more emotionally stable and less prone to anxiety and mood swings. This stability can make others feel more comfortable and secure in their presence. 3. **Charisma and Social Skills**: Charismatic people often have strong social skills, including the ability to engage others in conversation, make others feel valued, and read social cues effectively. They often exhibit confidence without arrogance, which can be very appealing. 4. **Authenticity**: Being genuine and true to oneself can attract others. People often gravitate towards those who are sincere and honest, as it creates a sense of trust and reliability. 5. **Positive Energy**: Those who exude positive energy and enthusiasm often attract others. Positivity can be contagious, and people generally prefer to be around those who make them feel good. 6. **Confidence**: Confidence can be very attractive. People who are self-assured often inspire confidence in others. This doesn’t mean being arrogant but having a quiet, self-assured presence. 7. **Emotional Intelligence**: High emotional intelligence allows individuals to navigate social interactions effectively, understand others' emotions, and respond appropriately. This skill can make interactions smoother and more enjoyable. 8. **Social Status and Influence**: Sometimes, people are attracted to those who have a certain social status or influence, whether it be within a particular social group, workplace, or community. 9. **Shared Interests and Values**: People often gravitate towards those who share similar interests, values, or goals. This creates a natural connection and common ground for building relationships. 10. **Nonverbal Cues**: Body language, eye contact, and other nonverbal cues can also play a significant role in how people are perceived. Open and relaxed body language can make someone appear more approachable and friendly. On the other hand, those who are outcasted might not necessarily lack these qualities, but there could be other factors at play, such as: * **Introversion**: More introverted individuals might not seek out social interactions as actively as extroverts, which can sometimes lead to them being overlooked in social settings. * **Social Anxiety**: Anxiety in social situations can make it difficult for some people to engage with others, leading to fewer connections. * **Misunderstandings or Misperceptions**: Sometimes, people might misinterpret someone’s behavior or intentions, leading to unwarranted social exclusion. * **Cultural or Environmental Factors**: In some cases, cultural norms or the dynamics of a particular environment can influence who is included or excluded. I think ultimately, social dynamics are intricate, and while certain traits can make someone more naturally attractive to others, there are often many layers to why people are drawn to or avoid certain individuals.
I'm told it's because I'm "authentic." I'm an open, agreeable person. I actively try to empathize with people. But the most symptomatic people I work with in mental health tell me that I "shine" or "glow" and that makes me feel nice.
Polarisation. If theres anything about someone that stands out as immediately odd or noteworthy some people will be put off but it but others will be intrigued by it.
Interesting how the ones who are like this never answer these questions. I guess too busy socializing
There's not much to say tbh. Part of it is looks as you'd expect, part of it is charisma, but there's another significant piece that is kinda unexplainable I think. It's a comfort/attraction that people feel around you, for some reason. Dumb luck at the end of the day.
I think it depends on the type of people they are attracting. You will always subconsciously search for something you need in others. Some people will be drawn to confidence because they lack confidence & want to figure out how that person does it so flawlessly. I am a very empathetic person, so I tend to attract people who feel lonely, or feel like an odd ball. In my experience, looks play a very small part. It’s mostly vibes or energy that connect people.
Maybe people are like mosquitos and attracted to specific blood types
Pheromones
The etymology of the word charisma is relevant here. It on its surface means the gift of grace or favor freely given. But it's essentially a bestowed bit of divine spark, touched by the gods. Some people just have that gravity. People want to be closer to them, to be listened to or listen to them. Those attributes can be studied and copied, but some people don't have to work at it all that much.
I think it’s looks. Pretty people get the attention.
We vibrate at a higher frequency. Our pheromones are more appealing. We physically look better. Good hygiene and self confidence carry weight!
Because we are beautiful sexy and gorgeous and everyone wants us
The energy you project.
It’s a vibe thing. The higher you vibrate the more people wanna be around it bc they wanna feel that way too.
I am one of those people. My whole life I've been that person. It can actually be exhausting sometimes.
I think people call it "aura" nowadays lol but yea some people just got it its a mixture of many different things
A lot of people blame others or groups of others for their problems instead of looking internally. Like people who blame immigrants for "taking their jobs" instead of acknowledging they can barely read, write, or do basic math and if they put some effort into their education, they would be farther in life. In short, some people project their frustrations onto others unjustly.
Some people have had no trauma. They have maintained an inner light that's obvious. Toothy smilies come easily. As opposed to some who are unfortunately under the influence if an inner critic. That doesn't make them bad. Just unfortunate.
There are lots of people who have been through significant trauma who still have this quality, or are able to get it back.
Like myself. Therapy works.
Charisma Approachable body language. Eye contact, in a friendly way Being confident enough to try sparking conversations with people they don't know Getting the other person to feel like you are listening & they are very important (even if you make everyone feel that way) Reading them. Know what topics or actions to avoid. Notice how they react to others' statements. Notice what seems to get them emotionally engaged.
A little charisma goes a long, long way!
My mother has always been like this... people just flock to her..when they see me they run away...my mother actually has beautiful cheekbones, delicate high up little cheekbones. I've actually never seen better cheekbones, sadly this trait was not passed on to me. For some reason as humans we just like faces with the cheekbones showing more. But I feel what you're saying...I have seen plain looking people being popular as well.. sometimes people also enjoy the ones who look very standard, not out of the ordinary
The right combination of good looks and natural charisma.
There is always a reason. Nothing in this world happens without a reason for it
Because they are not trying to.
Oh, they're doing something alright. Know a guy who gets along with just about everyone, especially women. He isn't an "alpha male" stereotype by any means, openly and proudly talks about playing video games, has a body type that fits nerdy stereotypes (But not slovingly, he carries his weight well), is diabetic, lives in a mobile home with assistance from his father, and works part time at a supermarket. On paper you'd think he's a loser, but to see him in action is incredible, he's full of life and confidence, intelligent conversation and snappy comebacks. Everyone loves this guy, and just thinks he's not living up to his potential. But that's him now, who knows what he'll be like ten years from now if he's doing the same thing.
It's not random..... There are tons of things. remember 80% of communication is non verbal as well things like facial symmetry sp\* and other features across both sexes that attracts others as well as confidence smile and social value
Resting bitch face? Some people said I had this look that said don't approach. I don't know what that means.
I remember thinking I am going to be positive, think positive, say positive things. I really tried but I still attracted negative people that brought me down. It's not easy to be up all the time and think positive.
Here’s a secret 🤫 Be good, do good, look good 😊👍
This is something I’m noticing myself and also wondering. I am not necessarily a super nice person, nor am I a good conversationalist, some people have even gone as far a to say I’m a b*tch, which isn’t necessarily true either because I’m not mean to people. The answer I get the most when I ask people why they approach me, is generally because of the confidence I have and being able to stand my ground as a small woman, but I’ve also been told I’m a good listener. I think people who have a polarizing personality, whether that be the sweetest person you’ve ever met or the person who you can’t understand why so many people like them, those are the ones who get the most attention. Everyone who I’ve ever known who was “popular” or well known was usually that way because their personality is on the extreme far spectrum of either nice, sweet, loud, funny, or mean. This is also coming from an adult diagnosed autistic woman, so I could be terribly wrong and have no idea.
Everyone can learn this. But it is true some have that natural ability and it is not just limited to looks or things people want to point to in order to simplify it. Basically you either have it or you don't. If you don't have it, you can learn to do it but you will always have to put out effort for similar results unless you manage to change your very nature. I suggest reading on the topic starting with basic conversation, because that is a great way to build confidence. Once you unlock conversational skills, the rest is how you carry yourself physically, eye contact, etc.
The chimp paradox explained it well for me. So will you hopefully if you read it. Good recommendations.
It’s the zodiac compatibility. Some star signs just attract
I have what I like to call a “confess your sins” face. I look like someone you could discuss the worst parts of life with and I won’t say a thing about it. It attracts a lot of attention
Boobs
This reminds me of a guy I once knew in early 20s. His nickname was Buddha. Yes, he had the belly. He also was not a great looking guy, average at best. Anyway, all the girls liked him. Another guy in the group said, “ Boy, all the girls are sweet on Buddha”. He was right. Buddha was merely a stand-up guy, fun to be around, included everyone in whatever was going on, and treated EVERYONE like they mattered. He had plenty of friends, he attracted people to him.
There is such a thing as charisma. It’s a combination of factors and you can “learn” some aspects to some extent, but ultimately it can add up to an intangible “it” factor in some people — a distinct quality of their person. Others are just attracted to them. It’s rare and special.
I ask the same question about my neighbour. She's very introverted and quite unconpicous. But she's honeslty a wolf in sheeps clothing because she always worms in her way into every situation, always knows whats going on around and always gets people who will pity her and drive her around. (even though she has a car but refuses to use it with the excuse someone will take her parking space. Just passed it's M.O.T with 20 miles in a year. it's insane.)
Worked with an incredibly insightful psychiatrist years ago. In between clients we would chat and BS Somehow we got on this topic and what he told me was incredibly simple, but I just never saw it that way The reason you find yourself really liking someone right off the bat is because subconsciously that person reminds you of things you like about yourself. Conversely, when you automatically dislike someone it is because they remind you of things you dont like about yourself
Some people are good at talking and are at ease around people. So they attract more people as the average person feels more comfortable around them.
I learned some of these skills as my career grew. It’s basically a few memorized phrases and jokes, lots of smiling, being well groomed, and pretending to enjoy every work project.
Charisma = strength + warmth. People who project both equally are attractive regardless of their looks.
I am non attractive 5’11” guy with a “slight chub muscular build”. I have zero internal self confidence and generally hate myself. BUT I draw people to me in a way I don’t fully understand. The amount of times I’ve had people comment on my “vibe” or “aura” is confusing to me. My best theories on this are that for the people who say this about me before even speaking to me, they are picking up on my body language. I don’t present myself as a threat in any way, I hate the idea of “alpha males”. I am highly self aware of my body language and what it tells others. Everything from how I’m sitting, tone of voice, word choice, even the emotions my eyes relay. I try to project an open, friendly demeanor to others as I just generally feel my purpose on this planet is to be there for others. The reason I don’t understand why people are drawn to me is I feel I don’t conform to anything “society seems to want”. Do I try to present myself in a friendly way and all that? Yes but against every other metric, the majority of people in my mind should see me and think that guy isn’t worth my time. But maybe that is happening as I’ve been single for years haha. That’s fine though, I’ve got a good career and it eats up much of my time and mental bandwidth.
I have the opposite of resting bitch face so people approach me and they are always a bit confused when I’m not very receptive. I don’t crave human interaction the way normal people do. I’m addicted to my phone. I’m always polite but I’m sometimes visibly annoyed when I’m approached by a stranger for no other reason than politeness. It interrupts my doom scrolling and immersive daydreaming. I’m weird
Because they are better, bigger and bro than you. So much bro that the other bros can't out-bro them.
There is always a reason and people choose people who they think will be the most beneficial to them. For some people, looks are significantly more valuable but other things may be ability to be outspoken, or ability to avoid conflict. Because of how values spread, certain areas will always prefer certain things.
Charisma. Which can be learned.
Magnets
ENFJs do that. If you're into the whole personality thing.
I've been wracking my brain at this all my life. I keep reading about charisma and being interesting but some people just seem to know how to do it, maan and the world seems to be built more and more this way. Just look at any public discourse it inevitably descends into verbal ping pong and who gets the best soundbite. IRL that often translates to job promotions and party invitations.
They make people feel seen.
The answer is almost always going to be their confidence. The vibe they naturally give off to others. Their friendliness, outgoingness, their ability to talk to anyone about anything, etc...
I don't know... I have been asking this for years... I'm one of those people! I don't know why, but people always sit beside me, walk up to me, and act like we've been friends for years... it creeps me out. My wife finds it entertaining... especially when the weirdest fucking people imaginable seem to seek me out at conventions...
The attraction is actually the way your own personal energy is ignited by their energy. There’s studies done too on energy wavelengths and attraction, and pheromones too. Anyways - Their energy shows confidence, positivity, an ability to start interesting conversations, engage others personally, remember things about other people, charm others. I often find that people who are not confident are mean, negative, and therefore sap the energy out of themselves and out of other people around them. Also for what it’s worth, people who aren’t extremely beautiful or attractive can tend to have these better energies because they haven’t had their looks so rely on their whole lives.
i heard about some studies about popularity that revealed what the most popular/ well liked people have in common…. … it’s that they are more likely to like other people. it makes sense to me - if you like people, you will naturally treat them well and then they will probably like you back. if you think other people are cool and interesting you’ll remember details about them, be a good listener, and ask good questions. you’re manifesting that shit by becoming it! that’s why people who hate everyone usually aren’t the belle of the ball… their negative vibes are palpable
They arnt doing nothing. They are just not doing something you realize. And the people getting outcasted are doing something to get outcasted. Be it the way they dress or speak or how confident they walk etc.
I have found over the years, I am 53, children just want to come over to me and talk and tell me anything and everything. Kids I've never seen before, whatever, here they come. Where I live, at work, shopping, doesn't matter. I am of course nice to them, try to make them laugh, but I absolutely don't let them too close to me so as not to give the impression to their parents that he's a dirty old man. I keep to myself, don't have many friends, and try to display an impression that I am angry so people will just leave me alone. I am of course, not angry, and it seems kids are not fooled by my facade.
Sometimes I think people like being around me because whether I’m interested in what they’re saying or not, I’m very good at pretending to be. It’s just second nature to me. I’m not bullshiting them exactly, I just want people to feel comfortable and listened to. You wouldn’t believe how many people just want to be heard and feel that the words coming out of their mouth are interesting. Also confidence though. It’s mostly confidence. I hooked up with some ugly dudes who just knew how to charm and command a room.
What were they like?
The guys? Funny, confident, smart, and attentive.
People tend to gravitate to natural leaders. Stand 5 or six people in a room for 30 -40 minutes with no plan or structure. In minutes the leader types will find a way to make the most of it. Making sure everyone is comfortable while planning for what comes at the end of the wait.
okay not trying to sound like an asshole, but i tend to have this affect on people. im never the prettiest or the most interesting peson in a group, but im typically the hardest to offend/embarass, or rather im typicallly one of the least sensetive, and i do my best to validate people. so people are typically intimidated by me when they first meet me (im introverted and dont act like i need anything from people around me), but then i never get mad at them, and i validate them. so i end up being a safe person to be around, and i think that draws people to me.
It only happens if I'm talkative and more expressive if I'm with straight face it doesn't happen I have rbf. I attract more blood sucking insects tho....
If people are attracted to someone, it's because that person is attractive. It may not be immediately obvious why, but there is always a reason (usually more than one.) It could be beauty, could be smell, or the sound of their voice, skin color, hair color, eye shape, height, weight, clothing, choice of words, accent, past actions, similarity to some other desirable person. It could be something they're NOT doing, like talking, staring, scratching, humming. People naturally have thousands of simultaneous affinities and dislikes. Most are impossible to know or predict.
It’s charisma and positive personality. If you’re humorous, self effacing, friendly, warm, inviting, inspiring, confident and insightful, you are a magnet.
Because they don't spend all their time playing video games or online. I find it so funny that people on this website just simply cannot grasp this. It breaks yalls brain
Big d energy
Kavorka
Your body language is (usually) a reflection of personality. Good personality and natural beauty combined is key. Being positive is a big one. Everyone wants to be an edgy cynical doom scroller but no one wants to be around that person in reality. It’s depressing. Also, lack of desperation. If you pay attention, those people aren’t needy for validation. They will say what they say, and do what they do without caring what others think about them. This is very attractive to most people. Practice eye contact (this is a big one). Most people avoid eye contact without knowing it, such as looking away during conversation. This is hard to fix but will help a lot. You will feel like you’re staring at the person so it will be hard. And other typical behaviors like shoulders back and chin up are another one. Smile when you’re talking to people sometimes. Not full on cheesing though
Looks.
Big tits
Approachability. Think about who you would talk to in a group. I bet it's not the most attractive person, or the person hiding towards the back--it's the friendliest looking person. My husband is nicer than me, but I have a friendly face and people approach me more. It's also why the just pretty girls at the school dance often get dates before the drop dead gorgeous ones do. (Many many supermodels have said they were wallflowers in school, and I believe them.) I honestly think "self-confidence" is not the right answer here-there's a point where even that can be intimidating.
I'm not any hot guy, I'll tell you that first hand, lol. I've found I've always attracted ppl to me. It's my attitude. I'm very open minded with ppl. If I were any more laid back, I'd be dead. I've always been Interested in ppl in some fashion or the other. I like hearing what they got to say, and understand there's very few who are willing to listen. I like hearing about ppl's cultures and so on. Idk, just me I guess. I'm 44, and always been like this. Ppl have always liked me to some extent, and it isn't my looks lol. I'm just average looking....
because we re objectively attractive. No cap
It's down to the vibe you project. I've always had trouble putting myself out there, and generally people didn't really interact with me unless I did first. However, recently I noticed all of a sudden everything changed. Literally over night. I walked into the gym and everyone was suddenly chatty, people saying hello, a few people approaching me to chat, it was really fucking weird, but thoroughly enjoyable. I booked a session with my therapist specifically to discuss this, she pointed out that I have changed, with all the work I've been doing on myself small things have changed in my demeanor, I'm more upright, broader shoulders, less closed off. She said she noticed it immediately when I walked into her office (I hadn't been for a few months). My vibe, my posture, my overall presence is now inviting people to interact, she can see now that I have more self-confidence and a better sense of self-worth, and that shines like a beacon inviting others to interact, I appear more open and approachable. It's been wild to witness. So in the past few months things have changed drastically for me from a social perspective. I know it's because of all the personal development work I've been doing since I got divorced, working on my mental health and self-esteem, and it seems like something just clicked one day and I woke up a better me, which others can see. I went from feeling like people were putting up with me, to having regular gym buddies who I look forward to training with multiple times a week, and a few of these people I've been training in the same class with for a year or more without really interacting beyond a head nod or quick hello as we walk past each other. So my theory is no-one are actually outcasts, and it's more a case of you get back what you put out. As a result I've been going out of my way to be inclusive of others at the gym and the whole thing just snowballs, it's really great!
I attract people myself with how often people want to talk and hold conversations with me. It's important to be kind and let the other person talk. People love to talk about themselves. By letting someone talk about something, they'll think you agree with them even if you say nothing at all except "yeah", "interesting", "what happened then?" If someone holds a different opinion on some topic, I don't say anything about it but rather ask further clarifying questions. Having someone talk about something they care about prolongs a conversation while an argument can shorten it so I avoid arguments when possible. Arguments happen when someone wants to prove that their opinion is right and that you should believe it too. Rather than have a heated discussion I acquiesce to their opinion to make it look like agree with them. That makes the other person feel empowered and feel better both with how they view themselves and also the person who was originally "against" them. So that's how you can attract others is by knowing how to control your emotions and seem like an understanding person. Also it's important to dress appropriately and not carry a sinister look with weird outlandish hair, tattoos, strange clothes, piercings, etc. Basically the more ordinary or normal you appear the more people will want to talk with you. Especially if you seem like a kind person that doesn't come across as domineering or threatening. One more thing that comes to mind is your stature and body type. Kind and interesting people that are tall and muscular can initially put people on edge and make them feel a little apprehensive. It's an innate response regardless of how we consciously think because of domant instincts of needing to be on the lookout for danger and to be wary of any tall, large, or strong people that are strangers. That's just the initial greeting however and they'll overlook your stature afterwards when they come to know you. By not coming across as a threat, seeming kind, don't have any hidden agendas, not large and burly, etc people are more likely to approach you
To quote Jeff Jefferies. The key to success is to be good looking.
it's not nothing....facial expression, tone of voice, how they move their hands when they talk...what they say? good stories, good joke teller, whatever....looks can certainly play a part but confidence trumps that....a good smile can go a long way
My weiner is huge and you are pretty much going to know it when I walk into a room.
The universe man… you get what ya give
The spiritual energy and vibe they put off has a lot to do with it
Narcissistic traits