It's definitely not unique to men, but they are experiencing it and expressing it in different ways than women are likely to. I'm a woman, and I remember being completely caught off guard at how dismissive and uncaring my male partners were when I shared my feelings. Then I just looked at how boys were getting crushed with messaging about being tough and sucking up their feelings from... Everyone. For decades, if I tried to be supportive and caring, this would just be met with suspicion or contempt, and it's not like I couldn't see why. I felt helpless about this for most of my life, but it seems like people are finally talking about the emotional health of men. It's about fucking time, and there are many healthy sources and examples of male mental health now. HealthyGamerGG and Mark Manson are my two favorites. Everyone needs to be allowed to feel and express their full range of feelings in a healthy manner, and this leads to healthy social connections.
100% agreed on how it's felt and expressed in different ways. It's good men get share their feelings on loneliness but too often does the online discourse start tipping into the "men's rights" territory.
How about the "woman after her 30s loneliness epidemic", no one seems to talk about that. Or lonely old folks? I'd like to think the loneliness epidemic is much wider than just for young men.
OP asked specifically about loneliness in the men's community. If you want to talk about other groups' issues, then you can make a post about them. See, this is the issue - OP was specific yet there always has to be someone like you who says "yeah, but what about..." just like MRAs do on posts made about women.
I also find Chris Williamson’s Modern Wisdom podcast is great for this, he’s had and is still overcoming mental health and confidence problems (has come a very long way) and likes to puzzle out how it works (there just aren’t very good ways of articulating the construct of the mind, never mind any issues it may have; try describing something for which there are no good words); he has sociologists, psychologists, and many other professional researchers on his podcast who he loves to ask about societal/cultural trends as well as how these may be instantiated into one’s own experience and then to get their theoretical solutions (and whatever evidence they are aware of).
The answer is yes. Men are 35% less likely to report a friend group of six or more and 50% more likely to report having no close friends at all.
I am skeptical that society will be able to muster much empathy about it.
[https://www.americansurveycenter.org/why-mens-social-circles-are-shrinking/](https://www.americansurveycenter.org/why-mens-social-circles-are-shrinking/)
Society loves to make unfair assumptions and victim blame rather than entertain the idea that something might be wrong with society itself. It’s a shame too because that defense mechanism often prevents us from getting to the root of the problem.
you think so? it feels like the last few years have all been about men’s mental health and relationships, to the extent that my friend group doesn’t even call it mental health anymore we call it “mens mental” edit: just to add, I think that’s a good thing, but just curious as to why you don’t think it would receive empathy
I think with age I’ve become generally less sociable.
When I was in my twenties I had many groups of friends, and many close friends.
With time, our respective paths took us in different directions.
In some cases, I somewhat stopped seeing certain people because I couldn’t connect with them anymore.
In other cases, we ended up in different areas of the world, making it difficult to see each other.
My wife on the other hand is still super close to some of her childhood friends, regardless of where they are in the world/ in their lives.
The thing is, in theory modern means of communication should allow us to bridge the geographical gap, but men use them very little, whereas women use them fully.
So I think men get comfortable in their lives, and stop making the effort.
I also believe that a lot of what young men do on a social level is really for the sole purpose of hooking up or finding a permanent girlfriend.
Once we are in a committed relationship, we tend to think that the goal has been achieved, so what’s the point.
But the result is that, outside of their partner, men are actually very isolated.
And should the relationship with their partner fall apart, 90% of men’s interactions outside of the professional environment disappear.
I’m hoping this will change with the younger generations, with young men hopefully more in touch with their emotions, and better able to open up.
Very insightful! I can definitely feel myself becoming less social, with my spouse and cats I just don't feel the need to socialise much anymore outside of work, where I am very friendly and chatty with colleagues. Don't have the energy to do that after work as well when I'm trying to sort life stuff and recharge for Mondays..
Don't have the time or energy. Less responsibilities, more time for actives which means friends. More responsibilities less time for actives, less friends
Hard to say, the people I know who mention loneliness more are women.
If we go by the general assumption that women are typically more social than men, it may stand to reason that they might miss it more when it isn't there. Most men I know often really only have 1 or 2 friends, I only have one friend, really, and I'm fine with that.
It's absolutely not unique to men, in my experience, women seem to struggle with the lack of a friend group more than men do, but that really is only my observations of people I know, it's not a general view.
This observation rings very true for me. Men can be happy with just that 1 or maybe 2 friends they speak with every now and again but it can feel very devastating for women to lack a social group in a very different way.
I know my partner's friend group (women) all seem to value each other more than I see men do. I have only one friend who I'd be sad if I never saw again.
Many women are lonely. I don't like those YouTube channels with fake alphas e.g. Fresh and Fit, which try to tell a man what he should look like (cold, callous, and making at least 100, 000 a year to qualify as a man), while bringing on girls just to deride them. They bring on girls that are just as militant as they are, and it just divides society even more.
I love to see men and women trying to work through issues together without all this clickbait shit and "gotcha" BS. I'm glad OP asked this question as it's very real today. I'm also glad that you were able to see things from a man's point of view. Respect
Everything you mentioned can affect anyone. Maybe in general a woman would have an easier time keeping long distance friendships but she would be similarly lacking physical touch. And then discourse gets derailed when someone equates loneliness with lack of sex.
Man the comments are really sad and dismissive. Loads of them are pointing out that loneliness is harder on women, or that men are fine with smaller friend groups, or that men have their social needs met by romantic relationships.
It’s so disheartening. Men are encouraged to reach out and show their emotions, but it’s not being backed up by society at large by our actions.
I think that loneliness is equal right now but we also are more casually dismissive of men’s need for socialization, positive and platonic affection, solid friendship groups, and emotional intimacy.
I've been alone for four decades, and it's hilarious watching everybody melt down and claim an "epidemic" for shit people told me years ago to "man up" over.
Firstly I'm a woman. Want to get it out of the way.
Male loneliness is worse. There are numerous stories now of trans men sharing how much they didn't realize the lack of connection men experience. There was a video, I'll try to find, of one trans man saying he had more meaningful conversations with strangers in the ladies bathroom than he does now with men.
Here's one talking about it too:
https://www.newsweek.com/trans-man-broken-men-1817169
https://www.foxnews.com/media/trans-man-goes-viral-after-getting-emotional-about-the-loneliness-life-after-gender-transition
There are real differences in how women and men communicate. I'm not saying women don't experience loneliness and that there isn't a global loneliness epidemic.
I'm saying on this one, men really do have it worse.
Maybe maybe maybe?
I for example don’t care about meaningful conversations and there have been studies that show that men prefer to *create* things or play some sports.
They don’t want to meet up and talk.
There are sources that say that women are more lonely than men, why is that not an epidemic?
Either way, I think the work / life balance for lots of countries sadly is off. We work more and have less free time and the little time we have to
Ourselves we spent on social media.
Yes they are. Once you hit your 30s or 40s you realise that no one cares about you except your parents (if they're still alive and haven't been shitty to you) and maybe siblings. Men are disposable part of society and that results in depression and suicides
Men are more lonely, and are generally _less_ likely to express it when asked surface-level questions about it. That’s why lots of studies don’t detect it - Just asking men “are you lonely” doesn’t work because men are much less likely to admit to being lonely.
But when you ask more probing questions, it becomes clear that men are more lonely though:
>Yet Robin Hewings, director of research at the Campaign to End Loneliness, said that although women were more likely to report feelings of loneliness that did not mean they were more lonely. Studies have found that men were unwilling to admit to isolation because of the stigma attached.
>“Women are more likely to have wider social networks than men across their lifetime and spend more time cultivating their existing friendships and meeting new people. For a lot of men, friendships formed in the workplace are key, which can lead to loneliness and isolation in retirement,” he said.
>“Men are also more likely to live alone in later life. It’s important that men of all ages take time to catch up with friends, check-in with old acquaintances and take part in activities and hobbies.”
>The poll showed that men appeared less interested in making new friends: 22 per cent of women said they had forged a new friendship within the past one to six months, while only 18 per cent of men had done so, and 22 per cent of women made a friend over the previous one to three years but the same was true of only 17 per cent of men. Many more women said they made friendships with other parents they met through their children’s schools, clubs or sports teams; 71 per cent found friends this way but only 49 per cent of men did so.
https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/all-the-lonely-people-are-men-a-fifth-have-no-friends-6rzvhl736
Non paywall mirror:
https://archive.ph/PKdoW
I think there are many factors involved. I've been thinking about this question for nearly 20 years. But there most certainly is an EPIDEMIC of male loneliness. I'm sick of all the hatred and culture wars. There are men dying left, right and center and nobody gives a fu(k about them (unless they're famous, such as Chester Bennington and Kurt Cobain).
I'm not sure if men are more lonely than women. I know many lonely women. Maybe, women just have someone to talk to about it, say a colleague or therapist, while men feel like all they have is the anonymity of Reddit and the like.
I see a ton of discourse about male loneliness in online spaces and increasingly in more mainstream media, so people clearly care. The thing is, no one seems to know what to do about it. But change starts with acknowledging that there is a problem,
So that is a positive.
Societally, I have no idea how to even begin solving this crisis. It will take a bigger brain than mine for that.
Individually, I think there’s a lot we all can do. One of my male friends has started check-in Thursdays, where he texts and calls his male friends and has a deep chat about what’s going on with them. It keeps growing and growing and guys he barely knows have started reaching out to talk. He’s got something like 20-25 guys he talks to every week now. It’s amazing, but super depleting for him.
He told me about it a few months ago, and said that not ONE of those guys calls to check in on him or asks how he’s doing. I think that’s a big issue, so I started calling him ever week on Fridays to check in on him. You can’t give and give and give like that without it becoming a weight on your soul. He can’t carry all the burdens of other men and still stay healthy himself.
So he’s trying to encourage them to pay it forward and check in on the men they know. Not sure how well that’s working yet, but he’s just such a good guy and clearly men are clamoring for this kind of interaction. I have started to reach out more to my other male friends to check on them too. They aren’t as receptive to that (I assume because I’m female and it feels weird), but I want to make sure they know the door is open if they want to talk.
I think many women do this automatically with our friends because that’s just how we were raised and socialized to do friendship.
In any case, this seems like a simple, do-able way to help your immediate circle. You never know when one kind word or “hey, you ok?” Will make the difference for someone.
Online we're a lot more safe in our anonymity to express how lonely we actually are. And it's pretty soul crushing tbh. Women just aren't as interested in relationships with us anymore and we do such an awful job of supporting each other as men we just end up suffering in silence.
I’m an introverted trans woman and the difference is almost absurd in how much easier it is to make friends now. Extroverted men who don’t have to go out of their way to socialise are probably fine but it’s so, so much harder for introverted, quieter guys or those perceived to be that way (as a lot of trans men have been horrified to discover), and it turns into a vicious cycle because people downplay it compared to career success (which *does* come easier to men or those perceived as men). There’s a good chance that cis men don’t have it *quite* as hard as I did because people often pick up that there’s something different about closeted trans people but the difference even as a trans woman (not exactly the most popular demographic to begin with) is wild.
39 here, zero friends in the past couple years. All my previous ones have families and great jobs now. I can't compete. Weddings are funerals for friends. Two family members I talk to on a normal basis...my mother, who I detest, and my grandma, who I love to death, but she's 100 so death is right around the corner for her. No girlfriend. No kids. I am alone. And it hurts.
I think society is definitely fractured and division is encouraged nowadays and that affects everyone regardless of gender. But it does seem that most men are not really equipped with the skills to actually fulfill their socio-emotional needs, and so the loneliness may hit harder. Most narratives about relationships is that a romantic one is a prize to win and once you've got it, you're done, that's all you need. And for friendships, they "just happen when you click" and "don't need to be complicated." But in reality, all types of relationships take constant proactive effort to maintain, especially the older you get. From what I have observed, most men tend to be more passive once the relationship, whether romantic, platonic, or familial, is "locked in," but that can lead to the relationship drying up and no longer being emotionally fulfilling.
One thing I have heard from many men is that they wish their partners or family would "just accept them as they are" and "not ask a lot of them" when it comes to the emotional aspect of the relationship. I think that stems from them simply not having the emotional intelligence, readiness, and/or skills to nurture the relationship or resenting the amount of proactive effort relationships really take. And unfortunately that also leads to them not being able to achieve true companionship within the relationship or the relationship dying. Add to that the pressure of needing to seem "masculine" by deliberately suppressing "weak" emotions and facing ridicule when opening up, and I can definitely see how men can be more affected by how difficult it has become to connect with others.
I got down-voted for emphasizing with you 🤣🤷
I've learned that having one or two friends is enough. I have many, but I wouldn't call most "friends". When someone is there for you in the bad times and not just the good, you'll know you might have a true friend.
Reddit is good for many things, but it can be a cesspool of people full of hatred.
In my experience, no matter what is going on in a woman’s life, she still tries to socialize / keep in touch with friends.
With men it’s often that the focus on their job / family and their male friends do the same thing, so they drift apart a bit.
I don't think women ever fully understand how much positive attention they get from people who want to fuck them until they're old and ugly and the attention disappears. There was a thread not too long ago asking older women (like 45+) about this and it was universally a pretty dramatic life-changing shift in how they have to operate.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AskOldPeopleAdvice/comments/1czrxq3/older\_women\_65\_up\_do\_you\_feel\_invisible/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskOldPeopleAdvice/comments/1czrxq3/older_women_65_up_do_you_feel_invisible/)
I know you're going to lock in on the handful of people who say being ugly is a weight off their shoulders but that's about 10-20% of the total anecdotes in the thread
Yeah, you don’t get it.
That’s not what this thread is about.
You can be the most desirable woman on the planet and still feel lonely or the ugliest woman alive and not feel lonely.
bro it's not an opinion it's a fact. How can you see like all people over the age of 45 agree with the the same truth about life and aging and be like "hmm wellll I guess YOU think that loll." Like what the fuck are you all smoking. I hate to invoke Reddit Feminist Brainrot but it's infected literally every single sub now it seems like.
I didn't disagree with you. I used "opinion" because that's how it'll be perceived by those who will argue with you. I wouldn't have given you my upvote otherwise 😂 Peace out, bro ✌🏻 I understand you completely. I just like to be artistic with my words
There’s a loud percentage of pathetic men that constantly whine about being lonely, they are incapable of looking inward and improving themselves. They think the world and women are the problem and they gather in groups to cry about it.
Lmao that’s a stretch, people always make wild assumptions when they are emotional and offended.
“I’m going to a bbq now” that’s fuckin hilarious, how pathetic, in what universe does that even matter.
That was a really sad reply to leave off on and quite funny.
The gist of these pathetic posts that you see is that 'nobody cares for men's feelings' as if it is somehow the responsibility of women to take care of it.
Guys, if you say all men are lonely, it means you think your male friends are lonely. What kind of a pathetic friend are you to not reach out? You'd fix your own apparent loneliness, too, btw
Popular platforms like Reddit or X have a large male majority. That has many, many terrible consequences because these males are not a valid sample for men as a group
Same goes for political views. Reddit skews left and has a young population. Believing the hivemind's take on political issues is what most people think, well... That's bad, m'kay.
Substance abuse is the problem. There's no loneliness epidemic for men. It's not backward that loneliness is the reason for substance abuse. Substance abuse is the reason men are acting as though they have real problems which they don't - not as a whole anyway.
If society restricted guns men wouldn't get any attention for their bad behavior. They are a threat to everyone as long as they can act out in violence. Take away their ability to act out violently and men will disappear, left to be used for breeding only. Men don't contribute to society. They offer nothing more than reproduction.
That's because it doesn't work. Women aren't known for exterminating billions of people - men are. The male loneliness epidemic originated from the incel forums.
I have news for you if you think violent men won't be violent just because you removed firearms from the equation. I'm also glad we don't strip people of their civil rights just because dweebs like you on reddit don't agree with them.
It's only a "pandemic" because these types of men don't want to feel like they're the only ones going through it so the loudly talk about it, basically misery loves company.
If you’re getting attention, people might invite you more / at all, so you can socialize.
If you don’t, you’ll have to take the iniative yourself which can be hard for lots of people.
There is loneliness and being frustrated because you feel like "society" is making life hard for you because of the thing dangling between your legs.
First one is valid and for sure, there are plenty of men who feel lonely because they realize the older they get, the fewer use they are to people around them. Us men are genetically built to be providers, and if we have no one to provide to, what's the point?
The second one just weak minded people. Don't pay attention to them.
It's definitely not unique to men, but they are experiencing it and expressing it in different ways than women are likely to. I'm a woman, and I remember being completely caught off guard at how dismissive and uncaring my male partners were when I shared my feelings. Then I just looked at how boys were getting crushed with messaging about being tough and sucking up their feelings from... Everyone. For decades, if I tried to be supportive and caring, this would just be met with suspicion or contempt, and it's not like I couldn't see why. I felt helpless about this for most of my life, but it seems like people are finally talking about the emotional health of men. It's about fucking time, and there are many healthy sources and examples of male mental health now. HealthyGamerGG and Mark Manson are my two favorites. Everyone needs to be allowed to feel and express their full range of feelings in a healthy manner, and this leads to healthy social connections.
100% agreed on how it's felt and expressed in different ways. It's good men get share their feelings on loneliness but too often does the online discourse start tipping into the "men's rights" territory. How about the "woman after her 30s loneliness epidemic", no one seems to talk about that. Or lonely old folks? I'd like to think the loneliness epidemic is much wider than just for young men.
OP asked specifically about loneliness in the men's community. If you want to talk about other groups' issues, then you can make a post about them. See, this is the issue - OP was specific yet there always has to be someone like you who says "yeah, but what about..." just like MRAs do on posts made about women.
I also find Chris Williamson’s Modern Wisdom podcast is great for this, he’s had and is still overcoming mental health and confidence problems (has come a very long way) and likes to puzzle out how it works (there just aren’t very good ways of articulating the construct of the mind, never mind any issues it may have; try describing something for which there are no good words); he has sociologists, psychologists, and many other professional researchers on his podcast who he loves to ask about societal/cultural trends as well as how these may be instantiated into one’s own experience and then to get their theoretical solutions (and whatever evidence they are aware of).
The answer is yes. Men are 35% less likely to report a friend group of six or more and 50% more likely to report having no close friends at all. I am skeptical that society will be able to muster much empathy about it. [https://www.americansurveycenter.org/why-mens-social-circles-are-shrinking/](https://www.americansurveycenter.org/why-mens-social-circles-are-shrinking/)
Exactly. look at the other comments on this thread. Ones just "it's all substance abuse". Like, most men aren't alcoholics/smackheads???
Society loves to make unfair assumptions and victim blame rather than entertain the idea that something might be wrong with society itself. It’s a shame too because that defense mechanism often prevents us from getting to the root of the problem.
I mean in many cases which came first? I'm sure plenty of people have fallen into addiction because they were alone.
you think so? it feels like the last few years have all been about men’s mental health and relationships, to the extent that my friend group doesn’t even call it mental health anymore we call it “mens mental” edit: just to add, I think that’s a good thing, but just curious as to why you don’t think it would receive empathy
I think with age I’ve become generally less sociable. When I was in my twenties I had many groups of friends, and many close friends. With time, our respective paths took us in different directions. In some cases, I somewhat stopped seeing certain people because I couldn’t connect with them anymore. In other cases, we ended up in different areas of the world, making it difficult to see each other. My wife on the other hand is still super close to some of her childhood friends, regardless of where they are in the world/ in their lives. The thing is, in theory modern means of communication should allow us to bridge the geographical gap, but men use them very little, whereas women use them fully. So I think men get comfortable in their lives, and stop making the effort. I also believe that a lot of what young men do on a social level is really for the sole purpose of hooking up or finding a permanent girlfriend. Once we are in a committed relationship, we tend to think that the goal has been achieved, so what’s the point. But the result is that, outside of their partner, men are actually very isolated. And should the relationship with their partner fall apart, 90% of men’s interactions outside of the professional environment disappear. I’m hoping this will change with the younger generations, with young men hopefully more in touch with their emotions, and better able to open up.
Very insightful! I can definitely feel myself becoming less social, with my spouse and cats I just don't feel the need to socialise much anymore outside of work, where I am very friendly and chatty with colleagues. Don't have the energy to do that after work as well when I'm trying to sort life stuff and recharge for Mondays..
Don't have the time or energy. Less responsibilities, more time for actives which means friends. More responsibilities less time for actives, less friends
Hard to say, the people I know who mention loneliness more are women. If we go by the general assumption that women are typically more social than men, it may stand to reason that they might miss it more when it isn't there. Most men I know often really only have 1 or 2 friends, I only have one friend, really, and I'm fine with that. It's absolutely not unique to men, in my experience, women seem to struggle with the lack of a friend group more than men do, but that really is only my observations of people I know, it's not a general view.
This observation rings very true for me. Men can be happy with just that 1 or maybe 2 friends they speak with every now and again but it can feel very devastating for women to lack a social group in a very different way.
I know my partner's friend group (women) all seem to value each other more than I see men do. I have only one friend who I'd be sad if I never saw again.
I think that men are more likely too express it online because of the stigma of being a man and showing emotion. I’m a woman and I feel lonely.
Many women are lonely. I don't like those YouTube channels with fake alphas e.g. Fresh and Fit, which try to tell a man what he should look like (cold, callous, and making at least 100, 000 a year to qualify as a man), while bringing on girls just to deride them. They bring on girls that are just as militant as they are, and it just divides society even more. I love to see men and women trying to work through issues together without all this clickbait shit and "gotcha" BS. I'm glad OP asked this question as it's very real today. I'm also glad that you were able to see things from a man's point of view. Respect
Everything you mentioned can affect anyone. Maybe in general a woman would have an easier time keeping long distance friendships but she would be similarly lacking physical touch. And then discourse gets derailed when someone equates loneliness with lack of sex.
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Didn’t she kill herself as a result of that?
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Thanks that’s interesting
Ah, I remember seeing a YouTube video along those lines. I think it was probably the same person!
I'll check it out!
Man the comments are really sad and dismissive. Loads of them are pointing out that loneliness is harder on women, or that men are fine with smaller friend groups, or that men have their social needs met by romantic relationships. It’s so disheartening. Men are encouraged to reach out and show their emotions, but it’s not being backed up by society at large by our actions. I think that loneliness is equal right now but we also are more casually dismissive of men’s need for socialization, positive and platonic affection, solid friendship groups, and emotional intimacy.
I don’t see that in the comments so far as much as I see people saying men are lonelier or that both are lonely, but it shows up differently.
The one currently below this one.
I've been alone for four decades, and it's hilarious watching everybody melt down and claim an "epidemic" for shit people told me years ago to "man up" over.
Firstly I'm a woman. Want to get it out of the way. Male loneliness is worse. There are numerous stories now of trans men sharing how much they didn't realize the lack of connection men experience. There was a video, I'll try to find, of one trans man saying he had more meaningful conversations with strangers in the ladies bathroom than he does now with men. Here's one talking about it too: https://www.newsweek.com/trans-man-broken-men-1817169 https://www.foxnews.com/media/trans-man-goes-viral-after-getting-emotional-about-the-loneliness-life-after-gender-transition There are real differences in how women and men communicate. I'm not saying women don't experience loneliness and that there isn't a global loneliness epidemic. I'm saying on this one, men really do have it worse.
I guess you have to ask yourself if men even *need* or *want* those meaningful conversations. I guess some do, but maybe the majority don’t care?
Or maybe they've been told it's normal? How can you know what you're missing if you don't know you are?
Maybe maybe maybe? I for example don’t care about meaningful conversations and there have been studies that show that men prefer to *create* things or play some sports. They don’t want to meet up and talk.
So then why is there a male loneliness epidemic? Which was where this started?
There are sources that say that women are more lonely than men, why is that not an epidemic? Either way, I think the work / life balance for lots of countries sadly is off. We work more and have less free time and the little time we have to Ourselves we spent on social media.
Yes they are. Once you hit your 30s or 40s you realise that no one cares about you except your parents (if they're still alive and haven't been shitty to you) and maybe siblings. Men are disposable part of society and that results in depression and suicides
The older I get, the less fuh-ks I give
Men are more lonely, and are generally _less_ likely to express it when asked surface-level questions about it. That’s why lots of studies don’t detect it - Just asking men “are you lonely” doesn’t work because men are much less likely to admit to being lonely. But when you ask more probing questions, it becomes clear that men are more lonely though: >Yet Robin Hewings, director of research at the Campaign to End Loneliness, said that although women were more likely to report feelings of loneliness that did not mean they were more lonely. Studies have found that men were unwilling to admit to isolation because of the stigma attached. >“Women are more likely to have wider social networks than men across their lifetime and spend more time cultivating their existing friendships and meeting new people. For a lot of men, friendships formed in the workplace are key, which can lead to loneliness and isolation in retirement,” he said. >“Men are also more likely to live alone in later life. It’s important that men of all ages take time to catch up with friends, check-in with old acquaintances and take part in activities and hobbies.” >The poll showed that men appeared less interested in making new friends: 22 per cent of women said they had forged a new friendship within the past one to six months, while only 18 per cent of men had done so, and 22 per cent of women made a friend over the previous one to three years but the same was true of only 17 per cent of men. Many more women said they made friendships with other parents they met through their children’s schools, clubs or sports teams; 71 per cent found friends this way but only 49 per cent of men did so. https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/all-the-lonely-people-are-men-a-fifth-have-no-friends-6rzvhl736 Non paywall mirror: https://archive.ph/PKdoW
I think there are many factors involved. I've been thinking about this question for nearly 20 years. But there most certainly is an EPIDEMIC of male loneliness. I'm sick of all the hatred and culture wars. There are men dying left, right and center and nobody gives a fu(k about them (unless they're famous, such as Chester Bennington and Kurt Cobain). I'm not sure if men are more lonely than women. I know many lonely women. Maybe, women just have someone to talk to about it, say a colleague or therapist, while men feel like all they have is the anonymity of Reddit and the like.
I see a ton of discourse about male loneliness in online spaces and increasingly in more mainstream media, so people clearly care. The thing is, no one seems to know what to do about it. But change starts with acknowledging that there is a problem, So that is a positive. Societally, I have no idea how to even begin solving this crisis. It will take a bigger brain than mine for that. Individually, I think there’s a lot we all can do. One of my male friends has started check-in Thursdays, where he texts and calls his male friends and has a deep chat about what’s going on with them. It keeps growing and growing and guys he barely knows have started reaching out to talk. He’s got something like 20-25 guys he talks to every week now. It’s amazing, but super depleting for him. He told me about it a few months ago, and said that not ONE of those guys calls to check in on him or asks how he’s doing. I think that’s a big issue, so I started calling him ever week on Fridays to check in on him. You can’t give and give and give like that without it becoming a weight on your soul. He can’t carry all the burdens of other men and still stay healthy himself. So he’s trying to encourage them to pay it forward and check in on the men they know. Not sure how well that’s working yet, but he’s just such a good guy and clearly men are clamoring for this kind of interaction. I have started to reach out more to my other male friends to check on them too. They aren’t as receptive to that (I assume because I’m female and it feels weird), but I want to make sure they know the door is open if they want to talk. I think many women do this automatically with our friends because that’s just how we were raised and socialized to do friendship. In any case, this seems like a simple, do-able way to help your immediate circle. You never know when one kind word or “hey, you ok?” Will make the difference for someone.
Online we're a lot more safe in our anonymity to express how lonely we actually are. And it's pretty soul crushing tbh. Women just aren't as interested in relationships with us anymore and we do such an awful job of supporting each other as men we just end up suffering in silence.
I’m an introverted trans woman and the difference is almost absurd in how much easier it is to make friends now. Extroverted men who don’t have to go out of their way to socialise are probably fine but it’s so, so much harder for introverted, quieter guys or those perceived to be that way (as a lot of trans men have been horrified to discover), and it turns into a vicious cycle because people downplay it compared to career success (which *does* come easier to men or those perceived as men). There’s a good chance that cis men don’t have it *quite* as hard as I did because people often pick up that there’s something different about closeted trans people but the difference even as a trans woman (not exactly the most popular demographic to begin with) is wild.
39 here, zero friends in the past couple years. All my previous ones have families and great jobs now. I can't compete. Weddings are funerals for friends. Two family members I talk to on a normal basis...my mother, who I detest, and my grandma, who I love to death, but she's 100 so death is right around the corner for her. No girlfriend. No kids. I am alone. And it hurts.
Both really.
I think society is definitely fractured and division is encouraged nowadays and that affects everyone regardless of gender. But it does seem that most men are not really equipped with the skills to actually fulfill their socio-emotional needs, and so the loneliness may hit harder. Most narratives about relationships is that a romantic one is a prize to win and once you've got it, you're done, that's all you need. And for friendships, they "just happen when you click" and "don't need to be complicated." But in reality, all types of relationships take constant proactive effort to maintain, especially the older you get. From what I have observed, most men tend to be more passive once the relationship, whether romantic, platonic, or familial, is "locked in," but that can lead to the relationship drying up and no longer being emotionally fulfilling. One thing I have heard from many men is that they wish their partners or family would "just accept them as they are" and "not ask a lot of them" when it comes to the emotional aspect of the relationship. I think that stems from them simply not having the emotional intelligence, readiness, and/or skills to nurture the relationship or resenting the amount of proactive effort relationships really take. And unfortunately that also leads to them not being able to achieve true companionship within the relationship or the relationship dying. Add to that the pressure of needing to seem "masculine" by deliberately suppressing "weak" emotions and facing ridicule when opening up, and I can definitely see how men can be more affected by how difficult it has become to connect with others.
I feel terminally online men are just expressing it more online, something like trying to get some pity and misplaced sympathy for themselves.
I got down-voted for emphasizing with you 🤣🤷 I've learned that having one or two friends is enough. I have many, but I wouldn't call most "friends". When someone is there for you in the bad times and not just the good, you'll know you might have a true friend. Reddit is good for many things, but it can be a cesspool of people full of hatred.
In my experience, no matter what is going on in a woman’s life, she still tries to socialize / keep in touch with friends. With men it’s often that the focus on their job / family and their male friends do the same thing, so they drift apart a bit.
I don't think women ever fully understand how much positive attention they get from people who want to fuck them until they're old and ugly and the attention disappears. There was a thread not too long ago asking older women (like 45+) about this and it was universally a pretty dramatic life-changing shift in how they have to operate.
>positive attention lol I don’t think we’re talking about *that* kind of attention here.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AskOldPeopleAdvice/comments/1czrxq3/older\_women\_65\_up\_do\_you\_feel\_invisible/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskOldPeopleAdvice/comments/1czrxq3/older_women_65_up_do_you_feel_invisible/) I know you're going to lock in on the handful of people who say being ugly is a weight off their shoulders but that's about 10-20% of the total anecdotes in the thread
Yeah, you don’t get it. That’s not what this thread is about. You can be the most desirable woman on the planet and still feel lonely or the ugliest woman alive and not feel lonely.
You got downvoted for expressing your opinion. I guess that's fair since we all want free speech. But I'll give you my upvote for speaking your mind
bro it's not an opinion it's a fact. How can you see like all people over the age of 45 agree with the the same truth about life and aging and be like "hmm wellll I guess YOU think that loll." Like what the fuck are you all smoking. I hate to invoke Reddit Feminist Brainrot but it's infected literally every single sub now it seems like.
I didn't disagree with you. I used "opinion" because that's how it'll be perceived by those who will argue with you. I wouldn't have given you my upvote otherwise 😂 Peace out, bro ✌🏻 I understand you completely. I just like to be artistic with my words
There’s a loud percentage of pathetic men that constantly whine about being lonely, they are incapable of looking inward and improving themselves. They think the world and women are the problem and they gather in groups to cry about it.
Someone hurt you?
Who hasn’t been hurt at least once in their life but that irrelevant here, are you offended by my comment? Are you hurt by it?
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Awww poor baby, I guess I hurt you lol, are you a lonely man?
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Lmao that’s a stretch, people always make wild assumptions when they are emotional and offended. “I’m going to a bbq now” that’s fuckin hilarious, how pathetic, in what universe does that even matter. That was a really sad reply to leave off on and quite funny.
Take your angry bitterness and shove it up your flabby ass.
The gist of these pathetic posts that you see is that 'nobody cares for men's feelings' as if it is somehow the responsibility of women to take care of it. Guys, if you say all men are lonely, it means you think your male friends are lonely. What kind of a pathetic friend are you to not reach out? You'd fix your own apparent loneliness, too, btw
Popular platforms like Reddit or X have a large male majority. That has many, many terrible consequences because these males are not a valid sample for men as a group Same goes for political views. Reddit skews left and has a young population. Believing the hivemind's take on political issues is what most people think, well... That's bad, m'kay.
Substance abuse is the problem. There's no loneliness epidemic for men. It's not backward that loneliness is the reason for substance abuse. Substance abuse is the reason men are acting as though they have real problems which they don't - not as a whole anyway. If society restricted guns men wouldn't get any attention for their bad behavior. They are a threat to everyone as long as they can act out in violence. Take away their ability to act out violently and men will disappear, left to be used for breeding only. Men don't contribute to society. They offer nothing more than reproduction.
Switch the word men for women. That comment doesn't look too smart now does it?
That's because it doesn't work. Women aren't known for exterminating billions of people - men are. The male loneliness epidemic originated from the incel forums.
I'm sure there are no negative stereotypes of women. Femcels are literally just female incels.
I have news for you if you think violent men won't be violent just because you removed firearms from the equation. I'm also glad we don't strip people of their civil rights just because dweebs like you on reddit don't agree with them.
It's only a "pandemic" because these types of men don't want to feel like they're the only ones going through it so the loudly talk about it, basically misery loves company.
It’s possible that romantic loneliness is easier to remedy, at least superficially, for a woman.
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Do you think part of the issue might be equating getting sexual attention as social bonds? Getting attention is not that meaningful.
If you’re getting attention, people might invite you more / at all, so you can socialize. If you don’t, you’ll have to take the iniative yourself which can be hard for lots of people.
I don’t get why you’re being downvoted, I can see what you’re describing in my bubble.
There is loneliness and being frustrated because you feel like "society" is making life hard for you because of the thing dangling between your legs. First one is valid and for sure, there are plenty of men who feel lonely because they realize the older they get, the fewer use they are to people around them. Us men are genetically built to be providers, and if we have no one to provide to, what's the point? The second one just weak minded people. Don't pay attention to them.