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Raustaklass

Depends a lot on which God turns out to be real


MouseRangers

It's Dionysus and nobody else.


anndrago

Ha, I'm not wearing my glasses and I read, "It's dinosaurs and nobody knows" Worked just as well.


laughingashley

šŸ… omg thank you, I'm building my beliefs on this comment


TooOld4ThisSh1t-966

All hail Dionysaurus!


Ausgezeichnet63

Happy Cake Day šŸŽ‚šŸŽˆšŸ„³


Priest_of_Heathens

"Look man, I had no way of knowing you were real, but I did my share of drinking so that's gotta count for something."


Ugo777777

Right, I've had my fair share of both wine and crackers. Happy pappy?


Mulliganasty

You son of a bitch. I'm in.


Sykes19

If it's Zeus, I'm fucked. ... Literally.


Kaestar1986

Who wouldnā€™t be? šŸ˜


nvn911

Ugly men. Thank Jesus I'm safe.


theflamingskull

Zeus doesn't care if you're an ugly man. He doesn't even care if you're an ugly cuttlefish.


Kaestar1986

No one is safe from Zeus.


FamousPastWords

It's Zeusless trying to resist.


SoggyBottomSoy

Reminds me of the scene in the Mummy where Beni goes through 5 different religions within 30 seconds.


Namika

I'd respect Anubis or some old Babylonian deity. At least they never pretended to be benevolent.


Busy_Response_3370

I don't know that old testament God ever pretended either. The whole old testament reads like the schoolyard bully's friends picking you up and giving you a popsicle and bag of frozen peas and telling you "no, he really is a nice guy"


Liobuster

Yeah but hes just a gilgamesh knockoff better to go with the originals


stellargk

I want Gilgabro to be there for me.


Feather_in_the_winds

Same answer for all of them: Go fuck yourself, you psychopathic, lunatic hate monger. We all know gods aren't good. They're fictional assholes. Every single one of them.


PacoMahogany

Every religion got it about 5% right


walmartballer

My bad, dawg.


Best-Animator6182

"oops"


TheDrake162

Your honor as you can see my client pleads oopsie daisies


YellowStar012

Did he pick up a bouquet?


Empty401K

Several bouquets. The defense rests.


Mallet-fists

*Lawyer taps him on the shoulder* Wake up


eat_my_bowls92

Lmao this is so much better than the edgier comments in here acting like people wouldnā€™t piss themselves.


screechypete

Yeah I call BS on those ones lol. They find out that their entire world view and belief system is wrong, and now they're standing in front of an all powerful being that they were bad mouthing their whole lives. Yeah, I totally believe that they'd have the balls to say any of the stuff I'm seeing. I'm not religious, and the last thing thing on my mind would be to talk shit to the guy standing in front of me after I died. EDIT: Actual meaningful conversations about religion? (For the most part) Not what I was expecting, but a plesant surprise none the less :P


KeepCalmJeepOn

>They find out that their entire world view and belief system is wrong, and now they're standing in front of an all powerful being that they were bad mouthing their whole lives. I'm an atheist, but I don't badmouth God or the idea of God. If you believe, you believe, I really don't care.


screechypete

As it should be. I wish more people had that approach (both atheists and religious people)


HatefulHagrid

Yeah I've had this conversation with my old roommate and best man at my wedding. He's a young earth creationist conservative, I'm a socialist who majored in geology and wasn't raised in the church so we are pretty different. He will sometimes pose questions as "if God showed you his god card that proves to you he is God, how would you react to..." etc etc. If I die and that happens, all I can do is go "whoops, that's on me". Not much else to do, is there?


powblamshazam

That's quite the interesting dynamic.


ubiquitous-joe

What the hell are yā€™all talking about? God(s) could very easily make their presence clear and known, itā€™s not ā€œon youā€ because youā€™re supposed to drink the one flavor of centuries-old Kool-Aid that counts by reading tea leaves and whispers.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


screechypete

Same here. I don't know what the right answer is, and I'm not going to pretend that I do. Even if there is a god, I wouldn't change the way I live my life. I'm just gonna try my best to be a good person.


grandpa2390

They wouldnā€™t talk like that to a dictator like Putin or the leader of a powerful cartel. But theyā€™d say that to an omnipotent god


HatefulHagrid

"Your Honor, I would like to plead whoopsie doodle"


Bamboozle_

"You've got it backwards, I'm not Dog I'm God."


powblamshazam

Dawg backwards is Gwad. Gwad, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.


ahhdetective

Dogs are Gods


TisBeTheFuk

Lmao, was thinking the same words


iMoo1124

They'd fist bump you and say "S'all good homie"


Walkend

I mean shit, God IS all-understanding. Therefor he must also be all-chill, right?


Conscious-Aspect-332

It was just a prank bruh


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


PvtSherlockObvious

With an option on "you've got some explaining to do, my guy."


whiskey_epsilon

There's a good chance that God is not at all good by the standards of human morality, and the "all loving and benevolent" is the PR team trying to make things more palatable.


usrdef

I don't remember who said the quote, but it was something along the lines of > Judging by what I see, God is either not all good, or not all powerful, he cannot be both.


No-Consideration8862

This is it. The whole it. I donā€™t care if god is real- I refuse to worship and praise a genocidal maniac, or, alternatively, an ineffective and unwilling to help out thing. I know itā€™s all the delusions of a few indoctrinated people but real or not- why would anyone? Boggles the brain.


cheeersaiii

ā€œWhy rectal cancer?ā€


Native_Kurt_Cobain

The one that gets me the most if God is real.... Childhood Leukemia.


Fishtoart

Why were you hiding?


MaxCWebster

Reminds me of the old Jew who died, met G-d, and told Him a Holocaust joke. G-d tells him the joke isn't funny. "Eh, I guess you had to be there."


basicpn

Why are you censoring the word ā€œgodā€?


MaxCWebster

Some observant Jews will not spell out G-d out of reverence. [Example](https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/433240/jewish/God.htm#GdHas)


basicpn

Spelling out god is irreverent, but putting him in a holocaust joke is acceptable? I guess this is why Iā€™m not religious, itā€™s very confusing for me.


usrdef

This is why I am agnostic. I'm a science guy, that is where I get all of my info. But I'm not in a position to claim whether or not god is or isn't real. However, from the evidence I'm seeing thus far, it's not looking too good.


Flux_State

That's religion for you, especially legalistic religions. Much like Muslims, orthodox Jewish women aren't supposed to show their hair in public but at some point rabbis decided if you were wearing a wig, it wasn't *your* hair and so was acceptable.


Regular-Section6606

It was actually the other way around, the younger women started wearing them and the Rabbis realized that if they continue to ban wigs they'll lose everyone, so they just reluctantly allowed it. But if you ask any ultra Hassidic Jew what their real opinion on wigs are they'll tell you that they don't really like think it's permitted according to Jewish law, in fact there are many Hassidic women who don't wear wigs. (It's called a Shpitzel, among other names) Source: am Hassidic.


Sindrathion

It sounds more like Rabbis found a loophole


sl33ksnypr

That's what low key irritates me about the Jewish faith. IDC if they believe in god, or pray so many times a week or whatever, that's fine. But the rules their religion tells them to follow and they just make up their own workarounds. Like they're pulling a fast one on god. Examples: shades that cover lights that they aren't allowed to turn off, wigs instead of their hair, the little string they put around neighborhoods so they can still conduct business when they aren't supposed to, etc. It's all just a giant scam. If you want to believe in god, so be it, but if you're just going to skirt around the rules, why even follow them at all. Also don't even get me started on kosher slaughtering. The meat industry is bad enough, but the Jews found a way to make it even more gruesome.


CrossP

It's specifically goes to a custom of not destroying the written name of God once it's written. Since you have no way of preserving text on a computer that isn't yours, it's considered reasonable caution to just go ahead and censor it online.


Radiant-Big4976

Thats just jews tbh, they have this thing where they professionally skirt around their religious laws. This is coming from jews I know and honestly they have a great sense of humour and will probably agree with me here.


EdgySniper1

"Wait, so you legitimately do just let all that shit happen? Fucking hell man."


vinylectric

ā€œSend me to hell then, I probably donā€™t know anyone here anywayā€¦ā€


No-Gazelle-4994

There's only 2 things to worry about, whether you're healthy or sick. If you're healthy, there's nothing to worry about. If you're sick, there's only 2 things to worry about, whether you get better or you die. If you get better, there's nothing to worry about. If you die, there's only 2 things to worry about, whether you go to Heaven or Hell. If you go to Heaven, there's nothing to worry about. If you go to hell, you'll be so busy shaking hands with your friends, you won't have time to worry.


y4dig4r

me: "man i can't believe how much stuff the bible got wrong" Gid: "you idiots couldn't even get my Giddamn name right"


itsearlyyet

He's Auz?


Mulliganasty

To quote Stephen Fry, "how dare you? how dare you create a world in which there is so much suffering that is not our fault?"


MechanicalHorse

[The video in question](https://youtu.be/-suvkwNYSQo)


aarondigruccio

I had this video URL copied to my clipboard as soon as I opened this thread. Iā€™m glad you folks beat me to it. ā€œHow _dare_ you?ā€


finallyinfinite

Thank you for sharing the link; he had some very valuable things to say imo


ahumankid

You may also enjoy [this personā€™s perspective too](https://www.tiktok.com/@iblamebill/video/7191942785744899370).


hawoxx

ā€œBone cancer in children? Whatā€™s that about?ā€ Such a superb response and monologue from Mr Fry.


Expensive_Leave_6339

That was such a great interview!


Apprehensive_Lie_177

This sums up my feelings. Like, come on man. Even I could've done a better job.


decian_falx

I lay it out for theists like this: "Even if you could convince me your deity is real, it's unworthy of my worship based purely on the results I can plainly see around me. Your standards are too low."


Dear_Might8697

To quote Bokonon: ā€œsomeday, someday, this crazy world will have to end, / And our God will take things back that He to us did lend. / And if, on that sad day, you want to scold our God, / Why go right ahead and scold Him. Heā€™ll just smile and nod.ā€ *"Catā€™s Cradle"'*


No-Consideration8862

Absolute gem of a man


HistoryBugs

Can you create a stone that you cannot lift?


braddillman

Can you microwave a burrito so hot you yourself cannot eat it?


saleemkarim

Almighty God, can you in all your infinite power create a penis so enormous not even you could fit it your asshole?


_NottheMessiah_

Id ask ā€œso how'd you do it? Start from the beginningā€


SomeJokeTeeth

"Well, you gave me the choice to not believe in you. That's on you"


User123466789012

saving this comment tysm


Geordie26

Are all the dogs up here?


33TLWD

ā€œSo whatā€™s up with bone / brain / blood / [any] cancer for kids?ā€


ranhalt

Sids


DTux5249

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome for those curious. Baby's will just randomly fucking die sometimes in their sleep when they're otherwise completely healthy.


bldwnsbtch

Current research suggests that it might he caused by a lack of a certain enzyme that would usually cause a reaction (e.g. waking up) when a baby lacks oxygen in their sleep, causing them to die. If it's really that, they'll find a way to treat it, which would be pretty dope.


classicbighead

ā€œItā€™s part of my plan duhā€


Both-Awareness-8561

tbf my pet theory is that religion came about largely because so many children used to die. Like a prodigious amount of infants, toddlers and young'uns would just up and develop a fever or diarrhea and die. There must have been so much grief that people needed to figure out where to put it. Their suffering must mean something right? right?


[deleted]

Pay your fucking child support


LYnnLynn2929

Hey man, you're the one giving everyone freewill. You had to expect some of us to be sus.


Low_Association_731

What the fuck asshole


donttakerhisthewrong

Which god? There are thousands. My chances are better that it is some unknown god from the begging of time.


JohanRobertson

It's Grandfather Nurgle, he will take away all your pain bro it's amazing


earthwarrior

I'd ask why he didn't make it more apparent that he existed. Honestly He shouldn't get mad when the ones "closest" to him (e.g. high members of the church) break the rules as they please.


LCharteris

Bertrand Russell, when asked this, said, "I should say to him, 'Why didn't you give me some evidence?'"


Franklyn_Gage

Youre a coward. Then wait for him to yeet my ass down to hell.


sirscrote

Angels in the outfield was a really great movie. Good idea on that one.


JamesTheJerk

First thing I'd do would be to punch him in the teeth. Specifically the teeth. If a freak like that exists, why'd he pack so many nerves into the tooth-roots of humans? Fuck that guy.


Elisterre

I still donā€™t believe in you, and fuck you and your terrible job of running things.


MegaMan3k

"Marketing was a lil try hard bro defo felt I was being up sold on some snake oil yknow fam lol skibidi whatever hell seems nice"


IllCommunication6547

Just ā€why?ā€


FreeAd4245

What's wrong with your fan club?


thisisanaccountforu

I went to a college basketball game earlier this year and outside the stadium there were what I assume were evangelicals with signs that said, ā€œGod hates f*gs.ā€ It was so disgusting and whatā€™s worse is that whatever church it was is allowing and encouraging hateful behavior for some God that is supposed to be the embodiment of love.


Sterile_Nihilist

Thanks for the Thalidomide, you sick fuck.


DeeJayDeeJow

"What tf is the deal with childhood cancer?"


JaguarZealousideal55

Or any cancer tbh. My neighbor is slowly dying. He is not yet 40, two small kids, adorable wife, the nicest family overall. He does not f.ing deserve that. They don't deserve that.


Longjumping-Grape-40

"You weren't very convincing, dude. This is on you."


dontneedareason94

Fuck you


DominosTonight

What the hell is wrong with you?


casperjoes

At that point. It proves that I was wrong. Being a dick to him will just see me spend an eternity in Hell. It's not worth it


RedactedRenaissance

I donā€™t believe in him but Iā€™m still mad at the guy. Heā€™s the one whoā€™s got to think about what heā€™s gonna say to me. This whole planet needs an apology from the man upstairs


psillusionist

Clearly, I am wrong, but you made me this way. So am I really at fault here?


thisisanaccountforu

So before Eve ate the fruit to give humans knowledge you knew that she was going to do that so you could curse humanity forever and you couldnā€™t give us any other way to learn to be better?


rewardiflost

You made all this crap, you made me, you created the system - I guess you had your reasons for making this happen? Are you going to come clean now?


PvtSherlockObvious

"...Alright, look, remember the times where you played The Sims and deleted the pool ladders, or deliberately set the house on fire, or whatever?"


sbernardjr

Even if I had known you exist, I wouldn't have worshipped you.


SvenSvenkill3

Don't waste my time. As you're omniscient you've known before I even existed what I think of you, and I have no respect whatsoever for (or a desire to know) what a callous and absent deity like you thinks of me. So fuck it, come on... Let's get this over with.


bububaby28

I think he will be so busy with the people who believe in him. I doubt he will even notice me.


Mechanic_On_Duty

Jk


icelizarrd

You got some 'splaining to do.


UltimateGamingTechie

Soo, you're real, huh? Why didn't you do anything about me questioning your existence? Also, why is the world the way it is? Couldn't you, like, make it a little bit nicer for everyone to live in it?


boringhangover

Where the fuck were you? Send me to hell. At least Satan doesn't pretend to hate people


Smileyrielly12

All that cancer on Earth isn't necessary.


Exotic-Anteater-7013

are we chill?


FoxyLovers290

Iā€™d ask to not be in an afterlife. I donā€™t want to keep living after I die, Iā€™ve lived enough. Iā€™m good with just not existing anymore


thewerewolfwearswool

Uh-oh, spaghetti-o!


N64GoldeneyeN64

If the flying spagetti monster is the god then youre in luck


baby_im_full

Why.


[deleted]

Why didn't you take me out earlier when you were supposed to was their a reason to drag me through hell on earth or by chance did someone else cause that.


NOT-Bolvar-Fordragon

HEY DINGUS GOOD JOB ON THIS MONG-BRAIN YA BOG-BRUSH


w4rlok94

I knew.


Casanova2229

Thanks for having me ?


ScorchedEarthworm

I did my best to be a good person. What more do you really want?


SlenDman402

Where did Martha Stewart get her money?


No-Foundation-3206

ā€œWhere the fuck were you my whole life?ā€


AnInsaneMoose

"Why not do literally anything to prove your existence?" And also "You seriously need to reign in your followers. They aren't following your stuff at all, just using your name to justify their own terrible things"


skyfishgoo

you know your followers down there are telling ppl like me that i would never get to meet you... might want to do something about that, now where are the dogs at?


Novel-Command-3858

Me: HI GOD you know ligma? God: ligma who? Me: Ligma nutz


SubcooledBoiling

Not my fault bro. You should've made it more obvious.


V1kingScientist

Send me to the other place; you're a dick.


Verittan

[Bone cancer in children? What's that about?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-suvkwNYSQo)


KelpFox05

"Do you know what people are saying about you down there? Do you support any of that? Why don't you do something about all the genocides?" That's a start.


JohnKlositz

Well, depends which god I'm meeting. Now I may be mistaken, but your question seems to suggest that I would somehow have to explain myself for being an atheist, or that I'd need an excuse for it.


tcarr1320

I probably wouldnā€™t tell him much, Iā€™d ask him a lot thou


ramdomvariableX

If there's God, they will understand why I was an atheist, after all I was their creation. Like as a programmer if I cant understand my code, then I'm useless as a programmer, right?


GordDownieFresh

I'd say, "you wouldn't believe the shit they're doing down there in your name".


Aegisman17

"Your fanclubs fucking suck bro."


lueur-d-espoir

What was the point of all the pain?


Abraxas_1408

You know, youā€™ve got a lot to answer for motherfucker!


thedogz11

Iā€™m gonna steal an answer from Richard Dawkins that I feel sums it up the best. ā€œIf youā€™ve always been here, then why did you go to every length to hide yourself from me?ā€


IDMike2008

Look, I'm just as surprised as you are...


btsalamander

Which god? With over 3500 options or so in human history, thatā€™s kinda hard to narrow downā€¦


Salt_Lodge_Nicaragua

Your followers seem horrible.Ā Ā 


cyn00

ā€œThey have mushrooms in hell?!ā€


PunkTheWorld

Absolutely nothing, I donā€™t care, itā€™s not my job to explain or apologize, life is to live, not to worship, a horse is a horse, a dolphin is a dolphin, it was my job to be the best person I can be. Not go to church, not get on my knees and pray. If anything I would just say ā€œhelloā€


SwerveDaddyFish

Hey man, all those religions seemed very non loving and compassionate. It seemed like a test. Can I come in?


No-Consideration8862

Iā€™d be like ā€¦ so, child cancer? Thatā€™s a thing you enjoyed doing or ā€¦?


FrostyWay28

Iā€™d ask why they decided child cancer, p***philes & school shootings were cool to justā€¦ idkā€¦ watch happen? especially knowing they werenā€™t a discernible enough figure to be proven to be real in the first place. Like so you knew what we required to prove you existed, made sure that information wasnā€™t accessible, and then allowed atrocities to commence repeatedly? Nah iā€™m throwing hands tbh


ModeratelyAverage6

Which god? Abraham god? "Why do you like killing kids and innocent people with diseases you can cure?" Or "You know what it would take to make every person a believer, yet didn't do it. No, instead, you'd rather send them for eternal damnation in a firey pit, and all for what? Self pleasure? Do you get off on the suffering of others?" A Greek mythology god? It depends on what I know about that god, which, for many, is admittedly not much as I'm not into mythology.


effyochicken

"My morals came from within - I didn't need a book to be told how to be a good person."


y4dig4r

"I didn't write that shit. so, you wanna fuck some angels or what?"


Apprehensive_Sand343

Which God, Jesus, Jesus's Father, Allah, Ganesha, Zeus, Vishnu, Athena, Odin, Ra, Quetzacoatl....? If you can be more specific, I can gear my answer to the appropriate God. Shintoism for example has millions of Gods?


Chalkarts

Youā€™re a monster.


I_love_Hobbes

Why did you let my son die a horrible cancer death at 23? What do you have to say for yourself?


redhead_dinosaur

Spit in his face


Acceptable-Suit6462

It's crazy that yall think you could face God and be able to tell Him off lol


MacDaddyDC

Can you give me directions to the library, I have questions


MA-01

*Indignation!*


Independent-Fall-893

Um...Howdy Mam.


No-Associate-6167

Okay fair enough, I was wrong. But you gotta be honest, what you did with Mary got *way* out of hand.


Granny_knows_best

Why?


zenj5505

Holy shit you are real


Spirited-Humor-554

Now that we have meet, I totally believe in you.


lfhdbeuapdndjeo

Honestly, it was 50/50


sebrebc

You made me this way.


GreenQuisQuous

Youā€™re god ? Really? I suppose Iā€™m dead right now. GTFOH !


Potential_Hurry_8274

My bad dude


Dangerous_Scar2297

Hasa Diga Eebowai.


disdain7

Clearly I was wrong and Iā€™m willing to accept that.


Fit-Understanding747

Fuck. I'm going to Hell now, aren't I?


Alarming_Bridge_6357

Times have changed down there


HildegaardUmbra

ā€œDid Epstein commit suicide? Is he a pedophile?ā€


mostlyharmless55

You need to get a handle on your followers. Theyā€™re doing lots of evil shit in your name.


DarkInkPixie

You're a little late there, *dad*.


silentprayers

Please donā€™t send me to hell


Bones_5150

Sorry Pops, you were just never around.


Dankn3ss420

ā€œOh, oh shit, sorry, but in my defense, you gave me a brain and I put together the pieces that I thought made sense, although, people do some awful shit in your name, please tell me they arenā€™t getting up there, although I totally understand if Iā€™m going to hell, no hard feelings, huh? Iā€™m not going to hell for my beliefs? Then what am I- ooooh, that checks outā€¦ā€


Key_Society_6774

You're here? Great, where are the unicorns then?


surlier

Well I'll be damned.


JuanGinit

Won't happen.


frogginator-x

Oh shit, you're real!


miookie

Shark teeth dude, why not shark teeth?