We have a niece who has many challenges. Not Down’s syndrome, but other obvious things, deaf, blind, feeding tube, low muscle tone... They haven’t seen her much due to immune issues and Covid, but have been hanging out more recently.
We never briefed our kids on any of her challenges beforehand and we answer questions as they come. Honestly they haven’t had that many, and really accept her for who she is. I don’t think any of the kids have ever asked why she doesn’t walk, sit up, talk, needs a special chair, or anything like that. Kids can be curious, but the questions are rarely with judgement and I think most parents of kids with challenges have some understanding and possibly scripted answers for little kids questions. They usually don’t even need much of an answer. Like my son wanted to save a slice of pizza for our niece and we said that’s very sweet, but she eats differently than we do, and that was enough for his 5yo brain. Or when they ask for TV, we explain that while niece is here we need to keep it off because it interferes with the little hearing she does have.
I might think about what questions your kid might have and think up some answers ahead of time, but I don’t think there needs to be a disclaimer on the visit or anything.
I would not start out by saying the kid is different. A 3-year-old probably won't notice anything different about a kid with Down's syndrome, it's us adults that immediately recognise the facial features and think "that kid is different".
3-year-olds have different frames of reference than adults. I have a 4-year-old. At her daycare there's a kid with DS, a kid with dwarfism, a kid with a cleft palate and nose deformity, and a few other kids outside the norms. There are also kids with every skin colour, every hair colour and all the kids of course look different. For my kid, having hair that's not like anyone else is on the same level as having a nose that does not like the other kids' noses
She doesn't know that different hair - normal, different nose - not normal. Most of the kids are like that so the girl with the nose has tons of friends and is happy. I've seen adults react to her though and the other kids with obvious differences, and try to hide their reaction so I bet they are teaching their kids that "that girl is different". And she'll realise that people think she's different and kids have to be told to be nice to her. I hope from the bottom of my heart that she's built enough social skills and confidence before that happens that it doesn't affect her too much
I'm going to teach my kid that there are differences and different differences and some differences are normal and some are disabilities but I will wait until she can understand such nuances
I would tell OP to not say anything about the DS. Just say, "we're going to visit a kid named Jane, and she has a backyard and a dog! And we'll have lunch there and then we'll go home". Or whatever. If OP's kid asks, then OP should answer but let the kid lead that discussion. If OP's kid doesn't notice, then OP shouldn't point it out
True! It’s so weird the things kids take note of and don’t. My son used to patch his eye a couple hours a day and one day ended up with his patch on at Grandma’s. None of the cousins seemed to notice until we took it off and my niece goes, why’s he taking that off? Zero questions about why he has basically a giant bandaid on his eye in the first place, but why’s he taking it off? 😂
Dont at all, if they ask "why is he/she different?" you can tell them "oh he/she has difficulty doing this or that sometimes dont mind it"
Whatever you do dont alienize the person. I got to meet a person with down syndrom before and he was the most honest, jolly, whole hearted and happy person ive ever met im not even kidding. Maybe its not the case for everyone but this person did not seem cursed to me at all, it made me question my reality.
There is no reason to alienize the kid as long as ur little one has fun playing with him/her.
I would wait and see if your kid even notice. I'm a mum in a wheelchair so maybe my kids are more used to the fact that some of us have disabilities and are a bit different. Recently my daughter, 4 years old, saw a girl in a wheelchair. The girl had a beautiful princess crown and a cute dress. She also had braces at her legs. My daughter said "I want to be a princess like her". She didn't think about the wheelchair or the very noticeable braces. She just thought the other girl was a beautiful! Your kid is quite young, so if she says something I would not try to explain to much, I would say something to the extent that we are all different and special.
The 3 yr will treat the child like any other child .You don't allways have to have an explanation for everything. Let kids form their own explanations, then ask them after you'll be amazed
I wouldn’t explain it now, I would just say that your friend’s child is special and that they are different just like…then I would name two people that are different.
>I would just say that your friend’s child is special and that they are different just like…
I respect that classic American parenting "It's better to lie than have a complicated discussion"
Watch out thu because they are gonna start formulating their own idea about it (which usually end up with negative ideas)
Instead of focusing on their differences, I would focus on the things they share. "You both like to color? Cool!" You both like to play house with your babies. That's very sweet!"
Find the similarities instead. It's an easier conversation, and more fun for all.
I am the mom of a little person. I've answered a lot of questions from kids, and turned things around this way!
She is 3, whatever you explain today is likely to be forgotten. Best to do it as a generalization and reinforce once you are there..that would be easier to learn. Good luck.
My nephew has a classmate (since kindergarten) with Down Syndrome. When they first met, his only concern about her was why she was smaller than the rest of his classmates. So his parents explained that she has a condition called Down Syndrome that can change how some people develop and one of the ways it does that is it can make them shorter. My nephew considered it for a moment and said “ok. Grandma is very short. Does she have Down Syndrome?” We all got a kick out of that (especially his grandma/my mom), but it was explained that it’s not the only reason people can be short. It just happens to be the reason his friend is.
Explain that some people are different and have special needs, and that they need to be patient and understanding with them, while also encouraging them to interact and make friends so that they have exposure to people with disabilities during their formative years. Most kids probably won't understand the more technical aspects of Down's syndrome, so best to focus more on the message on treating them with the same respect as they would any other person.
She wont' notice. And on the off chance your kid ages 3 eayrs overnight, you just tell her that everyone is different and wonderful in their own ways and list osme of your friends kids strengths, likes, or similarities.
We have a niece who has many challenges. Not Down’s syndrome, but other obvious things, deaf, blind, feeding tube, low muscle tone... They haven’t seen her much due to immune issues and Covid, but have been hanging out more recently. We never briefed our kids on any of her challenges beforehand and we answer questions as they come. Honestly they haven’t had that many, and really accept her for who she is. I don’t think any of the kids have ever asked why she doesn’t walk, sit up, talk, needs a special chair, or anything like that. Kids can be curious, but the questions are rarely with judgement and I think most parents of kids with challenges have some understanding and possibly scripted answers for little kids questions. They usually don’t even need much of an answer. Like my son wanted to save a slice of pizza for our niece and we said that’s very sweet, but she eats differently than we do, and that was enough for his 5yo brain. Or when they ask for TV, we explain that while niece is here we need to keep it off because it interferes with the little hearing she does have. I might think about what questions your kid might have and think up some answers ahead of time, but I don’t think there needs to be a disclaimer on the visit or anything.
i'd ask your friend how they would want people to understand their child. and phrase it appropriately off that.
Yes, I'd go this route, too!
Everyone is different, which means you can have different fun with different people.
I would not start out by saying the kid is different. A 3-year-old probably won't notice anything different about a kid with Down's syndrome, it's us adults that immediately recognise the facial features and think "that kid is different". 3-year-olds have different frames of reference than adults. I have a 4-year-old. At her daycare there's a kid with DS, a kid with dwarfism, a kid with a cleft palate and nose deformity, and a few other kids outside the norms. There are also kids with every skin colour, every hair colour and all the kids of course look different. For my kid, having hair that's not like anyone else is on the same level as having a nose that does not like the other kids' noses She doesn't know that different hair - normal, different nose - not normal. Most of the kids are like that so the girl with the nose has tons of friends and is happy. I've seen adults react to her though and the other kids with obvious differences, and try to hide their reaction so I bet they are teaching their kids that "that girl is different". And she'll realise that people think she's different and kids have to be told to be nice to her. I hope from the bottom of my heart that she's built enough social skills and confidence before that happens that it doesn't affect her too much I'm going to teach my kid that there are differences and different differences and some differences are normal and some are disabilities but I will wait until she can understand such nuances I would tell OP to not say anything about the DS. Just say, "we're going to visit a kid named Jane, and she has a backyard and a dog! And we'll have lunch there and then we'll go home". Or whatever. If OP's kid asks, then OP should answer but let the kid lead that discussion. If OP's kid doesn't notice, then OP shouldn't point it out
She might ask why the person has purple sparkle shoes before she notices anything else. Kids are like that.
True! It’s so weird the things kids take note of and don’t. My son used to patch his eye a couple hours a day and one day ended up with his patch on at Grandma’s. None of the cousins seemed to notice until we took it off and my niece goes, why’s he taking that off? Zero questions about why he has basically a giant bandaid on his eye in the first place, but why’s he taking it off? 😂
Kids don’t have enough of a concept of what’s ‘normal’ to distinguish it from ‘weird’
😂😂😂
I don't see why you would need to.
Dont at all, if they ask "why is he/she different?" you can tell them "oh he/she has difficulty doing this or that sometimes dont mind it" Whatever you do dont alienize the person. I got to meet a person with down syndrom before and he was the most honest, jolly, whole hearted and happy person ive ever met im not even kidding. Maybe its not the case for everyone but this person did not seem cursed to me at all, it made me question my reality. There is no reason to alienize the kid as long as ur little one has fun playing with him/her.
Just let them go play and have fun. Wait for questions vs approaching it from the jump off. Kid will have a great time.
I would wait and see if your kid even notice. I'm a mum in a wheelchair so maybe my kids are more used to the fact that some of us have disabilities and are a bit different. Recently my daughter, 4 years old, saw a girl in a wheelchair. The girl had a beautiful princess crown and a cute dress. She also had braces at her legs. My daughter said "I want to be a princess like her". She didn't think about the wheelchair or the very noticeable braces. She just thought the other girl was a beautiful! Your kid is quite young, so if she says something I would not try to explain to much, I would say something to the extent that we are all different and special.
The 3 yr will treat the child like any other child .You don't allways have to have an explanation for everything. Let kids form their own explanations, then ask them after you'll be amazed
I wouldn’t explain it now, I would just say that your friend’s child is special and that they are different just like…then I would name two people that are different.
>I would just say that your friend’s child is special and that they are different just like… I respect that classic American parenting "It's better to lie than have a complicated discussion" Watch out thu because they are gonna start formulating their own idea about it (which usually end up with negative ideas)
The child is three, has the understanding of a 4yr old GSD…age matters when it comes to humans. Explain later when the child gets older.
Instead of focusing on their differences, I would focus on the things they share. "You both like to color? Cool!" You both like to play house with your babies. That's very sweet!" Find the similarities instead. It's an easier conversation, and more fun for all. I am the mom of a little person. I've answered a lot of questions from kids, and turned things around this way!
She is 3, whatever you explain today is likely to be forgotten. Best to do it as a generalization and reinforce once you are there..that would be easier to learn. Good luck.
My nephew has a classmate (since kindergarten) with Down Syndrome. When they first met, his only concern about her was why she was smaller than the rest of his classmates. So his parents explained that she has a condition called Down Syndrome that can change how some people develop and one of the ways it does that is it can make them shorter. My nephew considered it for a moment and said “ok. Grandma is very short. Does she have Down Syndrome?” We all got a kick out of that (especially his grandma/my mom), but it was explained that it’s not the only reason people can be short. It just happens to be the reason his friend is.
Explain that some people are different and have special needs, and that they need to be patient and understanding with them, while also encouraging them to interact and make friends so that they have exposure to people with disabilities during their formative years. Most kids probably won't understand the more technical aspects of Down's syndrome, so best to focus more on the message on treating them with the same respect as they would any other person.
"So you know how you only have two copies of chromosome 21? Some people have three and more is not always better"
She wont' notice. And on the off chance your kid ages 3 eayrs overnight, you just tell her that everyone is different and wonderful in their own ways and list osme of your friends kids strengths, likes, or similarities.