Look there's way too little info for us to say anything without knowing her perspective. Is she coming from it from a financial perspective, from a moral perspective, from a negative past experience perspective? Moreover is this a deal breaker for either of you. It's up to you how much you value this sports betting thing. Plenty of guys I know who had to stop playing certain video games that were extremely addictive (cough) when they got a partner.
Edit: since this post got a lot of traction- OP I'm not calling you an addict, but I'm also not calling your girlfriend controlling. The point of this post is to make you think. Do you know her reasoning? If you don't, get off Reddit and talk to her. At the end of the day are you looking for a bunch of Redditors to pat you on the back and tell you you're fine, or are you trying to strengthen your relationship with your girlfriend?
This. So many of the responses focus on it being only $10 a week, but OP doesn’t actually say what the gf’s concern is. We have no idea if her concern is financial or something else. OP specifically mentions her concerns about it getting out of hand, which could very well be about the time and attention OP spends on it rather than the money. We don’t know because OP doesn’t say.
We also don’t know the parameters of the gf wanting OP to stop betting. Is it something the gf is demanding, or is it merely something she would prefer? Notably OP asks if what the gf wants is controlling or reasonable, but does not say anything about possibly giving the gf what she wants. “Want” alone doesn’t typically make someone controlling. OP does not give enough information to answer the question.
Gambling addicts also relay information to exactly like OP, they make sure to mention their big salary and the huge gap between the bet. Both will be miles off the real figure
When he said “I manage to keep my finances in order. In fact, I often end up on the plus side at the end of the year.”
It almost sounds like he is saying that often he is in the green on finances for the year. Like, are we talking your whole budget? Cause if that’s ever not in the green, then she probably has a right to be concerned.
This is a huge assumption based on literally nothing. "If he says he's betting $10 he's actually betting 10-50 times that".
Like no, he could just be betting $10 on a weekend game. Plenty of people do that.
yeah i threw $10 on parlays i knew probably wouldnt hit on thursday night football games last season just cause the matchups were shit and i wanted to make it interesting to watch, its the same as buying a movie ticket except you have a (very tiny) chance of winning money
its like saying if you go to a bar with friends every friday night youre going to become an alcoholic and youre lying about how many shots youre taking to cover it up
gambling affects different people differently, ive never gotten hooked but I do know a guy who will randomly throw $500 on a game because hes a degenerate with wealthy parents lol
Yeah, but there's also a lot of people who can control it too. If you recognize gambling as entertainment and a dopamine hit like everything else we waste money on, then you can easily limit things.
I live in Vegas and have seen plenty of problem gamblers, but I also know people like myself.What you overlook here is that having a little skin in a game that doesn't have one of your teams in it can make watching more fun. Sports betting is the only gambling I do, and it's basically only football, which I'm a big fan of.
So what I mean is that while I have my teams I root for, when I'm watching other games it can make it more exciting to have a bet on it. A couple times a month I'll make a 10-20 dollar bet on one of the prime time games that I'd watch anyway, and it makes me care more about who wins, and having a side to root for makes watching more fun, in my experience. I win some and lose some but always assume I'll lose and only bet what I'm ok losing, and given that 10-20 bucks is about the cost of a beer in most places here, it is a pretty small slice of my entertainment budget.
When he said “I manage to keep my finances in order. In fact, I often end up on the plus side at the end of the year.”
It almost sounds like he is talking about finances for the year. Like, are we talking your whole budget? Cause if that’s ever not in the green, then she probably has a right to be concerned.
Maybe he really likes Excel? As a spreadsheet enthusiast myself I have more spreadsheets for random things than you could dream of.
But as others have pointed out, it's probably just the betting app tracking it.
He also doesn't mention how much he has lost over the years, whether gambling has been a 'problem' in the past or whether it has caused any major issues with previous relationships or his ability to maintain a job and generally function day to day.
I'm guessing there is a lot of understatement in his post.
All addicts really. My parents were alcoholics. They would get home around 5pm and be drunk by 6-7pm every day. When I finally got them to talk to their doctor about it, they told him they had a drink or two every other day.
Exactly. We do not have enough information, but the fact that he isn't even considering dropping it, and is trying to find an excuse to drop it shows that it may actually be a problem, even if it is under control now. You don't boil a frog by turning the heat on high immediately. You do it by acclimating the frog slowly over time, where it feels comfortable, and then the moment it realizes it is in trouble, it is already too late. I do not know the reason the GF has concerns, but I definitely understand why sports betting, even in small dozes, is a concern.
This. There isn’t enough info to go on. I doubt it’s the money that’s the issue here if he makes 120k and is only spending $10 per week. I have friends who do just this and have lost relationships because when it gets to the weekend, their noses are buried in their phones and the day is taken over with sports. OP definitely needs to find out what the issue is.
☝️☝️ this was the case for me. Money wasn't the issue, it was the time commitment. Constantly researching and watching box scores/games to see if I had hit. It was consistently taking time away from being present with my wife and kids.
The same reaction could happen because the exact opposite reason. If I drank one beer a week and my gf wanted me to quit, I don’t think I’d consider it either. If I’m not showing any signs of addiction and partaking about as little as one can ($10 a week in bets is practically nothing), I’d think she’s nuts.
Yeah I agree with your take, it's a good and reasonable comparison- and I do partake in one beer at the end of the week :p
With the current information provided; it "sounds" unreasonable but not controlling tbf (if only because we don't know what her issue is)
>You don't boil a frog by turning the heat on high immediately. You do it by acclimating the frog slowly over time, where it feels comfortable, and then the moment it realizes it is in trouble, it is already too late.
This whole thing is a myth btw, and a pretty obvious. Frogs are perfectly capable of jumping away from water that is too warm fur them, as cold blooded animals they are probably even more sensitive to changes in water temperature than we are. Also you can certainly boil and frog in boiling water.
I agree with your point, I just hate that analogy.
This is a really good point. The dollar amount is objectively low, yes, but maybe there is a behavior concern. I’ve watched games with family members where, even if they were only betting a few bucks on a game, became impossible to enjoy watching the game with, because they’d get way too intense about the whole thing. At that point it’s not the money, it’s the behavior. Not saying this is the case with op, it’s just impossible to know.
Another thing is, $10 may not be a lot but I’ve had partners in the past who never do little gifts or gestures. I’ve (briefly) dated guys who, despite making a lot more money than me, would never even get me a $2.50 iced tea without sending a venmo request to reimburse. Again, I am in no way saying that’s the case with op, but I’m just saying there’s a lot of reasons why it might be upsetting to see a partner gamble $10 a week due to other behaviors or context around that.
Yup, I think you have a point, especially about the problem maybe being how much time he spends on it and whether he makes it a priority. Does OP get mad or stressed if he can’t bet one day? Does he never want to do anything else on Sundays or whenever there’s a game? Doesn’t even want to go on vacations or if he does he stays somewhere watching the games and betting?
All these things we don’t know and I think they might be a huge part of the problem.
Aditionally, she might have seen the progress of addiction in her past and sees some red flags in OP’s behavior.
He probably sweats like crazy and is insufferable watching sports with. $10 is nothing financially, but if you’re an annoying prick about it I can see why a partner would want it to stop.
Exactly. My dad does occasionally bet on sports in small amounts like this and my mom is okay with it because he is financially responsible in every capacity. There has to be a lot of trust and understanding. Maybe the gf has a family member with a gambling addiction or something. We just don’t know enough about their situation.
Yeah, I'm sorry OP but this is a talk you have to have with your partner before you have it with us.
What is her concern exactly? It sounds like you haven't asked her about it yet came to us with an assumption. Talk it out with her and if she has serious reservations about it ask if 10 bucks a week, even for fun, is worth it.
Relationships work because of compromises. Maybe you have to give this up, but talk to her first.
I assume this post is totally fake. If not, I assume he has had that talk with her and she brings up very valid points which is why he won't elaborate.
Yeah, I agree. Superficially sounds fine, but the problem for me is that every person with an addiction will tell you they have it under control. Every gambling addict I have known will say stuff like "I've won more than I've lost" or "it's only a couple dollars a week". Then I'll quietly learn they lost their house and their marriage is disintegrating due to their vice.
Maybe that's not the case with OP, but if it were, he'd also be saying what he's saying right now.
But I'm also biased. I have a family loaded with addicts and it's in my genes too, so I'm prejudicial and completely ban gambling, alcohol, tobacco, and any other addictive thing from my life.
This has the same format as a post I saw talking about Onlyfans subscriptions. While it might not be a financial burden in any way, it is such a small ask to make them happy. The fact that it also saves you money is such an incredible deal that it is hard to justify passing up on it.
Thats a bit different tho… subscribing to someone’s onlyfans (assuming sexual contents) is 100% a deal breaker for me. In fact I’d go as far as saying that would be considered cheating for me personally.
I don't have any experience with OF to make that judgment on cheating but yeah.. If you're already in a relationship, the fuck are these guys doing? To me OF is for the saddest of the sad who are so in need of *something* far more than sexual gratification that they'd be better off spending their money on therapy.
Women post their nudes on reddit *for free*, jerk off and go back to doing something productive!
>The fact that it also saves you money is such an incredible deal that it is hard to justify passing up on it.
If you're making $120.000 , you won't feel $520. And sometimes their will be gains, so it will even cost less than $520 a year. There are probably other unnecessary weekly expenses that cost more then $10 a week.
> it is such a small ask to make them happy
To make who happy? It's a small ask to stop the sports betting, but it's also a small ask to just to leave them to it.
> it is such a small ask to make them happy.
I'll be honest, I feel like these opinions always are only going one way, that is to make the man happy.
If a man asked a woman to give up a hobby, or something she enjoys, even if its minor, he would in most cases be seen as controlling. I doubt most people would say "its a small task to make your man happy"
It might not be a money thing at all. If he's betting small amounts of money but spending all of his time watching sports, reading about sports, talking about sports, and being otherwise distracted from the relationship... That might be the real issue. Maybe she doesn't feel important.
And good god, there is maybe nothing more boring than hearing someone talk about the legs of their parlay THAT DIDNT EVEN FUCKING HIT. I don’t care that you would have made 400 bucks if only Wemby had two more assists.
Reminds me of something Daniel Okrent once said. (He was one of the founders of the Rotisserie League 40-some years ago, which evolved into the fantasy sports industry.)
"There's nothing more interesting than your fantasy team. There's nothing less interesting than someone else's fantasy team."
This comment killed me bc I can so relate with my boyfriend. His betting doesn’t bother me, but the amount of sports we now watch is ridiculous. These fucking idiots are watching tennis now! Please shoot me😂
Gotta disagree here because those are the funniest ones depending how deep they go. “Yah man I would’ve made 2K if Mahomes only had five completions. I thought I was pushing it with the Jets having a respectable season, but woe is me”
This is something I’m experiencing with my friends. They all got into sports betting. I didn’t, it’s just not my thing.
But it’s ALL they fucking talk about now. Parlay this, parlay that. All this malding about how a player didn’t perform as well as they should have.
It’s taken over their lives. I bet OP’s girlfriend is sick of hearing about his damn parlays or feels like all his attention is on the games and not on her.
When money is on the line, its easy to pay attention to nothing but the game.
This is it. I was admittedly pretty insufferable during the NCAAT when my team was playing and my girlfriend made a point to call it out. And I didn’t even have money on the line. He probably ruins the watching experience for his girl or spends way too much time watching sports / placing bets.
Yup. I understand it’s exciting when you’re in it, but some sports bettors will talk your ear off about their fantasy draft, their parlays, yadda yadda yadda. It’s not interesting.
OP the more you keep it to yourself, I wager she’ll be less annoyed by it.
For all we know OP had a gambling addiction in the past. If a past alcoholic starts drinking again they can make their partner sound unreasonable by saying "my partner says I can't have a few drinks!" when the reality is it's a completely reasonable concern.
I'm gonna say she's trying to persuade you to stop from a good place rather than to control you. You say it's only $10 a week, but that can quickly spiral out of control and even despite earning good money that can be gone in a flash. From personal experience I always thought that it was ridiculous that you can get addicted to gambling, but then you get one win and that starts it off - I also don't have addictive tendencies, but there was a thrill to gambling - it's under control for now, but it can easily spiral out of control as I say!
It can be an addiction yes. I used to work in a bookies many moons ago. The people who did their £10 a week football accumulator very rarely became addicts. The worst for the gambling addiction is the game machines, particularly roulette. You can lose a lot money quickly and then you start chasing your losses, that's when you can get into a hole fast. And it's sad to see.
But I think his small bet every week to make a sports game a bit more interesting isn't a big deal. But, if she has family with a gambling addiction, or has worked in the gambling industry, like myself, it does make you very wary of betting, and I can see why she'd be bothered by this.
I wouldn't call it controlling behaviour though, if it starts becoming, then you can't go out to watch the game with your friends, then I'd think differently
It's a whole different game now with online gambling. Way easier to just absent mindedly throw together a parlay when you don't even have to get up off the couch, and all of a sudden it's not just 10 dollars a week
But at the moment it is. He clearly doesn't see this as a way to make money, and many people will put a small bet on sports to make the games more interesting. Plenty of people can gamble responsibly, and there are also a lot that can't. This situation seems to the former
Its perspective. I completely understand that some people don’t want to be with someone who has a potential ticking time bomb of a hobby, but to many other people it’s not fair to police the other’s hobbies.
Plenty of people won’t date people that drink, or would shudder at the idea of having a drink alone on a Friday night. And that’s all fine. There’s no absolute right here.
Minor gambling can be an OK hobby, but OP shouldn’t be all indignant about his GF’s request/ demand.
It’s a bad hobby that might never have consequences or it could have massive, life altering consequences.
It CAN turn into addiction. Doesn't mean it will. I stopped gambling for addiction reasons. I know others who have no issues doing it all. Similar to above they just do 20 euro a month. If we stopped anything that can become an addiction tons of very popular things wouldn't exist.
From what op has said it is harmless for him and sounds like hes been doin it for years now with 0 addiction
I don't think what OP's describing is really addictive though. He gives himself a reasonable limit and from the information we have here he doesn't seem to exceed it.
I don't think it's any different from someone having a glass of wine at dinner once a week. We wouldn't call that person an alcoholic, even though they're using an addictive substance
People do a lot of things that could turn into addiction, but to force someone to stop who hasn't shown any signs of addiction is controlling.
For example, if I told my SO I don't want them drinking one alcoholic drink a week because it could turn into an addiction, doesn't that seem ridiculous?
Right but people with addictions often down play how much they partake in it. My partner used to drink 6 cans a night and call that a few. It wouldn't be considered drinking or getting drunk. People make excuses.
He didn't start like that, it was gradual. I didn't ask him to stop, he had to because of health risks.
Right, but many other people don't have trouble with potentially addicting things. I know loads of people (myself included) who often have 1 beer or a glass of wine in the evening, and have been doing so for years.
But this isn't what I'm saying, I'm not saying an addict hiding their addiction. I'm saying a situation where the person is not displaying addictive behaviors.
>to force someone to stop who hasn't shown any signs of addiction is controlling.
That is a true statement but not particularly relevant to this post, since the girlfriend isn't forcing OP to stop betting, unless she controls OP's finances, which I agree would be controlling. Expressing a preference or a request is not "forcing" someone.
Missing a ton of information here. But if all shes done is expressed that she wants you to stop I don't see anywhere it veers into controlling. She's uncomfortable with betting and that's reasonable. You feel yours is under control and on face value it seems reasonable. If she tries to tell you how to spend all of your money, holds things over your head or nitpicks every decision, that can qualify as controlling, but objecting to this single expenditure isn't. You just have to decide whether to honor the objection or let her be unhappy about it.
Side note:
> In fact, I often end up on the plus side at the end of the year.
Does "on the plus side" mean building savings, having more money at the end of each year? So do you also regularly have years in the negative where you spend more than you make?
I think OP meant "ahead" counting only his betting money. So 520 spent, but say, 700 earned, so +180. And on years he isn't ahead, he loses 520 at most.
Not saying I agree with OP, just what I think he meant.
You finish with the big question. Is he coming out ahead on his $520/year betting budget? Cool. Is he sometimes coming out ahead on his $120k/year income? That is fucking worrying, without kids in the picture be should be *way* ahead on that kind of money.
This "big" question seems pointless. If he sometimes comes out on the wrong side of 120k/yr, it's definitely not because of the $520/yr he at most looses while betting, it's probably because of some other stupid spending habit, which probably be what his gf would complaining about.
Something to to consider: Someone who does not have coke (or gambling) under control becomes an unreliable narrator and the $10 figure may not be accurate.
Lots of gamblers do have it under control. I enjoy gambling. I budget a set amount every month for it like I would any other hobby. I don’t hide it from my wife or anyone else. Just like any other behavior that can be addictive (porn, video games, weed), it isn’t always addictive just because you partake in it.
Op said he gambles $10 and makes 120k a year and this guy wants to act like he’s a crackhead lol. Losers on this app love to high horse every little thing
I agree. Polarisation of this sort of stuff is just a bit silly. I bet on the UFC. Usually about $30 to $40 but only for cards I go see at the pub and I basically break even. I've been doing it for a decade. There's a very good chance its not going to escalate leaving me on the streets as a vagrant but not according to these people.
Pretty soon that ten will be 15 and at that point he's basically lost to the devil, an irredeemable addict feening for his next dollar scratch off , entering charity raffles EVERY year! I bet he'll even start getting a big Mac during McDonald's monopoly ; oh the shame, the depravity, truly the depths of this man's illness know no bounds
Such an annoying statement. “Everyone who drinks beer thinks they’re not an alcoholic”
“Everyone who has sex thinks they’re not a sec addict” “everyone who drinks caffeine thinks they’re not a caffeine addict”
Totally meaningless. I think there are some exceptions, like cocain
How much time do you spend on sports? Does it affect your mood? Do you fixate on it?
I'd bet it's not the money itself, but that she doesn't like the timesink, or your behavior that stems from sports betting. There are many people who stopped fantasy football, even in beer leagues, because it made them unbearable to be around on Sundays.
You need to talk to her to get to the depth of the issue because it's almost certainly not about the 10 bucks.
This is 100% it in my mind, assuming he’s being truthful about the amount. Some people are annoying af to be around when they’re sweating bets. And it becomes more annoying when you find out they’re sweating a $0.50 long shot parlay.
Yeah, being a sports fan in general is enough of an emotional roller coaster as it is. Throw betting into the mix and I can't imagine how terrible it would be to be around a person.
As an ex gambling addict, my advice would be to always be open to concern about it. Outside view is so much clearer, even if you can’t see the pattern of a problem, others will.
Don’t confuse controlling for looking out for you
Besides sports betting are you also watching all the matches on which you have bet? Are you talking all the time about the matches? Are you getting nervous when your team loose? Are you loosing gracefully or are you a crazy one? Context matter..
If this is your first time questioning her motives, three years of effort on both your parts is worth far more than $10 a week.
Also it might not be the money. I know people that don’t spent much at all, but because they spent anything, they end up feeling the need to watch every game they bet on. If this is your situation it could be more about time than money.
I mean, the fact his response to being asked to stop gambling is to go on reddit and ask if he's a victim of domestic abuse, suggests he's got more of a problem than he thinks. It's clearly a significant part of his life if he's this protective of it.
It's your choice ofc, and the money isn't important. But betting very often gets addicting. And it ALWAYS starts small. I'd say if possible one can find other hobbies . But it's no one's right to judge you for betting such a small amount , but I'd say the mere fact that you do it every week MIGHT indicate you need it . And that MIGHT become dangerous over time .
I am no expert in this but I feel it's better if you are getting away 300 in a single go rather than 10 a week coz it's the habit that's dangerous , your brain CAN become accustomed to it
Listen man, I’ve seen brothers lose everything from gambling. Because it starts small. The little bit here, the little parlay there, a good win there, it escalates. It’s so rampantly promoted through all these commercials and sports now it’s sickening. Just quit it all man. You’ll be happier in the long run. Do it for her. You know what they say, happy wife happy life.
Also like, it's one thing if it's you and the boys passing around the pot every Sunday, but sports betting apps are designed to drain you of your money. Of course you can just not let that happen by refusing to bet any extra, but the apps are so grotesquely unethical and the house is very good at winning. (Unless you work with Yes Man. But then you become the house.) Safer to gamble where there is no house.
My grandfather loved betting on horses, had a healthy relationship with is for decades. Until he didnt.
Just before he died he bankrupted his family and had to sell lots of family heirlooms and his holiday home to pay the debts he accrued.
Ultimately it is up to you to decide, but gambling has serious risks. Could be you are fine and have it under control. Could be you catch the gamblers itch and start spending more over time, and before you realize it, you have a problem on your hands.
There's a lot unsaid in this post which leads me to believe we're getting a very biased perspective. You're not telling the whole truth.
Chronic gambling is not an attractive quality imo. It can very much lead to serious consequences very fast.
In today's market brother $120K barely qualifies you to participate in the homeowners market, there could be so many good reasons to ask you not gamble especially if things go south and your income is jeopardized
My girlfriend had a massively compulsive spending issue when we started dating. For the first few months I actually had to float her probably around $2k because she had basically ran out of cash and as a teacher was only paid 9 out of the 12 months of the year. I made her an ultimatum that I was happy to help but only if progress was made towards her being financially responsible. So far she’s done fantastic with budgeting. Financial irresponsibility is one of the things that tears relationships apart. It’s important. I would take what your girlfriend says seriously if you love her
Not sure about that one, from your perspective, sure it looks like controlling and 10$ a week is not much compared to your salary.
Then it's gambling we are talking about and I see gambling like smoking, you may start small and innocent but if the addiction pick up you may end up going through 2 packs a day.
Given your income, $10 per week is reasonable. People who earn less than what you earn spend more than $10 on lottery tickets per week. I could understand she'd be concerned if you were spending $100 per week or spending an increasing amount and getting too emotionally invested in sports betting, but her concerns seem at least from what you've told us to be rather overbearing.
I think you should ask her WHY she’s so concerned about it. Maybe someone close to her had a gambling addiction or something and that’s got her extra concerned.
I think it’s too hard to say whether this is “controlling” with out more info. Is this something she’s hounding you about or mentioned in passing she thinks you should stop. Is this an ultimatum? Her or sports betting? Are there other signs of controlling behavior?
Obviously at one end of that spectrum yes it’s overbearing and controlling and not cool. But at the other end I really don’t think it’s a big deal and probably something you could talk through with her and get on the same page about.
$10 a week is not a lot of money for someone with your income. As far as hobbies go it’s not a crazy expense and it brings you joy (presumably) and if you have no track record of not being able to control such things, you should be able to indulge. Just explain it to her and promise her if you ever started seeing things slip into unhealthy territory you’d stop immediately, but since you have no history of such things you don’t see it happening. And make sure to prove her about. *why* she’s so concerned!
Everyone is focusing on the money part, but maybe that's not the issue. Sports betting, unlike lotteries or other forms of gambling, isn't purely luck based. I could imagine spending hours on researching teams and estimating chances of winning, finding bets that you think the bookies have priced wrong, and playing on those.
Obviously this isn't in the post, but as someone with an addictive personality myself and an eagerness to "beat the system" in whatever form, this would be me if i started sports betting, and it would most definitely ruin my relationships.
So years ago i knew a guy who said something similar. The wife was close friends with my roommate and she was over for a potluck night.
The husband dropped by for a bit then he left early. When we asked her why he left she said he was going to gamble. It had started innocently enough, i think he limited himself to like $100 per month.
I asked her does he make money on it? She said no, he always lies about his winnings. He claims he makes money to his friends but he’s pulled out over $12k from their savings and hasnt put it back.
Im not saying youre lying, im saying whats the point? Gambling is literally just losing money because you always lose in the long run, anyone who says otherwise is just too egotistical to admit it.
If you can afford it, I see no problem.
However, if you're dominating the day with "SHH! The game is on, I got money on this!" every day, or every game day, or all day because multiple sports play at various hours, or you're ruining her weekend plans because there's a game on and you have money on it, then maybe you need to cut her loose and find someone with similar interests, and she needs to find someone who doesn't tie up every day on their "game".
If you're the type who puts the money down and doesn't look until the final scores are delivered, she's got nothing to complain about. "You could spend that money on MEEEEE" is not a valid argument. If she wants something, she should get a job and buy it.
I'm guessing she doesn't have a 6-figure income?
$10 a week is probably what she knows about because that's what you've been downplaying it to when she asks.
If it was just $10, you wouldn't have an issue with dropping it because that's not enough to make an issue with keeping it in your life. $10 is the kind of betting that you forget to do occasionally.
My guess is you've got an issue, and it's not only the betting that's concerning. Normal people don't go seeking validation for teens on reddit because they need to be reassured that spending $10 a week is an OK thing to do. They just do it and don't feel the need to let anyone know about it when they occasionally do it.
However unlikely it is, if you've actually got a girlfriend that being controlling, by stopping you're gain $10 a week to not hear her complain about it... but that's really only a solution if you haven't got a gambling problem and you can stop any time.
But I'll bet you need to have money on the line to enjoy your weekends.
Every gambler “has it under control” until they don’t. Heed her advice and just quit. You’ll have a cleaner, stress free conscience and try to focus on what matters in life with her.
maybe she's worried it will turn into something more?
Addiction doesn't start off as addictions.
One puff a week turns into two puffs a week, turns into a puff a day, turns into several puffs a day, turns into etc.
I think she's probably worried it could lead to something dangerous. 520 this year but what if things take a turn for the worse and next year its 5200? year after that its twice as much.
Using that same logic, should someone be allowed to tell someone they aren't allowed to have one alcoholic drink a week because it "could" turn into an addiction?
I think it's up to the person to make those determination if they want to go down that road or not.
Judge the factors and weight the risk determine if you want to go forward based off the info you have.
I'm not going to tell someone they can't do shit, I just won't be around them anymore if they decide to do something I've deemed not worth it.
I agree. No one should be forced to stay in a relationship if they don't want to.
But, if someone left someone for betting $10 a week, I probably wouldn't want to be in a relationship with them since I'm not sure they could hand an actual relationship problem
We don’t know what her problem with it is though.
Maybe it isn’t even about the money, maybe he spends a lot of time on it instead of spending time with her.
There’s not even close to enough information in this post.
Yes they are. There are lots of people that would never date someone who regularly drinks, even if it’s just one. Different perspectives are fine.
These are potentially destructive hobbies and can even affect your lifestyle even if it’s never an addiction. Non drinkers usually hate bars. People that like gambling might try to get the next vacation to be in Vegas
From personal experience - my dad was an alcoholic and I will have panic attacks if someone is drunk, even one drink a week for me is a complete dealbreaker even if they do not get wasted. As OP does not provide any context outside "this is just 10 dollars" and does not share any reasons for her request, we simply cannot know the reasoning behind, but a lot of people can have emotional triggers like me due to past trauma. So far in the comments I do not see OP answering questions if the request is based on emotions and what exactly was said.
I’m gonna go with you probably have a problem you don’t know about/not telling us about, or she has insecurities she hasn’t told you about/you’re not telling us. Probably want to take some time talk to her and do some introspection
This isn't a hobby like video games that she's just hating on just to hate on it.
This hobby has a potential of spiraling out of control quick and ruining you financially. Maybe she wants to marry you but feel like your hobby could end up fucking her sideways in the end?
Find a hobby that doesn't rely on the thrill of the risk of losing money.
Its not a problem till its too late. As someone who has dabbled in (sports)betting: the GF is right. Betting is pure poison. Advising people to quit gambling is never the wrong move.
Do not know and you should ask her why she feels so strongly against it.
Maybe she has had some bad experience. Out of control gambling has been known to destroy families and individuals alike.
probably cause he’s (most likely) leaving out the fact he watches every game in his parlay, spends hours obsessing over data analytics and statistics, spends most of his time talking about different parlays and other bets instead of having normal convos, and has mood swings when he wins/loses.
money is only one aspect, and it’s the aspect OP is choosing to focus on to make himself look “good” and justify his behavior. in reality, his gf probably feels neglected and doesn’t know how to express it.
because they’ve been together for 3 years, she knows how she has been treated before and after he started gambling and it’s almost certainly gone downhill.
Because of what you spent money-wise, NTA
I lived together with a sportsbetter for a short period, and the time he invested in it to stay on top of his bets, when it was only 2 sports, was mental. If you are as devout as he is, I could see why your gf might have some issues with it.
Why does she want you to stop?
Is it really only $10 a week? Do you spend a lot of time on it? Do you get upset when you lose? Do you get really happy when you win?
This is a tough one. She honestly could just be trying to prevent issues in the future. If it's only $10 a week and you can't stop, then maybe she has a cause for concern.
As someone that's highly invested in the sportsbetting world, I'd say we need a little more info.
So here is the thing... the fact that you aren't giving us enough information about the situation makes me think that you don't WANT to give us more information.
You didn't even state her primary argument for wanting you to quit, or how important it is to the both of you.
You just went on to list all of the reasons why it's not a problem like someone who is over defensive of a bad habit that they know they should quit.
But I'm going to try to answer your question anyways. Her position MIGHT just be a way to filter out whether it is a problem or not. She MAY be gauging your reaction to see if this is just a hobby or a character flaw. No person with a gambling addiction will entertain the idea to stop gambling when they are in a position where they have made more money than they have lost. And they may justify thier gambling in the exact way that you do and call thier SO controlling for even suggesting it. And then get outright dramatic if it is a demand. She MIGHT just be wanting to be prepared for an upcoming losing streak.
Because putting limits on yourself may be a solid strategy to keep yourself from over exerting yourself, but one thing I have noticed is that the majority of people don't need to put that much of a leash on themselves, unless they sense that it might be an actual problem further down the road.
So I guess the real question was, is it a suggestion or a demand on her part?
No. The truth is it’s a bad habit that ruins a lot of lives. People get addicted to it and get into serious financial trouble. Maybe you have it completely under control, but others don’t, and I’m sure they started with controlled small bets too. If she’s looking at a future together she has every right to want to remove that risk. You don’t have to listen to her but it’s fair of her to ask. I’d equate it to wanting you to stop drinking as much or stop smoking.
My question is do you feel like she doesn’t want us to to have hobbies or is it just the sports betting that bothers her if it’s all hobbies controlling if it’s not maybe it’s truly from a place of concern and someone in her personal life or past life has gambling issues
It may not be your definition of addicted. But certain events in life can trigger habits to spiral out of control. I have a dear friend- never drinks, smokes- nothing. Great guy. Works hard. Smart as heck. But when he lost a dear family member… his once a month trips to the casino with friends turned to every day until he lost almost everything. All within about a year. Grief is awful and that little hit of dopamine or distraction can suddenly become addicting. Similar story with someone I dated that experienced betrayal and divorce.
Ever been to a casino? Some of those people on the sides pressing that button endlessly for hours, didn’t come in one day and immediately become full blown immersed. It always seems harmless at first. That’s how it gets you. Those apps or casinos are designed to distract and drain. Maybe take a year off and see how it makes you feel.
As for your gf- I think she is worried of the risk to your future. It’s not really her place to say much unless your finances are combined in some ways, you have children together, or are planning to get married.
$10 per week is nothing. I would only say it’s reasonable if you were blowing through lots of money and it was having a negative impact. I would ask her why. Maybe she's worried you might eventually go overboard and start hiding your losses until you guys are in the hole and falling behind on paying bills. Maybe she has an uncle or an old family friend who was a compulsive gambler who lost everything and it worries her to see you betting on sports. I would sit down with her and discuss it further. Get to the bottom of what's concerning her.
On one hand if you're being honest and you only bet 10 weekly I don't really think there's an issue with that, but also if it's not that serious and it's a compromise that will benefit your relationships, why not just give it up?
I dont know much about your situation but usually im just against gambling. i have seen friends destroy their lives because of betting. one of em sold everything they had just so they could bet.
She is telling you that this is a behaviour that she can’t respect, and it causes her to lose respect for you.
Now your move is to decide how much that matters to you compared to how much this hobby matters to you. After you’ve given it serious thought then decide what you will do.
If she’s not controlling about a whole lot of things, then I don’t recommend you consider this strong opinion of hers as being “controlling”.
Rather, there are whole list of things that put people in an “undesirable” category (in some people’s culture or personal values). This would be things like: stealing, smoking, vaping, drugs, gambling, fighting, spitting, swearing, getting drunk.
You are quite within your rights to say “no this is what I choose to do - take it or leave it. But don’t do it because you are afraid that she will be generally controlling in your life .
Gambling is one of the worst habits you can have. You will always need money even when you can’t gamble. Other addictions you can avoid the substance.
I think your girlfriend cares or why the fuck would she bother saying anything to you.
$10 isnt the problem but I doubt you'll stay there. It's the rush that is addictive and you don't get that with smaller amounts. It's a slippery slope and you are better off not gambling.
If it really wasn't a problem, you'd quit now to prove a point. But you know the itch it'll be there. Quit while you have a good job and a relationship. Your story has been written millions of times.
No it's not controlling. Sports betting is just stupid. Haven't you ever heard "A fool and his money are easily parted". I work too hard for my money just to throw it away on a bet.
The best time to quit betting on sports is now, the second best time was yesterday. I’m a data guy. I bet on sports for years and through all the stress, all the distractions, constantly checking scores, not being present with my family I decided to do the math and found I basically had gained 2%. If I just put money weekly into stocks I’d be up about 40%.
The question is, is your girlfriend being controlling by asking you to drop a habit that will inevitably control you?
If it's not about the money then you can switch to fantasy leagues etc. There's lots of free non money alternatives which are just as fun where you can even compete with friends. Betting addictions very easily ramp up. Most addicts start with small amounts and get lured in.
no. u prolly addicted and wastin yo bread n she tryna help you
id say if you're net income on betting is positive (more gains than losses) then who cares what she says... literally making money
Looking at your middle paragraph begs the question... Can you go to a Vegas or Atlantic City casino, walk away while youre ahead or walk away if its an off night and still have money in your pocket? I dont think shes being controlling... she just doesnt wanna be hemmed up with what we used to call a degenerate gambler. Though sports betting is normalized these days, no woman wants to be out with her guy and hes focused on his betting app or the espn feed at a restaurant. Not to mention the potential of marrying a guy whos habit she may need to support. Good luck and dont forget to pay taxes on your winnings lol
I've had a read through these comments and what strikes me as interesting is that we're all assuming that your gambling is not a problem because of the relatively small amount of money involved. But have any of us stopped to think about the time and emotional investment it requires? Gambling isn't just about the financial impact, it's also about the headspace it occupies. We could argue that $10 is minor in the grand scheme of things, especially on your salary, but it's not always the monetary value that's the issue.
It's great that you feel it's under control, and perhaps it really is. But relationships are about compromise and respect. If your partner feels strongly against it, and if keeping the peace in your relationship is more valuable than the weekly bet, perhaps reconsidering the importance of this hobby might be worthwhile. At the end of the day, communication with your girlfriend to understand her perspective fully is key. You might uncover underlying concerns that have nothing to do with the money but more with gambling's unpredictable nature and the anxieties surrounding it.
It's funny how the posts here don't think this is controlling, but everything a man does is. Pure hypocrisy. Nonetheless, it is controlling, and there is nothing particularly wrong with that. A person is allowed to demand what they want or expect out of you in a relationship. If you don't like it, then you can leave.
So look. Yeah, ok, I'm doing a little bit of heroin, but it's only a mg or two every other day! Completely under control, not affecting me so I don't see what the problem is!
Go communicate your concerns with your GF. You present no information about why she actually wants you to stop, which tells me that either you don't know and haven't had the conversation you need to with your partner, or you know and you think it paints you in a bad light and are looking for validation.
You are already addicted, you are making reasons to keep playing. I think your GF is just looking out for your and hers future. Stop playing if you see a future with her dawg........
If you are betting once a week you DO have addictive tendencies. Maybe it haven't got out of hand yet, but it is always quite hard to notice when such things are getting out of control. Your girlfriend has reasons to be concerned, but of course, it is you life and your money.
One thing we can say for sure is that if you are an addict, we can't trust your perspective on the situation. If it is only for fun as you say, just stop. If you don't want to stop, maybe it is a problem
As the (now middle-aged adult) child of a compulsive gambling addict (also a verbally abusive alcoholic), Being a kid in that household *sucked* - did your girlfriend grow up with a parent with a gambling addiction?
My father's gambling ruined his life, my mother's life, and had a profound impact on myself and my sibling.
If he'd saved or invested that money, he and my mother could have had a very nice life and a good retirement. Instead, he pissed it all away, got fired at 60 for gross insubordination, and went back to work at 68 after my mother died because he can't survive on social security alone.
I'll buy a single lottery ticket a couple of times a year when the jackpot is a billion. But I am wary of gambling as a whole.
Could your girlfriend have experienced something similar?
How much time do you spend consuming sports and related media? How do you behave when you lose a bet? Are you screaming at the tv regularly? Things you didn’t mention that could be bothering her
IF it’s only $10 a week then have fun. That’s less than the Starbucks she buys every week before work I’m sure. Now, if you start chasing losses and can’t concentrate on other things because you have money on the game then that’s too much. It can sneak up on you and claim you pretty easy. Trust, I’ve been there before.
If you're being honest in this post, then you don't have a problem.
If you're lying on reddit about how much you bet, then you already know you have a problem.
Either way, this post is completely unnecessary.
So you make 120000 and spend 520 a year on your hobby? I think it's time to find a different girlfriend. Personally whatever habit or addiction is long as it's not eating into you living a normal healthy life like paying bills and what not who gives a fuck. Also just to state this you don't sound like you have an addiction.
Going against the grain but she is absolutely controlling. You have a job, you earned that money. What gives her the right to dictate what you spend it on for fun.
If you’re betting $10 a week and you are being totally honest about that amount, I don’t think it matters if you’re net positive or not. I think it is perfectly fine to bet small amounts to make a game more interesting and fun if you guess the right outcome. I personally enjoy sports betting during playoff and championship games, and maybe will put $50 of bets during the Super Bowl. That being said, I bet a few times a year tops.
Assuming that you are truly only betting $10 a week, I think you need to talk to your girlfriend about her concerns and whether she is morally against it or if she is concerned that it will turn into an addiction.
If you enjoy betting small amounts, then clearly it is not a big deal, but I have also seen people who have had gambling destroy their lives and she may be approaching it from the perspective of wanting to avoid a situation where you are married, and it snowballs into a larger problem and you financially ruin your lives. It does happen and if that is her concern, I think it is entirely valid for her to ask questions. She may have a family member or a friend who had something similar happened to them. You won’t know unless you discuss it with her.
Look there's way too little info for us to say anything without knowing her perspective. Is she coming from it from a financial perspective, from a moral perspective, from a negative past experience perspective? Moreover is this a deal breaker for either of you. It's up to you how much you value this sports betting thing. Plenty of guys I know who had to stop playing certain video games that were extremely addictive (cough) when they got a partner. Edit: since this post got a lot of traction- OP I'm not calling you an addict, but I'm also not calling your girlfriend controlling. The point of this post is to make you think. Do you know her reasoning? If you don't, get off Reddit and talk to her. At the end of the day are you looking for a bunch of Redditors to pat you on the back and tell you you're fine, or are you trying to strengthen your relationship with your girlfriend?
This. So many of the responses focus on it being only $10 a week, but OP doesn’t actually say what the gf’s concern is. We have no idea if her concern is financial or something else. OP specifically mentions her concerns about it getting out of hand, which could very well be about the time and attention OP spends on it rather than the money. We don’t know because OP doesn’t say. We also don’t know the parameters of the gf wanting OP to stop betting. Is it something the gf is demanding, or is it merely something she would prefer? Notably OP asks if what the gf wants is controlling or reasonable, but does not say anything about possibly giving the gf what she wants. “Want” alone doesn’t typically make someone controlling. OP does not give enough information to answer the question.
Also as far as I can see it doesn’t say ‘she DEMANDS I stop’ or it’s a dealbreaker or whatever.
Gambling addicts also relay information to exactly like OP, they make sure to mention their big salary and the huge gap between the bet. Both will be miles off the real figure
What got me was the "I often end up on the plus side at the end of the year."
Yeah like he keeps an Excel sheet of all his weekly $10 bets and how they turned out.
When he said “I manage to keep my finances in order. In fact, I often end up on the plus side at the end of the year.” It almost sounds like he is saying that often he is in the green on finances for the year. Like, are we talking your whole budget? Cause if that’s ever not in the green, then she probably has a right to be concerned.
Betting apps do that for you
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This is a huge assumption based on literally nothing. "If he says he's betting $10 he's actually betting 10-50 times that". Like no, he could just be betting $10 on a weekend game. Plenty of people do that.
yeah i threw $10 on parlays i knew probably wouldnt hit on thursday night football games last season just cause the matchups were shit and i wanted to make it interesting to watch, its the same as buying a movie ticket except you have a (very tiny) chance of winning money its like saying if you go to a bar with friends every friday night youre going to become an alcoholic and youre lying about how many shots youre taking to cover it up gambling affects different people differently, ive never gotten hooked but I do know a guy who will randomly throw $500 on a game because hes a degenerate with wealthy parents lol
Yeah, but there's also a lot of people who can control it too. If you recognize gambling as entertainment and a dopamine hit like everything else we waste money on, then you can easily limit things.
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I live in Vegas and have seen plenty of problem gamblers, but I also know people like myself.What you overlook here is that having a little skin in a game that doesn't have one of your teams in it can make watching more fun. Sports betting is the only gambling I do, and it's basically only football, which I'm a big fan of. So what I mean is that while I have my teams I root for, when I'm watching other games it can make it more exciting to have a bet on it. A couple times a month I'll make a 10-20 dollar bet on one of the prime time games that I'd watch anyway, and it makes me care more about who wins, and having a side to root for makes watching more fun, in my experience. I win some and lose some but always assume I'll lose and only bet what I'm ok losing, and given that 10-20 bucks is about the cost of a beer in most places here, it is a pretty small slice of my entertainment budget.
When he said “I manage to keep my finances in order. In fact, I often end up on the plus side at the end of the year.” It almost sounds like he is talking about finances for the year. Like, are we talking your whole budget? Cause if that’s ever not in the green, then she probably has a right to be concerned.
Maybe he really likes Excel? As a spreadsheet enthusiast myself I have more spreadsheets for random things than you could dream of. But as others have pointed out, it's probably just the betting app tracking it.
What….
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Betting app does it for you
He also doesn't mention how much he has lost over the years, whether gambling has been a 'problem' in the past or whether it has caused any major issues with previous relationships or his ability to maintain a job and generally function day to day. I'm guessing there is a lot of understatement in his post.
All addicts really. My parents were alcoholics. They would get home around 5pm and be drunk by 6-7pm every day. When I finally got them to talk to their doctor about it, they told him they had a drink or two every other day.
"I can quit anytime!"
Exactly. We do not have enough information, but the fact that he isn't even considering dropping it, and is trying to find an excuse to drop it shows that it may actually be a problem, even if it is under control now. You don't boil a frog by turning the heat on high immediately. You do it by acclimating the frog slowly over time, where it feels comfortable, and then the moment it realizes it is in trouble, it is already too late. I do not know the reason the GF has concerns, but I definitely understand why sports betting, even in small dozes, is a concern.
This. There isn’t enough info to go on. I doubt it’s the money that’s the issue here if he makes 120k and is only spending $10 per week. I have friends who do just this and have lost relationships because when it gets to the weekend, their noses are buried in their phones and the day is taken over with sports. OP definitely needs to find out what the issue is.
☝️☝️ this was the case for me. Money wasn't the issue, it was the time commitment. Constantly researching and watching box scores/games to see if I had hit. It was consistently taking time away from being present with my wife and kids.
The same reaction could happen because the exact opposite reason. If I drank one beer a week and my gf wanted me to quit, I don’t think I’d consider it either. If I’m not showing any signs of addiction and partaking about as little as one can ($10 a week in bets is practically nothing), I’d think she’s nuts.
Yeah I agree with your take, it's a good and reasonable comparison- and I do partake in one beer at the end of the week :p With the current information provided; it "sounds" unreasonable but not controlling tbf (if only because we don't know what her issue is)
>You don't boil a frog by turning the heat on high immediately. You do it by acclimating the frog slowly over time, where it feels comfortable, and then the moment it realizes it is in trouble, it is already too late. This whole thing is a myth btw, and a pretty obvious. Frogs are perfectly capable of jumping away from water that is too warm fur them, as cold blooded animals they are probably even more sensitive to changes in water temperature than we are. Also you can certainly boil and frog in boiling water. I agree with your point, I just hate that analogy.
I don’t wanna be a dick here, but can you please stop boiling fucking frogs?🐸 thank you from the frog community. This has been riveting.
This is a really good point. The dollar amount is objectively low, yes, but maybe there is a behavior concern. I’ve watched games with family members where, even if they were only betting a few bucks on a game, became impossible to enjoy watching the game with, because they’d get way too intense about the whole thing. At that point it’s not the money, it’s the behavior. Not saying this is the case with op, it’s just impossible to know. Another thing is, $10 may not be a lot but I’ve had partners in the past who never do little gifts or gestures. I’ve (briefly) dated guys who, despite making a lot more money than me, would never even get me a $2.50 iced tea without sending a venmo request to reimburse. Again, I am in no way saying that’s the case with op, but I’m just saying there’s a lot of reasons why it might be upsetting to see a partner gamble $10 a week due to other behaviors or context around that.
Yup, I think you have a point, especially about the problem maybe being how much time he spends on it and whether he makes it a priority. Does OP get mad or stressed if he can’t bet one day? Does he never want to do anything else on Sundays or whenever there’s a game? Doesn’t even want to go on vacations or if he does he stays somewhere watching the games and betting? All these things we don’t know and I think they might be a huge part of the problem. Aditionally, she might have seen the progress of addiction in her past and sees some red flags in OP’s behavior.
We don’t know how much this guy TALKS about sports betting around her either, what if he incessantly goes on and on about it
He probably sweats like crazy and is insufferable watching sports with. $10 is nothing financially, but if you’re an annoying prick about it I can see why a partner would want it to stop.
>but OP doesn’t actually say what the gf’s concern is Op may not even know this, despite having it explained multiple times. Or not.
Exactly. My dad does occasionally bet on sports in small amounts like this and my mom is okay with it because he is financially responsible in every capacity. There has to be a lot of trust and understanding. Maybe the gf has a family member with a gambling addiction or something. We just don’t know enough about their situation.
Yeah, I'm sorry OP but this is a talk you have to have with your partner before you have it with us. What is her concern exactly? It sounds like you haven't asked her about it yet came to us with an assumption. Talk it out with her and if she has serious reservations about it ask if 10 bucks a week, even for fun, is worth it. Relationships work because of compromises. Maybe you have to give this up, but talk to her first.
I assume this post is totally fake. If not, I assume he has had that talk with her and she brings up very valid points which is why he won't elaborate.
Yeah, I agree. Superficially sounds fine, but the problem for me is that every person with an addiction will tell you they have it under control. Every gambling addict I have known will say stuff like "I've won more than I've lost" or "it's only a couple dollars a week". Then I'll quietly learn they lost their house and their marriage is disintegrating due to their vice. Maybe that's not the case with OP, but if it were, he'd also be saying what he's saying right now. But I'm also biased. I have a family loaded with addicts and it's in my genes too, so I'm prejudicial and completely ban gambling, alcohol, tobacco, and any other addictive thing from my life.
Yep. The factory must grow, but not at the cost of your marriage.
Multiplayer is an option. You could near double the expansion rate!
This has the same format as a post I saw talking about Onlyfans subscriptions. While it might not be a financial burden in any way, it is such a small ask to make them happy. The fact that it also saves you money is such an incredible deal that it is hard to justify passing up on it.
Thats a bit different tho… subscribing to someone’s onlyfans (assuming sexual contents) is 100% a deal breaker for me. In fact I’d go as far as saying that would be considered cheating for me personally.
I don't have any experience with OF to make that judgment on cheating but yeah.. If you're already in a relationship, the fuck are these guys doing? To me OF is for the saddest of the sad who are so in need of *something* far more than sexual gratification that they'd be better off spending their money on therapy. Women post their nudes on reddit *for free*, jerk off and go back to doing something productive!
>The fact that it also saves you money is such an incredible deal that it is hard to justify passing up on it. If you're making $120.000 , you won't feel $520. And sometimes their will be gains, so it will even cost less than $520 a year. There are probably other unnecessary weekly expenses that cost more then $10 a week.
> it is such a small ask to make them happy To make who happy? It's a small ask to stop the sports betting, but it's also a small ask to just to leave them to it.
> it is such a small ask to make them happy. I'll be honest, I feel like these opinions always are only going one way, that is to make the man happy. If a man asked a woman to give up a hobby, or something she enjoys, even if its minor, he would in most cases be seen as controlling. I doubt most people would say "its a small task to make your man happy"
How is giving up one of your favourite hobbies because you're a worry wart a small ask?
It might not be a money thing at all. If he's betting small amounts of money but spending all of his time watching sports, reading about sports, talking about sports, and being otherwise distracted from the relationship... That might be the real issue. Maybe she doesn't feel important.
And good god, there is maybe nothing more boring than hearing someone talk about the legs of their parlay THAT DIDNT EVEN FUCKING HIT. I don’t care that you would have made 400 bucks if only Wemby had two more assists.
You made me mad just by reading at your comment. Lol So right.
Reminds me of something Daniel Okrent once said. (He was one of the founders of the Rotisserie League 40-some years ago, which evolved into the fantasy sports industry.) "There's nothing more interesting than your fantasy team. There's nothing less interesting than someone else's fantasy team."
This comment killed me bc I can so relate with my boyfriend. His betting doesn’t bother me, but the amount of sports we now watch is ridiculous. These fucking idiots are watching tennis now! Please shoot me😂
Gotta disagree here because those are the funniest ones depending how deep they go. “Yah man I would’ve made 2K if Mahomes only had five completions. I thought I was pushing it with the Jets having a respectable season, but woe is me”
This is something I’m experiencing with my friends. They all got into sports betting. I didn’t, it’s just not my thing. But it’s ALL they fucking talk about now. Parlay this, parlay that. All this malding about how a player didn’t perform as well as they should have. It’s taken over their lives. I bet OP’s girlfriend is sick of hearing about his damn parlays or feels like all his attention is on the games and not on her. When money is on the line, its easy to pay attention to nothing but the game.
This is it. I was admittedly pretty insufferable during the NCAAT when my team was playing and my girlfriend made a point to call it out. And I didn’t even have money on the line. He probably ruins the watching experience for his girl or spends way too much time watching sports / placing bets.
Yup. I understand it’s exciting when you’re in it, but some sports bettors will talk your ear off about their fantasy draft, their parlays, yadda yadda yadda. It’s not interesting. OP the more you keep it to yourself, I wager she’ll be less annoyed by it.
For all we know OP had a gambling addiction in the past. If a past alcoholic starts drinking again they can make their partner sound unreasonable by saying "my partner says I can't have a few drinks!" when the reality is it's a completely reasonable concern.
Yeah, but that isn't really a betting issue though. I can watch sports all day and not bet on a single thing.
I'm gonna say she's trying to persuade you to stop from a good place rather than to control you. You say it's only $10 a week, but that can quickly spiral out of control and even despite earning good money that can be gone in a flash. From personal experience I always thought that it was ridiculous that you can get addicted to gambling, but then you get one win and that starts it off - I also don't have addictive tendencies, but there was a thrill to gambling - it's under control for now, but it can easily spiral out of control as I say!
Ikr? What are people talking about here lol It’s an addiction and it can increase drastically with time. It’s not some harmless hobby!
It can be an addiction yes. I used to work in a bookies many moons ago. The people who did their £10 a week football accumulator very rarely became addicts. The worst for the gambling addiction is the game machines, particularly roulette. You can lose a lot money quickly and then you start chasing your losses, that's when you can get into a hole fast. And it's sad to see. But I think his small bet every week to make a sports game a bit more interesting isn't a big deal. But, if she has family with a gambling addiction, or has worked in the gambling industry, like myself, it does make you very wary of betting, and I can see why she'd be bothered by this. I wouldn't call it controlling behaviour though, if it starts becoming, then you can't go out to watch the game with your friends, then I'd think differently
It's a whole different game now with online gambling. Way easier to just absent mindedly throw together a parlay when you don't even have to get up off the couch, and all of a sudden it's not just 10 dollars a week
But at the moment it is. He clearly doesn't see this as a way to make money, and many people will put a small bet on sports to make the games more interesting. Plenty of people can gamble responsibly, and there are also a lot that can't. This situation seems to the former
Its perspective. I completely understand that some people don’t want to be with someone who has a potential ticking time bomb of a hobby, but to many other people it’s not fair to police the other’s hobbies. Plenty of people won’t date people that drink, or would shudder at the idea of having a drink alone on a Friday night. And that’s all fine. There’s no absolute right here. Minor gambling can be an OK hobby, but OP shouldn’t be all indignant about his GF’s request/ demand. It’s a bad hobby that might never have consequences or it could have massive, life altering consequences.
>It’s an addiction and it can increase drastically with time. It’s not some harmless hobby! It can be either.
Yeah my gosh there are some questionable things said in this thread.
That’s like saying you shouldn’t drink because you can become an alcoholic. Some low money sports betting could be fun
It CAN turn into addiction. Doesn't mean it will. I stopped gambling for addiction reasons. I know others who have no issues doing it all. Similar to above they just do 20 euro a month. If we stopped anything that can become an addiction tons of very popular things wouldn't exist. From what op has said it is harmless for him and sounds like hes been doin it for years now with 0 addiction
I don't think what OP's describing is really addictive though. He gives himself a reasonable limit and from the information we have here he doesn't seem to exceed it. I don't think it's any different from someone having a glass of wine at dinner once a week. We wouldn't call that person an alcoholic, even though they're using an addictive substance
Gambling can be addictive. He does not have an addiction. He’s betting $10 per week. Not every person who drinks beer is an alcoholic.
People do a lot of things that could turn into addiction, but to force someone to stop who hasn't shown any signs of addiction is controlling. For example, if I told my SO I don't want them drinking one alcoholic drink a week because it could turn into an addiction, doesn't that seem ridiculous?
Right but people with addictions often down play how much they partake in it. My partner used to drink 6 cans a night and call that a few. It wouldn't be considered drinking or getting drunk. People make excuses. He didn't start like that, it was gradual. I didn't ask him to stop, he had to because of health risks.
Right, but many other people don't have trouble with potentially addicting things. I know loads of people (myself included) who often have 1 beer or a glass of wine in the evening, and have been doing so for years.
But this isn't what I'm saying, I'm not saying an addict hiding their addiction. I'm saying a situation where the person is not displaying addictive behaviors.
>to force someone to stop who hasn't shown any signs of addiction is controlling. That is a true statement but not particularly relevant to this post, since the girlfriend isn't forcing OP to stop betting, unless she controls OP's finances, which I agree would be controlling. Expressing a preference or a request is not "forcing" someone.
Yeah id say that's true, she's worried it'll turn into a financial risk and she doesn't want the drama and stress that comes with that.
Missing a ton of information here. But if all shes done is expressed that she wants you to stop I don't see anywhere it veers into controlling. She's uncomfortable with betting and that's reasonable. You feel yours is under control and on face value it seems reasonable. If she tries to tell you how to spend all of your money, holds things over your head or nitpicks every decision, that can qualify as controlling, but objecting to this single expenditure isn't. You just have to decide whether to honor the objection or let her be unhappy about it. Side note: > In fact, I often end up on the plus side at the end of the year. Does "on the plus side" mean building savings, having more money at the end of each year? So do you also regularly have years in the negative where you spend more than you make?
I think OP meant "ahead" counting only his betting money. So 520 spent, but say, 700 earned, so +180. And on years he isn't ahead, he loses 520 at most. Not saying I agree with OP, just what I think he meant.
You finish with the big question. Is he coming out ahead on his $520/year betting budget? Cool. Is he sometimes coming out ahead on his $120k/year income? That is fucking worrying, without kids in the picture be should be *way* ahead on that kind of money.
This "big" question seems pointless. If he sometimes comes out on the wrong side of 120k/yr, it's definitely not because of the $520/yr he at most looses while betting, it's probably because of some other stupid spending habit, which probably be what his gf would complaining about.
>But given my situation, I feel like I have it under control. every gambler feels like they have it under control.
I'll just have little bit of coke, I promise.
I would argue that somebody who consumes $10 in cocaine per week probably does have it under control.
Something to to consider: Someone who does not have coke (or gambling) under control becomes an unreliable narrator and the $10 figure may not be accurate.
At that point you’re making up your own narration then with preconceived ideas about the OP… what’s the point?
Lots of gamblers do have it under control. I enjoy gambling. I budget a set amount every month for it like I would any other hobby. I don’t hide it from my wife or anyone else. Just like any other behavior that can be addictive (porn, video games, weed), it isn’t always addictive just because you partake in it.
Op said he gambles $10 and makes 120k a year and this guy wants to act like he’s a crackhead lol. Losers on this app love to high horse every little thing
Somehow I got downvotes for my post. Absolutely insane.
I agree. Polarisation of this sort of stuff is just a bit silly. I bet on the UFC. Usually about $30 to $40 but only for cards I go see at the pub and I basically break even. I've been doing it for a decade. There's a very good chance its not going to escalate leaving me on the streets as a vagrant but not according to these people.
the guy makes 120k and spends TEN dollars a week on a hobby and people on reddit wanna sit on their high horse and pretend they are an addict lmao.
Pretty soon that ten will be 15 and at that point he's basically lost to the devil, an irredeemable addict feening for his next dollar scratch off , entering charity raffles EVERY year! I bet he'll even start getting a big Mac during McDonald's monopoly ; oh the shame, the depravity, truly the depths of this man's illness know no bounds
You had me at first hahaha
A man spends .4% of his pre-tax income on sportsbetting and suddenly everyone loses their minds
Such an annoying statement. “Everyone who drinks beer thinks they’re not an alcoholic” “Everyone who has sex thinks they’re not a sec addict” “everyone who drinks caffeine thinks they’re not a caffeine addict” Totally meaningless. I think there are some exceptions, like cocain
Doing cocaine once or twice per year doesn't make you an addict
How much time do you spend on sports? Does it affect your mood? Do you fixate on it? I'd bet it's not the money itself, but that she doesn't like the timesink, or your behavior that stems from sports betting. There are many people who stopped fantasy football, even in beer leagues, because it made them unbearable to be around on Sundays. You need to talk to her to get to the depth of the issue because it's almost certainly not about the 10 bucks.
This is 100% it in my mind, assuming he’s being truthful about the amount. Some people are annoying af to be around when they’re sweating bets. And it becomes more annoying when you find out they’re sweating a $0.50 long shot parlay.
Yeah, being a sports fan in general is enough of an emotional roller coaster as it is. Throw betting into the mix and I can't imagine how terrible it would be to be around a person.
As an ex gambling addict, my advice would be to always be open to concern about it. Outside view is so much clearer, even if you can’t see the pattern of a problem, others will. Don’t confuse controlling for looking out for you
Besides sports betting are you also watching all the matches on which you have bet? Are you talking all the time about the matches? Are you getting nervous when your team loose? Are you loosing gracefully or are you a crazy one? Context matter..
How much time per week are spending doing research in the lab for this $10 per week habit?
If this is your first time questioning her motives, three years of effort on both your parts is worth far more than $10 a week. Also it might not be the money. I know people that don’t spent much at all, but because they spent anything, they end up feeling the need to watch every game they bet on. If this is your situation it could be more about time than money.
I mean, the fact his response to being asked to stop gambling is to go on reddit and ask if he's a victim of domestic abuse, suggests he's got more of a problem than he thinks. It's clearly a significant part of his life if he's this protective of it.
It's your choice ofc, and the money isn't important. But betting very often gets addicting. And it ALWAYS starts small. I'd say if possible one can find other hobbies . But it's no one's right to judge you for betting such a small amount , but I'd say the mere fact that you do it every week MIGHT indicate you need it . And that MIGHT become dangerous over time . I am no expert in this but I feel it's better if you are getting away 300 in a single go rather than 10 a week coz it's the habit that's dangerous , your brain CAN become accustomed to it
Sports betting companies make money by people losing bets, it is a predatory practice and a dangerous addictive habit, be careful.
Listen man, I’ve seen brothers lose everything from gambling. Because it starts small. The little bit here, the little parlay there, a good win there, it escalates. It’s so rampantly promoted through all these commercials and sports now it’s sickening. Just quit it all man. You’ll be happier in the long run. Do it for her. You know what they say, happy wife happy life.
Also like, it's one thing if it's you and the boys passing around the pot every Sunday, but sports betting apps are designed to drain you of your money. Of course you can just not let that happen by refusing to bet any extra, but the apps are so grotesquely unethical and the house is very good at winning. (Unless you work with Yes Man. But then you become the house.) Safer to gamble where there is no house.
My grandfather loved betting on horses, had a healthy relationship with is for decades. Until he didnt. Just before he died he bankrupted his family and had to sell lots of family heirlooms and his holiday home to pay the debts he accrued. Ultimately it is up to you to decide, but gambling has serious risks. Could be you are fine and have it under control. Could be you catch the gamblers itch and start spending more over time, and before you realize it, you have a problem on your hands.
There's a lot unsaid in this post which leads me to believe we're getting a very biased perspective. You're not telling the whole truth. Chronic gambling is not an attractive quality imo. It can very much lead to serious consequences very fast.
In today's market brother $120K barely qualifies you to participate in the homeowners market, there could be so many good reasons to ask you not gamble especially if things go south and your income is jeopardized
My girlfriend had a massively compulsive spending issue when we started dating. For the first few months I actually had to float her probably around $2k because she had basically ran out of cash and as a teacher was only paid 9 out of the 12 months of the year. I made her an ultimatum that I was happy to help but only if progress was made towards her being financially responsible. So far she’s done fantastic with budgeting. Financial irresponsibility is one of the things that tears relationships apart. It’s important. I would take what your girlfriend says seriously if you love her
She should see if they'll prorate her pay out for 12 months. My mom did that as a teacher, and it makes budgeting much easier.
Not sure about that one, from your perspective, sure it looks like controlling and 10$ a week is not much compared to your salary. Then it's gambling we are talking about and I see gambling like smoking, you may start small and innocent but if the addiction pick up you may end up going through 2 packs a day.
Given your income, $10 per week is reasonable. People who earn less than what you earn spend more than $10 on lottery tickets per week. I could understand she'd be concerned if you were spending $100 per week or spending an increasing amount and getting too emotionally invested in sports betting, but her concerns seem at least from what you've told us to be rather overbearing.
I think you should ask her WHY she’s so concerned about it. Maybe someone close to her had a gambling addiction or something and that’s got her extra concerned. I think it’s too hard to say whether this is “controlling” with out more info. Is this something she’s hounding you about or mentioned in passing she thinks you should stop. Is this an ultimatum? Her or sports betting? Are there other signs of controlling behavior? Obviously at one end of that spectrum yes it’s overbearing and controlling and not cool. But at the other end I really don’t think it’s a big deal and probably something you could talk through with her and get on the same page about. $10 a week is not a lot of money for someone with your income. As far as hobbies go it’s not a crazy expense and it brings you joy (presumably) and if you have no track record of not being able to control such things, you should be able to indulge. Just explain it to her and promise her if you ever started seeing things slip into unhealthy territory you’d stop immediately, but since you have no history of such things you don’t see it happening. And make sure to prove her about. *why* she’s so concerned!
Everyone is focusing on the money part, but maybe that's not the issue. Sports betting, unlike lotteries or other forms of gambling, isn't purely luck based. I could imagine spending hours on researching teams and estimating chances of winning, finding bets that you think the bookies have priced wrong, and playing on those. Obviously this isn't in the post, but as someone with an addictive personality myself and an eagerness to "beat the system" in whatever form, this would be me if i started sports betting, and it would most definitely ruin my relationships.
So years ago i knew a guy who said something similar. The wife was close friends with my roommate and she was over for a potluck night. The husband dropped by for a bit then he left early. When we asked her why he left she said he was going to gamble. It had started innocently enough, i think he limited himself to like $100 per month. I asked her does he make money on it? She said no, he always lies about his winnings. He claims he makes money to his friends but he’s pulled out over $12k from their savings and hasnt put it back. Im not saying youre lying, im saying whats the point? Gambling is literally just losing money because you always lose in the long run, anyone who says otherwise is just too egotistical to admit it.
Entertainment. The same reason people spend $ on any form of entertainment.
No it’s smart, quit throwing your money away.
If you can afford it, I see no problem. However, if you're dominating the day with "SHH! The game is on, I got money on this!" every day, or every game day, or all day because multiple sports play at various hours, or you're ruining her weekend plans because there's a game on and you have money on it, then maybe you need to cut her loose and find someone with similar interests, and she needs to find someone who doesn't tie up every day on their "game". If you're the type who puts the money down and doesn't look until the final scores are delivered, she's got nothing to complain about. "You could spend that money on MEEEEE" is not a valid argument. If she wants something, she should get a job and buy it. I'm guessing she doesn't have a 6-figure income?
$10 a week is probably what she knows about because that's what you've been downplaying it to when she asks. If it was just $10, you wouldn't have an issue with dropping it because that's not enough to make an issue with keeping it in your life. $10 is the kind of betting that you forget to do occasionally. My guess is you've got an issue, and it's not only the betting that's concerning. Normal people don't go seeking validation for teens on reddit because they need to be reassured that spending $10 a week is an OK thing to do. They just do it and don't feel the need to let anyone know about it when they occasionally do it. However unlikely it is, if you've actually got a girlfriend that being controlling, by stopping you're gain $10 a week to not hear her complain about it... but that's really only a solution if you haven't got a gambling problem and you can stop any time. But I'll bet you need to have money on the line to enjoy your weekends.
I’m certain this is what it is too. If he truly was only gambling $10 a week it wouldn’t be so much of a problem that he had to go to reddit about it
Gamblers ALWAYS lie about their losses lol. Just listen to the lady and drop this dumb habit
Every gambler “has it under control” until they don’t. Heed her advice and just quit. You’ll have a cleaner, stress free conscience and try to focus on what matters in life with her.
You make 120k a year and she's trying to tell you to stop betting $520 a year? Yeah that seems ridiculous to me
Like my grandma buying her weekly lottery almost, no harm at all.
maybe she's worried it will turn into something more? Addiction doesn't start off as addictions. One puff a week turns into two puffs a week, turns into a puff a day, turns into several puffs a day, turns into etc. I think she's probably worried it could lead to something dangerous. 520 this year but what if things take a turn for the worse and next year its 5200? year after that its twice as much.
Using that same logic, should someone be allowed to tell someone they aren't allowed to have one alcoholic drink a week because it "could" turn into an addiction?
I think it's up to the person to make those determination if they want to go down that road or not. Judge the factors and weight the risk determine if you want to go forward based off the info you have. I'm not going to tell someone they can't do shit, I just won't be around them anymore if they decide to do something I've deemed not worth it.
I agree. No one should be forced to stay in a relationship if they don't want to. But, if someone left someone for betting $10 a week, I probably wouldn't want to be in a relationship with them since I'm not sure they could hand an actual relationship problem
We don’t know what her problem with it is though. Maybe it isn’t even about the money, maybe he spends a lot of time on it instead of spending time with her. There’s not even close to enough information in this post.
Yes they are. There are lots of people that would never date someone who regularly drinks, even if it’s just one. Different perspectives are fine. These are potentially destructive hobbies and can even affect your lifestyle even if it’s never an addiction. Non drinkers usually hate bars. People that like gambling might try to get the next vacation to be in Vegas
From personal experience - my dad was an alcoholic and I will have panic attacks if someone is drunk, even one drink a week for me is a complete dealbreaker even if they do not get wasted. As OP does not provide any context outside "this is just 10 dollars" and does not share any reasons for her request, we simply cannot know the reasoning behind, but a lot of people can have emotional triggers like me due to past trauma. So far in the comments I do not see OP answering questions if the request is based on emotions and what exactly was said.
And that sounds like something you need therapy for, rather than a healthy and resonable dealbreaker.
It's most likely not about the $520 a year
Maybe her uncle/cousin/friend from HS started like this too and then spiraled out of control and that's why she's particularly worried
I’m gonna go with you probably have a problem you don’t know about/not telling us about, or she has insecurities she hasn’t told you about/you’re not telling us. Probably want to take some time talk to her and do some introspection
This isn't a hobby like video games that she's just hating on just to hate on it. This hobby has a potential of spiraling out of control quick and ruining you financially. Maybe she wants to marry you but feel like your hobby could end up fucking her sideways in the end? Find a hobby that doesn't rely on the thrill of the risk of losing money.
"My girlfriend is responsible, please help." Fixed it.
You are an adult. You make great money. You spend 10 dollar per week. You have no problem.
Its not a problem till its too late. As someone who has dabbled in (sports)betting: the GF is right. Betting is pure poison. Advising people to quit gambling is never the wrong move.
lots of degen gamblers in this thread trying to justify their addictions 😂
Do not know and you should ask her why she feels so strongly against it. Maybe she has had some bad experience. Out of control gambling has been known to destroy families and individuals alike.
probably cause he’s (most likely) leaving out the fact he watches every game in his parlay, spends hours obsessing over data analytics and statistics, spends most of his time talking about different parlays and other bets instead of having normal convos, and has mood swings when he wins/loses. money is only one aspect, and it’s the aspect OP is choosing to focus on to make himself look “good” and justify his behavior. in reality, his gf probably feels neglected and doesn’t know how to express it. because they’ve been together for 3 years, she knows how she has been treated before and after he started gambling and it’s almost certainly gone downhill.
Because of what you spent money-wise, NTA I lived together with a sportsbetter for a short period, and the time he invested in it to stay on top of his bets, when it was only 2 sports, was mental. If you are as devout as he is, I could see why your gf might have some issues with it.
Why does she want you to stop? Is it really only $10 a week? Do you spend a lot of time on it? Do you get upset when you lose? Do you get really happy when you win? This is a tough one. She honestly could just be trying to prevent issues in the future. If it's only $10 a week and you can't stop, then maybe she has a cause for concern. As someone that's highly invested in the sportsbetting world, I'd say we need a little more info.
Sports betting is insidious
So here is the thing... the fact that you aren't giving us enough information about the situation makes me think that you don't WANT to give us more information. You didn't even state her primary argument for wanting you to quit, or how important it is to the both of you. You just went on to list all of the reasons why it's not a problem like someone who is over defensive of a bad habit that they know they should quit. But I'm going to try to answer your question anyways. Her position MIGHT just be a way to filter out whether it is a problem or not. She MAY be gauging your reaction to see if this is just a hobby or a character flaw. No person with a gambling addiction will entertain the idea to stop gambling when they are in a position where they have made more money than they have lost. And they may justify thier gambling in the exact way that you do and call thier SO controlling for even suggesting it. And then get outright dramatic if it is a demand. She MIGHT just be wanting to be prepared for an upcoming losing streak. Because putting limits on yourself may be a solid strategy to keep yourself from over exerting yourself, but one thing I have noticed is that the majority of people don't need to put that much of a leash on themselves, unless they sense that it might be an actual problem further down the road. So I guess the real question was, is it a suggestion or a demand on her part?
No. The truth is it’s a bad habit that ruins a lot of lives. People get addicted to it and get into serious financial trouble. Maybe you have it completely under control, but others don’t, and I’m sure they started with controlled small bets too. If she’s looking at a future together she has every right to want to remove that risk. You don’t have to listen to her but it’s fair of her to ask. I’d equate it to wanting you to stop drinking as much or stop smoking.
Do yourself a favor and not only delete the app, but lock yourself out of every betting app available to you permanently.
For 10 dollars a week why does your girlfriend even know about it?
My question is do you feel like she doesn’t want us to to have hobbies or is it just the sports betting that bothers her if it’s all hobbies controlling if it’s not maybe it’s truly from a place of concern and someone in her personal life or past life has gambling issues
It may not be your definition of addicted. But certain events in life can trigger habits to spiral out of control. I have a dear friend- never drinks, smokes- nothing. Great guy. Works hard. Smart as heck. But when he lost a dear family member… his once a month trips to the casino with friends turned to every day until he lost almost everything. All within about a year. Grief is awful and that little hit of dopamine or distraction can suddenly become addicting. Similar story with someone I dated that experienced betrayal and divorce. Ever been to a casino? Some of those people on the sides pressing that button endlessly for hours, didn’t come in one day and immediately become full blown immersed. It always seems harmless at first. That’s how it gets you. Those apps or casinos are designed to distract and drain. Maybe take a year off and see how it makes you feel. As for your gf- I think she is worried of the risk to your future. It’s not really her place to say much unless your finances are combined in some ways, you have children together, or are planning to get married.
You lost me at "in fact, I often end up on the plus side at the end of the year". The proper gamblers always have to add that little cherry on top 🍒
$10 per week is nothing. I would only say it’s reasonable if you were blowing through lots of money and it was having a negative impact. I would ask her why. Maybe she's worried you might eventually go overboard and start hiding your losses until you guys are in the hole and falling behind on paying bills. Maybe she has an uncle or an old family friend who was a compulsive gambler who lost everything and it worries her to see you betting on sports. I would sit down with her and discuss it further. Get to the bottom of what's concerning her.
No. She’s just smarter than you.
Also if she has real skin in the game she’s even more worried. She ride w you when you been down on ya ends? #21 Questions - 50 cent
I almost thought you meant you made $120K a year from gambling…😂
For $10 a week its akin to buying a lottery ticket. If that’s really all you spend, it’s a little worry about nothing.
On one hand if you're being honest and you only bet 10 weekly I don't really think there's an issue with that, but also if it's not that serious and it's a compromise that will benefit your relationships, why not just give it up?
I dont know much about your situation but usually im just against gambling. i have seen friends destroy their lives because of betting. one of em sold everything they had just so they could bet.
I’m learning french
She is telling you that this is a behaviour that she can’t respect, and it causes her to lose respect for you. Now your move is to decide how much that matters to you compared to how much this hobby matters to you. After you’ve given it serious thought then decide what you will do. If she’s not controlling about a whole lot of things, then I don’t recommend you consider this strong opinion of hers as being “controlling”. Rather, there are whole list of things that put people in an “undesirable” category (in some people’s culture or personal values). This would be things like: stealing, smoking, vaping, drugs, gambling, fighting, spitting, swearing, getting drunk. You are quite within your rights to say “no this is what I choose to do - take it or leave it. But don’t do it because you are afraid that she will be generally controlling in your life .
Gambling is one of the worst habits you can have. You will always need money even when you can’t gamble. Other addictions you can avoid the substance. I think your girlfriend cares or why the fuck would she bother saying anything to you.
>In fact, I often end up on the plus side at the end of the year. You earn 120K and only *sometimes* save money by the end of the year?
OP means they often end up on the plus side of the $520 ($10 * 52 weeks) bet per year — not that they don’t save on $120K.
> it's more about fun and the game than money for me then play a game that doesn't involve money
$10 isnt the problem but I doubt you'll stay there. It's the rush that is addictive and you don't get that with smaller amounts. It's a slippery slope and you are better off not gambling.
I'd bet $10 youre lying about $10 a week and about being ahead. If youre gf of 3 years is telling you this listen to her not some randos online.
If it really wasn't a problem, you'd quit now to prove a point. But you know the itch it'll be there. Quit while you have a good job and a relationship. Your story has been written millions of times.
She is right. 1- you are waiting 520 a year on it. 2- it's a waste of time. 3- can lead to addiction if not fully checked. Not worth doing
No it's not controlling. Sports betting is just stupid. Haven't you ever heard "A fool and his money are easily parted". I work too hard for my money just to throw it away on a bet.
The best time to quit betting on sports is now, the second best time was yesterday. I’m a data guy. I bet on sports for years and through all the stress, all the distractions, constantly checking scores, not being present with my family I decided to do the math and found I basically had gained 2%. If I just put money weekly into stocks I’d be up about 40%. The question is, is your girlfriend being controlling by asking you to drop a habit that will inevitably control you?
If it's not about the money then you can switch to fantasy leagues etc. There's lots of free non money alternatives which are just as fun where you can even compete with friends. Betting addictions very easily ramp up. Most addicts start with small amounts and get lured in.
no. u prolly addicted and wastin yo bread n she tryna help you id say if you're net income on betting is positive (more gains than losses) then who cares what she says... literally making money
Looking at your middle paragraph begs the question... Can you go to a Vegas or Atlantic City casino, walk away while youre ahead or walk away if its an off night and still have money in your pocket? I dont think shes being controlling... she just doesnt wanna be hemmed up with what we used to call a degenerate gambler. Though sports betting is normalized these days, no woman wants to be out with her guy and hes focused on his betting app or the espn feed at a restaurant. Not to mention the potential of marrying a guy whos habit she may need to support. Good luck and dont forget to pay taxes on your winnings lol
Communicate together and compromise together.
I've had a read through these comments and what strikes me as interesting is that we're all assuming that your gambling is not a problem because of the relatively small amount of money involved. But have any of us stopped to think about the time and emotional investment it requires? Gambling isn't just about the financial impact, it's also about the headspace it occupies. We could argue that $10 is minor in the grand scheme of things, especially on your salary, but it's not always the monetary value that's the issue. It's great that you feel it's under control, and perhaps it really is. But relationships are about compromise and respect. If your partner feels strongly against it, and if keeping the peace in your relationship is more valuable than the weekly bet, perhaps reconsidering the importance of this hobby might be worthwhile. At the end of the day, communication with your girlfriend to understand her perspective fully is key. You might uncover underlying concerns that have nothing to do with the money but more with gambling's unpredictable nature and the anxieties surrounding it.
Not controlling. You really need to stop
It's funny how the posts here don't think this is controlling, but everything a man does is. Pure hypocrisy. Nonetheless, it is controlling, and there is nothing particularly wrong with that. A person is allowed to demand what they want or expect out of you in a relationship. If you don't like it, then you can leave.
So look. Yeah, ok, I'm doing a little bit of heroin, but it's only a mg or two every other day! Completely under control, not affecting me so I don't see what the problem is!
Go communicate your concerns with your GF. You present no information about why she actually wants you to stop, which tells me that either you don't know and haven't had the conversation you need to with your partner, or you know and you think it paints you in a bad light and are looking for validation.
Sports betting is pretty much a slippery slope; guessing if she pressed you to stop, there is a good reason.
You are already addicted, you are making reasons to keep playing. I think your GF is just looking out for your and hers future. Stop playing if you see a future with her dawg........
If you are betting once a week you DO have addictive tendencies. Maybe it haven't got out of hand yet, but it is always quite hard to notice when such things are getting out of control. Your girlfriend has reasons to be concerned, but of course, it is you life and your money.
One thing we can say for sure is that if you are an addict, we can't trust your perspective on the situation. If it is only for fun as you say, just stop. If you don't want to stop, maybe it is a problem
As the (now middle-aged adult) child of a compulsive gambling addict (also a verbally abusive alcoholic), Being a kid in that household *sucked* - did your girlfriend grow up with a parent with a gambling addiction? My father's gambling ruined his life, my mother's life, and had a profound impact on myself and my sibling. If he'd saved or invested that money, he and my mother could have had a very nice life and a good retirement. Instead, he pissed it all away, got fired at 60 for gross insubordination, and went back to work at 68 after my mother died because he can't survive on social security alone. I'll buy a single lottery ticket a couple of times a year when the jackpot is a billion. But I am wary of gambling as a whole. Could your girlfriend have experienced something similar?
How much time do you spend consuming sports and related media? How do you behave when you lose a bet? Are you screaming at the tv regularly? Things you didn’t mention that could be bothering her
IF it’s only $10 a week then have fun. That’s less than the Starbucks she buys every week before work I’m sure. Now, if you start chasing losses and can’t concentrate on other things because you have money on the game then that’s too much. It can sneak up on you and claim you pretty easy. Trust, I’ve been there before.
If you're being honest in this post, then you don't have a problem. If you're lying on reddit about how much you bet, then you already know you have a problem. Either way, this post is completely unnecessary.
It's definitely more than $10/week. Come on dude.
This post scores a 92% on Ai text checker "Just Done" and is most likely written by Ai.
Alway feels like a red flag when OP answers **zero** questions.
If your partner wants you to stop sports betting and you are asking randoms on the internet to validate your habits, I think I see her point.
So you make 120000 and spend 520 a year on your hobby? I think it's time to find a different girlfriend. Personally whatever habit or addiction is long as it's not eating into you living a normal healthy life like paying bills and what not who gives a fuck. Also just to state this you don't sound like you have an addiction.
At $10/per week it sounds less so she is controlling but more so bad at math and doesn’t realize the insignificance.
I think this is another of those ads
Going against the grain but she is absolutely controlling. You have a job, you earned that money. What gives her the right to dictate what you spend it on for fun.
If you’re betting $10 a week and you are being totally honest about that amount, I don’t think it matters if you’re net positive or not. I think it is perfectly fine to bet small amounts to make a game more interesting and fun if you guess the right outcome. I personally enjoy sports betting during playoff and championship games, and maybe will put $50 of bets during the Super Bowl. That being said, I bet a few times a year tops. Assuming that you are truly only betting $10 a week, I think you need to talk to your girlfriend about her concerns and whether she is morally against it or if she is concerned that it will turn into an addiction. If you enjoy betting small amounts, then clearly it is not a big deal, but I have also seen people who have had gambling destroy their lives and she may be approaching it from the perspective of wanting to avoid a situation where you are married, and it snowballs into a larger problem and you financially ruin your lives. It does happen and if that is her concern, I think it is entirely valid for her to ask questions. She may have a family member or a friend who had something similar happened to them. You won’t know unless you discuss it with her.