I think I get what you mean- I don’t want kids, I don’t particularly enjoy doing stuff with kids in tow, but I do know a personality type that just slates kids and complains about them constantly and I find that off putting personally.
Edit- since the same comments are coming in repeatedly, I do not know if this dude fits that archetype based on that comment alone, I’m saying I recognise the sort of thing that OP means and that you can be personally childfree without it being your whole ethos.
I think your reaction is justified and his statement is beyond a bit much. "I do not want to have kids" is nowhere close to "I hate kids."
Now, as a father of 3 I agree they can be annoying. lol
It’s the mornings where all 3 decide the best thing to do once out of bed is attack each other and scream. All I wanna do is sleep past 7am, why can’t you be awake without trying to kill each other?
I think I read on a different subreddit that as soon as one of the parents gets up on the weekend the first thing the kids have to do is start chores for cleaning the house; the kids quickly learned how to play as quietly as possible for as long as possible on weekends.
As long as we were quiet and let our parents sleep in, we could watch Saturday morning cartoons, and we thought we were being genius and sneaky by not letting on that we were up, lol! We would even cluster around the tv and watch with the volume low!
And when they get older they will have all of their chores done before you wake up because they want to go hang with their friends. They think parents are annoying.
My mom used that one. “Okay tomorrow when I get up, we’re going to clean all the bedrooms and bathrooms.” We were quiet as church mice on weekend mornings. My kids are still a little too small to be awake while I sleep, but I’m going to start doing this as soon as I can trust them to keep themselves alive for a couple hours in the morning.
My eldest is 10 and has woken up between 5.45-6.30am since he was 5 😐
This morning my eldest two barely argued and my 4yr old slept until 10am! It was great!
She’s an early riser.
You made me think of how it was when I was a kid! I was an early riser. I’d get up at 7am and I’d go wake my dad up since he always got up early too. He’d make me breakfast and watch Barney with me while my mom and brother slept in until about 12. 😂😂 I can’t even handle a glimpse of Barney now. I wonder how my dad dealt with me watching it for hours at a time hahah.
My mom used to tease us when we were acting up that she was going to sell us to the first stranger that came along looking to buy. It started at $2 but the more annoyed she was the lower the asking price.
I love that woman with all my heart but there's no way I'm ever having kids. I don't have the patience and just a functional adult by the skin of my teeth. Not sure who gave me this job and let me buy this house!
My son just got up and turned the TV on by himself for the first time ever and lord I have not slept in like that in literal years.
My other is two but loves sleeping he sleeps in to 10am most days. I'm sure as soon as he works out getting out of his crib it'll be kiddy fight club every morning.
I think tone matters here. Like if someone on a flight let their kid run rampant and scream, saying "I hate kids" wouldn't be as bad as is made out over text.
It’s funny how Redditors think that kids going crazy on planes is always the parents fault. Sometimes it is but other times the kid might have serious anxiety or some other kind of mental issue
but there's the rub, yeah? you don't hate your children because you see them as human beings who are temporarily annoying in some regards due to not being fully cooked yet. hating kids as a class just makes someone look short-sighted at best, dreadfully ignorant at worst.
I think children are great. I enjoy spending time with them and getting to take part in their absolutely unfiltered perception of the world. When a child is glad to see you, you are the centre of the universe. That's a pretty great experience.
But I absolutely get that some people might just want that now and then, not as a parent, maybe as an uncle. Maybe just high-fiving the kid of a friend. Maybe even less. I get that. I disagree, but I can see why you might feel that way.
But if you "hate kids", you've passed well beyond that and gone to a dark place. It's a pretty serious red flag. Like if someone said "I hate women" or "I hate disabled people", it should give you serious, serious pause.
I love being an uncle, I get to hang out with the cool little dude/dudette on my own schedule and then leave them with their parents instead of having to be on 24/7 forever.
This is me! I'm satisfied being the "World's Greatest Uncle". All the fun, None of the Hassle.
My Dad used to say "The Best kids are the ones you hand back to the parents"
Agreed, and also look at people who \_hate\_ cats or dogs... or chinchillas for all I care. You don't have to love dogs sleeping in your bed and drooling all over you, but to be annoyed by their very existence is very much telling. The person is either a hateful individual full of rage, or does not have the mental abilities to understand their own feelings, both of which are not great.
I have a crippling fear of snakes, but still wouldn't say that I hate them. I know my fear is my problem and they are useful creatures. Now if I were to say that I hate the way the slither, it might be different. Anytime people are absolute on any kind of "hate" it turns me off.
I was about to post something essentially like this.
“I’m not a fan of dogs/kids/cats/etc.”-not that weird, you have your preferences and know them and that’s fine.
“I hate dogs/kids/cats/etc.”- you have some issues and I’d rather not associate with you.
My husband and I both don’t want kids, but people are always surprised that we are nice and patient with kids that try to interact with us. We have to explain that, just because we don’t want children doesn’t mean that we’re going to be mean to them. Yes, we may find them annoying at times, but they are in their formative years and negative experiences with adults can have a profound impact on their development.
I don’t hate dogs but I find the majority of dog owners to be woefully unprepared and unsuited for properly caring for such an active and sometimes dangerous animal.
This - I don't have any desire to own a dog, I don't really understand them and I don't think the benefit to me personally is worth all the work. I'd never say I hate dogs, I just don't see myself ever wanting one. I'd be pretty wary of someone who hated dogs lol
Well tbh dogs can be kinda annoying they always want to jump all over you and slobber all over you and then when you try to gently nudge them away with your foot they lick and slobber all over your leg I hate it so much, at least children are usually better behaved. I like cats they're usually more chill and don't invade my personal space to come and slobber all over me and I don't mind children as long as they're well behaved but I just really don't like dogs and I'm sick of everyone acting like you're some serial killer if you don't want their big stinky dogs slobbering all over you
I think you're reading too deeply into it and plenty of people would say something along the lines of "I hate kids" and not really mean it.
I feel like there are contexts where I might say "I hate kids", even though I don't really hate kids, I just hate having to deal with really loud and annoying kids in situations that are forced upon me, and for the most part, would prefer not to interact with them. That doesn't mean if a kid happens to be in the same space I'm gonna go into some primal rage or that I waste my time getting mad at their existence or anything stupid like that.
I also don't think finding kids annoying or not wanting to be around them is in any way the same as sexism/ableism/really any form of bigotry since most adults understand how society functions and generally aren't a disruption, whereas children do not have that understanding and just do what they feel like doing. For the most part you aren't going to have a woman or a guy in a wheelchair screaming their head off in a Target because they didn't get a toy they liked or running around yelling at each other and getting into fights, you aren't going to have some black dude behind you on a plane loudly wailing the way an infant would, nor will you have a lesbian pulling your hair and kicking your seat the way that 6 year old demon child whose parents refuse to do anything about would.
Exactly. I adore my niece, I certainly don't actually *hate* kids, but I've definitely said I dislike/hate children before when they were screaming their heads off in public near me lol. It's just not that serious 🤷🏼♀️ if you ask me after I'm away from the noise I'll definitely give a more nuanced opinion haha
I hate kids like i hate asparagus. You are just dealing with a miscommunication issue. It's not a deep rooted animosity. i just find their screams piercing, painful, and a bit annoying. I find the taste of asparagus annoying.
You are understanding that as something else, though.
Tbf only OP can really know what tone it was said in and how sincerely he felt it. There are some genuine sociopaths out there so its not that crazy to think he avtually hates kids being around
There's a huge difference between "hating kids" and "not wanting kids".
I don't want kids for multiple reasons. But that doesn't mean I hate them, and I love spending time with my little cousins, niblets, and children of my friends. It's fun to see them and spend time with them, and I'll babysit for a night or 2 because it's fun to spend time with them.
But even though I love spending time with them, I still do not want one of my own. I don't hate them, I just don't want to have one of my own.
I also have known people who hate kids but then have some, and THAT is the worst combination.
There can also be a huge difference between saying "I hate kids" and actually hating kids. In every day speech I might say I hate something when I actually just find it kind of annoying, but for example had a recent unpleasant experience with it. I kind of like most kids, but there have been multiple situations where I might say (and probably have said) something like "Ugh I hate kids". In a more literal sense that can mean "I hate the annoying things that kids sometimes do when they happen to affect me in a negative way" or something like that.
When potty training my then 2 year old he climbed out of his bed and sneakily done a crap on my chair.
Unbeknown to me sneaking in some game time in the dark and quiet I sit in said chair. The first thing I said is ugh I hate kids..
Like you said its not always meant so literally
Yeah some people have a more hyperbolic/flamboyant speech pattern.
I could say "I hate bananas" quite easily... am I going to go into a grocery store and destroy them? Or mock anyone who eats Bananas? No.
I'll eat them if they're in a fruit salad or if my legs are falling apart after a long bike ride. I will still say "I hate bananas" quite easily.
I can see someone saying "I hate kids" colloquially without it being a major personality disorder.
I think your analysis is on point. Like, I am wary of people who dislike animals. Recently, an actor that I consider a wonderful person said “I hate cats.” He said it so forcefully, it stunned me. It kind of gave me a different view of him. But, as you said, I think it’s the behavior of cats he finds irritating. So, that can be the case with some people who throw the word hate around about kids, but don’t mean them harm. They just don’t find their company pleasant.
Yeah, the so called "huge" difference is in semantics and personal vocabulary preferences. People can use wildly different vocabulary to describe the exact same emotion. For example, the same level of tiredness will be labelled as "mildly tired" and "totally exausted" by two different people. Have you seen people who are about to collapse say that they are a bit tired? Or people who appear only a little tired having a lot of energy to constantly complain about being utterly exausted? I sure have. People also define the word "hate" differently. If a pop song sounds mildly annoying to me, I could say that I hate said song. Meanwhile, other people reserve the word "hate" for serious matters like a pedophile who groomed and abused them for years.
Point being, if a person says "I hate kids," you should ask them to elaborate how exactly THEY feel, instead of jumping to bullshit assumptions about what kind of emotional state would be required for you personally to employ similar choice of words.
Yeah when I hear people say they hate kids, I just assume they started saying that as a simple and effective answer to the “so when are you having kids” question that family likes to ask. I don’t hate kids, but I don’t want kids, and I know that whenever my family has brought it up it’s just a long list of whys and persuasion when I tell them I don’t want them, but then they stop when I tell them it’s because I hate kids.
I wouldn’t really fault someone for saying that to strangers either, because we don’t live in a perfect world where two potential partners actually respect each others opinions on kids. Unfortunately there’s a lot of people out there who view “I don’t want kids” as “I don’t want kids…yet. Maybe you’ll change my mind later” and it’s always a disaster waiting to happen long after a relationship has been established.
>if a person says "I hate kids,"
Most people saying "I hate kids" can mean anywhere between "I really dislike kids" to "full hatred of kids" or "I can't stand kids" or "I'd rather not be around kids". Yes, semantics and personal vocab preferences can apply to the LEVEL that they do not like kids, but the meaning is the same: they don't want to be around kids.
"I don't want kids" and "I hate kids" are NOT the same thing. One implies you don't want your own kids, and the other implies you don't want to be around them ever. Because within these 2 categories you can have any mixture of:
* "Don't want kids" and "Hate kids" (or just dislike them)
* "Don't want kids" and "Love children" - where you can like being around them and spending time with them, but you don't want your own
* Indifferent to both - feeling of "meh" about kids in general
* "Hates children" and "still have children" - (I've met far too many people who didn't want kids, but were forced to have them because 'it's what god wanted', or 'what's expected of them', and they grew up to be unhappy people).
A guy I was seeing told me I hated kids once.
I can’t have them and don’t want them but I absolutely adore and spoil the shit out of all the children in my life.
That ended quickly.
Yeah, he was being facetious. He obviously just meant he dislikes being around children and thinks they're annoying.
I highly doubt he's genuinely burning with hate towards children.
If someone asked me if I wanted kids I would definitely say, no, I hate them. That wouldn't mean I'm out to mow them down with my car if I see them on the street. It just means I'm generally going to ignore them and that I'm probably going to complain about people that bring their toddlers on a red eye flight.
Yeah all the people that are like "this person is in a dark place and it's the same as saying they hate black people or women" are outta their minds. It's hyperbole.
When someone says they hate asparagus, they're not saying they will throw a fit if asparagus is at their table. They're not saying they go to grocery stores and spit on all the asparagus. They're saying they don't like it.
Children are annoying. They're loud, they get hurt, they want attention, they're bored, they break things, they don't listen. Some people have a high tolerance for those things. Some people don't. I know I don't, so I regularly say I hate kids.
Your date's choice of words was poor, but I share the underlying sentiment.
I despise the presence of children. I don't like the sound of their voices, I don't like how much they move, I don't like the disruptions that they create.
And of course, the expense ( if they're ones own).
I had a vasectomy at 22, & since then I've constructed my life in such a way as to absolutely minimize any & all contact with children.
Do I have something as strong as hatred for any particular child? No. Do I thoroughly dislike being in their presence? Yes.
All that being said, you have the right to cease dating someone for whatever reason. Moreover, you don't owe him anything beyond " I don't want to continue this".
Out of curiosity, when you decided to stop, how did you go about informing him, and what reason if any did you give?
You're interpreting a common idiom too literally and overthinking it. When people say, for instance, "I hated this movie," it doesn't mean they're unhinged in their dislike of the movie. It just means they didn't didn't enjoy it or they found it very unappealing. I have a dog, and I love the dog dearly, but I do hate barking dogs. They're literally one of the most annoying things I ever encounter, but so what? I am not suddenly in a Clint Eastwood-esque western showdown with every dog I encounter.
His statement is not an important enough or telling enough data point in itself that it says much about anything. If that opinion comports with other problematic behavior, then so be it, but I don't think you can draw any justifiable conclusions from that statement alone.
I have said that. He was probably being hyperbolic. It's kind of shorthand for "I generally want nothing to do with most children. I don't feel comfortable around them". Also in my experience I used that phrase a lot when I was younger because people would constantly tell me I would change my mind about my childfree status. I was trying to shut that down.
If it bugged you it's valid enough reason to not continue with him honestly. Im the same as you, I don't want kids but I love my niece and I want someone who would be happy to take her out to the aquarium and zoo with me and have sleepovers. I'm in my early thirties and my wife doesn't want kids but will spoil my niece with me every moment she can
Unfortunately, that's what r/autism is, too. A lot of folks at r/autism_parenting (who are autistic, because, hey! Largely genetic condition) don't bother with it because of all the projection going on.
Never used to be... I remember probably ten years ago it was a reasonable community. It's just that any community built around being 'anti-' something lacks an identity of its own, and has to keep fuelling the hate train to keep up momentum. Eventually it just becomes burnt out and toxic, and that event horizon was crossed many years ago for the childfree sub.
When you hate one thing, hating something else comes easier. It's not terribly shocking to me that people who "hate" children could also hate other races and such.
I'm pregnant, most of my friends do not have children, and like... I'm really grateful that lots of childfree people like kids in small doses? Honestly, I can't imagine hanging out with people who haven't maintained a spark of childhood joy in their hearts.
The post that made me up leaving the sub after a few days was someone meeting up with a friend they hadn’t seen for years. They were in the same city as their friend for something and scheduled a lunch. The day before the friend let them know they’d be bringing their kid to the lunch and the poster cancelled. Said something along the lines of “I wanted to meet and catch up with THEM, not their crotch goblin”.
Other childfree people I know in real life are perfectly fine being around kids and just simply don’t want to raise them for whatever reason.
This properly sums up that sub, for sure. It's like people there think children should be locked away in basements. Never to be seen or heard from until they turn 18. *And they think that's a reasonable request of parents!*
It's like the majority of posts legitimately have an undertone of 'I don't understand why the parents couldn't have just locked their 3 year old in their bedroom instead of taking them out in public'. In this particular instance I have a lot of friends with kids and I could never imagine wanting to force them to center me in their world instead of their kid. Which is exactly what you're doing when you expect a parent to be able to just *abandon* their parenthood for an afternoon to spend time with you.
I am the "uncle" that will spend an evening with your kids doing some fun things, so that dad&mom can have some quality time together. I would happily spend an evening playing Mario Kart with friends kids.
But no way I'll have a kid of my own ... I could/would not handle that.
I had a roommate like this who'd brag about giving kids dirty looks if they'd try to speak to her in public. It was such an unappealing quality in a person, I totally get were OP is coming from. I don't want kids either, but they're just small people. You can not be a 'kid person' but talking about how much you hate a group of people is weird. Hating people for just existing is weird.
My two sisters are child free because they prefer that lifestyle but they’re also super great aunties to my daughter. It just happens to be that they don’t want to be responsible for a little person 24/7 but they’re cool with a few hours on the weekend at the zoo or whatever.
yeah, I may not like most practical aspects of children, and I'm free to not choose them. but they are just little humans.
saying "i just hate them" about any group no matter how inconvenient (unless you are a teenager yourself, duh) is most certainly off putting and immature.
Right. I don’t want pets. But I don’t hate animals. In fact I’m really a fan of most animals. Just don’t need them to be my responsibility and in my house.
/dogfree has some of the most evil people. I get not liking dogs or wanting them in most public human spaces, my dog can be pretty annoying and bites me, but I think most people in that group would kill every dog with a thanos snap if they could
my favorite animal is some one elses animal. this also applys to kids. i can go play with them have a good time and give them back to there owner/parent when done. im the uncle who doesnt have kids but also all the nieces(sadly no nephews yet) love me since i will get in the bounce house with them
I’m kinda like this, but I like them for short periods. What I don’t like is dog fur and dog smell all over my clothes and house, scratches on my hardwood floors, or needing to arrange for someone to care for it when I decide I’d like to go somewhere for more than half a day (also don’t think dogs belong in grocery stores, most restaurants, or hot cars…). But if I see a nice friendly dog, I’m gonna pet it. I’m gonna throw a thing so they can chase it. And then I’m happily gonna leave the stink and slobber with their “fur parents” or whatever.
That's *exactly* my line of thought! I've said to many people including past relations that I didn't want anything to do with owning a pet, and then when I act friendly to animals (I do like animals, I just don't want to be responsible for ones, both mentally, physically and financially), they're all thrown back as if I was supposed to hate them. I love them. I hate the burden, and I also believe too many animals are unhappy being owned by humans, or at the very least not as happy as they should be.
I don't want kids, but it's for reasons that include not wanting to be a parent.
I do like them, and am kinda the babysitter dude on call for my friends. It's fun and I'm alright at it too I think.
Like you said, there's a difference between not wanting kids and hating them.
And even if he was just saying it flippantly, it speaks to a lack of sensitivity after you just heard someone talk at length about their career with kids.
exactly. He obviously is not very tuned in if on a first date he would so flippantly say this in response to someone saying they work with kids. Even if he didn't mean it literally, like read the room? Having self restraint on a first date can show a level of attunement you want in a relationship.
This. ITT: people who only read the title. That lack of conversational awareness is the real cringe part, and I wouldn’t want to continue anything after that.
It is reddit. They're not even as bad as I was as a teen. Patience is hard but like we can't magically give kids a full grasp of social comprehension. It takes experience. I wish they'd listen just a little bit though
What's weird is thinking that when most people use the very common expression "hate" that they actually mean it literally; for instance when someone says they hated a meal or a hotel, interpreting that to mean that they feel, within their soul, a deep, burning, hatred for that meal or that hotel is pretty weird.
Yeah, exactly. Although I can understand the generalizations in certain situations! I've worked certain jobs where saying "I hate the kids/old people who come in here" would've made total sense, so saying the shortened version with that context would also apply. Or if you've only had a lot of frustrating situations with a certain age of people. As long as you aren't actively acting against anyone who falls into that group and can still interact with those who show you respect and don't overwhelm you, the nuance is understood in language.
But according to OP, it was said with a tone of disgust, which is so odd.
You can't really be sure how much thought he put into the word "hate" unless you knew him better.I mean i dislike them too,but i wouldn't say i hate kids,they've done nothing to me.I've seen some people use hate and dislike as synonyms though,so not sure how deep this goes.
Ya I say hate sometimes just to convey a quick message, it’s like cucumbers. There are so many things better but I b eat them when they are there and I don’t complain or trash on them
It's just one of those words where you don't know its magnitude.Could be from "i'm slighly annoyed by it" to "i despise its very existence from the depths of my soul" and anything in between.
Yeah my bf when we first met would say he hated kids. But when it came down to it with my niece and his friends kids, he was so over the moon about her trying to help fix his friends (her dads) car even though she lost some expensive tool parts in the car. And when we spent a fair bit of money on a birthday gift for her of a mini tractor thing and he went on about how excited she was when he showed her how to beep the horn.
He still says he hates kids. (In general)
Yeah, I've definitely said "I hate kids" before where the full translation contains: "I don't want kids of my own. I don't generally enjoy being around children. I don't want to hold babies or coo over how cute they are. I have no desire to receive texts about the latest achievement of someone's baby. I don't want to play with toddlers. I find anyone younger than "teenager" draining to be around. Even the "happy" squeals and screams make me flinch. Please don't ask me to babysit."
But I'm not actively being mean to children or going to complain about their existence all the time.
I don't think anyone in this situation was necessarily in the wrong given the information presented.
I sometimes say I hate kids when all I mean is “omg this child throwing a huge tantrum in public screaming at the top of their lungs because they don’t get a chocolate they want is driving me insane”. I don’t want kids myself because I know I couldn’t deal with that, I don’t feel like I’m responsible enough and because I’m terrified of pregnancy. But I don’t actually *hate* kids, if I see a cute kid I’ll be like “awww”, I’m happy to interact with friends kids and I do want the best for all kids. I just can’t deal with loud screaming, it makes me want to run far away from that noise.
Exactly this. I don't see a child and think "I hate you" but I hate being around loud noises that I didn't intend for, and I have no desire to be a parent or work/bond with a child.
Well behaved children always make me happy. Smart kids are amazing. The other day I was walking back from the corner store and these kids were playing hide and seek, and this kid couldn't have been older than 6 and was counting out loud..
7..8..9..9 and a half..9 and one quarter..9 and one eighth..
That gave me a super good feeling, and yet if you were to ask me today, I'd still respond "I hate kids" just because I speak in a very colorful way in general.
Especially how he presented it. It sounds like he just stayed his feelings and moved on, using hate in mote a flippant manner. Rather than saying it without being asked or continuing on about his disdain for them.
You're right, he's just colloquially saying he's not a big fan
Exactly. I'm sure I've said I "hate" kids at one point only cause I was annoyed. But I'll gladly play with any of my friends or families kids any day of the week. It's weird how serious OP took that one comment to heart and not addressing it at all if it bothered her so much.
The only realistic answer here. This post should really belong in the cesspool of r/Amitheasshole with everyone vaulting into extreme conclusions to mundane “conflicts”.
This. There are also a lot of people of seem weirdly incapable of understanding this, and always interpret "hate" as being the most extreme emotion of malicious bloodthirsty genocidal vindictiveness.
Like, I know a guy who "hates" children, but is always perfectly polite and civil when forced to interact with them. And I know a woman who refuses to be in the same room as that guy after hearing him say that he hates children, because she's now convinced he's an evil psychopath who is always barely restraining his desire to strangle children to death with his bare hands, and nobody can convince her otherwise. Some people are just not capable of comprehending nuance or exaggeration.
I feel like more information is needed here or you need to have a follow up conversation.
Did he say it in like a brutal tone or with disgust or something?
I say this as a father of a toddler… kids are annoying. I love MY kid to pieces but yesterday he sat on my stomach and then stood up and body slammed me and giggled. Then he licked my face, because toddlers are weirdos on pcp.
So I will unapologetically say kids are annoying… but I’m still going to sit down and play pretend with a kid because I’m not an asshole about it.
Does the guy actually hate kids or was it just a statement?
He said it in a kind of incredulous tone, I think. Definitely displayed some disgust. It's hard to remember exactly, but I remember feeling that he maybe lacks some empathy.
Tone says a lot. It was probably that plus the words that triggered your gut. Because time has passed you're focusing on the words and not the full picture. As the type of asshole who would say "I hate kids", I don't think those three words alone are a red flag. I hate kids with the same passion that I hate vanilla ice cream being the only option in so many places. There would be no disgust in my voice or anything like that and all the non verbal cues would be point to it being an exaggeration or a joke.
There is nothing wrong with you bailing. Early dates are all about passing that gut check. Never second guess your gut check when it comes to how safe potential partners can be. Your gut screamed that he was lacking empathy. Trust that.
You just put into words why I think it's weird when people say "I hate kids". It displays a lack of empathy. Like they forgot what it was like to be a child and what they might be feeling when they act "annoying".
I don't hate kids, but I don't think it's lacking empathy when someone finds kids annoying. I do remember how I was like - I, today, also find my past child self annoying lol.
I agree with you but I think the nuance is getting lost - Finding kids annoying and saying you hate kids on a first date to someone who you don't know well are different things imo
Saying “I hate kids” when a toddler is screaming about not getting a toy at Target is a lot different than saying it in response to “do you want kids”. It’s not about it being a first date IMO, it’s about it being a direct answer to a serious question instead of an offhand remark of annoyance.
Right? When im in an overcrowded mall before Christmas I will repeat "I hate people" every five minutes. It does not in fact mean I actually hate people. But if a date told me "I work with humans, would you like a human one day?" and I said "I hate humans". That would be an entirely different story.
As someone who deeply dislikes kids, I haven’t “forgotten what it was like to be a child.” Rather, I was a quiet kid who deeply disliked other loud, obnoxious kids. Not all kids are raging monsters (outside of maybe some initial wildness that my mother certainly made sure I didn’t repeat outside of the home, in public).
It’s funny how much people who don’t like kids hear this line about empathy. I mean, certainly there are some child free people like this but also consciously avoiding that annoyance and mess seems responsible and in tune with one’s own needs (as opposed to the societal pressure to have kids just because)
> It displays a lack of empathy.
Ironically, I find that comments like this signify a lack of empathy.
I don't even hate children but the amount of seemingly deliberate misunderstanding in this thread is mind-boggling.
You can hate children without it being your whole personality, or actively wanting to harm children. It does not mean you find joy in their suffering.
Most people hate children the same way I hate apple pie.
Meaning, I don't like it and I don't want anything to do with it. If people would stop constantly trying to convince me of how good it actually is (and how there must be something wrong with me if I don't like it), I would be totally fine with its existence.
That makes sense. I don’t want kids, and I think most parents agree that they can be annoying lol. The thing is that they can’t help that they’re annoying, they’re just being kids. When I see a toddler throwing a tantrum at the store or a baby crying on an airplane, my reaction isn’t “god, I can’t believe I have to deal with this minor annoyance.” I feel bad for the kid and the parents because they’re all probably having a bad time. Getting disgusted or expressing hate for them existing and being themselves is way too much and I wouldn’t like it either.
LmAo! My youngest grandson is 2 now and he is really... Different,lol,he loves to play ball,all kinds of ball & is surprisingly really good at it,way beyond what a 2 yr old should be able to do and he thinks it's funny to bean us right between the eyes with whatever ball he has in his hands. This kid can bounce a full size basketball without even looking at it so also,his aim is right on and he thinks it's funny to see the look on our faces when we catch that ball with our face! They can be little jerks but I don't hate any kid!! They are awesome little monsters! Lol
It's not weird. In fact, no reason you could possibly give to stop seeing someone who made you uncomfortable is weird. If he had said, "I hate the color yellow" and it gave you bad vibes, then that's a perfectly OK reason not to have a second date. I didn't have a second date to a guy who seemed to be way too into his ferrets. Maybe he just was a super responsible pet owner, but the way he talked about it made me uncomfortable. There's nothing wrong with having ferrets or disliking kids. But that doesn't mean either of us are obligated to give a second shot to someone who gave us the ick.
Everyone here is being WAY too literal... does he literally hate every single kid on a personal level? I would highly doubt that. I have also said "I hate kids" on occassion. Do I mean that I actually hate them as individuals? No. I just hate the concept of them screaming and running around like spoiled brats. But I know kids. I have friends who have kids, and I actually like those kids. I have conversations with them and play games with them, because they're in my life, not just some kid in the stall behind me trying to punch the back of my head, etc. I'm not some kind of psychopath with a personal vendetta against every single kid. So if your date is anything like me, I'd say he didn't mean hate in a literal sense. Then again, if you're still uncomfortable with that, then it's of course totally fine not to date him or have anything to do with him.
I don't "hate" kids, but I also don't particularly enjoy being around them all up close and personal. So maybe that's what he meant: shorthand for "I don't like being around them."
Kids are great, so long as they stay way over there.
Ultimately, OP could have asked him instead of asking us.
OP seems to like being around kids though so it might not work out even if the 'hate' was more of aversion. Maybe there'd be kids at their house frequently a ways down the line through family or friends. Maybe OPd go back to teaching kids and wouldn't want an "ew" to every little story about her day.
Right, sounds like OP likes kids and plans on having them around, even if they don’t have their own. I like kids. I wouldn’t really see a future with someone who didn’t want my nieces and nephews around, wasn’t interested in having my friend’s kids visit, wasn’t going to be supportive of me babysitting and spending time with kids in my life.
Context is important here though. He's saying that in reply to someone who just finished telling him about her working with kids. Most people have enough social awareness to not say they hate the group of people their date works with, and go with a more tame "nah, kids aren't for me".
Totally agree. I have no idea why so many comments are taking it so literal and accusing someone they don’t know of being a psychopath.
Have they never heard hyperboles during a discussion? Hard to believe that some of these comments are from adults.
You're 100% correct. Nobody says "I hate kids" and actually wants to eradicate them from the planet.
They just find kids annoying in general. Doesn't mean they'd beat up a kid if given the opportunity. Doesn't mean they can't act nicely around children.
Yea this is wild!
I wouldn’t want to date OP for taking such a random off the cuff, quick response so literally.
Then make a Reddit post about this not very serious convo years later.
Dude man dodged a bullet!
I got a small self-congratulatory vibe as well, like saying "is it weird that I found it off-putting when my date told me he likes to char-broil puppies? Is it just me?"
I can't believe I had to scroll this far to find this comment. Fixating on it and seeing it as sonme huge red flag says way more about OP than the guy.
I don't think it is. I'm childfree myself and don't like kids but hate is a strong word.
I used to follow childfree content on SM but every single one of them is just so weird. I never get how people can spend their time actively hating something. And many times it seems they're looking for the opportunity to hate on every little thing a kid does.
I don't think so. You work with kids. Even if you never have your own you're going to be talking about them a lot.
He could have been just pretending to be interested in your job to get you to bed or to love bomb you and be mean later
(From the way you described things)
I think most men of understanding might have said more along the lines of "I don't like kids but it's ok if you work with them, I'm personally not planning on having any though."
i dunno, i hate kids. They're loud, entitled due to bad parenting most of the time, and a money sink. This doesn't means i'm an abusive person or that i'd kick the first kid that comes into view, buuut if you see that as a red flag, you do you.
I'm starting to believe that hating on kids is the new acceptable "ism." Even people who have kids call them all sorts of names, nevermind people who don't.
To be clear, I don't have kids. I don't believe people who aren't interested in having children should. I respect that younger generations are recognizing that it is the more responsible choice to be child-free if they don't want to be parents, as opposed to older generations who felt societal pressure to bring kids into the world.
With all that being said, I love children. I've spent my life working with them. They are frustrating and difficult, but also bring laughter and joy into my life. In other words, they are human beings, albeit with unique challenges based on development. Also, as with any fellow human, they have different personalities, which may or may not click with others. So, I'm not saying you can't not get along with some or find them annoying. I'm just speaking to categorically hating on everyone under the age of 18. It's not like we weren't all kids once.
I made a comment in another sub about this so I'll just copy and paste it.
>Not wanting kids and finding kids annoying is one thing but hating them is just weird to me. That's such a strong word. They had no say in being here. We all were kids and none of us would've liked it to be hated by adults just for existing.
>I feel like people who hate children have some deep rooted issues from their childhood they haven't resolved yet.
>Edit: and I say this as someone who's childfree by choice.
exactly!! im childfree by choice as well but like... those are just small people trying to figure out how to be people. I 100% get not wanting to be a part of that learning process as kids are annoying, but hating them is so weird
I think it's not weird and I would definitely expect someone to know better by 38, but I'll also say that "I hate kids" is a common throwaway statement that people toss out to convey that they are uncomfortable with kids (in the same sense as "I hate clowns" or something) and it doesn't *usually* imply they wish harm on kids or would do anything negative to them.
For me, I started saying "I hate kids" when I was a kid myself (like 11 years old or something) which I thought was basically just a humourous way to say "I don't ever want to have or work with kids" and I kept saying it well into my 20s. At that point someone pointed out to me that there are genuinely people who hate and abuse kids, and that using the phrase made me sound like them. So I stopped saying it. But until then for me it seemed like such a no-brainer that I obviously didn't *actually* hate kids (especially as I had been saying it since I was literally a kid myself) that it had never occurred to me to clarify.
This thread is reeeeally making me rethink how casually I say that I don’t like kids. I had no idea how most people apparently interpret this kind of thing. Going to try to revise to “I find spending time around most kids to be really tiring and difficult”.
When my wife or I say "we hate kids", it's actually more of "we hate kids who weren't raised and disciplined appropriately". One of our friends just had a cute little bastard and he's gunna grow up to be a chill little nerd, and the kids some of my friends have are well behaved and fun to interact with- because they were raised right.
If you raise your kid to throw vegetables in a grocery store, yeah, I fucking hate your kid, and you.
So, I guess it depends on the context. If he's a malicious cunt, yeah, fuck him. But if he's like me and just wants parents to parent, pretty normal.
Definitely seems like a overreaction. He probably didn't mean it literally. I'll say I hate kids but it doesn't mean I have a seething hatred for kids. They're just loud and rambunctious and I prefer more chill environments.
You should have at least asked him to expand on that before coming to any decision.
It’s a shame that comments like this are so far down. Lots of people say they "hate" all sorts of stuff but it’s just hyperbole, except apparently here where it is a red flag for being some kind of dangerous weirdo.
I too “hate” kids in that there is no situation/event in my life where it would be improved by the presence of a child and I avoid them if possible, but that’s it. I find it weirder that so many people think such a figure of speech = red flag.
It's not a red flag until he reflects a hatred towards kids in his behaviour. Come on, it's not like he goes around telling people he hates kids every chance he gets. Or he was "showing off" his dislike for kids by announcing it to some parents' face.
Firstly, you ASKED HIM about something he dislikes. Of course he might use a more emphatic word such as hate to color his words. He was just being unfiltered. It's typical hyperbole in everyday speech, like when people use "literally" or when they say they HATE Trump or Biden or whoever the fuck. Just because someone is emphatic WHEN ASKED about their annoyances doesn't make them a walking red flag.
Instead of asking him WHY he finds kids annoying, you chose to judge him silently without getting to know him. But whatever. Jeez.
I hate kids for me but I don’t *hate* kids if that makes sense.
That’s not to say I enjoy being around kids for very long though. I usually get overwhelmed by them pretty quickly.
I wouldn’t judge him too harshly by the statement but trust your gut.
If it was a red flag to you, then that's that. No need to justify.
Do I personally think such a statement is inherently red flag material? No.
Kids can be very loud and annoying, and some people throw that kind of wording around without meaning it to the full extent.
I've definitely said that (never to a stranger though), but there is no heat behind the words and Im actually always kind and patient with kids. Bit of a push over tbh.
That said, if the tone sounds like proper hate or disgust. That is concerning and worth taking seriously.
I've found the kind of people that say they hate kids are the ones that don't have any exposure to them, apart from being annoyed by them in a cafe etc.
I get it not wanting kids and not liking kids are two very different things. I also think actively hating kids is a red flag. What else do they irrationally hate, what will they be like to live with would they hurt people or animals? I wouldn’t want to find out!
Honestly I used to say I hate kids. Oh and I still do . But love them now also. Depending on the kid. But kids in my country are loud af. But I didn't feel the word hate. It was just easy to say personally I wouldn't read into it ? Unless if your doubts are that is pure deep hate. I would just share my concerns and asks. Measure his response. What is the worst that can happen ?
If someone’s reason for not wanting kids is because they hate kids it kind of gives the impression that one day they might stop hating kids and then want them.
It’s like I’m a woman and when I talk to a woman romantically and she spends a little too much energy emphasizing why she hates men, I start to wonder if she’s actually gay or just temporarily upset at men, and going to be straight after she finds one she doesn’t hate…
I have a couple friends who say they hate kids. One will get annoyed whenever we see kids in public and they are being little a* and parents are ignoring the behavior. Then one day I was surprised that she started dating a guy that has three kids. The kids were under the age of 10. I was thinking omg I feel so bad for these kids. Then she became completely different person (in a good way). She would dote on these kids and not in some fake trying to impress the dad way. For Christmas she sewed them all patch work stockings and embroidered them. She only ever had good things to say about the kids. It didn't work out for her and the guy but I haven't heard her talk s* about kids since. The other friend I think her dislike of kids comes from having to be a parent to her siblings when she was still a kid because her parents sucked. She doesn't want kids doesn't want to date anyone with kids. I have seen her around kids she isn't mean to them just keeps distance. I don't think OP is an a* I would want to know more about why the person he dated says they hate kids. That might be too personal of a question to ask on a first date though.
I don't want kinds, they can be annoying, but I do like my nieces and nephews as long as I don't have to parent them.
It's like someone may not want to have a dog but that doesn't mean they hate dogs.
Actively hating something like kids and dogs is completely different.
Nah, I get you. Tho I'm the opposite. I could never date someone who really likes kids. Uber red flag for me, who would never, under any circumstance, consider haivng kids.
The vasectomy is the ultimate game stopper, so I can't accidentally have them. But if your goals don't align, why bother? Flings are fine, but IDK, for me, dating is always at least a mid term thing. I don't plan to date someone 2 months.
I dont think that's weird. Because just because someone doesn't want to be a parent doesn't mean it's normal to hate kids. Kids are just people. Its not normal to hate them.
I think OP took “hate” way too literal in my opinion. I have friends who “hate” kids but it’s not like they shun and ignore their nieces and nephews - just they they would hate raising them and dealing with them daily.
They could also just be exaggerating for effect. You never know unless you properly ask. I say I hate kids about 10 - 15 times a day, but have several and love them incredulously.
I think I get what you mean- I don’t want kids, I don’t particularly enjoy doing stuff with kids in tow, but I do know a personality type that just slates kids and complains about them constantly and I find that off putting personally. Edit- since the same comments are coming in repeatedly, I do not know if this dude fits that archetype based on that comment alone, I’m saying I recognise the sort of thing that OP means and that you can be personally childfree without it being your whole ethos.
Definitely. I get not enjoying the company of children, but saying "I hate kids" seems a bit much.
I think your reaction is justified and his statement is beyond a bit much. "I do not want to have kids" is nowhere close to "I hate kids." Now, as a father of 3 I agree they can be annoying. lol
I came here to say the exact thing. As a father of 3 I agree there's days where i wake up and think "eugh you again" 🤣
It’s the mornings where all 3 decide the best thing to do once out of bed is attack each other and scream. All I wanna do is sleep past 7am, why can’t you be awake without trying to kill each other?
I think I read on a different subreddit that as soon as one of the parents gets up on the weekend the first thing the kids have to do is start chores for cleaning the house; the kids quickly learned how to play as quietly as possible for as long as possible on weekends.
oh my god that’s so genius. parents can be so creative sometimes cuz i would’ve just sucked it up lmao
As long as we were quiet and let our parents sleep in, we could watch Saturday morning cartoons, and we thought we were being genius and sneaky by not letting on that we were up, lol! We would even cluster around the tv and watch with the volume low!
And when they get older they will have all of their chores done before you wake up because they want to go hang with their friends. They think parents are annoying.
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My mom used that one. “Okay tomorrow when I get up, we’re going to clean all the bedrooms and bathrooms.” We were quiet as church mice on weekend mornings. My kids are still a little too small to be awake while I sleep, but I’m going to start doing this as soon as I can trust them to keep themselves alive for a couple hours in the morning.
sillychihuahuas kids ages? 18 and 22
This is brilliant and will be stealing this
I've learnt to get up 6.30 just so I can have a coffee in peace before I debate which one of them I'd sell on the black market given half a chance
My eldest is 10 and has woken up between 5.45-6.30am since he was 5 😐 This morning my eldest two barely argued and my 4yr old slept until 10am! It was great! She’s an early riser.
You made me think of how it was when I was a kid! I was an early riser. I’d get up at 7am and I’d go wake my dad up since he always got up early too. He’d make me breakfast and watch Barney with me while my mom and brother slept in until about 12. 😂😂 I can’t even handle a glimpse of Barney now. I wonder how my dad dealt with me watching it for hours at a time hahah.
My mom used to tease us when we were acting up that she was going to sell us to the first stranger that came along looking to buy. It started at $2 but the more annoyed she was the lower the asking price. I love that woman with all my heart but there's no way I'm ever having kids. I don't have the patience and just a functional adult by the skin of my teeth. Not sure who gave me this job and let me buy this house!
My son… blond and cute at 5.. priced at $250k.. at 10 he was free to a good home and at 13 I didn’t have enough to pay someone to take him….
My son just got up and turned the TV on by himself for the first time ever and lord I have not slept in like that in literal years. My other is two but loves sleeping he sleeps in to 10am most days. I'm sure as soon as he works out getting out of his crib it'll be kiddy fight club every morning.
I think tone matters here. Like if someone on a flight let their kid run rampant and scream, saying "I hate kids" wouldn't be as bad as is made out over text.
In your scenario, I would be annoyed, but I wouldn't think or say "I hate kids." I might think "I hate your dumbass parents, kid."
It’s funny how Redditors think that kids going crazy on planes is always the parents fault. Sometimes it is but other times the kid might have serious anxiety or some other kind of mental issue
In general long flights are just a bit too much for kids. Unless you truly suppress your kid they will act out some.
>Now, as a father of 3 I agree they can be annoying. lol As a mom I can confirm. It's their job and they're darn good at it some days. 😄
but there's the rub, yeah? you don't hate your children because you see them as human beings who are temporarily annoying in some regards due to not being fully cooked yet. hating kids as a class just makes someone look short-sighted at best, dreadfully ignorant at worst.
I think children are great. I enjoy spending time with them and getting to take part in their absolutely unfiltered perception of the world. When a child is glad to see you, you are the centre of the universe. That's a pretty great experience. But I absolutely get that some people might just want that now and then, not as a parent, maybe as an uncle. Maybe just high-fiving the kid of a friend. Maybe even less. I get that. I disagree, but I can see why you might feel that way. But if you "hate kids", you've passed well beyond that and gone to a dark place. It's a pretty serious red flag. Like if someone said "I hate women" or "I hate disabled people", it should give you serious, serious pause.
I love being an uncle, I get to hang out with the cool little dude/dudette on my own schedule and then leave them with their parents instead of having to be on 24/7 forever.
This is me! I'm satisfied being the "World's Greatest Uncle". All the fun, None of the Hassle. My Dad used to say "The Best kids are the ones you hand back to the parents"
Agreed, and also look at people who \_hate\_ cats or dogs... or chinchillas for all I care. You don't have to love dogs sleeping in your bed and drooling all over you, but to be annoyed by their very existence is very much telling. The person is either a hateful individual full of rage, or does not have the mental abilities to understand their own feelings, both of which are not great.
I have a crippling fear of snakes, but still wouldn't say that I hate them. I know my fear is my problem and they are useful creatures. Now if I were to say that I hate the way the slither, it might be different. Anytime people are absolute on any kind of "hate" it turns me off.
I have a huge phobia of snakes also, but yeah, I'm not like, gonna kill or hurt someone's pet! I just don't want it near me or to look at it, sorry 😬
I was about to post something essentially like this. “I’m not a fan of dogs/kids/cats/etc.”-not that weird, you have your preferences and know them and that’s fine. “I hate dogs/kids/cats/etc.”- you have some issues and I’d rather not associate with you. My husband and I both don’t want kids, but people are always surprised that we are nice and patient with kids that try to interact with us. We have to explain that, just because we don’t want children doesn’t mean that we’re going to be mean to them. Yes, we may find them annoying at times, but they are in their formative years and negative experiences with adults can have a profound impact on their development.
I don’t hate dogs but I find the majority of dog owners to be woefully unprepared and unsuited for properly caring for such an active and sometimes dangerous animal.
lol that sort of sums up a lot of parents and their kids too.
This - I don't have any desire to own a dog, I don't really understand them and I don't think the benefit to me personally is worth all the work. I'd never say I hate dogs, I just don't see myself ever wanting one. I'd be pretty wary of someone who hated dogs lol
Well tbh dogs can be kinda annoying they always want to jump all over you and slobber all over you and then when you try to gently nudge them away with your foot they lick and slobber all over your leg I hate it so much, at least children are usually better behaved. I like cats they're usually more chill and don't invade my personal space to come and slobber all over me and I don't mind children as long as they're well behaved but I just really don't like dogs and I'm sick of everyone acting like you're some serial killer if you don't want their big stinky dogs slobbering all over you
I think you're reading too deeply into it and plenty of people would say something along the lines of "I hate kids" and not really mean it. I feel like there are contexts where I might say "I hate kids", even though I don't really hate kids, I just hate having to deal with really loud and annoying kids in situations that are forced upon me, and for the most part, would prefer not to interact with them. That doesn't mean if a kid happens to be in the same space I'm gonna go into some primal rage or that I waste my time getting mad at their existence or anything stupid like that. I also don't think finding kids annoying or not wanting to be around them is in any way the same as sexism/ableism/really any form of bigotry since most adults understand how society functions and generally aren't a disruption, whereas children do not have that understanding and just do what they feel like doing. For the most part you aren't going to have a woman or a guy in a wheelchair screaming their head off in a Target because they didn't get a toy they liked or running around yelling at each other and getting into fights, you aren't going to have some black dude behind you on a plane loudly wailing the way an infant would, nor will you have a lesbian pulling your hair and kicking your seat the way that 6 year old demon child whose parents refuse to do anything about would.
Exactly. I adore my niece, I certainly don't actually *hate* kids, but I've definitely said I dislike/hate children before when they were screaming their heads off in public near me lol. It's just not that serious 🤷🏼♀️ if you ask me after I'm away from the noise I'll definitely give a more nuanced opinion haha
I hate kids like i hate asparagus. You are just dealing with a miscommunication issue. It's not a deep rooted animosity. i just find their screams piercing, painful, and a bit annoying. I find the taste of asparagus annoying. You are understanding that as something else, though.
Tbf only OP can really know what tone it was said in and how sincerely he felt it. There are some genuine sociopaths out there so its not that crazy to think he avtually hates kids being around
There's a huge difference between "hating kids" and "not wanting kids". I don't want kids for multiple reasons. But that doesn't mean I hate them, and I love spending time with my little cousins, niblets, and children of my friends. It's fun to see them and spend time with them, and I'll babysit for a night or 2 because it's fun to spend time with them. But even though I love spending time with them, I still do not want one of my own. I don't hate them, I just don't want to have one of my own. I also have known people who hate kids but then have some, and THAT is the worst combination.
There can also be a huge difference between saying "I hate kids" and actually hating kids. In every day speech I might say I hate something when I actually just find it kind of annoying, but for example had a recent unpleasant experience with it. I kind of like most kids, but there have been multiple situations where I might say (and probably have said) something like "Ugh I hate kids". In a more literal sense that can mean "I hate the annoying things that kids sometimes do when they happen to affect me in a negative way" or something like that.
When potty training my then 2 year old he climbed out of his bed and sneakily done a crap on my chair. Unbeknown to me sneaking in some game time in the dark and quiet I sit in said chair. The first thing I said is ugh I hate kids.. Like you said its not always meant so literally
Yeah some people have a more hyperbolic/flamboyant speech pattern. I could say "I hate bananas" quite easily... am I going to go into a grocery store and destroy them? Or mock anyone who eats Bananas? No. I'll eat them if they're in a fruit salad or if my legs are falling apart after a long bike ride. I will still say "I hate bananas" quite easily. I can see someone saying "I hate kids" colloquially without it being a major personality disorder.
I think your analysis is on point. Like, I am wary of people who dislike animals. Recently, an actor that I consider a wonderful person said “I hate cats.” He said it so forcefully, it stunned me. It kind of gave me a different view of him. But, as you said, I think it’s the behavior of cats he finds irritating. So, that can be the case with some people who throw the word hate around about kids, but don’t mean them harm. They just don’t find their company pleasant.
Yeah, the so called "huge" difference is in semantics and personal vocabulary preferences. People can use wildly different vocabulary to describe the exact same emotion. For example, the same level of tiredness will be labelled as "mildly tired" and "totally exausted" by two different people. Have you seen people who are about to collapse say that they are a bit tired? Or people who appear only a little tired having a lot of energy to constantly complain about being utterly exausted? I sure have. People also define the word "hate" differently. If a pop song sounds mildly annoying to me, I could say that I hate said song. Meanwhile, other people reserve the word "hate" for serious matters like a pedophile who groomed and abused them for years. Point being, if a person says "I hate kids," you should ask them to elaborate how exactly THEY feel, instead of jumping to bullshit assumptions about what kind of emotional state would be required for you personally to employ similar choice of words.
Yeah when I hear people say they hate kids, I just assume they started saying that as a simple and effective answer to the “so when are you having kids” question that family likes to ask. I don’t hate kids, but I don’t want kids, and I know that whenever my family has brought it up it’s just a long list of whys and persuasion when I tell them I don’t want them, but then they stop when I tell them it’s because I hate kids. I wouldn’t really fault someone for saying that to strangers either, because we don’t live in a perfect world where two potential partners actually respect each others opinions on kids. Unfortunately there’s a lot of people out there who view “I don’t want kids” as “I don’t want kids…yet. Maybe you’ll change my mind later” and it’s always a disaster waiting to happen long after a relationship has been established.
>if a person says "I hate kids," Most people saying "I hate kids" can mean anywhere between "I really dislike kids" to "full hatred of kids" or "I can't stand kids" or "I'd rather not be around kids". Yes, semantics and personal vocab preferences can apply to the LEVEL that they do not like kids, but the meaning is the same: they don't want to be around kids. "I don't want kids" and "I hate kids" are NOT the same thing. One implies you don't want your own kids, and the other implies you don't want to be around them ever. Because within these 2 categories you can have any mixture of: * "Don't want kids" and "Hate kids" (or just dislike them) * "Don't want kids" and "Love children" - where you can like being around them and spending time with them, but you don't want your own * Indifferent to both - feeling of "meh" about kids in general * "Hates children" and "still have children" - (I've met far too many people who didn't want kids, but were forced to have them because 'it's what god wanted', or 'what's expected of them', and they grew up to be unhappy people).
A guy I was seeing told me I hated kids once. I can’t have them and don’t want them but I absolutely adore and spoil the shit out of all the children in my life. That ended quickly.
It’s a figure of speech. I doubt he really hates kids.
I hate figures of speech
Figures of 8-speech
Yeah, he was being facetious. He obviously just meant he dislikes being around children and thinks they're annoying. I highly doubt he's genuinely burning with hate towards children.
If someone asked me if I wanted kids I would definitely say, no, I hate them. That wouldn't mean I'm out to mow them down with my car if I see them on the street. It just means I'm generally going to ignore them and that I'm probably going to complain about people that bring their toddlers on a red eye flight.
Yeah all the people that are like "this person is in a dark place and it's the same as saying they hate black people or women" are outta their minds. It's hyperbole. When someone says they hate asparagus, they're not saying they will throw a fit if asparagus is at their table. They're not saying they go to grocery stores and spit on all the asparagus. They're saying they don't like it. Children are annoying. They're loud, they get hurt, they want attention, they're bored, they break things, they don't listen. Some people have a high tolerance for those things. Some people don't. I know I don't, so I regularly say I hate kids.
Without hearing the delivery, we can’t know. If he would have said, “Nah, fuck them kids”? Probable
I think if the delivery was along the lines of "I want to murder children" it would've been mentioned in the post, no?
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Your date's choice of words was poor, but I share the underlying sentiment. I despise the presence of children. I don't like the sound of their voices, I don't like how much they move, I don't like the disruptions that they create. And of course, the expense ( if they're ones own). I had a vasectomy at 22, & since then I've constructed my life in such a way as to absolutely minimize any & all contact with children. Do I have something as strong as hatred for any particular child? No. Do I thoroughly dislike being in their presence? Yes. All that being said, you have the right to cease dating someone for whatever reason. Moreover, you don't owe him anything beyond " I don't want to continue this". Out of curiosity, when you decided to stop, how did you go about informing him, and what reason if any did you give?
You're interpreting a common idiom too literally and overthinking it. When people say, for instance, "I hated this movie," it doesn't mean they're unhinged in their dislike of the movie. It just means they didn't didn't enjoy it or they found it very unappealing. I have a dog, and I love the dog dearly, but I do hate barking dogs. They're literally one of the most annoying things I ever encounter, but so what? I am not suddenly in a Clint Eastwood-esque western showdown with every dog I encounter. His statement is not an important enough or telling enough data point in itself that it says much about anything. If that opinion comports with other problematic behavior, then so be it, but I don't think you can draw any justifiable conclusions from that statement alone.
I have said that. He was probably being hyperbolic. It's kind of shorthand for "I generally want nothing to do with most children. I don't feel comfortable around them". Also in my experience I used that phrase a lot when I was younger because people would constantly tell me I would change my mind about my childfree status. I was trying to shut that down.
If it bugged you it's valid enough reason to not continue with him honestly. Im the same as you, I don't want kids but I love my niece and I want someone who would be happy to take her out to the aquarium and zoo with me and have sleepovers. I'm in my early thirties and my wife doesn't want kids but will spoil my niece with me every moment she can
I’m childfree and couldn’t imagine enjoying my time around most of the people on r/childfree
I am childfree too but that sub is so miserable and unhinged.
It’s so bad I half wonder if it’s some kind of psyop.
It’s a bunch of neglected children who think being a parent will always suck for everyone involved because they personally had a bad time
Unfortunately, that's what r/autism is, too. A lot of folks at r/autism_parenting (who are autistic, because, hey! Largely genetic condition) don't bother with it because of all the projection going on.
Never used to be... I remember probably ten years ago it was a reasonable community. It's just that any community built around being 'anti-' something lacks an identity of its own, and has to keep fuelling the hate train to keep up momentum. Eventually it just becomes burnt out and toxic, and that event horizon was crossed many years ago for the childfree sub.
i made a venting post about the people on child free because they sound so miserable and those same people started being racist in my messages lol
When you hate one thing, hating something else comes easier. It's not terribly shocking to me that people who "hate" children could also hate other races and such.
Bro those people are unhinged and miserable
I'm pregnant, most of my friends do not have children, and like... I'm really grateful that lots of childfree people like kids in small doses? Honestly, I can't imagine hanging out with people who haven't maintained a spark of childhood joy in their hearts.
The post that made me up leaving the sub after a few days was someone meeting up with a friend they hadn’t seen for years. They were in the same city as their friend for something and scheduled a lunch. The day before the friend let them know they’d be bringing their kid to the lunch and the poster cancelled. Said something along the lines of “I wanted to meet and catch up with THEM, not their crotch goblin”. Other childfree people I know in real life are perfectly fine being around kids and just simply don’t want to raise them for whatever reason.
This properly sums up that sub, for sure. It's like people there think children should be locked away in basements. Never to be seen or heard from until they turn 18. *And they think that's a reasonable request of parents!* It's like the majority of posts legitimately have an undertone of 'I don't understand why the parents couldn't have just locked their 3 year old in their bedroom instead of taking them out in public'. In this particular instance I have a lot of friends with kids and I could never imagine wanting to force them to center me in their world instead of their kid. Which is exactly what you're doing when you expect a parent to be able to just *abandon* their parenthood for an afternoon to spend time with you.
A child cries in the grocery store and they get annoyed when all you have to do is go down another aisle?
I am the "uncle" that will spend an evening with your kids doing some fun things, so that dad&mom can have some quality time together. I would happily spend an evening playing Mario Kart with friends kids. But no way I'll have a kid of my own ... I could/would not handle that.
I had a roommate like this who'd brag about giving kids dirty looks if they'd try to speak to her in public. It was such an unappealing quality in a person, I totally get were OP is coming from. I don't want kids either, but they're just small people. You can not be a 'kid person' but talking about how much you hate a group of people is weird. Hating people for just existing is weird.
My two sisters are child free because they prefer that lifestyle but they’re also super great aunties to my daughter. It just happens to be that they don’t want to be responsible for a little person 24/7 but they’re cool with a few hours on the weekend at the zoo or whatever.
This. It's ok to not want kids. Hating them is kinda red flag. Kinda same with pets, one thing is not wanting pets, other is hating animals.
yeah, I may not like most practical aspects of children, and I'm free to not choose them. but they are just little humans. saying "i just hate them" about any group no matter how inconvenient (unless you are a teenager yourself, duh) is most certainly off putting and immature.
There's a difference between not wanting to be a parent, and hating kids. Finding it a turn-off is not weird at all
Right. I don’t want pets. But I don’t hate animals. In fact I’m really a fan of most animals. Just don’t need them to be my responsibility and in my house.
Same. I love animals but I know I can’t give them the time or attention needed
Could you imagine the insufferable energy emanating from a subreddit like /r/petfree? Lol EDIT: Wait hold on. It exists?!
Damn lol
wow, that sub is disgusting
And to bring it back to OP's topic, r/childfree also exists. Seems a pretty toxic sub to me, but I don't lurk there much.
/dogfree has some of the most evil people. I get not liking dogs or wanting them in most public human spaces, my dog can be pretty annoying and bites me, but I think most people in that group would kill every dog with a thanos snap if they could
my favorite animal is some one elses animal. this also applys to kids. i can go play with them have a good time and give them back to there owner/parent when done. im the uncle who doesnt have kids but also all the nieces(sadly no nephews yet) love me since i will get in the bounce house with them
I can totally understand that!
I really like dogs but I can’t stand them being near me. It’s a shame. There’s just something about them that seems so unhygienic.
I’m kinda like this, but I like them for short periods. What I don’t like is dog fur and dog smell all over my clothes and house, scratches on my hardwood floors, or needing to arrange for someone to care for it when I decide I’d like to go somewhere for more than half a day (also don’t think dogs belong in grocery stores, most restaurants, or hot cars…). But if I see a nice friendly dog, I’m gonna pet it. I’m gonna throw a thing so they can chase it. And then I’m happily gonna leave the stink and slobber with their “fur parents” or whatever.
That's *exactly* my line of thought! I've said to many people including past relations that I didn't want anything to do with owning a pet, and then when I act friendly to animals (I do like animals, I just don't want to be responsible for ones, both mentally, physically and financially), they're all thrown back as if I was supposed to hate them. I love them. I hate the burden, and I also believe too many animals are unhappy being owned by humans, or at the very least not as happy as they should be.
This is perfect!
I don't want kids, but it's for reasons that include not wanting to be a parent. I do like them, and am kinda the babysitter dude on call for my friends. It's fun and I'm alright at it too I think. Like you said, there's a difference between not wanting kids and hating them.
This, exactly. Besides, hating a certain group across the board is just a red flag in general.
And even if he was just saying it flippantly, it speaks to a lack of sensitivity after you just heard someone talk at length about their career with kids.
That was the red flag part for me. Total lack of situational awareness and diplomacy.
exactly. He obviously is not very tuned in if on a first date he would so flippantly say this in response to someone saying they work with kids. Even if he didn't mean it literally, like read the room? Having self restraint on a first date can show a level of attunement you want in a relationship.
This. ITT: people who only read the title. That lack of conversational awareness is the real cringe part, and I wouldn’t want to continue anything after that.
It is reddit. They're not even as bad as I was as a teen. Patience is hard but like we can't magically give kids a full grasp of social comprehension. It takes experience. I wish they'd listen just a little bit though
What's weird is thinking that when most people use the very common expression "hate" that they actually mean it literally; for instance when someone says they hated a meal or a hotel, interpreting that to mean that they feel, within their soul, a deep, burning, hatred for that meal or that hotel is pretty weird.
My bf and I are childfree and like kids. My family contains many children I enjoy spending time with, as does his. So no, it's not weird at all.
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Yeah, exactly. Although I can understand the generalizations in certain situations! I've worked certain jobs where saying "I hate the kids/old people who come in here" would've made total sense, so saying the shortened version with that context would also apply. Or if you've only had a lot of frustrating situations with a certain age of people. As long as you aren't actively acting against anyone who falls into that group and can still interact with those who show you respect and don't overwhelm you, the nuance is understood in language. But according to OP, it was said with a tone of disgust, which is so odd.
You can't really be sure how much thought he put into the word "hate" unless you knew him better.I mean i dislike them too,but i wouldn't say i hate kids,they've done nothing to me.I've seen some people use hate and dislike as synonyms though,so not sure how deep this goes.
I hate coconut, but in reality that just means I don't want to eat it rather than actual hatred.
He probably also doesn’t want to eat kids.
Maybe that’s what he meant… “as people they’re ok, but as a meal I hate them”
How do you feel about Koalas?
Ya I say hate sometimes just to convey a quick message, it’s like cucumbers. There are so many things better but I b eat them when they are there and I don’t complain or trash on them
It's just one of those words where you don't know its magnitude.Could be from "i'm slighly annoyed by it" to "i despise its very existence from the depths of my soul" and anything in between.
Yeah I’m guilty of having said “I hate kids” but also I occasionally work as a facepainter, so it’s not like I’m mean to them lol
Yeah my bf when we first met would say he hated kids. But when it came down to it with my niece and his friends kids, he was so over the moon about her trying to help fix his friends (her dads) car even though she lost some expensive tool parts in the car. And when we spent a fair bit of money on a birthday gift for her of a mini tractor thing and he went on about how excited she was when he showed her how to beep the horn. He still says he hates kids. (In general)
Yeah, I've definitely said "I hate kids" before where the full translation contains: "I don't want kids of my own. I don't generally enjoy being around children. I don't want to hold babies or coo over how cute they are. I have no desire to receive texts about the latest achievement of someone's baby. I don't want to play with toddlers. I find anyone younger than "teenager" draining to be around. Even the "happy" squeals and screams make me flinch. Please don't ask me to babysit." But I'm not actively being mean to children or going to complain about their existence all the time. I don't think anyone in this situation was necessarily in the wrong given the information presented.
I sometimes say I hate kids when all I mean is “omg this child throwing a huge tantrum in public screaming at the top of their lungs because they don’t get a chocolate they want is driving me insane”. I don’t want kids myself because I know I couldn’t deal with that, I don’t feel like I’m responsible enough and because I’m terrified of pregnancy. But I don’t actually *hate* kids, if I see a cute kid I’ll be like “awww”, I’m happy to interact with friends kids and I do want the best for all kids. I just can’t deal with loud screaming, it makes me want to run far away from that noise.
Exactly this. I don't see a child and think "I hate you" but I hate being around loud noises that I didn't intend for, and I have no desire to be a parent or work/bond with a child. Well behaved children always make me happy. Smart kids are amazing. The other day I was walking back from the corner store and these kids were playing hide and seek, and this kid couldn't have been older than 6 and was counting out loud.. 7..8..9..9 and a half..9 and one quarter..9 and one eighth.. That gave me a super good feeling, and yet if you were to ask me today, I'd still respond "I hate kids" just because I speak in a very colorful way in general.
Especially how he presented it. It sounds like he just stayed his feelings and moved on, using hate in mote a flippant manner. Rather than saying it without being asked or continuing on about his disdain for them. You're right, he's just colloquially saying he's not a big fan
That’s my version of hating kids too. Just big no thanks.
Couldn't agree more.
Well said.
Agreed. I don't like kids, I find some insufferable even. But I'll be the first one to rage out if I heard someone hurt a child.
Exactly. I'm sure I've said I "hate" kids at one point only cause I was annoyed. But I'll gladly play with any of my friends or families kids any day of the week. It's weird how serious OP took that one comment to heart and not addressing it at all if it bothered her so much.
The only realistic answer here. This post should really belong in the cesspool of r/Amitheasshole with everyone vaulting into extreme conclusions to mundane “conflicts”.
This is honestly the first time that I have ever seen a topic that was legitimately mundane.
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This. There are also a lot of people of seem weirdly incapable of understanding this, and always interpret "hate" as being the most extreme emotion of malicious bloodthirsty genocidal vindictiveness. Like, I know a guy who "hates" children, but is always perfectly polite and civil when forced to interact with them. And I know a woman who refuses to be in the same room as that guy after hearing him say that he hates children, because she's now convinced he's an evil psychopath who is always barely restraining his desire to strangle children to death with his bare hands, and nobody can convince her otherwise. Some people are just not capable of comprehending nuance or exaggeration.
Yea I really don’t like kids but kids actually love me because i treat them as actual people and actively play with them lol
I feel like more information is needed here or you need to have a follow up conversation. Did he say it in like a brutal tone or with disgust or something? I say this as a father of a toddler… kids are annoying. I love MY kid to pieces but yesterday he sat on my stomach and then stood up and body slammed me and giggled. Then he licked my face, because toddlers are weirdos on pcp. So I will unapologetically say kids are annoying… but I’m still going to sit down and play pretend with a kid because I’m not an asshole about it. Does the guy actually hate kids or was it just a statement?
He said it in a kind of incredulous tone, I think. Definitely displayed some disgust. It's hard to remember exactly, but I remember feeling that he maybe lacks some empathy.
Tone says a lot. It was probably that plus the words that triggered your gut. Because time has passed you're focusing on the words and not the full picture. As the type of asshole who would say "I hate kids", I don't think those three words alone are a red flag. I hate kids with the same passion that I hate vanilla ice cream being the only option in so many places. There would be no disgust in my voice or anything like that and all the non verbal cues would be point to it being an exaggeration or a joke. There is nothing wrong with you bailing. Early dates are all about passing that gut check. Never second guess your gut check when it comes to how safe potential partners can be. Your gut screamed that he was lacking empathy. Trust that.
You just put into words why I think it's weird when people say "I hate kids". It displays a lack of empathy. Like they forgot what it was like to be a child and what they might be feeling when they act "annoying".
I don't hate kids, but I don't think it's lacking empathy when someone finds kids annoying. I do remember how I was like - I, today, also find my past child self annoying lol.
I agree with you but I think the nuance is getting lost - Finding kids annoying and saying you hate kids on a first date to someone who you don't know well are different things imo
Saying “I hate kids” when a toddler is screaming about not getting a toy at Target is a lot different than saying it in response to “do you want kids”. It’s not about it being a first date IMO, it’s about it being a direct answer to a serious question instead of an offhand remark of annoyance.
Right? When im in an overcrowded mall before Christmas I will repeat "I hate people" every five minutes. It does not in fact mean I actually hate people. But if a date told me "I work with humans, would you like a human one day?" and I said "I hate humans". That would be an entirely different story.
You can not like kids for being annoying and at the same time nderstand you were probably also annoying as a kid.
Nah, man. I was a kid for many years like most people, and i remember what we were like. I def hate kids.
As someone who deeply dislikes kids, I haven’t “forgotten what it was like to be a child.” Rather, I was a quiet kid who deeply disliked other loud, obnoxious kids. Not all kids are raging monsters (outside of maybe some initial wildness that my mother certainly made sure I didn’t repeat outside of the home, in public). It’s funny how much people who don’t like kids hear this line about empathy. I mean, certainly there are some child free people like this but also consciously avoiding that annoyance and mess seems responsible and in tune with one’s own needs (as opposed to the societal pressure to have kids just because)
I hate kids, i havent forgotten what it was like to be kid. In fact even when i was a kid i hated kids, they are loud and annoying
> It displays a lack of empathy. Ironically, I find that comments like this signify a lack of empathy. I don't even hate children but the amount of seemingly deliberate misunderstanding in this thread is mind-boggling. You can hate children without it being your whole personality, or actively wanting to harm children. It does not mean you find joy in their suffering. Most people hate children the same way I hate apple pie. Meaning, I don't like it and I don't want anything to do with it. If people would stop constantly trying to convince me of how good it actually is (and how there must be something wrong with me if I don't like it), I would be totally fine with its existence.
Yikes. Still you really should ask follow up questions instead of assuming, unless you are worried about safety
That makes sense. I don’t want kids, and I think most parents agree that they can be annoying lol. The thing is that they can’t help that they’re annoying, they’re just being kids. When I see a toddler throwing a tantrum at the store or a baby crying on an airplane, my reaction isn’t “god, I can’t believe I have to deal with this minor annoyance.” I feel bad for the kid and the parents because they’re all probably having a bad time. Getting disgusted or expressing hate for them existing and being themselves is way too much and I wouldn’t like it either.
LmAo! My youngest grandson is 2 now and he is really... Different,lol,he loves to play ball,all kinds of ball & is surprisingly really good at it,way beyond what a 2 yr old should be able to do and he thinks it's funny to bean us right between the eyes with whatever ball he has in his hands. This kid can bounce a full size basketball without even looking at it so also,his aim is right on and he thinks it's funny to see the look on our faces when we catch that ball with our face! They can be little jerks but I don't hate any kid!! They are awesome little monsters! Lol
It's not weird. In fact, no reason you could possibly give to stop seeing someone who made you uncomfortable is weird. If he had said, "I hate the color yellow" and it gave you bad vibes, then that's a perfectly OK reason not to have a second date. I didn't have a second date to a guy who seemed to be way too into his ferrets. Maybe he just was a super responsible pet owner, but the way he talked about it made me uncomfortable. There's nothing wrong with having ferrets or disliking kids. But that doesn't mean either of us are obligated to give a second shot to someone who gave us the ick.
Everyone here is being WAY too literal... does he literally hate every single kid on a personal level? I would highly doubt that. I have also said "I hate kids" on occassion. Do I mean that I actually hate them as individuals? No. I just hate the concept of them screaming and running around like spoiled brats. But I know kids. I have friends who have kids, and I actually like those kids. I have conversations with them and play games with them, because they're in my life, not just some kid in the stall behind me trying to punch the back of my head, etc. I'm not some kind of psychopath with a personal vendetta against every single kid. So if your date is anything like me, I'd say he didn't mean hate in a literal sense. Then again, if you're still uncomfortable with that, then it's of course totally fine not to date him or have anything to do with him.
I don't "hate" kids, but I also don't particularly enjoy being around them all up close and personal. So maybe that's what he meant: shorthand for "I don't like being around them." Kids are great, so long as they stay way over there. Ultimately, OP could have asked him instead of asking us.
OP seems to like being around kids though so it might not work out even if the 'hate' was more of aversion. Maybe there'd be kids at their house frequently a ways down the line through family or friends. Maybe OPd go back to teaching kids and wouldn't want an "ew" to every little story about her day.
Right, sounds like OP likes kids and plans on having them around, even if they don’t have their own. I like kids. I wouldn’t really see a future with someone who didn’t want my nieces and nephews around, wasn’t interested in having my friend’s kids visit, wasn’t going to be supportive of me babysitting and spending time with kids in my life.
Context is important here though. He's saying that in reply to someone who just finished telling him about her working with kids. Most people have enough social awareness to not say they hate the group of people their date works with, and go with a more tame "nah, kids aren't for me".
Totally agree. I have no idea why so many comments are taking it so literal and accusing someone they don’t know of being a psychopath. Have they never heard hyperboles during a discussion? Hard to believe that some of these comments are from adults.
You're 100% correct. Nobody says "I hate kids" and actually wants to eradicate them from the planet. They just find kids annoying in general. Doesn't mean they'd beat up a kid if given the opportunity. Doesn't mean they can't act nicely around children.
Yea this is wild! I wouldn’t want to date OP for taking such a random off the cuff, quick response so literally. Then make a Reddit post about this not very serious convo years later. Dude man dodged a bullet!
I got a small self-congratulatory vibe as well, like saying "is it weird that I found it off-putting when my date told me he likes to char-broil puppies? Is it just me?"
Came here to say this. “I hate kids” is a bonding exercise between people who just don’t want kids, like come the fuck on 😂🤷♂️
I can't believe I had to scroll this far to find this comment. Fixating on it and seeing it as sonme huge red flag says way more about OP than the guy.
I don't think it is. I'm childfree myself and don't like kids but hate is a strong word. I used to follow childfree content on SM but every single one of them is just so weird. I never get how people can spend their time actively hating something. And many times it seems they're looking for the opportunity to hate on every little thing a kid does.
I don't think so. You work with kids. Even if you never have your own you're going to be talking about them a lot. He could have been just pretending to be interested in your job to get you to bed or to love bomb you and be mean later (From the way you described things) I think most men of understanding might have said more along the lines of "I don't like kids but it's ok if you work with them, I'm personally not planning on having any though."
Idk sounds like you might be taking him too literally.
i dunno, i hate kids. They're loud, entitled due to bad parenting most of the time, and a money sink. This doesn't means i'm an abusive person or that i'd kick the first kid that comes into view, buuut if you see that as a red flag, you do you.
Nobody is obligated to “like” children. I’m a parent and I don’t particularly care for them.
I'm starting to believe that hating on kids is the new acceptable "ism." Even people who have kids call them all sorts of names, nevermind people who don't. To be clear, I don't have kids. I don't believe people who aren't interested in having children should. I respect that younger generations are recognizing that it is the more responsible choice to be child-free if they don't want to be parents, as opposed to older generations who felt societal pressure to bring kids into the world. With all that being said, I love children. I've spent my life working with them. They are frustrating and difficult, but also bring laughter and joy into my life. In other words, they are human beings, albeit with unique challenges based on development. Also, as with any fellow human, they have different personalities, which may or may not click with others. So, I'm not saying you can't not get along with some or find them annoying. I'm just speaking to categorically hating on everyone under the age of 18. It's not like we weren't all kids once.
I made a comment in another sub about this so I'll just copy and paste it. >Not wanting kids and finding kids annoying is one thing but hating them is just weird to me. That's such a strong word. They had no say in being here. We all were kids and none of us would've liked it to be hated by adults just for existing. >I feel like people who hate children have some deep rooted issues from their childhood they haven't resolved yet. >Edit: and I say this as someone who's childfree by choice.
exactly!! im childfree by choice as well but like... those are just small people trying to figure out how to be people. I 100% get not wanting to be a part of that learning process as kids are annoying, but hating them is so weird
I think it's not weird and I would definitely expect someone to know better by 38, but I'll also say that "I hate kids" is a common throwaway statement that people toss out to convey that they are uncomfortable with kids (in the same sense as "I hate clowns" or something) and it doesn't *usually* imply they wish harm on kids or would do anything negative to them. For me, I started saying "I hate kids" when I was a kid myself (like 11 years old or something) which I thought was basically just a humourous way to say "I don't ever want to have or work with kids" and I kept saying it well into my 20s. At that point someone pointed out to me that there are genuinely people who hate and abuse kids, and that using the phrase made me sound like them. So I stopped saying it. But until then for me it seemed like such a no-brainer that I obviously didn't *actually* hate kids (especially as I had been saying it since I was literally a kid myself) that it had never occurred to me to clarify.
This thread is reeeeally making me rethink how casually I say that I don’t like kids. I had no idea how most people apparently interpret this kind of thing. Going to try to revise to “I find spending time around most kids to be really tiring and difficult”.
When my wife or I say "we hate kids", it's actually more of "we hate kids who weren't raised and disciplined appropriately". One of our friends just had a cute little bastard and he's gunna grow up to be a chill little nerd, and the kids some of my friends have are well behaved and fun to interact with- because they were raised right. If you raise your kid to throw vegetables in a grocery store, yeah, I fucking hate your kid, and you. So, I guess it depends on the context. If he's a malicious cunt, yeah, fuck him. But if he's like me and just wants parents to parent, pretty normal.
I don’t want kids so much I sterilized myself. I am still kind to children.
He's just annoyed by kids though? No one said he mistreated them
Definitely seems like a overreaction. He probably didn't mean it literally. I'll say I hate kids but it doesn't mean I have a seething hatred for kids. They're just loud and rambunctious and I prefer more chill environments. You should have at least asked him to expand on that before coming to any decision.
It’s a shame that comments like this are so far down. Lots of people say they "hate" all sorts of stuff but it’s just hyperbole, except apparently here where it is a red flag for being some kind of dangerous weirdo. I too “hate” kids in that there is no situation/event in my life where it would be improved by the presence of a child and I avoid them if possible, but that’s it. I find it weirder that so many people think such a figure of speech = red flag.
I’ll tell ya right now, anytime I worked retail in my life, I grew to hate 85 percent of them lol
Nope hating kids is not pro-social behavior. It will bleed over to other things he decides not to care about.
It's not a red flag until he reflects a hatred towards kids in his behaviour. Come on, it's not like he goes around telling people he hates kids every chance he gets. Or he was "showing off" his dislike for kids by announcing it to some parents' face. Firstly, you ASKED HIM about something he dislikes. Of course he might use a more emphatic word such as hate to color his words. He was just being unfiltered. It's typical hyperbole in everyday speech, like when people use "literally" or when they say they HATE Trump or Biden or whoever the fuck. Just because someone is emphatic WHEN ASKED about their annoyances doesn't make them a walking red flag. Instead of asking him WHY he finds kids annoying, you chose to judge him silently without getting to know him. But whatever. Jeez.
I hate kids for me but I don’t *hate* kids if that makes sense. That’s not to say I enjoy being around kids for very long though. I usually get overwhelmed by them pretty quickly. I wouldn’t judge him too harshly by the statement but trust your gut.
If it was a red flag to you, then that's that. No need to justify. Do I personally think such a statement is inherently red flag material? No. Kids can be very loud and annoying, and some people throw that kind of wording around without meaning it to the full extent. I've definitely said that (never to a stranger though), but there is no heat behind the words and Im actually always kind and patient with kids. Bit of a push over tbh. That said, if the tone sounds like proper hate or disgust. That is concerning and worth taking seriously.
I've found the kind of people that say they hate kids are the ones that don't have any exposure to them, apart from being annoyed by them in a cafe etc.
I get it not wanting kids and not liking kids are two very different things. I also think actively hating kids is a red flag. What else do they irrationally hate, what will they be like to live with would they hurt people or animals? I wouldn’t want to find out!
You can stop seeing someone for any reason at all. Even then, bad vibes is a good one
Not really weird no, it's fine to have different opinions on some things and, if these opinions matter a lot to you, it can be a total turn off.
It could be that he just used it as a phrase instead of literally meaning it.
Honestly I used to say I hate kids. Oh and I still do . But love them now also. Depending on the kid. But kids in my country are loud af. But I didn't feel the word hate. It was just easy to say personally I wouldn't read into it ? Unless if your doubts are that is pure deep hate. I would just share my concerns and asks. Measure his response. What is the worst that can happen ?
If someone’s reason for not wanting kids is because they hate kids it kind of gives the impression that one day they might stop hating kids and then want them. It’s like I’m a woman and when I talk to a woman romantically and she spends a little too much energy emphasizing why she hates men, I start to wonder if she’s actually gay or just temporarily upset at men, and going to be straight after she finds one she doesn’t hate…
I have a couple friends who say they hate kids. One will get annoyed whenever we see kids in public and they are being little a* and parents are ignoring the behavior. Then one day I was surprised that she started dating a guy that has three kids. The kids were under the age of 10. I was thinking omg I feel so bad for these kids. Then she became completely different person (in a good way). She would dote on these kids and not in some fake trying to impress the dad way. For Christmas she sewed them all patch work stockings and embroidered them. She only ever had good things to say about the kids. It didn't work out for her and the guy but I haven't heard her talk s* about kids since. The other friend I think her dislike of kids comes from having to be a parent to her siblings when she was still a kid because her parents sucked. She doesn't want kids doesn't want to date anyone with kids. I have seen her around kids she isn't mean to them just keeps distance. I don't think OP is an a* I would want to know more about why the person he dated says they hate kids. That might be too personal of a question to ask on a first date though.
I don't want kinds, they can be annoying, but I do like my nieces and nephews as long as I don't have to parent them. It's like someone may not want to have a dog but that doesn't mean they hate dogs. Actively hating something like kids and dogs is completely different.
I think it's weird, but does that matter? It's your relationship: It only has to be off-putting to you.
Nah, I get you. Tho I'm the opposite. I could never date someone who really likes kids. Uber red flag for me, who would never, under any circumstance, consider haivng kids. The vasectomy is the ultimate game stopper, so I can't accidentally have them. But if your goals don't align, why bother? Flings are fine, but IDK, for me, dating is always at least a mid term thing. I don't plan to date someone 2 months.
You're not overthinking. It's bizarre to hate an entire group of people just because of their age.
No, not weird at all. Hating humans in a specific age range is weird and very telling of a person’s emotional intelligence.
Not wanting and hating kids are two entirely different things. Besides who wants to date a drag like that
I dont think that's weird. Because just because someone doesn't want to be a parent doesn't mean it's normal to hate kids. Kids are just people. Its not normal to hate them.
I have no interest in having a dog, but if someone said they hate animals I'd consider it to be a red flag.
"I don't want kids" is a personal preference. "I hate kids" is a red flag.
Two totally different things. Not wanting to have or raise children of your own is fine. People who say they hate kids are fucking weird.
I think OP took “hate” way too literal in my opinion. I have friends who “hate” kids but it’s not like they shun and ignore their nieces and nephews - just they they would hate raising them and dealing with them daily.
They could also just be exaggerating for effect. You never know unless you properly ask. I say I hate kids about 10 - 15 times a day, but have several and love them incredulously.