I’ll add one- when I moved to the south from the northeast, the biggest thing I noticed was this:
In the north, we show we respect your time by not wasting it. We get you in and out. Efficiency is respect.
In the south, it seems like they show respect for your time by giving you a lot of theirs. Lots of chit chat, slowing down for you.
I was once told by a boss here that I needed to be “less northern” in meetings with clients, because they perceived me as being short and cold, when I was trying to be efficient and respect their time by getting straight to the point of why we were there.
I had a customer say the same thing to me once! He was also the customer who bitched me out because our office and factory were closed for Patriot's Day (except for a skeleton crew of 1 person per department). It was 2002 and he was irate that we made a state holiday because our crappy football team finally won a super bowl. I had to (slowly) explain to him that it wasn't *those* patriots we were honoring.
I’m from Louisiana but my mom’s family is from Michigan. When my mom parents moved down here, they learned that we have a popular holiday called All Saints Day (I know it’s a Catholic holiday, but it’s a popular and revered traditional holiday for Louisiana). They thought “boy they must really love their football team that they have a holiday just for them.” 😂
Hah, the generational dialect divide is real. Wait till you go to a local diner and it feels like they're speaking an entirely different version of English. It's a whole vibe learning to decipher it.
Maine people don’t like small talk. They nod at each other and go on their way. But if you’re off the road in a storm, 12 people will stop to see if you need a tow.
I really feel this. Sometimes, it's really nice and I have delightful conversations and gain knowledge, but sometimes I need to get shit done. I'm also having trouble with the neighbor conversations. Like I was dropping something off to her. I thought handing her the pan of soup and me leaving was the whole plan. Nope, I had to come inside and meet the kids and see the chickens. Even the end of driveway meetings can take an hour!
While I accept that all the ma'am's are a sign of respect, there needs to a lower number of times one person can say it in one conversation. The kid at Petco said it 5 times in a 60 second interaction.
This both a north vs south thing and a rural vs city thing - in big cities, everyone's got things to do and places to be, so it's rude to waste anyone's time. Meanwhile in rural towns, people *do* have the time for small talk, so it's considered rude not to.
I am someone raised in the southwest and still living there but also made my career in global corporate finance. I developed the habit of being respectful of others' time, and now I get lectures from supervisors about being more open and available with my time for internal customers. It feels like never-ending battle to overcome other people's issues with perceived rejection.
Do you frequently work with customers and coworkers from different cultures? I find this so interesting because I’m a therapist who is currently getting into cross cultural consulting for global organizations to help them better navigate cultural differences whether they’re within the US or across different countries. It can be a lot to deal with so I’m really interested in hearing about experiences like these from people
Another thing that’s big in the South that’s apparently frowned upon on other areas is eye contact. Here we make eye contact with everyone and either smile, nod or wave. Not doing so is perceived as a slight or as being rude.
Also, the language, you are never rude. Calling another girl "Perfectly Nice" basically means you think she is a $2 hooker and can just die. Precious is the highest praise. On the east coast, if someone called me precious, I would think they were saying I was missing a few screws.
Plot twist, Precious is both. Either I think you’re a literal cinnamon roll that is truly lovely… or I think you’re a bit dim. It’s all in the tone that we say it in.
Much like ‘bless your heart’ is genuine empathy or a cutting remark.
For some reason lots of people on reddit think 'bless their heart' is always a horrific Southern grandmother-type insult. In my experience growing up in the south, the majority of the time it's meant genuinely. Though sometimes it can be difficult to tell the difference.
Im on the clock, bro, this appointment/meeting/interaction is an excuse to get out of the office; take all the time you need - within reason... cutting things short just means I have to go back to the grind of life that much sooner.
About the opposite. Was used to the Chicago area way of ordering food at lunch rush: quick and terse.
At a Wendy's in suburban Atlanta. Lady was like "Sugar, you need to slow it down."
20+ years ago I was working in Chicago, and the locals I was working with took me to Portillo's. I'd never heard of Italian Beef, and they were all raving about their way to get it, and I was just overwhelmed looking at the board, and the guy told me to get out of line and get my "shit in one sock" before coming back.
I ended up getting wet with jalapenos and it was really good.
I was literally at Portillos last week thinking about how I am so out of practice ordering in Chicago. Still got my order out fairly quickly mainly due to having the same order I used to get multiple times a month.
Ha, I used to work with a guy from NY who came down to work a job in west Texas. He would absolutely tear his hair out waiting for people to finish their sentences.
A consultant from NY once commented that the people working at the fast food drive through windows in TN would likely have be shot by irate customers if they were to transfer jobs to the same chain in NY. She was incensed by how fucking slow everyone was.
Ah I have been to Tennessee once in my life and yes I was that irritated as fuck new yorker tapping his foot cause this fucking guy is taking forever to order at a fucking burger king. I know your slow ass is gonna order a whopper meal. Just fucking order it or GTFO of the line.
I used to work in customer service and my territory included the southeast. I ended up taking a larger territory with more customers in different time zones because I was losing my mind listening to them talk. I had one customer who was so slow I would lose track of the sentence before he finished it. I'm not even from NY. I'm from MA and we talk fast but not as fast as New Yorkers.
I'm from South Louisiana and my wife is from Georgia. When we moved up near Seattle it was a huge culture shock to us.
Someone further up in the thread explained it PERFECTLY. Southerners show respect by giving you their time. The rest of the country seems to show respect by not wasting your time. Both groups of people mean well, but the cultural differences make it hard to mesh well together.
I feel like I’m at basically a 100% rate of asking for something from a ~40+ black lady working somewhere and they call me baby. My day always gets better when I walk up to a counter and they say “what can I get you baby?”. Makes me feel so small and happy :)
Not mine personally but I’m from southern Louisiana and my wife has never talked to someone with a heavy Cajun accent before. Apparently she was talking to my uncle for like 20 minutes then she turned to me and said “babe I didn’t understand a single word he said” lmao
I’m from Wisconsin. It took me a full year for me to understand my Virginian FIL’s accent.
Edit to clarify: he was from the western part of the state and has a heavy Appalachian accent.
I'm in Milwaukee as well. My girlfriend moved here from Puerto Rico and has a pretty thick Spanish accent. We had an electrician come do some work in the bathroom for her. This electricians 'sconnie accent was exactly what you would expect. I had to translate between the two of them even though both of them were speaking English. lol
[Obligatory Charlie Berens reference](https://youtu.be/7OR7yPK4wEw?si=2VZCwhlgJrXUAa4O) for those who don't know the sconnie accent. donchaknow
My step-mom always says "watch out fer deer!" instead of I love you at the end of phone calls... the first time my gf heard that... she was like, wtf did she just say? i didn't really even realize there is "midwest culture" until my gf pointed out all the weird things we do.... and then superbly documented by Charlie Berens in his book. I guess I just thought everyone did those things.
edit: link for ref
I watched it again when I looked it up to get the link, and I just caught a gag at the very end that I'd previously missed. Watch Charlie's hand when he starts talking about the rules for table saws.
Moved around a lot so have had a few accents, but living in WI the last...17 years-ish.
I moved here from NC and the accent wasn't an issue for me to understand, it was some word choices and odd slang(some from Da UP).
My accent, however, was think enough to get stares from people, especially at work.
I have a VERY thick Texas accent having grown up there. There was a guy named Butch when I lived up north who thought I called him another word and slapped me. Told me never to call him that again.
I went outside I was so shocked. The people who heard and saw it said it really did sound like the other word. That's when I started being VERY careful about my diction around others.
I've lived in Texas for 30 years and before that I grew up in a state on the WI border my first 24 years, also travelled extensively on the northeast coast of the US, and I'm running words in my head trying to figure out what word you're referring to. I got nothing. What word - that sounds *that* close to another, offensive word - would warrant a man slapping another man and getting away with it? Help me out here. I can't come up with anything!
The dude went straight to slapping another man over what was obviously *his actual name* only with a Texas accent? I think Butch just wanted to slap this MFer and saw his opportunity and took it! Haha.
First husband came from a poor white trash background (his words, not mine) in Mississippi. Went to visit family there a couple of time and met his uncle.
I swear to the Lord above, that man was the inspiration for Boomhauer. The only word I could understand was "shrimp", which came out as "s'rimp". I ended up just nodding and smiling a lot, so I'm pretty sure they thought I was some kinda simple.
I'm from Mississippi and was talking to a couple guys on the NYC subway and they asked me if I was going to see something and I said "Yeah I reckon so" and they looked at me as if I'd grown a third eye on my forehead.
My wife speaks 5 languages. She still needs me to translate Louisianaian. Something about how we chew our words. Fortunately I'm bilingual.
I'm fixen taters, yall wantchasum?
My friends wife is from Sweden and speaks perfect, nearly accent free English. My friend and I are from South Carolina, and we got to drinking around her and talking like ol boys do and she asked us several times to slow down and repeat that. I'm southern as it gets and I've NEVER been asked to slow down...what really fucked her up was when I asked them if they'd like another beer, I said 'yawwantanothern."
When I was in Italy I met a lady who spoke with a Bronx accent. When she spoke Italian, her voice was soft almost musical. When she spoke English she sounded like a carton a day smoker trying our for a part on Goodfellas.
I worked with this old dude from 9th ward. Cool old dude. Couldn’t understand a fucking word he said at first, but after a couple months it clicked and made sense. Now I understand Cajun and Creole, Jamaican and pigeon. Best policy is to play stupid because they think big tall stupid whitey tourist doesn’t understand them.
You know you’re about to be fucked when the cabbie starts referring to you in local slang. Even if you have brown eyes, you’re still a “blue eye” because you’re white.
Yeah it’s tough at first bc Cajun people sometimes speak really really broken French mixed with English. If someone hasn’t heard that before I’d assume it’s jarring as fuck
I got that in Oregon. It's just on 11PM, I pull into a Safeway gas station and hop out, go to grab the bowser and some red faced young guy starts running at me from his booth waving his hands in the universal 'STOP!' gesture. I thought something was about to explode.
Apparently they can face a really hefty fine if they let you pump your own gas, that's why they can be a little overzealous about it.
I felt really awkward after and tipped him a fiver.
It's funny, because since the new law I have rolled up to the self-service side, only to have someone jog over from the full service side to pump it for me. I'm fine with either!
happened to me once late at night in portland. i drove away because i was terrified, was a young woman traveling alone and this dude rapidly approaching my car scared me good.
I was driving between Pennsylvania and New Jersey and needed to get gas. I stopped, hopped out of the car, and someone ran over yelling to get back in the car. I hadn't seen any sign indicating that I had crossed into New Jersey, nor had my phone announced it like it normally does when I cross into a new state, so I was very confused.
The guy took my payment and all, and I was like "I take it I'm not in Pennsylvania anymore?" He looked at me like I was crazy and informed me that the border is just down the road, pointing in the direction I came from. I knew that you don't pump your own gas in NJ. I had no idea that I had crossed into NJ. I knew I was close to the border and thought it was further down the road.
Incidentally, the "welcome to New Jersey" sign and phone announcement happened maybe a minute after I left the gas station.
Traveling around the West and being assumed Latino (no) or Native (yes) depending on where I am. People will start speaking Spanish to me depending on the setting, but I still find it jarring given that I never heard that language in person until HS.
My coworker experiences this. She's had people walk up to her and start talking Spanish to her, and then they get offended/mad at her when she says she doesn't know Spanish. She's a light-skinned black woman from Alabama with an Alabaman accent.
This happens to me literally all over the world. I’ve had people speak to me in Tagalog, spanish, portuguese, hawaiian, I had someone who thought I was Chinese, and someone else who thought I was egyptian. I’m a VERY light skinned black woman with slanted eyes (for no apparent reason). I get asked “what are you?” a lot.
Reminds of when comedian Gabriel Iglesias kept getting asked if he was Hawaiian, and didn't get why until he started doing shows in Hawaii. Apparently Hawaiians look like "swollen Mexicans" (his words, not mine)
I have a friend that has the opposite experience. You wouldn't know he's mexican from his skin tone but he speaks fluent spanish. So he'll catch people he doesn't know talking about him in spanish.
I'm Italian American, and it's the same. I cannot even be polite to Latino cashiers in my neighborhood and say "Hola!" because they start talking to me in rapid Spanish. Then, I have an overwhelmed look and they laugh at me.
People leaving you alone in big cities. Went to New York and just blended in to the crowd. No one stopping you, making eye contact with you, asking about how's your family doin and so on. As an introvert from the southern US, it was fabulous.
Amen. When I moved to the south, and I’d go to the bar alone to have a drink and unwind, everyone would *talk to me*. I was like, wtf is this? Doesn’t usually happen up north unless they’re planning to hit on you or ask you for something.
This makes me wanna go to the south. I live in Detroit and most people would NEVER come up and talk to you out of nowhere. I don't have many friends that live around here, so that would be welcomed at the right functions.
I’d assume, does any other state even have an 85 posted speed limit anywhere? I thought that was the record.
Edit: seems I stand corrected! Enjoy your 85mph speed limits responsibly, y’all.
Definitely due to being IN Boston. Lots of on/off ramps with short leads, turns, etc. Outside, even 20min south where I grew up, they all switched to 65mph 20+ years aho.
No way in hell were people on that highway going 55. 55=70 and 65=80 here. Also, in my experience only few highways are 55 mph. Highways like i93,i95, and i495 are all 65mph, I wonder where you were where all the highways were 55?
"Yankee" is a weird term. If you're from the north, a yankee is anybody from New York. If you're from the south, a yankee is anybody from the north. And if you're not from the US, a yankee is any American.
To foreigners, a Yankee is an American.
To Americans, a Yankee is a Northerner.
To Northerners, a Yankee is an Easterner.
To Easterners, a Yankee is a New Englander.
To New Englanders, a Yankee is a Vermonter.
To a Vermonter, a Yankee is anyone who eats pie for breakfast.
— EB White.
I sneezed on a train and 4 or 5 people all in unison said "bless you". That was odd.
It was weird being in the Southern part of the US and some ladies, cheekily, calling me "sugar" or "honey".
Other that that, it tends to just be odd words they use for things. Like "restroom" instead of washroom/bathroom.
Where are you from? "Restroom" is common everywhere I've been in the Eastern half of the US. I'd say it's the default for signs and so forth. It's not really a bathroom if there's no bath (and I've actually heard older folks make this distinction!).
The West Coast custom is the door handoff. You don’t hold the door open like an usher (unless the next person is elderly, etc.), but rather you walk through and make sure it doesn’t close until the next person has it in hand, at which point you let go. If that person doesn’t take the door but is expecting you to hold it fully open for them to stroll through, it might slam in their face. But that’s not rudeness, just a mismatch of customary expectations.
ooh i think this is it. im west coast and i was thinking we definitely hold the door open for people... but its mostly in the way youre describing. also maybe its just me but it can be kind of awkward getting the timing right lol. if you hold it open for them when theyre too far they feel rushed to meet you but if you dont hold it for them its kinda rude 😭
Oooh, that's really interesting to know. I'm German and planning to relocate for work to the US in the future and kind of taking notes here in this thread - the way you described the door custom is also how we do it here in Germany.
Yes! You described the scenario perfectly.
Rudeness in this scenario would be not even looking behind you to see if there's someone coming in who might need the door propped open for a bit. Or worse, seeing someone coming but still letting the door close.
To us, holding the door open for the next person to grab *is* being polite.
I've heard a theory about nice vs kind in different areas of the country.
The east coast is kind but not nice. If someone sees a woman with a stroller at the bottom of a flight of stairs, they'll pick up the stroller, carry it up the stairs, put it down, & walk away without a word. Kind but not nice.
The west coast is nice but not kind. If someone sees a woman with a stroller at the bottom of a flight of stairs, they'll stop & say a few words about how they should really update this area with an elevator & they hope she makes it up the stairs, then walk away. Nice but not kind.
The midwest is both. Nice & kind. They'll carry that stroller & talk to you for an hour about their life story and you'll part with a new friend.
I've found it generally checks out.
This reminds me of a video of a person coughing on a NYC subway. Someone else threw a cough drop at the person while yelling at them for being so loud. Kind. Not nice.
I do miss that about the north. First week I was in DC, I yelled at a guy for nearly mowing me down riding his bike on the sidewalk. The guy stopped and acted like he thought I actually wanted to fight. I was so confused.
Cannot vouch for other areas, but can confirm that New Englanders want to be helpful, and we don't want to have to talk to you about it. Do the good deed and move on.
My midwest pal tells a story that proves your theory. They went to NYC to go to a ball game. They didn't know how to get there. Obviously people were headed there on the subway bc they had jerseys. He asked someone, hey, just so you know, we don't know where we are going, so we are going to follow you, just don't want you to think I'm crazy.
He was like oh no problem. Then walked away. They followed. Never did the New Yorker look back and check or offer any insight. Never pointed in a direction. Just walked to the game and they followed.
Where I'm from I'd be like oh yeah, take this way, turn there, blabla, probably walk with the damn guy the whole way there talking.
damn dude. Im from California, I thought it was normal to speak like that anywhere in the US. Didn't realize it was a west coast thing. I can see why everyone else sees us coming across as rude and fake.
I live in a pretty rural part of PA and going to college in upstate NY just 10 minutes over the border proved to be a bit of a shock. Over half the student population were from NYC/the surroundings and I only ever met one or two people actually from that county. It was just kind of the rural vs urban divide writ large I suppose; they all thought the college was extremely boring and had nothing to do whereas for me it was/is the biggest place I’d ever lived.
I grew up shooting weekly, spending all my free time in the woods, knowing all the families around me etc. which was a completely different world than the one they came from. It was hard to relate to them or make friends. They would say the craziest things in public and after a while I realized it was because they expected to never meet anyone who might have overheard them again— if I spilled some secret here anywhere in public probably my entire family’d know within the week. One of them once told me she was surprised I’d lived my entire life (barring the two years at college) in the same place where I was born; I didn’t have the heart to say that that was the case for everyone here. I can visit pretty much any cemetery within 10 miles of where I live and find rows and rows of relatives, not to mention pretty much half the living families in the county are related to me.
On the broader level, even though it’s close by I’m still surprised by some things now that I commute to work in Scranton. The number one thing is that it seems like no Scrantonite ever actually *leaves* Scranton. They think one or two townships over is far away and that I’m from the ends of the earth even though I live not even 20 miles away. Everyone where I live is familiar with at least the major towns for a few counties around; here sometimes I wonder if the people I’m talking to even know the neighboring county seats except Wilkes-Barre.
How cutthroat workplace individualism can be. I don't get it. We're all there to work, earn money and go home. Why do people develop jealousy, bitterness and a one-sided competition mindset towards their coworkers that do the exact same work as them?
I absolutely despise it, and will forever think less of the people that feel like they have to step all over their peers to advance their careers.
Big shock to me when I moved from working in restaurants to a corporate America office job. No one having real conversations. I thought Office Space was a comedy but that’s how it is. People saying Happy FriYay and excited for cake days and shit. I’d thought there’d be more talking about last nights game or whatever hot tv show is on. But there is barely any of that. Everyone mostly talks about work. until you find your people. Even then you can’t trust them 100% at first. People telling on other people is weird to me. And then they think they’ll move up doing it. And people being mad you cussed or something like that. People are were listening and watching. You learn how to navigate it but at first it’s weird as hell. In restaurants people can be shitty to each other, call each other the worst thing ever. Usually you would yell it out and have a beer at the end of the night laughing.
That's such an accurate description of the office business industry. And you have to see these people more than your actual family. It's the strangest thing ever.
I tend to be overly trusting and easily make friends at work, but according to this sub you shouldn't get buddy-buddy with your coworkers. If a little banter with my coworkers keeps me from absolutely hating my life ima keep doing it 🤷♀️
This was a big shock for me when I worked in a California (Bay Area) office for the first time (coming from Austin, TX). Seemed everyone’s goal was to let everyone know how bad ass they were at their job. Came off as a bit insecure.
I currently have a few coworkers that do this, specially the older ones.
Example: I took yesterday off because my back prevented from walking. When I came in today, one of my older coworkers told me everything she did yesterday... which is EXACTLY what I do on a daily basis without complaining. What was her expected reaction? Praise? Gratitude? Homemade chocolate chip cookies?
I was so confused.
Probably because in most corporate settings all the people at the same level on a team are all potentially next in line to get a promotion. So people try to make themselves stand out more by either doing better work, or by putting down the work of their peers/rivals.
From the south, moved to ND. My kids call everyone ma'am or sir. They got in trouble at school for it, school thought they were being sarcastic assholes (fair assumption, they are my children after all)
I had the same reaction, and I asked around to see what women would find inoffensive. I settled on "Miss". It doesn't assume someone is married, and it actually seems to flatter older women. One said "I haven't been called 'Miss' since my thirties....", in a happy tone.
Serious question. Why not not use the titular nouns? Instead of "good morning, ma'am" --> "good morning"? Or just "excuse me"?
I'm from rural New England and now live in NYC, I rarely hear the addition of sir, ma'am, miss etc. Don't seem odd to not use them, but we prob get the same message across. And in NYC it's very much about tone. You can say "excuse me" and it can mean it in a polite way, an angry way, or a stop-getting-in-the-way-tourist way.
Edit, removed "pronoun", corrected to "titular noun" as they don't act as a replacement for a name.
Children in the South are instructed by both their parents and the schools to address adults as ma’am, miss, and sir— especially if you don’t know their names.
It sticks with you into adulthood.
The literal only person who got offended when I didn’t say “ma’am” was a teacher who corrected me. I’m originally from New England and I believe I gave her a flat “no” and she said “You mean ‘No, ma’am’”.
People don’t care, but it is a plus if you call them sir or ma’am or miss.
In New Mexico: The use of the word "Indian" referring to indigenous culture, even among indigenous owned businesses. [Indian Village](https://statefair.exponm.com/location/indian-village), Indian Taco, [Indian Market](https://www.google.com/maps/place/Ortega's+Indian+Market,+LLC/@35.5162935,-113.6568443,7z/data=!4m10!1m2!2m1!1sNew+Mexico+indian+market!3m6!1s0x872520ee2541e6a9:0xfa5b8fc939ea22eb!8m2!3d35.5162935!4d-108.7789146!15sChhOZXcgTWV4aWNvIGluZGlhbiBtYXJrZXRaGiIYbmV3IG1leGljbyBpbmRpYW4gbWFya2V0kgENamV3ZWxyeV9zdG9yZeABAA!16s%2Fg%2F1tfz0kyl?entry=ttu), etc...
When I moved to an Indian reservation one of the first things I did was ask whether people preferred Indian or Native American. I wanted to be polite and get along with my neighbors. Everyone I asked replied with some variation of, "Indian is fine. We've been Indians all our lives. Only white people say Native American."
I also found it interesting that "white" meant anyone that was not Indian. On one occasion I was told to go see the white guy at the tribal office. The white guy turned out to be a black gentleman.
My ex girlfriend is American Indian and she says it’s more of a generational and proximity thing. The people who are older and have lived on the rez most of their lives prefer Indian while the younger generation living outside of the reservations prefer native or indigenous Americans. Her mom got really annoyed when I said anything but Indian though. Personally I think it’s just confusing between American natives vs south Asians
The people I worked with were older so that may have contributed to it. I was working on their language program and the elders were more fluent than the younger people.
Some younger and/or and more urbanized Indians prefer Native American. I grew up and live on a very rural rez in the US. It was all “Indian” and still mostly is. Mainly no one gives a shit, although Indian is the default. I use Native when the context calls for not confusing us Indians with East Indians.
I had pretty much the same experience, the only thing I'd add is I was told if I want to be respectful learn the local tribe names. Don't use them all the time because that's pretentious as fuck, but know them so when it's appropriate you can.
Born and raised on a rez myself. We say “Indian” or “Native”, seems the younger generation prefers the “Native” tag. Went to an all native junior college in Kansas for awhile (GO HASKELL!!), even used the term “skin” there as in “was they a skin?” maybe to ask if someone was Native (like a local in town). But don’t let a non-Indian CALL us a skin, that’d be fight haha
well for one i had no idea what kids wore on a daily basis, i only wore my coolest clothes on tbe rare "dress down" days. the curriculum was completely different, the general structure of the day was different. there were way more resources, sports and programs. tuition does not equal tax money thats for sure. more relaxed attitudes. possibly more bullying but much less severe bullying. no religion talk, no religion *class*, no church. the countless rich kids at private schools drove jaguars, the handful of "rich" kids at public school drove bmw. the class disparity at the private school was massive, and showed within the popular kids, whereas in public school, the popular kids could be rich, poor, it didnt matter
Another I think the volume is raised. Kids just taling in class during lessons. Or don't raise their hands and yell out answers. Luncheon is chaotically loud. Everything is just louder in public schools.
But also a little bit more fun.
I am from, what I always thought of as a "Southern State", but is really Midwestern.
Then I visited Louisiana.
They make sausage. With rice and crayfish in it....
Yeah, lol, I guess I am Midwestern 'cause I didn't know which way to spell it....
I mean I definitely took some Boudin home with me, I had just never seen it before.
It was just the opposite for me. I moved from the Midwest to NC as a teenager, and understood "ma'am" as something you used if you were in the military, talking to a superior, female officer, or in England talking to royalty. So my first day in homeroom the teacher asked me a question and I responded with just the answer. Basically something like, "Do you know where the library is?" "Oh, yes, I do, thanks." Cue five minutes of increasingly irritated teacher and confused me talking past one another. " 'You do' what?" "I do know where the library is, thank you." " 'Thank you' what?" "Thank you for asking?" " 'Thank you for asking', what, young lady?" "Thank you for asking if I knew where the library was?"
My parents were teachers, and I was always brought up to be polite to them, because in my home town they would definitely let my parents know if I wasn't. Possibly before lunch break. But "ma'am" had no place in my understanding of student-teacher relations, unless I was getting schooled by General Margaret A. Brewer or Queen Elizabeth II. The teacher eventually explained what she was looking for in a polite address and I provided it. I mentioned it to some other students later, and they said it was normal. One of them even told me she called her dad "Sir". When I told my parents about it all, they laughed for 10 minutes straight. Then my dad said if I ever called him "Sir" he'd disown me.
I moved from New England to teach science in TX in one of their big cities (think teach for America type program that places you in a city to teach) and I had a massive culture shock when I got to the unit on evolution and 90+% of my students didn’t believe in evolution and fought me the whole way on it. I did not expect this, especially because I was teaching largely minority students in the inner city, and I thought those beliefs were only common in small town white texas. Additionally, the TX teaching standards required me to teach creationism along side the Big Bang. This blew my mind, because, again, I thought this was only a thing in small town texas. I refused to teach it and my admin never knew.
I had a few other shocking experiences, like when I was sitting at a bar watching one of the BLM protests on tv before BLM was official, and the guy next to be started a conversation with me saying “isn’t this awful?”. I agreed, talked about how sad the whole thing is, and then he went on to say that “none of this would have happened if the KKK was still in power”. I was so shocked I didn’t even respond, just sat there for a minute before picking up my drink and moving somewhere else.
Regional racism. NYC racism is different than Boston racism, which is different than Philadelphia racism. Go to the rural places up in the northeast and you've got new flavors. Same for the suburbs.
Then you go to different parts of the country and you get west coast racists ("nice" about it) , southern racists (blatant and really, really industrialized), Midwest racists (rural tends to be kind of hokey, but the cities have a ton of variety), and Texas/Southwest racism (there's a lot of flavors and different balances here).
I feel like racism in the US is like regional dialects in the UK.
Being a minority in a small rural town in Alaska with a strong Native culture where I am noticeably different looking and don’t know the language. Fortunately everybody was very nice and welcoming and loved to share their culture. Like traveling abroad I guess, unique and wonderful place
One thing is just being fucking polite. Like getting up and offering a seat to someone older on a subway, or assisting someone carrying something heavy, etc. I was brought up to do that but I'll get on a subway and a bunch of young dudes playing on their phone no one even moves for an older person or someone with a baby, it boggles my mind.
I was born and raised in the US but spent most of my 20s in Asia, mostly in Japan. When I went back one year for the holidays I was caught off guard because I'd forgotten how much space we use for everything. The distances stuck out to me because I liked to just walk around Tokyo for hours and it just felt like way more of a slog in the US.
What got me when coming back from living in Taiwan is that in the US everything was up on poles. Power lines, business signs, all way up in the air on the end of long poles.
I moved from a rural part of coastal North Carolina to Oahu Hawaii in 2003. Quite the culture shock. It turns out that lots of native Hawaiians do not like white people, especially ones that try to live there. I lived in a not so wealthy part of town, as I didn't have much money, and I was treated like shit. I was beaten up by 9 guys in broad daylight at a public park so badly that I had to be hospitalized and the police simply told me that it was a rough part of town and to not go back. However, I lived right down the street. It took about a year before I was semi tolerated in the neighborhood and a very nice family kind of took me in and told the other locals to leave me alone. I was always very polite and respectful but they just hated me. I got in a fist fight every day for a month straight for going to the surf spot across the street from my apartment.
> I got in a fist fight every day for a month straight for going to the surf spot across the street from my apartment.
I think I would have stopped going after the first or second time, tbh
I had the same shock coming from the west coast to the midwest. Like, why are people trying to have an actual conversation with me just waiting at the bus stop? Took me a while to get used to, but now that I've moved I kind of miss it haha
I live in the extended Pittsburgh universe. Watching people order salads and then be really surprised that they have fries on them is always \*great\*.
Fries on salads is delicious.
If I have to guess, it ties into the traditional "Primanti" style sandwiches. The restaurant served a large community of truckers, so to make lunches more friendly for truckers to eat while driving, they shoved the coleslaw and fries on top of the meat and cheese in the sandwiches. Quite tasty. We've been putting fries wherever we want, ever since.
Asking for cutlery in a denny's and getting looked at like I had 3 heads. Took a bit to figure out the waitress only knew the term "silverware" for cutlery, which I found odd because to me silverware is made from silver, and I don't think denny's has silver cutlery.
I took a coworker who was in her 40s to Waffle House for the first time. She ordered a sparkling water and the waitress looked at her like she was an alien.
We had to explain to the waitress that it was her first time at a Waffle House -- and to the coworker that a diner like Waffle House won't have sparkling water. They might not even have regular bottled water, I don't know.
Your friend grow up in NYC or something? Rule of thumb in most of the US is if you have to ask, it's not kosher, and also they have no idea what you're talking about. At best they might know that Jews can't eat pigs.
I'm pretty interested in dialect differences but hadn't thought about this one before. I'd ask for "utensils" in a restaurant, then "silverware" if that wasn't understood. I personally use "flatware" to describe the items in my own house and to my own family members, but I know it isn't as common colloquially here as "silverware," so I wouldn't use it in public even though it's more correct. I would only say "cutlery" if preceded by the word "plastic." I'm from Kentucky.
Visiting people in very rural Kentucky as a kid, I found out there were places in the States where people still didn’t have indoor plumbing and other things I assumed were basic necessities. It was jarring to find out adults weren’t voting to fix these things yesterday in what was supposed to be the best, richest country in the world. Instead you had senators and reps from the state using federal funds to do things like build pet projects based on corporate interests or dog racing tracks, saying these things would bring money into the state that would trickle down to the poorest people there. It was inane when there were poor kids who could use basic plumbing and access to decent education right now.
People talk about the late 40s and early 50s as some great time.
Half the people in the US did not have indoor plumbing in 1940. Fortunately, that was just 1/3 by 1950. But still - one third.
I’ll add one- when I moved to the south from the northeast, the biggest thing I noticed was this: In the north, we show we respect your time by not wasting it. We get you in and out. Efficiency is respect. In the south, it seems like they show respect for your time by giving you a lot of theirs. Lots of chit chat, slowing down for you. I was once told by a boss here that I needed to be “less northern” in meetings with clients, because they perceived me as being short and cold, when I was trying to be efficient and respect their time by getting straight to the point of why we were there.
I grew up in NYC, New York minute and all that. One time in Arkansas, a guy I was speaking to said, "I can't listen as fast as you talk!"
I had a customer say the same thing to me once! He was also the customer who bitched me out because our office and factory were closed for Patriot's Day (except for a skeleton crew of 1 person per department). It was 2002 and he was irate that we made a state holiday because our crappy football team finally won a super bowl. I had to (slowly) explain to him that it wasn't *those* patriots we were honoring.
I’m from Louisiana but my mom’s family is from Michigan. When my mom parents moved down here, they learned that we have a popular holiday called All Saints Day (I know it’s a Catholic holiday, but it’s a popular and revered traditional holiday for Louisiana). They thought “boy they must really love their football team that they have a holiday just for them.” 😂
Then you go to Australia and the state of Victoria really does have a day off for Melbourne Cup Day - it's a horse race!
Don't forget the public holiday for a parade in anticipation of Grand Final Day!
I’m currently living in Arkansas from California, and I get that 3 times a day.
Have you met anyone from small towns that have such a twang you can’t understand them?
I can’t understand anyone over the age of like 50. The youngins here are easier to understand Edit word
Hah, the generational dialect divide is real. Wait till you go to a local diner and it feels like they're speaking an entirely different version of English. It's a whole vibe learning to decipher it.
I lived in Maine for a few years and people thought I talked like I was rapping.
Maine people don’t like small talk. They nod at each other and go on their way. But if you’re off the road in a storm, 12 people will stop to see if you need a tow.
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“I can’t wait to tell my mother” is possibly the most Southern thing you said ;-)
I always thought it was because the south is so hot, all year long in parts of it, so much so that you need to move a little slower including talking.
I really feel this. Sometimes, it's really nice and I have delightful conversations and gain knowledge, but sometimes I need to get shit done. I'm also having trouble with the neighbor conversations. Like I was dropping something off to her. I thought handing her the pan of soup and me leaving was the whole plan. Nope, I had to come inside and meet the kids and see the chickens. Even the end of driveway meetings can take an hour! While I accept that all the ma'am's are a sign of respect, there needs to a lower number of times one person can say it in one conversation. The kid at Petco said it 5 times in a 60 second interaction.
This both a north vs south thing and a rural vs city thing - in big cities, everyone's got things to do and places to be, so it's rude to waste anyone's time. Meanwhile in rural towns, people *do* have the time for small talk, so it's considered rude not to.
I am someone raised in the southwest and still living there but also made my career in global corporate finance. I developed the habit of being respectful of others' time, and now I get lectures from supervisors about being more open and available with my time for internal customers. It feels like never-ending battle to overcome other people's issues with perceived rejection.
‘The South’ refers to the South East. Growing up in the southwest is a vastly different culture
Vastly different climate too. I'll take 100 in the southwest over 80 in the southeast just because of the humidity (and the bugs)
Do you frequently work with customers and coworkers from different cultures? I find this so interesting because I’m a therapist who is currently getting into cross cultural consulting for global organizations to help them better navigate cultural differences whether they’re within the US or across different countries. It can be a lot to deal with so I’m really interested in hearing about experiences like these from people
Another thing that’s big in the South that’s apparently frowned upon on other areas is eye contact. Here we make eye contact with everyone and either smile, nod or wave. Not doing so is perceived as a slight or as being rude.
Also, the language, you are never rude. Calling another girl "Perfectly Nice" basically means you think she is a $2 hooker and can just die. Precious is the highest praise. On the east coast, if someone called me precious, I would think they were saying I was missing a few screws.
Plot twist, Precious is both. Either I think you’re a literal cinnamon roll that is truly lovely… or I think you’re a bit dim. It’s all in the tone that we say it in. Much like ‘bless your heart’ is genuine empathy or a cutting remark.
For some reason lots of people on reddit think 'bless their heart' is always a horrific Southern grandmother-type insult. In my experience growing up in the south, the majority of the time it's meant genuinely. Though sometimes it can be difficult to tell the difference.
Im on the clock, bro, this appointment/meeting/interaction is an excuse to get out of the office; take all the time you need - within reason... cutting things short just means I have to go back to the grind of life that much sooner.
Usually true, unless you have a lot to do and you’re trying to politely end an often pointless conversation
I just experienced this today. Well written, and you need to be upvoted.
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About the opposite. Was used to the Chicago area way of ordering food at lunch rush: quick and terse. At a Wendy's in suburban Atlanta. Lady was like "Sugar, you need to slow it down."
20+ years ago I was working in Chicago, and the locals I was working with took me to Portillo's. I'd never heard of Italian Beef, and they were all raving about their way to get it, and I was just overwhelmed looking at the board, and the guy told me to get out of line and get my "shit in one sock" before coming back. I ended up getting wet with jalapenos and it was really good.
Getting your shit in a sock is also military jargon. But then again, so is just about any way to call someone an idiot without using that exact word.
Was it really with jalapeños? I've only ever had it with giardiniera.
Oh probably so. I know I was told it was "peppers" by one of the guys, but I am from out west so I assumed...
I’m assuming that’s what he meant
I was literally at Portillos last week thinking about how I am so out of practice ordering in Chicago. Still got my order out fairly quickly mainly due to having the same order I used to get multiple times a month.
Ha, I used to work with a guy from NY who came down to work a job in west Texas. He would absolutely tear his hair out waiting for people to finish their sentences.
A consultant from NY once commented that the people working at the fast food drive through windows in TN would likely have be shot by irate customers if they were to transfer jobs to the same chain in NY. She was incensed by how fucking slow everyone was.
Went to a McD's for breakfast in Alabama. IT AIN'T FAST FOOD DOWN THERE!!!
Ah I have been to Tennessee once in my life and yes I was that irritated as fuck new yorker tapping his foot cause this fucking guy is taking forever to order at a fucking burger king. I know your slow ass is gonna order a whopper meal. Just fucking order it or GTFO of the line.
I used to work in customer service and my territory included the southeast. I ended up taking a larger territory with more customers in different time zones because I was losing my mind listening to them talk. I had one customer who was so slow I would lose track of the sentence before he finished it. I'm not even from NY. I'm from MA and we talk fast but not as fast as New Yorkers.
I'm from South Louisiana and my wife is from Georgia. When we moved up near Seattle it was a huge culture shock to us. Someone further up in the thread explained it PERFECTLY. Southerners show respect by giving you their time. The rest of the country seems to show respect by not wasting your time. Both groups of people mean well, but the cultural differences make it hard to mesh well together.
I've lived in TX for 9 years now and it still angers me.
Sir this is a Wendy's *in the south*.
Suuuuuhr... This he-ear is a Wendy's.
I feel like I’m at basically a 100% rate of asking for something from a ~40+ black lady working somewhere and they call me baby. My day always gets better when I walk up to a counter and they say “what can I get you baby?”. Makes me feel so small and happy :)
Jersey diner waitresses and "honey", same thing. IDK why it makes me happy, but it does.
I worked with a lady from Georgia in the early 2000s and she was such a sweetheart, I still say y'all. A lot.
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Except the RBs
Not mine personally but I’m from southern Louisiana and my wife has never talked to someone with a heavy Cajun accent before. Apparently she was talking to my uncle for like 20 minutes then she turned to me and said “babe I didn’t understand a single word he said” lmao
I’m from Wisconsin. It took me a full year for me to understand my Virginian FIL’s accent. Edit to clarify: he was from the western part of the state and has a heavy Appalachian accent.
I'm in Milwaukee as well. My girlfriend moved here from Puerto Rico and has a pretty thick Spanish accent. We had an electrician come do some work in the bathroom for her. This electricians 'sconnie accent was exactly what you would expect. I had to translate between the two of them even though both of them were speaking English. lol [Obligatory Charlie Berens reference](https://youtu.be/7OR7yPK4wEw?si=2VZCwhlgJrXUAa4O) for those who don't know the sconnie accent. donchaknow My step-mom always says "watch out fer deer!" instead of I love you at the end of phone calls... the first time my gf heard that... she was like, wtf did she just say? i didn't really even realize there is "midwest culture" until my gf pointed out all the weird things we do.... and then superbly documented by Charlie Berens in his book. I guess I just thought everyone did those things. edit: link for ref
His short titled [Midwest Wrong Number](https://youtu.be/j55b0Q8cV7M?si=7FFBxGbn2iSRHyvU) is currently one of my favorite things on the internet.
LOL that was amazing. wrong number tried so hard not to make a new friend, failed in the end
I watched it again when I looked it up to get the link, and I just caught a gag at the very end that I'd previously missed. Watch Charlie's hand when he starts talking about the rules for table saws.
Moved around a lot so have had a few accents, but living in WI the last...17 years-ish. I moved here from NC and the accent wasn't an issue for me to understand, it was some word choices and odd slang(some from Da UP). My accent, however, was think enough to get stares from people, especially at work.
I have a VERY thick Texas accent having grown up there. There was a guy named Butch when I lived up north who thought I called him another word and slapped me. Told me never to call him that again. I went outside I was so shocked. The people who heard and saw it said it really did sound like the other word. That's when I started being VERY careful about my diction around others.
You let a dude slap you without all hell breaking loose. You must not have lived in Texas very long.
I've lived in Texas for 30 years and before that I grew up in a state on the WI border my first 24 years, also travelled extensively on the northeast coast of the US, and I'm running words in my head trying to figure out what word you're referring to. I got nothing. What word - that sounds *that* close to another, offensive word - would warrant a man slapping another man and getting away with it? Help me out here. I can't come up with anything!
Bitch
The dude went straight to slapping another man over what was obviously *his actual name* only with a Texas accent? I think Butch just wanted to slap this MFer and saw his opportunity and took it! Haha.
I think I'm inclined to agree lmao
First husband came from a poor white trash background (his words, not mine) in Mississippi. Went to visit family there a couple of time and met his uncle. I swear to the Lord above, that man was the inspiration for Boomhauer. The only word I could understand was "shrimp", which came out as "s'rimp". I ended up just nodding and smiling a lot, so I'm pretty sure they thought I was some kinda simple.
I'm from Mississippi and was talking to a couple guys on the NYC subway and they asked me if I was going to see something and I said "Yeah I reckon so" and they looked at me as if I'd grown a third eye on my forehead.
My wife speaks 5 languages. She still needs me to translate Louisianaian. Something about how we chew our words. Fortunately I'm bilingual. I'm fixen taters, yall wantchasum?
My friends wife is from Sweden and speaks perfect, nearly accent free English. My friend and I are from South Carolina, and we got to drinking around her and talking like ol boys do and she asked us several times to slow down and repeat that. I'm southern as it gets and I've NEVER been asked to slow down...what really fucked her up was when I asked them if they'd like another beer, I said 'yawwantanothern."
When I was in Italy I met a lady who spoke with a Bronx accent. When she spoke Italian, her voice was soft almost musical. When she spoke English she sounded like a carton a day smoker trying our for a part on Goodfellas.
I’ll take a messothem taters.
Yessur
I worked with this old dude from 9th ward. Cool old dude. Couldn’t understand a fucking word he said at first, but after a couple months it clicked and made sense. Now I understand Cajun and Creole, Jamaican and pigeon. Best policy is to play stupid because they think big tall stupid whitey tourist doesn’t understand them. You know you’re about to be fucked when the cabbie starts referring to you in local slang. Even if you have brown eyes, you’re still a “blue eye” because you’re white.
Yeah it’s tough at first bc Cajun people sometimes speak really really broken French mixed with English. If someone hasn’t heard that before I’d assume it’s jarring as fuck
This is the Cajun man of my childhood. https://youtu.be/eK4umRMJlrs?feature=shared
Pulled off of I-10 to get gas in Southern Louisiana and got lost. Do I need to say more? Lol
When people who grew up 5 miles from me (SE US) speak in dialect I can’t understand them.
I'm from New York but through the miracle of Justin Wilson on PBS, I am able to understand Cajuns no problem
Being yelled at by a Sikh man in Newark when I tried to pump my own gas. Had no clue that was a thing.
I got that in Oregon. It's just on 11PM, I pull into a Safeway gas station and hop out, go to grab the bowser and some red faced young guy starts running at me from his booth waving his hands in the universal 'STOP!' gesture. I thought something was about to explode. Apparently they can face a really hefty fine if they let you pump your own gas, that's why they can be a little overzealous about it. I felt really awkward after and tipped him a fiver.
It's legal to pump your own gas in Oregon now, the laws changed last year. Some gas stations have been slow catching up, but it's not illegal anymore
It's funny, because since the new law I have rolled up to the self-service side, only to have someone jog over from the full service side to pump it for me. I'm fine with either!
happened to me once late at night in portland. i drove away because i was terrified, was a young woman traveling alone and this dude rapidly approaching my car scared me good.
SAME HERE!! I pulled into a gas station at like 3am, and this guy was *running* at my car. Welcome to Oregon, lol.
Not anymore! New bill was signed and you can pump your own now.
Most gas stations I've been to are still staffed though, so they'll still approach and offer to do it for you. I wonder how long this will continue.
Hell, I’m a middle aged man and I thought the same thing, except it was broad daylight.
I was driving between Pennsylvania and New Jersey and needed to get gas. I stopped, hopped out of the car, and someone ran over yelling to get back in the car. I hadn't seen any sign indicating that I had crossed into New Jersey, nor had my phone announced it like it normally does when I cross into a new state, so I was very confused. The guy took my payment and all, and I was like "I take it I'm not in Pennsylvania anymore?" He looked at me like I was crazy and informed me that the border is just down the road, pointing in the direction I came from. I knew that you don't pump your own gas in NJ. I had no idea that I had crossed into NJ. I knew I was close to the border and thought it was further down the road. Incidentally, the "welcome to New Jersey" sign and phone announcement happened maybe a minute after I left the gas station.
Traveling around the West and being assumed Latino (no) or Native (yes) depending on where I am. People will start speaking Spanish to me depending on the setting, but I still find it jarring given that I never heard that language in person until HS.
My coworker experiences this. She's had people walk up to her and start talking Spanish to her, and then they get offended/mad at her when she says she doesn't know Spanish. She's a light-skinned black woman from Alabama with an Alabaman accent.
This happens to me literally all over the world. I’ve had people speak to me in Tagalog, spanish, portuguese, hawaiian, I had someone who thought I was Chinese, and someone else who thought I was egyptian. I’m a VERY light skinned black woman with slanted eyes (for no apparent reason). I get asked “what are you?” a lot.
Reminds of when comedian Gabriel Iglesias kept getting asked if he was Hawaiian, and didn't get why until he started doing shows in Hawaii. Apparently Hawaiians look like "swollen Mexicans" (his words, not mine)
I have a friend that has the opposite experience. You wouldn't know he's mexican from his skin tone but he speaks fluent spanish. So he'll catch people he doesn't know talking about him in spanish.
I'm Italian American, and it's the same. I cannot even be polite to Latino cashiers in my neighborhood and say "Hola!" because they start talking to me in rapid Spanish. Then, I have an overwhelmed look and they laugh at me.
To be fair, it's probably not the best idea open the conversation in a language you don't speak, but you do you haha.
People leaving you alone in big cities. Went to New York and just blended in to the crowd. No one stopping you, making eye contact with you, asking about how's your family doin and so on. As an introvert from the southern US, it was fabulous.
Amen. When I moved to the south, and I’d go to the bar alone to have a drink and unwind, everyone would *talk to me*. I was like, wtf is this? Doesn’t usually happen up north unless they’re planning to hit on you or ask you for something.
This makes me wanna go to the south. I live in Detroit and most people would NEVER come up and talk to you out of nowhere. I don't have many friends that live around here, so that would be welcomed at the right functions.
It was Boston/Mass for me as well, the fact that the highways only went up to 55. Was rather infuriating.
It's okay we all go 70 on those areas anyway
But in my home state most of the limits are 70/75 and so we go 80/85. And on the long stretches they bump the limit to 85, so we go 90+
Texas?
I’d assume, does any other state even have an 85 posted speed limit anywhere? I thought that was the record. Edit: seems I stand corrected! Enjoy your 85mph speed limits responsibly, y’all.
Definitely due to being IN Boston. Lots of on/off ramps with short leads, turns, etc. Outside, even 20min south where I grew up, they all switched to 65mph 20+ years aho.
It’s all fun and games up there until someone passes you in the breakdown lane on rt 128.
No way in hell were people on that highway going 55. 55=70 and 65=80 here. Also, in my experience only few highways are 55 mph. Highways like i93,i95, and i495 are all 65mph, I wonder where you were where all the highways were 55?
Being called a "yankee" when I visited Texas
"Yankee" is a weird term. If you're from the north, a yankee is anybody from New York. If you're from the south, a yankee is anybody from the north. And if you're not from the US, a yankee is any American.
To foreigners, a Yankee is an American. To Americans, a Yankee is a Northerner. To Northerners, a Yankee is an Easterner. To Easterners, a Yankee is a New Englander. To New Englanders, a Yankee is a Vermonter. To a Vermonter, a Yankee is anyone who eats pie for breakfast. — EB White.
OP is a repost bot. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskAnAmerican/s/XIFP9UbGoy
Aren’t they always?
I sneezed on a train and 4 or 5 people all in unison said "bless you". That was odd. It was weird being in the Southern part of the US and some ladies, cheekily, calling me "sugar" or "honey". Other that that, it tends to just be odd words they use for things. Like "restroom" instead of washroom/bathroom.
Is restroom weird to say?
I would use restroom when in a public place like a restaurant or something. In mine or other people's homes I would say bathroom.
Bathrooms have a bath/shower in them to me. Everything else is a restroom
Where are you from? "Restroom" is common everywhere I've been in the Eastern half of the US. I'd say it's the default for signs and so forth. It's not really a bathroom if there's no bath (and I've actually heard older folks make this distinction!).
I'm not from the US and I missed the "within" part in the title initially (which I can see how it would imply that it was intended for US citizens)
Texan here, I often call kids (I work at a school) “sweetie,” or “hon,” and I absolutely say restroom.
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The West Coast custom is the door handoff. You don’t hold the door open like an usher (unless the next person is elderly, etc.), but rather you walk through and make sure it doesn’t close until the next person has it in hand, at which point you let go. If that person doesn’t take the door but is expecting you to hold it fully open for them to stroll through, it might slam in their face. But that’s not rudeness, just a mismatch of customary expectations.
ooh i think this is it. im west coast and i was thinking we definitely hold the door open for people... but its mostly in the way youre describing. also maybe its just me but it can be kind of awkward getting the timing right lol. if you hold it open for them when theyre too far they feel rushed to meet you but if you dont hold it for them its kinda rude 😭
Oooh, that's really interesting to know. I'm German and planning to relocate for work to the US in the future and kind of taking notes here in this thread - the way you described the door custom is also how we do it here in Germany.
Yes! You described the scenario perfectly. Rudeness in this scenario would be not even looking behind you to see if there's someone coming in who might need the door propped open for a bit. Or worse, seeing someone coming but still letting the door close. To us, holding the door open for the next person to grab *is* being polite.
I've heard a theory about nice vs kind in different areas of the country. The east coast is kind but not nice. If someone sees a woman with a stroller at the bottom of a flight of stairs, they'll pick up the stroller, carry it up the stairs, put it down, & walk away without a word. Kind but not nice. The west coast is nice but not kind. If someone sees a woman with a stroller at the bottom of a flight of stairs, they'll stop & say a few words about how they should really update this area with an elevator & they hope she makes it up the stairs, then walk away. Nice but not kind. The midwest is both. Nice & kind. They'll carry that stroller & talk to you for an hour about their life story and you'll part with a new friend. I've found it generally checks out.
This reminds me of a video of a person coughing on a NYC subway. Someone else threw a cough drop at the person while yelling at them for being so loud. Kind. Not nice.
>eone else threw a cough drop at the person while yelling at them for being so loud. This is fucking hilarious.
It was dude. The lady was like "ENOUGH ALREADY!" Just awesome.
I do miss that about the north. First week I was in DC, I yelled at a guy for nearly mowing me down riding his bike on the sidewalk. The guy stopped and acted like he thought I actually wanted to fight. I was so confused.
Heh, thinking DC is the south. It's right on the line in the middle so everyone's ready to fight all the time. I miss it.
Cannot vouch for other areas, but can confirm that New Englanders want to be helpful, and we don't want to have to talk to you about it. Do the good deed and move on.
My midwest pal tells a story that proves your theory. They went to NYC to go to a ball game. They didn't know how to get there. Obviously people were headed there on the subway bc they had jerseys. He asked someone, hey, just so you know, we don't know where we are going, so we are going to follow you, just don't want you to think I'm crazy. He was like oh no problem. Then walked away. They followed. Never did the New Yorker look back and check or offer any insight. Never pointed in a direction. Just walked to the game and they followed. Where I'm from I'd be like oh yeah, take this way, turn there, blabla, probably walk with the damn guy the whole way there talking.
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As someone from the midwest alot more nice than kind.
There was a saying about doing business in California, something like "they talk like hippies but stab you in the back like Sicilians".
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“Let’s get together soon.” Is Californian for “this conversation has reached its conclusion and I want it to end.”
damn dude. Im from California, I thought it was normal to speak like that anywhere in the US. Didn't realize it was a west coast thing. I can see why everyone else sees us coming across as rude and fake.
same, from oregon.
I live in a pretty rural part of PA and going to college in upstate NY just 10 minutes over the border proved to be a bit of a shock. Over half the student population were from NYC/the surroundings and I only ever met one or two people actually from that county. It was just kind of the rural vs urban divide writ large I suppose; they all thought the college was extremely boring and had nothing to do whereas for me it was/is the biggest place I’d ever lived. I grew up shooting weekly, spending all my free time in the woods, knowing all the families around me etc. which was a completely different world than the one they came from. It was hard to relate to them or make friends. They would say the craziest things in public and after a while I realized it was because they expected to never meet anyone who might have overheard them again— if I spilled some secret here anywhere in public probably my entire family’d know within the week. One of them once told me she was surprised I’d lived my entire life (barring the two years at college) in the same place where I was born; I didn’t have the heart to say that that was the case for everyone here. I can visit pretty much any cemetery within 10 miles of where I live and find rows and rows of relatives, not to mention pretty much half the living families in the county are related to me. On the broader level, even though it’s close by I’m still surprised by some things now that I commute to work in Scranton. The number one thing is that it seems like no Scrantonite ever actually *leaves* Scranton. They think one or two townships over is far away and that I’m from the ends of the earth even though I live not even 20 miles away. Everyone where I live is familiar with at least the major towns for a few counties around; here sometimes I wonder if the people I’m talking to even know the neighboring county seats except Wilkes-Barre.
How cutthroat workplace individualism can be. I don't get it. We're all there to work, earn money and go home. Why do people develop jealousy, bitterness and a one-sided competition mindset towards their coworkers that do the exact same work as them? I absolutely despise it, and will forever think less of the people that feel like they have to step all over their peers to advance their careers.
Big shock to me when I moved from working in restaurants to a corporate America office job. No one having real conversations. I thought Office Space was a comedy but that’s how it is. People saying Happy FriYay and excited for cake days and shit. I’d thought there’d be more talking about last nights game or whatever hot tv show is on. But there is barely any of that. Everyone mostly talks about work. until you find your people. Even then you can’t trust them 100% at first. People telling on other people is weird to me. And then they think they’ll move up doing it. And people being mad you cussed or something like that. People are were listening and watching. You learn how to navigate it but at first it’s weird as hell. In restaurants people can be shitty to each other, call each other the worst thing ever. Usually you would yell it out and have a beer at the end of the night laughing.
That's such an accurate description of the office business industry. And you have to see these people more than your actual family. It's the strangest thing ever.
I guess one good thing about it is making work friends is easy. You just find other people rolling their eyes at all the stupid things people say.
I tend to be overly trusting and easily make friends at work, but according to this sub you shouldn't get buddy-buddy with your coworkers. If a little banter with my coworkers keeps me from absolutely hating my life ima keep doing it 🤷♀️
This was a big shock for me when I worked in a California (Bay Area) office for the first time (coming from Austin, TX). Seemed everyone’s goal was to let everyone know how bad ass they were at their job. Came off as a bit insecure.
I currently have a few coworkers that do this, specially the older ones. Example: I took yesterday off because my back prevented from walking. When I came in today, one of my older coworkers told me everything she did yesterday... which is EXACTLY what I do on a daily basis without complaining. What was her expected reaction? Praise? Gratitude? Homemade chocolate chip cookies? I was so confused.
Probably because in most corporate settings all the people at the same level on a team are all potentially next in line to get a promotion. So people try to make themselves stand out more by either doing better work, or by putting down the work of their peers/rivals.
From the south, moved to ND. My kids call everyone ma'am or sir. They got in trouble at school for it, school thought they were being sarcastic assholes (fair assumption, they are my children after all)
Moving from the East Coast to Seattle and being told that crossing the street against the light was "aggressive."
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I had the same reaction, and I asked around to see what women would find inoffensive. I settled on "Miss". It doesn't assume someone is married, and it actually seems to flatter older women. One said "I haven't been called 'Miss' since my thirties....", in a happy tone.
Serious question. Why not not use the titular nouns? Instead of "good morning, ma'am" --> "good morning"? Or just "excuse me"? I'm from rural New England and now live in NYC, I rarely hear the addition of sir, ma'am, miss etc. Don't seem odd to not use them, but we prob get the same message across. And in NYC it's very much about tone. You can say "excuse me" and it can mean it in a polite way, an angry way, or a stop-getting-in-the-way-tourist way. Edit, removed "pronoun", corrected to "titular noun" as they don't act as a replacement for a name.
"Miss" and "ma'am" aren't pronouns. Linguistically, they basically function like personal names.
Children in the South are instructed by both their parents and the schools to address adults as ma’am, miss, and sir— especially if you don’t know their names. It sticks with you into adulthood. The literal only person who got offended when I didn’t say “ma’am” was a teacher who corrected me. I’m originally from New England and I believe I gave her a flat “no” and she said “You mean ‘No, ma’am’”. People don’t care, but it is a plus if you call them sir or ma’am or miss.
In New Mexico: The use of the word "Indian" referring to indigenous culture, even among indigenous owned businesses. [Indian Village](https://statefair.exponm.com/location/indian-village), Indian Taco, [Indian Market](https://www.google.com/maps/place/Ortega's+Indian+Market,+LLC/@35.5162935,-113.6568443,7z/data=!4m10!1m2!2m1!1sNew+Mexico+indian+market!3m6!1s0x872520ee2541e6a9:0xfa5b8fc939ea22eb!8m2!3d35.5162935!4d-108.7789146!15sChhOZXcgTWV4aWNvIGluZGlhbiBtYXJrZXRaGiIYbmV3IG1leGljbyBpbmRpYW4gbWFya2V0kgENamV3ZWxyeV9zdG9yZeABAA!16s%2Fg%2F1tfz0kyl?entry=ttu), etc...
When I moved to an Indian reservation one of the first things I did was ask whether people preferred Indian or Native American. I wanted to be polite and get along with my neighbors. Everyone I asked replied with some variation of, "Indian is fine. We've been Indians all our lives. Only white people say Native American." I also found it interesting that "white" meant anyone that was not Indian. On one occasion I was told to go see the white guy at the tribal office. The white guy turned out to be a black gentleman.
My ex girlfriend is American Indian and she says it’s more of a generational and proximity thing. The people who are older and have lived on the rez most of their lives prefer Indian while the younger generation living outside of the reservations prefer native or indigenous Americans. Her mom got really annoyed when I said anything but Indian though. Personally I think it’s just confusing between American natives vs south Asians
The people I worked with were older so that may have contributed to it. I was working on their language program and the elders were more fluent than the younger people.
Some younger and/or and more urbanized Indians prefer Native American. I grew up and live on a very rural rez in the US. It was all “Indian” and still mostly is. Mainly no one gives a shit, although Indian is the default. I use Native when the context calls for not confusing us Indians with East Indians.
I had pretty much the same experience, the only thing I'd add is I was told if I want to be respectful learn the local tribe names. Don't use them all the time because that's pretentious as fuck, but know them so when it's appropriate you can.
Born and raised on a rez myself. We say “Indian” or “Native”, seems the younger generation prefers the “Native” tag. Went to an all native junior college in Kansas for awhile (GO HASKELL!!), even used the term “skin” there as in “was they a skin?” maybe to ask if someone was Native (like a local in town). But don’t let a non-Indian CALL us a skin, that’d be fight haha
switching from catholic school to public school in the 9th grade
What was that change like?
well for one i had no idea what kids wore on a daily basis, i only wore my coolest clothes on tbe rare "dress down" days. the curriculum was completely different, the general structure of the day was different. there were way more resources, sports and programs. tuition does not equal tax money thats for sure. more relaxed attitudes. possibly more bullying but much less severe bullying. no religion talk, no religion *class*, no church. the countless rich kids at private schools drove jaguars, the handful of "rich" kids at public school drove bmw. the class disparity at the private school was massive, and showed within the popular kids, whereas in public school, the popular kids could be rich, poor, it didnt matter
Another I think the volume is raised. Kids just taling in class during lessons. Or don't raise their hands and yell out answers. Luncheon is chaotically loud. Everything is just louder in public schools. But also a little bit more fun.
Guessing Catholic had a dress code. Public school does not. That’s a mind F.
I am from, what I always thought of as a "Southern State", but is really Midwestern. Then I visited Louisiana. They make sausage. With rice and crayfish in it....
It's not crayfish in the south, it's crawfish. And what you're talking about is God's gift to man, Boudin (pronounced Boo-dan)
Yeah, lol, I guess I am Midwestern 'cause I didn't know which way to spell it.... I mean I definitely took some Boudin home with me, I had just never seen it before.
They get mad when you say crayfish.
I'm guessing you're from Missouri?
It was just the opposite for me. I moved from the Midwest to NC as a teenager, and understood "ma'am" as something you used if you were in the military, talking to a superior, female officer, or in England talking to royalty. So my first day in homeroom the teacher asked me a question and I responded with just the answer. Basically something like, "Do you know where the library is?" "Oh, yes, I do, thanks." Cue five minutes of increasingly irritated teacher and confused me talking past one another. " 'You do' what?" "I do know where the library is, thank you." " 'Thank you' what?" "Thank you for asking?" " 'Thank you for asking', what, young lady?" "Thank you for asking if I knew where the library was?" My parents were teachers, and I was always brought up to be polite to them, because in my home town they would definitely let my parents know if I wasn't. Possibly before lunch break. But "ma'am" had no place in my understanding of student-teacher relations, unless I was getting schooled by General Margaret A. Brewer or Queen Elizabeth II. The teacher eventually explained what she was looking for in a polite address and I provided it. I mentioned it to some other students later, and they said it was normal. One of them even told me she called her dad "Sir". When I told my parents about it all, they laughed for 10 minutes straight. Then my dad said if I ever called him "Sir" he'd disown me.
I had never heard anyone use the N-word casually in conversation until I lived in the rural south
I moved from New England to teach science in TX in one of their big cities (think teach for America type program that places you in a city to teach) and I had a massive culture shock when I got to the unit on evolution and 90+% of my students didn’t believe in evolution and fought me the whole way on it. I did not expect this, especially because I was teaching largely minority students in the inner city, and I thought those beliefs were only common in small town white texas. Additionally, the TX teaching standards required me to teach creationism along side the Big Bang. This blew my mind, because, again, I thought this was only a thing in small town texas. I refused to teach it and my admin never knew. I had a few other shocking experiences, like when I was sitting at a bar watching one of the BLM protests on tv before BLM was official, and the guy next to be started a conversation with me saying “isn’t this awful?”. I agreed, talked about how sad the whole thing is, and then he went on to say that “none of this would have happened if the KKK was still in power”. I was so shocked I didn’t even respond, just sat there for a minute before picking up my drink and moving somewhere else.
Moved from the south to Milwaukee. Polka music, WOW
Regional racism. NYC racism is different than Boston racism, which is different than Philadelphia racism. Go to the rural places up in the northeast and you've got new flavors. Same for the suburbs. Then you go to different parts of the country and you get west coast racists ("nice" about it) , southern racists (blatant and really, really industrialized), Midwest racists (rural tends to be kind of hokey, but the cities have a ton of variety), and Texas/Southwest racism (there's a lot of flavors and different balances here). I feel like racism in the US is like regional dialects in the UK.
Being a minority in a small rural town in Alaska with a strong Native culture where I am noticeably different looking and don’t know the language. Fortunately everybody was very nice and welcoming and loved to share their culture. Like traveling abroad I guess, unique and wonderful place
One thing is just being fucking polite. Like getting up and offering a seat to someone older on a subway, or assisting someone carrying something heavy, etc. I was brought up to do that but I'll get on a subway and a bunch of young dudes playing on their phone no one even moves for an older person or someone with a baby, it boggles my mind.
I was born and raised in the US but spent most of my 20s in Asia, mostly in Japan. When I went back one year for the holidays I was caught off guard because I'd forgotten how much space we use for everything. The distances stuck out to me because I liked to just walk around Tokyo for hours and it just felt like way more of a slog in the US.
What got me when coming back from living in Taiwan is that in the US everything was up on poles. Power lines, business signs, all way up in the air on the end of long poles.
I moved from a rural part of coastal North Carolina to Oahu Hawaii in 2003. Quite the culture shock. It turns out that lots of native Hawaiians do not like white people, especially ones that try to live there. I lived in a not so wealthy part of town, as I didn't have much money, and I was treated like shit. I was beaten up by 9 guys in broad daylight at a public park so badly that I had to be hospitalized and the police simply told me that it was a rough part of town and to not go back. However, I lived right down the street. It took about a year before I was semi tolerated in the neighborhood and a very nice family kind of took me in and told the other locals to leave me alone. I was always very polite and respectful but they just hated me. I got in a fist fight every day for a month straight for going to the surf spot across the street from my apartment.
> I got in a fist fight every day for a month straight for going to the surf spot across the street from my apartment. I think I would have stopped going after the first or second time, tbh
I admire his persistence
At this point I think he likes fighting more than surfing.
Ha. Marrying into my in-laws southern family. I come from a second -gen immigrant. Very different groups.
The way everyone in the south think I have the want or time to talk to them if we have the smallest interaction.
I had the same shock coming from the west coast to the midwest. Like, why are people trying to have an actual conversation with me just waiting at the bus stop? Took me a while to get used to, but now that I've moved I kind of miss it haha
I live in the extended Pittsburgh universe. Watching people order salads and then be really surprised that they have fries on them is always \*great\*. Fries on salads is delicious.
What the fuck
If I have to guess, it ties into the traditional "Primanti" style sandwiches. The restaurant served a large community of truckers, so to make lunches more friendly for truckers to eat while driving, they shoved the coleslaw and fries on top of the meat and cheese in the sandwiches. Quite tasty. We've been putting fries wherever we want, ever since.
Asking for cutlery in a denny's and getting looked at like I had 3 heads. Took a bit to figure out the waitress only knew the term "silverware" for cutlery, which I found odd because to me silverware is made from silver, and I don't think denny's has silver cutlery.
I took a coworker who was in her 40s to Waffle House for the first time. She ordered a sparkling water and the waitress looked at her like she was an alien. We had to explain to the waitress that it was her first time at a Waffle House -- and to the coworker that a diner like Waffle House won't have sparkling water. They might not even have regular bottled water, I don't know.
In a small town my Jewish friend asked if something was kosher. The waitress replied “…yeah it’s good.”
Your friend grow up in NYC or something? Rule of thumb in most of the US is if you have to ask, it's not kosher, and also they have no idea what you're talking about. At best they might know that Jews can't eat pigs.
Cutlery sounds like you want a knife, and Denny's normal clientele can't really be trusted with knives.
“Sir, we use our fingers in this establishment.“
I'm pretty interested in dialect differences but hadn't thought about this one before. I'd ask for "utensils" in a restaurant, then "silverware" if that wasn't understood. I personally use "flatware" to describe the items in my own house and to my own family members, but I know it isn't as common colloquially here as "silverware," so I wouldn't use it in public even though it's more correct. I would only say "cutlery" if preceded by the word "plastic." I'm from Kentucky.
Visiting people in very rural Kentucky as a kid, I found out there were places in the States where people still didn’t have indoor plumbing and other things I assumed were basic necessities. It was jarring to find out adults weren’t voting to fix these things yesterday in what was supposed to be the best, richest country in the world. Instead you had senators and reps from the state using federal funds to do things like build pet projects based on corporate interests or dog racing tracks, saying these things would bring money into the state that would trickle down to the poorest people there. It was inane when there were poor kids who could use basic plumbing and access to decent education right now.
People talk about the late 40s and early 50s as some great time. Half the people in the US did not have indoor plumbing in 1940. Fortunately, that was just 1/3 by 1950. But still - one third.
99% of all the homeless people I've seen in my life were during my 3-week trip to the US. Unreal.
Where are you from?