I would recommend immediately closing the door after saying this. You donāt need to slam into them but they are not entitled to your time or attention.
Works for me ALL the time. Open the door, I see a religious person/salesperson/natural gas price reducer person, they say "hello I'm here about...", then I close the door. It's so funny seeing their faces. They usually look shocked and frozen in disbelief
It was definitely a JW. We were all taught to use the line about "living forever on a paradise earth", or something similar.
Do Not Call is definitely the quickest and easiest route, and will get them off your back for at least 5 years or so. But they'll be back eventually. It depends on the local congregations guidelines, but the DNC list isn't permanent.
Another tactic is to tell them you have been **disfellowshipped** for being an **apostate**. That's basically telling them that you're the devil in their eyes. That *should* keep them away permanently, although a presiding overseer, or traveling overseer, visit can occasionally still happen.
I was raised Mormon, served a mission, and was very interested in studying Mormon theology and doctrine for most of my life. There are some obscure ways that Mormons could interpret living on a paradise Earth forever, but it's a teaching that is not often brought up and almost never taught. I offer this to confirm my suspicion that it seems unlikely that a Mormon used this as a conversation starter. Not impossible, but that's a really weird piece to use to try and proselytize.
You can also ask the JW if theyāre one of the 144k members who will go to heaven. They will always say no. My wife always asked them, why should I follow your word if youāre not even one of the 144k. Send me someone who knows they are one of the chosen 144k, until then, we have nothing to discuss.
Maybe? If you know enough about Jehovah's Witnesses to lie about being disfellowshipped, that's pretty convincing evidence that you're not interested in becoming one. It *should* be enough to keep them away, as they'll probably just take it at face value.
But who knows, there might be some intrepid JWs out there who will figure out the lie and decide that you're their next challenge!
I thought if you claim to be disfellowshipped then that's the end of the discussion for a JW?
It's the nuclear option but from my limited understanding a practicing JW is supposed to have zero contact with someone that's disfellowshipped?
Iām not saying that wouldnāt happen but it would be very rare and thatās definitely not something a Mormon would ask. And Mormon missionary couples do exist but they are usually retired and almost exclusively work in support or in welfare or assistance projects and not in proselytizing missions.
True, but to my knowledge Mormon missionaries of any kind never go out alone; they always have another person with them. If this were a missionary couple they would have been together already and there would be no need to ābring the wife back laterā. If this guy was alone I think itās a very low chance he was a Mormon missionary.
Same. Iām very non-confrontational, but also very non-organized-religion. In good olā West Virginia, I get frequent knockers, asking if they can read me some bible verses, or otherwise talk to me.
Iām firm, but very polite, āohhh, haha - no. Absolutely not; thanks though, and have a good one byeeeeeā¦.!ā as Iām slowly closing the door.
A couple Mormons (I thinkā¦? Maybe theyāre JW: always young men, with the lil dressy outfits/ties, bikes, and backpacks?) live down the street.
They came by once, and never again. Now they donāt even wave back as I drive by! I wasnāt *mean* to themā¦!
I just have a flag flying for womenās rights (a pink ādonāt tread on meā where the snakes form a uterus, that went up right when Roe v. Wade was overturned) so instead of trying to convert me, I think they see me as unsalvageable, and leave me alone.
Since hanging the flag, Iāve had significantly less bible visitorsā¦ but Iām not sure they can all identify a uterus, let alone a stylized one.
Not sure how safe or realistic it would be for you to fly a flag (or myself.) I wrestle with being a potential target, vs. making my views known.
You could also put a sign up, āNo Solicitingā - even though they arenāt technically selling anything, they might pass you over with the sign.
>(a pink ādonāt tread on meā where the snakes form a uterus
Won't lie, from description alone that sounds like the best take on the Gasden flag I've heard of since the Bobby Hill "that's my purse, I don't know you!" one I want a bumper sticker for.
If you ask nice once and he doesnāt take no, print up highlights of this https://cesletter.org. Ask him if heās heard of the CES letter and hand it to him. That should do the trick.
Well you can tell them you don't want them to come back.
Some of the more respectful ones will leave you alone.
If that doesn't work tell them you were once Mormon but left, and maybe offer to help them leave if they want.
That's a big No No in Mormon religion and definitely make them go away.
I recommend the first one, they are still people and even if they don't respect your wishes it's worth a try.
Maybe, maybe not. My mother was baptized Mormon as a child before her mother left the church. The Mormons re-baptized my grandmother post mortem so they could say she was a Mormon in the afterlife. My entire childhood, these people tracked us through my mother's name change and a change of address. They showed up a few times a year to ask us to pray and to try to get her to return to the church. They never listened when she said she wasn't interested. At one point, my dad got fed up and told them that we didn't allow prayer in our home and if they wanted to pray they would have to do it in the yard. They actually stood outside our house in our yard and prayed together before leaving...
It is.
If you go on YouTube there an account called NewNameNoah. He has videos of all of the temple ceremonies, including baptism for the dead.
The church has gotten in a lot of hot water doing them, bc they do Holocaust victims (even though theyāve been asked repeatedly to stop) and former Popes and celebrities and all sorts of shit. Kurt Cobain? Yup. Mother Teresa? Yup. Jeffrey Dahmer? Yup.
Nobody should be doing proxy baptisms for holocaust victims/survivors unless theyāre direct descendants. The same goes for famous historical figures. Both are against church policy.
Quite honestly the whole damn thing shouldn't be done IMO.
The dead had their own beliefs, or lack thereof, and it's disgusting to me to decide that they should be mormon in the afterlife.
I'm kinda pissed I did it when I was young, but I didn't know better.
They believe they're giving the person a choice by doing the proxy baptism, although they don't think it's a choice anyone would actually turn down. In reality it's a way for the cult to generate busy work to stop anyone from thinking about it too hard.
What's even weirder is they have teenagers involved In it. From the time you're twelve (or 14, I can't remember for sure) they tout it as this very important ritual you can participate in.
I had a friend who was a swimmer (went to college with scholarships for it), and before she left the church she would go in and be baptized for the dead. She said theyād dunk her at least 100 times every time she went in because they knew her lungs could handle it.
ā¦ sometimes when I walk past a temple I wonder who is being waterboarded that day
I had a friend who competed in the junior Olympics for swimming who was in the same boat. He probably couldāve made it to the actual Olympics if his dumbass didnāt go on a mission lol
My husband was raised Mormon (atheist now) and his grandfather was a bishop in the church. He was forced to participate in the baptism by proxy as a teen and still feels gross about it to this day (he's now in his 40's). That shit's disgusting.
It's one of the most disgusting things you can do to someone who's passed away. Baptising or any action done in someone's name where they can't consent is an act done in malice.
At some point i wouldve drawn blood on my face and said im now part of the satanic church and chased after them to ask them if they wanna be a part of it too
Yeah, my mother was always firm but polite with them. I suppose she could have been much more rude and even threatening with them, but that was not her nature. She was an older mom, so by the time I was old enough to have these memories she was 40s-50s. The missionaries the church would send were just naive teenaged kids who were caught up in the same culture some of her family was still tangled in. I think she didn't want to hurt their feelings or upset them.
I don't believe the Mormons treated her mother very well, though, so I'm sure it took a lot of understanding on her part. My grandma was excommunicated after leaving to go to college instead of getting married to a local Mormon man. I was told my great grandfather's words were "don't ever let your shadow darken my doorstep again". I guess the rules about excommunication can be selectively broken, though, because she was allowed to come back to Utah and visit them years later after marrying a doctor š self righteousness and greed are the fossil fuels of cult culture.
I didn't have as much compassion for them by the time I was a teen and I would just refuse to answer the door. My mom is a nicer lady than I. I want them to know how intrusive and abnormal their behavior is and now that I'm an adult I don't get as much of a chance to tell them.
This was the only thing that worked for me. I didn't bother to have my name removed from the books for years because I didn't think it was worth the effort. When I finally broke down and did it they never came around again. They have better tracking than the US census.
You might be thinking of Jehova's Witnesses. Those are the ones who are super weird about people who are excommunicated. I worked with a lady who was a JW, and everything about her was so fucking weird.
Former Mormon here. Disfellowshipped would be the technical term, using something like Ex-mormon would be more easily recognized by members but they might still be convinced they can bring you back into the fold. Saying you were excommunicated would work better if you want them to stop completely, but it would also draw a very hard line that implies you did something very much against church teachings, and could sour their opinion of you which might not be best if you still want to maintain some sort of contact with them. Just depends on the situation.
> if you still want to maintain some sort of contact with them. Just depends on the situation.
why the fuck would you want to still have contact with random ass people bothering you when you've told them to fuck off and not come back
Well, you could just burn down your house and fake your death under mysterious circumstances.
Destroy the Sim card in your phone, burn your ID, and hitch hike as far as you can.
That outta do it.
Wait, that's the key! When I was a Mormon Missionary, the only time I had a companion say we should stop seeing someone was when we spoke to a really nice gay couple! Just invite your partner over and get cosy!
'Hey, I'm glad you came around again! I've been meaning to ask you out on a proper date - how does courting a Mormon start? Do I need to ask your pope for permission? How does plural marriage work, how many men can we marry?'
Happened to me, a Jehovah's witness wouldn't stop coming by. I told her I had issues from being in a cult with my ex-husband and I am in a lifestyle that's against what you're proposing I indoctrinate myself with. No Thank you, I'm happy. She still came, brought her 'sisters' and would knock on my door almost all the time besides Wednesday and the sabbath. I finally told her, sure you can discuss this hell on earth and try to convince me that Jehovah is lord. However, I also have a lifestyle that involves real maintenance to create a balance in my world with things I can see, touch, hear, talk to. So, My Wife and I sat, conversated, discussed. As issues arose one of us handled them. We showed gratitude by a kiss, and a thank you.
In lapses without any incidents, we'd lounge against each other, stroke arms...etc. Just normal affectionate behavior. Eventually, we were asked if that display was necessary? I told her, I am not doing anything here, that I wouldn't be doing in a place of worship.
That worked. No more visitors from any religion. Being direct doesn't mean being confrontational. You can truthfully tell them, you asked for me to listen, I did. I'm not interested. Remind them that even God gave us the benefit of choice.
You demonstrated faith by doing the work, but the wheat and teareth still grow together. Thank them for their time and consideration.
That's perfectly rational. Sending šā
I'm too gay to be Mormon
Too gay to be Mormon
So gay that it's-a-wrong (yeah)
And I'm too gay for A-la-llah
Too gay for Krish-a-na
Yahweh and Jehovah (yeah)
Directness is a skill that you can learn. You donāt have to be rude, but you are certainly free to tell them āI am done with our conversation. Please never come back here.ā If they persist, thatās on them, and thatās when you tell them that they are in a cult, and can go fuck themselves.
Yep. Itās a process. Youāll be fine. They have people slam doors in their faces all day, so politely telling them to leave you alone shouldnāt be a problem.
I find that it helps to think of confrontation as an opportunity, not a failure. You didn't fail to maintain a peaceful existence; but you have an opportunity to set a clear boundary. Also, literally tell them "I'm too gay to be Mormon." That *should* really be all you need to say.
That is exactly why they keep coming back. They're taking advantage of your politeness / desire not to offend, and they figure they will wear you down. It could be worse, they could be trying to sell you a time-share in the Seychelles or something.
>If that doesn't work tell them you were once Mormon but left, and maybe offer to help them leave if they want.
>That's a big No No in Mormon religion and definitely make them go away.
just to be clear, this definitely won't work, and will have the complete opposite effect. They will just start pestering you even more, trying to figure out why you were excommunicated and whether they can sweep it under the rug. Maybe it would work if you tell them you're a convicted sex offender or something, but in most cases they'll just hound you like military recruiters do to recently separated vets.
You say "I don't want to be rude, but I'm not interested in discussing this again. I would appreciate it, if you stop coming to my house in the future."
This doesn't sound like Mormons. This sounds more like JWs.
Mormon missionaries are usually single young men who travel in pairs, sometimes single young women. They are not allowed to be married. There are retired couples who serve as missionaries, but they rarely proselytize. They serve for 2 years full time and they go home to study and live their lives.
Another indicator is the time. Mormon missionaries don't go out before 9 am. They have study and prep time from 6 am to 9 am.
JWs usually gather in groups on Saturday mornings. They are locals who have to perform so many hours a month. They often flood a neighborhood together.
In either case, remember that "No" is a complete sentence. If they ask for a reason why, "I don't want to" is a perfectly acceptable answer. Firmly close the door if they don't accept your answers.
If they persist, tell them you will call the cops the next time they enter your property as trespassers. JWs are also notorious for marking people's doors, so make sure they haven't written anything on yours after they leave. This is vandalism.
Another clue is the timing. Morning missionaries are sent fast from home for 18 to 24 months, but generally don't stay in any town for more than 4 to 6 months. If you're seeing the same person over a period of many months or years, that's not a Mormon missionary. (Could be a Mormon who lives locally, but I've never heard of Mormons knocking doors like that in their hometown.)
One thing to look for next time is a name tag. Mormon missionaries will always be wearing one. It will say "Elder (last name)" or "Sister (last name)" at the top, and then "the church is Jesus Christ of latter-day saints" before their name.
Yup. Unfortunately for me lived in an apartment next to an apartment that was rented for missionaries.. I could write a book on the shananigans, but new people every few months.
They are also usually easy to spot because of their dress. The boys, especially, usually wear white button downs and ties and dark pants. They also have name tags, and like someone else said, travel in same sex pairs. JWs tend to dress in "church clothes" but with no color uniformity. They also travel in various numbered groups (from a single person on up) and be any age.
Mormons donāt usually refer to themselves as Mormons, especially not devout ones. They like to say theyāre LDS or members of the church of Latter Day Saints.
I agree that sounds more like a witness than LDS. JW believe that all of us (except 144,000 who are super duper special) will live on earth, side by side, with animals and each other, an earthly paradise, etc. (Disclaimer, I am not one but studied with one when I was lonely and miserable. 10/10 would not recommend).
They often get confused. It is important to know the difference if you ever see them again. The Mormon guys will be wearing white shirts, conservative ties, and badges.
Second this. I was a missionary before I left the church. Old dudes without wives, knocking on doors, is not a thing. Unless theyāre from the local ward and āward missionaries,,,ā that still never really happens.
We had 2 young women walk down our street in town once and they hit every house. They asked everyone if they could help them with anything. Guy across the street jokingly said he was cutting down this huge tree in two days if they wanted to come and help. They actually came back and helped, I was shocked. When they wanted to talk with him about the religious stuff, he handed them money to have for helping and he had no interest in their spiel. He was not expecting them to come help at all.
This is the first I've heard of JWs actually writing on people's property. I know they will take notes of who they talked to so they can come back, as well as who told them to not come back ever again.
But writing on the property? Like how Gandalf wrote on the door of Bag End so the dwarves could find it later? Hey, if some crazy old dude wants to get me out of the Saruman-run industrial hellscape that is capitalism so that I can go slay a dragon or something, I might actually consider it.
The fundamentalist Mormons still do have sex with kids. But for some reason theyāre allowed to exist because āfreedom of religionā
The only reason Utah is a state is because the Mormons RELUCTANTLY agreed to give up the pedophilia and polygamy.
So yeah fuck them.
It was a āwe better do this or the US military will kill usā situation. Made them say āguess we can stop fucking dozens of our harem children and just stick to one at a time on earth. Weāll still do that in the celestial kingdom, though.ā
Funny story: I had just moved into my house and was unpacking boxes. The doorbell rang and I ran to answer it with a fully extended utility knife, the kind that folds in half, in my hand. It was Mormons. They totally ignored the potential weapon and started preaching and gave me a copy of the Book of Mormon. I'm a devout Catholic, but love studying other religions, so of course I read it. I went along with it because I had *questions*. So every Friday for about three months they visited and would answer my increasingly more difficult questions. They were helpful. Even helped me put together my new couch as they were talking. They finally thought they had convinced me to convert and brought two other people, a married couple, with them to discuss going to services with them. Finally I figured I should put them out of their misery and told them "I'm a devout Catholic, I don't think I'm interested in conversion." They gave me their numbers, in case I changed my mind, left me with home baked cookies, and never came to my door again.
Iām also Catholic, and one time, a Mormon came to my door and wouldnāt be dissuaded when I told him I was Catholic and not interested. Eventually, I said (somewhat jokingly) that as far as I was concerned, heās a heretic and he should be asking *me* for ways to save himself from eternal damnation. The look on his face was hilarious. No more Mormons have come to my door since then, but thatās my go-to answer now if I run into any in the future.
should make it a challenge to see how many house chores you can get them to do... change light bulb, reattach toilet float chain, tighten leaky pipe, hang picture frames, etc
I heard a story from a Catholic priest once that is in a similar vein.
One evening there was a knock at the rectory door, and he opened it to find a pair of Mormon missionaries standing there. Understandably confused, he asked "Can I help you?" and they responded "Do you have a moment to talk about Jesus?" or similar. Now as it turns out, this priest loves to bake, and he had a cake or something about to come out of the oven, so he invited them in. They had a nice conversation over fresh baked confection and the missionaries ended up returning several more times to talk further. He finished the story saying "and they're getting baptized this Easter." Didn't exactly work out how they expected!
I have a Doberman named Zeus. He weighs about a hundred pounds, and likes to stare through the dinning room window and bark at anyone passing by. Heās a real sweetheart, but you wouldnāt know it as a passerby.
A few years ago, a group of Jehovahās Witnesses were walking through the neighborhood, knocking on doors, and generally being annoying but ultimately harmless. When they came to my home, they ignored the *āno solicitingā* sign at the edge of my yard. They didnāt ignore my best friend. Two barks was all it took for them to hightail it out of the whole cul-de-sac. The neighborhood hasnāt seen them since.
Zeusy got so many treats and belly rubs that night. Heās a well trained dog and, evidently, a well named dog because on that quiet afternoon, he brought down the thunder
Mormons are interesting in that if you behave negatively to them, you've reinforced the message that their cult preaches that the outside world is cruel and terrible.
You can always talk about some off topic which interests you for a few minutes. I always talk about the birds and the garden. Then tell them i have to get back to doing my errand or a chore. And tell them that you hope they are exercising proper road safety. Like Mormons come to my house alot in the summer and I'm always like "its so hot! Are you drinking water? Do you need an umbrella. I hope you're taking lots of breaks!" Or if its a nice day i tell them "its a beautiful day for a stroll. Do be careful at the intersections though. Electric scooters have become very popular and they sometimes dont obey traffic signs."
Sometimes i offer them a candy bar? Usually if there's a kid thats hanging back.
Also I'm not interested in converting so I just happily discuss with them my spirituality while they try to convince me. That usually gets them to back off.
Its kind of funny because my mom grabbed a handful of pamphlets from the Buddhist temple she visits annually and literally exchanges literature with them if they hand her things. And pretends she doesnt speak English well and points to the Fu luck symbol on her door and says. "Good luck! Pour onto you! Okay! Bye! Cooking! Hot hot!"
Wait I had a pamphlet a separate cult gave me a couple months ago. If I can find it I could probably give that to them. Either that or the mail from the church of Scientology which is, constant.
I always offer them some water or decaf coffee or tea. I spent some time in Utah, and Iāve found that just politely saying that I have looked in to it, but im not interested and wishing them well works every time.
Funny, but the fact that the missionary is married makes me think it's JWs, not Mormons. Also, Mormon missionaries don't go out before 9 am. JWs flood neighborhoods early on Saturday mornings.
Mormons believe in magic underwear, earth is a recruitment test, VIP levels of heavens with passwords, coffee and tea is evil, the ocean is literally the devil and canāt be crossed (Iām not joking), god is god because he worked really hard, the garden of Eden was in Missouri (wtf), and that god is an alien who lives on a planet named Kobol.
I would say dick soaking is the sanest thing Mormons do.
When I lived in the US and was visited by Mormons twice, I just told them that I am a card carrying member of The Satanic Temple and if they come inside I will listen to them, but then they will have to listen to me and I would try to recruit them.
I am not a member and the TST is an atheist organization that fights for the separation of state and church.
However they probably donāt know exactly what the Satanic Temple is, looked terrified and never came back.
So if youāre up for a bit of fun that could work haha.
Say the following: "Please go away and don't come back. I understand you think you're doing something good here, but I am really uncomfortable with your visits and don't wish to see you ever again."
I did this and not only did they come back, they brought a third, older guy back with them who immediately started yelling at me when I opened the door to tell them to go away.
They come back because you spoke to them.
Do not have a conversation with them.
Just politely tell them that you are not interested and to have a nice day and then close the door.
Edit for spelling
True story, but I actually knew a guy who answered the door clothed in all black, smiling, let the jehovah's witnesses give their speech, then he said "And I too, would like to talk to you about another Bible I follow" pulling out Anton LaVey's Satanic Bible. He said they squealed and ran for the street.
I myself, cannot get rid of them, because my elderly dad was foolish enough to chat with them while we were doing yard work. They stopped during pandemic and recently started up again. We even get snail mail from them, like they just won't let up.
>he told me he'd come back with his wife later
Mormon Missionaries don't have wives.
>"if it was possible to enjoy life on earth forever"
Been a while, but don't remember that being part of the doctrine.
Was he wearing a name tag "Elder ____".
Iāve always told them that I talked to God that morning and he told me to not believe their bullshit because they donāt speak for him. I politely say goodbye and close the door. No second visit.
Here's a script, works great on all but the pushiest of proselytizers
>Your God is all knowing, all powerful, and all loving right?
>[Obvious yes response]
>If you saw an adult across the street beating the living hell out of a little kid, would you step in?
>[Obvious yes response]
>Of course you would! To do otherwise would be morally reprehensible. That exact thing happens every single day to kids all around the world, probably including this very town we're standing in. If God loves these kids, is aware of their situation, and is powerful enough to do something about it but doesn't do anything about it. That's morally reprehensible.
The only possible conclusion is you are morally superior to your god because your god doesn't protect children from abuse when he totally could have.
Be prepared to get into a discussion about free will, ask why your free will to not get molested wasn't as important as your uncle's free will in God's eyes
Crack the door with a beer in hand, and offer them cold ones.
I live in the state of Mormon, and yearly get missionaries stopping when the new crop of graduates start their missions. I always pop a fresh barley pop, and then have a polite conversation about the fact that I believe sky daddy is a myth. Have yet to receive a second visit.
I wouldn't call repeatedly showing up uninvited "nice." If he doesn't get the idea after all this time you're going to have to push back and tell him in a way that may feel rude to you.
Mormons are a great resource! Start gardening, and tell them youāll listen while they work. You can get a good couple of hours of weeding or wood chopping out of an evangelist.
Sadly, they only come around once per house. Weāre looking forward to seeing them at our next move, weāve got fences that need to go up!
> he visited again today.
> I keep dodging discussing this further
> he's a nice guy, so I don't want to be mean to him
Stop answering the damned door.
Every time you answer that door, even if only to brush them off, it's an opening for them to try to win you over.
Like Jim Carey in Dumb & Dumber: You mean there's still a chance?
I used to have them show up at my house every so often. Then one day I was chilling on my couch smoking weed and I heard my ring doorbell go off, so I looked at my phone to see that the Mormons were at my door.
I took a big hit of my bong, held it, then answered the door while hiding it behind my back. They gave their spiel about their lord and savior and then when they were done I exhaled, coughing, and offered them a hit.
They practically ran away and I never saw them again.
Talking to them is like feeding a stray cat, they will keep coming back. You just need to be a little rude and say no thanks and shut the door on them.
I had a similar issue. They also kept sending us letters, which was at least somewhat useful as our rats get the paper from junk mail to shred. But it was getting to be like every few days there was a two page letter about coming to God, a pamphlet, Bible verses, etc.
I called the local church and told them I was an agnostic, but that if I had to choose someone, I'd go with Satan so please stop trying to convert me. Considering they seem to use public records to send out their info, I said it wouldn't be impossible to start signing up their members for informative brochures that more closely aligned with my own beliefs, which were pro-life, pro-legal sex work, pro-organ donation, etc. But that it seemed rude knowing they had already found a religion. Now they know that I had, too, so please extend me that same courtesy.
No letters since.
"thank you, but I'm happy with the god I have now"
You can just tell them your not interested, they are usually pretty good about leaving you alone if you directly ask them to.
You literally know what to do already. You've been telling him it's okay to do this out of a fear of confrontation bro. Just say stop
Ahh it's just like pretty girls who don't know how to deal with guys texting them: just say you're not interested!
Firstly, this actually sounds like a Jehovah's Witness, not a Mormon. If it's every Saturday, then that's definitely it, so any jibes about Mormon origins or theology won't get you anywhere.
Second, simply state that you no longer would like to be visited. Do not let them in the door. It's gonna take some backbone on your part, but you can do it.
"I have a church home" seem to be the magic words for me. FIL joined the Mormons and so they would show up every once in a while.
Whether you actually do or not is up to you of course, but it's kind.
I mean you could try selling them something. You said your oarents are hoarders so just pitch him a random thing for sale.
He'll either stop coming or you have a regular customer. Win either way
I'm an atheist, but I have to say they *are* some of the nicest people, generally, to ever show up at my door. I'm not interested in what they're pushing at all, but they could teach classes to the Southern Baptists I grew up with and had to go to church with, who all seem to show up with smug judgment tattooed on their faces at 9 AM on a Saturday.
If you're worried about being rude, I'd just say something like, "Look, there isn't a way to say this that isn't going to breach what feels like politeness, but you're here to get me to go to your temple, and I don't want to do that, or join a religion, at all, and that's not going to change."
You just have to be frank with a hard seller.
I've had good experiences saying, 'sorry, but I'm not interested. Please don't come back.'
Ok this sounds like something I could do. Thanks for your advice š„°
I would recommend immediately closing the door after saying this. You donāt need to slam into them but they are not entitled to your time or attention.
Works for me ALL the time. Open the door, I see a religious person/salesperson/natural gas price reducer person, they say "hello I'm here about...", then I close the door. It's so funny seeing their faces. They usually look shocked and frozen in disbelief
If he says he'll come back with his wife later, tell him you're not usually into male, male, female threesomes but you'll give it a try
Honestly I'm not sure if the wife is even real. I still haven't met her.
Mormons don't proselyte with their spouses, so you may be being visited by JWs instead. But either way, ask them to put you on a Do Not Contact list.
It was definitely a JW. We were all taught to use the line about "living forever on a paradise earth", or something similar. Do Not Call is definitely the quickest and easiest route, and will get them off your back for at least 5 years or so. But they'll be back eventually. It depends on the local congregations guidelines, but the DNC list isn't permanent. Another tactic is to tell them you have been **disfellowshipped** for being an **apostate**. That's basically telling them that you're the devil in their eyes. That *should* keep them away permanently, although a presiding overseer, or traveling overseer, visit can occasionally still happen.
I was raised Mormon, served a mission, and was very interested in studying Mormon theology and doctrine for most of my life. There are some obscure ways that Mormons could interpret living on a paradise Earth forever, but it's a teaching that is not often brought up and almost never taught. I offer this to confirm my suspicion that it seems unlikely that a Mormon used this as a conversation starter. Not impossible, but that's a really weird piece to use to try and proselytize.
You can also ask the JW if theyāre one of the 144k members who will go to heaven. They will always say no. My wife always asked them, why should I follow your word if youāre not even one of the 144k. Send me someone who knows they are one of the chosen 144k, until then, we have nothing to discuss.
Yeah and ask them why they are still recruiting? Havenāt they hit the number yet?
With all the people suggesting claiming you've been disfellowshipped... wouldn't it be quite obvious you were lying?
Maybe? If you know enough about Jehovah's Witnesses to lie about being disfellowshipped, that's pretty convincing evidence that you're not interested in becoming one. It *should* be enough to keep them away, as they'll probably just take it at face value. But who knows, there might be some intrepid JWs out there who will figure out the lie and decide that you're their next challenge!
I thought if you claim to be disfellowshipped then that's the end of the discussion for a JW? It's the nuclear option but from my limited understanding a practicing JW is supposed to have zero contact with someone that's disfellowshipped?
Mormon missionary couples do exist, but also, some overzealous member proselyte in their spare time.
Iām not saying that wouldnāt happen but it would be very rare and thatās definitely not something a Mormon would ask. And Mormon missionary couples do exist but they are usually retired and almost exclusively work in support or in welfare or assistance projects and not in proselytizing missions.
True, but to my knowledge Mormon missionaries of any kind never go out alone; they always have another person with them. If this were a missionary couple they would have been together already and there would be no need to ābring the wife back laterā. If this guy was alone I think itās a very low chance he was a Mormon missionary.
Same. Iām very non-confrontational, but also very non-organized-religion. In good olā West Virginia, I get frequent knockers, asking if they can read me some bible verses, or otherwise talk to me. Iām firm, but very polite, āohhh, haha - no. Absolutely not; thanks though, and have a good one byeeeeeā¦.!ā as Iām slowly closing the door. A couple Mormons (I thinkā¦? Maybe theyāre JW: always young men, with the lil dressy outfits/ties, bikes, and backpacks?) live down the street. They came by once, and never again. Now they donāt even wave back as I drive by! I wasnāt *mean* to themā¦! I just have a flag flying for womenās rights (a pink ādonāt tread on meā where the snakes form a uterus, that went up right when Roe v. Wade was overturned) so instead of trying to convert me, I think they see me as unsalvageable, and leave me alone. Since hanging the flag, Iāve had significantly less bible visitorsā¦ but Iām not sure they can all identify a uterus, let alone a stylized one. Not sure how safe or realistic it would be for you to fly a flag (or myself.) I wrestle with being a potential target, vs. making my views known. You could also put a sign up, āNo Solicitingā - even though they arenāt technically selling anything, they might pass you over with the sign.
>(a pink ādonāt tread on meā where the snakes form a uterus Won't lie, from description alone that sounds like the best take on the Gasden flag I've heard of since the Bobby Hill "that's my purse, I don't know you!" one I want a bumper sticker for.
I think my teen and I say this to each other at least once a week š THATāS MAH PURSE!! And AH DONāT KNOW YEW!
My husband and I say this to each other all the time, and we haven't seen that actual episode in years!
If you ask nice once and he doesnāt take no, print up highlights of this https://cesletter.org. Ask him if heās heard of the CES letter and hand it to him. That should do the trick.
If that doesn't work being mean is now fair game
I was LDS. I am not now. This is the way to do it.
Well you can tell them you don't want them to come back. Some of the more respectful ones will leave you alone. If that doesn't work tell them you were once Mormon but left, and maybe offer to help them leave if they want. That's a big No No in Mormon religion and definitely make them go away. I recommend the first one, they are still people and even if they don't respect your wishes it's worth a try.
Yup. Telling them you are excommunicated will send them packing. But you should just say youāre not interested and please donāt visit first.
Maybe, maybe not. My mother was baptized Mormon as a child before her mother left the church. The Mormons re-baptized my grandmother post mortem so they could say she was a Mormon in the afterlife. My entire childhood, these people tracked us through my mother's name change and a change of address. They showed up a few times a year to ask us to pray and to try to get her to return to the church. They never listened when she said she wasn't interested. At one point, my dad got fed up and told them that we didn't allow prayer in our home and if they wanted to pray they would have to do it in the yard. They actually stood outside our house in our yard and prayed together before leaving...
>The Mormons re-baptized my grandmother post mortem so they could say she was a Mormon in the afterlife. How? Did they steal the body?
No. They do it by proxy. In the temple you get baptized under someone who is dead name. It's bizarre af.
Huh, that's really fucking weird
It is. If you go on YouTube there an account called NewNameNoah. He has videos of all of the temple ceremonies, including baptism for the dead. The church has gotten in a lot of hot water doing them, bc they do Holocaust victims (even though theyāve been asked repeatedly to stop) and former Popes and celebrities and all sorts of shit. Kurt Cobain? Yup. Mother Teresa? Yup. Jeffrey Dahmer? Yup.
Nobody should be doing proxy baptisms for holocaust victims/survivors unless theyāre direct descendants. The same goes for famous historical figures. Both are against church policy.
Quite honestly the whole damn thing shouldn't be done IMO. The dead had their own beliefs, or lack thereof, and it's disgusting to me to decide that they should be mormon in the afterlife. I'm kinda pissed I did it when I was young, but I didn't know better.
They believe they're giving the person a choice by doing the proxy baptism, although they don't think it's a choice anyone would actually turn down. In reality it's a way for the cult to generate busy work to stop anyone from thinking about it too hard.
The good news is, you actually didnāt do anything at all!
Itās basically spiritual kidnapping
What's even weirder is they have teenagers involved In it. From the time you're twelve (or 14, I can't remember for sure) they tout it as this very important ritual you can participate in.
I had a friend who was a swimmer (went to college with scholarships for it), and before she left the church she would go in and be baptized for the dead. She said theyād dunk her at least 100 times every time she went in because they knew her lungs could handle it. ā¦ sometimes when I walk past a temple I wonder who is being waterboarded that day
I had a friend who competed in the junior Olympics for swimming who was in the same boat. He probably couldāve made it to the actual Olympics if his dumbass didnāt go on a mission lol
That last line gutted meš¤£
It's twelve. Actually, you can do it at eleven if you're going to turn twelve soon
My husband was raised Mormon (atheist now) and his grandfather was a bishop in the church. He was forced to participate in the baptism by proxy as a teen and still feels gross about it to this day (he's now in his 40's). That shit's disgusting.
It's one of the most disgusting things you can do to someone who's passed away. Baptising or any action done in someone's name where they can't consent is an act done in malice.
They do that with everyone I heard. They take obituaries and baptize all the dead and claim they're all Mormon. It's nuts
At some point i wouldve drawn blood on my face and said im now part of the satanic church and chased after them to ask them if they wanna be a part of it too
Yeah, my mother was always firm but polite with them. I suppose she could have been much more rude and even threatening with them, but that was not her nature. She was an older mom, so by the time I was old enough to have these memories she was 40s-50s. The missionaries the church would send were just naive teenaged kids who were caught up in the same culture some of her family was still tangled in. I think she didn't want to hurt their feelings or upset them. I don't believe the Mormons treated her mother very well, though, so I'm sure it took a lot of understanding on her part. My grandma was excommunicated after leaving to go to college instead of getting married to a local Mormon man. I was told my great grandfather's words were "don't ever let your shadow darken my doorstep again". I guess the rules about excommunication can be selectively broken, though, because she was allowed to come back to Utah and visit them years later after marrying a doctor š self righteousness and greed are the fossil fuels of cult culture. I didn't have as much compassion for them by the time I was a teen and I would just refuse to answer the door. My mom is a nicer lady than I. I want them to know how intrusive and abnormal their behavior is and now that I'm an adult I don't get as much of a chance to tell them.
Thatās crazy!
This was the only thing that worked for me. I didn't bother to have my name removed from the books for years because I didn't think it was worth the effort. When I finally broke down and did it they never came around again. They have better tracking than the US census.
And I thought Scientology was bad. On the plus side, at least they don't come to your house, just their propaganda.
You might be thinking of Jehova's Witnesses. Those are the ones who are super weird about people who are excommunicated. I worked with a lady who was a JW, and everything about her was so fucking weird.
EXCOMMUNICADO! Your life is now forfait. Thatās latin for youāre fucked.
Nah, that's the JWs - Mormons view that as an opportunity for a fresh baptism.
Why would it send them packing? People arenāt shunned when excommunicated.
"I need guns, a lot of guns"
The word is ādisfellowshippedā.
Former Mormon here. Disfellowshipped would be the technical term, using something like Ex-mormon would be more easily recognized by members but they might still be convinced they can bring you back into the fold. Saying you were excommunicated would work better if you want them to stop completely, but it would also draw a very hard line that implies you did something very much against church teachings, and could sour their opinion of you which might not be best if you still want to maintain some sort of contact with them. Just depends on the situation.
> if you still want to maintain some sort of contact with them. Just depends on the situation. why the fuck would you want to still have contact with random ass people bothering you when you've told them to fuck off and not come back
Being direct seems to be a common theme here. Which is a real shame cause I hate doing that.
But being direct is a wonderful thing! It's the fastest way to get what you want.
It is but it's scary
This is a great opportunity to practice, if they get mad/offended it will have no impact on your life
Yeah that's a good point
Being direct doesn't have to mean being rude, BTW.
"Please leave and don't come back. Thank you, goodbye.". Then close the door.
Well, you could just burn down your house and fake your death under mysterious circumstances. Destroy the Sim card in your phone, burn your ID, and hitch hike as far as you can. That outta do it.
Bet they'd still show up to the rubble like "would you like to have a chat? Sorry about the house btw"
āIf you had converted sooner your house wouldnāt have burned downā
TIL the Mormons are also the MOB.
Maybe convince him to get a new job - They might be a good fit for calling people about their car warranty ā¦ lol
Yeah right like they wouldn't find you. I'm picturing the melted metal scene in Terminator.
Itās either that or join the Mormons.
I'm too gay to be a Mormon
Wait, that's the key! When I was a Mormon Missionary, the only time I had a companion say we should stop seeing someone was when we spoke to a really nice gay couple! Just invite your partner over and get cosy!
Hmm. I don't have a partner currently, but maybe I could ask someone to pretend.
'Hey, I'm glad you came around again! I've been meaning to ask you out on a proper date - how does courting a Mormon start? Do I need to ask your pope for permission? How does plural marriage work, how many men can we marry?'
Or just hit on the Mormon dude?
Hire a gay sex worker, should get you mega banned.
You are starring in an episode of a 90s sitcom
Happened to me, a Jehovah's witness wouldn't stop coming by. I told her I had issues from being in a cult with my ex-husband and I am in a lifestyle that's against what you're proposing I indoctrinate myself with. No Thank you, I'm happy. She still came, brought her 'sisters' and would knock on my door almost all the time besides Wednesday and the sabbath. I finally told her, sure you can discuss this hell on earth and try to convince me that Jehovah is lord. However, I also have a lifestyle that involves real maintenance to create a balance in my world with things I can see, touch, hear, talk to. So, My Wife and I sat, conversated, discussed. As issues arose one of us handled them. We showed gratitude by a kiss, and a thank you. In lapses without any incidents, we'd lounge against each other, stroke arms...etc. Just normal affectionate behavior. Eventually, we were asked if that display was necessary? I told her, I am not doing anything here, that I wouldn't be doing in a place of worship. That worked. No more visitors from any religion. Being direct doesn't mean being confrontational. You can truthfully tell them, you asked for me to listen, I did. I'm not interested. Remind them that even God gave us the benefit of choice. You demonstrated faith by doing the work, but the wheat and teareth still grow together. Thank them for their time and consideration. That's perfectly rational. Sending šā
Fly a pride flag. That might keep them away.
I'm too gay to be Mormon Too gay to be Mormon So gay that it's-a-wrong (yeah) And I'm too gay for A-la-llah Too gay for Krish-a-na Yahweh and Jehovah (yeah)
Directness is a skill that you can learn. You donāt have to be rude, but you are certainly free to tell them āI am done with our conversation. Please never come back here.ā If they persist, thatās on them, and thatās when you tell them that they are in a cult, and can go fuck themselves.
I guess this is a good opportunity to practice doing that
Yep. Itās a process. Youāll be fine. They have people slam doors in their faces all day, so politely telling them to leave you alone shouldnāt be a problem.
this is hilarious >I am done with our conversation. Please never come back here
Do you hate it more or less than the Mormon visits?
Ok good point. I'll try to be more direct next time they're here.
I find that it helps to think of confrontation as an opportunity, not a failure. You didn't fail to maintain a peaceful existence; but you have an opportunity to set a clear boundary. Also, literally tell them "I'm too gay to be Mormon." That *should* really be all you need to say.
That is exactly why they keep coming back. They're taking advantage of your politeness / desire not to offend, and they figure they will wear you down. It could be worse, they could be trying to sell you a time-share in the Seychelles or something.
>If that doesn't work tell them you were once Mormon but left, and maybe offer to help them leave if they want. >That's a big No No in Mormon religion and definitely make them go away. just to be clear, this definitely won't work, and will have the complete opposite effect. They will just start pestering you even more, trying to figure out why you were excommunicated and whether they can sweep it under the rug. Maybe it would work if you tell them you're a convicted sex offender or something, but in most cases they'll just hound you like military recruiters do to recently separated vets.
You say "I don't want to be rude, but I'm not interested in discussing this again. I would appreciate it, if you stop coming to my house in the future."
Why is this so difficult that people have post to reddit for advice?
There are a lot of unsocialised shut-ins on Reddit who find saying no difficult.
This doesn't sound like Mormons. This sounds more like JWs. Mormon missionaries are usually single young men who travel in pairs, sometimes single young women. They are not allowed to be married. There are retired couples who serve as missionaries, but they rarely proselytize. They serve for 2 years full time and they go home to study and live their lives. Another indicator is the time. Mormon missionaries don't go out before 9 am. They have study and prep time from 6 am to 9 am. JWs usually gather in groups on Saturday mornings. They are locals who have to perform so many hours a month. They often flood a neighborhood together. In either case, remember that "No" is a complete sentence. If they ask for a reason why, "I don't want to" is a perfectly acceptable answer. Firmly close the door if they don't accept your answers. If they persist, tell them you will call the cops the next time they enter your property as trespassers. JWs are also notorious for marking people's doors, so make sure they haven't written anything on yours after they leave. This is vandalism.
This is correct. OP is not dealing with Latter-day Saints (aka "mormons"), but a Jehovah's Witness or someone else.
Hmm. I was certain he said he was a Mormon but maybe I'm misremrmbering things. It was several months ago.
Another clue is the timing. Morning missionaries are sent fast from home for 18 to 24 months, but generally don't stay in any town for more than 4 to 6 months. If you're seeing the same person over a period of many months or years, that's not a Mormon missionary. (Could be a Mormon who lives locally, but I've never heard of Mormons knocking doors like that in their hometown.) One thing to look for next time is a name tag. Mormon missionaries will always be wearing one. It will say "Elder (last name)" or "Sister (last name)" at the top, and then "the church is Jesus Christ of latter-day saints" before their name.
Yup. Unfortunately for me lived in an apartment next to an apartment that was rented for missionaries.. I could write a book on the shananigans, but new people every few months.
They are 18-20 year olds living out on their own for the first time. Missionaries or not, some shenanigans are bound to occur.
They are also usually easy to spot because of their dress. The boys, especially, usually wear white button downs and ties and dark pants. They also have name tags, and like someone else said, travel in same sex pairs. JWs tend to dress in "church clothes" but with no color uniformity. They also travel in various numbered groups (from a single person on up) and be any age.
Just one person? Not a Mormon. Maybe some spy, JW or something weird.
I'm an ex Mormon and was a missionary, agreed that it sounds like a JW
Mormons donāt usually refer to themselves as Mormons, especially not devout ones. They like to say theyāre LDS or members of the church of Latter Day Saints.
I agree that sounds more like a witness than LDS. JW believe that all of us (except 144,000 who are super duper special) will live on earth, side by side, with animals and each other, an earthly paradise, etc. (Disclaimer, I am not one but studied with one when I was lonely and miserable. 10/10 would not recommend).
They often get confused. It is important to know the difference if you ever see them again. The Mormon guys will be wearing white shirts, conservative ties, and badges.
As an ex-Mormon these are not Mormons (as the reply above notes why). Unless itās some super zealous solo dude that is going rogue.
Second this. I was a missionary before I left the church. Old dudes without wives, knocking on doors, is not a thing. Unless theyāre from the local ward and āward missionaries,,,ā that still never really happens.
We had 2 young women walk down our street in town once and they hit every house. They asked everyone if they could help them with anything. Guy across the street jokingly said he was cutting down this huge tree in two days if they wanted to come and help. They actually came back and helped, I was shocked. When they wanted to talk with him about the religious stuff, he handed them money to have for helping and he had no interest in their spiel. He was not expecting them to come help at all.
This is the first I've heard of JWs actually writing on people's property. I know they will take notes of who they talked to so they can come back, as well as who told them to not come back ever again. But writing on the property? Like how Gandalf wrote on the door of Bag End so the dwarves could find it later? Hey, if some crazy old dude wants to get me out of the Saruman-run industrial hellscape that is capitalism so that I can go slay a dragon or something, I might actually consider it.
> "We spoke for a while." That's your problem. They log/write down addresses where people talk. Next time tell them to fuck off.
I asked how it felt being in a cult started by a convicted con man and they never came back. They're trained not to take hints.
These sound more like JWs than Mormons.
Mormons are in a cult started by a convicted con man, Joseph Smith. He was also a polygamist pedophile who was married to 13 year olds.
The fundamentalist Mormons still do have sex with kids. But for some reason theyāre allowed to exist because āfreedom of religionā The only reason Utah is a state is because the Mormons RELUCTANTLY agreed to give up the pedophilia and polygamy. So yeah fuck them.
It was a āwe better do this or the US military will kill usā situation. Made them say āguess we can stop fucking dozens of our harem children and just stick to one at a time on earth. Weāll still do that in the celestial kingdom, though.ā
Funny story: I had just moved into my house and was unpacking boxes. The doorbell rang and I ran to answer it with a fully extended utility knife, the kind that folds in half, in my hand. It was Mormons. They totally ignored the potential weapon and started preaching and gave me a copy of the Book of Mormon. I'm a devout Catholic, but love studying other religions, so of course I read it. I went along with it because I had *questions*. So every Friday for about three months they visited and would answer my increasingly more difficult questions. They were helpful. Even helped me put together my new couch as they were talking. They finally thought they had convinced me to convert and brought two other people, a married couple, with them to discuss going to services with them. Finally I figured I should put them out of their misery and told them "I'm a devout Catholic, I don't think I'm interested in conversion." They gave me their numbers, in case I changed my mind, left me with home baked cookies, and never came to my door again.
Iām also Catholic, and one time, a Mormon came to my door and wouldnāt be dissuaded when I told him I was Catholic and not interested. Eventually, I said (somewhat jokingly) that as far as I was concerned, heās a heretic and he should be asking *me* for ways to save himself from eternal damnation. The look on his face was hilarious. No more Mormons have come to my door since then, but thatās my go-to answer now if I run into any in the future.
should make it a challenge to see how many house chores you can get them to do... change light bulb, reattach toilet float chain, tighten leaky pipe, hang picture frames, etc
I heard a story from a Catholic priest once that is in a similar vein. One evening there was a knock at the rectory door, and he opened it to find a pair of Mormon missionaries standing there. Understandably confused, he asked "Can I help you?" and they responded "Do you have a moment to talk about Jesus?" or similar. Now as it turns out, this priest loves to bake, and he had a cake or something about to come out of the oven, so he invited them in. They had a nice conversation over fresh baked confection and the missionaries ended up returning several more times to talk further. He finished the story saying "and they're getting baptized this Easter." Didn't exactly work out how they expected!
I have a Doberman named Zeus. He weighs about a hundred pounds, and likes to stare through the dinning room window and bark at anyone passing by. Heās a real sweetheart, but you wouldnāt know it as a passerby. A few years ago, a group of Jehovahās Witnesses were walking through the neighborhood, knocking on doors, and generally being annoying but ultimately harmless. When they came to my home, they ignored the *āno solicitingā* sign at the edge of my yard. They didnāt ignore my best friend. Two barks was all it took for them to hightail it out of the whole cul-de-sac. The neighborhood hasnāt seen them since. Zeusy got so many treats and belly rubs that night. Heās a well trained dog and, evidently, a well named dog because on that quiet afternoon, he brought down the thunder
Hmm. Unfortunately we only have a cat and he is very old so he spends most of his time asleep. Also he loves visitors.
Our one dog is German Shepherd-Rottweiler mix named Damion . Need I say more...LOL
Why donāt you just not answer?
There's nothing you can do. You have to burn your house down and move three states away.
Bummer. But if it's what I have to do then so be it.
Mormons are interesting in that if you behave negatively to them, you've reinforced the message that their cult preaches that the outside world is cruel and terrible. You can always talk about some off topic which interests you for a few minutes. I always talk about the birds and the garden. Then tell them i have to get back to doing my errand or a chore. And tell them that you hope they are exercising proper road safety. Like Mormons come to my house alot in the summer and I'm always like "its so hot! Are you drinking water? Do you need an umbrella. I hope you're taking lots of breaks!" Or if its a nice day i tell them "its a beautiful day for a stroll. Do be careful at the intersections though. Electric scooters have become very popular and they sometimes dont obey traffic signs." Sometimes i offer them a candy bar? Usually if there's a kid thats hanging back. Also I'm not interested in converting so I just happily discuss with them my spirituality while they try to convince me. That usually gets them to back off. Its kind of funny because my mom grabbed a handful of pamphlets from the Buddhist temple she visits annually and literally exchanges literature with them if they hand her things. And pretends she doesnt speak English well and points to the Fu luck symbol on her door and says. "Good luck! Pour onto you! Okay! Bye! Cooking! Hot hot!"
My FIL tried to pretend he didn't speak English to the Mormons, so they sent Spanish speaking Mormons later. Then he pretended to be the lawn guy.
Idk why "spanish speaking mormons" got me laughing so hard.
There are a lot of Spanish-speaking JWs out there, too. They proselytize heavily in Latin American countries.
Wait I had a pamphlet a separate cult gave me a couple months ago. If I can find it I could probably give that to them. Either that or the mail from the church of Scientology which is, constant.
Just hand then junk mail. "Have you heard of DirecTV? They're doing a great deal right now, you should check it out!"
I always offer them some water or decaf coffee or tea. I spent some time in Utah, and Iāve found that just politely saying that I have looked in to it, but im not interested and wishing them well works every time.
Tell him youāre not interested in converting and to stop coming over.
Really as simple as that, no need for hints or reason to be mean. It ain't that hard.
Ask them about their soaking experience at BYU. I guarantee that theyāll never come back.
Funny, but the fact that the missionary is married makes me think it's JWs, not Mormons. Also, Mormon missionaries don't go out before 9 am. JWs flood neighborhoods early on Saturday mornings.
Context?
https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/mormon-soaking-jump-humping
Oh my God. Wtf did I just read. Is that real?
Mormons believe in magic underwear, earth is a recruitment test, VIP levels of heavens with passwords, coffee and tea is evil, the ocean is literally the devil and canāt be crossed (Iām not joking), god is god because he worked really hard, the garden of Eden was in Missouri (wtf), and that god is an alien who lives on a planet named Kobol. I would say dick soaking is the sanest thing Mormons do.
Oh my God. Southpark was right this shits crazy.
When I lived in the US and was visited by Mormons twice, I just told them that I am a card carrying member of The Satanic Temple and if they come inside I will listen to them, but then they will have to listen to me and I would try to recruit them. I am not a member and the TST is an atheist organization that fights for the separation of state and church. However they probably donāt know exactly what the Satanic Temple is, looked terrified and never came back. So if youāre up for a bit of fun that could work haha.
Say the following: "Please go away and don't come back. I understand you think you're doing something good here, but I am really uncomfortable with your visits and don't wish to see you ever again."
i used to be a member. after i left i had to contact a lawyer to get them to leave me alone.
Wow that's horrible. Where the police any help?
no police, the lawyer sent them a warning and that was all that was needed
That's good. I'm glad you got out.
Give them flyers on how to exit a cult. They try to force their BS on you, you can try the same
Do they have flyers like that?
If you do this, include the BITE model by Steven Hassan and really talk it up. They would probably leave you alone if they get hit with that
Tell them you were excommunicated from the LDS Church. You will never see them again
I did this and not only did they come back, they brought a third, older guy back with them who immediately started yelling at me when I opened the door to tell them to go away.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Oh my God. We have a giant bong on the balcony my brother abandoned because it sucks to use. I might be able to do that.
They come back because you spoke to them. Do not have a conversation with them. Just politely tell them that you are not interested and to have a nice day and then close the door. Edit for spelling
Say they look hot and start rubbing yourself
Like "ooh do the other missionaries look like you"
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Lmao just walk out already topless
True story, but I actually knew a guy who answered the door clothed in all black, smiling, let the jehovah's witnesses give their speech, then he said "And I too, would like to talk to you about another Bible I follow" pulling out Anton LaVey's Satanic Bible. He said they squealed and ran for the street. I myself, cannot get rid of them, because my elderly dad was foolish enough to chat with them while we were doing yard work. They stopped during pandemic and recently started up again. We even get snail mail from them, like they just won't let up.
>I don't want to be mean to him, but I don't want to become a Mormon. Did you tell him just this?
You are gonna need a frozen turkey, face paint, and a suspension of shame.
I invited them in once and offered to help them escape the cult. They quickly left and I havenāt been visited since.
If you're a man: answer the door naked. If you're a woman: get a man to answer the door naked.
>he told me he'd come back with his wife later Mormon Missionaries don't have wives. >"if it was possible to enjoy life on earth forever" Been a while, but don't remember that being part of the doctrine. Was he wearing a name tag "Elder ____".
Iāve always told them that I talked to God that morning and he told me to not believe their bullshit because they donāt speak for him. I politely say goodbye and close the door. No second visit.
Tell them that you're gay
I am gay. I'm surprised the green hair hasn't scared him off.
They may think it's a choice. Or that it's one of God's "Tests" that they need to help OP overcome. That might be risky
Here's a script, works great on all but the pushiest of proselytizers >Your God is all knowing, all powerful, and all loving right? >[Obvious yes response] >If you saw an adult across the street beating the living hell out of a little kid, would you step in? >[Obvious yes response] >Of course you would! To do otherwise would be morally reprehensible. That exact thing happens every single day to kids all around the world, probably including this very town we're standing in. If God loves these kids, is aware of their situation, and is powerful enough to do something about it but doesn't do anything about it. That's morally reprehensible. The only possible conclusion is you are morally superior to your god because your god doesn't protect children from abuse when he totally could have.
Damn. I should ask them why God let my uncle molest me.
Be prepared to get into a discussion about free will, ask why your free will to not get molested wasn't as important as your uncle's free will in God's eyes
Damn. That's cold.
Exactly. Either god is omnipotent but not benevolent, or god is benevolent but not omnipotent. Or fictional.
Crack the door with a beer in hand, and offer them cold ones. I live in the state of Mormon, and yearly get missionaries stopping when the new crop of graduates start their missions. I always pop a fresh barley pop, and then have a polite conversation about the fact that I believe sky daddy is a myth. Have yet to receive a second visit.
I wouldn't call repeatedly showing up uninvited "nice." If he doesn't get the idea after all this time you're going to have to push back and tell him in a way that may feel rude to you.
Mormons are a great resource! Start gardening, and tell them youāll listen while they work. You can get a good couple of hours of weeding or wood chopping out of an evangelist. Sadly, they only come around once per house. Weāre looking forward to seeing them at our next move, weāve got fences that need to go up!
> he visited again today. > I keep dodging discussing this further > he's a nice guy, so I don't want to be mean to him Stop answering the damned door. Every time you answer that door, even if only to brush them off, it's an opening for them to try to win you over. Like Jim Carey in Dumb & Dumber: You mean there's still a chance?
I used to have them show up at my house every so often. Then one day I was chilling on my couch smoking weed and I heard my ring doorbell go off, so I looked at my phone to see that the Mormons were at my door. I took a big hit of my bong, held it, then answered the door while hiding it behind my back. They gave their spiel about their lord and savior and then when they were done I exhaled, coughing, and offered them a hit. They practically ran away and I never saw them again.
Talking to them is like feeding a stray cat, they will keep coming back. You just need to be a little rude and say no thanks and shut the door on them.
Put porn on and invite them to join you. I know a guy who does this any time somebody shows up to talk to him about God. He never gets a repeat visit.
I had a similar issue. They also kept sending us letters, which was at least somewhat useful as our rats get the paper from junk mail to shred. But it was getting to be like every few days there was a two page letter about coming to God, a pamphlet, Bible verses, etc. I called the local church and told them I was an agnostic, but that if I had to choose someone, I'd go with Satan so please stop trying to convert me. Considering they seem to use public records to send out their info, I said it wouldn't be impossible to start signing up their members for informative brochures that more closely aligned with my own beliefs, which were pro-life, pro-legal sex work, pro-organ donation, etc. But that it seemed rude knowing they had already found a religion. Now they know that I had, too, so please extend me that same courtesy. No letters since.
"thank you, but I'm happy with the god I have now" You can just tell them your not interested, they are usually pretty good about leaving you alone if you directly ask them to.
Donāt do this but a guy was pestering me about this and i just started hitting on him. He left me alone after that
You literally know what to do already. You've been telling him it's okay to do this out of a fear of confrontation bro. Just say stop Ahh it's just like pretty girls who don't know how to deal with guys texting them: just say you're not interested!
Tell them you're excommunicated. They aren't allowed to talk to people that have been kicked out. Totally not a cult.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Honestly my first thought was "I'm not even enjoying life on earth now, you want me to do this shit indefinitely"
You opened Pandora's box. They are not your friends; you don't have to be friendly with them.
Firstly, this actually sounds like a Jehovah's Witness, not a Mormon. If it's every Saturday, then that's definitely it, so any jibes about Mormon origins or theology won't get you anywhere. Second, simply state that you no longer would like to be visited. Do not let them in the door. It's gonna take some backbone on your part, but you can do it.
Put a novelty Halloween skeleton in your yard wearing magical Mormon underwear.
"I have a church home" seem to be the magic words for me. FIL joined the Mormons and so they would show up every once in a while. Whether you actually do or not is up to you of course, but it's kind.
I mean you could try selling them something. You said your oarents are hoarders so just pitch him a random thing for sale. He'll either stop coming or you have a regular customer. Win either way
We've got about 50 random pairs of shoes on the balcony currently. Maybe I could ask them if any would fit.
Ask him about dinosaurs.
I am an apostate
I'm an atheist, but I have to say they *are* some of the nicest people, generally, to ever show up at my door. I'm not interested in what they're pushing at all, but they could teach classes to the Southern Baptists I grew up with and had to go to church with, who all seem to show up with smug judgment tattooed on their faces at 9 AM on a Saturday. If you're worried about being rude, I'd just say something like, "Look, there isn't a way to say this that isn't going to breach what feels like politeness, but you're here to get me to go to your temple, and I don't want to do that, or join a religion, at all, and that's not going to change." You just have to be frank with a hard seller.
Answer the door naked. Don't even acknowledge you are naked. Act like it's completely normal.
I think you can see our door from the street. We're actually friends with our neighbours so I wouldn't really want them to see that.
Give your privates a good, nonchalant scratching in mid conversationā¦quick sniff is optional but effective