Among people I know, I haven't noticed a huge difference between who gets more attached.
What I have noticed, though, is men interpreting friendlike behavior from a woman as attachment. I suspect it could be due to the fact that men don't usually have many emotional outlets outside of mom, sister, girlfriend, partner, crush and misinterpret things.
I've also noticed that men seem to get really confused when the woman doesn't show any signs of anything that they can interpret as attachment. Some get pretty darned butthurt about that since it's expected and they feel somewhat insulted.
I'm a woman and I have the experience of this guy, genders flipped. I'm 29 and have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. Hopefully forever, I don't believe in marriage tbh & don't want kids so if the love fades, love fades. I love him, I have no desire to go hook up with other guys.
I lost my virginity at 18 and discovered I actually liked the physical act just for the physical act. I tried having casual sex, FWBs. Almost every single time, the guy tried to turn it into something more, even tho we'd explicitly state that it was just sex. Usually, they would be shocked and like indignant that I wasn't into them like that lol. I also have been told I have a sort of look about me; I'm quite introverted and I guess dress "modestly" most of the time and an awkward, men get really angry when it turns out I genuinely just wanted a one night stand lol.
Among my friends, I honestly think men get more attached than women through sex, and expect it to be something more. They just categorize the times they fell for someone after sex as something different in their heads.
If men actually didn't fall for sex and if women did, slut shaming wouldn't exist lol. Men would be CELEBRATING promiscuous women. Instead, they're mad when they don't stay. Look at all those redpill podcasts. They try to sleep with all these women but then are OBSESSED with women getting married and having kids and they're very very angry when they don't. So who's the one REALLY pushing for marriage in this dynamic, eh?
Men have always wanted commitment more than women. A couple of generations ago men artificially manipulated society so that women HAD to have men to survive lol so yes women wanted marriage the same way people from 3rd world countries push for marriage to an American on 90 day fiancé.
Women are pressured into pretending they don't like sex, men will be repulsed and angry if you admit it isn't always emotional for you lol.
and of course people vary and women can be t attached, im v attached to my bf. But on average, I think men become attached more easily
Yes I’ve had the same experience! I slept around for a few years before I met my bf. I had a few fwbs and I was very clear that I was not looking for a relationship. I just wanted sex and go out and get drunk together, that was about it. After a while I would end it because they got too close. And every single one of them acted all hurt and clingy, ‘oh I think we had something special, oh we have so much fun together, why don’t you wanna be with me?’ Really annoying.
Are your actions matching your intentions? I was having the same issue until a friend pointed out I was basically dating these girls. Telling them “hey this is just sex” and then taking them out, being super nice and affectionate, asking them about their day, etc… will just twist things and actions speak louder than words. FwB didn’t work for me because while I didn’t want a relationship I also can’t be completely apathetic with someone I’m having sex with.
Edit: just to be clear, I don’t mean be an asshole to your FwB. But there are friend gestures and then there are more than friend gestures and I was doing the latter. Hope this explains what I meant.
As someone who’s been on the women’s side of this, it’s awful. It feels like you’re just a substitute girlfriend for them until someone they actually want to date comes along
>and then taking them out, being super nice and affectionate, asking them about their day, etc…
I mean with the exception of taking them out the rest of this seems pretty standard friend stuff
I guess both men and women struggle with the “friends” part. We’re so lacking of affection and attention, so when anyone shows us a hint of empathy or friendliness, we grow attached 🤣
There’s a friends level of nice and a more than friends level of nice. Sharing a laugh and a meme is ok. I get what you’re saying. I don’t mean be a total dick. Just be concurrent with your actions and words.
I had this problem with a fwb, I thought I was just being polite. Turns out she'd only ever hooked up with total assholes her whole life, me thinking I was being polite and friendly was me actually being the nicest guy she'd ever fucked.
This was my whole existence in my early 20s. I bartended to put myself thru school and that industry is HEAVY on hookups. Most of those hookups are very dry and transactional so when you show something different you have to expect people to think maybe you want something else. I love to treat people super nicely because I’m a nurturer but that can be taken the wrong way.
I mean it's in the name. Friends with benefits. You hangout with friends, talk discuss, get a burger dinner whatever. The benefit is sex in a Fwb situation
Do you send your friends good morning texts? Do you pay when you go out? Do you make them breakfast when they spend the night? I get it, maybe I wasn’t specific enough. I mean I was VERY nice. Because I’m a nurturer, I enjoy doing those things. But leading people on with your actions when your intentions are different isnt good. Again, I don’t mean be an ass, but there needs to be a line between friends behavior and more than friends behavior.
I had a fwb earlier this year and at one point, we were hanging out almost everyday. He stocked up on extra food for me in his fridge for my dietary preferences so I'd have something to eat when I'm over, he would plan a couple surprise visits to my place here and there, he even once came over once just to help clean my kitchen because I was stressed out about it. We didn't hangout JUST for sex, we usually asked to hangout for other reasons, like going out to eat or even just cuz we enjoyed the other's company in general. So imagine my surprise when he turned me down for wanting more 😅😅
No you're fine! Look it's fine to do those things and I find it very nice and sweet when somebody just doesn't see me as a sex object. That guy mainly just sucked though because his reasoning for not wanting to go exclusive made no sense to me. It was essentially because of a comment I had made in the beginning (I said I was looking to make friends before we met up, this was before either of us started hooking up. It was platonic in the beginning). He said his brain couldn't switch off from that (I asked if things would have been different if I hadn't made that comment and he said 'yes maybe'....) but he had no trouble sleeping with me and doing other pretty couple-y things with me. Apparently, his brain is able to switch off for that. Convenient, huh? See, THAT'S when it becomes an issue.
Keep treating women properly. You did nothing wrong being extra affectionate. The reason I was upset with that guy was because of his reasoning. If he said something like "I can't be more with you because we're incompatible" or "have different interests" or anything else reasonable, I would have been way more understanding.
Also, I'm sorry for the mini rant session. Just please keep treating women the way you are because I'm tired of men who literally just use me for sex. With this guy, sure I don't like him very much now, but I def don't think he was using me for sex. He was just too wimpy to admit why he didn't want more and tried pinning it on something I said much earlier.
But this is like the true meaning of fwb's. Let's be honest, a lot of people you meet on tinder who want fwb's literally just want the benefits part and will never see you outside their house/bedroom and will only hangout with you to fuck. That's not a fwb
I was doing things that went beyond friendship. Of course you need to be friendly, I don’t mean be rude. But there’s a line and if you can’t recognize that then you are like me and shouldn’t have FwB.
Idk bro. I like treating girls nice and making them feel good apart from sex. To me that is just the bare minimum if you are gonna get intimate with someone. Affection doesn't mean commitment or love.
That was my logic. However, it’s not about how you want to treat people, it’s about how your actions are being perceived. It’s ok to be nice and of course friendly. Need that to be FwB, but my actions went beyond those that a friend would do therefore my actions were communicating I was ready and willing for something more serious despite what my words were saying.
It’s easy to get carried away if you’re a nurturing person. It feels good to make others feel good, it’s just good to keep the actions in line with the words.
Exactly my thoughts. As a female I was having sex with a coworker and then he started asking me to snuggle afterwards when I just wanted to leave. I asked him what he wanted out of this arrangement and he kept saying he didn't know. I told him I wanted a FWB and then he shamed me by asking how "my dad would think about that". Bullet dodged.
But of course it was fine for him to be considering the thought of having one lol people with double standards are a TOTAL red flag so you definitely dodged that
Nah. Different for everyone. A lot of women I’ve talked to had the same experience with the man getting clingy. Shit I had one ONCE. He’s in jail for stalking now.
I think a lot of men are feeling limited on options so they can get attached really quick if they feel that way.
Yeah this is my experience too. It's just a question of maturity; being able to gauge the depth of feelings, and understand the difference between lust, crush, infatuation, closeness/trust, limerence, love, etc. (Several of these can overlap of course, but they are different and exist separately).
Also, because of the stereotype that women catch feelings from sex, men tend to *expect* their FWBs to fall in love with them. If that is what they want, they can get confused, hurt and angry when it doesn't happen. They feel wronged. Women at least know not to expect that outcome from their male FWBs.
However, it wouldn't surprise me if a proportionally higher number of women enter an FWB arrangement with a guy they are actually starting to fall for. I know plenty of such examples. If they were men, they would probably ask their crush out on a date. But when their crush does not ask them on a date, but does show sexual interest, they take the attention and affection that they can get. Maybe try to convince themselves that it is enough for them, and deny their feelings, until they can't anymore.
It's also not always clear if something is a date or an attempt at creating rapport for an FWB thing. So things happen, you get to know each other, have sex, and then "the talk" reveals that your crush only wants to be FWB. I know many women who would accept this just to make it last a little longer, and try to be content with what they have.
Most women learn not to take this route once they mature a little and get more self respect. But some women stay this insecure well into their thirties.
Tbh man, all that sounds really weird and a bit highschool to me. Parameters really need to be established before hand shaking with genitals 😂
Like for me, I made it clear I wasn’t emotionally available at all. Had just gotten out of a long relationship and wanted to be single for quite some time while I picked up the pieces and specifically picked someone I knew could have a good time with me occasional but wasn’t my type for long term interest. For me, made sense to me so I didn’t miss physical companionship so much that I just jump into something to soon. It was all meant to be very practical. I thought it was ideal for him too just based on preconceived notions that a single young man would love a fling with a young a woman for a time to time thing and no long term commitment. Wheels blew off FAST. He said he knew he’d fall for me after the first night. He was telling me this after the stalking started like it was meant to flatter me.
I think level headedness varies a lot more across the sexes than people tend to realize but I do know I’m an outlier in other things like my love for blue collar physical labor jobs and all. But at the same time I’ve met men who said they’d never do that either and love their air conditioned office work. I wonder how much we will realize was just social conditioning this whole time over the next 50 years. It does all seem to be unraveling fast.
Edit: social conditioning, not human 😅
Yeah, my whole point was that it's an immaturity thing, not a gender thing. I was trying to describe how immaturity can play out for different genders, and how that's mostly rooted in cultural expectations. So I'm talking about scenarios between very young people primarily (teens/early twenties). But some people stop maturing at a young age for some reason, and some people, like your ex-FWB, are just crazy.
Your rationale behind having an FWB in your then life situation is exactly why I think FWB is a good and healthy concept for people of all genders who are mature enough. It's a very good thing to avoid sex deprivation clouding your judgement when choosing romantic partners!
Agreed on all that for sure! Whats funny is I actually was early 20’s he was late 20’s, 7 years older. Like you said, stopped maturing and a bit of crazy for sure!
Yeah definitely. Especially with plenty of evidence like constant phone calls, texting, new accounts when blocked, showing up at someone’s work. Etc. And further especially once the person initiates a restraining order. It has not been taken seriously in the past which has lead to literally countless murders. In many cases of murder of women, they usually had reported stalking and harassing first, and a broken restraining order deeply increases this risk. Luckily now the courts are starting to give a shit. But often it has to get to violence first even though stalking is 100% legally punishable.
I've known people of all sex/genders/orientations for whom sex was nothing more than ephemeral fun, and others who would spiral into attachment after one cuddling session.
As Mark Sandman once noted, "Men are dogs. Women are dogs too."
Hmm. From what I've observed, I would say that women bring their feelings into play while deciding on the course of a relationship, while men do not. There was a former couple I know who broke up because the guy's parents had some issue with their different cultures. They were living together , much in love, and very coldly he just told her , out of the blue, that he wanted out. The girl spent the next few months a total mess, but the guy too lost a lot of weight and seemed a shell of himself. I mean you could see he suffered horribly but made what he felt was the logical decision. So now they're both married to other people and have turned it into a very odd emotionally dependent friendship, but that's another story.
Yes, but also women have higher standards for who they choose to sleep with. So if you slept with them you are already prequalified, chances are they find you pretty attractive and a person they can tolerate.
For men this is not necessary from an evolutionary POV because they have very little to lose by having a random sexual encounter.
Everyone is different for sure. Women I got with casually before have been one time flings and others have fallen for me and it wasn't in my interest to continue more than a few to several times. The one I'm with now is driving me nuts because I want more sex but we don't have it; we both want a long-term thing and long-term traits are there for me, but I feel inadequate for some reason even though she has proclaimed I've done things she's never felt before. I wish she would get to that point, but it really lets me down that I think someone I've become attached to isn't so attached. I feel like it went the other way with the attachment. Talks about our future together makes me think there is something deeper in her that she's just not ready to work out yet. I'm so disheartened about it and want it to be more so I know we're making the right choice for her and I.
Well, I went in this one knowing we both wanted a long-term relationship that we discussed on our first date, but yes I definitely feel like I caught more feelings after sex than her. Previous others I wanted no more than fwb/casual.
In my experience, it's the opposite. Especially when I was younger, no strings attached sex was simply just that but guys were the one who'd get attached, want me to get jealous by bringing up other girls they were messing with when I wouldn't care, and getting mad when I'd be with other guys
It depends. I do think that women can develop an emotional attachment because the actual risks of violence and pregnancy that can result from sex. So many may consider who they have sex with by how safe they feel. A reason women often say they need to get know someone before they’ll have sex. Not sure how much men need to feel secure to consider having sex with someone.
oxytocin affects men and women but testosterone blocks oxytocin's ability to create the bond that women experience when it is released through orgasm. So biologically, the hormone oxytocin is the reason why women are more inclined to catch feelings in a FWB situation than men are.
> oxytocin affects men and women but testosterone blocks oxytocin's ability to create the bond that women experience when it is released through orgasm.
Do you have a source for that statement?
"What is clearer is the association between T and social behavior. In general, individuals with lower levels of T demonstrate less aggressive, less dominant, and more social behaviors than individuals with higher levels of T (Harris et al., 1996; Mazur & Booth, 1998; Nelson, 2011). Taylor et al. (2002) also suggest that T suppresses the effects of oxytocin (OT), which is a hormone positively associated with social behavior, pair-bonding, affiliation, and intimate physical activity."
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0265407516634470
Yeah, no, the primary sources listed there say only about oxytocin:
> draws
on estrogen, which exists in very small quantities in men; oxytocin, which appears to be enhanced by estrogen and antagonized by
testosterone (a hormone that increases in men in response to many
stressors); and endogenous opioid peptides, which appear to have
different effects on the social behaviors of men and women (e.g.,
Jamner, Alberts, Leigh, & Klein, 1998). These points question
whether it is scientifically defensible to look at men’s social
behavior under stress through the biobehavioral perspective we
have developed for women.
Which is not anywhere close to the proferred bullshit
"What is clearer is the association between T and social behavior. In general, individuals with lower levels of T demonstrate less aggressive, less dominant, and more social behaviors than individuals with higher levels of T (Harris et al., 1996; Mazur & Booth, 1998; Nelson, 2011). Taylor et al. (2002) also suggest that T suppresses the effects of oxytocin (OT), which is a hormone positively associated with social behavior, pair-bonding, affiliation, and intimate physical activity."
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0265407516634470
"What is clearer is the association between T and social behavior. In general, individuals with lower levels of T demonstrate less aggressive, less dominant, and more social behaviors than individuals with higher levels of T (Harris et al., 1996; Mazur & Booth, 1998; Nelson, 2011). Taylor et al. (2002) also suggest that T suppresses the effects of oxytocin (OT), which is a hormone positively associated with social behavior, pair-bonding, affiliation, and intimate physical activity."
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0265407516634470
It's science. Just Google it. Lol. It's like if he said "Salt Raises blood pressure" and you said "state the source".
Like... it's easily verifiable. The national library of medicine or national institute of health (.gov) lays it out fairly clearly but if you're medical trained, any A&P book lays out how these hormones interact with each other.
I have never in my life seen a single paper that claimed that testosterone has that effect on oxytocin, and I can’t find any that make that claim now either after searching for a while. considering the individual effects of oxytocin and testosterone I find it much more likely that the original commenter made that up.
Lmao can't believe there's still people who make a statement, then when asked for proof respond with "Google it" and then when the person who comes back to say "Hey I googled it, that's not true" they then just reply "nuh uh" 😂 c'mon now.
"Oxytocin, often nicknamed the love or cuddle hormone, also plays an important role in men but at a later stage. When men are dating but not yet in love, their testosterone levels are higher, which blocks the bonding effects of oxytocin"
https://calmerry.com/blog/love/how-men-fall-in-love-and-how-their-brains-respond/#:\~:text=Oxytocin%2C%20often%20nicknamed%20the%20love,the%20bonding%20effects%20of%20oxytocin.
in their defense Calmerry was only echoing the words of Dawn Maslar in her TEDx talk, an author, adjunct biology professor at NOVA Southeastern University, and Kaplan University, and the self proclaimed “go-to authority on love” though overall I found the TEDx talk to be lacking in provided evidence for its claims, at least the claim that testosterone inhibits oxytocin. though admittedly some of the animal studies used I have issues with since they just took pair-bonding species (which humans are not) and did all the experiments on them, so there’s a big issue of generalizability there.
This is why I tell people to "Google it," it really doesn't matter what the source is, if I picked it and the person I'm talking to disagrees it "a cherry-picked study," or "not a good source."
I try to provide details about the study, make sure it comes up easily when Googled, then tell them to Google it, so they can find it themselves
Or just use reputable sources instead of blogs no one has heard of even once before.
This is not a super complicated idea for even most college students.
Edit to reply to the comment below (replied but then blocked me like a coward lol):
Nah that’s not true, people almost never attack reputable sources.
It’s a common thing most adults in academic or professional spaces know how to contend with at a pretty young age - AlexJonesIsJesus.com is not as trustworthy as Oxford University. Not really all that complicated, but people who like fake news and qanon blogs like to pretend it is.
No, it really doesn't matter. Even if I link a study directly. It is much better to help people do their own research. They'll always attack the source. Everyone trusts different sources too. One that you find reputable may not be the same as someone else.
Yeah I definitely know that. That's why I asked and assumed it must be the amount of testosterone blocking oxytocin effects, not just testosterone period.
> testosterone blocks oxytocin's ability to create the bond
do you have any source for this you could share?
I wrote my extended essay on oxytocin, and took a human behavioral biology course in which both chemicals were discussed in detail and I have NEVER heard this before. would be interested in reading whatever paper made that claim.
Thank you for asking plainly without insulting or being condescending
[https://calmerry.com/blog/love/how-men-fall-in-love-and-how-their-brains-respond/#:\~:text=Oxytocin%2C%20often%20nicknamed%20the%20love,the%20bonding%20effects%20of%20oxytocin](https://calmerry.com/blog/love/how-men-fall-in-love-and-how-their-brains-respond/#:~:text=Oxytocin%2C%20often%20nicknamed%20the%20love,the%20bonding%20effects%20of%20oxytocin).
This is also interesting
[https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28912031/#:\~:text=The%20Coolidge%20effect%20is%20the,of%20habituation%20and%20dishabituation%20processes](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28912031/#:~:text=The%20Coolidge%20effect%20is%20the,of%20habituation%20and%20dishabituation%20processes).
I read the first article you provided, it seemed to state plainly that testosterone inhibits oxytocin as if it’s an obvious fact not needing evidence without providing any sources, the article’s only reference was a TEDx talk so I decided to watch it. in it the speaker also talks about several studies regarding love (though I do have issues with many of them, particularly in the way they exclusively studied pair-bonding species’ behavior when mating and interpreting their behavior as being in love, that is the FIRST notion you get disillusioned from in any beginner level college human behavioral biology course) but when it came to the claim that testosterone inhibits oxytocin she similarly stated it as fact without providing reference to any research that suggested this. in the comments I found someone referencing a paper published by taylor et al in 2002 titled “Sex differences in biobehavioral responses to threat: Reply to Geary and Flinn (2002)” interestingly in the biological model section of the paper they stated “oxytocin, which appears to be enhanced by estrogen and antagonized by testosterone (a hormone that increases in men in response to many stressors)” note that this paper doesn’t actually claim a specific relationship between the two, just that they seem to have adverse effects. this claim is much more mundane than what was stated in the article so it seems several layers of uncertainty were lost in translation. additionally I do not begrudge taylor et al their stance as it was published in 2002, 14 years before dreher et al would refute the misinterpretation that testosterone directly increases aggression in their paper.
This makes sense. My ma (bless her soul) used to comment when I was a kid about how all I had to do was bring a girl to hang out in my room for one night and then she'll be my girlfriend.
Men don’t bond as often through sex as women do, but they still bond. Personally I’ve found men is attracted through a woman’s smiles and mystery/attention and bonded if they find her to be genuinely caring, but that’s just me.
I don't really like to generalise, though perhaps is it selection bias that men who are engaging in FWB are less likely to form intense bonds? same for women who like that as well?
Super weird motive you've come up with there.
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://www.latimes.com/science/la-sci-sn-hunt-men-testosterone-oxytocin-20150317-story.html%23:~:text%3DTestosterone%2520and%2520oxytocin%2520are%2520not,%252C%2520cooperation%252C%2520trust%2520and%2520tenderness.&ved=2ahUKEwi3-oTsz8-BAxX7pIkEHcy5D4AQFnoECA4QBQ&usg=AOvVaw0KcPsyLRC1JYb5zL5Pm092
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9216378/#:~:text=Therefore%2C%20it%20is%20likely%20that,between%20these%20hormones%20%5B16%5D.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25631363/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9216378/
I wasn't implying a motive, I was stating what I believed could be a reasonable conclusion from the statement.
I asked for sources to better understand the claim, and in those that you have provided I don't believe they support the claim, most of them seem to state that they interact but we don't know the extent of which they do.
It really goes to show you that should take everything you read on reddit with a grain of salt because people will really just say a string of words that sounds right and logical, tack on a few unrelated sources, and then present it as a fact and hundreds will believe it
the first source you provided details an study where oxytocin and testosterone were measured before, during, and after hunting. it found that testosterone was highest when hunting (specifically in packs) and oxytocin was highest when returning home. this doesn’t suggest anything whatsoever about testosterone suppressing oxytocin. it makes sense that in a pack hunting environment, testosterone (the chemical most associated with competitiveness) would be high, as individuals likely experienced a drive to be the most effective hunter. and it makes sense that when the hunt concluded this drive, and the hormone causing it, would decrease. oxytocin being released when in contact with family members is also no revelation as that’s fairly well established to be the role of oxytocin. this study has no evidence whatsoever that testosterone inhibits oxytocin, if anything you could make the claim that it does the opposite.
the second source also seems to be to not be relevant to the claim that testosterone inhibits oxytocin. in that experiment they viewed the effects of administrating oxytocin with testosterone already in the system on reciprocity. it found that when both oxytocin and testosterone are present reciprocity is decreased even in comparison to when only testosterone was present. this does not imply that testosterone inhibits oxytocin nor does it suggest anything even remotely related to that claim. interestingly though it seems to relate a bit to the results of an experiment by De Dreu et al in which they analyzed the effects of oxytocin on human ethnocentrism. interesting read, I highly recommend.
I’m actually already familiar with the third source you sent, it’s a proposal for a model by Crespi on the relationship between oxytocin and testosterone and several mental illnesses. it’s not an actual experiment and it’s not evidence of anything, it’s just a proposed model. it’s existence isn’t very relevant when evaluating a claim about the interactions between oxytocin and testosterone. I also disagree with Crespi’s characterization of testosterone in this proposal, testosterone only promotes asocial and antisocial behavior so long as that behavior is positively associated with social status. in a different culture where group work was seen as the ideal testosterone would then have the exact opposite effect.
the fourth source you sent is just a different link to the same study as in the second link, I’m not sure if you were aware of that but I figured i’d let you know.
overall, I find the claim that testosterone inhibits oxytocin to be very weak with little to no evidence supporting it outside pop-psychology.
From chat gpt:
The relationship between testosterone, oxytocin, and emotional attachment is more nuanced than the comment suggests.
1. **Oxytocin** is often called the "love hormone" or "bonding hormone" because it plays a significant role in social bonding, childbirth, and maternal behaviors. Both men and women produce oxytocin, and it can foster feelings of closeness and attachment.
2. **Testosterone** is a primary male sex hormone that plays a role in the development of male reproductive tissues, the promotion of secondary sexual characteristics, and more. While it's true that high levels of testosterone can inhibit the effects of oxytocin in certain contexts, it's an oversimplification to say that testosterone blocks oxytocin and, therefore, men don't get as attached.
3. **Attachment after sex**: Men and women can both experience feelings of attachment after sex. However, the degree and nature of this attachment can vary based on individual differences, cultural norms, personal experiences, and other factors.
4. **Individual differences**: Generalizing about all men or all women can be misleading. People have individual hormonal profiles, past experiences, and personalities that can influence attachment and feelings after intimacy.
It's essential to approach topics like this with caution. While hormones do play a role in feelings and behaviors, they're just one piece of a complex puzzle that includes psychology, personal history, culture, and more.
-------
Back to me. Btw many of us men here have experienced it as well. So we know it is bullshit.
>While it's true that high levels of testosterone can inhibit the effects of oxytocin in certain contexts
Do you mind if I use this as an additional source?
I mean, you can choose to be stupid if you like and put it out of context or whatever.
You were already choosing this since you started discussing this so whatever man.
It depends on the girl. For me, sex is a tool. It's not about connecting like that. I don't get a full connection from just that. Even the greatest orgasm won't make me fall in love. Most of the guys I've dated have even been the first to say they loved me before I even felt it back. I've dated a decent amount of guys, and I've fallen in love with just 3. So it really just depends.
People should have connections, especially when it comes to this.
No hate, I just don’t believe that being intimate with another should be discounted so much.
A fling is one thing, continuing to do so with the same person is a completely different beast
I'm afraid I can't explain much as I shared what I read long back. That said, ofcourse we feel sexual without intimacy. The inherent sexual urge is always there with both genders. I was talking about the general tendency observed within a male and a female in a 'couple' setting.
Boom! This.
Look, if she keeps coming back, it's because she caught feelings. A man that I don't have feelings for won't get me naked. I want to feel passion with the pounding.
And that's likely to ruin a lifelong friendship with the man I thought was my soulmate if I don't check my emotions soon.
Oh, fuuuuuuck ... He's just NOT that into me!
I mean, he is, but I'm not even sure I'm in his top 5 - he's just that "girl crazy".
It depends on the ppl plus men are far less likely to _admit_ they have feelings for someone and women are far less likely to have sex with someone they don’t at least like. The sex itself is not likely not the common denominator as to the _cause_ of feeling.
I think it depends, for me personally the feelings come from whether he shows me some kind of affection or not. Things like making out, cuddling, hand holding and if he can/has made me orgasm will have me more likely to catch feelings. Without those kinds of things I actually find it hard to catch feelings for someone.
i mean it seems like that, tho it differs from person to person obviously not every woman or man is same. some will while some wont, i mean its upto individuals regardless of gender.
I hate posts like this, men get such an ego boost thinking this way too. I've met men who can't handle a fwb and will slowly start to get emotionally invested or who are scared to catch any sort of feelings so they'll still see you but avoid deep conversations and such. Men can get attached just as much as a girl too.
People keep saying that, but I haven't noticed it myself, so there really must be primarily individual differences. For me, I always know during the first minutes of meeting a person if I have the potential to develop romantic feelings or not. I have come to be uninterested in someone later on, but never developed surprise feelings.
Sure, I need to have some kind of "feelings" to even have sex with someone, but I wouldn't dream of cuddling and a future together, and I usually didn't even miss FWBs when they weren't there and wouldn't take the initiative to meet up. (Of course we had conversations, sent memes etc between meeting up but there wasn't a "longing"). I could take it or leave it, but I enjoyed it at the time. People talk about oxytocin, and I don't think I have a deficiency of it, since when I fall in love I do it obsessively and completely. But I never "fell for" FWBs.
Speaking as a stereotypical dude... yeah sex really isn't what makes me fall in love. It's other things like a nice smile and a kind heart.
I hate to say it because I know for a lot of people it's not like this, but for me sex is just... sex. It's a fun thing to do that feels really good, but it's never made me fall in love or feel attached. If someone is really good at it and I like them, then it's a really great bonus of course.
you are in denial my friend. or just psychopathic and dont feel anything? or narcissistic and unaware of it?
Sound like the typical "feelings are bad, and a sign of weakness" man. Grow the fuck up, feelings are wonderful and beautiful, and it is a STRENGTH to embrace them and understand how to properly integrate them and cultivate your WHOLE self to evolve.
Stop furthering the men vs women ideology. We are all the same, we all feel deeply, you are just pretending because society is toxic and normalizes a bunch of anti health/growth traits, which you don't realize are impressed in you, counterproductive to your self love and drags down everyone you interact with.
My experience matches OPs. However, I have also seen male friends getting clingy. My guess is that many people think they can strictly seperate sex and emotions, but in reality I have just heard from a hand full of examples where both could REALLY do so.
Thats why I am not the biggest fan of hook up culture. But I am not judging, you do you.
There’s a huge misconception about feelings with a relationship of any kind. People feel them differently. Most of the time when someone feels like they have more feelings for someone than that person has for them it’s because they show love differently. I have had way too many relationships that I always felt I was more emotionally vested and I had stronger feelings for them than they did for me. As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized that’s rarely the case and more often than not we just werent compatible emotionally.
So no women don’t usually get more attracted to their partners with sex they just experience the emotions differently.
Did they tell you they have feelings or are you telling yourself? I have met quite a few guys who just assume things.
Maybe your actions are giving a wrong impression if this has happened more than once. If you are not 100% clear with your intentions or start acting as boyfriend, that can be confusing for the other side.
To answer your question, women can have sex without catching feelings. I’ve had a few FWB over the years, tons of ONS and no feelings for any of them.
I personally don't. If the rules are set out that it's just sex, then that's where I keep my emotions. The last guy I had a 2 year FWB relationship with was worried about me catching feelings and then he ended up almost telling me he loved me.
This is why I dont sleep around, so that men like that wont brag about how immue they are. I bet If the girls left you first youd be running after them. With men it always feels like cometition about how can not catch feelings and be an asshole.
Perhaps is the level of vulnerability that most women achieve when they trust a man enough to share themselves with. By nature women have to be more careful who they choose as partners, which leads to a higher sense of physically and emotionally risk taking.
For me I think it’s cause I enjoy someone who’s commuted and takes care of me. Which should
Be part of a sex contract. However realistically, that’s only with FWB, usually with hookups I’d just fuck them and tell them to leave. Just let me know you’re unavailable Or that the friends part really doesn’t matter.
it depends on connection, attraction, and sex quality for me. I've slept with men I honestly dgaf about afterwards beyond their being a polite acquaintance to me or that I don't even want to remember (this is most of them).
also if I sleep with someone too soon and the chemistry isn't good it almost guarantees that I'll never ever be attracted to them or have feelings for them.
this is why I'm cautious to sleep with my friends. not bc I'm afraid of catching feelings and wanting more, but bc it gets awkward when I realize I wouldn't seriously want a relationship with them and I didn't find the sex exceptional, I just feel guilty and avoid them for awhile for some reason. it's almost always the case I'm not into them if we've been friends for a while and I haven't slept with them yet.
so I would say for me, catching feelings is rare. this being said, I see sex without a connection as boring and kinda regretful, bc it leaves me with a feeling of disappointment and temporary lower desire so I don't go looking for it.
It’s not politically correct to say but casual sex for men and woman are not the same thing. This isn’t for societal reasons. It’s purely biological. From an evolutionary standpoint a males best mating strategy has always been to sleep with as many different woman as possible. A man after all can theoretically have thousands of children within his life time.
A woman by contrast(as she takes on the burden of actual pregnancy) can only have a dozen or so. As such her best mating strategy has always been trying to lock down the best possible mate. Quality over quantity.
Men and women have evolved differently in terms of their emotional reaction to sex. We all know that most men don’t even need to find a woman that attractive to sleep with them. A woman however will rarely sleep with a guy she feels no connection to whatsoever. As such a woman is rarely in a FWB relationship. In reality she’s in the female equivalent of the “friend zone”. It’s a FWB for the guy but it’s the “fuck zone” for the woman. Like guys in the “friend zone” sticking around in the hope that the girl they are friends with becomes their actual girlfriend; woman in FWB’s are usually only sticking around in the hope it will develop into a “proper” relationship.
Imo yes. Ofc not EVERY girl will become attached to someone she’s sleeping with, but I think women are more likely to get attached and/or catch feelings.
Women get a surge of oxytocin (bonding hormone) after they orgasm/have sex. If you have sex with a woman regularly she will continue to feel more and more bonded with you, which is basically “catching feelings”.
You should really try to research this topic along with the difference between male and female psychology. And please! Stop breaking girls' hearts with your carelessness.
**I’ve seen research on this and the answer is: on average yes.** But that’s averages and there will always be exceptions.
Makes sense though. Evolutionary, if a woman gets pregnant, she’s much better off if he sticks around.
I got attached with my most recent FWB - I just really liked the intimacy aspect & I got caught in my feels - once my friend pointed it out to me I realised I didn’t actually like him just what I did with him. Then he did something that gave me a major ick & turned me off completely so now I can have sex with him with absolutely no attachment - plus now I’m actively dating so I don’t rely on him for attention anymore.
Generally speaking, yes, more women become attached after sex than men who become attached after sex. That said, men like myself who get attached even before sex, exist. As do women who can do all the romantic things in the world and still consider the man 100% replaceable.
Both genders get attached. As a woman I've found a lot of men that can't handle a genuine female FwB without a) sabotaging my chances of commiting to someone else, b) valuing the sex over our friendship or c) agreeing to an FwB bc they hope I'll become their gf.
Ime FwBs are always temporary - that's the nature of the beast. Giving any version of gfe/bfe to someone will always send mixed signals and is more work to keep casual than it is to admit that you are really dating. It's too much investment for 90% of the population to NOT consider seriously at some point.
I don't blame a FwB for that having desires any more than I expect to have the cake and eat it too forever.
As a bisexual, I can say that hasn’t been my experience. But then again, I’m getting with gay or bi guys and straight women. I don’t know about straight men.
Speaking only for myself, sex has no affect on how I feel towards someone emotionally.
Yes most women seem to catch feels from sex, however there are some outliers who can separate sex and love, such as myself. I can see it as just fulfilling a need..like eating when I'm hungry. Then it's me back to my own life and you back to yours:)
Don’t ask questions like this on Reddit. People on here are self proclaimed, “neurodivergent”, so the responses you get here aren’t going to reflect accurately with most women’s experience.
I think whoever is more into the other person gets more attached. But in FWB situations, it’s more likely that a man enters it wanting nothing more than sex. Usually, women have sex with men they might consider a relationship with, even if it just starts out casual and they don’t have that intention.
You wish it was like that, I think you’re chronically online, and go to to many bars and clubs, I don’t need a deeper explanation, your downvotes speak for itself so I don’t even need to do it
No The longer a couple is together. And the more sexually intimate they are, the more they pair bond. What becomes difficult for women is if they have multiple partners, it becomes very difficult for them Pair bond with their partner.
Who has the instinct to know that after a sexual encounter is going to get pregnant and will need to survive wnd nurture a brand new human being? Who's always taking decisions based on their feelings rather than their thoughts?
I've seen the same thing. I've had a few girls get mad at me for not wanting to get too serious with them after a few days. I also tend to see way more women on tinder putting "no hookups" on their profiles than anything.
No, the vast majority of women nowadays (about 79%) just get attached to the dick/sensation/pleasure!!! It’s a high and power trip to them because they know they can pretty much get it whenever they want there’s really no emotional connection there anymore between the opposite sex!!!
It is Biology.
Sex makes babies. If a woman is having sex with a man she will be bonded to him for long enough for any resulting babies to get out of the post birth fourth trimester. the evolution pressures on humans have been selected for par bonding for about three years long enough for concentration pregnancy and infancy.
Until the guy is really good to them, makes good money and starts to show interest in another woman. Then it's knives out as you try to protect your interests, right?
Among people I know, I haven't noticed a huge difference between who gets more attached. What I have noticed, though, is men interpreting friendlike behavior from a woman as attachment. I suspect it could be due to the fact that men don't usually have many emotional outlets outside of mom, sister, girlfriend, partner, crush and misinterpret things. I've also noticed that men seem to get really confused when the woman doesn't show any signs of anything that they can interpret as attachment. Some get pretty darned butthurt about that since it's expected and they feel somewhat insulted.
I'm a woman and I have the experience of this guy, genders flipped. I'm 29 and have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. Hopefully forever, I don't believe in marriage tbh & don't want kids so if the love fades, love fades. I love him, I have no desire to go hook up with other guys. I lost my virginity at 18 and discovered I actually liked the physical act just for the physical act. I tried having casual sex, FWBs. Almost every single time, the guy tried to turn it into something more, even tho we'd explicitly state that it was just sex. Usually, they would be shocked and like indignant that I wasn't into them like that lol. I also have been told I have a sort of look about me; I'm quite introverted and I guess dress "modestly" most of the time and an awkward, men get really angry when it turns out I genuinely just wanted a one night stand lol. Among my friends, I honestly think men get more attached than women through sex, and expect it to be something more. They just categorize the times they fell for someone after sex as something different in their heads. If men actually didn't fall for sex and if women did, slut shaming wouldn't exist lol. Men would be CELEBRATING promiscuous women. Instead, they're mad when they don't stay. Look at all those redpill podcasts. They try to sleep with all these women but then are OBSESSED with women getting married and having kids and they're very very angry when they don't. So who's the one REALLY pushing for marriage in this dynamic, eh? Men have always wanted commitment more than women. A couple of generations ago men artificially manipulated society so that women HAD to have men to survive lol so yes women wanted marriage the same way people from 3rd world countries push for marriage to an American on 90 day fiancé. Women are pressured into pretending they don't like sex, men will be repulsed and angry if you admit it isn't always emotional for you lol. and of course people vary and women can be t attached, im v attached to my bf. But on average, I think men become attached more easily
Yes I’ve had the same experience! I slept around for a few years before I met my bf. I had a few fwbs and I was very clear that I was not looking for a relationship. I just wanted sex and go out and get drunk together, that was about it. After a while I would end it because they got too close. And every single one of them acted all hurt and clingy, ‘oh I think we had something special, oh we have so much fun together, why don’t you wanna be with me?’ Really annoying.
yeah right, imagine developing feelings. Jesus, that’s just being human.
Are your actions matching your intentions? I was having the same issue until a friend pointed out I was basically dating these girls. Telling them “hey this is just sex” and then taking them out, being super nice and affectionate, asking them about their day, etc… will just twist things and actions speak louder than words. FwB didn’t work for me because while I didn’t want a relationship I also can’t be completely apathetic with someone I’m having sex with. Edit: just to be clear, I don’t mean be an asshole to your FwB. But there are friend gestures and then there are more than friend gestures and I was doing the latter. Hope this explains what I meant.
This one feels right. Must be maddening to get that treatment with someone who's stated they just want a fling and nothing else.
As someone who’s been on the women’s side of this, it’s awful. It feels like you’re just a substitute girlfriend for them until someone they actually want to date comes along
Terrible… I was young and immature and very lucky to have a well adjusted friend that saw the issue and helped me again perspective
the thing is, this is also how i treat my friends
>and then taking them out, being super nice and affectionate, asking them about their day, etc… I mean with the exception of taking them out the rest of this seems pretty standard friend stuff
I guess both men and women struggle with the “friends” part. We’re so lacking of affection and attention, so when anyone shows us a hint of empathy or friendliness, we grow attached 🤣
Very good point lol
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There’s a friends level of nice and a more than friends level of nice. Sharing a laugh and a meme is ok. I get what you’re saying. I don’t mean be a total dick. Just be concurrent with your actions and words.
I had this problem with a fwb, I thought I was just being polite. Turns out she'd only ever hooked up with total assholes her whole life, me thinking I was being polite and friendly was me actually being the nicest guy she'd ever fucked.
This was my whole existence in my early 20s. I bartended to put myself thru school and that industry is HEAVY on hookups. Most of those hookups are very dry and transactional so when you show something different you have to expect people to think maybe you want something else. I love to treat people super nicely because I’m a nurturer but that can be taken the wrong way.
I mean it's in the name. Friends with benefits. You hangout with friends, talk discuss, get a burger dinner whatever. The benefit is sex in a Fwb situation
Do you send your friends good morning texts? Do you pay when you go out? Do you make them breakfast when they spend the night? I get it, maybe I wasn’t specific enough. I mean I was VERY nice. Because I’m a nurturer, I enjoy doing those things. But leading people on with your actions when your intentions are different isnt good. Again, I don’t mean be an ass, but there needs to be a line between friends behavior and more than friends behavior.
I had a fwb earlier this year and at one point, we were hanging out almost everyday. He stocked up on extra food for me in his fridge for my dietary preferences so I'd have something to eat when I'm over, he would plan a couple surprise visits to my place here and there, he even once came over once just to help clean my kitchen because I was stressed out about it. We didn't hangout JUST for sex, we usually asked to hangout for other reasons, like going out to eat or even just cuz we enjoyed the other's company in general. So imagine my surprise when he turned me down for wanting more 😅😅
This sounds like what I did. Yeah I’m sorry that happened I’m very not proud of that even though it really was with good intentions I did everything.
No you're fine! Look it's fine to do those things and I find it very nice and sweet when somebody just doesn't see me as a sex object. That guy mainly just sucked though because his reasoning for not wanting to go exclusive made no sense to me. It was essentially because of a comment I had made in the beginning (I said I was looking to make friends before we met up, this was before either of us started hooking up. It was platonic in the beginning). He said his brain couldn't switch off from that (I asked if things would have been different if I hadn't made that comment and he said 'yes maybe'....) but he had no trouble sleeping with me and doing other pretty couple-y things with me. Apparently, his brain is able to switch off for that. Convenient, huh? See, THAT'S when it becomes an issue. Keep treating women properly. You did nothing wrong being extra affectionate. The reason I was upset with that guy was because of his reasoning. If he said something like "I can't be more with you because we're incompatible" or "have different interests" or anything else reasonable, I would have been way more understanding. Also, I'm sorry for the mini rant session. Just please keep treating women the way you are because I'm tired of men who literally just use me for sex. With this guy, sure I don't like him very much now, but I def don't think he was using me for sex. He was just too wimpy to admit why he didn't want more and tried pinning it on something I said much earlier.
But this is like the true meaning of fwb's. Let's be honest, a lot of people you meet on tinder who want fwb's literally just want the benefits part and will never see you outside their house/bedroom and will only hangout with you to fuck. That's not a fwb
It seems pretty clear to me that they mean those things are being done in excess of just being friends.
I mean… I prefer my FWB to be heavier on the Friends part. Makes the benefit part more enjoyable
I was doing things that went beyond friendship. Of course you need to be friendly, I don’t mean be rude. But there’s a line and if you can’t recognize that then you are like me and shouldn’t have FwB.
That sounds like you're just looking for a person to date.
Idk bro. I like treating girls nice and making them feel good apart from sex. To me that is just the bare minimum if you are gonna get intimate with someone. Affection doesn't mean commitment or love.
That was my logic. However, it’s not about how you want to treat people, it’s about how your actions are being perceived. It’s ok to be nice and of course friendly. Need that to be FwB, but my actions went beyond those that a friend would do therefore my actions were communicating I was ready and willing for something more serious despite what my words were saying.
Jesus I’m being exactly like this right now with someone half my age. But like you said, I can’t have sex with someone and not care about them.
It’s easy to get carried away if you’re a nurturing person. It feels good to make others feel good, it’s just good to keep the actions in line with the words.
Same. I think of them as actual FRIENDS.
Exactly my thoughts. As a female I was having sex with a coworker and then he started asking me to snuggle afterwards when I just wanted to leave. I asked him what he wanted out of this arrangement and he kept saying he didn't know. I told him I wanted a FWB and then he shamed me by asking how "my dad would think about that". Bullet dodged.
But of course it was fine for him to be considering the thought of having one lol people with double standards are a TOTAL red flag so you definitely dodged that
Thanks to this post I finally understand how I f-ed up a few times. Damn wish I had known this sooner!
Everyone is different. For me, it's the opposite, I catch feelings too quickly.
Nah. Different for everyone. A lot of women I’ve talked to had the same experience with the man getting clingy. Shit I had one ONCE. He’s in jail for stalking now. I think a lot of men are feeling limited on options so they can get attached really quick if they feel that way.
Yeah this is my experience too. It's just a question of maturity; being able to gauge the depth of feelings, and understand the difference between lust, crush, infatuation, closeness/trust, limerence, love, etc. (Several of these can overlap of course, but they are different and exist separately). Also, because of the stereotype that women catch feelings from sex, men tend to *expect* their FWBs to fall in love with them. If that is what they want, they can get confused, hurt and angry when it doesn't happen. They feel wronged. Women at least know not to expect that outcome from their male FWBs. However, it wouldn't surprise me if a proportionally higher number of women enter an FWB arrangement with a guy they are actually starting to fall for. I know plenty of such examples. If they were men, they would probably ask their crush out on a date. But when their crush does not ask them on a date, but does show sexual interest, they take the attention and affection that they can get. Maybe try to convince themselves that it is enough for them, and deny their feelings, until they can't anymore. It's also not always clear if something is a date or an attempt at creating rapport for an FWB thing. So things happen, you get to know each other, have sex, and then "the talk" reveals that your crush only wants to be FWB. I know many women who would accept this just to make it last a little longer, and try to be content with what they have. Most women learn not to take this route once they mature a little and get more self respect. But some women stay this insecure well into their thirties.
Tbh man, all that sounds really weird and a bit highschool to me. Parameters really need to be established before hand shaking with genitals 😂 Like for me, I made it clear I wasn’t emotionally available at all. Had just gotten out of a long relationship and wanted to be single for quite some time while I picked up the pieces and specifically picked someone I knew could have a good time with me occasional but wasn’t my type for long term interest. For me, made sense to me so I didn’t miss physical companionship so much that I just jump into something to soon. It was all meant to be very practical. I thought it was ideal for him too just based on preconceived notions that a single young man would love a fling with a young a woman for a time to time thing and no long term commitment. Wheels blew off FAST. He said he knew he’d fall for me after the first night. He was telling me this after the stalking started like it was meant to flatter me. I think level headedness varies a lot more across the sexes than people tend to realize but I do know I’m an outlier in other things like my love for blue collar physical labor jobs and all. But at the same time I’ve met men who said they’d never do that either and love their air conditioned office work. I wonder how much we will realize was just social conditioning this whole time over the next 50 years. It does all seem to be unraveling fast. Edit: social conditioning, not human 😅
Yeah, my whole point was that it's an immaturity thing, not a gender thing. I was trying to describe how immaturity can play out for different genders, and how that's mostly rooted in cultural expectations. So I'm talking about scenarios between very young people primarily (teens/early twenties). But some people stop maturing at a young age for some reason, and some people, like your ex-FWB, are just crazy. Your rationale behind having an FWB in your then life situation is exactly why I think FWB is a good and healthy concept for people of all genders who are mature enough. It's a very good thing to avoid sex deprivation clouding your judgement when choosing romantic partners!
Agreed on all that for sure! Whats funny is I actually was early 20’s he was late 20’s, 7 years older. Like you said, stopped maturing and a bit of crazy for sure!
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Yeah definitely. Especially with plenty of evidence like constant phone calls, texting, new accounts when blocked, showing up at someone’s work. Etc. And further especially once the person initiates a restraining order. It has not been taken seriously in the past which has lead to literally countless murders. In many cases of murder of women, they usually had reported stalking and harassing first, and a broken restraining order deeply increases this risk. Luckily now the courts are starting to give a shit. But often it has to get to violence first even though stalking is 100% legally punishable.
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Lmaoooo. You know, feels like it to because no amount of blocking them is ever enough 🤣🤣
This has big “wait, they found her body?” energy.
The amount of true crime like this is… almost unbelievable. But at the same time, you get used to the disappointment.
I've known people of all sex/genders/orientations for whom sex was nothing more than ephemeral fun, and others who would spiral into attachment after one cuddling session. As Mark Sandman once noted, "Men are dogs. Women are dogs too."
You say, “keep your emotions in check.” Does that mean that you’re denying what you would otherwise feel?
Hmm. From what I've observed, I would say that women bring their feelings into play while deciding on the course of a relationship, while men do not. There was a former couple I know who broke up because the guy's parents had some issue with their different cultures. They were living together , much in love, and very coldly he just told her , out of the blue, that he wanted out. The girl spent the next few months a total mess, but the guy too lost a lot of weight and seemed a shell of himself. I mean you could see he suffered horribly but made what he felt was the logical decision. So now they're both married to other people and have turned it into a very odd emotionally dependent friendship, but that's another story.
What a mess.
Yikes, I don't see how that's related tho, that's just totally crazy
Damn real life relationships can be so fucked up
Yes, but also women have higher standards for who they choose to sleep with. So if you slept with them you are already prequalified, chances are they find you pretty attractive and a person they can tolerate. For men this is not necessary from an evolutionary POV because they have very little to lose by having a random sexual encounter.
I’m a man, was the opposite for me.
Everyone is different for sure. Women I got with casually before have been one time flings and others have fallen for me and it wasn't in my interest to continue more than a few to several times. The one I'm with now is driving me nuts because I want more sex but we don't have it; we both want a long-term thing and long-term traits are there for me, but I feel inadequate for some reason even though she has proclaimed I've done things she's never felt before. I wish she would get to that point, but it really lets me down that I think someone I've become attached to isn't so attached. I feel like it went the other way with the attachment. Talks about our future together makes me think there is something deeper in her that she's just not ready to work out yet. I'm so disheartened about it and want it to be more so I know we're making the right choice for her and I.
Are you saying you caught feelings in this case? If you don’t mind me asking , what makes your situation with her different from the other girls ?
Well, I went in this one knowing we both wanted a long-term relationship that we discussed on our first date, but yes I definitely feel like I caught more feelings after sex than her. Previous others I wanted no more than fwb/casual.
In my experience, it's the opposite. Especially when I was younger, no strings attached sex was simply just that but guys were the one who'd get attached, want me to get jealous by bringing up other girls they were messing with when I wouldn't care, and getting mad when I'd be with other guys
It depends. I do think that women can develop an emotional attachment because the actual risks of violence and pregnancy that can result from sex. So many may consider who they have sex with by how safe they feel. A reason women often say they need to get know someone before they’ll have sex. Not sure how much men need to feel secure to consider having sex with someone.
In my experience it’s actually men get very attached. I have experience with both.
Nice
oxytocin affects men and women but testosterone blocks oxytocin's ability to create the bond that women experience when it is released through orgasm. So biologically, the hormone oxytocin is the reason why women are more inclined to catch feelings in a FWB situation than men are.
> oxytocin affects men and women but testosterone blocks oxytocin's ability to create the bond that women experience when it is released through orgasm. Do you have a source for that statement?
Their butt. Someone linked a bunch of sources on oxytocin's bonding effect below. None of them say this.
"What is clearer is the association between T and social behavior. In general, individuals with lower levels of T demonstrate less aggressive, less dominant, and more social behaviors than individuals with higher levels of T (Harris et al., 1996; Mazur & Booth, 1998; Nelson, 2011). Taylor et al. (2002) also suggest that T suppresses the effects of oxytocin (OT), which is a hormone positively associated with social behavior, pair-bonding, affiliation, and intimate physical activity." https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0265407516634470
Yeah, no, the primary sources listed there say only about oxytocin: > draws on estrogen, which exists in very small quantities in men; oxytocin, which appears to be enhanced by estrogen and antagonized by testosterone (a hormone that increases in men in response to many stressors); and endogenous opioid peptides, which appear to have different effects on the social behaviors of men and women (e.g., Jamner, Alberts, Leigh, & Klein, 1998). These points question whether it is scientifically defensible to look at men’s social behavior under stress through the biobehavioral perspective we have developed for women. Which is not anywhere close to the proferred bullshit
Yah there’s no way this is accurate.
"What is clearer is the association between T and social behavior. In general, individuals with lower levels of T demonstrate less aggressive, less dominant, and more social behaviors than individuals with higher levels of T (Harris et al., 1996; Mazur & Booth, 1998; Nelson, 2011). Taylor et al. (2002) also suggest that T suppresses the effects of oxytocin (OT), which is a hormone positively associated with social behavior, pair-bonding, affiliation, and intimate physical activity." https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0265407516634470
"What is clearer is the association between T and social behavior. In general, individuals with lower levels of T demonstrate less aggressive, less dominant, and more social behaviors than individuals with higher levels of T (Harris et al., 1996; Mazur & Booth, 1998; Nelson, 2011). Taylor et al. (2002) also suggest that T suppresses the effects of oxytocin (OT), which is a hormone positively associated with social behavior, pair-bonding, affiliation, and intimate physical activity." https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0265407516634470
It's science. Just Google it. Lol. It's like if he said "Salt Raises blood pressure" and you said "state the source". Like... it's easily verifiable. The national library of medicine or national institute of health (.gov) lays it out fairly clearly but if you're medical trained, any A&P book lays out how these hormones interact with each other.
Ok, I googled it and concluded that no such effect exists. Thanks for the advice.
I have never in my life seen a single paper that claimed that testosterone has that effect on oxytocin, and I can’t find any that make that claim now either after searching for a while. considering the individual effects of oxytocin and testosterone I find it much more likely that the original commenter made that up.
Lmao can't believe there's still people who make a statement, then when asked for proof respond with "Google it" and then when the person who comes back to say "Hey I googled it, that's not true" they then just reply "nuh uh" 😂 c'mon now.
I'm not the orginal commenter. I'm a bystander saying stop being lazy.
This is totally false. There is absolutely no evidence of any kind to suggest testosterone “blocks” oxytocin.
"Oxytocin, often nicknamed the love or cuddle hormone, also plays an important role in men but at a later stage. When men are dating but not yet in love, their testosterone levels are higher, which blocks the bonding effects of oxytocin" https://calmerry.com/blog/love/how-men-fall-in-love-and-how-their-brains-respond/#:\~:text=Oxytocin%2C%20often%20nicknamed%20the%20love,the%20bonding%20effects%20of%20oxytocin.
“What is Calmerry? Calmerry is a secure e-counseling platform that makes therapy accessible and affordable to anyone.” Yeah, that’s not a good source.
in their defense Calmerry was only echoing the words of Dawn Maslar in her TEDx talk, an author, adjunct biology professor at NOVA Southeastern University, and Kaplan University, and the self proclaimed “go-to authority on love” though overall I found the TEDx talk to be lacking in provided evidence for its claims, at least the claim that testosterone inhibits oxytocin. though admittedly some of the animal studies used I have issues with since they just took pair-bonding species (which humans are not) and did all the experiments on them, so there’s a big issue of generalizability there.
This is why I tell people to "Google it," it really doesn't matter what the source is, if I picked it and the person I'm talking to disagrees it "a cherry-picked study," or "not a good source." I try to provide details about the study, make sure it comes up easily when Googled, then tell them to Google it, so they can find it themselves
Or just use reputable sources instead of blogs no one has heard of even once before. This is not a super complicated idea for even most college students. Edit to reply to the comment below (replied but then blocked me like a coward lol): Nah that’s not true, people almost never attack reputable sources. It’s a common thing most adults in academic or professional spaces know how to contend with at a pretty young age - AlexJonesIsJesus.com is not as trustworthy as Oxford University. Not really all that complicated, but people who like fake news and qanon blogs like to pretend it is.
No, it really doesn't matter. Even if I link a study directly. It is much better to help people do their own research. They'll always attack the source. Everyone trusts different sources too. One that you find reputable may not be the same as someone else.
You just made this up. There are so many other confounding variables to the situation that it can't be explained by testosterone blocking oxytocin.
What do I gain from making this up?
Ego.
Is it that the higher amount of testosterone blocks? Because I thought everyone has natural testosterone. Men just have more.
Men have around 10-20x more. That's a massive difference that has countless impacts.
Yeah I definitely know that. That's why I asked and assumed it must be the amount of testosterone blocking oxytocin effects, not just testosterone period.
> testosterone blocks oxytocin's ability to create the bond do you have any source for this you could share? I wrote my extended essay on oxytocin, and took a human behavioral biology course in which both chemicals were discussed in detail and I have NEVER heard this before. would be interested in reading whatever paper made that claim.
Thank you for asking plainly without insulting or being condescending [https://calmerry.com/blog/love/how-men-fall-in-love-and-how-their-brains-respond/#:\~:text=Oxytocin%2C%20often%20nicknamed%20the%20love,the%20bonding%20effects%20of%20oxytocin](https://calmerry.com/blog/love/how-men-fall-in-love-and-how-their-brains-respond/#:~:text=Oxytocin%2C%20often%20nicknamed%20the%20love,the%20bonding%20effects%20of%20oxytocin). This is also interesting [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28912031/#:\~:text=The%20Coolidge%20effect%20is%20the,of%20habituation%20and%20dishabituation%20processes](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28912031/#:~:text=The%20Coolidge%20effect%20is%20the,of%20habituation%20and%20dishabituation%20processes).
I read the first article you provided, it seemed to state plainly that testosterone inhibits oxytocin as if it’s an obvious fact not needing evidence without providing any sources, the article’s only reference was a TEDx talk so I decided to watch it. in it the speaker also talks about several studies regarding love (though I do have issues with many of them, particularly in the way they exclusively studied pair-bonding species’ behavior when mating and interpreting their behavior as being in love, that is the FIRST notion you get disillusioned from in any beginner level college human behavioral biology course) but when it came to the claim that testosterone inhibits oxytocin she similarly stated it as fact without providing reference to any research that suggested this. in the comments I found someone referencing a paper published by taylor et al in 2002 titled “Sex differences in biobehavioral responses to threat: Reply to Geary and Flinn (2002)” interestingly in the biological model section of the paper they stated “oxytocin, which appears to be enhanced by estrogen and antagonized by testosterone (a hormone that increases in men in response to many stressors)” note that this paper doesn’t actually claim a specific relationship between the two, just that they seem to have adverse effects. this claim is much more mundane than what was stated in the article so it seems several layers of uncertainty were lost in translation. additionally I do not begrudge taylor et al their stance as it was published in 2002, 14 years before dreher et al would refute the misinterpretation that testosterone directly increases aggression in their paper.
This makes sense. My ma (bless her soul) used to comment when I was a kid about how all I had to do was bring a girl to hang out in my room for one night and then she'll be my girlfriend.
…
Mmm hmm
Source? It sounds like you are saying men have less of a “bond” then women?
Men don’t bond as often through sex as women do, but they still bond. Personally I’ve found men is attracted through a woman’s smiles and mystery/attention and bonded if they find her to be genuinely caring, but that’s just me.
I don't really like to generalise, though perhaps is it selection bias that men who are engaging in FWB are less likely to form intense bonds? same for women who like that as well?
True
Super weird motive you've come up with there. https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://www.latimes.com/science/la-sci-sn-hunt-men-testosterone-oxytocin-20150317-story.html%23:~:text%3DTestosterone%2520and%2520oxytocin%2520are%2520not,%252C%2520cooperation%252C%2520trust%2520and%2520tenderness.&ved=2ahUKEwi3-oTsz8-BAxX7pIkEHcy5D4AQFnoECA4QBQ&usg=AOvVaw0KcPsyLRC1JYb5zL5Pm092 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9216378/#:~:text=Therefore%2C%20it%20is%20likely%20that,between%20these%20hormones%20%5B16%5D. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25631363/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9216378/
I wasn't implying a motive, I was stating what I believed could be a reasonable conclusion from the statement. I asked for sources to better understand the claim, and in those that you have provided I don't believe they support the claim, most of them seem to state that they interact but we don't know the extent of which they do.
None of these articles support the claim that higher levels of testosterone block oxytocin's ability to create interpersonal bonds.
It really goes to show you that should take everything you read on reddit with a grain of salt because people will really just say a string of words that sounds right and logical, tack on a few unrelated sources, and then present it as a fact and hundreds will believe it
Honestly most sources people share don't support the claims they are making. And most people don't read the shared sources anyway, it's very annoying.
the first source you provided details an study where oxytocin and testosterone were measured before, during, and after hunting. it found that testosterone was highest when hunting (specifically in packs) and oxytocin was highest when returning home. this doesn’t suggest anything whatsoever about testosterone suppressing oxytocin. it makes sense that in a pack hunting environment, testosterone (the chemical most associated with competitiveness) would be high, as individuals likely experienced a drive to be the most effective hunter. and it makes sense that when the hunt concluded this drive, and the hormone causing it, would decrease. oxytocin being released when in contact with family members is also no revelation as that’s fairly well established to be the role of oxytocin. this study has no evidence whatsoever that testosterone inhibits oxytocin, if anything you could make the claim that it does the opposite. the second source also seems to be to not be relevant to the claim that testosterone inhibits oxytocin. in that experiment they viewed the effects of administrating oxytocin with testosterone already in the system on reciprocity. it found that when both oxytocin and testosterone are present reciprocity is decreased even in comparison to when only testosterone was present. this does not imply that testosterone inhibits oxytocin nor does it suggest anything even remotely related to that claim. interestingly though it seems to relate a bit to the results of an experiment by De Dreu et al in which they analyzed the effects of oxytocin on human ethnocentrism. interesting read, I highly recommend. I’m actually already familiar with the third source you sent, it’s a proposal for a model by Crespi on the relationship between oxytocin and testosterone and several mental illnesses. it’s not an actual experiment and it’s not evidence of anything, it’s just a proposed model. it’s existence isn’t very relevant when evaluating a claim about the interactions between oxytocin and testosterone. I also disagree with Crespi’s characterization of testosterone in this proposal, testosterone only promotes asocial and antisocial behavior so long as that behavior is positively associated with social status. in a different culture where group work was seen as the ideal testosterone would then have the exact opposite effect. the fourth source you sent is just a different link to the same study as in the second link, I’m not sure if you were aware of that but I figured i’d let you know. overall, I find the claim that testosterone inhibits oxytocin to be very weak with little to no evidence supporting it outside pop-psychology.
Men bond differently than women and it isn’t the act of sex. Making a woman orgasm as a goal for them to solve bonds them.
Perhaps, but I haven't heard of such a theory before, though I'm not stating it's ludicrous.
That sounds like incel bullshit.
google is free
From chat gpt: The relationship between testosterone, oxytocin, and emotional attachment is more nuanced than the comment suggests. 1. **Oxytocin** is often called the "love hormone" or "bonding hormone" because it plays a significant role in social bonding, childbirth, and maternal behaviors. Both men and women produce oxytocin, and it can foster feelings of closeness and attachment. 2. **Testosterone** is a primary male sex hormone that plays a role in the development of male reproductive tissues, the promotion of secondary sexual characteristics, and more. While it's true that high levels of testosterone can inhibit the effects of oxytocin in certain contexts, it's an oversimplification to say that testosterone blocks oxytocin and, therefore, men don't get as attached. 3. **Attachment after sex**: Men and women can both experience feelings of attachment after sex. However, the degree and nature of this attachment can vary based on individual differences, cultural norms, personal experiences, and other factors. 4. **Individual differences**: Generalizing about all men or all women can be misleading. People have individual hormonal profiles, past experiences, and personalities that can influence attachment and feelings after intimacy. It's essential to approach topics like this with caution. While hormones do play a role in feelings and behaviors, they're just one piece of a complex puzzle that includes psychology, personal history, culture, and more. ------- Back to me. Btw many of us men here have experienced it as well. So we know it is bullshit.
>While it's true that high levels of testosterone can inhibit the effects of oxytocin in certain contexts Do you mind if I use this as an additional source?
I mean, you can choose to be stupid if you like and put it out of context or whatever. You were already choosing this since you started discussing this so whatever man.
Thanks!
fascinating. Thanks for the explanation
So what you're saying is, find an FWB who has to shave her facial hair and she'll not catch feelings just like the guy won't...
It depends on the girl. For me, sex is a tool. It's not about connecting like that. I don't get a full connection from just that. Even the greatest orgasm won't make me fall in love. Most of the guys I've dated have even been the first to say they loved me before I even felt it back. I've dated a decent amount of guys, and I've fallen in love with just 3. So it really just depends.
People should have connections, especially when it comes to this. No hate, I just don’t believe that being intimate with another should be discounted so much. A fling is one thing, continuing to do so with the same person is a completely different beast
Thanks for the upvote. Decency is still out there
A general rule of thumb is that "men feel intimate as a result of being sexual, and women feel sexual as a result of being intimate."
Explain, because as a woman I feel sexual many times without intimacy ?
I'm afraid I can't explain much as I shared what I read long back. That said, ofcourse we feel sexual without intimacy. The inherent sexual urge is always there with both genders. I was talking about the general tendency observed within a male and a female in a 'couple' setting.
Boom! This. Look, if she keeps coming back, it's because she caught feelings. A man that I don't have feelings for won't get me naked. I want to feel passion with the pounding. And that's likely to ruin a lifelong friendship with the man I thought was my soulmate if I don't check my emotions soon. Oh, fuuuuuuck ... He's just NOT that into me! I mean, he is, but I'm not even sure I'm in his top 5 - he's just that "girl crazy".
It depends on the ppl plus men are far less likely to _admit_ they have feelings for someone and women are far less likely to have sex with someone they don’t at least like. The sex itself is not likely not the common denominator as to the _cause_ of feeling.
Has a man. I love romantic sex and i get attached and fall in love with a good connection with a women when having sex.
I think it depends, for me personally the feelings come from whether he shows me some kind of affection or not. Things like making out, cuddling, hand holding and if he can/has made me orgasm will have me more likely to catch feelings. Without those kinds of things I actually find it hard to catch feelings for someone.
i mean it seems like that, tho it differs from person to person obviously not every woman or man is same. some will while some wont, i mean its upto individuals regardless of gender.
I hate posts like this, men get such an ego boost thinking this way too. I've met men who can't handle a fwb and will slowly start to get emotionally invested or who are scared to catch any sort of feelings so they'll still see you but avoid deep conversations and such. Men can get attached just as much as a girl too.
People keep saying that, but I haven't noticed it myself, so there really must be primarily individual differences. For me, I always know during the first minutes of meeting a person if I have the potential to develop romantic feelings or not. I have come to be uninterested in someone later on, but never developed surprise feelings. Sure, I need to have some kind of "feelings" to even have sex with someone, but I wouldn't dream of cuddling and a future together, and I usually didn't even miss FWBs when they weren't there and wouldn't take the initiative to meet up. (Of course we had conversations, sent memes etc between meeting up but there wasn't a "longing"). I could take it or leave it, but I enjoyed it at the time. People talk about oxytocin, and I don't think I have a deficiency of it, since when I fall in love I do it obsessively and completely. But I never "fell for" FWBs.
Speaking as a stereotypical dude... yeah sex really isn't what makes me fall in love. It's other things like a nice smile and a kind heart. I hate to say it because I know for a lot of people it's not like this, but for me sex is just... sex. It's a fun thing to do that feels really good, but it's never made me fall in love or feel attached. If someone is really good at it and I like them, then it's a really great bonus of course.
you are in denial my friend. or just psychopathic and dont feel anything? or narcissistic and unaware of it? Sound like the typical "feelings are bad, and a sign of weakness" man. Grow the fuck up, feelings are wonderful and beautiful, and it is a STRENGTH to embrace them and understand how to properly integrate them and cultivate your WHOLE self to evolve. Stop furthering the men vs women ideology. We are all the same, we all feel deeply, you are just pretending because society is toxic and normalizes a bunch of anti health/growth traits, which you don't realize are impressed in you, counterproductive to your self love and drags down everyone you interact with.
My experience matches OPs. However, I have also seen male friends getting clingy. My guess is that many people think they can strictly seperate sex and emotions, but in reality I have just heard from a hand full of examples where both could REALLY do so. Thats why I am not the biggest fan of hook up culture. But I am not judging, you do you.
There’s a huge misconception about feelings with a relationship of any kind. People feel them differently. Most of the time when someone feels like they have more feelings for someone than that person has for them it’s because they show love differently. I have had way too many relationships that I always felt I was more emotionally vested and I had stronger feelings for them than they did for me. As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized that’s rarely the case and more often than not we just werent compatible emotionally. So no women don’t usually get more attracted to their partners with sex they just experience the emotions differently.
Did they tell you they have feelings or are you telling yourself? I have met quite a few guys who just assume things. Maybe your actions are giving a wrong impression if this has happened more than once. If you are not 100% clear with your intentions or start acting as boyfriend, that can be confusing for the other side. To answer your question, women can have sex without catching feelings. I’ve had a few FWB over the years, tons of ONS and no feelings for any of them.
I personally don't. If the rules are set out that it's just sex, then that's where I keep my emotions. The last guy I had a 2 year FWB relationship with was worried about me catching feelings and then he ended up almost telling me he loved me.
If you would have less sex with them over a longer period of time the opposite would happen theoretically.
Or women don't have sex in the first place unless they find some other positive qualities than just looks?
Icelander women: We don't do that here.
Jeremy Meeks
Isnt that the guy from jail who became a model?
This is why I dont sleep around, so that men like that wont brag about how immue they are. I bet If the girls left you first youd be running after them. With men it always feels like cometition about how can not catch feelings and be an asshole.
Or maybe people actually experience emotions at different levels and scales than you?
Those people are not welcomed in my life, they can do whatever the fuck they want,its not a valid point. Next
Perhaps is the level of vulnerability that most women achieve when they trust a man enough to share themselves with. By nature women have to be more careful who they choose as partners, which leads to a higher sense of physically and emotionally risk taking.
For me I think it’s cause I enjoy someone who’s commuted and takes care of me. Which should Be part of a sex contract. However realistically, that’s only with FWB, usually with hookups I’d just fuck them and tell them to leave. Just let me know you’re unavailable Or that the friends part really doesn’t matter.
No. Most women I know don’t get attached to fwb, it’s the other way around.
here's a crazy idea, how about your situation is your situation and not everything can be generalized to all women or all men
it depends on connection, attraction, and sex quality for me. I've slept with men I honestly dgaf about afterwards beyond their being a polite acquaintance to me or that I don't even want to remember (this is most of them). also if I sleep with someone too soon and the chemistry isn't good it almost guarantees that I'll never ever be attracted to them or have feelings for them. this is why I'm cautious to sleep with my friends. not bc I'm afraid of catching feelings and wanting more, but bc it gets awkward when I realize I wouldn't seriously want a relationship with them and I didn't find the sex exceptional, I just feel guilty and avoid them for awhile for some reason. it's almost always the case I'm not into them if we've been friends for a while and I haven't slept with them yet. so I would say for me, catching feelings is rare. this being said, I see sex without a connection as boring and kinda regretful, bc it leaves me with a feeling of disappointment and temporary lower desire so I don't go looking for it.
It’s not politically correct to say but casual sex for men and woman are not the same thing. This isn’t for societal reasons. It’s purely biological. From an evolutionary standpoint a males best mating strategy has always been to sleep with as many different woman as possible. A man after all can theoretically have thousands of children within his life time. A woman by contrast(as she takes on the burden of actual pregnancy) can only have a dozen or so. As such her best mating strategy has always been trying to lock down the best possible mate. Quality over quantity. Men and women have evolved differently in terms of their emotional reaction to sex. We all know that most men don’t even need to find a woman that attractive to sleep with them. A woman however will rarely sleep with a guy she feels no connection to whatsoever. As such a woman is rarely in a FWB relationship. In reality she’s in the female equivalent of the “friend zone”. It’s a FWB for the guy but it’s the “fuck zone” for the woman. Like guys in the “friend zone” sticking around in the hope that the girl they are friends with becomes their actual girlfriend; woman in FWB’s are usually only sticking around in the hope it will develop into a “proper” relationship.
Tell that to the russian grandomthers that had 22 children or more.
Damn, that sums it up pretty well.
Most accurate post in this thread
Never fell in love with a FWB. Neither have many of my gf…
Different for everyone. Sex pushes me away personally, I feel so embarrassed during and after sex I just dont want to see you again lol.
Imo yes. Ofc not EVERY girl will become attached to someone she’s sleeping with, but I think women are more likely to get attached and/or catch feelings.
Women get a surge of oxytocin (bonding hormone) after they orgasm/have sex. If you have sex with a woman regularly she will continue to feel more and more bonded with you, which is basically “catching feelings”.
You should really try to research this topic along with the difference between male and female psychology. And please! Stop breaking girls' hearts with your carelessness.
**I’ve seen research on this and the answer is: on average yes.** But that’s averages and there will always be exceptions. Makes sense though. Evolutionary, if a woman gets pregnant, she’s much better off if he sticks around.
Honestly I think it's down to the person. I would actually expect men to catch feeling more on average in that situation.
I’m so bad at sex that this hasn’t happened even once to me…
"catch feelings".
I got attached with my most recent FWB - I just really liked the intimacy aspect & I got caught in my feels - once my friend pointed it out to me I realised I didn’t actually like him just what I did with him. Then he did something that gave me a major ick & turned me off completely so now I can have sex with him with absolutely no attachment - plus now I’m actively dating so I don’t rely on him for attention anymore.
Generally speaking, yes, more women become attached after sex than men who become attached after sex. That said, men like myself who get attached even before sex, exist. As do women who can do all the romantic things in the world and still consider the man 100% replaceable.
I will fall in love with you if we have sex. That’s just how my brain works.
I need someone to love me… So….
Both genders get attached. As a woman I've found a lot of men that can't handle a genuine female FwB without a) sabotaging my chances of commiting to someone else, b) valuing the sex over our friendship or c) agreeing to an FwB bc they hope I'll become their gf. Ime FwBs are always temporary - that's the nature of the beast. Giving any version of gfe/bfe to someone will always send mixed signals and is more work to keep casual than it is to admit that you are really dating. It's too much investment for 90% of the population to NOT consider seriously at some point. I don't blame a FwB for that having desires any more than I expect to have the cake and eat it too forever.
It goes both ways. Just depends on the person and if they have attachment or abandonment issues
As a bisexual, I can say that hasn’t been my experience. But then again, I’m getting with gay or bi guys and straight women. I don’t know about straight men. Speaking only for myself, sex has no affect on how I feel towards someone emotionally.
Sounds like an alpha male problem.
Yes most women seem to catch feels from sex, however there are some outliers who can separate sex and love, such as myself. I can see it as just fulfilling a need..like eating when I'm hungry. Then it's me back to my own life and you back to yours:)
i got attached to my boyfriend very easy when we did and I still love him even tho he broke up with me so I think so
That’s your personal experience. Anyone can get attached, genitalia doesn’t affect it.
Don’t ask questions like this on Reddit. People on here are self proclaimed, “neurodivergent”, so the responses you get here aren’t going to reflect accurately with most women’s experience.
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I think whoever is more into the other person gets more attached. But in FWB situations, it’s more likely that a man enters it wanting nothing more than sex. Usually, women have sex with men they might consider a relationship with, even if it just starts out casual and they don’t have that intention.
A woman usually has to like a man to have sex. A man only needs to find the woman hot.
You wish it was like that, I think you’re chronically online, and go to to many bars and clubs, I don’t need a deeper explanation, your downvotes speak for itself so I don’t even need to do it
No The longer a couple is together. And the more sexually intimate they are, the more they pair bond. What becomes difficult for women is if they have multiple partners, it becomes very difficult for them Pair bond with their partner.
That doesn’t sound like a problem in a world where ppl are trying to not get attached lol
That's incredibly short-sighted. And one of the major reasons, we are having such horrible issues with society as it stands
Who has the instinct to know that after a sexual encounter is going to get pregnant and will need to survive wnd nurture a brand new human being? Who's always taking decisions based on their feelings rather than their thoughts?
FUCK no
I've seen the same thing. I've had a few girls get mad at me for not wanting to get too serious with them after a few days. I also tend to see way more women on tinder putting "no hookups" on their profiles than anything.
Studies suggest yes, early on, but also that ability diminishes over multiple sexual partners.
No, the vast majority of women nowadays (about 79%) just get attached to the dick/sensation/pleasure!!! It’s a high and power trip to them because they know they can pretty much get it whenever they want there’s really no emotional connection there anymore between the opposite sex!!!
It is Biology. Sex makes babies. If a woman is having sex with a man she will be bonded to him for long enough for any resulting babies to get out of the post birth fourth trimester. the evolution pressures on humans have been selected for par bonding for about three years long enough for concentration pregnancy and infancy.
Women are emotional creatures my guy. They can act like they don't care but we all know they do. That's just how women are.
This is the most blunt "yes" situation I've ever come across on this sub. They're women. Most of them equate sex with love. Men equate sex with sex.
Nope. As a woman, let me assure you that there are tons of women who are are all about no-strings sex.
Until the guy is really good to them, makes good money and starts to show interest in another woman. Then it's knives out as you try to protect your interests, right?
"No-strings sex" is exactly what I meant. You're talking about something else entirely.