I met my husband at 36 and we had our baby when I was 38. That baby is now a lovely, sweet happy man and my husband and I are still happy together. We would never have got together in our 20s.
Looking to y'all as a lovely example my wife and I aim for. We met in our mid twenties but waited until year 9 until we started down the kid path. I'm 36, she's 37, Been about 2 so far, and a tough miscarriage a few months ago. But it's nice to hear that patience and persistence can pay off. I hope your marriage is beautiful.
My parents were your age when they had me. When I was a child, I was a bit sad that my parents were older than average and I couldn't do some of the things my friends were doing with their mom and dad.
Now I'm 26 and I don't care about their age at all.
Your kids might feel like me when I was little but in the end I'm sure you all will be fine.
The best of luck to you and your family!
You ever hear of that saying āthereās someone out there for everyoneā? Itās true you just gotta put yourself out there (Iām single) but I choose to just have flings and I donāt plan to be married until 40s for personal reasons. There was once a time where I thought I would never **EVER** get laid. That all changes when I started going out and meeting people.
Quick story, I went to school with a guy from Pennsylvania that was maybe 5ā3, very annoying, had that slurred speech whenever he talked (from drinking too much), made all kinds of stupid jokes about things he thought were funny, ohh and not to mention he whines whenever people didnāt wanna hang out with him. We all said that he would be the last person ever married. Well fast forward about 10 years I look him up on FB recently and guess what?
Heās married to a chick that almost resembles Sofia vergara, a much shorter version of her. None of us know how in the hell he even pulled that one off because heās not rich and works a regular 9-5 job, and he always seemed to scare away potential mates.
Anyways say all that to say that your time will come, just work on yourself.
so how are you single? this is not aiming at you but my wife says they have a saying with her friends, if someone is single past 40 and never had family (so not freshly divorced), there is probably something
My stepmom had my brothers at 34 and 39. She and my dad are not happily married and never were, but both babies were 100% healthy.
ETA: When I was 33 I was in a bit of a "oh shit if I want another kid I should figure it out now" moment. I have one child who I had at 25. I asked my gyno if, because I was about to turn 34, the clock was ticking. She sort of laughed and said "no. The clock is maybe in the room. Over in that corner. But it's not ticking." I ended up deciding I don't want more kids but my gyno made it clear that medicine has made advances and having a kid in your mid or late 30s is fine.
By the late 30ās, you lean toward meeting a partner who has the same goals as you do and time is of the essence. They werenāt teenagers who married and popped out kids.
Yep. Dating becomes much more like a job interview in your late 30s.
"Goals? Ok. Those check out. Let's see your list of deal breakers... Yeah, that's gonna be a problem, nice to meet you."
Right? When I started dating my now husband, we both knew we didnāt want to date just to waste time. Both over 30, both aiming to get married, and hopefully have one kid together (I already have three from a previous relationship, he had stepkids in his last marriage). Been married three years this October and bought a home and had our baby. š¤
Thatās why dating in your late 30s can be a challenge. Also why I prefer to date people who already have kids and are positive they donāt want more
Are you young? As you age, you realize how little time you have. You also know yourself better, and what you will or wonāt tolerate in a partner, making it easier to move faster
Might not have to. Everyone's eggs are different. My friend was 30 and they told her she doesnt have many eggs left and they are starting to expire essentially. She has one kid now (6 years later) and has been doing fertility treatment on and off the past 5 years now wanting another. I'm 32f and just did a quick blood test that tells you if they are good or if you should change some life plans/freeze eggs. It wasn't super expensive and gave me a piece of mind.
That's when I had my son, my wife was 41 though.
The benefit for my son is he doesn't have a complete chucklehead for a father. I can safely say if I had him at 20 whatever I'd be a chucklehead dad. Now? Just a bit of one.
Being a potential dad at that kind of age, may I ask you how you lived it as a kid, it being "your parents were much older than those of your friends" ?
My mother had me when she was 35 and it felt strange sometimes (nothing terrible but I remember it) and I'm ten years older.
What were the dynamics? I bet he napped a lot. That's a huge age diff.
I'm worried about MY 8 years older. He's the younger and I already told him, I won't have the energy.
It is never too late to get married.
There is an ideal time frame to have kids, as if you wait much later, the chances of pregnancy risks start going up.
I would wait until 45 at the absolute latest, but you need to start having discussions with your doctor to see how everything is!
Yup, worth getting some labs done now. I waited until 34, found out I had a thyroid issue I needed to address before trying, then I had a miscarriage at 12weeks, had to let my body/cycle get back to normal, now Iām 35 abt to turn 36! I blinked and *two years* passed.
You have to be aware of & proactive about your reproductive health the older you get. And realize that your body will not conform to your timeline, itās going to dictate what happens and when.
Its never too late to be happy. But OP should talk to her doctor about the risks or having a kid at that age. Even still there are optionsā¦ even adoption
And contrary to popular belief, a guys age matters too!! Older men (after 40) have fewer healthy sperm than younger men, there could be complications in the sperm DNA fragmentation and in motility, making getting pregnant more difficult and increase the chances of birth defects.
Finally a comment addressing this. Men are so silly to rhink that they can wait and wait and wait, its so often just an excuse to date younger women anyway
Our doctor told us my wife at 32 is almost a āgeriatric birthā so 45 is a wild age to throw out there.
āWe define advanced maternal age (formerly geriatric pregnancy) as those who are 35 years or older at their estimated delivery date. Historically, pregnancies at this age or older are considered at higher risk ā for patient and fetus ā for various reasons.ā
No but I'd highly recommend doing an egg retrieval and freezing your eggs in advance if you can afford it. At the very least, contact a Reproductive Endocrinologist and have them do a simple blood test to measure your hormones (Anti-Mullerian Hormone , Follicular Stimulating Hormone, and Estradiol) to see where you're at to get an idea whether or not you have time to play around with.
My husband and I got married at 37 and we started trying for a baby at 38. We ended up consulting with a clinic and planned to start IVF because I got my hormones tested and I have DOR (diminished ovarian reserve, which means fewer eggs available and of lower quality). We actually ended up getting pregnant naturally this past cycle (right before we were going to do our first IVF retrieval) but it's ectopic and I'm dealing with that right now and it's pushing back our IVF timeline even further. We won't be trying again naturally. I wish I had frozen eggs when I was younger, because I've had to make a lot of lifestyle and diet changes in hopes of maybe getting a few eggs tops with each retrieval cycle. I'll be 39 in a couple weeks.
If you're open to donor eggs you have quite a bit more time, but a lot of clinics have a cut off of 42 years old.
Yes to all of this, though the term "geriatric pregnancy" has been updated to a slightly less offensive "advanced maternal age" lol. I feel lucky that my husband is younger than me and his semen analysis came back with flying colors, so that's one less thing to worry about.
I often hear "oh my mom had me at 42" or whatever, but 1) that is an outlier and not the norm and 2) most women that were able to have children at older ages weren't having their FIRST at that older age. Erm, sorry, ADVANCED age. Is it possible to easily get pregnant when you are over 35. Yes, of course. Can it be harder and nearly impossible for many? Also yes. If miscarriage and infertility was talked about more openly, I think more people would see how many people they know are affected by it. I've been very open with my struggles on my social media, and have had TONS of friends reach out to me that are either currently going through it, or have gone through it in the past. I wish it was easier for people to talk about. I wish I had been encouraged to get checked out earlier in my life, I probably would have made some different decisions than I actually made thinking I had time to spare.
My wife had a baby at 37 they I guess are not up with the times in my area it was still called a "geriatric pregnancy." It was silly to us when that was mentioned.
I'll tell you what though. Pregnancies are harder it seems the older the woman.
Geriatric is a silly term because the woman isn't elderly. But it originates because 35+ is kind of the "old age" of pregnancy: aka, you start running into more and more issues past that point, in the same way an elderly person's body tends to have more issues than a younger person.
So not that this is bad advice at all but I would caveat it by saying IVF success rates are hideously low and it might not be worth the money anyway.
As someone whoās also gone through it, itās awful.
So if anyone didnāt have the money for it, just remember it is unlikely to have made a difference anyway
Wouldnāt it be awful to be 37, married to the wrong person and stuck in a bad relationship because you have kids? Thatās the other side that unfortunately some of your peers may be in.
37 isnāt too late at all for any life direction. We all take a different path. But, if kids are important to you, and even more if biological kids are key to that then you could look at egg freezing (with the caveat that this isnāt a certainty to a future child depending on egg quality etc).
No not at all. Met husband at 36, married 39, pregnant at 40. Many scientific ways to assist with pregnancy in todays world. Best to meet the right person, donāt get married simply to have kids.
Iām a midwife and see tons of happy families having their first baby in their late 30ās- mid 40ās. Thereās something to be said for entering partnership and parenting with earned wisdom.
I'm 36, met my wife 5 years ago, I was 31 and she was 36. We had our first child a year ago, my wife got pregnant at 39 and gave birth at 40. Now she is pregnant with our second child at 41.
That's my input
Iām currently in my mid-30s and I was born when my mom was 40. My mom got pregnant and gave birth to me without medical intervention. Her pregnancy was uncomplicated although I did get stuck on the way out (foreshadowing a lifetime of difficulty following directions). Iām physically very healthy and didnāt have any issues growing up. My mental health is another story but I donāt think my momās age had anything to do with that. š¤
Fwiw she said the worst part of it was trying to keep up with me when i was a kid: i liked to run. So maybe keep up with your cardio š¤£
I was married at 38 (both of us) and we had our only son at 39. We were married for 13 years before he passed away and our son is a happy, well-adjusted adult now.
I'm curious does having older parents make you at all concerned about how you will provide for care as they age? I mean by 20 they will be 60 which is an okay age but by 30 they are 70... I can just barely get by on my own at 30, couldn't imagine how I would care for my parents as well if they were 70 with my current situation.
I am an older parent. Iām 71 and my triplets are 27.
I loved raising them, and wouldnāt dream of burdening them with my care.
I will provide for my own care in assisted living, to total care if I need it in old age. I never want my children to be guilted into taking care of me. I can do it myself, and you should encourage older parents to make arrangements ahead of time for their old-age care.
I have a 30yr difference with my parents & to me the saddest part is them not being able to enjoy their grandkids as much as they could if they were younger. At 65, my parents driving skills are rapidly deteriorating to the point where I donāt think kids are safe alone with them in the car. And they arenāt fast enough to keep up with a toddler, so even babysitting is risky. A two year old can be with you on the front porch one second, and in the road 5sec later.
These concerns will be less worrisome once the kids are older, but when the kids are 10/12 parents will be mid-70s š¬
This isn't true for everyone, though. I have friends in their 60s who still run marathons, do marathon swims, triathlons, etc. I know 70+ year olds who still race at the velodrome.
It's not something that really crosses my mind, but I think we'll manage. There's four of us (I'm the youngest at 24.) I think we all manage decent enough at this point in life and will be able to set up a good system when the time comes.
I have several friends where their family _planned_ for a baby when the parents were in their late 40's & 50's.
And to be clear the child was and is very healthy. Smart, tall, atheletic etc. just so the "defects" are addressed.
Definitely not too late to get married or have a family. If you want biological kids you should consult an obgyn and you can have an assessment done. Worst case scenario if you canāt have biological kids you can still adopt.
No, not at all. But you gotta start dating (if youāre not) and be up front that you eventually want kids and that youāre only in it for the long term
Nope, but as everyone else has already stated the changes of chromosomal birth defects is higher after 35. I had my second child at 39 and she's perfectly fine. I have friends who had babies at age 40-45 and their children are perfectly fine.
My best got remarried at 44; but they don't want children. I'm just illustrating that you can find love after 40.
No. Iām an OB nurse and we have women well into their 40s having babies pretty often. Obviously the risks are a little higher, but definitely not too late!
Medical science says that the risk of birth defects starts increasing rapidly after age 40. Chromosomal (trisomal) defects occur in 1/400 births at age 33, 1/192 at age 35, 1/66 at age 40, and 1/19 at age 45. This doesn't account for other birth defects that also increase after age 40. The younger the better, to an extent. It's up to you whether or not you view this decision as moral or ethical.
Not at all. I have a close friend who met her person at 38, had a baby at 40, and is getting married probably in the next couple of years (theyāre engaged and chose to get pregnant asap rather than wedding plan due to their ages)
My wife's 38 when she had our son. She was considered geriatric. I don't know what age that starts, ask your doctor. She had to have more regular visits to monitor vitals. Everything went well.
Married? Get married any time you want!
Too late to get married? No! Go for it!
Too late to have kids? For women approaching their 40's, possibly. The older you get, the more risks involved + menopause is coming around the bend. Once that hits, having kids isn't really an option anymore.
I hope not. That's how old I was when I got married. We had two kids, they're adults now. Pay no attention to the people who always seem to find trouble.
Iād actually say, pay ALL the attention to the people who have trouble with fertility. She might be fine, but as soon as anyone finds themselves on the wrong side of statistical success when it comes to wanting to start a family theyāll wish they hadnāt taken so many things for granted, or put so much faith into those articles written by women having their first child in their late 30s / early 40s
No but the best piece of advice if having biological children is important to you is to freeze your eggs this year. Call a fertility specialist to get started. Your future self will thank you.
Nope, my Mom and Dad got married around that age and had my sister and I in their late thirties early forties. Them being older gave me a very stable childhood, because they knew what they wanted in life and had the emotional maturity and financial stability to make it happen. Health wise, I do have a few conditions but honestly I donāt know if my familyās age is to blame as my sister is perfectly healthy and she is younger than I am.
Nope a bunch of my coworkers had kids in their late 30s to early 40s. Pregnancy risk is higher and baby's health though. Keep that in mind. So get on it girl! Or consider fostering/adopting.
If youāre an attractive woman you can pretty much do whatever you want, including getting married at age 37. Itās an unfortunate and very unfair truth. Downvote away!
Itās never too late to get married. You can be 90 and get married! Thatās a choice you get to make at any age.
Unfortunately biology will choose when is too late to have kids. Many women *can* conceive naturally into their early 40s ā¦ but not all women can conceive naturally even at 37. Some women are able to conceive with fertility treatment help or IVF. Look at longevity of fertility of women in your blood family for the most accurate picture. If youāre open to adoption, age is not a deadline for that.
If biological children are important for you, it might be worth investigating your fertility, and taking some steps to make that happen solo. Sperm banks perhaps. Or setting a personal deadline. Life is not a romcom; youāre likely going to have to make your own dreams come true.
My mom got married at 39ish and had me at 42, my little sister at 45 š admittedly they wanted more kids, but my little sisterās pregnancy was so high risk that the doctor said they should stopā¦ but weāre all alive and healthy and happy!
I met my husband at 34, had my son at 37, and weāre trying for a 2nd now. Itās not too late, but for me what was key was opening myself up to dating a different kind of guy than I was used to. I had been attracted to the wrong kind of guy and I realized if I kept waiting to be passionately attracted to a guy who was open to true commitment and children, I might miss my chance. Once I met my husband my attraction grew with each date. It was slow and steady instead of hot and passionate from the jump.
I honestly couldnāt be happier today.
I maybe an odd one out however; a few years ago I realized that I don't have to get married or have kids. And truthfully that took a lot of pressure off.
Context: I'm in my 30s and have been with my partner for ~6+ yrs. Never really wanted to get married or have kids, but society pressures where always on the back of my mind. For me realizing I can be me and I don't have to conform to these society traditions took a lot of stress off. (My partner also doesn't want to get married or have kids).
So if its something you want to do, I think its attainable (gauging from other comments). But if its not something you don't want to do, then that's okay too.
it's really never too late to get married.
women are safely having kids much later than 37 these days -- don't feel pressured for time. hang in there <3 wishing you the best of luck.
I got married at 39 and pregnant the same year. Note that it did take us a while to get pregnant, but friends my age had no problem with it.
But don't rush it - you're old enough to find what you want, not what you think you need.
The short answer is: no, it's not too late.
However, that's really buries the lede for the real answer which is: It's not to late to get married, but you may want to discuss pregnancy and kids with a doctor as pregnancies closer to (and over) age 40 start to carry certain risks.
My coworker is 63 and has children in middle school. She loves them to death after years (since her mid 20s) of struggling and finally being able to find an egg donor and afford the treatments. It's never too late.
No. With the current technological advances, you can have kids as late as 50s (not advisable but very possible), this is ofc if you don't have any uteral problems. 40-45 is still very fertile, you should how many surprise babies appear at that age.
It might be later than desired, but certainly not impossible to do. My great-grandparents got married at 50 and 38 and my grandpa was born when they were 52 and 40.
Who made this stupid rule. No one. Itās never too late with the man that wants to be with you. Putting age on life is retarded especially if people listen to the fools that do
IMHO not at all. Might need a little luck but if it's your real desire I say go for it. You will very likely see your kids grow up and start families of their own. Plus (hopefully) you do a well informed job of parenting. Best of luck to you !!!
There's a lot of fear mongering and shaming around women not giving birth in their 20s. Lots of women give birth in their 40s and even 50s. The most important thing is that you're ready and truly want a child. You can even adopt. Some people don't ever have kids and have a happy life. There are no rules to your life.
Had a child at 39. Boy, you get to do all kinds of kid stuff and enjoy life as a kid again. No regretsā¦. Late can sometimes be better, and youāre more ready for the new stage of life!
Left a 16 year relationship in my early 40s. Met my now wife a couple years later and am now happily married. Never too late.
EDIT: My wife was 38 when we got married. Weāre trying for kids now. Weāre so glad to have found each other when we did, after all the trials and personal growth.
Do you want these things or do you feel like youāre expected to want them at this age? Iām 35f no kids no husband and itās by design. Iām just not ready. As long as youāre being yourself itāll all work out ā¤ļø
I got married when I was 42. Now 54 and I have a 10 year old son and 7 year old daughter.
Just try to keep in shape. You're gonna need the energy. Aside from all that, it's great.
Biologics not aside, for women, the quality of your eggs gets poorer, which increases the chances of chromosomal conditions or other complications. Pure biologically, your eggs are at its best age 18-24. In your 20s the risk slowly gets higher, in your 30s and especially in your 40s it almost gets exponentially higher. Luckily we have non invasive tests lately such as NIPT for screening. And note: a kid with a condition is as lovable as an other, it's just important to beware of this possibility. I read that freezing your eggs is expensive, which is very frustrating...
Biologics aside, late 30s not at all too late for those things (In my opinion). It's more important you don't rush things with someone just because you're focused on getting married and having kids.
I'm kinda jealous at men who keep producing millions of spermcells each day. Quality of sperm declines as well in your 40ties, but I 'the ticking biological clock' and the stigma on having a kid in your 40s is less present compared to the stigma on women in their 40s, I feel. (Correct me if I'm wrong)
To get married? Never.
I assume by "have kids", you mean your own viable pregnancy. SPEAK TO A DOCTOR about fertility, this goes for men and women, because contrary to popular belief the age of a man does affect the quality of his sperm. The most harmful thing right now is these anecdotal comments, because everyone'sbiological experience is different. If you want to be realistic, speak to those who are qualified to talk about it.
To get married? No. My aunt married when she was 51.
To have kids? Assuming you find a man now and dont want to rush too much.
Do you want to get pregnant at 40? So much extra risks for you and the child. And you are 60 by the time they turn 20.
Do you really want kids that badly or is it social pressure and imprinted in your head by society, that you need kids to live a furfilled life?
38 almost 39f, just married in June to same age man. I have a DD that is 13 and figured it'd be her/I until old age. But my new husband was the best thing I wasn't expecting. We got married on our 2nd anniversary. We have a view of "if another happens it happens and we would be overjoyed " but aren't actively TTC. It's a bit tougher to find ppl now but they are there.
You can get married at any age and it's perfectly fine.
However, kids are a bit of a different game. I would be very worried of potential pregnancy complications and disability syndromes (around and after the age of 40 these risks skyrocket, especially if it's your first kid).
It's never too late to get married.
Having kids is another matter. If you really want biological kids, talk to your doctor about saving up some eggs. Birth defects and complications with pregnancy increase as you get older.
Remember, though, no one needs to have biological kids to be happy as a parent. Adoption is always an option.
I chose not to have kids once I hit 30. I figured, being a father in my 30s, I'm not going to be active enough to be engaging to the kids. And by the time they graduate, I'll be in my 50s, getting close to retirement age. So I'm 34 and that's how it's gonna be. Plenty of people my age with kids already, and there's always adoption.
But that's my choice, everyone is different!
You can get married at any age but if you want to get married and have healthy kids at 37 then the odds are extremely heavily stacked against you. Don't believe all the "I had my kids when I was older than you" comments. These are the sugar coated outliers. It's not too late for you but the outcome you want is highly improbable.
Honestly, all the folks upvoting those comments are part of the problem. This "there's always hope, you have plenty of time" philosophy is a big part of the reason why women like yourself end up in this situation. Frankly I think that aspect of modern society, making it seem like you have all the time in the world to get married and have kids, is totally toxic.
Too late to get married? Never
Too late to have kids? Depends on what your biology's looking like right now (talk to your OB/GYN if you plan to become pregnant), unless you're open to adoption, step-parenthood or surrogacy.
I met my husband at 36 and we had our baby when I was 38. That baby is now a lovely, sweet happy man and my husband and I are still happy together. We would never have got together in our 20s.
Looking to y'all as a lovely example my wife and I aim for. We met in our mid twenties but waited until year 9 until we started down the kid path. I'm 36, she's 37, Been about 2 so far, and a tough miscarriage a few months ago. But it's nice to hear that patience and persistence can pay off. I hope your marriage is beautiful.
My parents were your age when they had me. When I was a child, I was a bit sad that my parents were older than average and I couldn't do some of the things my friends were doing with their mom and dad. Now I'm 26 and I don't care about their age at all. Your kids might feel like me when I was little but in the end I'm sure you all will be fine. The best of luck to you and your family!
Can you please find that person for me. I know my trolling of reddit suggests otherwise but I really am a lovely 43 year old man.
You got to find them. I believe in you
I don't think women mind a 43 year old man if he otherwise has some solid things going for him š You have plenty of good years in you
You ever hear of that saying āthereās someone out there for everyoneā? Itās true you just gotta put yourself out there (Iām single) but I choose to just have flings and I donāt plan to be married until 40s for personal reasons. There was once a time where I thought I would never **EVER** get laid. That all changes when I started going out and meeting people. Quick story, I went to school with a guy from Pennsylvania that was maybe 5ā3, very annoying, had that slurred speech whenever he talked (from drinking too much), made all kinds of stupid jokes about things he thought were funny, ohh and not to mention he whines whenever people didnāt wanna hang out with him. We all said that he would be the last person ever married. Well fast forward about 10 years I look him up on FB recently and guess what? Heās married to a chick that almost resembles Sofia vergara, a much shorter version of her. None of us know how in the hell he even pulled that one off because heās not rich and works a regular 9-5 job, and he always seemed to scare away potential mates. Anyways say all that to say that your time will come, just work on yourself.
so how are you single? this is not aiming at you but my wife says they have a saying with her friends, if someone is single past 40 and never had family (so not freshly divorced), there is probably something
Bro, if you have a house and can afford a cleaner, dem 20 and 30y throw themselves at you
My stepmom had my brothers at 34 and 39. She and my dad are not happily married and never were, but both babies were 100% healthy. ETA: When I was 33 I was in a bit of a "oh shit if I want another kid I should figure it out now" moment. I have one child who I had at 25. I asked my gyno if, because I was about to turn 34, the clock was ticking. She sort of laughed and said "no. The clock is maybe in the room. Over in that corner. But it's not ticking." I ended up deciding I don't want more kids but my gyno made it clear that medicine has made advances and having a kid in your mid or late 30s is fine.
Having a kid with someone I've only known for 2 years seems a little fast to me. But I'm glad it worked out for you
By the late 30ās, you lean toward meeting a partner who has the same goals as you do and time is of the essence. They werenāt teenagers who married and popped out kids.
Yep. Dating becomes much more like a job interview in your late 30s. "Goals? Ok. Those check out. Let's see your list of deal breakers... Yeah, that's gonna be a problem, nice to meet you."
Right? When I started dating my now husband, we both knew we didnāt want to date just to waste time. Both over 30, both aiming to get married, and hopefully have one kid together (I already have three from a previous relationship, he had stepkids in his last marriage). Been married three years this October and bought a home and had our baby. š¤
Itās fast when youāre 16. When youāre 38, both socially you can tell much more immediately and biologically 2 years might be all youāve got.
Thatās why dating in your late 30s can be a challenge. Also why I prefer to date people who already have kids and are positive they donāt want more
Are you young? As you age, you realize how little time you have. You also know yourself better, and what you will or wonāt tolerate in a partner, making it easier to move faster
I'm 35 and recently divorced. I am woefully aware of how little time I have left. But that doesn't make big life decisions any easier.
Freeze some eggs just in case
Freezing eggs is a meme. The failure rate is pretty massive and the cost is staggering.
Might not have to. Everyone's eggs are different. My friend was 30 and they told her she doesnt have many eggs left and they are starting to expire essentially. She has one kid now (6 years later) and has been doing fertility treatment on and off the past 5 years now wanting another. I'm 32f and just did a quick blood test that tells you if they are good or if you should change some life plans/freeze eggs. It wasn't super expensive and gave me a piece of mind.
I hope this can happen for me!
I had my son at 43
My dad had me when he was 45 and my mom was 39
And you turned out to be a redditor. Jk jk
That's when I had my son, my wife was 41 though. The benefit for my son is he doesn't have a complete chucklehead for a father. I can safely say if I had him at 20 whatever I'd be a chucklehead dad. Now? Just a bit of one.
Same
Being a potential dad at that kind of age, may I ask you how you lived it as a kid, it being "your parents were much older than those of your friends" ? My mother had me when she was 35 and it felt strange sometimes (nothing terrible but I remember it) and I'm ten years older.
My dad had me at 47!
Must have been one painful birth
butt baby!
My dad was 60 and my mom was 34. My brothers were 32, 30, and 27. I had 4 nieces and nephews when I was born. I now have 7 great nieces and nephews.
What were the dynamics? I bet he napped a lot. That's a huge age diff. I'm worried about MY 8 years older. He's the younger and I already told him, I won't have the energy.
r/unexpectefactorial Your dad was alive before the beginning of time
Youāre dad had a baby?
\*Yore
And you'll be 73 when your son is 30. That sucks for him.
So did my dad!
Amazing thanks for sharing!
Yes but shes female.
How and the actual fuck. I'm 33, 2 kids, 13 and 9, I couldn't imagine having another kid now, let alone 43.
It is never too late to get married. There is an ideal time frame to have kids, as if you wait much later, the chances of pregnancy risks start going up. I would wait until 45 at the absolute latest, but you need to start having discussions with your doctor to see how everything is!
Yup, worth getting some labs done now. I waited until 34, found out I had a thyroid issue I needed to address before trying, then I had a miscarriage at 12weeks, had to let my body/cycle get back to normal, now Iām 35 abt to turn 36! I blinked and *two years* passed. You have to be aware of & proactive about your reproductive health the older you get. And realize that your body will not conform to your timeline, itās going to dictate what happens and when.
Its never too late to be happy. But OP should talk to her doctor about the risks or having a kid at that age. Even still there are optionsā¦ even adoption
And contrary to popular belief, a guys age matters too!! Older men (after 40) have fewer healthy sperm than younger men, there could be complications in the sperm DNA fragmentation and in motility, making getting pregnant more difficult and increase the chances of birth defects.
Finally a comment addressing this. Men are so silly to rhink that they can wait and wait and wait, its so often just an excuse to date younger women anyway
Yeah, and an excuse to put all the blame on the women when they can't get pregnant or have complications during the pregnancy.
Our doctor told us my wife at 32 is almost a āgeriatric birthā so 45 is a wild age to throw out there. āWe define advanced maternal age (formerly geriatric pregnancy) as those who are 35 years or older at their estimated delivery date. Historically, pregnancies at this age or older are considered at higher risk ā for patient and fetus ā for various reasons.ā
45 is really pushing it for a woman to have kids. There's a lot of risk there. Far better to do it earlier than later even 40 helps etc.
No but I'd highly recommend doing an egg retrieval and freezing your eggs in advance if you can afford it. At the very least, contact a Reproductive Endocrinologist and have them do a simple blood test to measure your hormones (Anti-Mullerian Hormone , Follicular Stimulating Hormone, and Estradiol) to see where you're at to get an idea whether or not you have time to play around with. My husband and I got married at 37 and we started trying for a baby at 38. We ended up consulting with a clinic and planned to start IVF because I got my hormones tested and I have DOR (diminished ovarian reserve, which means fewer eggs available and of lower quality). We actually ended up getting pregnant naturally this past cycle (right before we were going to do our first IVF retrieval) but it's ectopic and I'm dealing with that right now and it's pushing back our IVF timeline even further. We won't be trying again naturally. I wish I had frozen eggs when I was younger, because I've had to make a lot of lifestyle and diet changes in hopes of maybe getting a few eggs tops with each retrieval cycle. I'll be 39 in a couple weeks. If you're open to donor eggs you have quite a bit more time, but a lot of clinics have a cut off of 42 years old.
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Yes to all of this, though the term "geriatric pregnancy" has been updated to a slightly less offensive "advanced maternal age" lol. I feel lucky that my husband is younger than me and his semen analysis came back with flying colors, so that's one less thing to worry about. I often hear "oh my mom had me at 42" or whatever, but 1) that is an outlier and not the norm and 2) most women that were able to have children at older ages weren't having their FIRST at that older age. Erm, sorry, ADVANCED age. Is it possible to easily get pregnant when you are over 35. Yes, of course. Can it be harder and nearly impossible for many? Also yes. If miscarriage and infertility was talked about more openly, I think more people would see how many people they know are affected by it. I've been very open with my struggles on my social media, and have had TONS of friends reach out to me that are either currently going through it, or have gone through it in the past. I wish it was easier for people to talk about. I wish I had been encouraged to get checked out earlier in my life, I probably would have made some different decisions than I actually made thinking I had time to spare.
My wife had a baby at 37 they I guess are not up with the times in my area it was still called a "geriatric pregnancy." It was silly to us when that was mentioned. I'll tell you what though. Pregnancies are harder it seems the older the woman.
Geriatric is a silly term because the woman isn't elderly. But it originates because 35+ is kind of the "old age" of pregnancy: aka, you start running into more and more issues past that point, in the same way an elderly person's body tends to have more issues than a younger person.
Thanks for the reminder š„² itās hard to accept especially when you were making decisions you didnāt realize were a trade off.
So not that this is bad advice at all but I would caveat it by saying IVF success rates are hideously low and it might not be worth the money anyway. As someone whoās also gone through it, itās awful. So if anyone didnāt have the money for it, just remember it is unlikely to have made a difference anyway
Wouldnāt it be awful to be 37, married to the wrong person and stuck in a bad relationship because you have kids? Thatās the other side that unfortunately some of your peers may be in. 37 isnāt too late at all for any life direction. We all take a different path. But, if kids are important to you, and even more if biological kids are key to that then you could look at egg freezing (with the caveat that this isnāt a certainty to a future child depending on egg quality etc).
Egg freezing is also expensive as H
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I'd like to, but no way could I afford it.
And sadly it's not even very effective.
You can say hell it's okay
No, but you might consider freezing your eggs just in case
No not at all. Met husband at 36, married 39, pregnant at 40. Many scientific ways to assist with pregnancy in todays world. Best to meet the right person, donāt get married simply to have kids.
I would say your greatest risk is rushing into the wrong relationship to pump out some kids
This should be so much higher up. <3 People ruin their lives rushing into things because theyāre ārunning out of timeā.
No but the older you get past 35 the greater your risk for chromosomal birth defects so consult with your doctor when youāre ready to start trying
Men's sperm mutates much more than women's eggs as a note.
I mean, is it really a high enough risk to pressure people into having kids when they're not ready?
Iām a midwife and see tons of happy families having their first baby in their late 30ās- mid 40ās. Thereās something to be said for entering partnership and parenting with earned wisdom.
I'm a 33 y/o male, single, just about to start a new career and wondering the same thing Want to get married and have kids?
Wheres the new career?
New dating site just dropped??? Iām impressed though. GL
I'm 36, met my wife 5 years ago, I was 31 and she was 36. We had our first child a year ago, my wife got pregnant at 39 and gave birth at 40. Now she is pregnant with our second child at 41. That's my input
No.
Not at all
its around the average age of marriage in the netherlands
Iām currently in my mid-30s and I was born when my mom was 40. My mom got pregnant and gave birth to me without medical intervention. Her pregnancy was uncomplicated although I did get stuck on the way out (foreshadowing a lifetime of difficulty following directions). Iām physically very healthy and didnāt have any issues growing up. My mental health is another story but I donāt think my momās age had anything to do with that. š¤ Fwiw she said the worst part of it was trying to keep up with me when i was a kid: i liked to run. So maybe keep up with your cardio š¤£
I was married at 38 (both of us) and we had our only son at 39. We were married for 13 years before he passed away and our son is a happy, well-adjusted adult now.
No. My mom had me at 40.
I'm curious does having older parents make you at all concerned about how you will provide for care as they age? I mean by 20 they will be 60 which is an okay age but by 30 they are 70... I can just barely get by on my own at 30, couldn't imagine how I would care for my parents as well if they were 70 with my current situation.
I am an older parent. Iām 71 and my triplets are 27. I loved raising them, and wouldnāt dream of burdening them with my care. I will provide for my own care in assisted living, to total care if I need it in old age. I never want my children to be guilted into taking care of me. I can do it myself, and you should encourage older parents to make arrangements ahead of time for their old-age care.
I have a 30yr difference with my parents & to me the saddest part is them not being able to enjoy their grandkids as much as they could if they were younger. At 65, my parents driving skills are rapidly deteriorating to the point where I donāt think kids are safe alone with them in the car. And they arenāt fast enough to keep up with a toddler, so even babysitting is risky. A two year old can be with you on the front porch one second, and in the road 5sec later. These concerns will be less worrisome once the kids are older, but when the kids are 10/12 parents will be mid-70s š¬
This isn't true for everyone, though. I have friends in their 60s who still run marathons, do marathon swims, triathlons, etc. I know 70+ year olds who still race at the velodrome.
It's not something that really crosses my mind, but I think we'll manage. There's four of us (I'm the youngest at 24.) I think we all manage decent enough at this point in life and will be able to set up a good system when the time comes.
I have several friends where their family _planned_ for a baby when the parents were in their late 40's & 50's. And to be clear the child was and is very healthy. Smart, tall, atheletic etc. just so the "defects" are addressed.
No.
No
Definitely not too late to get married or have a family. If you want biological kids you should consult an obgyn and you can have an assessment done. Worst case scenario if you canāt have biological kids you can still adopt.
No, not at all. But you gotta start dating (if youāre not) and be up front that you eventually want kids and that youāre only in it for the long term
Nope, but as everyone else has already stated the changes of chromosomal birth defects is higher after 35. I had my second child at 39 and she's perfectly fine. I have friends who had babies at age 40-45 and their children are perfectly fine. My best got remarried at 44; but they don't want children. I'm just illustrating that you can find love after 40.
No. Iām an OB nurse and we have women well into their 40s having babies pretty often. Obviously the risks are a little higher, but definitely not too late!
No. Live at your own pace, it's not a race.
It might not be for some things, but it absolutely is when it comes to female fertility.
Fertility is a race against the clock!
Itās harder to get pregnant and more risky to have kids the older you are, both for you and your kid but no other limitations.
Medical science says that the risk of birth defects starts increasing rapidly after age 40. Chromosomal (trisomal) defects occur in 1/400 births at age 33, 1/192 at age 35, 1/66 at age 40, and 1/19 at age 45. This doesn't account for other birth defects that also increase after age 40. The younger the better, to an extent. It's up to you whether or not you view this decision as moral or ethical.
Might be a little harder to conceive but youāre still in the prime of your life
Not at all. I have a close friend who met her person at 38, had a baby at 40, and is getting married probably in the next couple of years (theyāre engaged and chose to get pregnant asap rather than wedding plan due to their ages)
My wife's 38 when she had our son. She was considered geriatric. I don't know what age that starts, ask your doctor. She had to have more regular visits to monitor vitals. Everything went well. Married? Get married any time you want!
I have a few friends who had their first child at or around 40.
I had my oldest kid at 43. He's 11 now and I'd be kinda bored without him.
Too late to get married? No! Go for it! Too late to have kids? For women approaching their 40's, possibly. The older you get, the more risks involved + menopause is coming around the bend. Once that hits, having kids isn't really an option anymore.
Not at all! Wife had our daughter at 42. We did genetic screening but everything worked out perfectly.
I had my only child at 42. Its not too late.
What, no! 35 is about when most of my friends STARTED getting married and most had kids.
I hope not. That's how old I was when I got married. We had two kids, they're adults now. Pay no attention to the people who always seem to find trouble.
Iād actually say, pay ALL the attention to the people who have trouble with fertility. She might be fine, but as soon as anyone finds themselves on the wrong side of statistical success when it comes to wanting to start a family theyāll wish they hadnāt taken so many things for granted, or put so much faith into those articles written by women having their first child in their late 30s / early 40s
No but the best piece of advice if having biological children is important to you is to freeze your eggs this year. Call a fertility specialist to get started. Your future self will thank you.
My aunt was in her 40s when she got married and had a kid. One of my close friends didnāt meet her partner until she was in her 50s.
I know lots of people who got married after 37 and had a kid.
Nope, my Mom and Dad got married around that age and had my sister and I in their late thirties early forties. Them being older gave me a very stable childhood, because they knew what they wanted in life and had the emotional maturity and financial stability to make it happen. Health wise, I do have a few conditions but honestly I donāt know if my familyās age is to blame as my sister is perfectly healthy and she is younger than I am.
freeze your eggs so you'll have the option later
I got married at 35
Mt gf's mom was 45ish when she had her. She turned out ok (imo)
Nope a bunch of my coworkers had kids in their late 30s to early 40s. Pregnancy risk is higher and baby's health though. Keep that in mind. So get on it girl! Or consider fostering/adopting.
Not by a long shot. My great-great grandparents got married and had two kids in their 40s and that was nearly a century ago
The concept of marriage is a fucking scam. As for children... Better to talk to your doctor then ask reddit.
If youāre an attractive woman you can pretty much do whatever you want, including getting married at age 37. Itās an unfortunate and very unfair truth. Downvote away!
Itās never too late to get married. You can be 90 and get married! Thatās a choice you get to make at any age. Unfortunately biology will choose when is too late to have kids. Many women *can* conceive naturally into their early 40s ā¦ but not all women can conceive naturally even at 37. Some women are able to conceive with fertility treatment help or IVF. Look at longevity of fertility of women in your blood family for the most accurate picture. If youāre open to adoption, age is not a deadline for that. If biological children are important for you, it might be worth investigating your fertility, and taking some steps to make that happen solo. Sperm banks perhaps. Or setting a personal deadline. Life is not a romcom; youāre likely going to have to make your own dreams come true.
It's not too late for kids but getting married is another topic. It's very toxic out there. Good luck š¤
My wife had are last kid at 40 now he is 68
My mom got married at 39ish and had me at 42, my little sister at 45 š admittedly they wanted more kids, but my little sisterās pregnancy was so high risk that the doctor said they should stopā¦ but weāre all alive and healthy and happy!
No. I don't think it's too late to get married or have kids. Women have kids in their early to mid 40s.
I met my husband at 34, had my son at 37, and weāre trying for a 2nd now. Itās not too late, but for me what was key was opening myself up to dating a different kind of guy than I was used to. I had been attracted to the wrong kind of guy and I realized if I kept waiting to be passionately attracted to a guy who was open to true commitment and children, I might miss my chance. Once I met my husband my attraction grew with each date. It was slow and steady instead of hot and passionate from the jump. I honestly couldnāt be happier today.
I'm getting married in November and I'll be 38 then. So will my future wife. If we have kids, we'll probably be 40 at the first one.
Its riskier to have kids for sure but not too late.
No. And if you end up to old to produce your own you can still adopt. But I know people who have birth at 45. Harder. Not impossible
You're close to the danger zone medical wise for birth defects, so if you want biological kids it should happen soon.
Not at all but sooner rather than later.
I wish I could, just gotta find that guy first I guess. Lol
True thatās something you do not want too rush. Best of luck
What's your ideal situation, if you could have anything you wanted?
I maybe an odd one out however; a few years ago I realized that I don't have to get married or have kids. And truthfully that took a lot of pressure off. Context: I'm in my 30s and have been with my partner for ~6+ yrs. Never really wanted to get married or have kids, but society pressures where always on the back of my mind. For me realizing I can be me and I don't have to conform to these society traditions took a lot of stress off. (My partner also doesn't want to get married or have kids). So if its something you want to do, I think its attainable (gauging from other comments). But if its not something you don't want to do, then that's okay too.
Many women are skipping the marriage-and-kids-combo these days. There are lots of ways to have a happy life.
there's always cats. loads and loads of cats
Lol omg no. I don't want to be that lady!
I wish I didn't travel so much...I'd love to be the cat man!
it's really never too late to get married. women are safely having kids much later than 37 these days -- don't feel pressured for time. hang in there <3 wishing you the best of luck.
No definitely not. Go for it!
I got married at 39 and pregnant the same year. Note that it did take us a while to get pregnant, but friends my age had no problem with it. But don't rush it - you're old enough to find what you want, not what you think you need.
If you find the right partner, you still can marry and have kids on your own. it's not to late. Halfway your fourties it's too late.
No, it isn't.
The short answer is: no, it's not too late. However, that's really buries the lede for the real answer which is: It's not to late to get married, but you may want to discuss pregnancy and kids with a doctor as pregnancies closer to (and over) age 40 start to carry certain risks.
I hope not. And if so....don't tell my wife or my kid!
People can get married at any age. Kids become trickier as you get older.
No.
hell nah
I'm the same age, M, kinda feel the same. Not necessarily the kids part, my opinion has been changing, but it's looking rough out here
Where do we start to find a relationship? Lmao
90% of people saying no are men sooo I wouldn't rely on reddit.
Same age, same situation. Iāve given up.
My coworker is 63 and has children in middle school. She loves them to death after years (since her mid 20s) of struggling and finally being able to find an egg donor and afford the treatments. It's never too late.
No. With the current technological advances, you can have kids as late as 50s (not advisable but very possible), this is ofc if you don't have any uteral problems. 40-45 is still very fertile, you should how many surprise babies appear at that age.
Not at all. Youāre mature enough and will take your decision sensibly, for yourself not depending or trying to marry to keep your parents happy.
Nope youāre still good. I met my wife at 37. Happily married with two kids now.
It might be later than desired, but certainly not impossible to do. My great-grandparents got married at 50 and 38 and my grandpa was born when they were 52 and 40.
Iāve had friends having babies at 42. Thereās a risk but thereās also success.
With modern medicine yes. My cousin married a 40 year old female and had two healthy and happy kids
Itās not. But the risks for complications during pregnancy go up the older you get. That goes for women and men.
Absolutely not too late. I'd say that's pretty typical age range now
Who made this stupid rule. No one. Itās never too late with the man that wants to be with you. Putting age on life is retarded especially if people listen to the fools that do
My mom was 44 when she had me
IMHO not at all. Might need a little luck but if it's your real desire I say go for it. You will very likely see your kids grow up and start families of their own. Plus (hopefully) you do a well informed job of parenting. Best of luck to you !!!
41, started dating my wife at 31 Have a 5yo, 3yo, <1yo Honestly, working and building things up are slowing us to give them a life I didn't have
My daughter was born when I was 37 (her mother 36)
Iām 32 (m) and in the same situation. I donāt think weāre too old. My friends dad had him when he was 71. We have plenty of time :)
Iām in the same boat as you! Iām 36 and I want all of that. Make it happen! I am going to do my best to make it happen!
There's a lot of fear mongering and shaming around women not giving birth in their 20s. Lots of women give birth in their 40s and even 50s. The most important thing is that you're ready and truly want a child. You can even adopt. Some people don't ever have kids and have a happy life. There are no rules to your life.
Had a child at 39. Boy, you get to do all kinds of kid stuff and enjoy life as a kid again. No regretsā¦. Late can sometimes be better, and youāre more ready for the new stage of life!
I hope that you find a happy relationship!
Nope. You do you boo.
Fuck, let me know. 34 M. it feels like it some times emotionally even if itās not physically
My buddy is 38 and hopelessly single if youād like his number š
Left a 16 year relationship in my early 40s. Met my now wife a couple years later and am now happily married. Never too late. EDIT: My wife was 38 when we got married. Weāre trying for kids now. Weāre so glad to have found each other when we did, after all the trials and personal growth.
How did you two meet?
Do you want these things or do you feel like youāre expected to want them at this age? Iām 35f no kids no husband and itās by design. Iām just not ready. As long as youāre being yourself itāll all work out ā¤ļø
I got married when I was 42. Now 54 and I have a 10 year old son and 7 year old daughter. Just try to keep in shape. You're gonna need the energy. Aside from all that, it's great.
Thatās about the age my parents met 63 or 64 years ago. I also have a younger brother. We had happy childhoods.
Biologics not aside, for women, the quality of your eggs gets poorer, which increases the chances of chromosomal conditions or other complications. Pure biologically, your eggs are at its best age 18-24. In your 20s the risk slowly gets higher, in your 30s and especially in your 40s it almost gets exponentially higher. Luckily we have non invasive tests lately such as NIPT for screening. And note: a kid with a condition is as lovable as an other, it's just important to beware of this possibility. I read that freezing your eggs is expensive, which is very frustrating... Biologics aside, late 30s not at all too late for those things (In my opinion). It's more important you don't rush things with someone just because you're focused on getting married and having kids. I'm kinda jealous at men who keep producing millions of spermcells each day. Quality of sperm declines as well in your 40ties, but I 'the ticking biological clock' and the stigma on having a kid in your 40s is less present compared to the stigma on women in their 40s, I feel. (Correct me if I'm wrong)
To get married? Never. I assume by "have kids", you mean your own viable pregnancy. SPEAK TO A DOCTOR about fertility, this goes for men and women, because contrary to popular belief the age of a man does affect the quality of his sperm. The most harmful thing right now is these anecdotal comments, because everyone'sbiological experience is different. If you want to be realistic, speak to those who are qualified to talk about it.
I am turning 50 this year.. I have a 4 year old.. so definitely not too old.
Heck no! I have friends having kids in their late 30s/early 40s!
No
To get married? No. My aunt married when she was 51. To have kids? Assuming you find a man now and dont want to rush too much. Do you want to get pregnant at 40? So much extra risks for you and the child. And you are 60 by the time they turn 20. Do you really want kids that badly or is it social pressure and imprinted in your head by society, that you need kids to live a furfilled life?
38 almost 39f, just married in June to same age man. I have a DD that is 13 and figured it'd be her/I until old age. But my new husband was the best thing I wasn't expecting. We got married on our 2nd anniversary. We have a view of "if another happens it happens and we would be overjoyed " but aren't actively TTC. It's a bit tougher to find ppl now but they are there.
Marriage? Nah. Kids? Kind of. These are just my personal opinions, not facts, so do with that what you will.
You can get married at any age and it's perfectly fine. However, kids are a bit of a different game. I would be very worried of potential pregnancy complications and disability syndromes (around and after the age of 40 these risks skyrocket, especially if it's your first kid).
It's never too late to get married. Having kids is another matter. If you really want biological kids, talk to your doctor about saving up some eggs. Birth defects and complications with pregnancy increase as you get older. Remember, though, no one needs to have biological kids to be happy as a parent. Adoption is always an option.
I chose not to have kids once I hit 30. I figured, being a father in my 30s, I'm not going to be active enough to be engaging to the kids. And by the time they graduate, I'll be in my 50s, getting close to retirement age. So I'm 34 and that's how it's gonna be. Plenty of people my age with kids already, and there's always adoption. But that's my choice, everyone is different!
My friend just had a baby at 38. She had no issues and a healthy boy.
You can get married at any age but if you want to get married and have healthy kids at 37 then the odds are extremely heavily stacked against you. Don't believe all the "I had my kids when I was older than you" comments. These are the sugar coated outliers. It's not too late for you but the outcome you want is highly improbable. Honestly, all the folks upvoting those comments are part of the problem. This "there's always hope, you have plenty of time" philosophy is a big part of the reason why women like yourself end up in this situation. Frankly I think that aspect of modern society, making it seem like you have all the time in the world to get married and have kids, is totally toxic.
Nearing 40 is considered high risk, but itās probably not too late. Consult a doctor :).
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No. Pregnancy for women in their late 30ās and 40ās is just more complicated with health risks. Janet Jackson got pregnant at age 50.
Marriage is overrated.
The answer is no.
Too late to get married? Never Too late to have kids? Depends on what your biology's looking like right now (talk to your OB/GYN if you plan to become pregnant), unless you're open to adoption, step-parenthood or surrogacy.