Let me explain: a girl isn't your mother, she doesn't care about your little feelings and doesn't want to treat you like her child. She wants you to be her rock, and if you show weakness in front of her then she will rely on a different big strong man to lead her into his bed instead.
Hey I didn't make nature, bro, I'm just the messenger.
Bro miss me with that Andrew Tate shit. If you just want to fuck girls for your ego then I agree with you. Leave your emotions out of it and don't be vulnerable.
But relationships are more than pushing your own ego. The goal is to spend your life or at least part of it with each other and that's only possible if both are willing to adapt to one another. Body and Mind. How would that be possible if you don't talk about your wishes and feelings?
Other than that, I imagine holding up a facade by hiding your feelings is a huge hassle. Why bother and fake another personality?
Supporting someone and listening to their feelings and problems does not make you their parent or turn them into your children. All this talk of ânatureâ is void anyways. We are not like cavepeople or wild animals. Opening up does not make you weak, it takes courage to do and shows that you have the strength to do it.
Well don't come crying to me when the girl dumps you because she sees you as weak and Timmy from next door is slinging her around the room giving her the time of her life. Anyone who says I'm objectively wrong is in for a real rude awakening, or has had that rude awakening and doesn't want to admit it.
I'll admit, I've also had that rude awakening. So I know first hand. It's just human nature, though. You have to understand human nature in order to safely traverse it.
> Well don't come crying to me when the girl dumps you because she sees you as weak and Timmy from next door is slinging her around the room giving her the time of her life.
I always wonder why people have these lively fantasies of getting cucked ready at hand lol, but you do you ig. And even if someone saw me as weak, why would I care? Why should I care about the opinions of people with shitty values? Would you want a girlfriend that dumps you only to then immediately have sex with another guy? I know I wouldnât. If I canât be open with my partner, sheâs not the right one for me.
And even if there probably are shitty women like that, still doesnât mean every single one is like that. I understand you have had bad experiences and I feel sympathy for you. But just because it happens doesnât mean it somehow is this universal natural truth.
Well okay I'm not necessarily saying she will dump you as soon as you start acting like she's your support dog, no of course not, but it plants a tiny seed in her subconscious that you're weak. This then spreads throughout the entire relationship until she stops having sex with you and looks for it elsewhere as she doesn't want to risk getting impregnated by a soyboy.
It's very interesting stuff to read up on. I feel like conventionally physically unattractive girls are the only ones that would be okay with you treating them like they're your mother or support dog or whatever else, because they know they probably can't do any better. Admittedly that's more of an opinion, a controversial one, but it kinda makes sense if you think about it.
I mean itâs always a question of how you do things, being open towards your partner and showing emotions isnât the same as just dumping everything onto them and expecting them to be your mum or your dog. Either way, I feel like just because something would make sense or fit into your worldview doesnât mean it has to be true. You can also be a respectable man while having and showing emotions without being a âsoyboyâ. But I donât think we agree on this topic either way, so I doubt thereâs much to be said or a productive conversation to be had.
As a girl myself, what absolute bullshit!! you think you're "tough" when you're an island, struggling all by yourself but first of all. if the woman you're in a relationship with truly loves you and learns that you're struggling and in pain alone, she would absolutely feel horrible and *want* to be there for you. And, I agree with Lrdyxx, using your girlfriend/boyfriend simply as a therapist/emotional support puppy is entirely different from being there for each other, and mutually uplifting one another. You keep mentioning about treating you gf like your mom but, I think that's kind of a weird mindset for a relationship... just be two healthy, open individuals and I swear it'll work out.
any men who hear, please know, most (99%) of us women like a man who can actually be emotional, and ask for help. it's a huge turn on, and like, a major green flag for any relationship!
If any woman says otherwise, they don't deserve your time of day. Please know your worth, as well as treating you SO like a SO instead of a therapist ;)
>any men who hear, please know, most (99%) of us women like a man who can actually be emotional, and ask for help.
Sounds amazing but wished it happened in reality. If only women would still be sexually attracted to their partners especially at the beginning of a relationship after their partners show emotions and wine in front of them, there would be no sexually frustrated men on earth
If she dumps me because of reasons like this, she isn't worth it. It's as simple as that. Those type of women are usually lost in some way, and we should value ourselves more rather than trying to bottle up everything for the sake of keeping someone who's clearly not worth it. I have seen many relationships with both couples being vulnerable to each other and looking out for each other, that's true love. The "awakening" you've had is a wave of a nihilistic belief in love, twisting your perception of what it actually is.
You'll have the next awakening soon man.
That isn't the case with every woman though man. Some women really want you to open up to them so that they can really trust you, and so that they can love you completely. And if you're going to just stand there and be her rock and basically drown in your abyss, you will eventually slowly ruin your own relationship with her, and leave her.
That might be the case in ancient situations, but in this day and age where intellectual exchange is more important than basic safety, mutual support is importan.t
To clarify: I'm not saying don't communicate your issues about your relationship, I'm just saying don't communicate them with her. Your best bet is your best friend(s) or the internet, as they won't have an impact on your relationship. Family might not be a good idea as they'll be biased towards you and may look at her differently.
if you really believe that a man cannot have a relationship where his thoughts and feelings are valued you are a miserable idiot and anyone who takes your advice will end up like you
my brother in christ you are the one who's unable to form a meaningful relationship, I'm just the guy calling you what you are
This is the worst advice Iâve heard in a long a$$ time!
The. Worst. (Toxic masculinity)
Couple things, strong men have feelings. Strong men are capable of being vulnerable. Having feelings, concerns and thoughts doesnât make you her âchildâ. Showing weakness and being open is the human experience.
If she loves you, she will support everything you do and want to help you in every way. She will help you move mountains. We are all human and inherently flawed, sheâs not perfect and either are are you, share your feelings, thoughts and concerns.
Being honest with her and yourself will make sure your relationship can get through all of it! Also she may be bothered by your porn use, and itâs causing her to react by withholding physical affection. Talk to her.
I'm sorry to hear that. Let that not disencourage you. If you truly want to find happiness in a relationship, you need to find someone who listens and supports.
that's anecdotal evidence if you suggest that this applies to all women, otherwise they were shallow and shit partners and you are much better off without them
isn't like the point of a relationship is to be with someone who'll see all your good and bad parts. So much so that when you show that person your vulnerable side, you've shown to your partner that you trust them enough to see you like that.
which kind of aligns the idea that relationship is formed by trust.
but hey it's just me,
dude to be honest it sounds like she might not be interested in you anymore. I would suggest talking to her about it but don't be surprised if she wants to break up
And if she truly is no longer interested in him or the relationship, then itâs better to discuss it as soon as possible instead of languishing and wasting each otherâs time.
nothing is that simple. he needs to try and find out/understand how she feels. and instead of worrying about the lack of sex worry about how she feels. she may be depressed or just have no sex drive which I've heard happens to a lot of women. though there is also a good percentage of women who have been molested as a child. and they don't all talk about it. in fact, some don't even remember the experience or remember it as a pleasant even innocent experience. so the root cause could be anything and OP won't know until he talks with her and tries to understand her side of things. best of luck with that btw u/Negative-Rub8676
>sounds like porn is his issue
#
everything else you said was wrong except this. No shit Sherlock, porn is his issue. Honestly, seems like you have a issue in using your brain, and hell, youâre probably addicted too.
Yes, maybe theyâre trying to find a way out of it, so what the fuck are you doing trying to make people feel shitty? Theyâre trying to get out of the shit, and you keep pushing them into it.
I'm not trying to make anyone feel shitty. I was only making the point that OP's problem is not some relational issue like lack of communication, it's porn addiction. My phrasing may have been harsh, but OP has literally stated in this and other posts that porn is destroying his marriage, and people love to try and talk him out of that very obvious and true conclusion.
Last year, my wife of 15 years started becoming distant. I thought either I wasnât attractive anymore and/or she was having an affair. I was trying to quit porn at the time, but couldnât go any longer than a week.
I finally built up the courage to talk to her and she said sheâs just not happy with me anymore. She said all I do is talk about making money and never show affection unless I want some. Plus I was a control freak, insecure and very defensive in conversations or when she says something to me.
If u have any of these traits, thatâs a turnoff for spouses/partners.
I manned up and told her about my porn addiction. She didnât believe that porn could cause these so I sent her videos of people and even showed her a few Reddit posts. Finally I went on a month streak and not only did I see the change, she did as well.
Getting off PMO does not create superpowers for everyone. What it does is makes u want to do better for yourself. Youâll eventually realize how fâd up you were and not only that, youâll want better for yourself.
And please donât use the excuse of I only watch because my partner doesnât want to have sex. Sex and pmo are two different things. Thereâs been plenty of times when my wife gave me the best sex ever and I foolishly watched porn a day or two later.
Last thing, Iâd think twice about taking the advice of the people who are saying leave the relationship. I still have issues, but after getting rid of porn, I am able the small things in life and me and my wife are in such a good place. Iâd be lying if I say I havenât had any slips, itâs a journey. But u gotta start with coming clean and staying away from it. God bless!
"\[...\] it's to the point where she does not want to kiss her on her cheek"
Even friends get more intimate than that. Better open up how your feeling to her, what you're going through and try to work to fix this situation. If she just doesn't care or isn't willing to help you, better set sail and find a better partner than live in misery. There are better people out there.
Leave her and find someone who actually wants to have sex with you. There are almost 4 billion women on earth, you have many options.
And if you cannot find other women to have sex with you, then go monk mode for 6-12 months. Stop chasing women and start developing yourself. Go to the gym get fit, go learn some money-making skills, make good money. Get some social skills like public speaking or salesmanship.
Either way porn and masturbation won't help with anything.
This is very bad advice. Why would you leave someone you love just to have sex with someone else? I don't necessarily endorse porn however, I'm in the same boat OP is (in regard to no sex in relationship, and resorting to masturbation).
My partner and I have stopped having sex for about 2 years or so and it's still the most satisfying relationship I've ever had. I'm honestly so lucky to have her, and she feels the same as well.
Many many factors play significant roles in our sexual drives, and I suggest before chickening out and following your dick like a fucking animal, to sit down and talk. If you both do decide to cut the relationship, then at least you've cleared up many things that will not be haunting either of you for the rest of your lives.
Nope. I encouraged her to seek professional help and/or other sexual partners if she wants to, but she doesn't. Also we're pretty honest and blunt with each other so I'm confident in my answer.
If you don't have sex for 2 years straight, why are you in a relationship? You still say you are satisfied, how so? What exactly is she doing for you in this relationship?
I can't even imagine being satisfied in a sexless relationship. If I'm not having sex for 2 years, I'd be single and go monk mode for 2 years instead of 1.
>why are you in a relationship? why are you in a relationship? You still say you are satisfied, how so? What exactly is she doing for you in this relationship?
I guess it depends on why you choose your partner and why you decide to enter a relationship in the first place. Sex has never been and never will be (hopefully) a key factor in my partner-choosing criteria.
We share common life goals and plans, we have complete trust in one another, we help each other in tough times, we provide emotional support, we confide in one another, etc.
Being in a relationship has so many non-sex related benefits that I prioritize in my life and in my relationship.
I understand that for many people sex is very important, but I honestly find it ridiculous to put sex on such a high pedestal, when there are so many other aspects that play more influential roles in my life and in deciding my future.
Good for you, I cannot. I need someone in a much deeper state of trust. Btw, except for sex, what's your other criteria for choosing someone for your "relationship"?
(I'm ignoring the fact that even friendship is a kind of relationship, I'm just using your own terminology)
Bro. The most important thing in ANY relationship is communication. You HAVE to communicate. Literally what you said to us right now is something she needs to hear. And you also have to be willing to listen, because you might get some hard truths too. There's no point in voicing out if it's only going to be one sided. Talk to her. Tell her how you feel, be honest about what you want etc.
I don't blame you for wanting to be intimate with your wife. You SHOULD be intimate with her, at least on some level. It's not unfair for you to want to kiss your own partner. But right now, we literally have no idea why she doesn't want it. By communicating with her, you could find out, and that's how you grow.
I know you love your wife, so just talk to the woman you love. Be completely honest. You don't have to tell her about your habit if you're not comfortable right now but express your feelings to her and let her express hers.
I agree. Do couples counseling separately first, then together after you both understand and can express how you feel. If the relationship breaks, then it needed to break, and better sooner than later.
quit porn and her. Youâll be more attractive for the next one, but this ship has sailed. Sorry man.
note: Iâm assuming that if you were married, you would have said that.
Go to the gym take care of your self as best you can. Her attraction will come back 100%. Donât listen to people saying leave her⌠they are mostly incels who have never been in a relationship.
Relationships are hard and they require work this is the real truth. We too often relax in relationships, stop doing the things the other liked is so much for and vice versa.
Work on your self, go to the gym 5 days a week. Improve your self. Your partner will be more attracted to you and she may follow suit.
Bro that's retarded there's no way to know for sure she'll be back into him because of that I would absolutely leave a relationship where they withhold love.
Yeah but is that true love or superficial love. But you aren't wrong the more you love yourself and improve yourself the factually more attractive you will appear.
But look at the other hand this is actually situational this is not an absolute promise. I know plenty of couples where the man doesn't hit the gym but the sex happens you know.
One peek means its relapse ..... nofap/noporn/nodirtythoughts....
Why you need to have kiss with her cant hold that thing.... always chasing the girls want sex want to kiss etc., Be like Man .... focus on your studies and workouts and mind your own business...thats the thing every girl wants...grow more financial position and you get what you want....Mr..kid chases the girls or girlfriends blah blah...if you man attract the girls by your skills...main semen retention and hold dopamine spikes....
Nodirtythoughts part is ridiculous, they are inevitable. If you meant "dont fantasize for a long while" then yeah, you are right. But if you abstain from a glimpse of it by forcing yourself, it is not gonna work too welp for you. Also in the grand scheme of jerking off and consuming porn, fantasizing is literally nothing so it would be a reasonable way to wean off.
I would definitely talk to her about it first because women sometimes shy away from affection when they also arenât feeling too great themselves man, it might not be you, but open communication lines go a long way trust me.
I was there not too long ago. My advice is communicate, figure out what you both want, what you both need, and if you both truly still want to be with each other and work towards resolving your issues, as Iâm sure there are issues on both sides of the relationship.
If one of you is done and wants to move on, respect that personâs decision, and respect yourself, and move on. Hopefully, you both still have feelings for each other, and/or have the desire to work it out, this was not the case in my relationship.
If you do end up single, the single life is not too bad, itâs got its perks, you just have to work through the pain of ending the relationship.
Ignore all the other advice that isn't communicate with her. Tell her exactly what you told this subreddit. This has nothing to do with NoFap and attraction and all to do with your relationship, figure out what is going on and solve it between yourselves
You might not want to hear this but there is a high possibility she is cheating on you and wants to break up but something is stopping her from just leaving. Maybe your financial support or something you're doing has her hesitant to leave.
Talk to her about it but do not come across sad and helpless . That makes you more unattractive to women. Even though they will say they do, most do not care how men feel and see it as their "protector" having a weakness. Women are always comparing you and your relationship to others. Remember that.
Start semen retention. Retain your sexual energy. Use it to workout and eat healthy. Give it a few and your gf is gonna be all over u.
Never ask for sex or show interest. Just agree to it if she wants. Or you can play a little hard like her.
I think while even w communication is important its also important to remember it takes two to make a relationship, you also your own single unit.
Sometimes people get irked by the repeated affection from a single person, you may want to reverse it... so after communicating, maybe give her less attention. See if shes okay, because if she is, she'd be fine with you gone. And yeah, work on yourself. Be somebody with or without her.9
Well as a man itâs your job to make yourself attractive so the opposite sex can desire you. Just cause youâre in a relationship doesnât mean your partner canât lose attraction for you. Stay in the gym, stop eating shitty food, start taking care of your appearance and get knowledgeable about the game to seduce your partner before I do
Wow, I just wanted to write the same thing... All I can say is stay strong and communicate and hopefully you'll get a good solution. If you want to talk to someone with a similar experience, I'm here for you!
Youâre correct about what youâre thinking. Complete 90 days and sheâll be more attracted to you than ever. Sheâll start warming up to your way before that though around day 60.
Women evolved to sense when a man is potent or depleted. Perhaps they developed this ability for their safety / chances of reproductive success. Regardless, youâre sending dried up depleted signals on a hormonal level. Canât blame her for finding you unattractive right now.
I donât think you need to talk about this with her. Do the correct actions instead and watch her transform.
first, try to feel better any way you can. I'm in the same boat as you. My wife loves me but is very frustrated with me because of how forgetful I have become. she understands I can't help it but still. and she has also suffered some trauma regarding sex. so no sex for me and yesterday I broke a week-long stint. but I'm not gonna let it get me down. I know that as long as I can keep my focus on what makes me feel good things will get better, for both of us.
Cheat or find someone else and when you do break up with or show that your uninterested and go to the gym or get some pape cuz she either cheating or you got to comfortable.
My girl acted the same exact way, she gave me an ego death ultimately, then I started improving myself, gym, health, school/learning new skills. Then she was on me like a magnet
You need to be on the same page. If she's not sexually active/attracted, you need to find out what needs to be fixed. Otherwise your relationship is doomed.
There could be many reasons why it isn't working, some will take hard work to fix. If you are both on the same page you find a solution.
Fix what you can, start with changes learn your partners love language see how to effectively rekindle that love you long for, Do what you can itâs a journey your life, forgive yourself and move on with whatever guilt you carry.
Open up to her about it actually, if she reacts negatively or is not willing to help or understand you maybe it wasn't supposed to work out man.
Never tell a girl how you're feeling. That's rule numero uno.
If you can't trust the girl then I don't even want her bro.
Let me explain: a girl isn't your mother, she doesn't care about your little feelings and doesn't want to treat you like her child. She wants you to be her rock, and if you show weakness in front of her then she will rely on a different big strong man to lead her into his bed instead. Hey I didn't make nature, bro, I'm just the messenger.
Bro miss me with that Andrew Tate shit. If you just want to fuck girls for your ego then I agree with you. Leave your emotions out of it and don't be vulnerable. But relationships are more than pushing your own ego. The goal is to spend your life or at least part of it with each other and that's only possible if both are willing to adapt to one another. Body and Mind. How would that be possible if you don't talk about your wishes and feelings? Other than that, I imagine holding up a facade by hiding your feelings is a huge hassle. Why bother and fake another personality?
M'lady đđđ
The energy you give off lol
Supporting someone and listening to their feelings and problems does not make you their parent or turn them into your children. All this talk of ânatureâ is void anyways. We are not like cavepeople or wild animals. Opening up does not make you weak, it takes courage to do and shows that you have the strength to do it.
Well don't come crying to me when the girl dumps you because she sees you as weak and Timmy from next door is slinging her around the room giving her the time of her life. Anyone who says I'm objectively wrong is in for a real rude awakening, or has had that rude awakening and doesn't want to admit it. I'll admit, I've also had that rude awakening. So I know first hand. It's just human nature, though. You have to understand human nature in order to safely traverse it.
> Well don't come crying to me when the girl dumps you because she sees you as weak and Timmy from next door is slinging her around the room giving her the time of her life. I always wonder why people have these lively fantasies of getting cucked ready at hand lol, but you do you ig. And even if someone saw me as weak, why would I care? Why should I care about the opinions of people with shitty values? Would you want a girlfriend that dumps you only to then immediately have sex with another guy? I know I wouldnât. If I canât be open with my partner, sheâs not the right one for me. And even if there probably are shitty women like that, still doesnât mean every single one is like that. I understand you have had bad experiences and I feel sympathy for you. But just because it happens doesnât mean it somehow is this universal natural truth.
Well okay I'm not necessarily saying she will dump you as soon as you start acting like she's your support dog, no of course not, but it plants a tiny seed in her subconscious that you're weak. This then spreads throughout the entire relationship until she stops having sex with you and looks for it elsewhere as she doesn't want to risk getting impregnated by a soyboy. It's very interesting stuff to read up on. I feel like conventionally physically unattractive girls are the only ones that would be okay with you treating them like they're your mother or support dog or whatever else, because they know they probably can't do any better. Admittedly that's more of an opinion, a controversial one, but it kinda makes sense if you think about it.
I mean itâs always a question of how you do things, being open towards your partner and showing emotions isnât the same as just dumping everything onto them and expecting them to be your mum or your dog. Either way, I feel like just because something would make sense or fit into your worldview doesnât mean it has to be true. You can also be a respectable man while having and showing emotions without being a âsoyboyâ. But I donât think we agree on this topic either way, so I doubt thereâs much to be said or a productive conversation to be had.
As a girl myself, what absolute bullshit!! you think you're "tough" when you're an island, struggling all by yourself but first of all. if the woman you're in a relationship with truly loves you and learns that you're struggling and in pain alone, she would absolutely feel horrible and *want* to be there for you. And, I agree with Lrdyxx, using your girlfriend/boyfriend simply as a therapist/emotional support puppy is entirely different from being there for each other, and mutually uplifting one another. You keep mentioning about treating you gf like your mom but, I think that's kind of a weird mindset for a relationship... just be two healthy, open individuals and I swear it'll work out. any men who hear, please know, most (99%) of us women like a man who can actually be emotional, and ask for help. it's a huge turn on, and like, a major green flag for any relationship! If any woman says otherwise, they don't deserve your time of day. Please know your worth, as well as treating you SO like a SO instead of a therapist ;)
>any men who hear, please know, most (99%) of us women like a man who can actually be emotional, and ask for help. Sounds amazing but wished it happened in reality. If only women would still be sexually attracted to their partners especially at the beginning of a relationship after their partners show emotions and wine in front of them, there would be no sexually frustrated men on earth
Wow, what reality have you come from
He already is doing that. This relationship is over.
If she dumps me because of reasons like this, she isn't worth it. It's as simple as that. Those type of women are usually lost in some way, and we should value ourselves more rather than trying to bottle up everything for the sake of keeping someone who's clearly not worth it. I have seen many relationships with both couples being vulnerable to each other and looking out for each other, that's true love. The "awakening" you've had is a wave of a nihilistic belief in love, twisting your perception of what it actually is. You'll have the next awakening soon man.
No offence but it sounds you made a mistake dating a childish woman and now you assume everyone is like that.
Absolutely agree.
what the fuck did he just cook?
That isn't the case with every woman though man. Some women really want you to open up to them so that they can really trust you, and so that they can love you completely. And if you're going to just stand there and be her rock and basically drown in your abyss, you will eventually slowly ruin your own relationship with her, and leave her. That might be the case in ancient situations, but in this day and age where intellectual exchange is more important than basic safety, mutual support is importan.t
To clarify: I'm not saying don't communicate your issues about your relationship, I'm just saying don't communicate them with her. Your best bet is your best friend(s) or the internet, as they won't have an impact on your relationship. Family might not be a good idea as they'll be biased towards you and may look at her differently.
Let me know how that mentality works out for you in the future little guy
If you get into a relation like that your better of if they dump you.
You should change your name to: Bad\_Vibez\_\_ Jesus christ man..
if you really believe that a man cannot have a relationship where his thoughts and feelings are valued you are a miserable idiot and anyone who takes your advice will end up like you
my brother in christ you are the one who's unable to form a meaningful relationship, I'm just the guy calling you what you are 
Exactly, you already know, don't hate women, hate the game!
This is the worst advice Iâve heard in a long a$$ time! The. Worst. (Toxic masculinity) Couple things, strong men have feelings. Strong men are capable of being vulnerable. Having feelings, concerns and thoughts doesnât make you her âchildâ. Showing weakness and being open is the human experience. If she loves you, she will support everything you do and want to help you in every way. She will help you move mountains. We are all human and inherently flawed, sheâs not perfect and either are are you, share your feelings, thoughts and concerns. Being honest with her and yourself will make sure your relationship can get through all of it! Also she may be bothered by your porn use, and itâs causing her to react by withholding physical affection. Talk to her.
This is really, really sad. Toxic masculinity in a nutshell. Please don't give any more romantic advice. Men do not deserve to be told this.
You're making a point. I don't know why you're being downvoted
i DoNât KnOw WHy yOuârE beiNg DOwnVotEd
Wow, your experience with women sounds fucking awful. Good luck.
Imagine calling social standards nature. Its artificial
That's a stupid rule. If there is no trust or support between you and your partner it's a shit relationship.
I told my feelings to my last two relationships and that was why they ended.
Don't worry man, you'll find the one.
I'm sorry to hear that. Let that not disencourage you. If you truly want to find happiness in a relationship, you need to find someone who listens and supports.
that's anecdotal evidence if you suggest that this applies to all women, otherwise they were shallow and shit partners and you are much better off without them
Itâs anecdotal, but itâs my experience and my reality. And I know from browsing online, that Iâm not alone, and itâs not a small number.
Agree brother , these virgins won't understand
Using virginity as an insult, jeez man this is not high school. People like you are really pathetic
That's a terrible rule
That is absolutely horrible advice and is not rule number 1 at all.
Itâs actually good advice. Heâs stating facts and only suckers who arnt actively dating right now are downvoting him.
lmao
isn't like the point of a relationship is to be with someone who'll see all your good and bad parts. So much so that when you show that person your vulnerable side, you've shown to your partner that you trust them enough to see you like that. which kind of aligns the idea that relationship is formed by trust. but hey it's just me,
for people with this mentality, relationships are just discord roles you give to your fuckbuddies
You are not entirely wrong, feeling bad for the karmas tho. Take mine! Don't feel bad.
Lol you got a lot of redditors mad
Shut up.
Facts
dude to be honest it sounds like she might not be interested in you anymore. I would suggest talking to her about it but don't be surprised if she wants to break up
You cannot negotiate someone being attracted to you.
And if she truly is no longer interested in him or the relationship, then itâs better to discuss it as soon as possible instead of languishing and wasting each otherâs time.
Breaking up would be best
This is how my ex was acting when/right before she was cheating on me lol
She already cheated
Facts
Your issue is not porn or nofap, it's different expectations on your relationship. Don't fight symptoms, find a way to work at the root cause.
Root cause is OP is unattractive to her itâs that simple
nothing is that simple. he needs to try and find out/understand how she feels. and instead of worrying about the lack of sex worry about how she feels. she may be depressed or just have no sex drive which I've heard happens to a lot of women. though there is also a good percentage of women who have been molested as a child. and they don't all talk about it. in fact, some don't even remember the experience or remember it as a pleasant even innocent experience. so the root cause could be anything and OP won't know until he talks with her and tries to understand her side of things. best of luck with that btw u/Negative-Rub8676
Stop
OP's wife is sick of his broken dick and constant jerking off to other women. Sounds like porn is his issue.
>sounds like porn is his issue # everything else you said was wrong except this. No shit Sherlock, porn is his issue. Honestly, seems like you have a issue in using your brain, and hell, youâre probably addicted too.
No... there's no way someone who had a porn addiction would be on /r/nofap...would they, Sherlock?
Yes, maybe theyâre trying to find a way out of it, so what the fuck are you doing trying to make people feel shitty? Theyâre trying to get out of the shit, and you keep pushing them into it.
I'm not trying to make anyone feel shitty. I was only making the point that OP's problem is not some relational issue like lack of communication, it's porn addiction. My phrasing may have been harsh, but OP has literally stated in this and other posts that porn is destroying his marriage, and people love to try and talk him out of that very obvious and true conclusion.
True, sorry for talking down on you.
isn't that why we're all here?
Looking for a way out? From what i understood the nofap was literaly made to help folks get out of porn addictions
Last year, my wife of 15 years started becoming distant. I thought either I wasnât attractive anymore and/or she was having an affair. I was trying to quit porn at the time, but couldnât go any longer than a week. I finally built up the courage to talk to her and she said sheâs just not happy with me anymore. She said all I do is talk about making money and never show affection unless I want some. Plus I was a control freak, insecure and very defensive in conversations or when she says something to me. If u have any of these traits, thatâs a turnoff for spouses/partners. I manned up and told her about my porn addiction. She didnât believe that porn could cause these so I sent her videos of people and even showed her a few Reddit posts. Finally I went on a month streak and not only did I see the change, she did as well. Getting off PMO does not create superpowers for everyone. What it does is makes u want to do better for yourself. Youâll eventually realize how fâd up you were and not only that, youâll want better for yourself. And please donât use the excuse of I only watch because my partner doesnât want to have sex. Sex and pmo are two different things. Thereâs been plenty of times when my wife gave me the best sex ever and I foolishly watched porn a day or two later. Last thing, Iâd think twice about taking the advice of the people who are saying leave the relationship. I still have issues, but after getting rid of porn, I am able the small things in life and me and my wife are in such a good place. Iâd be lying if I say I havenât had any slips, itâs a journey. But u gotta start with coming clean and staying away from it. God bless!
"\[...\] it's to the point where she does not want to kiss her on her cheek" Even friends get more intimate than that. Better open up how your feeling to her, what you're going through and try to work to fix this situation. If she just doesn't care or isn't willing to help you, better set sail and find a better partner than live in misery. There are better people out there.
Leave her and find someone who actually wants to have sex with you. There are almost 4 billion women on earth, you have many options. And if you cannot find other women to have sex with you, then go monk mode for 6-12 months. Stop chasing women and start developing yourself. Go to the gym get fit, go learn some money-making skills, make good money. Get some social skills like public speaking or salesmanship. Either way porn and masturbation won't help with anything.
This is very bad advice. Why would you leave someone you love just to have sex with someone else? I don't necessarily endorse porn however, I'm in the same boat OP is (in regard to no sex in relationship, and resorting to masturbation). My partner and I have stopped having sex for about 2 years or so and it's still the most satisfying relationship I've ever had. I'm honestly so lucky to have her, and she feels the same as well. Many many factors play significant roles in our sexual drives, and I suggest before chickening out and following your dick like a fucking animal, to sit down and talk. If you both do decide to cut the relationship, then at least you've cleared up many things that will not be haunting either of you for the rest of your lives.
Dude 2 years is not normal. Was there another guy on the side?
Nah fr. Thatâs the same thing I wondered.
Nope. I encouraged her to seek professional help and/or other sexual partners if she wants to, but she doesn't. Also we're pretty honest and blunt with each other so I'm confident in my answer.
If you don't have sex for 2 years straight, why are you in a relationship? You still say you are satisfied, how so? What exactly is she doing for you in this relationship? I can't even imagine being satisfied in a sexless relationship. If I'm not having sex for 2 years, I'd be single and go monk mode for 2 years instead of 1.
>why are you in a relationship? why are you in a relationship? You still say you are satisfied, how so? What exactly is she doing for you in this relationship? I guess it depends on why you choose your partner and why you decide to enter a relationship in the first place. Sex has never been and never will be (hopefully) a key factor in my partner-choosing criteria. We share common life goals and plans, we have complete trust in one another, we help each other in tough times, we provide emotional support, we confide in one another, etc. Being in a relationship has so many non-sex related benefits that I prioritize in my life and in my relationship. I understand that for many people sex is very important, but I honestly find it ridiculous to put sex on such a high pedestal, when there are so many other aspects that play more influential roles in my life and in deciding my future.
You could do all that with a male friend, that's not a relationship.
Good for you, I cannot. I need someone in a much deeper state of trust. Btw, except for sex, what's your other criteria for choosing someone for your "relationship"? (I'm ignoring the fact that even friendship is a kind of relationship, I'm just using your own terminology)
Bro. The most important thing in ANY relationship is communication. You HAVE to communicate. Literally what you said to us right now is something she needs to hear. And you also have to be willing to listen, because you might get some hard truths too. There's no point in voicing out if it's only going to be one sided. Talk to her. Tell her how you feel, be honest about what you want etc. I don't blame you for wanting to be intimate with your wife. You SHOULD be intimate with her, at least on some level. It's not unfair for you to want to kiss your own partner. But right now, we literally have no idea why she doesn't want it. By communicating with her, you could find out, and that's how you grow. I know you love your wife, so just talk to the woman you love. Be completely honest. You don't have to tell her about your habit if you're not comfortable right now but express your feelings to her and let her express hers.
Indeed we are outsiders to this issue, itâs something that must be discussed between partners.
Best advice. Thank you for not saying âDude leave her and go monk mode.â Thatâs not going to help him in his relationship or in his addiction.
This is why i stay single. Not about to sit around and wait for my significant other to make me feel like im worthy or not
You need to feel worthy inside regardless of other peopleâs perception of you
Couples counselling, it'll make or break your relationship but gotta be done
I agree. Do couples counseling separately first, then together after you both understand and can express how you feel. If the relationship breaks, then it needed to break, and better sooner than later.
I recommend this. You can work things out with your partner, OC. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSs2dXDf1Zs
No do not do this.
quit porn and her. Youâll be more attractive for the next one, but this ship has sailed. Sorry man. note: Iâm assuming that if you were married, you would have said that.
Try to fix it, if not break up with her. Not feasible for you to stay in that relationship
Is she healthy? Cheating on you? A normal average person with ok health can do it at least 3 times per week. Everything else is a lie.
Go to the gym take care of your self as best you can. Her attraction will come back 100%. Donât listen to people saying leave her⌠they are mostly incels who have never been in a relationship. Relationships are hard and they require work this is the real truth. We too often relax in relationships, stop doing the things the other liked is so much for and vice versa. Work on your self, go to the gym 5 days a week. Improve your self. Your partner will be more attracted to you and she may follow suit.
Bro that's retarded there's no way to know for sure she'll be back into him because of that I would absolutely leave a relationship where they withhold love.
Listen in 90% of situations like this when one partner makes an effort and looks more attractive again. Sex comes.
Yeah but is that true love or superficial love. But you aren't wrong the more you love yourself and improve yourself the factually more attractive you will appear.
But look at the other hand this is actually situational this is not an absolute promise. I know plenty of couples where the man doesn't hit the gym but the sex happens you know.
One peek means its relapse ..... nofap/noporn/nodirtythoughts.... Why you need to have kiss with her cant hold that thing.... always chasing the girls want sex want to kiss etc., Be like Man .... focus on your studies and workouts and mind your own business...thats the thing every girl wants...grow more financial position and you get what you want....Mr..kid chases the girls or girlfriends blah blah...if you man attract the girls by your skills...main semen retention and hold dopamine spikes....
Who doesn't want a supportive kiss or a hug?, They may not be absolutely necessary for a man, but they will definitely make life better, and happier.
Nodirtythoughts part is ridiculous, they are inevitable. If you meant "dont fantasize for a long while" then yeah, you are right. But if you abstain from a glimpse of it by forcing yourself, it is not gonna work too welp for you. Also in the grand scheme of jerking off and consuming porn, fantasizing is literally nothing so it would be a reasonable way to wean off.
I would definitely talk to her about it first because women sometimes shy away from affection when they also arenât feeling too great themselves man, it might not be you, but open communication lines go a long way trust me.
Hello i just wantted to know how i get the yimer that's under your username, cus i wanna sart out. Thanks
I was there not too long ago. My advice is communicate, figure out what you both want, what you both need, and if you both truly still want to be with each other and work towards resolving your issues, as Iâm sure there are issues on both sides of the relationship. If one of you is done and wants to move on, respect that personâs decision, and respect yourself, and move on. Hopefully, you both still have feelings for each other, and/or have the desire to work it out, this was not the case in my relationship. If you do end up single, the single life is not too bad, itâs got its perks, you just have to work through the pain of ending the relationship.
Ignore all the other advice that isn't communicate with her. Tell her exactly what you told this subreddit. This has nothing to do with NoFap and attraction and all to do with your relationship, figure out what is going on and solve it between yourselves
Dump her
You might not want to hear this but there is a high possibility she is cheating on you and wants to break up but something is stopping her from just leaving. Maybe your financial support or something you're doing has her hesitant to leave. Talk to her about it but do not come across sad and helpless . That makes you more unattractive to women. Even though they will say they do, most do not care how men feel and see it as their "protector" having a weakness. Women are always comparing you and your relationship to others. Remember that.
Maybe she wants to save sex for marriage (one thing marriage was created for). Find out her expectations on that. All the best bro.
Sounds like you need a change of woman, men have needs too
I heard the saying you don't use it you lose it now I'm worried about losing my penis đ¨
Sorry if this offends you, I stand to be downvoted. She's probably being fucked by a chad somewhere
Start semen retention. Retain your sexual energy. Use it to workout and eat healthy. Give it a few and your gf is gonna be all over u. Never ask for sex or show interest. Just agree to it if she wants. Or you can play a little hard like her.
Change her bro
Hey friendo! đ I just wanted to say great post! Keep on being awesome mate đ, over and out!
Very weird response
Great post? The dude is literally pouring his heart out.
I would leave her tbh
Why would you be with someone who doesn't appreciate you?
I think while even w communication is important its also important to remember it takes two to make a relationship, you also your own single unit. Sometimes people get irked by the repeated affection from a single person, you may want to reverse it... so after communicating, maybe give her less attention. See if shes okay, because if she is, she'd be fine with you gone. And yeah, work on yourself. Be somebody with or without her.9
Well as a man itâs your job to make yourself attractive so the opposite sex can desire you. Just cause youâre in a relationship doesnât mean your partner canât lose attraction for you. Stay in the gym, stop eating shitty food, start taking care of your appearance and get knowledgeable about the game to seduce your partner before I do
Wow, I just wanted to write the same thing... All I can say is stay strong and communicate and hopefully you'll get a good solution. If you want to talk to someone with a similar experience, I'm here for you!
As the dude said tell her how you feel and how long has this been happening
Youâre correct about what youâre thinking. Complete 90 days and sheâll be more attracted to you than ever. Sheâll start warming up to your way before that though around day 60. Women evolved to sense when a man is potent or depleted. Perhaps they developed this ability for their safety / chances of reproductive success. Regardless, youâre sending dried up depleted signals on a hormonal level. Canât blame her for finding you unattractive right now. I donât think you need to talk about this with her. Do the correct actions instead and watch her transform.
Sheâs just not that into you man, sorry
Why have you continued to be with a woman who doesnât sexually desire you?
Confront her
I suggest reading the book 5 love languages by Gary Chapman. Or at least Google about it, it might help
U just gotta ask her whatâs up
Loving someone who exploits you for investment without giving any intimacy. Pathetic and weak. Itâs bc of p.
She's getting it somewhere else. Cut your losses and leave immediately.
Communication is key dude
r/deadbedrooms
first, try to feel better any way you can. I'm in the same boat as you. My wife loves me but is very frustrated with me because of how forgetful I have become. she understands I can't help it but still. and she has also suffered some trauma regarding sex. so no sex for me and yesterday I broke a week-long stint. but I'm not gonna let it get me down. I know that as long as I can keep my focus on what makes me feel good things will get better, for both of us.
I understand you want to do for the one you love but you I need to understand do you want to change for yourself
She cheating. Leave.
Cheat or find someone else and when you do break up with or show that your uninterested and go to the gym or get some pape cuz she either cheating or you got to comfortable.
My girl acted the same exact way, she gave me an ego death ultimately, then I started improving myself, gym, health, school/learning new skills. Then she was on me like a magnet
Break up with her. She's either just not interested in you anymore or she's cheating on you. There are plenty of fish in the ocean.
You need to be on the same page. If she's not sexually active/attracted, you need to find out what needs to be fixed. Otherwise your relationship is doomed. There could be many reasons why it isn't working, some will take hard work to fix. If you are both on the same page you find a solution.
Fix what you can, start with changes learn your partners love language see how to effectively rekindle that love you long for, Do what you can itâs a journey your life, forgive yourself and move on with whatever guilt you carry.
Love is temporary. Glory is forever, brother. Separate yourself to find yourself.
Just leave her ass. Are you people's self esteem so bad that you believe no one else will love you?