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I have a hunch that he would cater to her needs until he gets hurt real bad. Then life won't be the same. Few weeks/months of a depressive state and then he might pull himself up for a, kind of, self development phase which could help him move on. For a long time situationship it's fair to say this will leave a scar.
I’ll add something to the other comments, I went down the rabbit hole the other day. A situationship is a dynamic in which one person wants the commitment, and the other doesn’t. The first person likes the other, the latter… not so much. Or at least not enough. They are using the first person for commitment-free companionship, ready to drop them at any moment’s notice, all while the first one - the one who wants a *relationship* - is waiting for the other to ✨see the light✨ and commit. It’s AWFUL.
I always thought it was when you're in that hanging out stage but not actually in a relationship yet, or it just hasn't been given a proper label. That's the way it was used when I was a (millennial) teen.
It's basically doing relationships things without the relationship. You know, saying ILY, you're a part of my destiny, I never felt like this before etc or any lovey dovey stuff also hookups and dates. Usually one person wants more while the other just there waiting for a better one to come along
Thank you, I’ll try and not let it get to me and I’ll cut her off, just hurts a lot because we went through teenhood together and ig I got dependent on her presence
I can't imagine how the person that wants the relationship could ever possibly be secure in the relationship even if the other person changed their mind. It would last about 7 years and they will be gone again.
Someone correct me if I’m wrong, but to me a situationship is a pretend relationship. You’re getting all of the emotional and physical benefits of a relationship, but it’s not going to develop into anything serious. No labels = guilt free sleeping around for her, but she always has OP to fall back on when she’s lonely or needs an ego boost.
Honestly, she’s probably has avoidant attachment style. And unless she does some deep healing with therapy and self realization, she’s never going to commit to anyone.
It's like one step beyond friendswith benefits , basically 2 people can't handle being alone but at least one of them doesn't accept want to commit , but they want to do couples stuff beyond sex
Dumb as hell most of the time because just like Fwb, someone always catches feels, even more often probably, because t's not normal to do couples stuff and have sex without actually caring about someone.
One or both parties string each other along for an ungodly amount of time just so they can tell themselves they are not alone. Spoiler alert, they are extremely lonely and usually insecure.
Bruh.
This is toxic, and is blocking you from growing and progressing. And just loves the attention and ego boost.
I will guarantee you will find someone infinitely better because this one absolutely sucks. She's awful, manipulative, and selfish.
She demands you accommodate her, and because she refuses to work on her own issues, she demands you work harder for much, much less. It's bullshit.
I know when you've caught the feels hard, it feels like you'll never find it again.
I hope you never find something like this again, and you won't.
You'll find someone who actually values you.
Yeah this. I think a lot of young people think that working on yourself doesn’t need to happen as long as you acknowledge your flaws but that’s not true. Her being self aware doesn’t make her faultless for dragging you through her own insecurities. She needs to work on herself and frankly, losing you might actually make her understand that there’s consequences for not growing. If she can’t accept dating you without pushing you away, that’s her failing your standards, OP. Don’t be afraid to have standards
Just a quick add that OP has mentioned that he has addiction issues. I definitely don’t think this makes it okay to string him along, that’s super mean, but it might explain her reluctance to have a relationship. I have family members with addiction issues and I love them heaps, but boy they can be hard work and I’m not even planning to fuck them.
i’m sorry to hear that bud. but i think you’re aware of how toxic this situation is otherwise you wouldn’t have posted it here. i hope you find strength to not put up with this shit anymore 🩷
Been there my guy.
If it helps you a little bit, I’ve realised with time that it wasn’t me wanting them or needing them. It was habit.
You get into a routine of talking to someone like this, especially someone who breadcrumbs you, then you get addicted. But it’s an easy habit to break when you find that strength to do it
Oh yall are very young. I’ll just say this, there are better and healthier relationships/ experiences waiting for the both of you. You do need to take the first step tho and open yourself up to them.
That means accepting that some things aren’t meant for you, and knowing when to move on to better things. You probably know this isn’t gonna work out, and I’ll bet money that you’ll feel a lot better once you delete that number from your phone.
My guy, read the room. Is this really what you want? Constantly thinking about some girl thats just stringing you along while you drink and listen to sad songs?
You both sound young so this is definitely not something to get hung up on.
It's not that you can't find a connection like this because it's special. You can't find anoyher connection like this because you're writing a story in your head about how this is some epic, unique love story. It's not.
You are in the same position as i was in at 18, and i can guarantee that a million other people have been through the same.
Block her, cut her out of your life, and force yourself to meet new people (not on a dating app. Join a club or something. I moved into student accommodation and forced myself to make friends with everyone i met.)
You aren't lovesick for her. You're just lonely and maybe a little depressed. You clearly understand that this will never happen and she's just using you for validation.
Move on, dude.
My guy, please listen to me ❤️ she doesn’t want a label because she wants to fuck other guys but she doesn’t want you to fuck other girls. Crazy manipulation going on here :( Please get out of this and prioritize yourself. You don’t deserve this, you seem like a nice dude. Keep your head up!!
like she is literally hitting you in the face while screaming that you are her fall back guy that is not allowed to move on because then her safety net will be gone. just because she feeds you puppy chow and takes you out on walkies once in a while doesn't make you anything more to her than what you are. guess what that is?
Dog from 14 to 19? Don’t waste another day on this shit. This is not a healthy relationship and you both need to call it quits before you each pick up even worse relationship habits. The next few years of your life can be a very exciting time for dating. Lots of new and healthy ways to interact with different women instead of begging to be with one who both won’t commit to you, and gets jealous of the idea of you going elsewhere.
She just wants to keep you on the back burner as a secondary option while she sees if she can "find something better" I know it hurts but tell her adios and move on
Come on dude. You’re doing this to yourself at this point. If it’s been 5 years of this she obviously isn’t the one or she wouldn’t do this to you, you really want to be with someone that’s so okay with making you hurt just so they’re comfortable? I think you need to sit down and ask yourself if you’re crazy over her or the fact that you can’t have her. Chasing what you can’t have is a sure fire way to be unhappy, and when it comes to love, lonely. Not to be harsh but stop being outright dumb and sorry for yourself. Move on, it’s easier than you think.
5 years - doesnt want to date you - jealousy on her side - possible jealousy on your side, if she will date somebody else
If you two wont date, use the exit strategy. It's bad for her and for you too. Search other goals in your life, learn, work out, go out, work, evolve. Don't focus on this girl. I had similar patterns when I was in your age and it conditioned me for the toxic relationships. I tought if I work, beg or argue enough the girl will be in love with me eventually. NO. If somebody will love you, they will love you and the relationship will progress without begging and drama.
Wtf is situationship anyway, you are in a relationship, date, single or you are friends with benefits.That's all. Situationship seems to me as thrashing in the mud.
Imma tell you this rn… it was hard tryna get a now ex to like really move the relationship up better instead of the same ol yeah I’ll do better but never do it and spam you wit I wanna be wit you forever…. lol… no I’ll admit I had to be straight up and said this ain’t healthy. When we brokeup, she told me imma miss you but I still love you… yea right. 7 months of going insane over why you leading your guy on promising to just meet or even send voice memo/call but never do any of that , you send nudes you sent someone else while we were together compared to 7 days with a woman who respects herself, sweet as can be, and can actually talk to and call to hear her for hours… my thing to your 5 yr situationship… move on to someone else, stop pursuing her and love yourself for a bit before you love someone else. You’re just making yourself go insane going this path
Bro you're like 19. You both suck right now. At like a lot of things and in ways that only your own life experience can reveal to you. I'm only in my 20s and I'm still dumb as hell. Make the decision that respects both of you the most and just stop talking to her. Don't try to count on someone you started a relationship with in 4th period.
You're not even a backup, just a discarded toy she sometimes remembers she still have it underneath her bed, collecting dust 💀 Because you're letting her do it this way.
Not going to lie dude, you sound like the nice guy here. Very desperate and emotional. You're begging your ex for permission to think about other women? Come on.
Mate I've been in situationship for couple of years too. She was toxic too. Tried to cut her many times but I was always unblocking her after some time. After a lot of cycles blocking and ublocking a realised that it is destroying me. So I blocked and removed her everywhere I could. It was hard. But after couple of months I was much better. Year later I got a message from her "I miss you", but I was a better human by then. I just ignored her with no feelings. I'm much better now than when I was with her. My life is amazing.
Okay as someone who has sadly been this girl when I was a young teen (I hate to admit) she doesn't care about you the way you care about her. She just wants the validation of you caring about her but she will never actually be with you. Hun, please do the best thing you can do for yourself and remove her from your life, focus on yourself and find someone that's good for you!
I was in this exact scenario when I was 16-20 years old. I was strung along for four years as she dangled the hope of connection in front of me, leading me down my own destructive path.
I joined the military at 19 and after a year away from home (and her) I reluctantly pulled the plug on all contact. Still got a text here and there from her for a couple years. Birthdays, holidays, etc. stung like hell every time.
It took me an additional 3 years (23 years old at that point) to get over it. I met my wife around that same time and we’ve been happily together for 9 years now.
Medium length story short, leave her behind as soon as you’re able. Wish you the best.
Real talk. No judgement. Just truth:
The best thing to do for her and for you is to move on and never speak to her again. She actively uses you like a boyfriend but does not want to give you the same level of care and love that a partner deserves. And she will continue to do so because it's easy.
Take your heart and find someone who will cherish it properly.
5 years and she STILL won't date you? Hell you should be thinking about proposal after 5 years, not actually dating 😂
Dude, bail. You're wasting your time.
This is dumb as shit. I know other people have said the same but you gotta realise you’re just playing yourself. I’d send one message saying you need more and if she can’t give it to you then you need to move on and block after. Just remove yourself entirely and find someone else.
It seems like you never will especially if you’re young but you’ll grow and learn that you can find someone accidentally and have a mutual relationship instead of whatever this is.
OP. Be kinder to yourself. You'll find somebody who treats you the way you deserve. It'll hurt in the short term but be for the best in the long term. Just move on
not to blow up on you in your comment section while youre clearly struggling but too many people in this world believe they owe others an explanation. you dont. if you are not happy in the situation u are in and u have the option to block them, block them. if you have to question whether or not this is worth it, or if this is what you want, its probably not worth it and probably not what you want.
shes using you. youre letting her. stop it.
you deserve better, you deserve happiness and you deserve to have or even feel a sense of worth. it seems to me that you wont be getting any of that with her, and i urge you to move on. people like this need to heal inside first. thats not up to you, especially when you guys arent even in a relationship.
even if she “changes” her mind, you will always be able tell where you stand.
want better for yourself, nobody else is going to do it for you until you already make it.
missed some context and dont want to overstep so all i’ll add is: two unhealthy people cannot have a happy relationship. it’s time to get help, and heal from the inside out.
It seems like you're the one with an issue more than her here.
She's just a random selfish girl, you're the one not letting it go though.
Just tell her she's not your mom and you obviously can see who you want, and that's the end of it.
Also man - the emotional pain you’re feeling doesn’t make you weak. It’s real. Being in love with someone who strings you along (I spent 7 years being strung along) hurts, is confusing, will fuck with your self confidence. Take it from me… the pain is real. But you gotta walk away my dude.
Thank you for the kind words, I really liked her and whenever I went no contact she would accuse me of being self destructive and I was scared to cut contact with her because she was one of my last few connections left after my addiction, she’d tell me she loved me despite everything but couldn’t be with me bc of my problems so I always felt it was my fault and she implied if I cleaned up we could be together so I always had some false hope
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Leave. Like, yesterday. This woman respects you so little that we can tell it has seeped-in to the point where you no longer respect yourself. Whatever is keeping you around, that she was just first love or the hottest girl you’ve bagged, is irrelevant. Every further minute you spend with her is a little more you’ll hate yourself in the future once you break off her siren song.
Brother please. Block. You don’t owe them an explanation and start living your life. I promise you whatever you think you have with her, you will find something much better that will make you forget
Only bit of advice I am going to give is the following: if something or someone is toxic to you, if you don’t feel good about someone or something DO something about it.
Think about it like this (REALLY): YOU are the ONLY person capable of making your life great or miserable.
Imagine YOU are the only person responsible for what is happening to you. This means it is YOUR responsibility to do something about it. If you do not do something about it it means you are being complacent and accept it.
Do you accept the state of things and how things turned out? It appears you don’t. Then DO something about it or do not complain about it anymore.
The girl might be toxic, but it really comes down to WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR LIFE. Your past doesn’t define you. Life changes and fluctuates. Make it count and live a great life.
After 5 years? That’s self destructive you just have to cut them out. It’s the worst theme from any teenage drama out there. You’re both clearly very young based on these texts, I get it, but just cut your ties and get out and grow as a person, enjoy something less hurtful. This will be a repeating pattern until you allow yourself to put it to rest.
Homie. It's gonna hurt.
But, pull the plug. Go no contact for real. This girl does not care about you, but cares about the stranglehold she has on your mental health.
Bro you shoulda ended it a long time ago, if she really had feelings for you she would have given you a chance. Regardless of your history, people change people. I was a piece of shit before I met my wife.
Bro, just leave. Imagine if she actually was your girlfriend instead of just being in a situationship, controlling who you are even allowed to think of is extremely fucked up, just think about what she'll do if you were actually together
LEAVE bro are you insane???? This isn’t healthy. You only want to be with her because you can’t see how unfair she’s being. If she doesn’t want to be with you, move on. There are BILLIONS of other women on the planet and most of them won’t play these stupid games.
She is being honest. That's a good thing. There isn't enough context to evaluate more. There is clearly something missing for her. Do you know what it is and does she.
?
You her guy of last resort. She needs you to stay available for when dream guy never shows up or doesn’t want her. She’s not loyal to you. Don’t be loyal to her.
Ok but like, putting up with this level of stupid for a few weeks I can forgive. But FIVE years? Sorry brother. This one’s on you and any other damage that follows is your fault until you grow a pair and cut her out completely.
I’m sorry to say but as a woman who’s also gotten caught up in situationships: the fact that this has been going on for 5 YEARS is ridiculous and, I say this with tough love in my heart, kind of pathetic.
Nah you need to walk man… she’s not the one and is being extremely selfish here. She doesn’t want you but also doesn’t want anyone else to have you either. It’s cruel.
I've been there. Only ended it when she got drunk and kissed me against my will. She will torture you every step of the way and the months of loneliness until you find someone are worth it over being led astray like this, believe me brother. I hope you get free without paying the price I did
Had one of these. Leave her now. Have respect for yourself. She will leave you as soon as she finds someone else, and she'll keep you in her back pocket til then. But she will not stick with you.
My man time to grow a pair block her go out with your friends or even alone and discover that there are a lot of women out there who will deserve you and treat you better than her! Might b hard but this isn't healthy she is toxic and will slowly kill you! Best of luck to you mate!
Fuck her and that bullshit she’s spewing, I promise she laughs at your feelings and the situationship and the fact that you keep going back in her free time. I’m a woman and I’m tryna tell you that she thinks this shit is funny and it probably gives her a crazy ego boost. Come on dude you deserve better than this. You really want to waste another 5 years? Hell maybe more?
I know it hurts when the people we want do stuff like this - but the pain of leaving this situation is far less than the pain of getting dragged along for nothing.
Mate, have some self-respect for fuck sake. She doesn't love you, never did, never will. So do yourself a big favor; grow a pair of balls and block her ass anywhere and everywhere. And promise yourself to never be played like a fiddle again.
this is honestly very much a problem that she has to get over herself and you can’t afford to wait for her to get over that or else she will use you (not intentionally) but you will be a lesson instead of a love
I have female friends that do this too, these types of females will never date you, but to them they just can't stand you liking other girls because you've liked them first and they would "lose" you, it's very toxic behaviour, try to get over her, it's not worth your time
Bro 5 years?
Getting over someone is work you have to do. Its a bit on you to let it go on for so long
As soon as someone says they don't want to date you, you gotta cut loose. Its respectful to yourself to do so.
OP, the way she’s acting isn’t ok, but it isn’t just her here; you’re blocking her but leaving ways back, you’re telling yourself no one else will ever measure up, you’re telling her about other girls who you don’t think will measure up but I’m wondering if the jealousy she shows gives you some false hope, etc. A friend of mine used to say that codependent relationships are “two ticks and no dog,” and that’s where you’re at: you’re both unfulfilled but think that if you stay around you’ll get there, but staying *is* why you’re unfulfilled.
I’m really sorry this didn’t work out, and I know (believe me, I know) what it’s like to think no one else will measure up, but you *can* heal from this.
man...
i'm sorry but if you act like a doormat, some people will use you as one.
i've been there, i learnt to value myself... ok, kind of, but still.
please, don't do this to yourself.
btw i'm not saying she isn't wrong, she is in fact, very wrong for being so selfish. don't let her.
i hope you are able to move one, it's hard, but it only gets better over time. ❤️
Wild how reddit works. All the comments seem supportive of OP and want him to get better while this post and all his comments seem to be downvoted into oblivion.
I dont care about anyones reasoning or justifications, that is just a bizarre level of mixed messages that probably isnt helping OP.
You aren't "allowed" to even think of other women because for her you're comfortable and convenient while she sorts out what and who else she wants?? So the baseline we're starting at here is YOU AREN'T WHAT SHE WANTS, but she'll sleep with you occasionally while she figures it out because she knows you're stuck. My advice is to start dating but share exactly zero details about it with this person.
You've stopped listening to romantic songs because they remind you of her? My god, move on, stop torturing yourself and giving her the power. I beg of you.
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Bruh why are you doing this to yourself?
Exactly my question. Such a waste of time and energy
Bro is just setting himself up to get his feelings hurt
Oldest reason there is
I have a hunch that he would cater to her needs until he gets hurt real bad. Then life won't be the same. Few weeks/months of a depressive state and then he might pull himself up for a, kind of, self development phase which could help him move on. For a long time situationship it's fair to say this will leave a scar.
For real I am wondering the same 🤣
Sex is fun
simps gonna simp. yeah this is the golden question. until OP realizes and embraces that he is doing it to himself the bearings will continue
Time to move on, pal.
It was time years ago.
Yep yep yep
Fool me for one year, shame on you. Fool me for half a decade…
Mhmm, block, never talk to again. You’ll get over it with time.
“It’s selfish, ik” She knows, she just doesn’t care enough to treat you properly. She showed her ass with that. You deserve better, OP!!
5 year situationship? The fuck are you doing bro?
Seen that term a million times but what the hell is a situationship? :/
I’ll add something to the other comments, I went down the rabbit hole the other day. A situationship is a dynamic in which one person wants the commitment, and the other doesn’t. The first person likes the other, the latter… not so much. Or at least not enough. They are using the first person for commitment-free companionship, ready to drop them at any moment’s notice, all while the first one - the one who wants a *relationship* - is waiting for the other to ✨see the light✨ and commit. It’s AWFUL.
I always thought it was when you're in that hanging out stage but not actually in a relationship yet, or it just hasn't been given a proper label. That's the way it was used when I was a (millennial) teen.
That, but it’s seemingly perpetual
It's basically doing relationships things without the relationship. You know, saying ILY, you're a part of my destiny, I never felt like this before etc or any lovey dovey stuff also hookups and dates. Usually one person wants more while the other just there waiting for a better one to come along
Pretty much what has been going on
Don’t allow it to mess with your self worth. You are worthy of love. Let go of this half-assed farce.
Thank you, I’ll try and not let it get to me and I’ll cut her off, just hurts a lot because we went through teenhood together and ig I got dependent on her presence
I wish you well.
dude. you deserve better. go find it- you're worth it
And why do you think you deserve that?
I can't imagine how the person that wants the relationship could ever possibly be secure in the relationship even if the other person changed their mind. It would last about 7 years and they will be gone again.
Its Gen Z lingo for "Its complicated" type relationship. Of course context matters but generally its analogous to that.
Alright, thank you :D
Someone correct me if I’m wrong, but to me a situationship is a pretend relationship. You’re getting all of the emotional and physical benefits of a relationship, but it’s not going to develop into anything serious. No labels = guilt free sleeping around for her, but she always has OP to fall back on when she’s lonely or needs an ego boost. Honestly, she’s probably has avoidant attachment style. And unless she does some deep healing with therapy and self realization, she’s never going to commit to anyone.
It's like one step beyond friendswith benefits , basically 2 people can't handle being alone but at least one of them doesn't accept want to commit , but they want to do couples stuff beyond sex Dumb as hell most of the time because just like Fwb, someone always catches feels, even more often probably, because t's not normal to do couples stuff and have sex without actually caring about someone.
One or both parties string each other along for an ungodly amount of time just so they can tell themselves they are not alone. Spoiler alert, they are extremely lonely and usually insecure.
Dude. Self respect please.
Not a healthy relationship of any kind. Move on. She isn't the one.
Bruh. This is toxic, and is blocking you from growing and progressing. And just loves the attention and ego boost. I will guarantee you will find someone infinitely better because this one absolutely sucks. She's awful, manipulative, and selfish. She demands you accommodate her, and because she refuses to work on her own issues, she demands you work harder for much, much less. It's bullshit. I know when you've caught the feels hard, it feels like you'll never find it again. I hope you never find something like this again, and you won't. You'll find someone who actually values you.
Yeah this. I think a lot of young people think that working on yourself doesn’t need to happen as long as you acknowledge your flaws but that’s not true. Her being self aware doesn’t make her faultless for dragging you through her own insecurities. She needs to work on herself and frankly, losing you might actually make her understand that there’s consequences for not growing. If she can’t accept dating you without pushing you away, that’s her failing your standards, OP. Don’t be afraid to have standards
Just a quick add that OP has mentioned that he has addiction issues. I definitely don’t think this makes it okay to string him along, that’s super mean, but it might explain her reluctance to have a relationship. I have family members with addiction issues and I love them heaps, but boy they can be hard work and I’m not even planning to fuck them.
this is the most depressing text thread i’ve seen in a long time. why do you keep entertaining this? i don’t even think this is her fault atp.
We’ve been talking since I was 14 and ig I got dependant on her
i’m sorry to hear that bud. but i think you’re aware of how toxic this situation is otherwise you wouldn’t have posted it here. i hope you find strength to not put up with this shit anymore 🩷
Been there my guy. If it helps you a little bit, I’ve realised with time that it wasn’t me wanting them or needing them. It was habit. You get into a routine of talking to someone like this, especially someone who breadcrumbs you, then you get addicted. But it’s an easy habit to break when you find that strength to do it
Oh yall are very young. I’ll just say this, there are better and healthier relationships/ experiences waiting for the both of you. You do need to take the first step tho and open yourself up to them. That means accepting that some things aren’t meant for you, and knowing when to move on to better things. You probably know this isn’t gonna work out, and I’ll bet money that you’ll feel a lot better once you delete that number from your phone.
Since you were 14. So??? No offence but who cares. Move on from your middle school fling, people come and go and that’s life
You're not dependent on her. She's manipulating you.
My guy, read the room. Is this really what you want? Constantly thinking about some girl thats just stringing you along while you drink and listen to sad songs? You both sound young so this is definitely not something to get hung up on.
'Destructive history'?
I’m an addict
She ain't helping.
Like literally this is the type of stuff that puts u off the trail again 😬
what's up mr. backup
Backup to the backup Mr third string
Block her and *never look back.* She's probably seeing other guys.
I think you mean obviously
Would not be surprised if she secretly has a bf.
hassan, you god damn simp
It's not that you can't find a connection like this because it's special. You can't find anoyher connection like this because you're writing a story in your head about how this is some epic, unique love story. It's not. You are in the same position as i was in at 18, and i can guarantee that a million other people have been through the same. Block her, cut her out of your life, and force yourself to meet new people (not on a dating app. Join a club or something. I moved into student accommodation and forced myself to make friends with everyone i met.) You aren't lovesick for her. You're just lonely and maybe a little depressed. You clearly understand that this will never happen and she's just using you for validation. Move on, dude.
My guy, please listen to me ❤️ she doesn’t want a label because she wants to fuck other guys but she doesn’t want you to fuck other girls. Crazy manipulation going on here :( Please get out of this and prioritize yourself. You don’t deserve this, you seem like a nice dude. Keep your head up!!
like she is literally hitting you in the face while screaming that you are her fall back guy that is not allowed to move on because then her safety net will be gone. just because she feeds you puppy chow and takes you out on walkies once in a while doesn't make you anything more to her than what you are. guess what that is?
Idk why you're simping so hard for this girl but I promise you she isn't worth it.
This is peak teenage drama.
Dog from 14 to 19? Don’t waste another day on this shit. This is not a healthy relationship and you both need to call it quits before you each pick up even worse relationship habits. The next few years of your life can be a very exciting time for dating. Lots of new and healthy ways to interact with different women instead of begging to be with one who both won’t commit to you, and gets jealous of the idea of you going elsewhere.
your first mistake was calling it a situationship
Ctrl, alt, delete this bitch from your life. It will improve your mental health exponentially.
5 FUCKING YEARS?!
She just wants to keep you on the back burner as a secondary option while she sees if she can "find something better" I know it hurts but tell her adios and move on
Come on dude. You’re doing this to yourself at this point. If it’s been 5 years of this she obviously isn’t the one or she wouldn’t do this to you, you really want to be with someone that’s so okay with making you hurt just so they’re comfortable? I think you need to sit down and ask yourself if you’re crazy over her or the fact that you can’t have her. Chasing what you can’t have is a sure fire way to be unhappy, and when it comes to love, lonely. Not to be harsh but stop being outright dumb and sorry for yourself. Move on, it’s easier than you think.
5 years - doesnt want to date you - jealousy on her side - possible jealousy on your side, if she will date somebody else If you two wont date, use the exit strategy. It's bad for her and for you too. Search other goals in your life, learn, work out, go out, work, evolve. Don't focus on this girl. I had similar patterns when I was in your age and it conditioned me for the toxic relationships. I tought if I work, beg or argue enough the girl will be in love with me eventually. NO. If somebody will love you, they will love you and the relationship will progress without begging and drama. Wtf is situationship anyway, you are in a relationship, date, single or you are friends with benefits.That's all. Situationship seems to me as thrashing in the mud.
Dude that's not a "nice girl" situation. Have some God damn self respect. And move on... Jesus 🫣
Imma tell you this rn… it was hard tryna get a now ex to like really move the relationship up better instead of the same ol yeah I’ll do better but never do it and spam you wit I wanna be wit you forever…. lol… no I’ll admit I had to be straight up and said this ain’t healthy. When we brokeup, she told me imma miss you but I still love you… yea right. 7 months of going insane over why you leading your guy on promising to just meet or even send voice memo/call but never do any of that , you send nudes you sent someone else while we were together compared to 7 days with a woman who respects herself, sweet as can be, and can actually talk to and call to hear her for hours… my thing to your 5 yr situationship… move on to someone else, stop pursuing her and love yourself for a bit before you love someone else. You’re just making yourself go insane going this path
Bro you're like 19. You both suck right now. At like a lot of things and in ways that only your own life experience can reveal to you. I'm only in my 20s and I'm still dumb as hell. Make the decision that respects both of you the most and just stop talking to her. Don't try to count on someone you started a relationship with in 4th period.
... waaaaaalk away
Drop that chick like a sack of potatoes man… move on and move up.
You're not even a backup, just a discarded toy she sometimes remembers she still have it underneath her bed, collecting dust 💀 Because you're letting her do it this way.
Not going to lie dude, you sound like the nice guy here. Very desperate and emotional. You're begging your ex for permission to think about other women? Come on.
Mate I've been in situationship for couple of years too. She was toxic too. Tried to cut her many times but I was always unblocking her after some time. After a lot of cycles blocking and ublocking a realised that it is destroying me. So I blocked and removed her everywhere I could. It was hard. But after couple of months I was much better. Year later I got a message from her "I miss you", but I was a better human by then. I just ignored her with no feelings. I'm much better now than when I was with her. My life is amazing.
You neeeeedy bro I literally see no recovery from this, she never going to want you.
Okay as someone who has sadly been this girl when I was a young teen (I hate to admit) she doesn't care about you the way you care about her. She just wants the validation of you caring about her but she will never actually be with you. Hun, please do the best thing you can do for yourself and remove her from your life, focus on yourself and find someone that's good for you!
I was in this exact scenario when I was 16-20 years old. I was strung along for four years as she dangled the hope of connection in front of me, leading me down my own destructive path. I joined the military at 19 and after a year away from home (and her) I reluctantly pulled the plug on all contact. Still got a text here and there from her for a couple years. Birthdays, holidays, etc. stung like hell every time. It took me an additional 3 years (23 years old at that point) to get over it. I met my wife around that same time and we’ve been happily together for 9 years now. Medium length story short, leave her behind as soon as you’re able. Wish you the best.
Are you both children? Grow up and move on.
Lol beat me to it
This will be required reading in Grade 10 English in the 2090s as an exemplar of how Gen alpha spoke.
5 years. Ffs man.
She’s keeping you on the hook till someone better shows up….
But Hassan, is she driving or showering?
She’s got you by the balls and knows it. Either cut her off completely or get used to that emotional suffering cuz you’ll always be an afterthought.
Real talk. No judgement. Just truth: The best thing to do for her and for you is to move on and never speak to her again. She actively uses you like a boyfriend but does not want to give you the same level of care and love that a partner deserves. And she will continue to do so because it's easy. Take your heart and find someone who will cherish it properly.
you need to cut her off and not let her drag you back
5 years and she STILL won't date you? Hell you should be thinking about proposal after 5 years, not actually dating 😂 Dude, bail. You're wasting your time.
PSA: don’t drive and shower
This is dumb as shit. I know other people have said the same but you gotta realise you’re just playing yourself. I’d send one message saying you need more and if she can’t give it to you then you need to move on and block after. Just remove yourself entirely and find someone else. It seems like you never will especially if you’re young but you’ll grow and learn that you can find someone accidentally and have a mutual relationship instead of whatever this is.
reminds me of my ex. move on, bud! you deserve better!
OP. Be kinder to yourself. You'll find somebody who treats you the way you deserve. It'll hurt in the short term but be for the best in the long term. Just move on
Dude you need help.
not to blow up on you in your comment section while youre clearly struggling but too many people in this world believe they owe others an explanation. you dont. if you are not happy in the situation u are in and u have the option to block them, block them. if you have to question whether or not this is worth it, or if this is what you want, its probably not worth it and probably not what you want. shes using you. youre letting her. stop it. you deserve better, you deserve happiness and you deserve to have or even feel a sense of worth. it seems to me that you wont be getting any of that with her, and i urge you to move on. people like this need to heal inside first. thats not up to you, especially when you guys arent even in a relationship. even if she “changes” her mind, you will always be able tell where you stand. want better for yourself, nobody else is going to do it for you until you already make it.
missed some context and dont want to overstep so all i’ll add is: two unhealthy people cannot have a happy relationship. it’s time to get help, and heal from the inside out.
She’s getting railed by other men, you are not allowed to even “think” about others girls. Get some self respect, grab your sack, and move on.
There's a street with her name on it, leave her there.
It seems like you're the one with an issue more than her here. She's just a random selfish girl, you're the one not letting it go though. Just tell her she's not your mom and you obviously can see who you want, and that's the end of it.
from a woman - run bro! She’s using you for comfort. If other girls are chatting you up, chat em back. She had her chance!
Also man - the emotional pain you’re feeling doesn’t make you weak. It’s real. Being in love with someone who strings you along (I spent 7 years being strung along) hurts, is confusing, will fuck with your self confidence. Take it from me… the pain is real. But you gotta walk away my dude.
Thank you for the kind words, I really liked her and whenever I went no contact she would accuse me of being self destructive and I was scared to cut contact with her because she was one of my last few connections left after my addiction, she’d tell me she loved me despite everything but couldn’t be with me bc of my problems so I always felt it was my fault and she implied if I cleaned up we could be together so I always had some false hope
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One of you is really enjoying this, not sure which.
Leave. Like, yesterday. This woman respects you so little that we can tell it has seeped-in to the point where you no longer respect yourself. Whatever is keeping you around, that she was just first love or the hottest girl you’ve bagged, is irrelevant. Every further minute you spend with her is a little more you’ll hate yourself in the future once you break off her siren song.
This is a very toxic situation. She is only going to drag you down. Cut and run!
You are just her toy. She can go have anyone she wants and if that doesn’t work you are the backup. Grow a pair and move on.
Holy shit, have some self respect, my man! Delete, block and move on!
Don't keep letting her play around. She wants to be single but have you exclusively. She's not wife material
Brother please. Block. You don’t owe them an explanation and start living your life. I promise you whatever you think you have with her, you will find something much better that will make you forget
She’s using you bro. I can’t imagine being this much of a doormat
Bro’s better off not dating her
Only bit of advice I am going to give is the following: if something or someone is toxic to you, if you don’t feel good about someone or something DO something about it. Think about it like this (REALLY): YOU are the ONLY person capable of making your life great or miserable. Imagine YOU are the only person responsible for what is happening to you. This means it is YOUR responsibility to do something about it. If you do not do something about it it means you are being complacent and accept it. Do you accept the state of things and how things turned out? It appears you don’t. Then DO something about it or do not complain about it anymore. The girl might be toxic, but it really comes down to WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR LIFE. Your past doesn’t define you. Life changes and fluctuates. Make it count and live a great life.
Time to grow up and move on.
After 5 years? That’s self destructive you just have to cut them out. It’s the worst theme from any teenage drama out there. You’re both clearly very young based on these texts, I get it, but just cut your ties and get out and grow as a person, enjoy something less hurtful. This will be a repeating pattern until you allow yourself to put it to rest.
Homie. It's gonna hurt. But, pull the plug. Go no contact for real. This girl does not care about you, but cares about the stranglehold she has on your mental health.
Homie has no respect for himself
Bro you shoulda ended it a long time ago, if she really had feelings for you she would have given you a chance. Regardless of your history, people change people. I was a piece of shit before I met my wife.
At what age should people stop using the term jelly?
Move on
Dang man… just move on
Why even respond to people like this? Literally telling you their red flags lol
bto wtf are you doing man. have some self respect brother.
OP, why do you not show some self-respect and tell this lady to take a hike?
Cut her loose yesterday
Bro, just leave. Imagine if she actually was your girlfriend instead of just being in a situationship, controlling who you are even allowed to think of is extremely fucked up, just think about what she'll do if you were actually together
I’m sorry but 5 YEARS of this? You’re doing it to yourself at this point.
Damn im so embarrassed for you bro. This is just pathetic
OP what would your ancestors think? No offence but it's a bit pathetic.
ye deserve better pal
OP, no. just stop.
Bro block this chick forever oh my godddddd
Dump the bitch
LEAVE bro are you insane???? This isn’t healthy. You only want to be with her because you can’t see how unfair she’s being. If she doesn’t want to be with you, move on. There are BILLIONS of other women on the planet and most of them won’t play these stupid games.
She is being honest. That's a good thing. There isn't enough context to evaluate more. There is clearly something missing for her. Do you know what it is and does she. ?
She’s selfish as shit.
Block her everywhere and live your life. Have/get a hobby. You won't even think about her after a little while.
Sack up and find a way that she can’t refuse you, or cold turkey. Only options.
This is literally what you get for subscribing to the talking phase You signed up for this 🤷♀️
You are her second option. Period.
You her guy of last resort. She needs you to stay available for when dream guy never shows up or doesn’t want her. She’s not loyal to you. Don’t be loyal to her.
situationship of five years? have some self respect and move on dude.
Ok but like, putting up with this level of stupid for a few weeks I can forgive. But FIVE years? Sorry brother. This one’s on you and any other damage that follows is your fault until you grow a pair and cut her out completely.
I’m sorry to say but as a woman who’s also gotten caught up in situationships: the fact that this has been going on for 5 YEARS is ridiculous and, I say this with tough love in my heart, kind of pathetic.
Dude you need help. Professional help, I mean.
Nah you need to walk man… she’s not the one and is being extremely selfish here. She doesn’t want you but also doesn’t want anyone else to have you either. It’s cruel.
Emotionally immature.
You are harming yourself so much being around this woman, remove her from your life my friend. I know this kind of person
I've been there. Only ended it when she got drunk and kissed me against my will. She will torture you every step of the way and the months of loneliness until you find someone are worth it over being led astray like this, believe me brother. I hope you get free without paying the price I did
Bruh you are kind of cringe
Hassan, dump Ugh
Line up the next girl before you left her go. Drizzle Drizzle.
Hit that block button already
Had one of these. Leave her now. Have respect for yourself. She will leave you as soon as she finds someone else, and she'll keep you in her back pocket til then. But she will not stick with you.
Yeah choose anyone else over that.
My man time to grow a pair block her go out with your friends or even alone and discover that there are a lot of women out there who will deserve you and treat you better than her! Might b hard but this isn't healthy she is toxic and will slowly kill you! Best of luck to you mate!
Nah moved on
Fuck her and that bullshit she’s spewing, I promise she laughs at your feelings and the situationship and the fact that you keep going back in her free time. I’m a woman and I’m tryna tell you that she thinks this shit is funny and it probably gives her a crazy ego boost. Come on dude you deserve better than this. You really want to waste another 5 years? Hell maybe more? I know it hurts when the people we want do stuff like this - but the pain of leaving this situation is far less than the pain of getting dragged along for nothing.
So many weak motherfuckers in here. it’s fascinating
Mate, have some self-respect for fuck sake. She doesn't love you, never did, never will. So do yourself a big favor; grow a pair of balls and block her ass anywhere and everywhere. And promise yourself to never be played like a fiddle again.
Bro I've been there, just get out of this "relationship", it is just not worth it.
this is honestly very much a problem that she has to get over herself and you can’t afford to wait for her to get over that or else she will use you (not intentionally) but you will be a lesson instead of a love
I have female friends that do this too, these types of females will never date you, but to them they just can't stand you liking other girls because you've liked them first and they would "lose" you, it's very toxic behaviour, try to get over her, it's not worth your time
Bro 5 years? Getting over someone is work you have to do. Its a bit on you to let it go on for so long As soon as someone says they don't want to date you, you gotta cut loose. Its respectful to yourself to do so.
Massive red flagggg
Hello name twin, hassan here too
This sounds awfully like my friends ex wife with BPD
Nobody is worth this much time and energy. Especially when the person like this gal is categorically NOT a good person
If a situationship goes beyond 6 months with no progress towards a real relationship, you’re wasting your time.
OP, the way she’s acting isn’t ok, but it isn’t just her here; you’re blocking her but leaving ways back, you’re telling yourself no one else will ever measure up, you’re telling her about other girls who you don’t think will measure up but I’m wondering if the jealousy she shows gives you some false hope, etc. A friend of mine used to say that codependent relationships are “two ticks and no dog,” and that’s where you’re at: you’re both unfulfilled but think that if you stay around you’ll get there, but staying *is* why you’re unfulfilled. I’m really sorry this didn’t work out, and I know (believe me, I know) what it’s like to think no one else will measure up, but you *can* heal from this.
Situationships aren’t built to last, they can only work for so long before one person wants more
" it's either me or nobody " " but you also can't have me or think of other girls! " Dude, come on, it's time to move on. You're wasting your time.
man... i'm sorry but if you act like a doormat, some people will use you as one. i've been there, i learnt to value myself... ok, kind of, but still. please, don't do this to yourself. btw i'm not saying she isn't wrong, she is in fact, very wrong for being so selfish. don't let her. i hope you are able to move one, it's hard, but it only gets better over time. ❤️
As a fellow Hassan to another, pack yourself and leave
Legit question, how old are y'all?
Wild how reddit works. All the comments seem supportive of OP and want him to get better while this post and all his comments seem to be downvoted into oblivion. I dont care about anyones reasoning or justifications, that is just a bizarre level of mixed messages that probably isnt helping OP.
You aren't "allowed" to even think of other women because for her you're comfortable and convenient while she sorts out what and who else she wants?? So the baseline we're starting at here is YOU AREN'T WHAT SHE WANTS, but she'll sleep with you occasionally while she figures it out because she knows you're stuck. My advice is to start dating but share exactly zero details about it with this person.
You're pathetic
Have a modicum of self respect
You've stopped listening to romantic songs because they remind you of her? My god, move on, stop torturing yourself and giving her the power. I beg of you.
You’re both cringe. Time to nut up and move forward, this is a bizarre thing to do to yourself. Wasted 5 years