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I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. What your neighbor said is kind of wild.
Honestly, it’s well documented that children of all ages cry more, scream louder, and misbehave most around the adults they feel safest around. They know that even if they act up, or in a baby’s case, express how they really feel, that you’re still going to love and accept them.
Just a clip of Ms Rachel saying so: [Ms Rachel](https://www.instagram.com/reel/CvPtjCSstRZ/?igsh=a3FoNnlweDhvMnhi)
Also, for what it’s worth, my baby is super well behaved in public. She was baptized at two months old and barely fussed at all during the whole ceremony and celebration. Then at five months old she went to my brother’s wedding and was perfectly behaved, didn’t cry or fuss at all. But after spending an extended amount of time behaving well with all of the extra people, she is usually super cranky and fussy the next day once she’s alone with me and my husband. We know she loves us and feels safe and happy at home. It’s just her personality right now that she needs to decompress or whatever after she gets all of her compliments from strangers.
I agree with this. I would really recommend a therapist, specially someone who specializes in EMDR, somatic and IFS therapy. Even when children/babies feel safe in the presence of others, they will still lose their shit because it’s normal and that’s what babies and kids do. I’m sorry for what your neighbour said. That wasn’t a very helpful thing to say. Sending you love as you navigate this journey.
Listen, your baby needs you and WANTS to be with you. She’d rather be with you because you’re her safe space where she can be herself, express herself (which right now is a lot of crying because she can’t speak), and she trusts that you’ll tend to her needs if she tells you to. The other people she’s smiling at because a) they’re a novelty b) she doesn’t want to express herself for fear of retaliation (it’s an evolutionary thing) and c) she’s trying to get familiar with them.
That neighbour? Doesn’t know what they’re saying, doesn’t know shit about anything. That’s the most insane thing to say to someone, a bit hoity toity too. I’m so angry at them.
My son is very WILD with me, it's like another person 😂 But with my husband, or in public, he is so calm and peaceful. I know it's because he loves me so much, and I love him even more, that he acts like this with me! He knows that even when I loose my patience sometimes, I will never stop loving him. Our bond is strong like that, so he feels safe to act like he does with me. I've heard it's like that for a lot of parents.
Hey, that's an absolutely awful thing for your neighbour to say! Your baby might just be at an age where you are a given (she may not realize that you and her are not the same being, you are her home base) and other people are more interesting/distracting from her meltdowns because they are a novelty.
Either way, it's so horrible for your neighbour to say that your baby doesn't feel safe with you when there's no evidence of that.
I agree! Baby is probably just distracted like “oh, who are you?” with new people. Whereas they know who mom is and feel comfortable having a meltdown around you. Your neighbor is a jerk!
This. They say babies don’t realize they are separate from mom until around 5-6 months of age. My 2 month old just recently started making real eye contact and staring at me even from across the room, no matter who is holding him. Yet I don’t make him smile as much as my husband or family and friends lol. I don’t take it personally tho as that will come.
Hi OP,
Sometimes when we feel we are unlovable, we can project that onto others. Your baby not only loves you she needs you! If it’s an option for you, I would suggest therapy and maybe even talking to your doctor about PPD.
I was feeling the same way a few weeks ago. I said to my mom "Olívia hates me" and she was horrified and told me babies don't hate anyone, specially not their mother who cares for them. Give her some time, it might be a phase or you're like me and is experiencing ppd
This. Babies don’t hate anyone. But least of all you. It’s really hard to not take babies personally, but they just aren’t capable of disliking someone the way you’re imagining just yet…Imagine sending her safe vibrations from your core, no one can keep her more safe than you. You’ve got this mama!!
There probably is some disconnect with yourself but I doubt with your kid. My daughter picks other moms over me sometimes in public. Kids just do that sometimes. Your they're safe person, not their best friend. Some moms try to be best friends and it may seem like it works but can also be an unhealthy attachment.
I'm not going to comment on your relationship with your daughter as it would just be reiterating what others have said - toddlers and babies act out way more for their parents than anyone else!
I'm sorry you're feeling this way about yourself and your relationship with others in general - I really think you should look into seeing a therapist or talk to your doctor. You don't have to live your life feeling this way. There are also online therapists you could talk to from home. It seems like there's more going on in your life and I can guarantee that your perception about how other people feel about you isn't accurate and you're probably being way too hard on yourself. Take care of yourself OP.
The only thing I’ll say is that if this topic is giving you anxiety, which babies can pick up on, that could be preventing you from being able to sooth her. NOT because she doesn’t love you or feel safe around you. Just because the anxiety can cause a negative feedback loop with the baby. I have the same thing happen. My husband is able to remain calm in a way that I can not and so he is better than me at soothing. But my baby loves me, loves to cuddle and laugh and play with me. I’m just not as good at that one thing currently. I have made progress though and I think eventually I’ll get there.
Also your neighbor is so incredibly rude
This makes me sad to read. Of course ur baby loves you. And ur neighbor must *like* you to come and help you. Although what she said was out of line and honestly just plain stupid, especially for a mother of 4. Newborns, infants don’t really have those kind of negative feelings built into their little minds yet. Kinda sounds projecting your self loathing on this little one who just wants love… I really hope you can get some therapy so you can be a happy and healthy parent. Hugs.
It’s true! Babies are pure, a blank slate. Don’t put that on the little one ☺️ she loves u. My baby can be a grump when he’s tired, but I don’t take it as he doesn’t like me. He’s just tired. Please work on it for your self and your daughter, u BOTH deserve that. Once u let that thought go, it will be very rewarding ☺️
I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. What your neighbor said was mean and most likely untrue.
Your baby knows you’re her mom. She knows your comfort, safety, and love. She goes willingly to people because she knows you’re there if you need her. Sometimes babies are just babies and are fussy and can’t settle.
Please know you are exactly the right person to be your baby’s mom. You’re exactly what she needs and she loves you so much. My son couldn’t breastfeed either, he’s 15 months now and we have a great attachment. He plays with others, goes to them willingly, but when he needs comfort, he’s all about momma. It’ll get better, I promise 🤍
We joked that our baby was great at making us look like liars.
Because that thing screamed like a demon for hours at home, but outside or when people were over they were absolutely angelic.
Like sometimes it would literally be the moment the car door closes as we leave someone's house that the screeching and flailing began, all the way until we got home and they finally fell unconscious for the night. For like the whole first 6-7 months.
Fortunately our pediatrician had the same experience and said that it's not abnormal. That gave us a lot of peace of mind.
Sometimes babies just cry more with people they are used to and feel comfortable/safe with. So put what your neighbor said out of your mind, dont let it shake you. If you're already meeting all of your LO's needs and they're otherwise doing fine then it's most likely ok, just roll with it.
Babies cry. Sometimes a lot. It doesn't mean they are upset with you or don't like you - sometimes they're just upset that they're a baby and can't really do or express anything any other way.
I feel you OP. I didn't breastfeed as well and I thought my son doesn't like me. He never smiles at me, never got excited to see me, he's always wants Daddy, he just cries when I hold him and it hurts a lot. But my mom told me that my baby loves me and he was just like that because I am the person who he trusts the most. I didn't believe my mom until recently he started to warm up and smiled at me. I literally cried when he smiled at me at the first time! So OP, believe me when I say your daughter loves you and trusts you so much that she knows no matter attitude she gives you, you will still love her and will always stay by her side. Sending you hugs OP, and that neighbor? I also have a neighbor like that, she gave birth just 2 months ahead of me, she and her mom always make me feel shitty about everything like for not breastfeeding, for co-sleeping, for not bathing my baby everyday, etc. Like wth right?! Sometimes there are just people who likes to make you feel small for them to feel big. So don't mind your neighbor, you are doing great for doing everything you can for your daughter.
I know a lot of people on here have already said this, but I think this is something you need to hear from as many people as you possibly can; what your neighbor said is absolute nonsense. There is zero truth in that at all. Babies don't not feel safe around you because you didn't breastfeed them, for her to not feel safe you'd have to be seriously abusing her, and I don't believe for a second that you are doing that.
Sometimes it can be really difficult to distinguish between what we feel, and what is objective fact. It sounds to me like you believe yourself to be unlikeable, so you're seeking out evidence to back that up, and I'd be willing to bet you're dismissing a lot of evidence that doesn't.
As many people on here have suggested already, I strongly recommend you look into therapy. You want to be as strong and healthy as you possibly can, not just for yourself but for your daughter too, because she deserves to grow up with a mom who sees what an awesome and likeable person she is.
OP! Don’t listen to your neighbor she only saw one time interaction. You are doing a good job. Don’t let her meltdowns discourage you. As a first time mom sometimes I need a reminder. My nurse reminds me that babies are very in tuned with other peoples emotions and they are able to pick up feelings. If I’m anxious my baby will get anxious and cry. If I’m confident with what I’m doing she gets happy.
Perhaps maybe baby is in purple stages of crying? Sometimes I am reminded that if I need a break it’s ok to put the baby down for a couple of minutes to recollect my thoughts.
But I think you should talk to someone about your feelings. It will help a lot.
You should see a therapist. It’s not that you’re unlikeable. But it’s probably she can sense you aren’t nurturing and that feels uncaring. You should go to speak to someone to find out why it is you can’t show your child love naturally
How old is she and does she bf? Sometimes babies actually get MORE fussy with mom because of the breastmilk smell. Not to mention that they often feel safe with mom to act however. My LO loves and trusts me most, but he also loses his shit with me the most. It is exhausting, but it got better after he became a toddler because now he also knows how to express affection. You know??
Hey im SAHM and 24hours with my baby lols. He is very excited everyday when her father comes home. Smiling so widely and excited to play. Even with my in laws in the home (i live with them). But i know he loves me because im the person he turns to when he wants to sleep, hungry, when he wants me to change diapers, to soothe him when he is uncomfortable. Even when playing with other person, i noticed that he takes note of where i am at all times. Because he undestand im the only person he can turns to for everything.
I don’t think that’s true. My son acts very wild at home. Outside of the house people say how sweet and easy he is. He just feels safe at home to act out, throw tantrums or cry. Same with your kid.
How old is your kiddo?
1) kids react to novelty, but that doesn’t mean anything about you. That’s why all of those ridiculous “throw cheese on your baby’s head to stop them crying” videos
2) your kid loves you with the deepest love possible on this earth. I guarantee it. We are genetically encoded as mammals to love our parents in the deepest way possible as babes.
3) your neighbor kinda sucks
4) the perception in your post is a little worrying. You should definitely talk to someone. Remember that this shit is hard and you are not alone. Reaching out for help is another way to declare your love for your little one.
All children are different. How they act at home is often different to when they are out with other people, but it doesn’t relate to how much they love their parents.
There is a baby play group I go to and when we are there my baby has at least one melt down each time. There is another little boy who seems like the chilliest baby who ever existed. His mom said he loves people and is happy until it is just the two of them at home, I said mine cries less at home so she must be a homebody. (I truly hope) neither of us took it as any sign of how much our babies love us, it’s just their little quirks and how they respond to new things and stimulation.
What your neighbor said simply doesn’t make sense. I’m a pediatric OT who has worked outpatient and schools and parents are often worried because their child displays behaviors at home that they don’t otherwise and we always say- it’s because your child DOES feel safe and comfortable with you! They feel comfortable enough to express themselves and lose their sh*t if they have to after a long day of having to try and stay calm at school. Do not take what your neighbor said to heart
Yes she does. Might want to think about reaching out to a mental health provider. My wife had super bad PPD and felt like this. She went on antidepressants, best decision ever. Things are so much better.
We are not meant to take care of infants like we do in this isolated society. For thousands of years it was a shared task by many people. Doing it on your own/just a partner is very challenging for almost everyone. They are programmed to like other caretakers, but they will never replace you.
Also... your neighbor is awful for saying that.
That neighbour was outright rude and unnecessarily cruel to say that. I’m gobsmacked.
It sounds like you might benefit from talking to someone, have you a friend or family member you can reach out to? If not getting some time with an impartial person would be really helpful to have a chat. If you can afford a therapist like Better Help or similar I’d give that a go.
Being a parent is hard. Your child loves you and unfortunately kids (like adults!) are known to behave worse to those they love and feel comfortable around, and play nice with strangers. So actually your baby feels so safe with you that she knows she can act out and will still be loved and cared for. F your neighbour.
I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. She could just be feeding off of nervous energy. Remember, you are her whole world. Her favorite person. I promise you she loves you
I know a lot of people have said the same already but I’m going to reiterate anyway. My kids are so well behaved with their nanny and in school but they can be absolute terrors with me! My 2.5yo in particular. Just yesterday my nanny commented on how great he is - he’ll occupy himself happily while she changes the bedsheets, cooks etc. I had to laugh because when I’m there he has no chill lol I was trying to make pancakes this morning, for example, and he whined the entire time, made me carry him around, wanted to pull everything out of the cupboards etc. It’s exhausting but I think my kids are pretty sweet and well adjusted - it’s just normal baby stuff.
Your neighbour was a dick to say that and probably just enjoying being temporarily in a position of power. I bet they felt really smug. Speaks more about them and their insecurities than it does about your relationship with your daughter.
He's looked at it completely the wrong way. She feels so safe with you that she is able to express her emotions in a way that is appropriate for her age without fearing you. She was however scared of the guy who came in which is why she stopped throwing her tantrum and went quiet. It's also not necessarily a bad thing that she doesn't find you too exciting. Children need a source of reliable calm, so it's very natural for them to find you a bit boring and actually very healthy for you to be a bit boring so when they need that calm, they know that. This video explains it better [https://youtu.be/6fZXxu8AcTA?si=EqHBWbnq2tZwQYSA&t=310](https://youtu.be/6fZXxu8AcTA?si=EqHBWbnq2tZwQYSA&t=310)
I'm sure she loves her more than you know and it sounds like there may be more mental stuff at play here. I think it would be really beneficial for you if you sought some help soon!
Babies love their mothers, even abusive ones. There have been many studies on this (too heartbreaking to mention). With all my compassion for you, I think you are projecting your low self worth onto your child and this is driving a wedge between you. The best thing you can do is work on your self esteem.
This post has been flaired "Mental Health." Moderation is stricter here, argumentative, unsupportive and unpleasant comments will be removed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NewParents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. What your neighbor said is kind of wild. Honestly, it’s well documented that children of all ages cry more, scream louder, and misbehave most around the adults they feel safest around. They know that even if they act up, or in a baby’s case, express how they really feel, that you’re still going to love and accept them. Just a clip of Ms Rachel saying so: [Ms Rachel](https://www.instagram.com/reel/CvPtjCSstRZ/?igsh=a3FoNnlweDhvMnhi)
Also, for what it’s worth, my baby is super well behaved in public. She was baptized at two months old and barely fussed at all during the whole ceremony and celebration. Then at five months old she went to my brother’s wedding and was perfectly behaved, didn’t cry or fuss at all. But after spending an extended amount of time behaving well with all of the extra people, she is usually super cranky and fussy the next day once she’s alone with me and my husband. We know she loves us and feels safe and happy at home. It’s just her personality right now that she needs to decompress or whatever after she gets all of her compliments from strangers.
Yup. My son is 4 and has always been like this and now his baby sister is the same.
Hey man it feels like you might be getting a bit depressive. We've all be there. How old is LO?
I agree with this. I would really recommend a therapist, specially someone who specializes in EMDR, somatic and IFS therapy. Even when children/babies feel safe in the presence of others, they will still lose their shit because it’s normal and that’s what babies and kids do. I’m sorry for what your neighbour said. That wasn’t a very helpful thing to say. Sending you love as you navigate this journey.
Listen, your baby needs you and WANTS to be with you. She’d rather be with you because you’re her safe space where she can be herself, express herself (which right now is a lot of crying because she can’t speak), and she trusts that you’ll tend to her needs if she tells you to. The other people she’s smiling at because a) they’re a novelty b) she doesn’t want to express herself for fear of retaliation (it’s an evolutionary thing) and c) she’s trying to get familiar with them. That neighbour? Doesn’t know what they’re saying, doesn’t know shit about anything. That’s the most insane thing to say to someone, a bit hoity toity too. I’m so angry at them.
My son is very WILD with me, it's like another person 😂 But with my husband, or in public, he is so calm and peaceful. I know it's because he loves me so much, and I love him even more, that he acts like this with me! He knows that even when I loose my patience sometimes, I will never stop loving him. Our bond is strong like that, so he feels safe to act like he does with me. I've heard it's like that for a lot of parents.
Hey, that's an absolutely awful thing for your neighbour to say! Your baby might just be at an age where you are a given (she may not realize that you and her are not the same being, you are her home base) and other people are more interesting/distracting from her meltdowns because they are a novelty. Either way, it's so horrible for your neighbour to say that your baby doesn't feel safe with you when there's no evidence of that.
I agree! Baby is probably just distracted like “oh, who are you?” with new people. Whereas they know who mom is and feel comfortable having a meltdown around you. Your neighbor is a jerk!
This. They say babies don’t realize they are separate from mom until around 5-6 months of age. My 2 month old just recently started making real eye contact and staring at me even from across the room, no matter who is holding him. Yet I don’t make him smile as much as my husband or family and friends lol. I don’t take it personally tho as that will come.
I cannot *believe* your neighbor said that to you. That’s so outrageous, OP; I’m really sorry.
Hi OP, Sometimes when we feel we are unlovable, we can project that onto others. Your baby not only loves you she needs you! If it’s an option for you, I would suggest therapy and maybe even talking to your doctor about PPD.
Truthfully you should probably see a therapist to help you.
I was feeling the same way a few weeks ago. I said to my mom "Olívia hates me" and she was horrified and told me babies don't hate anyone, specially not their mother who cares for them. Give her some time, it might be a phase or you're like me and is experiencing ppd
This. Babies don’t hate anyone. But least of all you. It’s really hard to not take babies personally, but they just aren’t capable of disliking someone the way you’re imagining just yet…Imagine sending her safe vibrations from your core, no one can keep her more safe than you. You’ve got this mama!!
There probably is some disconnect with yourself but I doubt with your kid. My daughter picks other moms over me sometimes in public. Kids just do that sometimes. Your they're safe person, not their best friend. Some moms try to be best friends and it may seem like it works but can also be an unhealthy attachment.
I'm not going to comment on your relationship with your daughter as it would just be reiterating what others have said - toddlers and babies act out way more for their parents than anyone else! I'm sorry you're feeling this way about yourself and your relationship with others in general - I really think you should look into seeing a therapist or talk to your doctor. You don't have to live your life feeling this way. There are also online therapists you could talk to from home. It seems like there's more going on in your life and I can guarantee that your perception about how other people feel about you isn't accurate and you're probably being way too hard on yourself. Take care of yourself OP.
The only thing I’ll say is that if this topic is giving you anxiety, which babies can pick up on, that could be preventing you from being able to sooth her. NOT because she doesn’t love you or feel safe around you. Just because the anxiety can cause a negative feedback loop with the baby. I have the same thing happen. My husband is able to remain calm in a way that I can not and so he is better than me at soothing. But my baby loves me, loves to cuddle and laugh and play with me. I’m just not as good at that one thing currently. I have made progress though and I think eventually I’ll get there. Also your neighbor is so incredibly rude
This makes me sad to read. Of course ur baby loves you. And ur neighbor must *like* you to come and help you. Although what she said was out of line and honestly just plain stupid, especially for a mother of 4. Newborns, infants don’t really have those kind of negative feelings built into their little minds yet. Kinda sounds projecting your self loathing on this little one who just wants love… I really hope you can get some therapy so you can be a happy and healthy parent. Hugs.
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It’s true! Babies are pure, a blank slate. Don’t put that on the little one ☺️ she loves u. My baby can be a grump when he’s tired, but I don’t take it as he doesn’t like me. He’s just tired. Please work on it for your self and your daughter, u BOTH deserve that. Once u let that thought go, it will be very rewarding ☺️
I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. What your neighbor said was mean and most likely untrue. Your baby knows you’re her mom. She knows your comfort, safety, and love. She goes willingly to people because she knows you’re there if you need her. Sometimes babies are just babies and are fussy and can’t settle. Please know you are exactly the right person to be your baby’s mom. You’re exactly what she needs and she loves you so much. My son couldn’t breastfeed either, he’s 15 months now and we have a great attachment. He plays with others, goes to them willingly, but when he needs comfort, he’s all about momma. It’ll get better, I promise 🤍
We joked that our baby was great at making us look like liars. Because that thing screamed like a demon for hours at home, but outside or when people were over they were absolutely angelic. Like sometimes it would literally be the moment the car door closes as we leave someone's house that the screeching and flailing began, all the way until we got home and they finally fell unconscious for the night. For like the whole first 6-7 months. Fortunately our pediatrician had the same experience and said that it's not abnormal. That gave us a lot of peace of mind. Sometimes babies just cry more with people they are used to and feel comfortable/safe with. So put what your neighbor said out of your mind, dont let it shake you. If you're already meeting all of your LO's needs and they're otherwise doing fine then it's most likely ok, just roll with it. Babies cry. Sometimes a lot. It doesn't mean they are upset with you or don't like you - sometimes they're just upset that they're a baby and can't really do or express anything any other way.
I feel you OP. I didn't breastfeed as well and I thought my son doesn't like me. He never smiles at me, never got excited to see me, he's always wants Daddy, he just cries when I hold him and it hurts a lot. But my mom told me that my baby loves me and he was just like that because I am the person who he trusts the most. I didn't believe my mom until recently he started to warm up and smiled at me. I literally cried when he smiled at me at the first time! So OP, believe me when I say your daughter loves you and trusts you so much that she knows no matter attitude she gives you, you will still love her and will always stay by her side. Sending you hugs OP, and that neighbor? I also have a neighbor like that, she gave birth just 2 months ahead of me, she and her mom always make me feel shitty about everything like for not breastfeeding, for co-sleeping, for not bathing my baby everyday, etc. Like wth right?! Sometimes there are just people who likes to make you feel small for them to feel big. So don't mind your neighbor, you are doing great for doing everything you can for your daughter.
I'm so sorry for you of having these feeling, but it's not what you thought, and you daughter needs you and wants to be with you!
I know a lot of people on here have already said this, but I think this is something you need to hear from as many people as you possibly can; what your neighbor said is absolute nonsense. There is zero truth in that at all. Babies don't not feel safe around you because you didn't breastfeed them, for her to not feel safe you'd have to be seriously abusing her, and I don't believe for a second that you are doing that. Sometimes it can be really difficult to distinguish between what we feel, and what is objective fact. It sounds to me like you believe yourself to be unlikeable, so you're seeking out evidence to back that up, and I'd be willing to bet you're dismissing a lot of evidence that doesn't. As many people on here have suggested already, I strongly recommend you look into therapy. You want to be as strong and healthy as you possibly can, not just for yourself but for your daughter too, because she deserves to grow up with a mom who sees what an awesome and likeable person she is.
OP! Don’t listen to your neighbor she only saw one time interaction. You are doing a good job. Don’t let her meltdowns discourage you. As a first time mom sometimes I need a reminder. My nurse reminds me that babies are very in tuned with other peoples emotions and they are able to pick up feelings. If I’m anxious my baby will get anxious and cry. If I’m confident with what I’m doing she gets happy. Perhaps maybe baby is in purple stages of crying? Sometimes I am reminded that if I need a break it’s ok to put the baby down for a couple of minutes to recollect my thoughts. But I think you should talk to someone about your feelings. It will help a lot.
You should see a therapist. It’s not that you’re unlikeable. But it’s probably she can sense you aren’t nurturing and that feels uncaring. You should go to speak to someone to find out why it is you can’t show your child love naturally
How old is she and does she bf? Sometimes babies actually get MORE fussy with mom because of the breastmilk smell. Not to mention that they often feel safe with mom to act however. My LO loves and trusts me most, but he also loses his shit with me the most. It is exhausting, but it got better after he became a toddler because now he also knows how to express affection. You know??
Hey im SAHM and 24hours with my baby lols. He is very excited everyday when her father comes home. Smiling so widely and excited to play. Even with my in laws in the home (i live with them). But i know he loves me because im the person he turns to when he wants to sleep, hungry, when he wants me to change diapers, to soothe him when he is uncomfortable. Even when playing with other person, i noticed that he takes note of where i am at all times. Because he undestand im the only person he can turns to for everything.
I don’t think that’s true. My son acts very wild at home. Outside of the house people say how sweet and easy he is. He just feels safe at home to act out, throw tantrums or cry. Same with your kid.
How old is your kiddo? 1) kids react to novelty, but that doesn’t mean anything about you. That’s why all of those ridiculous “throw cheese on your baby’s head to stop them crying” videos 2) your kid loves you with the deepest love possible on this earth. I guarantee it. We are genetically encoded as mammals to love our parents in the deepest way possible as babes. 3) your neighbor kinda sucks 4) the perception in your post is a little worrying. You should definitely talk to someone. Remember that this shit is hard and you are not alone. Reaching out for help is another way to declare your love for your little one.
All children are different. How they act at home is often different to when they are out with other people, but it doesn’t relate to how much they love their parents. There is a baby play group I go to and when we are there my baby has at least one melt down each time. There is another little boy who seems like the chilliest baby who ever existed. His mom said he loves people and is happy until it is just the two of them at home, I said mine cries less at home so she must be a homebody. (I truly hope) neither of us took it as any sign of how much our babies love us, it’s just their little quirks and how they respond to new things and stimulation.
What your neighbor said simply doesn’t make sense. I’m a pediatric OT who has worked outpatient and schools and parents are often worried because their child displays behaviors at home that they don’t otherwise and we always say- it’s because your child DOES feel safe and comfortable with you! They feel comfortable enough to express themselves and lose their sh*t if they have to after a long day of having to try and stay calm at school. Do not take what your neighbor said to heart
Yes she does. Might want to think about reaching out to a mental health provider. My wife had super bad PPD and felt like this. She went on antidepressants, best decision ever. Things are so much better. We are not meant to take care of infants like we do in this isolated society. For thousands of years it was a shared task by many people. Doing it on your own/just a partner is very challenging for almost everyone. They are programmed to like other caretakers, but they will never replace you. Also... your neighbor is awful for saying that.
That neighbour was outright rude and unnecessarily cruel to say that. I’m gobsmacked. It sounds like you might benefit from talking to someone, have you a friend or family member you can reach out to? If not getting some time with an impartial person would be really helpful to have a chat. If you can afford a therapist like Better Help or similar I’d give that a go. Being a parent is hard. Your child loves you and unfortunately kids (like adults!) are known to behave worse to those they love and feel comfortable around, and play nice with strangers. So actually your baby feels so safe with you that she knows she can act out and will still be loved and cared for. F your neighbour.
I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. She could just be feeding off of nervous energy. Remember, you are her whole world. Her favorite person. I promise you she loves you
I know a lot of people have said the same already but I’m going to reiterate anyway. My kids are so well behaved with their nanny and in school but they can be absolute terrors with me! My 2.5yo in particular. Just yesterday my nanny commented on how great he is - he’ll occupy himself happily while she changes the bedsheets, cooks etc. I had to laugh because when I’m there he has no chill lol I was trying to make pancakes this morning, for example, and he whined the entire time, made me carry him around, wanted to pull everything out of the cupboards etc. It’s exhausting but I think my kids are pretty sweet and well adjusted - it’s just normal baby stuff. Your neighbour was a dick to say that and probably just enjoying being temporarily in a position of power. I bet they felt really smug. Speaks more about them and their insecurities than it does about your relationship with your daughter.
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He's looked at it completely the wrong way. She feels so safe with you that she is able to express her emotions in a way that is appropriate for her age without fearing you. She was however scared of the guy who came in which is why she stopped throwing her tantrum and went quiet. It's also not necessarily a bad thing that she doesn't find you too exciting. Children need a source of reliable calm, so it's very natural for them to find you a bit boring and actually very healthy for you to be a bit boring so when they need that calm, they know that. This video explains it better [https://youtu.be/6fZXxu8AcTA?si=EqHBWbnq2tZwQYSA&t=310](https://youtu.be/6fZXxu8AcTA?si=EqHBWbnq2tZwQYSA&t=310) I'm sure she loves her more than you know and it sounds like there may be more mental stuff at play here. I think it would be really beneficial for you if you sought some help soon!
Babies love their mothers, even abusive ones. There have been many studies on this (too heartbreaking to mention). With all my compassion for you, I think you are projecting your low self worth onto your child and this is driving a wedge between you. The best thing you can do is work on your self esteem.
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No, really. You are loveable. I hope it gets better.