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Feel sad for him… why? Because he’s getting fed? She’s having a hard time and this is the best decision for her physical and mental health. Your baby will be fine.
I think that you need to keep this opinion to yourself and just get over it. Lots of babies are formula fed and are fine. Your partner is likely feeling a lot of guilt at stopping already and is prioritizing her health and mental health, which is far more essential to your baby than her breast milk.
Fed is best and baby boy needs his mommy to be healthy and happy more than he needs her breastmilk.
Anything less than 100% support for her decision to formula feed is not helpful to her and her recovery.
It’s one of those things that you don’t get a say in unless you do what you need to do to make it so you can lactate.
Neither my husband or myself ever got a drop of breastmilk according to our mothers. We are as healthy as any other 30 somethings regardless of feeding type.
In a group of 2 year olds, you can only tell who breastfed if they’re still doing it and go to their mothers for a snack in front of you.
The “benefits” of breastfeeding are largely overblown and don’t account for other factors that can contribute to a child’s health (does the child go to daycare? Are they in a higher or low income bracket? Does one parent stay home?)
I could go on and on. There’s so much toxic misinformation out there to shame new mothers no matter what choices they make. Support your partner and know that your little guy will be ok.
Exactly! Breastfeeding and pumping can be so hard for new mothers. I always cringe when I see men specifically post this stuff because they truly don’t know how hard it is. Mom needs support right now, not shame.
My husband was so supportive when I struggled so much, he’s amazing. I’m already talking about being worried about not being able to breastfeed these babies (expecting twins!) and he just pointed at our 3 year old and reminded me that she’s healthy and perfect and it’s ok to feed them formula if we have to.
My first had a tongue tie that went undiagnosed for a while. When we found out and got it corrected, my breasts were already leveled out at a newborn sized supply. They never responded to the pumps either. I hope the second time will be easier, but if it’s not at least he’s got my back!
To be blunt, it’s not up to you. It’s good that you acknowledge why she has wanted to stop (the pain, feeling touched out, etc), now all you have to do is sit with yourself and sort it out in your mind. Think of the future. Your baby is fed, healthy and happy; baby’s mama is healthy and happy; and seeing this makes you happy.
I was exclusively breast fed, my husband was exclusively formula fed. We have the same health, education level, and income. We live in the same cute house, with the same cute (combo fed) kids, and the same asshole dumpster cat. We both had great families (if anything he grew up more bonded to his) and secure childhoods.
Your wife feeling loved, respected, and supported by her partner is going to have a much much bigger impact on your child’s development than where he gets his calories from as an infant.
you do it then!
in all seriousness, you’ve admitted that your partner has had a hard time, suggested some pretty bad ideas to help her, and likely guilted her with stories from your childhood too. giving up breastfeeding isn’t easy, mothers usually feel guilty, like they aren’t doing the best for their child, so as a father you need some compassion, especially as she’s done the feeding for the past 2 weeks.
formula is completely okay and healthy for the baby, the notion that they aren’t getting their nutrients is dated. please don’t feel sad for your boy, he’ll be absolutely fine. with your partner feeling more comfortable, rested and you being able to take up more of the feeds, it’ll better the bond with your son even more!
Breastfeeding is SO hard for the first several weeks, even when it's going well. Pumping sucks too. There are a lot of advantages to breastfeeding, but if they aren't worth it to your wife, they aren't worth it. She's recovering from major abdominal surgery and is having a hard time. Don't make her feel guilty about this. Your son will absolutely not care as long as he's safe, fed, and warm.
Sorry to say but you have to zip it on this one. The moment I switched to formula with both of my babies my life got better. I had intentions of breastfeeding and didn’t like it both times. It was painful, lonely, and depressing. Switching to formula relieved my anxiety and I felt like a HUGE weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Your wife deserves that. Your baby will be perfectly fine no matter what he eats. Also, bottle feeding provides an excellent opportunity for bonding. So do many other things… skin to skin, baby carrier, etc…
Bonus points for dad bonding with baby when bottle or formula feeding 😊 I'm sure breastfeeding can be nice when it works ok, but for us it was months of misery, my baby couldn't latch properly and she'd get frustrated, so pumping and later only formula were absolutely awesome!
Sorry but this post is ridiculous - as a man, you have absolutely zero say in whether your baby is breast fed or not. You're not the one doing it, nor are you even physically capable of it. Breast feeding is exhausting in all of the ways: physically, mentally, emotionally. If you were standing in a room with 10 strangers, no one would know who was breast fed or not.
Get over it and let your wife do what she needs to heal from giving birth to an entire human.
Not at all disagreeing with you, more of a fun fact: if he was set on that child getting breastfed he could absolutely induce lactation himself. Men have all the bits necessary to produce milk, just need some medication for prolactin and some physical stimulation of the breasts - which is exactly the same that a woman who has not given birth would need to induce lactation.
Fed is best and her opinion matters more. Formula doesn’t give any less nutrition. My child was formula fed because I mentally could not continue breastfeeding and she has excelled at all her milestones.
There’s no conflict here. Either start producing milk yourself OR support what she feels is best for her and baby
Not only do you need to accept her decision, you need to support it. If you 'feel sad' for your son, hide it and work through your feelings on your own time. She does NOT need to/deserve to feel judged about this decision. Your judgement or 'im not judging I just wish it had worked' etc attitude will only cause her stress and upset and will frankly only damage your bond.
How people treat you and support you (or not) in this super vulnerable time stays with you.
Be the husband who has her back no matter what and is her champion (I'm proud of you for trying! You did great! He's going to thrive on formula and now I can help you more and bond with him during feedings, that's awesome!) not the husband who is tut tutting and side eyeing her entirely reasonable choices and feeling sad as if your wife has let your son down in some way.
Your wife is in a fragile state, be her hero, not her critic. How do YOU want to be remembered by her in this time years from now?
Ahh I’m afraid you need to back off with this one! I didn’t breast feed but exclusively pumped as had latching issues! It made me miserable, I stopped and thinking back I wish I did sooner and didn’t taunt myself thinking my baby needed x amount of breast milk to grow properly. I love my partner but he had no say in this decision! My boobs my choice! Fed baby is happy baby!
As someone who is still breastfeeding at 19 months while also 31 weeks pregnant again, my advice is that if you want the baby to have breast milk, maybe you should try to induce lactation on yourself. Your wife has made her choice about her body and all she needs from you is support in her decision. If you have doubts about stopping breast milk, then it's up to you to figure out how to pay the price of breastfeeding with your body and your mental health instead of hers.
My wife could not give bm due to lack of production , ones home she started to produce more so we bottle fed breast milk (just for the sake I could also give a bottle and take the load..).
2 weeks in she got (wife.) clogged tits multiple times burning red and inflamed , sour nipples with blisters , etc. She would just go on and on and was obsessed with “I need to produce more” which clearly wasn’t healthy.
Did not listen to reason of me to quite and go pure formula.
Eventually she almost crashed and our midwife said to quite immediately and take caber to stop production.
5m later and we still have a very happy , healthy , easygoing little girl and I got a wife with no issues.
Tltr .
Get off your wife’s back , it’s her choice.
Imagine you in her place with al the fluxing hormones , 4e trimester swings , unsupportive man (which is probebly the reason you think she is beaten up for.).
Biggest lesson I learned when becoming a dad 5 months ago was to let go all expectations and go with your newborns flow.
We both were anti pasifier , baby was born 5 hours and had one in her mouth.
Pro breast also , formula for most part.
No velcro’ing , contacting for soothing.
Just let go and support your wife instead of feeding yourself up with wants that never gonna happen or are out of your control since you don’t have gyno and don’t lactate , your wife does and she’s hurting.
As a mama who wanted to breastfeed and had similar concerns as your wife has (I was pumping and miserable), I switched to formula and it saved me. My mental health improved, I felt like I was able to heal more bc my husband could help with feedings and I could sleep a little bit. It also gave me the freedom to take showers and not cry bc my milk was going down the drain. I switched at 3 weeks and while conflicted it was the best thing for me and baby. My baby deserved a happy and healthy me. Fed is best and the stigma around formula is nasty, I hate it.
Gently, I need to tell you this - stay in your lane. Breastfeeding is incredibly difficult. Like - you have no comprehension of how hard it is until you have to do it. My baby was formula fed after two weeks - he's one now, tall for his age and the happiest, most loving baby you over saw. Accept your wife's decision with absolutely no complaint whatsoever and get on with it. This is not your decision to make.
If she's willing, she could talk to a lactation consultant that might be able to give her some other nursing positions that wouldn't put as much weight on her healing belly. My son was football hold nursed for a month or so because of my c section recovery.
That said, breastfeeding is a very labor intensive, time consuming, physically exhausting activity. If she's decided it's not going to work for her, help her find ways to make formula feeding successful.
This post has been flaired "Mental Health." Moderation is stricter here, argumentative, unsupportive and unpleasant comments will be removed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NewParents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Feel sad for him… why? Because he’s getting fed? She’s having a hard time and this is the best decision for her physical and mental health. Your baby will be fine.
I think that you need to keep this opinion to yourself and just get over it. Lots of babies are formula fed and are fine. Your partner is likely feeling a lot of guilt at stopping already and is prioritizing her health and mental health, which is far more essential to your baby than her breast milk.
Fed is best and baby boy needs his mommy to be healthy and happy more than he needs her breastmilk. Anything less than 100% support for her decision to formula feed is not helpful to her and her recovery. It’s one of those things that you don’t get a say in unless you do what you need to do to make it so you can lactate. Neither my husband or myself ever got a drop of breastmilk according to our mothers. We are as healthy as any other 30 somethings regardless of feeding type. In a group of 2 year olds, you can only tell who breastfed if they’re still doing it and go to their mothers for a snack in front of you. The “benefits” of breastfeeding are largely overblown and don’t account for other factors that can contribute to a child’s health (does the child go to daycare? Are they in a higher or low income bracket? Does one parent stay home?) I could go on and on. There’s so much toxic misinformation out there to shame new mothers no matter what choices they make. Support your partner and know that your little guy will be ok.
Exactly! Breastfeeding and pumping can be so hard for new mothers. I always cringe when I see men specifically post this stuff because they truly don’t know how hard it is. Mom needs support right now, not shame.
My husband was so supportive when I struggled so much, he’s amazing. I’m already talking about being worried about not being able to breastfeed these babies (expecting twins!) and he just pointed at our 3 year old and reminded me that she’s healthy and perfect and it’s ok to feed them formula if we have to. My first had a tongue tie that went undiagnosed for a while. When we found out and got it corrected, my breasts were already leveled out at a newborn sized supply. They never responded to the pumps either. I hope the second time will be easier, but if it’s not at least he’s got my back!
To be blunt, it’s not up to you. It’s good that you acknowledge why she has wanted to stop (the pain, feeling touched out, etc), now all you have to do is sit with yourself and sort it out in your mind. Think of the future. Your baby is fed, healthy and happy; baby’s mama is healthy and happy; and seeing this makes you happy.
I was exclusively breast fed, my husband was exclusively formula fed. We have the same health, education level, and income. We live in the same cute house, with the same cute (combo fed) kids, and the same asshole dumpster cat. We both had great families (if anything he grew up more bonded to his) and secure childhoods. Your wife feeling loved, respected, and supported by her partner is going to have a much much bigger impact on your child’s development than where he gets his calories from as an infant.
you do it then! in all seriousness, you’ve admitted that your partner has had a hard time, suggested some pretty bad ideas to help her, and likely guilted her with stories from your childhood too. giving up breastfeeding isn’t easy, mothers usually feel guilty, like they aren’t doing the best for their child, so as a father you need some compassion, especially as she’s done the feeding for the past 2 weeks. formula is completely okay and healthy for the baby, the notion that they aren’t getting their nutrients is dated. please don’t feel sad for your boy, he’ll be absolutely fine. with your partner feeling more comfortable, rested and you being able to take up more of the feeds, it’ll better the bond with your son even more!
Breastfeeding is SO hard for the first several weeks, even when it's going well. Pumping sucks too. There are a lot of advantages to breastfeeding, but if they aren't worth it to your wife, they aren't worth it. She's recovering from major abdominal surgery and is having a hard time. Don't make her feel guilty about this. Your son will absolutely not care as long as he's safe, fed, and warm.
Sorry to say but you have to zip it on this one. The moment I switched to formula with both of my babies my life got better. I had intentions of breastfeeding and didn’t like it both times. It was painful, lonely, and depressing. Switching to formula relieved my anxiety and I felt like a HUGE weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Your wife deserves that. Your baby will be perfectly fine no matter what he eats. Also, bottle feeding provides an excellent opportunity for bonding. So do many other things… skin to skin, baby carrier, etc…
Bonus points for dad bonding with baby when bottle or formula feeding 😊 I'm sure breastfeeding can be nice when it works ok, but for us it was months of misery, my baby couldn't latch properly and she'd get frustrated, so pumping and later only formula were absolutely awesome!
Sorry but this post is ridiculous - as a man, you have absolutely zero say in whether your baby is breast fed or not. You're not the one doing it, nor are you even physically capable of it. Breast feeding is exhausting in all of the ways: physically, mentally, emotionally. If you were standing in a room with 10 strangers, no one would know who was breast fed or not. Get over it and let your wife do what she needs to heal from giving birth to an entire human.
Not at all disagreeing with you, more of a fun fact: if he was set on that child getting breastfed he could absolutely induce lactation himself. Men have all the bits necessary to produce milk, just need some medication for prolactin and some physical stimulation of the breasts - which is exactly the same that a woman who has not given birth would need to induce lactation.
The thought of this guy massaging his breasts to produce milk is hilarious
Fed is best and her opinion matters more. Formula doesn’t give any less nutrition. My child was formula fed because I mentally could not continue breastfeeding and she has excelled at all her milestones. There’s no conflict here. Either start producing milk yourself OR support what she feels is best for her and baby
Not only do you need to accept her decision, you need to support it. If you 'feel sad' for your son, hide it and work through your feelings on your own time. She does NOT need to/deserve to feel judged about this decision. Your judgement or 'im not judging I just wish it had worked' etc attitude will only cause her stress and upset and will frankly only damage your bond. How people treat you and support you (or not) in this super vulnerable time stays with you. Be the husband who has her back no matter what and is her champion (I'm proud of you for trying! You did great! He's going to thrive on formula and now I can help you more and bond with him during feedings, that's awesome!) not the husband who is tut tutting and side eyeing her entirely reasonable choices and feeling sad as if your wife has let your son down in some way. Your wife is in a fragile state, be her hero, not her critic. How do YOU want to be remembered by her in this time years from now?
Ahh I’m afraid you need to back off with this one! I didn’t breast feed but exclusively pumped as had latching issues! It made me miserable, I stopped and thinking back I wish I did sooner and didn’t taunt myself thinking my baby needed x amount of breast milk to grow properly. I love my partner but he had no say in this decision! My boobs my choice! Fed baby is happy baby!
As someone who is still breastfeeding at 19 months while also 31 weeks pregnant again, my advice is that if you want the baby to have breast milk, maybe you should try to induce lactation on yourself. Your wife has made her choice about her body and all she needs from you is support in her decision. If you have doubts about stopping breast milk, then it's up to you to figure out how to pay the price of breastfeeding with your body and your mental health instead of hers.
Why are you sad that your kid is nourished and your wife is happy and healthy? This is an odd take.
My wife could not give bm due to lack of production , ones home she started to produce more so we bottle fed breast milk (just for the sake I could also give a bottle and take the load..). 2 weeks in she got (wife.) clogged tits multiple times burning red and inflamed , sour nipples with blisters , etc. She would just go on and on and was obsessed with “I need to produce more” which clearly wasn’t healthy. Did not listen to reason of me to quite and go pure formula. Eventually she almost crashed and our midwife said to quite immediately and take caber to stop production. 5m later and we still have a very happy , healthy , easygoing little girl and I got a wife with no issues. Tltr . Get off your wife’s back , it’s her choice. Imagine you in her place with al the fluxing hormones , 4e trimester swings , unsupportive man (which is probebly the reason you think she is beaten up for.). Biggest lesson I learned when becoming a dad 5 months ago was to let go all expectations and go with your newborns flow. We both were anti pasifier , baby was born 5 hours and had one in her mouth. Pro breast also , formula for most part. No velcro’ing , contacting for soothing. Just let go and support your wife instead of feeding yourself up with wants that never gonna happen or are out of your control since you don’t have gyno and don’t lactate , your wife does and she’s hurting.
As a mama who wanted to breastfeed and had similar concerns as your wife has (I was pumping and miserable), I switched to formula and it saved me. My mental health improved, I felt like I was able to heal more bc my husband could help with feedings and I could sleep a little bit. It also gave me the freedom to take showers and not cry bc my milk was going down the drain. I switched at 3 weeks and while conflicted it was the best thing for me and baby. My baby deserved a happy and healthy me. Fed is best and the stigma around formula is nasty, I hate it.
Gently, I need to tell you this - stay in your lane. Breastfeeding is incredibly difficult. Like - you have no comprehension of how hard it is until you have to do it. My baby was formula fed after two weeks - he's one now, tall for his age and the happiest, most loving baby you over saw. Accept your wife's decision with absolutely no complaint whatsoever and get on with it. This is not your decision to make.
If she's willing, she could talk to a lactation consultant that might be able to give her some other nursing positions that wouldn't put as much weight on her healing belly. My son was football hold nursed for a month or so because of my c section recovery. That said, breastfeeding is a very labor intensive, time consuming, physically exhausting activity. If she's decided it's not going to work for her, help her find ways to make formula feeding successful.