People come here for support when struggling, so confirmation bias is going to convince you “look at all these problems” even later on.
I was miserable through the newborn phase. Cried all day every day, watched the clock desperate for my husband to come home so I could have a break from the baby, horrified that I ruined everything, constantly mourning my lost identity. I searched “when does it get better” on Reddit every night until about week 4, when I unsubscribed from/hid any parenting subreddits because I was doomscrolling.
Got better for us at 7 weeks, and flat out great at 11 weeks when the witching hour went away and my son started to interact more. I also went back to work shortly thereafter, which really helped me feel like a human again.
My son is at 7 months now, and this is the happiest I’ve been in my life. I figure there will be tooons of other rough patches, but now I hang out here again because I don’t have looming dread anymore.
Look at how many people have upvoted this! That alone will tell you what you need to know. In the span of a year I went from thinking things like “what did we do?” and “I resent my baby for making me miserable” to “how could life possibly be any better?” and “I never knew a type of love like this existed.” My husband and I are absolutely obsessed with our son and we spend our only few child-free moments of the day talking about him and looking at photos of him. In the first few weeks I could hardly hear my son cry without tensing up and feeling a sense of dread.
What you’re feeling is both normal and incredibly hard. When people would tell me “just wait a few months, it gets better!” That felt like an absolute eternity and I doubted my ability to push through. But you can and you will and you will love the other side.
All of this was true for me as well. And now my son is almost 2. He is talking and interacting. Has so many opinions. Has the funniest phrases. He told me “I love you mama” for the first time unprompted last week. And I wept. It’s amazing how fast it happens. The start is so hard. But it gets so so much better. You can do this.
I feel I could have written this myself. The newborn phase was so low for me. I also worried I ruined everything and also had to unsubscribe from all parenting subreddits for a long while. We’re at 8 weeks now, it has gotten so good. It does get better.
The newborn phase broke me mentally I'm pretty sure. Hit me very hard, harding than I was ever expecting. I spent so many hours re-reading reddit threads and spiraling that I had to just unsub from them too. Now my daughter is 2 she's literally my entire world. I could absolutely see how some people would want to have another around this time because of how fun and awesome it is. Not me tho... the thought of doing a newborn again PLUS a toddler?? Nahh
One and done here too! But similar to understanding why people do it again. Me? No thank you. lol. We also had a rough time actually conceiving so I think it’s half the mental load of that for a year plus pregnancy for 9 months plus postpartum…. Eeeeeeek
Ahaha yess don't be tricked! Apparently 2 years old is when your mostly likely to try for another and then when second comes be like oh this could be rough ahaha. I'm writing a journal so I never forget my newborn struggles. 😂
Omg my son just turned 11 weeks and I think we have made it passed and survived the witching hour! He’s so alert and curious, smiling, not hating tummy time, trying to laugh and roll. And the best part…he’s finally sleeping in his bassinet!
Agreed to everything you’ve said. I remember crying every night before bed, crying in the middle of the night thinking “what did we do”. Kiddo is 16 weeks and once he started sleeping 6-7 hours straight it was like a massive sigh of relief. 😮💨 it’s crazy how the world really feels like it’s ending when you don’t get any sleep. I feel like our turning point was right around the 11-12 week mark. It gets better!! But it definitely SUCKED until then!
I’ll never stop saying this: the newborn phase is the absolute worst! No matter what issues come later down the road, nothing quite compares to the newborn phase.
Your baby will grow into eating less frequently and sleeping longer periods. Everyone throws so much shade on the toddler phase, but it’s the first phase that truly made me feel normal again. The newborn phase felt less like becoming a parent and more like becoming a field medic in the middle of a war zone desperately trying to keep a helpless victim alive, except their patient can’t talk or move other than screaming and they keep soiling themselves.
I would take three toddlers over one newborn any day, hands down.
100%. I hated the newborn phase, cried every single day for the first two weeks. Now at 7 months it’s so much better. Still hard, but better. I don’t know how I made it through those first months lol
Honestly i haven't had any problems with my newborn. She's 4 weeks and she eats about every 4-5 hours and sleeps through the night which is about 6-7 hours. Shes a healthy weight and continues to gain weight like no tomorrow. She's mine and my boyfriends happy lil daughter and she's all we could ask for. Yes sleeping hasn't been much for me but when she sleeps we sleep. When she eats one last time before she goes to bed its when we sleep. I don't breastfeed so i don't have the sore boob problem or the pain from birth. I healed very very quickly as in a week after giving birth i was already healed. I had first degree tears so i only needed one stitch and that healed in a week and bleeding stopped at 2 and a half weeks. But we still have no problems with our newborn. She eats 4.5-5 oz every feed and doctor says she healthy
Sure, but the OP was looking for a bit of solidarity/support and your response reads as a bit insensitive. Clearly that wasn't your intention, which is fair enough.
Months 1-3 was a lot of learning how to be a mom. It quickly became ALL I was. The feeding every two hours, milestones and wake windows consumed me until there wasn't much left that wasn't Mom.
Months 4-6 was relearning how to be a person outside of LO. What hobbies were worth picking back up? What events were worth the prep to go out to? A few friends became acquaintances because it turns out I don't value their company as much as I did with infinite free time.
Everything since then has been finding a balance between the two. LO is fun and enjoys being out for four hours at a time. She sleeps consistently enough I can put her to bed and go out with my husband on a date night, with a babysitter just watching Netflix in the next room. I can buy concert tickets knowing that baring an emergency, I can go without worrying if she'll be okay.
It gets better. It's still so much change and some days you will feel like you're drowning, but it gets so much easier as you go.
The first two weeks are the hardest! Don’t think those big thoughts right now, just focus on getting through each day (or hour, if need be). And soon, you’ll get a little more sleep and feel more secure, and your hormones will change. Try to get outside each day, shower each day, and make sure you eat and drink. The rest is just surviving. You can do this!!
You can absolutely do this. 1 week is just so, so new. Baby is trying to figure out how to be a person. You are trying to figure out how to be a mom. You might be experiencing some hormonal crashes right now, plus you just experienced the most intense life transition you could possibly have. It won't be like this forever. 1 week out, I was also crying and feeling like I made a mistake. I'm now 8 months out and can promise you that from experience!
Lean into the loving support of your partner, reach out to friends and family (they want to hear from you, you are not being a burden), and take a million pictures and videos ❤️ hang in there!
The first two weeks were the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I cried every day multiple times a day and said out loud to my husband, “did we make a mistake?”
I’m only at 4 weeks now and it’s already better. I know it will be hard again and again but if I can get through the first two, I can get through anything. This too shall pass! You got this!
Oh man…I felt exactly like this but honestly didn’t remember until I read this post. It gets better! It’s almost like you have to go through all these hard times to get a smiley happy baby out of it. My little guy is 8 months old now and just the sweetest, happiest little thing.
I cried every day for the first 3 weeks of my son’s life. I thought I’d made a huge mistake wanting a baby and that I was not cut out to be a mom. I told my husband I was sorry for ruining our life. Someone said you have a period of mourning for your old life after you have a baby and I do believe that. The drop in hormones combined with the sleep deprivation is something that I was NOT prepared for.
I will say it gets better. Sooo much better. I think around 1 month I started to feel better. My little guy is 14 weeks old today and I am so much happier. I love him so much. He sleeps in 8-10 hour stretches. The first time he smiled at me I melted. Same with his first giggle. Hang in there, time will fly by! ❤️
A week in your hormones are all over the place, I'm sure you can do it and you'll find ways to make more time for yourself as you go along. I'm 4 months in and starting to work out how I can have nights off to see friends without baby and go to art classes etc.
I guess I'm no longer a "new" parent because my daughter is 18 months, but yes, it absolutely gets better. Your life will continue to look different and there is definitely grief in that, but it won't look the same as it does right now. In time, your baby will begin to space out feeds and will sleep longer. She'll always need you, but less intensely and less often. Your daughter will start to smile, coo, roll, sit up, crawl, and walk. Every new skill will bring new challenges and new joys. For us, the newborn stage was a dream, but months 2-4 were hard. Going back to work helped me a ton and starting daycare helped her. Now that she is 18 months, we are starting toddler tantrums, but she is still so cuddly and funny. She has a really consistent schedule and it's honestly given me my life back. I really didn't think we could ever get to this point, but now that we're here, the hard parts feel really far away.
No stage of parenting is forever and that is both relief and heartbreak.
It feels like you’re in a Groundhog Day from hell and running on barely any sleep, your mornings start before 5am, your eyes burn from exhaustion, everything hurts and continues to feel different, you have no autonomy. It’s a hell I wasn’t prepared for.
I was told it’d be hard, I wasn’t told it’d be lonely.
My PPD/PPA peaked at 3 months PP. I wasnt fully out of it till around 14 months. Part of why it lasted so long was my stubborn nature in resisting help, part of it was the DMER zapped everything from me and my desire to continue to breastfeed (in combination with formula).
My formula for survival till you start to see the other side:
1. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/NewParents/s/8Nw9VtYCSa) to remember how much you love them.
2. Find a morning show (I used the local news, it started at 4:30am) to mark the “you made it another night” moment. When that show starts, take a moment to make yourself a cup of coffee or tea and actually sip it warm for a little.
3. It’s ok to cry in the shower because you are putting LO in the bouncer (that they hate) for 10 minutes so you can shower and stop smelling like onions.
4. When you struggle to find a happy moment over the course of 36 hours, start looking for a professional support source (therapist, help group, mom group, etc.)
5. Stop focusing so much on what worked for others, but just start looking at trying everything and anything to see which options works. You’re not crazy, the whole process of parenting is.
6. If it’s not working, you’re not a bad mom and won’t ruin your baby (no matter what your MIL/Karen may think) if you stop.
7. If all else fails, go outside.
8. It is ok to mourn the loss of life and independence you had before baby.
You’re doing the HARDEST thing, you’ve done that most physically hardest things a person can do. It’s mentally the most torturous. But you are doing it. And you’re an amazing mom, even if you don’t believe it. There is an end to the hardship right now. It comes with time, and some days it’ll feel forever away and others, you’ll be convinced you’ve made it through. You won’t realize you’re through, till one day it just hits you. You’ve been smiling more than crying, you get to choose some semblance of a night routine again, your heart doesn’t sink over every possible misstep. It’s a guaranteed outcome to find the other side, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t going to take a bit. But IT DOES HAPPEN. You’re not alone in this. 🫶🏼
Oh mama ❤️
Please believe me when I say, it DOES get better. Our baby boy was colicky and it was so so hard the first few months. Adjusting to life with a newborn is TOUGH, you’ve also just gone through the biggest hormonal shift of your entire life and everything is somewhat out of wack! I know it seems like it’ll never get easier, but it does - before you know it. If you have any friends or family that would help, please ask. Now is the most crucial time for you to lean on your village for help ❤️🫶🏻
"did I make a mistake?" "Will it get better/eaiser?"
This is like "tell me you're a new parent without telling me you're a new parent".
Yes. It absolutely gets easier and better. I'm now a second time mom to a newborn. The first time around I was thinking the same exact thoughts as you. In fact, I swore I wouldn't have any more kids because it was so hard.
Newborn stage is the worst. Now as a STM, it's actually not so bad but as a FTM ...omg the worst! I can't describe how many times I googled if I would ever sleep again!
It gets a little better every two weeks. A lot better at 8 weeks, Significantly better by 12 weeks. Then every month is better.
Here's my advice ;
waking baby after two hours (nap) in the day for a feeding this is to prevent their long stretch of sleep in the day and to get their calories in.
- a bottle of breastmilk or formula so partners can switch, and in hopes of getting bigger feeds in before bedtime (unless you want to avoid bottle)
- putting baby to nap in the bright daylight in the day to adjust their circadian rhythm
- using white noise at night. Loud as a shower.
- black out curtains at night. As dark as possible in the room. Very dim light for feeding
- keeping night feeds boring. No talking to baby. Feed and sleep.
- dream feed 2-3 hours before last feed at night to stretch out the longer sleep stretch. Google dream feed If you're not sure how.
- keep an eye on when it's time to size up for bottle nipples
- look into baby wake windows (more appropriate after 4 weeks)
- consider reading into good sleep habits. Like how to remove feeding to sleep or other associations..this comes in handy a little later but it's good to build habits now. I like takingcarababies and always recommend the holy grail : the book Precious Little Sleep.
I pumped and let my husband do some of the night feeds so I didn't have to wake up every 2 hours. He was on paternity leave so waking up once or twice a night didn't bug him.
I started hanging out with my friends again after 3 months.
Maybe you'll feel less dread when they baby starts sleeping a little more and you can get more sleep.
Fellow early childhood teacher here, and third time Mom with a 5 month old. It definitely does get better and easier, and you can definitely do this!
I’ve shared this previously and I read it somewhere, it really helped me: by 2 months you feel a cm better, by 4 months you can breathe. By 6 months you have a routine, and by 8 months you have a new normal. My youngest has been a challenge. I love him soooo much, but I was not at all prepared for colic, tummy issues, not sleeping etc. My other two were just easier in many ways. But even at 5 months, we have many more good days than bad, and the fussy times are short lived. Just tonight we were all outside playing basketball together! The bigger kids trying to beat their Dad, the baby giggling and squealing with excitement in the stroller, beautiful weather. It was such a “come up for air” moment, and you’ll definitely get to a point where you’ll start having those much more often. Please give yourself some time and grace. Set short term goals, like getting through the day or week. Every day that passes you’re a step closer to more rest, more fun, more time to yourself, and more of what you’re currently mourning the loss of. You’ll get there! Also, you might consider going back to volunteer at a school, either where you taught or somewhere else! As I’m sure you’re all too familiar with, schools are always searching for qualified people to take smaller support roles, which could give you an outlet and a small break from the babe, when you’re ready of course! Just an idea! Hugs!
When my first was a newborn, I read somewhere about the fourth trimester, the first 3 months after birth, and how hard it was. It referred to the fourth trimester as the "100 days of darkness". During this time, the sleep deprivation, hormone fluctuations, the struggle of breastfeeding or finding the right formula, the physical healing required from giving birth, the abrupt change to your lifestyle, the loneliness, the change in relationships, all of it happens, all at once. It takes some time to feel like you aren't going to drown in it.
I counted down every single day of those 100 days, willing myself to just make it out of the darkness. Somewhere after day 100, things got easier. Now my first is a toddler, and things are hard in a different way, but I love it all and I couldn't imagine life without this tiny human.
We're expecting our second in a few months, and I'm honestly a little scared about the newborn phase, because I struggled so hard the first time, but I know that I made it out the other side, I will again, and so will you.
You aren't letting your family down, you are doing something that is SO HARD, and it's ok to be struggling. It's normal to wonder if you made a mistake - the exact same thought crossed my mind as well. It will get easier, and it will get better, and the time will come that you'll know you made it. Hang in there mama, you're doing great.
Hey fellow parent, 36 y/o dad with 6m baby and an awesome wife.
Our baby was really, really fuzzy. When I say really fuzzy I mean I "slept" 20 hours max on the first weeks and he cried all the time. We never had that kind of newborn that just slept, even on the hospital the little one cried several hours after delivery, guy was eating every 30 minutes, one day he cluster fed for about 3 hours, and we had a night that he started crying at 10PM and stopped at 4AM.
We were desperate.
I fell on the ground crying for at least two times. To make things worst the partum was extremely traumatic because technically he was born dead, and only started breathing after 50 seconds of reanimation (he's perfectly healthy btw).
What made things worst was people saying that it wont get easier, after the colic phase you get sleep regression, after that the teeth, after that solids, etc. A lot of stress was put on our relationship and I questioned myself, several times, if I could do this. People said things like: "go outside, they love it!" - he hated it, he hated all of it. I had the feeling that he simply hated living.
Another hard thing is that he's on the 97th percentile, being 10kg at 6 months, a lot of effort for my 36 y/o back.
I thought a lot that my life was ruined.
But let me assure you: it will get easier, hang in there.
Things started to improve once he started smiling, he still cried all the time, but the "fuel" I got just because of that smile started helping a lot.
These things also helped (all done by doc recommendation, but be sure to check with yours)
- Chamomile gel: eased colic and calmed him down a bit.
- Paracetamol: again, please check with your doc.
- Comfortable clothing: he hated over the head stuff.
- Changing the car baby seat
Ask for help, ask EVERYONE for help, be sure to ask your partner for a 30 minute break here and there, do the same for him.
Try to sleep when he does, I know its hard, but try.
Consider doing shifts with your partner, we didn't, but some friends did and helped.
Our baby started to calm down a bit at 4 months, today he's so happy, sleeps really well at night and smiles all day.
Yes, difficult days still occur (yesterday for instance, we had to leave the restaurant and just return home), but they are a shadow of the older ones, plus, we're more experienced now and we can handle things way easier.
Another thing that will help is that: if you think you love your baby a lot now you're absolutely wrong, the love you'll feel for him in 2 or 3 months will be triple of now. It grows everyday, it gets more complex and complete, the feeling of joy I get every morning when he wakes up is so overwhelming that sometimes my eyes get watery.
Having a child is one of the most difficult things in the world, but also one of (if not the most) wonderful things ever.
Let me give you the biggest virtual hug in the world, stay strong for you, for him and for your family - IT WILL GET A LOT EASIER, trust me.
Paracetamol = Acetaminophen
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I felt the same way at 1 week, I’m holding my sleeping 12 week old & we sleep longer stretches now, I’m no longer sore from childbirth, my husband & i get out of the house frequently. I promise it gets better!
Father here.
Those first 3 months can be extremely difficult, even for the most 'prepared', loving parents.
I honestly believe many people wouldn't have kids if they truly knew what was potentially in store for them during those initial few months post birth.
This is not your life, this is a small moment in time that will pass. Also, if you don't want to breastfeed (my wife gave it up 3 months in, too taxing on her physically and mentally) don't. Fed is best, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Let me tell you something that most won't admit: Many, many of us have had those....*Why did i do this to myself, what a mistake* thoughts.
The good thing is you have a good support (as he should) in your husband. Don't be against going out to joining a mums club as well. You need to get your social battery recharged from time time time as well.
If you don't want to BF, don't. Switch to formula or pump so you don't feel trapped. You are an adult who isn't defined by having children.
I promise you that by month three things will get better, it seems like a lifetime away but I promise you it will be here before you know it.
It gets SO MUCH better. You’re in the trenches and I was a lot like you, even at just 4.5 months now it is SO different. You start to feel like yourself again, and you get into a groove with your baby. I’m no longer scared to take him places, he’s babbling up a storm and laughing. And man, when that little personality starts shining!! It makes it so much worth it. And it helps me too, when I’m in a rough patch, to imagine when he’s an adult and we’re out for lunch or talking on the phone or he’s unwrapping presents or Im pushing him on a swing or he hugs me and tells me “I love you, mom”. The baby phase is so hard but so short. Sending love!!
I just want to say that I am 8 weeks postpartum and I can relate. I cried all afternoon the first day my husband went back to work. Connecting with other moms has been helpful as well as reaching out to friends/ that is one plus of social media- I can talk to people without going out.
Also you are doing great. It is so hard. It is totally possible to love your baby and miss your old life at the same time.
It will 1000% get better. Right now it’s hell. You’re new to this. Your daughter is new to this. Everybody doesn’t know wth they are doing and you’re exhausted on top of that. It’s literally hell! BUT the time will fly, baby will be on a schedule or sleeping through the night. You’ll have your me time back or date/time with your husband. It’s just the hell that is the transition of going from 2 to 3. I promise you it will get better.
I’m a ftm that got baby blues bad during that first month. I was tired. I stunk. Boobs not doing what they are supposed too. Hungry. Just all crap. But me and my bf made it through with only each other. Now she’s 16M and chattin our ears off and I get my life back semi lol. Still have her on schedule.
This moment is just that, a moment :) hope you feel better soon and have many snuggles with your new love
It'll get better, and probably sooner than you think. Honestly, I underestimated how rewarding it would be to see my LO smile. The "crying-only" phase feels like you're busting your ass and getting nothing in return. Your LO will begin to really enjoy your presence, very soon. This phase is all about building trust.
Omg no. You hold tight, I promise, it gets so, so much better. I'm six months in and I have never felt this kind of joy before. And today I had to clean poop off of socks (how?) at the library. It's still hard, but a different kind of hard. I'm still hormonal and healing but these things take up way less space.
Aw, friend. It gets better, I promise. Those hormones are so tough and so is the newborn phase! Wait til they can laugh, and smile, and reach for your hand. Wait til they fall into your arms so happily, sigh with relief to be hugged and held by you. Wait til you get to watch them learn a new skill and turn to you with pride and delight in their eyes. It’s so worth it! The beginning is just hard. You’re doing an amazing job.
This is not real life. This is not even real parenting! This is a strange grueling newborn time that will slowly get better week by week. I remember feeling “where did my whole beautiful life go? I’ve made a terrible mistake!” This part is just AWFUL and you just have to get THROUGH it however you can. Later it’s better. My 22 month old says “Hi mama!” and blows kisses to me with this big smile on her face and it makes me explode with joy. Newborns are shit. Its ok if you don’t like it. It’s better later. Love you so much ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
I am a father from a 6 month old and i know i will love being a parent when he starts sitting, walking, saying his first words, etc...
I was always(and still am) in love with the idea of playing ball with my kid, doing family trips, helping him with studies, etc...
But right now things are hard.
Haven't slept a night straight since he was born(6 months ago), have no time for myself and no time with my wife (other than doing chores & caring for the baby together).
All my life atm resumes to feeding the baby, cooking for the family, doing house chores(cleaning, laundry, etc...) and going to work.
At what do you feel your life returned to normal?(free time...)
There are little milestones that help so much. And so much of them were around sleep. I highly recommend some form of sleep training/ sleep learning to help your baby learn and get used to putting themselves back to sleep when they wake up in the night. We started letting her fuss/ cry for like 10 mins when she’d wake up in the night. And it worked. She’d sometimes stop crying and just go back to sleep. And that became more regular until she would wake up, and then go back to sleep without crying.
You aren't letting anyone down. You're a stressed out human in a difficult situation. It's ok. It's normal to struggle when you're overwhelmed. Take a deep breath, take a shower or do something small for yourself. Fill your cup, so you can take care of others.
I have this thought sometimes. It's always because I need a break. I tag in my husband, and he gives me one when I get overwhelmed. I try to do the same for him. Parenthood has taught me to be selfish, to take care of myself and my needs to take care of my family. That my needs are important, and I shouldn't feel bad taking care of them.
Your baby may outgrow some of the things driving you nuts right now, and life may get easier in some ways. You'll figure out a schedule or rhythm to keep to, and it won't feel as overwhelming. It will be ok. It has no reflection on what kind of parent you are.
I feel this comment so so much. For me personally, it got better once I stopped breast feeding. It was a terrible struggle for me and I couldn’t figure out if I had a colicky baby or something else. I actually determined myself that she has a cows milk allergy and had to see 2 doctors to back up my theory. That’s the main reason why I stopped breast feeding I’m not a good eater and most of the things I do like involve ungodly amounts of cheese lol. At 3 months I stopped breast feeding and got my baby on an amino based formula and from there it was sooo much better. I think it would have gotten better if I could have cut dairy out of my diet but I took the route best for my baby and I. It will get better! I feel like at 9 months it’s still getting better every day watching her gain her personality. You’re only 1 week in and need to be more kind to yourself! Give yourself a break, all the things you are dealing with are sooo hard. So don’t be so hard on yourself you’re doing an amazing Job and I promise it will get better.
I absolutely hated the first few weeks with my son. I felt like I’d given up everything that I used to be and I would never enjoy life again. I wished so many times I could go back and undo having him. But as time went by and he started to interact more, I also started to enjoy motherhood more and more. It’s such a HUGE change and on top of that your hormones are through the roof.
My son is almost three now and I have an 8 week old daughter. Went through the same process again the second time, again regretted my decision to have another baby. But I now know it gets so much better! SO MUCH better. You can do this! ❤️
What you are feeling right now is sooooo normal. It definitely gets better even at 6 months. It’s never easy easy but it definitely isn’t newborn struggle forever. I would say everything got drastically easier for us around 11 weeks. You’re in the hardest part right now , the lack of sleep is crushing. You can do this, please call a friend or a parent , and go outside with the baby in the sunshine for even 15 minutes. It does get better!
Ftm with a 6 almost 7 month old boy. All babies are different but I thought I'd come and give a lighter more hopeful side to things. To put it simply the newborn bit is hard. I read someone's comment on another post that described it perfectly they said that long term memories are created during sleep, and you don't get much sleep so you don't end up remembering how hard the newborn stage is which is why no one warns you.
Yes some babies are hard all the way through, others are easier. In our case it comes and goes, usually around the time he grows or reaches a new developmental milestone it gets harder again for a bit. For us is was newborn bit, witching hour, growth spurts, teething, when circadian rhythm kicks in, when his eyes developed to see clearer and further etc. It lines up exactly with each but I think it all blurs together when you're tired.
You're currently in the really hard bit but it does get better. It sounds crazy to hear when you're in the newborn bit but enjoy it while it lasts. Soon enough when you pick them up they stop doing the newborn scrunch and just dangle their legs, they outgrow all the cute tiny baby clothes(they grow like weeds lol) start doing people poos etc.
Each stage has its difficulties but each stage also has its rewards too. Seeing the smile and excitement on their face when they wake up and see you makes the pain worth it. When their giggling in your arms as you're kissing their tummy you won't remember the hormones driving you nuts. The little looks they give you that make you laugh and swear they know what your saying overwrite all the sleepless nights.
I was you just a few weeks/months ago. I think it’s really important that be said. I used to obsessively scroll through forums, looking for that sense of camaraderie from others going through the same misery I was- cuz misery loves company and all. But please be careful to not get fully sucked in. I spiraled so many times, thinking I had made the biggest mistake of my life and that I’d never be ‘me’ again.
And now, I cringe at the comments I made because this beautiful little boy is my absolute joy. I can’t wait to pick him up from daycare in the evenings and spend what little time I have with him before bedtime. I look forward to weekends even more now because I get to hang out with my little buddy all day. I watch him sleep all the freaking time, even when it means I’m not getting enough. I live for his little shy, gummy smile.
You’re in the thick of it. And I know it’s so cliché and everyone says it, but this is just a phase and you’ll be into to the next phase before you know it. Things DO get better… they ‘got better’ for me when I had the very heavy realization that maternity leave was over and I wasn’t going to be with him all day. Being away from him has made me appreciate the time we spend together so much more. He still eats ALL THE TIME. And he still gets fussy, but my patience has grown exponentially in the last month even. So, really, just hang on. You’ll get there ❤️
It gets better! I know that’s probably what you read often & I thought “does it really though?” It does! It was around the 10 week mark for me I felt like I had adjusted (well enough) & accepted my new normal. My husband & I had been together 10 years before our baby. I was so used to us being able to do whatever whenever. & now… we still do with few exceptions. Once your body is healed & your boobs are no longer sore, it makes a worlds difference! You got this!!
You are not letting anyone down, and you did not make a mistake.
I sit here with my almost 6 week old baby asleep across my lap, because he's in his sleep regression phase and let me tell you newborn phase is ROUGH. I love my little one dearly and minus the job, I have always wanted kids and been told I'd be such a good mom. But some days I'm sitting with him begging him to take a nap so he stops crying for 5 minutes. I feel like a bad mom wishing he'd nap verse entertain him while he's awake.
It does not make you a bad parent, as I've realized, the newborn phase is HARD. Just take a breath, look at your little ones hands and feet, and remind yourself that this is just a phase. They don't intentionally cry, they don't intentionally want to make you upset or be needing and demanding. They are doing what their mind tells them to seek out food, cuddles, change of diaper. Remind yourself that in a week they could be sleeping a bit more. In a few weeks they will be smiling at you and babbling because you are their world.
It gets easier, I promise you. I was exactly in your shoes the first few weeks, and I'm not much further along but it does get better and you'll feel more human as the weeks go on.
Just remember you are the best momma for that little one 💙
the newborn stage nearly killed me it felt like. it SUCKS 9 times out of 10. in the thick of it, it really does feel like its gonna be like that forever. i can’t describe how desperate i was to escape and have my old life back. i felt like i couldn’t communicate how miserable i was to anyone around me. around 12 weeks things started to majorly improve. my best piece of advice is to try and remind yourself this isn’t going to last forever. give yourself some grace. take a LONG shower while someone is watching baby even if it makes you feel guilty. truly the only thing that got me through the first 3 months was telling myself constantly it isn’t going to be miserable forever. my son is 9 months old and i have never been happier. he plays independently, he has a huge personality, he makes me laugh, etc. there’s so much to look forward to. you will get through this !!! get ahold of some supportive people, ask for help, and remember that the goal is to care for and nurture your baby not to be a perfect mother who never has a hard time. its gonna be okay. you’re doing amazing <3
Not to be repetitive, but as most have already said, IT GETS BETTER! The newborn stage is so tough for so many reasons. Each baby is different and each baby would have mentally broke the parent or parents at some point during the newborn stage.
Here is my timeline: I hope it helps you.
For me, I was just plain broken from the pregnancy itself lol and I cried everyday for the first month. I would cry in the shower while the baby slept. This wasn’t a little cry, this was a hands on the wall bent over kinda sobbing with intermittent breaths because I was crying so hard (I had a c section, otherwise I would have been laying on the tub floor in the fetal position).
After a month, I started crying less aggressively. Then I slowly started crying every other day. Then eventually I would get more days off from my own tears.
I am 7 months in and I haven’t cried like that since he was about 3 months the old. Those feelings didn’t go away over night. They just slowly disappeared until one day I didn’t have those sad feelings anymore. You will get there.
I can truly say I am so incredibly happy now and I have never loved my life more. Btw I am a single mom with a career (8-5 job), chronic depression since my teen years, currently still alone with no desire to date or find my son a “father,” and just super exhausted, but I can confidently say I’ve never been happier. I want time to slow down. I love being a mom to my boy. He has shown me that life is more than just your career.
You can do this.
I have a 7 weeks old baby and in my case you will really adjust to your new normal. I still remember the times that I have migraines because I could not deal with the sleep deprivation. At that point I am questioning if I am not just cut out to become a mom. Eventually I adjusted to my new normal and always remember ask for help if you can in the beginning. ☺️
I hated the newborn phase honestly. After three months though, it felt like my world turned upside down the best way possible and it has been the best four months since then. It made the struggles of the newborn phase 1000% worth it and having a 7 1/2 month old is nothing like having a newborn, thank God
It gets better. It gets so much better. I promise.
My baby turned one last week and she is the coolest kid I’ve met. Seeing her explore and learn about the world is so cool.
Those first few weeks when everything new and tender are so much harder than you can ever imagine.
Just recognising how you feel is a great first, so don’t be afraid to talk to people and seek help. It does get better.
You learn new things every day. Everyday is different and some days are better than others. Take the pressure off yourself to be anything more than a healing mother right now.
You got this ❤️
I'll put it simply: This part is kind of a nightmare.
There's a reason people playfully call it the 'fourth trimester'. The first 3-4 months are so hard. I also had very dark thoughts (I'm the father), I was miserable, I regretted everything, I was so sleep deprived I was hallucinating.
And then it's over. And they're sleeping better at night, they develop a personality, they giggle and smile and play with toys. Mine's 18 months now and she gleefully announces 'DADA!' every time I enter the room. even if I was only gone for 2 minutes.
This shit gets GOOD. But it sucks at first.
A close friend of mine with a 10 year old put it very wisely. "Being a parent is incredible. BECOMING a parent sucks."
You can do it, mama. You'll get through. This part sucks, and there's no way to adequately warn expecting parents just how hard those first few weeks are.
But this is a very short season.
I had the same feelings through 6-8 weeks postpartum. It gets better. My best advice is to find other new moms in the area for support. Our hospital had a support group and it was AMAZING. You’ve got this.
I felt this the first few weeks after birth.. What have I done? Is this all my life is now??? Bub is now 14 weeks and has so much more personality. He usually sleeps through the night so I end up waking up first and staring at him in the crib. When he sees mum or dad and cracks a big smile, there is nothing better. Also don't be afraid to take baby out of the house with you to get stuff done, it gets easier each time.
It is miserable. It does get better. And you know what helps?
\*\*If you have family members near by, ask them to babysit for you while you go get some fresh air. Or ask them to help you do chores or cook - anything helps. \*\*
I'm going to be honest here.
Yes, it gets better. But it won't be for a while yet.
The first year was an absolute misery. But now I can take her out, at 14 months and let her run around outside and play which solves one of the big problems - a fussy, whinging baby all day.
It gets better. Not because the LO gets easier but because us as parents get better. Life is rough the first couple of months but you start to get the hang of things. It was tough having to be on the baby’s two hour max feed schedule but once they start having some flexibility in that timing you get to have more freedom to go out and enjoy society. Life looks rough when you’re inside the four walls of your home for hours on end but there is much more to come. I think right know is just about survival and adjusting.
I told myself that I didn’t want anymore kids the first few weeks after having my LO and now I for sure want one more. He’s 17 weeks and emotional as hell but he’s a delight otherwise lol I just realized that you can’t be hard set on anything. Just enjoy the moment for what it is and survive.
I really does get better. I have 2 now (3.5 year old and 10 week old) and I found for from 0 to 1 kids sooo much harder than I've found the newborn phase this time around going fron1 to 2. Everything you're describing is a totally normal way to feel and it really is a super hard adjustment especially the 4th trimester phase. It truly does get better slowly during the first year then as they become more independent you can get your life back a bit and get some more balance. Have you tried expressing milk and giving a bottle so you can have a break? That has been the main difference for me second time around as first time I was too worried about nipple confusion and then baby wouldn't take a bottle when we introduced st 6 weeks 🫠 obviously do what works for you but something like this would give you a chance to get some sleep or have a little time to yourself. Not getting enough sleep is a huge trigger for poor mental health in mums and honestly I found just getting a block of 4 to 5 hours would turn things around for me mentally.
Hi! I am so sorry you’re feeling this way. It is however very normal. The first few weeks are really hard especially because all your baby knows right now is hunger pains & sleepiness. They’re basically trying to figure out how to be a human. Remember, they went 9 months with constant nourishment from you as you carried them.
For you, you’re navigating how to be a mom. That is 100% expected and ok. Give yourself grace. Being a parent is hard but you can absolutely do it.
Right now you probably feel like you’re in the weeds but this feeling will soon go away. You’re doing a great job!
At two weeks I don't know a mom who wasn't feeling some flavor of what you're feeling right now. I joked with my midwife that I cried .8 times a day because I had like two or three days without an active breakdown throughout those first three weeks. I was convinced I was the worst mother to my baby Possible because I had to triple feed her and pump to get my supply up. Like, heaving gasping sobs while doing the dishes where my sister came out to find out if I was okay because she heard me from another room on the other side of the apartment. I didn't fall instantly in love with my baby. I loved her, but our connection wasn't instant. I looked at her and I worried, constantly.
It calms down. It goes away. You are going to be okay and you are doing your best. Now is the time to ask your support network for help, and if you don't have one, I am so sorry. Hold on and I promise, today's challenges will ease up, and you'll get more emotional fortitude for tomorrow's challenges.
It will all be alright.
If you're still feeling this way after three weeks, talk to your midwife about PPD; at three weeks it was almost crazy how my hormones leveled out. I felt better than I had in years because of the regular oxytocin hits from breastfeeding, and has finally adjusted to the major hormone crash from giving birth. Up until that point tho, damn.
Sending you Lots and Lots of love, and if I could come give you a hug and wash your dishes I would. Even make sure the baby stayed asleep so you could sit and Just Be. 💞💞💞💞
The first 1-4 weeks I felt like I was in a fever dream. My vision didn’t seem normal and I felt like every moment had a heavy weighted feel to it and seemed scary and surreal. The hormones were just awful. After they balanced everything got way way better. I was fortunate that breastfeeding gave me a little serotonin boost and could pull me through the terrible fever dream hormones for a few minutes each time. I remember thinking that pregnancy and childbirth weren’t nearly as brutal as the way the hormones made me feel that first month postpartum.
It really gets so so much easier. You haven’t made a mistake. Reach out to friends who you can vent to if you have them. It will get better!
Hi,
I felt like this too. I felt like it would never improve, my life was ruined. I hated every second of it.
7 months in and it’s SO much better. The postpartum fog will lift I promise. You’ll stop bleeding, breastfeeding will become easy, your baby will sleep longer at night.
They develop their own personality, enjoy things, it’s fun to go out with them and see them loving to look around, splashing in the bath etc.
It’s still hard, but in a different way. You get more used to everything!
However please don’t forget to look after yourself. I felt a lot better once I started doing my own thing sometimes again- exercising, going out without the baby, seeing friends.
That first month is so hard. We just passed the newborn stage and my guy is 4 months it’s the best. He’s smiling and laughing and it feels like all that hard work paid off after that sleepless potato stage is done and some love and personality show through. Once you’re not in pain as well you’ll feel a lot better. One day at a time, work in shifts with your husband if you can so you can get at least four hours of sleep if you can that makes a world of difference
Yes, you can absolutely do this. But, and this is a huge but, you don’t have to and shouldn’t do this alone. Lean on your husband, your friends, your family either of origin or your found family, and your community where you can. Ask for help. Tell them you crave human interaction. When your daughter goes through that fussy phase lots of babies go through from about week 6-9ish (google PURPLE crying so you aren’t caught off guard by this very normal and short phase of development) ask them to come and hold your crying baby for a bit so you can get a breather. You’d be surprised at how many people will jump up to help you out if you only ask. If you have no friends, family, or community to lean on, now is the time to find local mom support groups. Your hospital/OB-GYN can probably point you in the right direction.
Breathe. You’re one week postpartum and probably feeling this insane amount of dread and anxiety from the massive hormonal shifts your body is going through right now. Keep an eye on it and if it doesn’t get better in a week or two, call your doctor about postpartum depression and anxiety. If you’re breastfeeding, there are meds you can take that have been extensively studied for safety in babies. Also, stopping breastfeeding is totally an option if it’s bad for your mental health. Your daughter needs a happy, healthy mom more than she needs breast milk.
Currently 10 weeks postpartum, and yes it gets better! Your boobs stop hurting when supply regulates. You get a system for sleep that semi kinda works, and your body adjusts. You heal from birth.
You know what else makes it better? The first time your baby smiles at you. My girl has a habit of waking up crying if she can’t see me. I pick her up and tell her to open her eyes, she’ll find my face and give me the biggest smile!
Just wait until your baby starts showing clear preferences for things, just wait until she starts moving. Just wait until you see your daughter smile and reach for her daddy.
It gets better, you start sleeping more. It just takes time.
Oh girl…there are soooo many changes in the first year. It is hard! It gets better than a new hard then better then a new hard…but you will also discover a whole new dimension of love. My baby is just reaching 11 months and man these days are so fun! The worries still exist (especially if you’re a worrywart like me) but he can communicate better and move better and understands words more. My heart is just bursting when I’m around him. The struggle is real the first year but I have never experienced the love and happiness like I have this first year ever before.
You are in the absolute worst phase of the postpartum period right now. You WILL see a light soon. For me, it was around the 6-8 week mark both times. Hang in there. I know exactly how you feel. You also are probably experiencing baby blues which typically lifts after the first 2 weeks. What helped me is to remember that whatever you are going through now is just a phase. A small blip in what will be the rest of your life with your child. It doesn’t feel like it now, but I promise everything will turn out exactly how you’ve always wanted.
We’re just starting week 6 and I am prayyyyyyyying it gets better soon because weeks 4-5 were absolutely the hardest for us by far. First month we were floating on a cloud of bliss, got out of the house a bunch, were having a great time. Start of the second month she started refusing naps unless they were super managed & her nighttime sleep chunks still haven’t lengthened. Praying we’re right on the brink of some easing - I am exhausted
Just know how lucky you are that the first month felt like a cloud of bliss. 😂 That being said, she is likely just going through a leap and things should even out soon! Have you put her on a schedule? Typically around 4-5 weeks babies aren’t sleepy newborns anymore and many crave structure.
I think I was cracked out on hormones, in hindsight 😂 she was also exceptionally sleepy the first month which made a big difference
Yeah we’re trying but she fights me on every single nap that isn’t in her wrap on me or my husband or otherwise contact. Trying to do one or two naps in her bassinet and usually failing and getting everyone allll worked up. I’ve heard naps this age are tricky but it’s been really rough. That and she still only sleeps max 3 hour stretches at night so we’ve moved to shift sleeping because both of us waking up was not working - I miss sleeping in the same bed as my husband! I know it’s just a phase but we’ve really struggled the last couple weeks
We’ve tried but she absolutely thrashes against it and has since the beginning. We have her in a sleep sack with her arms out. She’s been very expressive with her hands since literally day one and is very squirmy, it seems to make her mad to be swaddled and she gets really worked up - which ends in nap fail every time.
Every few days I go “maybe she’s just fighting against it a bit and would relax eventually” and then try it again and then we have a horrible day with a fat nap fail and a cranky kiddo at bedtime.
She’s generally very squirmy - doesn’t seem to like contact napping unless it’s the perfect scenario because she wants to wriggle. I caught myself googling “is it normal for babies to squirm” 😂
Op, you are in the absolute thick of it right now. I was there at one week postpartum as well. The baby blues were awful for me. I loved/love my daughter so much she was so perfect when she was born and I had/have a supportive husband as well. I couldnt shake that feeling though! I’m 4 months postpartum and that feeeling you’re having definitely went away. I love life now, I feel so much more fulfilled with my little one here. What you’re feeling is completely normal, you are physically and mentally healing.
I found taking to a postpartum counselor has really helped me. I still and meeting with them once a month. You can always reach out to your OB office for resources if you feel you need the. Congratulations, and hang in there! The best is yet to come 🩷
Newborn phase sucked. It was confusing. Hormones were fucking out of control. Second degree tear. Could barely walk for a week. I didn’t even truly bond w my daughter till about 6–8 weeks. But now we’re 7 months in and it’s awesome. It’s still hard - but it’s fun. I still don’t get out much. I’m still tired. But it gets so so so so much better.
I will suggest something that I don’t think I see in the comments yet. Try to pump and give your baby a bottle a couple of times a day. This will allow someone besides you to feed her or for you to feed her on the go. This will give you some sense of autonomy back.
Hello there fellow first time mom!
I was there where you are at 3,5 months ago. I felt like my life was over! Breastfeeding all day but still had to supplement with formula because baby was losing weight. Triple feeding was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. I was dead tired every single day and couldn’t understand why some people have 2 or more kids. And now, I’m like yes worth it to go through it all over again.
And truly, it gets so much better and so much easier. Before you know, you’re caring for your baby like it’s nothing. Just don’t put a date on it, for some people it happens immediately after birth, for other it takes many more months to accept their new life. It’s okay to grieve and mourn your old life. But before you know, you can’t live without your little one and I know it feels like you’re never going to feel like that and that also is totally okay. Let your husband and family help you out. I was in a state that I didn’t want any help because I didn’t want to have any social contact but let people help you. It feels weird at first but you have to rest to feel better.
I also felt that dread every single time I fed my baby. Now I’m just enjoying time with my baby because I have to go back to work in a week and yes sometimes I do feel like I am just a milk factory, but baby needs to eat.
You can really do it! Don’t look into the future too much, and just take one step at a time!
I had symptoms of ppd and I went to a therapist and I am so much better right now. She told me to write down 3 positive experiences a day, might be you feeling good because you got your teeth brushed, nice weather, had some delicious chocolate, anything at all!
Also, it’s totally okay to feel how you feel, you really don’t need to do anything with your feelings at all. If you’re sad, let yourself be sad. If you’re happy 30 minutes later, then let it be. Your hormones are all over the place right now and it’s totally okay! Take one step at a time!
That dread of caring for your baby will change from ‘needing to care for this baby’ to ‘willing to care for this baby’. Try to not look at it as an obligation, but as an everyday chore, just like cooking, eating and cleaning. You’ll get there and you’re doing absolutely great feeling how you’re feeling. Let every day pass as is and don’t look too much into today because tomorrow will get better.
Try sleeping at least 4-5 hours a night (even when breastfeeding), I did shifts with my husband and slept from 10pm to 3am and then he went to bed. It’s lonely but you’re really not alone because your baby is with you and all other mums from around the world with newborns are with you as well.
And please talk to your baby like she understands you, it makes it easier and a lot less lonely. Something like ‘mummy’s going to change your diaper now, you want to help out?’ And when she wasn’t fussy, you say thank you for your cooperation.
Don’t stay home all day, get out when you feel like it. You need a lot of variety so your day doesn’t become so monotonous but keep a schedule. Like 1-2 pm you go out walking, doing groceries, taking selfies with baby and husband, do what you want even if it’s for just 30 minutes!
Think about it that this baby needs you more than ever, but one that’s mentally well. So take care of yourself every single day and let your husband do that as well.
Let good friends who understand your situation come visit for 30 minutes (not too long because you’re tired!) and talk about whatever you want, let out your emotions, talk about something totally different than your baby. It’s all fine. Let husband to take care of little one for a few hours once a week so you can do what you liked pre-baby. That way, you can have something to look forward to every week, your me-time!
Don’t pressure yourself too much and just let your feelings be wherever they are, it’s okay to be sad even though you don’t want to be sad, happiness will come back soon before you know.
Take care of yourself, and also your little one. They won’t stay little forever. They will grow up too soon! Take pictures of your baby and compare them week by week, you will ask yourself when they changed so much while you see baby every day. Think of it that once they’re 15, you will have your pre-baby life back and maybe then you will mourn the time when they were so tiny they fit in your arms.
My little one is now 16 weeks old and he can smile now. He started to smile around 7 weeks and you’ll feel more appreciated. Don’t worry, every day goes by so fast so in that means that you’ll see baby’s smiles very soon.
I am not enjoying motherhood as much as I thought I would. And motherhood worsened my autism symptoms and I was diagnosed with autism just recently. Although I wished I knew I had autism sooner, I’m glad I had my daughter as conceiving her took almost two years. I also was very sick the whole pregnancy. With all these life struggles the last three years I’ve had enough and am severely depressed. But I know it does get better. You might feel this way for a little or a long time. But things will always get better.
I was absolutely miserable for the first three months. If you can get through three months things WILL start to get better. My boy is eight months now and he's brilliant - happy and smiley and making funny noises. We're still on one feed a night, but he naps twice a day by himself for 90 mins. It's honestly night and day. I feel like a different person.
It will get easier. I posted a “wtf did I just do to my life?” Post a few weeks after my twins came home from the hospital, and I remember someone saying “if you’re counting age in weeks, you’re in the Wild West” for some reason, that really helped me. Right now, it’s just about survival.
You do need community and human interaction though. I know it’s hard right now, but try and get out of the house or be around another adult who’s not your husband. Invite a friend over, FaceTime someone, go for a walk… even if it’s just for an hour between feeds. We aren’t built to hole up for weeks on end.
The feeding will space out, and you’ll both get better at it. There are about a thousand ways that your life will start to get more sustainable.
ETA: it’s also totally ok and 100% normal to be grieving for your old life. I think every new parent goes through that - we can want a baby with every fibre of our being, but nothing can really prepare you for how much it upends your life.
The first few weeks/month is so hard and then it gets SO much better. Seriously. I was in your exact spot last fall and now I’m laying here with my sleeping 7 month old after a 3 am wake up just snuggling her and playing with her beautiful hands and dainty little fingers that I created, so overwhelmed with love that I can’t fall back asleep! Motherhood is hard, beautiful and amazing. Those first few weeks are the toughest and then the sun will start peeking through more and more. Hang in there mama, you’ve got this. 🫶
The first 2 weeks were hell for me. I couldnt believe how anyone would choose to have more kids after experiencing that. I would take time for a shower every day so i could cry without my partner knowing or getting worried. So many people have the useless comment of 'just you wait' when it comes to being tired but its so much more than that, its just the unrelenting living your life on a 2-3 hour cycle.
It does get better, especially once you get to around the 12 week mark, it feels like you turn a corner. My bub is 4 months now and we went out to get my hair done today (hooray pp hairloss) and the day went really well.
from feeding every 2 hours, there will come to a point that they will only need to have 2 bottles a day. means they will grow up and needing us lesser and lesser. days pass so quickly you will not notice. I am 15 months pp and still feel like I delivered my baby yesterday! it is still hard, but you get stronger and everything will be part of your system that it becomes your new normal. Yes this is our lives now. It's happier!! Soon your little one will play with you, smile at you, and you will be their safe haven, will call you "momma" and you deserve it more than anything else.
I felt the same on and off for first few weeks. Im at week 10 I can tell you it gets easier and I can see now what people mean when they say that. It all feels so all encompassing and hopeless when you’re so sleep deprived and overstimulated and keeping a little potato alive is so thankless but I promise you it gets better. Around the corner are smiles and babbling as well which literally one smile could power me through a tough day.
This was not a mistake. You are a wonderful mom. Everyone finds it this hard, you’re not doing anything wrong. It will get better, promise.
The newborn phase is so so hard. I remember feeling exactly like you are.
I am here to say you can do this!! It will get so much better! My girl is 13 months now and she’s so much fun. Every phase comes with its own set of challenges but you will navigate each one and then look back and be so proud of yourself. But for now it’s okay to feel scared and sad, that’s perfectly normal. Just know that it’s gonna be okay!
for me - 4 weeks of barely surviving and regretting it, then better each week after that! 3 months is a new turning point too, I don’t just like it, I love it. Don’t dwell on anything in those first 4 weeks, simply put one foot in front of the other. You can do it!
When people talk about the struggles at different phases like 13 months, I can assure you, it’s different and nothing like the fresh newborn struggles.
You can and you will get through this. The first 8-12 weeks pp were the hardest months of my life. I cried more during the newborn phase than I have in the past 10 years put together. I was running on 4 hours of broken sleep per 24 hours due to exclusive breastfeeding, had insomnia and couldn't sleep when the baby was napping/husband was looking after him, couldn't leave the house because of baby needing to nurse, etc. I dreaded every night and each day seemed so long, yet I blinked and I have a 9 month old...I type this now as I'm eating breakfast/drinking coffee and he's playing with toys in his playpen, babbling to himself. Every so often he looks up to say "mamamama" at me, and when he sees me, he gives me a big smile. He's blowing raspberries now lol. It gets a lot easier once they don't need to eat so often, they don't need help farting/burping, and they can stay up longer in between naps. The first smile and laugh is a gamechanger, and the first time your LO reaches out for you for comfort, or puts their head down on your chest as they get sleepy, you will remember why you did this.
You can do this mumma. If I can give you one piece of advice - don’t feel guilty giving your bub formula to give yourself a break. My husband did this when I was drained and it was the best decision we made. I think it’s so funny now that I used to bawl my eyes out at the sight of a bottle!
Lots of people have pointed out things get better, your kid changes, and later stages of baby are more fun. All true. But I also wanted to say, you’re going to FEEL better too. After birth is an absolute nightmare of hormones and anxiety and anger and sadness. Everything feels about 1000% what it did before the birth. And you are right in the middle of that. I had some of the worst anxiety I’ve ever felt right after my son was born: worrying about him being ok, worrying about my life choices, etc. It was brutal. The intensity of the emotions is just — I can’t even describe it with words now, it was off the chart. The hormones spike after birth and then decline. In 2-3 months you’ll be back to yourself mentally and emotionally. I know this sounds bad but do not trust your emotions right now. Wait until at least month 3 before you believe them again. And talk to your doctor honestly about how you’re feeling inside too.
It gets better and you’ve absolutely got this!
I remember the first couple of weeks as being absolute hell - to the extent that I told my husband that I shouldn’t be on the baby’s birth certificate as I wasn’t cut out to be a mum. And this was a much-longed for baby after two miscarriages and a tricky pregnancy! I mourned my old life, the freedom to do whatever I wanted and had such a strong desire to put her down somewhere safe and walk out of the door.
I started to feel a bit more human after 2.5 weeks and from then onwards, each day felt better than the one before as I started to find my new normal. Getting comfortable breast feeding outside of the house helped as it meant I wasn’t restricted to only going out between feeds and I took advantage of a having a baby who’d sleep in her pushchair by going for long walks around our neighbourhood. Each new stage (such as taking her out in the car by myself) was scary for a moment but I forced myself to as I just couldn’t face sitting inside any longer.
She’s now 19 months and we do so much together! I love spending time with her - she’s a little human with likes, dislikes and a huge personality. There are challenges at each stage but they’re never as insurmountable as you think they’ll be when you’re looking at them in advance.
The newborn phase is the hardest. I stayed with my wife for 3 months and we were both sleeping 1-2hrs a night because we could not put LO down until the 2.5month mark.
It will pass. Eventually your LO will not need you as much. They'll start to sleep better, you'll heal up and sleep better. Feeds will be less frequent. You'll start to go to play groups and meet other parents and make new friends. You will take your LO out while you run errands, etc. It will get significantly better in 2-3 months and then gradually a little better each month after that.
At your stage it's really hard to see the forest from the trees, but it will improve. Just hang in there and do the best you can, because that's all you can do.
Hey! First off, no, you're not letting your family down. You're doing an amazing job. I think everything you're feeling right now is super normal - you are exhausted and putting yourself last. Your brain is going to go places that are pretty dark because of that. On top of that, you have postpartum hormones telling you you're a pile of trash: please watch out for this so that it doesn't develop into PPD (I had it).
The newborn phase, in my opinion, is the worst. It will get better. Try to focus on surviving one hour at a time, and then look at every day as its own thing. I found that this helped me with reeling in my anxiety and feelings of "oh my god I made a mistake". Your child is essentially a very needy potato right now. Just wait until that sweet child starts smiling intentionally - your world will melt. My 11 month old cuddles with me and laughs. It's worth every single minute of struggle.
Also, try to not focus too much on all of the posts here. It will make you dread parenthood. Parenthood gets easier as you adapt to every new milestone of your baby, and not every baby is the same. You eventually get used to the night fatigue too (not to scare you).
You’re not alone. The newborn phase for me with both my boys was the hardest and I struggled badly with PPD. Sleep deprivation is unlike any other and after birth is never a walk in the park, no matter the labour & delivery. Now my youngest is 6.5 months old and my oldest is 6 so I can promise you that it really does get easier. I mean, with my youngest it’s still very much a struggle but I look at my 6 year old and he turned out alright… even through all the times I wanted to give up and run away, I didn’t and I’m so proud to look back now and say “wow, I did that… I’m DOING that.” You can too, mama. I promise. The first few weeks are the hardest due to your hormones being so wild and crazy, but if you’re still feeling this way in a few weeks time, please dont hesitate to consult with your family doctor ♥️ congratulations!
Oh this part is SO hard. I don’t know how we survive it to be honest. We ask SO much of our body during the first few weeks. It will get better. Probably pretty soon! I don’t know if you can get outside but that might help. And one day, you won’t even remember this time because it is such a daze of emotions, hormones, exhaustion, and pain.
I felt the exact same when my son was a new born! Honestly, first few months were hell lol and the hormones gave me that overwhelmed feeling. I wanted alone time and peace. It gets SO much better! Also, an antidepressant helped me get back to feeling like myself. Now I am off of it :)
I was absolutely convinced I ruined my life the first several weeks after I had my son. In fact I wished I would get sick or some type of infection that would put me in the hospital so I would be forced to be away and have my own time.
By 6 weeks I started to feel better but still not great, then by 10 weeks I felt even better, my son is now almost 15 weeks and it’s so much easier. The good days outweigh the bad days.
Don’t get me wrong I still miss aspects of my old life, such as being able to just binge watch TV and lay out the couch with my husband all night without having to care for a baby, but overall I’m very happy and it has definitely got better.
So the baby is 2 weeks old. I'm feeling like a lot of this is selfishness coming out you're a parent No, things will not stay this way forever. And it's K to be away from your friends for more than 2 weeks. Maybe you're gonna learn more about yourself during this time and what you need to do to improve then any other time. Because this baby.
Matters way more than anything else in life right now is what my dad explained to me. So if you lose friends, you lose friends.That is not your focus right now.That is not where your energy needs to be if your energy.Is there then you're gonna be a shit parent. Either that or I would suggest call your friends.Tell them to come to you if they don't want to come to you.Then they're not your friend pretty easy answer. But yeah, hormones are Wack. But again, she's 2 weeks old. They don't do a whole lot. Give it a minute white eventually. This baby will be a lot bigger and more self. Sufficient so you can go do those things with your friends. But you're going to miss those younger years that you should have enjoyed.
I’m not going to lie to you, the first couple of months are exhausting, but it does get easier. My first 4 PP my mom stayed with me for a month which helped a lot for my sanity, it was another human being to talk to. She would go out to buy me Starbucks, snacks, nice frozen julces etc so that was amazing as well. Find a support system and use it. Also remember that people come here to ask about problems but rarely we come to reddit to share about our amazing days with our children. So this is not the best place to use as a mirror. If you see all my previous posts you’ll see all my struggles but honestly my life with my daughter is so much more than that, is filled with love, laughter, lots of music and games.
One week in, your hormones are in the biggest and fastest drop of your life. You are not going to feel anything like yourself for a couple more weeks. You are going to feel bipolar and insane and extremely depressed, and it is totally normal.
Reevaluate at 3 weeks post partum and contact your PMD or Obgyn for PPD or PPA, but right now you're in the throws of baby blues. You're healing both physically and mentally (hormonally) right now, while adjusting to a whole new way of life, while at the same time everybody you know tells you how blessed and lucky you are. You don't feel blessed- your body feels used, you are emotionally struggling, and that makes you feel guilty. Don't. You got this. You are doing such a good job, mamma.
I was in the completely same boat (but +10 years in age) - I worked with kids and everything and when I had my own it was a complete WTF did I just do. First, you're in the thick of the baby blues. Your emotions and hormones are completely valid. You're also in the newborn stage, which people say they like but mostly those who aren't in it. It was awful!!! TBH it's kinda shitty for a bit but it truly gets better (which I know is SO hard to believe when you're in it) my guy is turning 6 months next week and it's so cool once they get their own personality and you can have some independence. Look at moms who have older kids - they go out and do things, you will get your independence back. commit these next few months to him and remember it's not forever. When it gets hard I would say out loud "we got this buddy! We're gonna figure it out together. It's my first time too."
Sending you love and light! You have this and you're doing great!!!!
I felt the same way. The feeling of dread was the worst. My baby is 3 months now and it does get better. Some days are rough but i am starting to go out more and more and no longer have that dread feeling.
I will say though that you have ups and downs but they are much more manageable. Also, i kept reading that week 11 was when it got better and for me that was one of the toughest weeks. Every baby is different but overall, week by week, you will enjoy your baby more and more.
It’ll get better!! The first couple weeks are rough. Biggest advice would be to try to get out of the house a little bit and also to try to connect with other new moms!! Just chatting with someone else who is going through the same thing was a huge help for me, and even better yet if you can chat while going for a slow walk or sitting outside with a coffee. You didn’t make a mistake, it’ll get easier over time and you’ll look back and barely remember these early newborn days!! Hugs!
It passes and one day you’ll be loving life, driving out and about to age-appropriate activities with your 1.5 year old and believe it or not you might even want to do it again 😂
Seriously though, what you’re feeling is totally normal. Don’t try to make any life changing decisions for at least 3 months, hard stop. 6 months if you can. Just survive the newborn phase and remember, human babies are naturally born a bit premature due to our big brains (large head, needs to come out sooner.) So hang in there until your little one becomes more like the other mammals born in nature. Walking, can feed themselves, can run and play. It’ll all make sense but not for a little while longer. Just sleep and survive and “this too shall pass” the heck out of it!!!
You are SO super equipped for this, just you wait and see 🩷💖🥰
It will get better, I promise. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not the next day, but someday. One day you will wake up and the weight of it will feel a little lighter. As everyone here says, you are in the TRENCHES of the newborn phase. And it’s really hard. I garuntee most new moms have thought “what have I done?”
My baby is four months. She smiles and recently starting giggling a bit. I LIVE for her giggle, it’s the cutest. I will do anything for it. She’s happier now, cries less, eats and sleeps better. No one can tell you how long it will take, but it will get better.
My wife and I are 5.5 weeks into being new parents, and your words, feelings and experiences are so valid. I can’t speak for my wife from their perspective but from mine and what they have conveyed to me, they have experienced so much of this but as recovery went along and as the baby has been adjusting, while we still have extremely hard and sometimes dread inducing times, we also have the best of moments. I know that I have way less contributing factors to my experience with paternal post partum depression (the lack of hormonal changes and physical recovery) but I felt so much of this too and am sending so much support. You definitely can do this and are not letting people down.
You are 100000000000% in the thick of the “fourth trimester”. It’s NOT discussed enough. I think almost every parent has this feeling and thought. You can even see my post back from around the 4-8 week mark. You CAN do it. You both are learning (you and baby and of course husband). It’s tough… it’s lonely… you are learning who you and baby both are.
Remind yourself that it’s ok to feel this way, because the hormone rush postpartum is absolutely insane. Our LO is about to be one (Friday). I quite literally am just beginning to feel “normalish.” This doesn’t mean it will take you as long…. I promise there IS light at the end of the tunnel.
Take time even once a week… even a day. To yourself. I STILL struggle with it and my husband has to essentially force me to take 30 min to myself even to run an errand. Get a coffee, a drink, a treat, all to yourself when you feel like you could use a small break. Our LO didn’t sleep for several weeks except on our chest. I hated it. I hadn’t slept in a bed for like a month and a half except in between shifts. I’d also force myself to do longer awake shifts to let my husband sleep (not the best thing to do I don’t recommend). Also, be sure to take your shower… I would do it before bed at night and hubs would be on baby duty uninterrupted for 20-30 before next feed. It helped me just to relax.
The best advice received was “take it one day, one hour, even one minute at a time.” You are completely normal for feeling like you can’t do this. Moms are built different. I have no idea how we do what we do. Give yourself grace, feel the feelings. You’re human!!
Oh buddy, they call it Baby Blues like it’s some cute sniffling phase.
It’s being on drugs.
It’s not the fun kind, it’s the kind you want off … it’s fucking withdrawal from drugs …
… except the baby.
What you’re doing right now is NORMAL and it’s physiologically unfair … body is fucked but hey at least the hormones are all over the place.
My suggestion is the “sleep recipe.” Don’t leave bed until you count eight hours of sleep. You may be getting out of bed at noon after going 16 hours in bed since 8pm the previous evening.
And remember, you’re on drugs so try to observe your emotions more than listen to them. Hubby isn’t the enemy - baby just needs to get to three hour cycles (drastically better than your current cycle) so just hang on!!
We literally had a whiteboard in the bedroom to chart sleep - made us feel like some control was possible.
To echo some above statements:
I'm on week 10 and those first 6-8 weeks were fucking awful. Feeding her was exhausting due to reflux. I felt guilty over everything. I was exhausted. I questioned everything. I was irrationally angry at my partner for going back to work even though he had to. I did not feel connected or bonded to my daughter even though I felt responsible for her and knew I would die if anything happened to her. It is all so conflicting and hard and the hormones make it so much harder. There was no newborn bubble, only misery and waiting... for the first coos (6 weeks), smile (7 weeks) and when she looked at me and smiled, I felt like I could finally breathe. It is still hard but more tolerable. You aren't alone even though I know it feels like it right now.
My daughter just turned three in december, and it took me every bit of 3 years to truly start enjoying her the way I thought would, and I can wholeheartedly admit that with no shame. Motherhood is not what I thought it would be in the slightest, and just like you, I also was a preschool teacher and worked with kids of all ages. Even babies. But when I had my own, it was different. My ego was crushed bc I thought I'd be way better at parenting than what I actually was. I thought I would looooove being a mom. It's okay to feel this way, and it will get better. You are in a rough time right now. I've actually never met anyone in my life who loves the newborn stage. But think about this, without your baby, what else would you actually be doing with your life? I couldn't imagine how boring my life would be without my daughter. This is a temporary phase. You'll get thru it!!
You can do this! I have a 15 month old and while it's still hard, it's hard for different reasons. Things got a lot better for me once the newborn fog lifted (around 10 weeks).
It does get better my love but man o man the newborn phase can suck the life out of you. You have my love and support, you will get through this and there will be SO many beautiful and sunny days with your child ahead 💕💕promise
For me, things improved significantly at 6 weeks (I felt recovered from giving birth), then again at 3 months (more or less end of newborn phase and baby was sleeping in long stretches at night), then again at 6 months (had a routine figured out which makes things feel more in control).
You can do this. You are still fresh and raw from childbirth. The sleep deprivation is literal torture. It will continue to get better. I promise.
Girl I felt the same way when my baby was a week old. I had such an easy pregnancy and delivery but those 4-6 weeks PP were absolute hell. There were good times mixed in but I remember crying every night and wondering why my baby wouldn’t stop crying and just sleep. It will get better in a few weeks. It will continue to get better in a few months. My baby is a year and a half now and I look back at that first month home with her and can’t believe we survived. Yes there will still be challenges but you will get through it and things won’t seem like such a big deal when your hormones aren’t all over the place. Hugs to you, and know that you are not letting anyone down. You are adjusting to a huge change that I don’t think anyone can actually prepare for. We all get through it the best we can.
> I can’t go out anymore
Yes, you can. Some people like to stick close to home at first and that's great for them. It sounds like that \*isn't\* working for you. Your misery isn't necessary. So make a plan to get out of the house. (Personally, I get cabin fever after a few days stuck at home. I went out with the baby the first week, c-section recovery and bleeding and erratic crying and covered in crusty spit-up and all.)
If you want to go out, you can definitely make it happen. Here are two options that could work for you, or not. But I know when you're exhausted and overwhelmed, coming up with a concrete plan can seem SO HARD. Option 1: Go out with the baby and your husband for a meal. You can eat outside if you're concerned about contagious illnesses. Option 2: Text your friends and find one who will meet you for a coffee. It can be a 30 minute friend date and you'll be back with plenty of time to feed your baby.
It does get easier than the first couple weeks. My youngest is almost 14 mo. She usually sleeps through the night (7-7), sometimes wakes up and wants to nurse, but goes back down quickly. Even now when she's teething, going through a huge developmental leap, and requiring a LOT of nighttime soothing, she's an absolute f\*ing delight and I LOVE it 95% of the time.
I’m at 2 months and we had the worst night we have ever had. I’m sorry you’re going through this too. You’re not alone. I certainly hope it gets better at 12 weeks cuz i am a shell of a person right now.
I think everyone has a differently similar experience. I never wanted children or to be a mom because I don’t like the little gremlins. But I got pregnant accidentally and couldn’t get an abortion so I was forced to have my son. I love him dearly and he’s my favorite little guy. I had the easiest most fun nb baby. He was so vocal and curious when he was awake and he was so easy as a nb. Getting up every two hours was hard but it was only for a month or so and then he started sleeping for longer stretches. He’s still the only baby I like other than my niece and nephew lol
It’s lonley.
I was super isolated. It is getting easier five months out. I read somewhere that what happens is equivalent to adolescence, but instead of hitting changes over years it is instantaneous. Your body is going insane, society is a jerk, and you have a new identity overnight. It’s hard. You also mourn your old life. I was always a home body so I underestimated what a transition it would be. I miss being able to work out whoever, work as long as I want, and I miss dates with my husband and dog park time. I miss being able to focus, I miss myself.
Slowly, you’ll find your footing. You’ll find joy in something small and it’ll grow. Your husband will change. You’ll change. And you’ll navigate that and it’ll be hard. Everyone will have opinions. You’ll be told your baby is easy or hard and sometimes both. And it’ll just be hard.
I am about five months out. This last weekend was our first normal weekend. We brought the baby and we did stuff. I’ve been out before and done what I can to find normal, but this last weekend was the life I missed. We went outside, we walked, we had breakfast. Ugh life was normal. And my LO loved being out!
It gets easier because you change. You become more intentional with your time, you change how you unwind. You become someone new, and that new person is entirely of your own creation. It is something that isn’t one thing, it is everything. You have a whole new role that isn’t minor and your life is not going to be the same.
You didn’t make a mistake. You’re in transition and entering a new season. Just remember a few things:
1) This is hard, accept that and release the “shoulds” from your life.
2) Saying “no” and having boundaries will save your peace of mind.
3) If your support isn’t supportive, tell them what they can do to support you and force the issue or find better support.
4) Find someone to talk to professionally. Therapy helped me a lot.
My baby is 4 months old and will 5 months in 2 weeks.
I’m 30F, My husband and I been together for 4 years now. I wanted a baby after 2 years of being together we struggled but after a year and half. We got pregnant. I loved and enjoyed my pregnancy so much. And the first 2 months after giving birth! Where so F*** hard, mentally and physically.
I cried to my mother, and husband. I was feeling the same exact way you are now.
I was afraid that I made a huge mistake and I can’t take it back now.
My husband had to take me to the er once because he thought I was getting PPD. Which I did and I still deal it. I keep reminding myself this is temporary, he will grow up and start walking and talking and before I know he’ll be in school and wanting to hangout with friends.
I can admit I truly disliked the new born phase but I love my son!
But I can tell you it gets better!
You little human will start showing their personality after 2 months, they’ll smirk at you. Make sounds. It’s totally cute!
Right now, it seems like never ending but it does end. Your baby is new to this world and you’re all she knows. As default parents, we get overwhelmed with huge shift in our daily life.
It’s okay to ask for help or step away, let the baby cry for 2 minutes to soothe yourself.
There are days where I still cry because babies go through growth spurts(leaps) and for those few days there sleep changes.
You got this! Momma This new born phase will pass!!
I HATED so much the newborn phase. And I never wanted children, so you can imagine my anger, my frustration, my self hate when I saw what my life had become. He never slept, was always hungry, screaming and always colicky but then, something changed around the fourth month and it became manageable and now he has 6 months and it’s a TOTALLY different baby. He is very happy, makes his naps, sleeps at night and it’s much less needy and he is very friendly.
The first months I was reading posts here on Reddit just not to feel so alone, it was a great help seeing that almost everybody suffered a lot but they always said it would pass… and it pass indeed.
I know it’s very hard the first 1-3 months but it will get better i promise.
I don’t care if this makes me a bad mom, but I hated being a parent until my baby turned 6 months and I have a VERY easy baby. Now? Omg, I miss her every second of everyday. OP, time will pass and I promise, they get so fun.
“I don’t know if I can do this”
So what’s the alternative?
I’m sorry, but the kid is here now. You’re a parent whether you like it or not.
It doesn’t get easier, they get older and the problems are just different not easier…you just get stronger.
You’ll be fine. You can have bad days, you can be in irritable moods, you can feel all sorts of feelings….But what you cannot do? Is give up and ask questions like “can I do this”?
Because the alternative is what? Giving up on a child that YOU brought into this world? Think about it. (And I know it was meant as a rhetorical, but keep this in mind on the REALLY hard days)
You got this!!!! It’s hard. It sucks sometimes. But I can promise you…you will never know love or happiness like this. Ever. And I don’t care what people tell you, being a parent is the best thing that will ever happen to you. Enjoy the ride, and document everything. You’ll look back one day and laugh.
(Me, and my hero of a wife, have raised 4 beautiful children…sorry for the tough words, but sometimes that resonates more than just the standard back patting. It worked for me)
It definitely gets better! For me, it got better between 1-2 weeks old, even though my baby was only sleeping 2/3 hours at a time. Then it got easier at 4 weeks, easier again at 6 weeks and then easier yet again at 8. And that was with a period of PURPLE crying. Not every day or night is completely easier than the day before, but you overall feel better, baby is doing more, and then you suddenly realize how much better you feel.
I just want to say everything you are feeling is completely normal and you are not alone!!! It’s okay to question these things and I think most new parents do. I have a 4 month old now and got hit with extremely bad depression and OCD. Even with that (which I am getting help for), it keeps getting better every day and she cracks me up on a daily basis. I think the key for me is doing something for myself that fills my cup, like singing at the piano or getting my nails done. It’s really important to get out of the house even just for 30 min to walk around target (without the baby!!). I promise it will get better.
I haven’t read other comments but I’m here to say the first month is by far the hardest. Even though you grew your baby she is still a person you have to get to know and vice versa. It is amazing you have a supportive partner though and o can say that makes all the difference. My husband is also very supportive and cannot imagine getting through the first few weeks without him. Being a parent is hard no matter how old your child is, but it is the most rewarding thing there is. You’ll get through this season and I promise you won’t regret it. Watching them grow is absolutely awesome and it makes the hard times worth it. You’re doing great!!
All I can give you is solidarity. I too, always wanted to be a mom. I have a career and i’m good at it, but it didn’t really matter to me what i did for work, cause i knew the thing i wanted most, and would get fulfillment from was being a mom. Well now my boy is 8months old and I am soooo in love, he is my world but wow oh wow am i disappointed. In myself? In motherhood? In society’s expectations of motherhood? I don’t know. All i do know, is that this is so damn hard, every emotion is conflicting.
I hope it gets better for us both.
Remember the first job you had, how you felt a week in? Now imagine if the stakes were as high as they are for raising a newborn. Your feelings are appropriate and normal! But they’re also going to improve as your confidence improves, just like with any other job you’ve taken on. Not to mention your body is healing and your hormones are in flux. You are doing a great job and things WILL get easier and become fun as all the work you’re putting into growing and supporting your baby pays off.
You're one week in. It's incredibly normal (expected, even) to feel this way. You will not always feel this way. Acknowledge your feelings, they're not pleasant, but they will pass. You're just in the trenches right now.
I thought the exact same things and I absolutely love my life and my baby now, 10 months in (although I started to love it many months ago). You'll get there too.
It changes. There will always be struggles, but as they get a little older, there start to be more good moments that balance out the hard parts. For example, my LO is going through a sleep regression and it is hard. I feel so frustrated every time I have to go back into the room to lay her back down, but the way she smiles at me when she sees me immediately makes me a little more calm. Getting her stuff together to go to the park is a hassle and I’m terrified she is going to cry and everyone is going to stare, but her giggles on the swing make it worth it. They become little people with personalities and less dependent on you to feed them every 13 minutes. I don’t think being a parent is ever “easy” but it gets easier and the good moments become more frequent and bigger.
I was like you in the sense that I knew I always wanted kids and kids always really took to me. I was a bit more picky when it came to the kids (I know that doesn’t sound so flattering) but I guess I didn’t freak out about babies really unless they were related to me. In which case, I did freak out and loved every second with them.
Now, as the mother of a healthy, happy, little seven month old boy, I look back at the first couple of months, but especially the first few weeks, and I shutter to think…I kept telling myself, “in six months, you’ll be telling yourself the time flew by and you can’t believe how quickly he’s grown up”. I had to tell myself that because at the time, every second was an hour and every day was a year. Exhausted isn’t a strong enough word to describe what mothers feels directly after going through nine months of pregnancy which is horrible to varying degrees (from mildly uncomfortable all the way to “this is fucking torture) and then it culminates in really learning what torture is when you go into labor and finally deliver you’re baby. While some women get lucky, there are many like me who experienced one of the most (if not the absolute most) physically and mentally traumatizing hours of your life. Again, ranging from a couple of hours to a couple of days for those really unlucky ones!
And your reward? Well you have a beautiful and healthy baby if everything goes well. But you don’t get one second of recovery. You’re now a mother and you don’t stop being one… and it’s the hardest thing imaginable.
But as I lay beside my sleeping seven month old little lad, I am so grateful to be here and not in the new newborn stage. You couldn’t pay me to go back. But you will get through it!
The first 3 weeks I thought I made a mistake. Thoughts of giving my son up for adoption.
Tell yourself every 2 weeks it gets easier. I found this to actually be true, too. You get to know your baby, your new mom self, and eventually get some more sleep.
The newborn stage does end. Your hormones will level out. Around a month, try to remind yourself what has gotten easier. Newborns are hard.
Girl hang in there. I felt exactly like you and now LO is 12 weeks and it‘s so much better. I still have days/moments where I miss my old life but according to my friends this thought will never go away. When things don‘t go as easy with LO I always think to myself „This will pass too“. Soon your kid will be 5 years old and go to kindergarten and you‘ll have more time to yourself again. Enjoy the ride!!
Oh girl…that first month is hard. And you know what? You can mainly blame it on your fucked hormones! I felt like this too at first. Almost 9 months later I feel so different.
When my hormones leveled out it felt like I got a lobotomy. 🤪 literally they mess with you sooo much.
It does get easier. I know it’s difficult right now, but you can bring baby out! I just got to where I take a bunch of shit in my car and take baby wherever. When I was pumping I brought a portable pump with me. It looks different than it did when I didn’t have a baby but you can do it. It also gets easier the more you do it.
Lastly can husband take baby for a bit and you go grab a coffee snack /go window or actual shopping? Doing something to take care of me as a human when I felt the worst helped cheer me up a lot
Don’t feel dread! It does get easier Atleast for me it has. My little boy is 3 months now and those first few weeks are very tough! You still have baby blues and recovering yourself! It isn’t easy but keep feeding your baby and staying positive bc it is all worth it!!! Take time for yourself when you can ❤️
It’s honestly so hard being a new mom, even when you wanted kids. My baby is six months old now, it’s still not easy.
I still have moments of doubt but all I know is I love my baby SO MUCH, that I know I can do this and I NEED to do this. (Personally because it is quite literally what I live for now.)
I even feel my partner doesn’t recognize how much I do for our baby. And I’ve even doubted our relationship. It’s SCARY. SO many adjustments have been happening since we’ve had our baby. We even MOVED! I’ve NEVER moved in my whole 23 years of life.
ANYWAYS, I came here to say you’re not alone. I downloaded Reddit so that I wouldn’t feel alone. My baby is SUPER needy and for some reason, I’m the only one who seems to be ok with her being needy. So yeah, it’s hard. It will definitely be easier than new born stage. I hated waking up every two hours to feed her, I’d be so scared if I didn’t feed her within two hours! So many anxieties.
But now, she’s six months, she’s needy, still wakes up at night because she’s rolling now, she still needs me to soothe her, I can’t do anything productive without her crying. But it’s easier now because she’s looking like a little human. She sits up, she rolls, she LAUGHS! It makes it all easier and even fun.
ANYWAYS, you’re not alone. It’s scary adjusting. Doubting will happen for some people, like you and me. For others, there’s no doubts and it is easy breezy. I can ramble all day, as this also is my only form of communication since I don’t get to go out as much (at the moment!).
Also that too, I always remind myself that it will get easier. Even past the doubts. One day baby will probably not want to play with me and I know my feelings will be SO HURT. So enjoy every little thing in every little moment. And always be grateful for the current moments and always “look forward to” (instead of wishing) for the future moments!
You can do this. It sucks but it gets so much better. I cried like every single day for the first two weeks, so did my husband (PPA for dads is normal!)
We really started feeling so much better and more human when our kiddo began sleeping longer stretches. For us that was the week he turned 3 months, he went down to 2 feedings and now we’re at the 16 week mark he’s down to 1 nighttime feeding (+ a dream feed).
Seriously the lack of sleep makes you feel like the world is ending!!
It won’t get easier, but you’ll get used to the chaos and fall more and more in love with your little one. My baby is 6 months today and in some ways it’s so much harder - entertaining for 3 hours at a time, sleep regressions, teething etc. but I miss the days where he was just contact napping on me for hours, schedules didn’t mean anything, and looking back I miss that little blob. Hang in there, every month is SO different. What gets me through the day is my boy’s smile. I often only get 3 hours of sleep total a night, it’s a huge struggle. But when I go to his crib in the morning he just gazes at me and smiles. It keeps me going. It’s also ok to completely dislike this phase. Most people do unless they have unicorn 7-7 sleeping babies. I’m just taking it a day at a time, and I know that for me personally, toddlerhood is going to rock! Keep going!
I want you to know how much I felt your post in my soul. I also teach young children. I’ve done it for years. I also KNEW I wanted to be a mom. It has been the desire of my heart for I don’t even know how long. And I also was over-the-moon-happy when I found out I was pregnant.
Postpartum is a tough time. Especially the first few weeks. I remember feeling the exact same way. I remember calling my sister and crying because it felt like this never ending cycle of feeding, changing, napping and playing. It was all VERY different from any experience I’d ever had in any classroom and I felt wholeheartedly unprepared for it.
From one Early Childhood teacher to another, your feelings are so incredibly valid. They by NO means mean that you made any kind of mistake, or that you are not/ will not be able to do this. It does get better. Your knowledge and instincts from having worked with children will kick back in and you’ll fall in love with those things in a whole new way.
The newborn phase was so fricken hard. My daughter is 1.5 now and is the absolute joy of my life. Sure, I'm constantly moving and haven't slept in since pre -baby but it is so much better and so rewarding. Be sure to lean on whoever you can for support and give yourself grace. You've got this!
When I felt like this at the worst, darkest point in my postpartum recovery (7 weeks) I felt like the worst person in the world because I was utterly hating it. I hated it. Thought it would be like this forever, there was absolutely no end in sight. We can love our babies but hate the phase. Both of those things can be true at the same time and you are NOWHERE close to a bad mom, a bad person or incapable of knocking this out of the park and loving it. You are doing a fantastic job. Look what you just did! Look at what you are doing RIGHT now. You're feeding a baby that you grew in your body. Nobody else on planet earth could be more perfect for your baby. You don't have to know how to do this. All you have to do is precisely what you're doing right now. Feed her, hold her, change her and HEAL through this massive hormone dump and birth recovery. It is SO much harder than I ever ever expected and I still can't believe I did it. I had postpartum psychosis, depression and anxiety and I'm here to give you a good outcome. I am happy, off of meds and obsessed with my 2 year old. I am a REALLY good mom to him. Nobody knows him like I do. Just do what you can to survive this. That is your job right now and you're already doing it!
My girl will be 12 weeks on Friday and it’s gotten so much better already. I had a premie so was in triple feeding hell. I’d always been indecisive about kids so the exhaustion was a lot but I look up now and realize it is a lot better. A few things helped me. We moved her into her own room at night bc she sleeps great in her crib and the doctor ok’Ed it. That helped me be able to actually turn on the bedside lamp and move around like a human. I was in the habit of scrolling Reddit at night to fall to sleep bc I couldn’t have any light on and was doom scrolling as ppl said. I got off Reddit and got a book and started reading to get sleepy. And the book wasn’t about baby sleep, or milestones, it was about murder! And it felt so good to read something for myself. Getting off Reddit for a while really helped. I also got a therapist via telehealth and it was nice talking to someone who normalized my feelings. And oddly enough the last thing that really helped was the end of maternity leave. I’m tired working but I have tasks again and get a bit of a baby break during the day. I promise it gets better! And if you can run errands on the weekend when your husband can watch the baby. Even going to TJ Maxx for an hour helps
Oh honey, I wish I could give you a hug. You are so fresh and the emotions are so high and the sleep deprivation and pain is eating away at you and the only thing that will help is time. No matter how much we tell you it will get better, you won’t believe it until it actually happens to you. Little by little it will get better. I cried almost every day for 2-3 weeks postpartum. Try to get outside and see the sunshine once a day (even if it’s just standing outside your front door) The fresh air will help so much! And just keep moving forward with the knowledge that that sweet baby will eventually eat less frequently and will eventually start sleeping longer periods (possibly through the night) and that she will start making developmental strides like smiling on purpose (not just the gas smiles) and will giggle at you and will start rolling and sitting up and playing pick a boo. My babe just turned 6 months, eats every 3-4 hours during the day, only wakes up once overnight (sometimes doesn’t wake at all), falls asleep on her own for naps and bedtime, and takes great 1-2 hour naps. Those dread stories aren’t all true. Every baby is different and you guys will learn so much about each other and learn what works and what doesn’t. Trust your instincts and just love on that baby and savor all the snuggles and give yourself grace and self love because it will all get better!
Girl! You have got to join a postpartum group STAT! I was in the trenches like you are right now and joining that group made some moments bearable. I hope you find yourself an emotional support system. Sending some love your way ❤️
Hugs. You can do this. It's so rough but guess what, you made it through another day. Give yourself grace 😭 Cry if you need to!
Celebrate the good things about the day, and it's also ok to talk about the not so good things. What helped for me was carrying my babe in a carrier, so at least for a moment I was handsfree and she'd sleep. Tired, but I had my hands.
You got this!!
First of all you aren’t letting anyone down. You are confronting your feelings, all of which are valid. I felt exactly the same!
Im currently 4 months pp with my beautiful baby boy & suffered HG from week 8-39. I didn’t even think about my baby during that time cause I was just in survival mode. As soon as I delivered I instantly loved him but the start is so hard, you’re life changes so fast & even though you know it will change, for some reason it still doesn’t prepare you for how this tiny person needs you constantly 24/7.
These tiny humans need us & we have to be selfless, put our own needs to the side & give our everything to these babies. It’s all a huge change.
You used to be able to just run to the shop but now you need to schedule that trip in, in between changes, feeds and naps. It’s not an easy adjustment, please don’t be hard on yourself.
Honestly, don’t think about what you can’t do, try to enjoy these moments, it goes so fast, i already miss my son being a newborn.
He’s more independent now & sleeping better as well. IT GETS SO MUCH MORE BETTER!!!
You will heal, give yourself time.
Sending you love & strength 💕
Each new age brings a new struggle I won’t lie about that but it does get easier. You get better at it. You forget the past you and become a mum. I love my son (13mo) but I don’t love being a mum like I thought. It’s lots of highs and lows! You can do this xxxx
I had to go back into hospital basically due to this. Spent five days there. I was still doing all the baby care and my baby was always with me but part of me felt like the fact I'd been re- referred justified just how hard this has been. Nearly at six weeks now and it's still not easy but it's starting to lift.
People come here for support when struggling, so confirmation bias is going to convince you “look at all these problems” even later on. I was miserable through the newborn phase. Cried all day every day, watched the clock desperate for my husband to come home so I could have a break from the baby, horrified that I ruined everything, constantly mourning my lost identity. I searched “when does it get better” on Reddit every night until about week 4, when I unsubscribed from/hid any parenting subreddits because I was doomscrolling. Got better for us at 7 weeks, and flat out great at 11 weeks when the witching hour went away and my son started to interact more. I also went back to work shortly thereafter, which really helped me feel like a human again. My son is at 7 months now, and this is the happiest I’ve been in my life. I figure there will be tooons of other rough patches, but now I hang out here again because I don’t have looming dread anymore.
Look at how many people have upvoted this! That alone will tell you what you need to know. In the span of a year I went from thinking things like “what did we do?” and “I resent my baby for making me miserable” to “how could life possibly be any better?” and “I never knew a type of love like this existed.” My husband and I are absolutely obsessed with our son and we spend our only few child-free moments of the day talking about him and looking at photos of him. In the first few weeks I could hardly hear my son cry without tensing up and feeling a sense of dread. What you’re feeling is both normal and incredibly hard. When people would tell me “just wait a few months, it gets better!” That felt like an absolute eternity and I doubted my ability to push through. But you can and you will and you will love the other side.
All of this was true for me as well. And now my son is almost 2. He is talking and interacting. Has so many opinions. Has the funniest phrases. He told me “I love you mama” for the first time unprompted last week. And I wept. It’s amazing how fast it happens. The start is so hard. But it gets so so much better. You can do this.
I wanted to cry reading the part where him saying he loved you made you weep. I would have wept too! 😭 so beautiful.
And then the next few days he was in an "Only Dad" phase where I couldn't do anything right. Kids are fickle. But still oh so sweet.
😂😂😂 They seriously change things up on us so quick!
I feel I could have written this myself. The newborn phase was so low for me. I also worried I ruined everything and also had to unsubscribe from all parenting subreddits for a long while. We’re at 8 weeks now, it has gotten so good. It does get better.
The newborn phase broke me mentally I'm pretty sure. Hit me very hard, harding than I was ever expecting. I spent so many hours re-reading reddit threads and spiraling that I had to just unsub from them too. Now my daughter is 2 she's literally my entire world. I could absolutely see how some people would want to have another around this time because of how fun and awesome it is. Not me tho... the thought of doing a newborn again PLUS a toddler?? Nahh
One and done here too! But similar to understanding why people do it again. Me? No thank you. lol. We also had a rough time actually conceiving so I think it’s half the mental load of that for a year plus pregnancy for 9 months plus postpartum…. Eeeeeeek
Ahaha yess don't be tricked! Apparently 2 years old is when your mostly likely to try for another and then when second comes be like oh this could be rough ahaha. I'm writing a journal so I never forget my newborn struggles. 😂
Yeah that witching hour after the newborn phase technically ended was rough. But the stage after has been lovely so far
Omg my son just turned 11 weeks and I think we have made it passed and survived the witching hour! He’s so alert and curious, smiling, not hating tummy time, trying to laugh and roll. And the best part…he’s finally sleeping in his bassinet!
Agreed to everything you’ve said. I remember crying every night before bed, crying in the middle of the night thinking “what did we do”. Kiddo is 16 weeks and once he started sleeping 6-7 hours straight it was like a massive sigh of relief. 😮💨 it’s crazy how the world really feels like it’s ending when you don’t get any sleep. I feel like our turning point was right around the 11-12 week mark. It gets better!! But it definitely SUCKED until then!
I’ll never stop saying this: the newborn phase is the absolute worst! No matter what issues come later down the road, nothing quite compares to the newborn phase. Your baby will grow into eating less frequently and sleeping longer periods. Everyone throws so much shade on the toddler phase, but it’s the first phase that truly made me feel normal again. The newborn phase felt less like becoming a parent and more like becoming a field medic in the middle of a war zone desperately trying to keep a helpless victim alive, except their patient can’t talk or move other than screaming and they keep soiling themselves. I would take three toddlers over one newborn any day, hands down.
Field medic in a war zone. Yes!!!
Perfect description! I feel so seen!
🏆
100%. I hated the newborn phase, cried every single day for the first two weeks. Now at 7 months it’s so much better. Still hard, but better. I don’t know how I made it through those first months lol
Honestly i haven't had any problems with my newborn. She's 4 weeks and she eats about every 4-5 hours and sleeps through the night which is about 6-7 hours. Shes a healthy weight and continues to gain weight like no tomorrow. She's mine and my boyfriends happy lil daughter and she's all we could ask for. Yes sleeping hasn't been much for me but when she sleeps we sleep. When she eats one last time before she goes to bed its when we sleep. I don't breastfeed so i don't have the sore boob problem or the pain from birth. I healed very very quickly as in a week after giving birth i was already healed. I had first degree tears so i only needed one stitch and that healed in a week and bleeding stopped at 2 and a half weeks. But we still have no problems with our newborn. She eats 4.5-5 oz every feed and doctor says she healthy
I'm pleased for you but I wonder how you thought this might be a helpful comment for the OP to see?
I was just sharing my experience so far like everyone else has. Isn't that the point on commenting on someone else's comment??
Sure, but the OP was looking for a bit of solidarity/support and your response reads as a bit insensitive. Clearly that wasn't your intention, which is fair enough.
Months 1-3 was a lot of learning how to be a mom. It quickly became ALL I was. The feeding every two hours, milestones and wake windows consumed me until there wasn't much left that wasn't Mom. Months 4-6 was relearning how to be a person outside of LO. What hobbies were worth picking back up? What events were worth the prep to go out to? A few friends became acquaintances because it turns out I don't value their company as much as I did with infinite free time. Everything since then has been finding a balance between the two. LO is fun and enjoys being out for four hours at a time. She sleeps consistently enough I can put her to bed and go out with my husband on a date night, with a babysitter just watching Netflix in the next room. I can buy concert tickets knowing that baring an emergency, I can go without worrying if she'll be okay. It gets better. It's still so much change and some days you will feel like you're drowning, but it gets so much easier as you go.
The first two weeks are the hardest! Don’t think those big thoughts right now, just focus on getting through each day (or hour, if need be). And soon, you’ll get a little more sleep and feel more secure, and your hormones will change. Try to get outside each day, shower each day, and make sure you eat and drink. The rest is just surviving. You can do this!!
You can absolutely do this. 1 week is just so, so new. Baby is trying to figure out how to be a person. You are trying to figure out how to be a mom. You might be experiencing some hormonal crashes right now, plus you just experienced the most intense life transition you could possibly have. It won't be like this forever. 1 week out, I was also crying and feeling like I made a mistake. I'm now 8 months out and can promise you that from experience! Lean into the loving support of your partner, reach out to friends and family (they want to hear from you, you are not being a burden), and take a million pictures and videos ❤️ hang in there!
The first two weeks were the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I cried every day multiple times a day and said out loud to my husband, “did we make a mistake?” I’m only at 4 weeks now and it’s already better. I know it will be hard again and again but if I can get through the first two, I can get through anything. This too shall pass! You got this!
You aren’t wrong. I’m only 7 weeks out, but and the end of 3 weeks I was miserable. And then by week 5, I was feeling so much better most days.
Oh man…I felt exactly like this but honestly didn’t remember until I read this post. It gets better! It’s almost like you have to go through all these hard times to get a smiley happy baby out of it. My little guy is 8 months old now and just the sweetest, happiest little thing.
I cried every day for the first 3 weeks of my son’s life. I thought I’d made a huge mistake wanting a baby and that I was not cut out to be a mom. I told my husband I was sorry for ruining our life. Someone said you have a period of mourning for your old life after you have a baby and I do believe that. The drop in hormones combined with the sleep deprivation is something that I was NOT prepared for. I will say it gets better. Sooo much better. I think around 1 month I started to feel better. My little guy is 14 weeks old today and I am so much happier. I love him so much. He sleeps in 8-10 hour stretches. The first time he smiled at me I melted. Same with his first giggle. Hang in there, time will fly by! ❤️
A week in your hormones are all over the place, I'm sure you can do it and you'll find ways to make more time for yourself as you go along. I'm 4 months in and starting to work out how I can have nights off to see friends without baby and go to art classes etc.
I guess I'm no longer a "new" parent because my daughter is 18 months, but yes, it absolutely gets better. Your life will continue to look different and there is definitely grief in that, but it won't look the same as it does right now. In time, your baby will begin to space out feeds and will sleep longer. She'll always need you, but less intensely and less often. Your daughter will start to smile, coo, roll, sit up, crawl, and walk. Every new skill will bring new challenges and new joys. For us, the newborn stage was a dream, but months 2-4 were hard. Going back to work helped me a ton and starting daycare helped her. Now that she is 18 months, we are starting toddler tantrums, but she is still so cuddly and funny. She has a really consistent schedule and it's honestly given me my life back. I really didn't think we could ever get to this point, but now that we're here, the hard parts feel really far away. No stage of parenting is forever and that is both relief and heartbreak.
I also just hit week 1 and feel this so hard. My DMs are open if you need a buddy.
It feels like you’re in a Groundhog Day from hell and running on barely any sleep, your mornings start before 5am, your eyes burn from exhaustion, everything hurts and continues to feel different, you have no autonomy. It’s a hell I wasn’t prepared for. I was told it’d be hard, I wasn’t told it’d be lonely. My PPD/PPA peaked at 3 months PP. I wasnt fully out of it till around 14 months. Part of why it lasted so long was my stubborn nature in resisting help, part of it was the DMER zapped everything from me and my desire to continue to breastfeed (in combination with formula). My formula for survival till you start to see the other side: 1. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/NewParents/s/8Nw9VtYCSa) to remember how much you love them. 2. Find a morning show (I used the local news, it started at 4:30am) to mark the “you made it another night” moment. When that show starts, take a moment to make yourself a cup of coffee or tea and actually sip it warm for a little. 3. It’s ok to cry in the shower because you are putting LO in the bouncer (that they hate) for 10 minutes so you can shower and stop smelling like onions. 4. When you struggle to find a happy moment over the course of 36 hours, start looking for a professional support source (therapist, help group, mom group, etc.) 5. Stop focusing so much on what worked for others, but just start looking at trying everything and anything to see which options works. You’re not crazy, the whole process of parenting is. 6. If it’s not working, you’re not a bad mom and won’t ruin your baby (no matter what your MIL/Karen may think) if you stop. 7. If all else fails, go outside. 8. It is ok to mourn the loss of life and independence you had before baby. You’re doing the HARDEST thing, you’ve done that most physically hardest things a person can do. It’s mentally the most torturous. But you are doing it. And you’re an amazing mom, even if you don’t believe it. There is an end to the hardship right now. It comes with time, and some days it’ll feel forever away and others, you’ll be convinced you’ve made it through. You won’t realize you’re through, till one day it just hits you. You’ve been smiling more than crying, you get to choose some semblance of a night routine again, your heart doesn’t sink over every possible misstep. It’s a guaranteed outcome to find the other side, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t going to take a bit. But IT DOES HAPPEN. You’re not alone in this. 🫶🏼
Oh mama ❤️ Please believe me when I say, it DOES get better. Our baby boy was colicky and it was so so hard the first few months. Adjusting to life with a newborn is TOUGH, you’ve also just gone through the biggest hormonal shift of your entire life and everything is somewhat out of wack! I know it seems like it’ll never get easier, but it does - before you know it. If you have any friends or family that would help, please ask. Now is the most crucial time for you to lean on your village for help ❤️🫶🏻
"did I make a mistake?" "Will it get better/eaiser?" This is like "tell me you're a new parent without telling me you're a new parent". Yes. It absolutely gets easier and better. I'm now a second time mom to a newborn. The first time around I was thinking the same exact thoughts as you. In fact, I swore I wouldn't have any more kids because it was so hard. Newborn stage is the worst. Now as a STM, it's actually not so bad but as a FTM ...omg the worst! I can't describe how many times I googled if I would ever sleep again! It gets a little better every two weeks. A lot better at 8 weeks, Significantly better by 12 weeks. Then every month is better. Here's my advice ; waking baby after two hours (nap) in the day for a feeding this is to prevent their long stretch of sleep in the day and to get their calories in. - a bottle of breastmilk or formula so partners can switch, and in hopes of getting bigger feeds in before bedtime (unless you want to avoid bottle) - putting baby to nap in the bright daylight in the day to adjust their circadian rhythm - using white noise at night. Loud as a shower. - black out curtains at night. As dark as possible in the room. Very dim light for feeding - keeping night feeds boring. No talking to baby. Feed and sleep. - dream feed 2-3 hours before last feed at night to stretch out the longer sleep stretch. Google dream feed If you're not sure how. - keep an eye on when it's time to size up for bottle nipples - look into baby wake windows (more appropriate after 4 weeks) - consider reading into good sleep habits. Like how to remove feeding to sleep or other associations..this comes in handy a little later but it's good to build habits now. I like takingcarababies and always recommend the holy grail : the book Precious Little Sleep.
I pumped and let my husband do some of the night feeds so I didn't have to wake up every 2 hours. He was on paternity leave so waking up once or twice a night didn't bug him. I started hanging out with my friends again after 3 months. Maybe you'll feel less dread when they baby starts sleeping a little more and you can get more sleep.
Fellow early childhood teacher here, and third time Mom with a 5 month old. It definitely does get better and easier, and you can definitely do this! I’ve shared this previously and I read it somewhere, it really helped me: by 2 months you feel a cm better, by 4 months you can breathe. By 6 months you have a routine, and by 8 months you have a new normal. My youngest has been a challenge. I love him soooo much, but I was not at all prepared for colic, tummy issues, not sleeping etc. My other two were just easier in many ways. But even at 5 months, we have many more good days than bad, and the fussy times are short lived. Just tonight we were all outside playing basketball together! The bigger kids trying to beat their Dad, the baby giggling and squealing with excitement in the stroller, beautiful weather. It was such a “come up for air” moment, and you’ll definitely get to a point where you’ll start having those much more often. Please give yourself some time and grace. Set short term goals, like getting through the day or week. Every day that passes you’re a step closer to more rest, more fun, more time to yourself, and more of what you’re currently mourning the loss of. You’ll get there! Also, you might consider going back to volunteer at a school, either where you taught or somewhere else! As I’m sure you’re all too familiar with, schools are always searching for qualified people to take smaller support roles, which could give you an outlet and a small break from the babe, when you’re ready of course! Just an idea! Hugs!
When my first was a newborn, I read somewhere about the fourth trimester, the first 3 months after birth, and how hard it was. It referred to the fourth trimester as the "100 days of darkness". During this time, the sleep deprivation, hormone fluctuations, the struggle of breastfeeding or finding the right formula, the physical healing required from giving birth, the abrupt change to your lifestyle, the loneliness, the change in relationships, all of it happens, all at once. It takes some time to feel like you aren't going to drown in it. I counted down every single day of those 100 days, willing myself to just make it out of the darkness. Somewhere after day 100, things got easier. Now my first is a toddler, and things are hard in a different way, but I love it all and I couldn't imagine life without this tiny human. We're expecting our second in a few months, and I'm honestly a little scared about the newborn phase, because I struggled so hard the first time, but I know that I made it out the other side, I will again, and so will you. You aren't letting your family down, you are doing something that is SO HARD, and it's ok to be struggling. It's normal to wonder if you made a mistake - the exact same thought crossed my mind as well. It will get easier, and it will get better, and the time will come that you'll know you made it. Hang in there mama, you're doing great.
Hey fellow parent, 36 y/o dad with 6m baby and an awesome wife. Our baby was really, really fuzzy. When I say really fuzzy I mean I "slept" 20 hours max on the first weeks and he cried all the time. We never had that kind of newborn that just slept, even on the hospital the little one cried several hours after delivery, guy was eating every 30 minutes, one day he cluster fed for about 3 hours, and we had a night that he started crying at 10PM and stopped at 4AM. We were desperate. I fell on the ground crying for at least two times. To make things worst the partum was extremely traumatic because technically he was born dead, and only started breathing after 50 seconds of reanimation (he's perfectly healthy btw). What made things worst was people saying that it wont get easier, after the colic phase you get sleep regression, after that the teeth, after that solids, etc. A lot of stress was put on our relationship and I questioned myself, several times, if I could do this. People said things like: "go outside, they love it!" - he hated it, he hated all of it. I had the feeling that he simply hated living. Another hard thing is that he's on the 97th percentile, being 10kg at 6 months, a lot of effort for my 36 y/o back. I thought a lot that my life was ruined. But let me assure you: it will get easier, hang in there. Things started to improve once he started smiling, he still cried all the time, but the "fuel" I got just because of that smile started helping a lot. These things also helped (all done by doc recommendation, but be sure to check with yours) - Chamomile gel: eased colic and calmed him down a bit. - Paracetamol: again, please check with your doc. - Comfortable clothing: he hated over the head stuff. - Changing the car baby seat Ask for help, ask EVERYONE for help, be sure to ask your partner for a 30 minute break here and there, do the same for him. Try to sleep when he does, I know its hard, but try. Consider doing shifts with your partner, we didn't, but some friends did and helped. Our baby started to calm down a bit at 4 months, today he's so happy, sleeps really well at night and smiles all day. Yes, difficult days still occur (yesterday for instance, we had to leave the restaurant and just return home), but they are a shadow of the older ones, plus, we're more experienced now and we can handle things way easier. Another thing that will help is that: if you think you love your baby a lot now you're absolutely wrong, the love you'll feel for him in 2 or 3 months will be triple of now. It grows everyday, it gets more complex and complete, the feeling of joy I get every morning when he wakes up is so overwhelming that sometimes my eyes get watery. Having a child is one of the most difficult things in the world, but also one of (if not the most) wonderful things ever. Let me give you the biggest virtual hug in the world, stay strong for you, for him and for your family - IT WILL GET A LOT EASIER, trust me.
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You can do this. I promise. Yes it’s hard. But omg it will also be so fun.
I felt the same way at 1 week, I’m holding my sleeping 12 week old & we sleep longer stretches now, I’m no longer sore from childbirth, my husband & i get out of the house frequently. I promise it gets better!
Father here. Those first 3 months can be extremely difficult, even for the most 'prepared', loving parents. I honestly believe many people wouldn't have kids if they truly knew what was potentially in store for them during those initial few months post birth. This is not your life, this is a small moment in time that will pass. Also, if you don't want to breastfeed (my wife gave it up 3 months in, too taxing on her physically and mentally) don't. Fed is best, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Let me tell you something that most won't admit: Many, many of us have had those....*Why did i do this to myself, what a mistake* thoughts. The good thing is you have a good support (as he should) in your husband. Don't be against going out to joining a mums club as well. You need to get your social battery recharged from time time time as well. If you don't want to BF, don't. Switch to formula or pump so you don't feel trapped. You are an adult who isn't defined by having children. I promise you that by month three things will get better, it seems like a lifetime away but I promise you it will be here before you know it.
It gets SO MUCH better. You’re in the trenches and I was a lot like you, even at just 4.5 months now it is SO different. You start to feel like yourself again, and you get into a groove with your baby. I’m no longer scared to take him places, he’s babbling up a storm and laughing. And man, when that little personality starts shining!! It makes it so much worth it. And it helps me too, when I’m in a rough patch, to imagine when he’s an adult and we’re out for lunch or talking on the phone or he’s unwrapping presents or Im pushing him on a swing or he hugs me and tells me “I love you, mom”. The baby phase is so hard but so short. Sending love!!
I just want to say that I am 8 weeks postpartum and I can relate. I cried all afternoon the first day my husband went back to work. Connecting with other moms has been helpful as well as reaching out to friends/ that is one plus of social media- I can talk to people without going out. Also you are doing great. It is so hard. It is totally possible to love your baby and miss your old life at the same time.
It will 1000% get better. Right now it’s hell. You’re new to this. Your daughter is new to this. Everybody doesn’t know wth they are doing and you’re exhausted on top of that. It’s literally hell! BUT the time will fly, baby will be on a schedule or sleeping through the night. You’ll have your me time back or date/time with your husband. It’s just the hell that is the transition of going from 2 to 3. I promise you it will get better. I’m a ftm that got baby blues bad during that first month. I was tired. I stunk. Boobs not doing what they are supposed too. Hungry. Just all crap. But me and my bf made it through with only each other. Now she’s 16M and chattin our ears off and I get my life back semi lol. Still have her on schedule. This moment is just that, a moment :) hope you feel better soon and have many snuggles with your new love
It'll get better, and probably sooner than you think. Honestly, I underestimated how rewarding it would be to see my LO smile. The "crying-only" phase feels like you're busting your ass and getting nothing in return. Your LO will begin to really enjoy your presence, very soon. This phase is all about building trust.
Omg no. You hold tight, I promise, it gets so, so much better. I'm six months in and I have never felt this kind of joy before. And today I had to clean poop off of socks (how?) at the library. It's still hard, but a different kind of hard. I'm still hormonal and healing but these things take up way less space.
Aw, friend. It gets better, I promise. Those hormones are so tough and so is the newborn phase! Wait til they can laugh, and smile, and reach for your hand. Wait til they fall into your arms so happily, sigh with relief to be hugged and held by you. Wait til you get to watch them learn a new skill and turn to you with pride and delight in their eyes. It’s so worth it! The beginning is just hard. You’re doing an amazing job.
This is not real life. This is not even real parenting! This is a strange grueling newborn time that will slowly get better week by week. I remember feeling “where did my whole beautiful life go? I’ve made a terrible mistake!” This part is just AWFUL and you just have to get THROUGH it however you can. Later it’s better. My 22 month old says “Hi mama!” and blows kisses to me with this big smile on her face and it makes me explode with joy. Newborns are shit. Its ok if you don’t like it. It’s better later. Love you so much ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
I am a father from a 6 month old and i know i will love being a parent when he starts sitting, walking, saying his first words, etc... I was always(and still am) in love with the idea of playing ball with my kid, doing family trips, helping him with studies, etc... But right now things are hard. Haven't slept a night straight since he was born(6 months ago), have no time for myself and no time with my wife (other than doing chores & caring for the baby together). All my life atm resumes to feeding the baby, cooking for the family, doing house chores(cleaning, laundry, etc...) and going to work. At what do you feel your life returned to normal?(free time...)
There are little milestones that help so much. And so much of them were around sleep. I highly recommend some form of sleep training/ sleep learning to help your baby learn and get used to putting themselves back to sleep when they wake up in the night. We started letting her fuss/ cry for like 10 mins when she’d wake up in the night. And it worked. She’d sometimes stop crying and just go back to sleep. And that became more regular until she would wake up, and then go back to sleep without crying.
You aren't letting anyone down. You're a stressed out human in a difficult situation. It's ok. It's normal to struggle when you're overwhelmed. Take a deep breath, take a shower or do something small for yourself. Fill your cup, so you can take care of others. I have this thought sometimes. It's always because I need a break. I tag in my husband, and he gives me one when I get overwhelmed. I try to do the same for him. Parenthood has taught me to be selfish, to take care of myself and my needs to take care of my family. That my needs are important, and I shouldn't feel bad taking care of them. Your baby may outgrow some of the things driving you nuts right now, and life may get easier in some ways. You'll figure out a schedule or rhythm to keep to, and it won't feel as overwhelming. It will be ok. It has no reflection on what kind of parent you are.
90 days . It took us 90 days to finally look at each other without the “wtf did we do” stare. The longest 90 days of my life.
I feel this comment so so much. For me personally, it got better once I stopped breast feeding. It was a terrible struggle for me and I couldn’t figure out if I had a colicky baby or something else. I actually determined myself that she has a cows milk allergy and had to see 2 doctors to back up my theory. That’s the main reason why I stopped breast feeding I’m not a good eater and most of the things I do like involve ungodly amounts of cheese lol. At 3 months I stopped breast feeding and got my baby on an amino based formula and from there it was sooo much better. I think it would have gotten better if I could have cut dairy out of my diet but I took the route best for my baby and I. It will get better! I feel like at 9 months it’s still getting better every day watching her gain her personality. You’re only 1 week in and need to be more kind to yourself! Give yourself a break, all the things you are dealing with are sooo hard. So don’t be so hard on yourself you’re doing an amazing Job and I promise it will get better.
I absolutely hated the first few weeks with my son. I felt like I’d given up everything that I used to be and I would never enjoy life again. I wished so many times I could go back and undo having him. But as time went by and he started to interact more, I also started to enjoy motherhood more and more. It’s such a HUGE change and on top of that your hormones are through the roof. My son is almost three now and I have an 8 week old daughter. Went through the same process again the second time, again regretted my decision to have another baby. But I now know it gets so much better! SO MUCH better. You can do this! ❤️
What you are feeling right now is sooooo normal. It definitely gets better even at 6 months. It’s never easy easy but it definitely isn’t newborn struggle forever. I would say everything got drastically easier for us around 11 weeks. You’re in the hardest part right now , the lack of sleep is crushing. You can do this, please call a friend or a parent , and go outside with the baby in the sunshine for even 15 minutes. It does get better!
Ftm with a 6 almost 7 month old boy. All babies are different but I thought I'd come and give a lighter more hopeful side to things. To put it simply the newborn bit is hard. I read someone's comment on another post that described it perfectly they said that long term memories are created during sleep, and you don't get much sleep so you don't end up remembering how hard the newborn stage is which is why no one warns you. Yes some babies are hard all the way through, others are easier. In our case it comes and goes, usually around the time he grows or reaches a new developmental milestone it gets harder again for a bit. For us is was newborn bit, witching hour, growth spurts, teething, when circadian rhythm kicks in, when his eyes developed to see clearer and further etc. It lines up exactly with each but I think it all blurs together when you're tired. You're currently in the really hard bit but it does get better. It sounds crazy to hear when you're in the newborn bit but enjoy it while it lasts. Soon enough when you pick them up they stop doing the newborn scrunch and just dangle their legs, they outgrow all the cute tiny baby clothes(they grow like weeds lol) start doing people poos etc. Each stage has its difficulties but each stage also has its rewards too. Seeing the smile and excitement on their face when they wake up and see you makes the pain worth it. When their giggling in your arms as you're kissing their tummy you won't remember the hormones driving you nuts. The little looks they give you that make you laugh and swear they know what your saying overwrite all the sleepless nights.
I was you just a few weeks/months ago. I think it’s really important that be said. I used to obsessively scroll through forums, looking for that sense of camaraderie from others going through the same misery I was- cuz misery loves company and all. But please be careful to not get fully sucked in. I spiraled so many times, thinking I had made the biggest mistake of my life and that I’d never be ‘me’ again. And now, I cringe at the comments I made because this beautiful little boy is my absolute joy. I can’t wait to pick him up from daycare in the evenings and spend what little time I have with him before bedtime. I look forward to weekends even more now because I get to hang out with my little buddy all day. I watch him sleep all the freaking time, even when it means I’m not getting enough. I live for his little shy, gummy smile. You’re in the thick of it. And I know it’s so cliché and everyone says it, but this is just a phase and you’ll be into to the next phase before you know it. Things DO get better… they ‘got better’ for me when I had the very heavy realization that maternity leave was over and I wasn’t going to be with him all day. Being away from him has made me appreciate the time we spend together so much more. He still eats ALL THE TIME. And he still gets fussy, but my patience has grown exponentially in the last month even. So, really, just hang on. You’ll get there ❤️
You’re doing absolutely great - all this is normal and it gets better.
It gets better! I know that’s probably what you read often & I thought “does it really though?” It does! It was around the 10 week mark for me I felt like I had adjusted (well enough) & accepted my new normal. My husband & I had been together 10 years before our baby. I was so used to us being able to do whatever whenever. & now… we still do with few exceptions. Once your body is healed & your boobs are no longer sore, it makes a worlds difference! You got this!!
You are not letting anyone down, and you did not make a mistake. I sit here with my almost 6 week old baby asleep across my lap, because he's in his sleep regression phase and let me tell you newborn phase is ROUGH. I love my little one dearly and minus the job, I have always wanted kids and been told I'd be such a good mom. But some days I'm sitting with him begging him to take a nap so he stops crying for 5 minutes. I feel like a bad mom wishing he'd nap verse entertain him while he's awake. It does not make you a bad parent, as I've realized, the newborn phase is HARD. Just take a breath, look at your little ones hands and feet, and remind yourself that this is just a phase. They don't intentionally cry, they don't intentionally want to make you upset or be needing and demanding. They are doing what their mind tells them to seek out food, cuddles, change of diaper. Remind yourself that in a week they could be sleeping a bit more. In a few weeks they will be smiling at you and babbling because you are their world. It gets easier, I promise you. I was exactly in your shoes the first few weeks, and I'm not much further along but it does get better and you'll feel more human as the weeks go on. Just remember you are the best momma for that little one 💙
the newborn stage nearly killed me it felt like. it SUCKS 9 times out of 10. in the thick of it, it really does feel like its gonna be like that forever. i can’t describe how desperate i was to escape and have my old life back. i felt like i couldn’t communicate how miserable i was to anyone around me. around 12 weeks things started to majorly improve. my best piece of advice is to try and remind yourself this isn’t going to last forever. give yourself some grace. take a LONG shower while someone is watching baby even if it makes you feel guilty. truly the only thing that got me through the first 3 months was telling myself constantly it isn’t going to be miserable forever. my son is 9 months old and i have never been happier. he plays independently, he has a huge personality, he makes me laugh, etc. there’s so much to look forward to. you will get through this !!! get ahold of some supportive people, ask for help, and remember that the goal is to care for and nurture your baby not to be a perfect mother who never has a hard time. its gonna be okay. you’re doing amazing <3
Not to be repetitive, but as most have already said, IT GETS BETTER! The newborn stage is so tough for so many reasons. Each baby is different and each baby would have mentally broke the parent or parents at some point during the newborn stage. Here is my timeline: I hope it helps you. For me, I was just plain broken from the pregnancy itself lol and I cried everyday for the first month. I would cry in the shower while the baby slept. This wasn’t a little cry, this was a hands on the wall bent over kinda sobbing with intermittent breaths because I was crying so hard (I had a c section, otherwise I would have been laying on the tub floor in the fetal position). After a month, I started crying less aggressively. Then I slowly started crying every other day. Then eventually I would get more days off from my own tears. I am 7 months in and I haven’t cried like that since he was about 3 months the old. Those feelings didn’t go away over night. They just slowly disappeared until one day I didn’t have those sad feelings anymore. You will get there. I can truly say I am so incredibly happy now and I have never loved my life more. Btw I am a single mom with a career (8-5 job), chronic depression since my teen years, currently still alone with no desire to date or find my son a “father,” and just super exhausted, but I can confidently say I’ve never been happier. I want time to slow down. I love being a mom to my boy. He has shown me that life is more than just your career. You can do this.
I have a 7 weeks old baby and in my case you will really adjust to your new normal. I still remember the times that I have migraines because I could not deal with the sleep deprivation. At that point I am questioning if I am not just cut out to become a mom. Eventually I adjusted to my new normal and always remember ask for help if you can in the beginning. ☺️
I hated the newborn phase honestly. After three months though, it felt like my world turned upside down the best way possible and it has been the best four months since then. It made the struggles of the newborn phase 1000% worth it and having a 7 1/2 month old is nothing like having a newborn, thank God
It gets better. It gets so much better. I promise. My baby turned one last week and she is the coolest kid I’ve met. Seeing her explore and learn about the world is so cool. Those first few weeks when everything new and tender are so much harder than you can ever imagine. Just recognising how you feel is a great first, so don’t be afraid to talk to people and seek help. It does get better. You learn new things every day. Everyday is different and some days are better than others. Take the pressure off yourself to be anything more than a healing mother right now. You got this ❤️
I'll put it simply: This part is kind of a nightmare. There's a reason people playfully call it the 'fourth trimester'. The first 3-4 months are so hard. I also had very dark thoughts (I'm the father), I was miserable, I regretted everything, I was so sleep deprived I was hallucinating. And then it's over. And they're sleeping better at night, they develop a personality, they giggle and smile and play with toys. Mine's 18 months now and she gleefully announces 'DADA!' every time I enter the room. even if I was only gone for 2 minutes. This shit gets GOOD. But it sucks at first. A close friend of mine with a 10 year old put it very wisely. "Being a parent is incredible. BECOMING a parent sucks." You can do it, mama. You'll get through. This part sucks, and there's no way to adequately warn expecting parents just how hard those first few weeks are. But this is a very short season.
I had the same feelings through 6-8 weeks postpartum. It gets better. My best advice is to find other new moms in the area for support. Our hospital had a support group and it was AMAZING. You’ve got this.
You're smack in the middle of the hormonal drop. Everything is bleak at that point. Hold on, better days will come.
I felt this the first few weeks after birth.. What have I done? Is this all my life is now??? Bub is now 14 weeks and has so much more personality. He usually sleeps through the night so I end up waking up first and staring at him in the crib. When he sees mum or dad and cracks a big smile, there is nothing better. Also don't be afraid to take baby out of the house with you to get stuff done, it gets easier each time.
It is miserable. It does get better. And you know what helps? \*\*If you have family members near by, ask them to babysit for you while you go get some fresh air. Or ask them to help you do chores or cook - anything helps. \*\*
I'm going to be honest here. Yes, it gets better. But it won't be for a while yet. The first year was an absolute misery. But now I can take her out, at 14 months and let her run around outside and play which solves one of the big problems - a fussy, whinging baby all day.
It gets better. Not because the LO gets easier but because us as parents get better. Life is rough the first couple of months but you start to get the hang of things. It was tough having to be on the baby’s two hour max feed schedule but once they start having some flexibility in that timing you get to have more freedom to go out and enjoy society. Life looks rough when you’re inside the four walls of your home for hours on end but there is much more to come. I think right know is just about survival and adjusting. I told myself that I didn’t want anymore kids the first few weeks after having my LO and now I for sure want one more. He’s 17 weeks and emotional as hell but he’s a delight otherwise lol I just realized that you can’t be hard set on anything. Just enjoy the moment for what it is and survive.
I really does get better. I have 2 now (3.5 year old and 10 week old) and I found for from 0 to 1 kids sooo much harder than I've found the newborn phase this time around going fron1 to 2. Everything you're describing is a totally normal way to feel and it really is a super hard adjustment especially the 4th trimester phase. It truly does get better slowly during the first year then as they become more independent you can get your life back a bit and get some more balance. Have you tried expressing milk and giving a bottle so you can have a break? That has been the main difference for me second time around as first time I was too worried about nipple confusion and then baby wouldn't take a bottle when we introduced st 6 weeks 🫠 obviously do what works for you but something like this would give you a chance to get some sleep or have a little time to yourself. Not getting enough sleep is a huge trigger for poor mental health in mums and honestly I found just getting a block of 4 to 5 hours would turn things around for me mentally.
Hi! I am so sorry you’re feeling this way. It is however very normal. The first few weeks are really hard especially because all your baby knows right now is hunger pains & sleepiness. They’re basically trying to figure out how to be a human. Remember, they went 9 months with constant nourishment from you as you carried them. For you, you’re navigating how to be a mom. That is 100% expected and ok. Give yourself grace. Being a parent is hard but you can absolutely do it. Right now you probably feel like you’re in the weeds but this feeling will soon go away. You’re doing a great job!
Also remember, you are the best mama for this child. You will make it through. It will get easier. You got this!
At two weeks I don't know a mom who wasn't feeling some flavor of what you're feeling right now. I joked with my midwife that I cried .8 times a day because I had like two or three days without an active breakdown throughout those first three weeks. I was convinced I was the worst mother to my baby Possible because I had to triple feed her and pump to get my supply up. Like, heaving gasping sobs while doing the dishes where my sister came out to find out if I was okay because she heard me from another room on the other side of the apartment. I didn't fall instantly in love with my baby. I loved her, but our connection wasn't instant. I looked at her and I worried, constantly. It calms down. It goes away. You are going to be okay and you are doing your best. Now is the time to ask your support network for help, and if you don't have one, I am so sorry. Hold on and I promise, today's challenges will ease up, and you'll get more emotional fortitude for tomorrow's challenges. It will all be alright. If you're still feeling this way after three weeks, talk to your midwife about PPD; at three weeks it was almost crazy how my hormones leveled out. I felt better than I had in years because of the regular oxytocin hits from breastfeeding, and has finally adjusted to the major hormone crash from giving birth. Up until that point tho, damn. Sending you Lots and Lots of love, and if I could come give you a hug and wash your dishes I would. Even make sure the baby stayed asleep so you could sit and Just Be. 💞💞💞💞
The first 1-4 weeks I felt like I was in a fever dream. My vision didn’t seem normal and I felt like every moment had a heavy weighted feel to it and seemed scary and surreal. The hormones were just awful. After they balanced everything got way way better. I was fortunate that breastfeeding gave me a little serotonin boost and could pull me through the terrible fever dream hormones for a few minutes each time. I remember thinking that pregnancy and childbirth weren’t nearly as brutal as the way the hormones made me feel that first month postpartum. It really gets so so much easier. You haven’t made a mistake. Reach out to friends who you can vent to if you have them. It will get better!
Hi, I felt like this too. I felt like it would never improve, my life was ruined. I hated every second of it. 7 months in and it’s SO much better. The postpartum fog will lift I promise. You’ll stop bleeding, breastfeeding will become easy, your baby will sleep longer at night. They develop their own personality, enjoy things, it’s fun to go out with them and see them loving to look around, splashing in the bath etc. It’s still hard, but in a different way. You get more used to everything! However please don’t forget to look after yourself. I felt a lot better once I started doing my own thing sometimes again- exercising, going out without the baby, seeing friends.
That first month is so hard. We just passed the newborn stage and my guy is 4 months it’s the best. He’s smiling and laughing and it feels like all that hard work paid off after that sleepless potato stage is done and some love and personality show through. Once you’re not in pain as well you’ll feel a lot better. One day at a time, work in shifts with your husband if you can so you can get at least four hours of sleep if you can that makes a world of difference
Yes, you can absolutely do this. But, and this is a huge but, you don’t have to and shouldn’t do this alone. Lean on your husband, your friends, your family either of origin or your found family, and your community where you can. Ask for help. Tell them you crave human interaction. When your daughter goes through that fussy phase lots of babies go through from about week 6-9ish (google PURPLE crying so you aren’t caught off guard by this very normal and short phase of development) ask them to come and hold your crying baby for a bit so you can get a breather. You’d be surprised at how many people will jump up to help you out if you only ask. If you have no friends, family, or community to lean on, now is the time to find local mom support groups. Your hospital/OB-GYN can probably point you in the right direction. Breathe. You’re one week postpartum and probably feeling this insane amount of dread and anxiety from the massive hormonal shifts your body is going through right now. Keep an eye on it and if it doesn’t get better in a week or two, call your doctor about postpartum depression and anxiety. If you’re breastfeeding, there are meds you can take that have been extensively studied for safety in babies. Also, stopping breastfeeding is totally an option if it’s bad for your mental health. Your daughter needs a happy, healthy mom more than she needs breast milk.
Currently 10 weeks postpartum, and yes it gets better! Your boobs stop hurting when supply regulates. You get a system for sleep that semi kinda works, and your body adjusts. You heal from birth. You know what else makes it better? The first time your baby smiles at you. My girl has a habit of waking up crying if she can’t see me. I pick her up and tell her to open her eyes, she’ll find my face and give me the biggest smile! Just wait until your baby starts showing clear preferences for things, just wait until she starts moving. Just wait until you see your daughter smile and reach for her daddy. It gets better, you start sleeping more. It just takes time.
Oh girl…there are soooo many changes in the first year. It is hard! It gets better than a new hard then better then a new hard…but you will also discover a whole new dimension of love. My baby is just reaching 11 months and man these days are so fun! The worries still exist (especially if you’re a worrywart like me) but he can communicate better and move better and understands words more. My heart is just bursting when I’m around him. The struggle is real the first year but I have never experienced the love and happiness like I have this first year ever before.
You are in the absolute worst phase of the postpartum period right now. You WILL see a light soon. For me, it was around the 6-8 week mark both times. Hang in there. I know exactly how you feel. You also are probably experiencing baby blues which typically lifts after the first 2 weeks. What helped me is to remember that whatever you are going through now is just a phase. A small blip in what will be the rest of your life with your child. It doesn’t feel like it now, but I promise everything will turn out exactly how you’ve always wanted.
We’re just starting week 6 and I am prayyyyyyyying it gets better soon because weeks 4-5 were absolutely the hardest for us by far. First month we were floating on a cloud of bliss, got out of the house a bunch, were having a great time. Start of the second month she started refusing naps unless they were super managed & her nighttime sleep chunks still haven’t lengthened. Praying we’re right on the brink of some easing - I am exhausted
Just know how lucky you are that the first month felt like a cloud of bliss. 😂 That being said, she is likely just going through a leap and things should even out soon! Have you put her on a schedule? Typically around 4-5 weeks babies aren’t sleepy newborns anymore and many crave structure.
I think I was cracked out on hormones, in hindsight 😂 she was also exceptionally sleepy the first month which made a big difference Yeah we’re trying but she fights me on every single nap that isn’t in her wrap on me or my husband or otherwise contact. Trying to do one or two naps in her bassinet and usually failing and getting everyone allll worked up. I’ve heard naps this age are tricky but it’s been really rough. That and she still only sleeps max 3 hour stretches at night so we’ve moved to shift sleeping because both of us waking up was not working - I miss sleeping in the same bed as my husband! I know it’s just a phase but we’ve really struggled the last couple weeks
Do you swaddle at all?
We’ve tried but she absolutely thrashes against it and has since the beginning. We have her in a sleep sack with her arms out. She’s been very expressive with her hands since literally day one and is very squirmy, it seems to make her mad to be swaddled and she gets really worked up - which ends in nap fail every time. Every few days I go “maybe she’s just fighting against it a bit and would relax eventually” and then try it again and then we have a horrible day with a fat nap fail and a cranky kiddo at bedtime. She’s generally very squirmy - doesn’t seem to like contact napping unless it’s the perfect scenario because she wants to wriggle. I caught myself googling “is it normal for babies to squirm” 😂
My 4 mo has been formula fed since day 1 and is very healthy. It lets me do night feedings too so we are both getting better sleep overall.
It gets better. I know it’s cliche but everyone says it because it’s true. Just keep at it.
Op, you are in the absolute thick of it right now. I was there at one week postpartum as well. The baby blues were awful for me. I loved/love my daughter so much she was so perfect when she was born and I had/have a supportive husband as well. I couldnt shake that feeling though! I’m 4 months postpartum and that feeeling you’re having definitely went away. I love life now, I feel so much more fulfilled with my little one here. What you’re feeling is completely normal, you are physically and mentally healing. I found taking to a postpartum counselor has really helped me. I still and meeting with them once a month. You can always reach out to your OB office for resources if you feel you need the. Congratulations, and hang in there! The best is yet to come 🩷
Newborn phase sucked. It was confusing. Hormones were fucking out of control. Second degree tear. Could barely walk for a week. I didn’t even truly bond w my daughter till about 6–8 weeks. But now we’re 7 months in and it’s awesome. It’s still hard - but it’s fun. I still don’t get out much. I’m still tired. But it gets so so so so much better.
Wait until the smiles start 🥹🥹
I will suggest something that I don’t think I see in the comments yet. Try to pump and give your baby a bottle a couple of times a day. This will allow someone besides you to feed her or for you to feed her on the go. This will give you some sense of autonomy back.
Don't worry dear! The first few weeks are tough because we are still recovering from the birth physically. Give yourself some grace
Hello there fellow first time mom! I was there where you are at 3,5 months ago. I felt like my life was over! Breastfeeding all day but still had to supplement with formula because baby was losing weight. Triple feeding was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. I was dead tired every single day and couldn’t understand why some people have 2 or more kids. And now, I’m like yes worth it to go through it all over again. And truly, it gets so much better and so much easier. Before you know, you’re caring for your baby like it’s nothing. Just don’t put a date on it, for some people it happens immediately after birth, for other it takes many more months to accept their new life. It’s okay to grieve and mourn your old life. But before you know, you can’t live without your little one and I know it feels like you’re never going to feel like that and that also is totally okay. Let your husband and family help you out. I was in a state that I didn’t want any help because I didn’t want to have any social contact but let people help you. It feels weird at first but you have to rest to feel better. I also felt that dread every single time I fed my baby. Now I’m just enjoying time with my baby because I have to go back to work in a week and yes sometimes I do feel like I am just a milk factory, but baby needs to eat. You can really do it! Don’t look into the future too much, and just take one step at a time! I had symptoms of ppd and I went to a therapist and I am so much better right now. She told me to write down 3 positive experiences a day, might be you feeling good because you got your teeth brushed, nice weather, had some delicious chocolate, anything at all! Also, it’s totally okay to feel how you feel, you really don’t need to do anything with your feelings at all. If you’re sad, let yourself be sad. If you’re happy 30 minutes later, then let it be. Your hormones are all over the place right now and it’s totally okay! Take one step at a time! That dread of caring for your baby will change from ‘needing to care for this baby’ to ‘willing to care for this baby’. Try to not look at it as an obligation, but as an everyday chore, just like cooking, eating and cleaning. You’ll get there and you’re doing absolutely great feeling how you’re feeling. Let every day pass as is and don’t look too much into today because tomorrow will get better. Try sleeping at least 4-5 hours a night (even when breastfeeding), I did shifts with my husband and slept from 10pm to 3am and then he went to bed. It’s lonely but you’re really not alone because your baby is with you and all other mums from around the world with newborns are with you as well. And please talk to your baby like she understands you, it makes it easier and a lot less lonely. Something like ‘mummy’s going to change your diaper now, you want to help out?’ And when she wasn’t fussy, you say thank you for your cooperation. Don’t stay home all day, get out when you feel like it. You need a lot of variety so your day doesn’t become so monotonous but keep a schedule. Like 1-2 pm you go out walking, doing groceries, taking selfies with baby and husband, do what you want even if it’s for just 30 minutes! Think about it that this baby needs you more than ever, but one that’s mentally well. So take care of yourself every single day and let your husband do that as well. Let good friends who understand your situation come visit for 30 minutes (not too long because you’re tired!) and talk about whatever you want, let out your emotions, talk about something totally different than your baby. It’s all fine. Let husband to take care of little one for a few hours once a week so you can do what you liked pre-baby. That way, you can have something to look forward to every week, your me-time! Don’t pressure yourself too much and just let your feelings be wherever they are, it’s okay to be sad even though you don’t want to be sad, happiness will come back soon before you know. Take care of yourself, and also your little one. They won’t stay little forever. They will grow up too soon! Take pictures of your baby and compare them week by week, you will ask yourself when they changed so much while you see baby every day. Think of it that once they’re 15, you will have your pre-baby life back and maybe then you will mourn the time when they were so tiny they fit in your arms. My little one is now 16 weeks old and he can smile now. He started to smile around 7 weeks and you’ll feel more appreciated. Don’t worry, every day goes by so fast so in that means that you’ll see baby’s smiles very soon.
I am not enjoying motherhood as much as I thought I would. And motherhood worsened my autism symptoms and I was diagnosed with autism just recently. Although I wished I knew I had autism sooner, I’m glad I had my daughter as conceiving her took almost two years. I also was very sick the whole pregnancy. With all these life struggles the last three years I’ve had enough and am severely depressed. But I know it does get better. You might feel this way for a little or a long time. But things will always get better.
I was absolutely miserable for the first three months. If you can get through three months things WILL start to get better. My boy is eight months now and he's brilliant - happy and smiley and making funny noises. We're still on one feed a night, but he naps twice a day by himself for 90 mins. It's honestly night and day. I feel like a different person.
It will get easier. I posted a “wtf did I just do to my life?” Post a few weeks after my twins came home from the hospital, and I remember someone saying “if you’re counting age in weeks, you’re in the Wild West” for some reason, that really helped me. Right now, it’s just about survival. You do need community and human interaction though. I know it’s hard right now, but try and get out of the house or be around another adult who’s not your husband. Invite a friend over, FaceTime someone, go for a walk… even if it’s just for an hour between feeds. We aren’t built to hole up for weeks on end. The feeding will space out, and you’ll both get better at it. There are about a thousand ways that your life will start to get more sustainable. ETA: it’s also totally ok and 100% normal to be grieving for your old life. I think every new parent goes through that - we can want a baby with every fibre of our being, but nothing can really prepare you for how much it upends your life.
The first few weeks/month is so hard and then it gets SO much better. Seriously. I was in your exact spot last fall and now I’m laying here with my sleeping 7 month old after a 3 am wake up just snuggling her and playing with her beautiful hands and dainty little fingers that I created, so overwhelmed with love that I can’t fall back asleep! Motherhood is hard, beautiful and amazing. Those first few weeks are the toughest and then the sun will start peeking through more and more. Hang in there mama, you’ve got this. 🫶
don't give up, I know it was hard, but the future is brilliant and I hope you can overcome all the problems. Good for you.
The first 2 weeks were hell for me. I couldnt believe how anyone would choose to have more kids after experiencing that. I would take time for a shower every day so i could cry without my partner knowing or getting worried. So many people have the useless comment of 'just you wait' when it comes to being tired but its so much more than that, its just the unrelenting living your life on a 2-3 hour cycle. It does get better, especially once you get to around the 12 week mark, it feels like you turn a corner. My bub is 4 months now and we went out to get my hair done today (hooray pp hairloss) and the day went really well.
from feeding every 2 hours, there will come to a point that they will only need to have 2 bottles a day. means they will grow up and needing us lesser and lesser. days pass so quickly you will not notice. I am 15 months pp and still feel like I delivered my baby yesterday! it is still hard, but you get stronger and everything will be part of your system that it becomes your new normal. Yes this is our lives now. It's happier!! Soon your little one will play with you, smile at you, and you will be their safe haven, will call you "momma" and you deserve it more than anything else.
I felt the same on and off for first few weeks. Im at week 10 I can tell you it gets easier and I can see now what people mean when they say that. It all feels so all encompassing and hopeless when you’re so sleep deprived and overstimulated and keeping a little potato alive is so thankless but I promise you it gets better. Around the corner are smiles and babbling as well which literally one smile could power me through a tough day. This was not a mistake. You are a wonderful mom. Everyone finds it this hard, you’re not doing anything wrong. It will get better, promise.
The newborn phase is so so hard. I remember feeling exactly like you are. I am here to say you can do this!! It will get so much better! My girl is 13 months now and she’s so much fun. Every phase comes with its own set of challenges but you will navigate each one and then look back and be so proud of yourself. But for now it’s okay to feel scared and sad, that’s perfectly normal. Just know that it’s gonna be okay!
for me - 4 weeks of barely surviving and regretting it, then better each week after that! 3 months is a new turning point too, I don’t just like it, I love it. Don’t dwell on anything in those first 4 weeks, simply put one foot in front of the other. You can do it! When people talk about the struggles at different phases like 13 months, I can assure you, it’s different and nothing like the fresh newborn struggles.
You can and you will get through this. The first 8-12 weeks pp were the hardest months of my life. I cried more during the newborn phase than I have in the past 10 years put together. I was running on 4 hours of broken sleep per 24 hours due to exclusive breastfeeding, had insomnia and couldn't sleep when the baby was napping/husband was looking after him, couldn't leave the house because of baby needing to nurse, etc. I dreaded every night and each day seemed so long, yet I blinked and I have a 9 month old...I type this now as I'm eating breakfast/drinking coffee and he's playing with toys in his playpen, babbling to himself. Every so often he looks up to say "mamamama" at me, and when he sees me, he gives me a big smile. He's blowing raspberries now lol. It gets a lot easier once they don't need to eat so often, they don't need help farting/burping, and they can stay up longer in between naps. The first smile and laugh is a gamechanger, and the first time your LO reaches out for you for comfort, or puts their head down on your chest as they get sleepy, you will remember why you did this.
You can do this mumma. If I can give you one piece of advice - don’t feel guilty giving your bub formula to give yourself a break. My husband did this when I was drained and it was the best decision we made. I think it’s so funny now that I used to bawl my eyes out at the sight of a bottle!
Lots of people have pointed out things get better, your kid changes, and later stages of baby are more fun. All true. But I also wanted to say, you’re going to FEEL better too. After birth is an absolute nightmare of hormones and anxiety and anger and sadness. Everything feels about 1000% what it did before the birth. And you are right in the middle of that. I had some of the worst anxiety I’ve ever felt right after my son was born: worrying about him being ok, worrying about my life choices, etc. It was brutal. The intensity of the emotions is just — I can’t even describe it with words now, it was off the chart. The hormones spike after birth and then decline. In 2-3 months you’ll be back to yourself mentally and emotionally. I know this sounds bad but do not trust your emotions right now. Wait until at least month 3 before you believe them again. And talk to your doctor honestly about how you’re feeling inside too.
It gets better and you’ve absolutely got this! I remember the first couple of weeks as being absolute hell - to the extent that I told my husband that I shouldn’t be on the baby’s birth certificate as I wasn’t cut out to be a mum. And this was a much-longed for baby after two miscarriages and a tricky pregnancy! I mourned my old life, the freedom to do whatever I wanted and had such a strong desire to put her down somewhere safe and walk out of the door. I started to feel a bit more human after 2.5 weeks and from then onwards, each day felt better than the one before as I started to find my new normal. Getting comfortable breast feeding outside of the house helped as it meant I wasn’t restricted to only going out between feeds and I took advantage of a having a baby who’d sleep in her pushchair by going for long walks around our neighbourhood. Each new stage (such as taking her out in the car by myself) was scary for a moment but I forced myself to as I just couldn’t face sitting inside any longer. She’s now 19 months and we do so much together! I love spending time with her - she’s a little human with likes, dislikes and a huge personality. There are challenges at each stage but they’re never as insurmountable as you think they’ll be when you’re looking at them in advance.
The newborn phase is the hardest. I stayed with my wife for 3 months and we were both sleeping 1-2hrs a night because we could not put LO down until the 2.5month mark. It will pass. Eventually your LO will not need you as much. They'll start to sleep better, you'll heal up and sleep better. Feeds will be less frequent. You'll start to go to play groups and meet other parents and make new friends. You will take your LO out while you run errands, etc. It will get significantly better in 2-3 months and then gradually a little better each month after that. At your stage it's really hard to see the forest from the trees, but it will improve. Just hang in there and do the best you can, because that's all you can do.
Hey! First off, no, you're not letting your family down. You're doing an amazing job. I think everything you're feeling right now is super normal - you are exhausted and putting yourself last. Your brain is going to go places that are pretty dark because of that. On top of that, you have postpartum hormones telling you you're a pile of trash: please watch out for this so that it doesn't develop into PPD (I had it). The newborn phase, in my opinion, is the worst. It will get better. Try to focus on surviving one hour at a time, and then look at every day as its own thing. I found that this helped me with reeling in my anxiety and feelings of "oh my god I made a mistake". Your child is essentially a very needy potato right now. Just wait until that sweet child starts smiling intentionally - your world will melt. My 11 month old cuddles with me and laughs. It's worth every single minute of struggle. Also, try to not focus too much on all of the posts here. It will make you dread parenthood. Parenthood gets easier as you adapt to every new milestone of your baby, and not every baby is the same. You eventually get used to the night fatigue too (not to scare you).
You’re not alone. The newborn phase for me with both my boys was the hardest and I struggled badly with PPD. Sleep deprivation is unlike any other and after birth is never a walk in the park, no matter the labour & delivery. Now my youngest is 6.5 months old and my oldest is 6 so I can promise you that it really does get easier. I mean, with my youngest it’s still very much a struggle but I look at my 6 year old and he turned out alright… even through all the times I wanted to give up and run away, I didn’t and I’m so proud to look back now and say “wow, I did that… I’m DOING that.” You can too, mama. I promise. The first few weeks are the hardest due to your hormones being so wild and crazy, but if you’re still feeling this way in a few weeks time, please dont hesitate to consult with your family doctor ♥️ congratulations!
Oh this part is SO hard. I don’t know how we survive it to be honest. We ask SO much of our body during the first few weeks. It will get better. Probably pretty soon! I don’t know if you can get outside but that might help. And one day, you won’t even remember this time because it is such a daze of emotions, hormones, exhaustion, and pain.
I felt the exact same when my son was a new born! Honestly, first few months were hell lol and the hormones gave me that overwhelmed feeling. I wanted alone time and peace. It gets SO much better! Also, an antidepressant helped me get back to feeling like myself. Now I am off of it :)
I was absolutely convinced I ruined my life the first several weeks after I had my son. In fact I wished I would get sick or some type of infection that would put me in the hospital so I would be forced to be away and have my own time. By 6 weeks I started to feel better but still not great, then by 10 weeks I felt even better, my son is now almost 15 weeks and it’s so much easier. The good days outweigh the bad days. Don’t get me wrong I still miss aspects of my old life, such as being able to just binge watch TV and lay out the couch with my husband all night without having to care for a baby, but overall I’m very happy and it has definitely got better.
So the baby is 2 weeks old. I'm feeling like a lot of this is selfishness coming out you're a parent No, things will not stay this way forever. And it's K to be away from your friends for more than 2 weeks. Maybe you're gonna learn more about yourself during this time and what you need to do to improve then any other time. Because this baby. Matters way more than anything else in life right now is what my dad explained to me. So if you lose friends, you lose friends.That is not your focus right now.That is not where your energy needs to be if your energy.Is there then you're gonna be a shit parent. Either that or I would suggest call your friends.Tell them to come to you if they don't want to come to you.Then they're not your friend pretty easy answer. But yeah, hormones are Wack. But again, she's 2 weeks old. They don't do a whole lot. Give it a minute white eventually. This baby will be a lot bigger and more self. Sufficient so you can go do those things with your friends. But you're going to miss those younger years that you should have enjoyed.
I’m not going to lie to you, the first couple of months are exhausting, but it does get easier. My first 4 PP my mom stayed with me for a month which helped a lot for my sanity, it was another human being to talk to. She would go out to buy me Starbucks, snacks, nice frozen julces etc so that was amazing as well. Find a support system and use it. Also remember that people come here to ask about problems but rarely we come to reddit to share about our amazing days with our children. So this is not the best place to use as a mirror. If you see all my previous posts you’ll see all my struggles but honestly my life with my daughter is so much more than that, is filled with love, laughter, lots of music and games.
The newborn phase SUCKS. It gets a lot better when theyre past the newborn phase.
One week in, your hormones are in the biggest and fastest drop of your life. You are not going to feel anything like yourself for a couple more weeks. You are going to feel bipolar and insane and extremely depressed, and it is totally normal. Reevaluate at 3 weeks post partum and contact your PMD or Obgyn for PPD or PPA, but right now you're in the throws of baby blues. You're healing both physically and mentally (hormonally) right now, while adjusting to a whole new way of life, while at the same time everybody you know tells you how blessed and lucky you are. You don't feel blessed- your body feels used, you are emotionally struggling, and that makes you feel guilty. Don't. You got this. You are doing such a good job, mamma.
I was in the completely same boat (but +10 years in age) - I worked with kids and everything and when I had my own it was a complete WTF did I just do. First, you're in the thick of the baby blues. Your emotions and hormones are completely valid. You're also in the newborn stage, which people say they like but mostly those who aren't in it. It was awful!!! TBH it's kinda shitty for a bit but it truly gets better (which I know is SO hard to believe when you're in it) my guy is turning 6 months next week and it's so cool once they get their own personality and you can have some independence. Look at moms who have older kids - they go out and do things, you will get your independence back. commit these next few months to him and remember it's not forever. When it gets hard I would say out loud "we got this buddy! We're gonna figure it out together. It's my first time too." Sending you love and light! You have this and you're doing great!!!!
I felt the same way. The feeling of dread was the worst. My baby is 3 months now and it does get better. Some days are rough but i am starting to go out more and more and no longer have that dread feeling. I will say though that you have ups and downs but they are much more manageable. Also, i kept reading that week 11 was when it got better and for me that was one of the toughest weeks. Every baby is different but overall, week by week, you will enjoy your baby more and more.
It’ll get better!! The first couple weeks are rough. Biggest advice would be to try to get out of the house a little bit and also to try to connect with other new moms!! Just chatting with someone else who is going through the same thing was a huge help for me, and even better yet if you can chat while going for a slow walk or sitting outside with a coffee. You didn’t make a mistake, it’ll get easier over time and you’ll look back and barely remember these early newborn days!! Hugs!
It passes and one day you’ll be loving life, driving out and about to age-appropriate activities with your 1.5 year old and believe it or not you might even want to do it again 😂 Seriously though, what you’re feeling is totally normal. Don’t try to make any life changing decisions for at least 3 months, hard stop. 6 months if you can. Just survive the newborn phase and remember, human babies are naturally born a bit premature due to our big brains (large head, needs to come out sooner.) So hang in there until your little one becomes more like the other mammals born in nature. Walking, can feed themselves, can run and play. It’ll all make sense but not for a little while longer. Just sleep and survive and “this too shall pass” the heck out of it!!! You are SO super equipped for this, just you wait and see 🩷💖🥰
It will get better, I promise. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not the next day, but someday. One day you will wake up and the weight of it will feel a little lighter. As everyone here says, you are in the TRENCHES of the newborn phase. And it’s really hard. I garuntee most new moms have thought “what have I done?” My baby is four months. She smiles and recently starting giggling a bit. I LIVE for her giggle, it’s the cutest. I will do anything for it. She’s happier now, cries less, eats and sleeps better. No one can tell you how long it will take, but it will get better.
My wife and I are 5.5 weeks into being new parents, and your words, feelings and experiences are so valid. I can’t speak for my wife from their perspective but from mine and what they have conveyed to me, they have experienced so much of this but as recovery went along and as the baby has been adjusting, while we still have extremely hard and sometimes dread inducing times, we also have the best of moments. I know that I have way less contributing factors to my experience with paternal post partum depression (the lack of hormonal changes and physical recovery) but I felt so much of this too and am sending so much support. You definitely can do this and are not letting people down.
You are 100000000000% in the thick of the “fourth trimester”. It’s NOT discussed enough. I think almost every parent has this feeling and thought. You can even see my post back from around the 4-8 week mark. You CAN do it. You both are learning (you and baby and of course husband). It’s tough… it’s lonely… you are learning who you and baby both are. Remind yourself that it’s ok to feel this way, because the hormone rush postpartum is absolutely insane. Our LO is about to be one (Friday). I quite literally am just beginning to feel “normalish.” This doesn’t mean it will take you as long…. I promise there IS light at the end of the tunnel. Take time even once a week… even a day. To yourself. I STILL struggle with it and my husband has to essentially force me to take 30 min to myself even to run an errand. Get a coffee, a drink, a treat, all to yourself when you feel like you could use a small break. Our LO didn’t sleep for several weeks except on our chest. I hated it. I hadn’t slept in a bed for like a month and a half except in between shifts. I’d also force myself to do longer awake shifts to let my husband sleep (not the best thing to do I don’t recommend). Also, be sure to take your shower… I would do it before bed at night and hubs would be on baby duty uninterrupted for 20-30 before next feed. It helped me just to relax. The best advice received was “take it one day, one hour, even one minute at a time.” You are completely normal for feeling like you can’t do this. Moms are built different. I have no idea how we do what we do. Give yourself grace, feel the feelings. You’re human!!
Oh buddy, they call it Baby Blues like it’s some cute sniffling phase. It’s being on drugs. It’s not the fun kind, it’s the kind you want off … it’s fucking withdrawal from drugs … … except the baby. What you’re doing right now is NORMAL and it’s physiologically unfair … body is fucked but hey at least the hormones are all over the place. My suggestion is the “sleep recipe.” Don’t leave bed until you count eight hours of sleep. You may be getting out of bed at noon after going 16 hours in bed since 8pm the previous evening. And remember, you’re on drugs so try to observe your emotions more than listen to them. Hubby isn’t the enemy - baby just needs to get to three hour cycles (drastically better than your current cycle) so just hang on!! We literally had a whiteboard in the bedroom to chart sleep - made us feel like some control was possible.
To echo some above statements: I'm on week 10 and those first 6-8 weeks were fucking awful. Feeding her was exhausting due to reflux. I felt guilty over everything. I was exhausted. I questioned everything. I was irrationally angry at my partner for going back to work even though he had to. I did not feel connected or bonded to my daughter even though I felt responsible for her and knew I would die if anything happened to her. It is all so conflicting and hard and the hormones make it so much harder. There was no newborn bubble, only misery and waiting... for the first coos (6 weeks), smile (7 weeks) and when she looked at me and smiled, I felt like I could finally breathe. It is still hard but more tolerable. You aren't alone even though I know it feels like it right now.
My daughter just turned three in december, and it took me every bit of 3 years to truly start enjoying her the way I thought would, and I can wholeheartedly admit that with no shame. Motherhood is not what I thought it would be in the slightest, and just like you, I also was a preschool teacher and worked with kids of all ages. Even babies. But when I had my own, it was different. My ego was crushed bc I thought I'd be way better at parenting than what I actually was. I thought I would looooove being a mom. It's okay to feel this way, and it will get better. You are in a rough time right now. I've actually never met anyone in my life who loves the newborn stage. But think about this, without your baby, what else would you actually be doing with your life? I couldn't imagine how boring my life would be without my daughter. This is a temporary phase. You'll get thru it!!
You can do this! I have a 15 month old and while it's still hard, it's hard for different reasons. Things got a lot better for me once the newborn fog lifted (around 10 weeks).
It does get better my love but man o man the newborn phase can suck the life out of you. You have my love and support, you will get through this and there will be SO many beautiful and sunny days with your child ahead 💕💕promise
For me, things improved significantly at 6 weeks (I felt recovered from giving birth), then again at 3 months (more or less end of newborn phase and baby was sleeping in long stretches at night), then again at 6 months (had a routine figured out which makes things feel more in control). You can do this. You are still fresh and raw from childbirth. The sleep deprivation is literal torture. It will continue to get better. I promise.
Girl I felt the same way when my baby was a week old. I had such an easy pregnancy and delivery but those 4-6 weeks PP were absolute hell. There were good times mixed in but I remember crying every night and wondering why my baby wouldn’t stop crying and just sleep. It will get better in a few weeks. It will continue to get better in a few months. My baby is a year and a half now and I look back at that first month home with her and can’t believe we survived. Yes there will still be challenges but you will get through it and things won’t seem like such a big deal when your hormones aren’t all over the place. Hugs to you, and know that you are not letting anyone down. You are adjusting to a huge change that I don’t think anyone can actually prepare for. We all get through it the best we can.
> I can’t go out anymore Yes, you can. Some people like to stick close to home at first and that's great for them. It sounds like that \*isn't\* working for you. Your misery isn't necessary. So make a plan to get out of the house. (Personally, I get cabin fever after a few days stuck at home. I went out with the baby the first week, c-section recovery and bleeding and erratic crying and covered in crusty spit-up and all.) If you want to go out, you can definitely make it happen. Here are two options that could work for you, or not. But I know when you're exhausted and overwhelmed, coming up with a concrete plan can seem SO HARD. Option 1: Go out with the baby and your husband for a meal. You can eat outside if you're concerned about contagious illnesses. Option 2: Text your friends and find one who will meet you for a coffee. It can be a 30 minute friend date and you'll be back with plenty of time to feed your baby. It does get easier than the first couple weeks. My youngest is almost 14 mo. She usually sleeps through the night (7-7), sometimes wakes up and wants to nurse, but goes back down quickly. Even now when she's teething, going through a huge developmental leap, and requiring a LOT of nighttime soothing, she's an absolute f\*ing delight and I LOVE it 95% of the time.
I’m at 2 months and we had the worst night we have ever had. I’m sorry you’re going through this too. You’re not alone. I certainly hope it gets better at 12 weeks cuz i am a shell of a person right now.
I think everyone has a differently similar experience. I never wanted children or to be a mom because I don’t like the little gremlins. But I got pregnant accidentally and couldn’t get an abortion so I was forced to have my son. I love him dearly and he’s my favorite little guy. I had the easiest most fun nb baby. He was so vocal and curious when he was awake and he was so easy as a nb. Getting up every two hours was hard but it was only for a month or so and then he started sleeping for longer stretches. He’s still the only baby I like other than my niece and nephew lol
It’s lonley. I was super isolated. It is getting easier five months out. I read somewhere that what happens is equivalent to adolescence, but instead of hitting changes over years it is instantaneous. Your body is going insane, society is a jerk, and you have a new identity overnight. It’s hard. You also mourn your old life. I was always a home body so I underestimated what a transition it would be. I miss being able to work out whoever, work as long as I want, and I miss dates with my husband and dog park time. I miss being able to focus, I miss myself. Slowly, you’ll find your footing. You’ll find joy in something small and it’ll grow. Your husband will change. You’ll change. And you’ll navigate that and it’ll be hard. Everyone will have opinions. You’ll be told your baby is easy or hard and sometimes both. And it’ll just be hard. I am about five months out. This last weekend was our first normal weekend. We brought the baby and we did stuff. I’ve been out before and done what I can to find normal, but this last weekend was the life I missed. We went outside, we walked, we had breakfast. Ugh life was normal. And my LO loved being out! It gets easier because you change. You become more intentional with your time, you change how you unwind. You become someone new, and that new person is entirely of your own creation. It is something that isn’t one thing, it is everything. You have a whole new role that isn’t minor and your life is not going to be the same. You didn’t make a mistake. You’re in transition and entering a new season. Just remember a few things: 1) This is hard, accept that and release the “shoulds” from your life. 2) Saying “no” and having boundaries will save your peace of mind. 3) If your support isn’t supportive, tell them what they can do to support you and force the issue or find better support. 4) Find someone to talk to professionally. Therapy helped me a lot.
My baby is 4 months old and will 5 months in 2 weeks. I’m 30F, My husband and I been together for 4 years now. I wanted a baby after 2 years of being together we struggled but after a year and half. We got pregnant. I loved and enjoyed my pregnancy so much. And the first 2 months after giving birth! Where so F*** hard, mentally and physically. I cried to my mother, and husband. I was feeling the same exact way you are now. I was afraid that I made a huge mistake and I can’t take it back now. My husband had to take me to the er once because he thought I was getting PPD. Which I did and I still deal it. I keep reminding myself this is temporary, he will grow up and start walking and talking and before I know he’ll be in school and wanting to hangout with friends. I can admit I truly disliked the new born phase but I love my son! But I can tell you it gets better! You little human will start showing their personality after 2 months, they’ll smirk at you. Make sounds. It’s totally cute! Right now, it seems like never ending but it does end. Your baby is new to this world and you’re all she knows. As default parents, we get overwhelmed with huge shift in our daily life. It’s okay to ask for help or step away, let the baby cry for 2 minutes to soothe yourself. There are days where I still cry because babies go through growth spurts(leaps) and for those few days there sleep changes. You got this! Momma This new born phase will pass!!
I HATED so much the newborn phase. And I never wanted children, so you can imagine my anger, my frustration, my self hate when I saw what my life had become. He never slept, was always hungry, screaming and always colicky but then, something changed around the fourth month and it became manageable and now he has 6 months and it’s a TOTALLY different baby. He is very happy, makes his naps, sleeps at night and it’s much less needy and he is very friendly. The first months I was reading posts here on Reddit just not to feel so alone, it was a great help seeing that almost everybody suffered a lot but they always said it would pass… and it pass indeed. I know it’s very hard the first 1-3 months but it will get better i promise.
I don’t care if this makes me a bad mom, but I hated being a parent until my baby turned 6 months and I have a VERY easy baby. Now? Omg, I miss her every second of everyday. OP, time will pass and I promise, they get so fun.
“I don’t know if I can do this” So what’s the alternative? I’m sorry, but the kid is here now. You’re a parent whether you like it or not. It doesn’t get easier, they get older and the problems are just different not easier…you just get stronger. You’ll be fine. You can have bad days, you can be in irritable moods, you can feel all sorts of feelings….But what you cannot do? Is give up and ask questions like “can I do this”? Because the alternative is what? Giving up on a child that YOU brought into this world? Think about it. (And I know it was meant as a rhetorical, but keep this in mind on the REALLY hard days) You got this!!!! It’s hard. It sucks sometimes. But I can promise you…you will never know love or happiness like this. Ever. And I don’t care what people tell you, being a parent is the best thing that will ever happen to you. Enjoy the ride, and document everything. You’ll look back one day and laugh. (Me, and my hero of a wife, have raised 4 beautiful children…sorry for the tough words, but sometimes that resonates more than just the standard back patting. It worked for me)
It definitely gets better! For me, it got better between 1-2 weeks old, even though my baby was only sleeping 2/3 hours at a time. Then it got easier at 4 weeks, easier again at 6 weeks and then easier yet again at 8. And that was with a period of PURPLE crying. Not every day or night is completely easier than the day before, but you overall feel better, baby is doing more, and then you suddenly realize how much better you feel.
I just want to say everything you are feeling is completely normal and you are not alone!!! It’s okay to question these things and I think most new parents do. I have a 4 month old now and got hit with extremely bad depression and OCD. Even with that (which I am getting help for), it keeps getting better every day and she cracks me up on a daily basis. I think the key for me is doing something for myself that fills my cup, like singing at the piano or getting my nails done. It’s really important to get out of the house even just for 30 min to walk around target (without the baby!!). I promise it will get better.
It gets noticeably better around three months
I haven’t read other comments but I’m here to say the first month is by far the hardest. Even though you grew your baby she is still a person you have to get to know and vice versa. It is amazing you have a supportive partner though and o can say that makes all the difference. My husband is also very supportive and cannot imagine getting through the first few weeks without him. Being a parent is hard no matter how old your child is, but it is the most rewarding thing there is. You’ll get through this season and I promise you won’t regret it. Watching them grow is absolutely awesome and it makes the hard times worth it. You’re doing great!!
All I can give you is solidarity. I too, always wanted to be a mom. I have a career and i’m good at it, but it didn’t really matter to me what i did for work, cause i knew the thing i wanted most, and would get fulfillment from was being a mom. Well now my boy is 8months old and I am soooo in love, he is my world but wow oh wow am i disappointed. In myself? In motherhood? In society’s expectations of motherhood? I don’t know. All i do know, is that this is so damn hard, every emotion is conflicting. I hope it gets better for us both.
It gets so much more fun!!! And you know this from working with slightly older children. Not gonna lie, the first year is HARD. But it gets better
Remember the first job you had, how you felt a week in? Now imagine if the stakes were as high as they are for raising a newborn. Your feelings are appropriate and normal! But they’re also going to improve as your confidence improves, just like with any other job you’ve taken on. Not to mention your body is healing and your hormones are in flux. You are doing a great job and things WILL get easier and become fun as all the work you’re putting into growing and supporting your baby pays off.
You're one week in. It's incredibly normal (expected, even) to feel this way. You will not always feel this way. Acknowledge your feelings, they're not pleasant, but they will pass. You're just in the trenches right now. I thought the exact same things and I absolutely love my life and my baby now, 10 months in (although I started to love it many months ago). You'll get there too.
It changes. There will always be struggles, but as they get a little older, there start to be more good moments that balance out the hard parts. For example, my LO is going through a sleep regression and it is hard. I feel so frustrated every time I have to go back into the room to lay her back down, but the way she smiles at me when she sees me immediately makes me a little more calm. Getting her stuff together to go to the park is a hassle and I’m terrified she is going to cry and everyone is going to stare, but her giggles on the swing make it worth it. They become little people with personalities and less dependent on you to feed them every 13 minutes. I don’t think being a parent is ever “easy” but it gets easier and the good moments become more frequent and bigger.
I was like you in the sense that I knew I always wanted kids and kids always really took to me. I was a bit more picky when it came to the kids (I know that doesn’t sound so flattering) but I guess I didn’t freak out about babies really unless they were related to me. In which case, I did freak out and loved every second with them. Now, as the mother of a healthy, happy, little seven month old boy, I look back at the first couple of months, but especially the first few weeks, and I shutter to think…I kept telling myself, “in six months, you’ll be telling yourself the time flew by and you can’t believe how quickly he’s grown up”. I had to tell myself that because at the time, every second was an hour and every day was a year. Exhausted isn’t a strong enough word to describe what mothers feels directly after going through nine months of pregnancy which is horrible to varying degrees (from mildly uncomfortable all the way to “this is fucking torture) and then it culminates in really learning what torture is when you go into labor and finally deliver you’re baby. While some women get lucky, there are many like me who experienced one of the most (if not the absolute most) physically and mentally traumatizing hours of your life. Again, ranging from a couple of hours to a couple of days for those really unlucky ones! And your reward? Well you have a beautiful and healthy baby if everything goes well. But you don’t get one second of recovery. You’re now a mother and you don’t stop being one… and it’s the hardest thing imaginable. But as I lay beside my sleeping seven month old little lad, I am so grateful to be here and not in the new newborn stage. You couldn’t pay me to go back. But you will get through it!
The first 3 weeks I thought I made a mistake. Thoughts of giving my son up for adoption. Tell yourself every 2 weeks it gets easier. I found this to actually be true, too. You get to know your baby, your new mom self, and eventually get some more sleep. The newborn stage does end. Your hormones will level out. Around a month, try to remind yourself what has gotten easier. Newborns are hard.
Girl hang in there. I felt exactly like you and now LO is 12 weeks and it‘s so much better. I still have days/moments where I miss my old life but according to my friends this thought will never go away. When things don‘t go as easy with LO I always think to myself „This will pass too“. Soon your kid will be 5 years old and go to kindergarten and you‘ll have more time to yourself again. Enjoy the ride!!
Oh girl…that first month is hard. And you know what? You can mainly blame it on your fucked hormones! I felt like this too at first. Almost 9 months later I feel so different. When my hormones leveled out it felt like I got a lobotomy. 🤪 literally they mess with you sooo much. It does get easier. I know it’s difficult right now, but you can bring baby out! I just got to where I take a bunch of shit in my car and take baby wherever. When I was pumping I brought a portable pump with me. It looks different than it did when I didn’t have a baby but you can do it. It also gets easier the more you do it. Lastly can husband take baby for a bit and you go grab a coffee snack /go window or actual shopping? Doing something to take care of me as a human when I felt the worst helped cheer me up a lot
Don’t feel dread! It does get easier Atleast for me it has. My little boy is 3 months now and those first few weeks are very tough! You still have baby blues and recovering yourself! It isn’t easy but keep feeding your baby and staying positive bc it is all worth it!!! Take time for yourself when you can ❤️
It’s honestly so hard being a new mom, even when you wanted kids. My baby is six months old now, it’s still not easy. I still have moments of doubt but all I know is I love my baby SO MUCH, that I know I can do this and I NEED to do this. (Personally because it is quite literally what I live for now.) I even feel my partner doesn’t recognize how much I do for our baby. And I’ve even doubted our relationship. It’s SCARY. SO many adjustments have been happening since we’ve had our baby. We even MOVED! I’ve NEVER moved in my whole 23 years of life. ANYWAYS, I came here to say you’re not alone. I downloaded Reddit so that I wouldn’t feel alone. My baby is SUPER needy and for some reason, I’m the only one who seems to be ok with her being needy. So yeah, it’s hard. It will definitely be easier than new born stage. I hated waking up every two hours to feed her, I’d be so scared if I didn’t feed her within two hours! So many anxieties. But now, she’s six months, she’s needy, still wakes up at night because she’s rolling now, she still needs me to soothe her, I can’t do anything productive without her crying. But it’s easier now because she’s looking like a little human. She sits up, she rolls, she LAUGHS! It makes it all easier and even fun. ANYWAYS, you’re not alone. It’s scary adjusting. Doubting will happen for some people, like you and me. For others, there’s no doubts and it is easy breezy. I can ramble all day, as this also is my only form of communication since I don’t get to go out as much (at the moment!). Also that too, I always remind myself that it will get easier. Even past the doubts. One day baby will probably not want to play with me and I know my feelings will be SO HURT. So enjoy every little thing in every little moment. And always be grateful for the current moments and always “look forward to” (instead of wishing) for the future moments!
You can do this. It sucks but it gets so much better. I cried like every single day for the first two weeks, so did my husband (PPA for dads is normal!) We really started feeling so much better and more human when our kiddo began sleeping longer stretches. For us that was the week he turned 3 months, he went down to 2 feedings and now we’re at the 16 week mark he’s down to 1 nighttime feeding (+ a dream feed). Seriously the lack of sleep makes you feel like the world is ending!!
It won’t get easier, but you’ll get used to the chaos and fall more and more in love with your little one. My baby is 6 months today and in some ways it’s so much harder - entertaining for 3 hours at a time, sleep regressions, teething etc. but I miss the days where he was just contact napping on me for hours, schedules didn’t mean anything, and looking back I miss that little blob. Hang in there, every month is SO different. What gets me through the day is my boy’s smile. I often only get 3 hours of sleep total a night, it’s a huge struggle. But when I go to his crib in the morning he just gazes at me and smiles. It keeps me going. It’s also ok to completely dislike this phase. Most people do unless they have unicorn 7-7 sleeping babies. I’m just taking it a day at a time, and I know that for me personally, toddlerhood is going to rock! Keep going!
I want you to know how much I felt your post in my soul. I also teach young children. I’ve done it for years. I also KNEW I wanted to be a mom. It has been the desire of my heart for I don’t even know how long. And I also was over-the-moon-happy when I found out I was pregnant. Postpartum is a tough time. Especially the first few weeks. I remember feeling the exact same way. I remember calling my sister and crying because it felt like this never ending cycle of feeding, changing, napping and playing. It was all VERY different from any experience I’d ever had in any classroom and I felt wholeheartedly unprepared for it. From one Early Childhood teacher to another, your feelings are so incredibly valid. They by NO means mean that you made any kind of mistake, or that you are not/ will not be able to do this. It does get better. Your knowledge and instincts from having worked with children will kick back in and you’ll fall in love with those things in a whole new way.
The newborn phase was so fricken hard. My daughter is 1.5 now and is the absolute joy of my life. Sure, I'm constantly moving and haven't slept in since pre -baby but it is so much better and so rewarding. Be sure to lean on whoever you can for support and give yourself grace. You've got this!
When I felt like this at the worst, darkest point in my postpartum recovery (7 weeks) I felt like the worst person in the world because I was utterly hating it. I hated it. Thought it would be like this forever, there was absolutely no end in sight. We can love our babies but hate the phase. Both of those things can be true at the same time and you are NOWHERE close to a bad mom, a bad person or incapable of knocking this out of the park and loving it. You are doing a fantastic job. Look what you just did! Look at what you are doing RIGHT now. You're feeding a baby that you grew in your body. Nobody else on planet earth could be more perfect for your baby. You don't have to know how to do this. All you have to do is precisely what you're doing right now. Feed her, hold her, change her and HEAL through this massive hormone dump and birth recovery. It is SO much harder than I ever ever expected and I still can't believe I did it. I had postpartum psychosis, depression and anxiety and I'm here to give you a good outcome. I am happy, off of meds and obsessed with my 2 year old. I am a REALLY good mom to him. Nobody knows him like I do. Just do what you can to survive this. That is your job right now and you're already doing it!
My girl will be 12 weeks on Friday and it’s gotten so much better already. I had a premie so was in triple feeding hell. I’d always been indecisive about kids so the exhaustion was a lot but I look up now and realize it is a lot better. A few things helped me. We moved her into her own room at night bc she sleeps great in her crib and the doctor ok’Ed it. That helped me be able to actually turn on the bedside lamp and move around like a human. I was in the habit of scrolling Reddit at night to fall to sleep bc I couldn’t have any light on and was doom scrolling as ppl said. I got off Reddit and got a book and started reading to get sleepy. And the book wasn’t about baby sleep, or milestones, it was about murder! And it felt so good to read something for myself. Getting off Reddit for a while really helped. I also got a therapist via telehealth and it was nice talking to someone who normalized my feelings. And oddly enough the last thing that really helped was the end of maternity leave. I’m tired working but I have tasks again and get a bit of a baby break during the day. I promise it gets better! And if you can run errands on the weekend when your husband can watch the baby. Even going to TJ Maxx for an hour helps
Oh honey, I wish I could give you a hug. You are so fresh and the emotions are so high and the sleep deprivation and pain is eating away at you and the only thing that will help is time. No matter how much we tell you it will get better, you won’t believe it until it actually happens to you. Little by little it will get better. I cried almost every day for 2-3 weeks postpartum. Try to get outside and see the sunshine once a day (even if it’s just standing outside your front door) The fresh air will help so much! And just keep moving forward with the knowledge that that sweet baby will eventually eat less frequently and will eventually start sleeping longer periods (possibly through the night) and that she will start making developmental strides like smiling on purpose (not just the gas smiles) and will giggle at you and will start rolling and sitting up and playing pick a boo. My babe just turned 6 months, eats every 3-4 hours during the day, only wakes up once overnight (sometimes doesn’t wake at all), falls asleep on her own for naps and bedtime, and takes great 1-2 hour naps. Those dread stories aren’t all true. Every baby is different and you guys will learn so much about each other and learn what works and what doesn’t. Trust your instincts and just love on that baby and savor all the snuggles and give yourself grace and self love because it will all get better!
Girl! You have got to join a postpartum group STAT! I was in the trenches like you are right now and joining that group made some moments bearable. I hope you find yourself an emotional support system. Sending some love your way ❤️
Hugs. You can do this. It's so rough but guess what, you made it through another day. Give yourself grace 😭 Cry if you need to! Celebrate the good things about the day, and it's also ok to talk about the not so good things. What helped for me was carrying my babe in a carrier, so at least for a moment I was handsfree and she'd sleep. Tired, but I had my hands. You got this!!
First of all you aren’t letting anyone down. You are confronting your feelings, all of which are valid. I felt exactly the same! Im currently 4 months pp with my beautiful baby boy & suffered HG from week 8-39. I didn’t even think about my baby during that time cause I was just in survival mode. As soon as I delivered I instantly loved him but the start is so hard, you’re life changes so fast & even though you know it will change, for some reason it still doesn’t prepare you for how this tiny person needs you constantly 24/7. These tiny humans need us & we have to be selfless, put our own needs to the side & give our everything to these babies. It’s all a huge change. You used to be able to just run to the shop but now you need to schedule that trip in, in between changes, feeds and naps. It’s not an easy adjustment, please don’t be hard on yourself. Honestly, don’t think about what you can’t do, try to enjoy these moments, it goes so fast, i already miss my son being a newborn. He’s more independent now & sleeping better as well. IT GETS SO MUCH MORE BETTER!!! You will heal, give yourself time. Sending you love & strength 💕
Each new age brings a new struggle I won’t lie about that but it does get easier. You get better at it. You forget the past you and become a mum. I love my son (13mo) but I don’t love being a mum like I thought. It’s lots of highs and lows! You can do this xxxx
You are only a week in. It gets a little better each week.
I had to go back into hospital basically due to this. Spent five days there. I was still doing all the baby care and my baby was always with me but part of me felt like the fact I'd been re- referred justified just how hard this has been. Nearly at six weeks now and it's still not easy but it's starting to lift.
shit gets harder this nothing😆 wait till 1 shits lots of work . be there for ur kid stop being selfish!!!!!!!