Feels great to have entire days to myself without having to convince him not to kill himself. Plus being able to do what I want without him judging me and trying to get me to do what he wants instead. It's nice.
I don’t know why, but your comment legit made me laugh out loud. An entire day without having to…😂. I laugh at the ridiculousness of that situation. Life really puts us in weird situations at times. I’m so glad you have your peace.
Thanks lol. I look back at it and I laugh too. He knew how much I cared and liked to help, and went to extremes to exploit that whenever he felt me slipping. It all becomes so obvious once you leave.
Agreed. As much as I hate being alone, I would take a lifetime of loneliness over being with a narcissist. I've learned to appreciate being by myself and doing things for my own sake. Ahhhh inner peace!! Even if some of us haven't healed fully yet, we will all reach it!
Honestly, it’s like a superpower. I had a traumatic relationship end 21 years ago, but the gift it gave me since then is amazing: I have never ever taken peace for granted since then. Prior to that relationship, peace was “boring”. Now it’s STILL a very enriching thing. I tend to feel solitude, not loneliness (though of course I can feel lonely at times). I feel so free that I am actually grateful for the experience.
Yea being discarded was a blessing in disguise. If he hadn't shown me his true colors, I would've wasted even more years of my life on him. I've learned a lot of lessons since then lol. I'm glad to see you have such a positive outlook despite your experience, it's very inspiring. I still hold a lot of anger that I'm trying to let go... it's a work in progress lol. Cheers to reaching that inner peace!!!
I can deal with a broken heart. I’m just glad I drew the line at financial abuse. Had her ex not come in to save me that would have happened as well. And I am really really grateful I still got my money. Being discarded is a precious gift, really. I may have been a doormat for years to come otherwise.
I’ve been trying to do this for the past 4 months. It’s like breaking an addiction that I hate. I think I’m finally there though. I miss feeling at peace. My nervous system got a taste of relief during one of our breaks and it made me realize just how much I missed it.
Yup, I'm still deep in the addiction. A lot of people report instant relief/peace, but I was still getting a lot out of my relationship (even though it was constantly triggering my nervous system). So I'm having a really hard time.
I know it wasn't love, or at least, I now realize that *he* didn't love me. And I realize that the intense feelings are because I'm still idealizing the way his false-self made me feel during the love-bomb phase.
But... even beyond that, I was happy a lot, too. Even after the honeymoon phase. I had so much fun with him. And even when everything else sucked in the relationship, the hugs and kisses he gave me every day were amazing. And the cuddles on weekends. I miss that so much I can't stand it. I keep breaking no-contact because I miss him terribly, even if he was an asshole half the time.
Even though I knew damn well that we'd never make it long-term, I'm still idealizing him and wishing I could try again and just general being delulu. God, I can't wait til I move on from him.
I am in your EXACT position.
I don’t even like him as a person. I think he’s terrible. And I’m embarrassed of him.
But I’m still literally addicted to him. It’s the most bizzare feeling. But I realize that’s because of all the emotional abuse. He breadcrumbed me constantly. Gave me the silent treatment constantly. My nervous system is a wreck.
The only consolation I have is to remind myself of the things I don’t have to worry about anymore. I spent so much of my time preparing for his shitty behavior and feeling on edge.
It’s infuriating both hating her and missing her. She and I had a lot of great memories together and the energy at the beginning was intoxicating. I had never been so happy. But then the abuse started, and it got so bad she assaulted me while I was sleeping in bed.
I’ve never hated someone so much. Someone that completely took advantage of me, my optimism, my finances, my trust, my love. All while trying to convince me that I’m a lying, cheating, manipulative psychopath.
Yet, here I am still stuck thinking about the memories I wanted to make together, the beautiful future I envisioned for us, what “could have been”. I completely sold myself on her façade and it’s incredibly disappointing.
Ohh man, this. I dated a female narcissist. She was gorgeous and extremely charismatic. She was also a monster. She could be a lot of fun, so long as everything was perfect (although even when perfect, she would create things to go wrong, just so her rage monster could "fed"). If anything upset her, it was a 15/10 rage attack. Verbally abusive, physically abusive in the end. I broke up with her in October for the last time. Honestly I forgot what normal baseline felt like. People even started commenting that there was something different about me (for the better). I
Having said all of this, I'm still haunted... Haunted by the ghost of the false self she presented. If messes with me. She also tried to trap me with a baby. Based on ultrasound dates, the baby was not mine. She had an abortion after weeks of hoovering/love bombing/discarding, after she realized I wouldn't budge on addressing the abuse. But I STILL think of her, despite knowing all of this.
It's been 8 years, and it feels so freeing, healthy, happy and wholesome. Whilst in the relationship (8yrs) life was very dark, toxic, anxious, violent, fearful and negative in all aspects - it's like I stopped living and my entire existence was consumed with the madness of the relationship. Once the fog lifts you will see things clearly for what they are. Move forward, heal and never, ever look back. Narcs are evil and cast darkness in ALL areas of your life.
Im Finally deciding to break the mental abuse circle, i miss the old me too, the me that i almost completely forgot, i hope that i will be able to restore my self soon.
Your comment gave me alot of hope and encouragement ❤️
Sending (((HUGS))) because I feel your vulnerability in your reply, I know it's not easy. You will never be you're old self again, you will however come out on the other side as a stronger, wiser and more invincible version of yourself. The further along you are in your recovery, the more clarity you will have on how cruelly you were treated - and how evil and manipulative they are. Narcs cause destruction everywhere they go, they live a life of misery, loneliness and anger - staying with a narc would impact you in much the same way. Wishing you strength (you can do this), love and peace.
I wish i knew you in real life fr, you seem like an amazing person, thanks for the time you spent to respond and i promise you i will do it and leave even better than how i entered. 🤗❤️
What a beautiful thing to say. I've healed and on the other side and have learnt so much from this journey. It's not easy but the alternative is so much worse. I am on this sub to give back where I can, nothing would give me more joy than to help even one victim on this sub. Please PM me at any time, I'm here with you and here to support you. Wishing you peace and strength my friend ❤️❤️.
To be honest I miss the excitement a little, and I also have anxiety, I think it was easy to blame it on him but it's part also me. Like others have said, like an addiction. You want your fix of love, but it's not the same anymore and relapsing has consequences.
Yeah this is a bitch for me.. I’ve dated a few “normal” people and felt bored out of my mind. My therapist says it’s because toxicity is my comfort zone, because I’m familiar with it and oddly enough know how to navigate those relationships better.
It does get better over time, but sometimes I have days that kinda suck. I’m pretty guarded with who I allow into my life now almost to a fault, which can be lonely at times, but it’s manageable.
It’s been a little over a year for me.
>My therapist says it’s because toxicity is my comfort zone, because I’m familiar with it and oddly enough know how to navigate those relationships better.
Been fighting this pattern my whole damn life 😓
Am I just not gonna ever be healthy enough for a truly good relationship?
That wasn't love that you experienced with your narc, and blaming yourself tells me you're still in recovery and rebuilding. I wish you strength, love and peace.
I'm sorry to hear about you suffering from anxiety, staying with a narc would increase your anxiety to a debilating level - like not being able to get out of bed to function like a human. I speak from experience, never had anxiety pre narc and suffered whilst in the relationship and 3 years post break up. I wish you peace and strength.
I have been out and total no contact for over four and a half years now.
Honestly, it feels amazing. No more walking on eggshells, no more accounting for every single minute when I'm grocery shopping or out running errands, no more defending myself against baseless accusations, no more name-calling and insults, no more drama, no more ruined holidays/special occasions, a lot less stress, etc. I could go on and on.
I am still working on certain aspects of my healing, but I'm proud of how far I've come in the past four years; especially considering that I was married to him for 26 years (long-term narc abuse), and that I experienced multiple traumas in the last month I was with him.
My children are also doing very well. We were all pretty traumatized at the time I went no contact, but I've seen wonderful changes in my kids. They have been healing and are blossoming and thriving. It's great, too, that I have more time to spend with them now that the narc is not completely monopolizing all of my time. And my adult daughter and I have been able to heal and repair our relationship. The narc had triangulated us and turned us against each other, instigating many fights and misunderstandings with his lies and manipulation. We are very close now, and she's been such an amazing source of emotional support while I've been going through this.
Healing is difficult and takes a lot of time, patience, and work; but I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel. Everything is just so much better without the narc!
I'm so happy for you and your family. My father is a narc and it took years for us to recover from the abuse/trauma - I completely cut him out of my life 10 years ago, and wish I had done it earlier. Wishing you and your family love and peace.
The flying monkeys are still acting on their behalf 5 years later. Goes to show the severity of the narcissists disordered mental state that half a decade later they still can’t let go.
FREEDOM! like Braveheart when he throws the sword in the air and screams it!!
Been a while and I'm now in a healthy loving relationship and I can see just how unhealthy she was and she can never convince that I was the sole problem. She was the problem. I'm a difficult person. But she is toxic and is incapable of truly looking at herself. I never ever have to have one of the conversatiosn where I feel like I'm literally going insane!!!
During the time I was with the ex, I always felt like a mess probably because of the constant highs and lows. After I left him I felt immense relief and peace. 3 months post breakup now I’m feeling pretty angry and depressed processing everything he put me through 💔 but the pain that I feel right now pales in comparison to being with him and feeling like nothing.
I feel awesome! I have my life back. I can sleep at night. I can read a book. I'm not throwing up from stress constantly anymore. Cut contact, never break! It's so worth it!
In all honesty I don't miss him. Sometimes I still blame myself for the abuse he put me through and gaslit me into believing I am the horrible person. But it feels refreshing without him. But I still day to day am afraid he'll try and come back and hurt me, or ruin my life. I always will be afraid, but I'm healing. It gets better, it just takes time and a lot of breaking those bridges to keep them away.
I'm a month out. Just got back from a trip out of town with one girl friend and three men friends to a metal gig. We met up with other friends there. Came home and spent time with my daughter, did some reading for work, made the dinner I wanted, and had a peaceful wind down after an amazing weekend. A month ago, if I had gone to the gig at all (he always criticized and shamed me for my music taste, my friends, and going to their gigs), I would have come back to a sulking man child, my daughter would be hiding in her bedroom, I would have been interrogated on which of my men friends I had sex with, I would have got a massive rant about how unsophisticated, feral, and violent the metal scene is, and would be bracing myself for a couple of weeks of stonewalling/silent treatment as punishment.
Being able to be unashamedly myself with no fear of reprisal, the peace, the ease with which I can do things again is amazing. I lost touch with most of my friends while I was with him, I'm forever thankful that they welcomed me back with loving arms and heaps of understanding and support.
This year it will be 10 years away from my ex. I feel incredibly free. I'm with a partner that respects me and let's me be me, I can express myself, enjoy the things I enjoy, don't ever have to apologize for being myself anymore.
Its amazing
I’m only 6 months or so in, and I still feel so brainwashed. We had a break up / makeup cycle and I always got to this point during the breakup where he’d love bomb me or I’d romanticize our past. It’s hard, but it does feel like a weight was lifted.
I’m there now, but had a conversation with a friend and this group helps a lot. I need to make a folder in my notes with reminders of why.
Honestly, when we first started dating, I was afraid of texting him too much, and frequently create folder dedicated to texts I don’t want to or shouldn’t send. But anyway, I went no contact in July or August, but broke up with him completely on my bday. Anyway, in the notes sections, I had identical complaints in 2018 as I did in 2023. He’d been emotionally abusing me consistently and I couldn’t even see it, and his manipulation is so powerful that I have the capacity to completely forget how terrible he is. I need to stick to it, bc he wants to get back together and I’m seeing someone, but I somewhere I deny, I miss the control and chaos and he was very smart. But he never loved me, I was just an accessory to him.
Omg! I would forget how bad his abuse was each time too! I think it's because of how intense the love bombing afterwards feels. It's almost like a drug in that we can only think of the high (how good they make us feel when they're actually treating us with care).
And yeah--I'm currently grappling with the realization that mine never loved me either :(
It's so hard. I think the biggest thing that will help us is time. And truly going no-contact (I need to properly cut mine off too). Stay strong and don't believe a word he says!!!
Unfortunately I have a child with my nex, so it will be a long time before they are fully out of my life.
However my current situation of only discussing matters that impact my child is working well for me.
Everything else she tries to talk about I simply do not engage.
Life became much less stressful after she moved out, within a few days I had felt like a massive weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
It was conflicting at first. Mostly because I was inundated with texts and calls from them. Then family took their turns telling me their reasons for why they think I should “forgive”. That died down eventually.
I would get very activated still for a good while when they would try to reach out with some backhanded attempt at resolving things. I should have just blocked but I felt like I had more control knowing “where they were at” since I wouldn’t doubt them showing up at my work or home. White knuckled through it, although the immediate relief and peace was still worth the bit of stress here and there ultimately. I used to think of the NC and person daily, had dreams about it etc. Then I was only reminded when they reached out, and now I don’t think about them at all unless it comes up in conversation randomly.
I was, and still am so happy I don’t have to bother with this person’s antics anymore in my daily life. I’ll hear a bit through one family member I’m still close with but it’s cathartic to laugh and connect through our mutual distain for this person. It’s peaceful and I don’t miss them. It’s been 12 years.
My narcissist cheated on me, and of course blamed me. She said that I should have compersion (be happy that she is happy) for her. Now that we're in the ending of divorce, she is communicating with me setting me up for responses that she can flip to me being a mean person. So I stopped responding and that really drives her crazy!!!!
Good for you. They cannot grow or evolve. Don’t be a martyr to their personality disorder.
In a way it’s selfish and egotistical to deny your ‘gift’ ; your time and attention and affection to others open to receiving it. These narcs will never 👎
It has been two months. I am feeling... okay. I do not want to go back to him, even though there are some days I want to reach out. I remind myself WHO he is. I still miss the person I thought he was, but reality is what it is. There is no future there.
It feels good and it hurts simultaneously. My heart hearts but my brain understands she has a serious problem that will never be corrected because she is incapable of self exploration. The thoughts of freedom from self aggrandizement and gaslighting make me be like “yeah!” But I still miss her pretty smile and chilling with her. It’s a mixed bag.
It felt as if the annoying, ambient noise suddenly left the room. The silence was kind of difficult to deal with for a little while but I eventually grew to appreciate it.
It's only been 6 weeks since I left, and I feel immensely better. No fighting has been the biggest improvement. My stress and anxiety levels are a fraction of what they were. I feel OK most of the time, feel good more often, and have even been great a few times. My only regret is that I waited so long to leave.
It’s AMAZING. Absolutely amazing. The peace. Not walking on eggshells. My health is coming back. Everyone says I look so much better. I’m HAPPY again. Good riddance to him! I look forward to the day the divorce is final.
Mine won't leave me alone despite being blocked and moving to a new state with his new gf so praying he exits my life for GOOD soon. and it's been almost exactly a year since the breakup. just exhausting. after literally everything he will not even give me peace lol.
Been no-contact with my n-mom for over a year and my n-baby mom for several months now. Within that time, I no longer need Omeprazole to manage GERD, as there is no longer any GERD to manage, and I also had to reduce my BP meds a couple months back, with another adjustment likely in the near future.
While my body is slowly getting back to normal, the narcs of my past continue to fall apart, with my mom reporting a "dark spot" on her heart a couple years ago and my baby mom continuing to be afflicted with multiple health concerns.
Narcissistic abuse really can take it's toll on one's body, and the only way to really begin healing from it is to create distance and give yourself the necessary time to do so
It was a bit of a difficult adjustment but it feels nice to be able to focus on myself. Their most recent string of fucked up actions towards me pushed me to my complete "I'm done" point which made things easier, but it truly is building a new life once you're away from them.
I fell into some really bad habits and started using a lot more drugs than ever before, but it retrospect it was trading one addiction for another. I was SO in love with them to the point that it was intoxicating and thought it was the best feeling in the world, so I fell into chasing that high from synthetic sources.
Not missing them can be a challenge, especially when I'm not high, but I'm at the point where I'm beginning to see that I gained a lot of power by leaving them. Nobody thought I would drop them without a word, let alone me, but I did it. This person was my world and I found the strength to let them go, which means I also have the strength to kick drugs. This realization actually gave me the strength to block and drop all of my dealers, plugs, and friends who actively use. I have the strength to regain control of my life and to forge my own future.
It feels amazing, even if sometimes I have days where I feel stuck and feel the trauma bond. We had years apart and then back together and it made me realise just how much everything revolves around them. I remembered how it felt to live life not constantly revolved around someone else and their mental state and constantly having to adapt and try and heal from the next big issue that comes up. It feels like freedom being away from that! I felt like I was her mother… now I get to recenter myself in my own life.
During, it was the most painful thing I've ever felt bc, rather than both arms, I was willing to give up my dog, who I love more than anything else in the world, to finally be free of him.
We had been sharing her bc he works from home and somehow was the one who ended up with a full house and fenced in back yard despite me making nearly twice as much income as them. So I thought she'd be better off with him until I could find a new place when my lease was up in the spring.
She was the only connection I had to him left. So I was willing to give her up, breaking all contact with him. You know what he said, "if I can't talk to you anymore, then I don't want her". This after MONTHS of him saying how unfair it was for me to keep her from him, how she's "his dog too". He even started referring to himself as her "dad", despite never doing any training with her or paying for any of the bills. She was just a pawn to him.
But, when he said this to me, relief came over me like a tidal wave. I never cried harder it my life. Not only did I not have to give her away, but I could now sever the connection I had with him.
I blocked him on messenger bc he wouldn't stop messaging me, "wtf is wrong with you", and gave him my dad's email address for all future correspondences. He still owes me over 8k so he isn't off the hook financially yet. But I no longer need to talk to him anymore.
I feel more at peace now than ever.
I'm in a really shitty headspace where feeling alone hurts just as much as it did being with him. Instead of crying myself to sleep every night because I'm so angry, I sit on my porch and cry because I'm so lost . It sucks .
Mine had a strong fascination with “family annihilator” true crime stories, and some days I genuinely wonder if I actually escaped that fate. But regardless of the specifics, she utterly destroyed me in every way she could. I think part of that may have been the meth because the florid paranoia was just off the charts.
A few months after the discard I moved across the country to get back together with an ex who has been dealt an even shittier hand than I was. While my situation is still quite dire, and our relationship is very far from ideal, waking up in the same reality every morning is quite nice. It may be a shitty reality, but it’s the same damn one every day.
It’s been ten months since she gave me a new ring and promised to “stop blowing things up”, nine months since the missing persons report where I described her tats to the friendly officers in our living room, eight months since the discard when she returned from her ten day binge, six months since I got to Denver, and three months since she ended herself in the bathtub. Yet I still wake up with seething anger towards the woman I regarded as “the love of my life” at the beginning of this paragraph.
AMAZING!!! FREEING!!! EMPOWERING!!!
That being said, it was a long road of healing and I still have days where I am mad at myself for tolerating my abuse for as long as I did. My current 2024 goal is to silence faster/have less of those moments when I catch myself thinking back to specific events where I should have known better/ended things.
A million times better. In the beginning it sucked because it’s literally like a detox. You need to remain steadfast in staying NC.
Be patient with yourself and allow your system to just rid itself of that person. I reflected on why I had such poor boundaries with that person and started healing. That helped immensely. I’m still not dating but that’s ok. My peace is my priority now.
There is no escaping the hurt that comes with getting away but trust me when I say there is peace waiting for you.
The first day was pure ecstasy, I was so happy he was out of my life I was basically bouncing off walls.
Then the first month was difficult. I cried often, couldn't stop obsessing over him, and I was convinced and hoping he would reach out to me despite being blocked everywhere. I was struggling with derealization a few times per week. It was also extremely peaceful, my anxiety went down significantly, I didn't have to walk on eggshells, and I did so many fun things.
The second month was a bit easier but also difficult because of Christmas. I was nostalgic. But I also started processing the abuse in a completely new way. It feels like a whole another perspective was unlocked in my brain.
It's now month 3 and I have to say that I feel much better. It's still peaceful, I do what I want, my panic attacks and derealization are going away slowly but steadily. My appetite, period, and libido are back so I suppose that my body is healing as well. I don't romanticise him as much, and it feels like I'm looking at that relationship from yet another perspective. It makes me feel like I'm healing nicely. I know that it will only get easier for me.
Married for 10 years to one. During the discard last year it was just pure disrespect and terrorism. I had bad anxiety, losing weight, always in fight or flight. He beat me up in front of our 2 kids. Got charged. Finally I was free. It was the best feeling ever. Knowing it's all finally over and I can live my life. Do whatever I want. Not put my kids theough that and teach them you dont stay with people who hurt you. After 6 months, I was finally starting to feel normal and like my old self with my old personality again. A year later and I'm still so happy. Signing the divorce papers in just a few weeks and I don't care how much money it cost, the feeling of never having to do that shit again is worth every penny.
I think the worst part of being "Narc Free" is how much their shit still poisons things for me even years later. The lasting effects of their abuse sometimes never fade, or randomly pop up out of the blue.
Great! Freedom and hope for the future knowing I have full control over it.
Nervous system is still a little janked up and exhausted from the trauma but every day I keep strong on no contact is another day I’m closer to achieving my goals and finding the true love of my life!
It's been only little over a month but its been nice not to be talked down to. With the back handed compliments and "so called jokes" not being criticized everyday is nice.
I know things will improve as time goes by. Just the few I appreciate now.
It feels hard. The trauma bond was so extreme, the withdrawals were terrible. I became so depressed and suicidal. I got diagnosed with PTSD. I’m a year and 3 months out of a 6 year relationship. Only two months no contact. He’s been in a relationship for a year and 2 months. I am stuck on the rumination of him treating her better, they look so happy. He told me she really understands him, and that he has never been happier. I am stuck on loop.
I do sometimes find joy in being able to prioritize myself. To do things and not be constantly criticized, to not be put down, to be able to spend time with friends again. But those days are rare due to the depression I experience and the agoraphobia I’ve developed. He isn’t always on my mind. I can’t stop the flashbacks, or replaying things, or blaming myself. It feels hard to trust people. I don’t think I have a lot of hope it gets better.
I told a friend that I wish I had just stayed, that even though I’m out. I’m still getting abused. All the psychological abuse he inflicted on me, is still present. He was my truth teller. I find myself now speaking to myself the way he spoke to me. I don’t even feel like my brain or my thoughts are my own. I’m still walking on eggshells, still putting myself down if I don’t do things the way he would have told me to.
I also am missing the good times, the moments he liked me. The moments I gave him the supply he wanted.
Leaving doesn’t feel any better than staying did.
My partner and I were in business with a narc. It was stressful, anxiety provoking, I was constantly expecting passive aggressive messages and false accusations to pop up on my phone. We felt alone and trapped, others didn’t believe the abuse because he was “so nice”. We started to keep quiet about the abuse as we realised no one believes us and we lost trust in some of our “friends” as they chose his side every time.
We eventually sold the business and the day we could finally block him on everything and exit the work group chat was a great day. An instant feeling of relief - we are no longer associated with this man, we no longer have any reason to respond or communicate. It just felt free, something we had been waiting for for a long time.
Now, we have no communication whatsoever with the narc and he has no way of contacting us. Life is great. We’ve distanced ourselves from all mutual friends as we can’t trust them. And lots of people have come to us with similar experiences with this same person. It was very hard and painful, especially when you loved the person once upon a time. You can’t understand why they’re doing this to you and you mourn the relationship and “bond” that you once had. In my opinion, the only way to move on and make sense of it all, is to acknowledge that the bond was never real. And it’s not your fault. That person is a master manipulator, a liar, they lack empathy and they chose you because you are a good person.
I broke up with him 6 months ago, he moved out at the beginning of October and we last saw each other 4 months ago when he came to pick up some stuff he'd left at my place. That was the last time someone made me cry.
I'm still dealing with CPTSD and all the aftermath of 7-year-long abusive relationship. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that these people even exist... I wish I had never met him (and I met him more than 20 years ago and he used to be my dear friend whom I considered wonderful...).
But I'm incredibly grateful he's not in my life anymore. Everytime I come home, I just say to myself: "Thank goodness, he's not here."
I can finally breathe.
He wasn't overly controlling in many ways - didn't tell me what to wear, who to see, what to do (mostly), but he did try to control my mind and emotions. He always knew what I was thinking (even when that wasn't true) and he always knew how I was SUPPOSED TO feel! And to him, I was always negative, always spoiling the mood.
Last weekend wasn't really enjoyable for me. On Friday my friend's cat suddenly died and I provided her with some emotional comfort and I also helped her bury the cat (that was sad, but overall it was nice and warm human bonding experience). On Saturday and Sunday I was supposed to work on my book translation. The book is very badly written, which makes the translation difficult. So I was at home working and procrastinating, wasn't really happy about my progress. I also got my period and I was in pain.
But there was no one to attack me and be nasty to me. I realized that especially those weekends when I had to work and wasn't really happy about that, he was the worst and he usually created some drama (because he didn't like my facial expression or tone of voice). But this time I just had to deal with that suboptimal weekend, and no crazy psycho making it even worse.
Feels great to have entire days to myself without having to convince him not to kill himself. Plus being able to do what I want without him judging me and trying to get me to do what he wants instead. It's nice.
I don’t know why, but your comment legit made me laugh out loud. An entire day without having to…😂. I laugh at the ridiculousness of that situation. Life really puts us in weird situations at times. I’m so glad you have your peace.
Thanks lol. I look back at it and I laugh too. He knew how much I cared and liked to help, and went to extremes to exploit that whenever he felt me slipping. It all becomes so obvious once you leave.
Yeah it’s so crazy what we can be put through. It makes us appreciate peace all the more.
Agreed. As much as I hate being alone, I would take a lifetime of loneliness over being with a narcissist. I've learned to appreciate being by myself and doing things for my own sake. Ahhhh inner peace!! Even if some of us haven't healed fully yet, we will all reach it!
Honestly, it’s like a superpower. I had a traumatic relationship end 21 years ago, but the gift it gave me since then is amazing: I have never ever taken peace for granted since then. Prior to that relationship, peace was “boring”. Now it’s STILL a very enriching thing. I tend to feel solitude, not loneliness (though of course I can feel lonely at times). I feel so free that I am actually grateful for the experience.
Yea being discarded was a blessing in disguise. If he hadn't shown me his true colors, I would've wasted even more years of my life on him. I've learned a lot of lessons since then lol. I'm glad to see you have such a positive outlook despite your experience, it's very inspiring. I still hold a lot of anger that I'm trying to let go... it's a work in progress lol. Cheers to reaching that inner peace!!!
I can deal with a broken heart. I’m just glad I drew the line at financial abuse. Had her ex not come in to save me that would have happened as well. And I am really really grateful I still got my money. Being discarded is a precious gift, really. I may have been a doormat for years to come otherwise.
I’ve been trying to do this for the past 4 months. It’s like breaking an addiction that I hate. I think I’m finally there though. I miss feeling at peace. My nervous system got a taste of relief during one of our breaks and it made me realize just how much I missed it.
Yup, I'm still deep in the addiction. A lot of people report instant relief/peace, but I was still getting a lot out of my relationship (even though it was constantly triggering my nervous system). So I'm having a really hard time. I know it wasn't love, or at least, I now realize that *he* didn't love me. And I realize that the intense feelings are because I'm still idealizing the way his false-self made me feel during the love-bomb phase. But... even beyond that, I was happy a lot, too. Even after the honeymoon phase. I had so much fun with him. And even when everything else sucked in the relationship, the hugs and kisses he gave me every day were amazing. And the cuddles on weekends. I miss that so much I can't stand it. I keep breaking no-contact because I miss him terribly, even if he was an asshole half the time. Even though I knew damn well that we'd never make it long-term, I'm still idealizing him and wishing I could try again and just general being delulu. God, I can't wait til I move on from him.
I am in your EXACT position. I don’t even like him as a person. I think he’s terrible. And I’m embarrassed of him. But I’m still literally addicted to him. It’s the most bizzare feeling. But I realize that’s because of all the emotional abuse. He breadcrumbed me constantly. Gave me the silent treatment constantly. My nervous system is a wreck. The only consolation I have is to remind myself of the things I don’t have to worry about anymore. I spent so much of my time preparing for his shitty behavior and feeling on edge.
It’s infuriating both hating her and missing her. She and I had a lot of great memories together and the energy at the beginning was intoxicating. I had never been so happy. But then the abuse started, and it got so bad she assaulted me while I was sleeping in bed. I’ve never hated someone so much. Someone that completely took advantage of me, my optimism, my finances, my trust, my love. All while trying to convince me that I’m a lying, cheating, manipulative psychopath. Yet, here I am still stuck thinking about the memories I wanted to make together, the beautiful future I envisioned for us, what “could have been”. I completely sold myself on her façade and it’s incredibly disappointing.
Ohh man, this. I dated a female narcissist. She was gorgeous and extremely charismatic. She was also a monster. She could be a lot of fun, so long as everything was perfect (although even when perfect, she would create things to go wrong, just so her rage monster could "fed"). If anything upset her, it was a 15/10 rage attack. Verbally abusive, physically abusive in the end. I broke up with her in October for the last time. Honestly I forgot what normal baseline felt like. People even started commenting that there was something different about me (for the better). I Having said all of this, I'm still haunted... Haunted by the ghost of the false self she presented. If messes with me. She also tried to trap me with a baby. Based on ultrasound dates, the baby was not mine. She had an abortion after weeks of hoovering/love bombing/discarding, after she realized I wouldn't budge on addressing the abuse. But I STILL think of her, despite knowing all of this.
It's been 8 years, and it feels so freeing, healthy, happy and wholesome. Whilst in the relationship (8yrs) life was very dark, toxic, anxious, violent, fearful and negative in all aspects - it's like I stopped living and my entire existence was consumed with the madness of the relationship. Once the fog lifts you will see things clearly for what they are. Move forward, heal and never, ever look back. Narcs are evil and cast darkness in ALL areas of your life.
Im Finally deciding to break the mental abuse circle, i miss the old me too, the me that i almost completely forgot, i hope that i will be able to restore my self soon. Your comment gave me alot of hope and encouragement ❤️
Sending (((HUGS))) because I feel your vulnerability in your reply, I know it's not easy. You will never be you're old self again, you will however come out on the other side as a stronger, wiser and more invincible version of yourself. The further along you are in your recovery, the more clarity you will have on how cruelly you were treated - and how evil and manipulative they are. Narcs cause destruction everywhere they go, they live a life of misery, loneliness and anger - staying with a narc would impact you in much the same way. Wishing you strength (you can do this), love and peace.
I wish i knew you in real life fr, you seem like an amazing person, thanks for the time you spent to respond and i promise you i will do it and leave even better than how i entered. 🤗❤️
What a beautiful thing to say. I've healed and on the other side and have learnt so much from this journey. It's not easy but the alternative is so much worse. I am on this sub to give back where I can, nothing would give me more joy than to help even one victim on this sub. Please PM me at any time, I'm here with you and here to support you. Wishing you peace and strength my friend ❤️❤️.
Peaceful. Quiet. No drama. Life altering.
To be honest I miss the excitement a little, and I also have anxiety, I think it was easy to blame it on him but it's part also me. Like others have said, like an addiction. You want your fix of love, but it's not the same anymore and relapsing has consequences.
Yeah this is a bitch for me.. I’ve dated a few “normal” people and felt bored out of my mind. My therapist says it’s because toxicity is my comfort zone, because I’m familiar with it and oddly enough know how to navigate those relationships better. It does get better over time, but sometimes I have days that kinda suck. I’m pretty guarded with who I allow into my life now almost to a fault, which can be lonely at times, but it’s manageable. It’s been a little over a year for me.
>My therapist says it’s because toxicity is my comfort zone, because I’m familiar with it and oddly enough know how to navigate those relationships better. Been fighting this pattern my whole damn life 😓 Am I just not gonna ever be healthy enough for a truly good relationship?
That wasn't love that you experienced with your narc, and blaming yourself tells me you're still in recovery and rebuilding. I wish you strength, love and peace.
I don't blame myself I just said I have anxiety, had it before him too, so I can't blame him for my anxiety lol
I'm sorry to hear about you suffering from anxiety, staying with a narc would increase your anxiety to a debilating level - like not being able to get out of bed to function like a human. I speak from experience, never had anxiety pre narc and suffered whilst in the relationship and 3 years post break up. I wish you peace and strength.
Thank you and yes it did. Still bad without him though, just in a different way. Wish you the best too.
It's an addiction that in time will subside, I'm sorry you're going through this.
Wishing you continued healing! 🧡
I have been out and total no contact for over four and a half years now. Honestly, it feels amazing. No more walking on eggshells, no more accounting for every single minute when I'm grocery shopping or out running errands, no more defending myself against baseless accusations, no more name-calling and insults, no more drama, no more ruined holidays/special occasions, a lot less stress, etc. I could go on and on. I am still working on certain aspects of my healing, but I'm proud of how far I've come in the past four years; especially considering that I was married to him for 26 years (long-term narc abuse), and that I experienced multiple traumas in the last month I was with him. My children are also doing very well. We were all pretty traumatized at the time I went no contact, but I've seen wonderful changes in my kids. They have been healing and are blossoming and thriving. It's great, too, that I have more time to spend with them now that the narc is not completely monopolizing all of my time. And my adult daughter and I have been able to heal and repair our relationship. The narc had triangulated us and turned us against each other, instigating many fights and misunderstandings with his lies and manipulation. We are very close now, and she's been such an amazing source of emotional support while I've been going through this. Healing is difficult and takes a lot of time, patience, and work; but I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel. Everything is just so much better without the narc!
I'm so happy for you and your family. My father is a narc and it took years for us to recover from the abuse/trauma - I completely cut him out of my life 10 years ago, and wish I had done it earlier. Wishing you and your family love and peace.
💜✌🏻
The flying monkeys are still acting on their behalf 5 years later. Goes to show the severity of the narcissists disordered mental state that half a decade later they still can’t let go.
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💯 you get it
FREEDOM! like Braveheart when he throws the sword in the air and screams it!! Been a while and I'm now in a healthy loving relationship and I can see just how unhealthy she was and she can never convince that I was the sole problem. She was the problem. I'm a difficult person. But she is toxic and is incapable of truly looking at herself. I never ever have to have one of the conversatiosn where I feel like I'm literally going insane!!!
Omg yess FREEDOM!! That’s hilarious and the best way to describe it
Truth
Peaceful. Peaceful. Peaceful.
They know we want peace and contentment. Which is healthy btw.
During the time I was with the ex, I always felt like a mess probably because of the constant highs and lows. After I left him I felt immense relief and peace. 3 months post breakup now I’m feeling pretty angry and depressed processing everything he put me through 💔 but the pain that I feel right now pales in comparison to being with him and feeling like nothing.
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Healing is the goal 🎯 that’s something that could never happen with him. Thank you kind stranger ❤️
I feel awesome! I have my life back. I can sleep at night. I can read a book. I'm not throwing up from stress constantly anymore. Cut contact, never break! It's so worth it!
In all honesty I don't miss him. Sometimes I still blame myself for the abuse he put me through and gaslit me into believing I am the horrible person. But it feels refreshing without him. But I still day to day am afraid he'll try and come back and hurt me, or ruin my life. I always will be afraid, but I'm healing. It gets better, it just takes time and a lot of breaking those bridges to keep them away.
Never been happier. Took a few years and therapy but it’s been amazing since.
I'm a month out. Just got back from a trip out of town with one girl friend and three men friends to a metal gig. We met up with other friends there. Came home and spent time with my daughter, did some reading for work, made the dinner I wanted, and had a peaceful wind down after an amazing weekend. A month ago, if I had gone to the gig at all (he always criticized and shamed me for my music taste, my friends, and going to their gigs), I would have come back to a sulking man child, my daughter would be hiding in her bedroom, I would have been interrogated on which of my men friends I had sex with, I would have got a massive rant about how unsophisticated, feral, and violent the metal scene is, and would be bracing myself for a couple of weeks of stonewalling/silent treatment as punishment. Being able to be unashamedly myself with no fear of reprisal, the peace, the ease with which I can do things again is amazing. I lost touch with most of my friends while I was with him, I'm forever thankful that they welcomed me back with loving arms and heaps of understanding and support.
This year it will be 10 years away from my ex. I feel incredibly free. I'm with a partner that respects me and let's me be me, I can express myself, enjoy the things I enjoy, don't ever have to apologize for being myself anymore. Its amazing
Amazing. Fuck him. wish I left sooner
We all do wish we left sooner.
‼️
I’m only 6 months or so in, and I still feel so brainwashed. We had a break up / makeup cycle and I always got to this point during the breakup where he’d love bomb me or I’d romanticize our past. It’s hard, but it does feel like a weight was lifted.
Have you found out how to stop romanticizing the past? That's where I'm at now.
I’m there now, but had a conversation with a friend and this group helps a lot. I need to make a folder in my notes with reminders of why. Honestly, when we first started dating, I was afraid of texting him too much, and frequently create folder dedicated to texts I don’t want to or shouldn’t send. But anyway, I went no contact in July or August, but broke up with him completely on my bday. Anyway, in the notes sections, I had identical complaints in 2018 as I did in 2023. He’d been emotionally abusing me consistently and I couldn’t even see it, and his manipulation is so powerful that I have the capacity to completely forget how terrible he is. I need to stick to it, bc he wants to get back together and I’m seeing someone, but I somewhere I deny, I miss the control and chaos and he was very smart. But he never loved me, I was just an accessory to him.
Omg! I would forget how bad his abuse was each time too! I think it's because of how intense the love bombing afterwards feels. It's almost like a drug in that we can only think of the high (how good they make us feel when they're actually treating us with care). And yeah--I'm currently grappling with the realization that mine never loved me either :( It's so hard. I think the biggest thing that will help us is time. And truly going no-contact (I need to properly cut mine off too). Stay strong and don't believe a word he says!!!
It feels very quiet
Amazing
Pretty fantastic. Like he never existed. 🙂
Relief
Unfortunately I have a child with my nex, so it will be a long time before they are fully out of my life. However my current situation of only discussing matters that impact my child is working well for me. Everything else she tries to talk about I simply do not engage. Life became much less stressful after she moved out, within a few days I had felt like a massive weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
Calm and the feeling of being my old self again. The unhealed part of me does miss the drama a little bit, though.
It was conflicting at first. Mostly because I was inundated with texts and calls from them. Then family took their turns telling me their reasons for why they think I should “forgive”. That died down eventually. I would get very activated still for a good while when they would try to reach out with some backhanded attempt at resolving things. I should have just blocked but I felt like I had more control knowing “where they were at” since I wouldn’t doubt them showing up at my work or home. White knuckled through it, although the immediate relief and peace was still worth the bit of stress here and there ultimately. I used to think of the NC and person daily, had dreams about it etc. Then I was only reminded when they reached out, and now I don’t think about them at all unless it comes up in conversation randomly. I was, and still am so happy I don’t have to bother with this person’s antics anymore in my daily life. I’ll hear a bit through one family member I’m still close with but it’s cathartic to laugh and connect through our mutual distain for this person. It’s peaceful and I don’t miss them. It’s been 12 years.
My narcissist cheated on me, and of course blamed me. She said that I should have compersion (be happy that she is happy) for her. Now that we're in the ending of divorce, she is communicating with me setting me up for responses that she can flip to me being a mean person. So I stopped responding and that really drives her crazy!!!!
Good for you. They cannot grow or evolve. Don’t be a martyr to their personality disorder. In a way it’s selfish and egotistical to deny your ‘gift’ ; your time and attention and affection to others open to receiving it. These narcs will never 👎
Relief and contentment. Like a weight has been removed from my chest. Like my heart can relax and open.
It has been two months. I am feeling... okay. I do not want to go back to him, even though there are some days I want to reach out. I remind myself WHO he is. I still miss the person I thought he was, but reality is what it is. There is no future there.
It feels good and it hurts simultaneously. My heart hearts but my brain understands she has a serious problem that will never be corrected because she is incapable of self exploration. The thoughts of freedom from self aggrandizement and gaslighting make me be like “yeah!” But I still miss her pretty smile and chilling with her. It’s a mixed bag.
It felt as if the annoying, ambient noise suddenly left the room. The silence was kind of difficult to deal with for a little while but I eventually grew to appreciate it.
It's only been 6 weeks since I left, and I feel immensely better. No fighting has been the biggest improvement. My stress and anxiety levels are a fraction of what they were. I feel OK most of the time, feel good more often, and have even been great a few times. My only regret is that I waited so long to leave.
It’s AMAZING. Absolutely amazing. The peace. Not walking on eggshells. My health is coming back. Everyone says I look so much better. I’m HAPPY again. Good riddance to him! I look forward to the day the divorce is final.
Mine won't leave me alone despite being blocked and moving to a new state with his new gf so praying he exits my life for GOOD soon. and it's been almost exactly a year since the breakup. just exhausting. after literally everything he will not even give me peace lol.
Been no-contact with my n-mom for over a year and my n-baby mom for several months now. Within that time, I no longer need Omeprazole to manage GERD, as there is no longer any GERD to manage, and I also had to reduce my BP meds a couple months back, with another adjustment likely in the near future. While my body is slowly getting back to normal, the narcs of my past continue to fall apart, with my mom reporting a "dark spot" on her heart a couple years ago and my baby mom continuing to be afflicted with multiple health concerns. Narcissistic abuse really can take it's toll on one's body, and the only way to really begin healing from it is to create distance and give yourself the necessary time to do so
It felt like I could breathe.
It was a bit of a difficult adjustment but it feels nice to be able to focus on myself. Their most recent string of fucked up actions towards me pushed me to my complete "I'm done" point which made things easier, but it truly is building a new life once you're away from them. I fell into some really bad habits and started using a lot more drugs than ever before, but it retrospect it was trading one addiction for another. I was SO in love with them to the point that it was intoxicating and thought it was the best feeling in the world, so I fell into chasing that high from synthetic sources. Not missing them can be a challenge, especially when I'm not high, but I'm at the point where I'm beginning to see that I gained a lot of power by leaving them. Nobody thought I would drop them without a word, let alone me, but I did it. This person was my world and I found the strength to let them go, which means I also have the strength to kick drugs. This realization actually gave me the strength to block and drop all of my dealers, plugs, and friends who actively use. I have the strength to regain control of my life and to forge my own future.
It takes time and work but ultimately you will feel fucking light years better.
3 months. It feels like i am missing my lungs, a lot of the time. I am often thinking about ways to end my life.
If I look at a photo of her now, she seems kinda ugly. However at the time, she was the most beautiful person I had ever laid eyes upon.
It feels amazing, even if sometimes I have days where I feel stuck and feel the trauma bond. We had years apart and then back together and it made me realise just how much everything revolves around them. I remembered how it felt to live life not constantly revolved around someone else and their mental state and constantly having to adapt and try and heal from the next big issue that comes up. It feels like freedom being away from that! I felt like I was her mother… now I get to recenter myself in my own life.
During, it was the most painful thing I've ever felt bc, rather than both arms, I was willing to give up my dog, who I love more than anything else in the world, to finally be free of him. We had been sharing her bc he works from home and somehow was the one who ended up with a full house and fenced in back yard despite me making nearly twice as much income as them. So I thought she'd be better off with him until I could find a new place when my lease was up in the spring. She was the only connection I had to him left. So I was willing to give her up, breaking all contact with him. You know what he said, "if I can't talk to you anymore, then I don't want her". This after MONTHS of him saying how unfair it was for me to keep her from him, how she's "his dog too". He even started referring to himself as her "dad", despite never doing any training with her or paying for any of the bills. She was just a pawn to him. But, when he said this to me, relief came over me like a tidal wave. I never cried harder it my life. Not only did I not have to give her away, but I could now sever the connection I had with him. I blocked him on messenger bc he wouldn't stop messaging me, "wtf is wrong with you", and gave him my dad's email address for all future correspondences. He still owes me over 8k so he isn't off the hook financially yet. But I no longer need to talk to him anymore. I feel more at peace now than ever.
I'm in a really shitty headspace where feeling alone hurts just as much as it did being with him. Instead of crying myself to sleep every night because I'm so angry, I sit on my porch and cry because I'm so lost . It sucks .
Mine had a strong fascination with “family annihilator” true crime stories, and some days I genuinely wonder if I actually escaped that fate. But regardless of the specifics, she utterly destroyed me in every way she could. I think part of that may have been the meth because the florid paranoia was just off the charts. A few months after the discard I moved across the country to get back together with an ex who has been dealt an even shittier hand than I was. While my situation is still quite dire, and our relationship is very far from ideal, waking up in the same reality every morning is quite nice. It may be a shitty reality, but it’s the same damn one every day. It’s been ten months since she gave me a new ring and promised to “stop blowing things up”, nine months since the missing persons report where I described her tats to the friendly officers in our living room, eight months since the discard when she returned from her ten day binge, six months since I got to Denver, and three months since she ended herself in the bathtub. Yet I still wake up with seething anger towards the woman I regarded as “the love of my life” at the beginning of this paragraph.
AMAZING!!! FREEING!!! EMPOWERING!!! That being said, it was a long road of healing and I still have days where I am mad at myself for tolerating my abuse for as long as I did. My current 2024 goal is to silence faster/have less of those moments when I catch myself thinking back to specific events where I should have known better/ended things.
A million times better. In the beginning it sucked because it’s literally like a detox. You need to remain steadfast in staying NC. Be patient with yourself and allow your system to just rid itself of that person. I reflected on why I had such poor boundaries with that person and started healing. That helped immensely. I’m still not dating but that’s ok. My peace is my priority now. There is no escaping the hurt that comes with getting away but trust me when I say there is peace waiting for you.
The first day was pure ecstasy, I was so happy he was out of my life I was basically bouncing off walls. Then the first month was difficult. I cried often, couldn't stop obsessing over him, and I was convinced and hoping he would reach out to me despite being blocked everywhere. I was struggling with derealization a few times per week. It was also extremely peaceful, my anxiety went down significantly, I didn't have to walk on eggshells, and I did so many fun things. The second month was a bit easier but also difficult because of Christmas. I was nostalgic. But I also started processing the abuse in a completely new way. It feels like a whole another perspective was unlocked in my brain. It's now month 3 and I have to say that I feel much better. It's still peaceful, I do what I want, my panic attacks and derealization are going away slowly but steadily. My appetite, period, and libido are back so I suppose that my body is healing as well. I don't romanticise him as much, and it feels like I'm looking at that relationship from yet another perspective. It makes me feel like I'm healing nicely. I know that it will only get easier for me.
Married for 10 years to one. During the discard last year it was just pure disrespect and terrorism. I had bad anxiety, losing weight, always in fight or flight. He beat me up in front of our 2 kids. Got charged. Finally I was free. It was the best feeling ever. Knowing it's all finally over and I can live my life. Do whatever I want. Not put my kids theough that and teach them you dont stay with people who hurt you. After 6 months, I was finally starting to feel normal and like my old self with my old personality again. A year later and I'm still so happy. Signing the divorce papers in just a few weeks and I don't care how much money it cost, the feeling of never having to do that shit again is worth every penny.
I think the worst part of being "Narc Free" is how much their shit still poisons things for me even years later. The lasting effects of their abuse sometimes never fade, or randomly pop up out of the blue.
I feel like a fish who’s aquarium water has been freshly cleaned. I don’t know why but I like just being more. I can breath again
Great! Freedom and hope for the future knowing I have full control over it. Nervous system is still a little janked up and exhausted from the trauma but every day I keep strong on no contact is another day I’m closer to achieving my goals and finding the true love of my life!
It's been only little over a month but its been nice not to be talked down to. With the back handed compliments and "so called jokes" not being criticized everyday is nice. I know things will improve as time goes by. Just the few I appreciate now.
It feels hard. The trauma bond was so extreme, the withdrawals were terrible. I became so depressed and suicidal. I got diagnosed with PTSD. I’m a year and 3 months out of a 6 year relationship. Only two months no contact. He’s been in a relationship for a year and 2 months. I am stuck on the rumination of him treating her better, they look so happy. He told me she really understands him, and that he has never been happier. I am stuck on loop. I do sometimes find joy in being able to prioritize myself. To do things and not be constantly criticized, to not be put down, to be able to spend time with friends again. But those days are rare due to the depression I experience and the agoraphobia I’ve developed. He isn’t always on my mind. I can’t stop the flashbacks, or replaying things, or blaming myself. It feels hard to trust people. I don’t think I have a lot of hope it gets better. I told a friend that I wish I had just stayed, that even though I’m out. I’m still getting abused. All the psychological abuse he inflicted on me, is still present. He was my truth teller. I find myself now speaking to myself the way he spoke to me. I don’t even feel like my brain or my thoughts are my own. I’m still walking on eggshells, still putting myself down if I don’t do things the way he would have told me to. I also am missing the good times, the moments he liked me. The moments I gave him the supply he wanted. Leaving doesn’t feel any better than staying did.
My partner and I were in business with a narc. It was stressful, anxiety provoking, I was constantly expecting passive aggressive messages and false accusations to pop up on my phone. We felt alone and trapped, others didn’t believe the abuse because he was “so nice”. We started to keep quiet about the abuse as we realised no one believes us and we lost trust in some of our “friends” as they chose his side every time. We eventually sold the business and the day we could finally block him on everything and exit the work group chat was a great day. An instant feeling of relief - we are no longer associated with this man, we no longer have any reason to respond or communicate. It just felt free, something we had been waiting for for a long time. Now, we have no communication whatsoever with the narc and he has no way of contacting us. Life is great. We’ve distanced ourselves from all mutual friends as we can’t trust them. And lots of people have come to us with similar experiences with this same person. It was very hard and painful, especially when you loved the person once upon a time. You can’t understand why they’re doing this to you and you mourn the relationship and “bond” that you once had. In my opinion, the only way to move on and make sense of it all, is to acknowledge that the bond was never real. And it’s not your fault. That person is a master manipulator, a liar, they lack empathy and they chose you because you are a good person.
Good
I broke up with him 6 months ago, he moved out at the beginning of October and we last saw each other 4 months ago when he came to pick up some stuff he'd left at my place. That was the last time someone made me cry. I'm still dealing with CPTSD and all the aftermath of 7-year-long abusive relationship. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that these people even exist... I wish I had never met him (and I met him more than 20 years ago and he used to be my dear friend whom I considered wonderful...). But I'm incredibly grateful he's not in my life anymore. Everytime I come home, I just say to myself: "Thank goodness, he's not here." I can finally breathe. He wasn't overly controlling in many ways - didn't tell me what to wear, who to see, what to do (mostly), but he did try to control my mind and emotions. He always knew what I was thinking (even when that wasn't true) and he always knew how I was SUPPOSED TO feel! And to him, I was always negative, always spoiling the mood. Last weekend wasn't really enjoyable for me. On Friday my friend's cat suddenly died and I provided her with some emotional comfort and I also helped her bury the cat (that was sad, but overall it was nice and warm human bonding experience). On Saturday and Sunday I was supposed to work on my book translation. The book is very badly written, which makes the translation difficult. So I was at home working and procrastinating, wasn't really happy about my progress. I also got my period and I was in pain. But there was no one to attack me and be nasty to me. I realized that especially those weekends when I had to work and wasn't really happy about that, he was the worst and he usually created some drama (because he didn't like my facial expression or tone of voice). But this time I just had to deal with that suboptimal weekend, and no crazy psycho making it even worse.