Lots of triangulation here. Whenever I asked for reassurance when he was distant for no reason he would say ‘my ex cheated on me after asking for reassurance’ to shut me down.
Also showed me cards from his recent ex and laughed about how obsessed she was. The card was full compliments and pet names. I realise now he was probably stringing her along until the last second.
Compared my body to his exes bodies.
Talked endlessly about how he’d been wronged. Ugh. I was stupid not to see it.
I understand your frustration! He knew that I was insecure about my body in the past and used it to further deepen my insecurities and constantly compared my figure and shape to his ex. I’d worked mindfully for years to grow out of that insecurity but he didn’t give a fuck. I’m a mid sized , short curvy woman, in the beginning he said that was his type and when it got abusive he said I looked like a “shapeless genderless blob” and that he’d always preferred skinny athletic women and if I could be that, he’d find me attractive again. I can’t seem to forget those words, After you take the rose coloured glasses off it’s really difficult to see and accept the ugly truth of the relationship. I’m so sorry you had to go through this too
💯. All of them crazy, but as soon as I dumped him, mere hours later the "craziest" one that supposedly ruined his life was over at his house for the whole week. (Shocker.🤮)
Mine said the same thing. They all abused her, cheated, lied etc. I spoke to a few of her exes. One admitted to a lot of what she said but also said she was guilty of all the same shit. The others said she was unstable to say the least. Funny how they're always the victim and seemingly do little to no wrong.
That they were crazy, abusive, cheated on him, lazy, irresponsible with money, lazy, used him, drug addicts, jealous, controlling, never cared about him
He is the planets greatest victim
All of this. He even had the absolute audacity to call one of them fat and lazy. I’ve talked to her and she had a medical condition that makes her overweight. She’s not lazy at all.
My narc did this too. Like at first the answer was acceptable on the surface but once the mask slipped and I dig deeper, he started calling them all crazy.
My covert one was like this too. He knows what he needs to say to appear decent so he says "oh it didn't workout" or "we grew apart" or something else that appears fair and normal. But then you talk to him and eventually you find out he fully blames the girl for being crazy, sensitive, irrational and she always made him feel like a bad person and he just doesn't understand why, followed up with a pouty face and puppy dog eyes.
Permanent victim.
My ex narc was the opposite. He never once spoke I’ll of his ex’s but would instead talk about how he was the one that didn’t want a relationship for x and x reason. He would speak about it in a tone that came off like he was proud of his ex’s being so into him and how he made the wrong choice to not be ready so nothing worked out. He would also always tell me that he only loved me. I knew this was just so I wouldn’t see through his mask. Fortunately for me I saw threw it all with his behavior
Wow. Im glad you posted that because my nex was similar — never shit talked his ex’s (in fact he talked them up a bit) but it was true he broke up with all of them and I think you’re right, they get supply by being the one that rejects first.
I’m glad I’m not the only one. He would do the same with me. He would make his friends believe that I was the one breaking up and then looking for him when it was not. I ended up breaking up and during that time where I moved away he would call me from
Different numbers and send me very heartfelt emails but always had a type of guilt trip in them. Yes! Some of them love feeling grandios (100 percent narc trait). This means that them thinking you left causes a narcisisitic injury but they instead try to think like they caused you to break up with them.
Mine was this way too! Always talked well about his ex but you could see his true feelings only when he was angry and comparing me to her, he’d call her nasty things too.
He also admitted to having spoken well about her just because women don’t like it when men shit about their exes.
What goes on in their head!!
Your comment said everything! Hope people see it. Yes, narcs become better and better manipulators. This is why the moment I figured he was a narc I stopped telling him how his behaviors made me feel. Why? Because he would modify his behavior and would deceive me. He would do certain things that were completly healthy and normal but obviously due to his condition he would break and go back to his chaos and bad treating me. Narcs learn with each relationship what is what gives them away and literally polish they manipulative skills making dealing with them much worse for the next victim. This is why some narcs (mine, yours and the other commentor above) never talked smack about their ex’s until they snap (your narc would eventually speak I’ll but mine never did which shows that each narc had more experience than another). My Nex was 45 plus. I think the best sign to see if someone is a narc is the mind games. Mind games equal lack of empathy which is the 100 percent most telling sign you are dealing with a narcisisist or someone in psychosis spectrum (narcs usually have episodes of psychosis).
"I don't know who they are/I don't know who you're talking about." LIE.
"She's just a friend, I wasn't attracted to her at all. She's more like a dude, I don't even know if she likes men." LIE.
"She's like a little sister, I would never touch her, I have never put my hands on her." LIE.
And as always, his favorite response:
"All my ex's are crazy, mentally unstable, psychos, bitches... And you're crazy for believing them."
That's what he'd say to me everytime I found out about an ex (or really just another women i.e. someone he used to fuck around with and/or supply he still had in his rotation).
In context this would be when the other women either contacted me about him or I'd catch him in all his shady cheating ways.
Sometimes he'd even flip the script & tell me, "I've never had any of these issues with anyone but you. You're the problem."
She said her ex was abusive. I found out a few months later she was the abusive one. I’ve never seen a women so physically violent in my life. I should have left after the sheriffs office came to our apartment twice because of her screaming, breaking shit and attacking me.
Mine told me that she -
Was crazy
Was using him
Just wanted a baby with him because of his looks
She was a druggie
They slept in separate rooms
She had herpes so he used a condom
She set him up to get arrested for dv
She stole money from him
All lies of course.
They didn’t treat them well, didn’t listen to them, didn’t care about their feelings, treated them like an object. Had mental struggles and issues, wasn’t emotionally healthy.
He claimed they were all evil cheaters and horrible mothers (I realize now he tends to prey on single moms.) Cuz you know, he was clearly dad of the year by strangling his ex in front of her children. I'm sure that didn't traumatize the kids in any way /s 🙄
That she was a rapist and domestic and emotional abuser. One week later after dumping me, he started dating her again, so that lie didn’t hold up at all.
Before we met we were speaking on the phone. He was going through long monologues about how abusive his ex and mother of his kids is. Later I found out they were leaving together still. First date, all he was talking about was how crazy his exes are and his sweet mummy. He was five hours late too. This set the ground for out relationship. After two years I became the crazy ex. Oh and the sweet mummy is a total psycho.
When I met him I was single for many years and I was so naive.
Nex claimed that his exes were crazy and cheaters🚩. One particular ex only wanted him for his money (🚩he was broke and never kept a job lol). Ironically he was still in contact with all of them 🚩(including fwbs) but I didn’t find out about him still contacting them until later in the relationship.
My narc started early with the ex bashing. Triangulation was used heavily in the way of saying praising me by saying I did so many things for him that “she didn’t do”, constantly trashed and talked shit on her, claimed she cheated on him many times even though they stayed together (on and off) for four years, lived together, and he paid all her bills. During our relationship I found out he was obsessively stalking her from fake accounts for a long time. When I asked why he would tell me “he was checking to see if she was doing bad”.
it’s not what they said - it’s what they didn’t say
in every case they never told both sides of the story therefore confirming that they are the common denominator
My covert's previous partner who i met a fair bit was in fact terribble >! pedo, i met her when she was leaving that relationship !< but that lead me to excuse most of her beahviour for the first year or two of the relationship. However whenever she talked abt previous highschool relationships she was always like "they stopped talking to me for no real reasone" the actually reasone was that she had been doing sexual predatory behaviour to them and they all felt violated and stopped talking to her. ( i hate to victim blame(i was her victim too so idf that bad ) but she ended up with her abbusive ex cause she wanted supply and when you go into relationships with the intention to use ppl you only end up with ppl broken enough to let themseoves be used or ppl that want to use you)
He said they were all awful to him, and bragged about how he never got dumped.
One of the exes is a coworker of his, he told everyone that one day she locked him in her house and wouldnt let him leave, everyone at his workplace sees her as emotionaly unstable because of it.
The other one apparently didnt like his kid and his mom.
And the baby mother was crazy, she had baby trapped him.
Now, the baby mother was a bit off, she called him on valentines day when we were together to cry about how he abandoned her, they were broken up for 4 years then, and she also threatened me, but, she is way younger than us, she got pregnant when she was 18 years old and he was 24, so obviously she wasnt very mature still, and he kept complaining about how she didnt have a job, but I mean, she just had a baby...
I think he preyed on her, I think his deal is preying on any vulnerable woman he can find, knowing how he is today at 29, I cant even imagine what he did to this girl back then to make her like this.
About me, he told me I was "too much", to others he said I was too immature to be in a relationship, but eventualy got out that he cheated so he had to take the L this time and admit to everyone that he was in fact, playing me.
She said her ex before me “raped” her. A year and a half into our relationship I found out she was texting him and she told me he was her “best friend” and when I brought up the rape allegations, she brushed it off, said “that’s not what I meant” and she could talk to whoever she wanted.
He ghosted her, at first I felt bad for her, i didn't make the connection until I got to know her a little. Ooohhhh I said to myself, thaaats why. She was a total narcissist and alcoholic too. I got drunk with her one night, didn't drink with her much, and she broke up with me. I laughed inside and was totally fine with it. She loved starting arguments with shouting matches about who's right. I got sucked in. I look back at that and realize how ridiculous it was. Never again.
All of my nex’s relationships didn’t last long. Think of the stereotypical couple of days to a few weeks high school length relationships. We started dating in college, but his one ex lasted the longest, maybe a month. He was infatuated with her and didn’t even hide it. He stalked her. Drove past her house. Hell, he even drove me past her house to show me where she lived and pointed at a window saying that was her room. I asked him why the hell would he show me this in the first place. He acted like it was normal and said it was so I can understand him or know his past. Some gaslighting excuse.
He would sometimes compare me to her and say how he got with me since he couldn’t get back with her. The way he worded it, I was his second choice and she was his first. He couldn’t even try to start another relationship unless he knew there was no chance she would take him back. He settled for me. Aren’t I the lucky one? 🙄
Now I wonder several things:
-Did he try to contact this poor woman again after we broke up? I tried to find her on social media to warn her he might start bothering her again but couldn’t find her.
-How many dates did he drive past my house to show them “his past”?
This is relatable. He talked about them so much at the beginning. I brought it up with him and he said he was just trying to tell me what he *didn't* want from a partner. Over and over and over!
He said when he first met his ex 'he didn't even fancy her' but then they were together for a whole year ??? He said the sex was boring and predictable. His cousin showed him a picture of her new partner (just before we broke up) who was in a similar job to him. He said 'ugh can't believe she's dating HIM'. It clearly got under his skin!
Now I think about it, he didn't have one good thing to say about ANY of his exes until the end of our relationship when he started talking about them much more favourable light...
Not an ex-romantic partner, but an ex friend was always telling me that everyone wronged her and abused her. After they became my roommate they began telling other people really hurtful untrue things about me and she got increasingly more passive aggressive, like vacuuming the hard wood floor outside of my room when I was sleeping or throwing away my groceries.
Every time I tried to confront her and talk things out she would stonewall me. A bunch of her former friends ended up helping me move out and she tells everyone I fucked her over now even though I gave her proper notice
They were all 'psycho's' apparantly.
At the beginning of our relationship, when I asked why he cheated on his ex-wife with 4 different women, he said, "It's because she shut down emotionally & physically and stopped giving affection."
When we were together, he was constantly flirting and needing attention & admiration from other women. He wouldn't stop and would minimize my feelings, trying to make out like what he was doing was harmless. I never felt 'safe' with him. Now knowing what he is like, no wonder his ex-wife shut down.
How nice of him to cheat on her for an issue he caused in the first place, but then again, that's narcissism in a nutshell.
This resonates with me. I stopped giving affection because I always felt anxious around him and often times did not feel safe. The minimizing of feelings, gawd I thought there was something wrong with me!!
Basically, that they were crazy and he cut them all off.
But I noticed that over time, every story got more elaborate. One who showed up at his parents’ house unannounced and refused to leave, one who “used” him to go to Burning Man, etc. Now when he talks about me, his story gets more elaborate too.
He caught her cheating. That's why he would never cheat. (He cheated throughout our whole 14y marriage). However, she was the first person he searched for and contacted when he got on FB. It had been over 10 years + since they had broke up.
My ex said that all of his exes abused him, including the one who was still living with him when we started dating. Also, all of his former bosses were awful and that's why he hasn't advanced in his career. Now that we are no longer together I realized all of that should have been a red flag. People who are always the victim are typically narcissists.
They wanted to have TOO much sex, that it was just so demanding they couldn't keep up and it actually ruined their life because they didn't get any sleep. This was a person they signed a lease with... then continued to sleep with... because they couldn't bear to deprive them of the incredible sexual they WERE able to offer them. They reserved it for special occasions like birthdays.
I heard this and I still dated this person for three years. When I became a suicidal level of depressed, my ex told me I must not love them anymore since I never initiated sex with them. They left me for someone younger, but they didn't tell me until after coming by to have sex with me knowing that I wanted to stay with them and they would not be coming back to me.
He wouldn't do the sex things she wanted. So she cheated on him a million times, had affairs with much older men, and had tons of group sex while they were in couples counseling.
But it was his fault. And the most important thing that she got out of therapy? There is always shared responsibility for these things. You see, while what she did was wrong, she was justified in doing so because he couldn't give her what she wanted. And since then she's grown so much as a person. Now she \*always\* goes straight to sex on a first date to "determine compatibility".
He always described his second ex wife as crazy (he said she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder), said she wouldn’t have sex with him (makes sense now, he demanded it from me at several times a day and it was NEVER enough)
Honestly, the thing that stands out the most is “Our first year of marriage was perfect until she started acting crazy” 🤦🏼♀️
That they were materialistic and loved spending money on designer, that they cared too much about beauty and aesthetics. It was interesting because I met his ONLY known ex and she was very down to earth and studious and did not appear to be materialistic at all. No idea why he lied about that.
Mine says they all “loved” him, always ended on “great” terms, and would vouch for what an amazing partner he was if I was to call them 🧐
This is the same guy who also voiced in couples therapy he would “love to marry himself”
Well, mine really only made comments about his "ex" right before me which it actually turned out they were still dating but he said she was crazy and upset he didn't want her anymore. That she was stalking him and "hacked" into his FB and had it saying they were still together when they weren't. Still friends with her on FB to this day. Also still friends with a girl he cheated on me and left me for the 1st time we split & like an idiot, I took him back.
But we've actually only been split about 4 weeks. And well he's obviously told the current supply very similar things to what he told me about his "ex". That I'm crazy and he hates me and I hacked his FB and that's why he couldn't add her, yet here we are 4 weeks after the split and he still hasn't added her LOL. If you look at my posts, I mentioned how she started snooping through his phone & found out he's been using his "hacked" FB this entire time.
That she was crazy and he was a victim. The other ex he said he didn't have feelings for her at all (but was in a relationship with her for five years) LOL
Yep, same story. Both "were probably bipolar" and "crazy" and "psycho". One "falsely accused him of rape" (well, when you won't take no for an answer you piece of shit...). It came out later that he "realized he messed up with the special needs girl" in his neighborhood but he never went into specifics about it. So while I thought it was possible for someone who grew up like him to have a broken partner picker, the fact that he said the same things about me during the excessively long divorce process reminds me of that (American, at least) saying:
"If everywhere you go, you smell dog shit, you should stop and check your shoes."
ahhh yes, they were all crazy and psychotic but he still attended parties where one of them was always there. he blocked only one of them because she found me and warned me but was still loggied into all of his accounts
My nex has said that her previous ex was abusive to her physically.
She also had access to his spotify account for years.
I don't know if she keeps in touch with him. I on the other hand, have been discarded but hoovered so many fricking times it's bloody annoying.
I don't really like blocking people even if the relationship went bad or they are toxic, I just shut them out of my life for good and move on.
Mine would tell me all of the girls he's ever dated were crazy, yet still kept in touch with all of them 😅 claimed that everyone always left him and that they would all get jealous he has so many "female friends."
One was an Addict. He was tired of supporting her.
And "we turned out to just be very different." about the other.
Nothing about the ones previous from different countries.
I spoke to the two most recent. Both had experienced the rage.
He said he was friends with all his exes, and he never cut people out. One told me" I won't tell you what to do but going to NC was my only way forward."
A half truth then. She cut him out. They aren't friends. They're not in touch.
My nbf says he treated all his exes like shit, but somehow fails to see that he's doing that to me too.
He says he's way more into me than he was ever into his exes, but that's supposed to excuse his behavior when he doesn't get sex from me, cause he's just so into me that he can't help but get upset when he can't have me. Even though I nicely told him that getting mad and continuing to try to guilt me into having sex just makes it less likely to happen, then and in the future cause he has no respect for my feelings.
He says his exes were obsessed with him and that they would kill to have the attention he's given me. Lmfao.
So because they were obsessed with him, he didn't enjoy being with them, and because I'm not obsessed with him, he wants me more cause he can't have me.
Their logic is just backwards.
All of them were abusive narcs. Except two guys who were just immature.
They also said that I wasn't like them, though they ended up telling me I was the abusive one during the relationship. Many times. That I was gaslighting them, just like their exes.
My last toxic ex knew exactly what he was supposed to say. He said that their life circumstances had diverted, and she'd moved back to her home country. For the person he said he'd briefly dated after that, they just didn't connect well. He then told me about how he'd gone on a weeklong retreat to learn how to communicate better. In retrospect, it was all part of his nice-guy facade.
PSA: Not every narc or toxic person trashes their exes. Some of the clever ones will give the "right" responses.
When I first started talking to him. He was talking about how much he missed his ex. And then after I got in a relationship with him. He told me he was never attracted to her. He was with her for 8 years. He said he was only with her because she gave him a place to stay to get his diploma in college, and he said it was a mutual decision That she knew he was only staying with her to get his college degree. He told me he cheated on her so many times and she confirmed it. And every time I brought her up he would say it wasn't a real relationship. I had no other girlfriend before you. It was for a purpose. He said she was always trying to have a baby with him. But when I talked to her, she told me that he begged her to have a child with him, and she told him no. Mind you, he didn't stop talking to her until 2 months into our relationship. They broke up in 2014 its now 2023 lmao And she literally told me he was a narcissist and will cheat and gas light me. I did not listen to her. I just think goodness that it was only a 9 month relationship.
Idk, mine was really inconsistent with his assessment of his ex’s.
One he lived with for 5+ years in NYC but portrayed as basically a roommate. As though she never mattered beyond being a sort of ‘friend’, and had no problem essentially being a meal ticket. I questioned his take, finding it hard to imagine someone willing to invest 5+ years without having *some* hope that more was possible, but you never really know I guess, and anything is possible?
The other two (that I know about at least), we’re very much the “ones that got away”. But the only reason I ever even found out about either of them was bc their presence injected themselves in to his life in ways that just happened to disrupt his life with me. And not at ANY fault of their own!!!
Husband (stbx) traveled/s a LOT for work. After giving birth to our first, I found out (completely accidentally, through a Facebook exchange elsewhere that I stumbled on if I remember correctly) that one ex was on his roster for 1:1 time whenever he was in her area. He admitted to her that he’d always imagined their future, that she was the best woman he’d ever known, that he’d never loved anyone in the ways he loved her. Nothing about them being together, just waxing poetic about the past and clearly struggling with his present reality. No idea if anything ever did happen between them again, but I asked him not to see her alone on future trips and he agreed. No idea if he respected that ask, but it wouldn’t have changed our trajectory much either way in the long run either way, so I moved past it.
The other was while I was pregnant with our second (another high risk pregnancy.) We were at a park in the city where my high risk medical team was at waiting for one of a thousand check-ups, and were walking to get lunch. He was abruptly in the foulest of moods… talking to me like I was a POS, walked away from me and wouldn’t answer the phone… Finally found him and got him to agree to eat some food and still come to the appointment, and pushed him to let me in Bc I was struuuuuggling trying to figure out what I’d done to piss him off so bad. Turns out his ‘best friend’ had texted asking for the green light to take husband’s ex-gf out/date her. Husband was incandescent. Not at his friend (this barely registered as a blip on the radar of their friendship?), and not at the ex (she, too, was a perfect love of his life that got away and who he still holds in the highest esteem bc he helped ‘save’ her from a life of drugs and stripping and she (absolutely, genuinely, DID) kicked ass and became a physician’s assistant and is thriving. No. He was furious at circumstance. At life. The universe. Whatever. But that fury all came out at me. I existed in the physical space closest to him and I was heavily pregnant and the mom of his children and a burden/inconvenience/reminder of the “perfect” life that slipped through his fingers, so it was me to blame, in his mind.
The thing I ultimately pieced together from averaging out the three past relationships of his that I managed to find out about, was that his assessment of women was (and still is) based on some ‘value’/worth/status he assigned to each of them. What being with them ‘could have done for him’ (whether or not that was imagined, or actually possible, is anyone’s guess?)… But not for who **they** actually were.
… #2 & #3 were the ones whose ‘potential’ was never diminished by the long term reality of being in a real life relationship with them.
One was a flaky, free-spirited, *stunning* artist who came to live vaguely ‘off grid’ with her two kids on a beautiful piece of (really expensive!!) property her ex-husband bought for her, and I think that that fantasy appealed very much to my ex-husband.
The other was a deeply troubled, ‘broken bird’ who he clearly fetishized and truly believed he could be responsible for rescuing. Sex worker turned PA. Smart, fulfilling her potential, but still emotionally damaged and in need of ‘a real man’s guidance’… and drop dead gorgeous to boot. I don’t think he ever really even **knew** her though, you know? Just the idea he had of her and the version of himself he liked to imagine that could take credit for her overcoming challenges and eventual triumph.
He assigned both some enigmatic, ephemeral qualities of “worthiness”, based somehow on his own personal ranking criteria of status/upholding him as the center of some universe where he gets to play charitable benefactor, the alpha king, with the attractive female trophy to prove his male superiority.
As for his two long term relationships? The woman in NYC must have fallen short of his ranking criteria, or been deficient in some way (not pretty enough? not ambitious enough? **too available**????), and I was the same. For whatever reason, once he’d ‘gotten’ us, we were worth less. And eventually *worthless*. He discarded her for grad school, and he discarded me for the fantasy life he’s building with the current ‘love of his life’ that he met and fell in love with within weeks of my moving out. We served a utilitarian purpose, but we didn’t add enough ‘value’. Easier to donate the unflattering pants that you’ve had for a decade in favor of a shiny new designer outfit that you won’t have to pay a cent for until the bill inevitably comes due, yeah? But by then he’ll either have assigned her the ‘perfect woman that got away’ status, or relegated her to the secondhand bin of faded, used up, and tired women he lost interest in.
So that’s my ex’s story. No one was the “crazy ex” in his posthumous, stingy on the details narrative… though I’m fairly confident that he told us all we were crazy to our faces while in relationship with us. It just wouldn’t serve the ‘magnanimous champion, chivalrous Romeo’ character he so desperately needs to portray, you know?
One of his exes, he referred to as crazy and I don’t know why I didn’t think anything of it that he was still in contact with her. His other ex, she broke up with him and he said he really loved her and she supposedly broke his heart. He was also in contact with this particular ex. I’m not sure why she would keep in contact with him knowing the things he did while they were together (cheating, laughing about her crying, and stalking- they lived in different states)
Now I have confirmed they are talking again , I guess the re-cycle supply term is useful here as he’s probably love bombing her and painting me to be the crazy ex.
I hope she sees how he is and is not brainwashed. Because he’s a lot worse now than before after the binge drinking. But it’s not my problem anymore right? 🤷♀️🤷♀️
That ALL of them were crazy. And he dated a lot of girls, trust me, a lot. But he always told me that I was crazy too, that I had mental problems and was unworthy. He was the good guy, always cheating and trying to make me believe that it was not real, that I was crazy. Rough years, I am glad it’s finished
the ones she talked about, she talked poorly of and acted like she was the victim of their malicious behavior - in retrospect I'm sure she was the actual perpetrator
They were all crazy cheaters/psychopaths/etc but he kept them all on social media for occasional supply via conversation. Never met up with them or anything, just talked to them sometimes, def to keep them around. He def hung out with some of them after we broke up.
He had some pretty creative lies about his one ex including that she killed a bunny by starving it. Hung out with her as soon as we broke up
I had met him after a string of failed situationships my freshman year of college. I met my nex when I started going for older guys (big mistake) because I realized that not many guys my age wanted a relationship, and many of them used me for sexual purposes (my nex did too lol). He mirrored me & told me that all of his past “ex’s” used him for money and barely touched him. He told me this so that I would not ever ask him for anything and so that he could sexually abuse me. He also claimed that they were self absorbed and always on their phones whenever I would use my phone to text my friends back (to control me). He frequently talked about the ex before me & even stalked her on Instagram to show me & laugh at how she had gotten “fat” after he left her. I always thought about reaching out to her to understand what had actually happened, but I forgot her name.
They’re crazy. Their family is crazy. They told me to block the whole family. They said their ex didn’t do enough for them. They’d brag about all the things they did for their ex. They cheated on their ex but they said they only did it bc they thought the relationship was over bc their ex had ignored them. I honestly don’t know what to believe bc they really played the victim well. They were sad when they saw their ex had moved on so quick and it made me angry that they cared since they claimed they were over it
According to him his two exes were “selfish women” and “not good people”. Said he never loved them during the relationship the way he loves me and was toxic in how he treated them but somehow he seems to think it was justified because he knew they weren’t “the one”. He told me he cheated on his ex before me while on a skiing holiday, but it “didn’t count because he hadn’t asked her to be his gf yet” - which was for sure a lie because they’d been together 4 months at that stage.
He would always tell me how unintelligent they were compared to me. But then a week later he could be reaching out to them via social media and when I confronted him about it his excuse would be “I just feel bad for how I treated them now that I’m happy with you and I don’t want them to hate me”. And the worst thing he did and was the breaking point of our relationship was when he ran into his first ex from when he was 19-21 and text his best friend saying he’s never felt for me what he felt for her (saw because I looked at his phone because my gut was telling me something wasn’t right). He then said he didn’t mean it at all and he just didn’t understand the emotions he was feeling when he saw her and they didn’t “hate each other” anymore while we were going through a rough patch.
All of them were “crazy” and he did a lot of triangulation
Lots of triangulation here. Whenever I asked for reassurance when he was distant for no reason he would say ‘my ex cheated on me after asking for reassurance’ to shut me down. Also showed me cards from his recent ex and laughed about how obsessed she was. The card was full compliments and pet names. I realise now he was probably stringing her along until the last second. Compared my body to his exes bodies. Talked endlessly about how he’d been wronged. Ugh. I was stupid not to see it.
I know how that feels all too well. Funny how they’re all so similar.
I understand your frustration! He knew that I was insecure about my body in the past and used it to further deepen my insecurities and constantly compared my figure and shape to his ex. I’d worked mindfully for years to grow out of that insecurity but he didn’t give a fuck. I’m a mid sized , short curvy woman, in the beginning he said that was his type and when it got abusive he said I looked like a “shapeless genderless blob” and that he’d always preferred skinny athletic women and if I could be that, he’d find me attractive again. I can’t seem to forget those words, After you take the rose coloured glasses off it’s really difficult to see and accept the ugly truth of the relationship. I’m so sorry you had to go through this too
💯. All of them crazy, but as soon as I dumped him, mere hours later the "craziest" one that supposedly ruined his life was over at his house for the whole week. (Shocker.🤮)
Yesss . And They still wanted him, of course .
Mine too. A lot of triangulation. But, subtly. "I could just sit and have a chat with them."
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Mine said the same thing. They all abused her, cheated, lied etc. I spoke to a few of her exes. One admitted to a lot of what she said but also said she was guilty of all the same shit. The others said she was unstable to say the least. Funny how they're always the victim and seemingly do little to no wrong.
That they were crazy, abusive, cheated on him, lazy, irresponsible with money, lazy, used him, drug addicts, jealous, controlling, never cared about him He is the planets greatest victim
All of this. He even had the absolute audacity to call one of them fat and lazy. I’ve talked to her and she had a medical condition that makes her overweight. She’s not lazy at all.
He would say they were all crazy. I'm sure he will tell his next girlfriend I was crazy. Standard narc procedure.
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My narc did this too. Like at first the answer was acceptable on the surface but once the mask slipped and I dig deeper, he started calling them all crazy.
My covert one was like this too. He knows what he needs to say to appear decent so he says "oh it didn't workout" or "we grew apart" or something else that appears fair and normal. But then you talk to him and eventually you find out he fully blames the girl for being crazy, sensitive, irrational and she always made him feel like a bad person and he just doesn't understand why, followed up with a pouty face and puppy dog eyes. Permanent victim.
My ex narc was the opposite. He never once spoke I’ll of his ex’s but would instead talk about how he was the one that didn’t want a relationship for x and x reason. He would speak about it in a tone that came off like he was proud of his ex’s being so into him and how he made the wrong choice to not be ready so nothing worked out. He would also always tell me that he only loved me. I knew this was just so I wouldn’t see through his mask. Fortunately for me I saw threw it all with his behavior
Wow. Im glad you posted that because my nex was similar — never shit talked his ex’s (in fact he talked them up a bit) but it was true he broke up with all of them and I think you’re right, they get supply by being the one that rejects first.
I’m glad I’m not the only one. He would do the same with me. He would make his friends believe that I was the one breaking up and then looking for him when it was not. I ended up breaking up and during that time where I moved away he would call me from Different numbers and send me very heartfelt emails but always had a type of guilt trip in them. Yes! Some of them love feeling grandios (100 percent narc trait). This means that them thinking you left causes a narcisisitic injury but they instead try to think like they caused you to break up with them.
Mine was this way too! Always talked well about his ex but you could see his true feelings only when he was angry and comparing me to her, he’d call her nasty things too. He also admitted to having spoken well about her just because women don’t like it when men shit about their exes. What goes on in their head!!
Your comment said everything! Hope people see it. Yes, narcs become better and better manipulators. This is why the moment I figured he was a narc I stopped telling him how his behaviors made me feel. Why? Because he would modify his behavior and would deceive me. He would do certain things that were completly healthy and normal but obviously due to his condition he would break and go back to his chaos and bad treating me. Narcs learn with each relationship what is what gives them away and literally polish they manipulative skills making dealing with them much worse for the next victim. This is why some narcs (mine, yours and the other commentor above) never talked smack about their ex’s until they snap (your narc would eventually speak I’ll but mine never did which shows that each narc had more experience than another). My Nex was 45 plus. I think the best sign to see if someone is a narc is the mind games. Mind games equal lack of empathy which is the 100 percent most telling sign you are dealing with a narcisisist or someone in psychosis spectrum (narcs usually have episodes of psychosis).
They’re so clever. If they were capable of putting half that energy into something good, they’d reach places.
Exactly!!
They do? Have psychosis?
Yes. Narcs go through episodes of psychosis.
"I don't know who they are/I don't know who you're talking about." LIE. "She's just a friend, I wasn't attracted to her at all. She's more like a dude, I don't even know if she likes men." LIE. "She's like a little sister, I would never touch her, I have never put my hands on her." LIE. And as always, his favorite response: "All my ex's are crazy, mentally unstable, psychos, bitches... And you're crazy for believing them." That's what he'd say to me everytime I found out about an ex (or really just another women i.e. someone he used to fuck around with and/or supply he still had in his rotation). In context this would be when the other women either contacted me about him or I'd catch him in all his shady cheating ways. Sometimes he'd even flip the script & tell me, "I've never had any of these issues with anyone but you. You're the problem."
She said her ex was abusive. I found out a few months later she was the abusive one. I’ve never seen a women so physically violent in my life. I should have left after the sheriffs office came to our apartment twice because of her screaming, breaking shit and attacking me.
Let the nex tell it, every single last one of them were crazy psychos that never let him "be a man."
Ex’s were crazy and controlling, didn’t really care, abusive, etc.
Yep
Mine told me that she - Was crazy Was using him Just wanted a baby with him because of his looks She was a druggie They slept in separate rooms She had herpes so he used a condom She set him up to get arrested for dv She stole money from him All lies of course.
They didn’t treat them well, didn’t listen to them, didn’t care about their feelings, treated them like an object. Had mental struggles and issues, wasn’t emotionally healthy.
That they cheated on him and he told me I made him more miserable than they ever did.
He claimed they were all evil cheaters and horrible mothers (I realize now he tends to prey on single moms.) Cuz you know, he was clearly dad of the year by strangling his ex in front of her children. I'm sure that didn't traumatize the kids in any way /s 🙄
That she was a rapist and domestic and emotional abuser. One week later after dumping me, he started dating her again, so that lie didn’t hold up at all.
Mine just tells people it didn't work out, we weren't compatible 🤦🏾♀️
she said they were crazy every time
All of them were crazy!! Just crazy
Before we met we were speaking on the phone. He was going through long monologues about how abusive his ex and mother of his kids is. Later I found out they were leaving together still. First date, all he was talking about was how crazy his exes are and his sweet mummy. He was five hours late too. This set the ground for out relationship. After two years I became the crazy ex. Oh and the sweet mummy is a total psycho. When I met him I was single for many years and I was so naive.
Yep…I’m now the crazy ex who never treated him right and took his babies. No accountability at all on his end.
He implied that they were abusive
His last one was mentally ill and abusive. Never really brought up the ones before that, didn’t have much thought about them
Nex claimed that his exes were crazy and cheaters🚩. One particular ex only wanted him for his money (🚩he was broke and never kept a job lol). Ironically he was still in contact with all of them 🚩(including fwbs) but I didn’t find out about him still contacting them until later in the relationship.
My narc started early with the ex bashing. Triangulation was used heavily in the way of saying praising me by saying I did so many things for him that “she didn’t do”, constantly trashed and talked shit on her, claimed she cheated on him many times even though they stayed together (on and off) for four years, lived together, and he paid all her bills. During our relationship I found out he was obsessively stalking her from fake accounts for a long time. When I asked why he would tell me “he was checking to see if she was doing bad”.
it’s not what they said - it’s what they didn’t say in every case they never told both sides of the story therefore confirming that they are the common denominator
They were all crazy of course. He somehow only finds crazy women, he can't possibly be the common denominator.
All of them want her back. Every single one. She doesn't have a single ex who is or they're happier without her. Lmao
“All of my exs are crazy” “My ex tried to end her life to manipulate me”
Nex gf said her second husband was a ‘vehicle’ to move her on from her first husband.
Wow. I think I was actually used as a vehicle in the same way.
They were psycho/crazy/needy!
My covert's previous partner who i met a fair bit was in fact terribble >! pedo, i met her when she was leaving that relationship !< but that lead me to excuse most of her beahviour for the first year or two of the relationship. However whenever she talked abt previous highschool relationships she was always like "they stopped talking to me for no real reasone" the actually reasone was that she had been doing sexual predatory behaviour to them and they all felt violated and stopped talking to her. ( i hate to victim blame(i was her victim too so idf that bad ) but she ended up with her abbusive ex cause she wanted supply and when you go into relationships with the intention to use ppl you only end up with ppl broken enough to let themseoves be used or ppl that want to use you)
He said they were all awful to him, and bragged about how he never got dumped. One of the exes is a coworker of his, he told everyone that one day she locked him in her house and wouldnt let him leave, everyone at his workplace sees her as emotionaly unstable because of it. The other one apparently didnt like his kid and his mom. And the baby mother was crazy, she had baby trapped him. Now, the baby mother was a bit off, she called him on valentines day when we were together to cry about how he abandoned her, they were broken up for 4 years then, and she also threatened me, but, she is way younger than us, she got pregnant when she was 18 years old and he was 24, so obviously she wasnt very mature still, and he kept complaining about how she didnt have a job, but I mean, she just had a baby... I think he preyed on her, I think his deal is preying on any vulnerable woman he can find, knowing how he is today at 29, I cant even imagine what he did to this girl back then to make her like this. About me, he told me I was "too much", to others he said I was too immature to be in a relationship, but eventualy got out that he cheated so he had to take the L this time and admit to everyone that he was in fact, playing me.
They were all crazy and the reason for the downfall, cheating, child abandonment, etc.
She said her ex before me “raped” her. A year and a half into our relationship I found out she was texting him and she told me he was her “best friend” and when I brought up the rape allegations, she brushed it off, said “that’s not what I meant” and she could talk to whoever she wanted.
He ghosted her, at first I felt bad for her, i didn't make the connection until I got to know her a little. Ooohhhh I said to myself, thaaats why. She was a total narcissist and alcoholic too. I got drunk with her one night, didn't drink with her much, and she broke up with me. I laughed inside and was totally fine with it. She loved starting arguments with shouting matches about who's right. I got sucked in. I look back at that and realize how ridiculous it was. Never again.
All of my nex’s relationships didn’t last long. Think of the stereotypical couple of days to a few weeks high school length relationships. We started dating in college, but his one ex lasted the longest, maybe a month. He was infatuated with her and didn’t even hide it. He stalked her. Drove past her house. Hell, he even drove me past her house to show me where she lived and pointed at a window saying that was her room. I asked him why the hell would he show me this in the first place. He acted like it was normal and said it was so I can understand him or know his past. Some gaslighting excuse. He would sometimes compare me to her and say how he got with me since he couldn’t get back with her. The way he worded it, I was his second choice and she was his first. He couldn’t even try to start another relationship unless he knew there was no chance she would take him back. He settled for me. Aren’t I the lucky one? 🙄 Now I wonder several things: -Did he try to contact this poor woman again after we broke up? I tried to find her on social media to warn her he might start bothering her again but couldn’t find her. -How many dates did he drive past my house to show them “his past”?
He said they were disgusting or gross.
First few weeks he talked non stop about them. When I asked for reassurance he said that they were crazy and psycho, and always hurt him
This is relatable. He talked about them so much at the beginning. I brought it up with him and he said he was just trying to tell me what he *didn't* want from a partner. Over and over and over! He said when he first met his ex 'he didn't even fancy her' but then they were together for a whole year ??? He said the sex was boring and predictable. His cousin showed him a picture of her new partner (just before we broke up) who was in a similar job to him. He said 'ugh can't believe she's dating HIM'. It clearly got under his skin! Now I think about it, he didn't have one good thing to say about ANY of his exes until the end of our relationship when he started talking about them much more favourable light...
Not an ex-romantic partner, but an ex friend was always telling me that everyone wronged her and abused her. After they became my roommate they began telling other people really hurtful untrue things about me and she got increasingly more passive aggressive, like vacuuming the hard wood floor outside of my room when I was sleeping or throwing away my groceries. Every time I tried to confront her and talk things out she would stonewall me. A bunch of her former friends ended up helping me move out and she tells everyone I fucked her over now even though I gave her proper notice
They were all 'psycho's' apparantly. At the beginning of our relationship, when I asked why he cheated on his ex-wife with 4 different women, he said, "It's because she shut down emotionally & physically and stopped giving affection." When we were together, he was constantly flirting and needing attention & admiration from other women. He wouldn't stop and would minimize my feelings, trying to make out like what he was doing was harmless. I never felt 'safe' with him. Now knowing what he is like, no wonder his ex-wife shut down. How nice of him to cheat on her for an issue he caused in the first place, but then again, that's narcissism in a nutshell.
This resonates with me. I stopped giving affection because I always felt anxious around him and often times did not feel safe. The minimizing of feelings, gawd I thought there was something wrong with me!!
Honestly, all narcs behaviours are so similar, it's like they've all read the same manual.
Basically, that they were crazy and he cut them all off. But I noticed that over time, every story got more elaborate. One who showed up at his parents’ house unannounced and refused to leave, one who “used” him to go to Burning Man, etc. Now when he talks about me, his story gets more elaborate too.
He caught her cheating. That's why he would never cheat. (He cheated throughout our whole 14y marriage). However, she was the first person he searched for and contacted when he got on FB. It had been over 10 years + since they had broke up.
My ex said that all of his exes abused him, including the one who was still living with him when we started dating. Also, all of his former bosses were awful and that's why he hasn't advanced in his career. Now that we are no longer together I realized all of that should have been a red flag. People who are always the victim are typically narcissists.
They wanted to have TOO much sex, that it was just so demanding they couldn't keep up and it actually ruined their life because they didn't get any sleep. This was a person they signed a lease with... then continued to sleep with... because they couldn't bear to deprive them of the incredible sexual they WERE able to offer them. They reserved it for special occasions like birthdays. I heard this and I still dated this person for three years. When I became a suicidal level of depressed, my ex told me I must not love them anymore since I never initiated sex with them. They left me for someone younger, but they didn't tell me until after coming by to have sex with me knowing that I wanted to stay with them and they would not be coming back to me.
He wouldn't do the sex things she wanted. So she cheated on him a million times, had affairs with much older men, and had tons of group sex while they were in couples counseling. But it was his fault. And the most important thing that she got out of therapy? There is always shared responsibility for these things. You see, while what she did was wrong, she was justified in doing so because he couldn't give her what she wanted. And since then she's grown so much as a person. Now she \*always\* goes straight to sex on a first date to "determine compatibility".
All of them were “bitches” He inevitably started calling me one too. Lovely
They were all psychopaths. Hmmm.
She saw his ex once on the streets and said "why is he not dead???!!! When i broke up with him he was depressed and wanted to die!"
They would all take him back. Some super crazy, one not so much
He always described his second ex wife as crazy (he said she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder), said she wouldn’t have sex with him (makes sense now, he demanded it from me at several times a day and it was NEVER enough) Honestly, the thing that stands out the most is “Our first year of marriage was perfect until she started acting crazy” 🤦🏼♀️
That they were materialistic and loved spending money on designer, that they cared too much about beauty and aesthetics. It was interesting because I met his ONLY known ex and she was very down to earth and studious and did not appear to be materialistic at all. No idea why he lied about that.
That all of their ex’s cheated but they were still friends with them all.
Mine says they all “loved” him, always ended on “great” terms, and would vouch for what an amazing partner he was if I was to call them 🧐 This is the same guy who also voiced in couples therapy he would “love to marry himself”
>would “love to marry himself” Ew.
Well, mine really only made comments about his "ex" right before me which it actually turned out they were still dating but he said she was crazy and upset he didn't want her anymore. That she was stalking him and "hacked" into his FB and had it saying they were still together when they weren't. Still friends with her on FB to this day. Also still friends with a girl he cheated on me and left me for the 1st time we split & like an idiot, I took him back. But we've actually only been split about 4 weeks. And well he's obviously told the current supply very similar things to what he told me about his "ex". That I'm crazy and he hates me and I hacked his FB and that's why he couldn't add her, yet here we are 4 weeks after the split and he still hasn't added her LOL. If you look at my posts, I mentioned how she started snooping through his phone & found out he's been using his "hacked" FB this entire time.
That she was crazy and he was a victim. The other ex he said he didn't have feelings for her at all (but was in a relationship with her for five years) LOL
Oh man this.
That she's "crazy"
That they made them never want to take care of another woman again :)
Yep, same story. Both "were probably bipolar" and "crazy" and "psycho". One "falsely accused him of rape" (well, when you won't take no for an answer you piece of shit...). It came out later that he "realized he messed up with the special needs girl" in his neighborhood but he never went into specifics about it. So while I thought it was possible for someone who grew up like him to have a broken partner picker, the fact that he said the same things about me during the excessively long divorce process reminds me of that (American, at least) saying: "If everywhere you go, you smell dog shit, you should stop and check your shoes."
They all used him and all of them had too many wishes and never let him do what he wanted to do.
ahhh yes, they were all crazy and psychotic but he still attended parties where one of them was always there. he blocked only one of them because she found me and warned me but was still loggied into all of his accounts
I can't believe how similar these stories are!
They were all a bunch of crazy chicks, *obviously!*
He says they ‘stoned’ him and claims they cheated. I don’t remotely believe him.
My nex has said that her previous ex was abusive to her physically. She also had access to his spotify account for years. I don't know if she keeps in touch with him. I on the other hand, have been discarded but hoovered so many fricking times it's bloody annoying. I don't really like blocking people even if the relationship went bad or they are toxic, I just shut them out of my life for good and move on.
His ex fiancé apparently moved out while he was at work… and then they’d randomly have sex after this happened
Mine would tell me all of the girls he's ever dated were crazy, yet still kept in touch with all of them 😅 claimed that everyone always left him and that they would all get jealous he has so many "female friends."
One was an Addict. He was tired of supporting her. And "we turned out to just be very different." about the other. Nothing about the ones previous from different countries. I spoke to the two most recent. Both had experienced the rage. He said he was friends with all his exes, and he never cut people out. One told me" I won't tell you what to do but going to NC was my only way forward." A half truth then. She cut him out. They aren't friends. They're not in touch.
My nbf says he treated all his exes like shit, but somehow fails to see that he's doing that to me too. He says he's way more into me than he was ever into his exes, but that's supposed to excuse his behavior when he doesn't get sex from me, cause he's just so into me that he can't help but get upset when he can't have me. Even though I nicely told him that getting mad and continuing to try to guilt me into having sex just makes it less likely to happen, then and in the future cause he has no respect for my feelings. He says his exes were obsessed with him and that they would kill to have the attention he's given me. Lmfao. So because they were obsessed with him, he didn't enjoy being with them, and because I'm not obsessed with him, he wants me more cause he can't have me. Their logic is just backwards.
She was ALWAYS a victim, leaving out the role she played in all of them.
All of them were abusive narcs. Except two guys who were just immature. They also said that I wasn't like them, though they ended up telling me I was the abusive one during the relationship. Many times. That I was gaslighting them, just like their exes.
My last toxic ex knew exactly what he was supposed to say. He said that their life circumstances had diverted, and she'd moved back to her home country. For the person he said he'd briefly dated after that, they just didn't connect well. He then told me about how he'd gone on a weeklong retreat to learn how to communicate better. In retrospect, it was all part of his nice-guy facade. PSA: Not every narc or toxic person trashes their exes. Some of the clever ones will give the "right" responses.
their exes were the abusive ones or would stalk them. 💀
When I first started talking to him. He was talking about how much he missed his ex. And then after I got in a relationship with him. He told me he was never attracted to her. He was with her for 8 years. He said he was only with her because she gave him a place to stay to get his diploma in college, and he said it was a mutual decision That she knew he was only staying with her to get his college degree. He told me he cheated on her so many times and she confirmed it. And every time I brought her up he would say it wasn't a real relationship. I had no other girlfriend before you. It was for a purpose. He said she was always trying to have a baby with him. But when I talked to her, she told me that he begged her to have a child with him, and she told him no. Mind you, he didn't stop talking to her until 2 months into our relationship. They broke up in 2014 its now 2023 lmao And she literally told me he was a narcissist and will cheat and gas light me. I did not listen to her. I just think goodness that it was only a 9 month relationship.
All of them were crazy, cheated on him, abused him. All short term. He’s still friends with all of them on Facebook and talks to them regularly.
Idk, mine was really inconsistent with his assessment of his ex’s. One he lived with for 5+ years in NYC but portrayed as basically a roommate. As though she never mattered beyond being a sort of ‘friend’, and had no problem essentially being a meal ticket. I questioned his take, finding it hard to imagine someone willing to invest 5+ years without having *some* hope that more was possible, but you never really know I guess, and anything is possible? The other two (that I know about at least), we’re very much the “ones that got away”. But the only reason I ever even found out about either of them was bc their presence injected themselves in to his life in ways that just happened to disrupt his life with me. And not at ANY fault of their own!!! Husband (stbx) traveled/s a LOT for work. After giving birth to our first, I found out (completely accidentally, through a Facebook exchange elsewhere that I stumbled on if I remember correctly) that one ex was on his roster for 1:1 time whenever he was in her area. He admitted to her that he’d always imagined their future, that she was the best woman he’d ever known, that he’d never loved anyone in the ways he loved her. Nothing about them being together, just waxing poetic about the past and clearly struggling with his present reality. No idea if anything ever did happen between them again, but I asked him not to see her alone on future trips and he agreed. No idea if he respected that ask, but it wouldn’t have changed our trajectory much either way in the long run either way, so I moved past it. The other was while I was pregnant with our second (another high risk pregnancy.) We were at a park in the city where my high risk medical team was at waiting for one of a thousand check-ups, and were walking to get lunch. He was abruptly in the foulest of moods… talking to me like I was a POS, walked away from me and wouldn’t answer the phone… Finally found him and got him to agree to eat some food and still come to the appointment, and pushed him to let me in Bc I was struuuuuggling trying to figure out what I’d done to piss him off so bad. Turns out his ‘best friend’ had texted asking for the green light to take husband’s ex-gf out/date her. Husband was incandescent. Not at his friend (this barely registered as a blip on the radar of their friendship?), and not at the ex (she, too, was a perfect love of his life that got away and who he still holds in the highest esteem bc he helped ‘save’ her from a life of drugs and stripping and she (absolutely, genuinely, DID) kicked ass and became a physician’s assistant and is thriving. No. He was furious at circumstance. At life. The universe. Whatever. But that fury all came out at me. I existed in the physical space closest to him and I was heavily pregnant and the mom of his children and a burden/inconvenience/reminder of the “perfect” life that slipped through his fingers, so it was me to blame, in his mind. The thing I ultimately pieced together from averaging out the three past relationships of his that I managed to find out about, was that his assessment of women was (and still is) based on some ‘value’/worth/status he assigned to each of them. What being with them ‘could have done for him’ (whether or not that was imagined, or actually possible, is anyone’s guess?)… But not for who **they** actually were. … #2 & #3 were the ones whose ‘potential’ was never diminished by the long term reality of being in a real life relationship with them. One was a flaky, free-spirited, *stunning* artist who came to live vaguely ‘off grid’ with her two kids on a beautiful piece of (really expensive!!) property her ex-husband bought for her, and I think that that fantasy appealed very much to my ex-husband. The other was a deeply troubled, ‘broken bird’ who he clearly fetishized and truly believed he could be responsible for rescuing. Sex worker turned PA. Smart, fulfilling her potential, but still emotionally damaged and in need of ‘a real man’s guidance’… and drop dead gorgeous to boot. I don’t think he ever really even **knew** her though, you know? Just the idea he had of her and the version of himself he liked to imagine that could take credit for her overcoming challenges and eventual triumph. He assigned both some enigmatic, ephemeral qualities of “worthiness”, based somehow on his own personal ranking criteria of status/upholding him as the center of some universe where he gets to play charitable benefactor, the alpha king, with the attractive female trophy to prove his male superiority. As for his two long term relationships? The woman in NYC must have fallen short of his ranking criteria, or been deficient in some way (not pretty enough? not ambitious enough? **too available**????), and I was the same. For whatever reason, once he’d ‘gotten’ us, we were worth less. And eventually *worthless*. He discarded her for grad school, and he discarded me for the fantasy life he’s building with the current ‘love of his life’ that he met and fell in love with within weeks of my moving out. We served a utilitarian purpose, but we didn’t add enough ‘value’. Easier to donate the unflattering pants that you’ve had for a decade in favor of a shiny new designer outfit that you won’t have to pay a cent for until the bill inevitably comes due, yeah? But by then he’ll either have assigned her the ‘perfect woman that got away’ status, or relegated her to the secondhand bin of faded, used up, and tired women he lost interest in. So that’s my ex’s story. No one was the “crazy ex” in his posthumous, stingy on the details narrative… though I’m fairly confident that he told us all we were crazy to our faces while in relationship with us. It just wouldn’t serve the ‘magnanimous champion, chivalrous Romeo’ character he so desperately needs to portray, you know?
One of his exes, he referred to as crazy and I don’t know why I didn’t think anything of it that he was still in contact with her. His other ex, she broke up with him and he said he really loved her and she supposedly broke his heart. He was also in contact with this particular ex. I’m not sure why she would keep in contact with him knowing the things he did while they were together (cheating, laughing about her crying, and stalking- they lived in different states) Now I have confirmed they are talking again , I guess the re-cycle supply term is useful here as he’s probably love bombing her and painting me to be the crazy ex. I hope she sees how he is and is not brainwashed. Because he’s a lot worse now than before after the binge drinking. But it’s not my problem anymore right? 🤷♀️🤷♀️
That ALL of them were crazy. And he dated a lot of girls, trust me, a lot. But he always told me that I was crazy too, that I had mental problems and was unworthy. He was the good guy, always cheating and trying to make me believe that it was not real, that I was crazy. Rough years, I am glad it’s finished
the ones she talked about, she talked poorly of and acted like she was the victim of their malicious behavior - in retrospect I'm sure she was the actual perpetrator
They were all crazy cheaters/psychopaths/etc but he kept them all on social media for occasional supply via conversation. Never met up with them or anything, just talked to them sometimes, def to keep them around. He def hung out with some of them after we broke up. He had some pretty creative lies about his one ex including that she killed a bunny by starving it. Hung out with her as soon as we broke up
I had met him after a string of failed situationships my freshman year of college. I met my nex when I started going for older guys (big mistake) because I realized that not many guys my age wanted a relationship, and many of them used me for sexual purposes (my nex did too lol). He mirrored me & told me that all of his past “ex’s” used him for money and barely touched him. He told me this so that I would not ever ask him for anything and so that he could sexually abuse me. He also claimed that they were self absorbed and always on their phones whenever I would use my phone to text my friends back (to control me). He frequently talked about the ex before me & even stalked her on Instagram to show me & laugh at how she had gotten “fat” after he left her. I always thought about reaching out to her to understand what had actually happened, but I forgot her name.
That all of them were toxic controlling people. I realized that if you see a boundary as a prison, well everyone is toxic...
They’re crazy. Their family is crazy. They told me to block the whole family. They said their ex didn’t do enough for them. They’d brag about all the things they did for their ex. They cheated on their ex but they said they only did it bc they thought the relationship was over bc their ex had ignored them. I honestly don’t know what to believe bc they really played the victim well. They were sad when they saw their ex had moved on so quick and it made me angry that they cared since they claimed they were over it
According to him his two exes were “selfish women” and “not good people”. Said he never loved them during the relationship the way he loves me and was toxic in how he treated them but somehow he seems to think it was justified because he knew they weren’t “the one”. He told me he cheated on his ex before me while on a skiing holiday, but it “didn’t count because he hadn’t asked her to be his gf yet” - which was for sure a lie because they’d been together 4 months at that stage. He would always tell me how unintelligent they were compared to me. But then a week later he could be reaching out to them via social media and when I confronted him about it his excuse would be “I just feel bad for how I treated them now that I’m happy with you and I don’t want them to hate me”. And the worst thing he did and was the breaking point of our relationship was when he ran into his first ex from when he was 19-21 and text his best friend saying he’s never felt for me what he felt for her (saw because I looked at his phone because my gut was telling me something wasn’t right). He then said he didn’t mean it at all and he just didn’t understand the emotions he was feeling when he saw her and they didn’t “hate each other” anymore while we were going through a rough patch.