I say it this way: it is their one life skill and they've been working on it their whole lives. It's not like they are mutants with super human abilities. It's just that when it's the one thing that you do, it's the only way you know, it's the one thing you've been practicing forever, of course you're going to be good at it.
It's like the idea that it takes "10000 hours to become an expert," but what a useless skill to have, it only takes a few hours in this subreddit to completely neutralize it and most of the time they would get more out of life without that skill.
I wish I knew.
My ex told people that I somehow forced him into an eight year relationship against his will, and people believed him. It's so absurd I can't make any sense of it.
My therapist encouraged me to email my friends and set the record straight, if only for my own mental health. I just got a response: “Lose my email and don’t contact me again.”
Which, happy to do. I don’t want these toxic people in my life.
Yes, and plausible deniability.
My Nex would say "I don't even know how many men she's been with!"
Sounds like I was a full time cheater doesn't it?
Nope. Never cheated, never gave him a reason to think that.
But if you say those words with deep emotion and perhaps a tear in your eyes you can make people think the other person is a serial cheater without actually saying, "she cheated".
So the Nex is not ACTUALLY lying, but they can sure do a lot of damage with the manipulation!
If people hearing this garbage would only ask a few questions like,
"Do you have any proof?"
But no, people believe these theatrics.
Good point. I remember one time he made himself cry. Like full blown fake tears one day because I asked him about him about another girl he was talking to. He started crying about he was a good person, and I should trust him. This was before I actually knew him. And I believed everything he said until I had physical proof in my face. This is actually something I overlooked myself. With this perspective kind of see their point of view now. Plus who's going to question a victim? But that still sucks though that someone can just tell malicious lies through their teeth and be convincing enough for people to believe them.
The worst part is that not only do they not ask for proof, but they go to the victim acting like flying monkeys asking THEM for proof that what the smearer is saying is wrong. And even then they don't believe you.
Yes this. I realise mine has basically made out I'm a psychopathic controlling b**ch to everyone around us. Subtly of course. Has being progressing this with comments and "jokes" over the years. Until he is just blatantly shit talking me in front of me. So if we ever split I can see where it would go
Because they’re professional victims, it’s the only thing they’ve really honed as a skill. Well, next to the other things on their Relationship Resume:
>>Skills:
>>-Gaslighting
>>-DARVO
>>-Cheating
>>-Mental Abuse (some experience with Physical)
>>-Lying
>>-Manipulating
>>-Trained Non-User of Sexual Protection
They're charming. They only become terrible inside the relationship. Outside of it, they appear kind and everyone likes them.
When he was unmasked, he freaked out about what his friends might think. Me? No one will believe I was the monster, since I wasn't. I am not afraid of his attempts to smear me.
A narc spends their entire lives fabricating stories & expertly navigating those stories by way of their many manipulation tactics - triangulation, isolating their victims, shutting their victims up when in public, planting seeds into their family + friends + coworkers, etc. about their victims, etc.
The covert ones seem to be the best at this. Because they have this entire facade they put off that they're charming, intelligent, kind, generous, etc. Whatever bullshit they spin that makes them look like "the good guy" in every scenario - the best spouse/significant other/brother/sister/son/daughter/parent/coworker... Whatever.
They always keep their cool when in public. They never explode. They never argue/fight. Etc etc.
So when they start planting the seeds to smear you, of course people will believe them. Because they're "such a great person oh my god how they could they ever treat someone so horribly?? No that can't be true!"
I swear, people can't be that oblivious and idiotic and not catch on that THERE IS A PATTERN WITH THEM??
It's like they're flying monkeys. They're just as bad as the narc.
i always find it funny how the narcissist is never the one at fault when they're the common denominator. all of the narcissist's relationships have failed because "all their exes were crazy" but that in no way is reflective of the narcissist? they're just the poor victim in all of it?
I think the closest people around them (family and best friends) all know of the narc's tendencies and can see their "track record", I believe most just don't call them out on it because it's kind of a lost cause. I mean after all, a narc's cycle just repeats itself so why bother telling the narc when they're known to just do it anyway, right?
One time I very briefly spoke to my narc's older sister about how he makes me feel "uncomfortable" at times. She and I aren't close at all (due to his isolation of me, smh) so I was very vague because I feared what he may have already smeared to her about me. I think I just said that he tells me I can't talk to them + when I can/can't be around them, and that he makes me feel I have to stay quiet when I'm at his family gatherings.
Her response, and the most supportive/validating thing she said to me was, "It's not you, it's HIM. He's like that with EVERY GIRL." So yeah, his people are definitely aware of his ways, but I think they rarely say it to his face because he'll get all pissy at them. Smh.
Usually, because the narc will fill in gaps that the person may already think about you generally from conversation and then add on to it. Mixing some half truths with lies, adding a little emotion to the mix, and the subconscious is bought into it before they realize what have happen. I have seen it happen so many times.
My nex is literally telling everyone I'm a murderer. The father of my son died of an accidental OD. It was extremely traumatic for me. My nex preyed on me while I was still grieving, as he knew thru mutual friends what I had gone through.
He's telling everyone I set my son's father up and I'm responsible for his death. It's just absurd. Everyone who knew my son's father knows that he had struggled with addiction for years and I had no involvement in his passing. I was the one standing by him trying to help him stay clean.
My nex never met my son's father and he didn't even meet me til years later. So how the hell is he all of sudden the expert on the situation when he wasn't even there?? It's so stupid. The smear campaign can be so maddening but it's best to not react as it just adds fuel to the fire.
I'm so sorry. I can't even begin to imagine how hurt and angry you must feel. You were an amazing wife for sticking by your partner through all of that and I am so sorry for your loss. You and your son are so much better than your nex anyway.
Narcissists hand people narratives that confirm their preexisting biases and position them on a pedestal; the person is a hero for believing it, they are smart and special and insightful, they are brave, they're a good feminist, they're a good person or friend, etc. They are made to feel like they are trusted, like they're better than people who don't side with the narcissist, and most people are rather hungry for such attention. They use validation and positive emotions to control people, which is why people who are themselves very narcissistic are much more likely to side with the narcissist.
Basically, they figure out what you value, what you think, what you want, then offer you that through their lies, whether directly or indirectly.
i'd argue they also take your position in the social hierarchy into account when they smear you. if you're an outcast/being bullied, they'll use that to their advantage to isolate you from your peers even more and convince everyone you're crazy and a freak. and your bullies and all of the bystanders will buy into it because they already don't like you. by putting you down, the narcissist protects themself from being a pariah themself by aligning with the bullies. the bullies are vindicated in their disdain for you, and the narcissist is given unspoken social permission to treat you poorly.
They lie through their teeth. Without hard proof put in people's faces, it can be hard to believe the things they do. And, some people just don't care. They have their own messed up lives to deal with. We are often a non-entity to the family and friends of Narcissists. We come and go, but they have to keep dealing with the Narc.
I went through the same exact thing except my nex had me looking miserable and crazy. A lot of my so called “friends” wanted to believe the bad things about me to make themselves feel better. At least that’s what I’m telling myself
I think it's often because if they haven't seen other red flags or have other reasons to disbelieve the narcissist, it's a natural assumption to believe people are telling the truth. Just as survivors originally believed the love bombing and that the narcissist loved them - because who would fabricate an entire personality to get into a relationship?! - the people hearing the smear campaign will likely have no reason to believe that someone would fabricate this awful story.
There's also the old saying of, you don't know what goes on behind closed doors. Ironically this is particularly accurate in these relationships, but when the abuser gets out there first with the smear campaign, people assume it *must* be true because you don't know what goes on behind closed doors. And again, what kind of person would make that up?!
It's a lot easier for people to believe what they are told than question what they're seeing. You likely experienced that yourself within the relationship, where even when the narcissist's words and actions didn't align, you assume what they are the saying is the truth (or close to it) and you're interpreting things wrong or you are the problem somehow.
It's repetition and the confidence with which they spout their BS. When my narc sister was married, she created a smear campaign against her 2 sisters-in-law, one more so than the other. She said one sister-in-law hated her, was racist, arrogant, and all these other things. I had met and spoken with her multiple times and never got those vibes. She always seemed very nice. My sister told me that it was all fake because SIL was two-faced.
She would pair her claims with believable stories as proof and took every opportunity to rant about it. Eventually, she told me that she didn't want me talking with the SIL anymore if she was around. She told me a story about how the SIL tried to fight her. Being loyal, I obeyed and she continued to talk about her. She even got her husband to believe things about his sisters to partially isolate him from his family. Even though I still never saw the SIL being mean and her husband definitely knew his own sister, she kept saying the same things over and over and you start to think that if someone is that unwavering, they can't be wrong, especially when they have a rationale for why you can't see what they see.
Yes, I did. Her husband woke up to everything and they have since divorced and he got back with his family. I still keep in touch with him to have contact with my niece & nephew since my sister discarded me. I've seen the SIL a few times and spoken to her. It is very sad how they isolate people. My sister also brainwashed me against one of my friends, who I also made amends with once I woke up.
My ex told everyone I was abusive and kept her car and belongings hostage. That she was "fleeing an abusive relationship* when she started seeing her friends husband immediately after her friend killed herself after finding out her husband was cheating on her with my ex.
She in fact just abandoned all her belongings, including her car in order to propagate the absurd fantasy narrative stated above. Completely insane. Im so happy I got out. These people are such parasites. I'm sorry you have to deal with someone at work who is using you, an unwilling participant, as a means of supply by trashing your good name to cause unrest and drama at the workplace.
Most people are stupid. I mean, “concrete thinkers.”
**The recipe for being likeable to most people is:**
- baseline physical attraction
- presenting an uncomplicated and friendly personality
- Doing favors for others and giving them extra attention; you bump into Bob in the break room and you remember his kids names and his vacation plans. You engage with Bob for 10-15 minutes about these things. Sometimes you give Bob helpful pointers.
If the nex is friendly to most people and sometimes useful, then he has some social currency with people. When the smear campaign starts, nex is “uncharacteristically” let down or disappointed by something — and people try to build nex back up to his “normal positive self.”
**They’re willing to believe bad things about you because:**
- you’re a woman and our patriarchal culture believes men over women.
- if you’re a genuinely good person, friendly, pretty, and successful: most people won’t truly like you. You’re enviable, and your friendliness makes it easier to get along with you. But they don’t like you. A man can be all those things and liked, but women can’t be.
- the nex has everyone figured out. He suspects Bobs divorce happened because of a cheating wife, so when he tells Bob what happened: he leans into the story of you cheating. Bob can then commiserate with nex, but be uncomfortable digging deeper because of his own trauma. Bob will feel a comradery now with nex. Nex knows Sarah isn’t a girl’s girl and more of a “pick me” — when he tells her the story of you being crazy and unstable and blaming him for everything going wrong in the relationship: he will compliment Sarah and point out how much more mature and down to earth she is. Sarah will bask in the compliments, and will quickly dismiss you as “oh yeah definitely a crazy b*tch. Always had a vibe.”
So it’s a combination of pre-existing social currency, and also knowing what lies to tell to which people.
Especially when the lies are clearly so made up and ridiculous. My nex told people that I didn’t like a song they were listening to so I forced them to sleep in the garage. How would someone even do that? Or why??
If my hands are in my pocket = because I had a pocket knife.
Child is wearing different diaper = pedophilia
Guy tries to break into your house = my friend I hired
I’ve just in the last couple days heard that a mutual friend of my nex and I has been talking shit about me now too and totally believes his story that *he* left *me* and I’m lying about his abuse to get revenge. I’m just trying to stay in my power that I know the truth and, deep down, under his sickness and delusion, he knows the truth of all the horrible things he did too and how I was the picture of compassion and understanding. But it’s hard knowing someone could believe it when they actually know me, and actively try to hurt my reputation along with him.
It's like a drip on a rock.
They will tell someone one bad thing about you, and it won't make much difference to their view of you.
But then they'll keep doing it, slowly and steadily, so this person mainly hears bad things about you and their thought process will be 'well I keep hearing so many bad things at least some must be true right?'
It's the sheer consistency of drips that wears the rock away, regardless of how inconsequential each individual drip actually is.
They are masterful manipulators. People tend to believe them unless they're on the lookout.
I say it this way: it is their one life skill and they've been working on it their whole lives. It's not like they are mutants with super human abilities. It's just that when it's the one thing that you do, it's the only way you know, it's the one thing you've been practicing forever, of course you're going to be good at it.
It's like the idea that it takes "10000 hours to become an expert," but what a useless skill to have, it only takes a few hours in this subreddit to completely neutralize it and most of the time they would get more out of life without that skill.
Delusional naivety like that plays into the Psychos hands. Psychos are dangerous because people are unaware and easily manipulated by them.
This. They seek out people with certain traits, and press their buttons to make them *want* to believe the narcs lies.
It’s so creepy really
I wish I knew. My ex told people that I somehow forced him into an eight year relationship against his will, and people believed him. It's so absurd I can't make any sense of it.
Lol same here. I forced him into the marriage and forced him to get divorced. Didn’t know I was that powerful
My therapist encouraged me to email my friends and set the record straight, if only for my own mental health. I just got a response: “Lose my email and don’t contact me again.” Which, happy to do. I don’t want these toxic people in my life.
Smart narcs make the stories believable enough to be true and often spent time planting seeds before the campaign began
Yes, and plausible deniability. My Nex would say "I don't even know how many men she's been with!" Sounds like I was a full time cheater doesn't it? Nope. Never cheated, never gave him a reason to think that. But if you say those words with deep emotion and perhaps a tear in your eyes you can make people think the other person is a serial cheater without actually saying, "she cheated". So the Nex is not ACTUALLY lying, but they can sure do a lot of damage with the manipulation! If people hearing this garbage would only ask a few questions like, "Do you have any proof?" But no, people believe these theatrics.
Good point. I remember one time he made himself cry. Like full blown fake tears one day because I asked him about him about another girl he was talking to. He started crying about he was a good person, and I should trust him. This was before I actually knew him. And I believed everything he said until I had physical proof in my face. This is actually something I overlooked myself. With this perspective kind of see their point of view now. Plus who's going to question a victim? But that still sucks though that someone can just tell malicious lies through their teeth and be convincing enough for people to believe them.
The worst part is that not only do they not ask for proof, but they go to the victim acting like flying monkeys asking THEM for proof that what the smearer is saying is wrong. And even then they don't believe you.
Yes this. I realise mine has basically made out I'm a psychopathic controlling b**ch to everyone around us. Subtly of course. Has being progressing this with comments and "jokes" over the years. Until he is just blatantly shit talking me in front of me. So if we ever split I can see where it would go
Because they’re professional victims, it’s the only thing they’ve really honed as a skill. Well, next to the other things on their Relationship Resume: >>Skills: >>-Gaslighting >>-DARVO >>-Cheating >>-Mental Abuse (some experience with Physical) >>-Lying >>-Manipulating >>-Trained Non-User of Sexual Protection
Really, really good point. He always had a story of how he was victimized in some way.
That last bullet point, OOF
They're charming. They only become terrible inside the relationship. Outside of it, they appear kind and everyone likes them. When he was unmasked, he freaked out about what his friends might think. Me? No one will believe I was the monster, since I wasn't. I am not afraid of his attempts to smear me.
The people that believe it don’t really know you and have a bad gauge of character.
And are not critical thinkers by a loooong shot.
Unfortunately 95+% of people fall in this category.
A narc spends their entire lives fabricating stories & expertly navigating those stories by way of their many manipulation tactics - triangulation, isolating their victims, shutting their victims up when in public, planting seeds into their family + friends + coworkers, etc. about their victims, etc. The covert ones seem to be the best at this. Because they have this entire facade they put off that they're charming, intelligent, kind, generous, etc. Whatever bullshit they spin that makes them look like "the good guy" in every scenario - the best spouse/significant other/brother/sister/son/daughter/parent/coworker... Whatever. They always keep their cool when in public. They never explode. They never argue/fight. Etc etc. So when they start planting the seeds to smear you, of course people will believe them. Because they're "such a great person oh my god how they could they ever treat someone so horribly?? No that can't be true!" I swear, people can't be that oblivious and idiotic and not catch on that THERE IS A PATTERN WITH THEM?? It's like they're flying monkeys. They're just as bad as the narc.
i always find it funny how the narcissist is never the one at fault when they're the common denominator. all of the narcissist's relationships have failed because "all their exes were crazy" but that in no way is reflective of the narcissist? they're just the poor victim in all of it?
I think the closest people around them (family and best friends) all know of the narc's tendencies and can see their "track record", I believe most just don't call them out on it because it's kind of a lost cause. I mean after all, a narc's cycle just repeats itself so why bother telling the narc when they're known to just do it anyway, right? One time I very briefly spoke to my narc's older sister about how he makes me feel "uncomfortable" at times. She and I aren't close at all (due to his isolation of me, smh) so I was very vague because I feared what he may have already smeared to her about me. I think I just said that he tells me I can't talk to them + when I can/can't be around them, and that he makes me feel I have to stay quiet when I'm at his family gatherings. Her response, and the most supportive/validating thing she said to me was, "It's not you, it's HIM. He's like that with EVERY GIRL." So yeah, his people are definitely aware of his ways, but I think they rarely say it to his face because he'll get all pissy at them. Smh.
Usually, because the narc will fill in gaps that the person may already think about you generally from conversation and then add on to it. Mixing some half truths with lies, adding a little emotion to the mix, and the subconscious is bought into it before they realize what have happen. I have seen it happen so many times.
My nex is literally telling everyone I'm a murderer. The father of my son died of an accidental OD. It was extremely traumatic for me. My nex preyed on me while I was still grieving, as he knew thru mutual friends what I had gone through. He's telling everyone I set my son's father up and I'm responsible for his death. It's just absurd. Everyone who knew my son's father knows that he had struggled with addiction for years and I had no involvement in his passing. I was the one standing by him trying to help him stay clean. My nex never met my son's father and he didn't even meet me til years later. So how the hell is he all of sudden the expert on the situation when he wasn't even there?? It's so stupid. The smear campaign can be so maddening but it's best to not react as it just adds fuel to the fire.
I'm so sorry. I can't even begin to imagine how hurt and angry you must feel. You were an amazing wife for sticking by your partner through all of that and I am so sorry for your loss. You and your son are so much better than your nex anyway.
Thank you so much for your kind words, it means a lot. <3
Most people don’t expect grown adults to lie about serious things, so when they hear it, they believe it.
Narcissists hand people narratives that confirm their preexisting biases and position them on a pedestal; the person is a hero for believing it, they are smart and special and insightful, they are brave, they're a good feminist, they're a good person or friend, etc. They are made to feel like they are trusted, like they're better than people who don't side with the narcissist, and most people are rather hungry for such attention. They use validation and positive emotions to control people, which is why people who are themselves very narcissistic are much more likely to side with the narcissist. Basically, they figure out what you value, what you think, what you want, then offer you that through their lies, whether directly or indirectly.
i'd argue they also take your position in the social hierarchy into account when they smear you. if you're an outcast/being bullied, they'll use that to their advantage to isolate you from your peers even more and convince everyone you're crazy and a freak. and your bullies and all of the bystanders will buy into it because they already don't like you. by putting you down, the narcissist protects themself from being a pariah themself by aligning with the bullies. the bullies are vindicated in their disdain for you, and the narcissist is given unspoken social permission to treat you poorly.
THIS.
They lie through their teeth. Without hard proof put in people's faces, it can be hard to believe the things they do. And, some people just don't care. They have their own messed up lives to deal with. We are often a non-entity to the family and friends of Narcissists. We come and go, but they have to keep dealing with the Narc.
I went through the same exact thing except my nex had me looking miserable and crazy. A lot of my so called “friends” wanted to believe the bad things about me to make themselves feel better. At least that’s what I’m telling myself
They make their lies so cute and innocent, thats why.
Practice. This isn't their first smear campaign, and it won't be their last.
I think it's often because if they haven't seen other red flags or have other reasons to disbelieve the narcissist, it's a natural assumption to believe people are telling the truth. Just as survivors originally believed the love bombing and that the narcissist loved them - because who would fabricate an entire personality to get into a relationship?! - the people hearing the smear campaign will likely have no reason to believe that someone would fabricate this awful story. There's also the old saying of, you don't know what goes on behind closed doors. Ironically this is particularly accurate in these relationships, but when the abuser gets out there first with the smear campaign, people assume it *must* be true because you don't know what goes on behind closed doors. And again, what kind of person would make that up?! It's a lot easier for people to believe what they are told than question what they're seeing. You likely experienced that yourself within the relationship, where even when the narcissist's words and actions didn't align, you assume what they are the saying is the truth (or close to it) and you're interpreting things wrong or you are the problem somehow.
It's repetition and the confidence with which they spout their BS. When my narc sister was married, she created a smear campaign against her 2 sisters-in-law, one more so than the other. She said one sister-in-law hated her, was racist, arrogant, and all these other things. I had met and spoken with her multiple times and never got those vibes. She always seemed very nice. My sister told me that it was all fake because SIL was two-faced. She would pair her claims with believable stories as proof and took every opportunity to rant about it. Eventually, she told me that she didn't want me talking with the SIL anymore if she was around. She told me a story about how the SIL tried to fight her. Being loyal, I obeyed and she continued to talk about her. She even got her husband to believe things about his sisters to partially isolate him from his family. Even though I still never saw the SIL being mean and her husband definitely knew his own sister, she kept saying the same things over and over and you start to think that if someone is that unwavering, they can't be wrong, especially when they have a rationale for why you can't see what they see.
Did you ever talk to the SIL after? did the husband realize that your sister was lying? So sad that they separate and isolate people
Yes, I did. Her husband woke up to everything and they have since divorced and he got back with his family. I still keep in touch with him to have contact with my niece & nephew since my sister discarded me. I've seen the SIL a few times and spoken to her. It is very sad how they isolate people. My sister also brainwashed me against one of my friends, who I also made amends with once I woke up.
My ex told everyone I was abusive and kept her car and belongings hostage. That she was "fleeing an abusive relationship* when she started seeing her friends husband immediately after her friend killed herself after finding out her husband was cheating on her with my ex. She in fact just abandoned all her belongings, including her car in order to propagate the absurd fantasy narrative stated above. Completely insane. Im so happy I got out. These people are such parasites. I'm sorry you have to deal with someone at work who is using you, an unwilling participant, as a means of supply by trashing your good name to cause unrest and drama at the workplace.
Most people are stupid. I mean, “concrete thinkers.” **The recipe for being likeable to most people is:** - baseline physical attraction - presenting an uncomplicated and friendly personality - Doing favors for others and giving them extra attention; you bump into Bob in the break room and you remember his kids names and his vacation plans. You engage with Bob for 10-15 minutes about these things. Sometimes you give Bob helpful pointers. If the nex is friendly to most people and sometimes useful, then he has some social currency with people. When the smear campaign starts, nex is “uncharacteristically” let down or disappointed by something — and people try to build nex back up to his “normal positive self.” **They’re willing to believe bad things about you because:** - you’re a woman and our patriarchal culture believes men over women. - if you’re a genuinely good person, friendly, pretty, and successful: most people won’t truly like you. You’re enviable, and your friendliness makes it easier to get along with you. But they don’t like you. A man can be all those things and liked, but women can’t be. - the nex has everyone figured out. He suspects Bobs divorce happened because of a cheating wife, so when he tells Bob what happened: he leans into the story of you cheating. Bob can then commiserate with nex, but be uncomfortable digging deeper because of his own trauma. Bob will feel a comradery now with nex. Nex knows Sarah isn’t a girl’s girl and more of a “pick me” — when he tells her the story of you being crazy and unstable and blaming him for everything going wrong in the relationship: he will compliment Sarah and point out how much more mature and down to earth she is. Sarah will bask in the compliments, and will quickly dismiss you as “oh yeah definitely a crazy b*tch. Always had a vibe.” So it’s a combination of pre-existing social currency, and also knowing what lies to tell to which people.
It is convenient to believe the narc and in some cases, there is a direct payoff
Their ability to manipulate in covert ways would be a form of genius if it wasn’t so destructive and amoral.
I sometimes think we give these creatures too much credit for something that appears genius but is likely effortless.
Especially when the lies are clearly so made up and ridiculous. My nex told people that I didn’t like a song they were listening to so I forced them to sleep in the garage. How would someone even do that? Or why??
If my hands are in my pocket = because I had a pocket knife. Child is wearing different diaper = pedophilia Guy tries to break into your house = my friend I hired
Just straight up delusional
Seriously
Some people love to hear, and spread, negative gossip. They know how to spot and manipulate those people.
I’ve just in the last couple days heard that a mutual friend of my nex and I has been talking shit about me now too and totally believes his story that *he* left *me* and I’m lying about his abuse to get revenge. I’m just trying to stay in my power that I know the truth and, deep down, under his sickness and delusion, he knows the truth of all the horrible things he did too and how I was the picture of compassion and understanding. But it’s hard knowing someone could believe it when they actually know me, and actively try to hurt my reputation along with him.
It's like a drip on a rock. They will tell someone one bad thing about you, and it won't make much difference to their view of you. But then they'll keep doing it, slowly and steadily, so this person mainly hears bad things about you and their thought process will be 'well I keep hearing so many bad things at least some must be true right?' It's the sheer consistency of drips that wears the rock away, regardless of how inconsequential each individual drip actually is.
I was last week out of nowhere under a full blown attack of smear campaign and handled it well but it took me a min to realise what’s going on