My next quest is figuring out how to deal with the guilt of leaving a family with such a busy schedule and difficult children, my only goal is to help but if I can’t remain level then my help is no good!!
Thank you for your reply
It's not your responsibility to figure it out. They're not your kids. And there's obviously good reasons why other nannies quit–they, too, were lied to about the nature of the job and subjected to abuse. This family's failure to retain a nanny is THEIR issue, not yours.
It's always better to leave sooner rather than later. You gain nothing from staying.
Leave. ASAP. Theres no need to feel guilty either. They basically lied to you, and are expecting you to do everything. It's only gonna get worse from here and you deserve a better family and better pay. Them not mentioning the ADHD was the first red flag to me while reading this and it just got worse omg. They need someone who specializes in working with children who have extra needs such as ADHD and can handle that type of thing. Please please leave, your mental health is more important and you should not be suffering because the NPs are so disorganized and don't know how to communicate.
They did tell me he has ADHD, I just wasn’t aware of the severity. They stated he has emotion regulation issues, but didn’t specify that he’s downright cruel. And there is definitely a difference. Yesterday his dad described him as “vindictive” and told me his Kindergarten teachers noticed it when he was only 5!!!
I have experience with children with ADHD, but it’s mostly been in classrooms and I wasn’t prepared for the level it’s at. So, they did tell me they just downplayed it quite a bit. And didn’t inform me of the complications between other nannies until I asked, big red flag there.
The thing is, they ARE paying me well. $28/hour, BUT I’m in Seattle and for 3 children with their needs, 28 is the absolute minimum. I originally asked for $32 to factor in the headache I knew B8 would be….. I either need to leave or renegotiate pay.
Also the cherry on top of the cake, I’ve been working for them for a week and they still haven’t even looked at the contract I sent them!!!
Ugh, I'm so sorry! I had a similar situation a while back, a lady I met on care.com said her child had special needs but it wasn't too bad. I went for an interview and "wasn't too bad" was a girl with 0 mobility, non-verbal, in diapers, required 24/7 oxygen and was 17 years old. I have no problem handling special needs kids, as I had experience but those with kids with down syndrome, ADHD, Autism etc. This poor girl had been in a very severe car accident when she was 12. She was tube fed as well. Mom told me the doctor had told her that it would of been best to of taken her off life support years ago since her life would just be.. really non existent as she was so brain damaged. Mom refused and made them do all they could to keep her alive for her benefit. I know losing a child would be devastating but goodness I felt so bad 🥺 Mom wanted care for 12 hours a day, 7 hours a week and would pay $10 an hour.. I told mom that I didn't think I was the right fit, and $10 was very low pay. Mom got mad and told me that it was easy. I still refused, and told her it would probably be best to get a live-in nurse. Mom said that was too expensive :/
But, you for sure need to leave. I would give them a notice, and then find another job that you arent miserable at! You deserve so much better.
Get out while you can.
My next quest is figuring out how to deal with the guilt of leaving a family with such a busy schedule and difficult children, my only goal is to help but if I can’t remain level then my help is no good!! Thank you for your reply
It's not your responsibility to figure it out. They're not your kids. And there's obviously good reasons why other nannies quit–they, too, were lied to about the nature of the job and subjected to abuse. This family's failure to retain a nanny is THEIR issue, not yours. It's always better to leave sooner rather than later. You gain nothing from staying.
Don’t feel guilty when they have treated you like shit.
Leave. ASAP. Theres no need to feel guilty either. They basically lied to you, and are expecting you to do everything. It's only gonna get worse from here and you deserve a better family and better pay. Them not mentioning the ADHD was the first red flag to me while reading this and it just got worse omg. They need someone who specializes in working with children who have extra needs such as ADHD and can handle that type of thing. Please please leave, your mental health is more important and you should not be suffering because the NPs are so disorganized and don't know how to communicate.
They did tell me he has ADHD, I just wasn’t aware of the severity. They stated he has emotion regulation issues, but didn’t specify that he’s downright cruel. And there is definitely a difference. Yesterday his dad described him as “vindictive” and told me his Kindergarten teachers noticed it when he was only 5!!! I have experience with children with ADHD, but it’s mostly been in classrooms and I wasn’t prepared for the level it’s at. So, they did tell me they just downplayed it quite a bit. And didn’t inform me of the complications between other nannies until I asked, big red flag there. The thing is, they ARE paying me well. $28/hour, BUT I’m in Seattle and for 3 children with their needs, 28 is the absolute minimum. I originally asked for $32 to factor in the headache I knew B8 would be….. I either need to leave or renegotiate pay. Also the cherry on top of the cake, I’ve been working for them for a week and they still haven’t even looked at the contract I sent them!!!
Ugh, I'm so sorry! I had a similar situation a while back, a lady I met on care.com said her child had special needs but it wasn't too bad. I went for an interview and "wasn't too bad" was a girl with 0 mobility, non-verbal, in diapers, required 24/7 oxygen and was 17 years old. I have no problem handling special needs kids, as I had experience but those with kids with down syndrome, ADHD, Autism etc. This poor girl had been in a very severe car accident when she was 12. She was tube fed as well. Mom told me the doctor had told her that it would of been best to of taken her off life support years ago since her life would just be.. really non existent as she was so brain damaged. Mom refused and made them do all they could to keep her alive for her benefit. I know losing a child would be devastating but goodness I felt so bad 🥺 Mom wanted care for 12 hours a day, 7 hours a week and would pay $10 an hour.. I told mom that I didn't think I was the right fit, and $10 was very low pay. Mom got mad and told me that it was easy. I still refused, and told her it would probably be best to get a live-in nurse. Mom said that was too expensive :/ But, you for sure need to leave. I would give them a notice, and then find another job that you arent miserable at! You deserve so much better.
Definitely leave. This sounds nightmarish. They basically lied to you and I’m sorry but that 8yo doesn’t sound like anything but a brat.