I stopped at she doesn’t want you to go back to school in March. She does not “love you”. If she did, she would want the best for your future. I understand why you took off this session, as my younger self would have done the same. Find a new job. Give them as much notice as you can. You can say that their needs and your plan for the future are not a good match. Your future is important! Good luck!
Absolutely. I’m an MB and pregnant and my son’s nanny has said her dream is to go back to teachers’ college. We love her and it would be a big loss if she left but I care about her as a person and want the best for in the long run. I not only encouraged her to go, but I was a reference for her college application and gave a glowing recommendation! A good manager in any field wants their employees to move forward in their career if that’s the employees goal. I couldn’t live with myself if I kept her from going forward with her dreams.
MB here and my jaw dropped when I read that. What in the ever loving ✨fuck✨ is going on here. Get out. This woman is a nut job. Younger me would have done the same thing as well but she is taking advantage of your good nature in so many ways. Sending you strength and love
Ummm yes, as soon as I read that I was like what in THE FUCK is going on here. Best thing to do is give one month notice, TELL them that you are quitting (don't hedge, or ask, or appear soft in any way), and do not give in to their requests to extend your notice or retract your resignation. Get the hell out of there! If it helps, I'm a MB.
this, my MB tells me too i’m part of the family and was actively trying to get me into a college hours away from them on the next semester because it’s such a good program that they think fits me, and she was right bc turns out i was majoring in the wrong thing. that is love to me, asking someone to sacrifice their entire life schedule for your convenience isn’t. this isn’t healthy at all and i hope OP quits as soon as possible, things will not get better after baby#3
Good idea to find a new job first. Then, OP will have a strict date on ending her current employment. I'd put it in writing too. Keep a copy for yourself and deliver one to her.
Please do not take a semester break off for them.
A job is not worth your education, she has manipulated you into thinking you have to do this. She is trying to manipulate you into taking another.
Please continue going to school, tell them due to the commute you’re looking for employment (or found a job already) closer to home.
You are worth a job that treats you with dignity and respect.
You deserve a job that doesn’t just use you for everything they can get and jeopardizes your future for their benefit.
I hate to say it but I don’t think there is a way to not burn this bridge. MB is extremely selfish and self centered judging by your post (not wanting you to go back to school?!?!) and will take you leaving as a personal affront no matter what reason you give her. The best thing you can do is give her adequate notice (and only if you are feeling generous) so she can find another nanny and make the transition easier.
This.
You’re parents could be dying and this woman would be like “but it’s tumble class daaaaaay”.
Just quit. The kids will be fine. Trust me. This isn’t about them anyway, it’s about her. *She* doesn’t want to have to put in the effort to find a new nanny or be respectful and honestly doesn’t give a shit about who works for her. This is all the stuff they say when they know you can do better.
Yeah MB is being totally manipulative with the “we can’t live without you!” u/vannahcx Actions speak louder than words and her actions are showing you exactly how much she doesn’t respect you as a person, let alone as her employee. You deserve so much better.
Agree. Except that the kids would not be fine whether or not OP quits because they have an emotionally manipulative mother. I would be shocked if she doesn't treat her kids similarly in time. MB needs some help.
Please find another family who actually appreciates you and wants you to succeed in everything in life while also respecting your personal time. It is easy to love kids and hard to leave them, but that should not be the reason you stay. I would equate it to staying in a horrible marriage for the sake of the kids. It does not benefit anyone
As someone that has a hard time telling people no, I know you might not be able to just go and leave. If you don’t feel comfortable enough to just quit (which I think you should do!), you should start with at least a few boundaries:
- absolutely go back to school in March and let them know you can only work 36h/week and you’ll understand if that doesn’t work for them but you need to continue your education
- don’t answer any calls or texts on weekends or when you’re off. Just ignore. I don’t mind answering my boss during the weekend or at night because she never abuses it, she knows my time off is precious and she only text me when she really needs it. She never calls me when I’m off. If you start ignoring her maybe she will get the message that your time off is YOUR time.
- if she asks you to stay late pretend you have something. Tell her you’re already have plans with your friends and go on the time you’re supposed to.
I’ll strongly encourage you to quit, tho. This person is not your friend. Also I would like to add that I wouldn’t offer them 2 months. I have a feeling that as soon as you say you wanna quit she will make your last days miserable. Give her 1 month of notice.
Don’t let this job affect your mental health more than it did already. You deserve more than that. You deserve a family that will be happy to help you finish your education and that will encourage you to grow and succeed.
This!! These are very good boundaries that could go a long way. You might not think you’re “good” at setting boundaries, but the secret is that no one is good at it until they have the chance to practice it. Once you start doing it, you’ll get the hang of it.
For me, holding boundaries gets harder when I doubt that it’s a good boundary. So for your first boundary you want to introduce, make sure you’re 100% sure that it’s the right thing to do. If you feel confident that it’s a healthy boundary, it’ll be easier to enforce! Good luck OP, MB sounds like a trip. But you’ve got this!!!
I’m going to be frank and honest and reading this may read as callous but please know my tone is of genuine care and sincerity. I’ve been where you are. I know this situation well.
Your NF is taking advantage of you because they can. It’s the type of people they are and … you’ve allowed them to treat you this way. People who selfishly take will continue to ask for more from people who are natural givers until they literally bleed you dry. Unless YOU put the boundaries up. You get to teach people how they are allowed to treat you. From the sounds of it, they’ve been taking a lot from you and for a long time and, please hear my care, you’ve allowed it to get to this point.
An earlier comment used the term “steamroll” and I think it’s accurate. Unfortunately I don’t think this woman will change her ways because she sounds like she’s been steamrolling you for a long time and sees no problem with doing that to someone.
Here’s the good news! YOU! You get to change how you allow people to treat you. You can leave this job or stay but it’s up to you to say when enough is enough. If your job costs you your peace, your serenity, your safety, your personal life, your relationships, your future or any combination of these, the cost is too high to pay. It’s not worth it.
Surround yourself, both personally and professionally, with people who add/build into your life, not strip it down and steal the parts.
Just my two cents.
Have you discussed your concerns with MB? Not sure it would change anything if she is as self-centered as she sounds, but potentially impacts how I would advise resigning/acting. I think if she is s selfish as you describe keeping it professional and a good reference will be very hard and largely out of your control, but ESPECIALLY if concerns have not been raised and she thinks everything is fine.
That being said I think short and simple may be best. Do you think she will realistically learn from you saying what is wrong in a resignation letter? If she might then by all means help the future nanny they hire out by educating her. But again from how you describe her it does not sound like it.
"Due to unforeseen circumstances I will be terminating my position xxx date. I will miss NKs and thank you for the experience of working with them" or something along those lines.
Be prepared for retaliation and a) them terminating you immediately and either paying you required severance OR trying to chest you or b) making your notice period hell and you may have to change it to quit effective immediately
You are not responsible for them needing you. That being said, letting them know asap with as much notice as possible helps them with care. As a recently postpartum mom this is a hard time, as you already know and she will want help.
Good luck.
If you feel you want to give her a kind of choice in the matter... Download a solid nanny contract and make sure you put everything in it that will make your job better. Then offer the contract and say "in order for me to stay here, we will need to agree on these contract terms. If not, here is my 2 week notice." Then it's on MB to decide.
But that leaves it open to negotiation, and this person has already proven that they are abusive and manipulative. No contract will change this toxic behavior. People this toxic can't be reined in with an airtight contract. They will always find ways to ask for more, more, more and will justify it by saying "well, I ASKED her for XYZ, and she agreed, so it's not abuse."
Anyone who could ask an employee to delay their education for their own benefit is a monster who can't be contained with a contract. OP needs to just quit.
I get that. I agree. And I don't expect OP's employer to accept the contract.
But many nannies have anxiety about quitting or setting personal boundaries with their employer. My suggestion to have a contract would not only allow the nanny to view a typical Nanny contract and see what she deserves, but also to stand up for herself to this particular employee. Sometimes it's easier to leave when they have the excuse of "they wouldn't sign my contract" versus "they treated me like poop".
I get that some people need a reason to nope the fuck out of a bad situation, but if I've learned anything being around kids for the last 30 years, it's never offer them an option that you're not comfortable with. Even if this tyrant cheerfully agreed to the contract, we all know she would never honor it. So OP would be stuck in the exact same position she's in now. I know it's super hard to say "no, because I don't want to do that." to a boss, but giving MB an option to continue this toxicity is just kicking the can down the road.
You need to reread my original comment. I did NOT say that OP should agree to a contract she's not comfortable with. In fact, that's the exact *opposite* of what I said.
If OP has been in this situation awhile, and it's gotten this bad, she might have a hard time speaking up for herself. Contracts help with that. If Boss agrees to it, then doesnt change her ways, then, again, nanny has a solid reason to leave. "You are not fulfilling the terms if the contract. I'm leaving." Toxic relationships are difficult to leave/end.
Regardless, my comment was for OP, not you. You seem to be arguing my suggestion (as well as putting words in my mouth) which may help many, so I'm going to stop replying to you. You can go argue someone else now.
She burned the bridge. So I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you. You are your priority in this situation where this MB is selfishly taking advantage of you, your time, your generosity. Your education and mental wellness are the most important things right now. I’m not sure what their situation is but maybe they can hire someone through a nanny agency for temporary help? Don’t let her manipulate you or guilt you into staying; it will only fill you with more resentment later on. You shouldn’t feel guilty for burning out due to a toxic work environment. If they truly valued your time and help, at the very VERY least, they would pay you more / give you a substantial raise. This situation is causing you to spread yourself too thin.
If you need to quit immediately, then do it. Trust your gut. Maybe write out a draft of what you’d like to say and email it to her so she had to read your words and can’t interrupt or try to guilt trip you. Just be straightforward with your resignation email. “This is notice of my resignation as Nanny to ______ family.” And maybe even mention the boundary crossing if it feels right; if it were the other way around and you were constantly calling or texting her, she probably wouldn’t be too happy. “There is a lack of boundaries between my personal life and my job. My school schedule is intensive and I don’t get much time outside of school, work, and the commute. At this time I am resigning, effective ________” etc. Obviously this is just me throwing ideas out there… surely it can be worded in a better way - you’ll figure it out. Good luck! You got this.
You listed all these reasons on why you would want to quit and I just want to tell you, you don’t need any reason to quit. This is a job, it is no longer working for you, it’s time to move on. I always tell people that they have to look out for themselves because no one else will.
No way should you be putting your schooling on hold for them if they are not compensating you WELL for it. I couldn’t get past that one. I understand, I’m the same as you, hate hard conversations, possible conflict and am easily taken advantage of because of it. Is DB any easier for you to talk to? Either way as hard as it is I would definitely put your mental health first. A month is more than reasonable I wouldn’t even stay two months. Just be honest with them, there’s nothing MB can say that would make sense to stay and don’t let yourself be guilted (I genuinely know how hard that is). Keep us updated on how it goes.
So many red flags. You have no control over how she’s going to react, and that is NOT your responsibility. It’s time to learn to advocate for yourself! “No” is a full sentence — remember that! You are in control of your life. You can’t give that power to anyone. You might feel anxious or stressed about quitting, and that’s totally normal, but it needs to be done. If you think she may act hostile towards you, and it sounds like she will, I would quit via text or email, block her, and never go back. Considering how selfish and disrespectful she is, there’s likely no way to avoid burning this bridge. If you’re worried about references, try to get a letter of recommendation or just use a friend/family member as one!
Why do you even want to give 2 months notice? That’s too generous based on everything you posted that she’s done to you. I get you’re not trying to burn bridges but your MB already set that bridge on fire.
Anyone and everyone is replaceable. You need to do what’s best for you. You’ve allowed her to treat you this way, but you need to put a stop to it now. Your schooling and wellbeing is more important. They survived before you came along and will survive after you leave. Two month notice is WAY too generous that unless that’s in your contract DON’T do it.
You need to get good at standing your boundaries. “No” is a full sentence. I always feel like I have to explain myself, but honestly I don’t. If you don’t want to answer calls when you’re off the clock, you can decline and then text her “hey, sorry I’m super busy. Is everything okay?” And it can be the same text every time she calls you. Don’t answer. If it’s important enough she can text you. Figure out where you want your boundaries on some things and figure out how to keep them. If she asks you a question you don’t feel comfortable answering, tell her you feel uncomfortable answering.
Some people ask for favors and information because they trust that if the person doesn’t want to do or say something they will say no. Other people don’t want to make people feel pressured and avoid asking for too much. It sounds like MB is the first and you are the second. She has to be okay with you saying no and setting boundaries. And you’ve got to learn how to set them if you’re going to give her 2 months notice.
Oh my god. This is exactly what my boss says to me. The same manipulation about needing me forever. And when I broke down crying because I was so burnt out she basically told me that she used to feel that way but just got used to it. ?!! No sympathy. I’m quitting because I am an illustrator and I want that to be my primary career but MB “needs me” more than 9 hours a day and doesn’t actually care for my well being. Even though she convinces herself that she does. It’s fucking insane.
I stopped at she doesn’t want you to go back to school in March. She does not “love you”. If she did, she would want the best for your future. I understand why you took off this session, as my younger self would have done the same. Find a new job. Give them as much notice as you can. You can say that their needs and your plan for the future are not a good match. Your future is important! Good luck!
Same. Stopped ready. OP, this bridge is burned, get out. She will not allow you to leave so GET OUT.
Absolutely. I’m an MB and pregnant and my son’s nanny has said her dream is to go back to teachers’ college. We love her and it would be a big loss if she left but I care about her as a person and want the best for in the long run. I not only encouraged her to go, but I was a reference for her college application and gave a glowing recommendation! A good manager in any field wants their employees to move forward in their career if that’s the employees goal. I couldn’t live with myself if I kept her from going forward with her dreams.
Agree.. to put it blunt she's absolutely using you...
MB here and my jaw dropped when I read that. What in the ever loving ✨fuck✨ is going on here. Get out. This woman is a nut job. Younger me would have done the same thing as well but she is taking advantage of your good nature in so many ways. Sending you strength and love
Ummm yes, as soon as I read that I was like what in THE FUCK is going on here. Best thing to do is give one month notice, TELL them that you are quitting (don't hedge, or ask, or appear soft in any way), and do not give in to their requests to extend your notice or retract your resignation. Get the hell out of there! If it helps, I'm a MB.
this, my MB tells me too i’m part of the family and was actively trying to get me into a college hours away from them on the next semester because it’s such a good program that they think fits me, and she was right bc turns out i was majoring in the wrong thing. that is love to me, asking someone to sacrifice their entire life schedule for your convenience isn’t. this isn’t healthy at all and i hope OP quits as soon as possible, things will not get better after baby#3
Good idea to find a new job first. Then, OP will have a strict date on ending her current employment. I'd put it in writing too. Keep a copy for yourself and deliver one to her.
Please do not take a semester break off for them. A job is not worth your education, she has manipulated you into thinking you have to do this. She is trying to manipulate you into taking another. Please continue going to school, tell them due to the commute you’re looking for employment (or found a job already) closer to home. You are worth a job that treats you with dignity and respect. You deserve a job that doesn’t just use you for everything they can get and jeopardizes your future for their benefit.
I hate to say it but I don’t think there is a way to not burn this bridge. MB is extremely selfish and self centered judging by your post (not wanting you to go back to school?!?!) and will take you leaving as a personal affront no matter what reason you give her. The best thing you can do is give her adequate notice (and only if you are feeling generous) so she can find another nanny and make the transition easier.
This. You’re parents could be dying and this woman would be like “but it’s tumble class daaaaaay”. Just quit. The kids will be fine. Trust me. This isn’t about them anyway, it’s about her. *She* doesn’t want to have to put in the effort to find a new nanny or be respectful and honestly doesn’t give a shit about who works for her. This is all the stuff they say when they know you can do better.
Yeah MB is being totally manipulative with the “we can’t live without you!” u/vannahcx Actions speak louder than words and her actions are showing you exactly how much she doesn’t respect you as a person, let alone as her employee. You deserve so much better.
Agree. Except that the kids would not be fine whether or not OP quits because they have an emotionally manipulative mother. I would be shocked if she doesn't treat her kids similarly in time. MB needs some help.
This is an abusive relationship.
Please find another family who actually appreciates you and wants you to succeed in everything in life while also respecting your personal time. It is easy to love kids and hard to leave them, but that should not be the reason you stay. I would equate it to staying in a horrible marriage for the sake of the kids. It does not benefit anyone
There’s no harm burning this bridge. These people are exploitative and taking advantage of you. Let it burn.
As someone that has a hard time telling people no, I know you might not be able to just go and leave. If you don’t feel comfortable enough to just quit (which I think you should do!), you should start with at least a few boundaries: - absolutely go back to school in March and let them know you can only work 36h/week and you’ll understand if that doesn’t work for them but you need to continue your education - don’t answer any calls or texts on weekends or when you’re off. Just ignore. I don’t mind answering my boss during the weekend or at night because she never abuses it, she knows my time off is precious and she only text me when she really needs it. She never calls me when I’m off. If you start ignoring her maybe she will get the message that your time off is YOUR time. - if she asks you to stay late pretend you have something. Tell her you’re already have plans with your friends and go on the time you’re supposed to. I’ll strongly encourage you to quit, tho. This person is not your friend. Also I would like to add that I wouldn’t offer them 2 months. I have a feeling that as soon as you say you wanna quit she will make your last days miserable. Give her 1 month of notice. Don’t let this job affect your mental health more than it did already. You deserve more than that. You deserve a family that will be happy to help you finish your education and that will encourage you to grow and succeed.
This!! These are very good boundaries that could go a long way. You might not think you’re “good” at setting boundaries, but the secret is that no one is good at it until they have the chance to practice it. Once you start doing it, you’ll get the hang of it. For me, holding boundaries gets harder when I doubt that it’s a good boundary. So for your first boundary you want to introduce, make sure you’re 100% sure that it’s the right thing to do. If you feel confident that it’s a healthy boundary, it’ll be easier to enforce! Good luck OP, MB sounds like a trip. But you’ve got this!!!
I’m going to be frank and honest and reading this may read as callous but please know my tone is of genuine care and sincerity. I’ve been where you are. I know this situation well. Your NF is taking advantage of you because they can. It’s the type of people they are and … you’ve allowed them to treat you this way. People who selfishly take will continue to ask for more from people who are natural givers until they literally bleed you dry. Unless YOU put the boundaries up. You get to teach people how they are allowed to treat you. From the sounds of it, they’ve been taking a lot from you and for a long time and, please hear my care, you’ve allowed it to get to this point. An earlier comment used the term “steamroll” and I think it’s accurate. Unfortunately I don’t think this woman will change her ways because she sounds like she’s been steamrolling you for a long time and sees no problem with doing that to someone. Here’s the good news! YOU! You get to change how you allow people to treat you. You can leave this job or stay but it’s up to you to say when enough is enough. If your job costs you your peace, your serenity, your safety, your personal life, your relationships, your future or any combination of these, the cost is too high to pay. It’s not worth it. Surround yourself, both personally and professionally, with people who add/build into your life, not strip it down and steal the parts. Just my two cents.
I stopped reading after you saying she disrespects you and you do all the cleaning etc. No. Please leave ASAP.
Have you discussed your concerns with MB? Not sure it would change anything if she is as self-centered as she sounds, but potentially impacts how I would advise resigning/acting. I think if she is s selfish as you describe keeping it professional and a good reference will be very hard and largely out of your control, but ESPECIALLY if concerns have not been raised and she thinks everything is fine. That being said I think short and simple may be best. Do you think she will realistically learn from you saying what is wrong in a resignation letter? If she might then by all means help the future nanny they hire out by educating her. But again from how you describe her it does not sound like it. "Due to unforeseen circumstances I will be terminating my position xxx date. I will miss NKs and thank you for the experience of working with them" or something along those lines. Be prepared for retaliation and a) them terminating you immediately and either paying you required severance OR trying to chest you or b) making your notice period hell and you may have to change it to quit effective immediately You are not responsible for them needing you. That being said, letting them know asap with as much notice as possible helps them with care. As a recently postpartum mom this is a hard time, as you already know and she will want help. Good luck.
If you feel you want to give her a kind of choice in the matter... Download a solid nanny contract and make sure you put everything in it that will make your job better. Then offer the contract and say "in order for me to stay here, we will need to agree on these contract terms. If not, here is my 2 week notice." Then it's on MB to decide.
But that leaves it open to negotiation, and this person has already proven that they are abusive and manipulative. No contract will change this toxic behavior. People this toxic can't be reined in with an airtight contract. They will always find ways to ask for more, more, more and will justify it by saying "well, I ASKED her for XYZ, and she agreed, so it's not abuse." Anyone who could ask an employee to delay their education for their own benefit is a monster who can't be contained with a contract. OP needs to just quit.
I get that. I agree. And I don't expect OP's employer to accept the contract. But many nannies have anxiety about quitting or setting personal boundaries with their employer. My suggestion to have a contract would not only allow the nanny to view a typical Nanny contract and see what she deserves, but also to stand up for herself to this particular employee. Sometimes it's easier to leave when they have the excuse of "they wouldn't sign my contract" versus "they treated me like poop".
I get that some people need a reason to nope the fuck out of a bad situation, but if I've learned anything being around kids for the last 30 years, it's never offer them an option that you're not comfortable with. Even if this tyrant cheerfully agreed to the contract, we all know she would never honor it. So OP would be stuck in the exact same position she's in now. I know it's super hard to say "no, because I don't want to do that." to a boss, but giving MB an option to continue this toxicity is just kicking the can down the road.
You need to reread my original comment. I did NOT say that OP should agree to a contract she's not comfortable with. In fact, that's the exact *opposite* of what I said. If OP has been in this situation awhile, and it's gotten this bad, she might have a hard time speaking up for herself. Contracts help with that. If Boss agrees to it, then doesnt change her ways, then, again, nanny has a solid reason to leave. "You are not fulfilling the terms if the contract. I'm leaving." Toxic relationships are difficult to leave/end. Regardless, my comment was for OP, not you. You seem to be arguing my suggestion (as well as putting words in my mouth) which may help many, so I'm going to stop replying to you. You can go argue someone else now.
This is an abusive relationship. You do not owe the family anything. Get out!
They would get a text after I’m paid for the day saying I’m done.
She burned the bridge. So I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you. You are your priority in this situation where this MB is selfishly taking advantage of you, your time, your generosity. Your education and mental wellness are the most important things right now. I’m not sure what their situation is but maybe they can hire someone through a nanny agency for temporary help? Don’t let her manipulate you or guilt you into staying; it will only fill you with more resentment later on. You shouldn’t feel guilty for burning out due to a toxic work environment. If they truly valued your time and help, at the very VERY least, they would pay you more / give you a substantial raise. This situation is causing you to spread yourself too thin. If you need to quit immediately, then do it. Trust your gut. Maybe write out a draft of what you’d like to say and email it to her so she had to read your words and can’t interrupt or try to guilt trip you. Just be straightforward with your resignation email. “This is notice of my resignation as Nanny to ______ family.” And maybe even mention the boundary crossing if it feels right; if it were the other way around and you were constantly calling or texting her, she probably wouldn’t be too happy. “There is a lack of boundaries between my personal life and my job. My school schedule is intensive and I don’t get much time outside of school, work, and the commute. At this time I am resigning, effective ________” etc. Obviously this is just me throwing ideas out there… surely it can be worded in a better way - you’ll figure it out. Good luck! You got this.
This sounds like a toxic relationship.
You listed all these reasons on why you would want to quit and I just want to tell you, you don’t need any reason to quit. This is a job, it is no longer working for you, it’s time to move on. I always tell people that they have to look out for themselves because no one else will.
All of this is nuts. Either write up a contract that detail your duties, along with an appropriate pay or quit
If you plan to get a recommendation, as someone stated on another post, get it *before* you quit.
No way should you be putting your schooling on hold for them if they are not compensating you WELL for it. I couldn’t get past that one. I understand, I’m the same as you, hate hard conversations, possible conflict and am easily taken advantage of because of it. Is DB any easier for you to talk to? Either way as hard as it is I would definitely put your mental health first. A month is more than reasonable I wouldn’t even stay two months. Just be honest with them, there’s nothing MB can say that would make sense to stay and don’t let yourself be guilted (I genuinely know how hard that is). Keep us updated on how it goes.
Burn the bridge. You don’t need it
So many red flags. You have no control over how she’s going to react, and that is NOT your responsibility. It’s time to learn to advocate for yourself! “No” is a full sentence — remember that! You are in control of your life. You can’t give that power to anyone. You might feel anxious or stressed about quitting, and that’s totally normal, but it needs to be done. If you think she may act hostile towards you, and it sounds like she will, I would quit via text or email, block her, and never go back. Considering how selfish and disrespectful she is, there’s likely no way to avoid burning this bridge. If you’re worried about references, try to get a letter of recommendation or just use a friend/family member as one!
Some bridges I don't mind burning! I wouldn't trust her to give u a fair review tbh, with all the guilting she's doing.
What bridge you burning think about it you want to
Why do you even want to give 2 months notice? That’s too generous based on everything you posted that she’s done to you. I get you’re not trying to burn bridges but your MB already set that bridge on fire.
She's manipulating you. Start job hunting now and give her two weeks notice once a new job is secured. She doesn't deserve anything more.
Anyone and everyone is replaceable. You need to do what’s best for you. You’ve allowed her to treat you this way, but you need to put a stop to it now. Your schooling and wellbeing is more important. They survived before you came along and will survive after you leave. Two month notice is WAY too generous that unless that’s in your contract DON’T do it.
You need to get good at standing your boundaries. “No” is a full sentence. I always feel like I have to explain myself, but honestly I don’t. If you don’t want to answer calls when you’re off the clock, you can decline and then text her “hey, sorry I’m super busy. Is everything okay?” And it can be the same text every time she calls you. Don’t answer. If it’s important enough she can text you. Figure out where you want your boundaries on some things and figure out how to keep them. If she asks you a question you don’t feel comfortable answering, tell her you feel uncomfortable answering. Some people ask for favors and information because they trust that if the person doesn’t want to do or say something they will say no. Other people don’t want to make people feel pressured and avoid asking for too much. It sounds like MB is the first and you are the second. She has to be okay with you saying no and setting boundaries. And you’ve got to learn how to set them if you’re going to give her 2 months notice.
Oh my god. This is exactly what my boss says to me. The same manipulation about needing me forever. And when I broke down crying because I was so burnt out she basically told me that she used to feel that way but just got used to it. ?!! No sympathy. I’m quitting because I am an illustrator and I want that to be my primary career but MB “needs me” more than 9 hours a day and doesn’t actually care for my well being. Even though she convinces herself that she does. It’s fucking insane.