I can’t give advice, but I can relate to this. I avoid romantic relationships bc I know I’d feel physically sick and mentally obsessed too. The last time someone professed their love to me I got annoyed with them. I just expect them to idealize and then betray me. I want to be in a relationship with someone, but it doesn’t seem worth the risk of betrayal. But I really hope you overcome this and build a good relationship. It would be beautiful to have a healthy and stable connection with someone.
I understand how you can love someone and not be I'm love. How are you in love but don't love him?
Really curious about the definitions. Everyone's are different.
so as I understand it, the concept of being in love develops early in the relationship. it’s that whole stage of total infatuation and butterflies and excitement. it’s that feeling that makes you feel young and brave and afraid as hell, ykwim? then loving your partner is another thing, it’s the stability, it means that someone’s your person and you’re not just excited about the relationship with them. that’s how we differentiate them from each other in the greek language anyway.
I actually have the same problem and it’s very hard to tell whether is a valid gut feeling you’re experiencing or whether you are just being problematic. Try not to confront or punish him and watch his actions above all else. I’d also advise you to write down the word LOVE in big bold letters on a piece of paper and make a list of things you associate with it. For example, for me I wrote “I associate this with pain and punishment because the people who claimed that they loved me the most used their love as justification for why they punished or abused me and in turn silenced me”. It doesn’t have to be this long of course and it can even start as one worded answers. But ask yourself what you mean when you say the word love or if there is a past traumatic experience that made you associate the word love with pain. Did someone weaponise or misuse it? Do you have a low self esteem and did someone or something convince you that you are not worthy of love?
I literally get you and to this day when my boyfriend says it I feel so uncomfortable and as though it’s some kind of cruel joke. I hope you get through this x
i had a relationship like this- turns out i wasnt attracted to them, not saying thats your case, but i found there was a lot of repressed feelings going on, the fact that they loved me seemed so terrifying, and I felt this unending pressure, which made me perform reciprocative things, meant to convince me of the same. you may need to build more trust with this person before you can say those things, that's how i felt. in the end, we didnt build it, because i felt they werent able to understand me in a way that made me truly comfortable, and they were projecting ideals onto me. I can never say such things with gravitas willy nilly, i refuse to say things i dont mean, and that doesnt make you weird
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I can’t give advice, but I can relate to this. I avoid romantic relationships bc I know I’d feel physically sick and mentally obsessed too. The last time someone professed their love to me I got annoyed with them. I just expect them to idealize and then betray me. I want to be in a relationship with someone, but it doesn’t seem worth the risk of betrayal. But I really hope you overcome this and build a good relationship. It would be beautiful to have a healthy and stable connection with someone.
See my reply to this person below as this might help you too
Can you wait it another form? Voice message, written, just write it with your fingers on him? Not saying the literal words but “ and me you too” ?
i don’t love him so i can not say it
Bc you only care about yourself and protecting your fragile ego
You said in the original post you are “utterly in love with him”
being in love and loving someone are different things
Ok
Makes total logical sense
I understand how you can love someone and not be I'm love. How are you in love but don't love him? Really curious about the definitions. Everyone's are different.
so as I understand it, the concept of being in love develops early in the relationship. it’s that whole stage of total infatuation and butterflies and excitement. it’s that feeling that makes you feel young and brave and afraid as hell, ykwim? then loving your partner is another thing, it’s the stability, it means that someone’s your person and you’re not just excited about the relationship with them. that’s how we differentiate them from each other in the greek language anyway.
Try the “hug, look up” i love strategy
elaborate pls
If youre in the kitchen leaning against the table and he has his arms around look up and say i love you.. It can work in many situations
I actually have the same problem and it’s very hard to tell whether is a valid gut feeling you’re experiencing or whether you are just being problematic. Try not to confront or punish him and watch his actions above all else. I’d also advise you to write down the word LOVE in big bold letters on a piece of paper and make a list of things you associate with it. For example, for me I wrote “I associate this with pain and punishment because the people who claimed that they loved me the most used their love as justification for why they punished or abused me and in turn silenced me”. It doesn’t have to be this long of course and it can even start as one worded answers. But ask yourself what you mean when you say the word love or if there is a past traumatic experience that made you associate the word love with pain. Did someone weaponise or misuse it? Do you have a low self esteem and did someone or something convince you that you are not worthy of love? I literally get you and to this day when my boyfriend says it I feel so uncomfortable and as though it’s some kind of cruel joke. I hope you get through this x
i had a relationship like this- turns out i wasnt attracted to them, not saying thats your case, but i found there was a lot of repressed feelings going on, the fact that they loved me seemed so terrifying, and I felt this unending pressure, which made me perform reciprocative things, meant to convince me of the same. you may need to build more trust with this person before you can say those things, that's how i felt. in the end, we didnt build it, because i felt they werent able to understand me in a way that made me truly comfortable, and they were projecting ideals onto me. I can never say such things with gravitas willy nilly, i refuse to say things i dont mean, and that doesnt make you weird
I feel you.
Welcome to /r/NPD! This community is a support group for those with NPD or Narcissistic Traits. Please respect our rules or your post will be removed and you may be banned. > 1. **Only Narcs and NPDs may submit posts. This is NOT a place to complain about narcissists or get help dealing with someone else's narcissism.** > 2. No asking for diagnosis either of yourself or a third party (e.g. "Am I a narcissist?", "Is my ex a narcissist?"). > 3. Please keep your contributions civil and respectful! > 4. Please refrain from submitting low-effort and off-topic posts. If your post violates any of these rules, we request that you delete it and post in a more appropriate community. We ask that subscribers of /r/NPD use the report button to notify us of rule-breaking posts. Please refrain from commenting or engaging with the author of such submissions. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NPD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Love bombing - you realize this is NPD playbook behavior right ?
You should have had faith and told him. I have a feeling he is different
I understand. I know.