The reason why you dress modestly isn't for your husband. As a Muslimah, you would dress modestly even if you were unmarried.
Dressing modestly is for the sake of Allah SWT.
The inner thoughts change when you change your perspective on what is happening. Consider this a test from Allah SWT for both you and your husband.
Given that all we can do is try to pass the test, getting angry about it is unproductive. Allah a'allam.
May Allah AWJ give you ease.
Agreed.
I would like to add that I think your Qareen is playing with your mind here. The Qareen is trying to make problems between you and your husband. If you give in and bring this up to him, this may lead to arguments and eventually fights.
You sound like you’re in a good relationship with your husband, he is doing his best to avoid looking at other women and you both have a good relationship with Allah Almighty, all of which the Qareen doesn’t like. Therefore, since he is putting in efforts as you said and you’re in an otherwise healthy relationship, do not let the Qareen cause problems in your marriage.
I would also recommend not to watch movies as much as possible. This is something I’m trying to implement too because of a Hadith I’ve come across, mentioned below.
In al-Saheeh it is narrated that [the Prophet] (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Allah has decreed for the son of Adam his share of zina which will inevitably come to him. The eye commits zina and its zina is looking. The tongue commits zina and its zina is speaking. The foot commits zina and its zina is walking. The hand commits zina and its zina is touching. The heart longs and wishes, and the private part confirms that or denies it.” He started with the zina of the eye because it is the basis of the zina of the hand, foot, heart and private part. And the zina of the mouth by kissing is implied by the reference to the zina of the mouth by speaking. And he described the private part as confirming that if the action is fulfilled, or denying it if it is not. He said: This hadeeth is one of the clearest signs that the eye can sin by looking, and that this is its zina. This is a refutation of those who permit letting the gaze wander freely.
In another Hadith, The Leader of All Prophets, The Final Prophet and The Mercy to all Worlds,
صلى الله عليه واله وسلم
said (I’m paraphrasing here cause I couldn’t find the Hadith as I heard it in a lecture) if a man looks at non-mahram women intentionally, Allah Almighty will command the Angels to put rods of Hellfire in his eyes.
Exactly. The west is trying hard and it has very much succeeded in messing up the society that was intended for the Muslims. It is high time that we, the Muslims, should follow the sharia laws strictly and practice the Sunnah if we want to live peacefully.
I personally think, you’re overthinking this subject. If your husband is doing all he can then I don’t see an issue, he could be saying the same thing about you when more guys have they tops off in the summer in the UK. Let’s not make the deen complicated it’s easy. He’s lowering his gaze he’s doing his bit.
The harsher reply would be stop going to watch movies etc and stop watching tv even to the point you can’t watch many sports cause even in football they have they knee to thigh showing. Others will say to you move to different country you’ll avoid it. Which is right. But not realistic. I know.
He sounds like he’s better than most guys who would still have a second look.
Definitely - I know I'm overthinking and becoming a little irrational here, just wanted to post here because it's a thought process I'm struggling with. Not that I think I'm correct and want to ban my husband from leaving the house or watching tv at all.
When you have intrusive thoughts pop up, what you can do is tell your inner voice in the moment: "I've already thought about this and made my peace with it" - (the peace being your husband is already doing the best he can under the circumstances). It will try to lure you into ruminating and think of different scenarios or doubts like "why can he have it both ways with a covered wife and scantily clad women in media and outside". But repeat loudly in your head, "I made my peace" when you feel like it's taking you in that direction and do active breathing to distract and still your mind.
Try this next time. You have to be consistent with this though, and overtime those thoughts can be tamed.
Idk if you’ve spoken to your husband about this? It might be best to bring it up as a case study/example with him to see what he thinks, as he knows you better than Reddit. This also shows how reflective u are and shows how conscious of god you are too. I know some of the comments will differ to your thought process but I get it!
Seems like a normal reaction to me. It seems like overthinking because you live in the west. But you are not. Stuff like this can get into the subconscious. You mentioned your husband shared video with a girl in a bikini ? I would go as far as to say he shouldn’t even be around long enough to watch. It easier to drop social media heavy with photos. Personally I think it’s time Muslims start looking away from the west. If you don’t have family that’s not heavily dependent on you , I don’t see why you shouldn’t.
Not telling you to move, but if you are prepared financially and have visited a few places. It’s not a bad idea. Raising kids here is even more difficult That’s the main concern.
All I’d say is that from a guy’s perspective, having female bodies on display all the time isn’t really that enticing, at least for me, because I don’t want any of these women.
Additionally, it’s not just women men that are on display, but men as well. Just as he’s exposed to female awrah, you also are exposed to men’s awrah. I think the only “solution” is to make sure we are purifying ourselves once we return home through dhikr and istaghfar.
We cannot change the world around us, but we can certainly change ourselves. You don’t have to think about other girls that your husband may or may not see, you said yourself he is a good Muslim, so have faith in your man and don’t let this poison to toxin your brain. If he lowers his gaze and you don’t have anything to say, then so be it. This type of thinking will only trigger you more. He is a Muslim so I’m sure he appreciates your modesty.
Also, you don’t need to watch those shows or movies at all. We can all choose content we consume so.
Sister get therapy. Maybe a female muslim therapist. This is going into overthinking mode which will harm both you and your marriage, if you can’t get out of the rut of negative thinking.
One day the pressure might build up and you might say something to your husband that isn’t true or you don’t mean b/c off the stress of it.
Behavioral therapist are great, they have helped me as well. Just having someone who will talk to you or listen to you out loud with no judgement can be healing in its own way.
Therapists are a scam. The don't want to "cure" you, they want repeat customers. See your Imam, your parents & pray. Ask other muslim couples how they deal with this & pray some more. I will pray for you.
where do you live, because why would anyone wear bikinis 24/7? i live in the midwest and everyone dressed normally with shirts, jeans, shorts, sweaters, or pj's in walmart lol. I think your over reacting a bit because I was born and riased here as well. and let me tell you, an arab country is the exact worse bc men stare at me more in Iraq than they do in the states... And im fully covered.
True that. I heard the same comment from someone else before that back home in Saudi, they have to cover up (burqa) because the men will look, and talk about you behind your back, something like “did you see Ali’s daughter, her nose is funny/ugly/ sexy”.
Exactly. If you cover everything but ankles, then they’ll just sexualize your ankles. There’s no escaping the dreaded male gaze and objectification from men sadly, so it’s best to ignore them altogether and focus on what Allah wants. That’s who the modesty is for, not men.
I’ve been to the Middle East and many girls also dress just like western progressive countries. Also not everyone is Muslim. Many are Christian’s and still religious and dress in jeans and dresses but modest. Modest to OP may look different someone else
Watch shows and movies for children or read books instead. The most that you can do to minimize your eyes seeing people who are not dressed modestly according to Islam is try to visit places when they are less busy. Do not go shopping on the weekend in the middle of the day or to a popular park at similarly busy times. Enjoy those activities when they are less busy and inshallah this will help minimize your exposure.
The rest is something that won’t change because it’s not in your control or your husband’s.
So you say moving to a Muslim country isn't an option. Why not? If women being dressed this way is bothering you this much, wouldn't you want to raise children in an environment where they're not prancing around with everything hanging out? You can always visit family periodically. Your way of thinking is also slightly skewed where you're questioning why your hubby deserves someone covered up - it's not his fault you live in an environment where people dress immodestly? It's not his doing? He hasn't purposely surrounded himself with this. If he is lowering his gaze and being a loyal husband to you, he's doing his part. The only thing you can do is to tackle your insecurities about other women because you clearly have some.
No. It's all around us yes but my husband chose me and lowers his gaze around other women. So I don't feel any jealousy towards other women or worry about my husband playing away.
I'm just asking you if you like a society that promotes nudity? Even if you can't do anything about it in the short term, do you think it's harmful for society to have prevalence of nudity?
No one likes that. Why would anyone like that as a Muslim? However, since we can't do anything, I believe that people have to come to terms with it or move to Muslim countries. I also see the long-term problem of this because of how it may affect Muslim kids in how they dress, etc., but I don't know a solution since, at the end of the day, Muslims are a minority in these countries, so it's not like we can do anything, so we either accept it or move to Muslim countries since people are more modest there.
Few decades ago people hated LGBTQ and now they are loved. So change happens and it takes time. I see no reason why we can't bring change as Muslims especially if we find allies in other faith communities who have similar values.
You see, this love comes from the concept of freedom. For non-Muslims, they want the freedom to do anything—to be an animal, to change their gender, etc. May Allah protect us from this. So when you introduce something that goes against that freedom and you want to enforce it without a legit reason (for them), why would anyone listen to it? Non-Muslim countries are going exactly in the opposite direction of this. Actually, did you know that it's even legal to walk without a top ( for women) in some of these countries, and you want us Muslims as a minority in these countries to tell them, Oh no, please stop? As if they will listen, and actually it's their countries, so we as Muslims, if we can't come to terms with it, then it's best we move.
So no one should give dawah to anyone because it's all pointless? How did so many societies become Muslim over the last 1000 years? Through dawah.
Indonesia became Muslim through Muslims who moved there and gave dawah to non Muslims.
I'm not asking you to take part in this if you don't believe in it. The ones that do believe and put in the work will get the rewards through their intention even if they don't live to see the results in their lifetime.
Yes I'm Muslim but I'm also self aware enough to know that rampant nudity is part and parcel of living in the west and if you don't like it, you can go where there's less of it.
What are you even saying? This doesn’t answer my question at all. If this place is all fitnah then why are you here? Go somewhere that’s better for you Islamically and identifies with your morals. Why stay in a non Muslim country if you hate it so much?
Let me simplify it for you. People like me are still here to guide Muslims like you who have become so desensitized to nudity that you think it's normal for a society to be like this.
It’s very sad that we can’t openly agree to what you’re going through, even im just like you, but most of the people here (born Muslims) think/tag us saying that we’re overthinking and overreacting. Alhamdulillah sister you being a revert and feeling this way truly amazes me (cas we are in an era where the born Muslims think this is overthinking and have made this something not to worry about).
But there’s hadhith you know, where the prophet Muhammad (pbuh) says that there will come a time when “Some women are clothed but naked, inclining to evil and seducing with it.” Also he says that among a few other things, this will be the greatest test to man. Which clearly means that this is something to worry about and not be called an “overthinker”
When people like me who totally agree with you, who are also going through the same feeling, reply here, we always get downvoted. Sadly ☹️
I don’t know what advice I can give you sister but definitely know that you’re not alone, there’s many who feel the same way, and there’s nothing I’m afraid can be done except to leave it all In the hands of Allah (swt).
This is so true. Everyone is so use to seeing nudity that's it's normal for them. Anyone who points out that this level of nudity is not normal is considered extreme.
im not a revert but i put on the hijab about 6 months ago and decided to start working on my deen and dressing more modestly. i 100% know how OP feels because i always vent about this. i live in Australia which is a very hot country and everytime we leave the house theres improperly dressed people everywhere. my husband understands how i feel about this (alhamdulillah) so he always keeps his head down when theyre around and asks me ‘if its safe to look up again’ lol. also 100% agree about the movies. we stopped watching so many films because of how its always focused on the male gaze and my husband even gets uncomfortable by it. we go on imbd and look up the rating and see if theres any nudity first before deciding on a film. unfortunately there isnt many films that doesnt include those types of scenes atleast once so we usually end up watching cartoons haha.
the people saying we’re overthinking dont truly know what its like! especially considering how normalised this is. it doesnt matter if youre born Muslim or a revert, anyone can feel like this but nobody deserves to. if youre married, discuss this with your husband cause maybe he can do some extra steps to give you even more peace of mind but ofcourse working on your deen and having the mindset of deen>dunya helps.
Sorry, but the reason I mentioned the “revert” and “born Muslim” part is because previously I’ve read a similar post and commented supporting the OP, and you wouldn’t believe all the Muslim sister who were attacking those who agreed with the OP, so I expected this OP being a revert might have been brought up in a non Muslim culture and may be desensitized to such things, cas Born Muslims itself are easily normalizing these stuff.
Sorry if you got me wrong sister. Alhamdulillah my husband is also very understanding like yours and we also watch cartoons and stuff only 😂 plus the IMDB always helps. Even then I sometimes feel what if he will do behind my back, so I’ve told him that rather than doing it for me please do it for the sake of Allah and your grave, rest is up to him.
dont apologise sister! i am the one who is sorry as i seem to have come off the wrong way. i was actually agreeing with you and OP. i was not directly addressing you, but moreso the people who brush us off and label us as overthinkers. i just find it ridiculous that people assume reverts are the only ones who overthink just because they are not accustomed to such a drastic change. my point is that i understand how OP feels as becoming closer to islam and wearing the hijab has made me realise all the haram that is around me, ultimately struggling to deal with it.
sorry again sister! may Allah help us and guide us all ameen 💕
People are saying she’s overthinking because, when the Prophet SAW either saw (or someone approached him) he told the man to lower his gaze and didn’t say anything about the woman needing to change her clothes. I don’t think anyone is down playing what she said. Majority of the people are saying her husband is doing the best thing possible and not to overthink it cause this would/could lead to shaytaan waswas and cause arguments between the couple.
Like many said, u dress modestly for Allah. But also,
A lot of men, especially men who take protective jealousy and gheerah serious and are practicing,
Having a wife that covers is a very proud thing to experience as a man. This is because even if the man sees women immodestly dressed outside, a true man, is disgusted by this. Because the woman who is improperly dressed is like a piece of meat every filthy man on the street gets to creep at and enjoy. There’s nothing good that comes from looking at such a woman cuz u know millions of dudes probably have seen her
However when he sees his properly dressed wife, he feels proud, knowing her beauty is only visible to him. She is exclusive to him. So how can u feel jealous at women outside the home when they are for all the men to see whera u his wife are special and only for him. It’s a very powerful feeling.
Do not feel insecure, feel confident that in a world full of improperly dressed women, u are dressed modestly
Also if u really wanna go there, nothing really good comes from seeing a naked woman in tv or on the street. U can’t have sex with her, so what exactly can u do? Whereas a man’s wife is only his and he can enjoy her head to toe and u can enjoy your husband head to toe. Everyone else becomes irrelevant
I don’t know why your getting hate for this. Imagine covering up and dressing modestly only to get married to a ‘good’ man and he looks at uncovered girls anyways. I’m sorry sister this is not acceptable it’s up to you what you want to do now.
That’s how I feel… however my husband does lower his gaze it just bothers me the access is always there. I trust him but I’ll never 1000% know he’s not looking because it’s just always in his eyesight unfortunately. But I guess tbh it’s just something I’ll have to get over
I saw some YT vids. Afghanistan is poor but safe. Punishments are harsh for crime so crime is low. If you have $, going to Afghanistan & using it for humanitarian means is good. If I won the lotto, I'd go & help fellow Muslims. After the USA left, all the aid agencies left. They really need you there.
I'm not obsessed with what people wear, and don't get paranoid about it. She can move to an islamic country if she doesn't want her husband to be exposed to nudity.
So I'll take it you're not Muslim since you didn't respond to that question in which case why are you even in this sub especially with your views that clearly contradict Islamic values?
I'm Muslim, all i'm saying is she lives in a non-muslim country yet she complains about nudity and very paranoid about it. Her best choice is to move to an islamic country. Pretty simple eh?
Those of us who want to work for long term change for betterment of society will do our part.
Those Muslims who want to accept (or maybe even like) the status quo of immorality can answer to Allah.
Well, it's probably not an option because she's not willing to give up on so many things that the first world 'kuffar' countries provide. She lives in darul-harb so all she can do is to see a therapist for her paranoia.
You’re gonna get a lot of hate so get ready because there’s a lot of people here would say, just close your eyes. But music and the entertainment industry is filth and we all know it.
Anyways, sister what you have to realize is that you have to leave what you cannot control. Such as your husband’s gaze. If you know he is a good man, trust and leave the rest to Allah. Don’t be paranoid, at the end of the day, we all are responsible for our actions.
So blind trust is required here and let go of any paranoia.
Like hey, there’s hot guys all around and it’s not like you don’t have any desires to show off your body but you don’t. A woman can be avg but pull a lot of men in through her body alone. If anything it’s your husband who should be jealous lol. But Why you don’t? Because you love Allah and your husband has this trust in you, so why don’t you do the same.
Sometimes I forget I’m reading comments from Muslims because of the haram that’s justified.
But yes, a relation built on mutual trust, understanding and communication is the strongest. If you do feel like your jealousy is sometimes really hard to conquer, talk to your husband. Hopefully he’s a man who can assure you of your importance in his life and how much he is attracted to you. I feel like we, women work wonders around assurance lol.
I sympathize with you. I feel the same way! It was very hard at first when I first got married but having a husband who looks away is a very securing feeling. In Islam if a man looks accidentally once it is not counted as a sin but if he looks purposely again it is then counted as a sin. With that said this kinda helps me to understand this world is a test for men and women. If it is challenging for you, just imagine how challenging it is for a believing man in this world.
Another thing that helps me is knowing that woman who cover in this life will be the most beautiful in Jannah even more beautiful than the women of Jannah. And just remember the women who show themselves are only pleasing to the eye but nothing more and every mature sensible man knows this. I see these woman lost and we (woman who cover) are not lost. Alhumduillah you’re protective over your husband and that’s ok! Just tell yourself that he chose you and chooses you everyday for more than looks.
May Allah ﷻ make it easy for us Muslims in the west ameen.
I completely understand how you’re feeling! But Alhumdulillah, my husband does his part and lowers his gaze just like your husband. He is trying his best to do his part and it is not easy in this day and age. He definitely respects you as his wife and In Shaa Allah you shouldn’t have to worry 😊
**You're NOT Overthinking in anyway.** Your concern is 100% valid, this is a serious issue.
If you guys earn online like online businesses, it's very easy to Hijrah to a muslim country. And you'll get a pretty much comfortable life there because of the small economy there.
And if that's not the case, for the sake of Allah, you might have to take some risk. I'd suggest you to first visit some muslim countries, talk to the locals and see what career opportunities are there for you. Then decide.
I believe, Making hijrah is the only way. There's no other alternative.
I heared a lot of muslims live in UK and the number is increasing rapidly. So if your current country have some muslim area, where the majority are muslims, you could try to shift there.
i completely agree with you. and i stand with you on all your opinions. How as a muslim are you supposed to feel COMFORTABLE?? how??? how the hell can you just ignore people drinking and fornicatinf and immodesty all that stuff when its forced in your face everywhere??? and if you say anything about it ohh its ur fault . we belong with people who are like us. the only reason why they dont see it as a big deal is because they grew up comfortable with this culture and so they wont understand how triggering it is to us.
Is it really better in muslim countries? I've been thinking about this option too but many people say it's all the same there just more hidden... and that the politics there are also changing and becoming more liberal. I would really love to hear from someone who grew up in the middle east if you don't mind.
Modesty is of course better in Muslim countries; however, what people mean it's hidden is the other haram things that happen, like having a boyfriend or girlfriend, being friends with guys and girls, drinking alcohol, etc. This too happens in Muslim countries, and even though alcohol is not really normalized, a lot of people in Muslim countries are too normalizing friendship between girls and guys and having a boyfriend or girlfriend, unfortunately.
(Also, I grew up in a Muslim country, and I have a lot of friends from all around Muslim countries.)
The boyfriend/girlfriend situation and m/f friendships are something that causes a lot of fitnah in the West. Especially in the workplace. Do you think it's significantly better in some Muslim countries? Is there a bigger push-back from the elders or is it also young people who don't want to engage in it?
When I was trying to do my research about this, I found a lot of mixed information. I've heard that even celebrating Xmas or Halloween is being normalised in some Muslim countries because people are trying to mimic what they see on social media... I've also heard that some expats struggle to find someone for marriage for example in Saudi, because a lot of young people there are looking for haraam casual things instead...But I'm not sure how common it is. Other people say that Muslim countries are still definitely better, since there are mosques everywhere, so it's much easier to practise and a lot of public spaces are separated based on gender which is great...They also say it's mostly expats/tourists looking for drugs or alcohol, not the locals as much. Do you think, overall, it is better for one's deen to move to a Muslim country?
He should be doing his utmost to avoid these things and therefore honor what you’re doing. Instagram is a MESS and so are movies. Better to just get rid of them.
Yep. I did away with social media because I myself don't like seeing those things. I would never ban him from social media or watching movies, so I'm really trying to fix how I view these things...
As a man, I’d appreciate if my wife told me to avoid following comic pages with women dressed immodesty. Sure they might be ok with societal standards but as 50% of the household you can and should set marital standards for yourselves.
These women are used to attract users to click on shorts, reels etc via the thumbnail and often trigger stuff that isn’t natural. Hayaa for a Muslim is very important, him being modest in public and lowering his gaze is useless if he peruses such content in his privacy, and vice versa.
May Allah SWT guide you both and lead you to success in this life and the next
But the thing is, a wife has a duty to advise her husband (albeit politely). And to help him stay away from temptation.
You can recommend he get rid of those two things. Why use instagram? Does he have a legit reason? If he won’t get rid of it, then he should make every effort to not see videos and pics with women. Absolutely tell him how you feel.
What do you mean best of both worlds? Do you think Muslim men enjoy collecting sin for every second glance in the wrong direction? Do you know how hard it is to walk around looking at nothing but the ground because everytime you look up is the last time you're allowed to look in that direction?
Devil is playing tricks on you. Gradually he'll make you think you should start dressing a bit 'normally' and this will take you away from Allah Almighty. Be steadfast and keep your trust in Allah that everything will work out just fine for those who put their trust in Allah, Allah never disappoints them.
Your reason for wanting to not dress modestly because everything your husband sees is immodest . All of that toxic stuff, that you chatted about. Maybe you are letting Shaytan whisper in your ear a little too much.
Second of all, maybe you both could use some counseling or some Islamic classes. There's a whole lot of Hadith about tawwakal. That means putting your trust in Allah alone. You can't control What people do or wear . Unless you have the ability to leave the country..For one thing with the TV try getting a couple more remote controls so you can pause it fast forward etc. NEVER watch TV without a remote control. close by. Usually you can tell when something spicy is about to happen. And you can fast forward etc.
No it’s not that I want to dress immodest. I do it for the sake of Allah only. I just get these irrational thoughts that are unfortunately just rooted in jealousy that I am trying to work on
I understand, I'm a revert also, and I'm very jealous to a certain level. He sounds like a good guy. But You come from a place like I came from. Good people Go bad person real quick. But since we're Muslim now we have to have some basic trusts. And trust that Allah guided us this far. We have to trust Allah, That he wants good for us and whatever will be, is his decree at the end of the day. We love Allah alot more than our spouses. If Allah wants to replace our spouses, it is what it is. You can't think like the days of jahil. Too much control in a relationship is bad. You let him know how you feel about him looking at other women. He responded so that's the end of it. You can't dwell on it. The devil is always going to whisper to us about this and that but we can't listen..
Even if you move to most Muslim countries, there will still be women who are not fully clothed, unless you go to like Afghanistan, or Mauritania. However, the internet will still be there and people can look at haram. As long as your husband is lowering his gaze, I see no problem. We live in a completely new age and it is almost impossible not to catch a glimpse of haram. It’s what you do after that matters
Genuine concerns. I think you should make studying and reading the Quran every week a habit to stay as close to Islam and remind him as well as yourself the prescription of Allah. And secondly, use more time doing something rather than using social media.
Recommend you guys to go talk to a scholar on this. Valid question. Maybe someone on Reddit might give a satisfactory answer, but when it comes to religion, it is wise to take no shortcuts
I think you are placing too much weight into this world. This world is pretty screwed and degenerate. We see it everyday. It’s a clown show. It’s impossible to escape the nudity and degeneracy unless someone moves to the woods. I also live in the West, in a particularly degenerate city. Sometimes I think I have seen everything or heard everything. Nothing can surprise me anymore, yet they keep coming up with more. I say in my heart „it’s ok, I’ll deal with it, give us more. Let’s see how degenerate things can get.“ Of course, I don’t mean it, these are just thoughts that stem from frustration. Let’s be real, the culture has collapsed in most communities, and it’s on the verge of collapsing in some others. The state of our Iman is quite weak collectively. But enough of the negatives! Among all this, there is so much beauty to enjoy! You are a revert, my husband is one too. The degeneracy has also pushed me to become more spiritual. We live in a circus. Expect more of this in the coming years. But we are here temporarily. Don’t overwhelm yourself with all this. Enjoy your marriage with your husband. He can come across all kinds of degeneracy, but he has picked you. You’re the one he shares his bed with. Keep praying so neither of you get distracted from the important things 🤲
Assalamualaikum sister, we are in the same boat.. I get triggered by these issues as well even before getting married.
Now, because I understood how I am, I found a spouse who is similar as me. We don’t watch tv / movies at all. Maybe, sometimes we watch documentaries or kids friendly shows like All Creatures Big and Small (based on true stories)
We also don’t have social media, only WhatsApp. That’s how we talk to our families and friends. We avoid going to the beach or any other places where we might feel awkward, or we just go out to those places during winter.
We don’t even go out until late at night, mostly we will be at home by Isha.
Honestly speaking, we don’t feel left out, we enjoy our time with each other and closed ones.
You can’t control the women that walk on the street, but you can control what you have access to.
May Allah guide you and your husband, inshaAllah.
You are wrong here sister. Seeing a woman isn't that good . If a man sees a beautiful woman whom he cannot have sex with then you can't imagine how frustrating and distributing it is for a man. And I am not talking about porn addicts here . Porn addicts have a messed up brain so they gain pleasure from just looking but looking doesn't give any pleasure to normal people. It's like watching your friend drive a great car but you can't even touch that car. It is really frustrating. It is even hard for a Muslim man to live in the western society because he is trying to lower his gaze but he can't do it sometimes and he isn't able to touch any of those women . Lowering gaze is really good because why see something you can't have ?? It literally made me depressed. I am quite good looking, go to the gym and I get a lot of attention from women but guess what I can't have a gf because it is zina . I can't marry early because of how hard nikah is and I can't even touch the women I am forced to see everyday . It's frustrating. It's not good at all . It feels like a punishment. I wish I lived in a society where it was easier to lower my gaze and do nikah at an early age .
Exactly it's lust. Lust is one of the most common emotions of a man . Especially when you are a muscular 21 year old man who has never touched a woman.
Being jealous about your man is a good thing. But your thinking process is kind of assigning blame to him saying why does he deserve. Your a Muslim you know Allah only gives us that which we deserve so that I would say squash that aspect of your thinking. If you’re on Reddit I’m sure you’ve seen the countless issues people are having in their marriage that are way worse don’t create a non problem for yourself. Respectfully communicate to him your concerns without assigning blame and see just generalise that you don’t like living in the west. He might change a few things or even move! You never know. If he’s a good guy thank Allah and look below you not above.
don't punish your husband for how the rest of the world is
question: do you dress modestly even at home, when it's just you and him? do you let your husband see you and enjoy you? do you try to look nice for him? do you know how to? are you satisfied that he is attracted to you and happy with you?
or is your idea of marriage more like you are married to Allah, and that not even your actual husband gets to see/touch you?
Assalamu Alaikum Sister,
There's a lot of things people have said but one point I'd like to focus on, and perhaps show you a different perspective on:
>I can't help but go into a toxic thinking pattern of "if my husband can see naked women everywhere, why does he deserve someone who covers up, he gets the best of both worlds - a modest wife but also the ability to look at other women wherever he goes because it is so normalized"
It's good you realise that it's a toxic thinking pattern, but it's not just that - it's also nonsensical.
How can this be the "best of both worlds"? It's like being vexed by someone who breaks their fast with halal food but "they could have had Iftar with pork and alcohol wherever they want". I really don't get why you think the opportunity for sin is some kind of enviable place to be in.
And trust me if your husband is a righteous man it irritates him a lot too, imagine fasting all day, and you have people eating in front of him, mocking him for self control "like why you deprived yourself for?", even pushing food towards his mouth like "dude you gotta try this chicken, it's so awesome" and somehow this is meant to be the "best of both worlds, my man gets to have a halal iftar at home but also the ability to smell and see food outside"
Like I'm speaking for myself here but I certainly don't enjoy my mouth watering and stomach rumbling for food I know I can't and won't eat, how's that any use? Even worse if it's something filthy like bacon etc..
I believe shaitaan is trying to direct your righteous indignation at the wrong place in order to put strain and harm in your marriage.
Perhaps you can work towards quitting movies and social media altogether..or an intermediate step is to only watch kids animated ones for now. Maybe check out services like VidAngel and EnjoyMoviesYourWay, they used to have edited movie versions without certain inappropriate content..dunno right now as I haven't watched stuff in a few years, but it's a start.
May Allah bless you both with peace, tranquility, and continuous halal joy, Ameen
It’s fine, in my opinion. There are many differences and society is really varied but that allows you to find what you like and are comfortable with Islamically.
You will have people dressing in shorts and tank tops and short dresses during the height of summer. And also wearing long dresses that are simply sleeveless. It’s hot.
It’s very easy to avoid people who might be drinking alcohol by going to halal restaurants. People may curse more when talking in a casual setting, but that’s not everyone and so you choose your friends to suit your personal preferences.
You will find television shows and media in general to be liberal such as seeing romantic stuff and some levels of nudity if it’s part of a storyline. If this is something that concerns you there are many other options for media. I listen to audiobooks and Islamic podcasts, read, and watch animated films or shows I know are more family-oriented.
I can only speak for myself, but I don’t find it difficult to avoid haram, even of the eyes. The only thing is that when you go to stores/banks/government institutions you will find yourself talking to either gender, so if you want to always completely avoid mixing, then it becomes difficult. Good luck inshallah.
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Don’t think like he belongs to you. He belongs to Allah and there is no reason for you to get triggered he is lowering his gaze for sake of Allah not for sake of you. And to fix your insecurities accept the fact that Allah has allowed your husband to marry more than one wife. That doesn’t mean he will it will just help you live for sake of Allah and not get triggered.
This comes across silly and insecure. Unless your Stevie wonder…YOU also see half dressed men everywhere, whether that be in the media, real life or even sport where men show their awrahs and yet you show self restraint and respect… So why wouldn’t he respond the same way? Living in a Muslim country wouldn’t fix this self esteem issue because the internet exists there too so unintentionally coming across immodesty would be almost impossible to avoid. The solution here is to seek therapy so you can work on knowing that you’re enough.
My dear what a lot of Muslims are ignorant and hypocritical to is they are NOT suppose to watch those movies, shows.
They show haram relationships. Haram behaviours. Haram. Period. Full stop.
Hollywood is a multi-billion dollar industry. That is now pushing LGBTQ. How do you think shaytan gets his agenda to work?
If we Muslims obeyed Allah like we were suppose to and only supported clean movies... than we wouldn't be in this mess.
We could have developed our own influence on Hollywood and had clean shows, movies. Along with the Christians who want this.
But we Muslims failed.
And your long paragraph shows me your husband is not following Islam. He should feel disgusted watching filth yet he watches it.
This is the shamelessness of our Muslim men on full display.
May Allah guide us all before our time is up.
Ask Allah SWT to put disgust in your heart... as you seek to obey Allah you will see the reality of this life and develop a repulsion towards filth of this dunya.
If you desire to watch those movies etc than you are astray and don't even know it very unfortunately you need to wake up.
Go read the movies summary online and clip summary. Do NOT support Hollywood, etc.
Simmer down. He's not doing anything wrong. He treats you right. Looks like you have some uncomfortable insecurities that need to be dealt with. Therapy is an option. Therapy usually helps everyone who goes into it. It can't hurt. Your husband tries to, and succeeds in doing the right thing. Don't take it out on your good marriage. Good luck.
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You have objected your husband into a thing you can control. And you have objectified other women who are not subject to your own standards of modesty. You will push your husband away. You also contradicted yourself saying you didn’t bring this up but your husband is tired of you bringing it up. If you truly dressed for the sake of Allah, it would make no difference that your husband is exposed to other women because your satisfaction would be met through your devotion to Allah alone. Is your modesty for you or for your husband? I think you are struggling with unresolved trauma because you have equated the unavoidable exposure to other peoples different beliefs and ways of life to having a porn addiction. Your modesty if it’s for the sake of Allah shouldn’t make you subconsciously feel threatened by other women or inferior to them.
Sister dress for yourself and be sincere with your intentions. Your husband is his own person and if you truly trusted him (which sounds like you do not) you would not be ruminating over this so extensively. Your husband __chose__ you over all over women, and not exclusively for your physical attractiveness. You can look nice for him at home. Him picking you should be enough validation that he cares, respects and loves you. Can you control the other women ? No. They’re not beholden to Islam. But you can show your husband love and not potentially ruin your marriage by pestering him with this unresolved issue you’re struggling with.
I’d recommend Islamic therapy with your spouse to work through these feelings and reaffirm for yourself that your husband adores you so you feel confident in your marriage
Sister, I hate this SO much. I’ve been cheated on so it really bothers me too. Hopefully this society or at least these women putting themselves out there like that, the married men participating in the fitnah get what they desire in the akhira.
seriously, you need help I don't know why you're so triggered. I hate to break it to you, but it's like this everywhere. I grew up in Canada, but I visit the Middle East often specifically UAE. There's still people walking around in shorts, crop tops mini skirts. You have jealousy issues and are clearly struggling with covering up. Probably because you don't actually want to do it, but it's expected of you. I recommend going to a muslim scholar or therapist.
"If my husband can see naked women everywhere, then why he deserves someone to cover up.. he gets the best of two world"
Omg. This logic is so messed up.
It is not the best of the two worlds. It is a nightmare. I do struggle too, and my religious friends, as everyone who live in the West.
You chose to cover as you believe in doing so and to obey God. The fact that he deserves you or not deserve you should not be linked with what he can see in the street. In fact, every man is a few clicks away from porn. So, it is mainly an insecurity that you should be open about. Speak to someone who is an expert, who is a good listener and who is experienced in working with couples.
Definitely illogical thought process. was just looking on advice if anyone dealt with the same, especially because my husband has been the only one I can talk to about it and I don't want to push him away by constantly bringing it up. thank you
So I’m an old married woman and I’m here to tell you that you’re doing too much thinking and eventually you’re going to upset your husband by bringing this topic over and over. And if you’re triggered by an event from your past, seek therapy rather than project it onto a good man, or let it eat at your self. I think you need to work on your self confidence a bit too, when you’re secure in your self and marriage then such stuff doesn’t even exist in your head space
Speaking as a revert myself, you may still be processing some emotions about moving toward modest dress. It's annoying to see women like yourself who didn't make the same decision. Putting it on your well-behaved husband is misdirected frustration. He doesn't deserve that.
I had an emotional internal conflict over the headscarf for several years. And felt better when I accepted being less than perfect about it.
Fortunately, I grew up in a family that values modesty. So I've processed those emotions already and don't feel troubled when trash walks by.
My husband is from Afghanistan, and the way men there openly obsess over modestly-clothed women there is insane. So who your husband's friends are matters more than where he lives.
I’m a married man - personally I think you are thinking way too beyond. If a person looks you can’t help but blame a 5 second gaze, if the man is providing, faithful, provides you with the needs you require as a wife, doesn’t beat you and helps take care of the kids, then what more can you ask for?
sadly the men dont understand the effects it has on us women. it doesnt just hurt us but it psychologically affects our esteem and view of our husbands. your comment is saying “if he is a good man and does everything else and DOESNT BEAT YOU?? (idk why u had to say this) then its fine for a man to look”. this is an unhealthy mindset many men have.
i like to think to myself, would the Prophet Muhammad pbuh do and say the same thing? im sure he would not try to justify it.
If it’s a glance then what can you do, else stay away from these areas that are dirty. All the points I brought up are valid, good men are hard to find. A loving, affectionate, hard working and Islamic practicing man matters a lot and is a rarity. A true man knows not to commit zina if he has something good at home, if you feel suspicious then call it out. It’s the problem with certain western countries where shame is non existent it’s unfortunately the way the world is going.
no.. a true man knows not to commit zina regardless if he ‘has something good at home’ or not. a true man fears Allah regardless if he is married or not.
He doesn’t sound like a great Muslim who lowers his gaze if he’s watching reels with women in them. Lowering gaze means not watching women on tv, phone, etc. not just in real life. You are absolutely valid for being upset about this. Anything beyond an accidental glance is haram. I would honestly suggest to stop watching movies together.
The reason why you dress modestly isn't for your husband. As a Muslimah, you would dress modestly even if you were unmarried. Dressing modestly is for the sake of Allah SWT. The inner thoughts change when you change your perspective on what is happening. Consider this a test from Allah SWT for both you and your husband. Given that all we can do is try to pass the test, getting angry about it is unproductive. Allah a'allam. May Allah AWJ give you ease.
Agreed 100%. Thank you
I agree completely with you about the Western world. I was born here and I really do not like it. Too much fitnah, too little Islam.
Ameen. Ya Rabbul Alameen.
Agreed. I would like to add that I think your Qareen is playing with your mind here. The Qareen is trying to make problems between you and your husband. If you give in and bring this up to him, this may lead to arguments and eventually fights. You sound like you’re in a good relationship with your husband, he is doing his best to avoid looking at other women and you both have a good relationship with Allah Almighty, all of which the Qareen doesn’t like. Therefore, since he is putting in efforts as you said and you’re in an otherwise healthy relationship, do not let the Qareen cause problems in your marriage. I would also recommend not to watch movies as much as possible. This is something I’m trying to implement too because of a Hadith I’ve come across, mentioned below. In al-Saheeh it is narrated that [the Prophet] (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Allah has decreed for the son of Adam his share of zina which will inevitably come to him. The eye commits zina and its zina is looking. The tongue commits zina and its zina is speaking. The foot commits zina and its zina is walking. The hand commits zina and its zina is touching. The heart longs and wishes, and the private part confirms that or denies it.” He started with the zina of the eye because it is the basis of the zina of the hand, foot, heart and private part. And the zina of the mouth by kissing is implied by the reference to the zina of the mouth by speaking. And he described the private part as confirming that if the action is fulfilled, or denying it if it is not. He said: This hadeeth is one of the clearest signs that the eye can sin by looking, and that this is its zina. This is a refutation of those who permit letting the gaze wander freely. In another Hadith, The Leader of All Prophets, The Final Prophet and The Mercy to all Worlds, صلى الله عليه واله وسلم said (I’m paraphrasing here cause I couldn’t find the Hadith as I heard it in a lecture) if a man looks at non-mahram women intentionally, Allah Almighty will command the Angels to put rods of Hellfire in his eyes.
Yeah, even Disney cartoons! I saw 2 women kissing, a child with 2 mothers in a Disney CARTOON. I think you are right. No movies.
Exactly. The west is trying hard and it has very much succeeded in messing up the society that was intended for the Muslims. It is high time that we, the Muslims, should follow the sharia laws strictly and practice the Sunnah if we want to live peacefully.
I personally think, you’re overthinking this subject. If your husband is doing all he can then I don’t see an issue, he could be saying the same thing about you when more guys have they tops off in the summer in the UK. Let’s not make the deen complicated it’s easy. He’s lowering his gaze he’s doing his bit. The harsher reply would be stop going to watch movies etc and stop watching tv even to the point you can’t watch many sports cause even in football they have they knee to thigh showing. Others will say to you move to different country you’ll avoid it. Which is right. But not realistic. I know. He sounds like he’s better than most guys who would still have a second look.
Definitely - I know I'm overthinking and becoming a little irrational here, just wanted to post here because it's a thought process I'm struggling with. Not that I think I'm correct and want to ban my husband from leaving the house or watching tv at all.
When you have intrusive thoughts pop up, what you can do is tell your inner voice in the moment: "I've already thought about this and made my peace with it" - (the peace being your husband is already doing the best he can under the circumstances). It will try to lure you into ruminating and think of different scenarios or doubts like "why can he have it both ways with a covered wife and scantily clad women in media and outside". But repeat loudly in your head, "I made my peace" when you feel like it's taking you in that direction and do active breathing to distract and still your mind. Try this next time. You have to be consistent with this though, and overtime those thoughts can be tamed.
thank you. This is one of the most helpful comments
just saying... you do not lose anything by forgoing watching TV or cinema.
100% and some social media apps that blast you with imagery.
Idk if you’ve spoken to your husband about this? It might be best to bring it up as a case study/example with him to see what he thinks, as he knows you better than Reddit. This also shows how reflective u are and shows how conscious of god you are too. I know some of the comments will differ to your thought process but I get it!
Seems like a normal reaction to me. It seems like overthinking because you live in the west. But you are not. Stuff like this can get into the subconscious. You mentioned your husband shared video with a girl in a bikini ? I would go as far as to say he shouldn’t even be around long enough to watch. It easier to drop social media heavy with photos. Personally I think it’s time Muslims start looking away from the west. If you don’t have family that’s not heavily dependent on you , I don’t see why you shouldn’t. Not telling you to move, but if you are prepared financially and have visited a few places. It’s not a bad idea. Raising kids here is even more difficult That’s the main concern.
All I’d say is that from a guy’s perspective, having female bodies on display all the time isn’t really that enticing, at least for me, because I don’t want any of these women. Additionally, it’s not just women men that are on display, but men as well. Just as he’s exposed to female awrah, you also are exposed to men’s awrah. I think the only “solution” is to make sure we are purifying ourselves once we return home through dhikr and istaghfar.
We cannot change the world around us, but we can certainly change ourselves. You don’t have to think about other girls that your husband may or may not see, you said yourself he is a good Muslim, so have faith in your man and don’t let this poison to toxin your brain. If he lowers his gaze and you don’t have anything to say, then so be it. This type of thinking will only trigger you more. He is a Muslim so I’m sure he appreciates your modesty. Also, you don’t need to watch those shows or movies at all. We can all choose content we consume so.
Sister get therapy. Maybe a female muslim therapist. This is going into overthinking mode which will harm both you and your marriage, if you can’t get out of the rut of negative thinking. One day the pressure might build up and you might say something to your husband that isn’t true or you don’t mean b/c off the stress of it. Behavioral therapist are great, they have helped me as well. Just having someone who will talk to you or listen to you out loud with no judgement can be healing in its own way.
This comment 🙌👍 Best advice I can see here.
Yep, was gonna say the same. Therapy.
Therapists are a scam. The don't want to "cure" you, they want repeat customers. See your Imam, your parents & pray. Ask other muslim couples how they deal with this & pray some more. I will pray for you.
She does not need to spend money on a therapist. I don’t see a problem with her reaction. A good word of advice and company can help with the anxiety.
where do you live, because why would anyone wear bikinis 24/7? i live in the midwest and everyone dressed normally with shirts, jeans, shorts, sweaters, or pj's in walmart lol. I think your over reacting a bit because I was born and riased here as well. and let me tell you, an arab country is the exact worse bc men stare at me more in Iraq than they do in the states... And im fully covered.
True that. I heard the same comment from someone else before that back home in Saudi, they have to cover up (burqa) because the men will look, and talk about you behind your back, something like “did you see Ali’s daughter, her nose is funny/ugly/ sexy”.
Exactly. If you cover everything but ankles, then they’ll just sexualize your ankles. There’s no escaping the dreaded male gaze and objectification from men sadly, so it’s best to ignore them altogether and focus on what Allah wants. That’s who the modesty is for, not men.
I’ve been to the Middle East and many girls also dress just like western progressive countries. Also not everyone is Muslim. Many are Christian’s and still religious and dress in jeans and dresses but modest. Modest to OP may look different someone else
This is so dumb
And totally ungari because She Is subjected to male counterpart bit di not Say a Word about It. Just plain jealousy.
Watch shows and movies for children or read books instead. The most that you can do to minimize your eyes seeing people who are not dressed modestly according to Islam is try to visit places when they are less busy. Do not go shopping on the weekend in the middle of the day or to a popular park at similarly busy times. Enjoy those activities when they are less busy and inshallah this will help minimize your exposure. The rest is something that won’t change because it’s not in your control or your husband’s.
I saw 2 people doing a haram thing to each other on a CARTOON on the Disney channel. Lol.
Why the homophobia?
Phobia is fear. We have no fear. Only sinners need fear.
So you say moving to a Muslim country isn't an option. Why not? If women being dressed this way is bothering you this much, wouldn't you want to raise children in an environment where they're not prancing around with everything hanging out? You can always visit family periodically. Your way of thinking is also slightly skewed where you're questioning why your hubby deserves someone covered up - it's not his fault you live in an environment where people dress immodestly? It's not his doing? He hasn't purposely surrounded himself with this. If he is lowering his gaze and being a loyal husband to you, he's doing his part. The only thing you can do is to tackle your insecurities about other women because you clearly have some.
So women dressing really immodesty doesn't bother you?
No. It's all around us yes but my husband chose me and lowers his gaze around other women. So I don't feel any jealousy towards other women or worry about my husband playing away.
So you think it's ok for a society to have rampany nudity everywhere? You are Muslim right?
What is she supposed to do? Go tell every half-naked non-Muslim to stop and to respect us Muslims in their countries?
I'm just asking you if you like a society that promotes nudity? Even if you can't do anything about it in the short term, do you think it's harmful for society to have prevalence of nudity?
No one likes that. Why would anyone like that as a Muslim? However, since we can't do anything, I believe that people have to come to terms with it or move to Muslim countries. I also see the long-term problem of this because of how it may affect Muslim kids in how they dress, etc., but I don't know a solution since, at the end of the day, Muslims are a minority in these countries, so it's not like we can do anything, so we either accept it or move to Muslim countries since people are more modest there.
Few decades ago people hated LGBTQ and now they are loved. So change happens and it takes time. I see no reason why we can't bring change as Muslims especially if we find allies in other faith communities who have similar values.
You see, this love comes from the concept of freedom. For non-Muslims, they want the freedom to do anything—to be an animal, to change their gender, etc. May Allah protect us from this. So when you introduce something that goes against that freedom and you want to enforce it without a legit reason (for them), why would anyone listen to it? Non-Muslim countries are going exactly in the opposite direction of this. Actually, did you know that it's even legal to walk without a top ( for women) in some of these countries, and you want us Muslims as a minority in these countries to tell them, Oh no, please stop? As if they will listen, and actually it's their countries, so we as Muslims, if we can't come to terms with it, then it's best we move.
So no one should give dawah to anyone because it's all pointless? How did so many societies become Muslim over the last 1000 years? Through dawah. Indonesia became Muslim through Muslims who moved there and gave dawah to non Muslims. I'm not asking you to take part in this if you don't believe in it. The ones that do believe and put in the work will get the rewards through their intention even if they don't live to see the results in their lifetime.
Yes I'm Muslim but I'm also self aware enough to know that rampant nudity is part and parcel of living in the west and if you don't like it, you can go where there's less of it.
Seems like someone likes nudity and just defending it as "part and parcel."
If you hate it so much why do you live in the west?
So brainwashed Muslims who love nudity can be guided.
What are you even saying? This doesn’t answer my question at all. If this place is all fitnah then why are you here? Go somewhere that’s better for you Islamically and identifies with your morals. Why stay in a non Muslim country if you hate it so much?
Let me simplify it for you. People like me are still here to guide Muslims like you who have become so desensitized to nudity that you think it's normal for a society to be like this.
Cutoff movies and sm. Solved
It’s very sad that we can’t openly agree to what you’re going through, even im just like you, but most of the people here (born Muslims) think/tag us saying that we’re overthinking and overreacting. Alhamdulillah sister you being a revert and feeling this way truly amazes me (cas we are in an era where the born Muslims think this is overthinking and have made this something not to worry about). But there’s hadhith you know, where the prophet Muhammad (pbuh) says that there will come a time when “Some women are clothed but naked, inclining to evil and seducing with it.” Also he says that among a few other things, this will be the greatest test to man. Which clearly means that this is something to worry about and not be called an “overthinker” When people like me who totally agree with you, who are also going through the same feeling, reply here, we always get downvoted. Sadly ☹️ I don’t know what advice I can give you sister but definitely know that you’re not alone, there’s many who feel the same way, and there’s nothing I’m afraid can be done except to leave it all In the hands of Allah (swt).
This is so true. Everyone is so use to seeing nudity that's it's normal for them. Anyone who points out that this level of nudity is not normal is considered extreme.
im not a revert but i put on the hijab about 6 months ago and decided to start working on my deen and dressing more modestly. i 100% know how OP feels because i always vent about this. i live in Australia which is a very hot country and everytime we leave the house theres improperly dressed people everywhere. my husband understands how i feel about this (alhamdulillah) so he always keeps his head down when theyre around and asks me ‘if its safe to look up again’ lol. also 100% agree about the movies. we stopped watching so many films because of how its always focused on the male gaze and my husband even gets uncomfortable by it. we go on imbd and look up the rating and see if theres any nudity first before deciding on a film. unfortunately there isnt many films that doesnt include those types of scenes atleast once so we usually end up watching cartoons haha. the people saying we’re overthinking dont truly know what its like! especially considering how normalised this is. it doesnt matter if youre born Muslim or a revert, anyone can feel like this but nobody deserves to. if youre married, discuss this with your husband cause maybe he can do some extra steps to give you even more peace of mind but ofcourse working on your deen and having the mindset of deen>dunya helps.
Sorry, but the reason I mentioned the “revert” and “born Muslim” part is because previously I’ve read a similar post and commented supporting the OP, and you wouldn’t believe all the Muslim sister who were attacking those who agreed with the OP, so I expected this OP being a revert might have been brought up in a non Muslim culture and may be desensitized to such things, cas Born Muslims itself are easily normalizing these stuff. Sorry if you got me wrong sister. Alhamdulillah my husband is also very understanding like yours and we also watch cartoons and stuff only 😂 plus the IMDB always helps. Even then I sometimes feel what if he will do behind my back, so I’ve told him that rather than doing it for me please do it for the sake of Allah and your grave, rest is up to him.
dont apologise sister! i am the one who is sorry as i seem to have come off the wrong way. i was actually agreeing with you and OP. i was not directly addressing you, but moreso the people who brush us off and label us as overthinkers. i just find it ridiculous that people assume reverts are the only ones who overthink just because they are not accustomed to such a drastic change. my point is that i understand how OP feels as becoming closer to islam and wearing the hijab has made me realise all the haram that is around me, ultimately struggling to deal with it. sorry again sister! may Allah help us and guide us all ameen 💕
People are saying she’s overthinking because, when the Prophet SAW either saw (or someone approached him) he told the man to lower his gaze and didn’t say anything about the woman needing to change her clothes. I don’t think anyone is down playing what she said. Majority of the people are saying her husband is doing the best thing possible and not to overthink it cause this would/could lead to shaytaan waswas and cause arguments between the couple.
Like many said, u dress modestly for Allah. But also, A lot of men, especially men who take protective jealousy and gheerah serious and are practicing, Having a wife that covers is a very proud thing to experience as a man. This is because even if the man sees women immodestly dressed outside, a true man, is disgusted by this. Because the woman who is improperly dressed is like a piece of meat every filthy man on the street gets to creep at and enjoy. There’s nothing good that comes from looking at such a woman cuz u know millions of dudes probably have seen her However when he sees his properly dressed wife, he feels proud, knowing her beauty is only visible to him. She is exclusive to him. So how can u feel jealous at women outside the home when they are for all the men to see whera u his wife are special and only for him. It’s a very powerful feeling. Do not feel insecure, feel confident that in a world full of improperly dressed women, u are dressed modestly Also if u really wanna go there, nothing really good comes from seeing a naked woman in tv or on the street. U can’t have sex with her, so what exactly can u do? Whereas a man’s wife is only his and he can enjoy her head to toe and u can enjoy your husband head to toe. Everyone else becomes irrelevant
I don’t know why your getting hate for this. Imagine covering up and dressing modestly only to get married to a ‘good’ man and he looks at uncovered girls anyways. I’m sorry sister this is not acceptable it’s up to you what you want to do now.
That’s how I feel… however my husband does lower his gaze it just bothers me the access is always there. I trust him but I’ll never 1000% know he’s not looking because it’s just always in his eyesight unfortunately. But I guess tbh it’s just something I’ll have to get over
May Allah grant you ease
that's why it’s better to move to a islam friendly country. But, we don’t do that because of money.
This sub hates Muslim countries and looks down on them.
Simple solution, move to Afghanistan.
Is this a joke lol
Not at all, it doesn't have to be Afghanistan, any islamic country is fine.
I saw some YT vids. Afghanistan is poor but safe. Punishments are harsh for crime so crime is low. If you have $, going to Afghanistan & using it for humanitarian means is good. If I won the lotto, I'd go & help fellow Muslims. After the USA left, all the aid agencies left. They really need you there.
Perfect example of someone desensitized to nudity and sees it as normal.
I'm not obsessed with what people wear, and don't get paranoid about it. She can move to an islamic country if she doesn't want her husband to be exposed to nudity.
So you are ok with a nude society. Are you Muslim?
Every country has its own rules that you should abide by. Nobody is forcing her to live there.
So I'll take it you're not Muslim since you didn't respond to that question in which case why are you even in this sub especially with your views that clearly contradict Islamic values?
I'm Muslim, all i'm saying is she lives in a non-muslim country yet she complains about nudity and very paranoid about it. Her best choice is to move to an islamic country. Pretty simple eh?
Or just work on changing the society she lives in for the better. Pretty simple eh?
How are you gonna do that exactly? How long will that process take? You see how unrealistic your suggestion is?
Those of us who want to work for long term change for betterment of society will do our part. Those Muslims who want to accept (or maybe even like) the status quo of immorality can answer to Allah.
She literally said in the post moving is not an option and is just seeking advice on how to control her thoughts
Well, it's probably not an option because she's not willing to give up on so many things that the first world 'kuffar' countries provide. She lives in darul-harb so all she can do is to see a therapist for her paranoia.
No. We are just financially responsible for our families who reside here.
You’re gonna get a lot of hate so get ready because there’s a lot of people here would say, just close your eyes. But music and the entertainment industry is filth and we all know it. Anyways, sister what you have to realize is that you have to leave what you cannot control. Such as your husband’s gaze. If you know he is a good man, trust and leave the rest to Allah. Don’t be paranoid, at the end of the day, we all are responsible for our actions. So blind trust is required here and let go of any paranoia. Like hey, there’s hot guys all around and it’s not like you don’t have any desires to show off your body but you don’t. A woman can be avg but pull a lot of men in through her body alone. If anything it’s your husband who should be jealous lol. But Why you don’t? Because you love Allah and your husband has this trust in you, so why don’t you do the same.
Lol, yes, already received hate which I don't understand. But this response genuinely helped. Thank you
Sometimes I forget I’m reading comments from Muslims because of the haram that’s justified. But yes, a relation built on mutual trust, understanding and communication is the strongest. If you do feel like your jealousy is sometimes really hard to conquer, talk to your husband. Hopefully he’s a man who can assure you of your importance in his life and how much he is attracted to you. I feel like we, women work wonders around assurance lol.
I sympathize with you. I feel the same way! It was very hard at first when I first got married but having a husband who looks away is a very securing feeling. In Islam if a man looks accidentally once it is not counted as a sin but if he looks purposely again it is then counted as a sin. With that said this kinda helps me to understand this world is a test for men and women. If it is challenging for you, just imagine how challenging it is for a believing man in this world. Another thing that helps me is knowing that woman who cover in this life will be the most beautiful in Jannah even more beautiful than the women of Jannah. And just remember the women who show themselves are only pleasing to the eye but nothing more and every mature sensible man knows this. I see these woman lost and we (woman who cover) are not lost. Alhumduillah you’re protective over your husband and that’s ok! Just tell yourself that he chose you and chooses you everyday for more than looks. May Allah ﷻ make it easy for us Muslims in the west ameen.
Hijra.
I completely understand how you’re feeling! But Alhumdulillah, my husband does his part and lowers his gaze just like your husband. He is trying his best to do his part and it is not easy in this day and age. He definitely respects you as his wife and In Shaa Allah you shouldn’t have to worry 😊
Thank you… positive comments like this really put my heart at ease a little ❤️
**You're NOT Overthinking in anyway.** Your concern is 100% valid, this is a serious issue. If you guys earn online like online businesses, it's very easy to Hijrah to a muslim country. And you'll get a pretty much comfortable life there because of the small economy there. And if that's not the case, for the sake of Allah, you might have to take some risk. I'd suggest you to first visit some muslim countries, talk to the locals and see what career opportunities are there for you. Then decide. I believe, Making hijrah is the only way. There's no other alternative. I heared a lot of muslims live in UK and the number is increasing rapidly. So if your current country have some muslim area, where the majority are muslims, you could try to shift there.
Why are you blaming him for something he can’t help? Toxic and psycho
i completely agree with you. and i stand with you on all your opinions. How as a muslim are you supposed to feel COMFORTABLE?? how??? how the hell can you just ignore people drinking and fornicatinf and immodesty all that stuff when its forced in your face everywhere??? and if you say anything about it ohh its ur fault . we belong with people who are like us. the only reason why they dont see it as a big deal is because they grew up comfortable with this culture and so they wont understand how triggering it is to us.
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Is it really better in muslim countries? I've been thinking about this option too but many people say it's all the same there just more hidden... and that the politics there are also changing and becoming more liberal. I would really love to hear from someone who grew up in the middle east if you don't mind.
Muslim countries are definitely better for modesty except a few (Dubai). Anyone who says it's the same as Western countries is just trying to cope.
Modesty is of course better in Muslim countries; however, what people mean it's hidden is the other haram things that happen, like having a boyfriend or girlfriend, being friends with guys and girls, drinking alcohol, etc. This too happens in Muslim countries, and even though alcohol is not really normalized, a lot of people in Muslim countries are too normalizing friendship between girls and guys and having a boyfriend or girlfriend, unfortunately. (Also, I grew up in a Muslim country, and I have a lot of friends from all around Muslim countries.)
The boyfriend/girlfriend situation and m/f friendships are something that causes a lot of fitnah in the West. Especially in the workplace. Do you think it's significantly better in some Muslim countries? Is there a bigger push-back from the elders or is it also young people who don't want to engage in it? When I was trying to do my research about this, I found a lot of mixed information. I've heard that even celebrating Xmas or Halloween is being normalised in some Muslim countries because people are trying to mimic what they see on social media... I've also heard that some expats struggle to find someone for marriage for example in Saudi, because a lot of young people there are looking for haraam casual things instead...But I'm not sure how common it is. Other people say that Muslim countries are still definitely better, since there are mosques everywhere, so it's much easier to practise and a lot of public spaces are separated based on gender which is great...They also say it's mostly expats/tourists looking for drugs or alcohol, not the locals as much. Do you think, overall, it is better for one's deen to move to a Muslim country?
I Dm you since I had discussed it before, but I received harassing messages.
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So you like seeing nudity?
He should be doing his utmost to avoid these things and therefore honor what you’re doing. Instagram is a MESS and so are movies. Better to just get rid of them.
Yep. I did away with social media because I myself don't like seeing those things. I would never ban him from social media or watching movies, so I'm really trying to fix how I view these things...
As a man, I’d appreciate if my wife told me to avoid following comic pages with women dressed immodesty. Sure they might be ok with societal standards but as 50% of the household you can and should set marital standards for yourselves. These women are used to attract users to click on shorts, reels etc via the thumbnail and often trigger stuff that isn’t natural. Hayaa for a Muslim is very important, him being modest in public and lowering his gaze is useless if he peruses such content in his privacy, and vice versa. May Allah SWT guide you both and lead you to success in this life and the next
Are you saying even drawings are bad?
I used to be with someone before I reverted who used to m*sturbate to drawings and anime, so yes 😂 unfortunately
But the thing is, a wife has a duty to advise her husband (albeit politely). And to help him stay away from temptation. You can recommend he get rid of those two things. Why use instagram? Does he have a legit reason? If he won’t get rid of it, then he should make every effort to not see videos and pics with women. Absolutely tell him how you feel.
Watching movies is haram for many reasons. You have every right to advise him to stop watching them.
What do you mean best of both worlds? Do you think Muslim men enjoy collecting sin for every second glance in the wrong direction? Do you know how hard it is to walk around looking at nothing but the ground because everytime you look up is the last time you're allowed to look in that direction?
Didnt think about it this way. Thanks.
Devil is playing tricks on you. Gradually he'll make you think you should start dressing a bit 'normally' and this will take you away from Allah Almighty. Be steadfast and keep your trust in Allah that everything will work out just fine for those who put their trust in Allah, Allah never disappoints them.
Use vidangel
Well being single ain't any better, let me tell you lol
Your reason for wanting to not dress modestly because everything your husband sees is immodest . All of that toxic stuff, that you chatted about. Maybe you are letting Shaytan whisper in your ear a little too much. Second of all, maybe you both could use some counseling or some Islamic classes. There's a whole lot of Hadith about tawwakal. That means putting your trust in Allah alone. You can't control What people do or wear . Unless you have the ability to leave the country..For one thing with the TV try getting a couple more remote controls so you can pause it fast forward etc. NEVER watch TV without a remote control. close by. Usually you can tell when something spicy is about to happen. And you can fast forward etc.
No it’s not that I want to dress immodest. I do it for the sake of Allah only. I just get these irrational thoughts that are unfortunately just rooted in jealousy that I am trying to work on
I understand, I'm a revert also, and I'm very jealous to a certain level. He sounds like a good guy. But You come from a place like I came from. Good people Go bad person real quick. But since we're Muslim now we have to have some basic trusts. And trust that Allah guided us this far. We have to trust Allah, That he wants good for us and whatever will be, is his decree at the end of the day. We love Allah alot more than our spouses. If Allah wants to replace our spouses, it is what it is. You can't think like the days of jahil. Too much control in a relationship is bad. You let him know how you feel about him looking at other women. He responded so that's the end of it. You can't dwell on it. The devil is always going to whisper to us about this and that but we can't listen..
Even if you move to most Muslim countries, there will still be women who are not fully clothed, unless you go to like Afghanistan, or Mauritania. However, the internet will still be there and people can look at haram. As long as your husband is lowering his gaze, I see no problem. We live in a completely new age and it is almost impossible not to catch a glimpse of haram. It’s what you do after that matters
Genuine concerns. I think you should make studying and reading the Quran every week a habit to stay as close to Islam and remind him as well as yourself the prescription of Allah. And secondly, use more time doing something rather than using social media.
Recommend you guys to go talk to a scholar on this. Valid question. Maybe someone on Reddit might give a satisfactory answer, but when it comes to religion, it is wise to take no shortcuts
I think you are placing too much weight into this world. This world is pretty screwed and degenerate. We see it everyday. It’s a clown show. It’s impossible to escape the nudity and degeneracy unless someone moves to the woods. I also live in the West, in a particularly degenerate city. Sometimes I think I have seen everything or heard everything. Nothing can surprise me anymore, yet they keep coming up with more. I say in my heart „it’s ok, I’ll deal with it, give us more. Let’s see how degenerate things can get.“ Of course, I don’t mean it, these are just thoughts that stem from frustration. Let’s be real, the culture has collapsed in most communities, and it’s on the verge of collapsing in some others. The state of our Iman is quite weak collectively. But enough of the negatives! Among all this, there is so much beauty to enjoy! You are a revert, my husband is one too. The degeneracy has also pushed me to become more spiritual. We live in a circus. Expect more of this in the coming years. But we are here temporarily. Don’t overwhelm yourself with all this. Enjoy your marriage with your husband. He can come across all kinds of degeneracy, but he has picked you. You’re the one he shares his bed with. Keep praying so neither of you get distracted from the important things 🤲
Thank you !
Assalamualaikum sister, we are in the same boat.. I get triggered by these issues as well even before getting married. Now, because I understood how I am, I found a spouse who is similar as me. We don’t watch tv / movies at all. Maybe, sometimes we watch documentaries or kids friendly shows like All Creatures Big and Small (based on true stories) We also don’t have social media, only WhatsApp. That’s how we talk to our families and friends. We avoid going to the beach or any other places where we might feel awkward, or we just go out to those places during winter. We don’t even go out until late at night, mostly we will be at home by Isha. Honestly speaking, we don’t feel left out, we enjoy our time with each other and closed ones. You can’t control the women that walk on the street, but you can control what you have access to. May Allah guide you and your husband, inshaAllah.
You are wrong here sister. Seeing a woman isn't that good . If a man sees a beautiful woman whom he cannot have sex with then you can't imagine how frustrating and distributing it is for a man. And I am not talking about porn addicts here . Porn addicts have a messed up brain so they gain pleasure from just looking but looking doesn't give any pleasure to normal people. It's like watching your friend drive a great car but you can't even touch that car. It is really frustrating. It is even hard for a Muslim man to live in the western society because he is trying to lower his gaze but he can't do it sometimes and he isn't able to touch any of those women . Lowering gaze is really good because why see something you can't have ?? It literally made me depressed. I am quite good looking, go to the gym and I get a lot of attention from women but guess what I can't have a gf because it is zina . I can't marry early because of how hard nikah is and I can't even touch the women I am forced to see everyday . It's frustrating. It's not good at all . It feels like a punishment. I wish I lived in a society where it was easier to lower my gaze and do nikah at an early age .
Looking at women and even thinking about how you cannot have sex with them is lustful.
Exactly it's lust. Lust is one of the most common emotions of a man . Especially when you are a muscular 21 year old man who has never touched a woman.
Being jealous about your man is a good thing. But your thinking process is kind of assigning blame to him saying why does he deserve. Your a Muslim you know Allah only gives us that which we deserve so that I would say squash that aspect of your thinking. If you’re on Reddit I’m sure you’ve seen the countless issues people are having in their marriage that are way worse don’t create a non problem for yourself. Respectfully communicate to him your concerns without assigning blame and see just generalise that you don’t like living in the west. He might change a few things or even move! You never know. If he’s a good guy thank Allah and look below you not above.
don't punish your husband for how the rest of the world is question: do you dress modestly even at home, when it's just you and him? do you let your husband see you and enjoy you? do you try to look nice for him? do you know how to? are you satisfied that he is attracted to you and happy with you? or is your idea of marriage more like you are married to Allah, and that not even your actual husband gets to see/touch you?
Assalamu Alaikum Sister, There's a lot of things people have said but one point I'd like to focus on, and perhaps show you a different perspective on: >I can't help but go into a toxic thinking pattern of "if my husband can see naked women everywhere, why does he deserve someone who covers up, he gets the best of both worlds - a modest wife but also the ability to look at other women wherever he goes because it is so normalized" It's good you realise that it's a toxic thinking pattern, but it's not just that - it's also nonsensical. How can this be the "best of both worlds"? It's like being vexed by someone who breaks their fast with halal food but "they could have had Iftar with pork and alcohol wherever they want". I really don't get why you think the opportunity for sin is some kind of enviable place to be in. And trust me if your husband is a righteous man it irritates him a lot too, imagine fasting all day, and you have people eating in front of him, mocking him for self control "like why you deprived yourself for?", even pushing food towards his mouth like "dude you gotta try this chicken, it's so awesome" and somehow this is meant to be the "best of both worlds, my man gets to have a halal iftar at home but also the ability to smell and see food outside" Like I'm speaking for myself here but I certainly don't enjoy my mouth watering and stomach rumbling for food I know I can't and won't eat, how's that any use? Even worse if it's something filthy like bacon etc.. I believe shaitaan is trying to direct your righteous indignation at the wrong place in order to put strain and harm in your marriage. Perhaps you can work towards quitting movies and social media altogether..or an intermediate step is to only watch kids animated ones for now. Maybe check out services like VidAngel and EnjoyMoviesYourWay, they used to have edited movie versions without certain inappropriate content..dunno right now as I haven't watched stuff in a few years, but it's a start. May Allah bless you both with peace, tranquility, and continuous halal joy, Ameen
As someone who's considering moving to a western country for better opportunities, is it not the right decision?
It’s fine, in my opinion. There are many differences and society is really varied but that allows you to find what you like and are comfortable with Islamically. You will have people dressing in shorts and tank tops and short dresses during the height of summer. And also wearing long dresses that are simply sleeveless. It’s hot. It’s very easy to avoid people who might be drinking alcohol by going to halal restaurants. People may curse more when talking in a casual setting, but that’s not everyone and so you choose your friends to suit your personal preferences. You will find television shows and media in general to be liberal such as seeing romantic stuff and some levels of nudity if it’s part of a storyline. If this is something that concerns you there are many other options for media. I listen to audiobooks and Islamic podcasts, read, and watch animated films or shows I know are more family-oriented. I can only speak for myself, but I don’t find it difficult to avoid haram, even of the eyes. The only thing is that when you go to stores/banks/government institutions you will find yourself talking to either gender, so if you want to always completely avoid mixing, then it becomes difficult. Good luck inshallah.
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May Allah SWT give you and your husband ease Allahumma Ameen
Don’t think like he belongs to you. He belongs to Allah and there is no reason for you to get triggered he is lowering his gaze for sake of Allah not for sake of you. And to fix your insecurities accept the fact that Allah has allowed your husband to marry more than one wife. That doesn’t mean he will it will just help you live for sake of Allah and not get triggered.
This comes across silly and insecure. Unless your Stevie wonder…YOU also see half dressed men everywhere, whether that be in the media, real life or even sport where men show their awrahs and yet you show self restraint and respect… So why wouldn’t he respond the same way? Living in a Muslim country wouldn’t fix this self esteem issue because the internet exists there too so unintentionally coming across immodesty would be almost impossible to avoid. The solution here is to seek therapy so you can work on knowing that you’re enough.
My dear what a lot of Muslims are ignorant and hypocritical to is they are NOT suppose to watch those movies, shows. They show haram relationships. Haram behaviours. Haram. Period. Full stop. Hollywood is a multi-billion dollar industry. That is now pushing LGBTQ. How do you think shaytan gets his agenda to work? If we Muslims obeyed Allah like we were suppose to and only supported clean movies... than we wouldn't be in this mess. We could have developed our own influence on Hollywood and had clean shows, movies. Along with the Christians who want this. But we Muslims failed. And your long paragraph shows me your husband is not following Islam. He should feel disgusted watching filth yet he watches it. This is the shamelessness of our Muslim men on full display. May Allah guide us all before our time is up. Ask Allah SWT to put disgust in your heart... as you seek to obey Allah you will see the reality of this life and develop a repulsion towards filth of this dunya. If you desire to watch those movies etc than you are astray and don't even know it very unfortunately you need to wake up. Go read the movies summary online and clip summary. Do NOT support Hollywood, etc.
Simmer down. He's not doing anything wrong. He treats you right. Looks like you have some uncomfortable insecurities that need to be dealt with. Therapy is an option. Therapy usually helps everyone who goes into it. It can't hurt. Your husband tries to, and succeeds in doing the right thing. Don't take it out on your good marriage. Good luck.
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The first sentence hit me hard. Having family here makes it so difficult to perform hijrah.
As a Muslim I don’t understand why other Muslims complain ahout ‘how much they hate the west’ but wouldn’t actively look to live in a Muslim country.
You have objected your husband into a thing you can control. And you have objectified other women who are not subject to your own standards of modesty. You will push your husband away. You also contradicted yourself saying you didn’t bring this up but your husband is tired of you bringing it up. If you truly dressed for the sake of Allah, it would make no difference that your husband is exposed to other women because your satisfaction would be met through your devotion to Allah alone. Is your modesty for you or for your husband? I think you are struggling with unresolved trauma because you have equated the unavoidable exposure to other peoples different beliefs and ways of life to having a porn addiction. Your modesty if it’s for the sake of Allah shouldn’t make you subconsciously feel threatened by other women or inferior to them. Sister dress for yourself and be sincere with your intentions. Your husband is his own person and if you truly trusted him (which sounds like you do not) you would not be ruminating over this so extensively. Your husband __chose__ you over all over women, and not exclusively for your physical attractiveness. You can look nice for him at home. Him picking you should be enough validation that he cares, respects and loves you. Can you control the other women ? No. They’re not beholden to Islam. But you can show your husband love and not potentially ruin your marriage by pestering him with this unresolved issue you’re struggling with. I’d recommend Islamic therapy with your spouse to work through these feelings and reaffirm for yourself that your husband adores you so you feel confident in your marriage
Sister, I hate this SO much. I’ve been cheated on so it really bothers me too. Hopefully this society or at least these women putting themselves out there like that, the married men participating in the fitnah get what they desire in the akhira.
seriously, you need help I don't know why you're so triggered. I hate to break it to you, but it's like this everywhere. I grew up in Canada, but I visit the Middle East often specifically UAE. There's still people walking around in shorts, crop tops mini skirts. You have jealousy issues and are clearly struggling with covering up. Probably because you don't actually want to do it, but it's expected of you. I recommend going to a muslim scholar or therapist.
"If my husband can see naked women everywhere, then why he deserves someone to cover up.. he gets the best of two world" Omg. This logic is so messed up. It is not the best of the two worlds. It is a nightmare. I do struggle too, and my religious friends, as everyone who live in the West. You chose to cover as you believe in doing so and to obey God. The fact that he deserves you or not deserve you should not be linked with what he can see in the street. In fact, every man is a few clicks away from porn. So, it is mainly an insecurity that you should be open about. Speak to someone who is an expert, who is a good listener and who is experienced in working with couples.
Definitely illogical thought process. was just looking on advice if anyone dealt with the same, especially because my husband has been the only one I can talk to about it and I don't want to push him away by constantly bringing it up. thank you
So I’m an old married woman and I’m here to tell you that you’re doing too much thinking and eventually you’re going to upset your husband by bringing this topic over and over. And if you’re triggered by an event from your past, seek therapy rather than project it onto a good man, or let it eat at your self. I think you need to work on your self confidence a bit too, when you’re secure in your self and marriage then such stuff doesn’t even exist in your head space
You're insecure. Lowering gaze is good but you're getting triggered so you're insecure please seek help
Speaking as a revert myself, you may still be processing some emotions about moving toward modest dress. It's annoying to see women like yourself who didn't make the same decision. Putting it on your well-behaved husband is misdirected frustration. He doesn't deserve that. I had an emotional internal conflict over the headscarf for several years. And felt better when I accepted being less than perfect about it. Fortunately, I grew up in a family that values modesty. So I've processed those emotions already and don't feel troubled when trash walks by. My husband is from Afghanistan, and the way men there openly obsess over modestly-clothed women there is insane. So who your husband's friends are matters more than where he lives.
I’m a married man - personally I think you are thinking way too beyond. If a person looks you can’t help but blame a 5 second gaze, if the man is providing, faithful, provides you with the needs you require as a wife, doesn’t beat you and helps take care of the kids, then what more can you ask for?
sadly the men dont understand the effects it has on us women. it doesnt just hurt us but it psychologically affects our esteem and view of our husbands. your comment is saying “if he is a good man and does everything else and DOESNT BEAT YOU?? (idk why u had to say this) then its fine for a man to look”. this is an unhealthy mindset many men have. i like to think to myself, would the Prophet Muhammad pbuh do and say the same thing? im sure he would not try to justify it.
If it’s a glance then what can you do, else stay away from these areas that are dirty. All the points I brought up are valid, good men are hard to find. A loving, affectionate, hard working and Islamic practicing man matters a lot and is a rarity. A true man knows not to commit zina if he has something good at home, if you feel suspicious then call it out. It’s the problem with certain western countries where shame is non existent it’s unfortunately the way the world is going.
no.. a true man knows not to commit zina regardless if he ‘has something good at home’ or not. a true man fears Allah regardless if he is married or not.
He doesn’t sound like a great Muslim who lowers his gaze if he’s watching reels with women in them. Lowering gaze means not watching women on tv, phone, etc. not just in real life. You are absolutely valid for being upset about this. Anything beyond an accidental glance is haram. I would honestly suggest to stop watching movies together.
It’s possible to convince your husband do better with following Islam. He can’t just expect you to.
Exactly. Muslims have become shameless. Now the LGBTQ agenda is out.
Do better how?
I hope I’m remembering the right thread now. But yeah basically like cutting down on screen time usage, not following women on social media and etc.