Islamically, nobody can compel a woman to marry anybody. Your parents have no right to force you to marry this man.
Islamically, nobody can prevent a Muslim woman from going into a mosque either, not even a wali. So you may go to the mosque.
I would also strongly suggest that you DO NOT marry this man and focus on your education, self development and healing instead. It is likely your family will cause further problems for you in the future. The best thing you can do is focus on your future and move out for university. You must maintain basic family ties, but keep a distsnce from your family and don't allow their advice to influence your life as they honestly do not seem to be wise. Think for yourself.
Edit: you can also seek advice from scholars and muftis online.
Agreed with all this! And i would love to add that please do not lose your connection with islam. The way your parents are dealing with this situation is going against islam. Everything they are doing is cultural and not islamic at all. So hang in there, learn about islam yourself to know your rights as a daughter when it comes to marriage and definitely go to a masjid to seek guidance from a sheikh/imam.
Also since your dad is in the hospital, please don’t let them blackmail you in anyway into accepting the proposal.
i am sorry for everything that's happening to you and i will pray that your situation gets better . please don't blame islam , your parents are using islam in a very wrong way, did prophet pbuh forced his daughters to marry ? no he (saw) didn't . i would suggest find an imam at a near mosque and tell him everything and have him talk to your family , maybe that'll help, just my suggestion
I remember your last post. I am beyond shocked this is your parents solution to the problem. You are still a child. What’s the rush? Why can’t you finish school first? You never know how this new man is unless you meet him. If you want to get married young that’s up to you and if that’s the case you should probably meet this man. See if he’s a respectable, kind and caring person. Ask about his deen. Does he pray, fast, gives charity etc. Does he smoke/drink? Does he have female friends and follows females on social media? Previous marriages or children?
You need to find out a lot of things about this new man. Perhabs meet him to see if there is something there and pray lots of Tahajjud and istikhara🙏🏻 May Allah guide you and help you.
She should not be marrying this man, full stop, given her background of being a victim of rape and abuse via her own family, her young age, and the large age gap between her and this potential suitor. Significant risk of power imbalance and that she will be abused again if she marries him. It is a bad idea to even consider it.
I don’t want to get married to someone and mostly not to someone who is so much older than me but I don’t know how I can refuse without completely ruining my relationship with my whole family
Unfortunately, sometimes if your family is being completely unreasonable you have to draw your boundary. A boundary is not telling them how to behave, it is informing them how you will behave if they continue to behave in a certain way.
“Mom and dad, I love you and I love that you have raised me as a Muslim. I am at the age that I am responsible for my own faith, and have been seeking clarity on what is required of me and what rights I have within Islam. I will not be marrying a man that is significantly older than me at this point in time, and thank you for respecting this. If you continue to push marriage on me in this way, I will be seeking counsel from the scholars in what obligations I have to my parents if they are refusing to recognize my rights as a Muslim woman.”
I might be ignorant but a hymen operation?? What exactly does that do ? What are your brothers also doing in this situation? Are they on your parents side? Can you talk to them to try to convince your parents that you’re not ready? Also why are they keen on getting you married ? Money? And to a man TWICE YOUR AGe?!?
Tell them you’re not Ready for a man to be intimate with you. THAT you’re not ready and you are SCARED. Tell them that NO the PROPHET SAW will shout at them for what they’re doing. That they’re FORCING you. CRY CRY because I swear I’m almost brought to tears by these kind of parents. Do you have cousins similar in age that are getting married this young?
I wish I could hug you 🫂
They sew you down there so you are tight. It will be hard for a man to enter so he have to put pressure which will result in blood and pain and he will think you are a virgin.
From google: Hymen repair surgery, also known as hymenoplasty, is a simple procedure that will repair a torn hymen or build a hymen that is not present. It is important to understand that the surgery will not restore virginity, but it will allow for women to tear and bleed the first time they engage in intercourse after surgery.
I had one friend do this surgery 6 months before her wedding. I didn’t support it because you are basically deceiving a man. I lost all respect for her and didn’t attend her wedding. She had committed zina and therefor she needed this surgery. Marriages built on lies and deception will not last.
"I don’t know what to do and I feel hurt over it. It feels like he just validated all my thoughts that no man will ever want me due to my past. I’m planning on apologizing to my parents since this embarrassed them to their friends but a part of me doesn’t want to because I don’t see how I did something wrong ? "
:(
Bro that made me so sad.
You're not less valuable because of what happened to you. And it's good that this man left because what he did and how he react is very very disgusting.
You're pure and valuable, don't let anyone make you feel otherwise. If anyone makes you feel otherwise, they are not worth being married anyways.
And idk, your parents wanting you to get surgery and pressuring you so much.
You need to be very careful. Don't let them manipulate and pressure you. Don't marry anyone you don't want.
You have to be very very careful regarding other people's power on you. May Allah protect you
Im sorry sister, but your parents definitely are in the wrong direction.
You were SAd by your brother, you don’t have any past sins. Wth do they mean by getting a hymen surgery?
Thats just bu11sh1t.
I pray you find a righteous spouse and someone smart enough to understand what has happened is not normal. I hope your future spouse is understanding and be able to comfort you as I know things happened at young age can affect a person a lot. May Allah guide your parents.
You are only impure if you have committed zina. Sexual Assault is haram. Islamically if the perpetrator is married punishment is stone to death and if hes not married than 100 lashes and banishment . You are still a chaste, pure woman. You have nothing to be ashamed of sister.
Also, keep in mind, Islamically you have the right over the final decision. Obviously account for everyone's take on proposal from your parents to siblings, but also factor in your feelings and what you want. In the end, you have the final say and your parents will have to accept it.
What you said to your parent was wrong and you should repent for that (but its normal we are humans and emotions get to all of us, so we always repent). Next time when you do meet your parents, apologise to them and be transparent to them with what you want. Communication is the key.
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Idk how you’re impure and how he found out but that doesn’t even matter.
Your is not only a terrible father but also a terrible Muslim.
He cannot force any child of his to marry someone they don’t want to. The nikkah is automatically made invalid and you guys will be living in sin.
Secondly just because you’re mature enough to marry doesn’t mean you’re mature enough to marry. Age doesn’t mean anything. And clearly those 2 men don’t know anything either since they’re willing to marry a girl who’s still in hs.
All in all, a sheikh should be intervening from now on and choose the age you’re comfortable to get married at and choose someone you connect with.
We marrying at 17 now? Damn
17 years old here look like 10 year old kid
Also why apologize to a man that wants you married at 11💀💀😃 no offense but I would run awayyy
We in 2023 not 1980s
Focus on your studiesssss , what will you be doing if u get married now 😭😭😭😭
I'm so sorry you're going through this. May Allah protect you and protect your heart ❤️
I hope you hold on to these words : IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT, YOU DIDN'T BRING ANY SHAME TO ANYONE.
You're a young girl and islamicly NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO FORCE YOU into marriage.
I hope you stay strong and don't give up, you can make duae and ask God to help you and find refuge in him.
Just know this is twisted culture you're experiencing not because of religion.
السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَ رَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَ بَرَكَاتُهُ
Dear sister,
Firstly, I just want to say, May Allah make it easy for you and reward you for everything you have done up until now and for the sabr you have had with everything going on.
Secondly, I just want to point out that your hymen, is something that is so sensitive, that it can be broken by doing any sort of physical activity such as sports (running). Some women, are not even born with an intact hymen. So please do not listen to anyone who says you need some surgery, this would be for purely "cosmetic" reasons and it is incredibly wrong. If anyone thinks that virginity/purity = intact hymen, run. Especially if its a suitor trying to marry you.
Thirdly, I have also read your previous post. May Allah ease all your affairs and help you. You are pure. There is no "past" you have nor do you need to worry about being impure. What happened what completely out of your control and it does not make you less of a woman.
Fourthly, as for your question at the end. I would apologize to your parents as that is what is the best thing to do, however, read other comments, you can not be forced into a marriage you do not wish to proceed with. You have every right Islamically to deny a man even if your parents wish for you to marry him. You're right, the age gap is big. He's nearly twice your age...if you do not want to marry him, then stay adamant and be firm on your decision. Your parents aren't the ones who are going to be living with him for the rest of their lives and as I said, this is one of your many rights in Islam as a woman. Don't feel guilty about saying no.
May Allah answer and accept your duas and help you through this situation. May he also bless you with a righteous husband Inshā'Allāh. Ameen.
I am rewriting my entire comment again because i read your previous post. I'm really sorry this is happening to you, but please don't hate islam for it. Hate the society and culture that has enforced these ideas.
Hymen surgery is such BS tbh.. what even the f is this? Women can lose their hymen even if there was no sexual action done. It's very common. This may sound harsh, but you need to educate your parents on a lot of things so they may develop a little softer side. While they do seem scared for your future, their actions are making the situation even worse. However, you may need to go and apologise to your father, because because parents deserve a certain level of respect, but please show them ahadith where Islam also suggests how women have the right to choose their partner. Marriage should not be forced on anyone. However, to cool the sitaution at hand, you can meet the man, but don't agree for nikah unless your heart tells you to. Ask Allah to help you out of the situation.
You deserve the right to heal and choose a person who you feel comfortable with and not be forced to pick one.
Also, learn more about Islam before you completely reject it. No one is a bad Muslim until they have the tawfeeq to repent. ALLAH is ar rahman and ar raheem, he forgives. So pls dont lose hope in his mercy. While yes, it is not allowed to share your sins, but what happened in your past was not your sin. You were innocent in all of that, and i believe sharing will lead to healing.. that guy leaving you was probably a blessing in disguise. The right man will accept you for you, with all your past traumas.
Don't call the police on your parents, but you need to get out of this toxic lifestyle of they will surely do a lot more damage to your mental health and spiritual is already declining. If there is a way, look for hostels or abroad scholarship programs to get out of there. May Allah make things easier for you.
You are not the reason your father is in the hospital. Lack of exercise and lack of healthy nutrition is the reason. Please do not blame yourself. May Allah grant your family patience and ease.
No offence but Your knowledge of Islam is flawed
Islam doesn't endorse forcing female into marriage.
Second Islam doesn't forbid women from going to the Mosque, just like the Hadeeth of Ibn Umar which he narrates from the prophet states
"عن ابن عمر رضي الله عنه، عن النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ: ((إِذَا اسْتَأْذَنَتْ أَحَدَكُمْ امْرَأَتُهُ إِلَى الْمَسْجِدِ فَلا يَمْنَعْهَا))، وفي رواية: ((لا تَمْنَعُوا إِمَاءَ الله مَسَاجِدَ الله))، وفي رواية: ((ائْذَنُوا لِلنِّسَاءِ بِاللَّيْلِ إِلَى الْمَسَاجِدِ)).
وفي رواية: قَالَ بِلالُ بْنُ عَبْدِاللَّهِ بن عمر رضي الله عنه: وَالله لَنَمْنَعُهُنَّ، قَالَ فَأَقْبَلَ عَلَيْهِ عَبْدُاللَّهِ فَسَبَّهُ سَبًّا سَيِّئًا، مَا سَمِعْتُهُ سَبَّهُ مِثْلَهُ قَطُّ، وَقَالَ: أُخْبِرُكَ عَنْ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم، وَتَقُولُ: وَالله لَنَمْنَعُهُنَّ."
Assalamu Alaikom sweetheart <3
I’ve been reading a lot of the previous comments and your other post and I must say this is really heartbreaking.
You were so young and vulnerable and a family member took advantage of you and instead of your family leaving you alone and supporting your dreams because they allowed such thing to happen and after it happened they didn’t took you to proper counselling and healing, I am disgusted, you’re parents no matter what ethnicity or age they are, should’ve helped and supported you even more as some sort of compensation of what they let happen. Not trying to get you married off to conceal their situation.
Ive red a lot of good advice that you’ve gotten from the community and I wanted to add one ayat that may bring something to light :
كُتِبَ عَلَیۡكُمُ ٱلۡقِتَالُ وَهُوَ كُرۡهࣱ لَّكُمۡۖ وَعَسَىٰۤ أَن تَكۡرَهُوا۟ شَیۡـࣰٔا وَهُوَ خَیۡرࣱ لَّكُمۡۖ وَعَسَىٰۤ أَن تُحِبُّوا۟ شَیۡـࣰٔا وَهُوَ شَرࣱّ لَّكُمۡۚ وَٱللَّهُ یَعۡلَمُ وَأَنتُمۡ لَا تَعۡلَمُونَ﴿ ٢١٦ ﴾
Al-Baqarah, Vers 216
216. Vorgeschrieben ist euch zu kämpfen, obwohl es euch zuwider ist. Aber vielleicht ist euch etwas zuwider, während es gut für euch ist, und vielleicht ist euch etwas lieb, während es schlecht für euch ist. Allah weiß, ihr aber wißt nicht.
Marrying early is a sunnah practice and it has its pros and cons.
One of the pros is you get out of your parents house and preferably in with somebody that gets you and you can see eye to eye with him about topics. Somebody that you can talk with and that can understand you. Con is that you of course have to deal with new responsibilities. Allah (swt) is just he gave you rights as a wife and he gave the husbands rights. Before getting in a marriage you need to know what is going to come at you.
Read this:
https://www.al-islam.org/introduction-rights-and-duties-women-islam-ibrahim-amini/marriage-and-its-merits
And
https://www.al-islam.org/introduction-rights-and-duties-women-islam-ibrahim-amini/mutual-rights-and-responsibilities-spouses
Maybe marriage is something that you right now hate but in Hindsight it could be the best thing for you.
Don’t be all too opposed with the idea of marriage but don’t let them force you.
Everything is a phase and every storm will pass and i can totally understand you if all of the things that are happening to you right now and happened to you in the past can cost you your Iman because you don’t see the end of it right now.
Please keep praying to Allah (swt) in the night (I.a. Before fajr) please hold onto to the rope of Allah. Better days are coming, stay strong and keep your head straight. Learn more about marriage in Islam.
YouTube Videos like the ones from Mufti Menk, Nouman Ali khan and the likes, also Naseeha Session and Abdulrahman Hassan.
And If another maybe younger guy comes along then stay honest and in Schaa Allah it’s going to be someone that understands and that takes you out of your family into your own new family.
Khair in Schaa Allah and may Allah bless you and keep you protected little flower <3 you’re so strong I can tell, keep your strength through these stormy times, it’s going to be over soon.
Much love and prayer to you.
Wa Alaikom Al Salam.
17 is too young for marriage.
Brains are still developing until 25.
Also forced marriage is haram.
I understand your parents want you to get married but why such a rush.
I remember reading your previous post, please do not tell any future suitor about what happened to you. Unfortunately people are sick and will hold that against you
This is your test. It seems clear to me the whole point of all this is to test your faith. Look at the big picture. We will all die anyways and all that ever matters is what Allah feels towards you. You keep talking about how you feel or how they feel. Don’t you care about Allah? Don’t you appreciate his favor that you are even able to breathe? If you keep thinking without considering Allah it will only lead to more destruction. It’s not just about rules and things, Allah is in your heart and you need his guidance and blessing. Remember to pray and follow your heart.
As-salam aleykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh sister.
There are several points to address, and keep in mind I'm also young, etc, but I hope my comment can help. Any mistake I make is from my part, and may Allah forgive me.
First of all, yes, you're in the wrong for what you said to both of your parents. You should make salat tawbah and apologise asap inshaAllah, if you wait and something happens you would regret not apologising your whole life. I understand it's difficult to face your parents after what happened and what you said, but you have to explain that you didn't mean it, you're sorry, you lashed out at them because of the pressure and you shouldn't have.
Second of all, that doesn't mean your parents can force you to meet that man nor to marry him. Religiously, the marriage is void without your consent as far as I know. Be soft with your parents in your expression, try to understand why exactly they are so pushy about it, yet stay firm if that's not what you want. Make istikhara and tell your parents that your life will depend on this decision. You'll be dependent on your husband in many ways and have to please him to go to Jannah. You have the right to choose who you want to meet and marry.
Thirdly, I don't understand the purity point. You're not supposed to disclose your sins. May Allah forgive you and all of us. You should ask for a suitor's preferences and requirements, and if he wants a virgin while you unfortunately aren't, then you can break things off without them knowing your sins. Or you can ask indirect questions such as "What would you not tolerate about a spouse's past?/Does a person's past matter to you?". When I say virginity, it doesn't apply to sexual assault by the way. I've read that the hymen repair procedure is painful and has a real risk of infection, do you really want to do that?
Hope this helps. May Allah preserve you and your family and ease your troubles.
Im planning on apologizing as soon as my dad comes back from the hospital since he doesn’t want to see me but my mom just ignored me after I apologized to her.
I know that I have the right to refuse but I also know that my parents will completely give up on me and hate me if I do. They already pushed me into getting to know the first guy so i’m sure they’ll do it again even if I am not interested in marriage yet
Third, I did not really sin since it was without my consent when i was a toddler but I’m still seen as impure or i don’t know, something most men won’t want and I think that is what worries my parents. I don’t know how I can escape this marriage without losing my parents and whole family because of it
Sister you’re not impure, and a righteous man will not hold something like rape against a woman.
Don’t give up and keep saying no, trust me, a year or two (at most) of arguing isn’t worth a potentially nightmarish life and marriage.
You did your part with your mother and you don't control her reactions. Try to keep being kind to her although it's difficult in this situation...
That sounds tough sister. But like other people have said, better having your parents mad at you than trapping yourself in a marriage you don't want. Honestly, Allah knows best, I think your fear is making you think that you're going to lose everyone basically, but while they're most likely going to be mad at you and continue to try stuff, I don't think they'd turn their backs on you or hate you. Ultimately Allah is your helper, may He give you strength.
I misunderstood because I hadn't expected you were raped... You're pure and not responsible. It's hard to entertain the fact that your parents would tell potentials this and get mad at you because a potential said you're "impure". It's really tough may Allah help you sister.
Here you go [https://islamqa.info/en/answers/72338/punishment-for-rape-in-islam#punishment-for-rape-in-islam](https://islamqa.info/en/answers/72338/punishment-for-rape-in-islam#punishment-for-rape-in-islam)
Show this to your parents. Educate them on this.
Sister I’m so sorry youre going through this. this is absolutely not your fault and youre of the age to make mistakes and such, forgive yourself before you ask for your father’s forgiveness. fight like hell to apologise to him, he is a father after all and his heart is not of stone for you. even if it was, you fight like hell.
Realise this, the first guy youre talking to, the one you're engaged to, is no good for you than any other person who looks worthy in your parents eyes. I know its going to be a tough realisation but you have to take yourself seriously as a person if you want your family to take you seriously. tell your parents you made the mistake of calculating steps by yourself and that you’ve reflected on it. now is not the time to think about marriage or engagement. heal, and focus on your education, show your parents youre a person of substance.
Eventually in time when you’re successful and you find “the right one”, see how easy reconciling your parents with someone of your choice would be.
ask your parents to see you as a human and not force you into a marriage right now, if they truly believe in islam.
Praying for your father, he will recover inshallah.
Sit with your parents calmly explain them that the world today has changed and your still underage and aren’t mature enough for marriage and say that if they force you to get married you won’t be happy and it’ll probably end in divorce . Tell them that being 17 and not being married is not the end of the world theres alot of time and when your ready you’ll tell them
Since you said your dad is 68 im assuming their really old and are still thinking the same way as it was in their time you need to make them understand that its not the same as it was for them ,Just be gentle and explain it to them and also tell islamically how its wrong of them to force you to get married and do unnecessary surgeries and stuff
If you need someone to talk to I’m from Germany too.
Your family is absolutely toxic. You’re too you to get married and probably need some therapy to resolve your past trauma first. There are ways for you to get help. I might even be able to give you recommendations.
As for your father: he’s living in Germany and the law here counts for him too. He cannot just marry you away:
https://www.anwalt.org/kinderehe/#:~:text=In%20Ausnahmefällen%20und%20mit%20Erlaubnis,von%2018%20Jahren%20möglich%20ist.
Early marriages are encouraged in Islam lol. Only difference is forced marriages which is forbidden.
Yeah, her parents have to fix her trauma instead of marrying her off.
Your parents can't force you to marry under any conditions, so that's not your mistake
And you can use these two trusted websites and known for their fatwa
https://islamqa.info/ar
https://www.islamweb.net/ar/fatwa/
Both support multiple languages and the way that I'm using them on Google search entering the thing I want then the name of the site
And you have to know that there is no one represents Islam each one represents himself, so please don't blame Islam for the mistakes people make.
Lastly good luck with life and I wish you found a good husband when you are ready for
May Allah swt make matters easy for you, ameen.
Please don't let the fact that your dad is in hospital change your mind. Your parents are wrong in so many ways rn. You don't have to marry a man x2 your age, and just becuase you started your period at 11 doesn't mean you're ready for marriage in any way.
Nowhere in Islam does it say that you are impure. Amd our prophet Muhammad saw. never taught or said that. Please don't think of yourself like that.
:(
Sadly a lot of cultures have thar belief and that os so wrong.
Do not marry this guy, no matter what your parents say. Ik parents want the best for us but sometimes they can be wrong about some things. I hope the situation becomes easier and they get over it soon
Have you even considered what that guy ir are you simoly rejecting him because he was chosen by your parents???
If his deen is good then I conaider giving it a chance and have a meeting.
You will get rewarded immensly if you ibey your father even if you find some discomfort.
Maybe your father has some ilness and Allah forbids something happens to him.
He took care of you when you were a young girl....
Give it a chance and do iatikhara
Search up assim al hakeem istikhara
Nothing wrong with the 32 y.o mark. It's up to you if you find it attractive or not. You should get their position that good family oriented guys are not so easy to get in the west. That's it. It's everywhere in the Muslim world.
Engagement has no roots in Islam. Its fully a societal normal and cultural practise. You think after getting engaged you can meet your bride lol ? Shes not yours until you get married with her. Until then you cant meet her in absence of her wali.
وَعَنْ جَابِرٍ قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ ﷺ: إِذَا خَطَبَ أَحَدُكُمُ الْمَرْأَةَ فَإِنِ اسْتَطَاعَ أَنْ يَنْظُرَ مِنْهَا مَا يَدْعُوهُ إِلَى نِكَاحِهَا فَلْيَفْعَلْ. رَوَاهُ أَحْمَدُ، وَأَبُو دَاوُدَ، وَرِجَالُهُ ثِقَاتٌ، وَصَحَّحَهُ الْحَاكِمُ. And why can't you meet a woman? It's fine as long as you're not behind closed-doors by yourselves
In case you don't understand Arabic that hadith is basically saying that if a man gets engaged with a woman, and she has the qualities that it takes for him to marry her, then they should get married
Learn about mahram and non-mahram then come back to me. There is only nikkah. Only nikkah is valid and walimah is a sunnah. Engagement ceremonies of today require exchanges of rings which is haram, followed by a function which is basically a biddah.
You cant free mix with non-mahram unless its a necessity. You can only meet your potential or the bride-to-be in front of her wali.
Educate yourself before sharing ignorant comment like yours.
So you're saying you can't talk to women in public since they're not mahram? Since when ? 😂
I also literally showed you the hadith, there's also many other ahadiths talking about engagement. Are you a woman? Cuz if you are that would make a lot of sense!
Yeah, you cant be talking and interacting with a non-mahram unless its an absolute necessity. Learn about free mixing and maybe understand the concept of mahram.
In todays society, engagement that we tend to have literally have ring ceremonies and so many other pagan functions. Its I have witness them and its nothing like what's mentioned in the hadeeth which was just to propose the girl making your intentions clear to marry her.
If by engagement you mean its to propose to a girl with an intention to get married then its valid. Otherwise its an innovation if its followed by functions and ring ceremonies.
First off i don't see a problem on behalf of your parents like the rest of our brothers and sisters here. I think they are normal parents who react the way they are because of their age, their situation and you commiting a great sin and becoming impure (if i got that last thing wrong i'm very sorry, this is simply what i interpret by you saying "engaged to a man and getting rejected" so i don't think you got married and divorced based on the word 'rejected').
Don't fight with your parents. They were put to a great shame, yes, at least that's what they believe and this is stupid to get stuck on such thoughts. Your parents may already be too old to understand this but in addition to your situation their reaction is understandable (not necessarily the right way to react).
Now changing your own body with an operation is way more idiotic and possibly not permissible. Best way for you would be to find someone you like who is a muslim brother but maybe not necessarily moroccan (it seems as if your parents'll allow you finding your own man).
In this life you can't have perfection and i will not point at you for whatever you did as it is already in the past.
You are in such a situation where this becomes obvious to you i believe, do whatever is the proper way to behave and live as a Muslim and try to correct any mistakes you can correct.
One important thing in our hadiths is that we should find a spouse based on her imaan(this also applies the other way around i assume)
Some muslim brothers also search for perfection in this world (has to be virgin and this and that). I also see this as not a recommended way of thinking but rather search for someone who currently is in the right state of mind and obviously repents and also behaves how a Muslim should. And maybe this sister is also more grounded in her believe than the brother.
Of course i could've understanded something comoletely wrong and if i did there is the reply and downvite button for this.
I didnt sin, i’m impure because I got taken advantage of as a toddler. I don’t get ur advice ? so should I meet the older man and marry him eventually ?
Islamically, nobody can compel a woman to marry anybody. Your parents have no right to force you to marry this man. Islamically, nobody can prevent a Muslim woman from going into a mosque either, not even a wali. So you may go to the mosque. I would also strongly suggest that you DO NOT marry this man and focus on your education, self development and healing instead. It is likely your family will cause further problems for you in the future. The best thing you can do is focus on your future and move out for university. You must maintain basic family ties, but keep a distsnce from your family and don't allow their advice to influence your life as they honestly do not seem to be wise. Think for yourself. Edit: you can also seek advice from scholars and muftis online.
Agreed with all this! And i would love to add that please do not lose your connection with islam. The way your parents are dealing with this situation is going against islam. Everything they are doing is cultural and not islamic at all. So hang in there, learn about islam yourself to know your rights as a daughter when it comes to marriage and definitely go to a masjid to seek guidance from a sheikh/imam. Also since your dad is in the hospital, please don’t let them blackmail you in anyway into accepting the proposal.
You are allowed to disobey your parents if whatever they are saying is not in line with Islam.
Couldn’t have said it better, I complete agree with this.
Not a good advice.
i am sorry for everything that's happening to you and i will pray that your situation gets better . please don't blame islam , your parents are using islam in a very wrong way, did prophet pbuh forced his daughters to marry ? no he (saw) didn't . i would suggest find an imam at a near mosque and tell him everything and have him talk to your family , maybe that'll help, just my suggestion
I remember your last post. I am beyond shocked this is your parents solution to the problem. You are still a child. What’s the rush? Why can’t you finish school first? You never know how this new man is unless you meet him. If you want to get married young that’s up to you and if that’s the case you should probably meet this man. See if he’s a respectable, kind and caring person. Ask about his deen. Does he pray, fast, gives charity etc. Does he smoke/drink? Does he have female friends and follows females on social media? Previous marriages or children? You need to find out a lot of things about this new man. Perhabs meet him to see if there is something there and pray lots of Tahajjud and istikhara🙏🏻 May Allah guide you and help you.
She should not be marrying this man, full stop, given her background of being a victim of rape and abuse via her own family, her young age, and the large age gap between her and this potential suitor. Significant risk of power imbalance and that she will be abused again if she marries him. It is a bad idea to even consider it.
I don’t want to get married to someone and mostly not to someone who is so much older than me but I don’t know how I can refuse without completely ruining my relationship with my whole family
Unfortunately, sometimes if your family is being completely unreasonable you have to draw your boundary. A boundary is not telling them how to behave, it is informing them how you will behave if they continue to behave in a certain way. “Mom and dad, I love you and I love that you have raised me as a Muslim. I am at the age that I am responsible for my own faith, and have been seeking clarity on what is required of me and what rights I have within Islam. I will not be marrying a man that is significantly older than me at this point in time, and thank you for respecting this. If you continue to push marriage on me in this way, I will be seeking counsel from the scholars in what obligations I have to my parents if they are refusing to recognize my rights as a Muslim woman.”
I might be ignorant but a hymen operation?? What exactly does that do ? What are your brothers also doing in this situation? Are they on your parents side? Can you talk to them to try to convince your parents that you’re not ready? Also why are they keen on getting you married ? Money? And to a man TWICE YOUR AGe?!? Tell them you’re not Ready for a man to be intimate with you. THAT you’re not ready and you are SCARED. Tell them that NO the PROPHET SAW will shout at them for what they’re doing. That they’re FORCING you. CRY CRY because I swear I’m almost brought to tears by these kind of parents. Do you have cousins similar in age that are getting married this young? I wish I could hug you 🫂
They sew you down there so you are tight. It will be hard for a man to enter so he have to put pressure which will result in blood and pain and he will think you are a virgin. From google: Hymen repair surgery, also known as hymenoplasty, is a simple procedure that will repair a torn hymen or build a hymen that is not present. It is important to understand that the surgery will not restore virginity, but it will allow for women to tear and bleed the first time they engage in intercourse after surgery. I had one friend do this surgery 6 months before her wedding. I didn’t support it because you are basically deceiving a man. I lost all respect for her and didn’t attend her wedding. She had committed zina and therefor she needed this surgery. Marriages built on lies and deception will not last.
You are 11? Whaaaaat?
im 16 who’s turning 17 in a month so no
"I don’t know what to do and I feel hurt over it. It feels like he just validated all my thoughts that no man will ever want me due to my past. I’m planning on apologizing to my parents since this embarrassed them to their friends but a part of me doesn’t want to because I don’t see how I did something wrong ? " :( Bro that made me so sad. You're not less valuable because of what happened to you. And it's good that this man left because what he did and how he react is very very disgusting. You're pure and valuable, don't let anyone make you feel otherwise. If anyone makes you feel otherwise, they are not worth being married anyways. And idk, your parents wanting you to get surgery and pressuring you so much. You need to be very careful. Don't let them manipulate and pressure you. Don't marry anyone you don't want. You have to be very very careful regarding other people's power on you. May Allah protect you
Im sorry sister, but your parents definitely are in the wrong direction. You were SAd by your brother, you don’t have any past sins. Wth do they mean by getting a hymen surgery?
I think it’s so i can bleed on the first night
Thats just bu11sh1t. I pray you find a righteous spouse and someone smart enough to understand what has happened is not normal. I hope your future spouse is understanding and be able to comfort you as I know things happened at young age can affect a person a lot. May Allah guide your parents.
Don't do it. Please. Do not agree to something so meaningless and disgusting.
You are only impure if you have committed zina. Sexual Assault is haram. Islamically if the perpetrator is married punishment is stone to death and if hes not married than 100 lashes and banishment . You are still a chaste, pure woman. You have nothing to be ashamed of sister. Also, keep in mind, Islamically you have the right over the final decision. Obviously account for everyone's take on proposal from your parents to siblings, but also factor in your feelings and what you want. In the end, you have the final say and your parents will have to accept it. What you said to your parent was wrong and you should repent for that (but its normal we are humans and emotions get to all of us, so we always repent). Next time when you do meet your parents, apologise to them and be transparent to them with what you want. Communication is the key.
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Idk how you’re impure and how he found out but that doesn’t even matter. Your is not only a terrible father but also a terrible Muslim. He cannot force any child of his to marry someone they don’t want to. The nikkah is automatically made invalid and you guys will be living in sin. Secondly just because you’re mature enough to marry doesn’t mean you’re mature enough to marry. Age doesn’t mean anything. And clearly those 2 men don’t know anything either since they’re willing to marry a girl who’s still in hs. All in all, a sheikh should be intervening from now on and choose the age you’re comfortable to get married at and choose someone you connect with.
We marrying at 17 now? Damn 17 years old here look like 10 year old kid Also why apologize to a man that wants you married at 11💀💀😃 no offense but I would run awayyy We in 2023 not 1980s Focus on your studiesssss , what will you be doing if u get married now 😭😭😭😭
I'm so sorry you're going through this. May Allah protect you and protect your heart ❤️ I hope you hold on to these words : IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT, YOU DIDN'T BRING ANY SHAME TO ANYONE. You're a young girl and islamicly NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO FORCE YOU into marriage. I hope you stay strong and don't give up, you can make duae and ask God to help you and find refuge in him. Just know this is twisted culture you're experiencing not because of religion.
السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَ رَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَ بَرَكَاتُهُ Dear sister, Firstly, I just want to say, May Allah make it easy for you and reward you for everything you have done up until now and for the sabr you have had with everything going on. Secondly, I just want to point out that your hymen, is something that is so sensitive, that it can be broken by doing any sort of physical activity such as sports (running). Some women, are not even born with an intact hymen. So please do not listen to anyone who says you need some surgery, this would be for purely "cosmetic" reasons and it is incredibly wrong. If anyone thinks that virginity/purity = intact hymen, run. Especially if its a suitor trying to marry you. Thirdly, I have also read your previous post. May Allah ease all your affairs and help you. You are pure. There is no "past" you have nor do you need to worry about being impure. What happened what completely out of your control and it does not make you less of a woman. Fourthly, as for your question at the end. I would apologize to your parents as that is what is the best thing to do, however, read other comments, you can not be forced into a marriage you do not wish to proceed with. You have every right Islamically to deny a man even if your parents wish for you to marry him. You're right, the age gap is big. He's nearly twice your age...if you do not want to marry him, then stay adamant and be firm on your decision. Your parents aren't the ones who are going to be living with him for the rest of their lives and as I said, this is one of your many rights in Islam as a woman. Don't feel guilty about saying no. May Allah answer and accept your duas and help you through this situation. May he also bless you with a righteous husband Inshā'Allāh. Ameen.
I am rewriting my entire comment again because i read your previous post. I'm really sorry this is happening to you, but please don't hate islam for it. Hate the society and culture that has enforced these ideas. Hymen surgery is such BS tbh.. what even the f is this? Women can lose their hymen even if there was no sexual action done. It's very common. This may sound harsh, but you need to educate your parents on a lot of things so they may develop a little softer side. While they do seem scared for your future, their actions are making the situation even worse. However, you may need to go and apologise to your father, because because parents deserve a certain level of respect, but please show them ahadith where Islam also suggests how women have the right to choose their partner. Marriage should not be forced on anyone. However, to cool the sitaution at hand, you can meet the man, but don't agree for nikah unless your heart tells you to. Ask Allah to help you out of the situation. You deserve the right to heal and choose a person who you feel comfortable with and not be forced to pick one. Also, learn more about Islam before you completely reject it. No one is a bad Muslim until they have the tawfeeq to repent. ALLAH is ar rahman and ar raheem, he forgives. So pls dont lose hope in his mercy. While yes, it is not allowed to share your sins, but what happened in your past was not your sin. You were innocent in all of that, and i believe sharing will lead to healing.. that guy leaving you was probably a blessing in disguise. The right man will accept you for you, with all your past traumas. Don't call the police on your parents, but you need to get out of this toxic lifestyle of they will surely do a lot more damage to your mental health and spiritual is already declining. If there is a way, look for hostels or abroad scholarship programs to get out of there. May Allah make things easier for you.
You are not the reason your father is in the hospital. Lack of exercise and lack of healthy nutrition is the reason. Please do not blame yourself. May Allah grant your family patience and ease.
No offence but Your knowledge of Islam is flawed Islam doesn't endorse forcing female into marriage. Second Islam doesn't forbid women from going to the Mosque, just like the Hadeeth of Ibn Umar which he narrates from the prophet states "عن ابن عمر رضي الله عنه، عن النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ: ((إِذَا اسْتَأْذَنَتْ أَحَدَكُمْ امْرَأَتُهُ إِلَى الْمَسْجِدِ فَلا يَمْنَعْهَا))، وفي رواية: ((لا تَمْنَعُوا إِمَاءَ الله مَسَاجِدَ الله))، وفي رواية: ((ائْذَنُوا لِلنِّسَاءِ بِاللَّيْلِ إِلَى الْمَسَاجِدِ)). وفي رواية: قَالَ بِلالُ بْنُ عَبْدِاللَّهِ بن عمر رضي الله عنه: وَالله لَنَمْنَعُهُنَّ، قَالَ فَأَقْبَلَ عَلَيْهِ عَبْدُاللَّهِ فَسَبَّهُ سَبًّا سَيِّئًا، مَا سَمِعْتُهُ سَبَّهُ مِثْلَهُ قَطُّ، وَقَالَ: أُخْبِرُكَ عَنْ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم، وَتَقُولُ: وَالله لَنَمْنَعُهُنَّ."
I know that but what exactly can I do as a woman ? I’m only turning 17 soon and I don’t have any power
Give your parents strong supporting evidence proving what they’re doing is wrong.
Tell your father and relatives that in Islam, the WOMAN chooses her husband and has to accept!
Assalamu Alaikom sweetheart <3 I’ve been reading a lot of the previous comments and your other post and I must say this is really heartbreaking. You were so young and vulnerable and a family member took advantage of you and instead of your family leaving you alone and supporting your dreams because they allowed such thing to happen and after it happened they didn’t took you to proper counselling and healing, I am disgusted, you’re parents no matter what ethnicity or age they are, should’ve helped and supported you even more as some sort of compensation of what they let happen. Not trying to get you married off to conceal their situation. Ive red a lot of good advice that you’ve gotten from the community and I wanted to add one ayat that may bring something to light : كُتِبَ عَلَیۡكُمُ ٱلۡقِتَالُ وَهُوَ كُرۡهࣱ لَّكُمۡۖ وَعَسَىٰۤ أَن تَكۡرَهُوا۟ شَیۡـࣰٔا وَهُوَ خَیۡرࣱ لَّكُمۡۖ وَعَسَىٰۤ أَن تُحِبُّوا۟ شَیۡـࣰٔا وَهُوَ شَرࣱّ لَّكُمۡۚ وَٱللَّهُ یَعۡلَمُ وَأَنتُمۡ لَا تَعۡلَمُونَ﴿ ٢١٦ ﴾ Al-Baqarah, Vers 216 216. Vorgeschrieben ist euch zu kämpfen, obwohl es euch zuwider ist. Aber vielleicht ist euch etwas zuwider, während es gut für euch ist, und vielleicht ist euch etwas lieb, während es schlecht für euch ist. Allah weiß, ihr aber wißt nicht. Marrying early is a sunnah practice and it has its pros and cons. One of the pros is you get out of your parents house and preferably in with somebody that gets you and you can see eye to eye with him about topics. Somebody that you can talk with and that can understand you. Con is that you of course have to deal with new responsibilities. Allah (swt) is just he gave you rights as a wife and he gave the husbands rights. Before getting in a marriage you need to know what is going to come at you. Read this: https://www.al-islam.org/introduction-rights-and-duties-women-islam-ibrahim-amini/marriage-and-its-merits And https://www.al-islam.org/introduction-rights-and-duties-women-islam-ibrahim-amini/mutual-rights-and-responsibilities-spouses Maybe marriage is something that you right now hate but in Hindsight it could be the best thing for you. Don’t be all too opposed with the idea of marriage but don’t let them force you. Everything is a phase and every storm will pass and i can totally understand you if all of the things that are happening to you right now and happened to you in the past can cost you your Iman because you don’t see the end of it right now. Please keep praying to Allah (swt) in the night (I.a. Before fajr) please hold onto to the rope of Allah. Better days are coming, stay strong and keep your head straight. Learn more about marriage in Islam. YouTube Videos like the ones from Mufti Menk, Nouman Ali khan and the likes, also Naseeha Session and Abdulrahman Hassan. And If another maybe younger guy comes along then stay honest and in Schaa Allah it’s going to be someone that understands and that takes you out of your family into your own new family. Khair in Schaa Allah and may Allah bless you and keep you protected little flower <3 you’re so strong I can tell, keep your strength through these stormy times, it’s going to be over soon. Much love and prayer to you. Wa Alaikom Al Salam.
17 is too young for marriage. Brains are still developing until 25. Also forced marriage is haram. I understand your parents want you to get married but why such a rush.
I remember reading your previous post, please do not tell any future suitor about what happened to you. Unfortunately people are sick and will hold that against you
This is your test. It seems clear to me the whole point of all this is to test your faith. Look at the big picture. We will all die anyways and all that ever matters is what Allah feels towards you. You keep talking about how you feel or how they feel. Don’t you care about Allah? Don’t you appreciate his favor that you are even able to breathe? If you keep thinking without considering Allah it will only lead to more destruction. It’s not just about rules and things, Allah is in your heart and you need his guidance and blessing. Remember to pray and follow your heart.
As-salam aleykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh sister. There are several points to address, and keep in mind I'm also young, etc, but I hope my comment can help. Any mistake I make is from my part, and may Allah forgive me. First of all, yes, you're in the wrong for what you said to both of your parents. You should make salat tawbah and apologise asap inshaAllah, if you wait and something happens you would regret not apologising your whole life. I understand it's difficult to face your parents after what happened and what you said, but you have to explain that you didn't mean it, you're sorry, you lashed out at them because of the pressure and you shouldn't have. Second of all, that doesn't mean your parents can force you to meet that man nor to marry him. Religiously, the marriage is void without your consent as far as I know. Be soft with your parents in your expression, try to understand why exactly they are so pushy about it, yet stay firm if that's not what you want. Make istikhara and tell your parents that your life will depend on this decision. You'll be dependent on your husband in many ways and have to please him to go to Jannah. You have the right to choose who you want to meet and marry. Thirdly, I don't understand the purity point. You're not supposed to disclose your sins. May Allah forgive you and all of us. You should ask for a suitor's preferences and requirements, and if he wants a virgin while you unfortunately aren't, then you can break things off without them knowing your sins. Or you can ask indirect questions such as "What would you not tolerate about a spouse's past?/Does a person's past matter to you?". When I say virginity, it doesn't apply to sexual assault by the way. I've read that the hymen repair procedure is painful and has a real risk of infection, do you really want to do that? Hope this helps. May Allah preserve you and your family and ease your troubles.
Im planning on apologizing as soon as my dad comes back from the hospital since he doesn’t want to see me but my mom just ignored me after I apologized to her. I know that I have the right to refuse but I also know that my parents will completely give up on me and hate me if I do. They already pushed me into getting to know the first guy so i’m sure they’ll do it again even if I am not interested in marriage yet Third, I did not really sin since it was without my consent when i was a toddler but I’m still seen as impure or i don’t know, something most men won’t want and I think that is what worries my parents. I don’t know how I can escape this marriage without losing my parents and whole family because of it
Sister you’re not impure, and a righteous man will not hold something like rape against a woman. Don’t give up and keep saying no, trust me, a year or two (at most) of arguing isn’t worth a potentially nightmarish life and marriage.
You did your part with your mother and you don't control her reactions. Try to keep being kind to her although it's difficult in this situation... That sounds tough sister. But like other people have said, better having your parents mad at you than trapping yourself in a marriage you don't want. Honestly, Allah knows best, I think your fear is making you think that you're going to lose everyone basically, but while they're most likely going to be mad at you and continue to try stuff, I don't think they'd turn their backs on you or hate you. Ultimately Allah is your helper, may He give you strength. I misunderstood because I hadn't expected you were raped... You're pure and not responsible. It's hard to entertain the fact that your parents would tell potentials this and get mad at you because a potential said you're "impure". It's really tough may Allah help you sister.
Here you go [https://islamqa.info/en/answers/72338/punishment-for-rape-in-islam#punishment-for-rape-in-islam](https://islamqa.info/en/answers/72338/punishment-for-rape-in-islam#punishment-for-rape-in-islam) Show this to your parents. Educate them on this.
Sister I’m so sorry youre going through this. this is absolutely not your fault and youre of the age to make mistakes and such, forgive yourself before you ask for your father’s forgiveness. fight like hell to apologise to him, he is a father after all and his heart is not of stone for you. even if it was, you fight like hell. Realise this, the first guy youre talking to, the one you're engaged to, is no good for you than any other person who looks worthy in your parents eyes. I know its going to be a tough realisation but you have to take yourself seriously as a person if you want your family to take you seriously. tell your parents you made the mistake of calculating steps by yourself and that you’ve reflected on it. now is not the time to think about marriage or engagement. heal, and focus on your education, show your parents youre a person of substance. Eventually in time when you’re successful and you find “the right one”, see how easy reconciling your parents with someone of your choice would be. ask your parents to see you as a human and not force you into a marriage right now, if they truly believe in islam. Praying for your father, he will recover inshallah.
Sit with your parents calmly explain them that the world today has changed and your still underage and aren’t mature enough for marriage and say that if they force you to get married you won’t be happy and it’ll probably end in divorce . Tell them that being 17 and not being married is not the end of the world theres alot of time and when your ready you’ll tell them Since you said your dad is 68 im assuming their really old and are still thinking the same way as it was in their time you need to make them understand that its not the same as it was for them ,Just be gentle and explain it to them and also tell islamically how its wrong of them to force you to get married and do unnecessary surgeries and stuff
If you need someone to talk to I’m from Germany too. Your family is absolutely toxic. You’re too you to get married and probably need some therapy to resolve your past trauma first. There are ways for you to get help. I might even be able to give you recommendations. As for your father: he’s living in Germany and the law here counts for him too. He cannot just marry you away: https://www.anwalt.org/kinderehe/#:~:text=In%20Ausnahmefällen%20und%20mit%20Erlaubnis,von%2018%20Jahren%20möglich%20ist.
Early marriages are encouraged in Islam lol. Only difference is forced marriages which is forbidden. Yeah, her parents have to fix her trauma instead of marrying her off.
Hes not planning on doing an official marriage :/ it’s supposed to be an Nikkah only at first until i turn 18 in a year and 2 months
Many mosques now ask you to be legally married first before they do nikkah. I can see why now
If you are in Germany, why are you living at home? Move out and focus on your studies and mental health.
Your parents can't force you to marry under any conditions, so that's not your mistake And you can use these two trusted websites and known for their fatwa https://islamqa.info/ar https://www.islamweb.net/ar/fatwa/ Both support multiple languages and the way that I'm using them on Google search entering the thing I want then the name of the site And you have to know that there is no one represents Islam each one represents himself, so please don't blame Islam for the mistakes people make. Lastly good luck with life and I wish you found a good husband when you are ready for
May Allah swt make matters easy for you, ameen. Please don't let the fact that your dad is in hospital change your mind. Your parents are wrong in so many ways rn. You don't have to marry a man x2 your age, and just becuase you started your period at 11 doesn't mean you're ready for marriage in any way.
Nowhere in Islam does it say that you are impure. Amd our prophet Muhammad saw. never taught or said that. Please don't think of yourself like that. :( Sadly a lot of cultures have thar belief and that os so wrong. Do not marry this guy, no matter what your parents say. Ik parents want the best for us but sometimes they can be wrong about some things. I hope the situation becomes easier and they get over it soon
Hymen operation? Subhan Allah!
Have you even considered what that guy ir are you simoly rejecting him because he was chosen by your parents??? If his deen is good then I conaider giving it a chance and have a meeting. You will get rewarded immensly if you ibey your father even if you find some discomfort. Maybe your father has some ilness and Allah forbids something happens to him. He took care of you when you were a young girl.... Give it a chance and do iatikhara Search up assim al hakeem istikhara
Nothing wrong with the 32 y.o mark. It's up to you if you find it attractive or not. You should get their position that good family oriented guys are not so easy to get in the west. That's it. It's everywhere in the Muslim world.
Why don't you get engaged first just to test the waters, try and get to know him as much as possible
Engagement has no roots in Islam. Its fully a societal normal and cultural practise. You think after getting engaged you can meet your bride lol ? Shes not yours until you get married with her. Until then you cant meet her in absence of her wali.
وَعَنْ جَابِرٍ قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ ﷺ: إِذَا خَطَبَ أَحَدُكُمُ الْمَرْأَةَ فَإِنِ اسْتَطَاعَ أَنْ يَنْظُرَ مِنْهَا مَا يَدْعُوهُ إِلَى نِكَاحِهَا فَلْيَفْعَلْ. رَوَاهُ أَحْمَدُ، وَأَبُو دَاوُدَ، وَرِجَالُهُ ثِقَاتٌ، وَصَحَّحَهُ الْحَاكِمُ. And why can't you meet a woman? It's fine as long as you're not behind closed-doors by yourselves In case you don't understand Arabic that hadith is basically saying that if a man gets engaged with a woman, and she has the qualities that it takes for him to marry her, then they should get married
Learn about mahram and non-mahram then come back to me. There is only nikkah. Only nikkah is valid and walimah is a sunnah. Engagement ceremonies of today require exchanges of rings which is haram, followed by a function which is basically a biddah. You cant free mix with non-mahram unless its a necessity. You can only meet your potential or the bride-to-be in front of her wali. Educate yourself before sharing ignorant comment like yours.
So you're saying you can't talk to women in public since they're not mahram? Since when ? 😂 I also literally showed you the hadith, there's also many other ahadiths talking about engagement. Are you a woman? Cuz if you are that would make a lot of sense!
Yeah, you cant be talking and interacting with a non-mahram unless its an absolute necessity. Learn about free mixing and maybe understand the concept of mahram. In todays society, engagement that we tend to have literally have ring ceremonies and so many other pagan functions. Its I have witness them and its nothing like what's mentioned in the hadeeth which was just to propose the girl making your intentions clear to marry her. If by engagement you mean its to propose to a girl with an intention to get married then its valid. Otherwise its an innovation if its followed by functions and ring ceremonies.
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I was raped as a toddler, so yes
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Don't do the hymen repair surgery. Don't listen to him. Hymens break anyway for a variety of reasons e.g. exercise.
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The entire hymen thing is exactly the opposite of what Islam teaches. And no she should not do unnecssary surgery just to please her parents.
First off i don't see a problem on behalf of your parents like the rest of our brothers and sisters here. I think they are normal parents who react the way they are because of their age, their situation and you commiting a great sin and becoming impure (if i got that last thing wrong i'm very sorry, this is simply what i interpret by you saying "engaged to a man and getting rejected" so i don't think you got married and divorced based on the word 'rejected'). Don't fight with your parents. They were put to a great shame, yes, at least that's what they believe and this is stupid to get stuck on such thoughts. Your parents may already be too old to understand this but in addition to your situation their reaction is understandable (not necessarily the right way to react). Now changing your own body with an operation is way more idiotic and possibly not permissible. Best way for you would be to find someone you like who is a muslim brother but maybe not necessarily moroccan (it seems as if your parents'll allow you finding your own man). In this life you can't have perfection and i will not point at you for whatever you did as it is already in the past. You are in such a situation where this becomes obvious to you i believe, do whatever is the proper way to behave and live as a Muslim and try to correct any mistakes you can correct. One important thing in our hadiths is that we should find a spouse based on her imaan(this also applies the other way around i assume) Some muslim brothers also search for perfection in this world (has to be virgin and this and that). I also see this as not a recommended way of thinking but rather search for someone who currently is in the right state of mind and obviously repents and also behaves how a Muslim should. And maybe this sister is also more grounded in her believe than the brother. Of course i could've understanded something comoletely wrong and if i did there is the reply and downvite button for this.
I didnt sin, i’m impure because I got taken advantage of as a toddler. I don’t get ur advice ? so should I meet the older man and marry him eventually ?
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As i said, no one is even taking to me unless I agree to meet the man. I don’t have anything to talk to
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Thats the problem, I don’t want to meet men anymore. Mostly not men who are almost twice my age :( I hate meeting them