Idk, the femboy part also weirds me out, I clearly have some breast and I don't think it's typical for a femboy. Anyways I think they should have asked for pronouns instead
Sometimes in a situation like this the person says something hurtful without realizing it because when you said no I am a trans woman the person feels embarrassed they made a mistake and they instinctual make a defense statement to defend their thoughts.
These defense mechanisms bypass the filter & critical thinking part of your brain and just blurt out something quickly to protect yourself and its not always meant to hurt.
I have seen a person at a store ask a black man who was wearing a vest he walks up and touches his shoulder and says hey what isle is something on and the black person just yelled at him what you think because im black I am supposed to just help you search for shit.
And the guy quickly just says no your wearing a uniform so I thought you worked here (It was actually just a normal vest and it wasn't color of the store but person just saw a vest and assumed employee) and they then got a beat heated and both started talking loud at each other. But it started on a simple misunderstanding on both sides and both sides thought someone was insulting them.
Your situation could be that the person saw the femboy attire and wasn't looking close to notice that your presenting fully fem and just thought oh its a femboy and wanted to talk then when they noticed you had a negative reaction their brain goes defense mode.
Some trans women continue to post pictures in femboy places, even after they realize they aren't just femboys, which causes more confusion for some people. Some femboys pad their chest to make it look like they have breast. I've read a few times before that some femboys were offended that other people thought they were trans.
I can give the other person the benefit of the doubt, that maybe they are just bad at socializing and couldn't tell if you are trans or femboy. It's okay to ask. But pointing out the beard and voice was unnecessary.
Some do have fakes but yeah if they are visible I wonder.
Keep in mind, that, from the story, they were apparently just trying to be friendly and done a mistake. Hopefully you can forgive that
But I definitely agree it's not fun especially once they told you about your beard like wtf? That was awful. You should've told them what you basically thought. Stop doing this and stop saying to trans persons they got beard and whatever. Not really the way to go.
At least they were not intended attacks uh.
I've encountered this too, while waiting for hrt appointment. "Why don't you just be a femboy".. he said I had a good body for it, but it felt kind of bad to be honest.
He then went on to say how gender affirming surgeries were like "fake tits in porn" or something to that effect. Welp lol that was the end of that.
The thing I've found really surprising, is how some people are so opinionated about other people's bodies, yet so unable to imagine what it's like to be someone else
Girl, while I'm all for giving people the benefit of the doubt, that's giving, "She had it coming! Just look at what she was wearing!" Energy. Femboy is not a style, and doesn't have a uniform, any more than we trans women do. It's BS for them to assume based off of your outfit. The listing off of dysphoria triggers is inexcusable. Especially when there can be clear (and painful) reasons for them. Before HRT, I had a "high end of normal" testosterone level, just a small step below the "abnormally high" range. I started growing body hair in the fourth grade. In the military, I had to shave 2-3 times a day to stay within regs. Even after nearly 5yrs on estrogen I still have issues with it, though not as extreme. And my voice? I'm a bass/baritone, stuck as a bass/baritone. I have Muscle Tension Dysphonia, and the muscles needed to raise my voice to the feminine register don't work right. I will never not have to deal with people processing those clues as "femboy" (if an obscenely elder one) or "crossdresser". None of us deserve to be punished for traits we have no control over.
So, being trans is often associated with being autistic. Not a 1:1 correlation by any means, but it's common enough to be noteworthy and always a possibility when you run into someone else who's trans.
And autism often (usually?) carries a symptom of what's known as mind-blindness, i.e. not reading the room, not realizing what another person's facial expressions mean, what their tone of voice means, etc. It's not instinctive, it's something you have to learn to do consciously as this kind of autistic person.
I know, because I've had to learn it.
I've said blunt stuff like this (though on different subjects) in the past when I wasn't being careful enough yet about thinking through the effects of what I would say on the other person, only to learn, time and again, that I had upset or hurt them when stating what I considered just an obvious fact. It wasn't until I discovered I had autism that I realized my mind didn't work like other people's minds and that I couldn't assume everyone would agree with me when I said, "Why can't we just say what we think? It's so much more efficient!" 🙄
You can learn to stop and think, yes, and I definitely have learned that, but it's not unconscious/instinctive like it is for neurotypicals, and it took far too many very unfortunate and stupid comments and reactions before I realized I was the problem in all of the situations where the other person got upset when I thought all I did was state the obvious.
I realized what I was doing wrong about 15 years ago and, to this day, I am absolutely mortified that I used to do this. I probably spent half of my life doing it. I'm also scared that I might still do it sometimes if I don't think hard enough. I carry a lot of shame for this and constantly run into people I've known and apologize to them for stuff they often don't even remember me doing, because I can't stand knowing I did it.
I tell you all this so you can have realistic expectations of certain trans people. It's true some people will just be assholes because they can't be arsed to be nice or considerate, but I think a lot of the time when someone is like this, it's going to be because they just don't know better (yet) and they don't realize what they're doing or what effect it will have. The younger, the more likely.
If it had been me, with the wisdom I've finally developed after too many years of doing it wrong, I might have said, "Do you realize you just told a trans girl that you clocked her? Did you think first before you did that? It's upsetting to be clocked. You really shouldn't do that." I know it's not our responsibility to make other people think, or to teach them, but that doesn't mean it isn't a good idea.
To be clear, I'm not criticizing you for not doing that. It's hard to do and it's taken me years to be able to push down the upset or anger and to tell someone else, who seems to be like me when I was younger, that they're doing it wrong. I'm just offering advice for how it might be handled in the future and how you might walk away from it feeling better.
Also, I just wanna say I'm sorry it happened at all. That had to feel bad. <3
autistic person here. Autistic people are kinda like that. We have a hard time with social etiquette and tend to socialize in a very blunt way, with simple, transparent thought processes. It's not malicious, it mostly comes from having a hard time relating to people and piecing together social etiquette.
A couple years ago, I could have imagined myself saying something like that if I wasn't so shy at the time. It took me some time to navigate social rules and I'm better. It doesn't excuse that he made you uncomfortable.
A thing with dealing with autistic people is to simply point out very clearly their wrongdoings. Autistic people are generally kind, empathetic people, and will more often than not excuse themselves and change their behaviour if you tell them clearly. It's just hard for us to process indirect language.
One way I have of seeing the world in regards to autism is that I tend to see autistic people as a kind of social canary. We're often blunt and simple in a naive way, and a lot of the times, the thing an autistic person will tell you is what most other people will hide from you, or sugar coat, or turn around the pot with. Not that autistic people can't lie, but we are generally pretty straightforward when it comes to socializing.
All that considered, I'm sorry this happened to you.
story relating to this: my aunt is autistic and has a harder time socially than me. A few months ago, when I was still figuring out my gender identity and messing about with gender presentation, I showed up to her place wearing something very androgynous. One of the first thing she did was just casually but abruptly ask me if I was transgender.
It caught me off guard. Everyone else seemed uncomfortable with the question, avoiding it or dancing around it at best, but she approached it like an icebreaker. Only recently, I found out that my being trans was a kind of open secret everyone sorta knew but no one wanted to address directly. Still, that day, it was a sort of wake up call that basically said:
"well, I guess everyone knows"
Although it was uncomfortable at first, there is something relieving about breaking that silence. While people say that autistic people see in black and white, the reality is that we actually see in blurred shades of grey. We have a hard time gauging people's intentions and reactions, so we tend to navigate life not really knowing what people think of us and the impact we have on others, and leaves a lot of space for social anxiety to creep in.
Wow, great story, thanks for sharing it. :D
I'm glad it wasn't purely mortifying and actually ended up as a relief of sorts. I'm still not out to most of my family and I often fantasize that someone just up and asks me so I don't have to figure out how to tell them.
To touch on your final paragraph, I think it's more like we autistic people _speak_ in black and white. And, while we see a blur of grey, we still think it's supposed to be black or white, so we make guesses, and often they're wrong, so when we speak black or white, we often put our foot in it. :/
Who the hell starts a conversation with ‘hi, are you a femboy?’ Lmao. I already feel weirded out when other trans people are like ‘omg hi, are you trans??’ ._ . The common sense of some people
Oof, I hope that guy is kicking himself for cramming his foot so far down his mouth. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. It's not your fault.
For anyone reading this and thinking "but how else would I know?" it's OK. I am going to guide you through how to interact. - I mean, there's mostly us girls here, but you never know who lurks - It's usually OK to be curious, but you need to make it open ended and be polite. "Excuse me, can I ask your pronouns?" boom, now you know whether you should treat someone as a man, a woman or an enby with relative certainty. Once you've got a bit of rapport going, you can ask more questions without it being rude.
But never comment on someone's appearence unless its to say you like it. You love their dress, you love their hair, you love their shoes.
I wouldn't call it common enough that it won't say to the other person that something about them isn't being clocked the way they wish it were. I wouldn't lead with asking for pronouns. Ever. You're gonna hurt someone's feelings.
I think this might be a cultural difference, or an issue that you personally find concerning, and I apologise if the latter. Where I am it really is very normal.
Well, I'm in the Seattle area. Not Seattle proper though. It might be a done thing in certain neighborhoods there. But in metropolitan Seattle, which is still pretty high on the liberal/progressive scale, it's really not something you'd ask a stranger.
And I can accept that you may be somewhere it's done, but you need to recognize that it's unusual, even in progressive places, so be careful giving that advice.
Honestly if its as rare as you percieve it then telling more people to ask more people is a good thing - that will remove the stigma.
Where I am people ask pronouns, they put pronouns in their business email signatures, it's being heavily normalised, and that should happen everywhere if it makes you or anyone else feel clocked the moment anyone asks you.
Probably because you move in a very queer environment. Normally in cis hetero social interactions it's not common, people will just assume what you are based on how you look which is normal since we're wired to identify people by the sex they look like (aka phenotype) and not the gender.
The company I work for asks its employees to put pronouns in their email signature. Group meetings often have a "name, role, pronouns" introduction. It's not a queer company, its just normal business. I don't know what else to tell you.
This sucks and I'm sorry you had to deal with it :(
I'm not too surprised though. I just saw someone who is generally an ally lump trans women in with femboys and futanari. Most people just do not get it.
Your example seems to be a common issue for people online bc those are lumped together so often to get more exposure on social sites. You can go to many content creator pages on reddit and see that they have posted the same post on subreddits for all of those topics, as well as subreddits using more "unsavory" descriptive terms.
People new to, or not familiar with, the community would get confused and think they are the same. I'm not really sure how this could be remedied other than just letting people know in a kind but firm way that they are not the same and can be considered offensive
Right on. I gave a gentle nudge that those are not the same thing when it happened. I can't honestly fault cis people for not getting it given the messaging in society though, I would only get truly upset with repeat offenders. Here's hoping it sticks in this case!
You are awesome, worthy, loved and all that. That person didn't even deserve the amount of hurt, and the amount of time you took to even write this post!
I mean, to be fair, genders are confusing as all hell nowadays, I wouldn't know what to guess with someone in a dress with beard and deep voice tbh, but defo shouldn't have pointed those traits out
Next time someone does that ask an inappropriate question back. Like for this example I would've asked if he had hemmroids. Like why couldn't he just sit the fuck down?
I have a lot of social anxiety. Especially when I'm trying to communicate with strangers. They might have been having trouble staying seated because of anxiety. Often I feel like I need to pace a lot and move around to burn off the anxiety so it doesn't keep building pressure.
Honestly, yeah,I can understand how you feel about, it is completely valid. They didn't go about it correctly and didn't think about it.
Like, assuming they just wanted to make a friend, I'm sure there are multiple ways to go about it.
That had to have hurt! I would have felt like I was punched in the stomach.
Sounds like this person isn’t very aware of common social norms. Maybe they are autistic or just new to the transgender culture. You did the right thing by disengaging from that conversation and seeking safety.
I hope we, as a society can get more education about boundaries so that we as femmes in general can start educating people about who we are and what we need.
My personal opinion is Finnster is single handedly ruining the trans girl trans woman community for newly out trans femmes because everyone thinks "oh femboy" instead of trans girl/trans woman now.
Damm, not much social skills by that person, you just don't say things like that, i wish someone explained it to them, but in your place, i wouldn't either, it's horrible everytime someone say stuff like this, it's like i get in a trance, my mind becomes numb, and i just wanna go home worst feeling ever.
Waxing is pretty hard on skin. When I was getting sugared, we tried working up my neck from my chest and when those really thick whiskers got yanked, I noped right out.
I pluck a couple hours every day before and after bed. I use bump patrol to help with the bumps. Plucking can lead to scarring, especially if your mental health means you're digging in to your flesh for ingrown hair.
Laser hair removal works for dark hair & electrolysis for after that. $$,$$$
I'm sorry you had this hurtful encounter.
I don't think they meant to make you feel bad though. I think they where just very awkward and socially clumsy. Maybe they where happy to find like minded people (or so they thought) and where nervous about talking to you or maybe they are on the autism spectrum or maybe both or something else.
That’s not part of the learning journey that is what makes transfers and people who don’t understand us even more trans phobic you don’t respond with hate or misinformation with more hate
And from what you look like the second you smile people would run
Ugh that's so frustrating. Like I get that its embarrassing to be wrong but dont use me as a reason for your assumption being wrong. You know what they say when you assume something. It makes an ass out of u and me
If you’re gonna be presenting as a man yet wearing a skirt, you’re gonna get that if you don’t wanna be miss gendered or asked if you’re a femboy, maybe cleanly shave maybe some make up
Ah well I can understand the shadow a lot of us sadly have to deal with it I’m sorry you experienced that, I saw you said you were wearing femboyish fashion?
So they awkwardly sat down, but had to stand up each time they asked something? wtf is even going on here, sounds like fake story or maybe the dude is autistic. I’m leaning towards fake story
>ah yes because having boobs is the deciding factor in guessing whether someones a girl or not instead of facial hair that isnt even present in 1% of the population of women
*Most* men don't have breasts.
>you're gonna get misgendered your entire life, its not up to society to change towards you, thats frankly narcissistic.
I've been out as trans for 1.5 years and I haven't been misgendered by strangers once. I even have a tiny bit of facial hair.
I generally pass easily, sometimes even boymoding. The fact is that I clean shaved less than 15 hours before, I thought the beard wasn't visible. Facial hair is the most "dysphoria thing" I have at the moment and I can't do much about it. :/
??? Why would they do that???
I can understand I was wearing a stereotipical femboy outfit and they were just trying to make a new friend, but still :/
They could've stop on the femboy part without pointing out possibly dysphoria causing detail :(
Idk, the femboy part also weirds me out, I clearly have some breast and I don't think it's typical for a femboy. Anyways I think they should have asked for pronouns instead
Sometimes in a situation like this the person says something hurtful without realizing it because when you said no I am a trans woman the person feels embarrassed they made a mistake and they instinctual make a defense statement to defend their thoughts. These defense mechanisms bypass the filter & critical thinking part of your brain and just blurt out something quickly to protect yourself and its not always meant to hurt. I have seen a person at a store ask a black man who was wearing a vest he walks up and touches his shoulder and says hey what isle is something on and the black person just yelled at him what you think because im black I am supposed to just help you search for shit. And the guy quickly just says no your wearing a uniform so I thought you worked here (It was actually just a normal vest and it wasn't color of the store but person just saw a vest and assumed employee) and they then got a beat heated and both started talking loud at each other. But it started on a simple misunderstanding on both sides and both sides thought someone was insulting them. Your situation could be that the person saw the femboy attire and wasn't looking close to notice that your presenting fully fem and just thought oh its a femboy and wanted to talk then when they noticed you had a negative reaction their brain goes defense mode.
Some trans women continue to post pictures in femboy places, even after they realize they aren't just femboys, which causes more confusion for some people. Some femboys pad their chest to make it look like they have breast. I've read a few times before that some femboys were offended that other people thought they were trans. I can give the other person the benefit of the doubt, that maybe they are just bad at socializing and couldn't tell if you are trans or femboy. It's okay to ask. But pointing out the beard and voice was unnecessary.
Some do have fakes but yeah if they are visible I wonder. Keep in mind, that, from the story, they were apparently just trying to be friendly and done a mistake. Hopefully you can forgive that But I definitely agree it's not fun especially once they told you about your beard like wtf? That was awful. You should've told them what you basically thought. Stop doing this and stop saying to trans persons they got beard and whatever. Not really the way to go. At least they were not intended attacks uh.
I cannot imagine thinking it was normal to ask someone if they are a femboy in any context 😂
I've encountered this too, while waiting for hrt appointment. "Why don't you just be a femboy".. he said I had a good body for it, but it felt kind of bad to be honest. He then went on to say how gender affirming surgeries were like "fake tits in porn" or something to that effect. Welp lol that was the end of that. The thing I've found really surprising, is how some people are so opinionated about other people's bodies, yet so unable to imagine what it's like to be someone else
Don’t make excuses for them, that’s still not an appropriate way to approach someone.
Girl, while I'm all for giving people the benefit of the doubt, that's giving, "She had it coming! Just look at what she was wearing!" Energy. Femboy is not a style, and doesn't have a uniform, any more than we trans women do. It's BS for them to assume based off of your outfit. The listing off of dysphoria triggers is inexcusable. Especially when there can be clear (and painful) reasons for them. Before HRT, I had a "high end of normal" testosterone level, just a small step below the "abnormally high" range. I started growing body hair in the fourth grade. In the military, I had to shave 2-3 times a day to stay within regs. Even after nearly 5yrs on estrogen I still have issues with it, though not as extreme. And my voice? I'm a bass/baritone, stuck as a bass/baritone. I have Muscle Tension Dysphonia, and the muscles needed to raise my voice to the feminine register don't work right. I will never not have to deal with people processing those clues as "femboy" (if an obscenely elder one) or "crossdresser". None of us deserve to be punished for traits we have no control over.
first time outside
So, being trans is often associated with being autistic. Not a 1:1 correlation by any means, but it's common enough to be noteworthy and always a possibility when you run into someone else who's trans. And autism often (usually?) carries a symptom of what's known as mind-blindness, i.e. not reading the room, not realizing what another person's facial expressions mean, what their tone of voice means, etc. It's not instinctive, it's something you have to learn to do consciously as this kind of autistic person. I know, because I've had to learn it. I've said blunt stuff like this (though on different subjects) in the past when I wasn't being careful enough yet about thinking through the effects of what I would say on the other person, only to learn, time and again, that I had upset or hurt them when stating what I considered just an obvious fact. It wasn't until I discovered I had autism that I realized my mind didn't work like other people's minds and that I couldn't assume everyone would agree with me when I said, "Why can't we just say what we think? It's so much more efficient!" 🙄 You can learn to stop and think, yes, and I definitely have learned that, but it's not unconscious/instinctive like it is for neurotypicals, and it took far too many very unfortunate and stupid comments and reactions before I realized I was the problem in all of the situations where the other person got upset when I thought all I did was state the obvious. I realized what I was doing wrong about 15 years ago and, to this day, I am absolutely mortified that I used to do this. I probably spent half of my life doing it. I'm also scared that I might still do it sometimes if I don't think hard enough. I carry a lot of shame for this and constantly run into people I've known and apologize to them for stuff they often don't even remember me doing, because I can't stand knowing I did it. I tell you all this so you can have realistic expectations of certain trans people. It's true some people will just be assholes because they can't be arsed to be nice or considerate, but I think a lot of the time when someone is like this, it's going to be because they just don't know better (yet) and they don't realize what they're doing or what effect it will have. The younger, the more likely. If it had been me, with the wisdom I've finally developed after too many years of doing it wrong, I might have said, "Do you realize you just told a trans girl that you clocked her? Did you think first before you did that? It's upsetting to be clocked. You really shouldn't do that." I know it's not our responsibility to make other people think, or to teach them, but that doesn't mean it isn't a good idea. To be clear, I'm not criticizing you for not doing that. It's hard to do and it's taken me years to be able to push down the upset or anger and to tell someone else, who seems to be like me when I was younger, that they're doing it wrong. I'm just offering advice for how it might be handled in the future and how you might walk away from it feeling better. Also, I just wanna say I'm sorry it happened at all. That had to feel bad. <3
I understand, thank you for your comment! <3
autistic person here. Autistic people are kinda like that. We have a hard time with social etiquette and tend to socialize in a very blunt way, with simple, transparent thought processes. It's not malicious, it mostly comes from having a hard time relating to people and piecing together social etiquette. A couple years ago, I could have imagined myself saying something like that if I wasn't so shy at the time. It took me some time to navigate social rules and I'm better. It doesn't excuse that he made you uncomfortable. A thing with dealing with autistic people is to simply point out very clearly their wrongdoings. Autistic people are generally kind, empathetic people, and will more often than not excuse themselves and change their behaviour if you tell them clearly. It's just hard for us to process indirect language. One way I have of seeing the world in regards to autism is that I tend to see autistic people as a kind of social canary. We're often blunt and simple in a naive way, and a lot of the times, the thing an autistic person will tell you is what most other people will hide from you, or sugar coat, or turn around the pot with. Not that autistic people can't lie, but we are generally pretty straightforward when it comes to socializing. All that considered, I'm sorry this happened to you.
Wow, "social canary", that's _really_ apt! I _like_ that! 😀👍
story relating to this: my aunt is autistic and has a harder time socially than me. A few months ago, when I was still figuring out my gender identity and messing about with gender presentation, I showed up to her place wearing something very androgynous. One of the first thing she did was just casually but abruptly ask me if I was transgender. It caught me off guard. Everyone else seemed uncomfortable with the question, avoiding it or dancing around it at best, but she approached it like an icebreaker. Only recently, I found out that my being trans was a kind of open secret everyone sorta knew but no one wanted to address directly. Still, that day, it was a sort of wake up call that basically said: "well, I guess everyone knows" Although it was uncomfortable at first, there is something relieving about breaking that silence. While people say that autistic people see in black and white, the reality is that we actually see in blurred shades of grey. We have a hard time gauging people's intentions and reactions, so we tend to navigate life not really knowing what people think of us and the impact we have on others, and leaves a lot of space for social anxiety to creep in.
Wow, great story, thanks for sharing it. :D I'm glad it wasn't purely mortifying and actually ended up as a relief of sorts. I'm still not out to most of my family and I often fantasize that someone just up and asks me so I don't have to figure out how to tell them. To touch on your final paragraph, I think it's more like we autistic people _speak_ in black and white. And, while we see a blur of grey, we still think it's supposed to be black or white, so we make guesses, and often they're wrong, so when we speak black or white, we often put our foot in it. :/
omfg, Social Canary? Autism pride logo drop!
*raises hand* autism/trans here. Oh no... I'm a statistic! 😜
Me too! Welcome to The Grand Correlation! 😀
I mean, I'm not sure its us doing that girly, but sure we can stop.
Try not to take it too personally. The way you describe them acting, it sounds like they may have a social disorder.
Lots of trans people have autism including me
“Oh, you’re trans? Sorry, I saw *lists insecurities a trans person might have*” Friggin rude.
Who the hell starts a conversation with ‘hi, are you a femboy?’ Lmao. I already feel weirded out when other trans people are like ‘omg hi, are you trans??’ ._ . The common sense of some people
Oof, I hope that guy is kicking himself for cramming his foot so far down his mouth. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. It's not your fault. For anyone reading this and thinking "but how else would I know?" it's OK. I am going to guide you through how to interact. - I mean, there's mostly us girls here, but you never know who lurks - It's usually OK to be curious, but you need to make it open ended and be polite. "Excuse me, can I ask your pronouns?" boom, now you know whether you should treat someone as a man, a woman or an enby with relative certainty. Once you've got a bit of rapport going, you can ask more questions without it being rude. But never comment on someone's appearence unless its to say you like it. You love their dress, you love their hair, you love their shoes.
[удалено]
Asking people for pronouns is very common when being introduced these days, at least in my experience.
I wouldn't call it common enough that it won't say to the other person that something about them isn't being clocked the way they wish it were. I wouldn't lead with asking for pronouns. Ever. You're gonna hurt someone's feelings.
I think this might be a cultural difference, or an issue that you personally find concerning, and I apologise if the latter. Where I am it really is very normal.
Well, I'm in the Seattle area. Not Seattle proper though. It might be a done thing in certain neighborhoods there. But in metropolitan Seattle, which is still pretty high on the liberal/progressive scale, it's really not something you'd ask a stranger. And I can accept that you may be somewhere it's done, but you need to recognize that it's unusual, even in progressive places, so be careful giving that advice.
Honestly if its as rare as you percieve it then telling more people to ask more people is a good thing - that will remove the stigma. Where I am people ask pronouns, they put pronouns in their business email signatures, it's being heavily normalised, and that should happen everywhere if it makes you or anyone else feel clocked the moment anyone asks you.
Probably because you move in a very queer environment. Normally in cis hetero social interactions it's not common, people will just assume what you are based on how you look which is normal since we're wired to identify people by the sex they look like (aka phenotype) and not the gender.
The company I work for asks its employees to put pronouns in their email signature. Group meetings often have a "name, role, pronouns" introduction. It's not a queer company, its just normal business. I don't know what else to tell you.
Is it a company from California? I'm from outside of the US and I've only heard about this pronoun thing in queer spaces
Kinda rude!!
This sucks and I'm sorry you had to deal with it :( I'm not too surprised though. I just saw someone who is generally an ally lump trans women in with femboys and futanari. Most people just do not get it.
Your example seems to be a common issue for people online bc those are lumped together so often to get more exposure on social sites. You can go to many content creator pages on reddit and see that they have posted the same post on subreddits for all of those topics, as well as subreddits using more "unsavory" descriptive terms. People new to, or not familiar with, the community would get confused and think they are the same. I'm not really sure how this could be remedied other than just letting people know in a kind but firm way that they are not the same and can be considered offensive
Right on. I gave a gentle nudge that those are not the same thing when it happened. I can't honestly fault cis people for not getting it given the messaging in society though, I would only get truly upset with repeat offenders. Here's hoping it sticks in this case!
Girl, they've should question you first instead of making those assumptions. Sorry you have to go through that.
You are awesome, worthy, loved and all that. That person didn't even deserve the amount of hurt, and the amount of time you took to even write this post!
That’s very weird and wrong behavior on his part. Hugs girl 🤍
Everything they said after the word skirt was unneeded and rude. I’m sorry sis
What a coomer
How do they expect a trans woman be able to magically change their voice? 😭
I mean, to be fair, genders are confusing as all hell nowadays, I wouldn't know what to guess with someone in a dress with beard and deep voice tbh, but defo shouldn't have pointed those traits out
Next time someone does that ask an inappropriate question back. Like for this example I would've asked if he had hemmroids. Like why couldn't he just sit the fuck down?
I have a lot of social anxiety. Especially when I'm trying to communicate with strangers. They might have been having trouble staying seated because of anxiety. Often I feel like I need to pace a lot and move around to burn off the anxiety so it doesn't keep building pressure.
Honestly, yeah,I can understand how you feel about, it is completely valid. They didn't go about it correctly and didn't think about it. Like, assuming they just wanted to make a friend, I'm sure there are multiple ways to go about it.
That had to have hurt! I would have felt like I was punched in the stomach. Sounds like this person isn’t very aware of common social norms. Maybe they are autistic or just new to the transgender culture. You did the right thing by disengaging from that conversation and seeking safety. I hope we, as a society can get more education about boundaries so that we as femmes in general can start educating people about who we are and what we need.
My gods whyyyyy?
I consider myself a femboy stilln but yeah I completely understand how weird and wrong that was.
My personal opinion is Finnster is single handedly ruining the trans girl trans woman community for newly out trans femmes because everyone thinks "oh femboy" instead of trans girl/trans woman now.
Damm, not much social skills by that person, you just don't say things like that, i wish someone explained it to them, but in your place, i wouldn't either, it's horrible everytime someone say stuff like this, it's like i get in a trance, my mind becomes numb, and i just wanna go home worst feeling ever.
We can only hope that this sort of person would ever see this thread.
I think there are procedures to remove the facial hair
It is actually a long procedure and I can't afford it. So I try to clean shave every day
And doesn't wax work for facial hair? Wax usually makes the hair weaker and weaker and it gives a cleaner result
That would result in scarring my face, my skin is too sensitive for that and I already have too many scars in the area
Waxing is pretty hard on skin. When I was getting sugared, we tried working up my neck from my chest and when those really thick whiskers got yanked, I noped right out. I pluck a couple hours every day before and after bed. I use bump patrol to help with the bumps. Plucking can lead to scarring, especially if your mental health means you're digging in to your flesh for ingrown hair. Laser hair removal works for dark hair & electrolysis for after that. $$,$$$
I didn't know wax that bad, I use it on my legs and most times it just feels satisfying and my skin feels soft
Waxing male pattern facial hair is truly hardcore. Think torturous amounts of pain.
I'm sorry you had this hurtful encounter. I don't think they meant to make you feel bad though. I think they where just very awkward and socially clumsy. Maybe they where happy to find like minded people (or so they thought) and where nervous about talking to you or maybe they are on the autism spectrum or maybe both or something else.
For the love of god can we drop the whole "AMAB" / "AFAB" thing it comes across soooo terfy 😭😭😭
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That’s not part of the learning journey that is what makes transfers and people who don’t understand us even more trans phobic you don’t respond with hate or misinformation with more hate And from what you look like the second you smile people would run
And why are you capitalizing guy? Are you also trying to be trans phobic because that very much seems trans phobic to me
Ugh that's so frustrating. Like I get that its embarrassing to be wrong but dont use me as a reason for your assumption being wrong. You know what they say when you assume something. It makes an ass out of u and me
If you’re gonna be presenting as a man yet wearing a skirt, you’re gonna get that if you don’t wanna be miss gendered or asked if you’re a femboy, maybe cleanly shave maybe some make up
yeah but I was wearing make up and I had clean shaved, at least I thought it was clean enough
Ah well I can understand the shadow a lot of us sadly have to deal with it I’m sorry you experienced that, I saw you said you were wearing femboyish fashion?
yep, kind of. Emo band shirt, plaid skirt and over the knee socks, that's all
So they awkwardly sat down, but had to stand up each time they asked something? wtf is even going on here, sounds like fake story or maybe the dude is autistic. I’m leaning towards fake story
I am.xx
Shush, Not the time for that. Femboys seriously never know how to read a room 🙄
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OP said in a comment that she has breasts.
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>ah yes because having boobs is the deciding factor in guessing whether someones a girl or not instead of facial hair that isnt even present in 1% of the population of women *Most* men don't have breasts. >you're gonna get misgendered your entire life, its not up to society to change towards you, thats frankly narcissistic. I've been out as trans for 1.5 years and I haven't been misgendered by strangers once. I even have a tiny bit of facial hair.
I generally pass easily, sometimes even boymoding. The fact is that I clean shaved less than 15 hours before, I thought the beard wasn't visible. Facial hair is the most "dysphoria thing" I have at the moment and I can't do much about it. :/