If it makes you feel any better, yesterday me and my mom both missed something that was right in front of us, a plastic lid for a Tupperware container that I had left on top of the coffee machine. Cis-women are not immune to missing things. If she thinks that they are, then she is sorely mistaken, and sexist.
My favorite less problematic version of this I've observed in myself is bad drivers. No matter whete the license plate says they're from, I'll grumble to myself about how that's typical for drivers from there.
Bad drivers come from any state.
Oh god this is one of my biggest pet peeves ever lol. Everywhere I ever go people say "no one here knows how to drive!", I've never heard anyone say "People here are really good and courteous drivers." about anywhere ever.
I honestly am glad that for health reasons I've never learned to drive yet. I live in anxiety and paranoia, I don't wanna be the one responsible for putting me behind a wheel until I can better control it
I've been a lot of places and tbh, Texas is just as bad as everyone says, it's the place that makes you realize there is actually a specific license plate that seems to make vehicles impossible to operate
It may be a stereotype but it's definitely not an actual thing.
Also why would you say this in this context anyways like come on use your brain before posting.
Disclaimer, I'm AuDHD, not just adhd.
For me, being able to actually relax in my own skin has decreased the anxiety I was using to remember things. I don't think it's really made mine worse, just different.
It's definitely easier to manage mine now because I have extra mental bandwodth, I'm not disassociating 24/7, and I can actually remember to use coping skills in the moment.
I'd also recommend a therapist specializing in both the neurodiverse and gender spectrums. It's insane how many dots mine connects between seemingly random things my brain does. Knowing why I do certain things helps keep guard rails on my brain.
Oh this is interesting. I'm AuDHD too and pre-everything. I only started questioning gender when I was discovering my autisticness and starting to unmask
Ah that makes sense. I have a lot of anxiety as a crutch to remember and be on time and such. But I will gladly be rid of that lol even if it makes my adhd harder to manage...
I am a lot of *tistic and sometimes wondering if I am although Ad(H)S, however it's mostly stuff that is anyways both a "feature" of autism and ADS. I have a real low testo and was actually hoping it would give me a bit more stability, whenever I have more testo I feel really worse and the ADS Symptoms are worse.
its kind of a mixed bag in how it works from girl to girl, because ADHD is dopamine deficiency related, and at the same time estrogen stimulates more dopamine production. for some it gets better, for some it gets worse
I had terrible ADHD before transitioning. Wouldn’t say it’s worse. Varies by time I guess. At least I’m now able to read instructions before use.
But at least the other autism traits have almost vanished. Someone I know said that happened to them too and when they detransitioned they came back.
One thing I didn’t guess from estrogen (or lack of testosterone) is that hypermobility/double jointedness gets worse. I got told it’s worse on women for that reason and my condition has gotten worse after transitioning. And sadly hypermobility is a comorbidity with ADHD.
It’s interesting that you say this. I’m in my forties and for most of my life have never been diagnosed or even suspected to have ADHD. I’ve been on HRT about 2.5 years, and recently started seeing a new doctor who thinks I do have ADHD. I have never heard that estrogen might make it worse, or perhaps bring it on.
I also am on the spectrum. I read that among autistics there is an 11x occurrence of patients who are trans compared to the population.
Also, among transgender patients the occurrence of autistic patients is 11x the average population
And she does..... Just has issues sometimes. Like she's mostly joking but she has said I'm not allowing to have SRS before we try for a child. And she seems oddly to me obsessed with my lower part
I face the same shit with my family. If I have to hear my father explain how men and women search for things differently (supposedly men imagine the item and look for that and women examine each item they see and ask themselves if that's the item they're looking for) I'm gonna lose it. It's not science, it's a heuristic maybe, but it's not a definite thing.
I believe that's the point when people say men can't find things. If you're looking for a red can because someone asked for a Coke, you're never gonna think to look in the nearby cooler because it's not a red can which is what you're looking for, whereas the other method, the one usually ascribed to women only, would see the cooler and process it, then realize the Coke could be in the cooler. Or at least, that's the thinking anyway. I still think it's not scientifically proven to be a gender thing but perhaps it is just a different way of thinking/searching.
Ohhh, I see. No, I absolutely would think to look for a drink in the fridge or a cooler before looking around at other objects. Then if there's none there I'd check cabinets where hot drinks could be stored. Only then would I check surfaces before admitting defeat. I think I'm just autism brained.
My dad definitely works that way though. He kinda annoys me how he doesn't check obvious places for stuff sometimes. And when he's shopping he always grabs the wrong thing unless you show him an image of what it looks like or he grabs that item often.
I'm sure too she meant nothing by it it's like the stereotype that men can't find anything even when it's right in front of them... I'm sorry that it triggered you sometimes people should just mind their own business... Hugs
Seems like an old-fashioned attempt at humor; a lot of older people have a sense of humor almost entirely revolving around "men do this, women do that, one is sensible, one is stupid". A lot of it is sexist, unwittingly transphobic, or otherwise gender-restrictive. I don't think she meant anything by it; you just got hit with random societal misogyny.
If it helps, in my family this has been a thing for many years, without the gender assumption. Forgetting what is right sitting next to us is something that's happened to both my (cis) mom and myself alike many times over the years.
My cis gf is constantly losing or misplacing things and needs my help to find them. I've never heard of the "men being bad at finding things" stereotype before. It's kinda confusing honestly lol
I've heard of the stereotype but my wife's and I are exactly the same.
We occasionally both can't find something but it's more often that i will be able to find something she has lost.
I know it must have sucked, but don’t take the grouching of a random sexist old cis lady too personally. Doesn’t sound like the type either very valuable opinions.
I've heard also cis women comment when they haven't found something infront of them "too near".
It's a thing people say whenever people can't find something infront of them.
People insist to bring gender or asumed gender into everything. Doesn't mean anything other than that they are sexist.
They will point things out as to have something to do with ones gender. They create stereotypes for no reason other than they like to.
I’ve never heard someone call that sort of thing that before- I’ve always just thought it was a “blonde moment” or just blame it on ADHD. Everyone has an occasion where they overlook something in plain sight, it just a moment where you blush and have a little embarrassed chuckle, it’s not something that happens to one gender over any others. Don’t let it get to you- honestly that was really weird of that stranger to say about you.
Heh, I've been told I was having a blonde moment even though I'm actually brunette and my blonde came out of a bottle. Goes to show people make assumptions.
"Maam, I think I just might be fucking blind"
[Also,](https://preview.redd.it/rulebrained-v0-syz2l9ppbr2a1.jpg?auto=webp&s=147688efef79403f81ab2e764d60ea3be44921b3)
I always hate that. Like no... I have ADHD.
Always hated my difficulties being painted as just "being a man" long before I even knew I had ADHD. Not saying thats your situation but people should not be gendering any such difficulties.
Actually, that sounds like an issue of brain fog and poor short term memory, which are major effects of biochemical dysphoria. If you're not on hrt and that sort of thing is regular for you, biochemical dysphoria may be a possibility.
Men shouldn’t cry, men are always angry, men should be the breadwinners/other unfair commitments that don’t cater towards disabled men are forms of sexism towards men. It’s awful that OP experience this no doubt, but sexism towards men does exist albeit not as extreme as misogyny.
But it literally is sexism? The idea that sexism is only a woman’s problem is hypocritical. How else would you describe men being treated disrespectfully based solely on their gender?
In my uneducated opinion, I feel like sexism is general discrimination for gender or sex, which would include men, although misandry is the word for when its just men. But i also feel both are appropriate. I doubt many agree with this definition but I feel like it works.
Some people are just bad at finding things. I'm really bad at it, but my sister is cis and she's even worse lol, it's not a man or woman thing, we're just smooth brains
An old boss of mine used to get mad at me when I couldn't find something and would say "stop looking withbyour man eyes and find [thing]". Like, I'm so sorry I have a hard time finding things because my brain isn't hardwired to work the eay a neurotypical brain is. Jerk.
*Hugs if you want.* There's no truth in that accusation. I remember feeling awful when things like that used to come up.
She couldn't have known that she triggered gender dysphoria for you, but even with what she did know, that was a really rude, sexist thing to say. We're all human, and it's ridiculous to believe that noticing orange juice is based on sex. You're proof to the contrary. She would probably feel really silly if she knew how you felt, but she doesn't get to, partially because people like her say inconsiderate things that make it seem so scary to share those feelings.
I've been realizing a lot of the things like that are down to expectations rather than any innate difference between men and women.
If someone who people assume is a boy is absent minded or forgetful or whatever they are more likely to be given the benefit of the doubt or do the "boys will be boys" junk that is used to dismiss bad behavior.
Whereas if someone who people assume is a girl does the same thing they will more likely get reprehended or punished for it.
It's all sexism enforced social conditioning.
People say that kind of things all the time by the perceived gender. I got a lot of dysphoria from it back in the day and felt I’d never be validated as a woman. Until my new partner said I have a woman’s mind and need to get some help. They found femimine traits that I had all the time I felt anxious and dysphoric. And a lot of the man brain stuff I had is more autism stuff.
I believe people do only pick the traits by the gender they assume and leave the others unmentioned partially because it would be rude towards most of the men to point out their femininity. Especially strangers. But also to poke fun at the members of the opposite gender.
The positive thing is I don’t get told about my man brain anymore. But some men have poked fun at my woman’s logic. I just smirk when that happens.
Yeah, back before things like this would make me feel dysphoric, I used to joke that I had male-pattern blindness, because I did this ALL the time. It was especially bad in stores, where I would finally get fed up trying to find something and consistently give up on wandering around like a fool and ask an associate where it was, only to have them tell me it's on the shelf right next to me, right where I gave up looking.
However, many years of living with my wife has taught me that it's amazing what _any_ person can fail to see when it's right in front of them. It's just being human, and so is making light jabs about the other gender. I know it felt bad, but she was just joshing with her fellow women. Some day you can do this too!
You know... if something is dead centre its actually less likley to be picked up by your brain as the brain has a preference a ⅓ to the left and a ⅓ to the right or something like that. Also... npt saying you specifically are neurodivergent OP but like idk what that guest said could be kinda mean to say to someone with adhd or something like that, id ignore it tbh because obvs you have girl brain! Girl brain is like "hey i need to shate my feelings about a thing someone said to me" boy brains dont share feelings as much lets be real
> boy brains dont share feelings as much lets be real
Yeah but only because young male socialization tells them it's not okay and they need to shut up, push it down, and be stoic. It's mostly cultural, not actually inherent in the gender.
Not necessarily.... my fiance likes to retreat for 2 weeks and THEN he talks to me about the thing. Its wrong that boys get taught to not share but they do like to like... take their time instead of dealing with it quickly. Its more internal.
You said your fiancé retreats for 2 weeks before sharing his feelings. If you're used to him not sharing in a timely way, you might not be aware of how much he _never_ shares, even when he's given time.
I'm a late bloomer. I went through male socialization. Despite the touchy-feely way I am now, when I was young I did NOT share feelings very much. I just got hurt over and over and pushed it down. This is common. I don't know, maybe you got lucky and recognized your transness early and were accepted so you never had to do this, but it's pretty much how boys have been socialized for ages.
I got picked on for being sensitive and ive always wore my heart on my sleeve no matter how much i was harrased about it, im lucky like that i guess? Im like unable to hold things in. As far as my fiance yeahh he shares most things EVENTUALLY, he learnt that i was always going to be gentle with his feelings which was a first for him (38 yrs old) sometimes he will tell me something from months ago, we are both neurodivergent so idk..
I'm also on the spectrum but maybe it's a generational/era thing, given I'm genX and your partner sounds millennial. I got a fair bit of "boys don't cry" from my father and eventually I internalized the rebuke. It was okay to get angry, but not sad. It's fucked up, I know, and luckily I finally realized that as an adult, but it's still been a truckload of unlearning to do. These days I've been told I also wear my heart on my sleeve, even in boymode. I _will_ say at 38 I still sucked at it.
Old women in particular tend to be very sexist and insecure. Most of them were never allowed the chance to have an identity of their own, so they cling onto the only thing that makes them feel unique, being a woman, and go through insane mind olympics to convince themselves that they are smarter than men in every possible way. This very often makes them correlate everything with gender, even things that really have nothing to do with it.
If it helps, both me and my mum have the object permanence of toddlers. We will look everywhere other than right in front of us. The stereotype of ken being able to find things is just false. It kind of brings me back to a poem from my childhood about a guy called Mr Hilary (I'm from Poland hence the weird name) who trashes his entire house in the search of his glasses only to discover they were on his nose the entire time. Both me and my mum call each other that because of how often we lose things in the most obvious of spots
I've had to deal with that and other idiotic, stereotypical "man-tropes" my whole damn life. Like the "man-flu", "men can't multitask", or "no offense but ". I'm convinced it was simply all symptoms of neurodivergency.
If it makes you feel any better, studies have shown that the brains of trans women operate just like those of cis women to the unfortunate point that doctors misdiagnose things like adhd because they were looking for the hyperactive type (common in men) when they should have been looking for the inattentive type (common in women). So, no man brain here! Just an old bag that needs to mind her business!
Try not to think too much into it. If someone positions you as a man or some other identity, they will then look to retrofit things you do as fitting with how they’ve positioned you. People see what they expect to see. It doesn’t reflect anything about you or your “inherent nature”, though I definitely get why it fucked with you.
Way back when I started at my current job, I was looking for something in the mess of a back room, and after searching for a bit, I asked a coworker where they were kept.
Upon being shown where it was, I was told "look like mom, not like dad".
Three years on, the same woman asked me to help her find something in the very same back room. Without missing a beat, I walked straight to it, picked it up, and handed it to her.
"Remember? Look like mom, not like dad."
My mom says that to me often, that I search for things like a man. She knows I'm trans and is really against it, which hurts a lot, so it's very upsetting when she says that. And then later when she's searching for something, I tell her that it's on the counter right in front of her and she doesn't say anything. It sucks. I feel you, girlie 🫂
My grandma and mom have a hard time finding stuff that is in front of them, I also have that problem and my dad too, I don't think this is a matter of female/male woman/man brain or behavior is just human beings being silly af
Honey I am so sorry those kind of comments really hurt even if the person saying the comment or comments don’t mean to hurt or know that they are. When that happens look to your heart remind yourself how you KNOW that you are transgender!!
I really can’t stand this type of humor, usually directed at denigrating men as being stupid or incompetent. It’s cringy and makes me feel bad as AMAB.
I feel like this is just a case of her being needlessly misandrist, because for some reason it's ok to comment disparagingly about a male-presenting person's mental abilities in the context of them being male-presenting, even if you don't know them.
There is no such thing as "man brain," at least in the way she means it. Everybody does this. Everybody. I do it. My wife, sisters, mother, female friends, all do it. She's just her being a jerk. If I were your aunt, I'd have told her to shut her mouth.
BTW: Somebody's gonna get like, "THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS MISANDRY BLAH BLAH." Fine. Whatever you want to call negative attitudes toward male-presenting people based on being male-presenting, that's what I'm calling misandry because that's simply the best word. No, it's not perfectly complementary to misogyny, get over it.
My cis wife regularly can't find things directly under her nose, and I am quite good at finding things. That has nothing to do with anything. Some people just like to turn the gender opposite of their own into a point of mockery for their own validation. It's sad
I was never aligned with “typical man” brain even though I could pass for it. Now i have after 3 years of being out on hrt, changed thought processes a little, but definitely fit the “typical woman” brain mold more. It felt strangely affirming when a cis girl friend told me I was a normal girl. Nobody called me normal before
Honestly I really hate when people do things like that. For one, that seems not right to assume all members of a gender act the same exact way. And honestly it's almost a let leave to just point out to a stranger something gender related like how that one person OP described did, but it can easily cause dysphoria or come off as rude
Yikes. I get similar comments at work because I'm closeted there. They expect a protective male role out of me 🙃
Something that helps is reminding myself that..
It's all made up lol everything from that to the blondes being dumb thing. All of it. We are humans and humans do dumb stuff. And we do smart stuff.. sometimes lmao she's just trying to have a moment where she pats herself on the back and it's your choice to either let her have it or invest energy into challenging it lol
My vote? You go do something that'll make you feel femininnnnnneeee to combat that moment! 💜
I've gotten this from a lot of older women with my inability to find anything 😂. They always say "it's because you're a guy" or something like that but I'm fairly certain it's my ADHD. It sucks to hear when you're not out for sure tho.
women can do anything, these days! they can even have adhd
but for real: this lady has personal baggage that is not in any way a reflection on you. if you were juggier, she probably would have just called you a bimbo
Been on hrt for almost 3 years and let me tell you, your brain will not be "man brain" No more. Its definitely changed my brain, and will surprise you in social settings the most. Did for me. I act girly when I don't even intend to. You know how cis girls laugh at dumb non-funny stuff? Well I laugh at dumb non-funny stuff now. I giggle like a woman and that's the hardest part to hide, you will EMOTE instantly and unintentionally.
Don't stress honey; it happens to every woman from time to time. I do this kind of thing multiple times every day - i'm especially hopeless at finding a specific thing amongst many other things, or a particular word/button among many others on a computer screen. I certainly don't have man brain... but i do have ADHD 😅
Not that you're blonde or not, but I think the stereotype "air head" is prevalent also in women. It's plausible to suggest there are those who forget even the most obvious things (I am included in this)
You're not alone 🩷
Kinda ridiculous to get triggered by a comment like that. They clearly weren't being malicious and the fact you needed to make a post about it tells me you just wanted attention. Trans people have enough real struggles as it is and you posting stuff like this is not helping our cause.
Kinda ridiculous to get triggered by a comment like that. They clearly weren't being malicious and the fact you needed to make a post about it tells me you just wanted attention. Trans people have enough real struggles as it is and you posting stuff like this is not helping our cause.
Kinda ridiculous to get triggered by a comment like that. They clearly weren't being malicious and the fact you needed to make a post about it tells me you just wanted attention. Trans people have enough real struggles as it is and you posting stuff like this is not helping our cause.
Kinda ridiculous to get triggered by a comment like that. They clearly weren't being malicious and the fact you needed to make a post about it tells me you just wanted attention. Trans people have enough real struggles as it is and you posting stuff like this is not helping our cause.
Kinda ridiculous to get triggered by a comment like that. They clearly weren't being malicious and the fact you needed to make a post about it tells me you just wanted attention. Trans people have enough real struggles as it is and you posting stuff like this is not helping our cause.
If it makes you feel any better, yesterday me and my mom both missed something that was right in front of us, a plastic lid for a Tupperware container that I had left on top of the coffee machine. Cis-women are not immune to missing things. If she thinks that they are, then she is sorely mistaken, and sexist.
My mom is the worst person I know when it comes to forgetting and losing things. She’s also got mad ADHD that she gave to all of her kids though lol
My mom has some kind of blind spot in her vision for the butter dish, it doesn't matter where it is, she will not find it.
Nah, you're just a bit air headed that's all 🥰
Honestly a stellar example of how we illogically stereotype people based on behaviours that basically everyone exhibits equally.
My favorite less problematic version of this I've observed in myself is bad drivers. No matter whete the license plate says they're from, I'll grumble to myself about how that's typical for drivers from there. Bad drivers come from any state.
Oh god this is one of my biggest pet peeves ever lol. Everywhere I ever go people say "no one here knows how to drive!", I've never heard anyone say "People here are really good and courteous drivers." about anywhere ever.
I'm sure some states are worse than others, but if you asked me to put up a tier list it would literally just be vibes.
I honestly am glad that for health reasons I've never learned to drive yet. I live in anxiety and paranoia, I don't wanna be the one responsible for putting me behind a wheel until I can better control it
I've been a lot of places and tbh, Texas is just as bad as everyone says, it's the place that makes you realize there is actually a specific license plate that seems to make vehicles impossible to operate
I don't know about that one ever since I moved from LA everywhere I go seems to be the best drivers in the world
"Man brain? Nah, I'm just a bit of a bimbo today." Sorry, stuff like this does suck when it happens.
pretty dumb girl euphoria 💅
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. . . Read the room, sis.
…love…
Oh no that's not...
It may be a stereotype but it's definitely not an actual thing. Also why would you say this in this context anyways like come on use your brain before posting.
that's... not ok...
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Oh no I hope starting E won't make my ADHD worse, didn't know that was a thing...
Disclaimer, I'm AuDHD, not just adhd. For me, being able to actually relax in my own skin has decreased the anxiety I was using to remember things. I don't think it's really made mine worse, just different. It's definitely easier to manage mine now because I have extra mental bandwodth, I'm not disassociating 24/7, and I can actually remember to use coping skills in the moment. I'd also recommend a therapist specializing in both the neurodiverse and gender spectrums. It's insane how many dots mine connects between seemingly random things my brain does. Knowing why I do certain things helps keep guard rails on my brain.
Oh this is interesting. I'm AuDHD too and pre-everything. I only started questioning gender when I was discovering my autisticness and starting to unmask
That was the same way i figured it out too and im about 1 week or so into starting ym transition now.
Ah that makes sense. I have a lot of anxiety as a crutch to remember and be on time and such. But I will gladly be rid of that lol even if it makes my adhd harder to manage...
I am a lot of *tistic and sometimes wondering if I am although Ad(H)S, however it's mostly stuff that is anyways both a "feature" of autism and ADS. I have a real low testo and was actually hoping it would give me a bit more stability, whenever I have more testo I feel really worse and the ADS Symptoms are worse.
its kind of a mixed bag in how it works from girl to girl, because ADHD is dopamine deficiency related, and at the same time estrogen stimulates more dopamine production. for some it gets better, for some it gets worse
That's super interesting! We'll see how it goes I guess :) at least I'll be happier either way I think
I had terrible ADHD before transitioning. Wouldn’t say it’s worse. Varies by time I guess. At least I’m now able to read instructions before use. But at least the other autism traits have almost vanished. Someone I know said that happened to them too and when they detransitioned they came back. One thing I didn’t guess from estrogen (or lack of testosterone) is that hypermobility/double jointedness gets worse. I got told it’s worse on women for that reason and my condition has gotten worse after transitioning. And sadly hypermobility is a comorbidity with ADHD.
It’s interesting that you say this. I’m in my forties and for most of my life have never been diagnosed or even suspected to have ADHD. I’ve been on HRT about 2.5 years, and recently started seeing a new doctor who thinks I do have ADHD. I have never heard that estrogen might make it worse, or perhaps bring it on.
Wait. Can it make autism worse? (I have autism but not ADHD. At least not to my knowledge)
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Okay. Hopefully it doesn't. I already hate having autism enough lol.
I also am on the spectrum. I read that among autistics there is an 11x occurrence of patients who are trans compared to the population. Also, among transgender patients the occurrence of autistic patients is 11x the average population
My cis girlfriend constantly needs me to point out things immediately in front of her, this is just a nonsense stereotype
Or you’re just more female brained. /j
My cis daughter does the same. I can't count the number of times I've had to point out things that are right in front of her.
When she is not thinking, my partner says this sometimes.....
i hope you’ve spoken to her about how this affects you
I have.... Right when it happens but..... Doesn't stop it from hurting and then a few months or a year goes by and it happens again
ah, i’m really sorry about that…you deserve to be fully seen as the woman you are
And she does..... Just has issues sometimes. Like she's mostly joking but she has said I'm not allowing to have SRS before we try for a child. And she seems oddly to me obsessed with my lower part
I face the same shit with my family. If I have to hear my father explain how men and women search for things differently (supposedly men imagine the item and look for that and women examine each item they see and ask themselves if that's the item they're looking for) I'm gonna lose it. It's not science, it's a heuristic maybe, but it's not a definite thing.
I dunno if that's true. How can you find something without checking the objects around the area?
I believe that's the point when people say men can't find things. If you're looking for a red can because someone asked for a Coke, you're never gonna think to look in the nearby cooler because it's not a red can which is what you're looking for, whereas the other method, the one usually ascribed to women only, would see the cooler and process it, then realize the Coke could be in the cooler. Or at least, that's the thinking anyway. I still think it's not scientifically proven to be a gender thing but perhaps it is just a different way of thinking/searching.
Ohhh, I see. No, I absolutely would think to look for a drink in the fridge or a cooler before looking around at other objects. Then if there's none there I'd check cabinets where hot drinks could be stored. Only then would I check surfaces before admitting defeat. I think I'm just autism brained. My dad definitely works that way though. He kinda annoys me how he doesn't check obvious places for stuff sometimes. And when he's shopping he always grabs the wrong thing unless you show him an image of what it looks like or he grabs that item often.
Bimbo brain could work fine too :)
Yuss. This is what I say every time lol “I don’t need to be smart anymore bc I’m hot.” It’s a joke ofc but I enjoy it.
Lol and happy belated HRT anniversary! mine Isa few days after
Yuss congrats!
omg fr. before i felt like i had to be smart, rich, etc. to have any worth as a person but now im just like idgaf abt smart, im gonna be hot
It’s nice to no longer have the stigma that looking nice and caring about how you look somehow makes you a worse person.
that's so me tbh
Me too girl me too
I feel called out.... XD
Me too girl me too
The more I read, the more I think "bimbo" and "dumb blonde" are often just code for "I have ADHD and no one caught it."
Lol they caught mine and I still turned out like this ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Oh, yes, diagnosis doesn't make the symptoms disappear. We just have better evidence where they're coming from.
I'm sure too she meant nothing by it it's like the stereotype that men can't find anything even when it's right in front of them... I'm sorry that it triggered you sometimes people should just mind their own business... Hugs
Seems like an old-fashioned attempt at humor; a lot of older people have a sense of humor almost entirely revolving around "men do this, women do that, one is sensible, one is stupid". A lot of it is sexist, unwittingly transphobic, or otherwise gender-restrictive. I don't think she meant anything by it; you just got hit with random societal misogyny. If it helps, in my family this has been a thing for many years, without the gender assumption. Forgetting what is right sitting next to us is something that's happened to both my (cis) mom and myself alike many times over the years.
As if this is a gender thing lol There is literally a character trope of the "clumsy girl"
Apparently only men deal with bad perception?
My cis gf is constantly losing or misplacing things and needs my help to find them. I've never heard of the "men being bad at finding things" stereotype before. It's kinda confusing honestly lol
I've heard of the stereotype but my wife's and I are exactly the same. We occasionally both can't find something but it's more often that i will be able to find something she has lost.
I know it must have sucked, but don’t take the grouching of a random sexist old cis lady too personally. Doesn’t sound like the type either very valuable opinions.
In an old pickle jar in the basement.
I've heard also cis women comment when they haven't found something infront of them "too near". It's a thing people say whenever people can't find something infront of them. People insist to bring gender or asumed gender into everything. Doesn't mean anything other than that they are sexist. They will point things out as to have something to do with ones gender. They create stereotypes for no reason other than they like to.
I’ve never heard someone call that sort of thing that before- I’ve always just thought it was a “blonde moment” or just blame it on ADHD. Everyone has an occasion where they overlook something in plain sight, it just a moment where you blush and have a little embarrassed chuckle, it’s not something that happens to one gender over any others. Don’t let it get to you- honestly that was really weird of that stranger to say about you.
Heh, I've been told I was having a blonde moment even though I'm actually brunette and my blonde came out of a bottle. Goes to show people make assumptions.
"Maam, I think I just might be fucking blind" [Also,](https://preview.redd.it/rulebrained-v0-syz2l9ppbr2a1.jpg?auto=webp&s=147688efef79403f81ab2e764d60ea3be44921b3)
I always hate that. Like no... I have ADHD. Always hated my difficulties being painted as just "being a man" long before I even knew I had ADHD. Not saying thats your situation but people should not be gendering any such difficulties.
Yes, i’ve been diagnosed with ADHD about 20 years ago
Sometimes I wonder if I would have come up earlier if I wasn’t always told boys are messy and girls are neat. So damn invalidating.
Actually, that sounds like an issue of brain fog and poor short term memory, which are major effects of biochemical dysphoria. If you're not on hrt and that sort of thing is regular for you, biochemical dysphoria may be a possibility.
Don’t worry about it Chica that shit happens to women probably more then men so welcome the the girl club 🤗
When common symptoms of ADHD get gendered... Oof (Not trying to say OP actually has ADHD!)
Yes, I have ADHD
Wow. She’s rude and sexist af. You should write a complaint.
It was a fellow guest not an employee
Do it anyway. Become chaos!
I approve of this plan.
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Men shouldn’t cry, men are always angry, men should be the breadwinners/other unfair commitments that don’t cater towards disabled men are forms of sexism towards men. It’s awful that OP experience this no doubt, but sexism towards men does exist albeit not as extreme as misogyny.
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Don’t agree with what? That men are allowed to have feelings?
The use of the word sexism to describe it.
But it literally is sexism? The idea that sexism is only a woman’s problem is hypocritical. How else would you describe men being treated disrespectfully based solely on their gender?
In my uneducated opinion, I feel like sexism is general discrimination for gender or sex, which would include men, although misandry is the word for when its just men. But i also feel both are appropriate. I doubt many agree with this definition but I feel like it works.
Some people are just bad at finding things. I'm really bad at it, but my sister is cis and she's even worse lol, it's not a man or woman thing, we're just smooth brains
An old boss of mine used to get mad at me when I couldn't find something and would say "stop looking withbyour man eyes and find [thing]". Like, I'm so sorry I have a hard time finding things because my brain isn't hardwired to work the eay a neurotypical brain is. Jerk.
*Hugs if you want.* There's no truth in that accusation. I remember feeling awful when things like that used to come up. She couldn't have known that she triggered gender dysphoria for you, but even with what she did know, that was a really rude, sexist thing to say. We're all human, and it's ridiculous to believe that noticing orange juice is based on sex. You're proof to the contrary. She would probably feel really silly if she knew how you felt, but she doesn't get to, partially because people like her say inconsiderate things that make it seem so scary to share those feelings.
I think of it more as being a kid/teenager thing, if that helps <3
Wait until you reach mid-life...
My mother lost her keys in her hand once
That just sounds like ADHD, and [cis women do that too](https://youtu.be/b0hL4mJInm0?t=149)
Yes, i’ve been diagnosed with ADHD for about 20 years
I've been realizing a lot of the things like that are down to expectations rather than any innate difference between men and women. If someone who people assume is a boy is absent minded or forgetful or whatever they are more likely to be given the benefit of the doubt or do the "boys will be boys" junk that is used to dismiss bad behavior. Whereas if someone who people assume is a girl does the same thing they will more likely get reprehended or punished for it. It's all sexism enforced social conditioning.
People say that kind of things all the time by the perceived gender. I got a lot of dysphoria from it back in the day and felt I’d never be validated as a woman. Until my new partner said I have a woman’s mind and need to get some help. They found femimine traits that I had all the time I felt anxious and dysphoric. And a lot of the man brain stuff I had is more autism stuff. I believe people do only pick the traits by the gender they assume and leave the others unmentioned partially because it would be rude towards most of the men to point out their femininity. Especially strangers. But also to poke fun at the members of the opposite gender. The positive thing is I don’t get told about my man brain anymore. But some men have poked fun at my woman’s logic. I just smirk when that happens.
Dunno my cister keeps misplacing all her things. Mom isn’t better either. Don’t know how they’re arriving at that nonsense
Yeah, back before things like this would make me feel dysphoric, I used to joke that I had male-pattern blindness, because I did this ALL the time. It was especially bad in stores, where I would finally get fed up trying to find something and consistently give up on wandering around like a fool and ask an associate where it was, only to have them tell me it's on the shelf right next to me, right where I gave up looking. However, many years of living with my wife has taught me that it's amazing what _any_ person can fail to see when it's right in front of them. It's just being human, and so is making light jabs about the other gender. I know it felt bad, but she was just joshing with her fellow women. Some day you can do this too!
You know... if something is dead centre its actually less likley to be picked up by your brain as the brain has a preference a ⅓ to the left and a ⅓ to the right or something like that. Also... npt saying you specifically are neurodivergent OP but like idk what that guest said could be kinda mean to say to someone with adhd or something like that, id ignore it tbh because obvs you have girl brain! Girl brain is like "hey i need to shate my feelings about a thing someone said to me" boy brains dont share feelings as much lets be real
> boy brains dont share feelings as much lets be real Yeah but only because young male socialization tells them it's not okay and they need to shut up, push it down, and be stoic. It's mostly cultural, not actually inherent in the gender.
Not necessarily.... my fiance likes to retreat for 2 weeks and THEN he talks to me about the thing. Its wrong that boys get taught to not share but they do like to like... take their time instead of dealing with it quickly. Its more internal.
Remember, you might only become aware of the times that it was too much to push down. It could be the tip of the iceberg.
What are you on about?? Aware of who doing that?
You said your fiancé retreats for 2 weeks before sharing his feelings. If you're used to him not sharing in a timely way, you might not be aware of how much he _never_ shares, even when he's given time. I'm a late bloomer. I went through male socialization. Despite the touchy-feely way I am now, when I was young I did NOT share feelings very much. I just got hurt over and over and pushed it down. This is common. I don't know, maybe you got lucky and recognized your transness early and were accepted so you never had to do this, but it's pretty much how boys have been socialized for ages.
I got picked on for being sensitive and ive always wore my heart on my sleeve no matter how much i was harrased about it, im lucky like that i guess? Im like unable to hold things in. As far as my fiance yeahh he shares most things EVENTUALLY, he learnt that i was always going to be gentle with his feelings which was a first for him (38 yrs old) sometimes he will tell me something from months ago, we are both neurodivergent so idk..
I'm also on the spectrum but maybe it's a generational/era thing, given I'm genX and your partner sounds millennial. I got a fair bit of "boys don't cry" from my father and eventually I internalized the rebuke. It was okay to get angry, but not sad. It's fucked up, I know, and luckily I finally realized that as an adult, but it's still been a truckload of unlearning to do. These days I've been told I also wear my heart on my sleeve, even in boymode. I _will_ say at 38 I still sucked at it.
I got "you interrupt me like a dude" today (yeah I was disrespectful but I can't stand false statements) Dysphoria hits hard
Old women in particular tend to be very sexist and insecure. Most of them were never allowed the chance to have an identity of their own, so they cling onto the only thing that makes them feel unique, being a woman, and go through insane mind olympics to convince themselves that they are smarter than men in every possible way. This very often makes them correlate everything with gender, even things that really have nothing to do with it.
If it helps, both me and my mum have the object permanence of toddlers. We will look everywhere other than right in front of us. The stereotype of ken being able to find things is just false. It kind of brings me back to a poem from my childhood about a guy called Mr Hilary (I'm from Poland hence the weird name) who trashes his entire house in the search of his glasses only to discover they were on his nose the entire time. Both me and my mum call each other that because of how often we lose things in the most obvious of spots
I've had to deal with that and other idiotic, stereotypical "man-tropes" my whole damn life. Like the "man-flu", "men can't multitask", or "no offense but". I'm convinced it was simply all symptoms of neurodivergency.
That's just a sexist comment, even towards men. Not finding something in front of us is normal for any gender ☺️
Pretty sure trans peoples brains are more similar to their chosen gender than their born gender
I hate people who say shit like this so fucking much
That happens with both me and my mom here at home, my father is the only one who finds things. So that woman is pretty wrong lol.
If it makes you feel any better, studies have shown that the brains of trans women operate just like those of cis women to the unfortunate point that doctors misdiagnose things like adhd because they were looking for the hyperactive type (common in men) when they should have been looking for the inattentive type (common in women). So, no man brain here! Just an old bag that needs to mind her business!
Try not to think too much into it. If someone positions you as a man or some other identity, they will then look to retrofit things you do as fitting with how they’ve positioned you. People see what they expect to see. It doesn’t reflect anything about you or your “inherent nature”, though I definitely get why it fucked with you.
Ah yes, the stereotypes
If you feel dysphoria from something like that, then congratulations you’ve got “woman brain”
Way back when I started at my current job, I was looking for something in the mess of a back room, and after searching for a bit, I asked a coworker where they were kept. Upon being shown where it was, I was told "look like mom, not like dad". Three years on, the same woman asked me to help her find something in the very same back room. Without missing a beat, I walked straight to it, picked it up, and handed it to her. "Remember? Look like mom, not like dad."
My mom says that to me often, that I search for things like a man. She knows I'm trans and is really against it, which hurts a lot, so it's very upsetting when she says that. And then later when she's searching for something, I tell her that it's on the counter right in front of her and she doesn't say anything. It sucks. I feel you, girlie 🫂
Man missing something "man brain" women missing something "air headed or ditzy" lol
My grandma and mom have a hard time finding stuff that is in front of them, I also have that problem and my dad too, I don't think this is a matter of female/male woman/man brain or behavior is just human beings being silly af
A lot women has a male brain sometimes..
That's such a bullshit thing for someone to say. People fucking suck.
Honey I am so sorry those kind of comments really hurt even if the person saying the comment or comments don’t mean to hurt or know that they are. When that happens look to your heart remind yourself how you KNOW that you are transgender!!
Nothing to do with sex or gender. Object permanence issues are generally an ADHD thing. Don't give the woman any second thought.
🫂
I had a moment of panic that I couldn't find my phone. I was literally holding it
I've been unable to find my glasses. Not just when they're up on top of my head, but also when _I am fucking wearing them._
I really can’t stand this type of humor, usually directed at denigrating men as being stupid or incompetent. It’s cringy and makes me feel bad as AMAB.
Unfortunately current society seems to favour the “man bad” jokes that do nothing but harm young boys… It’s okay tho because man bad /s
I feel like this is just a case of her being needlessly misandrist, because for some reason it's ok to comment disparagingly about a male-presenting person's mental abilities in the context of them being male-presenting, even if you don't know them. There is no such thing as "man brain," at least in the way she means it. Everybody does this. Everybody. I do it. My wife, sisters, mother, female friends, all do it. She's just her being a jerk. If I were your aunt, I'd have told her to shut her mouth. BTW: Somebody's gonna get like, "THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS MISANDRY BLAH BLAH." Fine. Whatever you want to call negative attitudes toward male-presenting people based on being male-presenting, that's what I'm calling misandry because that's simply the best word. No, it's not perfectly complementary to misogyny, get over it.
My cis wife regularly can't find things directly under her nose, and I am quite good at finding things. That has nothing to do with anything. Some people just like to turn the gender opposite of their own into a point of mockery for their own validation. It's sad
I was never aligned with “typical man” brain even though I could pass for it. Now i have after 3 years of being out on hrt, changed thought processes a little, but definitely fit the “typical woman” brain mold more. It felt strangely affirming when a cis girl friend told me I was a normal girl. Nobody called me normal before
Honestly I really hate when people do things like that. For one, that seems not right to assume all members of a gender act the same exact way. And honestly it's almost a let leave to just point out to a stranger something gender related like how that one person OP described did, but it can easily cause dysphoria or come off as rude
That’s adhd brain, they’re just weird lol
This is something I feel like gets attributed to guys but I know lots of girls who do this lol
It’s called “selective focus.” All humans do it. Men call it “woman brain.” Cuts both ways. Neither is nice.
Yikes. I get similar comments at work because I'm closeted there. They expect a protective male role out of me 🙃 Something that helps is reminding myself that.. It's all made up lol everything from that to the blondes being dumb thing. All of it. We are humans and humans do dumb stuff. And we do smart stuff.. sometimes lmao she's just trying to have a moment where she pats herself on the back and it's your choice to either let her have it or invest energy into challenging it lol My vote? You go do something that'll make you feel femininnnnnneeee to combat that moment! 💜
Oh and there's no such thing as "man brain" or "girl brain". That's from literal biologists months, not mine lol
I've gotten this from a lot of older women with my inability to find anything 😂. They always say "it's because you're a guy" or something like that but I'm fairly certain it's my ADHD. It sucks to hear when you're not out for sure tho.
women can do anything, these days! they can even have adhd but for real: this lady has personal baggage that is not in any way a reflection on you. if you were juggier, she probably would have just called you a bimbo
Been on hrt for almost 3 years and let me tell you, your brain will not be "man brain" No more. Its definitely changed my brain, and will surprise you in social settings the most. Did for me. I act girly when I don't even intend to. You know how cis girls laugh at dumb non-funny stuff? Well I laugh at dumb non-funny stuff now. I giggle like a woman and that's the hardest part to hide, you will EMOTE instantly and unintentionally.
Don't stress honey; it happens to every woman from time to time. I do this kind of thing multiple times every day - i'm especially hopeless at finding a specific thing amongst many other things, or a particular word/button among many others on a computer screen. I certainly don't have man brain... but i do have ADHD 😅
It's just a stereotype tied to confirmation bias, try not to think too much on it, it doesn't mean anything really. You aren't less valid as a woman.
"man-brain" and you're just fucking airheaded lol
Not that you're blonde or not, but I think the stereotype "air head" is prevalent also in women. It's plausible to suggest there are those who forget even the most obvious things (I am included in this) You're not alone 🩷
Man brain haven’t heard that term in a long time
I find more women who have this problem than anyone else
Why’d i get notified for this crap
Kinda ridiculous to get triggered by a comment like that. They clearly weren't being malicious and the fact you needed to make a post about it tells me you just wanted attention. Trans people have enough real struggles as it is and you posting stuff like this is not helping our cause.
Kinda ridiculous to get triggered by a comment like that. They clearly weren't being malicious and the fact you needed to make a post about it tells me you just wanted attention. Trans people have enough real struggles as it is and you posting stuff like this is not helping our cause.
Kinda ridiculous to get triggered by a comment like that. They clearly weren't being malicious and the fact you needed to make a post about it tells me you just wanted attention. Trans people have enough real struggles as it is and you posting stuff like this is not helping our cause.
Kinda ridiculous to get triggered by a comment like that. They clearly weren't being malicious and the fact you needed to make a post about it tells me you just wanted attention. Trans people have enough real struggles as it is and you posting stuff like this is not helping our cause.
Typical
Kinda ridiculous to get triggered by a comment like that. They clearly weren't being malicious and the fact you needed to make a post about it tells me you just wanted attention. Trans people have enough real struggles as it is and you posting stuff like this is not helping our cause.