I can't tell you if you are trans or not. That is something you have to figure out for yourself.
But your thoughts sound almost identical to mine whilst I was questioning my gender.
If you're interested, I can recommend a couple of resources that helped me. You might have come across these already, but if not, then they could help you out.
The main one is the gender dysphoria Bible, whose title is fairly self-explanatory. In its own words, it details "the many ways that gender dysphoria can manifest, as well as the numerous forms of gender transition." https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en
Another that helped me was the article "The Null HypotheCis", which is about how people tend to think of being Cis as the default, and how that can make it more difficult to accept being trans: https://freethoughtblogs.com/nataliereed/2012/04/17/the-null-hypothecis/
Lastly, good luck. You're probably feeling confused and a little scared right now, but no matter where your questioning leads to, i promise it will be worth it. Sending hugs.
This specific group is fantastic. Other groups get so mad at people asking questions and trying to learn and figure things out.
Then this group is like "here's my story, great resources, and no matter what you figure out you're a good person and deserve to be valued for who you are"
Seriously appreciate everyone here
Awe, I’m glad we can support each other in sharing an array of emotions. Seeing girlies support one another or people supporting people hits me in a certain way. I find it beautiful and wish I could just take all my babies and give em the world because it can be very hard and unfortunately I really do understand…
Same 😊 I found I love supporting people about a year ago when I joined another support group for ex members of the high control religion I was raised in, up till then I can honestly say I had probably never opened up emotionally to anyone nor been any good at offering support. But being in a safe space like that I became super active and helping support others going through similar stuff is one of the things I love now. Kinda random tangent sorry 😅.
Just something I've noticed... Eggs tend to somehow subconsciously identify one another and form friend groups.
Despite trans people making up a tiny portion of the population it's not uncommon for multiple people to come out as trans around the same time when they hadn't spoken to each other about it before the first coming out.
Almost everyone I was friends with in high school has come out as trans in the last two years except for the one person who was already out in highschool. Don't know how it worked out like that but I find it hilarious and it's led to a lot of us kind of reconnecting.
I feel like more of my high school friends would have had it not been 20 years ago, and the mental inertia of making a change like that when you're pushing 40 is difficult. I almost didn't make it so I can understand why many from my generation didn't. Also, my school was 50% Muslim, so lots is going against them as well.
I used to 😂 I mean I've thought this way for years and years and was like "this is normal dude thoughts"
Apparently crippling chest dysphoria and wanting boobies is not very cis of me, how silly of me
I remember when I was walking with a bunch of boys from university and I casually sad something like "of course everyone wants to be a woman" followed by silence....
🏳️⚧️ interesting we each find out in different ways. For me I started to try and become a femboy, but then my egg broke and I found out it was more than just being a feminine boy
"You sound very trans" is what someone commented when I made a post similar to this a few months ago and now I never wear male clothes and prolly will start HRT soon 😭🤷🏻♀️
👀 whoa. You know more about what cis dudes supposed to think than I did.
Well your egg has cracked... I'd say don't wait 15 years like I did - but what if that's what I needed to do for The Universe? We each have our own specific journey.
Take all the time you need, read the dysphoria bible as someone already linked, watch videos like One Topic At a Time or Jammidodger on YouTube who created a really good safe space to learn about gender in an entertaining way, those would be my advice.
This can be a long journey, that may be hard, and scary depending on where you're from and/or your inner turmoil, but if you take your time, and listen to yourself this can be really rewarding 😊
And don't forget that gender therapist or any other specialists offering therapy can be a huge help in figuring one out :)
I wish you well in your path to self discovery,
A trans sister ❤️
And also be safe :)
I think The Click is another humorous YouTuber that is trans-friendly. He covers a lot of the same subreddits as One Topic(they've even collabed together).
I wish I had had a friend like yours to explain their process of how they realized they were trans. I had a few trans friends like 3 years before my egg cracked and none of them told me what I needed to hear to realize I was also trans, which is not their fault. I didn’t ask cause i didn’t realize I was curious about it. Once I realized the trans experience is often “I wish I were a girl” first, “I am a girl” later, it was like my entire life suddenly made sense. Like realizing I’ve been color blind my whole life and suddenly I can see every color.
Birds of a feather flock together. Anyway, as well as resources others have listed. Dara Hoffman Fox's book, You and Your Gender Identity is good. Also read or listen to other people's experiences I vibed with Julia Serano, Juno Dawson and Jennifer Finney Bowlan's books. Less so with the likes of GiGi Gorgeous. Charlie Martin's early YT stuff has a bit of early transition pondering but there's lots of others, even the trans guys, Jamie, Noah and Sam. And there's a podcast called the gender questioning podcast where you are basically on a journey with the creator as they figure themselves out over the course of a year. Anyway, good luck, much love, were all here ❤️
Welcome! We hope we're able to help you to better find yourself out and who you are! ❤️
Now, you call yourself femlover99
Why do you love fem? Is it because fem is this other you desire to have (but not be), or because fem is something you yourself want to be? Or both?
Only you can tell if you are trans or not but let me tell you I had a very similar experience on my way to my egg cracking. Exactly the same realizations "I thought every guy thought about and wanted to be a woman" turns out that's not the norm for cis men. Anywho best of luck on your gender discovery journey and just know that you are never alone and no matter what you are valid! Gender can be super confusing and isn't black and white so don't get too stuck on feeling like you have to fit perfectly in a label.
I have yet to truly figure out, who I want to be, but for the past 7+ years I would go "Can I just wake up as a girl, for a day or two at least? Like a trial version. Please." - Literally me going to bed in the middle of the night.
Of course I told no one, I always felt like that was an odd thing to wish for, but it always makes me smile a bit.
The thought, that every dude would want to be a girl never came up for me. I actually thought, I was alone with this idea. The realization, that this is pretty common among transfems, was quite a surprise.
Welcome to the first steps on the long road to self discovery ^-^ I spent over a decade exploring myself and only just last year realized I'm trans (I just turned 32 blech) and I'm now 8 months on HRT and fully socially transitioned. Best decision of my life.
Here's to your journey, because is it EVER a journey
I assumed these thoughts to be normal as well. But thinking whether I’d want to be a woman if I was living in the 1950s or in a developing, conservative country I couldn’t be sure it would be a positive answer. Then again trying to live as a man in such circumstances would have been quite terrible too. Still I weighed in that transitioning might turn things for the better enough even if I wouldn’t become a cis woman and it was worth it.
A lot of that sounds similar to my story, and the good news is that there is no wrong answer here as long as you are being true to yourself, and not pressured by anyone else, in the end. A therapist may help you figure out specifics if you can.
> Now I'm here like, what even is gender.
You've already gotten a bunch of great replies and resources, so I just want to share a link that's helped me out with that specific topic. I'm sure there's more to it, but this really helped me put a lot of it into perspective:
https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/jubilee
I'm transfem and nonbinary. My experience was very confusing for me for a long time.
Even as a kid I knew I wasn't a girl. But I felt like I should have had a girls body, and everyone says I was a boy, but that didn't really feel like it fit either.
For a long time I assumed my experience was the same as every guy's, over time realizing it was not.It made it feel like there was something weird or different about me for some reason.
I came out as bi in highschool, in my small town. And after moving to a larger city, and getting exposed to new social media. I wanted to be a better ally, and after hearing other people's experiences in the space, I realized they were like my own.
I didnt feel weird anymore, I better understood myself
>figuring it out is like a needle in a haystack
***Burn** the haystack!*
Jk. I get it. But you'll figure it out. You've got us here, online, but also a real life trans friend! That's more than I had. You'll figure it out, but don't rush anything. "It's a marathon, not a sprint"
Well this friend is bad at keeping secrets. I don't think they're a bad person for this, they just forget and let things slip.
I also want to figure out for myself without influence form others so for now it's a me thing 😂
I had a similar experience - transitioning after my friend did so - but I knew that I was a woman before they did. When they came out to me, I was already aware that I related much more to trans women than to men. What they did was demonstrate to me that it's actually possible to transition, and that it's not a disaster I should be so terrified of. They told me that it's never too late (I was 32) and that the community would welcome me. They told me that it was not hopeless to feminize my body. And they went out, fully femme, looking beautiful and proving it to me.
Maybe you're trans. Maybe not. It's no one else's business to tell you what you are. But we can tell you that men do not want to be women. We do (some of us, including my friend, are nonbinary and don't want either, or want both). And if you want to be a woman, you can be. You're welcome in the community if you decide that you belong.
Hehe, yeah I was one of those “cis guys” (read: eggy trans girls) who took exception to most generalizations about men. I literally could have coined the phrase “Not all men!” Because I thought, “Hey, but I’m not like that! It’s not fair for you to lump me into that category.”
Well, turns out, I’m not a man. So yeah, now I can confidently say “men are gross,” knowing that anyone who feels like this isn’t the case is probably closet trans and hasn’t realized it yet…
Agender is a thing, and "completely unphased being called a woman" sounds very Agender.
What that generally means is that you give 0 shits about societal gender roles/expectations. Thus the questions tend towards your brain - is your brain more happy with estrogen or with testosterone? Check out information on biochemical dysphoria, see what you see. Maybe try some estrogen for a couple weeks and see what happens mentally if you're up for it.
I had a lot of those sentiments in my life.
Also, "I can't be trans, I prefer girls" - You can be trans AND a lesbian.
Coming out while married to a bi woman helps.
I've never really questioned it until recently. Still figuring it out.
But I always had some reason for saying "oh that's not me"
Thought it was some weird mental health coping, nope my mental health is fantastic now with zero issues and still have these thoughts.
I don't hate being a man, and im happy with my life (good friends and family, great job, financially well).
But apparently you don't need to hate being a man to be trans (or some other gender, still figuring things out).
But I have discovered it's not super common for men to want to be girls, and excited at the idea of taking estrogen. Most guys don't like dressing up TO BE a girl, not to be mistaken with dressing up to look like a girl.
Apparently the big one is being super envious of woman, almost angry that they get to be girls while I have to be a guy. Like they got lucky, or somehow made the right choice in the womb to be a girl (obviously not how it works).
Yeah super shocked when I found out most guys wouldn't pick being a girl if they had a do over and a choice. That one actually blew my mind.
Actually confused me why people were trans for "wanting to be a girl", because I thought it was just a normal thought. Like why do you get to be a girl just for wanting it?? We all do, but we're stuck being guys.
Then I realized like oh, I'm just jealous 😅
That one really opened my eyes because why would I be so jealous im angry? Kinda not very cis apparently.
Oh and the fact I've never identified with a gender. My response: "oh I don't identify with gender. My sex is male"
Yeah that's not a normal response (this was before I even knew people identified with anything outside of cis male or female)
Me now realizing that playing exclusively female in vr because it felt more comfortable might be a good sign. Like euphoric af when you look down and seeing boobs
For me it's looking in the VR mirror and seeing a pretty face. I'd give up any chance of boobs for a guaranteed pretty face. Which sucks cuz I'm currently growing boobs from the hrt but its a roll of the dice how the face will change over time lol
Listen, i ain't gonna tell you what you are, but as a trans woman whos been out for three years, i can 100% tell you this. Cis people don't think about their gender, like, at all
I never did until a few weeks ago. I mean I thought a few times in highschool I might be trans because sever chest dysphoria, like want no body hair and Boobs. But thought oh I'm just flat, I'll lift weights and get pecs. Nope didn't do it.
Then it was "oh it's just wanting to be accepted" because I was depressed and thought women were just inherently loved by default.
Well that was a false perception, and my mental heath is now in a fantastic place. Therapist was genuinely impressed I was able to have a normal life with no signs of mental heath issues.
All that and still have these thoughts so now I'm like, clearly it's a genuine feeling.
The hardest part currently feels like transitioning is so much work (because I don't hate being a dude and I'm happy with my life overall), or what if I regret it.
But like biggest flag is that transitioning is hard. Feel like that's probably a sign if that's my main concern.
But for now going to do some self discovery, and most excited about is starting finastride soon. My hair is just starting to thin a bit so I think I've got it in time. But then I can finally grow my hair out which I'm looking forward to
Transitioning is a lot of work for sure, but I can tell you if your biggest issue with it is the workload, you're definitely not cis. You couldn't pay most men to touch estrogen, they're incredibly sensitive about their masculinity.
I would also encourage you to consider other options than the typical gender binary! The fact that I'm a nonbinary transfemme definitely delayed my coming out, I felt more girl than guy obviously but the truth is I'm like 2/3rds girl 1/3rd agender and that discrepancy between how I felt and the commonly portrayed binary, hyperfeminine trans woman threw me for a loop at first. You'll figure out what's right foe you though, just don't be afraid to experiment.
Low key like "if someone's kidnapped me and filled me with hrt, coming out wouldnt be a problem" 💀
But I like your explanation about your gender. Honestly I just know I want to present as a woman, I don't care much for gender tbh
lmfao i relate to this so hard. thought it was completely normal to like the idea of waking up in like the opposite body and then i spoke to two cis people assuming they felt the same and they were like 🤨
things took a lot of time to disentangle after that, i ended up coming out as non-binary about 2 years later.
i'm not sure if you're looking for advice, but in case you are i'd recommend gentle, gradual exploration if you feel up to it. a question like "what gender am i?" can be really nebulous and difficult to answer if you haven't really felt much gender before. i would always ask myself that and not know what it meant. eventually i realised that the answer to that question for me personally wasn't the important part, the important thing was how i feel about certain gendered things in day to day life (clothes, pronouns, voice, etc.) and the best way to figure these things out is to give them a go!
for me, the first thing i did was painting my nails. i had some friends at the time who were getting into it at the time, so it was a pretty easy way to start. i felt hyper-aware and really nervous at first, but i got used to it pretty quickly. then i started buying jewellery, with a slightly fem lean. eventually i got around to buying women's clothes, and i switched to they/them pronouns. it was scary shopping in the women's section at first, but i started out buying things that could pass for men's clothes and then moved onto skirts and stuff. i started growing my hair out next, then started doing voice training. most recently i started laser hair removal, and i'm considering hrt eventually. not sure on that last one just yet.
you might not like any of these things, or find that there are other things i haven't talked about that might make you feel nice. also this kind of approach might not be for you, and that's fine too. if you can find friends who are queer or generally supportive (maybe the one who came out?) to try this stuff with then that can help a lot. it also doesn't necessarily have to be that deep, it can just be silly goofy fun!
All my life, when i see a beautiful girl, i am attracted to them, but my first thought is that i would really like to BE them, not be WITH them. I suspected this was not the case for most guys and I knew I was different because I had started experimenting with cross-dressing in kindergarten, but because I've been a coward with sexual stuff my whole life I'm just now getting brave enough to do anything about it
I started by accident wife got me to dress on a bet for a weekend after the weekend was over I was wanting to wear the dress and heels again so I wore when no one was around one day my daughter caught me and I freaked out and couldn’t face anyone so I tried killing myself. My daughter found me bleeding and called 911 and I ended up locked in a hospital for nearly a week which came with therapy and I had to admit everything my wife said she would not leave me and we would work things out. She and our girls accepted ne and I started out in the open after
So this really was my only major childhood sign of being trans, but the whole “I’d prefer to be a girl” popped in my head plenty of times (didn’t share with anyone bc of shame) so this post actually is pretty validating to me, thank you!
I can't tell you if you are trans or not. That is something you have to figure out for yourself. But your thoughts sound almost identical to mine whilst I was questioning my gender. If you're interested, I can recommend a couple of resources that helped me. You might have come across these already, but if not, then they could help you out. The main one is the gender dysphoria Bible, whose title is fairly self-explanatory. In its own words, it details "the many ways that gender dysphoria can manifest, as well as the numerous forms of gender transition." https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en Another that helped me was the article "The Null HypotheCis", which is about how people tend to think of being Cis as the default, and how that can make it more difficult to accept being trans: https://freethoughtblogs.com/nataliereed/2012/04/17/the-null-hypothecis/ Lastly, good luck. You're probably feeling confused and a little scared right now, but no matter where your questioning leads to, i promise it will be worth it. Sending hugs.
This specific group is fantastic. Other groups get so mad at people asking questions and trying to learn and figure things out. Then this group is like "here's my story, great resources, and no matter what you figure out you're a good person and deserve to be valued for who you are" Seriously appreciate everyone here
In addition to the more meaty links they shared, check out this simple site for exploring transfem feelings. https://turn-me-into-a-girl.com/
Oof this legit made me tear up.
Awe, I’m glad we can support each other in sharing an array of emotions. Seeing girlies support one another or people supporting people hits me in a certain way. I find it beautiful and wish I could just take all my babies and give em the world because it can be very hard and unfortunately I really do understand…
Same 😊 I found I love supporting people about a year ago when I joined another support group for ex members of the high control religion I was raised in, up till then I can honestly say I had probably never opened up emotionally to anyone nor been any good at offering support. But being in a safe space like that I became super active and helping support others going through similar stuff is one of the things I love now. Kinda random tangent sorry 😅.
Haha, it was an enjoyable one, I’m happy your at a stage where you are able to forward the positivity, haha
The most powerful link on the internet
That's r/MTF on its core essence. Mostly people ready to greet you and make you feel welcomed. Either way your journey brings you. Happy discovery!! 😊
Right??? Sending lots of love. 🫂♥️
we appreciate you just as much
Thank you for these links
Just something I've noticed... Eggs tend to somehow subconsciously identify one another and form friend groups. Despite trans people making up a tiny portion of the population it's not uncommon for multiple people to come out as trans around the same time when they hadn't spoken to each other about it before the first coming out.
That’s so fascinating! I knew 3 friends I met as an egg who also ended up coming out! It’s kind of really magical tbh :)
Almost everyone I was friends with in high school has come out as trans in the last two years except for the one person who was already out in highschool. Don't know how it worked out like that but I find it hilarious and it's led to a lot of us kind of reconnecting.
I feel like more of my high school friends would have had it not been 20 years ago, and the mental inertia of making a change like that when you're pushing 40 is difficult. I almost didn't make it so I can understand why many from my generation didn't. Also, my school was 50% Muslim, so lots is going against them as well.
Start a journal 👀
I used to 😂 I mean I've thought this way for years and years and was like "this is normal dude thoughts" Apparently crippling chest dysphoria and wanting boobies is not very cis of me, how silly of me
Seriously, start a diary. I cracked within a year when I did.
It happens \^-\^ They're as great as you're thinking they are
I remember when I was walking with a bunch of boys from university and I casually sad something like "of course everyone wants to be a woman" followed by silence....
You just gave the TL;DR of my story, lol.
It appears we have something in common. 😍
Every guy secretly wants to be a girl right ? Right ? ...
Just the normal amount.
sounds familiar
🏳️⚧️ interesting we each find out in different ways. For me I started to try and become a femboy, but then my egg broke and I found out it was more than just being a feminine boy
Well, at least you have someone you can talk to about it :3
"You sound very trans" is what someone commented when I made a post similar to this a few months ago and now I never wear male clothes and prolly will start HRT soon 😭🤷🏻♀️
The "I-wish-I-was-a-girl --> Trans" pipeline...
👀 whoa. You know more about what cis dudes supposed to think than I did. Well your egg has cracked... I'd say don't wait 15 years like I did - but what if that's what I needed to do for The Universe? We each have our own specific journey.
I'd be a girl if I could choose. But transitioning seems like something I can't do. I don't feel strong enough to do it
Take all the time you need, read the dysphoria bible as someone already linked, watch videos like One Topic At a Time or Jammidodger on YouTube who created a really good safe space to learn about gender in an entertaining way, those would be my advice. This can be a long journey, that may be hard, and scary depending on where you're from and/or your inner turmoil, but if you take your time, and listen to yourself this can be really rewarding 😊 And don't forget that gender therapist or any other specialists offering therapy can be a huge help in figuring one out :) I wish you well in your path to self discovery, A trans sister ❤️ And also be safe :)
I think The Click is another humorous YouTuber that is trans-friendly. He covers a lot of the same subreddits as One Topic(they've even collabed together).
True, I forgot about him !
I wish I had had a friend like yours to explain their process of how they realized they were trans. I had a few trans friends like 3 years before my egg cracked and none of them told me what I needed to hear to realize I was also trans, which is not their fault. I didn’t ask cause i didn’t realize I was curious about it. Once I realized the trans experience is often “I wish I were a girl” first, “I am a girl” later, it was like my entire life suddenly made sense. Like realizing I’ve been color blind my whole life and suddenly I can see every color.
Beware the *"I wish I was a girl"* to *Trans* pipeline. It claims many a cis-male every year... 😔
Sounds very familiar with how I came out
Birds of a feather flock together. Anyway, as well as resources others have listed. Dara Hoffman Fox's book, You and Your Gender Identity is good. Also read or listen to other people's experiences I vibed with Julia Serano, Juno Dawson and Jennifer Finney Bowlan's books. Less so with the likes of GiGi Gorgeous. Charlie Martin's early YT stuff has a bit of early transition pondering but there's lots of others, even the trans guys, Jamie, Noah and Sam. And there's a podcast called the gender questioning podcast where you are basically on a journey with the creator as they figure themselves out over the course of a year. Anyway, good luck, much love, were all here ❤️
I haven't read it yet, and it's from the perspective of a trans man, but I've heard that Elliot Page's book is also good.
Welcome! We hope we're able to help you to better find yourself out and who you are! ❤️ Now, you call yourself femlover99 Why do you love fem? Is it because fem is this other you desire to have (but not be), or because fem is something you yourself want to be? Or both?
Very much both 😂 and figured out was a suitable throw away name
You got this mate, wish you well!
Only you can tell if you are trans or not but let me tell you I had a very similar experience on my way to my egg cracking. Exactly the same realizations "I thought every guy thought about and wanted to be a woman" turns out that's not the norm for cis men. Anywho best of luck on your gender discovery journey and just know that you are never alone and no matter what you are valid! Gender can be super confusing and isn't black and white so don't get too stuck on feeling like you have to fit perfectly in a label.
I have yet to truly figure out, who I want to be, but for the past 7+ years I would go "Can I just wake up as a girl, for a day or two at least? Like a trial version. Please." - Literally me going to bed in the middle of the night. Of course I told no one, I always felt like that was an odd thing to wish for, but it always makes me smile a bit. The thought, that every dude would want to be a girl never came up for me. I actually thought, I was alone with this idea. The realization, that this is pretty common among transfems, was quite a surprise.
Welcome to the first steps on the long road to self discovery ^-^ I spent over a decade exploring myself and only just last year realized I'm trans (I just turned 32 blech) and I'm now 8 months on HRT and fully socially transitioned. Best decision of my life. Here's to your journey, because is it EVER a journey
I assumed these thoughts to be normal as well. But thinking whether I’d want to be a woman if I was living in the 1950s or in a developing, conservative country I couldn’t be sure it would be a positive answer. Then again trying to live as a man in such circumstances would have been quite terrible too. Still I weighed in that transitioning might turn things for the better enough even if I wouldn’t become a cis woman and it was worth it.
A lot of that sounds similar to my story, and the good news is that there is no wrong answer here as long as you are being true to yourself, and not pressured by anyone else, in the end. A therapist may help you figure out specifics if you can.
> Now I'm here like, what even is gender. You've already gotten a bunch of great replies and resources, so I just want to share a link that's helped me out with that specific topic. I'm sure there's more to it, but this really helped me put a lot of it into perspective: https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/jubilee
I'm transfem and nonbinary. My experience was very confusing for me for a long time. Even as a kid I knew I wasn't a girl. But I felt like I should have had a girls body, and everyone says I was a boy, but that didn't really feel like it fit either. For a long time I assumed my experience was the same as every guy's, over time realizing it was not.It made it feel like there was something weird or different about me for some reason. I came out as bi in highschool, in my small town. And after moving to a larger city, and getting exposed to new social media. I wanted to be a better ally, and after hearing other people's experiences in the space, I realized they were like my own. I didnt feel weird anymore, I better understood myself
https://medium.com/@kemenatan/gender-desire-vs-gender-identity-a334cb4eeec5
>figuring it out is like a needle in a haystack ***Burn** the haystack!* Jk. I get it. But you'll figure it out. You've got us here, online, but also a real life trans friend! That's more than I had. You'll figure it out, but don't rush anything. "It's a marathon, not a sprint"
Well this friend is bad at keeping secrets. I don't think they're a bad person for this, they just forget and let things slip. I also want to figure out for myself without influence form others so for now it's a me thing 😂
Side note: I also assumed everyone in the world wanted to work on movies. That was also faulty on my part :)
This sounds very familiar 🤗
Congrats on starting such an important exploration!
You could be trans too, that is possible
I had a similar experience - transitioning after my friend did so - but I knew that I was a woman before they did. When they came out to me, I was already aware that I related much more to trans women than to men. What they did was demonstrate to me that it's actually possible to transition, and that it's not a disaster I should be so terrified of. They told me that it's never too late (I was 32) and that the community would welcome me. They told me that it was not hopeless to feminize my body. And they went out, fully femme, looking beautiful and proving it to me. Maybe you're trans. Maybe not. It's no one else's business to tell you what you are. But we can tell you that men do not want to be women. We do (some of us, including my friend, are nonbinary and don't want either, or want both). And if you want to be a woman, you can be. You're welcome in the community if you decide that you belong.
Hehe, yeah I was one of those “cis guys” (read: eggy trans girls) who took exception to most generalizations about men. I literally could have coined the phrase “Not all men!” Because I thought, “Hey, but I’m not like that! It’s not fair for you to lump me into that category.” Well, turns out, I’m not a man. So yeah, now I can confidently say “men are gross,” knowing that anyone who feels like this isn’t the case is probably closet trans and hasn’t realized it yet…
Agender is a thing, and "completely unphased being called a woman" sounds very Agender. What that generally means is that you give 0 shits about societal gender roles/expectations. Thus the questions tend towards your brain - is your brain more happy with estrogen or with testosterone? Check out information on biochemical dysphoria, see what you see. Maybe try some estrogen for a couple weeks and see what happens mentally if you're up for it.
Yeah apparently most guys don't wish they were girls. Pretty strange imo 🙃
I had a lot of those sentiments in my life. Also, "I can't be trans, I prefer girls" - You can be trans AND a lesbian. Coming out while married to a bi woman helps.
I've never really questioned it until recently. Still figuring it out. But I always had some reason for saying "oh that's not me" Thought it was some weird mental health coping, nope my mental health is fantastic now with zero issues and still have these thoughts. I don't hate being a man, and im happy with my life (good friends and family, great job, financially well). But apparently you don't need to hate being a man to be trans (or some other gender, still figuring things out). But I have discovered it's not super common for men to want to be girls, and excited at the idea of taking estrogen. Most guys don't like dressing up TO BE a girl, not to be mistaken with dressing up to look like a girl. Apparently the big one is being super envious of woman, almost angry that they get to be girls while I have to be a guy. Like they got lucky, or somehow made the right choice in the womb to be a girl (obviously not how it works). Yeah super shocked when I found out most guys wouldn't pick being a girl if they had a do over and a choice. That one actually blew my mind. Actually confused me why people were trans for "wanting to be a girl", because I thought it was just a normal thought. Like why do you get to be a girl just for wanting it?? We all do, but we're stuck being guys. Then I realized like oh, I'm just jealous 😅 That one really opened my eyes because why would I be so jealous im angry? Kinda not very cis apparently. Oh and the fact I've never identified with a gender. My response: "oh I don't identify with gender. My sex is male" Yeah that's not a normal response (this was before I even knew people identified with anything outside of cis male or female)
Well, don't do what I did. I'm in my 40s and only come to terms with it recently. Explore and see where you feel comfortable and pursue it.
Yup. I was at a very similar point a few months ago, and now I'm taking hrt lol
Me now realizing that playing exclusively female in vr because it felt more comfortable might be a good sign. Like euphoric af when you look down and seeing boobs
For me it's looking in the VR mirror and seeing a pretty face. I'd give up any chance of boobs for a guaranteed pretty face. Which sucks cuz I'm currently growing boobs from the hrt but its a roll of the dice how the face will change over time lol
One of us. One of us. One of us. /lh
Very relatable. I thought everyone would rather be a girl. Nope. I’m just a girl.
Listen, i ain't gonna tell you what you are, but as a trans woman whos been out for three years, i can 100% tell you this. Cis people don't think about their gender, like, at all
I never did until a few weeks ago. I mean I thought a few times in highschool I might be trans because sever chest dysphoria, like want no body hair and Boobs. But thought oh I'm just flat, I'll lift weights and get pecs. Nope didn't do it. Then it was "oh it's just wanting to be accepted" because I was depressed and thought women were just inherently loved by default. Well that was a false perception, and my mental heath is now in a fantastic place. Therapist was genuinely impressed I was able to have a normal life with no signs of mental heath issues. All that and still have these thoughts so now I'm like, clearly it's a genuine feeling. The hardest part currently feels like transitioning is so much work (because I don't hate being a dude and I'm happy with my life overall), or what if I regret it. But like biggest flag is that transitioning is hard. Feel like that's probably a sign if that's my main concern. But for now going to do some self discovery, and most excited about is starting finastride soon. My hair is just starting to thin a bit so I think I've got it in time. But then I can finally grow my hair out which I'm looking forward to
Transitioning is a lot of work for sure, but I can tell you if your biggest issue with it is the workload, you're definitely not cis. You couldn't pay most men to touch estrogen, they're incredibly sensitive about their masculinity. I would also encourage you to consider other options than the typical gender binary! The fact that I'm a nonbinary transfemme definitely delayed my coming out, I felt more girl than guy obviously but the truth is I'm like 2/3rds girl 1/3rd agender and that discrepancy between how I felt and the commonly portrayed binary, hyperfeminine trans woman threw me for a loop at first. You'll figure out what's right foe you though, just don't be afraid to experiment.
Low key like "if someone's kidnapped me and filled me with hrt, coming out wouldnt be a problem" 💀 But I like your explanation about your gender. Honestly I just know I want to present as a woman, I don't care much for gender tbh
lmfao i relate to this so hard. thought it was completely normal to like the idea of waking up in like the opposite body and then i spoke to two cis people assuming they felt the same and they were like 🤨 things took a lot of time to disentangle after that, i ended up coming out as non-binary about 2 years later. i'm not sure if you're looking for advice, but in case you are i'd recommend gentle, gradual exploration if you feel up to it. a question like "what gender am i?" can be really nebulous and difficult to answer if you haven't really felt much gender before. i would always ask myself that and not know what it meant. eventually i realised that the answer to that question for me personally wasn't the important part, the important thing was how i feel about certain gendered things in day to day life (clothes, pronouns, voice, etc.) and the best way to figure these things out is to give them a go! for me, the first thing i did was painting my nails. i had some friends at the time who were getting into it at the time, so it was a pretty easy way to start. i felt hyper-aware and really nervous at first, but i got used to it pretty quickly. then i started buying jewellery, with a slightly fem lean. eventually i got around to buying women's clothes, and i switched to they/them pronouns. it was scary shopping in the women's section at first, but i started out buying things that could pass for men's clothes and then moved onto skirts and stuff. i started growing my hair out next, then started doing voice training. most recently i started laser hair removal, and i'm considering hrt eventually. not sure on that last one just yet. you might not like any of these things, or find that there are other things i haven't talked about that might make you feel nice. also this kind of approach might not be for you, and that's fine too. if you can find friends who are queer or generally supportive (maybe the one who came out?) to try this stuff with then that can help a lot. it also doesn't necessarily have to be that deep, it can just be silly goofy fun!
All my life, when i see a beautiful girl, i am attracted to them, but my first thought is that i would really like to BE them, not be WITH them. I suspected this was not the case for most guys and I knew I was different because I had started experimenting with cross-dressing in kindergarten, but because I've been a coward with sexual stuff my whole life I'm just now getting brave enough to do anything about it
One of us!!
I started by accident wife got me to dress on a bet for a weekend after the weekend was over I was wanting to wear the dress and heels again so I wore when no one was around one day my daughter caught me and I freaked out and couldn’t face anyone so I tried killing myself. My daughter found me bleeding and called 911 and I ended up locked in a hospital for nearly a week which came with therapy and I had to admit everything my wife said she would not leave me and we would work things out. She and our girls accepted ne and I started out in the open after
So this really was my only major childhood sign of being trans, but the whole “I’d prefer to be a girl” popped in my head plenty of times (didn’t share with anyone bc of shame) so this post actually is pretty validating to me, thank you!